Original subtitles

I'm going down to South America and have myself a time.

Friendly faces everywhere.

Humble folks without temptation.

I'm going down to South America and leave my woes behind.

And we're parking day on night. People sprouting hot and diverse.

Heading on up to South America, see if I can unwind.

So come on down to South America and meet some friends of mine.

I say to Wendy, I'm like, what do you want for your birthday, right?

And you know what she says?

She says she wants anti-aging face cream.

What? Well, why the hell does Wendy want anti-aging face cream? I mean, she's 10.

That's what I said. It's crazy, bro. All these girls at school are trying to look

younger. They watch these TikToks of skin products, and they have apps that

rate their faces.

Bro, thank God guys don't have to deal with that stuff.

Kyle?

Kyle! Dude, you gotta come quick! Your little brother's getting mugged in the

hallway!

He's getting what?

Some Chad called your little brother cringe and now they're having an aura

battle There's a what?

God damn it Kyle some kid tried to mock your little brother, but it turned into

an aura battle you gotta do something

A hell of an aura battle still going on here in South America.

Ike Brofluski and Noah Bailey going toe-to-toe.

Noah is, of course, an impressive 8.9 on the looks matching app, and Ike comes

into the battle today at just under 9.5.

Noah Bailey aura farming with his perfect hair.

Just take it off his shirt.

Ike's really handing it to him now. Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. What's going on here?

Ike, put your shirt back on.

That's it. The oral battle has been called. Ike Broflovsky, the winner of

this match.

Thanks for watching the South America Glazing live stream. And be sure to

check out today's sponsor, Sephora.

We belong to something beautiful.

Mom, Dad.

I think you need to talk to your son about aura farming.

Talk to him about what?

It's this thing at school.

Ike's doing aura battle, so he's trying to maximize his looks.

See? Ike's rubbing ice on his face to de-bloat it so his cheekbones look

sharper. Stop playing with your drink, Ike.

He's going to do another aura battle tomorrow, but he's mixing it with looks

-maxing it, and it's a bad combination.

I don't understand what you're talking about.

Ike, are you obsessed about how you look?

Your mom asked you a question, Ike.

He can't answer it because he's mewing.

He's what?

He's mewing.

He's pushing his tongue up against the roof of his mouth because he thinks it

will strengthen his jawline.

Kyle, that doesn't make any sense.

I know it doesn't make any sense. That's why you need to talk to your son.

He's too young to be worried about his looks.

Hey, Stan, what are you doing? Are you watching porn?

No. I'm doing a looks-maxing app.

Oh, okay.

Is that porn?

No. It's this thing kids at school are doing. It says I have bad skin.

What? It uses AI to rate the symmetry of your facial features and then shows you

exercises you can do and products you can buy to improve your skin.

Do I have bad skin?

Stan, if you want to look good, then you get out there on a bicycle like me and

you put in the work.

And if you want better skin, you just eat right, okay?

I think you should get off of that app.

Just watch some porn or something, alright?

The hell?

Seems to be peaking. How do you do it?

A lot of face creams, Peter.

A lot of training.

Gotta be ready for whoever's next.

Well, actually, we do know who's next. The SA Aura Battle livestream can

confirm that Ike Broflovsky has just been challenged to an aura battle by

fourth grader Chase Chadwick. What?

Chase Chadwick?

Chase, of course, the only person to ever get a perfect scar on Chad Max. Oh,

shit! The fight is scheduled for recess tomorrow.

This is gonna be a bloodbath, dude.

Chase Chadwick has a perfectly symmetrical face. Total hunter eyes.

He's the kid whose mom let him get a nose job when he was four.

What are you gonna do, Kyle?

I'm not gonna do anything.

This is all stupid.

Stupid? Have you seen Chase Chadwick's skin? It's literally flawless.

Well, it's not like bad skin really matters, right?

I'm not gonna let Ike aura battle.

Not let him aura battle? Kyle, that'll make everyone think that Ike has just

been aura farming this whole time.

Kids are gonna call your little brother cringe.

Yep, they will.

Look, like it or not, Kyle, coolness and looks really matter at this school.

Hey, Wendy.

Oh, hey, Stan.

Um, you know that face cream stuff you wanted?

I was thinking maybe we can go get you some.

Really? You want to take me?

Yeah, I thought we could pick you up some stuff.

Yeah, no problem. So where are we going?

Right here.

Holy shit.

