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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 2 00:00:11,211 --> 00:00:13,679 Hey, fancy pants! 3 00:00:29,062 --> 00:00:32,088 No popcorn during my performance, 4 00:00:32,265 --> 00:00:34,062 peasants. 5 00:01:27,654 --> 00:01:30,987 January 6th, 1912. 6 00:01:31,157 --> 00:01:34,251 William Howard Taft, president of these United States, 7 00:01:34,427 --> 00:01:37,453 signs an Enabling Act admitting the territory of New Mexico 8 00:01:37,630 --> 00:01:40,360 into the Union as the 47th state. 9 00:01:40,533 --> 00:01:42,694 From a far day in 1850, 10 00:01:42,869 --> 00:01:45,360 the stubborn frontiersmen of this great territory 11 00:01:45,538 --> 00:01:47,369 asserted their rights to statehood. 12 00:01:47,540 --> 00:01:50,168 This, then, is not the story of how New Mexico won 13 00:01:50,343 --> 00:01:52,573 its heartbreaking struggle for admission. 14 00:01:52,745 --> 00:01:57,375 Rather, it is an account of one of the reasons the struggle took 62 years. 15 00:01:57,550 --> 00:01:59,984 This, then, is the saga of a lost cause 16 00:02:00,153 --> 00:02:02,849 and one man who helped to lose it. 17 00:02:03,022 --> 00:02:06,321 His story begins one summer's day in 1905 18 00:02:06,493 --> 00:02:09,860 on a cricket field just outside London. 19 00:02:10,330 --> 00:02:16,360 The score is 76 for the gentlemen, 105 for the players. 20 00:02:17,237 --> 00:02:20,866 Lynhaven makes ready to deliver again to Mr. Fairwick. 21 00:02:21,574 --> 00:02:23,201 A splendid blow. 22 00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:26,345 Oh, I say, there. 23 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:30,277 - Aggie! Cut out that whistling. - But Ma, he hit a homer. 24 00:02:30,450 --> 00:02:32,475 Whistling ain't refined. Now, you quit it 25 00:02:32,652 --> 00:02:35,018 or I'll bang you over the head with these. 26 00:02:35,288 --> 00:02:38,746 Oh, I say, this is a bit thick, what? 27 00:02:38,925 --> 00:02:41,951 Well, for my part, I find the young lady rather intriguing. 28 00:02:42,128 --> 00:02:44,426 Oh, you can't be serious, Van-Basingwell. 29 00:02:44,597 --> 00:02:46,497 Never seen anything quite so crude. 30 00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:50,261 Dress, gaudy jewelry, disgusting display of wealth. 31 00:02:50,436 --> 00:02:51,698 Oh, indeed, yes. 32 00:02:51,871 --> 00:02:54,533 And I made a point of introducing myself. 33 00:02:54,707 --> 00:02:56,607 - You don't say. - Yes. 34 00:02:56,776 --> 00:02:58,243 Name is Floud. 35 00:02:58,411 --> 00:03:00,379 Mother is an American nouveau riche, 36 00:03:00,547 --> 00:03:04,381 determined to inflict culture upon her daughter Agatha. 37 00:03:04,651 --> 00:03:08,348 - Quite a pippin, huh, Twombley? - Scarcely your cup of tea, George. 38 00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:10,455 Oh, beyond a cup of tea, Twombley. 39 00:03:10,623 --> 00:03:14,150 More substantial thinking needed these impoverished days. 40 00:03:14,327 --> 00:03:16,795 Beef and potatoes. 41 00:03:21,501 --> 00:03:22,968 Oh, I say. 42 00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:24,728 My word. 43 00:03:25,104 --> 00:03:26,366 Indeed. 44 00:03:26,839 --> 00:03:28,704 Look, Ma, we got ourselves a souvenir. 45 00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:31,673 You give them back their ball this minute. 46 00:03:32,245 --> 00:03:34,304 Hand it over. 47 00:03:44,824 --> 00:03:46,086 I say! 48 00:03:46,259 --> 00:03:48,056 - Is it broken? - I don't think so. 49 00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,025 - Can you continue? - Of course. 50 00:03:50,196 --> 00:03:51,823 - Stout fellow. - Let's play. 51 00:03:53,266 --> 00:03:56,292 - Now, keep out of the game, will you? - The Flouds. 52 00:03:56,469 --> 00:03:59,233 Oh, your lordship. I'm glad to see you. 53 00:03:59,405 --> 00:04:02,397 - Hi, earl. - Hello. Mrs. Floud, Miss Floud, 54 00:04:02,575 --> 00:04:05,567 allow me to introduce my friend Lord Twombley. 55 00:04:05,745 --> 00:04:07,178 - How's that? - Twombley. 56 00:04:07,347 --> 00:04:09,315 - Howdy, lordship. - Charmed. 57 00:04:09,482 --> 00:04:11,507 - Aggie. - Glad to meet you. 58 00:04:11,684 --> 00:04:14,619 - Charmed again. - Well, earl, what do you know? 59 00:04:14,787 --> 00:04:16,721 What do I know? 60 00:04:16,889 --> 00:04:18,288 Well, not very much. 61 00:04:18,458 --> 00:04:22,622 I stopped to ask if you couldn't drop in at my country place for the weekend. 62 00:04:22,795 --> 00:04:24,956 - Be glad to. - Good, good. 63 00:04:25,131 --> 00:04:26,996 I'd like you to meet my family. 64 00:04:27,166 --> 00:04:30,658 - Delighted. Wouldn't we, Aggie? - Oh, yeah, we're charmed. 65 00:04:30,837 --> 00:04:33,533 Yes. Well, then I'll send my carriage for you. 66 00:04:33,706 --> 00:04:36,971 Be ready and waiting, your lordship. 67 00:04:39,145 --> 00:04:40,840 - Good afternoon. - So long. 68 00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:43,039 Toodle-loo. 69 00:04:44,384 --> 00:04:47,820 - Now we're getting somewhere. - Yeah. 70 00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:50,990 I wanna get somewhere and loosen these corsets. 71 00:04:51,591 --> 00:04:54,822 But George, you haven't got a country place, nor a family. 72 00:04:54,994 --> 00:04:56,393 - But Reggie has. - Reggie? 73 00:04:56,562 --> 00:04:59,122 Yes, Reggie, and he's in Africa. 74 00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:02,097 And I know just where to dig up a suitable family. 75 00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:11,572 Tennis, anyone? 76 00:05:11,744 --> 00:05:14,975 How can you think of tennis at a time like this? 77 00:05:15,415 --> 00:05:17,849 I say, what are we doing at this beastly play? 78 00:05:18,017 --> 00:05:21,384 I told you we needed suitable family to impress the Americans. 79 00:05:21,554 --> 00:05:23,920 Behold the mater. 80 00:05:24,691 --> 00:05:28,889 Ring for Humphrey, Cyril. My nerves scream for tea. 81 00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:31,187 Of course. 82 00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:36,464 Did you ring, mum? 83 00:05:36,936 --> 00:05:39,962 Why didn't you wait till I rang, you idiot? 84 00:05:54,053 --> 00:05:55,918 Tea, mum? 85 00:06:09,268 --> 00:06:10,758 I slitched. 86 00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:14,839 I am soaked again, you monster! Stop! 87 00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:17,138 This piece will dry out like new. 88 00:06:17,310 --> 00:06:19,710 It's pumpernickel. Just needs pumping out. 89 00:06:20,246 --> 00:06:23,613 - Blundering American idiot. - Ought to go back to his native land. 90 00:06:23,783 --> 00:06:26,718 If we could solve the disappearance of Alicia's necklace. 91 00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:30,413 I'm still not satisfied with Humphrey's explanation of his whereabouts 92 00:06:30,590 --> 00:06:33,650 - during the time of the crime. - But I've already explained. 93 00:06:33,826 --> 00:06:35,316 I was in the village 94 00:06:35,495 --> 00:06:38,521 performing an errand for his lordship and... 95 00:06:40,166 --> 00:06:43,499 And if his lordship were here, instead of away on a hunting trip, 96 00:06:43,669 --> 00:06:47,696 - he would verify my statement. - Indeed. 97 00:06:55,481 --> 00:06:59,383 - Your lordship! - You heard his story. What about it? 98 00:06:59,552 --> 00:07:01,213 Amazing concoction of fabrication. 99 00:07:01,387 --> 00:07:04,823 I never realized a trusted retainer would turn out to be a scoundrel. 100 00:07:05,057 --> 00:07:08,891 - He's lying, I tell you. Lying. - It's no use, Humphrey. 101 00:07:09,061 --> 00:07:10,323 But I swear to you, 102 00:07:10,496 --> 00:07:14,432 I was in Barkley's Limited, buying his lordship a pair of suspenders. 103 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:17,569 I can prove it by the man who took me up in the elevator. 104 00:07:17,737 --> 00:07:22,106 Humphrey, I accuse you of the theft of my lady's necklace. 105 00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:23,708 But there must be a mistake. 106 00:07:23,876 --> 00:07:26,538 Humphrey is an old and trusted family retainer, 107 00:07:26,712 --> 00:07:28,577 been in the family for generations. 108 00:07:28,748 --> 00:07:32,844 This man is not Humphrey, but an imposter. 109 00:07:33,019 --> 00:07:36,921 When he said "suspenders" for "braces" and "elevator" for "lift", 110 00:07:37,089 --> 00:07:39,751 I suspected he was an American. 111 00:07:39,926 --> 00:07:41,450 Bravo, Cyril! 112 00:07:41,627 --> 00:07:44,357 Accusations, just accusations. 113 00:07:44,530 --> 00:07:47,397 I defy you to produce one ounce of proof. 114 00:07:47,567 --> 00:07:49,432 He asks for proof, Sir Wimbley. 115 00:07:49,602 --> 00:07:53,538 I can prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are the culprit. 116 00:07:53,706 --> 00:07:56,140 And you expect a jury to believe that? 117 00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:58,834 Then perhaps they'll believe this. 118 00:07:59,011 --> 00:08:02,378 A check on your fingerprints has just come back. 119 00:08:02,548 --> 00:08:05,608 - From the laboratory? - Absolutely. 120 00:08:05,785 --> 00:08:09,744 And they match those of that well-known murderer, Oliver Grimes. 121 00:08:09,922 --> 00:08:13,756 All right. I am Oliver Grimes, the well-known American murderer. 122 00:08:13,926 --> 00:08:17,020 But you'll never take me alive. 123 00:08:18,464 --> 00:08:24,334 Foiled, Mr. Grimes. For I am Inspector Kirk, Scotland Yard. 124 00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:26,199 Curses. 125 00:08:33,980 --> 00:08:36,380 Unfortunately, I've been something of a recluse. 126 00:08:36,549 --> 00:08:40,383 And now I face the embarrassing problem of impressing the young lady. 127 00:08:40,553 --> 00:08:42,384 It's most difficult to explain. 128 00:08:42,555 --> 00:08:45,547 What his lordship means is, he's met an American girl 129 00:08:45,725 --> 00:08:47,249 and he wants to impress her. 130 00:08:47,426 --> 00:08:50,054 He's got a country place, only the toffs won't come. 131 00:08:50,229 --> 00:08:54,097 All you have to do is be upper-class ladies and gents over the weekend. 132 00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:57,532 - With a handsome fee, eh? - Oh, yes, of course. 133 00:08:57,703 --> 00:08:59,295 - And a good time for all. - Yes. 134 00:08:59,472 --> 00:09:01,804 It will be a pleasure to help out his lordship. 135 00:09:02,675 --> 00:09:04,802 I think I can speak for all of us. 136 00:09:04,977 --> 00:09:06,911 Yeah, sounds like good fun. Let's go. 137 00:09:07,079 --> 00:09:10,048 - Except Humphrey, of course. - Yeah, we don't want him... 138 00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:12,207 Well, why "except Humphrey, of course"? 139 00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:16,219 - Your lordship, fellow thespians... - No curtain speeches, please. 140 00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:18,789 Your lordship, some members of the cast 141 00:09:18,958 --> 00:09:20,892 are jealous of my sterling portrayals. 142 00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:24,359 I have played valets and gentlemen's gentlemen from Chicago to Liverpool 143 00:09:24,530 --> 00:09:27,795 and a slight to me is a blow to all the great names of theater. 144 00:09:32,104 --> 00:09:33,366 What did he say? 145 00:09:33,539 --> 00:09:36,872 "Plenty to eat and drink, a good fee and she's spoiling it all." 146 00:09:37,043 --> 00:09:38,943 - Yes, precisely. - Your ladyship, 147 00:09:39,111 --> 00:09:41,807 I beseech that thou wouldst grant me this opportunity. 148 00:09:41,981 --> 00:09:45,508 I promise the greatest performance of my career, if thou wouldst, 149 00:09:45,685 --> 00:09:49,246 or myself a watery grave in the Thames, if thou wouldn'tst. 150 00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:50,821 - Wouldst? - Yes, come on. 151 00:09:50,990 --> 00:09:52,981 - Don't be upstage. - Give him a chance. 152 00:09:54,493 --> 00:09:57,929 Oh, very well, but keep him away from me. 153 00:09:58,097 --> 00:10:00,292 - At your service, milord. - Good. Fine. 154 00:10:00,466 --> 00:10:03,264 I'll send carriages for you. I'm sure you'll enjoy it. 155 00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,097 Thanks very much. 156 00:10:28,227 --> 00:10:30,695 What polish. What finesse. 157 00:10:32,198 --> 00:10:33,756 Gadzooks I'm a butler 158 00:10:33,933 --> 00:10:38,836 Who's really a butler Aloof from my hoof to my blinkers 159 00:10:39,005 --> 00:10:42,099 I look just as bored As me master, the lord 160 00:10:42,274 --> 00:10:45,675 As I'm serving The blinking tea drinkers 161 00:10:45,845 --> 00:10:49,372 You've heard of Humphrey I'm that bloke 162 00:10:49,548 --> 00:10:52,847 Favorite of the gentle folk 163 00:10:53,019 --> 00:10:54,714 Here's how 164 00:10:55,154 --> 00:10:58,248 Yes, milord I'm your gentleman and valet 165 00:10:58,424 --> 00:11:01,484 Blimey, hain't I blooming bally? Here, now 166 00:11:02,428 --> 00:11:03,690 Yes, milord 167 00:11:03,863 --> 00:11:06,457 May I crumy your crumpets In your tea? 168 00:11:06,632 --> 00:11:08,657 Have a banana. 169 00:11:26,252 --> 00:11:29,278 - Howdy. - Oh, good afternoon, mum. 170 00:11:31,657 --> 00:11:33,352 Aggie. 171 00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:35,391 Good afternoon. 172 00:11:44,170 --> 00:11:47,936 - Your wrap, mum? - Yeah. Bought it in Chicago. 173 00:11:48,107 --> 00:11:50,632 I'm the butler. May I? 174 00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:55,370 - Thank you. Your cane? - I think I'll keep it. It might rain. 175 00:11:56,682 --> 00:11:59,981 His lordship waits in the garden. Follow me, mum. 176 00:12:01,654 --> 00:12:03,178 What class. 177 00:12:03,355 --> 00:12:05,346 Wish we had something like that at home. 178 00:12:05,524 --> 00:12:08,982 Oh, Ma, somebody would shoot him before we got him in the house. 179 00:12:10,830 --> 00:12:14,823 Direct from America, presenting Mrs. Floud and Miss Floud. 180 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:16,797 So good to see you. 181 00:12:17,870 --> 00:12:21,067 - Hi, earl. - And more than good to see you. 182 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:22,798 Come now, meet the family. 183 00:12:22,975 --> 00:12:25,637 This is my mother, Lady Brinstead. 184 00:12:25,811 --> 00:12:28,177 Flattered to meet you, Lady Brinstead. 185 00:12:28,347 --> 00:12:30,611 - Charmed. - Do it, Aggie. 186 00:12:30,783 --> 00:12:32,045 Charmed. 187 00:12:32,218 --> 00:12:35,346 And my cousin Rosalind, Duchess of Dover. 188 00:12:35,521 --> 00:12:37,546 - Charmed. - How do you do? 189 00:12:37,723 --> 00:12:38,985 Aggie. 190 00:12:39,158 --> 00:12:41,285 - Howdy, duchship. - How do you do? 191 00:12:41,460 --> 00:12:44,657 His lordship, the 13th Earl of Brinstead, my father. 192 00:12:52,872 --> 00:12:56,137 - You'd think there was gravy on it. - Yes, yes. Father. Father! 193 00:12:58,344 --> 00:13:00,005 Forgive Father's enthusiasm. 194 00:13:00,179 --> 00:13:04,411 Told him all about you and that's his way of showing his approval. 