All language subtitles for Stumptown - S01E07 - November Surprise

Why do you want to be
a private investigator?

This? This, I'm... I'm good at.

I don't know why, but I am.

Hey, thanks for your help with Ansel.

- I owe you one.
- Oh, stop it.

I like him. You know that.

You... You had somebody here
while my brother was here?

Her name is Liz.

It was all very PG.

- You and Dex are...
- Just friends.

Okay.

I just can't tell
if she's playing games or what.

I'd love to show you my world.

Uh, you mean like go to a jazz concert?

- Bowling.
- Super sexy.

I'm glad you came.

I built businesses right here in Oregon,

created jobs for hardworking Oregonians,

like my dad and his dad before him.

Oregon never follows.

We always lead,

and I want to continue leading us

into a future that works for you.

I am Llewellyn Slocombe,

and I want your vote for State Senate.

♪ The American dream ♪

This message was approved of and paid for

by the political action committee

- Slocombe for Oregon State Senate.
- ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

Vanessa is ready for you.

Great.

Okay, whenever you're ready.
This is a redraft.

We're against tort reform
on a state level,

but we're for it nationally.

Write it more confusing so the voter

has no idea what we're talking about.

I'm gonna need a salad Niçoise
in 45 minutes,

and send them a video
how to poach a fish.

You went up against Randall Tapper.

Uh, yeah.

I mean, somebody had to.

Right. Well, it cost him.

He pulled his campaign donation.

I mean, I'm not gonna hold that
against you.

Or will I?

Will you?

I don't know. Let's find out. Whiskey?

Uh, it's 11:00 a.m.,

so, yes, of course I will.

Elliot!

Two refreshers!

Uh, give me the room.

What do you know about Dan Gibson?

Councilman Dan?

Uh... gay, married...

seems smart. I don't know.

I want to destroy Dan Gibson.

- Okay.
- I want to reduce him to ash,

and then I want to have
a private ceremony,

and by "private,"
I mean "public ceremony,"

where the proud people of Oregon
watch me scatter his remains

over the mountains,
out to the high desert

to be forgotten forever.

Cool beans.

Oh.

Thank you, Elliot.

Um, why am I here?

I have one month to get voters

to punch the ballot for my guy,
Llewellyn Slocombe.

You're gonna find my October Surprise.

So, let me get this straight.

You want me to destroy Councilman Dan?

He's selling squeaky clean.

Nobody in politics is that good.

He has a secret.
You're gonna sniff it out,

and you're gonna bring it to me,
and I'm gonna detonate his soul.

Yeah, I don't know. Politics?

It's not really my bag.

Are you sure you got the right girl?

It's 50 grand. 5 up front,

45 on receipt of dirt
dirty enough to bury Dan Gibson.

Yeah. Yeah, okay.
I'll just move some things

around in my schedule, but, yeah.

Vanessa. Vanessa.
Uh, security found a package

that may contain some anthrax.

Anti-vaxxers. Betcha a finski.

Yeah. Okay, so, I just need
that check for the 5 grand.

Oh.

Oh, you don't think... you don't
think we're good for...

She doesn't think we're good for it.

- Well...
- Okay. As a sign of good faith,

I am gonna give you my gas mask.

Gee, thanks. Elliot, give me yours.

I'm gonna need that check, sport.

I don't want to die for $12 an hour.

Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com

You were amazing last night.

Oh, was I?

Oh, my God. My heart stopped.

Twice.

Well, you should know...
it was my first time.

Oh. Could've fooled me.

Really?

I actually recorded it.

Well, do I want to watch it?

Oh, you want to see it.

♪ Give you a kiss before I walked out ♪

♪ And I told you ♪

It, um... I think we should
probably watch it together.

- Oh, no.
- Mm-hmm.

Grey, keep that freaking elbow up.

Oh!

Good. I mean, elbow up.

- That's good advice.
- Yeah.

My brother Edgar...

two-time Northwest Backyard
Axe Toss champ.

What? Where did I find you?

Um, I found you. At your bar.

Literally begged you to take me home.

So...

Glad you did.

All right.

Let's get started.

Um... I have an awkward question.

Okay. Well, I have an awkward answer.

Can I have a job?

So, you're gonna ruin
Councilman Dan's career?

