Original subtitles

for everything.

Bye bye.

Jeannie, now you remember what I told you.

I know everything's going to turn out alright.

always feel as sticky as i do when you get off a train i never believe i've

really arrived anywhere until i've changed harry hi mitchell

at the office they're taking the red carpet out of mothballs and cutting up

the ticker tape your official greeter will be at the hotel but i thought

before you faced all that you'd better have breakfast all right

I can't take your back, lady. I'm sorry, lady.

I was just going to ask where the ladies' room is.

Is this a New Amsterdam hotel?

Oh, sorry.

You spoke so fast, I couldn't be sure what you said.

I'd like to leave a message for Miss Evie Jackson, please.

She'll be checking in sometime this morning for the Postmasters Convention.

Just say, welcome to New York, and sign it Bimbo Jones.

Thank you.

Of course, I'm glad you got the job, Harry. It's a big step up.

I just can't imagine why you want it.

You. Mitchell, every traveling salesman keeps a book where he writes down every

mile as he travels it.

I came to the last page of my book on a plane between Kansas City and Chicago.

I said to myself, Harry Mork, it's time you came down to Earth.

You know, these Mother's Day designs are very good. Just enough sentiment.

To coming down to earth.

Right.

You know, I like the get wells and the birthdays.

Oh, what's this anniversary here? You've drawn the wife with half a head. Is that

meant to be funny?

That's the way I see wives.

That's not the way the husbands see them.

They buy the cards.

This is the first time you've ever come into this apartment and started talking

business.

Why are you staying at a hotel?

I'm getting married, Mitchell.

On the 23rd of this month.

In Altoona, PA.

She's a widow.

That's not coming down to Earth, Harry. That's a crash landing.

How can a man come down to Earth with a woman he can't even call by her first

name?

By all means, call me Daphne.

If you can do it with a straight face.

I went into a stationary store in Altoona.

And there was Phyllis.

At the greeting cards.

Well, I watched her to see if she'd pick out one of ours.

You're doing my job, you know.

And sure enough, she did.

A 24G-52J.

Happy birthday, dear cousin.

Right.

Then she picked out a happy birthday, dear niece, nephew, another cousin, an

uncle. And, and, you know, on Thanksgiving, she cooks for 28 people.

Yeah, 28 people.

I said, ma'am, I'm psychic.

I can tell you what it says inside of every one of those cars without even

looking. And she said, you can't. I said, all right, if I can, will you

marry me?

Well, of course, she thought she was on safe ground and said yes.

Maybe I could understand your marrying one person, Harry, but not 28.

Well, that's what I'm gonna do.

This is you, Harry. This fraternity ring. Fun and games on the loose.

Now, look what happens when you turn it around.

Comes a wedding band.

It's the same ring.

Feels fine.

What'll we do now?

Shake hands and say goodbye?

Well, it would be nice if you could squeeze out one little tear.

We must have lunch together sometimes.

Oh, that's very nice.

Yes, I'd like to. You understand, in New York, lunch is different from noon hour.

During noon hour, you go to the bank, buy a pair of shoes, or even eat.

Lunch is another matter.

I know a man with a wife and three children in Scarsdale who keeps a

permanent hotel room just for lunch.

You must come here.

I guess I've just been talking to myself.

Mix us another martini. Then I'll get breakfast.

Hello?

Yes?

Well, I know this sounds improbable, but I know two Walder Clarks, one with an E,

one without.

Which are you?

Oh, now I've got you straight.

You're the fun one.

Lunch? I'd love to.

Why don't you come here?

I have some eggs and things I didn't use for breakfast.

Congratulations, Harry.

I'm to spend the next few days showing you the ropes. Oh, thanks, Peterson.

Let's get you checked in.

I'm Harry Mork. I wired ahead for a room. It's a good thing you did, Mr.

Mork, with all these conventions.

I'm sorry I kept you waiting, Peterson, but the train was late and I had trouble

getting a taxi, and you know the traffic.

In New York, if you make one excuse for being late, they believe you.

If you make two, they doubt you.

If you make three...

They start sniffing for the scent of martinis.

I didn't admit it in the first place. I had to stop off and see a friend.

If you make four excuses, they'll send you back to the road.

I want to let my wife know I got here.

Excuse me.

$3.25 for Mr. Morton. I'll take Mr. Morton's bag.

I didn't know you had a wife.

I will on the 23rd.

Yes, I hope this is the last time I have to stay in a hotel.

Coming down to Earth.

That's me.

Send us a straight wire, will you please?

Yes, sir.

Let me show you.

Excuse me.

There's Phyllis.

She's quite a tomato.

I met her in Altoona.

Who's the little boy with her? That's her little boy.

My little boy now.

Would you just look at that face? Do you see anything?

Can you imagine the fun I'm gonna have watching that kid grow up and seeing him

go out on his first date?

And... You looking for a handout?

Where'd you get my bags?

Here's your key.

What are you doing with that?

I'm Patrick.

You're what?

Patrick.

You mean this Patrick?

Well, that was taken when I was about 13.

I suppose the tomato from Altoona let you think I was still 13.

She said this was an old snapshot, but I thought it was taken last summer, maybe.

I was 13.

She liked me very much then.

Hey, um, aren't you in school up in Massachusetts?

Way up.

Well, how'd you get here?

I have his car I bought.

Don't, don't tell her.

I mean, is it okay if I and you have one or two things we don't tell her?

Yeah, no, I mean, what are you doing here?

She said in this letter you were coming to New York. Mm-hmm. I got in last

night. It's very stimulating mentally to stand around a hotel and try to pick out

your father by deductive reasoning.

You mean you came all this way just to see me?

Mm-hmm.

Peterson, I want you to meet my son, this Patrick.

I'll be at the magazine counter.

This friend of mine... Bet you'd call me Pat from the start.

It's as though I called you Dad.

I mean, you'd think I was some kind of a nut if I called you Dad.

Well, that's the way I think of myself.

I, uh... Look at here, you see, I... Hey, want to knock around in this car I

bought? Oh, I would like to. I've got to go to the office with Mr. Peterson here.

Well, I can get you both in this car I bought.

You can.

But you see, this is a very important day for me. You know, I've got this big

promotion, you know, and I'm going to be tied up quite a bit.

Aren't you going to get into trouble when you go back to school for playing

hooky?

You're not, huh?

Well, I'll tell you what. As soon as I finish my business here, which will

probably be, I think, tomorrow, I'll pop back to Altoona and pick up your mom,

and then we'll pop on up and have a nice weekend together.

Hmm? How does that strike you?

You know, I'll never forget this, son.

Do I have time for a shave?

I'll wait for you here.

Paging Mr. George Bard.

George Bard.

Good morning, Mr. Grove.

My name is Evie Jackson.

I'm here for the Postmaster's Convention.

Glad to have you with us, Miss Jackson.

Are there any messages for me?

Welcome to New York, Bimbo Jones.

Well, I was beginning to think I would never hear from Bimbo Jones.

I'm going to save this to show him back home.

721 from Miss Jackson.

You look as if your name would be Donald.

Jerry. Well, oh, Jerry, will you wait just a minute?

Beijing, Mr. Robert Turner.

Robert Turner.

Beijing, Mr. Robert.

Thank you.

