Original subtitles

[Shane] You would get sprinkles on your donut.

-[Will] What does that mean? -That means you're light in the loafers.

Getting sprinkles?

Well, just because I like the delicate texture of a sprinkle,

somehow I'm less of a man?

[mocking] "Just 'cause I like the delicate texture of a sprinkle"?

-Jesus Christ, dude. -Whatever!

Anyway, you gotta play nice with Phil today.

Okay.

No, I'm serious. It's on you. He doesn't wanna hear anything from me.

Do not raise your voice to me with sprinkles on your lips.

Shane!

[somber music playing]

You dead?

I wish.

Oh, it'd suck to die in that car.

It'd be so embarrassing. The Grim Reaper would come down and go,

"Oh my God, this car is gay as hell, man."

-No, he wouldn't. -[Shane] This car might save your life.

Are you all right?

Yeah, I'm fucking awesome, Will. I slept in my car last night.

I couldn't even face Barb.

-[Will] Didn't Pete delete the photos? -You don't have to worry about it anymore.

[Dave] It's not about the physical photos.

You delete those, there'll be photos in the future.

I can't stop sucking tits now that I've tasted them again.

I have to tell Barb my true nature.

Even if it costs me half my stuff and the love of my life.

Barb?

Of course Barb. Who the fuck else would I be talking about?

Well, you have sex with a lot of women that aren't Barb.

You can see why we'd be confused.

[Dave sighs]

-Of course you'd get sprinkles. -See? Exactly.

Okay, I'm done with this conversation.

Good luck with your gross guy shit. Hope she kills you.

[sighs]

-Really gonna go through with this? -[Dave] I must.

I can't live a lie any longer.

[engine starts]

-[sighs] Wish me luck, Shane. -[car whirs]

God damn, dude.

I wish this car sucked, but it fucking rules.

-[air hisses] -I know.

-Ooh. God damn! She's gonna forgive you. -[car whirs]

-[Dave] Really? -[Shane] Yeah.

[car whirs]

"That's so cool, Dave. I forgive you, brother."

-"I'm your wife, Barb." -That's not what she sounds like.

-True. It should be deeper. -She has a more delicate voice.

-[Shane] She sounds like a wrestler. -My wife does not sound like a wrestler!

She's gonna settle this at SummerSlam, brother.

-I'll see you in Atlanta. -[Dave] Fuck you!

[mellow acoustic music playing]

Yo, Cal, I got a good one for you. 1975 Pontiac.

'75 Pontiac?

Who…?

[sighs] Fuck.

[Cal] Hey, man.

Hey, what's up?

'75 Pontiac?

Yeah, it's whatever.

Listen, about what I said the other day, I--

It's fine. People don't have time for my friendship. It's fine.

You know, this car might take a while.

I don't even care.

You know what? Why don't I give you a ride home?

You can show me those cars you have lying around.

-Really? -[Cal] Yeah.

Yeah, man. Fuck yeah. That would be great.

Oh.

Uh, my brothers might be home.

You know what? Fuck it. Okay. Yeah.

Do you wanna stop and get donuts?

-Sure. Yeah. -[laughs] Yeah!

Wait. Do you like sprinkles?

Because my brothers say sprinkles are for queers and socialists.

So if you get sprinkles,

eat it before we get to the house and then not say that you got it.

Yeah, I just won't… I just won't get sprinkles.

Smart.

-Let's go. -Yeah.

Yeah, let's…

Let's go.

So what you're telling me is TakaTaka Tires

is willing to pay the leasing on all Valley Forge locations.

-[Will] Yes. -It was Will's idea.

But Shane's execution.

Well, it's good to hear that you're putting your skills to use.

[smack lips] Additionally,

it's nice to know that my tenacious business abilities have influenced you.

All right.

No, we've definitely been influenced by… [clears throat]

…your tenacious business abilities.

-I gotta be vulnerable for a moment. -You don't have to be vulnerable.

But at this particular time,

I'm just not comfortable making any major business decisions

given my current headspace.

The fuck's that mean?

It means I don't wanna make any sweeping changes with Valley Forge

unless Bonnie's back.

[Shane sighs]

Where the fuck's she at?

Hogwarts? [chuckles]

I don't know where that is, Shane,

so you don't get to enjoy it.

-Okay, well, where is she? -[Phil] At this hour?

Most likely using her homeopathic practices

to heal the hurt.

To repair the emotionally damaged.

Something you wouldn't know anything about, Shane,

since you never gave Bonnie the chance to heal you.

