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-So, Mr. Harrington... -Er...

Wait a minute.

-Dr. Nourmand. -Yes?

Can you just call me Solo?

Why?

Well...

Aside from the fact that it's my name, I've...

I've just been coming here for almost a year now,

and, uh...

frankly, this could be... this could be it for us.

So I was just wondering if we could just end

on a less formal note, you know?

Oh. I...

Yeah. Sure.

-Oh... -Yeah, I... I can call you Solo.

-Sure. -Great, okay, good, good.

And you are...

I'm still Dr. Nourmand.

Okay.

I, uh... I got... I got you this jacket.

Oh... Well, thank you very much.

I can't accept it, uh...

But it is a very nice gesture nonetheless. Thank you.

I... I think you should just take the jacket.

Wh... Why?

Because I bought it for you.

But, do you do that often?

-I mean, you buy... gifts? -No.

-For your... for your friends? -No.

-Your family? No? -No, no, not... just this.

Wh... what about this being it?

Well, I... you know, I just...

I just spend a very large portion of my time here,

and, uh... you know, to be honest, I was just walking

down the street, and I saw the jacket in the window,

Oh, no...

and I thought it looked nice on you, and I just, I don't know,

-I think you should just take the jacket. -No, no, no...

No, I... I am... I'm considering that,

but I meant... I meant this as in our time here.

-Together. -Oh! Oh, oh...

Well, yeah, I've just run out of money.

I'm broke.

Five days a week here for almost a year just added up

a lot quicker than I thought it would, and, um...

Yeah.

-How do you feel about that? -Fucked, I feel fucked.

-I mean, no, I feel... no, I feel... -What?

I feel better than I did...

-Right? -Right.

But... but now what, right?

Well... what do you think?

Uh, well, you know, I... I mean...

I could... I'm gonna...

start writing again...

try to make a little money.

-Well, that's good. -Yeah.

-Yeah, that's very good. -Yeah.

...Yeah, I'll call you when that happens.

Did you ever consider... getting a pet, Solo?

What?

You know, pal, uh... the best thing about buying a dog

is that, uh... you can always get rid of it.

I mean, if you don't like it.

The dog, I mean.

When'd you get that jacket?

This is Jonesy.

You're listening a Jonesy's Jukebox.

It's a beautiful day in L.A.

Fucking hell.

Why are there so many people here, man?

Well, that's the thing about these places,

a lot of people, you know?

Some good, some not so good.

And some just pure fantasia.

Jesus Christ!

That never happens to me.

-Oh, my God. Hello! -Ever.

Wait a minute, she might've been the one.

-I think I need to go back. -What?

That was the one. That was the one.

I gotta go grab her. I gotta go.

-No, you gotta be kidding me. -I do.

-Come on. -Listen, you don't need me.

You don't need me, okay? Just grab the first one

that looks at you funny.

You ever heard the term "puppy dog eyes?"

Comes from a place.

That's the place.

I'll be right back.

I love you. You're good. You're good!

Mom, you said you're gonna get it for me!

All right, here's the thing, Brad.

I just need a... a simple dog, you know?

Uh... one that doesn't require a whole lot of maintenance,

uh... low energy, uh... doesn't need a lot of stuff.

You know, I have a balcony, so, one that can use the balcony

to use the bathroom would be great.

Uh... You know, just a... a dog that doesn't need to go

outside too much or ever. That would be great, too.

Okay, Brad?

What do you say, Brad?

I really should've come in with you.

What's that supposed to mean?

Nothing. It means nothing.

What, you don't like the dog?

Oh, no, it's cool, dog.

It's cool.

Seems calm enough.

-He's just really little. -Well, it's a puppy!

-I mean... -No, I... I know.

No, no, no. Hey! Hey, you know what?

It's about... you like her, I like her.

It's a he. It's a boy dog.

He... boy... dog.

No, I just want you to be happy.

-Okay. -Are you happy?

-Look, he likes you! -I... Can you hold the dog?

But he likes you. But he wants to go to Daddy.

I'm driving the car.

What's wrong with that?

He doesn't wanna be on, uh... on Uncle's lap.

He wants to go... he wants to go in the back.

Apparently. Okay.

Is he gonna shit?

Okay, you've gotta be kidding me.

No!

No!

-Hi, Brad. It's Solo. -Okay.

Uh, yeah, the Tongan Terrier.

Well, uh, yeah, you know, I tried that crate thing

that you told me about, and he just went to the bathroom

all over the bathroom.

Well, yeah, see, that's the thing. I didn't have a crate,

so I just... I thought the bathroom would suffice.

...Uh, no, I don't wanna buy a crate.

Well, why not?

Well, just because I don't have room for a crate.

-Uh, thing is, if you get one...

- Okay, well, I'm sure the crates

are very decorative, Brad, but... Brad, I don't wanna buy a crate.

Stop trying to sell me a crate. Okay, give me the shoe.

Put the shoe down. Put the sh...

-Yeah, hi, is this Brad? -Mm-hmm.

Well, Brad, you fucked me, pal.

This little thing is driving me crazy, man.

I mean, I... you know...

Hello? Hello?

Okay, Brad, he's peeing on the carpet right now.

-Did you get a wee-wee pad? -What the fuck is a wee-wee pad?

No, I just want him to go on the balcony, man.

Look, you know what? We talked about this,

and I... and I just... I don't think this is gonna work.

-I just... -What do you wanna do about it?

...Well, I don't know. That's a good question.

What the hell do you want me to do?

I mean, can I just bring him back?

Hello? Hello, Brad?

Brad? Fuck...

What the hell are you looking at, man?

Casper.

Casper, are you awake?

You up?

I don't know.

Pal, the dog shit all over my house.

-Yeah? -Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know... I don't know what to do.

I hate him. I just... I don't know what to do.

-Well, you wanna take him back? -No, I can't take him back.

There's no refunds.

Uh...

I know this girl...

-Did I wake you up? -No, no, no, I just been...

...reading and stuff.

So... I used to date her.

-I used to fuck her. -What?

I don't know what I did. I shot her once.

-We fucked. Something. -Man, what am I do...

I can't give the dog away... what am I doing,

man?

You're giving the car up to the thing. Come on.

Don't... don't do this.

This is fine. This girl does this.

-This is what she does. -What do you mean?

-Like, for a living? -Yes!

Well...

No, I mean, she doesn't make money doing it,

but it's... what she does.

Right up here. Right up here. Pull that... to the thingy!

-I am! I don't wanna hit it. -Go to the thingy.

You're not gonna hit it. Go to the thingy.

What does she make money doing?

Jesus Christ.

Well, her father, um, owns the rights to, like,

every great rock and roll song ever written,

among other things. Guy was, like, a major pimp in the 70s.

