Original subtitles

I don't care. What do you want to do?

Why don't we get married?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm excited here. Look at this. Look. Look at that.

What? Oh, you have to try that on. Come on. You're only going to do this once.

And so I think that you should do it right. Now that I'm getting the hang of

it, I may get married.

Oh, four or five times.

June, bride.

You ever slept under the stars, Cagney?

Camping? Yes.

Um, my friend here is... She's getting married.

Hiya, doll.

You look gorgeous.

I do my best.

You're late.

I'm sorry. I got hung up.

Well, my veal Oscar is probably all dried out.

Shouldn't have bothered, babe. I told you I'd be late.

Gotta eat.

Chris, what would you say if I told you I'm not hungry?

I'd say you better be kidding.

Babe, I've been staked out for ten straight hours. You know what that is.

Junk food central, right?

Right.

You mad?

No.

Okay, I'll eat.

That's stupid. You're not hungry? Don't eat.

No, it's all right.

Looks great.

Forget it, Dory.

Can you freeze it or something?

Sure.

I'm sorry.

You know what? What?

Dory, what?

Why don't I take you to a movie tonight, huh?

It's too late to go to a movie.

We missed the 8 o'clock show.

Okay. So what should we do?

What do you want to do?

I don't care. What do you want to do?

I got an idea.

Why don't we get married?

Huh?

It's like Borg and Bessar up there.

They led a major lowlife like Louis Boff a cop to a misdemeanor.

Probation and $500.

Right, they didn't give him a good citizenship award.

Thank you. Thank you.

Marybeth, when you buy filet of chicken breast, do you pay to have it deboned at

the market, or do you take it home and do it?

What's wrong?

That's a very big jump you took, Christine, from Louis Boffa to chicken

cutlets.

Well, Louis Boffa, I can't do anything about, and this was on my mind.

Chicken cutlets.

Yeah, I'm making chicken Dijon tonight.

And I need the breasty bone, but I think $2.99 a pound is a lot to pay for.

Well, it's not so hard, you know, to have a good knife. You have a good

knife, you break the breastbone, and you scrape underneath the side.

Chris, you know, the change in usage you settled in with Dory, I would not have

believed.

What's that supposed to mean?

It's nice.

It's nice?

Yeah, you seem content, Christine.

Dory asked me to marry him.

He did?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm excited here.

I didn't say yes anyway.

What, you turned him down?

Did you turn him down?

Well, no, not really. I don't know.

I haven't thought seriously about anything like this since the 11th grade.

Bruce Malloy.

He's read his name all over my notebooks.

Mrs. Bruce Malloy.

Christine and Bruce Malloy.

Christine and Dory McKenna. Oh, my God.

Mary Beth. Did you and Mr. McKenna set a date?

I told you I didn't say yes.

Yeah, but it was as good as a yes, right?

Don't tell anybody, okay?

Why? What's the big secret?

I don't know. I think I'd just like to get used to the idea myself.

Well, don't take too long, Christine. I mean, you're 38 years old. You haven't

got all the time in the world.

Well, thank you, Mary Beth. You think maybe I should buy my cemetery plot now

before it's too late?

Who was the one that said she wanted babies?

You should have babies, Christine.

Wait.

Hear that?

Mary Beth, turn around.

Why? But we're in the neighborhood.

We're 22 blocks away, Christine.

Close enough.

Car 457 responding, 10-4.

I will turn this car around if I get a chance, if you will tell me every single

thing that happened.

Come on, what were you wearing and what did he say?

What'd he say, Christine?

He just said we didn't have anything else to do. Why didn't we get married?

Just like that? Just like that, get married?

I asked him if he was pregnant.

Oh, that's the cutest thing I ever heard in my whole life.

I didn't see nothing. See, I was down in the basement fixing a boiler. I mean,

you can't expect I could hear anything from there, right? So could I go now,

huh? The victim's name is Wentworth, first name C.C., penthouse apartment.

One bullet shattered the bedroom window.

This is the building superintendent.

I was down in the basement. I was fixing a boiler. I didn't hear nothing. I mean,

I don't know nothing. I swear, I don't know nothing.

Could I go now?

If it's just the same to you detectives, I would rather not press charges.

We can't, Robert.

It's like giving Preston carte blanche to do it again.

Who is Preston? My ex-husband.

He's been a jealous lunatic ever since I showed him the ring that Robert gave me.

See? Oh, that's very nice.

And, uh, did this Preston threaten you?

Uh, not exactly.

You see, Preston is the kind of man who returns a book to the library and

expects that no one is ever going to take it out again.

