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1
00:00:00,934 --> 00:00:03,003
A Pop original series.
2
00:00:06,073 --> 00:00:08,506
Did you decide what we're
watching for Movie Night?
3
00:00:08,508 --> 00:00:09,809
No.
4
00:00:09,810 --> 00:00:11,770
It's like there's nothing
good on Netflix anymore.
5
00:00:15,416 --> 00:00:17,050
Hi. I'm from the census.
6
00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:23,655
Mom, why did you do that?
7
00:00:23,657 --> 00:00:25,691
A guy wanting a list
of Latinos in my house?
8
00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:26,693
No thanks.
9
00:00:27,932 --> 00:00:30,358
The census is important
for communities of color.
10
00:00:30,360 --> 00:00:31,580
We have to participate.
11
00:00:31,582 --> 00:00:33,699
It determines congressional
seats and federal funding,
12
00:00:33,701 --> 00:00:34,734
and Latinos are always...
13
00:00:34,735 --> 00:00:36,334
Oh, at this point,
I'd rather be murdered.
14
00:00:36,336 --> 00:00:37,336
Open the door.
15
00:00:39,870 --> 00:00:41,060
Hi.
16
00:00:41,062 --> 00:00:43,108
Sorry about the whole
door-in-your-face thing.
17
00:00:43,110 --> 00:00:45,144
It's okay. Okay. I've had worse.
18
00:00:45,146 --> 00:00:48,980
I've been bit by a toddler,
tased by a grandma.
19
00:00:48,982 --> 00:00:52,183
2010, I was insulted by a racist parrot.
20
00:00:52,185 --> 00:00:53,185
Yeah.
21
00:00:53,954 --> 00:00:56,255
Anyway, uh, my name's Brian,
22
00:00:56,256 --> 00:00:58,291
and, uh, this is only
gonna take a few minutes.
23
00:00:58,292 --> 00:01:01,527
So, you're... you're Penelope Alvarez?
24
00:01:01,529 --> 00:01:04,796
Yes, I am. And I am the
mother of Elena and Alex.
25
00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:06,534
Oh. Okay. That's good.
26
00:01:06,536 --> 00:01:07,667
And this is your husband?
27
00:01:07,668 --> 00:01:09,968
Oh, God, no. No.
28
00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:11,469
No.
29
00:01:11,471 --> 00:01:12,571
So you're single.
30
00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:15,540
No husband, no same-sex partner,
31
00:01:15,542 --> 00:01:18,944
no unmarried partner, no
same-sex unmarried partner.
32
00:01:18,946 --> 00:01:20,986
And now we know all the
different ways I'm single.
33
00:01:21,815 --> 00:01:24,884
Thank you. Um, I'm very
happy... check that off.
34
00:01:24,885 --> 00:01:26,205
Well, there's no box for happy.
35
00:01:27,555 --> 00:01:29,655
Okay, I'm 42, Cuban-American,
36
00:01:29,657 --> 00:01:30,923
and I'm a nurse practitioner.
37
00:01:30,925 --> 00:01:33,392
Alrighty. And you're
the head of the household.
38
00:01:33,394 --> 00:01:35,696
No.
39
00:01:41,868 --> 00:01:42,902
I am.
40
00:01:42,903 --> 00:01:45,171
No. I am.
41
00:01:45,172 --> 00:01:47,605
This is my mother, Lydia.
She lives here, too.
42
00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:49,318
- Oh.
- Hello.
43
00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:52,345
Lydia. Yes. Okay.
44
00:01:52,346 --> 00:01:53,879
And, uh, what is your age?
45
00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:54,880
I am ageless.
46
00:01:56,535 --> 00:01:58,519
I was born in Cuba,
47
00:01:58,521 --> 00:02:00,586
but now I am an American citizen.
48
00:02:00,587 --> 00:02:02,321
Okay. I don't need to
know if you're a citizen.
49
00:02:02,323 --> 00:02:04,190
That's a common misconception. I just...
50
00:02:04,192 --> 00:02:05,293
I need to know if you're of
51
00:02:05,295 --> 00:02:07,994
Hispanic, Latino, or Spanish origin.
52
00:02:07,995 --> 00:02:09,095
I'm all three.
53
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:11,730
Do I win something?
54
00:02:13,239 --> 00:02:14,548
No... No, you don't.
55
00:02:14,550 --> 00:02:15,807
Uh...
56
00:02:15,809 --> 00:02:17,603
Okay, so then this must
be your husband.
57
00:02:17,605 --> 00:02:19,205
Oh, God, no!
58
00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:24,109
Berto is my husband.
59
00:02:24,111 --> 00:02:25,377
Okay. And where is he?
60
00:02:25,379 --> 00:02:27,112
Uh, he passed away 10 years ago.