195 00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:08,651 Did you hear that, Aggie? The earl told his father all about you. 196 00:13:08,821 --> 00:13:12,188 Somebody ought to tell his mother all about his father. 197 00:13:17,696 --> 00:13:20,893 I hope they find it relaxing here at Brinstead Manor. Eh, Mother? 198 00:13:21,066 --> 00:13:23,261 - Yes, indeed I do. - Yes. 199 00:13:23,435 --> 00:13:25,960 Milord? Please. 200 00:13:27,006 --> 00:13:28,633 Cigarette. 201 00:13:30,843 --> 00:13:32,538 Holder. 202 00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:38,582 Light. 203 00:13:58,237 --> 00:14:01,172 That's more service than our hired man gives us in a month 204 00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:02,602 back in Big Squaw. 205 00:14:03,909 --> 00:14:07,276 Well, Humphrey anticipates my every wish. 206 00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:10,781 How often do you have to wind him up? 207 00:14:10,950 --> 00:14:13,942 Wind him up? Oh, wind him up. 208 00:14:14,186 --> 00:14:17,485 Very funny. Jolly good. 209 00:14:17,656 --> 00:14:21,422 - That'll be all. Thank you, Humphrey. - Thank you. 210 00:14:22,661 --> 00:14:23,923 Well, Mother? 211 00:14:24,096 --> 00:14:26,360 I must compliment George on his taste. 212 00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:30,730 You know, most young American tourists are so, so uncouth. 213 00:14:30,903 --> 00:14:34,066 Ain't it the truth. Ain't it, Aggie? 214 00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:35,571 Oh, yeah. 215 00:14:35,741 --> 00:14:38,141 Let's get out of here. 216 00:14:39,278 --> 00:14:40,870 Tennis, anyone? 217 00:14:41,046 --> 00:14:45,073 How can you think of tennis at a time like this? 218 00:14:45,951 --> 00:14:48,681 Sorry. Thought it was my cue. 219 00:14:48,854 --> 00:14:51,152 Cyril, you forget we have guests. 220 00:14:51,323 --> 00:14:54,850 Mrs. Floud, Miss Floud, my nephew, Lord Cyril. 221 00:14:55,027 --> 00:14:56,289 How do you do? 222 00:14:56,462 --> 00:14:58,157 - Aggie. - What? 223 00:14:58,330 --> 00:15:00,457 How do you do? 224 00:15:02,234 --> 00:15:06,500 You'll have to forgive Cyril. Tennis has become an obsession with him. 225 00:15:07,039 --> 00:15:08,472 Yes. 226 00:15:08,641 --> 00:15:11,769 - How about tea, Mother? - Oh, of course, dear. 227 00:15:11,944 --> 00:15:13,707 I'll ring. 228 00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,813 Did you ring, mum? 229 00:15:15,981 --> 00:15:18,449 I was about to, Humphrey. 230 00:15:20,986 --> 00:15:23,853 Why didn't you wait till I rang? Imbecile. 231 00:15:24,023 --> 00:15:25,650 Ham. 232 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:32,356 You know, earl, this is the first time I ever saw a real English butler. 233 00:15:33,499 --> 00:15:34,966 I saw one in a play. 234 00:15:37,870 --> 00:15:40,134 It was in Cheyenne. We threw tomatoes at him. 235 00:15:43,842 --> 00:15:45,309 And now we brew some tea. 236 00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:48,144 - Which shall it be? - What's the difference? 237 00:15:48,547 --> 00:15:52,313 Rather fancy Indian tea is a vital concoction during inclement weather. 238 00:15:52,484 --> 00:15:57,820 Whereas the Chinese importation screams with stimulation. 239 00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:01,984 - What did he say? - Oh, he said, 240 00:16:02,161 --> 00:16:05,597 "Fancy Indian tea is a vital concoction during inclement weather, 241 00:16:05,764 --> 00:16:09,222 "while Chinese importation has vital stimulation." Milady? 242 00:16:11,370 --> 00:16:14,669 - That's telling her, Humphrey. - Thank you. 243 00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:17,638 A knife. Do you have a...? Oh, no. 244 00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:19,368 May I? 245 00:16:23,048 --> 00:16:25,141 This part's the strainer. 246 00:16:30,756 --> 00:16:32,951 Freshly sliced lemon? 247 00:16:34,927 --> 00:16:36,724 Two points. 248 00:16:37,963 --> 00:16:40,022 - One lump or two? - I'd love two, 249 00:16:40,199 --> 00:16:44,226 but I've been eating so high up on the hog lately I'd better just take one. 250 00:16:44,403 --> 00:16:47,497 In that case, may I suggest...? 251 00:16:54,646 --> 00:16:58,810 - May I slosh it around a bit, mum? - Please do. 252 00:17:09,361 --> 00:17:11,795 And so, teatime. 253 00:17:11,964 --> 00:17:13,625 Would you...? 254 00:17:16,435 --> 00:17:18,596 Spot of tea, milady? 255 00:17:23,008 --> 00:17:25,476 Soaked to the skin again! 256 00:17:25,811 --> 00:17:28,712 There's your big splash, Ma. 257 00:17:29,248 --> 00:17:32,046 You shouldn't do that. Haven't you got any sense at all? 258 00:17:32,217 --> 00:17:34,276 Well, he told me to relax. 259 00:17:34,553 --> 00:17:37,579 You stupid, blundering oaf. I told you his performance... 260 00:17:37,756 --> 00:17:40,589 - Mater, mater! Please! - It's piping hot, mum. 261 00:17:40,759 --> 00:17:43,853 How did you ever get to be such an idiot? 262 00:17:44,029 --> 00:17:45,860 Just early to bed, early to rise. 263 00:17:46,031 --> 00:17:48,465 That's the answer. Better do something with this. 264 00:17:48,634 --> 00:17:51,125 Unfortunate occurrence of an unpreventable nature. 265 00:17:51,303 --> 00:17:53,464 Would highly recommend a cold bath... 266 00:17:53,639 --> 00:17:55,607 - Oh, shut up! - Oh, no. 267 00:17:55,774 --> 00:17:58,299 You, don't stand there. Get out and do something. 268 00:17:58,477 --> 00:18:02,072 - Yes, mum. I'll fetch some fresh tea. - Oh, dear, look at me. 269 00:18:02,247 --> 00:18:03,908 Oh, dear. 270 00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:06,176 Come. I'll help you to change right away. 271 00:18:10,255 --> 00:18:11,984 Humphrey. 272 00:18:12,558 --> 00:18:14,355 I've been looking for you. 273 00:18:14,526 --> 00:18:18,360 - I wanna chew the fat. - So soon after tea, mum? 274 00:18:20,999 --> 00:18:23,797 - What do they pay you around here? - Sufficient, mum. 275 00:18:23,969 --> 00:18:26,665 How about sufficient and then some? 276 00:18:26,839 --> 00:18:29,831 Are you trying to lure me from the service of his lordship? 277 00:18:30,008 --> 00:18:32,135 - Exactly! - Impossible! 278 00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:35,246 I couldn't desert his lordship. It wouldn't be cricket. 279 00:18:35,414 --> 00:18:37,609 My family always buttled for the Brinsteads. 280 00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:41,480 My father, my father's father, my father's father's father. 281 00:18:41,653 --> 00:18:42,915 I could go farther. 282 00:18:43,088 --> 00:18:45,716 More reason you should work for me. You're in a rut. 283 00:18:45,891 --> 00:18:48,086 Please, mum, pursue the matter no further. 284 00:18:48,260 --> 00:18:51,423 Even now, the ancestors are beginning to scowl at me. 285 00:18:51,597 --> 00:18:53,929 - Who's that? - Great-grandfather, Lord Cedric. 286 00:18:54,099 --> 00:18:56,033 Made a name for himself in the army. 287 00:18:56,201 --> 00:18:58,362 What's he reaching in his shirt for? 288 00:18:58,537 --> 00:19:00,630 Holding up his trousers from the inside. 289 00:19:01,006 --> 00:19:02,473 Funny way to pose. 290 00:19:02,641 --> 00:19:05,769 Much funnier if he removed his hand, mum. 291 00:19:07,579 --> 00:19:11,913 Listen, Humphrey, hanging around these pictures ain't getting you nothing. 292 00:19:12,084 --> 00:19:13,346 Here's my card. 293 00:19:13,519 --> 00:19:18,115 Drop in my hotel and we'll work out a deal. Double your salary. 294 00:19:18,290 --> 00:19:21,589 Don't tempt me, mum. I can resist anything but temptation. 295 00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:25,218 I got a whim of iron, Humphrey. When I want any... 296 00:19:25,931 --> 00:19:27,592 Wow! 297 00:19:28,934 --> 00:19:30,424 Wow, indeed, mum. 298 00:19:32,404 --> 00:19:34,895 Great-great-grandmother, splendid horsewoman. 299 00:19:35,073 --> 00:19:38,065 - Did she always ride like that? - Heavens to Betsy, no. 300 00:19:38,243 --> 00:19:40,473 Lots of times she rode sidesaddle. 301 00:19:40,646 --> 00:19:43,080 Back home in Big Squaw, she'd be arrested. 302 00:19:43,248 --> 00:19:45,842 She was. That's how she met great-great-grandfather. 303 00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:47,747 He was the magistrate. 304 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:51,378 Well, I'll have to carry on, mum. 305 00:19:52,824 --> 00:19:56,191 Now, this hand rests just lightly on the cue. 306 00:19:56,361 --> 00:19:59,057 - Oh, lightly? - Oh, yes, lightly. 307 00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:03,096 Of course, this is a game taught all over England. 308 00:20:03,268 --> 00:20:05,031 Most popular sport. 309 00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:07,764 Playing it or teaching it? 310 00:20:09,107 --> 00:20:10,904 - You know, Agatha... - What? 311 00:20:11,076 --> 00:20:14,102 You're the most exciting person I've ever met. 312 00:20:14,379 --> 00:20:17,610 If I only knew the right words, if I only knew what to do... 313 00:20:17,783 --> 00:20:20,513 May I be of service, milord? 314 00:20:22,854 --> 00:20:27,188 - Shortcut. Sherry, milady? - Well, don't mind if I do. 315 00:20:33,332 --> 00:20:35,823 - Sherry, milord? - No, nothing for me, thank you. 316 00:20:36,001 --> 00:20:38,265 - Scotch and soda, milord? - Nothing at all. 317 00:20:38,437 --> 00:20:40,268 - Scotch and water, milord? - No. 318 00:20:40,439 --> 00:20:42,805 - A soda and water, milord? - Nothing at all. 319 00:20:42,975 --> 00:20:44,237 Water and water? 320 00:20:44,409 --> 00:20:46,309 - Scotch over ice, milord? - Nothing. 321 00:20:46,478 --> 00:20:48,036 Scotch over scotch? 322 00:20:48,213 --> 00:20:50,738 - That will be all. - Care to play musical glasses? 323 00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:53,783 - They're fun. - I don't want anything to drink. 324 00:20:53,952 --> 00:20:56,944 Shall I draw the blinds, milord? Draw your bath? 325 00:20:57,122 --> 00:20:59,181 - Draw your picture? - Look, Humphrey, 326 00:20:59,358 --> 00:21:02,088 draw whatever you like, but somewhere else. 327 00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:04,252 - Somewhere else. - Yes, milord. 328 00:21:04,696 --> 00:21:07,324 Shall I chalk the mum's cue, milord? 329 00:21:07,499 --> 00:21:10,229 Why don't we just give up until he winds down. 330 00:21:10,402 --> 00:21:11,960 Yes. 331 00:21:24,416 --> 00:21:26,577 I'm terribly sorry. 332 00:21:26,752 --> 00:21:28,447 Now, Agatha, as I was saying... 333 00:21:28,620 --> 00:21:31,680 Announcing Sir Wimbley, Mrs. Floud, Lady Rosalind... 334 00:21:34,092 --> 00:21:36,219 You should've been with me, Aggie. 335 00:21:36,395 --> 00:21:38,693 Earl's been telling me all about something. 336 00:21:38,864 --> 00:21:40,422 Oh, billiards! 337 00:21:43,735 --> 00:21:46,431 May I serve the refreshments, mum? 338 00:21:47,606 --> 00:21:48,971 Thank you. 339 00:22:15,434 --> 00:22:16,958 - You know, Aggie... - What? 340 00:22:17,135 --> 00:22:19,797 I bet Humphrey would make a gentleman out of your pa. 341 00:22:19,971 --> 00:22:22,769 Take that home with us? Ma, you got bats in your belfry? 342 00:22:22,941 --> 00:22:25,603 I don't care. I'm gonna get that Humphrey somehow. 343 00:22:25,777 --> 00:22:28,940 - Oh, Ma. - If Lady Maude would only fire him. 344 00:22:29,114 --> 00:22:32,777 - Pa would feed him to the pigs. - Shoot your pool. 345 00:22:33,885 --> 00:22:36,251 - Punch, mum? - I don't want any. 346 00:22:36,421 --> 00:22:38,548 Well-spiked, mum. 347 00:22:48,767 --> 00:22:53,397 A little punch, mum? Make you feel fit as a tiddly and ready to wink. 348 00:23:03,115 --> 00:23:04,810 Punch, milady? 349 00:23:08,787 --> 00:23:10,118 - Thank you. - Thank you. 350 00:23:12,491 --> 00:23:15,051 You... You... Get out! 351 00:23:15,227 --> 00:23:17,991 You're discharged. You're fired. You're through! 352 00:23:18,163 --> 00:23:22,224 And don't you ever come back. Not tonight, tomorrow night or ever! 353 00:23:22,401 --> 00:23:23,766 Now, get out! 354 00:23:23,935 --> 00:23:26,369 - It was an accident, milord. - Get out! 355 00:23:31,510 --> 00:23:34,240 I know, get out. I know. 356 00:23:39,451 --> 00:23:41,476 Big Squaw. 357 00:23:47,259 --> 00:23:49,420 - Hiya, Mike. - Hi. 358 00:23:51,730 --> 00:23:54,028 - Howdy, Mr. Floud. - Howdy. 359 00:23:57,002 --> 00:23:58,594 Hey, Pa. 360 00:23:58,770 --> 00:24:02,206 Now, look here, Cart. You stop calling me "Pa"! 361 00:24:02,374 --> 00:24:05,775 - What do you hear from Aggie? - She's on her way home. 362 00:24:15,687 --> 00:24:18,383 Hey, what's this here "gentleman's gentleman"? 363 00:24:19,658 --> 00:24:22,718 Same as a man's man. Gentleman's gentleman. 364 00:24:22,894 --> 00:24:25,727 Such a gentleman, even gentlemen think he's a gentleman. 365 00:24:25,897 --> 00:24:28,092 Well, he'd better not interfere in my plans. 366 00:24:28,266 --> 00:24:31,030 Aggie and me's getting married as quick as she gets back. 367 00:24:31,203 --> 00:24:33,899 - That's settled. - Maybe it ain't settled with Aggie. 368 00:24:34,072 --> 00:24:37,269 Ma wrote that some earl was making goo-goo eyes at her. 369 00:24:37,442 --> 00:24:39,376 And if that's him, you're in trouble. 370 00:24:39,544 --> 00:24:42,638 You mean he's in trouble. I'm gonna be meeting that train. 371 00:24:42,814 --> 00:24:44,509 You won't need that clean shirt, 372 00:24:44,683 --> 00:24:48,141 because the earl ain't never gonna see it, Pa. 373 00:24:48,687 --> 00:24:50,917 Don't call me Pa! 374 00:25:07,038 --> 00:25:08,869 Ma, look. Cart Belknap. 375 00:25:20,151 --> 00:25:21,743 Oh, it's rocky... 376 00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:23,785 - Hi, Cart. - Cheerio. 377 00:25:23,955 --> 00:25:25,889 - Get away from my girl. - Well... 378 00:25:26,057 --> 00:25:28,252 - Oh, she just... - Quiet, junior. 379 00:25:28,426 --> 00:25:30,860 Cart, you let him alone! 380 00:25:31,029 --> 00:25:33,327 Wait, we're going through a tunnel. 381 00:25:33,632 --> 00:25:36,294 Nobody's marrying Aggie but me. 382 00:25:37,135 --> 00:25:39,000 Please, no dancing in here. Please! 383 00:25:39,170 --> 00:25:40,501 Cart! 384 00:25:40,672 --> 00:25:43,641 - Please, we've never been introduced. - Oh, Cart! 385 00:25:45,143 --> 00:25:47,543 Only a coward hits a coward. 386 00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:56,787 Cart! 387 00:25:59,357 --> 00:26:01,917 - Go get him, Aggie! - Oh, Ma, let him go. 388 00:26:02,093 --> 00:26:03,788 Go get him! 389 00:26:21,246 --> 00:26:23,009 You don't have to worry. He jumped. 390 00:26:23,181 --> 00:26:25,411 I hope he jumps all the way back to England. 391 00:26:25,584 --> 00:26:27,108 Well, you're gonna go get him. 392 00:26:27,285 --> 00:26:31,085 I brought him this far in first-class condition, ain't gonna lose him now. 393 00:26:31,923 --> 00:26:33,413 I won't do it! 394 00:26:33,592 --> 00:26:37,528 If I bring him back alive, you're gonna have him riding herd on me. 395 00:26:38,096 --> 00:26:39,757 Git! 396 00:26:59,484 --> 00:27:00,746 Water. 397 00:27:00,919 --> 00:27:02,181 Water! 398 00:27:02,721 --> 00:27:05,417 Water. Water. 