Original subtitles

DID SOMEBODY ASK FOR A WAKE

YOU MIGHT FIND

THE NORTHBOUND SAN DIEGO FREEWAY

STILL A BIT SLUGGISH AT SEAL BEACH BLVD.

DUE TO A FOUR-CAR COLLISION

THAT'S NOW CLEARED.

THIS IS COMMANDER CHUCK STREET

FLYING YELLOW THUNDER.

PUT YOUR HANDS ON THE RADIO

AND FEEL MY SINCERITY.

102.7 KIIS FM.

K-I-I-S, LOS ANGELES.

* RICK DEES IN THE MORNING *

* TELL US WHAT TIME IT IS *

6:55 RIGHT NOW.

COMING UP, LIZ "RUGBURN" FULTON

AND COACH CHARLIE WRIGHT.

COACH, YOUR FLY'S OPEN.

GET THAT, PLEASE.

AAAHHH!

PARAMEDICS!

COMING UP, WE'VE GOT PEOPLE ANSWERING THE PHONES.

LONG DONG WONG FROM HONG KONG IS HERE...

(MALE SPEAKING CHINESE)

AND HIS GIRLFRIEND IS HELPING HIM OUT TODAY.

(FEMALE SPEAKING CHINESE)

AND TRANSLATED, OF COURSE, THAT IS...

IT'S SO BIG!

DOWN, WYLIE. IT'S NOT YOUR BIRTHDAY.

IT'S NOT?

HURTS SO GOOD. HURT ME, BABY.

UH-HUH. UH-HUH. UH-HUH.

UH-HUH. UH-HUH.

UH-UH.

GO AWAY.

MR. JOHNSON'S UP

AND WANTS TO SAY HI.

OK. OK. OK.

I'M GOING TO PUT IT IN.

HERE IT COMES. OH, SHIT.

GOD. YOU'VE GOT COBWEBS DOWN THERE.

AHH!

GET IT OFF.

HURRY OR I'LL CHANGE MY MIND.

YOU'RE SITTING ON IT.

AHH...

AHH!

I'M SUFFOCATING.

IS THERE NO END TO THIS?

AH!

AH!

AH!

AH!

AH-CHOO!

GESUNDHEIT.

OH. I'M SORRY.

I HAVE TO GO TO WORK ANYWAY.

THANKS FOR THE BELLY DANCE.

LET'S GO. WE'RE LATE.

JUST DRIVE THE CAR, MAN.

WYLIE, COME ON!

WE'LL BE LATE!

MORGAN, HURRY UP!

MORGAN!

WORK, WORK, WORK. SCHOOL, SCHOOL, SCHOOL.

OW!

MORGAN, DID YOU HURT YOURSELF?

I HOPE MY TOY IS OK.

WYLIE, WE'RE LIVING IN A DUMP.

A LITTLE LANDSCAPING,

THIS HOUSE WILL BE A SHOWPLACE.

SHIT!

NO, NO, NO, NO.

WHAT'S UP?

WHAT'S HAPPENING?

NO, NO, NO, NO.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

BANG. BANG. BANG.

RIGHT. ALWAYS ENGLISH HERE.

EXCUSE ME.

AHH-ZEE!

AAAHHH!

VERY GOOD.

YOU'RE GOING TO GET PREGNANT

IF YOU KEEP DOING THAT.

YOU'RE JAMMING THOUGH.

WAIT! I WANT A PICTURE FOR MY FAMILY.

WHAT'S "CHEESE" IN ARABIC?

JIMANIE.

JIMANIE. THANKS A LOT.

HEY, LANDRY.

FELLAS, HOW YOU DOING?

WHAT HAPPENED WITH THAT BELLY DANCER?

DID YOU TWO WORK?

LANDRY, YOU'RE LATE!

I HAD PROBLEMS WITH THE CAR.

LANDRY! LANDRY!

LANDRY! LANDRY!

WE CAN BE PROUD OF WHAT WE TAUGHT THESE BOYS.

THEY'LL DESTROY YOUR NEW TANK.

THOSE BOYS ARE KILLERS.

DOGS OF WAR.

LIONS OF THE DESERT.

YEI-EEE! YEAHHH!

YEAHHH!

WHO MADE THIS AWFUL THING?

YOU DID.

WYLIE.

I WOULDN'T MAKE THIS.

SEE THIS WIRE?

IT'S OFF THE CONNECTION.

WHAT ABOUT THE TEST TODAY?

IT WILL BE FINE.

ISN'T IT PART OF THAT NEW ARMY TANK?

A SMALL PART.

A PART CALLED A DYP GYRO THAT WON'T WORK.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I'M KIDDING. IT WILL WORK.

DYP'S GOING TO WORK.

TODAY WE WILL BE TESTING

THE NEW XM-10 ANNIHILATOR TANK.

WE'RE PROUD TO OFFER THESE SOPHISTICATED SUPERTANKS

FOR SALE TO KUWAIT.

BEAUTIFUL KUWAIT.

A COUNTRY CLOSE TO THE HEARTS OF AMERICANS.

KUWAIT AND AMERICA SHARE A COMMON HERITAGE OF--

UH...

SHARE SO MANY SIMILARITIES LIKE...

YOUR DESERT.

WE, TOO, HAVE BIG DESERTS.

OH!

AHH...

AHH...

"AHH" MY ASS. GET IN THE TANK.

THANKS. GOOD-BYE.

WYLIE, THE TRUTH.

IS THIS COMPANY GOING UNDER?

ARE YOU GOING TO LOSE ANOTHER JOB?

YES, IF I'M LATE.

MORGAN HAD SCHOOL.

HE'S GOT A FUTURE.

THANK YOU.

GO AROUND!

LAURA.

I'VE GOT HALLOWEEN PARTIES TO CATER

AND THEN THANKSGIVING.

I CAN'T MOVE AGAIN.

WHO'S TALKING MOVING?

I'LL PUT IT THIS WAY.

YOU LOSE THIS JOB, DON'T COME HOME.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT.

ALL RIGHT. I'M MOVING.

WE GOT IMPORTANT PEOPLE OUT THERE.

LET'S MAKE THIS A GOOD ONE.

OK, A-TEAM, LET'S DO WORK.

DO WORK.

DO WORK.

DO WORK.

BUCKLE UP. WE'RE GOING INTO HYPERSPACE.

NOW, AS THE ASSAULT GROUP PASSES OUR REVIEWING STAND,

I WANT YOU TO PAY PARTICULAR ATTENTION

TO THE SUPERTANK-- THE XM-10.

IF SUPERMAN WERE A TANK DRIVER,

HE'D DRIVE THE SUPERTANK.

HEY! WHO FARTED?

YOU CAN'T FART.

IT STAYS IN HERE.

FART?

PFFT!

OH. FART.

SOMEONE ATE BAD GOAT.

BUTTON FALL OFF.

THE XM-10. IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

IT HAS ADVANCED DESIGN AND LOW COST.

WATCH IT CLOSELY.

IT HAS AMAZING MANEUVERABILITY

THAT ENABLES IT TO SWERVE OFF COURSE

AT A MOMENT'S NOTICE.

WHY ARE WE GOING RIGHT AND NOBODY ELSE IS?

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

WHAT IS THIS?

WE'RE HAVING SOME PROBLEMS.

IT'S OK. PERHAPS WE'LL MOVE BACK.

PLEASE, MOVE OVER!

SAYYID! STOP THE TANK, PLEASE!

WHAT'S "GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY" IN ARABIC?

RUN AWAY!

OH, SHIT!

WE TURNED THAT SHEIK'S CAR INTO A SKATEBOARD.

GOD DAMN THIS LOUSY TANK!

COCKSUCKER!

COCKSUCKER!

WHO WAS THE ASSHOLE THAT BUILT THIS?

WILL ALL SECURITY PERSONNEL REPORT TO HEAT AND STRESS.

HI.

HI, BOB.

NICE TALKING TO YOU.

BETTY, YOU OK?

THEY LAID ME OFF.

WHERE ARE YOU TAKING MY COMPUTER?

THEY'RE TAKING IT FOR REPAIRS.

NO REPAIRS HERE.

THIS IS CALLED REPOSSESSION.

TERRIFIC! NOW THEY'RE REPOSSESSING OUR EQUIPMENT!

THIS PLACE IS GOING DOWN THE TOILET.

AND IT'S YOUR FAULT!

WHAT'S GOING ON IN YOUR SECTION?

CAN'T YOU GET THAT DYP TO WORK?

WE'RE TESTING IT TODAY.

IT WILL WORK.

HEY, COOPER. IT GODDAMN BETTER WORK!

A LITTLE TENSION HERE TODAY.

OH, TERRIFIC.

* ON THE ROAD AGAIN

* I CAN'T WAIT TO GET ON THE ROAD AGAIN *

COOPER.

C-O-O-P-E-R.

COOPER!

HI.

YOU'RE LATE.

I WAS JUST GETTING COFFEE FOR SOMEONE.

HERE'S YOUR COFFEE.

I DIDN'T ASK FOR COFFEE.

ASK NOT AND YE SHALL RECEIVE.