61
00:02:27,114 --> 00:02:28,351
And he is here.
62
00:02:29,898 --> 00:02:31,019
Oh. Oh.
63
00:02:31,021 --> 00:02:34,553
Well, where do you... keep him?
64
00:02:34,554 --> 00:02:38,123
Berto is in here
and in here and in...
65
00:02:38,125 --> 00:02:40,425
Okay, we get it,
we get it, we get it.
66
00:02:40,427 --> 00:02:42,328
Let me just clear up some things.
67
00:02:42,330 --> 00:02:46,698
I am, uh, Dr. Leslie
Berkowitz, Penelope's boss.
68
00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:49,567
And, also, I'm Lydia's exclusive
69
00:02:49,569 --> 00:02:52,539
non-sexual platonic companion.
70
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:55,875
What does that mean?
71
00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:57,878
I don't know.
72
00:03:01,148 --> 00:03:02,859
Hi. I'm gay.
73
00:03:04,551 --> 00:03:05,987
Oh, well, that's not a box.
74
00:03:05,989 --> 00:03:07,119
Well, it should be.
75
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:09,322
I'm here, I'm queer,
and I'm proud of my box!
76
00:03:10,991 --> 00:03:12,191
No, wait. That didn't sound right.
77
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:13,826
That's okay.
78
00:03:13,827 --> 00:03:14,962
Look, I just really need to know
79
00:03:14,964 --> 00:03:16,729
the relationships within the household.
80
00:03:16,730 --> 00:03:18,097
Oh, oh, oh! Great, great, great!
81
00:03:18,099 --> 00:03:21,433
Because this is Syd,
my Syd-nificant other.
82
00:03:21,435 --> 00:03:23,635
- Ah.
- And they are non-binary.
83
00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:25,738
My pronounces are "they" and "them".
84
00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:28,306
Oh. Yes. They... They taught us this.
85
00:03:28,308 --> 00:03:31,436
It's nice to meet... you?
86
00:03:34,581 --> 00:03:36,449
Anyway, we're together
now, but next year,
87
00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:38,203
I'll be at Yale, if I get in.
88
00:03:39,086 --> 00:03:40,086
I'll get in.
89
00:03:41,208 --> 00:03:44,608
And I'll get in at one
of her safety schools.
90
00:03:44,610 --> 00:03:46,833
But we decided to break up
91
00:03:46,835 --> 00:03:47,860
before we go to college
92
00:03:47,861 --> 00:03:49,597
so we're not one of
those couples that thinks
93
00:03:49,599 --> 00:03:51,820
their first relationship
is gonna be their last.
94
00:03:51,822 --> 00:03:53,968
We don't want to be those people.
95
00:03:53,970 --> 00:03:55,434
I get it, I get it.
96
00:03:55,435 --> 00:03:57,536
Right now, I don't want to be me.
97
00:03:57,537 --> 00:03:58,637
Okay.
98
00:03:58,638 --> 00:04:01,107
Um, so, just who else lives here?
99
00:04:01,109 --> 00:04:02,541
Sadly, me.
100
00:04:02,543 --> 00:04:03,609
Ah.
101
00:04:03,610 --> 00:04:05,643
I'm Alex. I'm 15.
102
00:04:05,645 --> 00:04:08,279
And Papito is single.
103
00:04:08,281 --> 00:04:11,026
Right, right. Because he's... a child.
104
00:04:12,342 --> 00:04:14,385
No. Because it is impossible
105
00:04:14,387 --> 00:04:17,255
to find a woman who
is good enough for him
106
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,092
who is not me.
107
00:04:20,627 --> 00:04:23,597
Put down that my grandmother
and I are just friends.
108
00:04:24,698 --> 00:04:25,965
Okay, so, that's everyone?
109
00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:27,299
I hope, please.
110
00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:28,935
Hey, fam.
111
00:04:31,538 --> 00:04:33,606
Hey, Dr. B. Hey, new guy.
112
00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:35,773
Wait. New guy?
113
00:04:35,775 --> 00:04:37,954
It's Movie Night. Am I being replaced?
114
00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:40,112
By an older model?
115
00:04:41,248 --> 00:04:43,249
No, I'm... I'm from the census.
116
00:04:43,250 --> 00:04:45,416
Oh. Great.
117
00:04:45,418 --> 00:04:48,909
So important for our Latinx
community to be counted.
118
00:04:48,911 --> 00:04:50,956
Oh, okay. So you're Latino.
119
00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:52,791
No.
120
00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:54,560
Schneider.
121
00:04:54,561 --> 00:04:56,195
Cis white male ally.
122
00:04:56,197 --> 00:04:57,796
Privileged, but super-woke.
123
00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:59,598
Ugh!
