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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,047 --> 00:00:06,953 Greeting, straight from the horse's mouth. Three letters. 2 00:00:07,867 --> 00:00:09,601 - Hey. - Hey. 3 00:00:11,492 --> 00:00:13,964 Been a long time. What's changed? 4 00:00:14,436 --> 00:00:16,345 Yorkies went up 5p. 5 00:00:16,875 --> 00:00:19,221 We started selling hemp milk. 6 00:00:19,346 --> 00:00:22,351 - I got a Prince Albert. - What is hemp milk? 7 00:00:22,476 --> 00:00:25,418 - It's for dickheads, makes them look cool. - What's a Prince Albert? 8 00:00:25,543 --> 00:00:27,537 It's for dickheads. Makes them look cool. 9 00:00:31,147 --> 00:00:33,139 - I missed you. - I missed you, too. 10 00:00:33,396 --> 00:00:37,996 Synced & corrected by minouhse www.addic7ed.com 11 00:00:38,596 --> 00:00:41,514 Jesus, John! Get a wriggle on, we're going to be late! 12 00:00:43,630 --> 00:00:46,271 we're going to have to discuss gaming in the morning because... 13 00:00:46,396 --> 00:00:47,691 What? 14 00:00:48,316 --> 00:00:49,516 What is it? 15 00:00:57,237 --> 00:00:58,437 What do they mean? 16 00:01:04,654 --> 00:01:05,854 School. 17 00:01:11,799 --> 00:01:14,494 I'm going to be late home tonight, discussing promotion, 18 00:01:14,620 --> 00:01:16,394 I've got to crack on with the Tower Bridge project. 19 00:01:16,519 --> 00:01:18,862 - No problem. - You all right? 20 00:01:21,545 --> 00:01:23,171 I treasure these moments. 21 00:01:26,425 --> 00:01:27,991 You disappeared. 22 00:01:28,116 --> 00:01:30,705 - It's been a hard time. - Did they put you up in a dump? 23 00:01:30,870 --> 00:01:32,696 Three-star countryside hotel, 24 00:01:32,822 --> 00:01:35,073 full board and adjoining golf course. 25 00:01:36,401 --> 00:01:38,829 Was there a plug socket for your phone next to the bed? 26 00:01:38,955 --> 00:01:41,223 Well, that's some Guantanamo shit right there. 27 00:01:41,349 --> 00:01:43,169 Guantanamo shit! 28 00:01:43,551 --> 00:01:45,300 I'm staying with Peter and Katie for a bit. 29 00:01:45,425 --> 00:01:46,983 You've been given leave to remain, though, right? 30 00:01:47,108 --> 00:01:48,426 I'm still waiting. 31 00:01:48,552 --> 00:01:52,550 I am told it is the queue, and the British love to queue. 32 00:01:52,675 --> 00:01:53,802 No, no, we don't. 33 00:01:53,928 --> 00:01:55,562 - Sorry? - People always say that. 34 00:01:55,688 --> 00:01:56,938 "Oh, the British love to queue." 35 00:01:57,063 --> 00:02:00,141 No, we don't. Have you never been on a tube escalator? 36 00:02:00,267 --> 00:02:02,861 Queue on the right, walk on the left? It's the foreigners who queue. 37 00:02:02,986 --> 00:02:05,581 The British fly down, barging everyone the fuck out the way. 38 00:02:05,706 --> 00:02:07,573 This country hasn't queued since Thatcher. 39 00:02:07,767 --> 00:02:10,095 Are you on the left or the right of the escalator? 40 00:02:10,221 --> 00:02:12,111 Mate, I'm as English as a cheese and onion teapot. 41 00:02:12,236 --> 00:02:15,471 You queue on the left, I'm coming through you like salmonella. 42 00:02:15,596 --> 00:02:18,290 - Stop queuing on the right, Sami. - I want to fly down the left! 43 00:02:18,415 --> 00:02:21,151 - There it is. Time to get involved. - I want to belong here! 44 00:02:21,276 --> 00:02:23,612 I don't want to wait to be asked, I want to invite myself in! 45 00:02:23,737 --> 00:02:26,351 - I like what I'm hearing. - I want to join the Masons! 