All language subtitles for Lexx.S04E23.1080p.HDTV.x264-NOGRP

Eunice Broadflower of Dunk, Missouri,
has once again defeated all challengers,

in this year's international
Marilyn Monroe lookalike contest,

the judges citing her deeply
plunging neckline as the clincher.

In other plunging news,

the, NASDAQ dropped for the
fourth consecutive session.

Mass suicides in the business world
are expected to follow shortly.

And, plunging appears to be
the watchword of the day,

as we receive reports

that a giant asteroid has just

plunged into the Pacific Ocean
somewhere off the coast of Japan.

The subsequent tidal wave

is expected to wipe out a number
of nearby Pacific islands,

causing considerable damage
and loss of life. Dr Ponts?

You know Bob,

I can't help but think
that there must be a relationship

between the unusual presence of alien
carrots all over the planet this year,

the unusual disappearance of
Mars, Venus and Pluto, and now

the unusual crash of a giant asteroid
into the Pacific Ocean.

About the only thing not unusual
is Eunice Broadflower's return triumph.

She was the crowd favourite,
and ... certainly my own choice.

I predict

that the tidal wave
from this asteroid's impact

will depress real estate prices
in coastal communities,

further undermining
the already weak banking sector,

which should increase the pressure
on President Priest to return to work,

in order to prop up the dollar.
And -

most important to Americans, reverse
the downward pressure on the NASDAQ.

In a word,
the outlook is not pretty at all,

but -

Wasn't that one
of those carrot things?

Whoa.

That little blue planet's just a
never-ending barrel of laughs, isn't it?

790, is there any doubt that the
asteroid that crashed into the ocean

was in fact Lyekka's ship?

I have scanned an endless
stream of transmissions

between the alien carrots
and the asteroid.

It is definitely connected with Lyekka.

Kai, what do you think?

I think that Lyekka
is a dangerous predator,

who will consume this entire universe
unless she is stopped -

by us.

OK, listen up,
captain's orders:

Kai, and Kai alone,
goes down to Earth.

He retrieves the control unit from
Vlad's cryopod, which shouldn't take long,

and then he comes straight back here
and we leave forever, never to return.

Captain's orders?

Well, I am the captain, remember?

- I'm going down there with Kai.
- Why?!

- Lyekka.
- What about Lyekka?

She tried to kill us.

Yeah, but she didn't.
We got away and we gotta stay away,

from her and that stupid planet.

Lyekka is going to eat the Earth
and then probably this whole universe.

Lyekka said that she was just gonna
eat Japaneseland, not the whole planet.

And you believe that?

We can take her on now,
we can take her on later,

but we definitely have to
take her on sometime.

Xev,

we can make this
really simple, you know.

You two get the part for the cryopod,
and then hustle straight back here.

Then, I blow up the planet.

Lyekka's gone, the carrots are gone,
the universe is safe, everybody wins.

Except, all the people on Earth.

OK.

Now listen you two.
I'm officially warning you.

Do not - I mean, do not! -
get caught up in ...

whatever, down there on Earth,
because if I see things going wrong -

and they will -
I will not hesitate to command the Lexx

for the good of the universe
to blow that planet up.

- Understood?
- Understood, Stanley.

I will not drop in for long.

Aye.

This just in:

Eunice Broadflower
- yes, that Eunice Broadflower -

died suddenly and horribly

when the Marilyn Monroe lookalike
contest runner-up threw gasoline on her

and lit her on fire at the
trophy presentation ceremony.

The assailant repeatedly screamed:

"Some like it hot! Some" ...
"like it hot!"

as she was taken into custody and ...

Let's check the weather.

The weather here, there and
everywhere is not good.

But it is especially bad
in Japan.

Prince.

- I could use the words "extreme
- Well, that figures.

climate change"
but this time I think

"final destruction of the planet"
is more appropriate.

Bad carrots have been up to
their dirty deeds everywhere.

Mars, Venus, Pluto -
disappeared from the sky.

Evil characters have been popping up
in positions of power all over the place.

Pacific islands have just been
inundated by a gigantic tidal wave.

Cats and dogs are sure to start
raining from the skies soon.

And I'm not finished yet.

Never leave the Lexx.
Never leave the Lexx.

Never!

- Are you sure it still works?
- Yes.

Now do you want to go to the place
where the asteroid went down,

so that you can jump into the ocean
and search for it?

No.

The search area will be large,
and I cannot move quickly in the water.