124
00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:00,799
Does he live here?
125
00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:01,801
No!
126
00:05:03,276 --> 00:05:04,276
Pretty much.
127
00:05:05,238 --> 00:05:06,807
I got to go. I got to go.
128
00:05:06,809 --> 00:05:08,707
So, I'll see you all again in 10 years.
129
00:05:08,708 --> 00:05:10,309
Who am I kidding? In 10 years,
130
00:05:10,311 --> 00:05:12,710
President Kardashian is gonna
do away with all of this.
131
00:05:12,712 --> 00:05:14,513
Oh.
132
00:05:14,514 --> 00:05:15,948
Been a rough day, Brian?
133
00:05:15,950 --> 00:05:18,349
Sorry. I just... I have
a lot of apartments to hit,
134
00:05:18,351 --> 00:05:21,047
and, uh, nobody likes the census guy.
135
00:05:21,824 --> 00:05:23,391
Do not worry.
136
00:05:23,393 --> 00:05:25,357
You are doing a great job.
137
00:05:25,358 --> 00:05:27,725
And I promise you they
will all be saying,
138
00:05:27,727 --> 00:05:31,000
"Everybody loves Brian".
139
00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:35,701
Yeah, doesn't sound right.
140
00:05:35,702 --> 00:05:37,238
♪ This is it ♪
141
00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:39,204
♪ Oh, oh, oh, whoa ♪
142
00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:40,674
♪ One day at a time ♪
143
00:05:42,075 --> 00:05:44,376
I got to say, I'm surprised you two
144
00:05:44,377 --> 00:05:46,344
are gonna break up the
day you leave for college.
145
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:47,731
Well, we're mature.
146
00:05:47,733 --> 00:05:50,155
Supe-dy dupe-dy mature.
147
00:05:50,157 --> 00:05:52,847
Actually, can we talk about
how this is going to work?
148
00:05:52,849 --> 00:05:54,529
Same page... I have no idea.
149
00:05:55,389 --> 00:05:56,889
You didn't talk about this?
150
00:05:56,891 --> 00:05:58,991
Isn't talking all you do?
151
00:05:58,993 --> 00:06:01,327
That is a lesbian stereotype...
152
00:06:01,329 --> 00:06:03,249
which would have been
really useful in this case.
153
00:06:04,999 --> 00:06:06,699
Why don't you do a trial run?
154
00:06:06,701 --> 00:06:08,767
Like, you go to the bathroom,
155
00:06:08,769 --> 00:06:11,279
and, Syd, you try not to
file a missing-persons report.
156
00:06:12,869 --> 00:06:13,892
Ha ha.
157
00:06:13,894 --> 00:06:15,807
We can be apart, Alex.
158
00:06:15,809 --> 00:06:19,192
And they make you wait 24 hours.
159
00:06:21,281 --> 00:06:22,780
But maybe he's right.
160
00:06:22,782 --> 00:06:24,984
Do you think you can
even spend a day apart?
161
00:06:24,985 --> 00:06:26,551
We can spend a day apart.
162
00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:27,685
How about two days?
163
00:06:27,687 --> 00:06:29,787
- Make it a week.
- Two days it is!
164
00:06:29,789 --> 00:06:31,291
Ba!
165
00:06:35,495 --> 00:06:36,862
What are you watching?
166
00:06:36,863 --> 00:06:38,197
A Lifetime movie.
167
00:06:38,199 --> 00:06:39,919
I just love watching
rich people in trouble.
168
00:06:41,897 --> 00:06:42,897
A-scootch.
169
00:06:44,458 --> 00:06:47,405
I came in to tell you something.
170
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:50,544
That I need an eyebrow
wax? 'Cause I already know.
171
00:06:50,546 --> 00:06:52,377
That is not what I came in to tell you.
172
00:06:52,379 --> 00:06:54,516
But qué barbaridad.
173
00:06:57,684 --> 00:07:00,387
I just wanted to tell
you that doing the census
174
00:07:00,388 --> 00:07:03,400
made me realize I was
wrong about something.
175
00:07:04,598 --> 00:07:05,798
Really? That's new.
176
00:07:07,652 --> 00:07:10,028
When Victor left, I
said you needed a man.
177
00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:11,930
You don't.
178
00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:15,066
You have done so much without one.
179
00:07:15,068 --> 00:07:16,969
Thank you, Mami. I
really appreciate that.
180
00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:18,103
- Ah!
- Thank you.
181
00:07:18,105 --> 00:07:19,238
Honey, I want to tell you a story.
182
00:07:19,239 --> 00:07:21,373
Oh, there's more. Okay.
183
00:07:22,155 --> 00:07:25,543
You remind me of my tía Chuchi.
184
00:07:25,545 --> 00:07:28,613
A beautiful woman.
