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♪ Call me up to meet you ♪

♪ Static on the phone ♪

♪ Normally I need you ♪

♪ This time I don't wanna go ♪

♪ Lately I've been growing into ♪

♪ Someone you don't know ♪

♪ You had the chance to love her ♪

♪ But apparently you don't ♪

♪ No, you don't ♪

♪ So even if I could ♪

♪ Wouldn't go back where we started ♪

♪ I know you're still waiting ♪

♪ Wondering where my heart is ♪

♪ Pray that things won't change ♪

♪ But the hardest part is ♪

♪ You're realising maybe I, maybe I ♪

♪ Ain't the same ♪

♪ And what you're waiting for ♪

♪ Ain't there no more anyway ♪

Yep.

Just open the door!

- You told me always to knock. - I answered.

Ivy, your room is a disgrace. There are clothes everywhere.

I can see your pants, they're sunny side up!

- Eww! Dad?! - Come on. Yeah, "Eww!"

- Dad! Oh... - Ugh...

Oh...

Pigsty.

Right, do you want the bad news

or the bad, bad news?

The bad news.

The bad news is that your mum has cooked.

Ugh! Do you not remember the last time?

Yes. Pissed out my arse for a week.

So what's the bad, bad news?

It's stew.

I don't know why you guys didn't like it.

- You don't even like it. - Yes, I do.

Have another spoonful then.

No, actually I'm-I'm good. I'm a bit full.

Think I might just have one of your spring rolls,

just to soak it up... - Absolutely not.

Not until you admit that your stew is awful.

- Bob. - Karen.

Fine, the stew is rank, okay?

We'll just have to save the rest for Bobblehead's birthday.

I'm sorry, that is child cruelty.

Saying I have a bobble head is also child cruelty.

It's not cruel. It's just factual.

You had an exceedingly large head,

especially when you were a child.

- Oh my God... - Having you was like pushing out

a giant wrecking ball out of my va-jay-jay.

- Ugh! - It was a crime scene!

- Ask your dad. - I'm not getting involved.

I-I am Geneva.

Look, I know we are super fun to hang out with.

- Mm-hm. - But you went back

at the beginning of the year

and you've still not had anyone over.

What about Ruby, huh? You like Ruby.

You did.

Is it 'cause you feel...

like you're different?

I got the all clear ten months ago.

Yeah, but it can still affect you in other ways.

Maybe you feel like... I dunno, an outsider?

It's not my fault they all got weird!

Look, can we have a conversation

without you getting all fired up?

This isn't an attack on you.

It feels like you're attacking me.

Oh my God. Look, I... Okay.

We think it might be good if you could be around people

who've been through what you've been through.

Now, can you please keep an open mind?

Oh, no fucking way.

You haven't even read it.

Bob, why don't you get the website up?

Yes, yes, yes. One sec...

'Where kids come to kid'.

You got on with the kids on the ward.

- It's chemo camp. - Well, that's a bit un-PC, Ivy.

- Bob... - It's literally freak camp.

Dad, tell her. - Will you please just have

a read of this, okay? - I thought you were Geneva.

Your dad worked really hard to try and secure you a place.

What? You've already spoken to them? Dad, what the fuck?!

- I just asked them the question. - What question?

Is my freak daughter weird enough

to come to your stupid camp?

Ivy, no one is calling you a freak.

I just called them on the off chance

to see if they had a last minute space.

Did they?

- Yeah, they do. - Ugh! I'm not going.

Look, it's four weeks throughout August, that's it.

And look, if you hate it, you can just come home.

Yeah. We really think it would be good for you.

- Wow. You guys pity me. - Ivy, we don't pity you!

- I'm sorry I'm not sick anymore. - Well, what does that mean?

Having a sick daughter isn't the only way

for you two to be interesting. - Ivy!

- That is really unkind. - I don't wanna be the person

people feel sorry for all the time.

Nobody feels sorry for you.

Trust me, you're a pain in the arse.

We're worried about you!

Why are you worried about me?!

Because you're just becoming this...

What?

Karen...

Unavailable, okay? Emotionally.

You're distancing yourself from everything and everyone. Oh...

- Ivy... - Exactly!

You're here to make me go.

- I'm just here to talk. - Same thing.

You know, you're just like your mother.

Stubborn as a stuck zip.

- I can't have you miserable. - I'm not miserable.

Sure, just hanging out on your bedroom floor for fun.

We're just looking out for you, pal.

Did you even look at the website?

Yeah. It looks great.

Apparently you get to make a fire with sticks,

that's pretty cool.

Dad.

It won't work.

You know you can call us whenever you want.

Or you can just come home.

She's not 12, Bob.

I think we need a little bit of...

Oh! Oh, yeah!

- Absolutely no way. - Oh, come on, Bobble.

- Karen, you naughty girl! - No! Absolutely no way!

What, is this embarrassing you? I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry!

- It's our sacred rule, Ivy. - No. I don't do this anymore.

Whenever you're down...

She's embarrassed...

Uh, embarrassed. Come on, Ivy!

Yeah-he-hey! Come on!

- Yeah! - Uh, uh, uh, uh...

Oh, love it! Come on! Love it!

There she is!

And march...

Hang on the wheel, come on!

♪ I don't feel like dancin' ♪ Aaaargh!

♪ When the old Joanna plays ♪ Hold on the wheel!

♪ My heart could take a chance ♪

♪ But my two feet can't find a way ♪

♪ You'd think that I could muster up ♪

♪ A little soft-shoe gentle sway ♪

♪ But I don't feel like dancin' ♪

♪ No sir, no dancin' today ♪

♪ Don't feel like dancin', dancin' ♪

♪ Even if I find nothin' better to do ♪

♪ Don't feel like dancin', dancin' ♪

♪ Why'd you pick a tune when I'm not in the mood? ♪

♪ Don't feel like dancin', dancin' ♪

♪ I'd rather be home with the one ♪

♪ in the bed till dawn with you-hoo-hoo ♪

♪ Cities come and cities go ♪

♪ Just like the old empires ♪

♪ When all you do is change your clothes ♪

♪ And call that versatile ♪

♪ You got so many colours ♪

♪ Make a blind man so confused ♪

♪ Then why can't I keep up ♪

♪ When you're the only thing I lose ♪

♪ So I'll just pretend ♪

♪ That I know which way to bend ♪

♪ I'm gonna tell the whole world that you're mine ♪

♪ Just please understand ♪

♪ When I see you clap your hands ♪

♪ If you stick around I'm sure that I'll be fine ♪

♪ But I don't feel like dancin' ♪

♪ When the old Joanna plays ♪

♪ My heart could take a chance ♪

♪ But my two feet can't find a way ♪

♪ You'd think that I could muster up ♪

♪ A little soft-shoe... ♪

- Ooh. - Oh, Ivy, look!

- Oh, turn it down. Turn it down! - Look...

Please, turn it down! It's so embarrassing.

- Okay, okay, okay. - Thank you.

Oh, look. They look nice!

Don't stare.

Well, why don't you go over and say hello?

Stop. I beg you to stop.

They could be your friends.

Look, don't judge a book.

Don't embarrass... Don't embarrass me!

Well, I think you'll find it's my job.

- No, Mum, please don't. - Hey!

- Please don't! Oh... - Excuse me. Hi. Hiya!

- Why does she do this? - Hey, you guys.

Er, just to say, this is my daughter Ivy.

And she is fun, okay?

Plus, she could probably drink

all of you fuckers under the table.

And she's got a massive bottle of vodka in her bag, okay?

Ha ha... I'm pretty sure vodka is not allowed at camp.

Oh, no, no, no. I'm just joking. I'm joking.

I'm not. It's massive. - Really?

- Er, no, no, no, no, no. - Oh.

- Not really. - Oh.

Er, Ivy's more of a tequila girl anyway.

- Hi. - Hi.

- I'm Bob. - Hi, Bob.

- Nice to meet you, I'm the dad. - Oh, yeah, cool...

We, we spoke on the phone about...

They're nice.

I hate you.

He's kind of fit though, isn't he?

I mean, a bit pasty, but kind of cute, no?

No, he's not my type.

Well, you were bald three years ago.

You weren't our type.

I'm gonna miss ya.

If they start chanting, "everywhere we go,

people always ask us", I'll vomit.

No, well, at least give it a go.

Oh, I've transferred you an extra 50.

And also I've put some condoms in your bag as well.

- Oh my God. - Actually, let me go and tell

them about the night you were conceived...

- What?! Mum, no! - We'll be the same age as...

Mum! Just... get in your car.

- Bye! - We love you!

- Yeah, I love you too. - Bye bye.

I love you. Bye.

- Okay, come on. - Oh, Dad, I've got it.

- You sure? - Yeah.

Okay. Come here.

I transferred you an extra 50 just in case.

Thank you.