Fuck.

-You want me to go over there? -[Phil] I do.

-Will it put you in a better headspace? -It will.

Fuck it. Yeah, I'll go.

Namaste.

Do you even know what that means?

I do not.

[soulful music playing over car radio]

♪ To think of the future ♪

[air hissing]

♪ And the dreams you hope will be ♪

♪ Let your heart remember too ♪

♪ I wanna walk Through this life with you ♪

♪ Baby, let me walk with you ♪

♪ I wanna stand by your side… ♪

Oh fuck!

♪ In the hours of rain… ♪

[Dave] Babe?

♪ I'll taste the bitter with the sweet… ♪

Honey?

♪ And love you with joy and with pain ♪

[distant moaning]

♪ No matter what we go through ♪

-♪ I wanna walk through this life… ♪ -[moaning continues]

♪ With you ♪

[moaning continues]

-What the fuck? -Oh God!

-What is this? -[man] Where's the door?

-[Dave] Right behind you, dickhead. -Damn it!

-[Barb sighs] -[Dave] Barb, what is this?

[sighs] It's…

-I'm sorry. Jeez, I'm real sorry, man. -Oh, you're sorry?

Who the fuck is this bozo?

I'm Jerry. Jerry Devlin. Jerry Devlin's Hot Tubs.

[Dave] Oh, Jerry Devlin's Hot Tubs!

Don't plug your failing small business when you just fucked my wife!

Are you serious?

I was thinking of buying a hot tub. That's… That's all.

-This how you were gonna get a deal? -Actually, it was a good discount.

-It was a twofer. -Look, it was a surprise.

They also double as cold plunges.

We're not talking about that right now!

You fucked this guy? Are you kidding me? You fucking cheated on me?

-Excuse me? Cheating? Dave? -[Dave] Uh…

We really want to do this right now? The balls on you.

-[Dave] Yeah. -You cheated on me, pal. Remember that?

And I stopped. I haven't cheated on you in six months.

I don't even watch porn anymore.

I go to Sex Addicts Anonymous 'cause you wanted me to.

I don't even get Lebanese from a place 'cause the lady out front has big tits.

-You talking about Atala's? -[both] Shut up!

[Dave] Turn around. Face the fucking wall. I'm talking to my wife.

I was doing good all because of you 'cause you asked me to.

I didn't ask for all this. That's the problem, Dave.

The problem is I fucking listened?

The problem is you're kind of a pussy now.

[somber music playing]

All this good boy shit's gone way too far.

No porn.

Sex Addicts Anonymous?

You used to come home and slap my ass.

Now? You kiss me on the forehead. It's fucking gross, man.

I never wanted you to change.

I just didn't want you to fuck all those whores behind my back.

And now, what the hell is this?

I live with an Amish schoolboy.

Oh, Amish schoolboy, huh?

Guess what this schoolboy was up to Tuesday when I said I was working late.

I was sucking a stripper's tits! And it tasted and felt awesome to do that.

The moment those nipples grazed my whiskers,

my essence was restored to me.

I love doing that stuff. But I also love you, Barb.

Yeah, I wanna fuck these girls, but I'm not building a family with them.

I wanna get sucked off five times tops,

then I'll move on and come back to you. That's what I want.

I get it.

I… I like dicks too.

So many dicks.

Obviously yours.

Dave, sweetheart,

you're the only man I wanna spend my life with.

[Dave] That's exactly how I feel.

-Does this mean I can fuck other girls? -Yes.

-And you fuck guys every once in a while? -Yes.

-That sounds awesome. -Communication.

-This is what we needed. -It's the best day of my life.

-I love you so much. -I love you so much.

[Dave chuckles]

[Jerry] My wife left me a few months ago.

Still working through it, but, um,

you two have something really special.

Shut the fuck up, dude!

[relaxing music playing]

Shane, I am honored that you asked me to lead you today.

Yeah.

[Bonnie] Mm. I promise you

this is gonna be a positive experience.

-Yeah? -[Bonnie] Mm-hmm.

-Jesus Christ, what's in this? -Oh, it's my special root mixture.

There's chamomile, mint, cinnamon.

-Okay, that's good. -[Bonnie] Yep, and some psilocybin.

And, of course, acacia, which is in the house of DMT.

-It's fucking DMT? -[Bonnie] Mm-hmm. Yeah.

If I drink this and my brain turns to mush,

don't put me in a home or anything. Just take me out back and make it quick.

Done.

