Original subtitles

Mitsuoka!

Noren!

Wait up!

Tell us more about what you said back there!

Wait!

Looks like we managed to lose them.

All right, now.

Why?

Sorry!

The club activity I was really looking forward to got totally wrecked...

and before I knew it, all my built-up stress completely exploded.

I know I messed up.

Sorry.

But hey, Juzo, doesn't this...

technically mean mission accomplished?

The hell it does!

Marrying a kid the same age as my daughter?

I'd rather die!

But please! I know it's selfish...

but could you pretend to be my boyfriend for a while?

Huh?

Look, if people think I already have a boyfriend,

then stuff like what just happened should calm down a little!

Please!

Fine.

But this is...

strictly pretend, got it?

THE PACIFIER DUEL SATURDAY, MAY 2nd

Hey!

Go buy us some bread!

Oh, so this is how it goes.

You listening to me or what?

From now on, you either run errands for us every day,

or you back off from Noren Mitsuoka.

Pick one.

What kind of choice is that?

Don't let him get away!

Beating them down would be easy...

but I'm not about to do something that childish and get myself suspended over it.

Hey! - We're on the third floor!

What the...

My apologies.

Did you hear?

Those two are apparently going out!

Yeah, and because of that, a bunch of guys have it out for him.

Yikes!

Poor guy.

I said I'd do it as long as it was just pretend,

but is this really what it's gonna be like the whole time?

What a pain!

Rough day, Oga? - Huh?

Is it true you're dating Noren?

Takada and Baba...

Seriously, though, nice job getting away from those guys!

You were watching?

And all you did was watch?

I mean, what were we supposed to do?

Go get a teacher or something!

It felt like you would handle it somehow.

And you did, so what's the problem?

Hey!

Though...

honestly, it could get way worse from here.

Huh?

Our school's a pretty famous mega-school, y'know.

There are high-spec guys all over the place.

And not just that.

Among the upper crust,

there's an especially scary group of them called the "Unicorns."

They've got the looks, the personality, the whole package.

And on top of that, every single one of them has top-tier talent,

and crazy charisma in some field or another.

Rumor is, all of them are after Noren, too.

So, chances are, they'll come after you sooner or later!

And when that happens...

Well, good luck!

Hey!

You really oughta quit, don't you think?

This "fake boyfriend" thing, I mean.

Huh?

Boss...

you've got no intention of marrying Noren, right?

Obviously not!

Then there's no reason to keep this up.

I do feel bad for her, but...

And I've got one more annoying update for you.

What?

It's about Mitsuoka Pharmaceuticals' wasp research and their antiaging drug.

Apparently, the underworld is after that secret, too.

But they can't just take it with threats or brute force.

So, there's talk...

that other organizations might send in elite middle schooler operatives...

to go undercover.

All with the aim of becoming Noren Mitsuoka's future husband.

Meaning from here on out, she's basically gonna be fought over...

by top-tier guys from both sides of society.

Unicorns, assassin agents, the whole deal.

Boss, you planning to throw your hat in that ring, too?

Huh?

Yeah, so, you don't have to pretend to be my boyfriend anymore.

Looks like it's causing you a ton of trouble. Sorry.

Yeah, but then...

I mean, this is really something I should deal with myself anyway.

I'll stop showing up at Home Ec Club.

But hey, you should still come by for ramen.

I might vent to you once in a while, though.

Oh! On a date? Perfect timing!

Quit running away already, Ogami.

Nobody's okay with this, y'know.

A gloomy loser like you being her boyfriend?

He's not my boyfriend anymore! Can you quit this stupid crap already?

Huh? Really?

Then go out with me!

What? No, thanks!

Nobody asked you to barge in here, so go to hell!

Oh! Look, I'm not messing around!

I'm strong, okay? I can protect you!

I didn't ask! So, back off already!

Aw, don't be so cold!

No. We're still together.

So, keep your hands off my girl.

Now get lost.

Huh? - The hell?

Wait, what? You're marrying her?

Like hell I am! We're just keeping the act going!

Still, why, though?

No reason.

What?

If I had to say, it's because every damn kid keeps going,

"No, don't,"It's fine," all the time!

And us old guys? We're stubborn, that's why.

Instead of letting kids worry about me, I'll be a meddling pain in the ass.

I don't care who. If they're bad news, I'll swat every last one of 'em away!

What're you muttering about?

I spar with grown men at the gym.

Think about who you're mouthing off to before you try acting cool!

I'm not saying I totally disagree with the whole "men should protect women" thing,

but for now...

maybe you should spend a little more time training.

Ogami?

Ogami, um...

All right. I'll keep playing boyfriend a little longer.

