Original subtitles

Maybe it has something to do with this picture. What?

The seating chart.

The same pictures in this book, isn't it?

That could be the reason.

The exact opposite of this.

Something a little less stupid looking, huh?

Mr.

Bell.

I've got the keys and $800 of his money. But it's Friday night, Hart. Friday

night.

The study of law is something new and unfamiliar to most of you, unlike any

other schooling that you have ever known before.

yourselves the law, but I train your minds.

You come in here with a skull full of mush, and if you survive,

you leave thinking like a lawyer.

Can the law ever fail us?

Are there cases that cannot be solved?

As an instance of this, let us take the hypothetical case... of the four

Spelunkian explorers.

Four intrepid Spelunkian explorers... set out to chart

the deepest crannies of a cave... in the soft, suffocating

slime...

Among its darkest recesses, they soon become hopelessly lost.

Water drips down upon them from the greasy rocks.

They become weaker by the hour.

There is no light, no food.

Pangs of hunger increase.

In desperation, they draw lots to select the unfortunate.

who will contract to supply his flesh for the preservation of the others.

One of them, a Mr. Wetmore, is chosen and promptly eaten.

The other three spelunkians, fortified by the meat of the

unfortunate Wetmore, are saved and promptly arrested for murder.

Now.

The defendants are tried.

They are found guilty and sentenced to be hanged by the neck until dead.

Is the saving of the three worth the life of the one?

Or do we follow the letter of the law and dangle those three

spelunkers? A riddle, gentlemen and ladies.

that takes us to the edge of that foggy region where all your knowledge and

all your law cannot provide a clear answer.

Would one of you try to dispel the fog for us?

Mr. Bell.

I just don't understand it. He calls on me every single class, every single

time. I mean, there's other people sitting there sweating it out. Why does

he always call on me?

It's your karma.

Fatal attraction.

There's Mr. Hart.

Hey, Hart.

Hi.

He smells blood, Val.

Blood? What do you mean he smells blood?

Well, my father says... Isn't that that girl I was telling you about?

Blood.

What's her name?

Look in the book.

I just don't understand it. He calls on me every single class.

I'm not sure, but I think her name begins with an A.

You're right. Here it is.

Sharon Ackoff.

Santa Barbara, California.

Maybe he picks out the names alphabetically.

Maybe it has something to do with this picture.

What? The seating chart.

The same pictures in this book, isn't it?

That could be the reason.

What's wrong with it?

Well, look at it for a second. Wouldn't you say it kind of stands out?

Demands attention?

Let me see.

Oh, well.

What? Well, if I were a professor and had a sadistic streak like Kingsfield, I

definitely would call on this face. Well, why?

Because. Because why?

Well, now, I don't mean to enrage you, Willis, but there is not a glimmer of

intelligence in this particular photograph.

Oh, not a glimmer?

Heart. Look at it. You think that's the reason?

Possible. I've come to the conclusion that Kingsfield's modus operandi is to

always call on the student he suspects does not know the answer.

This picture's very unfortunate.

You don't look like you know the answer to anything.

You never will.

See everybody later.

Santa Barbara, here I come.

Oh.

I gotta go. Kingsfield wants to see me.

Yes, Professor.

Yes, Mr. Hart is here.

Yes, sir.

You may go on in, Mr. Hart.

Thank you.

Miss, come in. Come in.

I'll be right with you.

You do part-time work, I believe?

Yes, sir. I work at Ernie's Tavern.

I need the money.

I need a student to do some extra work for me.

A new book, a collection of essays I've been working on over the years.

These are the galleys.

They need indexing.

It's not very difficult work, just rather tedious.

And I need it by Tuesday at the latest.

Does that interest you?

The publishers will pay $100.

No, I'll do it for nothing, Professor Kingsfield. Nonsense!

If you're going to be a lawyer...

Better get used to being paid.

Tuesday at the latest.

Yes, sir.

Thank you.

Pick up my order, please.

Thank you.

Hello, Hark. Hiya, Sam.

Hark, Ernie wants to talk to you.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Yeah.

No, no, no. Look, of course I do, honey.

I'll be there as soon as I can.

Yeah, I'll take care of the champagne. Don't worry about that, okay, honey?

Okay. Yeah.

Yeah, okay, bye.

You wanted to talk to me, Ernie?

Yeah.

My daughter's getting married.

