Original subtitles

- That was really a great dinner, huh?

- Yeah, yeah.

Happy anniversary.

Hey, you know what I was thinking?

- Hmm?

- Since this is our tenth anniversary,

Why don't we let the kids stay

At grandma's and grandpa's all night,

If you know what I mean?

- Hey, hey, we could watch our wedding video.

- I guess you don't know what I mean.

- No. Come on.

- Why? Why? Why?

- Well, for one thing, watching our wedding video

Might make tonight seem like our honeymoon.

- Gimme. Sit down.

You don't know how to use this.

You never did, really.

Can we fast-forward

Through the chicken dance, please?

Unless this turns you on...

[mumbles "chicken dance"]

- You can save that for later.

- Hmm. - Oh.

Oh, see, I love this. Isn't this romantic?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Right.

- Oh, look who I get.

- Oh.

What, did you hit something?

Did you hit something?

- No, no, it's still going.

- Then why am I seeing football?

- I--I don't know.

- Where did our wedding go?

- Well, something must be wrong here.

- Oh, my god.

You taped football over my wedding.

- All right, please-- - what did you do, ray?

What the hell did you do?

- No.

Come on, don't get excited.

- What? It's football. It's still football, ray.

- Yeah, but it's the bills-giants super bowl.

- I don't care. You give me that.

Oh, my god. Look at this.

My god, it's the whole thing, ray.

- Oh, right. Oh, yeah. The kids tape football, ray.

The last thing they put in the vcr was lemon chicken.

- See, I'd never do that,

Because I love your lemon chicken--

I want my wedding. This is football.

- No, you give me my wedding back.

I guess the tape wasn't marked correctly.

- Oh, the tape wasn't marked correctly?

You don't think that tape was marked correctly?

What is this big white label that says,

"our wedding" in gold trim?

- Did it always say that?

- Why would you use this tape?

I don't know. The game was nine years ago.

Maybe, you know, the guys might have been over,

Somebody said, "hey, you should be taping this."

And you know me,

I was just trying to be a good host.

I said, "hey, that's a good idea, someone else."

Hey, you know something, I have an idea.

Next time, if you have something on tape

That you like and you want to save it,

You--you see this-- you see the tab right there?

You just pop it out; you pop the tab out.

And then--then the machine knows,

"oh, you must really like that.

I won't tape over it. I won't."

You just pop it out. You pop the tab out.

[sighs]

Okay, ten years. That's enough.

- Raymond.

- Oh, good morning.

- Everything all right, dear?

- Yeah, yeah, just--

The anniversary was so exciting, you know,

I--I needed a break.

That's all.

- Eggs, marie.

Scrambled.

And they've been looking a little pale lately.

Stop holding back on the yolks.

- I'm not holding back.

- I'm on to you.

Daddy wants his yolks.

- You get every yolk, frank.

What possible reason would I have for prolonging your life?

- Is robert up yet?

- You mean hopalong?

- He was gored by a bull, frank.

He can't help it.

- When is he going to get rid of that walker?

I mean, I got stuck behind him twice today:

The stairs and the bathroom.

- Thanks for shoving past me on the steps, dad.

- You were in the the fast lane.

Get over to the right.

- Robert, did you find him?

- Bad news, ray. The guy's in prison.

- Prison? - Who? Who's in prison?

- James lemus, the guy who videoed ray's wedding.

He went from doing wedding videos

To honeymoon videos

Without the consent of the honeymooners.

- What about his old tapes?

I got to get my original.

- All gone, raymond, impounded and destroyed.

- Okay, then. Mom, can I live here?

- Of course you can, dear.

What did debra do?

- She's having a bad reaction

To me accidentally taping over our wedding video.

- Oh, my god.

- Holy crap.

- I don't understand.

What would you tape over your wedding?

- Football.

- Sports?

Sports?

- It was the super bowl, ma.

- It doesn't matter if it was a super-duper bowl.

It's still sports.

- I know.

- Hey, good work, ray.

Now when some broad starts yapping...

[in high voice] "you're never romantic,"

Guys everywhere can say, "hey, you think I'm bad?

At least I didn't pull a ray barone."

- I must say, I'm surprised, raymond.

You're not usually so thoughtless

And inconsiderate.

He gets this from you, frank.

- At least I didn't pull a ray barone.

- All right. I'll see you.

- Where are you going?

- I don't know.

Maybe walk by the river.

- You have to make this right, raymond.

- Well, the tape's gone, ma.

What do you want me to do,

Staple our wedding photos together

And make a flip book?

- Well, I'll tell you what I would like

If I were debra.

- I'd like it if you were debra.

- Oh, frank.

- What, what? Tell me, ma, what?