Oh, I see. Well, we'll check on him. It's Preston Wentworth.

Yes, ma'am. It appears that the shot came from the building across the

street. You know anybody who lives there?

No.

Where were the two of you when the shot was fired?

In here.

What part of the room, sir?

Robert is so gallant.

He worries about my reputation.

We were in bed. You were still asleep at approximately 12.30 in the afternoon?

Hardly.

Robert comes over every afternoon during his lunch hour.

That's what saved us. If we'd been standing up, we would have been killed.

I see.

And that's every afternoon.

The ex-husband is in Los Angeles on business. The hotel confirms he's been

there since Saturday.

Maybe he flew back and forth. You want coffee?

Yeah. Before he had enough money, he could have hired someone to do his dirty

work. He could have. But you know what occurred to me? We never even asked

Robert Walter if he had any enemies.

Now say he's got a jealous ex-wife or another girlfriend.

I'm calling him at his office.

Karen, can I ask you something?

Yep. Can you read this initial?

It's Coleman's signature. I know, but what's the first initial?

It's an N.

Wallitzer? No, it's an M.

W-O-L-R-I-T-Z-E-R. It's a K.

I don't know. It could be anything. Exactly.

Do you know there's not one person in this station house that knows Coleman's

first name?

Not even his initial.

It's fascinating. Are you sure?

This is Rosenzweig and Funds, investment bankers.

Yes, thank you.

Christine, did you hear Robert Wallitzer tell us that he was a vice president at

Rosenzweig and Sons on Wall Street?

Yeah, it's right here.

I just talked to them. They never heard of him.

What about silver? You got silver? Yes, I have my grandmother's sterling. I

never use it. I have my stainless at home. It's perfect.

How about wine glasses?

I have wine glasses. Of course, you can go for cheap, though. You can get like

two dozens. No, this is not the place for wine.

No, but downstairs we should go because registering is really easy. Mary Beth,

we're here to do it. We're here working.

The MVD gave us your address, and the super in your building told us that you

worked in the credit department here.

Why did you lie to us, Mr. Wolitzer?

Why could I tell you the truth with Cece standing right next to me?

You won't tell her anything, would you?

Please? This is a criminal investigation, Mr. Wolitzer. Now I

suggest that you sit down and you explain what's going on.

I first met Cece about 11 months, 15 days ago, and I was walking through the

store on my way to lunch, and Cece was shopping in cosmetics.

All of a sudden, she stops me, and she holds up her right wrist, and she holds

up her left wrist, and she asked me, which scent do I like better?

I said, well, they both smell delicious. And then I added that she's delicious.

I can't believe that I actually stood there and said that.

What does this have to do with Rosen's swag and sons?

C.C. Wentworth is the ex-wife of one of the richest men in this whole city.

And in no way would she ever be interested in some drone who works in

the credit department of Neufeld's department forever.

So you lied to her?

Yeah, yeah.

And you lied to us.

That's a crime falsifying a police report.

Oh, my God. Oh, no, I knew it was gonna come to this. Mr. Wallace, you made a

very bad start here.

Right?

Detective Cagney, is it that we could let this go?

Maybe this once.

Maybe.

But you're going to have to start telling us the truth, Mr. Walters.

Everything. I'll tell you everything. Please, just don't say anything to Cece,

all right?

Well, you're going to have to tell her yourself eventually.

Oh, please, no.

Mr. Walters, please stop saying please.

May I ask you a question?

Do you have any enemies who would have fired that shot?

No. Ex-wife?

No. Girlfriend? No.

Cece's the first woman I've ever loved.

And she's the only woman I'll ever love.

Do you believe that guy?

Well, I don't approve of his lying, but I thought he was very sensitive, very

sweet. Well, I didn't buy his act for a minute. I thought he laid it on a bit

thick. For what purpose? I think he set the whole thing up. I think he hired the

hitman. First attempt?

Sweet, sensitive Robert. He's there. See? Takes suspicion right off him.

Second time, he's gonna nail her and he's gonna inherit all her money.

Oh, I think you're very cynical, Christine.

Mm-hmm, fine, good.

Tomorrow we'll go talk to Cece, see who's in her will. Think Dory'd like

that?

No, it's so sweet.

I got this for Hall last Christmas.

He gave it to the mailman.

What? God, Mary Beth, I forgot Dory's shirts.

I was about to drop off his shirts. You've got to get me to an all-night

laundry. Oh, Chris, Chris, look at this. Look, look at that.

What? Is that something?

Huh? Oh, you have to try that on. Come on. Come on.