Congratulations. I didn't know you had a daughter. Yeah, I thought the wedding

was next week.

I wrote it down wrong. I got to leave right now.

Now, look, I'll be back sometime Friday. I was wondering if you could take care

of the place for me. You know, open the joint in the morning, stick your head in

at noon, lock it up at night.

Look, I'll pay you extra, and I'll leave all the instructions you're going to

need. I'm going to write down a combination to the safe for you right

now. Now, you can do this for me, can't you, Art? Well, I have important work to

do. Professor Kingsdale's asking me to index the galleys of his new book.

I'll do it right here.

Look, I'd ask somebody else, but to tell you the truth, as much as I hate law

students, Hart, I'd feel a lot easier if I knew you were taking care of things.

That's nice of me. Good, good. I appreciate this, Hart.

I really do.

Hart, you didn't wake me up last night.

Let's go, Jordan.

I got in very late last night, Bill. I didn't even get a chance to work on my

index. Well, you were right.

About what?

Right about the picture. That's the reason. That's the reason he keeps

calling on me.

It is a stupid picture.

My mother took it when I was a sophomore.

She sent it in for me.

I never had any idea it would end up on a seating chart.

I never even heard of a seating chart before I came here.

Come on, Bill.

Wait a minute, Hart. We've got to think of something.

Listen, Hart.

I was only kidding, Bell.

So you weren't. Yes, I was.

I only said it was possible. No.

Yes. You agreed.

It was the others. I wasn't even listening.

Morning. How are you, Hart? Fine.

Did Ernie tell you I'd be opening up?

Sure did.

Didn't know you had a daughter.

Neither did I.

You might have been kidding, but many a truth has been spoken in jets.

Oh, come on, Bell.

It's the picture. I know it is. It's the picture.

Bell, work it off. Swim, jog, run, do anything.

How's it going?

Fine. Fine, Professor.

It's a great book.

You use too many hyperboles.

Art, I have an idea.

I'm gonna have a new picture taken. I need you to go there with me. I need you

to help me get the right picture this time.

Come on, Bell.

Art, I need somebody who understands to watch this guy take the picture. It'll

only take a few minutes. Bell, I've got to go to Ernie's, I've got to work, and

I have to index these ballots.

I haven't got time.

Please.

It's a hyperbole.

It's a figure of speech.

Very exaggerated.

Come on, Hart, please.

Where's Hart?

Over there.

Hey, you got a second?

Well, looks like I've got a second.

Apple juice.

Two beers.

He's waiting.

Who? The photographer.

Have you folks been waited on? No.

Two burgers, one apple juice, a cola, and that's it.

Two burgers, an apple juice, and a cola.

I'm talking for Mr. Bond.

What time did you close here?

That's 11.

Good, good. That's what I thought. That's what I told him. I told him it'd

be close to 12.

Well, I've got a study after work. I've got Kingfield tomorrow morning.

I've got Kingfield in the morning, too. It won't take long, Art. I'll meet you

back here at 11 o'clock. No.

I'll go with you to get your pictures taken. But it's true what they say about

law students. I'm losing my mind.

I knew you wouldn't let me down, Hart.

Sam, give me a beer.

Who is it?

It's Mr. Bell.

Oh, yes. Come in.

Right this way. The studio's right back here.

Excuse the junk in this hallway. Watch your head. Just step around. Be careful,

now. It's right back this way.

Where did you come up with him? The phone book, the yellow pages.

Ah, here we are. Here.

Now, we were talking about what kind of thing exactly?

Well, I just want a nice, small, inconspicuous picture.

Inconspicuous? Right.

Passport size?

What size is that?

Right there.

Hard.

Kingsfield. It's everywhere.

Ah, law students.

First year, 1L.

Now it all makes sense.

My sincere condolences, gentlemen.

My sincere condolences.

It should be a little smaller than this because it's going on a seating chart.

Ah, yes, seating charts. I remember them well.

You went to law school?

For one half of one semester.

One half.

One.

My brain couldn't take it. My brain rebelled.

It rebelled.

My brain kept saying, but I like being mush.

Like it.

No matter what King Steel says, I like being mush.

I like being a human, a human being.

I like it.

So there.

There. Well, I think you can be a lawyer and still be a human being.

A hard and uphill battle.

Okay, stand right over there, Mr.

Bell, like Liberty Bell.

Bell, like.