This is a hydrating cream that'll help with your wrinkles. What do you think?

You like that on your face?

Yeah, you like that on your face, don't you?

This should help reduce the bags under your eyes. How does that feel?

Yeah, you like that? You like that on your face?

Yeah, let's get some more of that on your face.

Wendy?

I wouldn't go in there if I were you.

Something not right in there.

My granddaughter wanted to go to Brandy Melville.

Then she asked if she could just stop in the Sephora.

That was six and a half years ago.

There's something in there.

men can understand.

Wendy?

Oh, hey Stan, right over here!

Wendy?

Wendy?

I think I like it here.

Wendy, could we maybe go now?

Wendy, I think maybe that's enough time at Sephora.

God damn it, Kyle, pick up your phone. It's important.

Dude, you need to talk to your friend.

Because Ike needs help with his aura battle, that's why.

What do you mean you don't care?

I mean, I don't care. I just spent 17 hours at Sephora, and when I came out,

it had only been 13 minutes.

What are you talking about?

I'm saying I'm done, dude.

My dad was right. If you want to look good, you just need exercise and a

proper diet. I'm going back to doing dude stuff.

Oh, hey, Stan.

How's it going, bud?

Dad?

Yeah.

What the hell is... Wait, did you go to Sephora?

Did I? Did I what?

No, why do you think I went to Sephora?

Because you look a lot younger.

Oh, thanks.

I've just been, you know, riding my bike a lot, eating right.

No, Dad, I think you went to Sephora.

Stan, your dinner's almost... Whoa!

Randy?

hell did you do?

He went to Sephora.

No, I did not go to Sephora.

I took Shelly to Sephora, and I waited outside.

No, you got stuck in the back rooms of Sephora, and now nothing makes any

sense. The only thing not making sense is you guys, okay? If you don't mind,

I'm gonna have some Cocoa Puffs and beer.

Good morning, South America!

The big day has arrived, and Chase Chadwick is getting ready for his aura

battle with High Froth Lust.

Chase, how do you feel about... Your chances.

I'm the coolest, best-looking guy in the school.

And it's time for people to stop glazing Ike Brovlosky.

Brovlosky's totally cringe, and I'm gonna prove it. Should be an epic

battle, coming up later today, right after fifth period.

I guess you're pretty scared, huh?

Yeah.

Pretty scared.

Well, look.

I know you probably wish you had a big brother that would help you out right

now, but don't be mad at Cal.

I'm sure that deep down your brother wants to help, okay?

Maybe he just... He just doesn't know how.

And he's a Jew.

Yeah.

I mean, if I had a little brother, he'd be my special little guy, but... Kyle's

just, he's got a lot on his plate, you know?

Matzo balls, bagels, kosher latkes, a lot on his plate. Look, Ike, what I'm

trying to say is, I don't think just because your brother doesn't understand

your generation, that he doesn't love you.

I can't beat him, can I, Chase Chadwick?

No, I don't think you can beat him.

But what matters is that we have you looking good as possible when it

happens.

Maybe...

Maybe I can help you prepare for the aura battle.

Really? You will?

There's nothing wrong with losing as long as you look good doing it. Oh,

thank you.

Thank you, big brother.

It's all right.

Let's just get you prepared.

Okay, children, let's take our seats.

Where is Eric Cartman?

Does anyone know where Eric Cartman is?

Yes, baby.

Um, who cares?

Oh, okay.

Well, children, before we get started today, I want to address all the aura

farming that's been going on here in South America.

Thank you.

Finally. You know, there's been a lot of talk of who's cool and looks good and

who's faking it. I thought we could apply that to our lesson on people in

history.

Abraham Lincoln, what do you think? Did he have a good aura or was he cringe?

He did some good things, but he was probably cringe.

What about Martin Luther King?

What do we think? Maybe a little cringe at the end there?

Little cringe?

Yes, Cal.

I think we should stop rating looks and coolness so that companies stop preying

on people's insecurities.

Sup, dudes?

Oh, no. Dad, what the hell are you doing?

They're saying because I'm younger now, I gotta go to school.

No, Dad, you are not going to my school.

That's what I said. But fucking Mom is all like, you did this to yourself. You

wanted to look younger. Now you can just go to school.

Stan, what is going on?

God damn it. My dad went to Sephora, all right?

All right, children, we can welcome the new kid later. Let's get back to the

lesson.

Amelia Earhart.