- Renew your wedding vows.

- Yeah, and then you can videotape that.

That's a great idea, ma.

That's just like what my civil war buddies do.

- What your civil war buddies do is get drunk and pee outside.

- You know what the southerners do?

- Oh, stop it, frank.

We're talking about a beautiful thing,

A wedding,

A renewal of commitment and love, frank.

Love. You understand love?

- By all means, ray, hurry up and renew this.

- I don't know, ma. It all seems kind of--

- You have taken debra's wedding away.

And no matter what people may say about her,

She's still a woman.

And you don't take that away from a woman.

The only thing you need to worry about

Is if she ever forgives you for what you've done.

- But I--I guess she'll like it,

But I don't know anything about this renewal stuff.

- Leave it all to me.

I'll handle all the arrangements.

- Yeah?

- Yes, I would do that.

- Okay, all right.

- Oh, uh, marie,

I would like to renew my breakfast order:

Eggs!

- Oh, good. I'm glad you're up.

I got some good news, and I got some bad news.

The bad news is that if you like being mad at me,

You're out of luck, m'lady.

The good news is,

I couldn't get the tape back,

Which I know sounds like bad news

But actually is good news,

Because if that tape existed,

We wouldn't be able to get married again.

- What are you doing?

- I've been thinking about it all night.

Let's renew our vows.

- Look, I took your wedding away from you,

And--and--and I know you're a woman,

And you don't take that away from a woman.

So let me give it back to you.

- You know, just forget it, ray.

The tape is gone. I'll get over it.

- I know you will, but this will be faster.

Come on, let's do this. I feel bad.

I was thoughtless and--and careless,

And I want to make it up to you.

And it's our tenth anniversary.

We should do something special.

We'll invite friends over, we'll get dressed up,

Have music and flowers,

And--oh, you won't have to do a thing.

And--and a priest, we'll get one of those.

And we'll write new vows.

Then we'll videotape those,

And we'll pop the tab out of that right away.

I just want to do this, because...

Because.

I had a good idea?

- It's wonderful, ray.

I mean, you would really get up in front of people

And recite new vows for me?

- Sure. Yeah, yeah.

Okay, this is good.

I'm so glad you're happy.

- But you know what? I just thought of something.

- Your mom's gonna want to plan the whole thing.

- And that would be bad? - Ray.

- Yeah, I know. It's bad. It's bad.

- So you're doin' this all yourself, huh, ray?

- Yeah, yeah, debra wants me to.

It doesn't count unless I go through hell.

Stupid. Stupid renewal.

- So what do you got so far?

- Uh, I'm working on a motif.

- Oh, motif. How fancy.

- Yeah, they talk about it in here.

- Where'd you get all these wedding magazines?

- From the newsstand. It was so embarrassing.

I had to buy some porn just to even it out.

- "the best weddings have a centralized theme."

Hey, you know what would be great?

Cupid.

- Cupid?

- Yeah, yeah, it's a little naked angel.

You know. He shoots you.

Ah, it's cute.

- That's a horrible motif.

- What? It's perfect.

He can be flying around the room.

Hey, you know what you could do?

You could dress up the twins.

Put little wings on their back.

They'd come by-- - all right, stop it.

No. It's not gonna be cupid.

That's lame.

- All right, so what's your brilliant idea?

- An english garden.

- English garden?

- That's right, yeah.

- Whoo, whoo. Hey.

Party. English garden.

- Hey, it's classy, you neanderthal.

"it brings sophistication and elegance to any party."

Okay?

Yeah, what does cupid bring?

A bow and arrow and a bare ass.

- Okay, great.

- It goes with my whole idea of a Sunday tea.

- What do you mean, tea? There's no dinner?

- No, it's a tea.

That's it. There's gonna be hors d'oeuvres.

- Okay, so your motif really is,

"I'm a cheap bastard."

- Hey, come on, let's go.

- Put the game on. It's almost time.

- Hey, you're another two.

Did you get an invitation?

- Yeah, yeah, I got it.

- So, robert, how's your ass?

- Upper thigh.

- [laughs] upper thigh, sure.

- Yeah, yeah. Never mind that.

Never mind. Are you comin'?

- If I have to. - Yes, you have to.

- Why don't you renew the bachelor party?

- You're coming. - Is there food?

- Hors d'oeuvres. - Hors d'oeuvres? I'm out.

- Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Some hors d'oeuvres are good.

- Well, a couple things, you know, like, uh...

Those chicken-on-a-stick things.

- Ooh, satay.

- Hey, ray, can we get those stuffed mushrooms?

- I don't know. You like those?

- You got 'em, I'll eat 'em.

- What about for those of us who have a bit of a sweet tooth?