-Killed people and shit. -Okay, he didn't kill people.

-Yes, he did. -No, he didn't.

-Yes, he did. -Okay, you're just

making that up.

Okay, somehow, this man ended up owning a lot of valuable stuff.

-Well, that's obvious. -Thank you.

I got a train set once.

No, he lives here, too. He's just never around.

He's got a... place in, what do you call it?

Europe... or some shit... Asia. I don't know.

-Would you push the button, please? -Let's go.

-Push the button. -Let's just go.

Push the button.

I don't know. I'm so bored I could kill myself.

I don't know, bitch.

Yeah, we'll holler later.

I'm supposed to look at this guy's dog right now.

I'll talk to you later. Bye.

-Hey, bitch! -Hey, Jules!

-How you been? -Misery.

My life's impossible.

I bet that it is impossible.

What's really good, mama? Come on.

Nothing is good.

You're lying.

So how'd those pictures turn out?

They are very good.

They're not raunchy, are they?

No, not at all.

You guys want a bevy?

You want a bevy?

Uh, what do you... what do you got?

Oh, whatever you want.

Well, do you have any scotch?

-I don't know. -Oh...

Hey, are all these dogs your dogs?

That's right, bitch. Until they get older, they are.

I take care of 'em until they're old enough

they don't need caring, and then I give them away.

-Very noble. -Thank you.

Oh, who... who do you... who do you give them to?

-Whomever. -What if you can't get rid of them?

Everyone wants them when I'm done, bitch.

Hey, can you stop calling me bitch?

Whoa!

-Yeah. -No! I just... I have a name.

-I mean, I... You know? -Yeah, but, pal... Pal...

She's not... She doesn't mean it like, "Hey, what's up..."

No, I know.

-bitch?" Or, "where's my money, bitch?" -I know, I know.

-You know what I mean? It's like... -I'm sorry.

You know...

-What's it like? It's... -I don't know.

-endearing. -Okay, well, my name is Solo,

just in case.

Like Han Solo.

No, not like Han Solo.

Just like Solo.

Where's the dog, Solo?

Uh... he's at home.

-What do you mean? -Well, we did make an error.

-We didn't bring her. -Him.

-Him. -Why not?

-Why not? -Well, I... I don't know. I just figured,

you know, I didn't want to bring him out of the house for no reason.

I figured you'd have some questions.

-Is he cute? -Yeah, I think so.

-Yeah. -Maybe not cute so much.

-He's... -Well... what does he go with?

-What? -Colors.

Y... you... you mean what color is he?

-Yeah, sure. -Did you just ask,

-"what does he go with?" -I think so.

I'll be in the car.

One second. Pal! Pal?

I don't know, man. It just doesn't seem right.

You know, life is a delicate negotiation.

Do you understand that?

So...

...what do you wanna do? I mean, seriously,

what do you wanna do?

Alright.

Seriously, what do you wanna do? You w... you wanna

give this thing a shot or what?

You... o... or do you wanna end up in some rich lady's house

with a bunch of other spoiled little dogs?

Because, you know, I mean, if that's what you want,

I... I got you, you know?

I mean, I... you know, do you wanna shit the house

or do you want to let me love you? Do you wanna let me learn how to

love you or do you wanna shit the house? Do you wanna

shit the house? Do you wanna nibble on sneakers?

I got the place for you.

You know what I'm saying?

You're a dog.

Yo, fucko!

Open you door!

What the fuck is that?

Thanks a lot, asshole.

Ow! Fuck!

You know, Benny... I really don't think it's appropriate

you showing up at my house in the middle of the night like this.

Shut the fuck up.

Okay, I just wanted to say,

just to keep my side of the street clean.

Can I ask you a question?

-What? -Who's that?

That's Frank.

Oh, uh, Frank?

-Can I help you with anything? -Don't talk to Frank, all right?

Frank doesn't even speak English, okay?

-Uh... Frank doesn't speak English? -Yeah, Frank...

Who else would I be talking about?

Well, I don't know. Frank just seems like a

-very common American name. -Oh, yeah?

W... where's he from?

Ireland.

Frank?

Benny, can you just tell him not to drink that?

It's just 'cause that's my last one. I just...

Well, what is it?

Well, it's just a Snapple, but that's not the point.

Get out of here. When did you get this dog?

-A couple days ago. -Yeah, how much did it cost?

Well, he was on sale. Benny, can you just tell...

On sale? What sale?

A fucking dog sale?

-Uh, yeah. I guess so. -Here's the point, jag-off.

Sale or no sale, you're spending money. My money.

-Well, that's one way of looking at it. -No, that's not one way

of looking at it. That's the way it looks.

That's the way it is. It's not like the color fucking

blue-green where some asshole sees blue

and the other guy sees green. In order for things

to have an option of appearance,

they have to have a fucking option of appearance!

You know, this is the way it is.

You did this, and that's that.

And why does that dog keep looking at me funny?

He's a funny-looking dog.

What's her name?

-He. It's a he. -Oh, sorry.

-Excuse me. What's his name? -No...

Uh, he doesn't have a name yet.

Doesn't have a name. Oh, so I'll name him.

I'd kind of like to be the one that names the dog...

And I'd kind of like you to get to work

so you can pay me the fucking money I lend you.

I'm taking this dog. Frank, grab the dog.

Frank, grab the dog.

You're not gonna take the dog. Don't take...

-You can't take the dog. -Yes, I can.

Oh, come on. What would you do with him?

I'm gonna eat him. What difference does it make?

All right, imagine it like this. I owe you the money, right?

-I don't need to imagine that. -Okay, well, just imagine the rest.

In order for me to pay you the money I owe you,

I have to get an advance.

And in order for me to get an advance,

I have to write something.

And... and you're here, and you... you're taking

dogs and stuff, and, Benny, I can't do that.

All right? That... that dog, that...

that little, fragile dog,

that Frank's holding on to just a little too tightly...

Could you... ow. Okay, that's not necessary.

Well... uh, could you just not...

squeeze him so tightly?

Maybe... maybe you just... Are you squeezing him?

All right, Frank, give him the dog.

-Just give it to him. -Thanks, Frank.

One week you got,

and then I'm gonna come, and I'm gonna take the dog.

I find out you buy anymore animals or see anymore

fucking doctors, I'm gonna break your legs.

Okay, Benny, don't say that. I hate it when you say that.

I'm gonna break your legs, okay?

One week. Frank, let's go.

-Why didn't you just give him the dog? -I knew you'd say that.

Well, that's 'cause it's the logical thing to say.

There's a reason people say things.

Granted, stupid people just shout shit for no reason.

Smart people use logic. Two days ago

you we're gonna give the dog to what's her name.

-What's her name? -Jules.

Look, can we just chalk it up to growth?

Can we just do that? That's good, right?