46 00:02:26,476 --> 00:02:27,877 OK, do you know what they are? 47 00:02:28,003 --> 00:02:29,979 They're like the British samurai. 48 00:02:30,105 --> 00:02:32,010 - Yeah, a bit. - What is this? 49 00:02:32,755 --> 00:02:34,276 Marmalade competition. 50 00:02:34,854 --> 00:02:37,134 Marmalade. That's just oranges, right? 51 00:02:37,260 --> 00:02:39,259 Yeah, marmalade is just oranges. 52 00:02:40,236 --> 00:02:42,031 Wine is just grapes. 53 00:02:42,157 --> 00:02:44,380 Little Mix is just Jesy, Jade, Perrie and Leigh-Anne. 54 00:02:44,505 --> 00:02:47,774 It's all about the blend, Sami, the care... 55 00:02:48,236 --> 00:02:49,530 The magic. 56 00:02:50,630 --> 00:02:52,411 You are good at making marmalade, no? 57 00:02:52,537 --> 00:02:56,458 Stick a sash on me and march me through Ulster, I am the orange man, baby. 58 00:02:56,584 --> 00:02:58,199 Maybe I could help you. 59 00:03:04,022 --> 00:03:07,248 You don't just make marmalade, you know, 60 00:03:07,374 --> 00:03:09,022 marmalade makes you. 61 00:03:09,621 --> 00:03:12,658 - You up for that? - I am. 62 00:03:12,916 --> 00:03:14,475 What do you bring to the table? 63 00:03:15,030 --> 00:03:16,451 Ever had Syrian oranges? 64 00:03:16,577 --> 00:03:18,831 - No. - Perfect. Beautiful. 65 00:03:18,956 --> 00:03:20,857 So bitter they make your winkie shrink. 66 00:03:20,983 --> 00:03:23,850 Probably won't put that on the label, but welcome to the team. 67 00:03:29,675 --> 00:03:30,911 Diana. 68 00:03:31,036 --> 00:03:33,831 Yeah, I mean, I've seen the little sod's Facebook page. 69 00:03:33,956 --> 00:03:35,555 I'm just coming into the building now, 70 00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:38,710 so shall I see you in the staffroom in about five minutes? 71 00:03:38,836 --> 00:03:40,661 - Don't come in. - What? 72 00:03:40,786 --> 00:03:43,113 Call in sick. Just don't come in. 73 00:03:45,394 --> 00:03:47,066 What? 74 00:03:47,192 --> 00:03:48,492 Aren't you coming? 75 00:04:09,716 --> 00:04:12,044 - Forget something? - Er, yeah. 76 00:04:13,175 --> 00:04:15,299 Hey, hey, what do you think? Which one? 77 00:04:15,425 --> 00:04:17,661 - Knitted one. - Yeah, me too. 78 00:04:17,786 --> 00:04:20,791 Sort of says, "I'm here to negotiate a promotion, 79 00:04:20,916 --> 00:04:24,630 "but if you want to discuss jazz, we can also do that." 80 00:04:24,755 --> 00:04:26,271 That's why I like it, anyway. 81 00:04:26,396 --> 00:04:27,730 Potential for jazz. 82 00:04:29,476 --> 00:04:31,246 I think I'm about to be suspended. 83 00:04:33,196 --> 00:04:36,984 - What? - A 15-year-old boy has accused me of... 84 00:04:37,966 --> 00:04:41,273 - groping him, and it's complete bullshit. - Well, of course it's bullshit. 85 00:04:41,399 --> 00:04:42,634 He's crazy! 86 00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:45,201 Why in God's name would you be flirting with a teenage boy? 87 00:04:45,326 --> 00:04:48,157 - Exactly! - Look at you, you wouldn't stand a chance! 88 00:04:48,283 --> 00:04:50,231 You currently have a five-second window to say, "Sorry, 89 00:04:50,356 --> 00:04:52,560 - "that didn't come out right." - I'm sorry, that didn't come out right. 90 00:04:52,685 --> 00:04:53,885 I'm sorry. 