- That's the gig?
- Wow, your new lady

really put you through your paces, huh?

No, this is about the cool-down.

I forgot to do the cool-down.

The cool-down is just
as important as a warm-up.

I think we're off-topic.

Here's the thing, though...
Councilman Dan seems like

a really good person.

I thought you were doing
all this to help the good guys.

Well, there are no good guys in politics,

- which is sexist, by the way.
- Okay.

Everyone likes him.

You, be yourself. Don't just
follow the in-crowd, okay?

You're gonna make everyone hate him.

No, I'm not. I'm sure he is
a monster deep down,

like everyone else.

If someone's gonna vote
for Councilman Dan,

they deserve to know the truth.

It's the obliques.
That's what's really hurting.

- Uh-huh.
- Yeah, I hurt my obliques.

She did this thing with her leg, where...

Oh, yeah, an anchor baby.

It's when you wrap around

and there's a lot of compression
on the low back...

But we don't need to...
we don't need to get into it.

And since when
do you care about the truth?

Well, since the truth started to pay.

- "Dan Can Do It."
- Mm-hmm.

Oh, you're going undercover.

I sure am.

Gotta start somewhere.

Hello. Uh, Dex... Gladstone
reporting for duty.

Carol. I run the phone bank.

Oh, I got you pegged, Carol.

"Team leader... Carol."

Oh. Geez.

Of course, of course.

- Tempeh ball?
- Oh, no.

Not in this universe or any other.

Suit yourself. They are quite yummy.

- Now... Oh!
- Thank you.

So, um, where do you, uh, want me?

My background is mostly
in administration,

so if Dan needs help at his desk...

Oh, no, he has four assistants.

- He's completely covered.
- Okay.

Oh.

Hardware issues.

Welcome.

So, uh, so, fundraising, then?

That is a good guess.

- Hmm.
- Here's your script.

Now, there's no quota per se,

but a good goal is 30 contacts per shift.

- Mm.
- Convert eight of those,

and that's a win.

- Wonderful.
- And, uh, and the man himself?

He'll be in. You'll know.

Why are you here?

Oh. Uh...

I'm sorry, what?

We all know Dan is on
a rocket to Washington.

He has his eye on the big chair.

Look at these killers.

No, come on.

This is the future of our country,

and these people know
that they are riding

a gravy train all the way to D.C.

Now, let me ask you again...

- why are you here?
- Mm-hmm.

You know, I just want to know

if Dan is really too good to be true.

So, if I'm gonna hitch
this wagon to the gravy train,

I need to know who I'm following.

Let's get you started.

Okeydokey.

Oh, geez. Don't go esoteric.

Hey, I'm the customer. You know what?

I'll have what he's having.

Vodka-vodka-pineapple.

I'll have a Manhattan.

Okay. Coming up.

What? No martini glasses?

Do you have Carpano Antica?

Look, I got what I got.

I'll grade you on a curve, okay?

♪ We spend the days joking ♪

All right.

♪ But love to complain that
there's no time ♪

So, what's the barback situation?

He's at soccer practice.

Thursdays, I'm on my own.

Oh. Pushover.

Can I have a week off for Christmas?

Okay, 1... you're not hired yet,

2... absolutely not,

and, 3... it's complicated.

He's a great kid, and I give him
Thursdays off for soccer

and Saturdays if he's got a game.

All right.

♪ So fine ♪

♪ So fine ♪

Straw.

You gotta finish it.

Nice final touch.

♪ So fine ♪

Damn, that's a pretty good drink.

20 bucks an hour, and I don't pool tips.

She's a deal at twice the price.

And I'm good-looking, too.

Don't hop in, Danny.

Just stop.

What do you say
about tomorrow night, we go out?

My buddy's band is playing.

They're not good.

They're actually bad, but they're loud.

What do you say?

We are going out?

Huh. Bold move.

I like it.

♪ Keep on, keep running ♪

Hello, uh...

Jill Woods, my na...

Uh, Claire Kennedy...

Whoa. You... You...

You kiss your mother with that mouth?

Okay, well, don't answer the phone

while you're in the bath
if it's an unknown number.

That would... Yeah, you have a great d...

They tell you one in five calls pays out,

but it's really like one in 15
in my experience.

Archie, the last campaign I worked on...

uh, we had a lot of confidential
materials coming in.

