Original subtitles

Hi, I'm Dr. DeBell. I'm so glad you're here today, Aria, but why don't you tell

me a little bit more about what brings you here today?

Um, um, because my brain is broken.

Okay, I see.

Can you tell me a little bit more about that?

Um, I'm starting to see things that I don't normally see.

Sounds really hard.

Can you be any more specific with me about what you've done so far to try and

fix it?

It doesn't matter what I do.

Nothing lasts.

It just doesn't get any better.

My desires are all wrong, and I know it's wrong to be attracted to women, and

I'm trying really, really hard to be straight, but it seems the harder I

tried, the more it backfires.

I've started seeing things when I don't want to.

Well, I definitely want to talk a little more about that. But first, I think that

we need to take a moment to applaud the steps you've already taken.

I see here in my chart that you've been to five recovery conversion centers,

psychotherapy, fantasy scrubbing, rebirths, electrotherapy.

I think overall, you should be extremely proud of yourself, Aria. This is really

impressive.

Most of my patients are not this motivated.

I know that you're going to make it, okay?

Thanks. Yeah.

Okay.

Now, we do need to talk about what you've been seeing.

I'm seeing body parts on body parts.

Okay. I'm not really understanding what you're saying by that.

Can you clarify that for me a little bit, please?

When I see someone I'm attracted to, I start to see images of

vaginas, of breasts, of lips, of nipples,

and sometimes eyes.

I see it on the exposed areas of skin, or on the parts I want to see exposed.

Okay. I see. That's actually very interesting.

Have you ever heard the Greek myth about Hera, Zeus, and Io?

No?

Well, in the story, Zeus has a mistress named Io. Hera becomes so

incredibly jealous that in order to protect her, Zeus turns her into a cow.

In retaliation, Hera takes her best guard, Argus, whose entire body is

covered with eyes, and sets him to watch over Io for all eternity.

Doing so, Zeus will never be able to get her again.

You see what I'm saying?

Have you ever heard of the phrase, the eyes of Argos?

Usually when somebody uses that phrase, it's to indicate an intense scrutiny, an

intense watching, if you will, of the person, but to the point that it's

disturbing and potentially undermining, okay?

Bear with me, but it seems to me that your desire to be heterosexual is so

strong that your latent homosexuality is kind of manifesting itself in

these visualizations or these appearances of body parts in your case.

Do you see what I'm saying?

Wow, I thought I was just having a weird response to electrotherapy.

I mean, that's possible, but I highly doubt it.

A clock, if you will, with four hands moving all in different directions

simultaneously.

And if you have a thwarted expression of sexuality, which I believe that you do,

you can turn the entire psyche into a grotesque version of that.

Sometimes even a perversion of your own desires.

Wait, are you telling me I need to act different with my sexuality?

I'm confused.

Aria, what I'm saying to you is that the time has come.

The time to remove your sexual blocks has come. And the time to stop judging

yourself so harshly. You need to look at your sexuality in a fearless manner.

Have you ever read the book Homosexuality in Perspective?

No?

In Homosexuality in Perspective, Masters and Johnson viewed homosexuality as the

result of blocks.

Okay? A blockage that prevented the learning of the individual to normal

heterosexuality responses to sexual stimuli.

Okay? If we need to unblock you or allow you to become

heterosexual, we need to address those blocks, work through them even.

Okay. I'm in. How do we start?

I think we start by asking an important question.

When you flip the rubber band, is it because you're having specifically

homosexual thoughts that you're trying to maybe harm yourself a little bit?

Yes.

Okay. It seems like you are.

I need you to completely let go of that. I need you to remove...

the elastic from your arm and throw it onto the floor.

Yes.

There's no need to harm yourself physically.

Now, don't be shy.

Tell me what you see when you look at me.

Hands.

What do you see?

Okay, when I first saw you, I saw vaginas.

All right.

What type of vaginas? Were they your vagina?

Maybe the vagina of a woman that you've been with recently?

No.

They look like a vagina I would imagine you'd have.

Okay. All right. And where are these?

Uh, vaginas, located.

On your neck. On your breasts.

Even though my breasts were covered?

Yes.

And, um... If I do this... Do they

change at all?

Yes. And, um...

Do they change when I do this?

Oh my God.

Yes, yes, they change. Now they're everywhere.

And yeah,

I do think they're aroused.

Yeah.

Do you feel like you want your mouth against my skin?

Yes. The French author Moreau says,

The self is not what he shows, but what he hides.

Come suckle on all that you've hidden.

Relinquish these chains that have held you down for so long.

We need to break these chains.

It's the only way that you're ever going to be free.

It is better than the ice pick.

What's the ice pick?

Sorry, it's just a little psychiatry, yeah, lobotomy humor.

Okay.

Are you ready?

Be free.

Don't be scared.

I want you to just relax under every sensation with no

judgment.

Can you do that?

Did you think about me doing this when you first walked into my office?

Imagine my mouth caressing your nipples.

Close your eyes and just feel me.

Oh my god, yes.

Deep. Take them in.

Take them in like you want to.

Oh my god.

Tell me, did you breastfeed as a child?

No?

Now's your chance.

Just to get it out and open.

It tasted like... Take a big look and

tell me.

It tastes sweet.

More, more, more, more, suck on it, suck on it hard, suck on it hard, suck on

it...

You can do it.

Okay. Put them in me.

Don't be shy.

Put them in me. Yes.

Yes, you feel me.

More. More.

More.

Remember, this is for you.

To get over your fears.

To get over your impulses.

Deep, deep, deep, yes, pound me with your fingers.

Every homosexual fantasy you've ever had today Get everything

out in the open

Spread your legs, spread them wide for me. Let me see every fucking inch of you

Show me.

Show me what you like.

Uh-huh. That's it.

Do it while I eat your fucking ass. I want you to do it. I want you to make

yourself come while another fucking woman eats your ass.

I want you to experience it.

Live it.

It's me

You fucking idiot!

Fuck yourself while you enjoy my pussy

Come and meet me.

That's it. Lick me while you can. Put your whole fucking hand in me and lick

my pussy.

Yes. That's it. That's it.

That's fucking it.

Yes, you do that. You do that hard until I tell you to.

You do that fucking hard until I tell you to.

Yes. That's it. Yes.

Show me

My fucking titties.

The homosexual things you think about?

Mm-hmm.

Yes? Yes.

I'm going to work for you before your next session.

I want you to write down every homosexual thought you have, and I

promise you we will work through each.