I don't wanna eat good ramen and then have to listen to you complain afterward.

Thanks.

But, um...

that "Keep your hands off my girl" line...

Sorry, but wow, that was a huge turnoff.

No middle schooler talks like that.

So...

that's Noren Mitsuoka and her boyfriend.

Though, with those moves, he kind of seems like he might be in the same line of work.

He may be tougher than I expected...

as a romantic rival on this job.

Impressive.

At your age, and with skills that sharp.

You're a once-in-a-generation talent for our organization.

Thanks.

Now for your next assignment.

Infiltrate Noren Mitsuoka's middle school and become her fiancé.

I'm counting on you...

Baby-Face Baby.

Hey, Ogami...

Aren't you, like, secretly super strong?

Huh?

No way.

I've never been in a fight in my life.

Really?

Because the guy you scared off the other day looked pretty tough to me.

That was just a fluke, or, I dunno, for all he looked the part...

he was basically normal.

"Normal"?

So, that means you do know what "not normal" is like?

No, I mean, I don't know.

The boss is getting grilled by a middle schooler!

Well, whatever.

This is just pretend dating anyway,

so I'm not gonna tell you you can't keep secrets or anything.

But speaking of this "fake boyfriend" thing...

My dad randomly sent me something yesterday.

A fountain pen?

What makes zero sense is,

he told me to give this to Ogami, the guy I'm dating right now.

Why?

No clue.

Isn't he kinda hot?

He's so tall!

Look at how long his legs are!

Check out his physique!

Okay, class, I'd like to introduce our transfer student.

Boss!

Yeah.

A transfer student at a time like this...

And that presence...

So, one really did show up.

They sent in another pro...

to become Noren's fiancé.

This is Shin Kohazame.

Hell yes! A hottie! - Everyone, be nice to him.

Man, what a difference from Oga! No, seriously, it's not even a contest!

Now then, why don't you give us a quick introduction?

Afu?

Duck?

Wow, he's so nervous, he completely choked.

Um, okay then, for now, why don't you sit next to Mitsuoka?

Uh, nice to meet you.

She's...

She's so cute!

Her picture did not do her justice!

This is bad!

I'm so nervous, I can barely even talk!

There's no way I can flirt with a girl this cute!

But it's a job, so I have to!

If I'm gonna talk without freaking out,

I've got no choice but to put that in my mouth!

Huh?

A letter?

I LIKE YOU. I WANT TO TELL YOU THAT IN PERSON,

I'LL BE WAITING FOR YOU IN THE COURTYARD AFTER SCHOOL.

Whaaat?

Did I really just get the sloppiest love-letter approach ever?

Jeez, when you're hot, people really let you get away with anything, huh?

A letter and then an instant meet-up request.

You want me there with you?

Honestly, that'd help.

That's kinda the whole point of the "fake boyfriend" thing.

I knew you had a boyfriend.

But if you bring him with you, that does make this way harder. Jeez.

Huh?

Wait, that's Kohazame's voice, but the vibe is completely different.

No, hang on, what the heck is that?

It's a pacifier.

Don't say that with the energy of "It's just a mask"!

Sorry for freaking you out.

I actually have extreme stage fright, but when I turn into a baby, it calms me down.

He's calmly saying the craziest nonsense!

The underworld's full of weirdos, but this guy's really something else.

Oh yeah, he's out there.

Anyway, can we talk about what I wrote in the letter?

Uh, right, well, I'm already dating Ogami, so...

I know.

But I still have to say it.

It was love at first sight.

I really like you!

Wow, pushy much?

I know you already have a boyfriend.

Even so, will you give me a chance?

Looking at him again, his eyes really are beautiful.

When he looks at you like that, your heart skips a beat.

It's not just that his features are handsome.

There's this almost hypnotic kind of sex appeal to him.

Except...

he's got a pacifier in his mouth!

Well, okay, there are like ten different things I could say here, but...

Hey!

Quit talking out of your ass, moron!

For starters, you don't even like me that much, do you?

I'm not saying love at first sight never happens,

and sure, sometimes things move fast out of nowhere.

But this isn't that.

What ticks me off is that it feels like you're being made to do this!

Yeah, it's rough dealing with confessions...

but if someone tells me how they really feel...

I make a point of giving them a real answer.

But if somebody comes at me with some joke of a confession...

like they're making fun of other people's feelings...

I make a point of decking them!

What a...

What a direct, strong person!

I'm really in love!

Good boy, good boy.

If a girl like this did that for me, I could die happy!

No, sorry!

I'm really sorry!

You were totally right about all of it.

And I like you. For real this time.