The time and effort would likely
exhaust my protoblood,

making the bottom of the
Earth's ocean - my final tomb.

- So what do you think we should do?
- I think,

we should wait.

Hi there. I'm Xev of B3K,
this is Kai. What's your name?

Have you recently seen
a woman named Lyekka,

or any alien carrots,
or any other unusual type of alien?

Are you alive?

Maybe he's dead.

He is alive.

Well, whatever he is, he's no help.
Come on, let's keep going.

Where to?

Hmm, somewhere.

This part of Japan is close
to where the asteroid landed.

It is as good a place as any
to wait for Lyekka.

How long will that be?

I do not know.

I'm going to explore.

What?

Why not?

I'm half Cluster lizard, and Cluster
lizards are not good at waiting.

True,

but exploration can take many forms.

Kai?

Kai?

I really don't wanna sit here.

Will you come with me?

Please?

Kai?

OK.

I won't go far, and you don't
go anywhere without me, alright?

Promise?

Good.

Hello!

- Well, hello.
- Hi.

I'm Wyatt.

- Xev.
- Have you come seeking the Master?

No. My ...

crew mate and I
are waiting for Lyekka.

She's in the big asteroid thing
that landed here in the ocean,

near here, sort of.

A sad loss of life -
for some, but not for others.

Why?

Many of us do not see the end of life
so much as a sad thing but as a

joyful beginning.

Of what?

- Of the next life, of course.
- Of course.

You should meet the Master.

What for?

The Master can help you understand

the immortal force that travels
from one living vessel to the next.

What's that?

Your spiritual self.

The part of you that lives on, the ...

part of you that is reborn again and again
and again, each time in a different vessel.

I've known people who have lived
a few times, like ...

Schlemmi,

who first was on the Luvliner

but then he died, and he became
Fifi on the planet Fire,

and then he was Farley on TV.

He was worried about liking men in a
sexual way, until a carrot got him.

You've lived before, Xev.

- I have?
- Yes, you have.

The Master can teach you about it.
He can feel into the past, into your past.

He can tell you who you were before.

- He can?
- Yes, he can ...

if you let go.

Of what?

Of this ... passing life.

If you give yourself over
to your spiritual vessel.

Reject the decadent ways
of the West, Xev,

and let the enlightened ways
of the East heal your spirit.

Sounds great!

Kai!

Any sign of Lyekka yet?

Listen, I don't know if you can hear me,

but I'm going to the temple
up the hill to meet the Master,

so either
I'll come back down when I'm done

or you can meet me there
when you've finished.

How does that sound?

Great.

Bye.

Bye, Kai.

So, Xev, where are you from?

A planet called B3K,

- that's in the Light Zone.
- That's interesting.

Do your family know
you're here, in Japan?

My family?
I don't have any family.

My parents put me in the wife bank
when I was a baby,

and they would have been killed anyway
when the Mantrid drones destroyed B3K.

I'm alone.

All alone.

Forgive my bluntness, Xev,
but I sense a great deal of pain in you.

Are you stricken with any physical
illness or serious disease?

No, of course not! I'm a love slave.
Love slaves are perfect. See?

Then your pain must be here,
am I right?

You could be.

I am right.
I am, because your pain,

was my pain until I came here.
But the Master has since brought

balance and joy to where there once
was only anxiety and discontent.

Like me, you can supplant your inner
anguish with inner peace,

harmony and a sense of oneness
with everyone and everything.

You can be saved, if you will.

- And the Master can do all that?
- Yes. He can.

Wow.

Simple entertainment
for the simple minded.

I'm not listening.

- Bingo!
- Bongo.

Dumb dumb time.
Guys, where are ya?

What are those people carrying?

I have no idea and no concern.

Whatever they have is part of
their journey, not mine.

Think pleasant thoughts.

I'll try.

I apologise for disturbing your meditation,
but I feel it necessary to warn you

that you are surrounded by alien probes.

Your life is in extreme danger
should they choose to enter your body,

or otherwise to attack you.

I can eliminate them if you wish.

They are not living things,
so their destruction

should not run counter to any
principles you may hold in that regard.

I suggest you take me up on my offer,

if you have any concern
for your own mortality.

Which apparently you do not.

Why have you not attacked him?

Does he have a power
that keeps you away?

Approach the screen.

Closer.

You have known great pain, Xev.

Yes.

All my life.

I've never known any real happiness.

Your soul is a battleground of conflicting
desires, both present and past.

Yes, it's true.

You seek love, but ...
but do not find it.

You seek inner joy and harmony,
but it is elusive.