Miss Evie Jackson, please. Paging Miss Jackson.

Miss Evie Jackson, please. Paging Miss Jackson. Hey, Shorty, over here.

Miss Evie Jackson, please. Paging Miss Jackson.

Miss Evie Jackson, please.

Paging Miss Jackson.

Jordy? Yes.

I'm Miss Jackson.

Oh, there's a lady waiting for you in the coffee shop right through that door.

Thank you.

Jordy, I enjoyed that very much. Thank you.

I wonder, could you wait for me?

I'll be at the elevator. I'd appreciate that.

Now,

tell me all the news, because I have to leave this minute. I'm only on coffee

break. You want some coffee?

Miss, may we have another coffee, please?

I've been hoping for years that we'd have our convention in New York.

I could tell from your letter that you wanted to stay with me.

You out-of-towners think we have nothing but beds.

But believe me, you've spent a fortune in taxes. You're much better off here at

the hotel.

Incidentally, you sent that letter to the wrong name. It's Templeton now.

Are you married again?

And divorced again.

Didn't you ever marry at all?

Say that again.

Didn't you ever marry at all? I like your accent.

Would you ever guess we came from the same town back in Ohio?

Miss, we ordered another coffee.

Why didn't you say so?

I did say so.

I'm getting it. You weren't getting it. I am now.

Get it.

I am.

Oh, did you want that regular?

No, I'd like a little milk, please.

Oh, Evie, in New York, that's what regular is.

I'm getting it.

For heaven's sake, just drink it black, Evie, please. And please calm down and

tell me the news.

Well, uh, Pauline's had her baby.

Pauline who?

My sister. You remember Pauline. Oh, marvelous.

Oh, miss, would you please, um, give us the check, if you don't mind?

I'm getting it.

I want to pay this. Oh, you're the visitor.

Well, that's just fine.

Oh, put your money away.

Oh, you put yours away.

Oh, no. This is my treat.

I insist.

It's mine.

Evie, you always did have to go on too long.

All right. But remember, next time it's my turn.

Evie, I've got to run.

I know you're going to be all tied up while you're here with meetings, but I

hope you can squeeze me in someplace. Now, I'll leave it to you because you're

the busy one. Mm.

that Bimbo Jones didn't work out.

Who is Bimbo Jones?

Don't you remember? We made him up. He was the man we were going to marry.

How awful it must have been to have two marriages go wrong.

Well, actually, it was three, only the middle one didn't count.

Now call me. I'm in the book.

And what kind of a last name goes with a first name like June?

Loveland. Huh?

Loveland. Is there anything so wrong with that?

No, I just couldn't believe my good fortune, geographically.

It used to be Frank.

Do you know what those hands are sweeping up to?

12.30?

No, Miss Loveland.

Lunch.

I knew a lunch once that went on for three days.

I'm sorry to keep you waiting. Oh, June Loveland, meet Harry Mork. I'm teaching

him the ropes. How about lunch?

I'm just trying to persuade Miss Loveland to join us.

I know that rope, Peterson.

It's the one you hang yourself with.

Let's go. I'm hungry.

Did you ever notice that you and this movie star have the same hairdo?

Isn't that a coincidence?

You want the magazine?

Where do you have your hair done?

Over there.

Thank you.

Will you help me move this chair over by the window, Jerry?

Oh, I see.

It was covering a worn spot in the carpet.

Well, can you imagine a big hotel like this being sensitive about a worn spot

in the carpet?

I'm glad it's there.

You know, when I came in that lobby downstairs, I said to myself, why did

they have to put us in such an elegant hotel?

When things are too grand, you know, people don't loosen up.

Would you hold this for me?

Oh, sure.

Let's see.

Oh, well, I'll have to think about that.

Thank you, Jerry.

Now, you're gonna make somebody a wonderful husband.

Thank you, Miss Jackson.

You sound as if your name would be Virginia.

Well, Marie, would you connect me with Mr. Phillips Beauty Salon off the lobby,

please?

Hello, this is Miss Jackson.

Miss Evie Jackson.

I was recommended you by a very dear friend of mine, Miss June Loveland.

Yes, she's a beautiful girl. I knew her when her name was Franklin.

Can you take me this afternoon?

Thank you. I'll be there.

40 watts.

Beijing, Mr. Roy Fitzgerald.

Roy Fitzgerald.

My key, please.

325. Your son took it, Mr. Mark.

My son? I saw him with you this morning. I assumed it was all right.

Oh, yes, yes, sir.

Anytime he wants it.

Come

on

in.

Oh, hello, son.

I thought you'd gone back to school.

I was just putting your things away in the bureau drawers.

See, your shirts are over here and your socks are over here. Well, now, I'm not

so sure about that, son.

You see, I'm used to living out of a suitcase.

It's the only way I know where things are.

You'd better change.

The tomato from Altoona likes things put away.

Oh.

Well, put them away.

This friend of mine, Zola, said she bet you'd have red hair.

Actually, that's just a rationalization for the fact that her own father has red

hair, and she doesn't ever want to see him again.

She says he's old enough to take care of himself.

Zola doesn't believe in fathers.

Pat, you know, I just can't wait to meet your friends and take part in your

activities and...

There's

a girl in there.

Oh, that's his friend of mine, Zola.

Emile Zola Bernkrant.

She goes to Bennington.

What's she doing in my bathroom?

They don't care where you are at Bennington.

She's taking a bath.

Last night we slept in this car I bought, so she felt like washing up.

Actually, that's just a rationalization for the fact that she wanted to take her

clothes off with me around.

Bet you can't go into sleeping in cars with girls.

I spent all my money on this car I bought, so I...

couldn't afford a hotel.

Well, now, if you need money, why don't you say so?

That's what dads are for.

I'm not going to give you money for a hotel.

Zola doesn't believe in money.

Pat, you just can't go around sleeping with girls at all.

Haven't you ever?

You just march right in there, and you tell that girl to put her clothes on.

Right now.

Okay.

You can't go in there. What do you think this is?

Emil Zola, put your clothes on.

All we did was sleep.

Well, that's a subject I thought I and you could kick around. I don't want to

hear any more about it.

You mean you don't want to take part in this activity?

Pat, of course I'm interested in your problems, and I want to do everything I

can to help you.

But let's be calm.

And suppose you and I, we sit down here, and you tell me as simply and

as clearly as you can just what the problem is.

How long does a guy wait before he gives in?

Look, Pat.

I don't quite know what to say. You see, when I was your age, the guy chased the

girl. The decision was up to her.

That's a very stimulating piece of Americana.

You just can't ask me about things like this. What did you expect me to ask

about? Well, about baseball, algebra, and

stamp collections.

You and the tomato from Altoona? Now stop calling your mother that.

You've got to set her straight on a few things.

I'll bet she gave you that photo on purpose, because that's how she thinks

of me.

Thirteen.

Last Christmas, I asked for an electric razor.

What would I want with a thing like that, she asked.

I thought I'd show her.

I'm not a beat or anything, if that's what you thought.

I'm just showing the tomato from Altoona what I want with an electric razor.

She is not a tomato.

Squeeze her and see what happens.

What are you trying to do, turn me against her?

You've just got to set her straight.

Something has got to be done about me.

Okay.