And look, call me if you need anything.

We can be here straight away. - Okay. What did you say to him?

Oh, I was just making sure the guy's not a psychopath.

Mm.

That's my cue.

Hey! Oi, you! Look, any of you fuck with my daughter, okay,

cancer will be the least of your worries, alright?

Yes, especially you. I can see...

Welcome to CRF Camp! Can I get a "Hell, yeah"?

- Hell yeah. - Wow, okay.

I think we can do a little better than that.

Can I get a "Hell, yeah"?!

- Hell yeah! - Thank you.

That's what I'm talking about!

For those of you who have not had the pleasure to meet me yet,

I am the camp president, AKA Patrick. 'Sup?

So, I see we have some returning campers.

Hello, welcome back. There's also some new faces.

Hello over there. I see one. - Get off...

Hey, let's have all the new faces come forward.

New faces initiation time.

Come on, don't be nervous, we're all weird here.

But in a good way, I promise. Uh-uh-uh-uh!

Let's all give the new campers a big CRF Camp welcome.

Two, three, four...

♪ Thank you to new campers ♪

♪ For coming all this way! ♪

♪ We hope you have a fun time ♪

♪ And really like your stay! Ho! ♪

♪ Welcome to new campers ♪

♪ One thing we like to say... ♪

♪ Welcome to new campers ♪

Hi, hello and hey!

Nailed it. Great!

Alright, thanks. You guys can go back.

Our itinerary this summer is unlike any you have seen before

and this year we are going even bigger

with the annual talent show.

This is compulsory for everyone,

so make sure to get your noodles working on ideas

to impress our special guest judge.

Behind me is my amazing team.

They are here to help out in whatever way you might need.

So without further ado, let's meet them, shall we?

Can I get a whoop-whoop?

Whoop-whoop...

Mm. Alright, you're first.

Hi. For all the new people, I'm Tristan.

I'm head of outdoors.

I'll be doing the activities with ya,

from archery to mountain climbing.

I'm Lucy, I'm a trained therapist and counsellor. Er...

I, unlike the talent show, I'm not compulsory,

but I am here if you need.

It is really important that you let me know

if any of your medication has changed.

I've got a list, but it's a lot.

This is Michael, this is Polly, this is Alice

and they are CRF-ing amazing.

But now it is the time that you guys have all been waiting for,

I know. Posted on the notice board is tonight's activities

and, most importantly, who is sleeping where.

So go take a look and grab a map

and grab a T-shirt and grab a CRF Camp cap.

What are you waiting for? Go, go, go!

They're great, aren't they?

They're a bit patronising.

Some would say inspirational, but...

Hope you like your roommate.

Where's Alannah?

She's not coming back this year.

As in she's not coming or she's not coming back?

- Ah, fuck. - Shit.

She was nice. You're with me, Rash.

Hey, smell that? Homesickness and discipline.

You're an actual freak! And I'm stuck with you again!

Look, just don't do any more of your tarot bullshit, okay?

Well, it's not my fault your shitty aura got you bad cards.

- It said, "death was near". - Yeah.

- Hm. - Hm.

Go on, then.

Agh! You hit me in the boob!

Is this Orion Cabin?

Ella.

Ivy.

What are you doing?

Er, I make a video every camp.

- Yeah? - Mm.

Get any great lava falls or activities tonight?

No, not really. But wait...

Have a look at this money shot I got of Tristan.

- The outdoors guy? - Mm.

Mountain climbing...

That's some stalker shit. It's all of him.

- What? It's not all of him. - Mostly of him.

Well, I think he's got nice hands.

- Hands? - Yeah.

Yeah, he's got, like, those...

those hot nails that look like clams.

- Clam nails. - Mm.

Right.

- You still got your V-Plates? - The fuck? V-Plates?

Yeah. V Card. Yeah, untapped resource. Blank CD.

Snow Dragon with no fur.

It's actually part of why I came here.

Vir-gin-o-tay.

You came to Chemo Camp to lose your virginity?

Yeah, exactly. You know, take off the old stabilisers.

You're pretty though, it'd be easy.

Wait, wait, wait. Wait, you think I'm pretty?

- Yeah, I guess. - Are you trying it on?!

- No. What? - Sorry.

I actually just watched Blue is the Warmest Colour.

I mean, Léa Seydoux...

I'm not saying I wouldn't.

- So, are you bi or something? - Er...

I don't really have a type. Just...

Sort of, whatever really.

Just as long as they breathe, yes?

See?! I knew we'd be friends!

Oh, but you're not my type, though.

- No? - No. Ooh, a bit... ugh...

Oh, what a shame. I'm going to sleep now.

Night, Roomie.

- I'm on the pill. - What?

Yeah. It helps with my acne. Also, you know, just in case.

Yeah. Good to be prepared.

Aah. You just get me.

Tristan is hot though, in-he? - He's alright, yeah.

Yeah. Oh, this is my year.

This is my year!

Thanks very much.

Raaaah!

Hello, stranger!

Do you wanna come sit with us?

- Who? - Us. The Squad.

You know, we come every year.

Or are you just gonna keep staring at them like a stalker?

Da-da... da-da...

Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun dun-dun...

- DUN-DUN-DUN-DUN-DUN-DUN! - AAAAH OOOOH!

Funny guy Ralph!

Oh, fuck my life.

Name?

I...Ivy.

- I'm not a mind reader. Ivy who? - Pritchard.

Four tablets of Dex twice a day.

Ella Oxley. New hair.

Yep.

Well, if you change your mind, Ivy Pritchard,

we shall be over there. See ya!

Hey!

Who's that girl over there?

And that's how I bounced back.

They asked if I wanted paying, but...

I said that if my story could inspire

just one person here today, then

that's payment enough for me.

Wow. Inspirational.

Alright, you know what it's time for, Q & As.

You guys have your Qs ready,

'cause she is filled with As, that...

Erm, anyone? Don't be shy. Come on, ask your question.

Can you make money from doing social media?

Yes. Through paid advertisements.

Paid advert... Who knew? Yep?

Er, can you become a millionaire from it?

Oh, maybe. If you work really, really hard.

Do you make money from it? Or just from these talks?

- Oh, I don't get paid for these. - So why do them?

Er, let's let everyone have a go, Ivy?

Well, it... it makes me feel better, helping people like you.

Oh, so we're charity to you?

- Yes. - No. No! No...

I just don't think coming to a camp for kids affected by cancer

and saying you wanna inspire us all is right.

Well, I said my story can, not me.

And what story was that, sorry?

That your parents paid for your "amazing gap year abroad."

Ivy, that's enough.

Someone's clearly on their period.

What?

Well, I won't be the only one bleeding if you say that again.

Ooooooh!

Don't look so surprised. Oh wait, sorry. You can't.

- Fuck you! - Fuck me?

Fuck you, you grief tourist!

"Grief tourist"?!

Okay. Ivy, to my office. Now!

This is fucking bullshit!

Hey, okay. Everybody calm... calm down, please.

- You threatened her. - I hardly threatened her.

You said you'd make her bleed.

She told a kid with cancer to fuck off.

She...

I'm having trouble trying to work out

whether I can keep you here after that performance.

Keep me here? What am I, a pet? She was patronising us.

She was trying to inspire you all!

Wow. You clearly have a warped fucking view

of what's inspiring then.

I think I've done pretty well so far.

196 kids have come through here

and CRF has made their lives better.

Well, I'm sorry I'm not gonna be your 197th.

Fuck this fucking camp and your stupid paedo wall.

Twat!

I'm sorry. It's not a paedo wall.

When you say sorry as a kid,

it makes the problem just go away.

It's like a magic word.

But as you get older,

it doesn't have quite the same power.

I promised my parents that I'd try.

Well, look...

Let's start over.

I'm Patrick, the Camp President.

Hi, I'm Ivy. I've been in remission for ten months.

Hi, Ivy.

I think it might be a wise idea

for you to have a talk with Lucy.

I don't need therapy! Oh my...

If you wanna stay here after all of that, you...

What time is my therapy?

Good question. 8, right before breakfast at 9.

- 8:30? - Eight!

This is prison!

I know it's early, but you can talk.

I've got nothing to say.

Why are you here?

Because Patrick wanted me to be here.

No, at camp. Why are you at camp?

Oh, my parents.

Ah.

Doesn't work if we just do stuff to make other people happy.

Patrick told me that you're not getting involved.

What do you mean, 'not getting involved'?

That's a bit jarring.

Have you done much therapy before?

Yeah, I've tried it.

That's a good start.

No, it didn't work.

I'm sure it works for some people.

It just didn't work for me.

It's a shame that you feel that way.

Can you just talk to me directly rather than talking through me?

I feel like you're not talking to me like a human being.

It's really annoying. - Is that something

that you feel often?

No.

So, why do you think therapy didn't work for you before?