Oh, is that perfect, huh? It's lovely.

Oh.

No price tag.

Look, Christine, this one you have to try on.

Oh, come on. I would look ridiculous.

You would look gorgeous.

Mary Beth, 18-year-old virgins wear white dresses with daisies. Come here

and talk to me. Come and talk to me.

Christine, this is the biggest and the most important event in your life.

Now, I say to you, go all out.

May I help you?

No. Yes.

Um, my friend here, she's getting married.

Well, congratulations.

What can I show you?

Do you have anything in red?

Okay, what's up?

Huh? You got that look on your face, Mary Beth.

What look?

Look, when you're dying for me to ask you, what's up?

That's scary when you do that, Harv.

Okay, what is it?

I promised Christine I wouldn't tell anybody. Tell what?

I'm sure she didn't mean you, Harv.

She's getting married.

Dory McKenna? Yeah, is that terrific?

I don't know. He's okay, I guess.

Not to marry.

Come on, he cleaned up his act, Harv. You gotta go by the track record, Mary

Beth. That's what handicapping's all about.

He's not a horse, Harv.

He deserves a second chance. He's going to hurt her. Oh, bite your tongue,

Harvey. I'm making a prediction.

This one's going to dump her.

That's a terrible thing to say. He's going to dump her, and we're going to be

picking up the pieces.

You don't know that.

Everybody said you and I would never last. Look where we are.

Who said that?

Your mother's aunt.

Doesn't matter. She never liked me. Harvey. She didn't, did she? It doesn't

matter. She liked that college jerk Stuart better. Stuart Barco?

I have not thought about Stuart Barco in a million years.

He was so tall, Stuart.

Like Tom Selleck. Tall?

He was a freak, Mary Beth. It was probably his glands. Or there might have

been inbreeding in that family.

28-pound babies. That's what you would have had with Stuart Barkow.

All I can say is it's lucky for you I came along. You think so, huh? Yeah, I

think so.

You want to know what I think?

This better be good, Mary Beth.

I think I'm lucky that you came along.

I made a shower for Huff's cousin Estelle. We had those little sandwiches

with the crust cut off and pigs in blankets. We had my special mackie with

deviled eggs.

No, I really thank you. I don't think so.

In the first place, who am I going to invite?

I'm just, I'm no good at that kind of thing. I mean, sitting around with a

bunch of housewives talking about the recipes and their floor wax. It's not

like that, Christine.

No, we could invite the men, too, if you want.

It'll be fun.

It would be embarrassing.

It's just an excuse for someone to have to give you a present.

Anyway, I'm too old for a shower.

All right, Christine, it's your life.

But knock on vinyl, you're only going to do this once.

And so I think that you should do it right.

Well, now, that's not necessarily true, Mary Beth, now that I'm getting the hang

of it. I may get married, oh, four or five times.

I have an aunt, Eunice, who got married six times. And the last guy she married

was new, right out of college.

I saw him.

I don't blame her.

All right, have it your way.

I do hope at least that you do the wedding right.

Now, how about these friends in the catering business who went to a wedding

that they handled? Oh, they had these little doves and a net. At the end, they

let them go.

And the couple stood in this little archway, sweet little archway with

flowers and ribbons on it. It was just, it was the dearest thing I ever saw.

Doves? Yeah.

Just this case.

Okay, you can skip the doves.

This thing is wrapped up. I thought that I should have a bodyguard.

It's nice to meet you.

Are you sure it wasn't my ex-husband?

The thing is, Miss Wentworth, we're taking kind of a different direction in

our investigation, and we were wondering if you could tell us who would benefit

from your death.

Oh, you mean my money?

Um, well, I've left it to various charities and medical research.

What about your fiancé? Did you leave him anything?

Robert? He doesn't need my money. Oh, wait.

Let me just show you what this precious man sent me yesterday.

Please. Ah, Neufelds.

Earrings to match the ring.

Very, very nice.

Very generous.

Yeah.

Lieutenant, we've been waiting to talk to you.

If this is about Coleman's first name, I don't know.

No, Lieutenant. Actually, it's about the shooting incident. Let me ask you

something. If a gentleman says he's going to pick you up 7 o'clock, what

time do you expect him? Generally, 7 o'clock.

On a nose?

Well, 5 minutes after is usually good in case I'm running late.

All right, so you got five minutes.

Oh, thank you, sir. We have no suspects and no leads on the shooting, sir.

But right now, it looks like it could be an embezzlement from a department store.