399 00:27:06,491 --> 00:27:09,790 I'm going mad. Water! Water! 400 00:27:15,033 --> 00:27:17,365 Mirage. The heat. 401 00:27:17,535 --> 00:27:19,400 I'm going mad! 402 00:27:20,138 --> 00:27:21,730 Water. 403 00:27:22,207 --> 00:27:23,640 Water. 404 00:27:24,743 --> 00:27:27,473 Seltzer. Water. Anything. 405 00:27:29,848 --> 00:27:31,475 He must be drunk. 406 00:28:20,398 --> 00:28:22,059 Buzzards. 407 00:28:23,568 --> 00:28:26,401 Indians. Indians! 408 00:28:37,415 --> 00:28:40,578 Hey, fancy pants! 409 00:29:05,877 --> 00:29:08,277 What's the matter with you? Have you gone loco? 410 00:29:08,446 --> 00:29:11,847 No time to explain. Here, hide behind there. 411 00:29:16,254 --> 00:29:18,415 I'll bluff them. I'll defy them. 412 00:29:18,590 --> 00:29:19,989 I'll run! 413 00:29:29,467 --> 00:29:30,957 We'll die together. 414 00:29:31,136 --> 00:29:33,832 What are you raving about, you knucklehead? 415 00:29:34,005 --> 00:29:36,200 Indians. Midget Indians! 416 00:29:36,374 --> 00:29:39,002 - Howdy, Aggie. - Need any help? 417 00:29:39,177 --> 00:29:41,771 - No. - What's the matter with him? 418 00:29:41,946 --> 00:29:44,506 I think he snapped his twig. 419 00:29:44,682 --> 00:29:47,947 Good thing they're your friends or I'd have wiped them out. 420 00:29:48,119 --> 00:29:51,577 Yeah, like you wiped out Cart Belknap. Midget Indians. 421 00:29:51,756 --> 00:29:54,589 Is that the blighter that tried to shoot my toes off? 422 00:29:54,759 --> 00:29:57,751 - What's he got against me? - He wants to marry me. 423 00:29:57,929 --> 00:30:01,365 I guess he got the silly idea that you and me were spooning. 424 00:30:01,533 --> 00:30:03,967 Can you imagine anything so ridiculous? 425 00:30:04,135 --> 00:30:07,229 Preposterous. You're not even my type, mum. 426 00:30:07,405 --> 00:30:11,432 Just the same, he'd kill any man that got within hugging range of me. 427 00:30:11,609 --> 00:30:15,545 In that case, I shall look forward to a long and happy life, milady. 428 00:30:17,382 --> 00:30:21,079 - Come on, fancy pants. - Coming, mum. 429 00:30:25,223 --> 00:30:27,748 - Come on, help me up. - Yes, milady. 430 00:30:27,926 --> 00:30:30,190 No! Not like that. 431 00:30:30,361 --> 00:30:33,956 - Cup your hands like this. - Oh, yes, milady. 432 00:30:39,003 --> 00:30:40,903 That wasn't a very nice thing to do. 433 00:30:41,072 --> 00:30:44,041 I should've given your muscles more warning. 434 00:30:44,209 --> 00:30:47,042 - Yes, milady. - You're supposed to boost me up. 435 00:30:47,212 --> 00:30:49,043 Boost. Boost. 436 00:30:53,251 --> 00:30:56,414 Now, there you are. Shall we take a canter, mum? 437 00:30:57,856 --> 00:30:59,847 Mum? Mum? 438 00:31:00,024 --> 00:31:01,958 Oh, now, what are you doing down there? 439 00:31:02,126 --> 00:31:06,153 I'm having tea with a groundhog. What do you think? 440 00:31:06,331 --> 00:31:08,060 I'm sorry, mum. 441 00:31:08,233 --> 00:31:09,495 I was just... 442 00:31:09,667 --> 00:31:11,396 - Shall we, then? - Not that again. 443 00:31:11,569 --> 00:31:14,163 - Get down on your hands and knees. - Yes, mum. 444 00:31:14,472 --> 00:31:16,906 We'll do it the blunt way. 445 00:31:19,143 --> 00:31:21,703 - Are you aboard, mum? - Yes. 446 00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:23,711 - Now, give me your arm. - Yes, mum. 447 00:31:23,882 --> 00:31:25,975 Not that one, the other one. 448 00:31:26,150 --> 00:31:28,550 - Now, jump up. - Up. Coming up, mum. 449 00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:29,982 Here we go, mum. 450 00:31:36,895 --> 00:31:39,227 Wouldn't it be much simpler to call a cab, mum? 451 00:31:39,397 --> 00:31:41,126 I've got a better idea. 452 00:31:41,499 --> 00:31:43,694 - Come on. - Yes, mum. 453 00:31:44,903 --> 00:31:46,768 When I was in the service of the earl, 454 00:31:46,938 --> 00:31:49,304 I never had to help his lordship mount a horse. 455 00:31:49,474 --> 00:31:52,341 One pulled on his boots in the morning and off at night. 456 00:31:52,510 --> 00:31:55,445 - There were no animals involved. - Shut up. 457 00:31:55,613 --> 00:31:57,979 - Get up on the rock. - Yes, mum. 458 00:31:59,450 --> 00:32:01,975 - Face the horse. - The horse? 459 00:32:07,525 --> 00:32:09,425 Take off your hat. 460 00:32:29,280 --> 00:32:31,077 Effie! 461 00:32:31,449 --> 00:32:33,007 Effie! 462 00:32:33,184 --> 00:32:35,448 Effie! 463 00:32:35,820 --> 00:32:38,516 Yeah? What are you hollering for? 464 00:32:38,690 --> 00:32:41,454 What in the danged blazes happened to all my clothes? 465 00:32:41,626 --> 00:32:44,094 I burned them. Every varmint-ridden stitch. 466 00:32:44,262 --> 00:32:46,025 - Burned them? - Yeah. 467 00:32:46,197 --> 00:32:48,791 Humphrey's bought you a new bunch of store clothes. 468 00:32:48,967 --> 00:32:51,401 I don't want no store clothes... Humphrey? 469 00:32:51,569 --> 00:32:53,161 - Who's Humphrey? - The butler. 470 00:32:53,338 --> 00:32:54,600 Butler? 471 00:32:54,772 --> 00:32:56,865 Yeah, the one we brought back with us. 472 00:32:57,041 --> 00:32:59,976 You said Aggie was looking for the gentleman's gentleman. 473 00:33:00,144 --> 00:33:02,510 - That's Humphrey, the butler. - I thought... 474 00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:04,773 You thought what? 475 00:33:05,783 --> 00:33:08,343 - I just thought. - I doubt it. 476 00:33:08,519 --> 00:33:11,488 And another thing, get that rickety old rocking chair 477 00:33:11,656 --> 00:33:14,090 and that spittoon out of here before he arrives. 478 00:33:14,258 --> 00:33:16,055 Now, get at it. 479 00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:23,992 Aggie. 480 00:33:26,137 --> 00:33:28,503 - Aggie! - Pa! 481 00:33:28,673 --> 00:33:31,801 - Hi, Pa! - Aggie, you're a sight for sore eyes. 482 00:33:31,976 --> 00:33:36,379 Oh, Pa, I never seen nothing in Europe that looks as good as you and home. 483 00:33:36,547 --> 00:33:39,243 Hey, how come you're so Sunday'd up on Tuesday? 484 00:33:39,417 --> 00:33:43,854 Ma's taken to finery like a hog takes to slop. 485 00:33:51,029 --> 00:33:52,462 - Is he dead? - No. 486 00:33:52,630 --> 00:33:54,928 Fainted when I tapped him with a little rock. 487 00:33:55,099 --> 00:33:57,897 Now tap him with a big rock. Say he fell off the horse. 488 00:33:58,069 --> 00:34:02,005 - No, Ma would hold me responsible. - I'm in a pack of trouble, Aggie. 489 00:34:02,173 --> 00:34:05,074 - How come? - I didn't know he was just a butler. 490 00:34:05,243 --> 00:34:09,680 I told everybody in town he was a earl. They're fixing to welcome him proper. 491 00:34:09,847 --> 00:34:12,042 Gosh, when Ma finds out, what'll I do? 492 00:34:12,250 --> 00:34:14,514 You won't have to do, you're gonna be did to. 493 00:34:14,685 --> 00:34:19,088 And all on account of him. Oh, please, Aggie, just one tap with a rock. 494 00:34:19,257 --> 00:34:21,953 Jiggers, here comes Ma. I got him, Ma! 495 00:34:22,126 --> 00:34:25,755 Oh, fine. I can just... 496 00:34:25,930 --> 00:34:29,457 - Aggie, if he's broken, so help me... - Take it easy. He's all right. 497 00:34:29,634 --> 00:34:31,898 - He's very alive, for him. - Get him down. 498 00:34:32,070 --> 00:34:34,197 OK. 499 00:34:41,979 --> 00:34:45,346 There must be another way to see America. 500 00:34:45,683 --> 00:34:47,844 What's the matter? Can't you straighten up? 501 00:34:48,019 --> 00:34:50,180 Something seems to be out of order, mum. 502 00:34:50,354 --> 00:34:52,049 We ought to put him out of misery. 503 00:34:52,223 --> 00:34:54,919 If we do, we'll have to bury him in a bass drum. 504 00:34:55,093 --> 00:34:57,721 Get him in the house! 505 00:35:03,868 --> 00:35:06,530 I'm so glad you're all right, Humphrey. 506 00:35:06,704 --> 00:35:09,036 With a few days' rest, I'll be miserable again. 507 00:35:09,207 --> 00:35:10,799 I want you to meet the help. 508 00:35:10,975 --> 00:35:15,207 This is Wampum, our hired hand. And this is Wong, the cook. 509 00:35:15,379 --> 00:35:17,711 - Boys, meet Humphrey. - Howdy do. 510 00:35:17,882 --> 00:35:19,474 - How. - Dee-do. 511 00:35:19,650 --> 00:35:21,675 That over there is Mr. Floud. 512 00:35:25,723 --> 00:35:27,554 - Hi. - Hi, sir. 513 00:35:27,725 --> 00:35:32,162 Now, let's get one thing straight, Humphrey. I take care of myself. 514 00:35:32,330 --> 00:35:34,127 - That's obvious. - Now, you look... 515 00:35:34,298 --> 00:35:36,664 Just a minute. I give the orders around here. 516 00:35:36,834 --> 00:35:39,530 Humphrey, you can begin right now, lecturing Mr. Floud 517 00:35:39,704 --> 00:35:41,604 on the proper way to act. 518 00:35:41,772 --> 00:35:44,536 - Oh, well, really, Mrs. Floud, I... - Humphrey. 519 00:35:44,709 --> 00:35:48,304 Well, if I may suggest, sir, there are ladies present. 520 00:35:48,479 --> 00:35:50,504 - Ladies? - He means me and Ma. 521 00:35:50,681 --> 00:35:54,549 - Oh, sassafras. - Now, get upstairs. 522 00:35:54,719 --> 00:35:57,244 - I ain't going till I get me some duds. - You ain't? 523 00:35:57,421 --> 00:35:59,753 Shall I lay out some fresh things for Mr. Floud? 524 00:35:59,924 --> 00:36:02,984 We're gonna fill a tub full of water and lay out Mr. Floud! 525 00:36:03,161 --> 00:36:04,685 - What? - Bath, mum? 526 00:36:04,862 --> 00:36:06,124 Yes. 527 00:36:06,297 --> 00:36:09,698 - Now, look here, Effie... - Git! 528 00:36:12,003 --> 00:36:15,734 - You too. - Oh, but... 529 00:36:17,241 --> 00:36:21,177 - Humphrey. - Yes, mum... 530 00:36:23,314 --> 00:36:26,249 - May I, sir? - Yes, yes. 531 00:36:35,626 --> 00:36:38,527 Delicious. Would you...? 532 00:36:43,568 --> 00:36:45,934 I trust you're going to shave, sir. 533 00:36:47,538 --> 00:36:50,200 You can trust one thing, Humphrey: 534 00:36:50,374 --> 00:36:54,777 Nobody's given me no bath since I was a baby. 535 00:36:54,946 --> 00:36:57,005 Effie may fry my hide, 536 00:36:57,181 --> 00:36:59,979 but any whippersnapper that tries to give me a bath, 537 00:37:00,151 --> 00:37:03,780 I'm gonna cut him too short to hang up. 538 00:37:06,023 --> 00:37:10,517 - That one turned gray in your hand. - Now, you get out. 539 00:37:10,695 --> 00:37:13,129 And keep your mouth shut. 540 00:37:15,032 --> 00:37:17,091 What's the matter, Humphrey? 541 00:37:17,268 --> 00:37:19,327 He desires to soak a bit, mum. 542 00:37:20,471 --> 00:37:23,736 Well, while you're waiting, you can fix Aggie's hair. 543 00:37:23,908 --> 00:37:28,402 - Bring it in, mum, and I'll give it a go. - No, Humphrey. Come to her room. 544 00:37:28,579 --> 00:37:31,343 I want you to do her up like a duchess. 545 00:37:31,515 --> 00:37:35,918 Well, I haven't done up a duchess for some time, mum, but I'll try. 546 00:37:40,658 --> 00:37:42,888 Get at it. 547 00:37:43,060 --> 00:37:44,322 May I? 548 00:37:44,495 --> 00:37:46,929 What the Sam Hill do you think you're doing? 549 00:37:47,098 --> 00:37:50,090 - Humphrey's gonna fix your hair. - I just fixed my hair. 550 00:37:50,268 --> 00:37:52,259 He's gonna make you look like a duchess. 551 00:37:52,436 --> 00:37:54,961 - I don't wanna look like a duchess. - Aggie! 552 00:37:55,139 --> 00:37:57,699 Well, what's he know about fixing a girl's hair? 553 00:37:57,875 --> 00:37:59,740 What do I know? 554 00:37:59,910 --> 00:38:02,572 For ten years, I was in the employ of Gomez of Paris 555 00:38:02,747 --> 00:38:04,214 as an expert on the coiffure. 556 00:38:04,382 --> 00:38:07,579 - I don't believe it. - You will after I coif your "fure." 557 00:38:07,752 --> 00:38:10,084 Now, steady, steady. 558 00:38:11,455 --> 00:38:13,582 I'll never forget Lady Cunningham's hair. 559 00:38:13,758 --> 00:38:16,750 She had me comb it in a huge bun. It was very striking. 560 00:38:16,927 --> 00:38:18,258 - How uninteresting. - Yes. 561 00:38:18,429 --> 00:38:19,896 Everywhere, people would say, 562 00:38:20,064 --> 00:38:24,023 "There goes Lady Cunningham. She's the one with the bun on." 563 00:38:24,201 --> 00:38:27,693 They were quaint folk. Now... 564 00:38:28,406 --> 00:38:31,569 I must do something inspirational, something with a point. 565 00:38:31,742 --> 00:38:35,337 An outstanding creation. A monument to me. 566 00:38:35,846 --> 00:38:38,940 I must have some equipment. Is there a rat or two around here? 567 00:38:39,116 --> 00:38:43,052 - Why don't you look in the mirror. - Touch�. 568 00:38:43,220 --> 00:38:47,156 I must do something tall, something statuesque. 569 00:38:52,063 --> 00:38:54,327 No, not tall enough. 570 00:38:54,832 --> 00:38:56,766 No. 571 00:38:56,934 --> 00:38:58,663 Why... 572 00:38:58,836 --> 00:39:00,599 ...eureka. 573 00:39:00,771 --> 00:39:03,934 Eureka, yes. 574 00:39:08,779 --> 00:39:11,543 Magnifique. 575 00:39:11,716 --> 00:39:14,913 My masterpiece. 576 00:39:15,086 --> 00:39:17,953 I hope it's not molting season. 577 00:39:18,122 --> 00:39:21,489 Milady. Don't look till I leave, milady. 578 00:39:21,659 --> 00:39:24,321 I can't stand flattery. 579 00:39:41,946 --> 00:39:43,937 Oh, you... 580 00:39:45,583 --> 00:39:47,210 You... 581 00:39:57,495 --> 00:39:59,360 Oh, you are tubbing, sir. 582 00:39:59,530 --> 00:40:01,589 Take your underwear off. It's not cold. 583 00:40:01,766 --> 00:40:06,669 Oh, wait till I get my hands on you. I tell you, I'll break your neck. 584 00:40:20,017 --> 00:40:21,484 Oh, there you are. 585 00:40:21,652 --> 00:40:24,416 Cheers. We wanted you to see the final result. 586 00:40:24,588 --> 00:40:28,490 - Humphrey, you've outdone yourself. - I thought so. 587 00:40:28,659 --> 00:40:31,628 - It's stunning. - Yeah, it sure stunned me. 588 00:40:31,796 --> 00:40:35,323 Perhaps I did tee the bird a little high, but I'll brush it up later. 589 00:40:35,499 --> 00:40:38,195 I'll think of something. Maybe elaborate a little bit, 590 00:40:38,369 --> 00:40:40,701 but I have to get the curl out of my fingers. 591 00:40:51,182 --> 00:40:53,514 - Good evening, your grace. - How do you do? 592 00:40:53,684 --> 00:40:58,178 - Greetings, your earlship. - Ladies, all together. 593 00:40:58,355 --> 00:41:01,119 Welcome to Big Squaw, your grace. 594 00:41:01,959 --> 00:41:04,427 Your gra...? 595 00:41:04,595 --> 00:41:06,859 I'm Jones, publisher of the Daily Chronicle. 596 00:41:07,031 --> 00:41:10,228 Welcome to Big Squaw, fastest growing town west of Wagonwheel. 597 00:41:10,401 --> 00:41:12,801 - How do you do? - I'm Andrews, the undertaker. 598 00:41:12,970 --> 00:41:14,870 Originally came West to dig for gold. 599 00:41:15,039 --> 00:41:17,007 Yeah, well, no sense wasting a shovel. 600 00:41:17,174 --> 00:41:19,904 Your grace, I want you to meet my daughter. 601 00:41:20,077 --> 00:41:23,444 - She's a little bit shy. - Shy of what? 602 00:41:23,614 --> 00:41:25,809 So good to see you all, my dears. 603 00:41:25,983 --> 00:41:28,645 - Oh, Effie, you're so lucky. - Congratulations. 604 00:41:28,819 --> 00:41:33,347 - And your guest. Effie, what a prize. - You mean Humphrey? 605 00:41:33,824 --> 00:41:36,918 She called him Humphrey, his first name, right to his face. 606 00:41:37,094 --> 00:41:39,221 I knew Humphrey would cause quite a splash, 607 00:41:39,396 --> 00:41:41,227 but I had no idea it'd be like this. 608 00:41:41,398 --> 00:41:44,526 Every woman would give anything to be in your shoes. 