185
00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:30,017
She was engaged,
186
00:07:30,019 --> 00:07:35,420
but then the man left her,
and she was broken-hearted.
187
00:07:35,422 --> 00:07:38,556
And after that, she
found joy in... in books
188
00:07:38,558 --> 00:07:43,528
and... and in painting and long
walks along the Malecón.
189
00:07:43,530 --> 00:07:45,946
By herself, of course,
because she had no one.
190
00:07:47,797 --> 00:07:51,369
But she... she took joy in family.
191
00:07:51,371 --> 00:07:53,583
Not her family. There was no one.
192
00:07:55,909 --> 00:07:59,677
But she was everyone's favorite tía.
193
00:07:59,679 --> 00:08:03,780
She didn't give a...
¿cómo se dice?... a F.
194
00:08:05,618 --> 00:08:10,021
She stopped wearing makeup,
she stopped dyeing her hairs,
195
00:08:10,023 --> 00:08:12,811
because what was the point?
196
00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:19,131
Oh, she made us laugh
with her stories...
197
00:08:19,132 --> 00:08:22,569
and her crazy white
hair blowing in the wind.
198
00:08:23,436 --> 00:08:25,603
She used to have a joke.
199
00:08:25,605 --> 00:08:27,773
"You want to see an invisible woman?
200
00:08:27,775 --> 00:08:29,998
Watch me go into this bar".
201
00:08:34,981 --> 00:08:37,549
And after she drank herself to death,
202
00:08:37,551 --> 00:08:41,285
her funeral was so beautiful
203
00:08:41,287 --> 00:08:43,406
and not at all crowded.
204
00:08:45,870 --> 00:08:47,608
That was Tía Chuchi.
205
00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:49,242
Sweet dreams.
206
00:08:57,765 --> 00:08:58,765
I'm gonna die alone.
207
00:13:57,409 --> 00:13:59,627
Penelope, you are
not going to die alone.
208
00:13:59,629 --> 00:14:00,629
Tía Chuchi did.
209
00:14:02,241 --> 00:14:04,121
So you're just making up names now?
210
00:14:05,169 --> 00:14:07,884
Look, the census
guy came to my house,
211
00:14:07,886 --> 00:14:09,952
and I realized, in 10 years,
when he comes back,
212
00:14:09,954 --> 00:14:13,492
that it will just... be me.
213
00:14:13,494 --> 00:14:16,453
I see. So this is about
the fact that you're single.
214
00:14:16,455 --> 00:14:17,455
No, Pam!
215
00:14:18,825 --> 00:14:21,065
I am very happy without a
man in my life, thank you.
216
00:14:23,119 --> 00:14:25,019
Is that why you texted all of us "911"?
217
00:14:26,387 --> 00:14:27,913
It's true, though.
218
00:14:27,915 --> 00:14:29,235
I don't need a man.
219
00:14:29,237 --> 00:14:31,103
The problem is... I still like men.
220
00:14:31,105 --> 00:14:33,205
We all have flaws.
221
00:14:33,207 --> 00:14:35,838
What I want is to not want a man.
222
00:14:37,309 --> 00:14:38,309
Discuss.
223
00:14:40,433 --> 00:14:43,013
Step 1... start liking women.
224
00:14:43,015 --> 00:14:45,639
Start 2... turn to your right.
225
00:14:47,999 --> 00:14:49,990
You should start dating again.
226
00:14:49,992 --> 00:14:52,156
and not just because
when you have a boyfriend,
227
00:14:52,158 --> 00:14:54,426
the rest of us get to talk.
228
00:14:54,427 --> 00:14:57,394
Dating is exactly
what I don't want to do.
229
00:14:57,396 --> 00:14:59,064
You know, all that stupid small talk.
230
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:01,967
"Where'd you go to high school?
How many siblings do you have?"
231
00:15:01,969 --> 00:15:05,183
I went to Roosevelt,
and I have two brothers.
232
00:15:06,983 --> 00:15:10,241
I wish there was an
app called Six Dates In,
233
00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:11,712
where you fast-forward
234
00:15:11,714 --> 00:15:13,578
to knowing everything about each other
235
00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:16,673
and then just watch "The Great
British Bake Off" together and then...
236
00:15:16,675 --> 00:15:19,150
Have the great American pants-off.
237
00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:21,352
Exactly.
238
00:15:22,327 --> 00:15:23,950
I can't believe I'm 42 years old
239
00:15:23,952 --> 00:15:25,475
and I'm still worried about this stuff.
240
00:15:25,477 --> 00:15:27,558
In the olden days, I'd be dead by now.
241
00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:33,063
- You could start smoking.
- Or stop using sunscreen.
