Original subtitles

[both chuckling]

[rock music]

♪ ♪

- The mayor's going to have my ass.

20 years on the force, and I've never seen anything like that.

- The property damage alone is in the millions.

- How the hell did this happen?

- We got the whole thing on an officer's body cam.

But I have to warn you, some of this is pretty disturbing.

[both chuckling]

- Check it out, Butt-Head.

My mom's new boyfriend is a cop.

- Whoa, cool.

Let's shoot his gun while he's doing it with your mom.

- Oh, yeah.

Good idea.

Let's see.

Um, I don't see a gun, Butt-Head.

All he left out here is his pants

and this stupid sleeveless shirt.

- Whoa, that's not a shirt, dumbass.

That's a bulletproof vest.

[chuckling]

I'm the law.

[chuckling]

- Whoa, that's cool.

Let me try it.

- No way, Beavis.

This vest is only for real men who bang your mom.

- Damn it, Butt-Head, I'm gonna kick your ass!

- Whoa. I didn't feel that at all.

Once chicks see how tough I am in this vest,

they'll wanna score with me as hard as they can.

And I won't even feel a thing.

[chuckling]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- These guys are cool.

[chuckles]

- Uh, no they're not.

- Well, they're rich.

- Uh, oh, yeah.

Rich people are cool.

- What do those other guys do?

I mean, besides, like, juggle eggs and make breakfast?

- Uh, they, like, bob their head up and down

and, like, move their hands like

they're driving a fancy car.

[chuckling]

- Yeah, yeah. See?

See, now, I wanna do that, you know?

That is something I can do.

I mean, I can't sing.

And I--and I can't make breakfast

or play basketball or anything.

But I can bob my head up and down.

Look. See?

I can pretend I'm driving a fancy car.

See?

Maybe I can audition, you know?

You know, um, the thing is, if they're rich,

how come there aren't any chicks at this house, though?

- These security guards are here to keep the chicks out.

- Yeah, yeah, well, see?

I would do that job, too, you know?

I could stand out there and say, I'm sorry, ma'am.

Are you a dude?

Do you have any dude identification?

Oh, it's in your other bikini? Okay.

Yeah, yeah, just move it along please.

I'm sorry, ma'am. It's more of a dude thing.

It's nothing personal, okay?

I would be so good at keeping ladies away from these guys.

[both chuckling]

- They're like, okay,

you're gonna have to leave now, ma'am.

We're gonna dance with a rapper.

- I'm sorry, ma'am.

It's just not something chicks do, okay?

Just show yourself out.

- I think this video is about how, like,

all these dudes got all crazy last night

and had sex with each other.

And now it's all awkward in the morning.

It was a big nude dude pile.

[chuckling]

- Oh, yeah, yeah. And they're all awkward now.

Like, oh, hey, how's it going?

Yeah, ooh, boy.

- The blue sunglasses guy is, like, shaking his head,

trying to make the memory go away.

[chuckling]

This is a breakfast of shame.

[both chuckling]

They're avoiding eye contact.

- Yeah, that one guy's, like, so should we talk about

what happened last night?

- No, just stand in the back and bob your head.

You'll be fine.

- Boy, there sure was a lot of head bobbing last night.

You know what I'm saying?

[both chuckling]

- This vest is cool.

- Butt-Head, I was thinking, um,

maybe I could wear the vest now?

[chuckles]

- Whoa. Shut up, Beavis.

Let's show off our bulletproof vest to those chicks.

[dog barking]

Beavis, here's what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna kick that dog's ass.

[chuckles]

Okay, dog.

Get ready for an ass kicking.

Here it comes.

[barking and growling]

Uh, whoa.

Good news, Beavis.

I'm gonna let you wear the vest,

and you can kick the dog's ass.

- Really?

Yeah!

Thanks, buddy.

Get this on here.

- Now, go get him, asswipe.

- Yeah, I'm wearing the vest.

Yeah.

Easy, easy, 'cause I'm bulletproof now,

and I don't wanna hurt you too bad.

[dog growling] [Beavis screaming]

Ahh! My neck!

[screaming]

Did you see that, Butt-Head?

Yeah, that was close.

- Uh...

- What are you looking at?

Ah!

No!

That dog sucked.

So how are we gonna use the vest to get chicks?

- Uh, well, here's what we're gonna do, Beavis.

You're gonna jump off this railing.

- okay. Sounds simple enough.

Whoa.

- And then after you land,

all the chicks are gonna come running,

and then I'll put on the vest,

and I'll score with all of them.

- Oh, that's a good idea.

Wait a minute.

- Hey, baby.

Check out what Beavis is about to do.

- Wait a second.

Oh, boy.

I don't know, Butt-Head.

I'm thinking--

[screaming]

- Damn it. No chicks came.

You suck at this, Beavis.

- Oh, sorry about that.

Okay, let's go find some more chicks.

- Uh, I figured out what we're doing wrong, Beavis.

It's a bulletproof vest,

so these chicks need to, like, see me shoot you.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, good idea. Yeah.

- So I'm gonna go in the gun store and, like, buy a bazooka.

- Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, that makes sense.

Ah.

[chuckles]

[metal clanking] Um.

Uh. Uh-oh.

Um.

Wait a second.

Stuck or something.

- I can't wait to try out this little beauty,

I tell you what.

- Uh, sir, excuse me.

I think my strap thing got stuck on your, like,

your vehicle.

[chuckles]

V.

- 10:00 already?

I'm late to meet the boys at the fishing hole.

I better get on my horse.

- Sir, sir, sir.

Hello? Hello?

What's happening? Hey!

Hey, hey, hey!

No, no! No!

Butt-Head, where are you?

Ah! No, no!

[screaming]

Hey, hey!

Hey.

Gotta get unstuck.

Pull myself around here.

Almost got it.

Hey, how's it going? - Sweet God almighty!

[tires screeching]

- [screaming]

Hey, I'm here!

Son of a bitch!

[cars honking]

[screeching]

[explosion]

Fire.

It's cool.

- Destroy that tape.

Nothing leaves this room.

A scandal like this would tear this department wide open.

- [chuckles] Wide open.

[both chuckling]

- Boys, what if I told you we can forget all of this

happened if you can forget all of this happened?

- Uh, what happened?

- Yeah, put the TV back on.

That show was cool.

Yeah, yeah.

- He said wide open.

[metal music]

Wide.

♪ ♪