Is it Mr. Robert Wallitzer? He works in the credit department of Neufeld's

department store. Detective, let me see. Is this a long story? Well, it's a

complicated one. But the main question is, do we stay on it? Yeah, you stay on

it. Well, let me warn you one thing. These employee theft cases, they're a

pain in the butt.

They take a lot of investigation. They're hard to prove.

And even if you do make a case, 99 times out of 100, the store is going to drop

it. They're willing to settle for restitution. Yeah, that's right.

Then they fire the employee.

They want the whole thing hushed up, probably because they don't want all the

other employees to find out how easy it is to rip the place off. All right, two

minutes. Explain to me about the attempted murder.

Oh, thank you, sir. Well, there's this couple, and they're in love, only he's

poor and she is rich. It's Mr.

Robert... Cagney, you do it.

No suspects.

The ballistic support shows nothing except an angle, indicating that the

shot came from a building across the street, probably a car buying.

However, the apartment across the street is vacant, covered in two inches of

dust, which means no one has been there for over a year.

Well, stay with it.

Got to go now.

Have a wonderful evening, sir. Oh, thank you.

Dory, what happened to your stakeout?

It fell apart.

I hate you seeing me like this.

Better get used to it, huh?

Tori, I don't have any dinner for you.

Cheese and crackers will be fine.

No, that's not enough.

Want me to send out for pizza?

I don't know if I could face another pizza.

You know what I was thinking today?

What? We ought to start looking for a place.

A place?

Yeah, to live.

This is the good place to live. I thought you liked it here.

I do. It's just that we're going to want something bigger, don't you think?

Well, in the city, lots of luck.

Well, we could move out a little.

The suburbs?

Well, out towards Long Island or maybe New Jersey.

I mean, I know how it sounds, but the reality is you get a lot more space for

your money, you know? So why be snobbish?

It's not snobbish. It's just so... far.

Well, you get used to the commute.

Just so merry.

It's just something to think about, you know? I mean, it wouldn't kill us to

stay here.

No, you're right. This place is too small for two people.

I know how much you like it here, and we're not going to rush into anything.

We don't move till we find something we both like. I know, but if you're not

comfortable here, then I... Will you forget it? I mean, we're not even going

to think about it until we come back from the honeymoon, okay?

Okay.

We do have to put in for vacation, though.

June is hard to get.

June?

Yeah.

June, bride.

And I thought of the Grand Canyon. You ever slept under the stars, Cagney?

Camping?

You mean like the Girl Scouts?

You don't want to.

No, it's not that I don't want to.

I'd put in for February. Remember I told you I got those reservations in

Chamonix?

Huh? It's a skiing resort in the Alps, and it's very romantic.

Very... You don't want to?

No, sure.

I've been skiing in ten years.

I broke my collarbone. I was in a body cast for four months.

Probably is time to try it again.

Or we could go camping.

We don't have to decide this minute.

Right.

I missed you.

I was thinking about you all day.

Don't worry.

I'm so tired.

I was going to catch a nap before you came home.

Yeah, sure. I mean, if you're too tired.

No, I guess I'm not too tired. I'm not too tired.

Now, come on. Come on.

You don't have to for me. No, I know I don't have to. It's great.

Give me a kiss.

Look, I know that you are too tired, so forget it, okay?

Can we just snuggle?

Sure.

Thanks.

Mr. Wilcox, do you have reason to suspect any recent embezzlement or large

-scale employee theft?

Should I?

Well, we don't know, so that's why we're asking you.

Are there any pieces missing from your jewelry department?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Since I took over as the head of store security some nine months ago, I've

reduced the incidence of employee theft to virtually zero.

Uh-huh.

Well, this is a very large department store, Mr. Wilcox. I don't understand

how you can be quite that certain.

As part of my regime, I instituted the computer system.

It inventories all merchandise and cash down to the last penny. I'm happy to say

the last three months have been totally theft-free.

Mr. Wilcox, I'm sort of a computer illiterate, you know. I mean, for my

kids, that's like 2 plus 2.

Anyways, you're going to have to interpret this data for me.

Actually, I can't. It's not my field.

How do you know what it says?

I have a computer genius in the credit department. He set the whole system up

for me.

These detectives want to talk to you about your computer program. I knew it.

I knew it. I knew that I would never get away with it. What? Get away with what?

I'm sorry, Mr. Wilcox, to have betrayed your trust, but frankly, it was worth

it. No, Mr. Walliser, please, don't say any more. We have to advise you of your

rights. I don't want any.

Just take me to jail. Go on, get it over with. Mr.

Walliser, please.

You have the right to remain silent. If you give up the right to remain

silent... I didn't think it would mean any harm, you know what I mean?

