Original subtitles

[birds singing and chirping]

["Connection" plays as alarm]

-[alarm stops] -["Connection" continues playing]

♪ Riding on any wave That is the luck you crave ♪

♪ They don't believe it now They just think it's stupid ♪

♪ So got anything? Anyone could have done ♪

Ooh!

♪ Who would've cared at all Not you ♪

♪ Another heart has made the trade... ♪

Fuck!

♪ Somehow the vital connection... ♪

-Siri, call Shithead. -[Siri chimes]

-[cell phone ringing] -Oh!

Good morning.

[Rebecca] There is nothing in The Sun about Ted and Keeley.

-Nothing. Are you in your office? -Of course I am.

Then get up here now.

Bye, boys. Tell mom I love her.

[Ted] Knock, knock, hey, boss,

I don't know about you but I had an absolute peach of a Sunday.

-Here you go. [chuckles] -Mmm!

Yeah, finally saw Big Ben.

Boy, I thought I'd seen the biggest clock there was.

When I was a kid, my folks took me to the Allen-Bradley Clock Tower

up there in Milwaukee.

You know, they ended up leaving me there all by myself.

Yeah, three hours and 42 minutes. You know how I know that?

-You were staring at the clock? -I was staring at a clock.

That's exactly right. Yeah, bingo. That's a little bit of a mystery puzzle.

You figured it out right away. You're sharp.

-Ted. -Yeah?

Speaking as we were mere moments ago,

about time, I unfortunately don't have any.

I have a branding meeting, so...

Oh, I always feel so bad for the cows

but you gotta do it otherwise they get lost.

That was a branding joke.

If we were in Kansas right now,

I'd just be sitting here waiting for you to finish laughing. Yeah.

I'll see you tomorrow, okay?

-Okay. Counting the minutes. -Yeah, there you are.

[theme music playing]

♪ Yeah, might be all that you get ♪

♪ Yeah, I guess this might well be it ♪

♪ But heaven knows I've tried ♪

[Ted] All right, let's see what we got here.

I've got this fella up here, the goalie.

Then all these guys over here, okay?

And going over here, going over that way.

This son of a gun's gonna go all the way down here.

Crystal Palace kicked our booties last week.

Mm-hm.

And this here, is our current offense that we are running and I think it stinks!

Get rid of it.

Now, you might be wondering why'd I draw all that up there just to erase it.

And that is because I believe in symbolic gestures.

-As do I. -Oh!

-What time did you get home last night? -Didn't.

-Really? Oh. -Nah.

[Ted] Now, look, our whole offense right now is all give-and-go.

Give the ball to Jamie and everyone else can go to hell,

so I'm officially on the prowl for any new ideas, you hear?

Oh.

-You got something, Nate? -Uh, no. Uh...

So, uh...

No. No. God, no. Never mind, I'm sorry.

Come on now. You're one of us. Let's go. Fire away. What do you got?

Okay, right. Well, it's just, um-- Oh, no, other pocket.

It's just something that I thought of.

Um...

Sorry. Oh, Jesus. Oh, not that one.

It's, you know what, it's not even very, even very good.

It's probably really bad. You know what? It's embarrassing even.

-I just-- -[Ted] Sorry, Nate.

I have a real tricky time hearing folks that don't believe in themselves,

so I'm gonna ask you real quick again, do you think this idea will work?

-Yeah, I do. -[both ] Whoa!

-Why you screaming at us, Nate? -Oh, God!

[Ted] We're right here.

All right, come on now. Walk us through it.

Okay, so I thought if we started the attack on the wing

Jamie could run through nearside then when the defense follows,

Sam could fill his spot.

-So, use Jamie as a decoy? -No. [laughs]

No. Well, yeah, in-- Yeah, in this case, yes.

Let's give it a shot.

["Sunday Best" playing]

What? You're gonna use my play?

Yeah. I mean, we're gonna try it on, see if it fits.

You know, it might not.

Then again, it might be a very flattering silhouette

and I might wear it right out of the store.

Makes me feel good and I start to strut.

I'm like, "Ooh, I like this. I like the way this makes me feel."

Show him your strut, coach. Yeah, there you go. Oh, yeah.

Yep, that's how to strut. Let me see you strut, Nate. Come on.

[Beard] There you go, Nate. Yeah, that's one way to do it.

There you go.

You look a little angry, but that's all right.

That's my fault. I forgot the pitch is this way.

Come on, let's go. Strut this way. Here we go.

Still strutting.

-I'll see you later. -All right.