609 00:41:44,702 --> 00:41:45,964 Thank you, dear. 610 00:41:46,136 --> 00:41:48,730 Effie, this is the biggest story my paper ever had. 611 00:41:48,906 --> 00:41:50,635 You've put Big Squaw on the map. 612 00:41:50,808 --> 00:41:53,504 - What? - Oh, don't tell me you haven't seen it. 613 00:41:53,677 --> 00:41:57,773 "Mrs. Mike Floud announces the Earl of Bri..." 614 00:41:57,948 --> 00:42:00,212 "Earl of..." 615 00:42:02,086 --> 00:42:04,782 This certainly makes you queen of Big Squaw society. 616 00:42:04,955 --> 00:42:10,393 - Me? Queen? - Oh, it's silly, isn't it? 617 00:42:12,329 --> 00:42:14,320 What his lordship means 618 00:42:14,498 --> 00:42:18,025 is that it's silly to make all this fuss over just a little old visit. 619 00:42:18,202 --> 00:42:20,762 Isn't it, your lordship? 620 00:42:20,938 --> 00:42:23,839 - Oh, but... - Your collar. 621 00:42:24,008 --> 00:42:27,171 I'll double your salary, double everything. 622 00:42:27,344 --> 00:42:32,077 Well, as Humphrey, Earl of Brinstead, and on behalf of my hostess, 623 00:42:32,249 --> 00:42:35,776 allow me to welcome you to Floud Manor. 624 00:42:36,954 --> 00:42:40,651 Oh, your lordship, it's two minutes past your teatime. 625 00:42:40,824 --> 00:42:44,385 - How can you endure it? - Sheer grit. 626 00:42:45,429 --> 00:42:47,829 Shall we tea off, then? 627 00:42:51,769 --> 00:42:54,260 Your daughter looks just like the Duchess Murdock. 628 00:42:54,438 --> 00:42:56,998 - The duchess? - Oh, many an afternoon we had tea, 629 00:42:57,174 --> 00:43:01,975 the duchess and I, while her husband was engaged in his favorite sport. 630 00:43:02,146 --> 00:43:06,480 - Was that cricket? - Perhaps not, but she was irresistible. 631 00:43:07,418 --> 00:43:10,319 - Oh, this is a fun group, isn't it? - Oh, it is. 632 00:43:10,487 --> 00:43:12,785 Will you sit here, your lordship? 633 00:43:20,264 --> 00:43:23,791 - Pa, everybody in town's down there... - Yeah, I heard everything. 634 00:43:23,968 --> 00:43:26,562 He was bad as a butler, but there'll be no living, 635 00:43:26,737 --> 00:43:29,535 now that everybody thinks he's an earl. We've got to... 636 00:43:29,707 --> 00:43:34,235 - What are you doing with that bird? - That's what fancy pants did to me. 637 00:43:34,411 --> 00:43:36,174 - Oh, shut up. - Aggie... 638 00:43:36,347 --> 00:43:37,939 - What? - Humphrey's got to go. 639 00:43:38,115 --> 00:43:39,776 - And I know what to do. - You do? 640 00:43:39,950 --> 00:43:42,145 - And Ma can't blame us for a thing. - Good. 641 00:43:42,319 --> 00:43:44,844 Belknap thinks something's between Humphrey and me. 642 00:43:45,022 --> 00:43:49,254 - Yeah? - Suppose I let him keep thinking it? 643 00:43:50,027 --> 00:43:54,020 Cart would cut out his liver and bile his gizzard in his own sauce. 644 00:43:54,198 --> 00:43:58,294 One order of biled gizzard coming up. 645 00:43:58,469 --> 00:44:01,870 Oh, yes, I'm enjoying my jaunt to America most frightfully. 646 00:44:02,039 --> 00:44:04,303 How do American women compare to English? 647 00:44:04,475 --> 00:44:08,070 Oh, I think your American women are much prettier. 648 00:44:08,245 --> 00:44:09,507 How about your horses? 649 00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:13,616 Oh, I think your American women are even prettier than our horses. 650 00:44:13,784 --> 00:44:15,251 Sorry we're late. 651 00:44:15,586 --> 00:44:19,886 - Hi, everybody. - Hello, Aggie. 652 00:44:20,057 --> 00:44:21,319 - Aggie. - What? 653 00:44:21,492 --> 00:44:26,020 Haven't I asked you never to enter a room without curtsying to Humphrey? 654 00:44:26,196 --> 00:44:27,857 Yeah, Ma, I know. 655 00:44:28,032 --> 00:44:30,500 Dear, dear earl, what would Lady Maude say? 656 00:44:30,668 --> 00:44:33,728 - No carnation in your buttonhole. - I can't wear them. 657 00:44:33,904 --> 00:44:36,873 It turns my medals green. Share that. 658 00:44:37,041 --> 00:44:40,807 - Please tell us about your medals. - Yes, go ahead and tell them. 659 00:44:40,978 --> 00:44:44,243 I've seen him in action. He's cool as a tub of old bathwater. 660 00:44:44,415 --> 00:44:47,578 Yeah. Some of the things he's done make my hair stand on end. 661 00:44:47,751 --> 00:44:50,049 Tell me some of your experiences for my paper. 662 00:44:50,220 --> 00:44:53,781 Oh, no, no, no, please! His lordship's very tired. 663 00:44:53,957 --> 00:44:57,154 - He's had such a busy day. - Oh, not at all, not at all. 664 00:44:57,327 --> 00:45:01,457 Now, let me see, which medal shall I explain first? 665 00:45:01,632 --> 00:45:05,534 Thank you. Well, I think it was my first year of service out East. 666 00:45:05,703 --> 00:45:09,537 It was my first year of service. I was a mere lieutenant at the time. 667 00:45:09,707 --> 00:45:12,676 Well, those native chaps were becoming very nasty. 668 00:45:12,843 --> 00:45:14,936 They'd been stirring up unrest for weeks. 669 00:45:15,112 --> 00:45:16,636 They meant to wipe us out. 670 00:45:16,814 --> 00:45:19,749 But they were only waiting for the end of the monsoon. 671 00:45:19,917 --> 00:45:23,375 - Monsoon, that's French for mister. - Exactly. 672 00:45:23,554 --> 00:45:26,114 Those infernal drums started beating. 673 00:45:28,459 --> 00:45:33,192 "The time to worry," he said, "is when those infernal drums cease." 674 00:45:33,363 --> 00:45:36,389 Those infernal drums ceased. I worried. 675 00:45:36,567 --> 00:45:39,559 But he was still the bravest man out East. 676 00:45:41,238 --> 00:45:44,071 Colonel Jothergill drew me aside. 677 00:45:44,241 --> 00:45:47,142 "It's three against 1,000." We had to have reinforcements. 678 00:45:47,311 --> 00:45:50,644 - No man could get through. - The earl was just a boy at the time. 679 00:45:50,814 --> 00:45:52,111 Colonel Jothergill. 680 00:45:52,282 --> 00:45:57,345 Called "Old Spit and Polish." He was always spitting, and he was Polish. 681 00:45:57,521 --> 00:46:01,116 Well, sir, old Colonel Jothergill outlined his plan to me. 682 00:46:01,425 --> 00:46:04,952 I volunteered to go ahead for aid. It was a dangerous mission. 683 00:46:05,629 --> 00:46:08,496 Behind us was a river, dark and infested with crocodiles. 684 00:46:08,665 --> 00:46:11,156 To the right a jungle, full of hissing pythons. 685 00:46:11,335 --> 00:46:13,963 And the earl hissed right back at them, didn't you? 686 00:46:14,538 --> 00:46:16,062 Yes. 687 00:46:16,240 --> 00:46:19,641 To the left, a wall of high cliffs. 688 00:46:19,810 --> 00:46:22,005 And ahead, the enemy. 689 00:46:22,179 --> 00:46:24,147 Three against 1,000. 690 00:46:24,448 --> 00:46:25,881 How horrible! 691 00:46:26,283 --> 00:46:30,117 Exciting, though. Now the dawn was coming up in the East. 692 00:46:30,287 --> 00:46:33,313 Our spirits were going down in the West. 693 00:46:33,490 --> 00:46:35,822 Three against 1,000. 694 00:46:35,993 --> 00:46:37,517 What chance did we have? 695 00:46:37,694 --> 00:46:39,719 And as the sun rose, they attacked. 696 00:46:39,897 --> 00:46:42,388 It would soon be over, we knew. 697 00:46:42,566 --> 00:46:47,162 We shook hands all around, doled out our last rations of food, 698 00:46:47,337 --> 00:46:49,430 our last drops of water. 699 00:46:49,606 --> 00:46:51,938 Our ammunition practically exhausted. 700 00:46:52,109 --> 00:46:55,237 Then Colonel Jothergill told us the worst of it. 701 00:46:55,412 --> 00:46:56,970 "Stiff upper lip," he muttered. 702 00:46:57,147 --> 00:46:59,012 "You'll have to face it, chaps." 703 00:46:59,183 --> 00:47:01,481 There was no more tea. 704 00:47:01,652 --> 00:47:05,110 They'd pay dearly for this. We'd sell our lives at a fearful price. 705 00:47:05,289 --> 00:47:08,087 How to stop them? How to get out of it? How? 706 00:47:08,258 --> 00:47:10,283 - How. - How. 707 00:47:10,794 --> 00:47:13,820 There was no more time. We could hear their frightful howls. 708 00:47:13,997 --> 00:47:16,864 There they were, storming the fort. Hacking at us. 709 00:47:17,034 --> 00:47:20,435 Screaming, spearing, slashing. Breaking the British square. 710 00:47:20,604 --> 00:47:23,095 Three against 1,000. 711 00:47:23,273 --> 00:47:25,969 Three, mind you. 712 00:47:31,281 --> 00:47:33,579 You're wonderful. 713 00:47:33,784 --> 00:47:37,618 There I was, with a spear right through my body. 714 00:47:37,788 --> 00:47:39,779 - Didn't it hurt? - Only when I laughed. 715 00:47:39,957 --> 00:47:42,425 I drew the spear and started to hack away. 716 00:47:42,593 --> 00:47:46,222 Colonel Jothergill, who was hacking away to my right, was hacked down. 717 00:47:46,396 --> 00:47:48,796 Now I really got angry. I drew my cutlass, 718 00:47:48,966 --> 00:47:52,197 started to hew my way through them. Slashing, slashing. 719 00:47:52,369 --> 00:47:55,133 Heads, arms, legs, bodies! 720 00:47:55,305 --> 00:47:57,796 There I was, drenched with blood. 721 00:47:58,375 --> 00:47:59,637 Blood! 722 00:47:59,810 --> 00:48:02,506 Drenched with blood, mind you. 723 00:48:04,147 --> 00:48:05,671 Blood. 724 00:48:08,085 --> 00:48:09,643 Well, Mr. Belknap. 725 00:48:10,921 --> 00:48:13,890 Poor chap. Couldn't stand a gory story. 726 00:48:14,424 --> 00:48:18,656 Well, excuse me. I always take a nap before going to bed. If you... 727 00:48:18,829 --> 00:48:21,195 But your lordship! What happened? 728 00:48:21,365 --> 00:48:23,492 - How did it end? - Oh, the encounter! 729 00:48:23,667 --> 00:48:25,498 Well, we finally put them to route, 730 00:48:25,669 --> 00:48:29,469 but we all agreed they were three of the toughest rascals we'd ever fought. 731 00:48:29,640 --> 00:48:31,665 Well, good night. 732 00:48:33,277 --> 00:48:34,801 Good night, then. 733 00:48:49,326 --> 00:48:51,055 What a performance. 734 00:48:57,768 --> 00:48:59,395 Enter, then. 735 00:48:59,569 --> 00:49:03,835 Get out of that bed and make tracks for the Yellow Dog Saloon. 736 00:49:04,007 --> 00:49:07,272 Them two varmints, Pa and Aggie, is headed over there in buckskins. 737 00:49:07,444 --> 00:49:09,435 - It's a revolt! - But Effie, 738 00:49:09,613 --> 00:49:11,513 one does not disturb an earl. 739 00:49:11,682 --> 00:49:13,980 The earl is feeling very earlish this morning. 740 00:49:14,151 --> 00:49:18,178 Humphrey, in the Morning Chronicle you may be an earl, 741 00:49:18,355 --> 00:49:20,482 in front of my friends you may be an earl, 742 00:49:20,657 --> 00:49:25,026 but every payday you're Humphrey, the butler. 743 00:49:25,195 --> 00:49:30,098 - And your job is Pa and Aggie. - Oh, but Mrs. Floud, I... 744 00:49:30,267 --> 00:49:31,996 Humphrey. 745 00:49:32,169 --> 00:49:33,500 Yes, mum. 746 00:49:33,670 --> 00:49:35,228 Yes, mum. 747 00:49:35,405 --> 00:49:37,134 Where's my hat? 748 00:49:37,708 --> 00:49:40,404 Wore a high silk hat And a long tailcoat 749 00:49:40,577 --> 00:49:42,738 I looked just like O'Leary's goat 750 00:49:42,913 --> 00:49:45,381 Singing ki yi yiyyi yayyi yay, yayyi yay 751 00:49:45,549 --> 00:49:47,574 Singing ki yi yiyyi yayyi yay 752 00:49:47,751 --> 00:49:50,276 It's bacon and beans Most every day 753 00:49:50,454 --> 00:49:52,979 I'd as soon be eating prairie hay 754 00:49:53,156 --> 00:49:55,522 Singing ki yi yiyyi yayyi yay, yayyi yay 755 00:49:55,692 --> 00:49:58,126 Singing ki yi yiyyi yayyi yay 756 00:49:58,295 --> 00:50:00,957 My foot in the stirrups Roye by the side 757 00:50:01,131 --> 00:50:03,326 Show me a horse that I can't ride 758 00:50:03,500 --> 00:50:05,730 Singing ki yi yiyyi yayyi yay, yayyi yay 759 00:50:05,902 --> 00:50:10,066 Singing ki yi yiyyi yayyi yay 760 00:50:10,240 --> 00:50:11,798 Pa, look who's here. 761 00:50:14,444 --> 00:50:17,470 Boys, meet our boarder, the Earl of Beerstein. 762 00:50:18,849 --> 00:50:21,443 I'm begging your pardon, sir, the Earl of Brinstead. 763 00:50:21,618 --> 00:50:24,712 What's the difference? Come on, boys, let's have a beer. 764 00:50:25,389 --> 00:50:28,449 The mater's requested that you both return to the manor. 765 00:50:28,625 --> 00:50:30,820 What's wrong with our manners here? 766 00:50:30,994 --> 00:50:33,986 Why, I shall personally escort you both home, mum. 767 00:50:34,164 --> 00:50:35,597 Oh, relax, earl. 768 00:50:35,766 --> 00:50:38,735 Come on, let's talk it over. Gotta wet our whistles first. 769 00:50:38,902 --> 00:50:40,164 Let's have a beer here. 770 00:50:40,337 --> 00:50:42,828 I'd like to stay, but we really should be going. 771 00:50:43,006 --> 00:50:46,066 - You know the madam. - Oh, I sure do, Humphrey. I sure do. 772 00:50:46,243 --> 00:50:51,146 Will she be madder because we lit out this morning if we come home sober, 773 00:50:51,314 --> 00:50:54,283 or will she get so mad if we come with beer on our breath, 774 00:50:54,451 --> 00:50:55,782 she'll forget how we lit out? 775 00:50:55,952 --> 00:50:57,783 - Let's have a beer. - It's too late... 776 00:50:57,954 --> 00:51:02,118 Oh, never mind. Sam! Come on, Sam! Hurry up with that beer! 777 00:51:03,527 --> 00:51:05,290 By Jove, they're alive! 778 00:51:07,164 --> 00:51:08,563 Jolly. 779 00:51:18,942 --> 00:51:20,807 Sorry. 780 00:51:21,144 --> 00:51:22,509 Thank you. 781 00:51:29,519 --> 00:51:31,680 Here you are, earl. 782 00:51:31,855 --> 00:51:33,482 Thank you. 783 00:51:34,691 --> 00:51:36,090 Sorry. 784 00:51:40,163 --> 00:51:41,562 Get Cart! 785 00:51:44,634 --> 00:51:46,261 Hey! 786 00:51:46,436 --> 00:51:47,698 Fancy pants 787 00:51:47,871 --> 00:51:49,600 You're a pussyfooting critter 788 00:51:49,773 --> 00:51:51,502 When you see a gal, you skitter 789 00:51:51,675 --> 00:51:53,006 Hey, you! 790 00:51:53,944 --> 00:51:55,309 Fancy pants 791 00:51:55,479 --> 00:51:57,447 Oh, you dropped your pretty hankie 792 00:51:57,614 --> 00:51:59,582 Mama's gonna spankie 793 00:51:59,749 --> 00:52:01,444 Hey! 794 00:52:01,618 --> 00:52:03,176 Fauntleroy 795 00:52:03,353 --> 00:52:05,082 Women who crave men 796 00:52:05,255 --> 00:52:07,485 Wanna love cavemen 797 00:52:07,657 --> 00:52:10,785 Say, angel boy 798 00:52:10,961 --> 00:52:12,690 Show some grit 799 00:52:12,863 --> 00:52:14,558 That's what you gotta get 800 00:52:14,731 --> 00:52:16,426 Hey! 801 00:52:16,600 --> 00:52:17,931 Fancy pants 802 00:52:18,101 --> 00:52:19,728 You're a highfalutin geezer 803 00:52:19,903 --> 00:52:21,734 Afraid to take a gal and squeeze her 804 00:52:21,905 --> 00:52:23,998 Hey, you! 805 00:52:24,174 --> 00:52:25,539 Fancy pants 806 00:52:25,709 --> 00:52:27,870 Run to mama for protection 807 00:52:28,044 --> 00:52:29,841 How's your stamp collection? 808 00:52:30,013 --> 00:52:31,742 Hey! 809 00:52:31,915 --> 00:52:33,439 Pantywaist 810 00:52:33,617 --> 00:52:37,280 Looking at us stomping and cussing 811 00:52:37,454 --> 00:52:40,617 What you scared about? Take a chance 812 00:52:40,790 --> 00:52:42,951 If you're rooting and tooting 813 00:52:43,126 --> 00:52:44,821 Folks will quit a-hooting 814 00:52:44,995 --> 00:52:47,793 "There goes fancy pants" 815 00:53:00,143 --> 00:53:02,509 Fancy pants. 816 00:53:47,624 --> 00:53:48,955 Chaser. 817 00:53:58,401 --> 00:54:02,337 Mind you, my throat was only slightly cut from ear to ear, 818 00:54:02,505 --> 00:54:05,736 but I had to hold my head because the tissue was broken. 819 00:54:05,909 --> 00:54:09,367 If I could only get back to the base, I could recover in a fortnight. 820 00:54:09,546 --> 00:54:12,276 Five days, you know. Then it happened. 821 00:54:12,449 --> 00:54:13,746 - What? - In all Africa, 822 00:54:13,917 --> 00:54:16,715 I've never come across a more ferocious beast. 