You seek a soft nest to land in,
but none is there for you.

I can help you, Xev.

You can?

But I must warn you

that the path to spiritual enlightenment
may prove to be a long and difficult trail.

There are no half measures
on such a journey.

Are you willing to commit your being
to the hard road ahead?

Yes, I will.

But Lyekka might show up and then
I'll have to leave in a big hurry.

Your first true session
will begin this afternoon.

Contemplate the garden.
Wyatt will summon you when I am ready.

Thank you, Master.

- Go now.
- Yes. Thank you.

We got a hot one.

It's raining, it's pouring,
the weather's crack whoring!

I kid you not folks, the Earth's
atmosphere has spread her legs,

and absolutely anything
can crawl inside.

It's Armageddon time!

We have hurricanes, tornadoes,
earthquakes all over the place.

Dozens of erupting volcanoes
are filling the skies with ash.

There's hardly enough of the polar
ice caps left to drop into a highball,

and the hole in the ozone layer

is nearly as big as the one in
Stanley Tweedle's head!

Hey!

Ah, so you are paying attention.

Well, I try not to pay
attention to you, Prince.

Well, you should.
There's a lot that I can tell you.

About what?

Oh, things.

Things brewing.
Things afoot.

I know what's afoot. It's big trouble
of the alien kind, and I'm ready for it.

Ah! Really?

Are you sure?

I mean, you're not exactly
captain courage, are you Stanley?

Are you sure that you're not gonna
just fall apart when the going gets tough,

as you have so many times before?

No, I won't!

- He will.
- You shut up!

Well ... we'll see, Stan.
Brave captain Stanley,

we will soon see precisely
what you are and are not made of.

The time is at hand.

Prepare yourself.

Prepare.

Kai, Xev, where are you?!

Xev!

Xev!

Yes?

It is time.

I saw more people carrying containers,
they were loading them onto a boat.

- Really?
- Yea.

As I said, we all have our own
journey here at the temple ...

and yours is about to begin.

- What's that?
- In order for the temple to proceed,

we require donations.

This document states that you are
of your own free will

donating all your earthly possessions
to the temple.

You mean money?

I don't have any, but I can get some
at the bank machine.

We don't want your money
from the bank machine.

The temple's needs are ... larger.

Just sign here.

Here?

Oh.

- Hello.
- Hello.

How was your meditation?

What meditation?

My guts were aching,
so I sat down here,

and I guess I must have passed out.
It happens a lot these days.

Say, what the heck are those?

Greetings, Xev,

or should I say, Lady Xev?

Since I touched you

fragments of your past lives
have come to me,

and I have learned some things
that might interest you.

Hmm.

I saw a vision of a castle, and you
sitting on a jewel encrusted throne.

But you were not a queen.

You were a lady in the service
of a wicked queen,

and when she caught you sitting
on her throne she had you beheaded.

Where was that?

In Aba ... byssinia, I believe.

- Where's Abyssinia?
- On the other side of the world.

You mean this planet, the Earth?

But I grew up in the Light Zone,
wouldn't my past lives have been there?

I saw you in a library.

This was more recent -
maybe less than 200 years ago.

Perhaps you were a scholar, or a poet -
or more likely a cleaner.

How can that be?
I was on the Lexx then,

on my way to Fire and Water -
or maybe already there.

I do remember,

I was a singer.
Singing to lots and lots of happy people.

No.

The only singing you did was squealing
like a pig in a cheap whorehouse.

- I did not!
- You did, you didn't, it doesn't matter.

You see, the truth is, Xev, ...

whatever you were in your past lives,

you were the same gullible chick
as you are in this one.

You're just another

bad man.

I sold my television, my radio,

everything, a long time ago
to pay for the lessons with the Master,

so I never heard of these carrot probes.

They usually ... enter people
when they encounter them - but not you.

Nor you.

I am dead,
and of little interest to them.

- Nor am I.
- You are also dead?

No.

Not yet.

- Not quite, anyway.
- Then what is it that keeps them at bay?

I don't know.

I think it's more likely
because my poop chute is sewn shut.

Your poop chute?

I'm stapled and stitched.
There's no exit through the back door.

I do not understand.

I was one of the first here,
and before long

I ran out of money for lessons.
I thought I was out of luck,

until the Master got the idea
of his students

donating unnecessary
distracting organs

which he sells
to the medical community.

Pretty well half of my
body's been harvested now.

Maybe the carrots figured that out,

and that's why
they were not interested in me.