Pretty cringe. What do you think?

Yes, new kid.

Is there any way I could get a beer?

Okay, it's right in here somewhere.

I'm taking you to the place all the chicks go to look their very best.

Since it's a school day, this place should be dead. Ah, here it is.

Oh, my God.

Wow!

Sephora! You don't want to go in there.

Six years I've been waiting, watching while that Sephora gets bigger.

Used to be an Orange Julius next to it, but the Sephora ate it.

Cool, thank you.

This is de-aging cream. It's really milky and pearlescent. What do you

think? You like that? You like that on your face?

Yeah, you like that on your face, don't you?

See how it's sort of thick and creamy?

Yeah, you like that? You like that on your face? You want some more of that on

your face? Yeah, you like that, don't you?

All right, we gotta make this quick and get back to Skew.

Can I help you guys find anything?

Yeah, my friend has an aura battle this afternoon, so he needs to look and smell

like a total chad.

Oh, okay. Well, that's a good face cream you've got there.

That'll open up your pores, help you look a little younger. What do you

think? You like that?

Yeah. Yeah? You like that on your face?

Great. You like that on your face, don't you? You want some more of that? It's

$89.95.

Whoa! Holy crap!

Can we maybe just get some free samples?

Well, sure. We got some things I can give you.

This one's a little white and pearlescent. You like that? You like

that on your face? Yeah, I like that. It's sort of warm, isn't it? Yeah,

that's hot. I like it on my fucking face.

Well, hey, if you guys want to sample a lot of face creams, we could take you to

the back rooms to meet the manager.

Pre-show battle here with Butterscotch

facing off against Scott Malkinson.

They're doing their best, but honestly, it's all pretty cringe.

Everyone, of course, just waiting for the main event of Ike Rothlosky versus

Chase Chadwick. And so far, Ike is a no-show, proving he may have just been

auto-farming this entire time.

I feel like I've been a crappy brother.

Am I just a crappy brother?

No, dude, you're not a crappy brother.

I told Ike not to battle. I didn't think the school would react like this.

Well, we warned you, Kyle.

You've got to go find your brother and at least tell him to show up.

Oh, hey, party in the shitter.

Hey, can I ask you guys something?

What's, uh, what's up with that Bebe chick?

Ew, Dad!

Whoa, I'm just asking what's up with her. Go!

Dad, your breath. Have you been drinking?

Ugh, I had one shot of Jaeger during Humanities.

Go away, Dad. Kyle's having a crisis with his little brother.

Oh, you mean Ike?

Cartman took him to Sephora. He what?

Yeah, Craig told Bebe that Ike went to Sephora with Cartman and that it made

red down low kind of jelly.

Oh, that's bad.

Why's that bad?

Dude, we gotta go. Come on.

Don't do it.

Don't you see men can't go in now?

Time's got no meaning.

Oh, hey, Cal.

What's up?

What the hell is going on?

Sorry, Cal.

I took your little brother to Sephora. They kind of fucked up how he looks.

They took us to the back rooms to give us some samples.

I think maybe anti-aging creams are bad for young people.

Uh-oh. Oh, no!

Here she comes, you guys. When she comes, just tell her you like it in the

face. What?

You want my samples?

You want that on your...

that place again. Grandpa!

Oh, Jesus, Polly, it took forever.

Sorry, Grandpa.

Oh, crap, can I just run in and get one more thing?

All right, one more thing, but make it quick.

Oh, no.

I'm so cringe.

Ike?

Ike, it's gonna be okay.

Your face will go back to normal. It's just gonna take some time.

I'm sorry for not being there for you.

I get it now. You have to aura battle or else you're going to be cringe.

So let's go and face that kid. And then whatever the other kids want to say

about you, well, your big brother's going to have your back.

Anticipation in the air and a totally packed school hallway as Ike Broflovsky

has finally showed up for the aura battle against Chase Chadwick.

People were starting to wonder, Kyle, where has your brother been?

We were just a... Making sure he was prepared, Peter.

My little brother's been working on a perfect Riz Face.

And by showing up to this battle, he has proof that he is not just aura farming.

Definitely strong words. Let's hope your brother can back him up.

I'm talking about Ine!

If you're going to mog off with anyone, it can be with me. Who the hell is that?

God damn it. I'm here to stand up for my friend Kyle.

And yes, I have had a few beers, and I'm a little drunk.

Dad, get out of here!

Stop!

Bye.