Excuse me.

plain meddling. Well, Mabel Stone would not agree.

Now, you see, he still agrees with me.

He's on my side. Of course, I'm on your side, Mr. Kirk. I'm just trying to

loosen you up. I must get back to my duties.

Ah.

Room 602, Evie.

Midnight. Spare me a night of mortal agony.

I'll be there.

I don't like him saying that to you, Evie. Here, you hold my glasses.

I'll take this.

Oh, thank you.

You look wonderful, Evie.

Do I, Frank?

Very glamorous.

Did you miss me last year?

In Columbus?

The last minute Catherine went into the hospital.

Another baby.

How many does that make?

Five. You never told me how many.

Is Catherine here?

No, she waves goodbye and says, enjoy yourself.

And she means it.

I see.

Have dinner with me, Evie.

Oh, will you excuse me, Frank? I promised Mr. Cruikshank I'd keep an eye

on the exhibits for him.

Oh,

Millicent. Sue's giving away his room key again.

No, thanks.

Seems a long time since Chicago, doesn't it?

Not such a long time that it's forgotten.

Frank, in case you thought that.

Will you have dinner with me tonight?

Maybe I found myself a new beau.

Who?

Who Mr. Cruikshank do.

Well, he's a very serious man, and he doesn't have a wife.

Is Catherine on your mind? Is that it?

Does she know what she's doing when she waves goodbyes and says, enjoy yourself?

Yes. Well, then she's on my mind as much as I'm on hers.

Evie.

Don't you know you're a nice woman?

Are you afraid you're not?

Well, being nice has nothing to do with it.

A woman starts off wanting everything.

When she finds she can't have it, she starts wanting less and less, or

pretending to.

Then she reaches a point in Chicago or someplace...

Where she settles for what she can have and thinks it'll be enough.

She's still nice. She's just unrealistic.

What is everything?

It's not a hotel in Chicago or New York.

Oh, you're wrong, Evie. It is.

It's what everything else in the whole damn world is getting at.

It's the best page in the book.

You can't just read that one page.

It doesn't make any sense by itself.

It's just nothing.

I don't want nothing.

That doesn't even sound like very good English.

All right, Evie.

Excuse me, Frank.

I promised Mr. Cruikshank I'd help out at the reception desk.

At least let me show you the sights.

I don't like the idea of you wandering around the city alone.

Oh, isn't that funny?

Husbands always feel that way about me. Other men say, Evie can take care of

herself. Let's not worry about her.

But the minute they become husbands, they all want to look after me.

Thank you very much, Frank.

I'm quite able to buy my own ticket to the Empire State Building.

Well, Miss Jackson, I suppose you're enjoying New York.

Oh, yes, Miss Tate, aren't you?

You can't ever find the public conveniences.

Even if you do, chances are they're locked.

Don't ever go to that one off the lobby. They've got a person in there you have

to tip.

Where's Miss King? I haven't seen her this year. Miss King is no longer with

us. What happened?

Some man married her.

We thought maybe you'd pal around with us this year, Miss Jackson.

I hear there's a great movie at that Radio City Music Hall.

I'm afraid, as a matter of fact, I'm having dinner with Mr.

Crookshank. Our Mr.

Crookshank? He left me a message.

I'm going to save it to show him back home.

Do you know I have a psychic thing?

I don't want to see it.

I can tell you what it says inside of every one of those greeting cards

without even looking.

Go ahead, if that's your idea of a big time.

Well, if I can, will you go out with me?

That's a stupid reason for going out with somebody.

What's this one say?

Well, I have to see the front of it.

What is the number on the back?

You tell me.

No, it's on the back. It's right on the bottom. What is it? When do you start

getting psychic?

Look, will you just tell me what is the number on the back of the card?

35B-150.

35B-150.

Let's see. To my darling wife and our golden life of blank years.

You fill in the blank.

With what?

With the number of years you've been married.

Hey, that's cute!

Yes, sir?

Thank you.

No, no, your staff's been very cooperative this year.

As a matter of fact, I have the lid right here.

Yes.

138 have already signed up for Ed Sullivan. It'll probably be twice that

by tomorrow, but I'm just guessing.

Oh, and you can count on 150 at least for the Tonight Show.

All right, do the best you can. Just let me know.

I've been keeping an eye on the exhibits for you, Mr. Cruikshank.

I've already assigned that duty to Mrs. Sloan.

Can I have all these schedules?

Everyone has a schedule by now.

I wonder if you'd pin my badge on for me. I can't seem to make it stay put.

Of course.

This takes me back to my school days when a beau used to pin my corsage on

before we went to a dance.

Thank you.

Oh, isn't that wonderful how they always give us the first night off to do just

what we want?

Nice dinner, maybe.

Go to a movie.

I'll be right here, I'm afraid. Nothing but work for me tonight.

I shook the old man, Squeaky. Let's play house.

Ah, Avalon, Ohio.

And you're... Hot Springs, Indiana.

The springs are sizzling tonight.

Will you begin by folding the schedules, Mrs. Sloan?

If you say so, Squeaky.

If you need any extra help, Mr. Crookshank, you just let me know.

This little verse brings a love that sinks to the light of my life, your

husband's wife.

You must have sent your wife an awful lot of anniversary cards to know so much

about them.

Do I look like I'm married?

Don't come to me with your problems.

Oh, come on, June. Go out with me tonight.

If you're so psychic, tell me. What am I gonna answer? Yes or no?

You girls all have to have some kind of game you have to play, don't you? I

don't want to play any games. I thought you did.

I get off in half an hour. Be here.

This way, please.

How many, please?

Just one.

There'll be a wait.

I don't have very much time.

Two, this way, please.

Mr. Mork, they don't like you to come into these places alone at rush hour.

They think they're losing money if one person sits at a table for two.

I told the hostess that I was expecting a friend to join me. Then when I leave,

I'll apologize and say I can't imagine what happened to my friend.

I hate to tell a lie, but sometimes it's the only way you get to eat.

That's a very good idea.

Thank you.

Miss, I have a friend joining me. I can't imagine what's happened to him,

but I will need a table for two. Why don't you join this lady? She can't

imagine what happened to her friend either.

Two, please, this way.

Sometimes I say things too loud. You have to watch me on that.

May I? Of course.

That waitress over there is ours.

You mean the one that looks like her name would be Rita? Do you do that, too?

I bet it is Rita.

Gertrude. Gertrude!

I recommend the pot roast, Mr. Moore.

There's not much they can do to ruin pot roast. And mashed potatoes or french

fries are always greasy in these places.

How are things in Akron?

Fine, I guess.

that looks like Akron.

Oh, that's Avalon. But they're both in Ohio.

Honey, I've never been to Avalon.

Where do you come from?

Well, at the moment, you might say that I'm straight from Altoona, PA.

We both come from places that begin with A. I call that a coincidence.

Oh, Gertrude, this gentleman would like to see a menu.

Steak sandwich, Rita, and some French privateers.

I like a woman who gets the point.

You don't have enough room.

I'm gonna pull this table toward me. Please, I'm fine. Just fine. Well, I

like to give a man plenty of room.

Now you don't have any room. Oh, I'm fine. I'm fine.

Would you mind pulling forward a little bit?

You were seeing the world's fair with your uncle?

I've never been to Seattle.