Do we have a policy for that here?

Yeah, we shred every night.
Dan's a stickler.

Never saves a piece of paper.

Okay, so, if I wanted something shredded,

I would just... I'd go in there?

What? No.

Give it to Carol.

"Walk in there."

The Councilman's busy.
Rewriting the future.

Of course.

- You know, I've never even met him.
- Oh, no?

Oh. Shh!

- I don't... I just...
- I don't understand.

- Don't panic. Don't. How can they just...
- They can just cancel?

- It's all right.
- That's...

We... We've got the church as an option.

We just... We need something.

I never gossip.

Oh, but please do.

But the venue for tonight's
fundraiser fell out.

Talk about a turd sandwich.

We were all gonna go.

- The whole office?
- Yeah, as a thank-you.

But I guess we're stuck here,

burning the midnight oil... again.

You know, I know a venue that we
can get into super last-minute.

You would be our hero.

Papa needs a new pair of mai tais.

He sure does. Let's get it for him.

I just want to thank you, uh,
for your contributions.

You really saved our bacon
tonight... both of you.

Yeah, could not agree more.

Thank you so much.

Well, happy to help.
I really like the slogan.

Uh, "Be You, Be True, Be Portland."

"Be You, Be True, Be Portland."

So, we can count on your vote?

I'd vote 10 times if I could.

And he might try.

Convicted felon.

- Oh.
- He's a business owner now.

That's why he's so
into, um, criminal justice.

Hey, well, then you know how important

sentencing reform is to me.

We are gonna overturn Measure 11

and get back
to common-sense prison terms.

Go out there and save it
for the stump speech.

I'm sorry. Listen to me.
I can't shut it off.

But it's true. We will.

It's all silly.
All right, you two have fun.

We'll see you out there.

All right.

What was that?

What? I was just...
I was making small talk.

Get better at small talk.

What were you doing in there?

You were kissing
some serious political ass.

I don't know. Maybe I could do
business with him.

He seems honest.

Well, maybe. I'll find out.

I cannot believe you dragged me
into all this.

I had to empty out their office
somehow, okay?

And you're welcome for all of
the paying customers, you know?

Yeah, that's true.

♪ Hiding up your sleeve ♪

Huh. You got her tending bar now, huh?

Yeah, just trying her out.

That didn't sound good.

It's a trial period,
- Mm-hmm.

And so far, so good.

- Okay.
- What?

W... It... Nothing. She just, you know...

she seems a little young.

Young?

Hey.

Hey. Uh, question...

Dan for Senate.

All right. Oh, look how good that looks.

Thank you so much for coming.

We appreciate your, uh, support.

Detective.

Tonight, I'm just here
to support a good man.

Thanks for the invite.

When did everybody get into politics?

Middle school, and you're
the one wearing the T-shirt.

Oh. Yeah, this is a long story.

Hey, look, um...

if it's cool with you, at some point,

I'd like to meet your brother.

Oh. Uh... yeah.

You know what? Actually, we...

we host a little Thanksgiving thing.

Um... and you're welcome to come to that,

if you don't have any plans.

Ah, anything I can do to avoid my family,

- I'm down.
- Please put your hands together

for your next state senator, Dan Gibson.

Thank you. Thank you, Bad Alibi!

Thank you all so much for being here.

It means so much to me.

Wow. Um... "Be You, Be True."

My slogan, right?

I want to tell you what it means to be me

and why I'm here working so hard
to represent all of you.

Uh, also, for any of you
who might have wandered

into the wrong event tonight,
by the way, I'm Dan Gibson.

Okay? Yeah.

And this is my campaign manager,
my husband, Antony.

Uh, this handsome fella.

And so, if I wander, if I'm wandering

- from my prepared remarks...
- All right, I'm gonna go.

You're gonna miss the prepared remarks.

- ...just talk to him...
- I'll be right back. You won't miss me.

- All right.
- ...'cause he's always keeping a list.

You guys look great tonight.

Really, it means so much to me...

Come on.

Hey, Carol.

You know, I think I, uh,
lost my clipboard...

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

- What's with the letter?
- What letter?

The one that's behind your back.

Oh, this letter?
This is a personal letter.

My grandmother, uh... You know what?

I got a bad vibe from you from jump.