Now, uh, what kind again, Mr. Bell? Oh, you can come on out now, girls. The boys

don't mind. Come on out.

Uh, we were just doing a little photographic modeling tonight.

A little sideline.

Uh, uh, Mr. Bell, uh, Mr., uh... Hart.

Hart.

Susie, Charlene, and Pete.

Pete? Pete.

Now, what were you saying, Mr. Bell?

Something, uh... The exact opposite of this.

Something... Something a little less stupid-looking, huh?

Look,

I want a picture that makes me look like the smartest person in the class. The

person you need never call on. I'm sure we'll get just that, Mr... Oh!

The camera never lies.

Never lies.

Never. The trick, Bell, is to think you know the answer to everything.

You're sure I looked all right?

I don't know how intelligent I could look with those girls staring at me.

Bell? I don't want to talk about your picture anymore.

It's crazy.

Crazy? Heart, my whole professional life depends upon that picture.

You will help me look at the new ones in the morning? Help me decide?

Fail. Please.

Please.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

One of the oldest bits of legal wisdom is the saying that a man may

break the letter of the law without breaking the law.

The law must be interpreted in the light of its purpose.

Now, could someone please give us an illustration of this?

Mr.

Then? Well, uh, it's very complex, sir.

Hart, you missed contracts.

Carol's got the flu. Sam just came in. I can't just shut down.

Turn it in.

2-11.

Miss much? No. Just more about this Falunqian hypothetical.

Douglas, just this?

2-11.

Call on me? No.

Well? Twice.

My friend, you look terrible.

You gotta get some sleep.

Can't. I'm on page 2-11. I've got 200 pages to go.

But Ernie will be in at 3. I plan to be done with this by tomorrow.

Harf!

I got him.

You gotta help me pick out the best one.

Where were you this morning?

He called on me twice. It was that picture.

He looked down at that seating chart and he picked out that picture.

Mr. Bell.

Don't make fun, Ford.

When have I ever made fun of you, Willis? When?

This one's pretty good.

You think so?

I was thinking maybe this one.

This one looks like you know the answer to everything, including the secret to

the pyramids.

What do you think, Ford?

You ask ten people, you get ten answers.

Well, I don't know.

I think I agree with Hart. I think this one is the best.

You guys better be serious and not putting me on.

I'm too tired to put you on, Bill.

Let me see it again.

Yeah, that's it.

That's the one.

Now what?

What do you mean, now what?

Well, you've got the picture. How are you going to get it on the chart?

Hart, we've got a problem.

One of the sinks has stopped up.

Haven't you got a plunger? No.

Let me out, pal.

You ever thought of that?

Justice will put a final end to this unsavory business.

Yours sincerely.

I'll have the letter ready by noon.

Yes?

May I help you?

Uh...

I could

be in the dean's office if you want me, and I'll be back there before class.

Yes, professor.

Yes? Uh... Can I help you?

Listen, my name is Willis Bell.

Yes? Like in Liberty Bell. Yes?

Uh... I'm terribly busy, Mr. Bell. Speak up quickly, and I'll get to the point.

The seating chart.

What? The seating chart.

Which seating chart?

Contracts 1.

Which contracts 1?

Monday, Wednesday, Friday.

Morning or afternoon?

Morning. Yes, and what about it?

I'm in that class.

Yes, and?

Well, I don't like my picture on the seating chart.

You don't like what?

My picture. I don't like the way I look on the seating chart, and I want to

change it.

You want to change your picture on the seating chart?

Yes. Why?

Well, because it's a stupid picture. I had another one taken where I don't look

quite so dumb. Mr. Bell, may I give you some advice?

Oh, yes, please.

This is the address of the law school psychiatrist.

He's very understanding.

I don't want my head examined. I just want my picture changed.

Professor Kingsfield is very particular about his seating charts. I'll have to

speak to him about any changes. Oh, no.

That'll only call more attention. Don't say anything to him.

Excuse me, Mr. Bell. I'm very busy.

Please promise me that you won't say a word to Professor Kingsfield, Mrs.

Nottingham. Please.

Right.

All right.

I won't say anything to him.

Thanks.

Sam, where's Hart? He's behind the bar.

Boy, I almost blew it. Blew what?

I had to make her swear.

She was going to tell him.

Bill, why don't you sit down and have a drink or something?

I can't hear this right now.