I'm trying to play, Sheriff. We've never met, Mr. Mark.

But you know my name.

I overheard it in the lobby.

Most people say I couldn't help overhearing. But I overhear all the

time, on purpose.

In fact, you have to watch me on that.

Oh, I thought that you and I, we... I wouldn't have sat down here if I didn't

think that we knew each other.

I'm Evie Jackson.

There, we know each other.

In fact, you remind me of someone I used to know when I was a girl.

Bimbo Jones.

Bimbo? What's Bimbo short for?

Somebody made it up.

Is Harry short for Henry or Harold?

It's just Harry.

I like names to be what they are.

I'm a postmaster.

I suppose I should say postmistress, but that sounds a bit racy to me.

What business are you in?

I'm in greeting cards.

Stationery. That is another coincidence.

Your greeting cards must go through my post office every day.

Are you a salesman?

As of this morning, I'm in marketing.

That sounds like a promotion.

It is. Well, you ought to go out and celebrate tonight.

That's just what I'm gonna do. You don't sound very enthusiastic.

No, no, I'm... I'm gonna cut loose, all right?

I know what your trouble is.

You don't want to celebrate alone.

It's no fun.

Well, I feel like stepping out, too. A dear old friend of mine wanted me to

come to dinner, but I said, no, Connie, I feel like stepping out.

Are you worried about the new job?

You'll be all right.

Anyone can tell when you take on a responsibility, you stick to it.

Yeah, sure.

What would you have to do to get service around here?

Yes, let's get on to the celebration.

You know, what I really ought to do is just, uh, go up to my room and get

rested for a busy day tomorrow.

Oh, dear.

Now, what's the matter?

Oh, I went on too long, didn't I?

You have to watch me on that. Sometimes I get started and I just keep going.

Here I am. I'm going on too long about going on too long.

It's just that I don't have the right to think about celebrating.

What I really should do is just go up and call my wife and have a talk with

her and then call it a day.

You didn't think I was married, huh?

like a married man.

Listen, I don't feel very much like eating. Would you excuse me?

Do you mind moving forward just a little bit?

Well,

I, uh, hope we see each other again, you know, around the hotel.

I certainly hope so.

Where'd he go?

He sent himself to bed without any supper.

I like that in a person.

May I have my check, please?

Gertrude, would you wrap his steak sandwich in foil for me?

My name is Rita.

Would you take this up to Mr. Mork? Harry Mork? He'll want it later on. Yes,

Miss Jackson.

I'd like some postcards, please.

Well, we have these assortments.

Twelve pictorial views.

Okay, Junzi, you can go now.

Night. Good night, Miss Loveland.

Night.

Do you want those postcards?

Ah, yes.

Two assortments, please. One to mail and one to keep.

Where are we going? Well, I thought that... Look, I don't drink. I had

dinner. And I thought you were staying here at the hotel.

No, well, I can't go up there because somebody's up there.

And I thought that... Well, why can't I take you home?

It's my roommate's turn to go home.

Mr. Mork wasn't in his room, Miss Jackson.

Are there any dogs in this hotel, Maurice?

I walked one for a gentleman in 323 about an hour ago.

A gentleman in 323? Thank you, Maurice.

Mr. Weinstock, I would like to report a neglected dog in 323.

Well, thank you, Miss Jackson.

And may I speak to a woman, please? A native?

I beg your pardon?

Well, isn't there a woman back there?

Miss Carmichael, you come out here a moment.

Miss Carmichael, I've heard of a place in this city... a meeting hall or social

club of some kind where people who are over six feet tall can become acquainted

with each other. You know, people who wouldn't ordinarily have a chance to

meet. Of course, I'm not six feet tall, but I'm pretty tall, just the same.

Never heard of it.

Now, you stand here and look in this window.

But I don't want to look at a lot of men's underwear. Just stand here and

count to 15.

15, you understand?

And then walk into the Metropolitan Hotel. I'll be waiting there for you.

Good evening.

My wife and I are between trains, and we'd like to have a room just for this

evening.

She's quite tired because we have been on the train for three days, and there's

another one ahead of us. Sure.

Oh, our luggage is already checked through, so you don't have to send a boy

up with us.

Just give me the key. That'll be $12.

My wife will be along any minute. Something probably caught her eye in the

store window, and there she is. You know how women are.

And what city in California, Mr. Jones?

California. Well, if you've been on the train for three days, I assume

California.

Avalon.

And what's the first name, Mr. Jones?

Bimbo.

How's that?

Well, it's made up.

I mean, one of the family made it up.

Then you'd better write it on the register, Mr. Jones.

I can't imagine what's...

Keeping my wife.

Here's your key.

She's looking forward to getting away from the vibration, you know?

I better go see what's keeping her.

What are you doing?

I'm counting.

Now, I have the key, you see?

The elevator is on the far end of the lobby. Now, that might seem like a long

distance to you, so you take my arm and lean on it because you're supposed to be

tired. And we'll just walk through as though you do it every day of your life.

Paging Miss Evie Jackson.

Miss Evie Jackson, please.

Paging Miss Evie Jackson.

He's been paging that woman for 20 minutes.

Somebody must want to find her very much.

Miss Edie Jackson. Thank you. Thank you very much. Good night. Bye.

Miss Edie Jackson, please.

Paging. Miss Edie Jackson.

Miss Jackson, please.

I'm going up to my room now, Vernon.

Good night, Miss Jackson. Thank you.

push an elevator button for ourselves.

I just can't believe somebody else has already pushed it.

I just thought that was interesting.

Seven, Chester.

Floor.

Seven.

Seven out.

Are you all right?

Why don't you say something?

Should I get help?

Is there anything I can do?

There's nothing wrong with you at all.

I, uh... I think you've made a mistake.

Listen, honey, I've been riding in hotel elevators all my life. I know all the

types.

721, right?

If you're thinking of screaming or ringing for the elevator, you just

remember you're the one who spoke to me.

They've got an ugly name for that in public places.

Why don't you just ask me in?

Mr.

Mark! What is it? I'm mad.

Want me to get fresh with you?

You really shouldn't be wandering around here alone, Miss Jackson.

Well, thank you for your interest.

It almost amounts to concern.

Well, you're all right, aren't you? I don't think I am.

Well, I'll sit here with you for a minute. Oh, you better not. You might

get involved in something, and you wouldn't want that. Nobody wants that.

sandwich now.

Thank you.

Excuse me.

Are there any messages for 325?

No, nothing, sir.

A couple of kids passed through here tonight.

There's a boy with them.

A beard.

Lots of kids pass through.

Well, may I have my key?

Oh.

Well, it's not here.

Don't you have it?

No.

I guess my son does.

Did you go to the Statue of Liberty?

I intend to.

I guess they want us to go to bed.

Still, it's pretty lively in there.

The get-together must have been put out of this Stuyvesant room.

What? Those are postmasters.

How can you tell?

Listen to what they're singing.

"'Cause if we were playing post office..." I'd send all my letters to

you.

Why aren't you in there having a good time with them?

I've reached a point where I can get together just so long.

What does that

old song make you think of?

That old song doesn't make me think of anything.

Well, it's about a man who's writing a letter to his wife, giving her all the

news.

What are you getting at?