Let's just chalk it up to growth.

Life is a delicate negotiation.

What the fuck does that mean?

-I gotta keep the dog. -Why?

-I don't know. -Good, keep the dog.

-You really don't understand, do you? -No, no clue.

Look, I was a very unhappy person not too long ago.

Hence the hundred or so thousand on the couch.

-Ew! Are you being shitty? -What? No, no.

I know how much money I spent.

Was it really that much, though?

-I'm kidding, I'm kidding. -Don't be shitty.

-You're an asshole. -Come on.

Look, I'm just trying to do the right thing here.

-All right? -That's cool, that's cool.

And all I'm saying is you don't gotta kill yourself.

Yeah, but you're busting my balls.

-I'm not... hey, hey, -A little bit.

Hey, hey, listen.

In that very unhappy time you sold a book.

-In my opinion, a very good book. -Don't do that.

-I like the book, I like the book. -No... Yeah,

'cause it's the only book you ever read.

Wow, now who's being shitty?

Okay? Stop that.

Listen, you had money,

you had lots of girls around.

I was miserable, I was miserable!

I enjoyed it.

Cas, don't you wanna be loved?

You know... wait, you know, give and receive?

I do, almost every single night.

I have nothing!

And then I give the dog away, and then

I have... I have negative nothing.

A clean carpet, maybe?

I d... I know, I... I don't understand.

-Hey, babe. -Loser.

Can I have some ketch...

Ketchup?

Wow.

What's with her?

I... I don't know. Um...

I, uh... I took some shots of her,

some nudes, and, uh...

And she's crazy. I don... I... I don't know.

You know what I need?

-Ketchup? -No, I need a plan.

Everybody has a plan. We all need plans.

-A plan, huh? -Yeah, what's your plan?

-I, uh... I have a plan. -Well, what is it?

It's to, um...

It's to... sleep with lots of girls,

uh... take pictures of them,

eat three times a day, stuff like that.

I need more therapy.

-You are a good writer. -No, don't do...

Just saying.

You know, I'm gonna do the thing. La-la-la...

Don't be a child. Don't be a child.

Stop it.

Okay, fine. What's your plan?

-I have a plan. -What is it?

I...

Love the dog, have the dog love me,

meet a woman, do the same thing,

get married...

Kids.

-It's a plan. -Yeah.

-Yeah... -Pig.

I did not sell the fucking pictures, okay?

They were stolen from me.

You sold naked pictures of her?

-What did I just say? -Cas...

Come on, Mason. Come here!

Okay, come on.

Come on, go play.

Come on, man, we drove all the way here. Go play!

What, you don't wanna go play?

Here, here, look, I got the ball!

I got the ball, okay?

Come on, those are your friends. Go out there.

Come on! Go get the ball!

Get the ball!

Okay, I'm gonna go that way and you go that way, all right?

Come on, we're here, man.

Come on, man up.

Hi.

Hi.

Do I... do you mind if I sit down?

Yeah, fine, just don't hit on me.

-What's that? -I don't wanna flirt.

I didn't come here to flirt, so if that's

why you wanna sit down... no.

But if you're really just looking for

a place to sit, then fine.

Oh, no... yeah, I just wanted to sit down.

Okay.

Oh, man, I need some exercise.

I'm Solo.

What?

Sorry.

Did you just tell me you were solo?

Yeah, I did.

-Wh... Why? -Well, I... I just felt

uncomfortable sitting here next to you not saying

anything and I didn't want you to think

that I was flirting, so I...

Solo's my name, by the way.

Oh! Okay, see, that's where I got confused.

-Oh, yeah. -Yeah, see,

that's how wars get started.

-Yeah... -Yeah.

Miscommunication, right, that's how wars get started.

Yeah, I didn't get that at first and then I just got it,

so then I said it.

Sorry.

Yeah.

It's kinda weird sitting here

not saying anything, though, right?

Then get up.

-Okay. -No!

Sit down!

Okay.

You're kinda crazy, huh?

No, no, no, no, no, no, I'm not crazy at all, no.

I j... I've just had a very long run indoors.

I haven't done a whole lot of socializing

in the last year or so...

-Right. Solo, huh? -Yeah.

Mm-hmm... Your mom give you that name?

-Yeah, she did, yeah. -Why?

Uh, um... It's just a long story.

-You wanna make it short? -I don... I... no.

All right, well, I'm Lola, Solo.

Hi, nice to meet you, Lola, I'm Solo.

-I know. -All right, okay.

Well, I feel comfortable now, so if you wanna get back

to your book, I'll... I'll be quiet.

Oh, you know, it's okay, it's a bad book, so...

-Oh, really? -Mm-hmm.

I wrote one of those once.

-You did? -Yeah, I did.

-Did you, a bad book? -Yeah.

I probably read it, what's it called?

I'd rather not, it's a... I don... I...

I don't know, and...

It's no... I don't know, I'd rather not, I...

Okay...

Hey, there's a lot of dogs here, huh?

-Dog park. -Yeah.

Which one's yours?

Oh, shit!

Vito! Oh!

Oh!

Oh, my God!

Look, you know, I... I really don't wanna

-make a big deal out of this. -Then why are you?

Well, under normal circumstances, I wouldn't be,

but here and now with the financial state that I'm in,

and... and truth be told,

I sort of feel like you're responsible a little bit.

Okay, how'd you figure that?

Lady, your dog ate my dog!

He didn't eat him, he bit him.

Several times!

Look, I'm sure he's gonna be fine.

Well, I hope so, you know?

Don't be so dramatic about it,

it's just a couple of scratches.

He was bleeding all over the place!

Look, I'm not paying for this.

I feel like by bringing you here,

I fulfilled all my obligations.

I mean, I... I... I'm sorry, I just...

I don't feel responsible.

I mean, it...

It's a dog park! Shit happens, and maybe...

your dog just really isn't dog park material,

you know what I mean?

I couldn't agree with you more.

Good! I'm glad.

Okay, so...

Well, I'm... really sorry about her. What...

He, it's a he, so...

Hi... his name, I...

Uh... it's still up in the air.

-You haven't named your dog? -No, I haven't yet.

-Well, what do you call it? -I don't call him anything.

Well, when it's over there and you want it to come here,

-like, what you say? -I... "Come?" I don't know,

I haven't really had that problem yet,

-I just got him. -You should...

-You should name your dog. -I know I should name my dog.

Okay, well, Solo, once again, I am really sorry

about this, but, you know...

I gotta go.

Vito's in the car and I have to get him home.

Come on, please help me, please, I'm begging you.

I... please don't leave me here.

Look... I know we just met and...

and there's no reason on earth for you to trust me, but just do it.

Just... just lend me the money and I swear to God,

if I have to sell my own body to do it,

I'll pay you back very soon.