242
00:15:33,065 --> 00:15:35,467
Or be like my dumb-ass cousin
243
00:15:35,469 --> 00:15:38,036
and try to take a selfie with a tiger.
244
00:15:38,038 --> 00:15:41,058
Okay, I'm not actually looking
for advice on how to die young.
245
00:15:41,816 --> 00:15:44,045
It's been so long since I dated,
246
00:15:44,047 --> 00:15:46,732
and the last great
relationship I had was Max.
247
00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:51,050
W-W-What?
248
00:15:53,575 --> 00:15:55,733
You all think I should
get back together with Max?
249
00:15:55,735 --> 00:15:57,091
No.
250
00:15:57,093 --> 00:15:59,213
We're just all scared to
ask you for his phone number.
251
00:16:00,670 --> 00:16:02,708
You do talk about him a lot, Pen.
252
00:16:02,710 --> 00:16:05,266
Yeah, Max was great, but
he wants kids, and I don't.
253
00:16:05,268 --> 00:16:08,025
Well, so start dating again.
What else are you gonna do?
254
00:16:08,027 --> 00:16:12,260
Shack up with a sex robot who
likes English cooking shows?
255
00:16:12,262 --> 00:16:14,329
I hear they're close on that technology.
256
00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:17,989
I like Yorkshire pudding
257
00:16:17,991 --> 00:16:19,554
and your vagina.
258
00:16:24,594 --> 00:16:26,818
It's been 24 hours
since I talked to Syd.
259
00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:28,892
- Are you proud of me?
- Actually...
260
00:16:28,894 --> 00:16:30,608
Okay, you caught me! I'm a disaster!
261
00:16:32,291 --> 00:16:33,792
I miss them so much,
262
00:16:33,793 --> 00:16:36,094
and this has been the
worst experience of my life.
263
00:16:36,095 --> 00:16:38,535
This is the most predictable
thing I've ever been a part of.
264
00:16:39,787 --> 00:16:40,943
- Mom.
- What?
265
00:16:40,945 --> 00:16:42,436
- How do you do it?
- Do what, honey?
266
00:16:42,438 --> 00:16:43,568
Be alone, go through life
267
00:16:43,569 --> 00:16:46,905
without a partner who cares about you.
268
00:16:46,906 --> 00:16:49,274
Okay, well, that's
one way of putting it.
269
00:16:49,276 --> 00:16:51,876
Actually, I've been talking
about this in therapy,
270
00:16:51,878 --> 00:16:54,135
and I love being alone. It's the best.
271
00:16:54,137 --> 00:16:57,092
And we're strong women who don't
need a partner to define us.
272
00:16:57,094 --> 00:16:58,094
Anyway, I have a date.
273
00:16:59,533 --> 00:17:01,886
What?! You said you love being alone.
274
00:17:01,888 --> 00:17:02,948
I know.
275
00:17:02,950 --> 00:17:04,964
But Ramona set me up with
this guy that she works with,
276
00:17:04,966 --> 00:17:06,379
and I don't really want to go,
277
00:17:06,381 --> 00:17:07,943
but it's good for me to get out there.
278
00:17:07,945 --> 00:17:10,231
Plus, I am having the greatest hair day.
279
00:17:11,492 --> 00:17:13,062
I can't keep this to myself.
280
00:17:13,064 --> 00:17:15,385
I mean, my babies. Come on.
281
00:17:15,387 --> 00:17:17,168
Look, look. Look at the bounce.
282
00:17:17,170 --> 00:17:18,703
Look, look. Look at this bounce.
283
00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:20,304
Look, look.
284
00:17:20,306 --> 00:17:21,306
Look at it!
285
00:17:23,204 --> 00:17:24,527
Your hair's great.
286
00:17:24,529 --> 00:17:25,552
Thank you.
287
00:17:25,554 --> 00:17:26,554
But your brows...
288
00:17:28,981 --> 00:17:30,866
Qué barbaridad.
289
00:17:32,414 --> 00:17:35,654
And after Carrie, it's
me, so I'm the youngest.
290
00:17:35,656 --> 00:17:38,236
But I had sisters, so lucky you.
291
00:17:38,238 --> 00:17:41,111
Oh, I just love hearing about siblings.
292
00:17:42,028 --> 00:17:43,328
Really?
293
00:17:43,330 --> 00:17:44,863
Usually, I hate this part.
294
00:17:44,865 --> 00:17:46,798
I wish we could just
download our histories,
295
00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:48,103
and then the date could begin.
296
00:17:48,105 --> 00:17:51,195
Totally. I agree. This is the worst.
297
00:17:51,197 --> 00:17:54,171
No, that's... I didn't mean that.
298
00:17:54,173 --> 00:17:56,395
Yes, you did, and it's okay.