I was just wondering if you wrote your wife a letter tonight or called her on

the telephone.

Why are you kidding me?

I don't think you've got a why.

Come on, I'll buy you a drink. Oh, you don't have to.

Can't you tell the difference between a real invitation?

Right. I'll carry a plant for you. Be careful. It's sharp.

You're here, are you?

Dubby from East Paris, Illinois.

I wish we were playing post office.

Hi, Evie.

White Springs, Indiana.

Hi. Nice to meet you. And this is Sulphur Spring.

Hi, how are you? And Yellow Spring.

a place to sleep.

Zanzibar, Kentucky needs a ba-

I mean three.

Another coincidence.

I'm in 721.

Evie, why is that a coincidence?

Well, we have almost the same room on different floors.

I think that if you take anything that seems to happen on purpose, you'll find

that it's made up of a lot of coincidences.

Three for Mr. Moore, Chester, and seven for me.

I thought you went up, Miss Jackson.

I came down again.

Three out.

Uh, I'll go on up to seven. I want to see Miss Jackson to her door.

Uh, that man might...

Still be prowling around the hall, you know.

Can

you

see the river from your room?

I don't think I'm high enough.

It's a beautiful sight.

Seven out.

Good night again, Chester.

I want to see Miss Jackson to her door. Would you mind waiting a second?

This ain't no taxi, Mr. Moore.

This is my room.

Uh, I'll wait at your inside door.

I'll wait till you get your taxi, I mean, your elevator back.

Why am I waiting alone?

I have nothing else to do.

I want to see you safely inside.

I want to see that you get your elevator back. Chester was very rude. He might

leave you standing out here all night.

Now, you've got to stop that, Evie. Now, you tell me what to have for dinner. You

press the elevator button. You tell the boy where we get off. Now, you've got to

stop it.

We will wait for each other.

I guess I shouldn't talk to you like that, huh?

I enjoyed it.

You enjoyed being told off?

Sounded as if you thought I was going to have a chance to improve.

But I guess we won't be seeing each other again, will we?

Oh, we may bump into each other.

Coincidentally.

I guess I better walk down.

Look, Harry.

What? All the parties are over.

Did you ever notice how much you can tell about out-of-towners by what they

leave outside their doors?

Tapioca and a glass of milk.

There's a delicate stomach in 723.

Yeah. Oh, and look at that one. What? The big empty bottle, one glass, no ice.

I guess we know what kind of an evening he's had.

Or is she?

Must be a man. There's no lipstick on the glass. A woman alone in a hotel room

wouldn't put on lipstick for an evening like that. I don't know about that.

Oh, my.

Why are they putting those drinks downstairs?

A little woozy, huh?

And I was just thinking.

That could happen to any of us.

No, this one isn't going to tell us a thing.

Oh, secret.

Nothing.

Or else they're just neat.

Well, secretive people are neat.

You get a kick out of people, don't you?

As much as they let me.

Who's to stop you?

Well, that's all most people give you, Harry.

Loose ends outside the door for you to guess at.

What if somebody were to unlock the door and say, here I am, come on in?

Why do you ask that?

What if they said, you've got to help me?

I'd step right in.

But what if they said, something's got to be done about me?

You didn't know what to do.

Well, they'd have to let me unlock my door, too.

Would you look at that here?

This is an English fella.

This is his first trip.

Well, is he in for a disappointment?

Now, there, that one there. You can't tell me a thing about this one.

No cozy snack, no need for it. Straight to bed, straight to sleep, do not

disturb.

What are you doing, Evie? I want to see what somebody looks like who hasn't got

a care in the world. I want to wake him up.

What is it, Miss Jackson?

Is that Miss Jackson?

Oh, good evening, Miss Fox.

Well, it's 3 o'clock in the morning, Miss Jackson.

Are you in some kind of trouble, Miss Jackson? I just wondered if you'd

enjoyed the radio sitting music hall.

Go back to bed, Miss Tate. You too, Miss Fox.

Sleep well?

They're after me, you know.

What for?

Forfeit bridge, getting tables and restaurants.

There comes a time when women band together.

Sometimes they don't even call each other by their first name.

They're not even friends.

Evie? Yes, Harry?

Down, please.

I'd like to take you to the Statue of Liberty tomorrow.

I have sessions.

Cut them.

Down, Mr. Moore. Come back in a minute, can't you?

I just want to see the sights.

That's all.

Well, there's someone else you'd rather take.

No. Oh, even that pretty girl at the magazine counter.

Does it shock you?

I mean, that girl and me?

Uh, Postmaster's public image is one of detachment.

You see what they teach us at these conventions?

No. I'd say it shocks me.

And I'd be very pleased if you liked me enough to be shocked, too.

Go on, Evie, give me hell.

A woman likes a man.

She doesn't want to give him hell.

From 7 to 1, please.

Yes, sir.

Hello. Evie?

Yes?

I really do want to take you to the Statue of Liberty.

You see, a man decides to cut loose for one reason or another, so... so he does.

But that doesn't clear any air for him. He just wants to finish his business and

get back to Altoona.

And, of course, he still has time left in the town, and he has to see someone,

so...

I'll meet you at 9.30 in the lobby under the welcome postmaster sign.

Can you get me out of here by 9.30? We're talking.

Right.

Pat? Is that you?

I thought you'd gone back to school.

No, just to this all-night movie.

They change the bill at 3 a.m., so if you go in at the right time, you know,

you can see four pictures while you sleep.

You had it shaved off for me, didn't you?

Zola says I've got a father fixation without a father.

Oh, you have a father.

He's glad to see you. I think Zola's on the verge of being drastic about me.

She's in the lobby now, looking up psychiatrists and the Yellow Pages, and

she doesn't even believe him. I apologize for yesterday afternoon, Pat.

But I figured out what happened.

It was as though I was standing in the corridor of a hotel, and you suddenly

unlocked your door, and you said, help me.

But you've got to let me unlock my door, too.

You understand?

If you haven't unlocked your door, how did you get in the corridor?

You've got to help me to help you, Pat.

What's your problem?

My problem is that I don't know anything about your problem.

I've got hundreds.

Just take them one at a time.

I've been waiting for you to come along ever since I reached the age of puberty.

Do you want to kick that around for a while?

It was a very stimulating age for me.

Think of it, the two of us getting shaved right next to each other.

Let's hide and you knock around in this car right away.

Oh, well, uh, I'd like to very much, Pat, but I have this appointment at 9

.30, and it's pretty important.

Wait till I tell Zola. I've been rejected already today by a father I

haven't even got.

Well, I have this appointment, and I just can't... All right,

son, we'll spend the day together.

Just I and you looking for an apartment, huh? A home for us.

You see, your mother and I are going to be living together here and sort of

coming down worth.

You know?

I'll wait for you outside.

Don't pay for the shave. It's on me.

I already signed your name for it.

Oh, well, then while you're waiting, why don't you have a nice breakfast? You can

sign my name to that.

Zola 2?

Zola 2.

We already did.

Hey,

do you have a telephone? Yes.

All good.

Room 721, please.

That's Miss Evie Jackson.

Give me the front desk, will you?

Miss Jackson?

Yes, she was here a few minutes ago.

Thought the hotel would like to know that Macy's is having a white sale.

Yes, I'll leave a message for her.