Please just help me.

Okay...

I'll help you. God, I don't know why...

...but I'll help you.

They can bill me for the damages?

No!

-No touch. -Sorry.

This is my work address.

I'm there every night till 2 a.m.

And, by the way, I'm gonna be taking your

license plate number on the way out.

I mean, you don't need to do that...

Nonetheless, that's what I'm gonna do.

-Okay... -Look, don't screw me here.

'Cause I can't afford this.

Okay, you're a good lady.

Thank you.

You okay?

Excuse me, sir, we don't allow dogs in the building.

Oh, come on! You know me.

I... I'm just here to see Dr. Nourmand.

I've seen you, sir, but...

that doesn't excuse the fact that we have

a "No dog" policy in the building.

-Well, I wa... -Some people are allergic.

I c... Well, I can't just leave him in the car.

Co... It'll just be a second.

I'm afraid no can do.

Oh, come on, man!

Is that one of those Tongans?

Yeah.

My wife has a thing for those dogs.

You wouldn't want to sell her, would you?

No, no.

I'll tell you what.

I'll hold her for you while you go up.

No... that's okay.

Okay? I'll wait. Thank you.

Okay. Have a good day.

How you doing? You're hungry, aren't you?

-Mr. Harrington. -Dr. Nourmand,

-this guy tried to steal my dog. -What are you doing...

I wh... I was trying to do you

a favor, you fucking nut job.

Okay... I... hey, pal,

I saw how you looked at him, all right?

-Mr. Harrington, please. -You tried to bring the dog

-in the building. -It's fine, Joe.

-Sorry about that. -It's fine.

-Good night. -Good night.

Asshole.

-What... -No... Look, I just

are you doing?

Wanna talk to you... I just wanna talk to you

-for just one second. Please. -No!

-No! -Please. Look, I ju...

-No, Mr. Harrington. -I just... I just wanna talk to you!

-No, this is completely unorthodox. -I've been

-waiting for three hours, man. -You honestly...

-How long have you been coming to me? -Uh... Almost a year now.

Almost a year. So you understand the policy of the office.

-It's not a big deal. Don't worry. I... -It is a big deal,

sir, you're breaking protocol.

You don't need to call me sir.

That's a little impersonal.

Look, man, I know this is way out of line

- for the doctor/patient relationship, -

but that's the thing, I'm not your patient anymore.

-Mr. Harrington, you do not... -Solo!

-Solo! Whatever. -What's your first name?

It... That is not necessary.

Well, it is if we're gonna be friends.

Look! Okay, okay, look,

I know we can't be friends,

I'm not some nut job...

I'm not stalking you. I ju...

Can we just talk for a second, please?

I swear to God, I'm not gonna make this into a habit.

Look, look, I got the dog.

What happened to it?

He got into a fight with a pit bull.

Oh, come on, man!

This can never happen again.

-I mean, never. -I understand.

It is completely unorthodox

for our purposes here.

-Don't... upstairs, wherever. -I understand.

I mean, if you wanna see me, you have to make an appointment.

Okay.

I wanna hear you say it.

If I wanna see you, I have to make an appointment.

-Thank you. -Look, under normal circumstances

I would, but I can't, I'm broke, you know that.

Is he gonna... go to the bathroom back there?

Uh... yeah, he might.

Look, I'm just gonna make this quick,

-all right? -Please.

-Did I buy this car for you? -Mr. Harrington.

Okay, I j... just kidding, I'm kidding.

Look, I'm in a really bad spot here, okay?

Now, you told me to get the dog, all right?

No, I did not tell you to get that dog.

-You kinda did. -I did not.

Okay, you said pet. You weren't implying

-that I get a snake, were you? -Listen, in order for what I do

to have any sort of relevance...

Did you have a biscuit or something? I mean, the...

Quiet, quiet.

Shh.

In order for what I do to have any relevance,

I never tell anybody what to do or what not to do.

Okay, fine, doctor...

-I got the dog. -Yes, I can see that,

and I think that's good.

Are you fucking with me?

No, I would never do that.

Wh... why is it good?

-You tell me. -I almost got rid of it

three times this week.

I have no idea why it was good.

Why didn't you get rid of it?

Because he's mine? I don't know, one second

he's just a dog, and the next thing I know, he's mine.

I think that's progress.

-Oh, really? -Yes.

Just tell me what's troubling you.

What's troubling me?

Well, let's see, I'm broke.

Like, food stamp broke.

The... the dog's looking at me like, "What the fuck"

are we gonna do?" I'm looking right back at him

like, "I have no fucking idea."

I just wanted something simple.

This... the whole thing backfired, this is

th... the furthest thing in the world from simple.

I... I can't write, because I'm scared to death

that I... I'm... I'm gonna be right back where I started.

But none of that mattered, because I...

I was seeing you, and now I don't even have that,

and so I... I feel fucked!

Life is a delicate negotiation.

What the fuck does that mean, anyway?

Well, it means something different for everybody.

Can you be more vague?

What do you want?

Man, I just wanna be happy.

Can you be more vague?

What's he doing?

Look, it's, uh... it's okay, it's just a dog, man.

Okay...

Are you robbing me?

Hey, bitch.

What?

What are you doing on my couch?

-Chilling. -How did you guys get in here?

This isn't exactly Fort Knox.

-Ted's good with cheap doors. -Oh, really?

-Mm. -Ted, did you know that breaking into

-somebody's house is illegal? -Don't waste your time.

-He doesn't speak any English. -Oh, sorry, Ted.

Now bring that little bean over here and let me have a peek-a-boo.

What? No.

No, you guys have to leave right now.

Oh, look at the little bean!

Oh, my God, to die.

-Okay, okay. -Aw!

What happened, lil' bean, huh?

What's wrong with him?

Uh, n... nothing's wrong with him. He's fine.

He doesn't look fine. Does he have something?

-What... have something? What do you mean? -Mmm. Like

hives, scabies, rabies.

-Some undiagnosed disease? -No, no, no, no.

-You sure? -Yes, he ju... he got into a fight.

Oh...

-Okay, I'll take him. -No, no.

You're not gonna take him. He's no longer for the taking.

He belongs to me. He's mine.

Look, I appreciate you coming by.

That's really nice. Thank you, Ted.

-But really, y... you have to leave. -How much?

-How much what? -How much for the dog, bitch?

-Now I'm gonna break your legs. -Benny!

Dude, are you selling that fucking dog?

Benny! No, I'm not selling the dog.

-You better not be. -Wait, who's this?

-Who's this? -Oh, great, a tough guy.

-Ted! -Wait, Ted, relax, all right?

Yeah, Ted, sit the fuck down.

No, Benny, Ted doesn't speak any English.

Oh, good, neither does Frank. Frank!