DO YOU REALIZE THE PRESSURE I'M UNDER?

THEY SHOULD KNOW HOW TOUGH IT IS

TO SUPERVISE THIS TEST.

SUPERVISE? THIS WAS MY BIG BREAK.

SUPERVISING THE MOST PITIFUL MORONS--

DAMN IT!

I DON'T APPRECIATE TAKING HEAT

BECAUSE OF IRRESPONSIBLE ENGINEERS.

IF THE DYP DOESN'T WORK TODAY,

IT WILL BE THANKS TO JERK-OFFS LIKE YOU!

LET'S HAVE LUNCH.

TWO MINUTES TO FINAL THERMAL ACTIVATION.

JERK

SHE SAID THAT

BECAUSE SHE WAS TRYING TO AROSE ME.

SURE.

SHE DID.

MR. LOPARINO.

COOPER.

GOOD MORNING, GENTLEMEN.

MORNING.

SORRY.

I FEEL GOOD ABOUT THIS,

BECAUSE I KNOW IT WILL WORK.

THIS IS A COMBINED TEST

FOR VIBRATION AND MICROWAVE RADIATION.

A DOUBLE YAW PROCESSOR?

THE DYP GYRO.

DYP GYRO. FUNNY NAME.

ALL RIGHT. LET'S FIRE IT UP.

THAT'S NOT IT.

IT'S OVER HERE.

YES. THAT'S THE OTHER THING.

TO REMIND OUR VISITORS,

THE DYP GYRO WILL GUIDE SURFACE-TO-AIR MISSILES

ON THE XM-10 SUPERTANK.

20 SECONDS TO READY.

THE TIME AND MONEY GETTING THIS TO WORK.

WITHOUT DYP, THERE'S NO GUIDANCE SYSTEM.

NO MASTER WAR MACHINE

TO ANNIHILATE CITIES OR CRUSH CITIZENS.

DON'T GET PHILOSOPHICAL, LOPARINO.

WE'RE OUT OF GOGGLES. USE THESE.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

ALL SYSTEMS ARE LOCKED.

HEY, LO. LOOK AT HER.

SO NERVOUS AND EXCITED.

OH, GOD.

TONI, WATCH THE FREQUENCIES.

IF THEY DEVIATE,

I'LL SIGNAL LOPARINO TO STOP EVERYTHING.

WHAT WOULD YOU GIVE TO TOUCH HER LEG?

WOULD SHE BE WEARING NYLONS?

NO.

I'D GIVE MY RIGHT PINKY.

10 'HERTZ.

LOOKS VERY PROFESSIONALLY DONE.

IT'S A SIGHT.

THE DC CONVERTER IS INTERMITTENT.

WHAT WOULD YOU GIVE

IF YOU COULD BRUSH THE SIDE OF HER BREAST

WITH YOUR PALM?

I'D GIVE MY LEFT ARM FOR THAT.

20 'HERTZ.

IT'S GOING UP AND DOWN.

IT'S A TEST. IT'S SUPPOSED TO.

WHAT IF YOU COULD PUT YOUR MOUTH ON HER NIPPLE

AND FEEL IT SWELLING ON YOUR TONGUE?

START THE STROBE.

MY LEFT LEG.

HELP ME DO THAT, YOU'VE GOT THE LEG.

GET READY TO STOP IT.

MY SIGHT, EYES.

40 'HERTZ.

THERE'S A PROBLEM WITH THIS BULB.

IT'S JUST A LIGHT.

50 'HERTZ.

ACCELEROMETER IS MALFUNCTIONING.

STOP THE STROBE.

UNSTABLE ROTATION!

WHAT IF YOU COULD MOVE YOUR HAND

BETWEEN HER LEGS

AND SHE WASN'T WEARING PANTIES?

YOU COULD FEEL THE MOIST HEAT

AND SHE'D SAY--

LOPARINO!

"TOUCH MY SEX."

YOU'D SAY, "HERE?"

SHE'D SAY, "OH, GOD, YES."

MY GOD! NO!

WE'VE EXCEEDED THE MAXIMUM.

WHAT WOULD YOU GIVE FOR THAT?

MY BALLS. BOTH OF THEM.

60 'HERTZ! 10 DEGREE PITCH ANGLE!

I'M CONCERNED.

TAKE COVER.

WE'RE LOSING IT.

SHIT.

PUT IT OUT!

WHOO!

IT DIDN'T WORK.

NO, IT DIDN'T.

ANYBODY WANT TO GET A MARGARITA?

LOPARINO, WERE YOU DREAMING?

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO SHUT IT DOWN.

COULD WE HAVE MAINTENANCE COLLECT THE REMAINS?

THE DYP'S DEAD.

THE PROJECT'S DEAD.

WE'RE DEAD.

* AY, LUNA

* EN TU BLANCA LUZ

I'LL LIE ABOUT THE TEST TODAY.

GREAT, THAT'LL FIX EVERYTHING.

MM-HMM.

I'VE GOT TO GO.

I'M INTRODUCED AS HER HUSBAND.

A DEFENSE INDUSTRY CASUALTY.

CAN'T BLAME HER.

AFTER HOUSTON, BOSTON, CHARLESTON--

I'VE HAD DOZENS OF JOBS!

YOU'RE NOT AN ENGINEER.

YOU'RE A MIGRANT WORKER.

SEAL BEACH?

THE PLANT WAS A BOWLING ALLEY!

I'VE HIT BOTTOM.

YOU AND ME BOTH.

OH, BOY!

WANT A RIDE?

NO. I'LL CATCH A BUS.

SEE YOU MAÑANA.

I HEARD YOU TALKING.

OH.

MY NAME'S FRANK HOLTZMAN.

I'VE BEEN AN ENGINEER FOR 20 YEARS.

YOU'RE WRONG.

REALLY?

IT'S THE...

THE COMPANY EXECUTIVES

WHO STEAL THE PRIME OF OUR LIVES.

LIVE ON OUR BRAINS.

DO I GET CREDIT?

AM I PAID WHAT I DESERVE?

NO.

AND IN 10 YEARS, THEY'LL FIRE ME.

THANKS.

I'M GOING TO FIND A TABLE.

NICE TALKING TO YOU.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

NO.

I FINALLY FOUND PEOPLE

WILLING TO PAY FOR MY IDEAS.

GOOD FOR YOU. LISTEN--

AND RIGHT NOW, TONIGHT...

I'M SUPPOSED TO DELIVER THE ENCYCLOPEDIAS.

CHECK, PLEASE!

IS THERE A BIG, BLOND GUY AT THE BAR?

WELL, NO.

I DON'T SEE...

WAIT. THERE IS A GUY

JUST COMING IN.

THAT'S HIM. 7:00 SHARP.

I'M SUPPOSED TO MEET THAT GUY IN THE BATHROOM.

CHECK!

HE SAYS HIS NAME'S JEFF,

BUT THAT'S NOT TRUE.

NO?

HE'S A CAPTAIN IN THE KGB.

THE KGB? JESUS CHRIST, IN HERE?

THAT'S AMAZING.

I'LL JUST GET MY CHECK.

MAYBE I CAN'T GO THROUGH WITH THIS.

IT'S LATE.

HAVE YOU EVER GOTTEN INTO SOMETHING,

JUST SCREWING AROUND,

ONLY LATER REALIZING THE CONSEQUENCES?

YEAH, THAT'S CALLED MY LIFE.

JESUS CHRIST, WHAT'LL I DO?

THE FOOTBALL GAME IS ON TV OVER THERE.

THAT'S ALWAYS RELAXING.

JUST REMEMBER ONE THING.

IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO ME,

WHATEVER YOU HEAR WON'T BE TRUE.

HEY, WHO LISTENS TO GOSSIP?

HI.

HI.

THANKS.

THANK YOUR FRIEND.

FRIEND? ESCAPEE FROM A HOSPITAL.

LET'S RAP, MAN.

I CHANGED MY MIND.

HERE WE GO, AMIGO.

GET IN THE CAR!

I DON'T HAVE THE DISK.

GET GOING!

GET OUT OF HERE!

MORE GOOD NEWS?

DIGICAL'S GOT THE TANK CONTRACT IN THE BAG.

WE'VE LOST, LOPARINO.

IT'S ALREADY IN THE PAPER?

SCREWED BY ONE LITTLE DYP GYRO.

HERE'S AN AD FOR YOU...

"YOU'VE GOT A FUTURE

AS AN AVIONICS ENGINEER IN SAUDI ARABIA."

CAN'T BE WORSE THAN SEAL BEACH, CALIFORNIA.

YOU WANT SOME COFFEE?

THEY'RE REMOVING THE MACHINE.

OH, GOD.

CREAM AND SUGAR?

BLACK.

OH, YOUR DIET.

JESUS CHRIST!

COFFEE DOESN'T BELONG HERE ANYMORE.

GIVE ME ANOTHER CUP.

TAKE IT AWAY.

ROTTEN COFFEE, ANYWAY.

WHAT A PUTZ!

WYLIE, YOU SON OF A BITCH.

YOU DID IT!

YOU SAVED US!

HOW LONG WERE YOU GOING TO HIDE IT?