I think that I was trying to outsmart her.

I just said what she wanted to hear.

And...

Maybe I was smarter.

That just seems like a waste of your money

and of her time, no?

Do you think you're smarter than me?

I don't know yet, Lucy.

Okay.

We'll give it time, then.

Can I ask you that question from before again?

Do you often feel like people

speak to you like you're not human?

It's 8:59.

A wild Ivy!

Where were you this morning, Wild Ivy?

- I went for a walk. - Mm.

- You like your walks, don't you? - Can you stop filming me?

Fine.

- She freaks me out. - Mm.

Yeah, apparently she can sniff out cancer.

Like a truffle pig, but for tumours.

- Ooh, tumour, tumour. - Who said that?

Oh, it's like a well-known CRF thing.

Like, this one year, right,

she sniffed out the cancer of this junior

and he actually relapsed. Yeah, I know.

Like, her nose is just kinda like adjusted.

Mind if I sit here? I always like to meet the new campers.

Yes. I mean, like, yes please.

But-but not like, not like, 'please!'

I don't want you to 'please sit!'

Do you know what? I don't give a shit if you sit here.

Erm, just... sit!

Ella was just telling me that Brenda

can sniff out cancer like a pig.

- Well... no, not quite. - That's bold.

Well, it's just, like, a rumour that I've heard.

Shut the fuck up.

- No way. - What?

- Is that a Panasonic HCVXF1? - Yeah.

I used to have one of these when I was a kid.

- No?! - Sick!

It's a good one. It's like, erm, got great...

Er... zoom. Yeah.

It's like 32 times. - Yeah. It says it on the top.

Oh. Right. Lol.

Mine was the exact same, just red.

Oh my God, I love red.

Jesus Christ...

- Can I have a go? - Yeah, of course, yeah.

Come on...

Ooh, no.

Avoid the scrambled egg.

They microwave it, so it tastes like... car tyres.

It's left.

It literally says 'right' on the map.

Look at it. Look at it!

- D fucking 3, yeah? - Are you thick?

That's where the fucking treasure is!

Thick and pale? That's a bad look.

Give it to Rash Vest. He knows how to map read.

It's DF.

They don't mean the pale thing in a mean way, by the way.

Sorry. I just didn't want you to get,

like, offended or think we're all dicks.

I'm not offended.

Alright, but you do think we're all dicks.

Now, we've all been coming to CRF for years

and we just keep coming back.

It's got that effect. - I'm not so sure.

Yeah.

You were funny at the talk yesterday.

Personally I thought she was...

very inspiring.

Are you all roommates?

Er, no, so it's Ralph and Maisie,

and then me and Rash Vest.

Why's he called Rash Vest?

Because he wore a rash-vest once and it stuck.

- The rash-vest? - The name.

Ha ha! I told you I was right!

Shut up, Ralph! No one cares!

Right, I should probably go and make sure

they don't actually murder each other.

A wild Ivy beams after Jake talks to her.

No way. Way too pretty boy.

You know, I'm out tonight,

so you've got a free in case you wanna bring him round to,

you know...

We've barely spoken.

And he's not my type, and I wouldn't be his anyway.

Well, true.

You not gonna ask where I'm going?

Where are you going, Ella?

Oh, it's just Tristan asked me to help him

set up the activities for tomorrow.

He asked you?

- Kinda. - So you asked him.

If I don't come back, I mean, don't come looking for me.

He's not interested in you.

Ah, just... slow and steady.

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh...

And maybe give us a shot?

You might not actually hate everyone here.

Better?

Thanks for asking. I found my long lost twin.

Turns out we've got a rich dad in America.

Hm. That's a great movie.

I don't fit in here.

- Okay, well, have you tried? - Yeah, my roommate's weird.

- Oh, why is she weird? - She does weird shit, like...

Ooh...

So I take it that's not your thing?

Is it anyone's thing?

- Do you know what your thing is? - Nope.

Well, maybe if you got involved, you might figure it out.

"Got involved".

What do you wanna achieve here?

What does Patrick want me to achieve here?

I think, er...

I think Patrick probably wants you

to be a little bit less angry at the world.

I'm not angry at the world.

I'm not angry at the world!

Alright.

So where do you wanna start?

I don't know! That's your job.

Okay.

Where were you when you found out you had leukaemia?

It's run by the... it's run by a pig farmer.

You're just jealous 'cause you didn't...

Oh, well, well, well! It's the period camper.

Sorry, shit joke. You destroyed that influencer.

You've all met my roommate Ivy, right?

She's a bit weird, but you get used to it.

Anyway, at least you got a fucking Make-A-Wish.

They just felt more sorry for me.

Bullshit, it's only 'cause you lost a kidney.

Well, Rash Vest got one too, okay?

He went to Lapland and has both kidneys.

What was yours, Ivy?

Ah, she's so Disney.

No way.

No shit. You actually chose Disney?

How do you know that I was Disney?

Ah, it's the slightly rebellious bit.

The childhood trauma is just screaming.

- What's your star sign? - Leo.

Lion. Yeah, she's giving Disney. - Lion King.

Yeah, to be fair, you are very Disney.

What?! What does that mean?

STOOOOOOOOPPPP!

Oh my God...

They chose the meanest nurse possible.

Ooh, here she comes...

Well, if it isn't my favourite group.

Oh, we love you, Brian.

- Brenda. - Brent.

Do you need me to help you take it?

- Aww... - Ooh... low blow.

When Ralph was younger, Brenda had to hold him down

to take his medication. - Yeah. It was torture.

I'm 17 now... Bruce.

Ooh! Woo! Oh, yeah!

- Very funny. I'll tell Patrick. - Oh, no.

Oh, no, don't tell... don't tell Patrick!

Oh, don't tell Patrick, please... We love her really.

What does CRF stand for?

- Children Run Free. - Cancer Ruins Families.

- Cocks Rimming Fannies. - We still sneaking out later?

- Definitely. - Alright, ready?

Aaaaaah! Ooooh!

We have to go.

Oh, I dunno.

What if we get caught? Tristan would hate me.

Tristan would be fine.

He asked me to help him set up again for tomorrow.

Ella, you're being desperate.

- I shaved. - You did what?

- I shaved. - He's 24!

Yeah, and I'm 18 soon and he's my type.

A pulse is your type.

Hm.

Please, can you just come. Please! For me.

- Why do you wanna go so bad? - I don't want to "so bad".

It'll just be fun.

What?

Jake is like a brother to me, but he's got his issues.

What do you mean?

He...

He gets panicky.

Yeah? Sometimes he just needs to be put on ice, you know?

So you'll come?

- Fine! - Yes!

- But if T calls, then I'm gone. - Deal.

Fine. Deal.

- Do you wanna do a makeover? - Oh my God! Makeover!

- Oh, no, no, no. - I take it back, I take it back.

- Ivy, Ivy, Ivy, Ivy. Okay... - I take it back! Shit!

Lip balm. No. Lip gloss.

Oh my God, I have a vision! - No, no!

♪ No longer, no longer ♪

♪ What you ask ♪

Aaargh! Woo!

♪ Heels turned black ♪

♪ The cinders, the cinders ♪

♪ They light the path ♪

♪ And these strange steps ♪

♪ Take us back, take us back ♪

♪ Flow sweetly ♪

♪ Hang heavy ♪

♪ You suddenly complete me ♪

♪ You suddenly complete me ♪

♪ Flow sweetly ♪

♪ Hang heavy ♪

♪ You suddenly complete me ♪

They never tell you you're gonna die.

They always just say they'll

"do all they can to prevent you dying."

Yeah. Yeah, it's like, "Er, excuse me, Doc,

do you have a spare spinal cord?"

How close were you, Maisie?

Er, Doc gave me a year. Neuroblastoma.

Yeah, but you beat that though, didn't you? Hard as fuck!

- Oh, yeah. - You become a chance, don't you?

And then if you survive, you become a statistic.

One in fucking ten.

When people talk to you like they know how you feel.

"My grandma died of cancer too."

I don't think your grandma is the same

as my 14-year-old best mate. - Yeah.

What's worse than going down on your grandma?

Hitting your head on the lid of her coffin on the way up.

You're actually sick in the head.

- I think the worst thing - Yeah.

- is "stay positive". - Oh, yeah.

Like, that is a crazy thing to say to someone.

You're sitting there, right?

You've got a catheter coming out of your cock.

And... and some nurse is coming up, like,

"Just... maybe just stay positive."

Yeah, cancer muggles.

And my dick looked like a water snake had swallowed a tea cup.

Have you ever been cancer ghosted?

- Yeah. - People you least expect

just... disappear.

- I just had that! That sucks! - Why?!

It's like they forget how to be around you.

What the fuck are you two doing?

It's so your fingers don't smell.

Who is sniffing your f...

