Original subtitles

We are back, and better than ever!

And here's the one that started it all, Young Fast and Fur.

I'm Young Fast and Fur.

Oh, girl, you make my mind go crazy. Young Fast and Fur.

Yes, I'm sexy for you, baby. Young Fast and Fur. Can't you see all three? Yes,

I'm Young Fast and Fur.

Baby baby, won't you open your eyes tell me

Let's

try back she had to take a personal day we get personal days

I came in when I had meningitis.

Damn.

Boypocalypse? Wow.

I always looked up to Daenerys.

I figured if a black kid from the suburbs can be pressured by a creepy

manager into joining a boy band, so can I.

Uh, listen, don't leave me alone with Shoal. She's still a little bitter about

the breakup and the whole lying about the baby we were raising together thing.

I'm sorry, what?

Never mind.

Shoal's what we looking at?

P.T. Cruiser.

Boypocalypsewild's bad boy. His T-shirt cannon malfunctioned, leaving a fatal

amount of space between his head and his body.

So where's the head?

On eBay.

There was no buy-it-now option, so we're bidding on it. Fingers crossed.

Was this an accident?

Absolutely not.

Hi. Jack Fupa?

Manager of Boypocalypse WoW, boisters on the half-shell, and Sir Ian McKellen. So

you're saying you don't think this was an accident? We've done this routine 800

times. The boys do their moves, the girls scream bloody murder, I get my

80%, I go home to my parents.

No. If something went wrong, somebody wanted this to go wrong. He's right.

The firing mechanism on the T-shirt cannon was tampered with, so even if P

.T. didn't look straight down the barrel, his tips were frosted the moment

he stepped on stage.

All right, I'll talk to the band. Tanner, Canvas, the audience and

production crew, and Shoals, return my copy of Total Recall and stop texting me

after midnight.

Let me get this straight. So you're Skylar, the pretty one, Chad, the fat

one. Funny.

Funny one.

Funny one.

Daenerys, the ethnic one. Man, life's so precious.

You think you're gonna have your head on your body your entire life, and then

snap, everything changes.

How are things internally within the band? Any friction?

Oh, we get along great. I mean, we've been together so long, we finish each

other's... Did P.T. have any personal problems?

He was a bad boy.

Bad boys have problems. That's why he wrote the song. Bad boys have problems.

After him and Lori Loughlin broke up, made a few bad Beanie Baby investments,

and then hit hard times.

I hear that.

I got a garage full of pogs I can't unload.

But all we can do is keep going.

What we gonna do, have a funeral?

Mind if I look at this stuff?

Knock yourself out.

Wow. Are all these from your fans?

Boypocalypse Wow has the best fans in the world.

Who's Fran Tabuto?

She our number one fan.

She been to every concert, all the mall openings, a few dentist appointments,

one shower.

She's harmless.

Seems like P.T. was her favorite. If I can't have you, no one will. Marry me or

die. XO Fran.

Do you guys mind if I have this?

Sure.

Thanks.

Name, prisoner's name, reason for visit.

Detective Tribeca.

Diane Duran, seeking answers about the location of a former boyfriend I believe

to be dead but is actually alive and part of an elaborate conspiracy of which

I've only scratched the Scarface.

Surface.

Stall 4.

No, no, I'm a detective with the LAPD. I'll take a look at it.

Tribeca, I never thought I'd see you again.

Would you care for a glass of pinot? It's from the vineyard in my toilet.

Sergeant Pepper, I know he's still alive.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Yes, you do.

Tell me where to find him. You don't find him. He finds you. Damn it, Duran.

You give me his exact location. Hold on a second. I'm getting another call.

Hello?

Okay.

All right, give me a minute.

I have to take this, but if you're serious about finding Pepper, he'll meet

you here.

But only go if you're serious about knowing what the world really is.

Thank you for holding.

Okay, I'm taking off my top.

And then I'm going to go to the grocery store and I'm going to buy some

kombucha.

Someone's home.

Miss Tabuto, LAPD, open up.

Let's rock and roll. One, two, three.

Hello?

Really? Step out one time in eight hours?

Eddie, I can't believe it.

Angie, we have a lot to talk about.

But could you just go outside again so I could be in the chair?

You're under arrest for probably murdering PT Cruiser. I didn't kill him.

I love him. Why would I kill him? Hey, we'll ask the questions around here.