-Yeah. -Mm.

♪ Feeling good... ♪

Ted! Hey, um, have you got a minute?

-Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everything okay? -Yeah, yeah. No, it's fine, yeah.

[song fades]

-It's not fine. Everything's shit. -Oh, no.

This was gonna be the front page of The Sun today.

"Manager Shags Star Player's Girlfriend."

Well, I think a more accurate headline would be,

"Manager Innocently Feeds Young Woman Whose Relationship Does Not Define Her."

Ted, this is really bad!

Except I look insanely fit in this picture.

Yeah, no, it's beautiful light.

My friend who works at the paper said he can hold this story for one day.

-As a favor. -Mm-hm.

When this shit hits, Jamie is going to go mental.

And there's going to be photographers all over us.

The next picture of me will not be this perfect.

I am gonna be mid-sneeze face, like...

-Guess what the headline will be. -Gesundheit?

Jamie's Tart Breaks Tartt's Heart.

-Did you just come up with that? -Yeah.

-Everyone would read that. -Of course they would.

I mean, you have no idea the power of rhyming in this goddamn country.

Oh, Lasso Makes Passo and Creates Team Fiasco.

Whoa! Keeley's got bars.

Yeah, I am cute as a button and I can rhyme my ass off.

God, it's no wonder they want to destroy me.

Yeah, yeah.

[pensive music playing]

Sorry, it took me so long to get up the stairs. I was...

Stopped to talk by about a hundred people.

Still nothing.

Get someone to run the story about Ted and Keeley.

-[knocking on door] -Hey, boss.

Ted! And Keeley. Hello.

Hey, I found that in the hall. Yeah.

So we got ourselves a situation here. Go ahead, show her the picture, yeah.

See? And the fucking Sun is running it tomorrow.

Honestly, these people, they just have no regard

for people's privacy and dignity.

Yeah, I'm gonna find the piece of shit that took this and who hired them.

No, no. Not necessary.

I know the owner of the paper. I can get this stopped with a phone call.

-Really? Oh, my God. Thank you. -See, what did I tell you, huh?

This woman right here is strong, confident and powerful.

Boss, I tell you, I'd hate to see you and Michelle Obama arm wrestle

but I wouldn't be able to take my eyes off it either.

Oh, that's not a compliment I've had before.

Yeah, you do have perfect action figure-y arms.

Ah, there's another one. Anyway, glad to help.

-All right. -Thank you.

-Yeah. -Okay.

-[Ted] See y'all later. -[door closes]

There's no way she can trace that photo back to me, can she?

-Well, yes. -What do you mean "yes"?

Did you not use an alias or a burner phone?

I'm not a spy, Rebecca.

I'm just the director of football operations.

And equally proficient at both.

Well, thank you. Wait.

Okay, here we go. Sam lays it for Dickson.

Okay, nice touch.

[lively music playing]

Switch to Bumbercatch.

Jamie decoys through.

Sam wide open.

There it is!

[players cheering]

Whoo!

-Nice play, Nate. How you feel? -I just don't know.

So many new feelings. Yeah.

Like getting your first pube, right?

-Yeah. What? -Here we go.

-[whistle blows] -All right. Hey. Nice work.

Okay, now, gentlemen, here's the other thing we're gonna start focusing on.

Making quicker transitions from offense to defense.

Y'all gotta start making your hellos goodbyes. You understand?

Easiest way to get that done well is to do it well.

But aside from that, you gotta be in great shape, right?

So we are all gonna run two laps around this field.

Anyone who loses to me has to run four more. Let's go!

-Okay, come on. What you got? -What's going on?

You're catching up. Don't cut that corner!

Come on. You can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man.

Faster, boys!

-Look at his face. -Colin, Isaac, please stop.

Yeah, it really hurts now. It really hurts.

Be careful, Colin, now. That's our new coach.

-[Colin] Oh, right, boyo. -[Isaac] Yeah.

Sorry, gaffer.

[laughing]

-[players chattering] -Whoo!

Okay! Way to run out there today, fellas.

You guys are much faster than me.

Except Coach Beard.

What's going on? I thought you ran track in high school.

-Chess team, Coach. -Mm-hm.

Illinois State Champs, baby.

Okay, yeah. Illinois is a state, fellas.

Uh, one last thing, there are some gifts up in y'all's lockers.

In your little cubbies up there. So hope you enjoy them.

[players chattering]

[pensive music playing]

It's a fucking book.

Nice one, bitch boy.