299
00:17:57,935 --> 00:18:01,466
At our age, we just want
to cut through all the B.S.
300
00:18:03,471 --> 00:18:04,934
Oh, my God.
301
00:18:04,936 --> 00:18:07,751
Yes, Max. Thank you.
302
00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:09,187
Max?
303
00:18:09,188 --> 00:18:11,389
W-Who's Max?
304
00:18:11,390 --> 00:18:15,207
♪ Max... imum fun ♪
305
00:18:15,209 --> 00:18:18,155
♪ Is what we're about to have ♪
306
00:18:19,031 --> 00:18:22,232
♪ Now that all the family
stuff is out the way ♪
307
00:18:22,234 --> 00:18:23,908
- Cool.
- To the max!
308
00:18:25,588 --> 00:18:27,112
Where'd you go to high school?
309
00:18:27,114 --> 00:18:29,467
Oh, um, I went to...
310
00:18:29,469 --> 00:18:31,229
You don't care where
I went to high school.
311
00:18:35,624 --> 00:18:36,624
That is true.
312
00:18:39,309 --> 00:18:40,594
Are you okay?
313
00:18:40,596 --> 00:18:41,596
Huh?
314
00:18:42,489 --> 00:18:43,489
Are you okay?
315
00:18:44,691 --> 00:18:47,020
Oh... yeah, I'm fine.
316
00:18:56,850 --> 00:18:57,850
'Sup, girl?
317
00:19:00,493 --> 00:19:02,316
Do you want me to dress that?
318
00:19:02,318 --> 00:19:04,820
No.
319
00:24:02,443 --> 00:24:05,801
Syd's gonna dump me, aren't they?
320
00:24:05,803 --> 00:24:10,347
I always assumed I would be
the dumper, not the dumpee.
321
00:24:11,784 --> 00:24:14,384
Should I break up with them
before they break up with me?
322
00:24:14,386 --> 00:24:16,721
Should I go straight into
a rebound relationship?
323
00:24:16,723 --> 00:24:19,864
There is a really hot barista
at the coffee shop downstairs.
324
00:24:21,093 --> 00:24:23,010
Do you think Syd is dating the barista?!
325
00:24:23,996 --> 00:24:26,430
If they leave me, it
will just be you and me!
326
00:24:26,432 --> 00:24:28,566
Dear God, you've got to get them back!
327
00:24:32,699 --> 00:24:34,271
Syd.
328
00:24:34,273 --> 00:24:35,807
What are you doing here?
329
00:24:35,808 --> 00:24:37,043
You called me.
330
00:24:37,045 --> 00:24:38,242
No, I didn't.
331
00:24:38,243 --> 00:24:39,243
I did.
332
00:24:40,979 --> 00:24:42,647
You were being stupid,
333
00:24:42,648 --> 00:24:45,224
so I called them and
pretended to be you.
334
00:24:45,226 --> 00:24:46,483
And that worked?
335
00:24:46,485 --> 00:24:47,984
Of course.
336
00:24:47,986 --> 00:24:50,092
"Hello. This is Elena.
337
00:24:52,609 --> 00:24:54,925
I'm just sitting here,
not brushing my hair.
338
00:24:54,927 --> 00:24:56,995
You want to come over?"
339
00:24:58,719 --> 00:25:00,469
I wanted to be convinced.
340
00:25:03,168 --> 00:25:05,268
Well, this is a disaster.
341
00:25:05,270 --> 00:25:06,937
Nah, it's like four
hairs. I got tweezers.
342
00:25:06,939 --> 00:25:08,873
We can take care of it right now.
343
00:25:08,874 --> 00:25:11,475
What? What are you talking about?
344
00:25:11,477 --> 00:25:13,598
Your jazz-brows situation.
345
00:25:14,572 --> 00:25:16,714
Obviously, that's why you're so upset.
346
00:25:16,716 --> 00:25:18,727
No! I just went out on a date.
347
00:25:18,729 --> 00:25:20,430
- Looking like that?!
- Focus!
348
00:25:22,121 --> 00:25:24,554
I went on a date with
a perfectly nice guy,
349
00:25:24,556 --> 00:25:26,324
and he kept turning into Max.
350
00:25:26,326 --> 00:25:28,599
- Yeah, happens to me, too.
- What?
351
00:25:28,601 --> 00:25:31,429
Look, Max is awesome,
352
00:25:31,431 --> 00:25:33,097
and the fact that he
appears to you as a date
353
00:25:33,099 --> 00:25:34,799
or to me as an imaginary shirtless buddy
354
00:25:34,801 --> 00:25:36,943
who gives great advice
is totally normal.
355
00:25:37,936 --> 00:25:41,782
Okay, let me say words,
and you just shh-shh-shh-shh!