91 00:04:55,833 --> 00:04:57,033 Come here, come on. 92 00:05:01,505 --> 00:05:04,151 You're a brilliant teacher. This is nonsense. 93 00:05:04,276 --> 00:05:05,351 You'll be laughed out of court. 94 00:05:05,476 --> 00:05:08,021 - What do you mean, court? - Another terrible choice of words. 95 00:05:08,146 --> 00:05:09,380 It's OK. 96 00:05:10,747 --> 00:05:12,270 You'll be fine. 97 00:05:12,396 --> 00:05:15,871 If I get sacked, this puts all the financial pressure on you 98 00:05:15,996 --> 00:05:18,394 and fucking Elliot is taking his money out of the house... 99 00:05:18,519 --> 00:05:20,921 I am being promoted today. 100 00:05:21,046 --> 00:05:22,793 It's OK, I can handle it. 101 00:05:23,099 --> 00:05:25,696 A relationship is... It's like a trapeze act. 102 00:05:26,476 --> 00:05:27,741 I will catch you when you fall. 103 00:05:27,866 --> 00:05:29,988 - You're scared of heights. - I'm an agoraphobic. 104 00:05:30,113 --> 00:05:31,932 I'm scared of widths. 105 00:05:32,058 --> 00:05:33,893 - I've got to go. - I know. 106 00:05:37,092 --> 00:05:39,286 Thank you. 107 00:05:39,412 --> 00:05:40,748 Gorgeous. 108 00:05:41,901 --> 00:05:43,740 Definitely not the blue one? 109 00:05:43,866 --> 00:05:45,683 A bit too cabinet minister, 110 00:05:45,809 --> 00:05:48,430 naked and asphyxiating in a Stockwell basement. 111 00:05:48,555 --> 00:05:50,933 - That's very specific. - Thank you. 112 00:05:54,853 --> 00:05:56,053 Go get 'em. 113 00:06:11,914 --> 00:06:13,397 - Morning, Carol. - Morning. 114 00:06:13,523 --> 00:06:15,022 Jim, you old rogue. 115 00:06:21,586 --> 00:06:22,811 Hard at it, Clive? 116 00:06:27,711 --> 00:06:28,976 Peter. 117 00:06:32,430 --> 00:06:33,726 Sit down. 118 00:06:34,380 --> 00:06:36,098 Looking forward to the weekend? 119 00:06:36,224 --> 00:06:38,536 - Yes, thank you. - Yeah, me too, me too. 120 00:06:38,662 --> 00:06:41,006 I mean, it's all about family, really, at the end of the day, 121 00:06:41,131 --> 00:06:44,646 isn't it? Makes you realise what all this is for, doesn't it, Ulf? 122 00:06:44,911 --> 00:06:47,541 God, Ulf's a good name, isn't it? Does it mean anything? 123 00:06:47,667 --> 00:06:49,496 It's ancient Norse for "wolf". 124 00:06:49,622 --> 00:06:52,818 Is it really? Gosh, well, here we are, 125 00:06:53,191 --> 00:06:56,075 Peter and the Ulf. 126 00:06:56,269 --> 00:06:59,525 It's funny, we, er, don't actually name people after animals 127 00:06:59,651 --> 00:07:02,356 in this country, although there's, Bear Grylls, of course, 128 00:07:02,481 --> 00:07:05,371 - and, Ant from Ant and Dec there's another... - Peter, 129 00:07:05,870 --> 00:07:07,074 we're letting you go. 130 00:07:11,609 --> 00:07:12,944 That was such a good... Argh! 131 00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:37,978 Do you like jazz? 132 00:07:38,141 --> 00:07:39,947 - Peter... - Jazz, let's just... 133 00:07:41,121 --> 00:07:42,899 let's just talk about jazz for a bit. 134 00:07:43,691 --> 00:07:44,895 No, thank you. 135 00:07:45,300 --> 00:07:48,487 - You can't do this. - We're relocating back to Sweden. 136 00:07:48,613 --> 00:07:49,846 It's Brexit. 137 00:07:50,201 --> 00:07:53,636 This is the first wave of redundancies. There will be more. I'm sorry. 138 00:07:55,201 --> 00:07:57,201 - Please. - Don't blame us. 139 00:07:57,327 --> 00:07:59,380 Blame the idiots who voted leave. 