[players laugh]

[knocking on door]

-Hey. -Yeah.

I just thought you should know that your boy Nathan's been harassed

every single day by Jamie and his little side-pricks.

Right.

-So, you know already? -Yep.

-So, you'll take care of it? -No.

What the fuck?

Roy, I learned two pretty big lessons on the rough-and-tumble playgrounds

of Brookridge Elementary School.

One, if little Ronnie Fowch offers you a candy bar

you immediately say no, and you get the hell out of there.

Because there's a good chance that little son of a gun

has just pooped inside of a Butterfinger wrapper.

No one ever saw him do it, but a couple people ate it.

Number two, if the teacher tells the bully not to pick on someone,

it's just gonna make it worse.

-So, you're not gonna do anything? -No.

[scoffs]

[pensive music playing]

-Why you winding him up? -He's the one, Coach.

If we're gonna make an impact here the first domino that needs to fall

is right inside that man's heart.

Yes.

-Jamie, can I ask you something? -It's 40 kilos. I do three sets of 10.

And then I alternate between bis and tris.

I don't give a shit what you lift, you little pretty boy.

Yeah, you do, because you asked.

Can you curl 40 kilos?

No, but I can use your balls as a speed bag.

-Do you wanna try that? -Not especially.

Do you even understand the influence you have on this team?

-I'm the shit, yeah. -No, you're a bellend.

But because your right foot was kissed by God the boys look up to you.

It's made me question my own faith.

So, when they pick on Nate...

[laughs]

And you laugh...

Yeah?

They think it's okay.

Right, because Nate's a weak baby and he can't do anything about it.

[laughing]

Yeah, all right. I'll take care of it. Nate's a good lad.

Good.

-Hey, Roy. You coming to the club tonight? -Hold on, will you be there?

-Of course, bruv. -Then fuck no!

Colin, Isaac, come here.

You know how you two are always messing with Nate?

-Yeah. -Yeah.

Keep it up. Makes me laugh.

-Good morning, Higgins. -Oh, good morning. I was just--

Waiting at the entrance so I'd see you were here on time.

-Exactly. You seem in good spirits. -Yes, I am.

I've just realized something.

Who cares if we can't run that picture?

The bigger issue is that the local community

is getting behind the team no matter how badly they play.

-Mm. It is an outstanding fan base. -Yes, one I believe I can put an end to.

Hooray. [chuckles]

[Rebecca] No.

Okay. I'll go back there.

-[Ted] Here you go. -[Rebecca] Thank you.

So I spoke to the owner of The Sun.

You spoke to God?

-No, the newspaper. -Oh, right.

And he has agreed to not run the photo of you and Keeley.

-MVP! MVP! MVP! -[laughs]

-Left leg! -Okay.

-Right leg, not as good! -Yes! Okay, thank you, Ted.

Sorry. Yeah, no. You were saying. Go ahead.

In exchange, I've agreed for his more reputable newspaper, The Independent

to do a profile on you.

-One-on-one with Coach Lasso. -Yeah, okay.

-The writer will be Trent Crimm. -Mm.

And he's very good. And the supporters really listen to him.

Oh, no. I know Trent, yeah. He's a tough cookie.

-Really? -Yeah, but that's okay.

You know what you do with tough cookies?

-No. -Dip them in milk. [laughs]

Ha...

[Ted] All right, let's run that new one.

[pensive music playing]

-Hey, there he is. -Hello, Coach Ted Lasso from America.

Hello, Trent Crimm from The Independent.

Hey, excited to spend the day with you. Gonna be fun.

And please, call me Ted.

All right, let's go!

-Yeah, yeah, yeah. -[music turns lively]

Yeah, yeah, yeah...

[Ted] Wide open.

-[Sam] Yeah! -[Ted] Ooh! Snuck it by him.

[players cheering and whooping]

[blowing whistle]

Thataway, Sammy. How'd that feel?

Oh, wonderful, coach. I felt that one in my penis.

Yeah. No, that sounds about right. That's good. Yeah.

Hey, Jamie, you gotta sell that run-through hard, baby.

Make the defense believe you. Watch, like this.

Ball! Ball! Give me the ball! I want the ball! Give me the ball!

I would like the ball, please! You know, make it a performance.

I want you winning an Oscar at the ESPYs next year.

What, you want me to run decoy?

-Yeah, that's right. -It's a joke.

Unfortunately for you, though, no one thinks it's funny.

-That true? -Agree to disagree. I find it hilarious.

It was funnier than Step Brothers.

Ooh, high praise.