Why would you kill him? I didn't. You think we got the right person?

This place looks pretty normal.

Mind if we take a look around?

Sure, as long as you don't go into that room.

I think that's where we'll start.

You have the right to remain silent.

Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law.

This offer cannot be combined with any other rights.

Void were prohibited by law. Some assembly required.

Driver does not carry cash.

I have so many questions.

I thought you were dead.

How could you do that to me?

Does that answer your question?

Yes.

But then what about the phone calls? If you were live, why not just... Oh,

that makes sense.

But then how did you... I guess that covers it.

No more questions.

You remember how to do this, right? I think I can figure it out.

Refresher. You wanted to see me?

I have no desire to see you, but it's my job to report to you what I find about

your cases.

There's no way Fran Tabuto murdered P.T. Kruiser.

We were in the apartment. That woman's guilty of something.

Nothing we found in that apartment incriminates her in this murder.

You want us to set free the lunatic that made this?

Not all those teeth are his.

Out of all of Fran's letters, only the one you found in the dressing room

threatens violence.

And it wasn't in her handwriting.

Are you saying we got the wrong guy?

I'm saying if I were you, I'd get back together with me and reopen your

investigation.

Why are you talking to me? Really? I mean, didn't you already arrest the

murderer? Her handwriting didn't match the threatening letters, so we're

thinking she was framed.

Oh.

So, who are you looking at?

I'm looking at you, Mr. Fupa. You've gotten a lot of press since Cruiser's

death. Ticket sales are through the roof and GQ just named you Scumbag of the

Year.

Am I profiting off P.T. Cruiser's death?

Yes! Is Budpocalypse WoW playing arenas now instead of rec centers? Yes!

Did I place an order this morning for one million detachable bobbleheads in P

.T.'s likeness?

No, because I just thought of that.

If I'd known that his death would be this good for business, I would have

killed the son of a bitch years ago. But I didn't know.

I didn't kill him.

So, cool your jets.

Here's the thing.

Once we get a new bad boy, no limit to boypocalypse wow.

You want to investigate me, go right ahead. I got nothing to hide.

So you're saying if the LAPD does some digging, we're not going to find any

skeletons in your closet?

I bought every one of those skeletons online legally.

Fran Tabuto was set up.

Something three dating sites weren't able to do. The murderer thought Fran

would be a perfect patsy. There had to be someone with backstage access.

The whole crew had alibis.

I'm thinking somebody in the band killed them. Since FUPA's cooperating, I say we

place somebody undercover with the band.

I mean, they gotta be believable, though. They gotta know the dance moves

and the song's code.

Now, who do we have that can pass for a pop star? If for one second they think

that he's a cop and not a handsome, versatile musician, the whole

operation's blown. Not to mention we'll have a dead cop on our hands.

Detective Green!

Yes? Is that soy milk in my coffee?

Sorry.

I can do it. You sure, Tanner?

I mean, I did the West for six months down at the Pantages, which you all

would have known about if you'd have came to one of my shows.

Oh, that was a crazy time for me.

It'll never work.

You can't just say that you're in a boy band.

I mean, most kids go to eight years of boy band school before they even think

about putting on a hat the wrong way.

You gotta earn it. We don't have another choice.

This is the only way to draw him out.

No!

Look, can he sing? Can he even dance? Sir, you'll be able to see that I can do

both.

Okay, let's see. Go ahead.

Congratulations!

This is the moment when a man becomes a boy.

I wish we could just stay here forever, but

eventually we have to go back to our real lives.

I'm a cop, and you're the people we catch.

Well, we have this Airbnb until noon tomorrow, so we have plenty of time to

talk about our future together.

I'm gonna go pee so I don't get a UTI.

Whoa, oh

Whoa

Pieced

it all together almost Now I'm done

When I was on the force, I found out that the biggest criminal is not out on

the streets.

He's in the mayor's office.

Mayor Perry?

Off-duty, I tracked crime after crime to him.

Voter fraud, racketeering, money laundering, racketeering fraud, voter

laundering. The list goes on and on.

I don't understand. Why didn't you just bring it to the lieutenant?

You can't change things from the inside. Trust me, I tried.

What about Mayhem Global?

I am mayhem global.

As soon as we get Mayor Perry out of there and elect Dick Dreyfuss, we can

start to make real change, crack down on crime. Actually, Mayor Perry launched a

really effective crime initiative last year. All right, environmentally, we can

get the city off coal, get a train that goes from downtown to the beach.