Okay, look, everything's fine here.

Jules, this is Benny. Benny, this is Jules.

Ted, Frank, you guys have met.

That's great. Everybody just relax, okay?

Hey, what the fuck, Jules?

-Yes, honey. Yes I do. -You wanna buy that dog?

Are you selling this fucking dog? You better not be.

-I'm not selling the dog, alright? -Dog's not for sale.

Everything's for sale.

Not this dog, that dog belongs to me.

Okay, well, that's really not true, Benny...

-Shut up, you... -Wait... the dog belongs to you?

-That's right. -Well, how much do you want for her?

-First of all, it's a he dog... -Okay, can you just please

not tell me to shut up?

I... y... I don't wanna be rude or any...

Then shut the fuck up.

-Okay. -This guy owes me money.

I'm tired of waiting for it, you understand?

Yeah, I do.

Then just tell me the sum of which he owes you.

I'll give it to him to give to you,

then he can give me the dog!

Everybody gets what they want.

You're a very smart lady.

You seem to have... picked up on everything

-that's going on here. -Oh, my God.

But, you know, what... what you're not gathering is that

the money is not the issue anymore.

A... a thing has developed between...

me... and the dog.

-I d... I can't explain it. -Oh...

Fortunately, I don't have to. I want the dog.

-So do I. -Well, so do I!

Shut up!

Okay.

I should warn you ahead of time.

Frank is an undefeated cage fighter.

Ted trained with the Gracies in Brazil

for eight years, so we're not worried.

-So, winner takes the dog? -Winner takes the dog.

Wait, wh... where's the fucking dog?

What the fuck?

My dog.

Fucking psychopaths.

This is Jonesy.

Wake up, you lazy fuckers.

It's time to take in that miserable L.A. sunshine.

Get up, you fucking cunts!

So, um, what are you gonna do?

I don't know.

-You need money? -Yeah.

Mm.

Yeah, you're fucked.

Hey!

Is it... is it all right if I stay here f...

just for a couple of days?

What do you mean?

What do you mean, what do I mean?

Well...

...is the dog gonna shit?

Well, not if we don't feed it.

Do we have to feed it?

Do you, uh... wanna go to this place with me tonight?

No, I can't. I'm supposed to shoot this lesbian tonight

and I've really been looking forward to it.

I have to go here.

-Do you know what this place is? -No, it's just...

where this girl works and I have to tell her that

I don't have the money that I owe her

and that I'm just a complete asshole.

-And you don't know this place? -No.

I do. I better come with you.

No way.

-No way. -What?

Okay, she's gotta be a cocktail waitress.

No, I don't want...

-I don't want... -Shh.

What can I get you guys?

Uh, yes, I'd, uh... I'd like a shrimp tempura

-hand roll, please. -What?

-It was a joke. Yeah. -He was... he's kidding.

Uh, a beer. Any beer would be great.

-Thank you. -I don't see her.

-I don't wanna be here right now. -Relax.

Come with me, honey.

Really? Like that?

This place is a'ight!

Wait. I just... No, I...

No, don't worry. This one's on the house.

No, I know that's really nice, but

I'm just looking for somebody for real.

-And I... I... I really... -Just relax.

-Wait... -It's on the house.

Oh my God...

Hey!

Breathe, baby.

Stop!

Stop! Stop...

Oh my God...

Stop! Stop.

Don't move. Don't move.

Oh... oh my God.

Did you just...

Okay, this is really awkward. I... I, uh...

Alright, let's hear it for Margo.

All right, come on, guys.

If you liked her routine, let her know!

Oh, God!

Now I'm gonna feel really dirty

asking for the money you owe me.

Yeah, well, you can imagine how dirty I'm gonna feel

when I tell you I don't have it.

-I'm so... I... -What?

Well, see, that's why I came here. I just

didn't want you to think that I was going back on my word.

-Look, just come back when you have it. -Well no,

see, that's the thing. I don't know when that's

gonna be. I just want you

to know that I'm working on it, all right?

-Look, I'm here. -Ok... okay, wait!

-Can you just hold on for just a second? -What?

Well, I just feel a little stupid.

-What? About that? -Yeah, a little bit, yeah.

Don't feel stupid, sweetie. It happens.

Not often, but it happens.

-What happened? -What? "Sweetie?"

-He got a little excited. -What do you mean?

No, she means nothing! "Sweetie" makes it

-a little worse, don't you think? -Excited how, though?

-Okay. I see -Look, shut up! Shut up!

How that can be misconstrued, but

-that's not how I meant it. -No, it's just

-a little condescending. -I get it, but

-that's not how I meant it. -I kn... I know.

-But you know what I mean. -Totally.

-I... -Okay. Look, um...

You... you two seem like you have a lot to talk about, right?

This is clearly not the place.

I say breakfast!

Hi, I'm Casper. I'll be paying for breakfast.

Um, I'll need a friend, too, though,

so, um... if you could grab one of your colleagues,

preferably the one dancing on stage right over there,

that'd be great. We'll grab a bite.

-What do you say, 2 a.m.? -Here's your wig.

-Let's go. -Shut up.

Her?

Okay. I'm a...

I'm a fantastic guy.

I want you to know that.

All right, I'm just gonna get a couple of things.

Wait, what? Like clean underwear...

and stuff?

Okay, would you shut up?

-I just can't believe that. -Shut up.

-It's not funny. -Really? Like...

Hurry!

Why?

Thank you.

-So, Candy, um... -Yes, hi.

That's not your real name, is it?

No, that is my real name.

Oh, so then, uh, w... what's your stripper name?

-Pal! -What? I don't know! What?

"Stage name." I apologize.

-Everybody's so touchy. -Well...

No, it's okay, um...

My stripper name is Margo.

Margo. That's great.

-Yeah. -Margo, that's good.

Uh, Ca... and C... Candy would work too,

for your, uh... stripper name.

That's just an opinion.

I'm sorry.

Don't... For what? Don't you dare!

Don't you dare be sorry ever about anything.

What are you doing?

-What? -Come here.

S... sorry. Do... oh, my gosh!

-Ooh! -She feels so good. Everywhere.

It just feels good.

What... Pal, come on. What?

How do we look together? Seriously. Give me

an honest answer. How do we look together?

-Oh, my God. -Amazing, right?

Good, right? Really good.

Really good, right? Amazing!

-Right. -Oh, my God.

-Did you see the thing? -Oh my God!

-Babe, do you realize... -What?

Something? That I...

The puppy that we would have together.

-On... can you imagine? Can you imagine? -Really?

-Casper and Candy? -Candy and Casper.

Oh, my God! It sounds right.

-It's like it makes sense. -Right.

-It's logical almost. -You're crazy!

-I love you. -Stop it!

-It's true! -Stop...