356
00:25:42,775 --> 00:25:44,769
I have to move on
from him, and, clearly,
357
00:25:44,771 --> 00:25:47,643
I can't because I miss him,
and that freakin' sucks.
358
00:25:48,922 --> 00:25:51,948
Pen, you are a strong,
independent woman.
359
00:25:51,950 --> 00:25:54,454
- You don't need a man to de...
- I know all that.
360
00:25:54,456 --> 00:25:56,053
I do.
361
00:25:57,084 --> 00:25:58,527
But Max is still in here.
362
00:25:59,324 --> 00:26:02,164
- And in here.
- I get it.
363
00:26:03,667 --> 00:26:05,862
I blame that stupid census guy,
364
00:26:05,864 --> 00:26:07,998
coming in and reminding
me that I'm single?
365
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:10,901
I have to check a box so the
government knows that I'm alone?
366
00:26:10,903 --> 00:26:11,903
That's aggressive.
367
00:26:13,592 --> 00:26:16,573
Actually, the census kind of
messed with my head a bit, too.
368
00:26:16,575 --> 00:26:17,708
Really?
369
00:26:17,709 --> 00:26:20,862
Yep. And that's why I got news.
370
00:26:21,724 --> 00:26:24,940
I asked Avery to move in
with me, and she said "yes"!
371
00:26:27,319 --> 00:26:28,953
- Really?!
- Yeah.
372
00:26:28,955 --> 00:26:30,705
- That's huge!
- I know.
373
00:26:30,707 --> 00:26:33,423
Oh, my God! Seriously!
374
00:26:33,425 --> 00:26:35,092
I am so happy for you.
375
00:26:35,093 --> 00:26:36,294
Thank you.
376
00:26:36,295 --> 00:26:38,029
Well, you know, I found
the perfect person,
377
00:26:38,031 --> 00:26:39,191
and I didn't want to blow it.
378
00:26:41,633 --> 00:26:43,401
Do you think I blew it with Max?
379
00:26:43,402 --> 00:26:45,336
- Oh, yeah, totally.
- Schneider!
380
00:26:45,338 --> 00:26:46,737
Sorry. I'm sorry.
381
00:26:46,739 --> 00:26:48,738
But, hey, maybe it's not too late.
382
00:26:48,740 --> 00:26:51,441
At Victor's wedding, Max
wouldn't stop talking about you.
383
00:26:51,443 --> 00:26:54,166
Why don't you, you know,
check in with him?
384
00:26:55,141 --> 00:26:56,141
How?
385
00:26:57,015 --> 00:26:58,735
I'm not just gonna text him, "You up?"
386
00:26:59,997 --> 00:27:01,357
Nah, he doesn't respond to that.
387
00:27:03,455 --> 00:27:04,789
I got to admit,
388
00:27:04,790 --> 00:27:06,457
when I drive past the
hospital he works at,
389
00:27:06,458 --> 00:27:08,833
I'm always tempted
to pull in and say hi.
390
00:27:09,608 --> 00:27:12,532
So pull in, say hi, see what happens.
391
00:27:15,501 --> 00:27:16,967
Thank you, Schneider.
392
00:27:16,969 --> 00:27:19,569
Hey, my job, as your best friend,
393
00:27:19,571 --> 00:27:22,473
is to hold up a mirror...
394
00:27:22,474 --> 00:27:24,440
and take care of those eyebrows.
395
00:27:27,412 --> 00:27:29,335
There's your forehead.
396
00:27:29,337 --> 00:27:30,337
Shut up!
397
00:27:32,484 --> 00:27:33,484
Ooh, damn!
398
00:27:35,424 --> 00:27:37,354
I missed you as soon as you left.
399
00:27:37,356 --> 00:27:38,489
Me too.
400
00:27:38,490 --> 00:27:39,991
The moment I walked out the door,
401
00:27:39,993 --> 00:27:43,098
I felt an ache in the
bowels of my bowels.
402
00:27:44,396 --> 00:27:46,905
Okay, let's wrap up the sexy talk.
403
00:27:48,323 --> 00:27:50,069
What were we thinking?
404
00:27:50,071 --> 00:27:51,292
I don't know.
405
00:27:51,294 --> 00:27:54,304
I guess we were trying
to do the mature thing.
406
00:27:54,306 --> 00:27:55,306
Why?
407
00:27:57,009 --> 00:27:58,708
You're not mature.
408
00:27:58,710 --> 00:28:01,244
You're two teenagers who
spent last week discussing
409
00:28:01,246 --> 00:28:03,399
whether some "Star
Trek" lady is gay or not.
410
00:28:04,483 --> 00:28:05,654
Seven of Nine is gay.
411
00:28:06,519 --> 00:28:08,352
No, no, no.