Actually, Perry pledged to get us off coal by 2020. He just expanded the

exposition line to Santa Monica. Mayor Perry sucks.

There's one number programmed into this phone.

When you're ready to be part of the revolution, call it.

Do you have, like, a charger or something?

Gentlemen, meet Daniel Tanner.

Boypocalypse Wow has a new bad boy. It's a pleasure meeting you all. I am such a

fan. Hey, what's up, man?

I'm the diversity in this group.

Step off.

Daenerys. He's the bad boy. You're the ethnic one. There could be overlap.

Yeah, man.

It's 2016.

Yeah, I know what year it is. You're gonna get hazed for a little while, but

eventually you'll just be one of the guys.

Thanks, man.

Don't thank me, dickweed.

All right, guys, here we go. Here we go. Let's get it right this time.

Five, six, seven, eight.

Come on, Ruck. You gotta be better than this, dude. Keep up. Here we go.

Five. Five, six, seven.

Okay, you all went on seven that time. You gotta be ready to go on anything,

rookie.

Five.

Yeah, welcome to Boypocalypse. Wow, son.

Welcome to Boypocalypse.

And it took us a little bit longer to cross the I's and dot the T's, so please

accept this LAPD gift basket as an apology.

So who did it? Well, it's still an open case, so we're not allowed to discuss

it. No idea.

We have a man undercover right now. He's posing as the new bad boy, so we should

have the murderer in a matter of minutes.

Good. I just feel so bad for Skyler.

All he's ever wanted is to be the bad boy, and Fupa won't even give him a

shot. Skyler the pretty boy?

Yeah. He originally auditioned to be the bad boy, but since he can't really grow

a mustache... Do you have a sample of Skylar's handwriting?

A note or an autograph?

That's a perfect match. Over 16 points of similarity.

The statistical probability of this being someone else's handwriting is

negligible. Thanks so much, ma'am. You can remove the pixelation and put your

shirt back on.

Thanks, Monica.

I know we ended on a sour note, but we work well together.

I just hope one day that things can be good between us.

It means so much to hear you say that. Angie!

You want to go catch a murderer or rescue our buddy at a big Hollywood

party? Yeah, sure.

If you start to cry, this is gonna get awkward.

Tanner's still not picking up.

Floor it.

There'll be parties like this for the rest of your life, man.

Come on.

Let me show you the house.

Tingly feelings started it all.

Wow, I remember that.

That was P.T.'s biggest song.

Yeah.

It's yours now.

You know, all I ever wanted to be was the bad boy.

But the moment I walked into the audition, Jack Fupa said, we found our

pretty boy.

Wow. Is this Jack's trophy and antique weapons room?

I'm more than just a pretty boy.

Sure, I'm angular, great smile, blue eyes, butt cheeks like two vanilla

cupcakes. But I can be bad. You know what I have for breakfast?

Cookies. I don't floss.

I don't make my bed.

It's been over 48 hours since I talked to my mom, but Fupa's got me

pigeonholed. I don't know, man.

I mean, you're the pretty boy.

Seems like a sweet gig to me.

Exactly. That's all anyone ever wants me to be.

Sweet. If I'm hearing you right, you'd do anything to be the bad boy, wouldn't

you? You got that right.

Maybe even kill P.T. Cruiser?

Maybe. Skyler, do me a favor.

Put your hands on your head.

I'll do that, Danny.

Right after I do this.

Turned out Skylar's the murderer.

Oh, you found out already. Good. Skylar, drop the crossbow.

Come on. You don't have to do this. You're not the bad boy.

He's right.

I'm not.

Skylar, don't! But if he's feeling it.

Ah!

Ah.

Damn. That's it, man.

Tanner, the honor's all yours.

Sorry.

Congratulations.

You're going to jail.

Bad boy.

The boypocalypse wow singer has been found not guilty by reason of insanity.

I can't believe it.

I can't believe he got off.

Pleads insanity.

Now all he has to do is six months in a psych ward, a charity concert, and he's

back out on tour.

Tanner, do you get his tickets?

Maybe the San Diego show.

What's the point of any of this?

We have evidence, a confession, and the bad guy doesn't spend one night in jail?

That's the system, Tribeca. The system sucks.

Maybe we don't take her to San Diego.