Original subtitles

Fuck.

Fuck.

Stop! Stop! Stop!

Stop! Stop! Stop!

MI5. I need the car.

- No, sorry, I can't. Sorry. - You'll get it back.

Just open the door. Come on.

Get out. Come on.

- Well, how long do you need it for? - Just get out of the car. Come on.

Well, it's not very convenient. I need it. I need the car.

Excuse me! When will I get...

Oh, my... Oh, my God! Monty!

So, how should we do this?

Yeah, we could get festive. Hang you from a tree... Maybe set you alight?

Aw, such a pretty death.

Or...

we could just...

finish her here in the car.

Which would be messier...

but we could do that if you'd prefer.

Take the next left.

There's a lake up ahead.

An area of outstanding natural beauty.

It's one of those phrases they use.

I didn't bring my swimsuit.

You British are so prudish.

Skinny-dipping.

Why not?

- What the fuck is it with you lot? - Lamb, just... just listen, right?

- How many times do I... - The assassins are Russian.

It's revenge for some hit in Kazan.

They've taken Sid Baker and she...

Sid Baker?

She died the last time she was with you, didn't she?

Yeah, they think she did the hit.

Why?

Cartwright?

Surrounded by losers.

Misfits and boozers.

Hanging by your fingernails.

You made one mistake You got burned at the stake.

You're finished, you're foolish You failed.

There's always a hope On this slippery slope.

Somewhere a ghost of a chance.

To get back in that game.

And burn off your shame.

And dance with the big boys again.

Ma'am, he refused to listen when we told him you weren't available.

Oh, for God's sake.

I'm busy.

What do you want?

And what's this? A little thank-you for the interview?

What's Cantor got on you then?

He doesn't have anything on me.

Well, he paraded you around like you were in a bikini at Butlins.

What did you take from him then? Money?

Is that how you paid for Kazan?

'Cause nobody pulls off a hit on a foreign holiday,

especially not one that happens to be in Russia.

Not without serious fucking brass in their pocket.

And we both know that there's no spare cash for Service jollies right now.

Cantor wanted to invest in national security

when we needed investment.

I can assure you he has not bought me.

Believe me, Diana,

if you took his money,

he owns every last fucking inch of you.

What else has he asked you to do?

Christ, that's fucking horrible.

He's media. I can handle him.

He's nothing.

I hope you're right because it was Cantor that hired Harkness.

Now, you don't do anything like that

unless you're up to something very, very naughty.

It's under control.

You have to trust me on this, Jackson.

When I hear the words "trust me,".

I get the feeling someone's pissing in my shoe.

But you've already pissed in my shoe, haven't you?

You know the first thing I'd do if I was the head of Russian Intelligence,

looking for an off-books assassin who had just topped one of my Joes?

I'd look to see who'd recently been scrubbed from the records.

So when you covered your tracks by wiping every file Sid Baker's name was ever in,

you basically drew a great bloody arrow over my lot,

making them look like the fucking A-Team.

Sid Baker's file was wiped a long time ago.

But she was still in the deep data sets though, wasn't she?

Or you wouldn't have had to do it all over again.

What are the GRU coming to?

Beria must be turning in his grave.

As I have already told you, I am on top of this.

Well, if this is you on top, Diana,

I'd hate to see what you're like underneath.

Where are you going?

To find out what links Cantor to the Russians.

Try not to make any more bad decisions while I'm gone.

You never told me whose funeral it was.

- Didn't I? - No.

It was my grandfather.

- River. - Yeah.

So sorry.

Well.

Why didn't you say?

Well, because we've been a little bit distracted.

Yeah, I've just not...

God, I haven't thought about it since all this happened.

That's been quite nice.

This should happen more.

No, it's... It was fine.

Well...

Towards the end he...

Well, he just wasn't really there. So...

I'm sorry.

My bullet's stopped talking to me.

When he put my head in the water, it bubbled a bit and then...

then it stopped.

I think he drowned Poirot.

Well, that's good news.

I'm not an expert, right, but maybe that's how it works with traumas.

You know, one cancels out the others.

- Right. You're not an expert. - Yeah.

'Cause that sounds like seven years of medical school to me.

Shut up. Shut up.

Thank you, by the way.

It was either him or you, Sid.

Yeah.

And I'd really prefer if it was never you again.

Agent Baker located.

Cartwright's with her.

It's just in the nick of time, lads.