I have to show you something right now.

-Why? -Well... come on.

Oh, look, a goose!

Where'd that come from?

Uh...

Thanks for going along with this.

It's okay. I'm hungry.

Oh, really? I hear the osso bucco's

just amazing here.

Uh...

All right... What's the story?

What, the whole story, or w... wh...

what story do you wanna hear?

No, I mean, we have some time here.

So... let's start with your name.

Why Solo?

Oh...

Well, uh...

When I... when I was...

when I was younger... when I was born,

my, uh... my mother...

considered... giving me up for adoption.

Several times. And then my father wasn't around.

And she figured I'd... end up alone one way or another.

So she, uh...

She named me Solo.

That's it?

Mm-hmm. Hippie shit.

That wasn't a long story.

I mean, the other day you told me it was...

a long story, that wasn't.

That was... short.

It was nice... to the point. I liked it.

Well, I'm glad.

-So then what happened? -Are you serious?

Well, I'm hoping that at some point, we're gonna get

-to the money that you owe me. -Oh, right!

-But, you know, I don't wanna rush you -Yeah.

-or anything. -No. Uh...

Is this making your eyes cross a little bit?

How long have you been a stripper?

How long have you been a writer?

Why are you a stripper?

What's the name of your book?

It just... it just doesn't seem like

-that you're that kind of girl... -Look,

I make a lot of money taking off my clothes.

You're a writer, and you're broke, so don't judge.

What's the name of your book?

-You really wanna know? -Mm-hmm.

The Naked Abyss.

Oh, piece of shit!

Thank you! You read it.

Yeah... I read it. Really bad.

I mean, extraordinarily bad. Exceptionally bad.

That was actually one of the reasons why

i... it stood out to me.

Well, I'm glad I left a mark.

No, actually, there's good news.

Yeah, there is. I'm no longer a writer,

which is good news for you and the rest of

the book-reading world, but bad news for me

because I can't even afford to buy dog food.

No!

I remember reading it thinking, "God,

this guy is actually a really good writer.

What is he doing writing such a piece of shit?"

Well, look at that, ladies and gentlemen.

Not only can she produce orgasm without taking

a single article of clothing off,

but she's a critic as well. With insight!

-Wow, you're really a pervert. -I know, I know.

-Hello! -We just, uh, made out in the parking lot.

-He's a good kisser. -Let's get the fuck out of here.

How about that? Let's go back to my place.

Let's get the food to go. We'll go back,

I want to take some pictures and do

some fun stuff.

What do you say, Solo?

Solo? Like, you're...

-that's your name name? Solo? -Oh...

-no, honey, you... you can't, um... -What? Oh.

Your name is Candy.

You know, so like, if you had a name like Pam, or...

or Ruth, or even Betsy, you could say that to him,

but you can't because your name is Candy.

Dude, you're soaking wet.

-I'm sorry. -No, it's fine.

You know what I find really boring?

-Besides my book? -Yeah, besides your book.

You know, the crazy thing...

is that I couldn't agree with you more.

Every... every time somebody tells me they liked it,

I feel sick to my stomach.

It was a very successful novel, for the record.

Alright, can we talk about me for a second?

Okay, yeah, sorry.

All these girls who I work with, they're always

talking about what they're gonna do

when they make enough money.

I mean, one's a painter, one's a singer, lots of artists.

Open a boutique, start their a clothing line.

I mean, everybody has something!

I don't know if they really believe it,

or if it's just some sort of excuse they have

for justifying what they're doing with their lives,

but... the point is...

...I don't have an excuse, Solo.

It's what I do.

It's my job.

And I was a hairdresser for six years,

a really good one, and...

I make more money in one night than.

I... made cutting hair for two weeks.

So I'm sorry about the water,

but sometimes people think differently than I do, and...

...it makes me mad. It bums me out.

You know what? I'm a loser.

I'm...

I'm no one to judge you. I...

I... I watch war documentaries,

and I spend most of my time in my apartment...

...eating Domino's pizza.

I...

I spent an astronomical amount of money...

...on therapy because I wrote a shitty book.

I owe people money, including you.

Uh... I'm... I'm lonely.

I'm tired, and I'm just trying to figure it all out.

I... you know, I spent almost a year

in daily psychoanalysis,

and the grand, overwhelming conclusion...

...is that I should buy a pet.

So you bought a dog?

Yeah, I bought a dog.

Well, I think that's commendable.

Oh, good, yeah.

You kn... th... the highlight since buying him

was when he shit all over the linoleum instead of the carpet,

but I'm... I'm glad you think that's commendable.

No, I do.

I think you're on the right track.

Yeah, well, you know, you have a dog.

No...

...you got me. I don't.

W... what about Vito?

Vito belongs to a friend. I...

walk him occasionally.

I mean... I get lonely, too.

See? I got things... you got things...

Life, it's a... delicate...

-Negotiation? -Yes.

Wait a minute.

Wait.

Is that what you were about to say?

Yeah.

Do you know a Dr. Nourmand?

What's his first name?

Oh.

Pal!

I'm sorry, she was doing stuff.

-Oh my God! -Oh!

How are you? Little kibble and bit.

Oh, look at her. What's her name?

It's a boy.

Uh, that's not mine.

-Oh... -What do you guys want to drink?

-Uh... whatever. -He's cute, right?

Please tell me you've named the dog.

Uh, yeah, I haven't really had time yet.

I have to shoot pictures of her right now.

-You make them drinks, okay? -W... what do you have?

Nothing, really.

- Hey, hey, hey, I know he's a cute - He's so cute!

So, uh...

y... you haven't had time?

Uh, yeah, things have been really crazy.

I, uh... you know, he doesn't really have drinks

-or anything like that. -I'm not thirsty.

Oh, that's good.

You should name your dog, Solo.

No, I will, I will.

Hey, do you think she wants anything?

Well, I don't think it matters.

If there's... you know...

Right!

-I guess not. -Mm.

Uh... maybe we should go out and get some drinks.

I mean, we could just g... you know, I mean...

-Well, it's 3 a.m. -Yeah...

Let me just go ask them really quickly, okay?

What are you doing? Get out of here.

You know, I think I might have some drinks at my house

if you want to just... go and maybe we can

hang out and talk and whatever and... have some drinks.

As long as you promise never, ever

to say the word drinks again, yes, then...

-Right, okay. -Yeah, I'd love to hang out with you.

Yeah, okay, great, okay.

All right.

-Look at me, look at me. -Don't look at that.

Right here. Yes!

Yes! Oh, holler at your boy!

Yes! This is a sexy party and Candy's involved.

Candy's invol... Look at that!

Oh, my God, holler back!

You know, I've never actually liked small dogs.

I mean, the constant yapping for nothing, but...

I don't know, he has a big dog disposition.