Oh, well, just tell her that Mr. Mork called and something suddenly came up.

He can't make it.

Thank you.

Well, hearts to the ten.

Well, lovely.

You better come with us next summer, Miss Jackson, or you'll miss a lot of

fun.

We get off the train at 2.55 a.m. in Las Vegas and go straight to the tables.

Straight to the tables.

And we don't have to spend a lot of money for hotel rooms because I've got a

cousin in a convent out there. She says we can move right in.

But, Miss Tate, those girls go to bed at 9 o'clock and they don't have TV.

My cousin says that we can have a key of our own and come and go as we please.

Straight to the tables.

Evie.

Excuse me.

Don't go away, Miss Jackson.

Sorting and handling at 4 o'clock.

I found an apartment this afternoon.

No trouble at all. I didn't know you were looking for him.

Didn't I tell you?

Well, we talked a lot last night, but it seemed this morning that we'd said very

little. I gotta catch the evening train.

You're very brave, renting an apartment like that. Why?

Your wife should have seen it before you did anything. She might not like it.

I like it.

But she's the one who will have to be in it most of the time and take care of it.

Oh, there you go again. Kidding about my wife. I'm not kidding.

A man never knows what a woman wants.

Well, would you like to see the apartment?

Well, how would I know what your wife likes?

Well, you're another woman. Thank you.

We made our one club, partner.

Time to go in, Miss Jackson.

Evie, what's your address?

Would you really write to me?

Of course I would.

Send it in care of Postmaster, Avalon, Ohio.

Cut your meeting.

Cut one meeting today, and that's enough.

This morning while I waited for you.

Oh, didn't you get my message? Something came up. I had to go out.

Are there any messages for 721?

Lork says he can't make it. Something came up. Yeah.

I'm not used to getting messages from other people. That is, I didn't even

think to ask.

Why would I say this to show him back home?

I tried to find you firsty. I was in the bar.

At 8.30 in the morning?

I was getting a stirrer to remember last night by.

Oh. They'll be closing the doors, Miss Jackson.

What time's the meeting over?

You'll be gone by then, so I'll say goodbye.

I'll always think of you, Harry.

Whenever I see you now, I'll tune a postmark.

I'll wait for you.

There's another train in the morning.

I was just kidding about the apartment. I'm sure anything you picked out would

be fine.

I'd like to stay over.

You want to?

Mm-hmm.

I'd just like to stay over, that's all. Miss Jackson.

Well, I'll see you later.

All right.

Listen, I just checked out. Could I have my room back for another night? Sorry,

Mr. Morton, it's taken already.

Well, it wasn't ten minutes ago.

It's all these conventions.

Maybe something will open up later on. Well, listen, is there any place I could

check these bags here?

At the magazine counter.

There's no other place, huh?

Miss Loveland will take care of you.

Thank you.

Weren't you taken with a man from Utica?

The postal employee's position is a trust.

I'm glad you said that. It gives you the feeling that you're spending your life

on something worthwhile.

Phoebe, here I am.

Oh. You ready to go?

Uh, excuse me, ladies.

Don't forget the awards banquet at 7.30, Miss Jackson.

Oh, I'll see you there, Miss Tate. Save me a seat.

I didn't think you'd be here. I said I'd be, didn't I? Well, I thought you'd

change your mind. It's a way I have of...

Avoiding disappointment.

Could I leave my suitcase in your room, Edie? Of course.

Down,

please. Chester can do it for you. Right.

Would you have somebody leave these things in Miss Jackson's room for me?

It's room 721.

Thank you.

Sure thing.

What's Chester gonna think?

What?

Let him think what he wants.

Now, don't tell me which house it is.

It's back home.

I always know where I am. It's nice not to know for a change.

That one.

Right the first time.

Oh, and there's a nice little restaurant next door.

It'll be very convenient.

Come on, I'll show you.

Harry. Do you remember when you were little?

and you knew you were going to get a wonderful present.

You wanted to put off the moment as long as you could to give yourself time to

enjoy looking forward to it. How'd you know that?

Can't we go in there for a minute?

Yeah, why not? I'm cold.

Either you can at least let a guy open the door for you.

Oh.

Thank you.

Two, please.

Good time.

Would you like to sit for a while, perhaps have a glass of wine?

Please, follow me.

Can we sit out there?

I'm sorry.

Here, ask him if we can sit out there. At this time of the year? Oh, I'd

forgotten. You said you were cold.

The lady wants to sit in the garden.

Since the lady insists on sitting out here, perhaps she would like something

hot? Maybe espresso?

You can't... What were you going to say?

I'll have anything you want.

Let me try to figure out what you were going to say. All right.

Please, you can't drink a toast with espresso.

Two glasses of red wine, please.

All right?

I've lost my bearings.

Which is the house?

It's right here.

Which floor?

The top.

It'll get the sun.

You went to the beauty parlor today.

No. Oh, your hair's different. I like it better this way.

I like yours, too.

Are you sure it's not too cold?

No, as a matter of fact, I'm warm.

Isn't that funny? I am, too.

Before you go, would you take a picture for me? I'll take a picture of you.

I'd like him to take it.

All right.

All set. You just push that button.

What do we do?

You

will

please hold still.

Thank you.

Well? Anything you say?

To the apartment. Oh, yes.

Well, there he is. I see him in the window.

In the apartment just below.

Clarinet's a lovely thing to have downstairs.

Did you see how he just came in, Harry?

Got a table right away.

Isn't life easy when there are two of you?

You think the stairs are too much? Oh, I don't mind those stairs a bit.

I took possession of the place this afternoon.

Paid a month's rent and everything.

This is the vestibule.

In New York, they call it the, uh, foyer.

Kind of small, isn't it? Oh, a person doesn't need a big vestibule.

Is it a living room?

Square rooms are easiest to fix up.

Put the dabbing for it right along against that wall.

This is the kitchen in here.

Oh,

it's got a window.

You don't see many windows in city kitchens.

I'm gonna put some curtains up there.

I mean, I would if it were mine.

I like it, Harry.

I could be very happy in this apartment.

Come and see the rest of it.

Come.

A guest room?

How like you, Harry, to make room for out-of-towners.

Pat's room.

Well, whoever lived here before didn't have much respect for property. And some

child. Well, they'll paint it for you, won't they?

I hope you got that foot in the lease.

No, you're wrong, Evie. This is Pat's room.

That's my son.

The guest room is down the hall.

And I hope to keep it filled with all the relatives.

Your son?

Mm-hmm, yeah.

He helped me find the place. He liked it so much.

And this room that he scribbled that on the wall.

Oh, what a kid.

I don't think you really got a son, Pat. No, if I'd have had a chance, you could

have met him.

He's been in town here?

Oh, he went back to school this afternoon, up in Massachusetts.

You never said anything about a son.

Yeah, I should have.

How about that?

He's a big boy.

Well, he's even bigger now.

Is this your wife?

That's Phyllis.

You never said her name before. I didn't think of her as having one.

Don, I'll show you our room.

Evie?

Is this all right?

Do you sleep in a double bed or twin beds?

A double.

It's the best way to sleep.

Why do you ask?

It makes a difference in arranging furniture.

There's our restaurant.

Our glasses are still sitting on our table.