140 00:08:02,380 --> 00:08:04,026 I voted leave. 141 00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:05,466 Well, 142 00:08:05,591 --> 00:08:07,305 you probably saw this coming, then. 143 00:08:07,445 --> 00:08:08,645 Well, you... 144 00:08:10,481 --> 00:08:12,993 probably saw this coming, then. 145 00:08:14,972 --> 00:08:16,386 What? 146 00:08:21,183 --> 00:08:22,388 That. 147 00:08:24,098 --> 00:08:26,028 You probably saw that coming. 148 00:08:27,255 --> 00:08:29,177 - No. - No? Oh... 149 00:08:38,512 --> 00:08:40,325 You didn't see that coming, did you? 150 00:08:43,430 --> 00:08:46,305 You didn't see this coming, did you? Mm? 151 00:08:46,430 --> 00:08:48,781 Or this! Or... 152 00:08:48,907 --> 00:08:50,358 this, huh? 153 00:08:50,484 --> 00:08:54,851 All these buttons, you didn't see them coming, unpopping, did you, hm? 154 00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:58,356 You didn't see this happening, did you, hey? 155 00:08:58,481 --> 00:09:01,586 You didn't see this happening, huh?! 156 00:09:01,711 --> 00:09:04,546 You didn't see that happening, did you, hm?! 157 00:09:05,554 --> 00:09:06,843 Or that! 158 00:09:14,028 --> 00:09:15,802 This is Brexit! 159 00:09:15,928 --> 00:09:17,910 This is Brexit! 160 00:09:20,130 --> 00:09:22,318 This is Brexit! Fear us! 161 00:09:22,444 --> 00:09:27,156 Fear us! England, Scotland, Wales... 162 00:09:27,281 --> 00:09:28,860 Parts of Ireland! 163 00:09:28,986 --> 00:09:31,716 England, Scotland, Wales, 164 00:09:31,841 --> 00:09:33,063 parts of Ireland! 165 00:09:33,189 --> 00:09:35,509 England, Sco... 166 00:09:40,231 --> 00:09:41,485 Parts of Ire... 167 00:09:45,201 --> 00:09:46,106 Peter... 168 00:09:46,231 --> 00:09:47,728 Let's get it done! 169 00:09:47,854 --> 00:09:49,745 Let's get it done! 170 00:09:49,871 --> 00:09:51,586 Let's get it done! 171 00:09:51,711 --> 00:09:52,986 Let's get it do... 172 00:09:53,111 --> 00:09:54,311 Let's... 173 00:09:56,236 --> 00:09:57,588 Let's get it... 174 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,920 They're pulling out of the UK, 175 00:10:43,435 --> 00:10:47,126 giving me a redundancy package, three months gardening leave. 176 00:10:48,310 --> 00:10:51,678 My job is ceasing to exist. 177 00:10:55,281 --> 00:10:57,826 - What's so funny? - Oh, my God, we're so fucked. 178 00:10:57,951 --> 00:10:58,986 I had no idea. 179 00:10:59,111 --> 00:11:02,185 You said you'd catch me if I fell, that you were a trapeze artist. 180 00:11:02,310 --> 00:11:03,626 I said I was like a trapeze artist. 181 00:11:03,751 --> 00:11:06,236 You're not a trapeze artist, you're a fucking clown. 182 00:11:06,362 --> 00:11:08,546 I mean, you've burnt the circus down, 183 00:11:08,671 --> 00:11:10,065 you are the shittest showman. 184 00:11:10,190 --> 00:11:13,466 I have had a uniquely upsetting day! 185 00:11:13,591 --> 00:11:14,956 Hello? 186 00:11:15,081 --> 00:11:16,281 Hi. 187 00:11:18,721 --> 00:11:20,018 Everything OK? 188 00:11:20,144 --> 00:11:23,126 Yes. No, Sami. Everything's fine. 189 00:11:23,252 --> 00:11:24,452 No, it isn't. 190 00:11:25,923 --> 00:11:27,547 Tell me. I want to help. 191 00:11:29,231 --> 00:11:30,826 We're just... 192 00:11:30,951 --> 00:11:32,872 sorting through some stuff. 