Now, give me that letter
before I have to bust your ass.

Oh, all right.

Yeah, I know who you are, Gladstone.

You're not the only private dick
Slocombe hired.

- You're undercover.
- Yeah.

I'm working sly, and you have
popped a squat on my turf.

This is insane.

You're after the October Surprise?

I'm after $75K.

- Same as you.
- 75?

No, they told me 50.

Yeah, well, grow up.
You're working for scum,

and now you're digging in on scum.

Okay, listen, we're cool.

Doesn't have to be like this, okay?

You know what?
If I see you here tomorrow,

we're gonna have problems.

The letter.

Okay.

Oh!

Hey, pal.

Just wanted to make sure you're good

with your sister going out
of town for the day.

- Where's she going?
- The University of Northern Oregon.

But she'll be back for Friendsgiving.

She promises.

It won't be long.

Let's run through this.

How do you lock this place up?

Windows, porch light,
side door, and back door.

Perfect. And what do you do

if you see something you don't like?

I touch my nose with my tongue.

All right. Little smart ass.

You're messing with me.

I text the word "apple."

Right, and then I'll be wherever you are.

You guys treat me like a little kid.

- We do?
- You do.

Well, I'm sorry.

I don't see you as a little kid.

I see you as a man,
and I see you as a friend.

We cool?

- I'm cool.
- Great.

Also, you're out of milk,

so figure that out, tough guy.

Uh, Professor Gopalin?

I went by for office hours.

I'm hiding from my juniors.

- Oh.
- Just handed back their midterms.

Are you a student here?

Oh, no.

Wow. I am flattered. Thank you.

No, I'm here about, uh, Dan Gibson.

Councilman Dan?

I can't imagine why.

Well, he was on the faculty here.

He worked in the econ department
with you,

and you were
in contact with him recently.

- I'm with his campaign.
- I... We were not in...

You sent him a letter last week.

I haven't seen Dan in a decade,

since he was an associate professor.

- I was just wishing him luck.
- Okay.

But he held on to your letter,
and I understand why.

It was very... intimate.

You read it?

Yes. Yes, you said
that you were proud of him

for living his truth,

and I guess I'm just wondering what lie

he was living with way back when.

Sometimes a letter's just a letter.

I apologize if you wasted
your time coming out here.

Detective. It's been too long.

Oh, just long enough.

What do I owe the pleasure?

Uh, I am here to report a break-in.

Mm.

And what walked off on you?

You... You don't want to get a pen?

Oh, let's hear the story first.

The break-in...
was it, uh, was it your house?

Dan Gibson's campaign office,

burglarized by your friend Dex Parios.

So, you would like to report her?

Oh, no, I'm... I'm...
I'm not at liberty to do that.

Technically, I shouldn't have been there

to witness the break-in.

Okay, so, what would you like me to do?

Bring her in. Get her off the street.

Scare her straight.

- Get her off the streets?
- Yes.

And I assume that you already
tried to do this yourself?

Um... that conversation
ended prematurely.

She beat feet.

But if you tell me where she's at,

I'd be happy to talk to her.

Carol, why are you still doing this?

- You got to be in your late...
- Watch it.

- ...30s.
- Mm.

You still have a cabin
up in Mount Hood, right?

- Mm.
- Why not get out of the game?

No way this is still fun.

And is that why you do it, Miles?

For the laughs?

Look, your girl Dex is in over her head.

These are heavy people.

All right. I'll pass that on.

But, listen... Carol...

think about that cabin, all right?

Hello.

I'm sorry. I couldn't speak freely.

Listen, I am here
to help your friend Dan.

Will you help me do that?

Why would I do that?

Or I could turn your life upside down

and... see what falls out?

Not necessary.

When Dan taught here,
he was a different person.

How so? Your colleagues
said they loved him,

said the students did, too.

Some of them, maybe too much.

One student in particular...
very attractive.

I always wondered.

If he violated school policy.

- Don't be naive.
- Okay.

What are you doing here?

I'm just trying to get
ahead of things for Dan,

but what was his, um, name...

the... the... the student
that he got tangled up in?

Her name.

Dan wasn't out.

He was trying so hard to pass.

Not that it mattered to us,
but it did to him,

and this girl was all over him.

She was beautiful.