823 00:54:16,886 --> 00:54:19,446 There it stood in the pitch-black night, 824 00:54:19,623 --> 00:54:22,888 its immense size completely dwarfing the elephant I was riding. 825 00:54:23,059 --> 00:54:25,084 How could you tell how big it was? 826 00:54:25,262 --> 00:54:27,526 The dark night made his white coat stand out. 827 00:54:27,697 --> 00:54:29,892 You see, when you... 828 00:54:31,835 --> 00:54:33,097 Hello, Mr. Belknap. 829 00:54:33,270 --> 00:54:35,704 Well, it's crumpet time. I must be jogging along. 830 00:54:35,872 --> 00:54:37,430 No, earl. 831 00:54:37,607 --> 00:54:40,576 - I'd like to hear the rest. - You better be careful, chap. 832 00:54:40,744 --> 00:54:43,042 You know what happened last night. 833 00:54:43,213 --> 00:54:45,340 Maybe this time I can take it. 834 00:54:45,515 --> 00:54:48,006 Well, if you want to risk it. Now, where was I? 835 00:54:48,184 --> 00:54:50,709 You were looking at that big animal in the dark. 836 00:54:50,887 --> 00:54:53,151 I was? Oh, I was. Yes, yes, yes. 837 00:54:53,323 --> 00:54:56,724 Well, its white coat stood out. Largest polar bear I've ever seen. 838 00:54:56,893 --> 00:54:59,259 - Must have been... - They don't belong in Africa. 839 00:54:59,429 --> 00:55:01,761 That's what I kept telling him. He kept coming. 840 00:55:01,931 --> 00:55:03,796 I kept retreating, step by step. 841 00:55:03,967 --> 00:55:05,730 What happened to that big elephant? 842 00:55:05,902 --> 00:55:07,529 I sent him for help. 843 00:55:07,704 --> 00:55:10,366 I think. Yes. Well, there he was. 844 00:55:10,540 --> 00:55:12,667 I stood there, unarmed, except for a spear 845 00:55:12,842 --> 00:55:14,833 an unfriendly native left in my chest. 846 00:55:15,178 --> 00:55:18,011 - But it only hurt when you laughed. - Yes. 847 00:55:19,783 --> 00:55:24,846 I withdrew the spear, staggered back, weak from the loss of blood. 848 00:55:25,021 --> 00:55:28,286 I was all blood. Dripping with blood! 849 00:55:28,958 --> 00:55:31,119 Even the bear was bloody. 850 00:55:31,561 --> 00:55:33,859 Aren't you feeling a little faint? No. 851 00:55:34,164 --> 00:55:36,792 Did I tell you the ground was covered with blood? 852 00:55:36,966 --> 00:55:40,094 I said that. Well, it's crumpet time. I better be jogging... 853 00:55:40,270 --> 00:55:42,101 You know what I would have done? 854 00:55:42,272 --> 00:55:45,173 - Well, I... - I'd have twisted his neck, like this! 855 00:55:45,342 --> 00:55:46,809 What? 856 00:55:46,976 --> 00:55:50,673 Then I'd have got him by the ears and I'd have just yanked them off! 857 00:55:50,847 --> 00:55:52,781 I wish you'd been there. 858 00:55:52,949 --> 00:55:57,318 Then I'd have got a couple of hands full of fur and I'd have pulled them off! 859 00:55:57,487 --> 00:55:59,921 - Well... - Pa, maybe we better stop Cart. 860 00:56:00,090 --> 00:56:01,819 Oh, he's just getting warmed up. 861 00:56:01,991 --> 00:56:04,926 I wish Humphrey would make a move so Cart could let go. 862 00:56:05,095 --> 00:56:08,087 Can't expect Humphrey to face up to Cart. 863 00:56:08,264 --> 00:56:10,824 - Then you know what I would do? - Let me guess. 864 00:56:11,000 --> 00:56:14,766 - All right, go ahead and guess. - You'd have taken your trusty rifle 865 00:56:14,938 --> 00:56:18,169 and you'd just let him have it like that. 866 00:56:19,843 --> 00:56:21,242 Cheerio! 867 00:56:32,822 --> 00:56:34,187 Pretty good, eh, Effie? 868 00:56:34,524 --> 00:56:38,085 Oh, Mr. Mayor, it's so big it scares the daylights out of me! 869 00:56:38,261 --> 00:56:39,922 President Teddy Roosevelt! 870 00:56:40,096 --> 00:56:42,587 He's making a swing through the Western territory. 871 00:56:42,766 --> 00:56:46,258 Wouldn't have touched Big Squaw, but when I wired about the earl, 872 00:56:46,436 --> 00:56:49,837 he wired right back he'd be delighted! 873 00:56:50,006 --> 00:56:51,803 Land o' Goshen! 874 00:56:51,975 --> 00:56:54,637 Of course, he can stay right here with you, can't he? 875 00:56:54,811 --> 00:56:57,371 Here? In my house? 876 00:56:57,547 --> 00:57:00,141 I'd be tickled stiff! 877 00:57:00,316 --> 00:57:02,079 Maybe if we treat him real nice, 878 00:57:02,252 --> 00:57:05,380 he'll recommend Congress change this territory into a state. 879 00:57:05,555 --> 00:57:07,580 - Land's sakes! - And Effie... 880 00:57:07,757 --> 00:57:11,249 ...you'd be queen of the state! - Oh, mayor! 881 00:57:11,428 --> 00:57:14,727 I gotta start organizing my committee. Goodbye, Effie. 882 00:57:14,898 --> 00:57:17,025 Congratulations, Aggie! Mike! 883 00:57:17,200 --> 00:57:19,725 President Roosevelt's coming here to see Humphrey! 884 00:57:19,903 --> 00:57:22,030 Isn't that wonderful? Oh, Mike! 885 00:57:22,205 --> 00:57:23,467 - What? - I'd have swore 886 00:57:23,640 --> 00:57:25,733 she said the president was coming. 887 00:57:25,909 --> 00:57:28,503 That's what I did say. Isn't it wonderful? 888 00:57:28,678 --> 00:57:31,977 - Ma, have you been in the applejack? - No, Mike, it's true! 889 00:57:32,148 --> 00:57:33,809 What's he wanna see Humphrey for? 890 00:57:33,983 --> 00:57:35,951 Because he thinks Humphrey's the earl. 891 00:57:36,119 --> 00:57:37,814 Where is Humphrey? 892 00:57:37,987 --> 00:57:39,887 Humphrey? 893 00:57:40,056 --> 00:57:42,581 Teddy Roosevelt, eh? Well, I'll be hog-tied. 894 00:57:42,759 --> 00:57:45,990 - Where is Humphrey? - Go ahead, you tell her. 895 00:57:46,162 --> 00:57:49,256 Well, the last time we saw him, he was heading out of town. 896 00:57:49,432 --> 00:57:52,424 - Out of town? - Yeah, he was going... 897 00:57:52,602 --> 00:57:54,832 All of a sudden he got lonesome for London. 898 00:57:55,004 --> 00:57:57,871 You two! I might have known you'd do something like this! 899 00:57:58,041 --> 00:58:00,532 - We did nothing! - Get on your horse and get him! 900 00:58:00,710 --> 00:58:03,679 - Don't come back without him! - We might get in trouble. 901 00:58:03,847 --> 00:58:06,782 We'll get in worse trouble if we didn't have him. Now, git! 902 00:58:06,950 --> 00:58:08,611 And you. Get out of them clothes! 903 00:58:08,785 --> 00:58:11,345 Now, wait a minute. Take it easy. I was going to. 904 00:58:18,194 --> 00:58:19,855 Humphrey! 905 00:58:20,230 --> 00:58:21,663 Wait! 906 00:58:32,342 --> 00:58:34,606 Hey, fancy pants! 907 00:59:03,306 --> 00:59:06,764 What is this, branding time? Leave me alone. I wanna get out of here. 908 00:59:06,943 --> 00:59:09,810 Well, I don't blame you. Me and Pa were awful ugly. 909 00:59:09,979 --> 00:59:12,880 Cart Belknap isn't exactly a chamber-of-commerce welcome. 910 00:59:13,049 --> 00:59:15,745 Go away. I was doing all right on this until you came. 911 00:59:15,919 --> 00:59:17,853 I didn't wanna come, Ma sent me. 912 00:59:18,021 --> 00:59:20,990 - I knew you'd say no. - Well, you knew right. 913 00:59:21,257 --> 00:59:24,522 You know, it took a lot of nerve, squirting water at Cart's face. 914 00:59:24,694 --> 00:59:27,561 That's why I figured you could meet President Roosevelt. 915 00:59:27,730 --> 00:59:32,133 Yeah, well, I got the nerve to face anybody. You don't think that I'm... 916 00:59:33,036 --> 00:59:34,401 Who? 917 00:59:34,571 --> 00:59:37,267 See, everybody in Big Squaw thinks you're a real earl. 918 00:59:37,440 --> 00:59:40,068 Teddy Roosevelt's coming to town just to meet you. 919 00:59:40,243 --> 00:59:43,440 So President Roosevelt's coming to meet the Earl of Brinstead 920 00:59:43,613 --> 00:59:47,049 and no earl. Well, you're gonna look pretty silly. 921 00:59:47,216 --> 00:59:51,050 Your ma and pa and this whole silly little town are gonna look silly. 922 00:59:51,220 --> 00:59:53,415 You'll have to change the name to Big Silly. 923 00:59:54,390 --> 00:59:56,984 Well, at that, it might be worse if you stayed. 924 00:59:57,160 --> 01:00:00,254 You might be able to make country folks think you're an earl, 925 01:00:00,430 --> 01:00:03,456 but I reckon President Roosevelt's met some real earls. 926 01:00:03,633 --> 01:00:06,796 Presidents can be fooled. They vote for themselves, don't they? 927 01:00:06,970 --> 01:00:10,838 - I made you think I was a butler. - That's easy, you are. 928 01:00:11,341 --> 01:00:15,072 Look, I've been waiting a long time to take some bows for my performance. 929 01:00:15,244 --> 01:00:18,236 I'm no earl. I'm no butler. I'm not even Humphrey. 930 01:00:18,414 --> 01:00:21,110 My name is Arthur Tyler and I'm an actor. 931 01:00:21,351 --> 01:00:25,515 - An actor? Gosh! - If you'll get off my handcar, I'll leave. 932 01:00:25,688 --> 01:00:27,451 Why did you pretend to be a butler? 933 01:00:27,624 --> 01:00:29,558 I was stranded in London flat broke. 934 01:00:29,726 --> 01:00:33,093 So flat they threw me out of the hotel without opening the door. 935 01:00:33,262 --> 01:00:36,857 I could make Roosevelt think I was the Earl of Brinstead. But I won't. 936 01:00:37,033 --> 01:00:38,967 If you're an actor, we've got a chance. 937 01:00:39,135 --> 01:00:42,104 If you're a good actor, this could be the biggest job ever. 938 01:00:42,271 --> 01:00:45,069 Imagine playing an English earl for President Roosevelt 939 01:00:45,241 --> 01:00:47,835 with me and Ma and Pa to applaud. 940 01:00:48,444 --> 01:00:51,140 Yeah, and I'd be the star. That's a step up. 941 01:00:51,314 --> 01:00:53,475 And an audience of three. That's a step up. 942 01:00:53,650 --> 01:00:57,017 Sure, you put Big Squaw on the map, you can't just wipe it off now. 943 01:00:57,186 --> 01:00:59,984 A lot of innocent people in town are depending on you. 944 01:01:00,156 --> 01:01:01,987 Innocent. How about Cart Belknap? 945 01:01:02,158 --> 01:01:04,023 Tell him we're nothing to each other 946 01:01:04,193 --> 01:01:07,094 so he'd stop trying put my head in his trophy room. 947 01:01:07,263 --> 01:01:10,664 Sure, I'll tell him that we don't mean anything to each other. 948 01:01:10,833 --> 01:01:12,528 You'll be perfectly safe. 949 01:01:12,702 --> 01:01:15,671 And then after the president leaves, you can go away again. 950 01:01:16,272 --> 01:01:20,265 Gee, President Roosevelt. A command performance. 951 01:01:20,443 --> 01:01:23,276 I accept this role, but for a one-night stand only. 952 01:01:23,446 --> 01:01:27,075 Then I must go on tour. Anyplace, just so it's away. 953 01:01:27,250 --> 01:01:30,185 Everybody's gonna be real grateful to you for this. 954 01:01:30,353 --> 01:01:33,447 And I mean everybody, Arthur. 955 01:01:34,857 --> 01:01:36,484 Hang on! 956 01:01:36,659 --> 01:01:39,856 Yes, President Roosevelt, I'm the Earl of Brinstead. 957 01:01:41,931 --> 01:01:44,593 Oh, wait until my agent hears about this. 958 01:01:45,535 --> 01:01:47,127 Here we go. 959 01:02:00,983 --> 01:02:03,713 Oh, woe is me What goes with me 960 01:02:03,886 --> 01:02:08,653 I hate this living I've chose for me Tired of meeting misery 961 01:02:08,825 --> 01:02:11,225 Should've never roamed And left that 962 01:02:11,394 --> 01:02:15,421 Home cooking Home cooking 963 01:02:15,898 --> 01:02:19,459 Life is cruel I was a fool to roam 964 01:02:20,336 --> 01:02:22,395 A rolling stone don't get no moss 965 01:02:22,572 --> 01:02:25,132 It don't get nothing but double-cross 966 01:02:25,308 --> 01:02:27,139 See the world, that's apple sauce 967 01:02:27,310 --> 01:02:30,040 Never get your nose too far from 968 01:02:30,213 --> 01:02:33,979 Home cooking Home cooking 969 01:02:34,383 --> 01:02:37,477 I'm afraid I should've stayed at home 970 01:02:38,821 --> 01:02:40,880 I meet a gal Her name is Sal 971 01:02:41,057 --> 01:02:43,321 I wanna keep her in my corral 972 01:02:43,493 --> 01:02:45,552 But she says she's just a yal 973 01:02:45,728 --> 01:02:48,196 And she's never home when you want 974 01:02:48,364 --> 01:02:51,765 Home cooking Home cooking 975 01:02:51,934 --> 01:02:55,301 - It's been too long - Life is cruel, I was a fool to roam 976 01:02:55,471 --> 01:02:57,405 Too long from Hong Kong 977 01:02:57,807 --> 01:03:00,503 Far from wigwam Me heap big brave 978 01:03:00,676 --> 01:03:04,203 I miss my squaw I even miss my squaws-in-law 979 01:03:04,514 --> 01:03:08,382 - Hunt with Minnehaha's ya - Feed yayoose a half a moose 980 01:03:08,551 --> 01:03:10,451 How? Home cooking 981 01:03:10,620 --> 01:03:13,282 Give me that home cooking 982 01:03:13,556 --> 01:03:17,287 Sit on rug and ugh, ugh, ugh with tribe 983 01:03:17,727 --> 01:03:20,218 Give me Hong Kong, Hankow 984 01:03:20,396 --> 01:03:22,523 Where I'm choy-choy Number one boy 985 01:03:22,698 --> 01:03:27,101 Shanghai, Foochow Marry pretty girl Ming Toy for 986 01:03:27,270 --> 01:03:31,570 Home cooking Home cooking 987 01:03:31,741 --> 01:03:35,006 Reckon Chinese fellow Like home chow 988 01:03:36,479 --> 01:03:38,379 I went abroad and how I hawed 989 01:03:38,548 --> 01:03:40,778 Them English critters Ain't never thawed 990 01:03:40,950 --> 01:03:45,512 When a duke says, "Yes, milord" Partner, you can hear me yell for 991 01:03:45,688 --> 01:03:47,815 - Home cooking - Pile it on 992 01:03:47,990 --> 01:03:49,617 Home cooking 993 01:03:49,792 --> 01:03:53,125 Some fancy pants might stand a chance with me 994 01:03:54,330 --> 01:03:59,097 - Blow them peace pipe smoke rings - Rice cake, kumquat, plenty to spare 995 01:03:59,268 --> 01:04:03,830 Real fine wingdings Rocking in a rocking chair, that's 996 01:04:04,006 --> 01:04:06,065 - Home cooking - Sniff it, then 997 01:04:06,242 --> 01:04:07,937 Home cooking 998 01:04:08,110 --> 01:04:11,671 A quiet life is quite the life for me 999 01:04:12,114 --> 01:04:15,015 - Yes, give me that home cooking - Scoop it up 1000 01:04:15,184 --> 01:04:21,646 Home cooking That's the life for me 1001 01:04:25,528 --> 01:04:29,157 - Jiggers, Ma! Here comes Ma! - What happened? 1002 01:04:29,332 --> 01:04:30,799 - Ma! - What? 1003 01:04:31,033 --> 01:04:32,694 Everyone's all right. 1004 01:04:35,438 --> 01:04:37,998 The president's coming to our house. 1005 01:04:38,174 --> 01:04:39,869 Dear boy. 1006 01:04:40,209 --> 01:04:42,507 Now, I do hope everybody's got this straight. 1007 01:04:42,678 --> 01:04:46,273 The mayor and welcoming committee will bring him here from the depot. 1008 01:04:46,449 --> 01:04:49,475 Out on the porch, the Silver Cornet Band will be playing. 1009 01:04:49,652 --> 01:04:53,053 And Humphrey, you'll be waiting upstairs with your monocle 1010 01:04:53,222 --> 01:04:57,283 and your full dress suit until that fellow with the bugle plays "Ta-da". 1011 01:04:57,460 --> 01:05:00,224 - "Ta-da". - And then you start downstairs. 1012 01:05:00,396 --> 01:05:02,762 Everybody cheers till you get downstairs 1013 01:05:02,932 --> 01:05:05,924 and Pa introduces you to Mr. Roosevelt. 1014 01:05:06,202 --> 01:05:07,499 - And you, Aggie. - What? 1015 01:05:07,670 --> 01:05:10,161 If you forget to curtsy, I'll bust your curtsier. 1016 01:05:10,339 --> 01:05:12,466 - All right. - This party's coming off right 1017 01:05:12,642 --> 01:05:15,543 - or them responsible's gonna suffer. - Yes, Ma. 1018 01:05:16,812 --> 01:05:19,645 - I'll get it, mum. - I'll get it, I'll get it. 1019 01:05:19,815 --> 01:05:23,615 Gol darn it, quit calling me mum. You're the Earl of Brinstead. 1020 01:05:23,786 --> 01:05:26,380 It's probably just Carrie with her potato salad. 