Sam, you try the plumber again, tell him I'll pay him extra, anything.

I just tried. The line is still busy.

What I got to do is replace the picture without them knowing.

Did you get that, Sam?

All right.

All right, it's Ernie.

Okay.

Leave everything exactly like it is. Don't anybody turn on anything.

Hello, Ernie.

Hi.

What?

What happened?

You missed your plane.

Oh, Ernie.

No, I understand.

Well, what time tomorrow?

First thing. Yes, of course I will.

Listen, you know that faucet that you kept wrapping with tape?

First thing I gotta... Well, the faucet stopped up, the tape came off, there's

water everywhere.

The first thing I gotta find out is where they keep it. Bell, I'm on the

phone.

See you later.

Yes, I've got an emergency call into the plumber. Don't shut off the water.

Okay, Ernie, I gotta go.

Charlie, don't turn it on!

Charlie!

In fact, I want another one, Blake.

I'll come back first thing in the morning.

Thanks for coming.

I never pictured any of you with a kid.

A little hole for now.

Just don't put it under pressure overnight.

I left it on so you could finish the dishes.

Thanks. Good night, Hart. Hey.

Sorry.

Oh, it's all right. It wasn't your fault. Hey.

Oh, sorry. Not to me, you're not.

Hart. Hi, Bill.

Listen, it's all right, Charlie. Good night.

I found out where she keeps it.

In a closet.

The seating chart.

Oh, I'm very tired, Val.

I've been up all night studying and working on Kingsfield's book.

Everything went wrong here.

Would you hand me my jacket? It's right there.

It's up and wet.

Wet? Let me see.

What's the matter? The combination of the safe.

I need somebody to help me to get into Kingsfield's office.

I can't read the numbers.

I need somebody to keep watch while I change the picture.

I've got over $800 in that box.

Hart, you're not listening to me. I need you to help me to get into Kingsfield's

office.

Absolutely not.

I don't believe this. I can't believe I let you talk me into this. Shh.

You stay right here. Keep watch.

Well, can you pick it up? We don't have all day.

Hurry.

Well, this is nuts.

I've got to get to the dorm and get Ernie's money in a safe.

Here we are.

That's got to be perfect.

Here, help me. Hold the flashlight. Come on.

Come on.

I got it.

Val! Does the law fail you?

Oh, Kingsfield!

I was shut up when Mrs. Nottingham had gone. I think I forgot to lock up. How

is Mrs. Nottingham? I haven't seen her in years.

Oh, efficient as ever.

Efficient as ever.

You know, we've had a rash of robberies on this campus.

Well, I'm sorry to hear that. Yes, it's very disagreeable. Now we have to lock

up everything and check on all our windows.

Nowadays, robberies were unheard of.

The professors left their offices open all the time and nothing was ever taken.

Come to think of it, Charles, it was you who stole my best pair of shoes.

I certainly did.

I needed them because they were a dance.

Have fun?

I rather suspect I did.

How is the new book coming, Charles? Oh, finished?

It saved me some galleys.

Would you like to read it while you're here? Oh, I'd love to.

Here, I'll drive you home.

Before we go, I have to check on everything, even have to lock up the

closets these days.

What are the first-year students like this year?

Oh, usual quota of idiots.

But there's hope for some.

They'll become lawyers, all right, and one or two will be quite good.

We're locked in the closet.

In Kingsfield's closet.

No fooling. We're trapped, Hart.

Bell. We're trapped.

Did you get the picture changed?

No, I just got the other one removed. I got the new one in my pocket. We're

trapped, Hart, and I didn't have any dinner. Keep quiet.

We'll get out.

I'll figure out a way.

I've got to get out.

I've got to open up Ernie's tomorrow morning.

I've got the keys and $800 of his money. But it's Friday night, Hart. Friday

night. Friday, with the whole weekend ahead.

Hey, Vic, see you down at the gym, okay?

Hey, Anderson, you seen Hart?

No, I haven't.

I haven't seen Bell either.

Well, Hart's bed hasn't been slept in.

You know, I don't think Bell's has either. But then again, with Bell, you

never can tell, huh?

See you later.

Are you crazy?

Will you see anything?

Kingfield's desk.

Come on.

What are we gonna do about breakfast?

It's not funny, Hart. I didn't have any dinner last night.

Am I laughing?

Murder is murder.