BUDDY, I CERTAINLY MISREAD YOU.

LOPARINO, WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

WYLIE, I WANT TO SAY RIGHT OFF

I'M VERY SORRY.

I KNEW YOU WERE SMART,

BUT THOUGHT YOU WERE BURNED OUT AND LAZY.

I WAS WRONG.

WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES.

NO ONE ELSE THOUGHT OF SUBSTITUTING

THE FLOATING BALL FOR THE STABILIZED PLATFORM.

I CALL THAT GENIUS.

HERE, HERE.

GENIUS IS AN OVERUSED WORD.

THIS SHOWS REAL INTELLECTUAL MUSCLE.

YOUR IDEAS ARE STRONG, VIRILE, AND PENETRATING.

THAT'S ME, BIG BRAIN, BIG--

I WANT A DESIGN REVIEW ON THIS RIGHT NOW.

I FEEL TWO PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD

SAVED MY LIFE.

THE FIRST WAS MY BIOFEEDBACK COUNSELOR,

AND YOU'RE THE SECOND.

OH, GOD BLESS YOU, WYLIE COOPER.

GOD BLESS YOU.

GOD BLESS YOU.

GOD BLESS YOU.

GOD BLESS YOU, TOO.

LOPARINO, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?

I DIDN'T EXPECT IT FROM A GUY LIKE YOU.

WHAT

WHAT'S THAT?

YOUR DESIGN FOR THE DYP GYRO.

MY DESIGN?

THAT'S NOT YOUR DESIGN?

NO. I FOUND THE DISK.

UNLESS THAT NUT LAST NIGHT--

HOLTZMAN.

WHO

THIS WEIRDO IN A BAR,

TALKING ABOUT THE KGB.

HE MUST HAVE PUT IT IN MY BRIEFCASE.

YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T DO IT?

NO.

YOU COULDN'T BE A GENIUS.

OH, YEAH?

WELL, FUCK YOU!

HERE COMES MR. J.

A 7.9 LM FACTOR...

WHAT'S HE SAYING?

THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

I HAVE WONDERFUL NEWS.

I'LL TELL CLAIRE TO STOP THIS.

WYLIE COOPER SOLVED THE DYP PROBLEM.

WAIT! OH, NO!

HEY, LOPARINO!

YOU'VE GOT PEOPLE'S FUTURES IN YOUR HANDS,

ESPECIALLY MINE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WHO'S TO SAY A DYNATECHNICS WHIZ DIDN'T INVENT THIS?

OH, YOU'RE CRAZY!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME?

THIS COMPANY'S DEFUNCT ANYWAY.

GO OUT IN A BLAZE OF GLORY.

YOU CAN'T DO THAT!

CUT IT OUT!

LOVE THIS GUY.

THE MAN'S BRILLIANT.

MR. JOYN-- MR. JOYN--

NICE TO SEE YOU.

THIS IS WYLIE COOPER!

LISTEN, MR. JOYNER--

WYLIE'S CONCEPT SOLVES THE WHOLE PROBLEM.

I MUST TELL YOU HOW--

THERE'S TIME TO TALK, WYLIE.

YOU'LL EXPLAIN YOUR DISCOVERY.

I DISCOVERED THE THING--

RIGHT NOW I'LL SAY,

WYLIE COOPER, YOU'RE GOING PLACES.

(HUMMING RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK THEME)

HI.

PLEASE MEET FRANK JOYNER.

HELLO, LAURA.

CAN I CALL YOU LAURA?

NO, IT'S FINE.

COME ON. I'LL BE LATE FOR WORK.

YOUR HUSBAND IS A GENIUS, MRS. COOPER.

WYLIE, WHEN YOU'RE FINISHED SCREWING AROUND,

I'D LIKE TO GO.

LAURA, REMEMBER FRANK JOYNER...

EX-ASTRONAUT, PRESIDENT OF DYNATECHNICS?

HI.

YOUR HUSBAND HAS SINGLE-HANDEDLY

SAVED THIS COMPANY.

WYLIE?

WERE YOU WORKING ON THIS GYRO DYP HERE?

THOSE WEREN'T JUST TOYS?

THEY WERE.

LAURA, THIS WHOLE THING IS RIDICULOUS.

I MUST TELL YOU THE TRUTH.

PUT THESE ON THE TABLE.

HELLO.

YES? OH, HI, MR. JOYNER.

I'M NOT HERE.

UH-HUH. HE'S RIGHT HERE.

WHAT?

HE LEARNED SOMETHING ABOUT YOU THAT UPSET HIM.

OH, BOY. HERE IT COMES.

I WAS ABOUT TO TELL YOU--

HE SAYS TO LOOK IN THE DRIVEWAY.

IN THE DRIVEWAY.

GO ON.

WHAT IS IT?

WHAT IS IT?

WHAT DO YOU SEE?

ANTS ON THE WINDOWSILL.

SOMEBODY'S CAR?

HE SEES SOMEBODY'S CAR.

IS IT A NEW CAR?

YEAH, I GUESS.

WHAT? YOU'RE KIDDING.

OH, MY GOD!

WYLIE, IT'S OUR CAR!

YES, THANK YOU!

OH, MR. JOYNER--

MR. JOYNER?

HE WAS EMBARRASSED THAT WE ONLY HAD ONE CAR,

SO HE BOUGHT ONE.

I WANT TO SEE IT.

WATCH THE DOOR.

AHH!

HELLO?

TURN ON CHANNEL 12.

LOPARINO, WHAT NOW?

TURN ON CHANNEL 12.

LOPARINO, IT'S GONE TOO FAR.

THEY'VE GIVEN ME A CAR NOW.

WAIT TILL YOU TURN ON 12.

WHAT'S THAT? HOG CALLING?

SHIT, IT'S OVER.

IT'S ON SIX.

TURN IT ON SIX.

HERE IN SEAL BEACH THIS MORNING

A MAN STARTED HIS CAR FOR THE LAST TIME.

POLICE FOUND FRANK HOLTZMAN'S BODY INSIDE,

WITH THE ENGINE RUNNING,

AN APPARENT SUICIDE.

HE WAS EMPLOYED BY DIGICAL TECHNOLOGIES,

AS A SYSTEMS ENGINEER.

THAT'S THE GUY.

THAT WAS THE GUY.

JEEZ.

POLICE HAVE FOUND ADDITIONAL EVIDENCE

AND ARE NOT RULING OUT THE POSSIBILITY OF FOUL PLAY.

OH, BOY.

AMAZING, HUH?

BUT LOOK ON THE BRIGHTER SIDE.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THE BRIGHTER SIDE?

THERE'S NOBODY NOW TO DISPUTE YOUR STORY.

NOBODY WILL KNOW WHERE YOU GOT THAT DISK.

WHAT IF THE KGB STUFF WAS TRUE?

THEY HAVEN'T RULED OUT FOUL PLAY.

WHAT IF HE WAS KILLED?

DON'T TALK CRAZY. YOU'LL BE NEXT.

THAT WORRIES ME!

THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO TURN YOUR LIFE AROUND.

DON'T BLOW IT, WYLIE.

THINK ABOUT IT.

I'M THINKING.

OH, OH, OH.

FIX THIS DOOR.

NOT NOW?

I KNEW YOU'D START AGAIN ONCE YOU DECIDED TO.

I LOVE YOU.

WATCH THOSE 'HERTZ.

HOLDING STEADY. EVERYTHING'S EVEN.

IT'S COOKING LIKE A MERCEDES.

30 'HERTZ.

THE TRANSFER FUNCTION SHOWS

HARDLY ANY AMPLIFICATION OF THAT INPUT.

40 'HERTZ.

UH-OH.

WHAT'S MAGNETIC FIELD STRENGTH?

WOW! THERE IT GOES! FANTASTIC!

AMAZING!

60 'HERTZ. MAXIMUM.

STOP THE STROBE!

YAY! YAY!

OH, WYLIE! THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.

THE MAXIMUM AMPLITUDE IS ONLY

1.2 TIMES THE INPUT.

YEAH. BUT, UM... PERFECT INPUT.

THIS DESIGN ELIMINATES THE LOW FREQUENCY MODES

WE WERE GETTING BEFORE.

WELL...

NOT ALL OF THEM.

STILL, IT'S IMPRESSIVE.

OOH! OOH! OOH!

THIS INDICATES WE ARE--

UM...

I THINK THAT WE SHOULD, UH...

PROBABLY CHECK THE PULSAR FACES.

LET'S DO THAT... TONIGHT.

LITTLE JOKE.

THANK YOU, AND I JUST WANT TO SAY

I'M PROUD TO ANNOUNCE THAT THIS COMPANY,

THOUGHT NEARLY EXTINCT TWO MONTHS AGO,

HAS THE CONTRACT TO BUILD THE GUIDANCE SYSTEM

FOR THE XM-10 ANNIHILATOR TANK!

THIS VICTORY WAS DUE TO YOUR HARD WORK

AND THE BRILLIANCE OF WYLIE COOPER.

YEAH, WYLIE!

STAND UP, WYLIE.

THAT'S OUR WYLIE!

NOW WE ARE GOING TO BUILD

THAT GUIDANCE SYSTEM.