1021 01:05:26,956 --> 01:05:29,948 Humphrey, I just wanna tell you it was mighty nice of you 1022 01:05:30,126 --> 01:05:32,822 to come back and be earl after the way we treated you. 1023 01:05:32,995 --> 01:05:34,792 That's quite all right, old chap. 1024 01:05:34,964 --> 01:05:37,990 - You can call me Pa if you like. - Oh, thanks, Pa. 1025 01:05:44,507 --> 01:05:45,769 What a season! 1026 01:05:46,075 --> 01:05:50,444 I do hope Carrie hasn't overloaded her potato salad with onions again. 1027 01:05:51,814 --> 01:05:54,874 - All right, bring it in. - How do you do? Mrs. Floud? 1028 01:05:57,753 --> 01:05:59,243 Fainted. 1029 01:05:59,789 --> 01:06:01,689 Put her in that chair. 1030 01:06:01,857 --> 01:06:05,315 - That's the trouble with surprise visits. - That's right. 1031 01:06:08,197 --> 01:06:09,721 She'll be all right. 1032 01:06:10,700 --> 01:06:15,160 Oh, here, now. Here, now. What's amiss, you chaps? 1033 01:06:15,771 --> 01:06:17,636 - What are you doing? - She's fainted. 1034 01:06:17,807 --> 01:06:20,241 - Don't stand there, get some water. - Certainly. 1035 01:06:20,409 --> 01:06:22,309 There's been so much excitement. 1036 01:06:22,478 --> 01:06:25,106 The president's coming and everybody's way up there. 1037 01:06:25,281 --> 01:06:28,148 Give her some brandy. It's not very good, but it'll help. 1038 01:06:28,317 --> 01:06:30,046 I think... 1039 01:06:37,960 --> 01:06:41,054 Aggie! Pa! Pa! Aggie! 1040 01:06:42,565 --> 01:06:44,726 - What's the matter? - What? 1041 01:06:44,900 --> 01:06:46,800 It's the president! 1042 01:06:50,039 --> 01:06:52,132 Welcome to Big Squaw, Mr. President. 1043 01:06:52,308 --> 01:06:54,708 I'm Mike Floud. This here's my daughter Aggie. 1044 01:06:54,877 --> 01:06:57,744 - How do you do? - And this here's the Earl of Brinstead. 1045 01:06:57,913 --> 01:07:00,882 Oh, quite. And this is our hostess, Mrs. Effie Floud. 1046 01:07:01,050 --> 01:07:03,018 - Wake up, Ma. - I'm sorry, Mrs. Floud. 1047 01:07:03,185 --> 01:07:06,518 I dropped in so unexpectedly. But we drove over from Broken Arrow. 1048 01:07:06,689 --> 01:07:08,714 I should've stayed on the official train. 1049 01:07:08,891 --> 01:07:11,382 But I've listened to so many welcoming speeches, 1050 01:07:11,560 --> 01:07:13,994 I was hoping to avoid the one at your depot. 1051 01:07:14,163 --> 01:07:16,256 I hope you'll excuse our appearance. 1052 01:07:16,432 --> 01:07:19,299 We were out in the kitchen just fixing things up for you. 1053 01:07:19,468 --> 01:07:22,301 Yes, even the earl. He's good at cleaning and polishing. 1054 01:07:22,471 --> 01:07:24,769 Oh, yes, it's a matter of your democracy, sir. 1055 01:07:24,940 --> 01:07:27,704 You know, when in Rome and all that sort of thing. 1056 01:07:28,411 --> 01:07:32,142 Take the president to the parlor till things get fixed up in the kitchen. 1057 01:07:32,314 --> 01:07:34,407 Please, let's not be formal, Mrs. Floud. 1058 01:07:34,583 --> 01:07:36,710 I'd like to go out in the kitchen with you. 1059 01:07:36,886 --> 01:07:38,513 - Could I? - You mean it? 1060 01:07:38,687 --> 01:07:41,485 I make a steak sauce that is very popular in Washington. 1061 01:07:41,657 --> 01:07:43,215 - You do? - Extraordinary! 1062 01:07:43,392 --> 01:07:46,293 - Learned it in Paris. - Paris cooking! 1063 01:07:46,462 --> 01:07:49,727 - Well, you're our man. - He's the nicest president I ever met. 1064 01:07:49,899 --> 01:07:53,426 - Back to the kitchen, everybody! - Delighted. Bully for you. 1065 01:07:53,602 --> 01:07:58,539 - And to think I almost voted for Bryan! - I say, this is a ginger group, isn't it? 1066 01:07:58,974 --> 01:08:01,738 - There we are. - Sure looks good, don't it? 1067 01:08:01,911 --> 01:08:04,402 - Give me some. - I'm agog with anticipation. 1068 01:08:06,215 --> 01:08:08,979 - Wonderful! - As you'd say, delicious! 1069 01:08:09,151 --> 01:08:12,211 - Thank you, thank you. - It still needs more cooking sherry. 1070 01:08:12,388 --> 01:08:14,219 - Pa. - Gee whiz, Ma. 1071 01:08:14,390 --> 01:08:17,359 I ain't had a drink since I got bit by that rattler. 1072 01:08:17,526 --> 01:08:20,256 Yeah, and Pa's getting too old to climb them hills. 1073 01:08:20,429 --> 01:08:23,227 - Agatha! - Perhaps another dash wouldn't hurt. 1074 01:08:23,399 --> 01:08:26,163 Nonsense. Keep your nose out of the president's recipe. 1075 01:08:26,335 --> 01:08:29,099 - In my opinion... - Nobody's interested. 1076 01:08:29,271 --> 01:08:32,365 There was plenty of sherry in your cooking before we married. 1077 01:08:32,541 --> 01:08:34,475 Why, Mike Floud! Are you insinuating... 1078 01:08:34,643 --> 01:08:38,079 Ma, if you'd used stronger sherry, I bet I'd be two years older. 1079 01:08:38,247 --> 01:08:40,442 You keep out of this! And you, Mike Floud... 1080 01:08:40,616 --> 01:08:44,484 - Don't start that doggone argument. - Mrs. Floud, Mr. Floud! 1081 01:08:44,920 --> 01:08:47,218 After all, the president is on his vacation. 1082 01:08:47,389 --> 01:08:49,823 Do you want him to think he's back with Congress? 1083 01:08:49,992 --> 01:08:51,289 Sorry, Mr. President. 1084 01:08:51,460 --> 01:08:53,985 I've heard discussions like this in my own kitchen. 1085 01:08:54,163 --> 01:08:56,563 And I must say, my wife has convinced me 1086 01:08:56,732 --> 01:08:59,895 that I have just as much right to her opinion as she has. 1087 01:09:00,069 --> 01:09:01,331 Ain't it the truth. 1088 01:09:01,504 --> 01:09:04,064 You mean the first lady has the last word. 1089 01:09:04,240 --> 01:09:07,732 Well put, Brinstead. And now we melt a little butter. 1090 01:09:07,910 --> 01:09:10,071 The butter's right over here. 1091 01:09:11,046 --> 01:09:12,308 Isn't he wonderful? 1092 01:09:12,481 --> 01:09:15,644 Yeah, this whole earl business makes me feel like a low-down... 1093 01:09:15,818 --> 01:09:18,309 - Oh, Brinstead. - Coming, sir. 1094 01:09:20,222 --> 01:09:22,747 Tell me, Brinstead, what is the attitude in England 1095 01:09:22,925 --> 01:09:24,859 regarding the Mediterranean situation? 1096 01:09:25,027 --> 01:09:30,021 Oh, yes. Well, frankly, there are two schools of thought: Pro and con. 1097 01:09:30,199 --> 01:09:33,464 Of course, but just how do they feel about it, pro and con? 1098 01:09:33,636 --> 01:09:38,403 The pro people seem to be for it and the con group are definitely against it. 1099 01:09:38,574 --> 01:09:41,771 Naturally. But you personally, Brinstead, 1100 01:09:41,944 --> 01:09:45,880 - just what stand do you take? - Oh, me? Yes, well, I'm pro. 1101 01:09:46,515 --> 01:09:47,948 Why, Brinstead. 1102 01:09:48,117 --> 01:09:51,086 How can you endorse a situation that only leads to trouble? 1103 01:09:51,253 --> 01:09:57,488 Well, what I mean is, I'm pro-con. I'm for those who are against it, you see. 1104 01:10:01,263 --> 01:10:02,992 He wasn't even on the train! 1105 01:10:03,165 --> 01:10:06,566 Me, a registered Democrat, waiting at the station for a whole hour! 1106 01:10:06,735 --> 01:10:10,967 My speech all written out in longhand too! And he never even show... 1107 01:10:11,307 --> 01:10:13,798 - Jumping Jehoshaphat, it's him! - Where you going? 1108 01:10:13,976 --> 01:10:16,103 The committee's waiting on the front porch! 1109 01:10:16,278 --> 01:10:17,540 Here we go. 1110 01:10:17,713 --> 01:10:22,116 Well, Brinstead, I guess we're in for it. But at least we made a good try. 1111 01:10:22,284 --> 01:10:25,082 It was ripping while it lasted, Mr. President. Shall we? 1112 01:10:25,254 --> 01:10:28,121 - Ma, where's my collar and tie? - In the chafing dish. 1113 01:10:28,290 --> 01:10:29,917 Hurry up! 1114 01:10:36,298 --> 01:10:38,892 Mr. President, as mayor of Big Squaw, 1115 01:10:39,068 --> 01:10:41,161 permit me to welcome you to our fair city. 1116 01:10:41,437 --> 01:10:45,601 Oh, bravo, bravo! Excellent oration. Brief but meaty. 1117 01:10:45,774 --> 01:10:49,471 - Thank you, Mr. Mayor. Thank you all. - But Mr. President, there's more. 1118 01:10:49,645 --> 01:10:53,445 - That's all right. Mail it in later. - Yes, everybody pitch into the food. 1119 01:10:53,616 --> 01:10:55,481 - Just move right around. - It's free. 1120 01:10:55,651 --> 01:10:58,142 Aggie gets credit for this venison, Mr. President. 1121 01:10:58,320 --> 01:11:00,379 She shot it from over 200 yards away. 1122 01:11:00,556 --> 01:11:03,081 - Bully for you! That's good shooting. - Thank you. 1123 01:11:03,259 --> 01:11:07,059 How do you do? If I had the time, I'd like to do some hunting here. 1124 01:11:07,229 --> 01:11:10,198 Too bad. We have plenty of deer around here and bear too. 1125 01:11:10,366 --> 01:11:13,392 Very tempting. But my schedule calls for me to leave tonight. 1126 01:11:13,736 --> 01:11:17,103 - What we ought to have is a fox hunt. - Oh, yes, they're fun. Sure. 1127 01:11:17,273 --> 01:11:20,800 I brought back some of the most wonderful hunting outfits from London. 1128 01:11:20,976 --> 01:11:24,139 What a wonderful idea! I could've arranged a wonderful fox hunt 1129 01:11:24,313 --> 01:11:28,181 that would've even been a pleasure for the fox. Over hill and dale and away! 1130 01:11:28,350 --> 01:11:31,319 Tallyho and all that rot. A shame you have to be going. 1131 01:11:31,487 --> 01:11:34,547 - I can't rearrange my train schedule. - Of course you can't. 1132 01:11:34,723 --> 01:11:36,918 Too bad. We would've talked of it for years. 1133 01:11:37,092 --> 01:11:40,027 - Yeah, a fox hunt. - Bad show, disappointing the hounds. 1134 01:11:40,195 --> 01:11:43,687 By gad, we won't disappoint them, Brinstead. We'll have a fox hunt. 1135 01:11:43,866 --> 01:11:45,993 Bennett! We're staying over till tomorrow. 1136 01:11:46,168 --> 01:11:49,501 - See about the trains. - Hurray for President Roosevelt! 1137 01:11:49,672 --> 01:11:53,369 - And Brinstead can lead the hunt. - Hurray for the earl! 1138 01:11:53,709 --> 01:11:55,677 I might even start tonight. 1139 01:11:55,844 --> 01:11:58,335 Tallyho! 1140 01:12:00,949 --> 01:12:03,349 Come on, boy. Come on, boy. 1141 01:12:04,453 --> 01:12:07,650 Faster, boy! Come on, Old Paint. We can catch that fox! 1142 01:12:07,823 --> 01:12:09,882 Giddyap, boy, giddyap. 1143 01:12:12,227 --> 01:12:14,388 Okay, hold it, boy. 1144 01:12:15,130 --> 01:12:17,291 Not bad. 1145 01:12:18,000 --> 01:12:20,525 Not bad barrel riding. 1146 01:12:23,172 --> 01:12:25,834 - Now we'll try the horse. - A real live horse? 1147 01:12:26,008 --> 01:12:27,942 - An animal? - Yeah. Here's old Bessie. 1148 01:12:28,110 --> 01:12:29,634 Oh, be careful. 1149 01:12:29,812 --> 01:12:31,871 Here's old Bessie. 1150 01:12:32,481 --> 01:12:35,712 Get on, get the feel of her. Gentle as a kitten. 1151 01:12:36,652 --> 01:12:40,019 Look at those teeth. Over 15 years old. 1152 01:12:43,392 --> 01:12:46,884 I wasn't afraid she'd bite me. It's sitting on her I'm worried about. 1153 01:12:47,062 --> 01:12:48,791 But here goes. 1154 01:12:51,667 --> 01:12:55,433 - Lied about her age! - Well, back to the barrel. 1155 01:12:56,405 --> 01:12:59,932 Aggie, let's face it. I can't go out there riding in any fox hunt. 1156 01:13:00,109 --> 01:13:03,044 Playing an earl was easy, but all I ever hunted was a job. 1157 01:13:03,212 --> 01:13:05,703 But you gotta ride. The town's depending on you. 1158 01:13:05,881 --> 01:13:08,577 Let's say you convince me. Who's convincing the horse? 1159 01:13:08,751 --> 01:13:12,118 I'll teach you to stick in the saddle if we have to work all night. 1160 01:13:12,287 --> 01:13:14,585 No. I've tried, but I'm just a living-room earl. 1161 01:13:14,757 --> 01:13:17,157 You'll have to get another for that rough stuff. 1162 01:13:17,326 --> 01:13:21,888 I ain't asking you to try to ride for Big Squaw or for Pa or Ma. 1163 01:13:22,064 --> 01:13:23,691 It's just for me. 1164 01:13:23,866 --> 01:13:26,164 Me? I mean, you? 1165 01:13:27,469 --> 01:13:30,495 The first time I saw you, I said to myself: 1166 01:13:30,672 --> 01:13:35,075 "Here's a dirty, low-down, lily-livered coyote." 1167 01:13:35,677 --> 01:13:38,407 Then as I got to know you better, 1168 01:13:38,814 --> 01:13:42,181 I figured you for a filthy, sneaking rat. 1169 01:13:42,718 --> 01:13:44,811 I grow on people like that. 1170 01:13:45,020 --> 01:13:49,719 But then again, you remind me of a little chipmunk I had when I was a kid. 1171 01:13:49,892 --> 01:13:52,292 Only thing I ever loved. 1172 01:13:52,594 --> 01:13:55,028 Same look in the eyes you've got. 1173 01:13:55,197 --> 01:13:58,894 I'll never forget how he looked at me just before he went West. 1174 01:13:59,067 --> 01:14:00,466 California? 1175 01:14:00,636 --> 01:14:03,799 Dead. Cart Belknap shot him. 1176 01:14:06,675 --> 01:14:10,111 Did you tell Cart Belknap that we didn't mean a thing to each other? 1177 01:14:10,279 --> 01:14:12,645 Not yet, but I was fixing to. 1178 01:14:12,815 --> 01:14:16,581 Well, don't. Because I don't like my women to be lying. 1179 01:14:20,389 --> 01:14:22,789 You mean you aren't running out on us? 1180 01:14:22,958 --> 01:14:24,687 Let me back on that barrel. 1181 01:14:24,860 --> 01:14:27,624 Nothing's gonna stop me, maybe not even a horse! 1182 01:14:29,398 --> 01:14:31,161 Would you give me help, please? 1183 01:14:31,333 --> 01:14:32,994 - Leg up. - Yeah, leg up. 1184 01:14:33,168 --> 01:14:34,726 A little lower, please. 1185 01:14:35,103 --> 01:14:37,162 Just a little lower. Chin up. 1186 01:14:39,007 --> 01:14:41,601 That'll have to hold you till I catch the fox. 1187 01:14:41,777 --> 01:14:43,039 Well... 1188 01:15:00,095 --> 01:15:02,586 Now, you hold fox good. I put on gravy. 1189 01:15:02,764 --> 01:15:04,595 Gravy? What's that for? 1190 01:15:04,766 --> 01:15:09,669 Dogs not hunt fox before, but dogs very much like gravy. 1191 01:15:20,115 --> 01:15:22,413 Hurray for the president! 1192 01:15:23,118 --> 01:15:24,710 Good morning. Good morning. 1193 01:15:24,887 --> 01:15:28,914 Oh, Mr. President, this is so thrilling! Ain't it, everybody? 1194 01:15:29,691 --> 01:15:32,159 Yes, indeed. Bully idea, this fox hunt. 1195 01:15:32,327 --> 01:15:36,855 It may not be exactly like England, but the fox will never know the difference. 1196 01:15:37,533 --> 01:15:41,196 - This horse is yours, Mr. President. - Fine. Fine. 1197 01:15:41,470 --> 01:15:43,404 Tallyho! Pip-pip, everyone! 1198 01:15:43,572 --> 01:15:46,200 - Top of the morning. - Morning, Brinstead. 1199 01:15:46,375 --> 01:15:50,141 - Splendid day for the hunt. - Righto. Typical Devonshire weather. 1200 01:15:50,312 --> 01:15:51,870 Give a horse a man he can ride! 1201 01:15:52,047 --> 01:15:53,309 Well, where's Bessie? 1202 01:15:53,482 --> 01:15:55,780 - Here, Bess, here, Bess. - Bessie's over here. 1203 01:15:55,951 --> 01:15:59,785 - I didn't recognize you. You have... - Just a minute, your lordship. 1204 01:16:00,656 --> 01:16:04,990 Mr. President, I brought this pony from my ranch, the best jumper around. 1205 01:16:05,360 --> 01:16:07,624 I'd be honored if you'd ride him in the hunt. 1206 01:16:07,796 --> 01:16:10,594 Capital, sir, capital. Very nice of you. 1207 01:16:10,766 --> 01:16:15,032 I'd be delighted. Fine animal. Fine animal. 1208 01:16:15,404 --> 01:16:19,067 But the earl is a guest of our country. He should have the horse. 