Who is sniffing your fingers?!

I dunno, Patrick?

I hope he doesn't sniff your fingers.

Right... who's first?

- No fucking way. - I'll go!

- Oh, God, I'm not going next. - Okay.

- Fuck that! - Me!

Right. Cut the deck wherever.

- Wherever? - Yep.

- Ooooh! - Okay.

- The Moon. - The Moon!

- You feel confused... - I do.

...vulnerable, full of self-doubt.

Mate, it's not all as it seems. - Oh my God!

Feel the fear and do it anyway.

Oh my God! Oh my God, it must be T!

- Who? - Tristan!

Oh... You've been trying it

with this guy for two years. - No. No, no, no, no, no.

He ain't new. It has to be someone new.

- No... - Something new.

He looked me dead in the eyes

the other day when he said, "Wet kit room".

Who, Tristan?

- Yes. - Ella, he's been the outdoor

activity chief since he was 18 years old.

- No. No, no, no! - He's not interested.

Slow and steady wins the race, yeah? The tortoise and the hare.

There's no way I'm working at camp when I'm fuckin' 18, man.

Yeah, if you get to 18.

You will fuckin' drown or do something wild.

- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.

What the fuck are you doing?

I'm drowning, or doing something wild.

Tonight?

Right fucking now!

- Oh! - What's happening?

Whoo!

- Woo-hoo! - Wooo!

Oh my God!

Oh my God! Aaaah!

- Come on, Rashy! - Come on, Rashy!

- Come on, Rashy! - Come in!

- You'll be fine! - I don't have a towel.

Rash Vest! Rash Vest!

- Whoo! - Yes!

Guys, get out! All of you!

Guys, come on! It's unsafe!

We can see ya! Don't make us call Patrick!

Go, go, go, go!

- Go, go! - Let's get 'em round that side.

My whole bra is coming down!

Come on. Come this way. Come on, come on.

You seem different today.

Different?

Mm. Happier.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

- I'm usually miserable, am I? - Yeah, a little.

- Maybe it's our influence. - Yeah, 'cause you're all so fun.

Yeah. To be fair, we are pretty fun. I mean...

Maisie and Ralph and Archie and Ella aren't, but I am.

Yeah? What makes you so cool, cool guy?

Er... my impressively good treading water skills?

You're trying so hard to stay afloat.

I have my 25 metre swimming badge

I'll have you know.

It's in my towel. Sewn in.

Ah, fuck!

Refreshing.

What?

I feel like I don't know you really.

How poetic of you.

Ask away.

- Remission? - Four years.

- Ten months. - Newbie.

- Lymphoma. - Oooh. Hot.

- You? - Leukaemia.

- Remission? - You said that already!

Ah!

- Had a stem cell transplant. - Did you? Who from?

Er, from my sister. She was a perfect fit.

So you're half lady?

Yes. I'm, er, I'm actually Jake-etta.

- Jake-etta. - Jake-etta.

Oh! Don't get my hair wet!

What? Why?

Because I have a big head when my hair's wet.

- But you always have a big head. - Oi!

Is that you trying to flirt with me?

No. Actually I can't unsee it now. Fucking gargantuan.

Well, I didn't realise that the side effects of lymphoma

was having stupidly blue eyes and a big nose.

Oh. Oh, really? Nice! Nice.

- Yeah. - Stupid, are they?

Yeah, they're stupid.

KIISSS! KIISSS!

Get in there, Ivy!

Get out! Get out!

Kiss! Go on, Ivy!

Shut up!

Shit!

Did you put these up?

Mm.

Yeah, when I was growing it out,

I thought I could pull off a pixie cut.

I looked better off bald.

Is that why you dye your hair purple?

Yeah. Yeah, I thought, oh... oh God,

you know what, let me just draw more attention to my shit hair.

Idiot.

Yeah, chemo just changed it.

It don't grow for shit now.

I bet you got cute chemo curls.

No. It just went bright blonde.

But, when I was bald, my head did grow, like, ten extra sizes.

No joke. I wore a beanie for a bit.

- No? - No, I looked like

a bowling ball - No! Oh...

wearing a turtleneck upside down.

- Nah. - You were a beanie kid?

Eww.

Oh my God! You just dropped to, like, a 3 out of 10!

A beanie kid?! - Oh...

- Beanies are for hatfishes! - What is a hatfish?

Those people who only look good in hats.

Hello, I only look good in a fucking hat.

Well, I didn't look good in a fucking hat.

Ooh...

Did people at school shave their head for you?

No. I wasn't that popular.

Hm, it was overrated.

Like, when we're all bald, we actually look pretty similar.

That's the point, no? All united.

Hm, no. No, I wanna feel special bald.

Yeah, that was my thing.

How did you find yours?

Er...

When I was 13 and had, like, this...

pinched nerve feeling in my spine.

Mum took me to hospital and then

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

That's fucking shit.

Yeah.

Yeah, the doctor said I'd potentially be paralysed

from the neck down.

That scared the shit out of me, so...

So ever since I thought, hey, well,

might as well make use of these hot parts

while I can still move, whilst I'm still here, right?

Okay, I'm going to the wet kit room.

Have you got any wet shit you need me to dry?

Oh, I dunno.

Maybe just me when I see T.

- Are you horny all the time? - We're about to be 18.

How are you not horny all the time?

I actually just turned 17, so...

Yeah, well, I guess only losers have their virginity at 18.

So we need to get a little wriggle on, eh?

In a way, I guess, like...

I guess, like, when I was ill,

I was scared I never would, you know?

It's nice to see you happy.

Bye!

Bye.

Oh, we haven't heard from you for ages!

I'm sorry, I've been busy.

I just wanted to make sure you hadn't murdered anyone.

- Not yet. - And how about friends?

Have you made any new friends? - Yeah, I actually have. A few.

- Oh yeah? That's so great! - Who is it?

- It's Ivy! - Ivy!

- Hi, Dad! - Hi! How you doing?

It's really good.

I've actually got this day trip thing tomorrow.

- Oh, where to? That's so cool! - Just like the local town.

Us freaks have to interact with normal people.

Well, don't bite anyone. We know what you get like.

We're doing great, by the way. Thanks for asking.

Yeah, we sold all your stuff.

Your room's now, er, a spare room.

Yeah, we're using it as a sex den. Yeah!

You look great, Ivy!

Okay, I've gotta go. Something's come up.

- What? No! - Sorry.

- Oh... Love you! Bye! - I love you. Bye.

- Talk to you soon. - Love you, bye! Love you!

Shut up!

- Did they say 'don't bite?' - No.

- You look like a biter. - Shut up.

Sorry, do you mind if I...

I'm just gonna hang my jacket up there.

You're stood in front of it conveniently.

No, I'm not getting with you in the wet kit room.

It smells like bumhole. - What?

- Better? - Uh-huh.

I want you to feel like you can tell me anything.

I was about to start having feelings for you

and then you said that.

Shut up.

That was cringe, though.

You wouldn't talk to me outside of here.

No. I probably wouldn't.

CRF! Whoooo!

Right. Let me do the talking.

You can barely string out your own name,

let alone get us six tickets. - Just shut up. Trust me.

Hey.

Did it hurt?

What?

When you fell from heaven, baby.

Yeah, it did, sweetheart.

Tickets are ten quid each for adults and eight...

Shh, shh...

Listen to me, Mama...

Just give us some tickets. We haven't got any money.

Well, I can't help you then.

- Please. - Christ...

- No money, no ticket. - Ralph, Ralph, it's okay.

Hey. Ralph, you're alright. Go join the group, okay?

Go join the group. Yeah? Erm, sorry about him.

- It's okay. Next time. - We're not actually from here.

- We're from the... - See how he does then.

- ...camp that's down the road. - The CRF Camp?

Yeah, that's the one. CRF Camp.

The camp for kids that nearly died of...

died of cancer.

- I lost it all. - What, all of you?

Yeah, yeah. Riddled.

- Er, go on then. - Seriously?

Thank you!

Yes! Thank you!

I love you.

Thank you!

- This one. - We want this one.

Oi, you two!

"Ivy, come here. I'll protect you."

- Oh my God. - This is fucking shit, man.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Woo-hoo-hoo!

Woo-hoo!

Aaargh!

Ralph, is that your new girlfriend?

They're from that cancer camp.

Window lickers.

Look what I've got! A little bear!

Round, round, round...

Oh yeah! Ah!

Rollin'!

I actually, I'm not, I can't...

I'll stay with Ivy. You guys can go...

- Okay, okay, okay... - You say, you say.

- Have a good time. Great time. - I'll take the bear, though.

Can we bring the bear on this one?

- Oi! CRF freaks! - Oi!

Nice face paint. Look, it's the cancer Avengers.

- Oh, they must have... - Get a new insult!

I'm talking to you, fucking chemo gremlins!