If we don't apply the letter of the law, people will lose respect for the law and

stop following it. But there are certain unwritten fundamental laws that take

precedence. People have to survive. The law of survival is fundamental.

Help!

I'm trying to work.

Help!

Bell, everyone's in the library on Saturday. That's blocks away.

And if we did get rescued, we'd be kicked out of school.

What time is it?

It's almost five.

Cafeteria opens at five on Saturdays.

They have a mashed potato, meatloaf, green bean special. Shut up.

They've got enough fat on you to last for months.

Hey, I'm worried about Hart and Bell. I'm going to go look for them.

Listen, I'd love to join you, but I'm behind in civil procedure.

I've got to stay at work.

So do I.

Me too.

I need some water.

Water?

No.

What? The pipes at Ernie's.

I forgot to shut the water off after I finished the dishes.

Food fell asleep.

Relax, pal.

Gotta get some sleep. I can't. I'm too hungry.

Count sheep.

I tried, but all I see when I count sheep are lamb chops, lamb stew, roast

leg of lamb with mint jelly.

What are you thinking about?

Tavern.

The safe is empty, and the money's gone.

I should have known better than to trust a law student.

Oh, come on, Ernie. You don't think Hart took the money? I don't know what I

think. All I know is I'm going to call the police right now.

Goldberg.

Associate.

Justice.

starving heart.

People have been known to exist for weeks without food or water.

I'm not people.

I'm one person.

Me.

And I tell you I'm weak.

I'm weak.

Campus police?

Yeah, I want to report a couple of missing persons.

My stomach is growling.

Just like the Spelunkian explorers.

Days go by.

Pangs of hunger increase.

The only hope of survival is to consume the flesh of one of the lost.

Don't look at me like that.

The law says that one who shall willingly take the life of another is a

murderer. Yes.

But a man may break the letter of the law without actually breaking the law.

The law of survival takes precedence over the man-made law.

what's the matter you were gonna eat me all of you were gonna eat me you were

gonna eat me

I'm coming.

Sorry about you, Miss Nottingham.

Officers Samuels and Denton, campus security.

Yes? Two boys from Professor Kingsfield's class.

Uh, Mr. Hart and Mr. Bell are missing.

Possibly this picture will help you recognize them.

They're missing these young men?

Mr. Bell, he was here.

Terribly disturbed, I thought.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Good day.

I've got to change my picture.

Good morning, Professor.

How was your weekend?

Fine, just fine.

I can't see.

What were the campus police doing here just now?

Two law students are missing, Professor.

Mr. Hart and Mr.

Bell. I told the police that Mr. Bell came by last Friday and wanted to change

his picture on the seating chart.

What was that?

I don't know, Professor.

Where are you going?

To the cafeteria.

Mrs. Nottingham, did you put these index pages on my desk?

Why, no, Professor.

There they are.

Just a minute, boys.

Where have you been?

You were where?

Locked in a closet. Look, I'll explain everything later.

I have the money. I'll bring it down right after class.

Breaking and entering is a very serious offense, gentlemen.

A man may break the letter of the law without breaking the law.

Can we talk this over in the cafeteria? I'll treat you guys.

We haven't got time. We're going to be late for class.

What? I'm weak. I haven't eaten in three days.

All right. Go on to class.

We'll look you up later.

Come on, Bill. You can wait another hour. I got to eat.

I got to eat.

I gotta eat now.

I gotta eat right now.

There they are.

Hey, where you been?

You won't believe it. Don't tell them.

Now, let us continue with the case of the hypothetical spelunkians, about

whom I trust that most of you have been thinking a lot over the weekend.

Now, if somebody would like to refresh our memory with a summary of the case.

Mr.

Please step down here, Mr. Bell.

Mr. Bell, something very peculiar, very peculiar indeed, has happened to my

seating chair since I last called upon you.

Care to look?

Oh, no.

I'm hungry.

Temporarily excused, Mr.

Bell.

Mashed potatoes.

Mr. Hart, will you continue, please?

Four Spelunkian explorers set out to chart the deepest crannies of a closet.

They become hopelessly... Closet?

Mr. Hart? I mean a cave.

A cave.

Hopelessly lost.

Days go by.

There is no light. No food.

Pangs of hunger increase.

Much more than we know.

With good friends to love us, we'll feel every blow.

Stay open to all things, and one day we'll all say,

hey look, we've come through the first year.