This is my gall bladder.

Pancreas,

my heart,

and my liver.

And I call this my bliss bag.

The only downside
to surrendering my inside is that

I sometime pass out
for long periods of time, like just now.

Two jugs of sake I had last night
didn't help either.

But, I have never been happier.

The Master is good, the Master is wise.

The Master has guided me to the top
of the mountain, and joy is mine.

I would like to see this Master myself.

Good for you.

Meet him, and you'll never be the same.

Nor will he, I suspect.

And ...

Yes?

Absolutely, a great specimen.

She's got everything - well, everything
except relatives, that is. Yeah.

Yeah, that's right.
Her guts are a gold mine.

Going for the full harvest: eyes, breast,
kidneys, lungs, heart, skin, hair. Yeah.

We can finally get caught up
on those back orders.

Yeah, I'm happy too.
Yeah. Later, Tony. Bye.

Hey, you're awake.

That's quite the constitution
you got there, cash cow.

You inhaled enough gas to knock out
a team of horses for a week.

It'd be less painful
if you stayed unconscious,

but that's your problem, not mine.
You know, I'll cut 'em as I get 'em.

Don't be so upset.

This is just your troubled soul's
shortcut to Nirvana.

Nirvana!

In the form of a giant woman
from the sea! As the Master said -

sort of.

(Japanese talking)

Where is the Master?

(Japanese answer)

Lots of old, sick, rich people
around these days,

and there's a lot more money

to be made in selling them new organs
than fixing up their old ones.

Soon as I figured out that
when I quit medical school.

Besides, my bedside manner was
never very good, if you catch my drift.

Oh, I'd recommend lying as still as
possible, but I understand if that's a ...

a little tough to do.

It's like I always say, Xev.

You may not find inner peace,
but you can always find inner pieces.

I forgot to tell you something.

And what is that?

I'm not all human.

Well, that goes for the both of us.

- Kai.
- Hello, Xev.

- Were you having a problem?
- Yes, I was ...

until Lyekka stepped in.

Oh, no.

This is a tasty planet.

- I like it.
- What do we do now?

We go after her.

Stan, this is Xev, talk to us.

- I'm here, Xev, what's up?
- Lyekka's up.

I mean, she's way up. She's huge
and she's stomping all over Japan.

Well, she said she'd eat Japan.

Look, look - do you have the
replacement cryopod control unit?

- Yes.
- Well, then come on back

so that we can leave.

What about Lyekka?

If Lyekka breaks her word, then ...

then we can blow the planet up
from a safe distance and

that will take care of her.

No, Kai is going to try

- to get her from down here.
- Xev,

you come back. Right now.

We will come back. Soon.

I'm telling you:

do not expect me to be here if you do
not come back to the Lexx right now!

If you make the choice
to leave without us, Stan,

you must destroy the planet,
and destroy Lyekka.

Look, I just want you
to come back to the Lexx!

We will not do that.

We're going to try to defeat Lyekka
without killing everyone else on the planet.

Then I am leaving.

Goodbye, Stan.

I will leave.

I'm just gonna leave without 'em.

- No, you will not.
- Watch me.

Upon viewing the court videotape
of himself in bed with four prostitutes,

the mayor stated: "What can I say?
I'm horny for hoes."

In NASDAQ news ...

Holy cow! News flash.

A giant woman -

a very beautiful giant woman - is at this
very moment stomping all over Tokyo,

causing an orgy of destruction.

We take you live to our correspondent
in Japan, Danny Trevello.

Yum yum!

Carnage and chaos
reign supreme here in Tokyo,

as the monster continues to carve
a swath of destruction through the city.

Oh, Lyekka.

She's after my Kai.
Blow up the planet!

For a rampaging monster
she sure is gorgeous.

I'm with you there, buddy.

I know that offers little consolation
to the legions of Japanese people

now being crushed to death by the
monster but ... wow, is she hot!

- Yum yum!
- Is she looking at us?

We'll get right back to the scene,
courtesy of er ... somebody else.

Well, things are definitely
heating up in old Japaneseland.

Is there help in sight? Well,

there is a small chance
that a nearby weak disturbance

will move in and push the storm away.

But, more likely

it will simply lose its nerve
and fizzle out before it gets here.

That's what this kind of system
usually does.

You're wrong there, Prince.

Stan, we can see Lyekka.
She's in a big city called Tokyo.

Er, Kai, do you think you can
get rid of her?

I am not certain.

Then you better stay away from there,

because Stan the man
is gonna rescue Japan.