That scene where the bunk bed collapses.

I used to think that was the funniest thing I'd ever seen

but then I just saw that and now I'm gonna have to rethink

my order of what I think is the funniest thing I've ever seen.

Yeah, that's when sports and art combine as far as I'm concerned.

All right, fellas. Let's run it again.

-[blows whistle] -Cheers.

Yeah, they're getting it. They're getting it.

Interesting play, Ted. Did you come up with this?

Oh, no, no, no, this is all cooked up by our very own Nate the Great.

Who's "Nate the Great?"

Oh, yeah. There he is.

Someone's been walking their dog here. Found another poo.

Okay.

What exactly does "Nate the Great" do?

[Ted] Hey, I'm not exactly sure what his title is.

Hey, Coach. What is, uh, Nate's job around here?

-Kit man. -There you go. Kit man.

Do you mean to tell me you're entrusting

a Premier League team's attack to the kit man?

That young fellow's forgotten more about this sport than I'll ever know.

Heck, might be a genius.

-Anything to add, Coach? -Good kid.

Boy, oh boy, if you knew Coach Beard you'd know what a big deal that was.

You mean that, don't you? Whoa.

Well, hell. There's your story right there.

Got a headline and everything. Man Nods Head.

Watch your back, Gay Talese,

there's a new iconic profile about to be typed up by one Trent Crimm.

Tighten up those lines!

Let them know, Coach.

-Come on. [laughing] -[players chattering]

-Get a towel. Get a towel. -[Nathan] Oh, God. No, no, no.

Let go. Please, God, stop it.

-No. -[Roy] Oi, oi!

What the fuck are you doing?

Jamie not talk to you about leaving him alone?

[tense music playing]

Fuck's sake.

[whistles]

You look like you've forgotten something.

Hi, Keeley. I'm looking for your prick boyfriend.

-You know how to pick them, don't you? -Um...

Didn't your last girlfriend not steal your Rolex and sell it for drug money?

So? I don't need a phone and a watch.

Look, I didn't sign up to be your boyfriend's minder, okay?

But the new gaffer's trying to make me feel responsible

for fucking Nate, whose last name I don't even know.

-It's Barnes. -No. It's Shelley.

Yeah, I know.

I don't like being tricked.

Not by you and not by, "Howdy y'all, cowboys.

My name is Ted Lasso and I'm from Kansas."

Pow, pow, pow, pow.

You're, like, really, really bad at impressions, man.

I know he's trying to push my buttons but I cannot be manipulated.

Come on, I could push all of your buttons right now, if I wanted to.

-No, you couldn't actually, Keeley-- -Actually, I could.

-You couldn't-- -What was that?

-I can't seem to hear you. -Keeley, if you would listen--

-I'm trying to listen to you. -Listen, I could tell you why...

So tell me.

Is that making you mad?

No.

No.

[pensive music playing]

"I'm Roy Kent and I get paid to play a game but I'm mad all the time."

[growls]

[laughs]

That's actually pretty good.

-Hey, Trent. -Hm?

[Ted] You know who you remind me of right now?

-No. Who? -One of them robot vacuums.

Just kinda wandering around looking for dirt.

-Roomba. -That's the one.

-Actually, I have a question. -[Ted] Mm-hm?

After your resounding loss to Crystal Palace

one of your players said there was a party in the locker room.

Do you feel it sends the right message having a party after a loss?

Well, Trent, I've never really concerned myself

too much with wins and losses.

Now that's a quote I'll probably use.

You should get going.

Hey, will you let Roy know we're heading out soon?

-Copy. -Thanks, Coach.

You wanna tag along? We're gonna go speak to some school kids.

Oh, what a coincidence.

The day of our interview, you just happen to be visiting a local school.

Well, that's the funny thing about coincidences, ain't it?

Sometimes they just happen. Come on now.

[gentle music playing]

-[knocking on door] -Come in.

I just wanted to come and thank you again for stopping that picture from running.

And I bought you a present.

Made me think of you.

It's strong and a bit prickly.

-[Rebecca] Hm. -[music fades]

You know, I've decided to not be scared of you anymore.

I didn't know you were.

Oh, yeah. I was, like, fucking terrified of you.

My God, Jamie would have been so pissed off

with reporters poking around in our love life. Ugh!

I don't know why I'm telling you. You know all about that. Don't you?

Remember when you got divorced?

It rings a bell.

Yeah, I mean, didn't it, like, make you really mad

that they went after you and not Rupert?

Because he was the one that cheated and he came across like Prince Charming.