412
00:28:08,353 --> 00:28:11,221
All of the Borg are non-binary.
413
00:28:11,223 --> 00:28:15,182
Except their programming,
which is binary code.
414
00:28:16,381 --> 00:28:19,357
You will be assimilated.
415
00:28:21,967 --> 00:28:24,482
Can you boldly go somewhere else?
416
00:28:27,072 --> 00:28:30,874
But no high-school couples
make it through college.
417
00:28:30,876 --> 00:28:33,009
Are we just fooling ourselves?
418
00:28:33,011 --> 00:28:35,118
We don't want to be those people.
419
00:28:39,151 --> 00:28:41,652
You know what?
420
00:28:41,653 --> 00:28:43,354
Screw it.
421
00:28:43,355 --> 00:28:44,355
Let's be those people.
422
00:28:50,462 --> 00:28:51,702
And I'm gonna be this person.
423
00:28:57,390 --> 00:28:58,746
Ambulance pulling in!
424
00:28:58,748 --> 00:28:59,748
Ooh, great!
425
00:29:03,041 --> 00:29:04,476
Oh, my God. Okay.
426
00:29:09,222 --> 00:29:10,645
Excuse me.
427
00:29:10,647 --> 00:29:12,714
Are you expecting any more
horrible medical emergencies?
428
00:29:12,716 --> 00:29:14,056
I was hoping to see my ex.
429
00:29:15,787 --> 00:29:17,087
I hear that, sister.
430
00:29:18,290 --> 00:29:21,210
No, I'm sorry. I'm...
I'm looking for an EMT.
431
00:29:21,969 --> 00:29:23,472
Max?
432
00:29:23,474 --> 00:29:24,564
Yes.
433
00:29:24,566 --> 00:29:26,716
Yeah. He doesn't work here anymore.
434
00:29:27,566 --> 00:29:28,901
Oh.
435
00:29:28,903 --> 00:29:30,326
He took a job working for
436
00:29:30,328 --> 00:29:33,631
some Doctors Without
Borders group in Indonesia.
437
00:29:35,507 --> 00:29:37,309
Lucky cholera victims.
438
00:29:38,575 --> 00:29:40,331
Anyway, he left a couple months ago.
439
00:29:40,333 --> 00:29:41,930
Sorry.
440
00:29:41,932 --> 00:29:43,329
Thank you.
441
00:29:43,331 --> 00:29:45,939
One of the nurses made
a Max of the Month calendar
442
00:29:45,941 --> 00:29:47,976
if you want a copy.
443
00:29:48,982 --> 00:29:49,982
It was me.
444
00:29:57,277 --> 00:29:59,068
Listen, Mom,
445
00:29:59,070 --> 00:30:01,227
you're a strong, independent
woman who doesn't need a man...
446
00:30:01,229 --> 00:30:02,619
Yep, got it. I agree.
447
00:30:02,621 --> 00:30:03,780
Yep.
448
00:30:03,782 --> 00:30:05,473
But it's okay for me to
admit that I can still be
449
00:30:05,475 --> 00:30:08,471
a feminist badass and want a boyfriend.
450
00:30:08,473 --> 00:30:09,659
Yeah, that is okay.
451
00:30:09,661 --> 00:30:11,579
And I hope you do find someone,
452
00:30:11,581 --> 00:30:14,978
'cause I'm so happy
and I want that for you.
453
00:30:14,980 --> 00:30:15,980
Aww.
454
00:30:17,411 --> 00:30:20,251
Mom, today made me appreciate
how hard relationships can be.
455
00:30:21,319 --> 00:30:23,043
And, more importantly, how annoying.
456
00:30:24,338 --> 00:30:26,157
But don't worry.
457
00:30:26,159 --> 00:30:27,679
Nora and I are not gonna be like that.
458
00:30:31,641 --> 00:30:33,465
Who's Nora?
459
00:30:33,467 --> 00:30:36,203
Oh. I have a girlfriend.
460
00:30:37,204 --> 00:30:38,204
What?
461
00:30:41,868 --> 00:30:44,891
- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
462
00:30:44,893 --> 00:30:47,168
- ♪ This is it ♪
- Oh, God!
463
00:30:47,170 --> 00:30:48,392
Treat yourself.
464
00:30:48,394 --> 00:30:49,416
Finally get a new couch.
465
00:30:49,418 --> 00:30:50,840
Oh, yeah.
466
00:30:50,842 --> 00:30:51,964
Come on in.
467
00:30:51,966 --> 00:30:53,526
I'm not getting a black leather couch.
468
00:30:53,528 --> 00:30:55,994
I'm not a movie producer from the '90s.
469
00:30:55,996 --> 00:31:00,034
One Day at a Time. All new,
next Tuesday at 9:30. Only on Pop.
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