You know, he... looks at you like he thinks he's tough.

I think I like him. Aww.

Uh, can you just give me one second?

You know, I don't care if your place is messy.

It is, and I... just give me one second, okay?

-Okay. -Okay.

Your daddy has major issues.

What the fuck?

I don't have drinks. I said "drinks."

Yeah, you did.

Hey, do you wanna just go somewhere?

You know, like, go somewhere and talk and...

whatever, we talk and...

-I'm sorry I'm being an idiot. -You're not being an idiot.

Oh, thanks.

Look, it's getting late. Why don't we just call it a night?

No, it's not getting late.

Look...

I've had a...

time.

Yeah, me too.

I think maybe I should just go home.

-I... -Oh, okay, yeah. Can I come?

Man, that dog can eat.

Yeah, it's been a while.

-What? -I'm a terrible master.

You don't feed your dog?

No, I... I do. I feed him.

Uh, I tried to, you know, but then I had to go,

and then when I came back to get the food,

it spilled all over the place, and th... and, uh...

he... he doesn't like to, uh...

eat peanut butter.

And so...

I'm really tired right now.

All right.

Um...

Why don't you relax?

-Uh... -What?

I don't know, like, take your shoes off.

Okay.

Here, we can...

Relax.

Here, I... this is good for your back if you put it betw... yeah.

Do you wanna lay down next to me?

Not so much.

Hypothetically speaking.

-Not so much. -How come?

Let's just relax.

Okay.

I swore myself to celibacy.

Well, I said lay down, not take your clothes off,

But I do...

I also said "hypothetically speaking."

You know, I mean, would you like to is more... the question.

-And I said not so much. -I know, twice. Why?

It's just not my thing.

Well, that's not really my thing, either.

And that's why I thought it'd... be nice.

No, really, no.

Eat, sleep, therapy, repeat.

That's... that's... that's me.

I bet I haven't done the thing longer than

you haven't done the thing.

The thing.

Two years.

That's longer than me.

Yeah.

No, I mean, I used to see guys who would come into the club

and... each one, I'd think, "Oh, God, this is different."

You know, "I'm... supposed to meet him.

It's meant to happen. It's fate."

And...

...nothing panned out.

Wait, you'd go home with guys from Cheeta's?

-Don't judge me! -Sorry.

-You're here. -That's different!

-Yeah. See what I mean? -Yeah.

Hey!

He really likes you.

There's something special about this dog.

You know, it's funny you should say that.

Not that I would, but I could've sold him

for ten times the amount of what I paid for him

several times this week, and it's only Friday.

It's Thursday.

Ye... yeah. See?

There are people ready to pay big money for that little dog.

Really?

Yeah.

Come.

You can come with me.

Hello?

Hello, Lola?

Hello?

Doggie?

Casper.

-Casper! -Freeze!

Oh... oh, sorry.

-Sorry. -Dude!

-I'm sorry. -Don't ever fucking

do that again, man!

That was awful!

-Fuck! -What is going on?

Your friend's a thief. That's what's going on, all right?

-What? -She's a dog thief.

-She stole my dog. -Alright, please

just relax for one second, okay?

I still have a hard-on here.

Tell me what happened.

I went to sleep, I woke up,

the dog was gone.

No Lola, no dog.

Okay, why would she steal your dog?

'Cause she's a thieving stripper!

I wouldn't steal your dog.

Oh, really? What if you thought you could get

a lot of money for him?

Uh... well, then, yeah, I would.

Yeah, see? See?

No, no, no. Just... wait.

-You woke up where? -At her house.

-Lola's? -Yeah.

Did you hit it?

No, I did not hit it!

-Sorry. -Oh, man,

I can't believe this horseshit!

All right, all right, all right.

Maybe... just throwing it out,

maybe she just... took the dog for a walk?

That's interesting.

Why don't you just go back over there

and see?

Yeah, I'm just gonna do that. I'm gonna go back to her house.

You know, the pr... dog's probably there just chilling,

and I... you know, I... I'm making... going crazy.

I'm gonna go back there.

-She won't be there. -What?

She's not? Why?

Because she has Legs N' Eggs today.

Okay, what the fuck is Legs N' Eggs?

Legs N' Eggs is the, uh... the day shift, at the club.

Oh, so she's at the place?

-Yeah. -Okay, I'm going to the place.

Good luck.

Is that bad, that I'd take the dog?

Lola, will you toss me that top?

Hey!

Are you kidding me?

-Hi. -Lola, where's my dog?

I took him to your house.

Okay, I'm gonna ask you one more time, and I sw...

Wait, why'd you do that?

I woke up. I... took him for a walk.

Uh... when I got back, you weren't there, s...

I had to go to work, I...

So I thought I'd just take him to your house,

and the door was open, so I just let him in.

-I... -What? Is there a problem?

-No, was anybody there? -I don't know.

Are you absolutely positive?

No, that's why I just said I don't know.

Right...

What, did you think I stole him or something?

-No, no, I was just... -Okay...

I'm not... I... I just didn't... I couldn't... I don't know where he...

-Are you okay? -I got... Yeah. Uh, ok... sorry.

Strange.

You wanna fuck with me? Now I'm pissed.

Fuck with me now.

I'm coming, little dog.

Yes? May I help you?

Yeah, I'm here to install the thing.

I don't believe I heard you correctly.

Excuse me.

Jules?

-Hey, bitch! -[man[ Can I help you, sir?

Jules!

Where's the dog?

Did you bring him?

-Where is he? -This man would like to know where...

-Go away, Jeffrey. -Yes, madam.

-Scotch rocks, Jeffrey. -Right away, sir.

All right, where is he? And I swear to God

-I'm not playing around. -Ooh...

look, he has testicles.

Where's who, fuckface?

Okay, you know what? Don't do that.

Why don't... Just... I... I just want my dog. I...

-I want my dog right now. -Yeah, well, I wish I had him

so I could tell you to go fuck yourself.

I mean, what the hell is going on down here?

What the hell is he doing... What are you doing here?

I'll be asking the questions here, fuck-face.

-Where's the dog? -Alright, what's with the "fuck-face?"

-I mean, really. -He doesn't have him.

All right, now I'm breaking your legs.

That's it.

All right, pal, put some clothes on.

-Twenty-year McAllen, sir. -Oh, thanks, Jeffrey.

Hey... oh, Jeffrey, can you set me up

one of those omelets that you do? Uh...

-I'm starving here. -Right away, sir. Madam?

Go away, Jeffrey!

-Hey! -Yes, madam.

Baby, be nice to Jeffrey. He's a good guy.

-Whatever. -What, she's "baby" now? She's "baby?"

I mean, give me a fucking break.

Well, if you must know,

you nosy little prick, we are now together.

Mm-hmm.