A nickel here, a dime there. What difference would that make?

All I ask is that Cece doesn't find out who's going to take care of Cece. You

want to zip it up!

Long enough for her to finish.

Without charge.

Now, you understand these rights I just said to you?

I wasn't listening.

You do it.

You have the right to remain silent. If you give up the right to remain silent,

anything you say can and will be held against you...

Really kind of sad, sir. He did it for love.

Right. He was afraid his girlfriend wouldn't love him unless he could buy

her expensive things.

Will you spare me the bleeding heart? Okay, Lacey?

Huh?

All right. So you say the guy ripped the store off for $18,000, huh? Well, not

exactly, Lieutenant. Technically, he didn't steal anything from the store.

Well, you got the money from somewhere.

Well, he's one of those computer wizard types, sir. What he did is program the

machine so that every time someone returned something to the store, he made

a little money off of it. Well, how did he do that?

Well, let's say that I go to Neufeld's and I buy a sweater with my charge card.

All right?

With tax, it comes to $54.43.

Well, I take it home. I decide I don't like it.

So I want to return it. Well, our perp, he's got the computer program, so when I

take it back, my account is credited with the $54. But the cute part is that

the 43 cents goes into this dummy account that he set up for himself.

$18,000 worth? Well, he's been doing it almost a year, sir. Every single time a

charged item was returned to Neufeld, an amount between 1 cent and 99 cents was

credited to Wallace's account.

So what are we talking?

We're talking 30, 35,000 victims here? Is that terrific?

I mean, who else in the precinct gets to crack 35,000 cases in one day?

All petty theft.

My arm is going to go paralyzed from stamping the paperwork.

Well, that's why we came to you, Lieutenant.

What should we do with it?

What are you asking me?

You're a superior officer.

And you're always complaining I don't give you enough free reign.

So you and Lacey, you can run with this one. I'm not going to tell you what to

do with it.

It's good we talked, Lieutenant.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I love you. I need to have lunch with me.

I've got to get back. I have to be at the store at 1.30. Boy, you really get

all the oddball cases, don't you?

How's your day?

I spoke to my insurance broker this morning.

I told him I was going to get married and wanted to make you a beneficiary.

Dory? No, wait. It's complicated.

You know, because of the kids.

But I want to make sure that you get something in case something should

happen to me.

That's very sweet, Dory. I have my own money.

Not to take to your kids is one thing. I don't need any. Well, trust me, Kathy.

The kids come first.

Not to mention I don't want to leave you enough to tempt some tight-pants young

fortune hunter, you know?

Thank you very much.

I'm glad you'll probably get enough to get one terrific dinner out of it.

And a decent bottle of wine?

Well, I don't know. I wouldn't go overboard.

Anyway, Joe thinks we should be doing some financial planning.

What for?

Well, let's face it. I'm not bringing as much money into this as you are. I mean,

you've got your trust fund.

The least that I can do is to see that we manage it smart.

Hey, don't look at me like that, Cagney.

I'm not being a gigolo here. It's just that Joe thinks that we should sit down

with this account he knows and take a good look at where you got your money

and how we can better make use of it. Yeah, I've been doing fine. Well, you

probably are, but we've got to look to the future.

I mean, I'm eligible for retirement in two and a half years, you know.

Retirement?

Well, not that long till you're 20, huh?

I don't want to retire.

Well, it doesn't mean we have to. It just would be nice to know we could if

we wanted, you know?

Let me ask you something.

What do you know how you do about money?

Spend it too fast.

Thanks. No, I mean, seriously, what do you... What do you do with your

paycheck?

Deposit it in the checking account.

The joint account?

Yeah.

And Harvey can just write a check for anything he wants?

Sure.

Well, what if he wants to buy something you think is stupid?

We'll have a fight.

That's it?

Yeah, what else?

I mean, what's mine is his.

When Harvey wasn't working, I mean, he just kept on writing checks.

It's called marriage, Christine. It's two of you together.

What about those new modern marriages? Everybody gets to keep their own money.

No, no, it doesn't work.

It's like keeping one foot out the door.

I mean, God forbid that there should be a problem. You can grab your money and

get out fast. Now, I say marriage is commitment.

You jump in with both feet.

Hey, Christine.

I know.

Frankly, Mr. Wilcox, we don't feel that this case should go to trial.

Is that right?

Because it's difficult.

Because it's inconvenient.

Because you're lazy.

You think a man who stole $18,000 should get off scot-free? Wait just a minute.

Mr. Wilcox, he has been fired.