He's over there.

Ma'am, we've picked up Baker and Cartwright.

They've already dispatched the Russian agent.

Report back to me when they've reached their destination.

Vassily, it's Diana.

I'm afraid there's been a development.

Yeah?

Morning.

Well, this all looks reassuringly expensive.

What do you want, Peter?

Diana Taverner.

In a bit of hot water, if my informants are to be believed.

I must say, I was a little alarmed myself when I watched the interview.

Not quite what you led me to expect.

Now you're, what? Running scared?

Far from it.

I'm here to assure you of my continuing support and collaboration,

should the scrutiny of Diana broaden its focus.

I presume you prefer your generosity to remain untrumpeted,

should anyone come asking?

Are you prepared to say the money is yours?

Wouldn't that present accounting difficulties, Peter?

Cooking the books is an ancestral skill.

And in exchange for your collaboration and support?

I've been out in the cold a long time.

I'd like my seat at the table back.

Oh, Peter. That would be quite some rehabilitation.

But not one I feel beyond the powers of a man who runs a news channel.

I have to take this.

Oh, quite.

Off I fuck.

- Cantor. - Where are you?

At work?

But I'm free for lunch.

No, you're not.

You're invited to Quaglino's restaurant.

And there will be people there.

People you've been wanting to meet.

Wait. What are you saying? This is it?

This is it.

The terms of the deal might need some finessing.

But that's what will be on the table.

Along with arancini, of course.

Well, congratulations.

Your efforts have been recognized.

You're about to land the biggest media distribution deal in Russian history.

- So where are we heading? - Park.

How did you know where we were?

Member of the public called it in.

Said someone commandeered her car.

And her dog.

What the fuck is wrong with him?

He takes a piss every five minutes.

You think he's got a prostate?

Everyone's got a prostate.

I mean, one that doesn't work.

Tell you one thing for sure. He's broken his ribs.

Look how he's moving.

You think that's why he needed us?

Maybe he just wanted some company.

Fucking hell. I should have warned him what a gloomy bastard you are.

- Cheer the fuck up, will you? - Yeah, I'm just...

Kid's turned his phone on again.

On the A40 and heading east.

Why don't you drive?

Take the back seat.

Yeah, take a back seat.

That's probably of her niece or nephew or something.

Well, they're shit at art then. I'm doing her a favor.

You can get off your arse and help me if you want.

No. Enjoying you at work.

- Impressive. - Not as impressive as you.

What's that supposed to mean?

You tell me.

Is that it?

It's all I could find.

It's my understanding

that we're meant to stay inside the confines of the building.

This is a safe house, Moira. We're not under house arrest.

What about the petrol from the car?

No way. If we need to get away, we'd be fucked.

Was this the tea loaf?

If we need to defend ourselves, we'd be fucked.

I think the tea loaf is the least of our worries.

Look, the Park has wiped us.

If this goes bad, no one's coming to help.

On the list please, Shirley. We...

None of us knows how long we're going to be here.

- What if we have to implement rationing? - Oh, Jesus Christ.

Petrol's probably free anyway.

Like everything else in that amazing job of yours.

- It's called a contract. - New car.

Wads of cash. Almost too good to be true.

- Sorry I'm happy. - Oh, no.

Don't be. I'm so happy that you're happy.

Oh, good. It works out then.

- Nice gaff. - It's Roddy.

We should check out the master bedroom.

- Someone's had a glow-up. - Missed you.

What the fuck are you doing here?

Hello?

Is that Standish?

You got over yourself yet?

I still want to shove your head in a mangle, if that's what you mean?

You should relax.

Neck that Pinot you've been toting about.

Well, it was a Margaux.

And as you know, I left it in the back of your car.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, so you did.

Who's arrived?

Is Ho there yet?

Yes, he's just got here.

But no River and Coe yet.

And we had to bring Moira Tregorian.

It's a long story.

Oh, fucking hell. That'd drive you to drink.

Look, what's the plan? Seeing as you've got us all here.

Shirley's been making petrol bombs.

Plan?

Well, it's a safe house.

The clue's in the name.

Here, put Ho on the line, will you?

Yep. Hang on.

Roddy!

Hello. Lamb needs you.

Like the desert needs the rain.

Yeah.

Diana Taverner is in bed with Damien Cantor.

Find out who else she's seeing.

Home Secretary,

I have already acknowledged that the outcome of the interview

was not what I had hoped.