WE'LL PASS THOSE FINAL ARMY TESTS SUCCESSFULLY,

AND, SOON, OUR BEAUTIFUL GUIDANCE SYSTEM

WILL BE ASSEMBLED WITH OTHER COMPONENTS,

CREATING NOT A WAR MACHINE,

BUT A PEACE MACHINE.

IN TWO SHORT YEARS, THE XM-10 ANNIHILATOR TANK

WILL BE THE LATEST SUPERWEAPON

IN AMERICA'S ARSENAL.

TURN IT RIGHT, SAYYID!

I CAN'T! NOTHING HAPPENS!

HIT THE BRAKES!

THEY'RE NOT WORKING!

GOD DAMN THIS TANK!

WE'RE GOING TO HIT--

LIEUTENANT, WHAT HAPPENED?

THE NAVIGATION SYSTEM FAILED AGAIN!

THIS TANK IS A GODDAMN LEMON!

LEMON! LEMON!

HITTING THE TANK ISN'T A LESSON.

I'LL EXPLAIN TO THIS LADY

WHY WE'RE RENOVATING HER HOUSE.

OH, HI. I'M LIEUTENANT LANDRY FROM THE U.S. ARMY.

THE TANK GOT A LITTLE OUT OF HAND.

UM...DO YOU HAVE A BATHROOM?

CALM DOWN. THERE'S A MISUNDERSTANDING HERE.

WE'RE SORRY.

ALI, WHAT ARE THEY SAYING?

THEY ARE SCARED AND READY TO SURRENDER.

NO, NO, NO! THERE'S NO SURRENDER.

WE'RE TRAINING. THIS IS PRACTICE.

TELL THEM WE PRACTICE.

POOH!

POOH!

POOH?

MEANS WE NEED MORE PRACTICE.

ASK THEM IF THEY'VE SEEN OTHER SOLDIERS.

EXPLAIN WE'RE LOST.

WHAT'S THIS CAMEL SHIT?

...CAMEL SHIT?

WHAT?

HE TOW YOU TO A GAS STATION.

50 BUCKS.

YOU'RE SO FUNNY.

GO TO THE SAHARA IN VEGAS.

A DESERT BUDDY HACKETT.

YOU BETTER NOT COME TO CLEVELAND

WITH THAT SHIT.

I HATE THIS LAWRENCE OF ARABIA SHIT.

I'M GOING HOME.

GRAND VIEW YOU HAVE HERE.

THERE YOU ARE.

THANK YOU. WE HAD A LOVELY TIME.

HOW ARE YOU? WYLIE COOPER.

THE MILITARY'S INSIDE, WYLIE.

OH.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

UH...I HOPE EVERYTHING'S READY.

* WHY DO BIRDS

* SUDDENLY APPEAR

* EVERY TIME

* YOU ARE NEAR?

* JUST LIKE ME...

WYLIE, THIS IS COLONEL HAMPTON.

HOW ARE YOU?

OF PENTAGON PROCUREMENTS.

I PRAY FOR PEACE, BUT, IF NOT,

WE'RE BUILDING ONE HELL OF A TANK.

MR. COOPER, UH...MR.--

EXCUSE ME, COLONEL. NICE TO MEET YOU.

I DIDN'T FINISH THE SPECS.

SHH!

HERE'S WHAT I'VE FINISHED.

I'M SORRY. I'LL WORK TONIGHT AND OVER THE WEEKEND.

REMEMBER THE WEEKENDS WE USED TO WORK?

YEAH. NONE.

HARVEY, YOU CAN DO IT.

BUT, REMEMBER... NOT A WORD.

DON'T WORRY. NOT EVERYBODY WOULD LET A NEW GUY--

HI.

GENIUSES DON'T HAVE INSECURITIES

LIKE US AVERAGE PEOPLE.

I'LL GET THAT STUFF RIGHT AWAY.

OK.

THANKS!

HI.

HI.

CAN YOU BELIEVE WHAT'S GOING ON?

A GREAT PARTY.

IT'S AWFUL. THEY FLY IN THESE WASHINGTON HACKS

AND OFFER THEM JOBS, KICKBACKS, HOOKERS.

OILING THE DEFENSE MACHINE

WITH MORE PAYOFFS AND CORRUPTION.

I REALLY HATE CORRUPTION.

HE'S ALWAYS SAYING THAT.

I HATE CORRUPTION. I HATE CORRUPTION.

GO INTO THE BATHROOM.

YOU'LL SEE MASSIVE QUANTITIES OF DRUGS.

WHERE IS THE BATHROOM?

I MUST GO-- JUST KIDDING.

SORRY.

ACTUALLY,

WE WERE JUST DISCUSSING

THE NEW SPECS ON THE DYP.

ARE YOU DONE ALREADY?

HE NEVER SLEEPS.

IT'S A RELIEF TO MEET SOMEONE WITH A REAL MIND.

AH...

CLAIRE,

WHY DON'T WE ESCAPE ALL THIS CORRUPTION

AND GO TO THE BAR

AND EXAMINE MY DYP DATA?

YES.

LET'S DO IT.

RIGHT NOW.

UH-OH.

(SINGING CLOSE TO YOU IN FRENCH)

I'LL BE WORKING ON THE WEEKEND.

I LOVE YOUR MANIPULATION OF THE AXILLARY SPHERES.

MANIPULATE WHAT?

YOU LUBRICATE THE MAIN CAVITY,

PREPARING FOR THE THRUSTING AND FRICTION.

THRUSTING-- I LIKE THAT PART.

YOU'RE INSERTING YOUR THERMAL PROBE NOW.

YOU LIKE THAT... THERE?

YES.

IT'S JUST THE RIGHT SPOT.

I THINK SO.

MY GOD!

19, 20, 22-- HOW DEEP CAN IT GO?

I DON'T LIKE TO BRAG.

23 CENTIMETERS.

MMM... NINE INCHES.

I WISH.

I WISH.

HOLD IT! IT'S ABOUT TO PEAK.

HERE IT--

I DON'T KNOW.

IT'S NOT FINISHED.

MAYBE WE COULD FINISH IT TOGETHER.

I'D LIKE THAT, WYLIE.

WE CAN'T GO BACK TO THE PLANT.

MY PLACE HAS PROBLEMS.

WHY BOTHER YOUR WIFE? THERE'S MY APARTMENT.

CHECK, PLEASE!

BUT MY SISTER'S FAMILY IS VISITING.

WE COULD ALWAYS GET A ROOM HERE.

A HOTEL ROOM?

TO WORK IN.

WORK.

CHECK. CHECK.

HELLO.

YOU HAVEN'T LEFT YET. GOOD.

I MEAN, HOW'S THE HOUSE?

MONDO CONDO.

IT'S NEW, WITH AN OCEAN VIEW

PAST THE OIL WELL.

HOW'S THE PARTY? WHO'S CATERING?

OH, LAURA.

I SHOULD HAVE DONE IT.

YOU WOULD'VE BEEN EMBARRASSED.

BUT I'LL BE THERE RIGHT AWAY.

IT'S JUST AS WELL.

JOHN'S GOT THESE CONGRESSMEN I MUST MEET.

IT'S MORE PROMOTION THAN A FAMILY AFFAIR.

WELL, THAT'S OK.

I'LL BE INTRUDING.

IF YOU WANT TO COME...

YOU'LL BE BORED.

NO, DON'T WORRY.

I'LL JUST START UNPACKING BOXES.

THINGS HAVE CERTAINLY CHANGED.

I'M SO PROUD OF YOU.

NOTHING'S CHANGED.

STILL THE SAME OLD JERK-OFF.

I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

OH, BOY.

ALL CHECKED IN.

WHAT'S WRONG?

I DON'T KNOW.

IT SEEMS EVERYBODY'S WATCHING US.

LISTEN.

IF YOU'LL FEEL BETTER,

I'LL GO UP FIRST.

ROOM 467.

I'LL BE RIGHT BEHIND YOU.

* HM HM HM

AHEM!

* HM HM HM

* HM HM HM

* HM HM HM

* HM HM HM

CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR SUCCESS.

REALLY.

OH! WELL...

1% INSPIRATION,

99 PER...PERCENT...

UH...PERSPIRATION.

YOU DON'T REMEMBER ME, WYLIE?

I'VE GOT A TERRIBLE MEMORY FOR FACES.

YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN FRANK HOLTZMAN

AFTER HE SUCKED GAS.

NO WAY YOU'D EVER FORGET THAT FACE.

NO WAY, PAL.

YOU REMEMBER ME, MAN.

I WAS THERE

WHEN YOU TALKED TO FRANK.

THE NIGHT BEFORE HE DIED.

EXCUSE ME.

DON'T SPLIT, WYLIE.

THERE'S AN EXCELLENT BAR ON THE ROOF.

OH.

WANT TO GET A BREWSKI?

IF YOU TWIST MY ARM.

(SINGING CLOSE TO YOU IN JAPANESE)

OW!

MAY I?

NEVER MIND.

LET'S HAVE A SEAT, HUH?

THANK YOU.

FOUND YOUR OWN SEATS.

YEAH.