- And a bit of a fat stomach?

- I'm trying-- I'm gonna go with

These chocolate-dipped strawberries.

- Chocolate and strawberry.

That's an excellent flavor combo.

- Oh, my god.

The strawberries wearing the little tuxedo shirts.

- Come on, really? They don't do that.

- Sure they do.

It's dark chocolate all around, right?

With a white-chocolate front

And little buttons and a bowtie.

- Really? - That's adorable.

- Why don't you three dip each other in chocolate?

What about, like, a little chocolate top hat?

- Like chocolate clothing. - Excellent, yes.

Or what if we use a different berry?

- How about a kiwi?

All: Yeah.

- Raymond, what is this?

- Hey, I need that. - What is this?

It looks like an invitation to your renewal ceremony.

- Yes, that's what it is.

- I thought I was supposed to take care

Of all of this, raymond.

- So is that your rsvp?

[playing "close to you"]

- Hey, gerard. Gerard, you know anything else?

[plays "smoke on the water"]

Okay, stop. Go back to the other one.

The other one's better.

[plays "close to you"]

- Ray, ray.

Ray.

Ray, did you see this?

Did you see the strawberries?

They have regular ties instead of bowties.

- Yes, I know. That's what I ordered.

- Well, nobody told me.

- [laughs] hi.

Frank, make way for my lasagna.

- No, no.

Mom, I don't-- I don't need lasagna.

Please. I have hors d'oeuvres.

- Well, then why don't I just kill myself?

- And then--then-- where's the florist?

I ordered lilies of the valley.

I don't see any lilies of the valley.

- I see a pansy of the family.

- Ha-ha, funny. Come on, stop.

- Raymond, you really have done a wonderful job.

- Thank you, father hubley.

- Looks like a lot of work.

You must have really screwed up.

- Oh, it's pretty.

- Yeah, can you believe daddy pulled this off

All by himself?

- Hmm. Yes, I did.

- All right, everybody, shall we get started?

[gerard plays "close to you"]

- That's enough, gerard.

- I would like to welcome all of you

To raymond and debra's beautiful home.

- [giggles]

- We are gathered here today

To witness a renewal of love and commitment

Between husband and wife.

And in our presence and in the sight of god,

They will now share vows they each have written.

- Go ahead, raymond.

- Ladies first.

- All right. Debra?

- Okay.

Um, well, when-- when ray first came to me

With this idea, I was very touched.

I'm really glad to have this chance to tell people

How I feel about you.

- Oh, boy.

- I don't know how well I've always lived up

To my vow to love, honor, and cherish you.

So just in case I haven't always shown it,

I want you to know that I do.

With all my heart, I do.

And I want to add something else to that list.

[clears throat] all right.

- And that is to thank you.

For the kids, for your love,

For our life together,

I thank you.

- Raymond.

- Um...

You're welcome.

- Your vows, raymond.

- I am so happy to be here on this occasion.

Love is in the air.

Today I consider myself...

The luckiest man...

On the face of the earth.

Okay, I forgot the vows.

But that doesn't mean that I don't care about you

Because of that, and--and because

I taped football over our wedding video.

- You taped football over your wedding video?

- Yes, I made a mistake.

- You said you were going to recite vows to me.

- Okay, I know.

I know, but we had your vows,

And, oh, they were beautiful.

And--and I didn't really hear 'em all,

Because I was in my head going "idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot."

But--but, you know, luckily, robert videotaped 'em,

And we can enjoy 'em later.

- You never told me to tape it.

- Okay, but, but, but--

Honey, look at all the decorating

That I did here.

I--there's stuffed mushrooms here,

And, see, look, there's flowers everywhere,

And there were supposed to be lilies of the valley here.

But the napkins, they match the tablecloth.

I did that.

All right.

I'm sorry.

- Lilies of the valley?

- Yeah, that's your favorite flower, right?

- You remembered?

But the damn florist, he didn't bring it.

- You remembered my flower.

- Kiss the bride.

Kiss her. Kiss her now.

[applause]

By the way, if I may ask...

What game was it?

- It was the '91 super bowl. Bills and giants.

- Oh, good game, good game.

- I know, I know. I still have it on tape.

But we're not-- that's not why we're here.

We're not here for that.

- I'm so excited.

The famous last-second field goal.

Even though I know what happens, I'm so excited.

- Keep it down, my friend.

Keep it down.

- This was the greatest moment of my life.

- Shut up. Here it comes.

- I do.

- Oh.

- Why am I watching a wedding?

Bring back my super bowl.

[together] come on.

- He missed it, all right?

We know he missed it.

Hey, we know what happens, all right?

- I forgot.

- We know how this ends.