Will you also acknowledge that, in simply agreeing to do it,

you showed poorer judgment than we have a right to expect from a First Desk?

And you won't see it again from me.

Though you have seen worse from others.

Are you trying to minimize your own blunders

by tarnishing the reputations of your predecessors?

No. I'm just answering the questions the committee puts to me.

Very well.

How did you fund the operation in Kazan?

I believe Oliver has jumped to our next item.

The killing of a Russian agent on Russian soil by one of ours.

Presumably the retaliation that was mentioned in the interview.

If this is new to you, gentlemen,

it's because First Desk did not seek approval or oversight

for the operation through the usual channels.

Or indeed through any channels.

Is this true, Diana?

It is true that recently we responded to nerve attacks on British soil

with an action in Russia, yes.

Without oversight, scrutiny or approval?

Yes.

We have protocols for a reason.

And sometimes there are reasons not to follow them.

What reason could there possibly be for ignoring compliance at every level?

This committee is an answer in itself.

This isn't the Civil Service.

This is the Secret Service.

And in the time it would've taken for me to get a sign-off,

the opportunity for action would've gone.

You ask how I funded this?

The answer is, with great difficulty.

I'm expected to manage the safety of this country

with the funds of a village fete.

It's like being sent into a gun fight with a pencil.

A pencil that requires a subcommittee's approval.

Park budgets increased by over 4% last year.

Given that the operational costs have increased by twice that,

we're still in deficit.

Now, I've made your cuts.

A snip here, a snip there.

But you shouldn't be asking me how I funded this.

You should be asking me how I will fund the next one,

and the next one, and the one after that.

That, gentlemen, is what keeps me awake at night.

What's going on?

Yeah, where are you taking us?

You said you were taking us to the Park.

What the fuck is happening?

What is this? Who's that for?

Can you hear me?

You understand we're active agents? Don't you? What...

Does Taverner know we're here?

- All right. Can you just... - Sit.

Stay.

So, this is as far as the signal took us?

And what now?

You start earning your wages.

Needle in a haystack though, isn't it?

You know how you find one of those?

Burn down the fucking haystack.

Right.

Hey, guess how much Taverner spent on a pair of door handles?

Forty quid?

- Sixty? - More.

- 200? - Don't go through her stuff.

512 plus VAT for a pair of antique clear etched floral glass door handles.

- That's half my bloody rent. - Yeah.

- Can you stop that? - What are you even doing on her laptop?

If you must know, which you don't need to, Lamb asked me to track Cantor's movements.

Why do you even give a shit anyway?

Taverner gave you the old heave-Ho.

What do you think you'll do now?

- Get a job at her place. Life-changing. - Yeah.

I've always imagined you two doing something together.

Seriously?

Have you actually ever had sex with a woman?

Or any connection in real life?

'Cause this is pathetic.

You don't look like a spy.

Me? Well, if I did look like a spy, I wouldn't be a very good spy, would I?

If you were a good spy, you wouldn't be in Slough House.

What are you then?

That's a very good question.

When we started out, most women were support staff.

Yes, and we weren't always supporting the right people.

I'm sorry for your loss.

He was an arsehole.

There's a lot of them about.

And he can't change now.

Whatever he was, that's all he's ever going to be.

Sometimes it helps to talk about these things.

No.

No, I don't blame you.

- Westward Ho. - Fuck off.

Yeah, all right. So, I've been through Cantor's diary.

He goes to boxing twice a week, yoga once a week,

some sommelier thing, the theater, a lot of chichi dinners.

And then, about twice a month, he goes to some kids' ballet class in Hampstead.

It's on today.

- Has he got kids? - No.

Well, unless he's a pedo,

what the fuck is he doing at a kids' ballet class?

Why you?

- What? - Why...

Why you? Why your name?

What, the hit in Kazan?

Taverner could have picked any dead Joe's identity

but she picked the one agent whose death was faked.

What if I'm...

her contingency plan?

I'm the throwaway.

We need to speak to Taverner.

Right, you know what, dickheads?

We're still actually active agents.

- Sit the fuck down! - We have critical...

Okay, okay, okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Look, do you have any idea what's been happening since you picked us up?

Any idea at all?

Because I'm telling you,

if you have one single doubt about what you're being asked to do here,

then you need to put me through to the Park now.

Otherwise,

when the shit hits the fan, and this is all over,

I can personally guarantee

that you're gonna be shipped off to Slough House within the month.