You see, she's not going to like that.

A restaurant right outside the window, especially if this is where you sleep.

The lights in the summertime will come right in here.

All we got to do is close the shutters.

Do you hear the dishes clattering and all the people talking?

Oh, your wife is going to like that fine on a summer's night. And the cooking

smells. You don't have to rub it in, Evie.

Bugs work their way up from restaurants, you know.

They work their way out through whole buildings, and you can't ever get rid of

them.

And these walls, well, they're just paper thin.

Anybody could tell that just by hitting them.

Who wants a clarinet yelling in their ears all night?

All right, so I made a mistake.

Yes, you made a mistake.

I'll take you back to the hotel. Please, go away.

Well, this happens to be my apartment.

I know.

I know.

It's yours.

And hers.

I'm sorry. Is that all that?

It's okay.

What do you mean, I'm sorry?

Just forget it.

I mean, you were right anyhow.

I was dead wrong. It's a beautiful apartment.

And you picked it out yourself.

What happened to you? Why'd you get so mad at me?

Don't make me tell you.

Oh, come on, Evie.

Why'd you blow your top?

Because it all turned out to be true.

What did?

Your wife, Altoona.

I didn't believe a word of it, you know, not a word of it. I thought you were

making it all up.

I thought that you'd bring me up here, and you'd show me everything,

and you'd say, it's all yours, Evie, if you want it.

I'd take it as a joke, and then I'd say, what about your wife?

And you tell me that you made her up to protect yourself.

So you could be sure how you felt about me.

And then we both laugh at that.

Why did you keep turning your ring?

To remind myself.

What are you waiting for?

It's very hard for me, Harry, not to push right through a door when I come to

one.

Please don't make it any harder.

We missed you at the awards banquet, Miss Jackson.

We ate Japanese.

We had creamed chicken.

Sorry, you missed the banquet?

Oh, I've forgotten every banquet I ever went to.

But I'll always remember the one I missed.

Oh, you have a room for me yet?

Sorry, Mr. Morton.

But you told me earlier something would open up. Have you tried the other

hotels?

I was counting on you.

We'll find something for you, Harry.

Oh, boy, that's great.

I gotta walk the streets looking for a room this time of night.

You can telephone the other hotels.

Why don't you come up and use my phone?

You have to pick up your suitcase anyway.

I don't want to be a nuisance, Evie.

You just gave me the nicest evening I ever had.

How could you be a nuisance?

All right.

Good evening, Tester.

I know.

Seven first, then three.

Oh, no, just seven tonight.

I have to get my suitcase out of Miss Jackson's room.

Mr. Mork is going to use my telephone, Chester.

7-0.

Here's the telephone.

Oh, do you have a book?

Well, I wouldn't have recognized it. I bought that cover for it.

I don't know just where to begin.

Why don't you try the place across the street? The Metropolitan.

Yeah, I guess that would...

The Metropolitan Hotel, please.

Oh, remind me to pay you for this call.

Metropolitan?

Do you have a single room for tonight?

Oh, only a suite.

Well, I'll be right over.

Mork.

Harry Mork.

Well,

that was lucky.

Yeah.

Well, I guess I'll be on my way.

I'll watch out the window here to see you cross the street.

So long, Evie.

I forgot my suitcase.

What do you suppose they did with it?

I hope they put it in the right room.

I don't see it anywhere, do you?

Oh, here it is. Where?

Oh, thank you.

I got it.

Well, I'm off again.

It's pretty late.

You were going to show me how you can see the river.

That's right, it was.

See? Oh, where?

It's that little patch of silver between those two buildings.

Hey, that's the river.

I enjoy it.

There's the Metropolitan Hotel.

Well, maybe you'll face this way and we can wave to each other.

How many windows are you from the corner?

Oh, you just look for the window with the plant in it.

Well, I guess I better get over there and I'll give that suite to somebody

else.

Besides, I can't think of any more reasons for not going.

I wish for once I didn't have to be me.

I wish I could be one of those women who...

takes what she can have and loves it for what it is.

Well, then I... I wouldn't want to stay as much.

The plant looks real nice, Evie.

I enjoy it.

What are you gonna do with it when you leave?

Take it with me from my window back home.

Wouldn't it be a lot simpler just to buy another one there?

Well, then it would just be a plant I bought.

And when I looked at it, it wouldn't mean anything.

What will this one mean?

I bought this one here.

I can't think of how long it's been since I've heard the

ticking of a clock.

real nice room here.

Isn't it just like yours was?

Mine didn't have the curtains pulled back and the pictures on the wall.

The lights there are a lot softer.

I cut cardboard circles out and put them in the top of the lampshades.

Throws the light down. I like low lights.

I could be very happy in a room like this.

I like a chair by the window.

I always try to make hotel rooms look as if they aren't.

Excuse me.

Hello?

This is Miss Jackson. Who's this?

Oh, uh, yes. Just a minute. It's for you.

Who is it?

She just said it's Harry Mark there.

Huh?

Hello.

Oh, Phyllis?

Well, how'd you find me?

Uh, uh, I mean, where are you?

Oh.

Well, uh, I'll be right down.

She's downstairs.

Why did she call you here?

Well, the elevator boy told her.

I better get down to her, Amy.

I forgot my suitcase.

Goodbye, Evie.

Please, don't go on so long.

This is Mr. Marcos by the magazine, Connor.

Mr. Robert Turner.

Beijing, Mr. Robert Turner.

Robert Turner.

Come, Phyllis.

Hurry, dear. Thank heaven I found you.

You know, the hotel is completely filled up with conventions.

But this nice young lady has been telling me about the Metropolitan Hotel.

It's right across the street. She's actually stayed there herself, haven't

you?

Lots. She says she always enjoys it.

Oh, yes. Well, I know about the Metropolitan Hotel.

As a matter of fact, I have a suite waiting there for us.

Harry, why did you check out of here? The desk clerk said that you were... I

had to catch the 6 o'clock train when something came up. And I had to make

other plans, you see.

Thank you.

You have no idea how helpful she is to an out-of-towner.

My name is Harry Mork.

You're saving a suite for me.

Good evening, Mr. Mork. Will you sign here, please?

Just get off the train?

I did.

And it will be nice to get away from the vibration.

Suite 7B for Mr. Mork, please.

Good night.

Good night.

Notice what'll be fine for me.

These two are mine, and put Mr. Morks in the other room.

Oh, isn't it nice to have things done for you?

Are you surprised to see me, Harry?

Oh, yes.

Yes, yes. Well, my cousin Florence's husband, George's aunt Virginia, is

coming to Altoona for a visit.

And Florence said that I had to have her to stay at my house because she wasn't

up to it.

You know, let Phyllis do it.

Well, the only excuse that I could think of was that you had wired me to meet you

in New York.

And then I thought, what a wonderful idea to stay in a hotel and be waited

on.

Because they're never up to anything in my family.

Phyllis will do it.

Well, Phyllis won't for a change. Thank you, sir. Good night. Thank you.

Oh, Harry, I can't wait to live in New York.

I've already found an apartment for us, Phyllis.

An apartment?

Oh, yes.

Patrick helped me pick it out.

Miss Jackson likes it very much.

You haven't asked me about Miss Jackson, Phyllis.

Is Patrick in town?