SUSHI, SASHIMI...

NO.

PRETTY LADY, BRANDY FOR ME AND MY AMIGO.

YEAH, YOU COULD SCREAM FOR HELP.

OR RUN AWAY.

BUT OTHER THAN LOOKING LIKE A PCP FREAK,

YOU'RE SAYING ADIOS TO YOUR LUCKY NEW LIFE,

THAT FINE NEW HOUSE.

YOU'VE BEEN TO THE HOUSE?

THAT FOXY LADY WAITING DOWNSTAIRS.

KISS IT GOOD-BYE.

I KNOW THE TRUTH,

SO YOU BETTER BEHAVE.

THIS ISN'T AN INSULT,

BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

YOU KNOW?

BUDDY, BUDDY, BUDDY, BUDDY,

I READ ABOUT YOU.

* I COULD SEE CLEARLY NOW THE SUN... *

SEE WHAT CLEARLY?

THIS INTENSE DRAMA.

I MADE A DEAL WITH FRANK HOLTZMAN

TO SELL ME A DYP GYRO.

A DYP GYRO?

DON'T FUCK WITH ME!

NO!

NO!

WE'RE INTO HEAVY STUFF.

JUST DON'T KILL ANYBODY.

LET'S GET A TABLE.

OH, MAN, I COULD NOT BELIEVE FRANK HOLTZMAN.

THIS DUMB FUCK PISSES ALL OVER ME AND MY DEAL,

THEN HE GIVES YOU THE DYP?

HE'S TOTALLY WEIRDED OUT.

YEAH, RIGHT.

MISTER STRANGEOID, DEFINITELY.

HE TOLD ME YOU WERE A KGB AGENT

OR SOMETHING.

KGB?

HEY, I'M A ROTARIAN!

WELL, THAT--

THIS IS AN INFORMATION SERVICE SOCIETY.

MY SERVICE IS TO COLLECT INFORMATION.

I CAN SEE THAT.

THE PEOPLE I WORK FOR ARE NOT HOT DOGS.

THEY GOT MONEY, ZILLIONS OF SCIENTISTS,

YOU THINK THEY COULDN'T FIGURE OUT A DYP GYRO?

NO BIG DEAL.

BUT THIS IS CHEAPER AND QUICKER.

THEY'LL SAY, "JEFF, WE NEED A DYP GYRO.

SEND ONE UP."

BOOM!

HEY, MAN, I'M SORRY.

I REALLY BROUGHT YOU DOWN, DOWN, DOWN.

NO...

FOR YOU, THIS MUST BE A MAJOR BUMMER.

IT'S SORT OF DEPRESSING.

I DON'T LIKE THREATENING PEOPLE.

I'M NOT INTO MASTER-SLAVE POWER NUMBERS.

YOU SEE ME AT HOME,

OUTSIDE OF A BUSINESS SITUATION,

YOU'D REALLY LIKE ME.

I'M SURE I WOULD.

THIS IS $10,000.

THAT'S A DOWN PAYMENT

FOR A DYP GYRO THAT'S NOT YOURS.

HOW MUCH MORE?

WELL, THAT'S LIKE TEN PERCENT.

SO WE'RE TALKING 100,000 DOLLEROS.

YEAH.

AW, FUCK MAN...

I KNOW YOU.

'CAUSE I BEEN STUDYING YOU.

AND YOU'RE LEANING.

YOU'RE LEANING, BABY.

I CAN FEEL IT!

YOW! YOW! YOW!

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

WYLIE, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

I WENT BACK. I WAS ABOUT TO...

LEAVE.

YOU'VE GOT TO HIDE THESE.

WHAT?

EVER THINK OF STARTING A NEW LIFE?

NO.

ASSUMING A NEW IDENTITY

AND RUNNING AWAY TO TAHITI?

I HAD MORE MODEST PLANS TONIGHT.

LIKE SEX.

I LOVE SEX.

BUT NOT HERE.

THE HOTEL ROOM MAKES YOU NERVOUS?

NOT IN THIS COUNTRY!

YOU'VE BEEN WORKING TOO HARD.

YOUR MIND'S EXHAUSTED.

THE MIND'S COMPLEX,

ESPECIALLY YOURS.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

THERE'S THIS DRUGGED-OUT LUNATIC WHO'S EXPECTING ME

IN THE PARKING LOT!

AN INTELLECTUAL CAN OVERTRAIN, BURN OUT.

WHAT YOU NEED IS PHYSICAL THERAPY.

THE MONEY! WAIT.

IT'S FOR THE MAID.

IS 10,000 TOO MUCH?

HE'LL COME AFTER ME!

NO, IF I...

I COULD BE KILLED!

YOUR WIFE HAS GOT YOU BY THE BALLS.

NOT NOW.

THIS WON'T TAKE LONG.

LAURA TOLD YOU?

I'VE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH YOUR MIND.

NOW I'LL LOVE YOUR BODY.

I'M REACHING THE POINT OF NO RETURN.

I'M PAST IT.

MMM...

MMM...

HMM...

YAA!

SSHH!

WHAT THE FUCK...

IT'S OK. THEY'RE FRIENDS.

I DON'T NEED ANY NEW FRIENDS!

I MEAN WHAT...

WE WERE DISCUSSING THE DYP SPECS...

THE TUBULAR HEAT EXCHANGER.

AH, LOPARINO!

34, NOT TOO TIGHT IN THE CROTCH.

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?

THE FBI, WYLIE.

THEY'VE GOT MORE IMPORTANT WORK

THEN SPYING ON INNOCENT ENGINEERS...

EVER SEEN HIM BEFORE?

AHEM.

HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY I HAD A DRINK WITH.

I'M NOT POSITIVE.

WHAT DID HE SAY?

TALK, YOU'RE NOT ALONE.

I'VE NOTICED.

WHAT'S THIS ABOUT?

THE DYP GYRO.

AFTER ALL MY WORK,

HE EXPECTS ME TO SELL MY DYP GYRO!

SHIT! WHAT A WORLD.

YES, BUT WE CAN MAKE IT BETTER!

WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS!

WE'VE TAILED JEFF FOR MONTHS.

TONIGHT HE CONTACTED YOU.

TURN AROUND, PLEASE.

LUCKY YOU WERE HALF UNDRESSED.

WHAT IS THIS?

THEY'RE WIRING YOU.

WIRING?

FOR A MICROPHONE.

WE'LL HEAR EVERYTHING.

HOLD STILL.

EVER HEAR OF INDUSTRIAL ESPIONAGE?

OF COURSE I HAVE!

JEFF IS A MAJOR FIGURE

SHIPPING PROSCRIBED GOODS ABROAD.

TO OTHER PLANETS?

HE'S A SPACE CADET!

HE SMUGGLES HIGH TECH

BEHIND THE IRON CURTAIN.

GOD DAMN, WHAT IS THIS?

GIVE JEFF THE DYP INFORMATION.

AND THEN WE'LL NAIL HIM!

WE MUST STOP THIS INDIVIDUAL.

WE? LET THEM STOP HIM.

THAT'S A COP OUT.

WHAT?

LEAVE YOUR IVORY TOWER.

IVORY TOWER?

WITH MY PANTS DOWN?

THEY SAY JEFF MIGHT HAVE KILLED SOMEBODY.

WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO EARLIER?

IN THAT CASE, I'D LOVE TO HELP.

ARE THEY CRAZY?

I'M AN ENGINEER.

GET G. GORDON LIDDY!

I CAN UNDERSTAND YOUR RELUCTANCE.

BUT THERE ARE THINGS TO EXPLAIN.

OH, NO, NOT THAT ARM!

I'LL SAVE YOU EMBARRASSMENT

AND US SOME TIME.

WE'VE FOLLOWED JEFF

SINCE HE TALKED TO HOLTZMAN.

YOU STOLE THE DYP GYRO FROM HOLTZMAN.

STOLE! NOW WAIT--

YOU STOLE THE DYP,

WHICH IS CLASSIFIED MATERIAL,

FRAUDULENTLY CLAIMED IT AS YOUR OWN,

COMMITTED TREASON BY ACCEPTING CASH

FOR IT FROM A FOREIGN AGENT.

THAT IS WHERE YOU'RE AT,

UNLESS YOU LISTEN TO MY DEAL.

AH!

I'VE DONE SOME SOUL-SEARCHING. I'VE DECIDED TO HELP.

THAT'S THE KIND OF GUY I AM.

I SAID YOU'D DO IT.

WAY TO GO!

WE'LL TALK LATER!

JEFF SAID THE PARKING LOT.

IT'S PROBABLY TOO LATE--

JEFF'S ON HIS WAY!

LET'S MOVE OUT.

I'LL BE WAITING FOR YOU.

YOU GO, I'LL WAIT HERE.

SERIOUSLY, SHE COULD SAY I CAUGHT HERPES OR--

I REPEAT, THE BAIT IS ON THE HOOK.

I ASSUME MY MICROPHONE IS WORKING.

I KNOW YOU GUYS ARE TRAINED NOT TO BE SEEN,

BUT, UH...

WHAT IF I DON'T SEE YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT THERE?