Really?

- And how are you going to do that?
- Well,

I'll have tell the Lexx to fire just a
little shot, just the size of the city Tokyo.

He's done it before.

When he was really, really hungry.
Now that he's eaten Holland,

he's probably going
to blow up the whole planet.

OK, Lexx, can you fire just a little,
tiny, small ... just a little shot

the size of that city named Tokyo?

I don't know, Stanley.

I like to blow up planets,
but I can try if you like.

Not yet.

OK?

Soon.

Japan is so tasty.

Yum, yum, yum!

More please.

Lexx, are we there yet?

- Yes, I am, Stan.
- Xev?

Yes?

I'm now over Tokyo.

I'm about to tell the Lexx
to blow the city up.

I'm giving you one
last chance to get out.

Or not. I don't care.
Kai won't be hurt.

- Stan, wait!
- No! I'm taking Lyekka out, right now.

- Lexx, I command you to ...
- Don't Stanley, don't do it, please.

Lyekka!

Wha..., what?! How can you ...?
Wha... ph... Wait just a second here.

Don't kill me Stanley. I beg you.

How can you be here?
You're stomping all over Tokyo.

No, Stan. I mean ... yes, Stan.

One of my sisters is the Lyekka
in that tasty city.

But not me.

I am the real Lyekka.

- The Lyekka that likes you.
- She's messing with your mind!

Not that there's much to mess with.
Shoot!

Who cares about
Tokyo or the Earth, Stan?

The only thing in this universe
that's important is us - you and me.

I like you, Stanley.

- And you like me, don't you?
- Well, yeah, yeah, I do.

So forget about the Earth and
all its fat and greasy, tasty people.

Think about us and
how good we are together.

No, you're just saying that - that.
I do like you but you - but you're bad.

I am bad Stan,

but so are you,

and that's why we love each other.

I do love you Stan.

- Oh, Lyekka.
- Oh, Stan.

Oh, pukefest.

My tummy feels terrific.

Stan, what are you doing up there?

You said you were gonna fire. Stan?

Stan, answer me!

Something isn't right there.

You will be my king and I your queen.

I want to make love to you and
eat tasty things all day long.

You're just trying to trick me.

You're smooth round
the bend, remember?

You're just trying to distract me

while you eat the Earth
and then every planet everywhere.

You're not Lyekka. Lyekka's dead.

You're just a monster
who's pretending to be Lyekka.

I'm all yours, Stanley.

Everything I am is all yours.

Oh.

There.

How are you going to fight her?

Divine Assassins are very resourceful.

- That's close enough!
- Kai ...!

- Get well away as soon as I am out.
- Good luck, Kai!

I'm still hungry.

Stanley, where are you?!

You're not just saying those things,
you're not just ... teasing me?

Oh no, Stanley.

I can't live without you.

- I tried, but I can't.
- Yeah.

Yeah, I admit there ...
is something between us -

even if it is completely strange.

I never felt anything for anybody
the way I feel about you,

- even if you really are bad.
- Yes, I am bad.

Tell me more, Lyekka.

Tasty human pie.

I want to kiss you.
I want to caress you.

I wanna eat,

and eat, and eat,

and eat, and eat until I ...

- Whoa. What was that?
- No ... thing?

Die?

And squeeze,

and hug,

- and explore ...
- Lyekka? Something's not right.

I ...

know that.

I ...

want ...

- Lyekka?!
- to ...

Stan!

No doubt about it -
it's just not Japan's day.

Tokyo is once again under attack,

this time from - can this be right? -

a giant asteroid on legs.
Well, if that doesn't beat all.

Not much media is left alive in Tokyo,
but we

are still able to take you to the scene.

Oh, no, that's what I call
a Lexx-sized target!

Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!

Remember,
just one short sharp blast at that

big thing that sticks
out of the planet there.

Ready,

aim,

hold it, hold it ...

OK, fire, Lexx, fire now!

Ha, ha! Ha, ha! Yahoo!

Yeah, we got it! We did it, we did it!

- Well done, captain.
- Yeah.

Oh, yeah.
Good shot, Lexx.

Clear skies, clear skies everywhere.

It's a wonderful day to be alive,
the storm clouds have passed.

But,

you never can tell
when more are going to roll in,

- can you?
- Spoilsport!

We're done here.

OK, Lexx,
time to turn yourself around.

As you command, Stan.

Let's get outta here,
once and for all.

Good idea.

Subtitles based on transcripts
found on The Memory Catacombs