Just one phone call.

Ma'am, we've got a call from River Cartwright.

Do I put him through?

Cartwright, what do you want?

Ma'am, I'm with Sid Baker.

And she wants to know if you can personally vouch for her safety?

Put her on.

Baker?

What's happening here, ma'am?

Look, Sid...

Your identity was used for an off-books hit.

To stop an escalating situation, I have agreed to hand you over to the GRU.

You will be taken to Moscow,

where you will remain until we've worked out the details of the trade.

And how long will that take?

Couple of months...

at the most.

Ma'am.

Why did you tell everyone I was dead?

Because I thought it might be useful.

I cannot afford to lose the agent that carried out the hit.

But I can afford to spare you for a couple of months.

You have to trust me on this, Sidonie.

Vassily?

Well? What'd she say?

Sid?

That she'll get me back, and to trust her.

To trust her?

They're gonna kill me.

Ma'am, I'm looking at their flight plan.

They're not taking her to Russia.

They're taking her to Sofia.

Bulgaria is neutral ground.

If she's not in Russia, she won't be on the books.

They can do what they want with her.

The deal goes ahead.

- You said it was a trade. - The deal goes ahead.

Thank you.

Bye.

Hello.

How you been? I haven't seen you in ages.

I'm so sorry. Have we met?

Yeah. At the ballet class.

I think I spoke to your husband.

No. No. I don't think so.

- What's your daughter's name again? - Matilda.

She's a tiny redhead.

Precocious thing.

Well, nice to see you.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- I guess I'll see you next week? - Yeah. I hope so.

Bye.

- Hello? - Yeah. Put Ho on the line.

Yeah. I've been really good. Thanks.

He wants to speak to you.

Can you ask him how River is?

- What do you need? - Cantor's been meeting someone.

She's got a Russian accent and she just lost me,

which takes trade craft.

Get me surveillance of people going in and out of that ballet class.

She's a brunette.

Give Flyte a run for her money.

Find out who she is.

We're running out of time.

Do you think they'll kill me mid-air, or take me somewhere romantic?

What is a really romantic place to die?

Pierced by the Eiffel Tower?

Yeah.

God, that's a good shout.

Yeah.

- Be a bit touristy, though. - Yeah, you'll have to queue for hours.

Pyramids?

- On the whole spiky theme. - Maybe if I asked them nicely.

Both of you, up!

Wait here.

Oh, God.

I thought getting shot in the head was the worst thing that could happen to me,

but apparently I was wrong.

Yeah.

You know, when they came for me,

you were the only person I could think of going to for help.

How sad is that?

Really fucking sad.

I'm glad I saw your grandfather's house, though.

I liked it.

Felt like home.

Yeah, used to.

You know he...

he would do this thing.

Whenever he'd be expecting me, he'd leave a light on. Just one.

Always.

And I mean that...

that's when I miss him the most.

When I go back and everything's just dark.

I'd leave a light on for you.

If it were my house.

You know, apparently, you can have a lot of fun in the dark.

Or, you know, we could just...

leave the lights on.

I suppose.

Yeah. Yeah.

While we...

Do stuff.

Right.

I wouldn't want to rush you.

That would not be an issue.

It has been many a moon.

Many a moon?

I mean, I've spent three years in a sanatorium, so...

Right. Well, it's not been that long. Jesus.

- All right. Fuck off. - Just saying.

- It's not... - Casanova.

Oh, God.

I don't want to do this, River.

This is bullshit.

Let's go.

Look. There must be something that we can do? Okay?

We can speak to some...

Please! Just... Please!

Fuck.

She really fancies me.

Hey!

Get Cartwright!

- Get out the car! - Come on! Come on!

Get Baker! She's leaving!

Go, go, go!

- Hold your fire! We need Baker alive! - Go! Come on!

Hold your fire!

Don't shoot!

Don't shoot!

River, we're going round in circles!

Fuck off!

- What are you doing? - Go. Run.

- No, just keep going. - Sid, they don't want me. They want you.

- Keep driving. - Sid...

I don't have fucking time for this, okay?

- I can delay them. Just fucking go. - Jesus.

Wait. Wait, wait, wait.

- So you've got time for that? - Well...

Jesus. For fuck sake.

Get out the car! Get out!

Unlock the door!

Where is she?

Where is she?

Where the fuck is she?