IN THAT CASE, I'M FUCKED.

THIS IS McQUIRE.

I'M IN POSITION BY THE CAMERA.

I'VE GOT HIM ON VISUAL.

NO SIGN OF JEFF.

MAYBE HE'S CHANGED HIS MIND.

WOULDN'T THAT BE TOO BAD?

MERRY CHRISTMAS, JERK!

OK...

IF THIS DOESN'T GO RIGHT,

AND, UH... SOMETHING HAPPENS TO ME,

I NEVER GAVE MY SON MORGAN

THE FATHERLY ADVICE AND BITS OF WISDOM

I'VE PICKED UP THROUGH THE YEARS.

LIKE, UH...

NEVER PASS AN OPPORTUNITY TO TAKE A PISS.

MUTUAL FUNDS ARE THE WORST.

FAT GIRLS TEND TO COME A LOT.

IS THAT TRUE?

YOU HEAR THAT?

THAT'S A DOG.

IT TRIED TO EAT ME.

JEFF'S JUST NOT--

DON'T MOVE!

GET OVER BETWEEN THESE CARS.

COME ON. DON'T LOOK AROUND.

BACK UP.

OK. KEEP MOVING.

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

LOWER THE SOUND.

JESUS! THE OLD MAN'S HERE.

SO, WHERE'S JEFF?

SHUT UP, ASSHOLE.

WHAT'S IN THE BRIEFCASE?

THE PLANS FOR THE DYP.

WHERE'S YOUR WALLET?

I'M ONLY DEALING WITH JEFF.

WHO THE FUCK IS JEFF?

THIS IS COLONEL ZAYAS

FROM THE POLICíA IN SAN SALVADOR.

CAPTAIN GARCIA VEGA FROM HONDURAS.

MUCHO GUSTO, SEÑOR.

CHIEF PADILLA FROM GUATEMALA.

A SUS óRDENES.

THERE'S NOTHING VALUABLE IN IT!

LET GO OR YOU'RE DEAD!

WE WERE AT THE POLICE CONFERENCE.

I THOUGHT I'D SHOW THEM

A REAL SURVEILLANCE OPERATION.

HE'S GETTING AWAY!

CAN YOU HEAR ME?

WHERE ARE YOU?

THE BRIEFCASE HAS BEEN STOLEN!

AND MY WALLET!

WE HAVE THIS JEFF.

HE'S A FOREIGN AGENT

REPRESENTING AN IRON CURTAIN COUNTRY.

AH, COMUNISTA.

LOOK OUT, HORSE! SHIT!

JEFF?

WOULD YOU LIKE TO DEEP THROAT

MY .38, COCKSUCKER?

I'M GOING TO BLOW YOUR SKULL OFF!

JEFF, HOLD ON.

LET'S DISCUSS THIS.

CHIEF.

THIS TV DOESN'T WORK.

NO PICTURE.

THIS IS A MICROWAVE OVEN.

THAT'S MY DINNER.

THE STREETS AREN'T SAFE.

DON'T KILL HIM.

TELL HIM YOU WON'T DO IT AGAIN.

OUR SOCIETY IS GOING DOWN

UNLESS PEOPLE GET INVOLVED

AND BLOW THESE MOTHERFUCKERS AWAY!

YOU'RE RIGHT, JEFF,

BUT LOOK, HE'S CRYING.

LET THIS ONE MOTHERFUCKER GO.

YOU'VE REALLY SCARED HIM.

LOOK, HERE'S MY WALLET.

AND MORE IMPORTANTLY...

EXCUSE ME.

THE BRIEFCASE.

THE DYP GYRO.

REMEMBER, BUDDY?

I GOT THE DYP?

I GOT THE DYP.

CHIEF!

MIRA, ES FREDDIE GOMEZ!

"EL MINGO."

FROM MY GUATEMALA.

* MONA LISA, MONA LISA *

* A TI TE LLAMA

THIS IS REALLY INTENSE.

RIGHT. Where are you?

Come in, please.

* MONA LISA ¿QUIéN PODRíA...*

POR FAVOR.

THE DYP IS MINE.

THEY'RE MAKING THE DROP!

Jeff's opening the briefcase

with the plans.

AHí, HABLA. DI ALGO.

UNO, DOS, TRES.

SEÑORA AND SEÑORES, THIS IS A TEST.

UNO, DOS, TRES. UNO, DOS, TRES.

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?

YOU SAY TESTING, RIGHT?

* MONA LISA

DON'T TOUCH THIS! IT'S HIGHLY SENSITIVE.

WHAT IS YOUR SITUATION?

OH, MY GOD.

IT'S A SETUP.

HOW DID THE BASTARDS FIND OUT?

THERE'S ONE THING I MUST SAY.

WHAT, WORM?

AHH!

ALL RIGHT, GO! MOVE OUT!

CODE RED!

JEFF, FORGET ABOUT ME!

SAVE YOURSELF, BUDDY!

APURATE, ALLI!

AHI ESTA. CARGUEN LA PISTOLA.

APúRENSE! RáPIDO! CUIDADO, EH?

AHH! AHH!

FBI?

POLICíA CENTRAL.

GUATEMALA CITY, GUATEMALA.

AHH!

AHH!

I'LL KILL YOU!

I'LL KILL YOU!

YOU HAVE ONE MINUTE TO SURRENDER.

THROW YOUR GUN OUT, THEN SEND COOPER.

WHEN HE'S SAFE,

FOLLOW HIM WITH YOUR HANDS RAISED.

I'LL DIE!

NO, TALK!

I'LL DIE!

TELL THEM YOUR STORY.

YOU'LL DIE, TOO!

WE CAN MAKE UP YOUR STORY--

YOUR FAMILY LIVES IN RUSSIA.

THEY'LL BE SENT TO SIBERIA

UNLESS YOU GET THE DYP PLANS.

AHH!

DIE, DEVIL'S WORMS!

OPEN FIRE! ALL UNITS OPEN FIRE!

WHOA!

WHOA!

WHOA!

WHOA!

HOLD YOUR FIRE! IT'S ME!

JEFF! YOU SHOT ME!

IT REALLY HURTS!

YOU DUMB BASTARD!

YOU DRUG-DAMAGED FREAKO!

I THOUGHT YOU LIKED ME.

GOOD-BYE, DUMB FUCK.

WHAT A...

WHAT A BUMMER.

BOOM!

DEAD...

COMUNISTA.

HE'S COMING TO.

WYLIE.

HE'LL BE OK.

THERE COULD BE BRAIN DAMAGE.

YOU'VE GOT TO STOP BEING A HERO.

WYLIE, YOU DID FINE.

Sí, SEÑOR, MUY BIEN.

SENSACIONAL.

EXCELENTE, SEÑOR. EXCELENTE!

MAGNíFICO.

I'M SO VERY PROUD OF YOU.

FORGET THE PAIN. THINK ABOUT THE PUBLICITY.

YOU'LL BE ALL RIGHT.

JEFF WAS RIGHT.

HE DIED, AND I'LL DIE, TOO.

THE WOUND IS SUPERFICIAL.

WELL, SURE, NOW.

BUT WHEN THE INFECTION SETS IN...

CLAIRE, I MUST TELL YOU SOMETHING.

I LIED.

IS HE DELIRIOUS?

EVERYBODY MOVE BACK.

NO, BIG LIE.

AND THIS IS GOD'S WAY...

CLAIRE, THE DYP...

I DIDN'T DESIGN IT.

KEEP QUIET. YOU'RE NOT MAKING SENSE.

IT'S THE TRUTH.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

AHHH! OH, GOD!

HOLTZMAN GAVE ME...

IT'S A LONG STORY.

I STOLE THE DYP AND TOOK CREDIT FOR IT.

FINALLY, THE TRUTH ON MY DEATHBED.

YOU LIED ABOUT IT?

YES! I'M A FRAUD! AN OPPORTUNIST!

LIED TO EVERYBODY?

LIED TO ME?

YES!

LOOK OUT!

OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS JUST BEEN SEX?

WYLIE!

WHO ARE YOU?

WHO IS HE?

LAURA, MY WIFE.

THIS IS, UM... CLAIRE.

MY FRIEND, CO-WORKER.

YOU WERE SCREWING HER.

I THOUGHT IT WAS CUTE--YOU'RE PRETENDING TO BE A JERK-OFF.

I'LL EXPLAIN AT HOME.

HOME? YOU'RE NEVER COMING HOME.

YOU REALLY ARE A JERK

WHAT'S A FEW EXTRA I.Q. POINTS?

I'VE BEEN SHOT.

TOO BAD THEY MISSED! YOU SHIT!

COULD SOMEBODY PUT ME ON THE AMBULANCE?

YOU WORM!

STOP HITTING HIS HEAD!

IT'S NOT A VITAL ORGAN!

PUT ME ON THE GODDAMN AMBULANCE!

TAKE HIM HOME, YOU SUBURBAN COW!

YOU TAKE HIM, YOU INTELLECTUAL SLUT!

BREAK IT UP NOW!

LAURA, LAURA! GOD, STOP IT!

MR. COOPER!

WHAT?

I'M A FRIEND OF THE FAMILY.