Do you remember her name?

No.

This is 15 years ago.

Anything you remember could help.

She played volleyball.

She dropped out.

Next semester, Dan was gone.

I'm proud he embraced his story.

It's not always easy being true.

No, no, it's not.

Uh, thank you.

You did a great thing
for the people of Oregon.

You know the Internet stocks
video pornography for free?

All right. I'm helping Dex on the case.

- Why?
- Uh, 'cause she asked me,

- and I owe her.
- For what?

A bunch of stuff.

Hey, look, which one of these girls

do you think is the, um...

you know, the best, um...

- The...
- The, uh...

- The hottest?
- It's a reductive term, but yes.

Which one is the hottest,
in your opinion?

- Number 9.
- That's what I was thinking.

It's Number 9 for sure. Yeah.

All right, I got to tell Dex that.

Yeah, I think you cracked
this thing wide open.

Good job.

Thanks. Can I be honest?

I kinda love this.

Rooting around in people's past,
pulling the thread.

It's fun. Did you Google-stalk me?

After we met?

- No.
- So, you found it?

- Found what?
- How I wound up in Portland.

How my ex had a psychotic break
on vacation in France,

said I used him as a drug mule.

Heroin, he said.

Police detained me.

The State Department
had to get me out in the end.

I was trapped for two months.

Lost my job. I lost everything.

Had to leave Seattle and just start over.

I don't know if you're messing
with me or not.

Well, you're the super-sleuth.

- Hey.
- Hey, Dex.

Yeah, I think I got her.
Blond hair, long legs.

Wow. You're really painting
a word picture, buddy.

She plays volleyball
her freshman and sophomore year,

and then she just drops out.

Okay. I'll take a run at her.

- What's her name?
- Her name? Yeah.

Emma Lindstrom.

Great. Thanks.

Ah.

Link.

Gotcha.

Okay.

Lindstrom.

Wow.

That was easy.

Looks like I'm driving to Yamhill.

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Mm ♪

♪ I know a place ♪

♪ Uh ♪

♪ Ain't nobody crying ♪

♪ Ain't nobody worried ♪

♪ No ♪

♪ Ain't no smiling faces ♪

♪ Mnh-mnh, no, no ♪

♪ Lying to the races ♪

♪ - Mercy, now ♪
♪ - I'll take you there ♪

♪ I'm calling, calling, calling
for mercy ♪

♪ I'll take you there ♪

♪ Mercy, mercy ♪

♪ I'll take you there ♪

Hey.

You must be Jacob.

Yeah, that's me.

I'm, uh, Dex... Guardstone.

Uh, I'm a friend of your mom's
from way back when.

Thanks.

Well, it's a party.

I'm Casey, Emma's brother.

I-Is everything okay, Mom?

Everything's fine, sweetie.

Why don't you go get started
on your homework?

Okay.

You kids keep it down in here.

Nice to meet you, Miss Guardstone.

Shall we go outside?

Yeah.

Sweet kid.

Smart ass.

Like I said.

What is your business with my sister?

Uh...

I have questions...

about Jacob.

So do I. Who sent you?

Well, what does it matter? I got sent.

Um... I know about you and Dan Gibson.

I know a lot, actually.

I know that he gave you a B-plus
in Applied Econometrics,

that you had a fling

and then you dropped out of school

and had his baby, Jacob.

But you, uh, you never told him.
Why is that?

Don't... Don't come in our house
with this garbage.

Look, there was no father
on the birth certificate.

That's a red flag to me.

And I am not the one you need
to worry about, okay?

There are bad people
that are gonna find Jacob.

It's campaign season.

This is very valuable information.

You don't have to say anything.

Casey, I got it.

I was obsessed with Dan.

I had a feeling he was hiding things.

I guess I thought he was so smart.

And he made me feel smart...

but I had a boyfriend back home.

I got pregnant, and... I lied.

Told him Jacob was his.

He split right after Jacob was born.

He didn't deserve to be a father.

It's only ever been us...
me, my brother, and my boy.

You have to protect your family.

I can respect that.

What do you suggest we do?

I think you tell him.

Now, in your own words.

I can't.

They're gonna ruin my son's life.

You don't have to do this.

You can keep this a secret.

That's what I'm...
I'm trying to tell you.

I can't.