1209 01:16:19,241 --> 01:16:22,699 Oh, I wouldn't think of it. After all, fox hunting is old hat for me. 1210 01:16:22,878 --> 01:16:25,142 I don't wanna deprive you of the best jumper. 1211 01:16:25,314 --> 01:16:27,805 I figured that, so I brought you one just as good. 1212 01:16:27,983 --> 01:16:31,714 - Oh, you didn't have to do that. - Bully! In that case, then I'll accept. 1213 01:16:31,887 --> 01:16:35,379 - Change the saddle. - Yes, bully, by all means. 1214 01:16:35,557 --> 01:16:38,287 - Now bring in the earl's horse. - Yeah, bring... 1215 01:16:44,199 --> 01:16:46,667 - That's a horse? - Why, that's Peaceful! 1216 01:16:46,835 --> 01:16:50,362 - "Peaceful." Nickname, huh? - He just put four riders to rest. 1217 01:16:50,539 --> 01:16:53,372 Yeah, but they weren't masterful horsemen like the earl. 1218 01:16:53,542 --> 01:16:56,705 He'll quiet down once he knows that you're the boss. 1219 01:16:56,878 --> 01:16:58,812 Can't we tell him before that? 1220 01:17:01,583 --> 01:17:05,212 I don't want to appear ungrateful, but I promised Bessie she could go 1221 01:17:05,387 --> 01:17:07,048 and I don't wanna disappoint her. 1222 01:17:07,222 --> 01:17:09,315 Would you rather disappoint the president? 1223 01:17:09,491 --> 01:17:12,517 - Don't answer that. - Let's get that saddle on him! 1224 01:17:12,694 --> 01:17:15,788 - What are we gonna do now? - Well, you could break a leg. 1225 01:17:15,964 --> 01:17:18,125 I knew I could depend on you. 1226 01:17:19,501 --> 01:17:22,868 All ready for you, earl. Come on, I'll give you a leg up. 1227 01:17:23,605 --> 01:17:25,835 Leg up, he says. Little does he know. 1228 01:17:27,142 --> 01:17:29,702 Coming, old bean. Ta. 1229 01:17:36,852 --> 01:17:39,343 Oh, terribly sorry. Clumsy me. 1230 01:17:39,521 --> 01:17:41,318 Awkward leg up. 1231 01:17:42,724 --> 01:17:44,157 What happened? 1232 01:17:44,726 --> 01:17:46,785 - What is it? - It's an old injury. 1233 01:17:46,962 --> 01:17:48,725 Got it playing rugby at Oxford. 1234 01:17:48,897 --> 01:17:51,195 Kept me off the crew. I was a four-letter man. 1235 01:17:51,366 --> 01:17:53,891 I know. Well, we can't have the hunt without you. 1236 01:17:54,069 --> 01:17:57,596 - I guess we'll have to call it off. - Nothing of the sort. Tradition! 1237 01:17:57,773 --> 01:18:01,368 Oh, no, I'll be all right. Didn't sleep last night just thinking of it. 1238 01:18:01,543 --> 01:18:06,139 Don't unsaddle Peaceful. Just bring him over and have him kneel down. 1239 01:18:09,418 --> 01:18:13,218 Now, Brinstead, you mustn't try to ride. You'll only aggravate that injury. 1240 01:18:13,388 --> 01:18:16,084 Oh, I'll suffer through, pres. I'll be all right. 1241 01:18:16,258 --> 01:18:18,749 You can't ride. President's orders. 1242 01:18:18,927 --> 01:18:22,556 Oh, well, I guess I'm outvoted. Rum luck. 1243 01:18:22,798 --> 01:18:25,130 First fox hunt I ever remember missing. 1244 01:18:25,300 --> 01:18:28,064 I don't know how I'll explain it down at the Hunt Club. 1245 01:18:28,236 --> 01:18:32,172 There it goes. Well, buzz off without me, you lucky people. 1246 01:18:32,340 --> 01:18:34,240 Mount up, you all. Have fun. 1247 01:18:34,409 --> 01:18:38,243 I'll just sit here until you and the pain go away. 1248 01:18:39,614 --> 01:18:42,276 Oh, too bad earl busty leggy. 1249 01:18:42,451 --> 01:18:43,941 Yeah. 1250 01:18:45,153 --> 01:18:48,384 And it's gonna get a lot worse. Give me that gravy. 1251 01:18:53,128 --> 01:18:55,824 Mustn't keep the president waiting. Pip-pip, cheerio. 1252 01:18:55,997 --> 01:18:58,864 Tally! Bring back the fox. I'll make a neckpiece for you. 1253 01:18:59,034 --> 01:19:01,696 - Oh, you lovely knee. - That's hard luck, earl. 1254 01:19:01,870 --> 01:19:04,839 - Wanna be real careful with this leg. - That's all right. 1255 01:19:05,006 --> 01:19:07,634 - Any more injuries? How's this? - Don't break that. 1256 01:19:07,809 --> 01:19:10,437 - It's the only one I have left. - How's your chest? 1257 01:19:10,612 --> 01:19:12,079 - I'm fine. - Any broken ribs? 1258 01:19:12,247 --> 01:19:14,340 - No, I'm all right. - How's your back? 1259 01:19:14,516 --> 01:19:16,006 Oh, my back? 1260 01:19:21,823 --> 01:19:23,586 - Don't worry. - That's nice of you. 1261 01:19:23,759 --> 01:19:26,023 That's all right. I'll be fine. 1262 01:19:27,629 --> 01:19:29,529 Trump the trumpets! 1263 01:19:32,167 --> 01:19:33,691 Unbox the fox! 1264 01:19:45,647 --> 01:19:47,171 Look at him go! 1265 01:19:47,349 --> 01:19:49,283 Must have a date with another fox. 1266 01:19:50,619 --> 01:19:52,348 Unbound the hounds! 1267 01:20:02,197 --> 01:20:03,824 Away! 1268 01:20:16,211 --> 01:20:17,678 Hey, they're looking for you. 1269 01:20:23,819 --> 01:20:26,379 Help! Murder! Police, dogs! Help! Go away! 1270 01:20:38,400 --> 01:20:39,662 What am I, the fox? 1271 01:21:00,689 --> 01:21:02,281 Stool pigeon. 1272 01:21:21,610 --> 01:21:23,578 Must be a meat shortage! 1273 01:21:27,382 --> 01:21:29,407 Please help! I wouldn't do this to a dog! 1274 01:21:29,584 --> 01:21:31,711 I'd throw you a bone, but it's on my leg! 1275 01:23:57,732 --> 01:24:01,862 This is the first hunt I've ever ridden where we lost the dogs. 1276 01:24:02,037 --> 01:24:05,564 Maybe we should go home, get some guns and turn this into a bear hunt. 1277 01:24:05,740 --> 01:24:09,107 Don't think I'll have time. Just barely be able to ride back 1278 01:24:09,277 --> 01:24:11,336 and say goodbye to my friend, the earl. 1279 01:24:12,847 --> 01:24:15,645 Couldn't we just buy some more dogs and keep going? 1280 01:24:15,817 --> 01:24:18,684 Ma, we've already corralled every animal that could bark. 1281 01:24:18,853 --> 01:24:22,755 I don't see what could've happened to a whole mess of hungry hounds. 1282 01:24:22,924 --> 01:24:24,391 Come on. 1283 01:24:30,932 --> 01:24:32,490 Hey. 1284 01:24:32,667 --> 01:24:34,134 Hey! 1285 01:25:03,998 --> 01:25:05,556 One for the road? 1286 01:25:07,001 --> 01:25:09,731 For a man with a bad leg, you ride pretty good. 1287 01:25:09,904 --> 01:25:13,032 Oh, well, when one is born to the saddle, the hunt must go on. 1288 01:25:13,208 --> 01:25:14,539 - You don't say. - Oh, yes. 1289 01:25:14,709 --> 01:25:17,906 In fact, the Brinstead coat of arms is a pair of riding britches 1290 01:25:18,079 --> 01:25:20,775 - rampant on a field of blisters. - That's very funny. 1291 01:25:20,949 --> 01:25:24,146 Now let's see you laugh your way out of this, Mr. Tyler. 1292 01:25:24,519 --> 01:25:27,317 - Tyler. Who's Tyler? - You are. 1293 01:25:27,489 --> 01:25:29,514 Here's your picture, Mr. Tyler. 1294 01:25:30,225 --> 01:25:33,490 I've been reading what they had to say about you. Here you are: 1295 01:25:33,661 --> 01:25:37,495 "Arthur Tyler, an American and an actor. But not a very good one." 1296 01:25:37,665 --> 01:25:40,361 Oh, yeah? Just a minute. There's one here that says... 1297 01:25:40,535 --> 01:25:44,869 There's a... Look here. It says, "Arthur Tyler gives a standout performance". 1298 01:25:45,039 --> 01:25:47,633 - Then you admit you are Arthur Tyler? - Of course not. 1299 01:25:47,809 --> 01:25:50,437 Then what's this scrapbook doing under your pillow? 1300 01:25:50,612 --> 01:25:52,341 I like to sleep with my head high. 1301 01:25:52,514 --> 01:25:56,450 I'm Humphrey, Earl of Brinstead, old fellow. Pip-pip and all that hoity-toity. 1302 01:25:56,618 --> 01:25:58,916 And I'd like to take my scrapbook. 1303 01:25:59,687 --> 01:26:02,281 The president and this town's gonna be real upset 1304 01:26:02,457 --> 01:26:05,949 when they find out how you and them Flouds made fools out of them. 1305 01:26:06,127 --> 01:26:10,154 But Mr. Belknap. Surely you're not gonna tell them about it. 1306 01:26:10,331 --> 01:26:13,596 Not so much for me, but for the Flouds. They're such nice people. 1307 01:26:13,768 --> 01:26:16,293 - Especially Aggie. - Yeah, that's right. 1308 01:26:16,471 --> 01:26:19,406 I wouldn't miss this for a million bucks. 1309 01:26:25,480 --> 01:26:28,074 Well, here we go, Mr. Tyler. Cheerio. 1310 01:26:28,249 --> 01:26:32,845 By the way, I'll put a real good finish on this for you. Your funeral notice. 1311 01:26:33,855 --> 01:26:37,188 You can't do it. You're not going out of here with that scrapbook! 1312 01:26:37,358 --> 01:26:38,620 Oh, no? 1313 01:28:50,925 --> 01:28:53,189 He found my scrapbook. He knows I'm an actor. 1314 01:28:53,361 --> 01:28:54,988 Well, get out of there, quick! 1315 01:29:14,549 --> 01:29:16,380 I could've sworn that was Brinstead. 1316 01:29:16,551 --> 01:29:18,678 - Brinstead? Where? - There. 1317 01:30:05,166 --> 01:30:08,602 Quick! Here comes the president. Get out! 1318 01:30:11,139 --> 01:30:13,266 - Brinstead! - Oh, Mr. Roosevelt! 1319 01:30:13,441 --> 01:30:15,966 I almost didn't make it. I had to say goodbye, sir. 1320 01:30:16,144 --> 01:30:18,442 - What happened? - I wanted to reach the train 1321 01:30:18,613 --> 01:30:22,242 before you left, but I fell down twice every time I got up. Bad leg, sir. 1322 01:30:22,417 --> 01:30:25,215 You shouldn't have attempted it. You ought to be in bed. 1323 01:30:25,386 --> 01:30:29,152 Don't worry about me. It was jolly of you to stop off here in Big Squaw. 1324 01:30:29,323 --> 01:30:31,086 Splendid hunt. Wish I'd been there. 1325 01:30:31,259 --> 01:30:35,025 Perhaps we'll hunt together sometime when you come across the pond. 1326 01:30:37,799 --> 01:30:40,996 So that's what happened to our dogs. 1327 01:30:43,938 --> 01:30:46,372 Crazy dogs. Why did they have to chase him here? 1328 01:30:46,541 --> 01:30:49,635 Listen, you and this whole town ought to know what them Flouds 1329 01:30:49,811 --> 01:30:52,211 and that fake earl's trying to put over on you. 1330 01:30:52,380 --> 01:30:56,009 - What are you talking about, Belknap? - He's just a cheap little actor. 1331 01:30:56,250 --> 01:31:00,050 This is the most humiliating thing. Why, I'm going right back to England... 1332 01:31:00,221 --> 01:31:02,553 He's a fake and that book will prove it to you. 1333 01:31:02,723 --> 01:31:06,716 Why you... Give me that! Accusations, just accusations! 1334 01:31:14,802 --> 01:31:18,533 If we get out of this alive, nothing will ever come between us. 1335 01:31:39,327 --> 01:31:41,557 A kiss like that can kill a guy. 1336 01:32:09,988 --> 01:32:10,979 {{{the end}}} 1036 01:06:15,816 --> 01:06:17,579 - I'd like to hire a horse. - How long? 1037 01:06:17,651 --> 01:06:19,084 Oh, three or four hours. 1038 01:06:19,186 --> 01:06:20,278 I sell whiskey, sir. 1039 01:06:20,354 --> 01:06:22,288 - So I've heard. - Never touch it myself. 1040 01:06:22,356 --> 01:06:24,620 I get my intoxication just riding around 1041 01:06:24,691 --> 01:06:26,716 this glorious western countryside of yours. 1042 01:06:26,827 --> 01:06:28,294 Corral's in the back. 1043 01:06:28,395 --> 01:06:29,692 Make it a spirited animal. 1044 01:06:29,763 --> 01:06:31,321 I want to feel the wind in my face. 1045 01:06:31,398 --> 01:06:32,763 A spirited animal, sir. 1046 01:06:53,053 --> 01:06:54,850 Guess you know what we're here for. 1047 01:06:54,921 --> 01:06:56,354 Saw you making the rounds. 1048 01:06:57,391 --> 01:06:58,790 Last on the list, huh? 1049 01:06:58,859 --> 01:07:00,121 Last but not least. 1050 01:07:00,227 --> 01:07:02,127 We weren't aiming to bypass you, Saul. 1051 01:07:02,229 --> 01:07:03,856 We want time at the council meeting. 1052 01:07:03,964 --> 01:07:04,988 You'll get time. 1053 01:07:05,065 --> 01:07:07,192 Won't take long because we got the votes. 1054 01:07:07,401 --> 01:07:09,801 The Palace is gone, and maybe that's all to the good. 1055 01:07:09,870 --> 01:07:11,531 Now we got to keep Holman off our backs, 1056 01:07:11,605 --> 01:07:13,732 and the only way to do that is to get rid of Tollinger. 1057 01:07:13,807 --> 01:07:15,434 When it comes to destroying property, 1058 01:07:15,509 --> 01:07:17,101 he's stepped on more toes than Dade. 1059 01:07:17,177 --> 01:07:19,475 We can't afford to let him run hog wild again. 1060 01:07:19,546 --> 01:07:21,104 Where do you stand, Saul? 1061 01:07:22,049 --> 01:07:23,175 I don't know. 1062 01:07:23,617 --> 01:07:24,641 Just curious. 1063 01:07:24,851 --> 01:07:26,876 We can swing this with or without you. 1064 01:07:26,987 --> 01:07:29,683 How can you get rid of him just like that? 1065 01:07:29,990 --> 01:07:32,458 So far, he's done exactly what you hired him to do. 1066 01:07:32,893 --> 01:07:34,190 You put up the money, 1067 01:07:34,628 --> 01:07:35,890 he put up his life. 1068 01:07:38,765 --> 01:07:40,198 He may have a reason for what he did 1069 01:07:40,267 --> 01:07:41,859 that we don't even know about yet. 1070 01:07:41,935 --> 01:07:42,924 Reason? 1071 01:07:43,003 --> 01:07:44,800 For turning thousands of dollars worth of good lumber 1072 01:07:44,871 --> 01:07:46,031 into a pile of ashes? 1073 01:07:46,106 --> 01:07:48,097 Oh, it's the lumber that worries you! 1074 01:07:48,175 --> 01:07:49,665 And you wouldn't want to get rid of him 1075 01:07:49,743 --> 01:07:52,303 just so you could hang out a "Business as Usual" sign, 1076 01:07:52,379 --> 01:07:55,177 so that you can pick up the trade the Palace can't handle anymore? 1077 01:07:55,248 --> 01:07:57,478 And you wouldn't be so crazy to keep Tollinger around 1078 01:07:57,551 --> 01:08:00,042 because you got your cap set for him, now would you? 1079 01:08:00,120 --> 01:08:01,587 That's enough, Virg. 1080 01:08:05,258 --> 01:08:07,385 And a good morning to you, gentlemen. 1081 01:08:10,597 --> 01:08:11,996 Trouble on my account? 1082 01:08:12,332 --> 01:08:14,061 They told me they have enough votes 1083 01:08:14,134 --> 01:08:17,103 to take you off the job at the council meeting this afternoon. 1084 01:08:17,204 --> 01:08:19,866 That's just about on schedule as my jobs go. 1085 01:08:19,940 --> 01:08:22,966 But I think that's something Holman will want to take care of himself. 1086 01:08:23,043 --> 01:08:25,603 Especially if he knows the town is ready and willing. 1087 01:08:25,779 --> 01:08:27,337 With a little wind last night, 1088 01:08:27,514 --> 01:08:29,345 that fire could have touched off the town. 1089 01:08:29,416 --> 01:08:30,405 It didn't. 1090 01:08:30,717 --> 01:08:32,207 Fire might smoke Holman out. 1091 01:08:32,285 --> 01:08:33,684 If it does, I'll be here. 1092 01:08:33,954 --> 01:08:35,888 Don't matter how the council votes, 1093 01:08:35,956 --> 01:08:37,787 I'll see you get full pay for the job. 1094 01:08:37,858 --> 01:08:40,918 I'll finish what I started, or it'll finish me. 1095 01:08:41,795 --> 01:08:44,195 - Don't matter how the vote goes? - No. 1096 01:08:44,965 --> 01:08:46,330 That's the way it works. 1097 01:08:46,399 --> 01:08:48,094 If the town doesn't know it, Holman does. 1098 01:08:49,269 --> 01:08:51,703 Town hires a man to fight its war. 1099 01:08:52,239 --> 01:08:53,399 They find out he's fighting 1100 01:08:53,473 --> 01:08:55,407 because he's got an itchy trigger finger 1101 01:08:55,475 --> 01:08:57,534 that ain't under control and never will be. 1102 01:08:57,611 --> 01:08:58,669 They get scared. 