HARVEY, WHAT...

YOU'VE GOT A REAL PROBLEM.

THIS ISN'T A REAL PROBLEM?

I FINISHED THE COMPUTER RUNS.

HERE'S THE CONCLUSION.

HARVEY, GET OUT OF MY AMBULANCE.

THE DYP GYRO, IT DOESN'T WORK.

WHAT?

IT WON'T PASS THE FINAL ARMY TEST.

IF YOU PUT A REAL DYP IN A REAL TANK,

THAT TANK COULD BE BLOWN OFF THE EARTH.

OXYGEN.

HEY, ALI, WHAT'S GOING ON?

I THINK BIG TROUBLE.

I PROTECT YOU. DON'T WORRY.

I FEEL SAFE NOW.

COME IN. CAN YOU HEAR, SAYYID?

WE'RE VERY LOST.

I SHOULD HAVE GONE TO NAVY.

HEY!

(SPEAKING ARABIC)

STOP THE TANK!

DASMAH, PLEASE INDICATE YOUR LOCATION.

(SPEAKING ARABIC)

WHAT'S HE SAYING?

HE SAY BIG WAR COME, SO HE RUN AWAY.

WHAT WAR'S HE TALKING ABOUT?

LIEUTENANT, I GOT RADIO MAN.

WHAT'S YOUR CURRENT POSITION?

THE DOGGIE POSITION,

AND I'M AT THE WRONG END.

THIS SUPERTANK AIN'T TOO SUPER.

I FEEL SAFER RIDING IN A ARMADILLO.

CUT THE BULLSHIT. WHERE ARE YOU?

THAT'S WHY I'M CALLING YOU.

I FEEL LIKE I'M IN GONE WITH THE WIND.

WAIT, I THINK WE'RE NEAR...

UMM AL KABRAT.

OMM AL...

SOME SHIT. I CAN'T PRONOUNCE IT.

YOU JUST ENTERED THE BATTLE ZONE.

WHAT BATTLE ZONE?

THIS MORNING, IRAQ INVADED KUWAIT.

THE WAR'S REAL,

AND YOU'RE IN A KUWAITI TANK.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

I'M JUST TRAINING OUT HERE.

I AIN'T IN NO REAL WAR.

TELL THE IRAQIS.

THEY'LL BE THERE ANY MINUTE.

SHIT. I GOT TO TELL SOMEBODY SOMETHING.

OH, MY GOD.

SLOW DOWN, GUYS! YOU'RE MAKING A MISTAKE!

I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST IRAQ!

I'M NOT IN THIS WAR!

I'M FROM CLEVELAND!

CAREFUL! THIS IS A MAJOR PIECE OF ART!

YOU SCRATCH IT, YOU'LL PAY FOR IT.

OK, RETROS THERE. THAT'S REMARKABLE.

THE MASTERPIECE HAS LANDED.

COOPER.

HELLO, MR. JOYNER.

HOW YOU FEELING?

WELL, BETTER. A LITTLE SORE.

I THOUGHT WE ALMOST LOST YOU THAT NIGHT,

BUT YOU MANAGED TO PULL THROUGH, DIDN'T YOU?

YEAH.

SORRY.

WE'RE SHARPENING UP THE DECOR

FOR THE ARMY INSPECTORS.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

THAT WAS MY WIFE PAULINE'S IDEA

TO HAVE THE RACING STRIPE.

AND TANKS.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

THESE.

OH!

HOW DOES CHIEF ENGINEER SOUND TO YOU?

I'VE HAD IT WITH BUREAUCRACY.

I WANT TO PROMOTE SOMEONE FROM THE RANKS.

PROMOTE ME?

YEP.

IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAVEN'T READ MY LETTER

EXPLAINING I DIDN'T DESIGN THE DYP GYRO.

YOU DIDN'T DESIGN IT,

BUT YOU KNEW HOW TO PROTECT IT FROM SABOTEURS.

I ALSO EXPLAINED THE DYP DOESN'T WORK.

THAT'S A MINOR SNAG.

IT'S SORT OF A MAJOR SNAG.

THE DYP PROTOTYPE WORKED BY ITSELF,

BUT THE FINAL VERSION'S INSTALLED

NEXT TO THE WAM.

IF THE WAM OVERHEATS,

IT COULD MAKE THE DYP MALFUNCTION.

THE CHANCES ARE VERY SLIM.

IF THE DYP GYRO DOESN'T WORK,

THEN THE TANK'S MISSILES WON'T FIRE.

WYLIE, HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO THE MOON?

NO. NOT RECENTLY.

I WAS JUST FIXING MY KID'S TOY.

IT GAVE ME AN IDEA FOR THE DYP.

ON THE MOON, THE PERSPECTIVE IS DIFFERENT.

YOU LEARN QUICKLY NOT TO SWEAT THE LITTLE SHIT.

WHAT ABOUT MONDAY'S TEST?

THE ARMY WILL SEE--

CAROL!

CLAIRE.

CAROL WILL HELP YOU

TRANSITION INTO MANAGEMENT.

WYLIE, YOU'LL MAKE A WONDERFUL CHIEF ENGINEER.

THE CHIEF OF ALL THE ENGINEERS ON THE STAFF.

YOUR NEW OFFICE IS UPSTAIRS.

COME WITH ME.

I WAS EXPLAINING TO JOYNER.

THE PROBLEM WITH THE DYP...

I CAN FIX IT.

YOU'RE OFF THAT PROJECT.

IF WE CAN POSTPONE--

POSTPONE?

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

WE PUT HARVEY BRANK ON IT.

HARVEY MADE IT WORK

THE DYP WILL PASS THE TEST.

THAT'S ALL THAT'S IMPORTANT. RIGHT?

9, 9 1/2, 10. GO!

PUT YOUR PRINTOUT CODES ON FRANK'S DESK.

OK?

YEAH, I'LL DO IT.

MR. COOPER.

CONGRATULATIONS.

I HEARD YOU'RE CHIEF ENGINEER.

WHY DID CLAIRE TELL ME

NOT TO WORRY ABOUT THE ARMY TESTS?

UH...I DON'T KNOW.

GET THAT OVER TO THE ASSEMBLY AREA.

TAKE IT UP. WE'LL DO ANOTHER RUN.

I WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.

TWO DAYS AGO,

THEY BROUGHT ME IN HERE

AND ASKED ME TO DO SOME RECALIBRATIONS

ON THE HOT BOXES.

I THOUGHT SO.

CAN'T FIX THE DYP,

FIX THE TESTING MACHINES INSTEAD.

I MUST BE--

YOU TOLD ME THE DYP DIDN'T WORK.

I WAS OVERREACTING.

I MEAN, MR. RUPP'S RIGHT.

IT'S MILITARY NITPICKING.

THE PROBABILITY OF THE WAM

GETTING HOT ENOUGH TO EFFECT THE DYP

IS MINUSCULE.

THAT'S NOT ZERO.

NOT ZERO.

IT'S A SMALL CALCULATED RISK.

JOYNER HERE.

IT'S CLAIRE.

CLAIRE!

ABOUT WYLIE COOPER.

HE MAY BE A PROBLEM AT THE TEST ON MONDAY.

IF WYLIE COOPER

MAKES IT AWKWARD FOR EVERYBODY,

WE'LL MAKE SURE HE'S NOT AT THE TEST.

DYNATECHNICS.

BLEVIN, IT'S WYLIE COOPER.

WHO?

NEVER MIND.

LOPARINO SAW A LOT OF CARS THERE.

HAVE THE BASTARDS MOVED THE TEST UP?

YEAH. THEY GOT ME WORKING SATURDAY.

THE ARMY BRASS IS COMING THIS MORNING.

I COULD HAVE FINISHED MONDAY!

WHERE ARE THE DAMN...

DATA SHEETS?

WHERE ARE THE GODDAMN DATA SHEETS?

OH, NO!

MORGAN MUST HAVE TAKEN MY FOLDER.

I SAID NEVER COME HERE.

I NEED SOMETHING.

YOU SCARED ME.

IT WAS UNLOCKED.

IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN ME.

IT WAS YOU.

THAT'S WHAT I MEAN.

MORGAN!

WHAT?

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

HE HAS MY STUFF.

WHAT IS IT?

SOME DATA SHEETS.

I NEED FRANK'S ORIGINAL PRINTOUTS.

THEY PROVE THE DYP DOESN'T WORK.

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE NOW?

NOW DON'T START.

OH, MY GOD. HERE THEY ARE.

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?

WHAT'S HAPPENED TO THE CLOWN,

THE MAN WHO SCREWED UP OUR LIVES?

WYLIE--

IF I WERE IN THE ARMY,

I'D BE IN THAT TANK THAT'S ABOUT TO EXPLODE.

YOU DIDN'T SCREW UP MY LIFE.

I SAID YOU DID,

BUT I NEVER MEANT IT.

I GOT TO GET HOME.

DON'T SPILL MY BLOOD ON FOREIGN SHORES.

I WANT TO SEE MY BELLY DANCER AGAIN.

I GOT THE BASE!

PATCH ME IN! HURRY!

GUYS, YOU GOT LANDRY. WHAT'S HAPPENING?