193 00:11:32,998 --> 00:11:34,965 Ignore us. You need to get back on your feet. 194 00:11:35,091 --> 00:11:36,906 Back on my... I, I am back on my feet. 195 00:11:37,031 --> 00:11:38,466 Er, box-fresh Sami. 196 00:11:38,591 --> 00:11:41,265 Extended battery life, guaranteed shockproof skin, 197 00:11:41,390 --> 00:11:42,746 in an attractive shade of brown. 198 00:11:42,871 --> 00:11:44,515 - Tell me what is wrong. - I lost my job. 199 00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:46,236 I'm being accused of sexual misconduct. 200 00:11:46,361 --> 00:11:47,561 OK. 201 00:11:49,081 --> 00:11:50,306 Shit. 202 00:11:50,831 --> 00:11:53,056 Why are you wearing an apron? 203 00:11:54,231 --> 00:11:56,626 I'm making the marmalade in the kitchen with Raj. 204 00:11:58,634 --> 00:12:00,986 I've got a great jam pan you can borrow. 205 00:12:01,111 --> 00:12:03,315 - Fucking great jam pan. - We found the jam pan. 206 00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:04,876 You found the jam pan? 207 00:12:05,001 --> 00:12:08,776 Look, if you are worried about money, I will give you my allowance, 208 00:12:08,902 --> 00:12:10,315 or I can leave immediately. 209 00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:12,106 - No, no. - No. 210 00:12:12,231 --> 00:12:15,466 Then if I stay, we shall fight, together. 211 00:12:15,591 --> 00:12:19,289 - I owe you everything. - Reaching boiling point... 212 00:12:21,478 --> 00:12:22,934 Don't give up, mate. 213 00:12:23,867 --> 00:12:25,111 What? 214 00:12:25,436 --> 00:12:29,642 This is what you said to me, when I was cooking myself in the sauna. 215 00:12:29,768 --> 00:12:31,433 - Did I? - Yes. 216 00:12:32,670 --> 00:12:36,287 I think I was just fishing around for something to say, I don't think I meant it. 217 00:12:36,947 --> 00:12:38,147 Well, I do. 218 00:12:39,186 --> 00:12:41,149 Don't let your heart grow cold. 219 00:12:42,157 --> 00:12:43,828 I will call you by name. 220 00:12:43,954 --> 00:12:45,982 I will share your road. 221 00:12:46,107 --> 00:12:48,261 - The Bible? - Mumford, 222 00:12:48,386 --> 00:12:50,313 and his many, many excellent sons. 223 00:12:51,827 --> 00:12:55,030 Now, if you'll excuse me, I must return to my marmalade commitments. 224 00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:57,812 We are reaching boiling point. 225 00:13:11,394 --> 00:13:14,059 - I shouldn't be here. - I know. 226 00:13:14,714 --> 00:13:16,245 Shit view, isn't it? 227 00:13:17,474 --> 00:13:20,061 So what do you think will happen next? 228 00:13:20,498 --> 00:13:24,373 You'll be suspended, pending an investigation. 229 00:13:24,571 --> 00:13:28,308 - Mr Hobson's Designated Safeguarding Lead... - Music teacher. 230 00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:30,805 Get the violin out, Mr H. 231 00:13:31,252 --> 00:13:35,517 He'll interview all witnesses and parties to the case. 232 00:13:35,643 --> 00:13:39,852 Then, there'll be a hearing. The head, governors, your union rep. 233 00:13:42,864 --> 00:13:46,660 Here's sort of information and numbers I got in the staffroom... 234 00:13:46,786 --> 00:13:49,580 Laminated! Must be serious. 235 00:13:49,753 --> 00:13:51,808 This is still bullshit, you know. 236 00:13:51,934 --> 00:13:55,722 It's revenge because I humiliated him in front of his peers. 237 00:13:55,848 --> 00:13:58,415 - So now he's accusing me of... - Sexual misconduct. 