- Woah! Woah! - Come on.

Listen you fucks, you can't even beat basic hygiene.

What did you say, retard?

I said get a mint. Your breath's rancid!

Oh! Go Ivy!

What you gonna do? A tiger? Did they paint you blind?

Oi, don't touch me!

Oooh!

Oh, shit!

♪ So understanding and so kind ♪

♪ You're everything to me ♪

♪ Oh, my life ♪

♪ Is changing every day ♪

♪ In every possible way ♪

And last but not least, Ivy.

The rest of you can go back to your cabins

as we are cancelling all camp activities today.

- Aww... - No! Damn!

- This is... this is very serious. - Mm-hm.

Never before in CRF history has...

Really? Something funny, Jake?

Utterly unacceptable.

The others have given me a pretty clear idea

of what happened. - Yeah, those people were dicks.

It's not about them.

It's about how you all represented this camp.

What the fuck did you want us to do?

Look... Don't swear. Whether you are in here

or out there, you represent this camp

and what it stands for. - I think getting called

"retard" and "freak" is pretty out of order.

Again, they're not in the camp.

So you just want us to get the piss taken out of us?

- That's not what I... - Fucking take it all the time!

- Would you let me... - We're tired of doing that.

We do that all the time! - Will you let me speak?

Let me speak, Ivy. Let me speak!

Don't shout at me! Jeez! Wow...

Ever since you arrived here,

you have been nothing but a brat.

- A brat? Wow. - I gave you one last chance

and you have gone and blown it.

Do you get a kick out of this?

- Out of what? - This camp.

Lording it up all summer.

Don't you have something better to do?

We help people here.

It's just a petty existence for your one thing to be camp.

Do you not have a family or something?

I have a wife and three kids, Ivy.

Great. Well, go and hang out with them. It's summer.

Take them on holiday. Take a chill pill.

Erm, my older two are away at university,

and my youngest would have been 17.

Your age.

You see that one, in the middle?

The little boy, yellow shirt.

That's Oscar.

He was nine and he had non-Hodgkins lymphoma.

And he didn't lose his battle, he won.

Every day.

For three years.

For three years, my little boy suffered.

And I can assure you that there is nothing harder

than watching your child's heart stop

while yours gets to carry on.

This camp is not just about surviving.

It is about giving people who have lost the ability to

a shot at truly living.

So, yeah.

That's what I do, Ivy.

That's my petty existence.

You can go.

Uh... Activities will resume for you all tomorrow.

I'm really sorry about Oscar.

They're all the ones who didn't make it.

I hate to burst your bubble, Ivy,

but some kids aren't as lucky as you.

And you might've forgotten,

but you were sick once

and there was a time when you would have wanted

to be this girl at this camp

more than anything in the world.

- Can I watch it? - No.

So what's the point of making it then?

It's just for the mems.

So I remember everything.

Oi oi! Let us in! Come on!

Why don't you just use the door?

- Come on, get in! Come on! - Come on...

Look, this just felt more authentic.

Patrick said no activities.

Oh please, don't listen to what Patrick says.

- Where's Jake? - Lover boy.

Shut up.

I think he was just really tired, that's all.

Have you fucked yet? - No, they haven't.

She's also in a foul fuckin' mood.

Oh, come on, mate. Have some of this.

So, have you and Jake done anything?

- We've kissed. - Wooooooo!

- Was he good? - Urgh! Course he's good.

Luscious lips. - You can't play that.

If Patrick hears, we're gonna be in trouble...

Oh, come on. When did you become a pussy? Drink!

Down it! Down it! Down it! Woo!

It tastes like nail polish, so fucked.

Can you piss on your period? Because of erm... The, erm...

I dunno what it's fucking called!

- The pad? - Yeah, the pad.

- Pad! - It doesn't stick to your vag,

does it?

Where do you think that it goes?

Well, it sticks to your little flappy bits.

Not, not the actual... I mean, not the actual lips bit

but the sort of the upper thigh area.

- Errr... - Upper thigh?!

- Did you say flaps or lips? - Wait. Wait, wait.

Archie, you're laughing. Where do you think it goes?

I've got two sisters. I know where it goes.

- Come on then. - You've got two sisters?

- Yeah, where? - Are they fit?

It just... you know, cups around the...

- What? Like a nappy? - Like a nappy!

No?

It sticks to your pants, you fucking idiots!

- "I've got two sisters." - Oh my Lord!

Have either of you ever even seen a tampon?

Yeah. I bought some for my mum, actually.

There's lemon and there's lime flavour.

- Mmm! - There's not different flavours!

Mate, have you got any?

Er, got some strawberry ones in the cupboard.

Right, prepare for a lesson. Both of you.

Please don't come out naked.

I'm obviously not coming out naked, you idiot!

- Butt naked. - Ooooooh!

- What the hell is that? - Right, budge over.

- Urgh. - Lesson one.

Put that in there. Not that way. No.

That way round.

- Press it in. - Smells like the bean.

Hold the string. Hold the string, though.

- Oh... Oh fuck! - Hold the string!

- It's huge. - Rah... And that's inside you?

I use moon cups but you're clearly not ready for that yet.

What's a moon cup?

- For night time? - Oh-ho!

Yeah, probably for night time, right?

- Just pull it out, Ralph. - Is that some tarot shit?

- Pull it out! Pull it out! - Yank it! Yank it!

- I can't pull it out... - Pull it out!

- Yes, it is... - Careful.

- Ugh! - Hit him again!

♪ Find that I replace sleep with stress ♪

♪ It's my life and I been playing chess ♪

♪ It's prime time now I gotta leave fake friends ♪

♪ On my journey, I'm up on the move ♪

♪ And shawty might call when she up off the juice ♪

♪ I'm working on me, you should work on yourself ♪

♪ Remember my face but there's somebody else ♪

♪ Now I'm out of the picture ♪

♪ Rewrite the scripture We didn't gel ♪

♪ I feel like I been there and seen it through hell ♪

♪ I swear that I mean it I'm done with these girls ♪

♪ I swear that I mean it I'm done with these girls ♪

♪ I swear that I mean it I'm done with these girls ♪

♪ I swear that I mean it I'm done with these girls ♪

Yeah!

Hello?

- Jake, are you okay? - I didn't wanna wake you.

I didn't wanna wake you, I'm sorry.

- No, it's fine. Where are you? - I didn't know who to call.

I didn't...

You're fine. You're fine. Keep breathing.

Nrrrrgh...

Just breathe. Can you breathe?

- I don't know. Just, er... - Are you in your cabin?

- I'm freakin' out. - Jake, where the fuck are you?!

I'm in the woods. I'm in the woods.

Right, the woods. Okay, stay on the phone. Okay.

I'm coming!

Jake... Jake!

Fuck!

Fuck! Jake...

Jake, Jake. Jake...

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

It's okay.

It's okay. It's okay.

You look like a heroin addict.

It's the girls' nights.

They always get me. It's all the Victoria's Secret perfume.

Just try and not to think of a warm salmon milkshake.

Fucking bitch!

Why don't you just chill at camp today, Ralph?

I gotta see Jake try it with you. That's quality drama.

- Maybe you're preggers. - Ah...

Oh...

Right then campers,

are we ready? - Yay!

Survival Island is that island over there.

If you need to come back, you sound this siren.

We will come and get you.

On the island you will find logs for a fire,

pans, tents, tarpaulins

and you have your sleeping bags inside the boat.

This is a fun, team building activity.

Top tip, make sure you put

your ground tarpaulin under your tents.

Been there before.

No-one wants a soggy bottom.

Now, let's get you into the boats,

we're gonna have two-apiece.

Choose a boat whenever you're ready.

Ella, I was going to share with Jake, is that okay?

Yeah. No, yeah, that's fine.

Right, I'm sharing with Ralph.

Looks like it's you and me then, Rashy.

♪ ...live within you ♪

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ I don't know how to hack it ♪

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ I don't know how to hack it without you ♪

- This is fucking gross. - Just be grateful.

Why do they make us do this?

It's tradition. It makes you resilient, apparently.

I think chemo was easier.

You didn't even have chemo.

Fine, radio then.

At least one morning no Brenda.

I'll be Brenda tomorrow morning and force feed you tablets.

What meds are you on, Ivy?

- Er, Dex. - What was yours?

Erm, AML when I was 14. Four rounds of chemo.

- Did yours come back? - Not yet.

What are you doing?

Sacred rule.

Whenever you're sad, you have to do this dance.

It's... it's so... Just go with me...

♪ Wake up in the mornin'... ♪

What is this?

Trust me, trust me. It'll make you feel better.

- You'll have to teach us then. - Aaah!

I love her!

- Happy! - Yay!

Shoulder, shoulder, shoulder, shoulder.

Hand, round, round.

Then you have the dove, like that. Get up, you!