And... And... And you can't, either.

So, you're gonna...
you're gonna sell this?

You're gonna profit off our family?

I am going to fulfill my job.

Yeah.

Good to know.

Now get the hell out of our house.

Yeah.

Hey.

I am so screwed.

- Yeah? Who isn't?
- No, I mean it.

It's bad.

It's bad. I messed up.

Worse... Worse than normal.

Okay. What'd you do?

Um... I found what my client
was looking for.

Oh, quit bragging.

No, I mean it.
This is really bad, Grey, okay?

I-I-I found her, the... the girl,

and I don't know what to do
with what I found.

Well, for $45,000, you turn her
in to the client, all right?

I know. I know. I know.

But if I do that,
then I blow up her life,

and... you know, that's not
why I do this.

Okay. Why did you start doing this?

- To help people, I think.
- Which is great.

Dex, I can't give you an opinion

unless you let me know what's going on.

What's up?

- Well...
- Hey.

- Hey.
- Hi.

- Hey.
- Hey.

What do you say? We still on for tonight?

Yeah.

I just came back early
to prep my station.

That is really great.

What were you saying? What's the thing?

♪ Memory is sweet ♪

I'm not gonna... she's...

No. It's okay. She knows about the girl.

What?

You told her? Why?

'Cause she helped me identify her.

Oh, Number 9, with the legs.

Okay, I'm a private investigator.

"Private."

You... You can't just spill
my work to the new bartender.

Liz. My name is Liz.

Liz. This is unbelievable.

I don't even know why I came here.

Okay, enough. Just let me help you.

No, you know what? I'm good.

Don't just say "I'm good."

I'll just figure this out
on my own, okay?

Dex, come on.

♪ ...fade away ♪

♪ Now I really don't know ♪

♪ I really don't know what to do ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Well, I really don't know ♪

♪ I really don't know what to do ♪

♪ What to do, yeah ♪

♪ I really don't know ♪

♪ I really don't know what to do, yeah ♪

♪ Nothing to do ♪

A rose?

Come on, man, relax. It's for a lady.

When was the last time
you got somebody a flower, huh?

It's nice. You should try it.

_

You want a flower?

Mm.

What?!

- We need to talk.
- Hard pass.

You don't even want to know the topic?

Blow my mind.

It involves you getting paid.

Okay. So, here's the deal.

I got the thing.

- Mm-hmm?
- The October Surprise.

So, what I'm thinking is,
you take it to Vanessa,

split your fee with me.

75 grand, right down the middle.

I see. So, the thing you found is bad,

someone begged you not to use it,

but you're gonna.

Now you're trying to spread
your bad juju around.

35. You take 40, I'll take 35.

You're on your own, girlie. I'm out.

Okay, how about I take 25,
you get to keep 50 grand?

You don't get it. I quit.

Heard Vanessa bragging

how she was gonna destroy Councilman Dan.

I got too many bodies on my belt.

You know what kinda cases I like?

Reuniting kids
with their biological parents.

That's my bag from here on out.

Okay, so what do I do?

The question you need to answer is,

how much pain are you willing
to inflict for a dollar?

And I'd think fast,

'cause they got more people out there

who'll do just about anything
to scoop you.

Who?

You're in over your head.

You should just lean
on Detective Hoffman.

He's watching out for you.

You know what?
I can watch my six just fine.

Whatever you do, remember this...

you got to live with yourself.

Yep.

Thanks.

Mm-hmm.

Anse? Are you okay?

I am now. Did you get my text?

Yeah, I did.

What are you doing in my house?

Oh, I'm fine, thank you. How are you?

I wanted to deliver this in person.

Troy?

45 grand? What is this for?

It's your bonus for getting us
what we needed.

I haven't shown anyone my file.

So, Casey Lindstrom, Emma's brother,

he came to me because you proved to him

that their little family secret
was worth something.

So, naturally, I bought it off him,

and now I am paying you

because he wouldn't have
come forward otherwise.

So, thank you.

Wow. So, he sold out his own family?

Okay, so what happens now?

Now, I use what you found

to go suck Councilman Dan
into a black hole

from which he'll never emerge.

Oh, we go live at the county fair in...

oh, in about an hour.

So... you did good, Parios.

Mm-hmm.