-Now we're gonna do some deep breaths. -[Shane] Okay.

-Inhale, one, two, three. -[inhaling]

-Exhale, one, two, three. -[Shane exhaling]

Let's do another. Inhale, one, two, three.

Very good.

-Will, that's fucking annoying. -What? It's relaxing.

-Oh, you're relaxed? -[Will] Yeah.

Then switch places with me, and you can drink the scary potion,

and I'll stand there and breathe like a dickhead.

Well…

No, I can't. I have dietary restrictions, so I can't.

-So I'll… I'll just stand here quietly. -[Shane] Okay.

-Okay, Shane. -[dramatic music playing]

It's time to drink your tea.

-You just drink it? -[Bonnie] Just drink it.

Fuck it.

Whoa!

What?

Uh, well, usually clients, you know, they… they sip the tea.

I didn't sip it. Is that bad?

-I-- -[Shane] I drank the whole thing.

I've never had anyone drink it that fast before,

but I honestly think if you lay back, make yourself cozy, lie down…

It is quite fast-acting, so we'll get into it.

-Okay. -[Bonnie] There you go. Cozy? You all set?

No, I'm not fucking cozy. Look at this thing.

[Bonnie] I want you to close your eyes, and we'll breathe in one more time.

-You can put your head back. Inhale. -Okay.

[inhales]

-Exhale, one, two, three. -[exhaling]

Do you see anything?

-No. I don't see shit. -Okay. Okay, I think that's good.

Oh…

[Bonnie] You're safe. You're safe, Shane.

[Shane] Oh…

[music intensifies]

Oh!

There it is.

[wind whooshing]

[Shane] Time has come.

I can't stay here anymore.

I don't belong.

I gotta go out and find my own thing.

Gonna start my own village.

What about Will?

[Shane] I want Will to come with me.

I don't want him to stay here and have sex with Reagan forever.

I want him to find his own woman.

Or guy.

[group chuckle]

But I just… I can't live under Phil anymore.

I don't have anything.

Plus, Phil's got this new girlfriend.

Super hot. Her nipples are out all the time.

She does witchcraft. It's pretty sick for him.

Big deal, you love Bonnie. You'd do anything to get her back. Shut up!

She's not coming back, Dad. You could give up on it.

I would chase her if I were you.

I didn't see the nipples. Will told me about them.

He said they were nice.

But I gotta go.

I gotta go out in the woods by myself.

Find a hot, young, fertile lady that'll give me kids of my own.

-Shane, where's your helmet? -[Shane] Coach Dunn, why are you here?

-You get that helmet on, mister. -I don't know where it is!

-[Dunn] Get your ass on that field! -I can't go on without a helmet.

-I'll count to three. -[Shane] I'm too old!

-Why are you acting like this? -One.

-Don't count to three. -[Dunn] Two!

I don't know where the helmet is! I left it in my locker.

Three. That's it!

[Shane] You can't tell me what to do anymore.

You're a fucking high school coach.

You don't have any power.

Kilah… kill this fucking guy.

[grunts]

You really killed him.

-Thanks, Kilah. -I had a gun in my sleeve.

[Shane] Well,

it's time for me to head out. Hit the old dusty trail.

But before I go, I have one question.

Bonnie, can I please see your boobs?

What the fuck? Why does he keep saying that?

I'm sorry.

Not today.

Whatever.

Well, guys, I guess this is the end.

I'm gonna miss you.

But

I gotta go.

Gotta start my own life, you know?

-[sinister music playing] -[bird caws]

[Shane] Guys?

Hello?

Kilah?

Cal?

I'm here.

Jared?

I just wanted to feel my toes in the grass.

All right, get me the fuck out of here.

Get me the fuck out of here!

-[yelling] -Bonnie, is he dying?

[Bonnie] No, I think this is just part of the process.

-I think it's normal. -[Shane groans]

Didn't work.

Sorry.

Okay.

We gotta get out of here. I think the tea fucked my stomach up.

Also, that guy's been creeping me out.

[relaxing music playing]

-Oh, yeah. He works here. I hate him. -[Shane] Yeah.

Hang on, fellas. I got something I wanna say.

First of all, Shane, thank you

for what you did up there for Bonnie and I.

[Shane] No problem.

You guys should get married after that, or at least get some head out of it.

-Hey, try not to fuck up this moment. -[Shane] All right. All right.

Listen, my time away from Bonnie

gave me the headspace to think about what I wanna do for the future.

-Two earrings? -[Phil] Shane.