You've gotta be, like...

So, it's just like a clothes peg going.

- What's next? - Chicken head.

Then you do like a... Charleston step thing.

Then you go for a little walk. A mental health walk.

- Up and down! - Aaaah!

♪ But I don't feel like dancin' ♪

♪ When the old Joanna plays ♪

Jump, jump!

♪ But my two feet can't find a way ♪

♪ You'd think that I could muster up ♪

Do this, like this, point, point, point, point...

And then go down.

♪ But I don't feel like dancin' ♪

♪ No sir, no dancin' today ♪

No dancin' today!

♪ Don't feel like dancin', dancin' ♪

♪ Even if I find nothin' better to do ♪

♪ Don't feel like dancin', dancin' ♪

♪ Why'd you pick a tune when I'm not in the mood? ♪

♪ Don't feel like dancin', dancin' ♪

♪ I'd rather be home with the one ♪

♪ in the bed till dawn ♪

♪ with you-hoo-hoo ♪ ...you-hoo-hoo!

Okay, get in... Run around.

Get in a proper line!

Okay. Bunch up.

Now you're gonna be so sad.

Saddest you've been in your entire life,

and then the happiest.

You're gonna scream. Scream.

Aaaaargh!

Whoooooo!

♪ When all you do is change your clothes ♪

♪ And call that versatile ♪

♪ So I'll just pretend that I know which way to bend ♪

♪ I'm gonna tell the whole world that you're mine ♪

Go round!

♪ But I don't feel like dancin' ♪

♪ When the old Joanna plays ♪

♪ My heart could take a chance ♪

♪ But my two feet can't find a way ♪

♪ You'd think that I could muster up ♪

♪ A little soft-shoe gentle sway ♪

♪ But I don't feel like dancin' ♪

♪ No sir, no dancin' ♪ ...no sir, no dancin' today

♪ Don't feel like dancin', dancin' ♪

♪ Even if I find nothin' better to do ♪

♪ Don't feel like dancin', dancin' ♪

- Whooooo! - Yeah!

I know we take the piss out of it, right?

And, like...

I'm not a big fan of it,

but I think CRF is, like, the only place

where people like us

feel like us.

Yeah.

And there's fuckin' ten days left.

Until next year.

We'll be too old, Ivy.

Well...

We... can...

take over from Tristan.

And then Patrick.

And we'll run camp until we're, like, 70 and wrinkly,

or worse.

I think that might be a little bit sad.

No. It'll be nice.

And you don't wanna be here and there and everywhere,

travelling around.

So... yep.

I think it might be our only option, actually.

Just stay here.

Yeah.

I don't want you to think I'm a loser.

Nah, it's too late for that.

I like you a lot.

Like, a lot, a lot.

I like you too.

A lot, a lot.

We can stop anytime.

Have you done this before?

Would it matter if I had?

No.

Have you?

- Would it matter if I had? - No.

♪ Bike stacked ♪

♪ Coats racked in the hallway ♪

- Ah, shit! - What?

- Fuck! - What?

I didn't bring a fuckin'...

- What? A condom? - Condoms.

Oh, I've got some. Wait...

- There's no... - Wait. Lemme find them.

There. They're my mum's.

- No, no, no, no... - What?

No, they're mine. She just bought them for me.

- Just open it. - Okay, okay. Okay...

Okay...

♪ We could build a house away from here ♪

♪ You and me ♪

♪ In the middle of nowhere ♪

♪ Fight the frost ♪

Ugh! You taste like lube!

Sorry.

♪ I just wanna get warm with you ♪

♪ I just wanna get warm with you ♪

♪ Where you go ♪

♪ My mind's on you ♪

Ah!

♪ Caffeine ♪

♪ Give me that crossword clue ♪

♪ We could build a house ♪

♪ Away from here ♪

♪ You and me ♪

♪ In the middle of nowhere ♪

♪ Fight the frost ♪

♪ Of the morning wood ♪

♪ I just wanna get warm with you ♪

Shit...

We don't have any toilet roll.

Do you want my t-shirt to, to, erm, mop up?

To mop up?

To... I mean, like, to dry it?

To dry, to dry it?!

What am I, a fucking flowing river?!

- Fuck. - I'm going for a smoke.

Jesus...

- Uh! - Oh...

- Uh! - Ah!

Are they...?!

Oh, I would so piledrive you in UFC!

- You watch UFC? - Duh!

- Tap out, you bitch! - No.

- Do it! Tap out! - No.

Ah! Ah...

I'd have you in a best of three.

- No way. - Mm-hm.

You saw me punch that guy at the funfair.

- Yeah. My point exactly. - Oh.

Alright. Uh... Let's go to bed.

It's already like, 2:30 or something.

Uh, oh my God...

Righty-ho.

I thought it was really cool the way you stood up for me.

I really like you.

- Oh my God. - Okay, okay.

How many cancer patients does it take to change a light bulb?

- How many? - One,

and then twelve to say how inspiring it was.

A doctor says

it's all in your head.

The bad news is, it's brain cancer.

What have you and cancer got in common?

Er, I don't know.

No-one wants you inside them.

- Fucking hell! - Whoa!

Dark humour's like a child with cancer.

It never gets old!

Sorry, did I cross a line there?

I don't think you saw the line, mate.

I think you're just so far past it.

Yeah. That's red card behaviour.

You're gonna get sent home early from camp.

Yeah.

Well, good thing I leave in the morning.

Ha ha.

I'm serious.

What do you mean you leave in the morning?

I head home tomorrow.

We can get over the joke, Ralph.

Sorry.

A test from home came back.

Doc called Brenda.

I'm back in the hospital at the end of the week.

Ah fuck, I'm so sick of tests.

For the next 24 hours, can we just pretend I'm okay?

- Yeah? - Yeah.

I think Brenda smelt it out of me.

You always had a shitty aura, to be fair.

Yeah.

At least we've got the camp disco to go back to.

I'd rather leave now.

No.

No, we'll have the night of your life.

Hm?

Vomiting after two sips.

Cheap date. - True.

We all heard you, by the way, last night.

- Oh Ivy! Ivy! Oh... - Oh, Jake. Jake!

Shut up!

♪ This is somethin' new ♪

♪ The Casper Slide, part two ♪

♪ Featuring the platinum band ♪

♪ And this time... ♪

♪ We're gonna get funky! ♪

Come on, you guys promised me a big night out.

CRF camp disco is a big night out.

Ah, fuck this. We're going out out.

Twenty minutes or I will kill myself.

- Jesus, Ralph. - Jake, just go with him.

He's gonna end up dead in a bush somewhere otherwise.

Yeah, you guys should go. You should both go.

Yeah. And what, you lovebirds not going to dance?

No. I don't dance.

Guys, look what Tristan gave me!

Looking stunning as ever, Brian.

What can I get you, Raymondo?

Well, a new body would be nice.

The best I can do is this.

Shhh...

Only 'cause you're me favourite.

You're gonna be good.

Some days just punch you in the tits.

You've got this, Rachel.

Mm.

♪ Let's go to work ♪

♪ To the left ♪

♪ Take it back now, y'all ♪

Just go. We'll cover for you.

♪ Two hops this... ♪

Come on, you lovebirds!

- Bye. - Bye.

I'll see you later, okay?

Excuse me! Excuse me! Campers...

Oh, fuck.

Where do you think you're going then?

I dunno. Out?

- Out where? - I dunno, anywhere!

Get inside, the three of you.

No! No, fuck you!

- He doesn't mean that. - Yeah, I do.

- He doesn't! Patrick... - I just wanna be...

Ralph, shut up.

You once said to me that there would've been

a time in my life when I was sick

that I would've wanted to be this girl

here at this camp more than anything.

I did.

We live in fear of it coming back.

And he gets picked up in the morning,

and who knows what's gonna happen.

And that's shit.

So can you let him go?

Please let him go.

I'm going to count to five

and when I'm done I expect you both

to be in your cabins, okay?

- Five... - Go on, go!

- Oh, fuck! - Four...

Three...

Two.

One.

I can't believe you waited up for me.

Where's Ralph?

Patrick made him sleep in the main lodge.

I carried him back, though.

All by myself.

- You carried him? - Yeah. The whole, the whole way.

- Rah... - Woah!

Wow, if you were the responsible one he must've been really bad.

Yeah, he was bad.

He...

vomited over a 35-year-old mum.

- Who hit you? - Her fella.

What? He did. And I was trying to help them, then he hit me.

What the hell?

Mm.

And I think I realised something.

It's the people that make it all worth it.

Like...

That's how I'm not gonna be scared.

That's pretty profound for a drunk man.

Thank you.

I have my moments.

I love you.

I love you too.

Mm.

I'm really, really sorry and I did mean that

but I'm gonna be sick...

- You okay? - Urgh...

