Original subtitles

I'm Cassius.

Nathan's a twin. Might that be enough general hospital for the day?

How about the news?

Muting it would also be an option, unless the remote.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, Mr. Johnson, have you seen the remote?

Have I seen it? Yeah.

Nice remote.

I couldn't find it this morning. Somebody hit my car chase group chat,

and I couldn't even switch a live coverage.

Aren't there buttons on the TV?

You're aging yourself, Barb. Yeah, they got rid of the buttons. Okay, everybody,

just shh.

Please, try and watch my stories.

Jacob won't let me do it at home. Damn right.

Who still watches soap operas?

People with taste, like me.

Soaps have got everything, man. They've got plots and schemes and five new

episodes a week. These are the hardest-working actors in show business.

They're like the teachers of Hollywood.

I don't know about all that.

What's crazy is this literally happened to my aunt.

Her son, fake Nathan, revealed that he's actually Nathan's identical twin

brother, Cassius, who she didn't even know was alive.

Different names, but yeah.

They should let me on this.

Ooh, what are we watching?

Oh, my God. Are you guys seriously sitting here watching soap operas? Wow,

you're elementary school teachers.

You should know better than to be watching this. So where's real Nathan,

and who plays him?

Same actor.

Wow.

A girl with a backpack labeled Abbott Elementary approaches the school with

her classmates.

A crossing guard waves the children across the street to Willard R. Abbott

Public School.

Janine enters Gregory's office.

Okay, corner office.

Not bad, right? Yeah.

I'll be right out. Okay. I have two roles this year, so figured I might as

well have two desks. One for teacher me and one for assistant principal me. I'm

holding check-ins with the teachers all week and I'm already ahead of schedule.

I checked in with myself, and it's going great.

Oh, hey, Courtney. What are you doing here so late?

Podcast club.

You joined?

That's great.

Aw.

Wait, podcast club went really late today.

Well, you know, Mr. C talks a lot. I know that's right, girlfriend.

Janine attempts a high five.

Cool. Um, how was Mr. Hill's lesson on ethical editorializing?

Enlightening. Bye.

Courtney heads off.

Good talk, Court.

Good morning, my bright and beautiful students.

Hello. This year I have a new student named Justin.

Oh, he's a very good listener. He loves superheroes, and he happens to have

alopecia areata. It is an autoimmune condition that can cause partial or

total loss of hair.

All right, class, when we have a question, what do we do?

That's right. We raise our hand.

Yes, young man, what's your question?

Why doesn't he have any hair?

The boy points.

His parents have asked that I not bring it up to the class. They know the

situation best, so I will follow their lead and hope the students follow mine.

Hey, Melissa.

Hey.

Does this mean anything to you?

Uh, paper towel? No.

No, no, it's what's in the paper towel.

Okay.

It's gum.

The kids have been chewing nonstop during my class. I asked them who's

allowing them to put gum in their mouths in the first place, and what do you

know? It's none other than my inconsiderate roommate and problematic

landlord, Melissa Ann Katerina Schementi.

It's a huge distraction, and they refuse to throw it away post-chew.

This sounds messy.

Oh.

Boo. Never mind. I'm sure Gregory will love to hear all about it during your

check-in.

Are you cute or what?

Melissa blows a bubble with her gum.

Yeah, sometimes I think that the fact that I don't actually like kids is one

of my biggest strengths.

Really?

How's it going?

Good. You sure you don't want me to get a sub in here?

No, no, no. I got it handled. Trust me.

Okay. I don't trust him. Gregory can do all the check-ins he wants. It's not

going to erase the fact that he actually hired an AI teacher.

All men handle being proven wrong the same way. Stage one, rewrite history.

Stage two, double down. And my favorite, stage three, self-destruction.

Mr. Reddy, I'm done reading. Uh, excuse me. I still have time left.

Okay, good job, Antonio.

Why don't you go back and read it again while I finish up with Ms. Hoffman?

Anything worth reading is worth taking a second pass.

See? I got it.

He's at stage two.

Oh, my God, Janine. This Abbott life has hit a record number of subscribers.

Eight. Wow.

Watch out, Amy Poehler.

Man, I knew Courtney would be great for Podcast Club. Good get.

Courtney's not in Podcast Club.

She's not?

Yeah. I've asked her a million times, and she says no in a different language

each time. Once she hit me with Japana, it's no in Swahili. Why would she lie to

me? Gregory enters with a stack of books.