You know, it's difficult in life to find people

with common interests, which is beside the point!

Where's the fucking dog?

He doesn't have the dog, stupid.

He thinks we have the dog.

We don't have the dog.

You really don't have the dog?

What did she just say, stupid?

Hey, where are the bodyguards?

-Hospitalized. -Oh.

Oh, get up.

So...

I... I really wanna apologize

to you for earlier,

I was a complete asshole.

I had a little bit of a freak out because, last night,

I went back to my place and I walked in and,

you know, there was some people sleeping in my bed.

Do you mind if I sit down?

I'm so sorry.

No, no, no, no. It's not your fault.

-No, it is. -No, come on.

I feel like I could kill myself.

Don't do that.

I think I'm gonna cry.

Okay, really, don't do that. I'm bad with that.

I... I would much rather you kill yourself.

Don't you wanna cry? Maybe we should cry together.

It's just... I just can't figure it out.

No, I... I shut the door. I...

I put him inside, and then I shut the door.

No, no, it's not that.

No, I believe you. I just...

I just feel like somebody's laughing at me.

Like, I... I'm just trying and trying,

and it's just impossible, and I just... I don't...

I... I feel like I can't win!

Yeah, it sucks to care about something.

Every time you do, it... has a bad ending.

Come on, I'll take you home.

See you.

...Three new messages.

First new mess...

Yo! What's really good?

-It's me. -Tell him I say hi.

Candy says hi. We're just, uh...

we're just sitting here, I hope you're okay.

Let me know if there's anything I can...

-Hey! -Sorry, "we" can do,

and call me right away if you need anything.

...Message erased.

Next message, se...

Hey, it's Jules.

Okay, we're just driving around right now looking for the bean.

Do me a favor, call my cell,

and let us know if you find him, I...

What? Oh.

Yeah, Benny says he's gonna fuck you up,

for breaking his nose.

Anyway. Three one zero,

six one three, two one...

Message erased. Next message sent on...

Hey, this is Brad from Petlove.

Look, I don't know what kinda sick person you are,

I mean, from the few conversations we've had,

I assumed there was something wrong with you,

but had I know you were capable of something this low,

I've never would've sold you the dog in the first place!

You really should consider some counseling, sicko!

I mean, you don't want the dog? Fine!

There's millions of people who would love to have him.

Here's the deal. I'm calling the Humane Society,

you wanna talk? I'm here 'till eight.

...Message saved.

End of messages.

What the fuck?

Doggy?

Are you trying to tell me that dog walked

all the way over here by itself?

That's what I'm telling you, Brad.

You're listening to Jonesy's jukebox.

Brilliant news!

Looks like it's gonna rain today in this fucking hole.

I am so fucking over the moon it's not funny.

Well, maybe it's better this way.

Who knows?

I think I might marry this girl.

Candy. I really like her.

I'll kill you.

-I'll kill you. -Oh... get the fuck out of here.

Look at this.

Bang!

Hey!

How'd he do that?

How the fuck did he learn how to do that?

I don't know. I don't know.

He does it when he hears a horn, too.

I think that when he ran away, he had a close call

with a car or something, thought he was dead.

Hey, hey, you.

-Hey! -Hey. Hey.

Bang!

Not for me. It's all right.

It's good that you have it and I don't.

Hello.

-Ugh! -Really, lady? Just relax, okay?

It's just underwear.

Well, I think you're making the right decision.

-You do? -I do.

It's not some sort of...

repeat abandonment thing or anything?

I don't know, is it?

-Okay, don't do that. -Don't do what?

Okay, you're still doing it.

Why did you buy the dog?

So... so I could love it.

Okay. And why are you doing what you're doing now?

Be... just because I think it's the right thing to do?

Good.

Now, out of what place?

Out of what place are you going to do it?

I mean, is it...

what, fear?

Uh... confusion?

Is it frustration?

I mean, is it just that you simply can't handle it?

-No. -Then what is it?

It's love.

It's Howard, by the way.

-What? -My name.

Howard.

-Hey. -Hey.

Oh, you're all wet. Come... come in.

W... wait, you know, I... I wanted

to show you something really quickly.

Oh, my God, you found him!

Where was he?

Hi, little buddy! Oh, where was he?

That's a long story.

Oh, come in, I totally wanna to hear it.

Well, uh... I actually... I... I gotta go.

I, uh... I'm... I'm taking off for a little bit.

A friend of mine just bought a hotel up in...

up in Needles, New Mexico, and I... and I thought that, uh...

Well, I... I kind of like the way it sounded,

Needles, New Mexico, as a nice alliteration...

Anyway, I... I thought it'd be a good idea to... to, uh...

to get away and... and try to get some... writing done.

Right.

And, uh...

I just wanted to say goodbye and...

thank you, and, uh...

And what?

Well, I... I want you to have him.

What?

You're wrong. It's good to love something.

Painful or not, it's worth it.

I think... I think the only thing worse than...

than having something and living with the fear of losing it

is not having it and... and looking back with regret.

'Cause...

...life is a... is a delicate negotiation.

And I... I know it's n... none of my business,

but I think you should go back to cutting hair.

It's just an opinion.

You can take it or leave it.

I can't take your dog, Solo.

No! You need him. No.

Why not? I... believe me, I... I want him,

but I think he's... he's much better off with you.

He's safer anyway.

You can... you can have... do you want him?

I do. Yeah, I do.

I do.

Good! Good.

That's good.

Well, I'm gonna... leave

before I start crying, okay?

Okay. Well... Oh, I...

I na... I named him, by the way. I...

You can change it if you want, but I named him Spot.

Spot? You named him Spot?

Yeah, no, I just thought, you know,

something normal, uh...

solid dog name, you know?

But he doesn't have any spots.

I know. Well, you can change it if you want.

Really? You won't mind?

Uh... no... no, not really, no.

Thank you.

No, thank you.

I don't know what to say...

No, that's okay. We... okay.

-I'm gonna... I'm gonna... -Needles.

-Yeah... -New Mexico.

-Yeah... -Right.

Bye, Spot. I love you.

You didn't walk here, did you?

This is Jonesy here from Jonesy's jukebox.

My neighbor's got this fucking dog that don't stop barking.

I'm thinking of ways to kill it.

The best I could come up with

was you get a bunch of fucking rattlesnakes,

you sling them over the yard.

Baby ones, 'cause they really sting,

and they don't know when to stop putting in the venom.

And then one of 'em is gonna get the fucking dog.

Is gonna kill it, and no one's gonna get blamed

'cause they're gonna think it's a natural fucking thing.

You know what I mean? It's a snake.

It's not like me going over there with poison,

poisoning the bastard.

I think that's the best one.

I think that's what I'm gonna do.

You're listening to Jonesy.

Take it away, me old son.