If you can tell when someone's lying, you can also tell when they aren't.

So, anyway, your boyfriend...

Ogami.

"Ogami," right.

Just like that?

He got behind me?

You're in the business, too, aren't you?

I never thought a sudden confession like that would actually work.

My plan was to make an impression first, then ease into it little by little.

But...

I changed my mind.

Putting Noren's position as fiancée on the line...

I challenge you to a duel.

Huh? A duel?

That.

That fountain pen is proof of who is the official fiancé.

And if a duel is issued, it has to be accepted.

The guidelines have already been announced.

Wait, what's that mean?

Since when?

If you lose, does that mean the boyfriend role changes hands automatically?

Jeez! This just keeps getting more and more annoying!

So, basically, you decided you wanted to steal her quick and easy, huh?

Exactly.

SIGHHH...

Please give Noren to me.

I don't give a damn about duels or whatever else.

But I'm not handing Noren over!

You're way too freaky for your own good.

MITSUOKA PHARMACEUTICALS

So, whoever's holding the fountain pen at the end is the fiancé...

is that it?

That is brutal!

Hang in there, Oga!

This is no laughing matter!

Noren, are you okay?

No, I am not okay!

I hate the idea of people making this huge spectacle out of fighting over me!

I feel like I'm gonna puke!

And Ogami's only doing this because I asked him to fake it.

It's not like I was planning to date anyone in the first place!

Ogami...

It's okay, Master.

I'm in this now.

I'm not gonna lose no matter what kind of match this is.

They're saying it's a duel over Noren Mitsuoka!

The one that was posted online?

No way! They're really doing it?

The match lasts one hour.

My objective is to make you put this pacifier in your mouth.

If you can escape without having it crammed in, then you win.

Paci... fier!

What kind of stupid contest is this?

A pacifier? What?

I don't get it!

Why is he sucking on one in the first place?

I love you, Noren.

I really mean it.

So, if I win this duel...

I want to use your lap...

Good boy, good boy.

as a pillow.

Sorry. Not happening.

Let's get started.

When the last grain falls, exactly one hour will have passed.

Yeah, yeah, let's do this already.

Begin!

Boss!

Even bracing myself, that was close.

Weirdo factor aside, his skills are the real deal.

It started!

Oh man!

Uh, isn't this plain bad?

Trying to run away without blowing your cover and all!

That means, for one full hour...

I've gotta dodge his attacks in the most pathetic way possible!

In a weird way, that's kind of pro!

Was that luck?

He's actually managing to dodge him!

Even before I had this younger body,

it'd been a long time since I'd faced anyone this good.

He's really strong.

Which is exactly why...

a match where I lose if he gets a pacifier in my mouth...

What the hell?

Shh!

After Noren turned me down, I thought about it.

What exactly is the difference between us?

And then it hit me.

One of us is a baby...

and one of us...

isn't!

What the hell are you talking about?

Just try putting it in your mouth,

and you'll get why it's so great!

And once we're both babies...

I'll be superior!

No good! I still have no idea what you're on about!

More than anything...

I'm in love with Noren!

Are your feelings for her stronger than mine?

My feelings for Noren...

My...

Nope.

Not even one millimeter.

I'm a grown man.

I only took this on because I got stubborn and dug in my heels.

Hah...

So, if I lose, worst case, it can't be helped.

Is that all this is?

TO PAPA

TO PAPA Papa!

No. Wrong.

It's more than that.

About one minute left?

There they are!

Over there!

He threw it!

Huh? Is it over?

Yeah, this ends it.

Except...

I never said that was the only pacifier.

A trap!

A whole bunch of them are flying at him!

He left me an escape route on purpose!

He's gonna land on a rake!

The thing where, if you step on it...

the handle whips up and smacks you right in the face!

And there's a pacifier attached to the end of it!

And he can't block it! - It's going in his mouth for sure!

Wha...

It stopped!

How?

So, when he jumped back...

he'd already...

thrown the wood carving knives?

He made it the whole hour!

How'd he do that at the end?

Ogami wins!

Unbelievable!

My love...

actually lost!

Sorry.

I don't know if mine's stronger than yours...

but I've got feelings for Noren, too.

They're just nothing like yours.

I only just realized it.

I'd been projecting Kozue onto Noren.

All the things I couldn't do for Kozue...

Maybe it's just self-satisfaction.

Even so, I don't want Noren to end up unhappy.

Yeah, he's definitely pretty down.

But I don't know how to deal with two boys dueling over me.

HOME EC ROOM

HOME EC ROOM Um, our new club member is...

Shin Kohazame.

Hey!

I'm not giving up, Noren!

Uh, no, please do give up.