238 00:14:00,419 --> 00:14:04,253 I mean, what teacher is going to jeopardise their career 239 00:14:04,379 --> 00:14:06,743 flirting with Jason Maddox? 240 00:14:07,664 --> 00:14:10,099 Josh Epstein in year 11, though? Fair enough. Have you seen it? 241 00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:11,349 Jesus! 242 00:14:11,474 --> 00:14:14,508 Cheek bones that could open a can of beans, that one. 243 00:14:16,584 --> 00:14:18,068 Joke... That was a joke! 244 00:14:18,194 --> 00:14:21,646 Maybe you should put your hand up next time you make one of those, just so we all know. 245 00:14:21,771 --> 00:14:26,457 Yeah, well, I'm not going to start because this whole situation is a joke! 246 00:14:27,387 --> 00:14:29,739 You stand up for the welfare of a pupil, 247 00:14:29,864 --> 00:14:32,566 - and suddenly you're Jimmy Savile. - No-one's calling you Jimmy Savile. 248 00:14:32,691 --> 00:14:34,301 - I know kids. They bloody are! - They're not. 249 00:14:34,426 --> 00:14:36,899 - "There she goes, Jimmy Savile..." - Katy, they're not calling you Jimmy Savile. 250 00:14:37,024 --> 00:14:39,129 They're calling me something, Diana. I'll tell you that much. 251 00:14:39,254 --> 00:14:41,909 - They're fucking calling me something... - Rolf Harris. 252 00:14:43,513 --> 00:14:45,153 Do kids remember Rolf Harris? 253 00:14:45,279 --> 00:14:47,296 To be fair, that was one of the teachers. 254 00:14:53,224 --> 00:14:56,123 I'm trying to remember one of his catchphrases, but I just can't. 255 00:14:56,249 --> 00:14:57,916 He did the wobble board. 256 00:15:20,663 --> 00:15:21,881 Oh, my God. 257 00:15:22,791 --> 00:15:24,586 - You getting the cardamom? - Cardamom city! 258 00:15:24,711 --> 00:15:27,226 - How about those Syrian oranges? - How about those Syrian oranges? 259 00:15:27,351 --> 00:15:28,790 Shrinking winkie time! 260 00:15:34,941 --> 00:15:36,667 - Margaret. - Hello, Raj. 261 00:15:36,793 --> 00:15:38,965 Have we caught you in the middle of a last-minute tasting? 262 00:15:40,301 --> 00:15:43,057 Yes, indeed. Very exciting. 263 00:15:43,380 --> 00:15:46,106 Margaret, this is Sami Ibrahim, my co-chef. 264 00:15:46,231 --> 00:15:47,940 We're entering together this year. 265 00:15:48,066 --> 00:15:49,866 - I heard. - Oh, Sami, this is Margaret, 266 00:15:49,991 --> 00:15:52,736 chairperson of the Dorking Marmalade Festival, 267 00:15:52,861 --> 00:15:55,836 and Sarah, who edits the newsletter on her computer. 268 00:15:56,796 --> 00:15:57,764 Er, try? 269 00:15:57,890 --> 00:16:00,486 Oh, that wouldn't be appropriate ahead of tonight's competition. 270 00:16:00,611 --> 00:16:02,316 Oh, right. 271 00:16:02,656 --> 00:16:07,007 Raj, an issue has been raised that we should discuss. 272 00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:08,562 What's that? 273 00:16:08,984 --> 00:16:12,733 Well, to be honest, the issue is your friend here. 274 00:16:13,564 --> 00:16:14,764 Right. 275 00:16:16,316 --> 00:16:18,046 There is concern that Mr... 276 00:16:19,306 --> 00:16:22,556 - Ibrahim. - Mr Abraham is not a resident. 277 00:16:22,681 --> 00:16:25,275 Er, no. I live with Peter Guest and Katy... 278 00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:28,877 Yes, we know exactly where you live. 279 00:16:30,214 --> 00:16:32,157 So what is the problem? 