Look, don't do this, okay?

Jacob is a really good kid,

and if you do this to him,
his life is gonna be ruined.

That's sad.

Well...

...cat's out of the barn.

What's the matter?

Um... well, I just destroyed
two families, buddy.

Listen, I have to go.

- Where?
- I'm gonna fix it.

Are you okay?

- I'm okay, Dex.
- Okay.

Lock the door after me, okay?

♪ Under the raging sun's
open fire, fire, fire ♪

You're really slicing those limes, huh?

Yeah, they should float.

That's right.

Hey, um...

I'm... I'm sorry,

but... I think we should keep
this professional.

Employee, boss.

Keep?

Well, we wouldn't be keeping it
professional, right?

We would be changing it to professional.

Technically.

No, physically.

Liz, w-what happened?

It was kind of last-minute.

You canceled, and you did it via text.

I know. I'm sorry.

All right, you've already said that.

This is where I would normally ask you,

"Did I do something wrong?"

But I know I didn't, so...

- You didn't.
- I know.

Look, pretend I'm dumb and catch me up.

What's going on?

It's just... watching you two together...

I don't want to get in between anything.

You talking about me and Dex?

We are just friends.

You can trust me.

I want to trust you, but I just met you.

I've seen this movie before.

My last boyfriend...

You are comparing me
to the guy who cracked up?

Yes, but he had this ex
who was always hanging around,

and in the end,
he wound up with her again.

I... I just need to protect myself.

Well, I can say this... you have
not seen this movie before.

'Cause this movie went straight to DVD.

In South Korea.

It was terrible.

I'm backing out of the metaphor.

Hey, can I put this knife down?

Yes.

Look, I really like you.

I think you're great, okay?

And I'm right here, and I'd like
to give this a shot.

And, look, me and Dex...
we're just friends.

Give me a minute to prove that
to you, okay?

♪ You brave the sight,
I paint the picture ♪

- Okay.
- ♪ Oh ♪

♪ And all she wants to do is cruise ♪

- Okay.
- Yeah.

I'm holding you to it.

Okay.

Llewellyn Slocombe... remember that.

Llewellyn... Hey. How you doing?

Hi, sweetie.

Good.

Sir, don't get up.

- But get my vote, all right?
- All right.

Nice to see you.

A vote for Slocombe is a vote for income!

Slocombe!

Hey. How you doing?

- Vote, okay?
- Hey.

Wow. You're voting, right?

Okay.

Llewellyn Slocombe, everybody.

Yes.

Thank you. Every vote counts!

Uh, Councilman... Dan?

Um... you don't know me from Eve, but...

Uh...

Dex Gladstone, right?

Uh, rescued my fundraiser. I owe you.

Um... uh, we don't have a lot of time,

but, uh, I'm not who I said I was,

and I have some sensitive i-information

that I need to share with you.

Uh... Team Dan, c-could we have the room?

- Oh, all right.
- Thanks.

What's up?

Um... so, you have a son.

Uh, his mother is Emma Lindstrom.

His name's Jacob. He's, uh, 15 years old.

He's very funny.

- Uh, he's in AP Lit.
- Uh.

I-I tracked him down for your opponent.

W-What?

Y...

You were investigating me?

I was. I was.

And Slocombe's team
is planning on going live

with this right now.

Then what the hell are you doing here?

I took a job
I shouldn't have taken, okay?

I thought that both sides were dirty,

so what did it matter what side I was on?

But I was wrong.

It does matter, and...
and I'm... I'm here.

I'm trying... I'm trying to fix this.

- Okay, does...
- Oh, my God.

Does the boy know about me?

No. No, Emma never told him.

Okay. Uh... S-Slocombe speaks first.

We've got, like, 15 minutes
to strategize here.

Wait, you have a son?

Your whole coalition is based on the fact

that you were an out gay man,

that you were honest about who you are.

They're behind me because I have
a vision for the future, Ant.

- I...
- Dan, our slogan is "Be You, Be True."

This changes the story
we've been telling,

and the story is everything.

Okay, sorry, this kid, your son...

he... he didn't ask to be
in the middle of this story.

What do I do now?

Wha...

I guess you own it, okay?

No spin. We expand your truth.

Okay, well, that might work for you,

but it's still gonna mess up
Jacob's life.