Oh, easy catch, you slayer.

I'm trying to refuel for my next check-in.

Can't wait for mine.

I have a very important issue to discuss.

Actually, do you mind if we handle that right now and just get it out the way?

My day's pretty jam-packed. Absolutely not.

As a community leader myself, I respect the time of my fellow administrators,

but I will be at your office at 11 on the dot.

Gregory glances at Jacob and the camera.

What's up, Bob?

Your brow was never furrowed. My kindergartners are starting to ask

questions about their classmate with alopecia.

Well, that's only natural, right?

Now, normally I would step in on something like this, but his parents

have asked me not to, and I don't want this to get out of control. Yeah, his

parents have no idea what it's like in a classroom.

Well, at least they're asking questions, right? Not just staring.

Oh, they are staring.

And there was a finger point, too.

I don't want to single him out. I just want him to feel comfortable.

Yeah, yeah.

I got nothing.

No experience in this area.

No. But I know someone who does.

When did that get there?

It's new.

It's his first time winning it.

I'm really proud of him.

Mr. Hill said you wanted to see me.

Yes, I did.

Why did you lie to me about being in Podcast Club?

I don't have to tell you anything.

You're not my teacher. That's harsh and true.

But as a steward of this school, I care about all students.

Misty, Devon keeps calling me Musty. I think you should care about that. No.

Courtney. Janine folds her arms.

I don't know why I lied, okay?

I had a lot of homework and didn't realize how late it was.

That's it.

Can I go to class now?

Yeah, you can.

Courtney heads out, and Janine faces the class.

Devon. What did I say about using the M word?

I said, no, it's not nice.

My approach has never really gelled with Courtney, but small wind, she owned up

to her lie and is now safe in class.

And if you'll excuse me, I am off to go find some air fresheners.

Second graders are very M word.

Janine enters the teacher's lounge and freezes, spotting Courtney walking

across the street. Courtney? She looks out the window.

She can't hear me.

Do you mind if we wrap this up? I only have lunch and pee without my class, and

I'm pulling all kinds of favors. These are the first check-ins we've ever had

at Abbott. I'm using my full ten minutes. Now, about my paycheck...

Gregory, we have a situation.

I don't have a second. Can you give me special treatment? Special treatment? Uh

-uh. She gonna just skip the line?

I'm bringing this up in my check-in. Oh, no, no. Guys, he's not gonna give me

special treatment.

No. Unless...

No. Okay.

All right. It's totally fine. I'm gonna go find Ava. I'll talk later. Okay. Bye.

Okay.

Okay. Terry, what were we saying?

Hey, bud. Can I talk to you about something?

No. Check-in's over at Gregory.

Oh, he's swamped. Anyway, I just saw Courtney leave school, and she was

wandering the hallways late the other evening. I think something might be

going on with her.

First of all, tattletale.

Second, that's bad and not like her at all.

I'll talk to her homeroom teacher and call her parents.

Great. Thank you. I appreciate it. Prove it by cash apping me. I've already sent

the request.

How much?

You'll see.

Shanine frowns and exits Ava's office.

And finally, any goals for this year that the school can help support?

Look at you.

I could cry.

And I will. Jacob, I know you see that long line of people behind you. What are

your goals?

My goal is to get Melissa fired.

No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. But I would like her to knock it off with the

gum chewing.

Whoa, excuse me. Not so fast.

Listen, you chooch. My classroom, my rules. Well, this is my classroom, and

everybody's just going... It's loud, it's unsanitary, and at the risk of

sounding crude, it's tacky.

Tacky? Would a tacky woman have a Capodomonte water feature installed in

her bedroom?

People are waiting.

My kids will be back soon, all hopped up on P.E., so if we could just... Well,

Melissa's got an idea. Why don't you just give them all a bunch of gum,

right, Melissa? Yeah.

Time's up.

Okay, fine.

I will be back for my check-in later.

Excuse me.

Mr. Johnson, I have a delicate matter that I would like to have your thoughts

on. Finally.

How's my boy Justin?

How do you know his name?

Our struggles may be different, but I clack every bald person who walks

through those doors.

His parents want to protect him, and so do I.

But ignoring his classmates?

I'm not sure that's the way to do that. It's not.

When I lost all my hair, I had no one to show me the way.

No one to look up to.

You see, pressure makes pearls.

And pearls are beautiful.

And famously bald.

That's why I became a champion freediver.