And I'm sure that he will try and make restitution.

It's not as if he hasn't been punished already.

No wonder America's going to hell in a handbasket.

I'm sure my friend at the time will find this very interesting.

According to detectives Cagney and Lacey, since the case would be difficult

to pursue, the store was advised to ignore the theft of nearly $18,000.

Just pass it on to the customers, charge them higher prices. That's what the NYPD

says, am I correct?

Sir, you're making this very difficult.

I certainly hope so. I want this man in jail.

That's what I like about this business. You get to meet such nice people.

Chris, there's something I've been wanting to ask you about, and I don't

know exactly how to do it.

What?

Say, is your brother and sister-in-law coming in from California?

Because I was wondering if you had thought at all about your... You know?

About your matron of honor?

Well, no, I... No,

it isn't that. No, no, no. If somebody else would rather have, listen, uh...

Mary Beth, would you stop? No, you're right, you're right. I should never have

brought it up. I'm a pushy broad, and I'm sorry I even mentioned it. No,

but... Of course I would want you to be my... matron of honor.

I just haven't even decided on what kind of a... We haven't even set a date,

actually. Yeah, whatever, whatever.

You know, we forgot to go back to China.

China?

Well, you really should register your patents, Christine.

You should.

Okay, Coleman, we got you now.

The Police Benevolent Association said the first initial is R.

Isn't that right?

Original? You're not getting a zip out of me, Becky.

You really should tell us. We've been spending a lot of time on this Rupert.

Nothing. Oh, come on. It can't be that bad.

Roland, I assure you it's not half as bad as either Victor or Marcus.

What's wrong with Victor?

You know, if you spent half as much time on burglary as you did on this, the

crime rate in this precinct would probably take a nosedive. Thank you,

Ricardo.

Rufus. Rosencrantz. Wrong.

Ralph.

Come on, have a redundant.

Did you finish interviewing your 15,000 witnesses?

No. Very funny, Christy. My bunions have little bunions of their own.

Did you get any little witnesses? Good ones? Oh, sure.

Uh, here. Marguerite Duquesne, M.D., theft of 21 cents. Quote, are you

serious? My time is worth $200 an hour. I'm going to spend a week in court for

21 cents.

Unquote. Cynthia Manley, theft of 47 cents.

Why don't you people go after the murderers and rapists?

Mitchell Salison, theft of 92 cents. Oh, I can't repeat what he said. Well, I got

a biggie.

Biggie. $82.

$82? Mm-hmm. One person.

Michelle Lyons. She spends half her life buying everything, and then she spends

the other half returning everything she bought. She is thrilled about coming to

court. She said she had absolutely nothing else to do. Oh, great.

Christine, this case is the silliest little bit of nonsense I ever had to do.

Sufficient unto the day, Mary Beth.

What is that supposed to mean?

Are the evils thereof?

Huh? It's the Bible.

Or Shakespeare or somebody.

It means it's 5 o'clock and I'm going home.

Oh, sign me out, too.

Okay. Harvey and I have to pick out new linoleum.

That is a joke, right?

Oh, no, it's not a joke, Christine. Have you seen my kitchen floor?

So what are you and your new fiancé gonna do tonight?

What are you and Dory gonna do tonight?

Dory's working. I'm going to dinner with my father.

Oh, he must be so excited for you, huh? I'm telling him tonight.

You're faint. He thought I'd never get married.

Oh.

You told me before you told him.

Yeah. You told me before you told anybody whatsoever.

Mm-hmm. Nice.

Don't you tell anybody.

No, no. Lips are sealed. Lips are sealed.

So, I mean, it's no secret that Dory and I are living together.

He's still got his own apartment, you know, but it's an escape hatch.

But, uh... Anyway... What the hay? We thought we'd go

legal.

That's terrific.

You're not real excited about it. No, no, it's terrific. It's also your turn.

It's Dory.

You still don't like him, do you? Oh, no, no, come on. Chrissy, no guy's ever

gonna be good enough for you, but Dory, uh, he's an okay guy.

Even if you root for the Boston Celtics?

Okay,

Charlie, what is it? What's wrong? Nothing. Nothing. Nothing is wrong.

Look, if you're happy, I'm happy, and that's the truth, okay?

Remember when I was a little girl and I used to ask you if anybody ever wanted

to marry me? Yeah.

You told me I'd be beating them off with baseball bats.

Yeah, well, look how long it's taken me.

Hey, what are you talking about? You're the greatest. You could have any guy you

ever wanted.

You know what I'm the happiest about, Charlie?

I feel like I've always deprived you of grandchildren.