How you doing?

Come on...

It's gonna be alright.

I can feel it.

- You must be Ivy. - Yeah.

I've heard so much about you.

My chariot awaits.

- Get your arse... - Sick, man...

Oh, goodness' sake, Ralph. Get in!

What?

Sayonara, motherfuckers.

Bye!

- Drive... Drive fast! - We'll miss you!

Bye!

My friend's gone home.

Yeah, I know.

Ralph.

Lovely boy.

- How does that make you feel? - Shit.

It's like we're all part of this club that no-one wants to be in.

I just feel like I've been alone, you know?

For a really long time.

I shouldn't have survived.

I've done nothing with my life.

That's not true.

There was this guy on my ward

a couple years older than me.

He had just got into uni and he was so happy.

And he died.

And I survived.

And that didn't feel right.

I'm sorry.

It just didn't feel fair.

It's like I took his place, like...

If only one of us could have survived,

I stole that from him.

- You didn't take his place. - Yes, I did.

- No, you didn't. - I did!

No, no, you didn't.

It's shit that he died.

It's awful, it's cruel.

But you didn't take his place.

Do you hear me? You survived.

And we don't get to choose who lives and who doesn't.

We don't.

You deserve to take up space.

I feel like I've told you all this stuff through camp.

I've opened up.

Now what happens? Why am I not just fixed?

That's not how therapy works.

So, I'm just supposed to live with these feelings through it?

I like to use the analogy of Ribena.

If you think of your brain as blackcurrant cordial, right?

Every time you come in here and we talk about things,

it's like we add a little bit of water.

We add a little bit more water

until hopefully it's so diluted

you don't even notice that it's there.

- So it'll never just go? - Sadly not.

But I promise you it'll get easier over time.

Keep your eyes shut, keep your eyes shut.

I've got them shut!

Happy birthday!

What the... guys?! Woo!

- No! - 18, Ella!

Eighteen, and some pretty horrendous fake tan.

Yeah, but I've gotta be golden for my birthday.

Some would say golden, some would say offensive.

My hands are gonna be stained for weeks.

Oh my God...

- What? - Open it!

- Well, who's it from? - All of us.

Us.

- Okay. - Oooh...

No?! Grow your own Tris...

Guys! Love it!

Thanks guys. Alright, one of...

Erm... er, I got you something too.

Aww.

It's nothing really, it's just...

I saw your one was missing, so I...

Oh my God, I lost my lens cap last year.

He's been researching them for weeks.

No. I knew, I knew which one.

It's just a little piece of plastic for the...

You know, I customised it and I just put a little,

your name on it in case you... - Ella, yeah.

lose it again. Don't lose it again.

- I love it. - It's purple 'cause of your hair

and stuff. It's rubbish, you probably don't...

- No, I love it! Shhh... - Give it back.

I love it, Archie. Thank you. Yeah. Come here.

- Okay. - Thank you.

So, er, what did your parents get you?

Er, they're just gonna take me out

next week when we're home.

I can't believe camp is nearly done.

- I know. - The final week, the Big Slide.

One week to get these stabilisers off, baby!

- Stabilisers? - She means her virginity.

Oh, gross, Ella!

Tristan's taking me out for my 18th tonight.

- What? - It's happening, Maisie!

I can feel it in my chakras.

Maybe, maybe I'll keep his pants

as, like, a little souvenir.

- Jesus, Ella! - Swear to God.

Get your stabilisers away from me!

Thank you for doing this tonight.

It's just so nice poolside, the lights,

steam just bouncing off it.

- I love these. - Yeah.

Nothing really better than a tinny of cocktail.

Yeah. It just... tastes like syrup.

- They're so good. - Yeah.

The pinker, the better.

- Sorry. - You alright?

Yeah.

Happy birthday.

Aww, thanks!

Here we go...

There's something I wanna tell ya.

Yeah?

Mm.

How do I say this?

You just really remind me of my sister.

She's actually the reason why I started working here

at CRF when I was 18.

When I was younger, we lost her.

No?!

Shit...

Yeah, that's crazy.

Wow! Oh... Okay.

- In some ways... - Mm.

...you've always been like a little sister to me here.

Mm! Ooh...

I feel like you always just understood me.

Uh-huh.

Which I thought would never happen

because obviously our experiences are just so...

different. - Mm.

I just wanna say... thanks,

and happy 18th.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you've always been like a big bro to me.

Ooh! Oh... Ow!

- Yeah. - Oh, come here!

Okay. Mm, yeah.

Aah!

I'm sorry for not staying.

I was feeling rough.

My chest, just...

But I'm fine.

Oh... Aaaaargh!

What happened?

He said I remind him of his sister.

And she's fucking dead!

Oh my God. Fuck!

- I thought I was feeling bad. - Shh! Jake!

I'm sorry, Ella!

- There'll be others, Ella. - No...

No, there won't be.

What about Rash Vest?

- Archie?! - Yeah.

No, we're just friends. He doesn't like me like that.

Ella, I'm telling you, I've lived with him all through camp

so I think I'd know.

He might propose to you at the talent show.

Never thought of him like that.

I mean, I would... - He might surprise you.

What might surprise you? Are you talking about me?

Erm... you have the biggest fuck off boner for Ella!

Aaaah!

- Shut the fuck up! - Okay, bye.

- I'll see you in the morning. - Bye.

"Bye, bye." Aww...

Has someone got separation anxiety? Yeah?

No. He just doesn't feel well.

Yeah, I told you, the boy's got got problems.

I think we all just get a bit lost sometimes.

Oh my God, you are so in love!

Yeah, yeah, just rub it in, why don't you!

Here I am on my 18th birthday, friend zoned as fuck!

Dry as a nun's chuff. And still a virgin!

It's not funny.

It is a little bit funny.

Oh...

Happy 18th, you weirdo.

Whenever you're ready, you just run and jump.

Woo!

It's so much higher than the photos.

Yeah, 'cause it's called The Big Slide, not the Pussyio Slide.

There's no way I'm doing that. Where's Jake, by the way?

Er, I don't think he was feeling very well yesterday.

He went to see Brenda. - Ivy, you're up!

Ivy! Ivy! Ivy!

Wooooo!

Ropes go in there and...

and then, erm, the harnesses in there.

♪ From the perfect start ♪

♪ To the finish line ♪

People think kayaking and canoeing are the same,

but it's not.

Yeah.

Kayaking's double bladed paddle, canoeing's single bladed.

Ah, right.

Yeah.

Yep...

Was Jake, er...

Was Jake serious?

Were you actually Googling the lens caps

for a couple of weeks?

It's a bit embarrassing.

I don't think it's embarrassing.

I actually quite like it.

Really?

Oh, wow.

That's impressive. What knot is it?

Mm, manger hitch.

It was designed for a cow to bite on.

A wet knot is very hard to untie,

but this is practically jam-proof.

Used to learn different knots and shit.

This one's a quick release knot.

Do you want me to teach it to you?

Yeah.

- Okay. - Yes, please.

Make a loop, yep?

Then grab that side, yep, around.

- This way? - Uh-huh.6

Put it in like that, yeah.

- Oh, God... - That's called a bite.

Er, a loop, a loop in roping terms.

- Right. - Yeah.

That's it.

Yeah, see how tight it is?

Yeah, it's really tight.

Wow, you're really good at handling rope.

Thanks.

Do you... know any less-quick release knots?

The hardest knot I know is a constrictor knot.

Yeah.

It's really difficult to do.

That one's really hard. - Mm.

♪ I want to touch you ♪

♪ You're just made for love ♪

♪ I need la-la-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ I need ooh-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ I need la-la-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ I need ooh-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ I need ooh-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ I need ooh-la-la-la-la ♪

This is Jake.

Don't leave a message

because I won't listen. Bye!

I can't believe I'm gonna say this,

but I'm gonna fuck Rash Vest,

and I hope he keeps the vest on when I do.

- You need to wear a warning. - I'm gonna... uh, uh, uh!

- Ella, read the room! - Eeee!

I went to speak to Patrick.

He's going to talk to you when he comes back.

He's been at the hospital with Jake.

- What?! - That's all he said.

He's coming back and he's gonna

talk to you straight away.

This or this... for Rashy?

I wanna make my ancestors blush.

- The green one! - Ah, ha ha! Okay. Ah, ha...

- He didn't say anything else? - No.

Why's he not answering?

- Hey. - Hi.

Do you have a moment? It's about Jake.

- Yeah, Maisie told me. - Ta-daaah!

Erm... Have a seat, girls.

Thanks.

Er, okay.

Great.

This is Jake. Don't leave a message

because I won't listen. Bye!

This is Jake. Don't leave a message

because I won't listen. Bye!

I was fucking worried.

You didn't call.

And then Patrick was here... - I'm sorry.

- What happened? - They took my phone.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Just being dramatic.