Best thing you can do for that boy is get him some flippers and get his

classmates some goggles.

Mr. Johnson, this has been very helpful.

Not in the way you think.

Or exactly in the way I think.

No. And then every morning at the breakfast table, Jacob's journaling.

So loud, you would not believe it.

Journaling's supposed to be internal, right?

Not the way he does it.

Melissa, anything school-related.

Well, you said no more gum talk, so... Not so fast.

She's assassinating my character, isn't she? Oh, come on. Jacob, you already had

your check-in. That Melissa interrupted.

You know what? I think I figured this out.

Both of you need to leave.

Aren't you going to leave?

My office.

Now.

It's a classroom, Gregory.

Wake up.

Oh, hey, Ava.

Any news?

I was using my VIP entrance to avoid disinteraction, but fine.

Daya found Courtney hanging around outside.

She's in my office now.

Oh, okay. Did you reach out to her parents?

Yeah. Turns out they're divorcing. Super messy.

I would have loved to have gotten both sides, but didn't want to pry.

And she hung up.

Oh, wait.

Sorry. So are you going to, like, talk to her about her family issues?

No. I hated when people did that to me when I was growing up. What's there to

say?

Exactly. People get together. Babies are born.

Couple split up.

Hard knock life.

Courtney's smart. She doesn't need me to tell her that.

She needs me to remind her what's at stake.

Ava enters her office.

Janine heads into the reception office.

Hey, Daya, how you doing? Well, my surgery went well. That's great. Could

you just for one second? Shh, I'm sorry.

Skipping class has never helped anyone.

Eighth grade is not the time to lose focus.

You're an avid shining star.

That comes with a lot of expectations, and we're here to help you exceed them.

I know you can do it. You know you can do it. So do it.

Focus on the things you can control.

That'll get you through anything.

All right.

Get back to class.

Courtney grabs her backpack and leaves Ava's office.

Nearby, Janine picks up a flyer, hiding her face as Courtney storms past, then

puts it back.

Oh, God.

I'm sorry.

Di, what was it about your surgery? No, don't act like you can now.

Gregory continues with the teacher check-ins.

The teacher grabs the pencil cup and leaves.

Barbara, did you happen to schedule an appointment?

Because there's a whole line of people behind you. This can't wait, Gregory.

The school is all out of tape. Do you have any? Are you serious?

Yes, I'm serious.

Don't let me. What happened?

I got my head stuck in a chair. I got sent to Principal Coleman, but she sent

me to you.

Okay, all right. Well, just take a seat. I can't. Not on that one. Take a seat on

another chair. Find something else and we'll handle it later. Hey, Gregory.

No, no.

Gregory inhales deeply.

I can't do this.

I can't do this.

Stage three, self-destruction. Right on time. I should write a book on this.

I did.

What to expect when proving man wrong.

Buy anywhere e-books are sold.

This is the only physical copy.

Ava repairs a kintsugi bowl at her desk.

Outside, Gregory sighs and reluctantly enters.

Good afternoon, Ava. How can I help you?

Well, I tried, but I can't do both jobs.

I know.

Then why didn't you say anything?

If I had said something, would you have listened?

No.

Look, I want to do this assistant principal thing right, and I can't do

that if I'm still teaching.

I pulled a list of subs that you can go through until we can hire someone full

-time. Threw a couple of AI options in the mix to see if you learned your

lesson. Thank you.

Welcome to the big leagues, Assistant Principal Gregory Eddy.

Ava stretches out her hand.

No. Barbara tapes pictures of bald men on her board.

Whoa, hey, where'd you get the tape? I thought we were out.

Mr. Johnson has some.

May I ask what it is you're doing?

Well, Janine, I'm crossing a boundary.

Oh, this early in the year? Well, I tried not to, but I've been doing this

long enough to know when I need to follow my instincts.

I have a student that needs reassurance.

Hmm.

Well...

What if it wasn't your student, but you still thought you could help?

Instincts.

Thanks, Barb. Mm-hmm.

But seriously, what the hell are you doing?

Jacob arrives home.

Someone parked in my spot again.

Jesus, this neighborhood.

Yeah, this neighborhood wasn't a problem for you when you moved in.

Jacob sighs as he reaches the table.

Spaghetti? Again? Yeah, I had a hard day. I wanted a little comfort food. Is

that all right with you?

Just saying. I had a hard day, too.