It really pissed me off.

Well, the press are never awful to men.

No one ever pays a fortune for a photo of a naked man on a yacht in Majorca

a week after his divorce.

Whoa. That's like a very specific scenario.

Oh, my God. That means there's a picture of you naked on a yacht.

Can I see it? Is it here? Oh, come on.

You wouldn't have said something if you weren't dying to show someone.

Please.

[sighs]

It was taken from a helicopter while I was sunbathing.

[gasps]

Holy shit, Rebecca!

Are those your real tits? I feel like a teenage boy.

I can't stop staring at them.

-Where did you get those? -My mom!

I can't believe you stopped this from running.

-I would have shown everyone. -Right. I really need to get on.

-Oh, sorry. Yeah. -Thank you.

[gentle music playing]

Bye.

Shoes.

Shoes. Yes.

Wow, you really blew my brains out

with those beautiful breasts of yours, Rebecca.

-[bell rings] -[students laughing and chattering]

[clears throat] When I first saw our school football squad,

I didn't think that Richmond Primary would win a single game,

much less the league championship.

[cheering]

[cheering stops]

To celebrate, please welcome the new manager of AFC Richmond, Ed Lasso.

Thank you. I appreciate you.

All right. Hey, gang. How y'all doing?

-Wanker. -Jacob.

[students laughing]

Oh, it's all right.

Uh, look, I just wanted to come down and congratulate y'all on a heck of a season.

But hey, I know someone else who's really excited to meet all of you.

So if you please help me welcome

the captain of your AFC Richmond squad, Roy Kent.

[cheering and screaming]

[students chanting] Roy! Roy! Roy!

Right. [clears throat]

Never been much for public speaking or school, really.

Always seemed like a waste of time to me.

[students sniffle and cough]

Okay, why don't we get out of this stuffy auditorium,

go out on the pitch and have a proper fuck-about?

[gasping]

[cheering and screaming]

[upbeat music playing]

I think it's really cool you do this.

Only doing it because my fucking niece goes here.

-Oh, yeah? Which one is she? -That idiot.

Oh, boy, here she comes.

-Can we do headers, Uncle Roy? -Yeah, all right. Come on then.

All right. Come on, you lot. Line up.

-Heads. Lovely. Next. Go. Perfect. -["Slide to the Slide" playing]

Next. Heads. Next.

♪ Melting away... ♪

Well done. Next.

Ooh! Next. Sweet.

Lovely. I liked it.

-Good. -Roy, come on.

You hop in there, show them how it's done. I'll do a couple.

How you doing? Ready? Come on.

Ooh! That's the spot. Come on.

Oh, here we go, Phoebe. Let's see what you got.

Hey, nice catch. We might have ourselves a goalie. Oh!

Oh, boy, oh, boy. That was right in the button.

-[groans] -[song stops]

Good job, Phoebe.

[Ted groans]

[school bell rings]

Whoa. Oh, boy. Sorry about the blood there.

There you go.

Don't use it to clone me.

Nice meeting you. Take care now.

That's the longest anyone's ever stayed for something like this.

-Hey, thanks for having us. -Cheers.

Thanks again.

[laughs] Roy, that was a blast.

And I tell you what, that niece of yours is a real cutie patootie.

Enough, I've had it with your mind games and your stupid gifts.

-I mean, what even is A Wrinkle in Time? -It's a lovely novel.

It's the story of a young girl's struggle with the burden of leadership

as she journeys through space.

Yeah. That's it.

-Am I supposed to be the little girl? -I'd like you to be.

Right. None of this matters.

Because I'm just doing what everyone in this town is doing

and I'm counting down the days until you're gone.

Trent, you're a colossal prick. You always have been.

Phoebe, come on.

[pensive music playing]

-Are you hungry? -Hm...

[Trent] Little tradition.

-Let battle commence. -Oh.

-[Ollie] Ted Lasso? -Hey there, Ollie.

-Leave it out. What are you doing here? -Well, I mean, you invited me, remember?

I invite every person who's been in my car.

Oh. Hey, Ollie. This is my friend, Trent.

-Trent, this is my buddy Ollie. -Pleased to meet you.

Congrats. You both just met a cool person.

[laughs] Right, gentlemen. You know what you're having?

Yeah. Well, you know, whatever the chef recommends.

That would be my father-in-law. Are you okay with a little bit of spice?

Have him make it for us like we're a couple members of the family.

-[laughing] You're a brave man. -[Ted laughs]

[Ollie] Oh, man. Mad respect.