1103 01:08:58,745 --> 01:09:00,940 They got a right to do something about it. 1104 01:09:02,015 --> 01:09:03,482 Well, it'll be over soon. 1105 01:09:05,385 --> 01:09:06,682 If it ends your way, 1106 01:09:06,887 --> 01:09:08,115 then what happens 1107 01:09:08,555 --> 01:09:09,715 to you? 1108 01:09:10,123 --> 01:09:12,182 You'll have no trouble getting rid of me. 1109 01:09:12,259 --> 01:09:14,454 I'll shake the dust of this town fast. 1110 01:09:16,563 --> 01:09:19,293 Your young man rode out of town again today. 1111 01:09:19,466 --> 01:09:21,093 I just came by to tell you that, this time, 1112 01:09:21,168 --> 01:09:22,658 I can't do a thing about it. 1113 01:09:25,672 --> 01:09:26,900 If you get him back, 1114 01:09:27,474 --> 01:09:29,169 let him know you want him back 1115 01:09:29,376 --> 01:09:32,937 before that trigger temper he's working up saddles him for good. 1116 01:09:43,490 --> 01:09:44,752 When is it due? 1117 01:09:44,824 --> 01:09:47,349 4:45, and you're lucky to get a seat. 1118 01:09:47,427 --> 01:09:48,758 I'll send for the luggage. 1119 01:09:48,929 --> 01:09:49,918 Billy! 1120 01:09:51,998 --> 01:09:52,987 Billy! 1121 01:09:54,501 --> 01:09:55,490 Leaving today? 1122 01:09:56,469 --> 01:09:57,663 No, but soon. 1123 01:09:58,405 --> 01:10:00,430 This is for someone luckier than I am. 1124 01:10:01,608 --> 01:10:03,405 - You're staying? - Mmm-hmm. 1125 01:10:03,677 --> 01:10:06,111 Of course. A target right to the end. 1126 01:10:06,179 --> 01:10:08,579 Standing in front of people who won't stand back of you. 1127 01:10:08,682 --> 01:10:09,979 Holman will collect for the Palace. 1128 01:10:10,050 --> 01:10:11,278 I'm staying for that. 1129 01:10:11,818 --> 01:10:13,308 Yes, it was your fire. 1130 01:10:15,155 --> 01:10:16,520 Aren't you even now? 1131 01:10:17,557 --> 01:10:20,856 I'm getting out of business soon, if that answers your question. 1132 01:10:21,228 --> 01:10:23,890 You've killed Holmans in every town you've taken on. 1133 01:10:24,197 --> 01:10:26,324 And you're staying here for the kill, too. 1134 01:10:26,800 --> 01:10:29,963 You won't get out of business until they put you out of business. 1135 01:10:34,474 --> 01:10:36,101 And don't try to change now, Clint, 1136 01:10:37,444 --> 01:10:40,311 or you'll find that even feeling a little can hurt a lot. 1137 01:10:42,549 --> 01:10:43,948 Yeah, 1138 01:10:44,417 --> 01:10:45,975 I found that out last night. 1139 01:10:48,421 --> 01:10:51,015 You've been living three years with what I found out. 1140 01:10:52,259 --> 01:10:53,521 Leave today. 1141 01:10:54,194 --> 01:10:55,218 No. 1142 01:10:56,896 --> 01:10:59,057 You've never met Dade Holman, have you? 1143 01:10:59,132 --> 01:11:00,360 I have, once. 1144 01:11:00,734 --> 01:11:03,225 He's a fat man, but he's as hard as you are. 1145 01:11:04,070 --> 01:11:05,901 And he might even be smarter. 1146 01:11:25,759 --> 01:11:27,954 Who you expecting, miss? 1147 01:11:28,395 --> 01:11:30,522 - Fine horse! Fine ride! - $1, please. 1148 01:11:30,597 --> 01:11:33,088 Dollar? Where's your pa? 1149 01:11:33,566 --> 01:11:35,625 - Gone to council meeting. - Yes, Friday. 1150 01:11:35,702 --> 01:11:38,262 Town always seems deserted on meeting days, doesn't it? 1151 01:11:38,571 --> 01:11:39,560 Mmm-hmm. 1152 01:11:39,673 --> 01:11:42,665 Well, I guess I got my dollar's worth all right. 1153 01:11:47,280 --> 01:11:48,474 Hurry, Kitty! 1154 01:11:49,015 --> 01:11:50,277 Lucky Kitty. 1155 01:11:50,950 --> 01:11:52,474 She's going to visit her family. 1156 01:11:52,552 --> 01:11:54,110 I don't call that fun. 1157 01:11:54,587 --> 01:11:56,418 My family reads me like a book. 1158 01:11:56,489 --> 01:11:58,787 What's the matter, don't they like dime novels? 1159 01:11:58,892 --> 01:12:01,190 Kitty will join us when we locate somewhere. 1160 01:12:01,294 --> 01:12:03,421 Nelly said we should be hearing soon. 1161 01:12:03,496 --> 01:12:04,690 Hope it's soon. 1162 01:12:04,764 --> 01:12:06,197 Town gives me the shivers. 1163 01:12:06,266 --> 01:12:07,597 We just sit around, waiting for the same thing 1164 01:12:07,667 --> 01:12:09,134 everyone else is waiting for. 1165 01:12:09,202 --> 01:12:11,898 - What? - For Mr. Tollinger to get killed. 1166 01:12:12,439 --> 01:12:13,929 Oh, I wouldn't like that. 1167 01:12:14,007 --> 01:12:16,202 I mean, there are so many ugly ones to spare. 1168 01:12:16,276 --> 01:12:18,039 Well, just the same, before the Palace burned down, 1169 01:12:18,111 --> 01:12:20,909 I heard someone talking about a surprise party for him. 1170 01:12:21,014 --> 01:12:23,414 Well, Mr. Tollinger surprised them instead. 1171 01:12:30,156 --> 01:12:32,454 - Good afternoon, ma'am. - What is it? 1172 01:12:32,692 --> 01:12:34,853 I'm a drummer, ma'am. Ladies' wear. 1173 01:12:35,028 --> 01:12:37,155 Miss Wakefield, Miss Ann Wakefield, 1174 01:12:37,230 --> 01:12:39,698 I believe, ordered a bangle from St. Louis? 1175 01:12:39,766 --> 01:12:41,393 That would be Miss Wakefield. 1176 01:12:41,634 --> 01:12:43,499 Ann, someone to see you. 1177 01:12:44,270 --> 01:12:45,532 On the porch. 1178 01:12:45,605 --> 01:12:48,073 Oh, the porch, of course. By all means, the porch. 1179 01:13:00,587 --> 01:13:01,747 Kitty! 1180 01:13:03,656 --> 01:13:05,089 Sorry, Nelly. 1181 01:13:05,392 --> 01:13:07,383 - My luggage... - It was picked up an hour ago. 1182 01:13:07,460 --> 01:13:08,950 Come along, or it'll leave without you. 1183 01:13:09,028 --> 01:13:10,928 Bye, girls. Bye. 1184 01:13:11,197 --> 01:13:12,459 - Bye. - Bye, Kitty. 1185 01:13:13,633 --> 01:13:15,498 Oh, it's simply beautiful! 1186 01:13:17,303 --> 01:13:19,271 Show the rest of you ladies anything? 1187 01:13:19,339 --> 01:13:21,204 - Be glad to wait. Don't bother. 1188 01:13:21,274 --> 01:13:22,969 - Stay on the porch, Ann. - Bye, Kitty. 1189 01:13:23,042 --> 01:13:24,031 Bye. 1190 01:13:25,545 --> 01:13:27,172 Now, you're sure 1191 01:13:27,247 --> 01:13:28,305 you won't forget the time? 1192 01:13:28,381 --> 01:13:30,508 - Oh, no. - Five minutes before 5:00. 1193 01:13:30,583 --> 01:13:32,778 - Oh, I won't forget! - Now, he's very punctual. 1194 01:13:33,119 --> 01:13:34,848 Remember, not a word to anyone. 1195 01:13:34,988 --> 01:13:37,456 It's the job, you understand. He must be above reproach. 1196 01:13:37,524 --> 01:13:38,957 Oh, I won't tell a soul. 1197 01:13:39,726 --> 01:13:41,284 But that's the part that I... 1198 01:13:41,494 --> 01:13:44,019 Well, I mean, Trotter's Bar is so public. 1199 01:13:44,097 --> 01:13:45,826 Outside Trotter's Bar. 1200 01:13:46,232 --> 01:13:47,665 A chance encounter on the street, 1201 01:13:47,734 --> 01:13:49,702 that's what makes it look so natural. 1202 01:13:50,370 --> 01:13:51,632 Then the handkerchief, 1203 01:13:51,704 --> 01:13:53,695 the signal that you're not offended with his gift. 1204 01:13:53,773 --> 01:13:54,865 Offended? 1205 01:13:54,941 --> 01:13:57,205 Oh, couldn't he tell by just the way I looked at him? 1206 01:13:57,277 --> 01:13:58,676 Well, he couldn't be sure. 1207 01:13:59,045 --> 01:14:00,910 This is his way of being sure. 1208 01:14:02,115 --> 01:14:05,482 Once he knows, then he'll have no further need for an intermediary. 1209 01:14:05,552 --> 01:14:06,746 A what? 1210 01:14:07,487 --> 01:14:09,614 He'll speak for himself. 1211 01:14:10,657 --> 01:14:12,852 Remember, five minutes to 5:00. 1212 01:14:12,926 --> 01:14:15,656 How can I wait that long, now that I know? 1213 01:14:16,029 --> 01:14:17,758 Miss Wakefield, 1214 01:14:17,964 --> 01:14:20,262 we're talking about minutes, not hours. 1215 01:14:20,333 --> 01:14:22,130 Well, what would I do with myself? 1216 01:14:23,169 --> 01:14:25,467 Oh, I know! I'll put on my hat. 1217 01:14:26,105 --> 01:14:27,367 Excellent. 1218 01:14:32,846 --> 01:14:35,747 Oh, be careful of the hatbox. It's borrowed. 1219 01:14:37,750 --> 01:14:39,945 I'll write to you, Kitty, as soon as anything's definite. 1220 01:14:40,019 --> 01:14:42,351 Here's your ticket. I'll send for you soon. 1221 01:14:42,455 --> 01:14:43,615 Ladies. 1222 01:14:43,690 --> 01:14:45,385 Well, look who's here! 1223 01:14:45,458 --> 01:14:47,449 Deserting a sinking ship, Cal? 1224 01:14:47,527 --> 01:14:48,585 Nothing here for me. 1225 01:14:48,695 --> 01:14:51,391 This is one gone Tollinger-tamed town, 1226 01:14:51,464 --> 01:14:53,455 and I'm heading back to New Orleans. 1227 01:14:53,533 --> 01:14:54,659 Ann! 1228 01:14:54,934 --> 01:14:57,027 Just getting some fresh air, Nelly. It's so hot today. 1229 01:14:57,103 --> 01:14:58,092 Well, catch your breath, Ann, 1230 01:14:58,171 --> 01:14:59,195 and then go on back to the house. 1231 01:14:59,272 --> 01:15:00,603 I don't want you in the streets today. 1232 01:15:00,673 --> 01:15:01,970 Oh, it's worse inside. 1233 01:15:02,041 --> 01:15:04,566 I'll be home soon, Nelly. Well, bon voyage, Kitty. 1234 01:15:05,011 --> 01:15:07,980 Ann, try and resist the Emporium today. 1235 01:15:08,281 --> 01:15:10,146 You know you're out of a job, 1236 01:15:10,216 --> 01:15:12,184 and that bracelet looks pretty expensive. 1237 01:15:12,252 --> 01:15:13,310 Bracelet? 1238 01:15:13,486 --> 01:15:15,613 Oh, yes. It's lovely, isn't it? 1239 01:15:15,822 --> 01:15:17,881 The Emporium? I wouldn't dream of it. 1240 01:15:17,957 --> 01:15:19,549 Well, bye, Kitty. Bye, Cal. 1241 01:15:19,692 --> 01:15:20,954 Goodbye, Ann. 1242 01:15:21,761 --> 01:15:23,752 - Goodbye, Miss Nelly. - Goodbye, Cal. 1243 01:15:23,997 --> 01:15:25,225 Goodbye, Mr. Zender. 1244 01:15:27,367 --> 01:15:28,527 Zender? 1245 01:15:28,768 --> 01:15:30,133 Dade Holman's lawyer man. 1246 01:15:30,203 --> 01:15:32,728 I guess he's checking on what's left of the Palace. 1247 01:15:33,006 --> 01:15:35,065 Aboard. Aboard and rolling. 1248 01:15:37,744 --> 01:15:40,770 Cal, are you sure he's working for Holman? 1249 01:15:40,847 --> 01:15:41,871 Sure, I'm sure. 1250 01:15:41,948 --> 01:15:43,745 Lescaux sent me out to the Lazy Tombstone 1251 01:15:43,816 --> 01:15:45,716 with some papers for him to look over. 1252 01:15:45,785 --> 01:15:47,218 See you soon, Nelly. 1253 01:15:47,287 --> 01:15:48,345 Goodbye, Kitty. 1254 01:16:39,872 --> 01:16:42,204 Mr. Tollinger's room, what number is it? 1255 01:16:42,308 --> 01:16:44,640 He ain't in, ma'am. Been out all afternoon. 1256 01:16:44,711 --> 01:16:46,235 What is his room number? 1257 01:16:47,847 --> 01:16:49,144 Key's here, 1258 01:16:49,215 --> 01:16:50,204 so he's out. 1259 01:17:05,131 --> 01:17:06,496 Nelly Bain. 1260 01:17:06,666 --> 01:17:07,894 No, no. 1261 01:17:14,774 --> 01:17:16,173 Is Miss Wakefield here? 1262 01:17:16,242 --> 01:17:17,470 I haven't seen her today. 1263 01:17:17,543 --> 01:17:19,977 Well, if you do, will you tell her I want to see her immediately? 1264 01:17:20,046 --> 01:17:21,809 - At home. - Well, certainly. 1265 01:17:29,455 --> 01:17:31,685 Oh, thanks. 1266 01:17:32,358 --> 01:17:34,223 You know I swore I wouldn't buy any more clothes, 1267 01:17:34,293 --> 01:17:35,885 and I really shouldn't, you know, 1268 01:17:35,995 --> 01:17:37,758 - but I'll take it. - No trouble at all. 1269 01:17:37,864 --> 01:17:39,525 You're our regular customer. 1270 01:17:41,334 --> 01:17:42,323 Miss Atkins! 1271 01:17:42,969 --> 01:17:44,459 I know you by name at least, 1272 01:17:44,537 --> 01:17:46,164 - and I think you know who I am. - Yes. 1273 01:17:46,239 --> 01:17:48,332 Have you seen Clint Tollinger this afternoon? 1274 01:17:48,408 --> 01:17:49,602 No. 1275 01:17:49,676 --> 01:17:51,143 Why should you ask me? 1276 01:17:51,344 --> 01:17:54,074 Miss Atkins, I have reason to believe a trap has been set for him. 1277 01:17:54,213 --> 01:17:56,841 I don't know what kind, but I'm sure it's a very clever one. 1278 01:17:56,916 --> 01:17:58,577 If it's true, why do you care? 1279 01:17:58,885 --> 01:18:00,443 I care, Miss Atkins. 1280 01:18:00,653 --> 01:18:02,883 Enough to try and warn him, even if you won't. 1281 01:18:04,223 --> 01:18:06,453 I haven't seen him since this morning. 1282 01:18:07,160 --> 01:18:09,526 But I could warn the council. They're meeting now. 1283 01:18:09,595 --> 01:18:11,961 About the same thing, how to get rid of him. 1284 01:18:12,031 --> 01:18:13,191 Of course. 1285 01:18:13,599 --> 01:18:15,362 That's why Holman picked this afternoon. 1286 01:18:16,135 --> 01:18:17,397 Don't waste time with the council. 1287 01:18:17,470 --> 01:18:18,903 When these things happen, they happen fast. 1288 01:18:18,971 --> 01:18:20,063 - I know. - My father will... 1289 01:18:20,206 --> 01:18:21,639 Right now, you can help most by staying here 1290 01:18:21,708 --> 01:18:23,039 to watch for Clint to warn him. 1291 01:18:23,109 --> 01:18:24,440 Do you know Ann Wakefield? 1292 01:18:24,510 --> 01:18:26,740 - By sight. - Well, she may be part of it. 1293 01:18:26,813 --> 01:18:27,837 If you see her, keep her with you 1294 01:18:27,914 --> 01:18:29,575 off the streets till I get back. 1295 01:18:43,429 --> 01:18:44,623 Stella! 1296 01:18:48,034 --> 01:18:49,023 Jeff? 1297 01:18:49,802 --> 01:18:52,100 Your wound, it's open again. 1298 01:18:52,705 --> 01:18:53,694 How? 1299 01:18:55,074 --> 01:18:56,063 How? 1300 01:18:58,111 --> 01:19:00,409 I rode out to Holman's to see if I could find a way to get at him. 1301 01:19:00,480 --> 01:19:01,708 Oh, no! 1302 01:19:02,448 --> 01:19:04,382 There were lots of horses outside. 1303 01:19:04,717 --> 01:19:06,184 Everybody was inside. 1304 01:19:06,352 --> 01:19:08,217 I almost made it, but somebody saw me. 1305 01:19:08,488 --> 01:19:10,217 Shot missed me, but scared my horse. 1306 01:19:10,356 --> 01:19:12,483 - I was thrown. - You've got to lie down. 1307 01:19:12,658 --> 01:19:14,626 But no one came after me, do you hear? 1308 01:19:14,694 --> 01:19:16,127 They didn't even bother to chase after me 1309 01:19:16,195 --> 01:19:17,856 because Holman's up to something, Stella! 1310 01:19:17,930 --> 01:19:21,127 All I care about is that you'll bleed to death if I don't get help. 1311 01:19:21,534 --> 01:19:23,559 Everyone's at the council meeting. 1312 01:19:24,070 --> 01:19:25,401 You'll be all right. 1313 01:20:07,413 --> 01:20:09,438 I don't dare carry a package home today. 1314 01:20:09,515 --> 01:20:10,982 I'll pick it up tomorrow. 1315 01:20:13,186 --> 01:20:14,915 Oh, I've got to hurry! 1316 01:20:26,065 --> 01:20:27,123 Ann? 1317 01:20:29,302 --> 01:20:30,291 Ann! 1318 01:22:01,193 --> 01:22:02,558 Dade Holman. 1319 01:22:28,654 --> 01:22:30,383 He's mine, Tollinger! 1320 01:22:30,589 --> 01:22:32,386 Then take him, Jeff! Take him. 1321 01:22:43,636 --> 01:22:45,035 I didn't know. 1322 01:22:45,104 --> 01:22:47,265 - Oh, Nelly, I didn't know! - Clint! 1323 01:22:47,773 --> 01:22:49,001 Clint. 1324 01:22:51,577 --> 01:22:53,408 Too long in one town, Nelly. 1325 01:22:55,781 --> 01:22:57,078 Brandy. 1326 01:23:03,756 --> 01:23:04,916 Did you get him? 1327 01:23:06,325 --> 01:23:07,314 We got him. 1328 01:23:09,328 --> 01:23:10,317 Thanks. 1329 01:23:23,709 --> 01:23:25,939 Nelly, there's nothing old Doc doesn't know about 1330 01:23:26,012 --> 01:23:27,502 gunshot wounds. 1331 01:23:28,581 --> 01:23:30,071 Isn't that right, Doc? 1332 01:23:30,483 --> 01:23:32,815 Never thought I'd prove it on you. 1333 01:23:36,055 --> 01:23:37,989 Time to quit this business, Nell. 1334 01:23:39,225 --> 01:23:41,420 Got to be an easier way to make a living. 1335 01:23:42,428 --> 01:23:43,918 We'll find it. 128963

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