INCOMING!

WHOA!

OH, SHIT!

THEY'RE IN WORSE SHAPE THAN WE ARE.

CAN YOU MAKE IT BACK?

WE'RE STUCK HERE. IT LOOKS BAD.

YOU HOLD TIGHT.

CAPTAIN, LOOK, IT'S THE XM-10.

DAMN IT!

WHERE YOU BEEN? COME ON!

COME ON!

I BET YOU WERE WORRIED ABOUT US, HUH?

THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE, MAN.

WE TURNED WRONG SOMEWHERE.

JENNINGS' PLATOON IS PINNED DOWN IN THAT FIELD.

WAR IS HELL, SIR.

WE GOT SEPARATED FROM THE OTHER TANKS.

YOU'RE ALL WE GOT.

YOU'RE GOING IN.

ME! FOR WHAT?

TO GET THE TROOPS OUT!

WAIT A SECOND.

I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND, SIR.

I HAVE A VERY INEXPERIENCED CREW.

BEING LOST WAS VERY STRESSFUL.

WE REALLY JUST WANT SOME HOT COCOA.

BUT THE COCOA CAN WAIT, SIR.

GO DOWN IN THE TANK.

WE'LL SHOW THEM WHAT THE ARMY'S ALL ABOUT.

BOYS, WE'S SCREWED BLUE AND TATTOOED.

HOLD ON TO YOUR PRAYER RUGS.

WE'RE GOING IN.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THREE MINUTES TO TEST.

IS IT READY?

SOMEBODY SPILLED COFFEE ON IT.

I'D LIKE TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING.

THIS SIMULATES OUR TANK UNDER BATTLE CONDITIONS.

YOUR COMPANY PUT THIS TOGETHER?

NOT THE CONSOLE.

THIS WOULD LOOK GREAT IN YOUR DEN, COLONEL.

FRANK, PLEASE.

WILL WE MAKE IT?

THE VACUUM IONIZATION IS OPERABLE.

WE'VE DOUBLE-CHECKED EVERYTHING.

TAKE A LOOK.

THE HEART OF THE GUIDANCE SYSTEM.

ONE MINUTE TO TEST.

ONE MINUTE. THANK YOU.

WE'RE ON A PEACE MISSION.

LOOK, I'M TURNING THE OTHER CHEEK.

ALL RIGHT, NOW YOU DIE!

I WAS JUST KIDDING.

NO, I LOVE CHILDREN.

YOU CRAZY DESERT BITCH!

OH, MY GOD!

IT'S UP AT 60 MEGAHERTZ ALMOST.

70 IS EXCRUCIATING.

START THE STROBE.

DON'T BE CONCERNED ABOUT THAT PULSATION.

THAT'S SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN.

60 'HERTZ, MAXIMUM.

STOP THE STROBE.

MAXIMUM ATTAINED, NO PROBLEM.

BETTER FIND ANOTHER ROAD.

SOMEBODY GOT BARBECUED HERE.

WAM! SHE'S NEXT TO THE DYP.

THIS IS THE AUTOMATIC MISSION ASSIGNMENT.

THERE'S OUR CALIBRATION SCOPE.

AND HERE COMES... A HELICOPTER'S COMING!

THAT'S WORTH $60 MILLION.

WHAT WAS THAT?

A JET PLANE.

THAT'S 133 POINTS.

ACTIVATE THE .50 CALIBER.

I'M TEACHING THIS COWBOY A LESSON.

NOW YOU'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS

WHEN YOU MESS WITH LANDRY!

NOTHING WORKS ON THIS TANK!

SEND UP MY RICH LITTLE!

RICH LITTLE?

ALL RIGHT, DO MICHAEL JACKSON!

VERY GOOD. NOW DO JAMES BROWN!

OW!

HOT PANTS!

HE DID MICHAEL JACKSON FOR US.

THERE'S SO MANY TALENTED PEOPLE.

WYLIE COOPER SIGNING FOR THE DYP GYRO?

UH, NO, NO, I'M SIGNING.

SAYS COOPER.

OH, IT'S OK.

COOPER, THE DEVELOPMENT ENGINEER,

HAS BEEN REASSIGNED.

ANY WAY YOU WANT IT.

HERE YOU GO.

YOUR KEYS ARE IN THE IGNITION.

BUZZ THE GATE!

HEY!

SHIT.

PROBABLY DIDN'T HEAR ME.

BAZOOKA MAN HAS FRIENDS.

OH, SHIT!

STOP THE TANK.

SEE THAT HALF

SEE THOSE MISSILES?

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?

THEY'RE GOING TO BLAST US.

HOLY SHIT, HE MISSED!

FIRE! FIRE!

SLAP MY HANDS LIKE NEGROES DO!

THE TESTS ARE OVER.

OUT OF MY WAY.

I WANT YOU OUT.

OH, I'M SORRY.

OH, PARDON ME.

TANGO NINER, COME IN.

CAPTAIN, WE FOUND THE MOSQUE.

THEY GOT OUR BOYS PINNED DOWN.

THERE'S SNIPERS ALL OVER.

WYLIE, LET'S GO TO MY OFFICE AND TALK.

SOMEBODY DIDN'T TELL ME THE TESTS WERE TODAY.

HELLO, EVERYBODY.

DID THE DYP GYRO PASS THE TESTS?

YEAH, IT PASSED.

THE ARMY BETTER LOOK AT THESE.

MAYBE NOT THESE PARTICULAR ONES.

SIR, SOMETHING SO VERY BAD'S COMING.

SHIT CAN'T GET NO WORSE.

OH, SHIT! STOP THE TANK.

CAPTAIN, SOMETHING SO VERY BAD COMING.

THE SHOW'S OVER.

BRANK SIGNED FOR THE DYP.

BRANK, YOU TOAD. YOU'D SIGN ANYTHING.

THE PRINTOUTS HAVE BEEN FAKED!

THE MACHINES HAVE BEEN FIXED!

THE PRESSURE ON THESE ENGINEERS IS TREMENDOUS.

SOMETIMES THEY JUST SNAP.

IT'S COMING BACK.

WE HAVE SOME MISSILES UP OUR SLEEVE!

WE NEVER FIRED MISSILES BEFORE--

LET ME WORRY.

BECAUSE I AM WORRYING.

READY MISSILES.

THERE HE IS. GET HIM OUT!

DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? IT WON'T WORK.

THE DYP WILL BURN UP.

GET HIM OUT!

DON'T HURT HIM!

RIGHT, 4-0-100.

3-5-100.

3-0-100.

CLAIRE, THE NOTEBOOK!

LOOK AT MY EQUATIONS!

WE CAN STILL COOL THE DYP OFF

SO THE MISSILES WILL FIRE!

HERE IT GOES!

FIRE!

FIRE!

COME ON, YOU GOT TO WORK THIS TIME!

FIRE!

FIRE!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

FIRE! WHAT'S THE MATTER?

WHAT'S WRONG IN THERE?

WHAT'S WRONG IN THERE?

LOOK!

SHOOT! SHOOT, IT'S NOT WORKING.

NO!

THE WAM IS OVERHEATING!

THE WAM IS OVERHEATING!

WHAT THE HELL IS A WAM?

NOTHING ELSE MAY WORK,

BUT THE DYP GYRO WILL WORK.

FIRE!

THE SOLUTION'S RIGHT HERE IN THE TOY.

GOOD-BYE, BELLY DANCER.

YAY!

LANDRY!

YES!

UH-HUH!

WHAT'S MY NAME?

LANDRY!

THE HEAT EXCHANGE FROM THE TOY

CAN COOL THE DYP.

IT'S NO THEORY OF RELATIVITY,

BUT I KNOW IT WORKS.

AND IF YOU DON'T USE IT,

IF YOU DON'T REDESIGN THE DYP GYRO,

I'LL BLOW THE WHISTLE,

LOUDLY,

UNTIL PEOPLE START TO LISTEN.

I'LL HOUND CONGRESSMEN.

I'LL GO TO THE NEWSPAPERS.

TELL THEM, CLAIRE.

I THINK THIS IS GOING TO WORK.

THE MAN DEFINITELY WOULD DO THAT.

I NEVER HEARD ANY OF THIS BEFORE.

I DEPENDED ON YOU TO KEEP ME INFORMED.

WELL, I DID INFORM YOU.

WHEN BRANK ADMITTED HE'D MADE A MISTAKE--

I SAID IT WOULDN'T WORK

WHEN YOU TOLD ME TO RECALIBRATE--

RECALIBRATE!

WHO ORDERED THIS?

DID SOMEONE ORDER THIS?

YOU ORDERED IT.

DID YOU ORDER IT?

MR. RUPP DID.

I DID NOT!

BIG WAR COME, WE WIN BIG WAR!

WE ARE LIONS OF THE DESERT!

IF YOU'RE EVER IN CLEVELAND, LOOK ME UP,

I'LL TAKE YOU TO ALL THE PLACES.

DEFINITELY.

YOU GUYS TURNED OUT TO BE AN OK CREW.

AIYEEE!

HEY, I SAID OK, NOT GOOD.

AIYEEEE!