Apparently if you say that you have chest pains,

they just send you straight to the hospital now.

I thought you weren't coming back.

You can't get rid of me that easily.

Where's Ella?

In your cabin, fucking Rash Vest.

Oh, wow!

Are you okay, Jake?

Whenever you're sad...

It's the sacred rule, Ivy.

You didn't lie when you said you didn't dance the other day.

Apparently it's all in the hips.

I can't... No, I can't.

Doctor's orders. - Pussy.

Where are the others?

I saw them earlier in Patrick's office.

He'll be trying to get them to stay on as staff for next year.

- Nah. - He'll be onto you next.

They'll be getting out of the talent show.

Who's gonna be the special guest judge?

I don't know. It's kinda crazy who they can get

just 'cause they feel sorry for us.

It was Craig David last year.

- Fuck off?! - Yeah, yeah, it was.

Yeah, he does any old thing now.

- What? - What are you

gonna do for it, then?

Er...

I was thinking interpretive dance.

I'm serious, Jake. It's tonight. You're gonna embarrass yourself.

I'm just, I'll, I'll... play the drums or something.

You can play the drums?

No, but I'll try. What are you gonna do?

It's a surprise.

Are you gonna get diagnosed live on stage?

Ha, ha, ha, ha, very funny.

Why are you guys not in a costume?

We got out of it.

That's such bullshit, you snakes!

What are you doing for it, The Woman in Black?

- You'll find out. - Mm-hm.

- Are you sure you wanna do it? - Oiiiii!

- You're back?! - Someone order a stripper?

- Hey. - No way.

- Hey. - Hi.

Couldn't miss it, could I?

- Broke out of the ward for this. - Aww...

You'd better clap. I'm shitting myself.

Smash it. We're rooting for you.

- Thanks. - Yeah.

- Good luck. - Good luck, man.

Bye.

- Your parents coming? - No, I didn't tell them.

Fuck! How did they know?

Classic Patrick.

Aah... If this is shit, Bob, I'll have to leave.

You know I can't do cringe.

We can't. They've had cancer. You cannot leave.

Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to the CRF Camp's Annual Talent Show!

We have performances from all of our campers,

and tonight we have a very special guest judge.

Please welcome to the stage...

Drumroll please...

James Blunt!

Who did Patrick have to blow?

I know!

Yeah! James Blunt!

Thank you so much. Thank you, thank you.

Yeah. I feel I've peaked.

Next year, the cruise ships.

♪ My life is brilliant ♪

♪ My love is pure ♪

♪ I saw an angel ♪

♪ Of that I'm sure ♪

♪ She smiled at me on the subway ♪

♪ She was with another man ♪

♪ But I won't lose no sleep on that ♪

♪ 'Cause I've got a plan ♪

♪ You're beautiful ♪

♪ You're beautiful ♪

♪ You're beautiful, it's true ♪

♪ There must be an angel ♪

♪ With a smile on her face ♪

♪ When she thought up that I should be with you ♪

♪ But it's time to face the truth ♪

♪ I will never be with you ♪

- Okay, you're next. You ready? - Mm-hm.

What are you doing after this?

Sorry?

You know, after this.

Do you wanna... go out for a drink?

Oh, er, I...

I, I still have to, still have to work.

- So... yeah, sorry. - Yeah, sure.

I'm free.

- Yeah, come on. Have that... - Go on, Ivy!

♪ Wake up in the morning ♪

♪ With a head like, "What ya done?" ♪

♪ This used to be the life ♪

♪ I don't need another one ♪ Whoo!

♪ You like cuttin' up and carrying on ♪

♪ You wear them gowns ♪

♪ So how come I feel so lonely ♪

♪ When you're up getting down? ♪

So, er...

I think we can both admit that your time here at camp

has had its ups and downs.

But er, we're really proud of you.

- You're proud of me? - Yeah.

For who you've become.

Well, I'm very grateful.

Here I'm just Ivy, not Ivy with cancer.

Erm, so Ivy...

Er, when we lose someone close to us,

our bodies can go into shock.

Especially when it's unexpected but also somebody that we love.

And there's a condition called bereavement hallucination.

It's where, er, we start to imagine

those that have left us

because the pain of them not being here is just...

it's too great.

Your other friends decided not to participate

in the talent show and we understood why,

but it felt like you wanted to.

And it was great.

We just wanted to talk to you before you left.

Why is he on the wall?

Patrick, why is he on the wall?

Why's he on the fucking wall?

Ivy, Jake had a heart attack in hospital.

The chemotherapy weakened his heart

and I think his body was just too tired.

Ivy, he didn't come back.

What the fuck are you talking about? Yes, he did!

We think it's important you leave him here.

- Mum, tell him. - I-Ivy, don't...

- Dad? - Ivy...

Please tell him. Please tell him!

- Ivy, Ivy... - He's not coming back.

- Hey, pal. - He had a cardiac arrest, Ivy.

No. No, he didn't. No, he didn't!

He shouldn't be up there! Can you take him down?!

- Take him off, now! - Ivy...

Take him off! He's not supposed to be up there! He didn't die!

- I, I told you this. - No! No! Stop it!

Stop saying that! Stop it! Stop it, he's not!

No...

No! No...

Ivy...

- You didn't tell me. - We tried.

- You didn't tell me. - We tried...

You didn't fucking tell me! You didn't tell me!

- Patrick said... - You didn't...

No!

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

He loved you.

He loved you so much.

♪ Still alive, who you love ♪

♪ Still alive, who you love ♪

♪ Still alive, who you love ♪

Yo, bitch! It's me, Ella.

I've been thinking of you and I miss you loads and loads

and loads and loads and loads!

Have you opened the box I made you yet?

Did you like it?

Can't wait to see you soon.

Lemme know when, yeah? Love ya!

Not really said much to us since you got back.

I mean, to be fair I haven't really known

what to say to you either.

I feel like I've lost my person, Mum. It's so unfair.

I know.

It's funny what they sometimes don't tell you about grief

is that it feels a lot like fear, you know?

You might not necessarily

feel scared or maybe you do, but...

the feelings are kinda similar.

You know, that upset tummy kind of feeling.

The weight of it all and...

I imagine it's hard to take in anything that anyone's saying,

let alone me.

But...

I didn't lose you, Ivy.

So I didn't really grieve in the same way

some of the other mums had to grieve.

But I did grieve the loss of your freedom...

and how you had to grow up so fast.

And I know we never met him,

but if...

he was special to you then, oh my gosh,

then I sure as hell know that he would have been special.

I know some days are gonna be really hard,

but some days you'll wake up and you'll think,

oh, I feel better today.

And then the next day

it might be hard again,

but the love you felt for Jake...

oh my gosh,

some people look their whole lives

for a love like you and Jake had.

So this pain you're feeling, yeah,

I promise you it'll all be worth it.

Okay? I promise.

It's okay, darling.

We're having stew for tea.

Uh-oh.

I'll see ya downstairs, okay?

Oi, bitch.

I never let anyone watch these,

so I hope you fuckin' love it.

- Fuckin' great day... - First day in this shithole!

This is gonna be the best summer ever!

Ever!

Okay, go on then.

Forwards into your mum, backwards into your dad?

Backwards into Ivy's dad. He's fit!

For people at home...

One... one point...

♪ I'm deep divin' ♪

♪ I'm deep divin' ♪

♪ I'm deep divin' ♪

This is never gonna make it anywhere.

Fucking love it.

Aah! Woo!

If I do this, right, like furries?

Do I look like a furry?

Yeah.

It does look like you.

Hi, and welcome back to Ella Explores.

Today we are at camp fire.

Erm, it's a little bit chilly.

I'm freezing.

Stop filming everything or I'll get sent to prison.

Woo! Yeah!

- Where we come from! - Where we come from!

- So we tell them! - So we tell them!

Aaaah!

Whoooo!

Aaaaaah!

Whoo!

It's got a mind of its own!

We're here bringing rays. Bringing sunshine,

bringing good vibes.

Whoooooo!

Awesome, thank you.

- Aaaaaah! - Whoooo!

Do you like my whip?

- I love the whip, babe! - Yeah?

She's flirting with Jake.

Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

- It's a wig. - Yeah!

...any longer, guys.

Hi Mum. Having a nice time at camp.

This is for Brenda. I love you, Brenda!

I miss you, Brenda!

Brenda... Brenda loves you. Aaah, Brenda!

Whoo!

Aaaah! Ah...

At last!

We need someone doing it.

Yay!

Go band for band with you.

I'll have you know that I only go M for M.

Run the hill. I'm fucking tired.

Muggles!

Yay!

(cheering

Wait, I've got one here, I've got one...

Wait, guys, look. Wait...

Cheers!

Wait, we were gonna cheers...

Oh my God...

Jesus, there's an outline.