He's gone back to school.

Phyllis, you've got to get used to the idea that Patrick is no longer 13. He is

18. Oh, I know how old Patrick is. I only wish he knew how old he is. Every

week I get these letters filled with his problems.

He's got a hundred of them. He calls me up on the telephone and complains like a

little boy.

Harry, I'm counting on you to straighten him out. I just don't want to get

involved.

What are you looking at?

Nothing. There's a window across the way with a plant in it.

Oh, I wish we were staying in that hotel.

I love chrome and glass.

This looks like Altoona.

Phyllis, aren't you going to ask me what I was doing in Miss Jackson's room?

All right.

Since you seem to want me to ask, what were you doing in Miss Jackson's room,

whoever she is?

I went there to get my suitcase.

I knew there was a good explanation.

Well, don't you wonder how it got there?

All right, Harry, how did it get there?

Well, I left it there earlier.

Is there anything else you want me to ask?

Well, most women could think of a lot of questions to ask.

Harry, you're a man.

You've lived a great deal in the past, and I suppose you'll live a great deal

in the future.

All I ask is that you don't tell me about it. Because if I know, I'll have

to do something.

And Phyllis is done with doing.

I think my attitude is very generous, Harry.

Not many women would have it, you know.

Good night.

I'll see you in the morning.

Phyllis, why did you give me this picture of Patrick as a little

boy? Because that's the best picture of me that's ever been taken.

Good evening, Mr. Cruikshank.

I looked for you at the awards banquet, Miss Jackson, but apparently you didn't

attend. Tomorrow we tour the main post office. I'm putting you in charge of a

busload. Be in the lobby at 10.30.

I'm not taking charge of any busload. Here's a list of your... Good evening,

Miss Jackson.

I will be on a train at 10.30 on my way home.

Not staying for the rest of the convention?

That busload can just take care of itself.

Couldn't you have found a building with an elevator in it?

Well, the apartment itself makes up for the climb.

Somebody's been at this lock.

Now, this is the vestibule.

A person doesn't need a big vestibule.

And this is the living room here.

It's hard to...

Arrange furniture in a square room.

You can put a Davenport right along that wall.

There.

And a chair by the window.

And a plant on the windowsill.

What's that?

Used to be a container of yogurt.

Has somebody been in here?

You know, I like a building with doorman.

And a lobby with elevator men.

so that all you have to do is just pick up the telephone.

This is the kitchen.

It's right here.

See?

I mean, wasn't it nice at the hotel this morning, Harry? We just picked up the

telephone and had breakfast set up.

Come and see our bedroom.

There's a bathroom here.

Guest room.

Guest room?

Oh, Harry, if we have a guest room, we'll have half of Altoona sleeping in

it.

This is our room.

We'll never get twin beds in here.

Well, I, uh, I thought we'd have a double bed.

What's that down there?

A restaurant.

I know.

The lights will shine in and the clatter of the dishes and the bugs will work

their way up from the restaurant.

And you don't know it yet, but there's a clarinet downstairs.

I'm just wondering if they'd send up meals.

It would be nice just to pick up the telephone.

Don't you like the apartment, Phyllis?

Harry, dear.

You don't have to give up your way of life for me.

You've lived in hotels all your life.

We can go right on.

You don't have to give up your way of life for me either, Phyllis.

I've lived in houses and apartments all my life.

If I wanted any more of that, I could have married 10 times Bacchanal Tuna.

From now on, I just want to pick up the telephone.

Phyllis is flying high.

Good morning, everybody.

Pat? Where did you come from?

My room. It's right down the hall.

Well, how'd you get in?

This friend of mine, Zola, picked the lock.

She doesn't believe in locks.

Come see my room, fellas.

Why aren't you in school?

I've been kicked out for wearing a beard.

Beards are against the rules of that kindergarten.

But you don't have a beard. You're too much of a little boy to have a beard.

I shaved it off.

Well, then why did they kick you out?

Oh, you've got to do something about him, Harry.

You've got to do something about her, Dad.

Harry!

There's a girl in the bathroom.

That's his friend of mine, Zola.

Zola, this is my mother.

Well, she's a very high-principle girl, Phyllis.

She's giving up all her principles for me.

Zola's giving up everything she's ever believed in.

Zola has asked me to marry her.

I suppose you'll exist on lollipops and live in a treehouse.

My room here is big enough for the two of us.

Harry and I are going to live in a hotel.

Wait a minute.

Wait just one minute.

Now, if we live anywhere, Phyllis, we are going to live right here.

With a kitchen.

And a room for everybody. And a guest room where out-of-towners don't have to

stay in some damned hotel.

Patrick, all the time you were growing up, I needed someone to lean on.

I thought if I waited until you were a man, I could lean on you. That was the

picture I had in my mind, a son to lean on.

But if I leaned on you, we'd both fall down.

That's when I decided to lean on you, Harry.

But I can see I might as well be back in Altoona, cooking for Cousin Florence's

husband George's Aunt Virginia.

Well, Dad, you squeezed a tomato.

Where's Mother?

Well, that is the messiest pile of trays I've ever seen in a hotel corridor.

Phyllis?

Patrick?

Do you hear me?

This is father speaking.

No, dammit, this is not father speaking. You don't just say that I'm your father

and make it true. And, Phyllis, you just don't say that I am your husband and

make it true. And I can't say that you're my family.

You know, it just doesn't work out that way. You gotta unlock your doors. You

gotta come out here and you gotta get mixed up with me. We gotta talk and we

gotta fight and we gotta meddle in each other's business until we forget about

our own.

And, Patrick, you don't want a father at all.

You want a mother.

And, Phyllis, you don't want a husband.

You want a son.

Eleven kisses, Bimbo Jones.

Henry, will you put these things in the taxi for Pennsylvania Station?

And I'll be right there. Yes, Miss Jackson.

Here's my key, Mr. Grove.

Thank you. Say goodbye to Mr. Weinstock for me.

Okay. And here's a little present for your daughter's birthday. Thank you very

much, Miss Jackson.

Goodbye, Miss Jackson. Goodbye, Maurice.

Bye, Fred. Goodbye.

Hi, Joyce.

Bye, Miss Jackson. Can you tell Miss Loveland to let me know how those

orthopedic shoes work out?

I sure will.

Would you tell Benny, the shoeshine boy, that Miss Jackson said goodbye?

Jackson.

Goodbye, Arthur.

Goodbye, Shorty. Bye,

Martin.

Goodbye, Chester.

Goodbye, Miss Jackson. Have a nice trip home.

All set, Henry. Thank you, Miss Jackson.

Miss E.

Wasn't that nice of Vernon?

Will you tell him I said thank you?

I sure will. Bye, Miss Jackson.

Vernon.

Miss Jackson said thank you. Oh, this one's for real. I got a guy waiting on

the hook.

Your attention, please.

Will passenger Evie Jackson...

Please report to the information counter.

Your attention, please.

Will passenger Evie Jackson please report to the

information counter?

I'm Evie Jackson.

I was just paying...

Stay right where you are.

Right where I am?

You're not moving in.

Dear heart,

wish you were here to warm this

night.

My dear heart,

seems like a year since you've been out of

my sight.

It's a lonesome town, all right,

but soon...

you know I'll leave your