280 00:16:32,681 --> 00:16:34,072 Oh, dear. 281 00:16:34,198 --> 00:16:37,907 Mr Abraham, this is awkward. How can I put this? 282 00:16:38,761 --> 00:16:41,863 Marmalade is a preserve. 283 00:16:41,989 --> 00:16:47,806 It is about preservation, keeping things just as they should be. 284 00:16:47,931 --> 00:16:49,264 Yeah, of course. 285 00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:53,716 There is concern that you are not a passport holder. 286 00:16:53,841 --> 00:16:56,175 It's a technicality, but there it is. 287 00:17:02,379 --> 00:17:05,966 And as such, I'm afraid we cannot register you 288 00:17:06,091 --> 00:17:08,620 for the competition. I'm so terribly sorry. 289 00:17:11,326 --> 00:17:12,526 Yes. 290 00:17:17,995 --> 00:17:20,291 - Who's concerned? - Sorry? 291 00:17:20,623 --> 00:17:22,960 You said there was a concern. 292 00:17:23,086 --> 00:17:24,631 Who... Who was concerned? 293 00:17:24,761 --> 00:17:27,458 There is a general mood. 294 00:17:27,584 --> 00:17:30,685 - Something in the wind? - A rustle in the trees. 295 00:17:30,811 --> 00:17:32,106 Exactly. 296 00:17:32,662 --> 00:17:35,053 Thank you for being so understanding. 297 00:17:36,426 --> 00:17:39,303 But I hope we shall be seeing you here this evening, Raj. 298 00:17:39,874 --> 00:17:43,569 We always look forward to your exotic entry. 299 00:17:44,569 --> 00:17:46,373 - Oh, yes. - Marvellous! 300 00:17:54,301 --> 00:17:57,246 I'm fucking sorry about that, mate. That was bang out of order. 301 00:17:57,561 --> 00:17:59,746 - Why didn't you say something? - Hey? 302 00:17:59,872 --> 00:18:01,879 - You could have got angry. - I am angry. 303 00:18:02,353 --> 00:18:04,228 You could have got angry out loud. 304 00:18:04,354 --> 00:18:06,215 Yeah, but what good would that do? 305 00:18:06,488 --> 00:18:10,582 You try to fly down the left, but they keep you cuing on the right. 306 00:18:11,381 --> 00:18:13,804 I don't think this place is for me. 307 00:18:15,506 --> 00:18:17,359 Good luck tonight, my friend. 308 00:18:18,432 --> 00:18:20,473 I will be cheering you on. 309 00:18:43,446 --> 00:18:45,009 What's happening with you in school? 310 00:18:45,477 --> 00:18:48,137 Nothing, love. Stupid misunderstanding. 311 00:18:48,262 --> 00:18:49,548 I got fired yesterday. 312 00:18:49,673 --> 00:18:52,171 Were your friends talking about it? What? 313 00:18:52,297 --> 00:18:54,452 Had a nervous breakdown, waved my penis around. 314 00:18:54,578 --> 00:18:56,742 - Has Dad been in touch again? - No, he hasn't, thank God. 315 00:18:56,867 --> 00:18:58,171 Evening! 316 00:18:58,812 --> 00:19:00,999 - You excited? - I did not enter. 317 00:19:01,344 --> 00:19:02,339 What do you mean? 318 00:19:02,465 --> 00:19:03,945 - Not eligible? - Why not? 319 00:19:04,071 --> 00:19:06,438 - Not for me. - Do you want me to have a word? 320 00:19:06,564 --> 00:19:08,769 No. No, no. Here to support Raj. 321 00:19:10,312 --> 00:19:11,974 He was late, by the way. 322 00:19:12,391 --> 00:19:15,548 For what it's worth, doing nothing is absolutely the most 323 00:19:15,673 --> 00:19:17,908 English thing you could do under the circumstances, 324 00:19:18,033 --> 00:19:19,978 so the last laugh is yours. 325 00:19:21,241 --> 00:19:22,807 Thank you, Peter. 326 00:19:42,153 --> 00:19:44,238 Can't. It's a massive IBS trigger. 327 00:19:44,363 --> 00:19:46,878 Good evening, everyone, and welcome... 