I already got grandchildren.

They're in California.

Maybe I should go see them.

Brian says he's got a great house.

on a hill and has a view, and he's got a pool and a hot tub.

Yeah, you know, your mom sure would have been proud of Brian.

But you and me, I, uh... I always thought we were two that took after each

other.

What do you mean? Couple of independent types. Stay light on your feet, don't

carry too much excess baggage.

Yeah, I've had a hell of a good time.

You gonna make the shot or not?

Five ball on the side, bud.

Reef. You gotta be kidding.

Rasputin.

Rumpelstiltskin. Will you two get out of here? I got work to do.

Rigatoni. Rigatoni? That's a pasta dish. I got it from the Italian baby book.

Good morning, Chris.

Good morning.

You have fun with your father?

Oh, what did you tell your mother?

Well, it was a night to celebrate. Now, don't you get too comfortable, of

course. We gotta go. Here, take this here.

No, we can get a coffee on the way. Take this.

We have an appointment with the assistant DA.

Come on.

8.30, Crosstown. Come on. I can't. I... I just got one cup.

I love it.

I just love it.

Last time, you bring me one victim and two confessions.

This time, one confession...

And 35,000 victims.

What did I do to deserve this? What?

You want to save this for the jury, Feldberg?

Because I've got a killer headache.

Mr. Feldberg, are you going to file the case or not?

This scourge of society.

You know, I have never seen two such gung-ho cops.

Is the police recommendation for hanging?

Or is it just maybe for a nice public flogging? Could you answer my question,

Mr. Feldberg? Let me see now. 35,000 witnesses.

At an average of 10 witnesses a day, that's an approximate estimate of 10

years in trial, $20 million of the taxpayer's money, and the judge is going

to fine this guy 50 bucks and give him probation.

Feldberg, if you would can the oratory, I would tell you that neither of us want

to go to trial any more than you do.

Then what the hell are you doing here? I don't know what else to do!

Mr. Felberg, the store insists upon going forward.

Then talk the store out of it.

Tell them we'll get a guilty plea to a misdemeanor theft.

They'll get probation on the condition you make restitution.

Convince them they'd be lucky to do that good at trial.

And what if the store refuses?

Don't let them. Look, I don't want to hear from refuse, okay? I want refuse

stricken from your vocabulary.

He's yelling again.

Could we get out of here?

Don't worry about it.

Have a nice day.

You were on very shaky ground here, Mr. Wallater.

First, my partner and I spent all morning talking with a very cranky

assistant district attorney, and then all afternoon talking with your ex-boss.

We pointed out to him that he would have to spend approximately one half the rest

of his natural life in court if we took the thing to trial, and he finally

agreed. So do not sit here now and tell me that you don't agree to the deal.

I'd like to.

But I can't.

All right?

I just can't.

I have a very bad hangover.

You said that I'd have to make restitution.

That means I have to tell Cece.

You mean she doesn't know yet?

No. I haven't talked to her since I've been arrested.

What am I supposed to say? Hi, this is Robert.

I'm a thief, a felon, a liar.

Oh, by the way, you still want to get married?

Oh, Mr.

Wallitzer, if she really loves you, I am sure that she will understand you and

forgive you. Sure.

Would you?

Yes.

She wouldn't.

Well, maybe you could make time payments with the store.

Thanks. No, no, she didn't mean it like that, sir. Now, please pick up the phone

and call her.

What have you got to lose?

You think? Absolutely.

I can't.

I said I can't.

I know what a shock this must be for you, Miss Wentworth.

Not really.

You mean you knew he was stealing?

No, no, no.

I guess I should have.

I don't understand.

I knew Robert wasn't rich.

You see, I tried to call him at Rosenzweig and Sons one day.

Yes, ma'am, so did we.

And you never said anything?

It's not easy when you have as much money as I do.

Everybody says you should marry a man with more money than you.

But why do I need a man with money? I've already got enough for ten lifetimes.

A man with no money, though.

You see, the good ones are afraid that you'll think they're after your money.

And the bad ones really are.

So I understand why Robert lied to me. And I knew if he knew, it would bruise

his ego terribly.

So I went along with it.

Are you willing to make restitution?

Of course.

I love him. I'd do anything for him.

Who took a shot at him?

Christine?

What is it?

You want to tell me about it? I don't know nothing.

I swear, I don't know nothing. Put your hands down. What?

What are you guys doing this to me for? I'm just a working man.

Talk. I don't have to talk, and you can't make me.

Okay, okay, I'll talk.