You can't say anything around here. Here we go again. First it's a gum. Now it's

my cooking. You know, I don't charge extra for this. This food's included.

Is it so much to ask for a little variation at dinnertime?

Well, then you cook it. I like spaghetti.

Go to my room. Hey, don't talk to him like that. This is my house that I rent.

I can do it. Is there another man here?

Yeah, Chief Rob. Oh, right.

Caleb stuffs his face with spaghetti as Jacob pouts.

What happened to us?

This isn't who we are. No.

Can you just get the kids to stop chewing gum in my class?

Yeah, you know, I'll just get them to like throw it out before they leave.

This spaghetti is delicious.

The next day in Barbara's classroom... Some of us have tall hair. Some of us

have small hair. Some of us might have no hair at all, like Dwayne the Rock

Johnson. Yes, sweetheart?

Is that Miss Howard?

Justin, I'm so glad you asked that question. This is Christopher Reeve, and

he had alopecia. But do you know what we called him in my day?

What?

Superman!

The most important thing isn't what's on your head.

It's what's in your head. Your mind.

Mr. Johnson slowly claps.

Wait.

Why is my picture above Jordan's?

I'm S-tier bar.

S-tier.

Mr. Johnson, I do not know what that means, but good for you.

Mrs. Howard, why aren't you barred?

Mrs. Howard?

Hey, Courtney.

Am I in trouble? No, no, no, no. I was thinking of making some modifications to

my jungle classroom, and I just wanted to know if I could get your feedback.

Okay. Yeah.

Courtney follows Janine into her jungle-themed classroom and squints at a

dinosaur toy by the window.

There aren't dinosaurs in the jungle.

There are not.

It's not my place to put any more pressure on Courtney or to try to fix

her family issues.

But I think I could be there for her.

You know, Courtney, believe it or not, I used to cut class.

Yeah, I would go down to the art museum.

So what about you? Did you go anywhere fun?

Did you go home?

I didn't want to go home.

I went to South Street.

You went clubbing?

No, I went to Ishka Bibble's, got a cheesesteak, walked around.

Okay, yeah, good food, fresh air, I get that. Principal Coleman already talked

to me about it. I'm not going to cut class anymore.

Good.

And Courtney, look, just so you know, if you ever need to talk, my door is always

open.

How did that get shut? I'm sorry, excuse me.

Always open? Always open.

Have a good day.

I'm breaking through.

And I'm going to take a look at the dinosaurs.

They seem to be hurting more than they're helping, so.

Oh, hey, I brought enough for both of us. Melissa hands Jacob Tupperware.

Oh, don't worry, Gregory, we renewed our vows. Great, I knew you could.

See why I don't get involved.

We binged season of couples therapy and talked it out. Yeah, those couples think

that being married and stuff, they should try being roommates and co

-workers.

He loves my spaghetti, by the way.

Yeah. Jacob's smile falters.

Okay, this is you.

Ava leads a young woman in a headscarf into Gregory's old classroom.

He watches from outside.

Hey.

So, you still down for a happy hour after school?

Yes, please.

I've been looking forward to it. Good.

Hey, Miss Deeks. Hey, Courtney. Are you going to be around after school today?

I will be.

Cool. Courtney walks past them.

Rain check.

Good morning.

Seeing that smile on Justin's little face, knowing I made a difference, ooh,

that never gets old.

Mm-mm.

God, I'm good.

And God is good.

All the time.

Amen.

What the hell is my son learning in your class that made him think he should

shave his head bald?

I just wanted to be like Mike.

Are you teaching these kids Chicago Bulls propaganda?

I'm teaching them to respect each other and embrace their individuality. And

you, you're looking good, sweetheart.

Yes. You know, perhaps you might consider placing the clippers out of

reach. Now, that is parental tip from yours truly, Barbara Howard. Have a good

day. Bye-bye.

So Sonny's been trying to whack Sidwell since Sidwell put a hit out on Sonny.

And Sonny's adopted son, Michael, almost died in a penthouse firebomb and meant

for Sonny. And Sonny almost killed his other son, Dante.

For being an undercover cop, but then he realized they were related. Yeah, and

they got through all of that. But when Sonny's grandson, Gio, returns to the

Quartermain Mansion... Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Whose kid is Gio? Okay,

that's an interesting question.

Look what I found.

Someone hid it in the pocket of the pants I was wearing Monday.

Mr. Johnson, thank you. You found a remote.

You know, we can finally turn this up. Yeah.

Oh.

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