I wanna travel the earth and sea with Bonnie.

I wanna explore the world with her

and also explore each other.

Ew, Dad.

So the decision that I've made

is I'm turning over complete control of Valley Forge to the two of you.

-Holy shit. -Oh my God.

Yeah, it's real. You should smile.

Wait, so we can do the TakaTaka deal?

You do whatever's best for Valley Forge. You're in charge now.

Dad, this is honestly the coolest thing you've ever done.

There are, however, stipulations.

You will respond to all my phone calls.

-No deal. -[Will] Shane!

[Phil] Every other day.

-No. -Shane!

[Phil] A text message. And I don't mean monkeys with makeup

or big people on hoverboards. None of that shit.

Text every other day.

-[Phil] Done. -Deal.

-Deal. -[Will] Phil, thank you so much.

[Phil] You're welcome.

Oh, first order of business, we fire Cal and Kilah

and hire illegal immigrants.

That's interesting because if you fuck up Valley Forge,

and let's be honest, there's a good chance that can happen,

I'm gonna have to sell the company and replace you with illegals.

But in the meantime,

have fun with it.

[Shane] Thanks.

Wow! Many, many blessings to you both, man.

What's up?

[panting] Oh!

-No, no. No, no, no. -[Noam chanting]

-[Frank] All right, stop right here. -[Cal] Okay.

Well, this is it.

[ominous music playing]

-[Cal] Hell of a place you got here. -Yeah, isn't it great?

Been with us for a few generations.

Behind that house that got blown up, bunch of cars I wanna show you.

-Come check 'em out. -Yeah.

Yeah, let's park here. We'll walk.

We don't wanna bring too much attention to us.

Come on.

All right.

-It's just you out here or…? -[Frank] No, there's a bunch of us.

Z28 with the 350 small-block.

[Cal] Whoa!

'65 Mustang.

-[Cal] Cherry red? -[Frank] And, of course…

[Cal laughs] Yo!

'62 Corvette.

[Cal] I've never seen one of these in person.

All original parts.

[Cal sighs] This is a factory four-speed?

Sure is.

Holy…

This.

This is my baby.

Oh, that's your baby?

-[tense music playing] -[bird screeches]

Uh-oh.

Crashing in on y'all's little playdate?

No.

Hey, Thatch.

-What happened to your shirt? -I was chasing a rabbit. It's private.

Frank, you're supposed to get approval before inviting guests. Remember that?

Yeah, I know. This is my friend, Cal.

Friend? Whoa. Well, hell. You finally got yourself a little friend.

How about that?

We should celebrate.

What do you do for parties? What do they got there?

They got, uh, cake.

Confetti. What else? What else do you want at your party?

-Piñata? -No! No.

On my property, you will speak English!

Sure, man.

What are you doing here?

-I'm just… -[Frank] Cal's the mechanic.

Yeah? We're not standing in an auto body shop right now, are we?

-[Frank] No. -What?

No.

Hey, look, if it's a problem, I can leave.

Nah, that's okay. I'm just messing with you guys.

[chuckles]

You told him not to open the trunk of the Pontiac?

-[Frank] Yeah. -Don't look in the trunk of the Pontiac.

-I won't. I promise. -[Thatch] Good.

All right, I'm heading out. Gonna go to the range.

See you around, Cal.

[Frank] See you, Thatch.

He's just goofing around. You know family.

-[Cal] Yeah. -[Frank] Just bust balls.

But how cool is this?

This is awesome, man. You know, I'm gonna, I think, hit the road.

My stomach's acting kinda funny, and I--

-[Frank] Don't wanna take it for a drive? -No, no. We'll just--

Is it the donuts?

[Cal] No, no, no, no, no.

If it's the donuts, I'll fucking hate myself.

I promise it's not the donuts, man.

[Frank] I'll call you tonight, make sure you're all right.

-Hope you're feeling better. -I'll text you or something.

You can FaceTime me. It's like we're in the room together.

[quietly] I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!

[engine running in background]

[ominous music playing]

[laid-back country music playing]

[tires squeal]

♪ A wandering cowboy ♪

♪ Ridin' down the trail ♪

♪ Heard the night wind singin' ♪

♪ With a mournful wail ♪

♪ He felt so lonesome ♪

♪ When he heard their song ♪

♪ So he started hummin' ♪

♪ And that's how the yodel was born ♪

[yodeling]

♪ He heard the love song ♪

♪ Of a whippoorwill ♪

[song ends]