It was an accident. You've got to believe me. I didn't mean to hurt

anybody. I was just cleaning my gun when, boom, the bullet must have

ricocheted off that building and then across into Mrs. Wentworth's apartment.

I would have said something, but I got scared. You know, you cops showing up

and everything.

I thought this whole thing would have blown over by now.

I didn't even want to call the glass company.

But it's been freezing in my apartment.

You guys going to book me or what?

Rory Coleman.

Rip Coleman.

You got something for me?

Rock Coleman.

Ramon Coleman.

How about Ronald?

Ronald Coleman.

Yeah, you never saw Random Harvest on TV?

Or Tale of Two Cities?

Oh, I cried half a day over Tale of Two Cities.

Ronald Coleman, the guy with the little wimpy mustache.

It's a far, far better thing I do than I have ever done.

I'm going to kill her.

It's a far, far better rest I go to than I've ever known.

It's a far, far better place I go to.

Has this been a terrific day or what? I mean, how often do we get a day like

this one, Chris?

The department store gets the money to give back to its customers. We get to

solve an attempted murder and 35,000 petty thefts.

We even got the lovers reunited.

I mean, everybody's happy for once. We didn't have to arrest anybody.

Fairy tale ending, right?

I'm not gonna marry Dory.

What?

I'm gonna tell him tonight.

Wife, what did he do to you?

Nothing.

Come on, Christine, talk to me.

Well, I'll make up a reason if it'd make you feel better.

I am trying to make you feel better.

I'm trying to be your friend and understand this.

Well, I'm not sure I understand it myself.

I just don't like what I've become.

It's not me. It's not what I want.

What have you become?

Well, I've got a tough job, right?

Right.

And there's some nights I just want to go home and take off my makeup, wash my

hair, eat yogurt, read a trashy book.

I don't know. Lately, I've been... That's not true.

It's every night. Every night, Mary Beth, I leave this place, I go home, I

clean up the apartment, I doll myself up, and then I go fussing in that damn

kitchen like I was Betty Crocker.

Well, Christine, Dory's a very demanding man.

Now, you have to talk to him and get him to understand. It isn't Dory. Dory

doesn't even care. It's me.

I'm doing the stuff I think I'm supposed to do.

No, I'm not following this at all.

If you don't want to do it and Dory doesn't care, then why do you do it?

This person I've become doesn't even feel like me.

I take my breath, I feel like I'm suffocating.

I do. I have these crazy tapes that keep playing around in my head like old

reruns of Ozzie and Harriet.

I understand.

You understand.

You're not going to give me the old Peter Pan speech about how I'm supposed

to grow up and make commitments?

Oh, Christine.

You and Dory want different things out of life.

He's not the right man.

What is the right man?

Well, he's out there, Christine. Now, you have to believe that.

All right, Beth, you're not getting it.

I'm 38 years old. It is no accident that I never married.

I like my life.

My life works just fine, exactly the way it is. And I'm not getting married

because I'm supposed to. I agree with you 100%. From your mouth.

You're saying it's all right to be single.

Well, Chris, what I'm saying is that you should never settle.

You are not listening to me. I'm not talking about settling.

I'm talking about liking my life the way it is.

There's nothing wrong with my life because I'm single.

Dory's the wrong man.

If he was the right man, you'd be getting married.

All right, Beth.

You don't need a ring to love somebody.

No, this is what you believe now, Christine. But when the right man comes

along, you will not be sitting around thinking about it. When the right man

comes along, you will close your eyes and make the leap.

I don't want to go through the rest of my life with my eyes closed.

If I want to get married, I'll marry Dory.

Then you would be settling.

I would not.

What is wrong with Dory anyway? He's a terrific guy.

He has an ex-wife and two kids. Who doesn't?

He's human. I'm human.

He's a terrific guy, and I love him. If he's a great guy and you love him, then

what is the problem? There isn't any problem.

I have looked at this.

I've looked at me.

And I understand your feelings about husbands.

But I, Christine Cagney, do not want... I do not need to get married.

Maybe it's the wrong time.

It's possible.

Would you admit it's possible?

Admit that it's possible!

It's possible!

Well, what are you gonna do now? You gonna see him ever again?

I don't think he'll understand.

If he doesn't understand, what happens then?

I don't know, Mary Beth. I don't predict the future.

I hate to see you lonely.

I won't be lonely.

What if you never see him again?

Then I don't see him.

But it wouldn't stop me from loving him.

And it wouldn't stop me from loving somebody else. And it doesn't have to

all be tied up into a neat package called marriage.

I swear to you, it does not.

Your opinion. Right.

It's my opinion.