You're taking counsel from a turncoat PI?

- I...
- You don't know that. Just...

- Oh, my God.
- Okay, look.

This... This side,
they're gonna burn you, okay?

They don't care what happens to you

or to Jacob or his mother.

What have I done?

You didn't do anything.

Dan, Emma made her choice,

and now you have to make yours.

What are we supposed to do?

This is gonna ruin everything.

- All the work we've done...
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

I have a plan.

But you're not gonna like it.

All right, people are coming off
of funnel cakes,

so let's talk fast.

Someone want to tell me

what the holy hell is going on here?

We all know you're about to
detonate Dan's family secret.

Okay, they would have done
the same to us.

Mm-hmm.

Actually, honey, we ran a clean campaign.

We stand for something.

Ooh. Keep talking.

I'm getting aroused.

That's disgusting.

- Mm-hmm.
- You knock-off Kellyanne Conway.

Okay. Jacob Lindstrom
is a 15-year-old kid

who has no idea what's happening here,

so what is it gonna take
for you to keep him out of this?

Ooh. Well, that's a big ask.

Uh, there's only one thing that...

I understand, and I am prepared.

But we don't trust you.

We want assurances.

- In writing.
- Mm-hmm.

- Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
- Mm-hmm.

- Okay.
- Huh?

I want to hear you say it first, though.

I just... I just want to hear it.

I will drop out of the race.

Mm, mm.

And you're gonna sign a contract

that says that you and your team

are not gonna utter Jacob's name.

Not today, not ever.

Great. Sure. Just draft it up.

I already did.

Okay.

I hope you're proud of yourselves.

Very.

Let's take a little peek here.

- Mm.
- All right.

Thank you.

I never pegged you to be a family man.

Whoa, Dan!

I should have done that
on the debate stage,

you son of a bitch! I'm gonna...

You're gonna hear from my lawyer!

And you know... Hey!
That was a good punch, though.

- That was good.
- Oh, wow.

- Let's go. Let's go. Let go of me!
- I know karate!

- Can we get a car? Good job.
- I'll come and get you!

Excitement.

Well, Dan was the better man.

Oh, I've been at this
since I was about knee-high...

at my daddy's mistress.

We don't always deserve the better man,

but you... you.

Wow. I am definitely keeping you
in mind for future work.

Oh, no. No. No, thank you.

That would be... That'd be horrible.

Um, you can take this back.

- It's money.
- It's blood money.

Is there any other kind?

Yeah, there is.

I will see you around the bouncy house.

Mm-hmm.

Well, this is all that's left
of Grandma's china.

She threw a lot of it.

Yeah.

Do you remember when she broke,
um, Uncle Mark's nose?

Yeah.

Hey, we're here!

Hey.

Ah. You brought the bartender
to Friendsgiving.

I did. We're together.

And her name is Liz, and you know that.

For example, Liz,
would you explain the thing?

Um, I have been aging
a barrel of Sazerac.

Wow. Well, by all means, come on in.

- Okay.
- Great.

Mm-hmm.

- Oh, Detective.
- Hey.

Hey.

Looks like you got the invite.

Looks that way.

So, I got the bottle you drink first

and the bottle you drink second.

Thank you.

Hey, Ansel, this is Miles.

Miles, Ansel.

So, you can just invite anybody you want?

Well, it is my house.

Well, it's your parents' house.

Do you want to eat or not?

- I do.
- Okay.

You didn't let her
cook anything, did you?

- No way.
- All right.

My doctor's traveling this week.

I can't get sick.

Rough day?

Uh, it's just, you know...

No, go on and tell her. You're a hero.

Um...

I stopped the world
from ruining one kid's life,

but to do that, I had to bury a man

who was gonna make the world
a better place.

You did the right thing.

You know what I'm grateful for?

Oh, yeah. Let's do that.

Hey, that's for you.

For things we couldn't predict.

If I hadn't walked in

to a decidedly not-haunted bar on a job,

I would have never met this guy.

That's true.

Cheers.

- Cheers.
- To you.

Where's the restroom?

Down the hall.

Okay.

Whew.

She is perfect, right?

I don't know.

Um... she seems really, like, happy.

What?

Is she okay?

Like, um, mentally?

♪ If you ever ♪

♪ Change your mind ♪