328 00:19:48,701 --> 00:19:54,067 And welcome to this year's Dorking Marmalade Championships. 329 00:19:59,363 --> 00:20:02,136 And let us hope that this year's entries, 330 00:20:02,262 --> 00:20:04,028 like the oranges themselves, 331 00:20:04,153 --> 00:20:06,522 are a-peeling! 332 00:20:08,614 --> 00:20:09,973 Fucking hell. 333 00:20:20,033 --> 00:20:21,233 Oh, my. 334 00:20:50,591 --> 00:20:53,616 Always felt a member of this community. 335 00:20:55,983 --> 00:20:59,729 Always felt respected by you. 336 00:20:59,855 --> 00:21:02,410 I sold you your newspapers, 337 00:21:03,090 --> 00:21:04,784 your cigarettes... 338 00:21:06,912 --> 00:21:08,112 your food. 339 00:21:09,673 --> 00:21:12,267 Jesus, I fucked three of you. Want to know who? 340 00:21:14,522 --> 00:21:17,618 Yeah, that's right. I've got a complex sexual palate. 341 00:21:18,790 --> 00:21:22,792 Orgy around my house looks like the team from fucking Eggheads. 342 00:21:23,780 --> 00:21:26,253 So I'm feeling part of this community, 343 00:21:26,913 --> 00:21:28,208 and then... 344 00:21:29,883 --> 00:21:31,597 My friend from Syria 345 00:21:31,723 --> 00:21:35,663 is told that he can't enter because he 346 00:21:35,804 --> 00:21:39,382 hasn't been here long enough. 347 00:21:40,673 --> 00:21:43,660 Now, I feel bad for him, 348 00:21:44,047 --> 00:21:45,586 but then I think, 349 00:21:45,712 --> 00:21:48,899 "Why do you feel comfortable saying that in front of me?" 350 00:21:51,203 --> 00:21:52,888 And then I get it. 351 00:21:54,741 --> 00:21:58,499 I'm the golliwog on the front of your marmalade! 352 00:21:59,452 --> 00:22:01,067 Well, OK. 353 00:22:01,192 --> 00:22:03,233 Best dress accordingly! 354 00:22:03,466 --> 00:22:06,293 You see, I think you're comfortable with me for all the wrong reasons, 355 00:22:06,418 --> 00:22:08,232 that I'm your coconut. 356 00:22:08,358 --> 00:22:10,107 But I've got news for you. 357 00:22:11,272 --> 00:22:15,271 You're not making me whiter. I'm making you browner. 358 00:22:16,410 --> 00:22:17,644 I'm not a coconut! 359 00:22:17,770 --> 00:22:19,706 I'm a Coco Pop! 360 00:22:19,832 --> 00:22:23,417 I turn the milk brown, motherfuckers! 361 00:22:26,450 --> 00:22:27,650 Golly out. 362 00:22:30,963 --> 00:22:33,783 Hard to say how it'll affect my business. 363 00:22:34,006 --> 00:22:36,752 At a guess, I'd say cataclysmically. 364 00:22:38,113 --> 00:22:40,508 Yesterday, I was made redundant. 365 00:22:40,633 --> 00:22:43,588 Took off all my clothes and swung a Yucca plant 366 00:22:43,713 --> 00:22:45,568 round my boss's office. 367 00:22:45,779 --> 00:22:47,572 - Love! - Are you all right? 368 00:22:47,753 --> 00:22:49,553 I think I had a bit of an episode. 369 00:22:50,639 --> 00:22:53,146 - Episode? - Went a bit mental. 370 00:22:53,753 --> 00:22:55,449 I know the feeling. 371 00:22:55,587 --> 00:22:56,889 What is a yucca plant? 372 00:22:57,015 --> 00:22:59,529 Indoor evergreen native to the Caribbean, John. 373 00:23:04,451 --> 00:23:05,651 We'll be OK. 374 00:23:06,713 --> 00:23:08,376 Everything will be OK. 375 00:23:14,626 --> 00:23:15,829 Winkie shrinker? 376 00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:23,160 Synced & corrected by minouhse www.addic7ed.com 377 00:23:23,210 --> 00:23:27,760 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 28205

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