That might not be the wisest of choices.

[Ollie] Here you go, boys. Ah!

-Dig in. -[Ted] Can't wait.

The smell's already deep inside my brain.

-Gonna love it. -Oh, I appreciate it.

I can't imagine they have good Indian food in Kansas.

Oh, I have no idea. I've never had Indian food. [chuckles]

Whoo!

-[laughs] -[Trent] Mm-hm.

Wow, that-- I mean, that's hot.

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. Feel like I'm about to breathe fire.

[Trent clears throat]

I don't think I can eat that. Mm. Uh-uh.

What? No, no, no. Come on now. We gotta put a decent dent in this,

otherwise we're gonna embarrass Ollie in front of his family.

-No, really, I can't. -Come on. Just dump it on my plate.

Yeah, yeah. You're good.

So, if, uh, you love Kansas so much, why did you...

Why did you leave to coach a sport you, uh, can barely, um--

You know anything about? Was it just the money?

Wait, I'm supposed to be getting paid?

-Are you enjoying the food? -Tell your father-in-law, it's perfect.

[laughs] Dad! He says it's perfect!

-Ted. -Mm-hm?

What you're doing is irresponsible.

This club actually means something to this town.

I know that. I do.

Trent, what do you love?

Is it writing?

-Yes. -Yeah. Well, good.

-Because you're darn good at it. -Thank you.

You're welcome. Me? I love coaching.

Now, I'm gonna say this again

just so you didn't think it was a mistake the first time I said it.

For me, success is not about the wins and losses.

It's about helping these young fellas be the best versions of themselves

on and off the field.

And it ain't always easy, Trent,

but neither is growing up without someone believing in you.

Let me ask you this.

Is my tongue still in my mouth?

Because I am about to hallucinate from all the heat here.

I really should go.

-Deadlines and all. -Yeah. Hey, gotta do the work.

Hey, I'll say this though.

I really enjoyed getting to spend this time with you, Trent.

-You actually mean that, don't you? -Yeah.

Yeah.

Thank you.

-You're welcome. -[Ollie] Oh, you all right?

Normally, one dish is plenty but we know how you Americans like to eat, innit?

-Let's do it, huh? [laughs] -[Ollie laughs]

Try that one.

[sighs]

Whoo!

-Beautiful, right? -It's beyond beautiful. It's hot.

-[upbeat music playing] -"Mrs. Which's voice was grave.

What do you understand?

That it has to be me. Can't be anyone else."

[music fades]

Fuck!

That's a bad word, Uncle Roy.

Oh, mind your own business, Phoebe.

[upbeat music resumes]

Be good.

-[ringing] -[tense music playing]

[music stops]

-Yes? -I have an advance copy of the article.

-Read it to me. -Title. "Wayward Ted."

"Whatever you think of Ted Lasso as a football coach

I assure you, the truth is harder to swallow."

-Hey, how you doing? -Good. How's your nose, coach?

My no-- Oh, it's fine. Thank you for asking.

[Leslie] And swallow you must, because Ted is out there

in the community either bravely or stupidly facing the music."

-Hey, fellas. How you doing? -"That's for you to decide."

Piss off, wanker!

[grunts]

-Hi. -Yeah.

-Stop it. -Every time.

[Leslie] And yes, he's in over his head.

He insisted twice that he didn't care if Richmond won or lost.

But if the Lasso way is wrong it's hard to imagine being right."

[sighs] Hm.

Why have you stopped reading?

Please do me the favor of remembering that these aren't my words, it's Trent Crimm.

Keep going.

[dramatic music playing]

"In a business that celebrates ego, Ted reins his in."

[Trent] His coaching style is subtle. It never hits you over the head.

Hello, Roy. I didn't know it was a retirement party.

-[crowd gasps] -[gasps]

Shit!

Stop messing with Nate!

Now, I don't know which one of you I nutted

because I don't see so well at night anymore

but that goes for all of you!

[Trent] Slowly growing until you can no longer ignore its presence.

Vanilla vodka.

Such a child.

-Keeley. -Roy.

[Trent] Whether that means allowing followers to become leaders...

or in a show of respect, eating food so spicy

it's sure to wreak massive havoc on his intestinal system.

Keys, keys, keys. Okay, here we go. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

[Trent] And though I believe that Ted Lasso will fail here

and Richmond will suffer the embarrassment of relegation...

I won't gloat when it happens.

Because I can't help but root for him-

[sighs]

Fuck!

[dramatic classical music playing]