Original subtitles

No, it's all right. It's all right.

Hey, it's all right.

Look, my buggy's just around the corner,

Come. It's okay.

It's okay.

It's all right. I'll help you.

Ill help you, don't worry.

Seven years ago,

I was killed in the crash of an aeroplane.

My face was crushed and burned.

My body was pulled from the wreckage.

But to the ordinary life of the world,

life among people,

I have been dead for seven years.

And so now I have decided

to bring this living death to an end.

You are the last experience of my life.

You are my last adventure.

But you just can't.

Can.

I will have you tonight.

You won't have to look at me.

You will only have to look at this.

I can't just...

My dear, take all the time you want.

Perfect. Just perfect.

Too easy.

It's too easy for the last experience of my life.

You better hurry.

If she drinks any more of that stuff, she'll be on the moon.

What a thrilling sight,

after all these years.

Memories.

It's like a flood of memories.

All those years,

all those years, all those years I was in paradise

and didn't know it.

But you're wonderful.

Wonderful.

It was never like that before.

I feel like a... it was like a shock.

It felt as if I was on a different plane,

living in another dimension.

How can you talk of dying?

I can feel the power in you.

It's running through my fingers into my body.

You should live to conquer your handicap,

to triumph in spite of it.

You haven't seen my face.

You can wear this mask.

Do what you have to do.

This mask isn't me.

I can't live without women.

You can understand that.

Sooner or later, she would have to see my face.

Then she would always think of me that way.

Can it be that bad?

If I could believe that I could find a woman who could look at me

without horror,

then I could live.

Surely for a man like you, there must be someone.

[have to have proof.

Proof?

How can there be proof for something like that?

Akiss.

What?

If a woman could look at me and then kiss me with her eyes open,

then I could believe.

Could you do it?

Could I what?

One kiss.

You could stay with me.

I have plenty of money.

We could build our own world and live in it together.

Stop. Please stop.

I pleased you.

You said I made you happy.

You're hurting me!

- One kiss... - No.

...To save my life!

One kiss.

Fantastic.

Just fantastic.

What an effect.

She just passed out.

Not bad.

Streptosemia phantasmacoccus.

Atypical case.

She'll pull through.

Oh, I'm a doctor.

Just help me get her into a cab and I'll take her back to my office.

Ah, dear lady, you are awakened up.

We are so happy to have gotten you in time.

How did I get here?

What is this?

Well, this is the seventh astro-sessional.

The plow is furrowing in the orchard, and...

in a very short while,

we will perform the sacred ritual of transformation

to the god Apu,

of the seven fountains of wisdom and hope.

Principal deity and only true father of all the gods.

Rani Apu, Apu, Rani Apu, Rani Apu.

How did I get here?

What's all this got to do with me?

Oh, it has everything to do with you.

You are the sacrifice.

What?

Your astral charts are the most propitious ever cast

by the high priest.

Seven sacred tortoises have been burned and the snake has shed his skin.

All the readings are favorable to an almost frightening degree.

Sacred wine,

blessed by the god Apu, for the illumination of spirit and mind.

Oh god Apu, allow thy celestial brilliance

to illuminate this sacred ointment so that the illusion of earthly flesh

may be dispelled.

Apu smiles upon us.

All the constellations were in conjunction over your birthplace

at the very moment of your birth. And,

it has since been learned that constellations previously unknown

were also in conjunction.

I confess to you, dear lady, I can never remember

the name of the city of your birth,

Weehawken.

Weehawken.

Ah, yes.

Oh, you are the most promising of sacrifices.

Tonight, the high priest,

the guru of gurus,

source of energy for all things on earth,

will be transformed into the living image of Apu

at the very moment of your sacrifice.

You're going to kill me?

Oh, no, no, no.

Apu does not delight in bloodshed.

No, yours will be a very different kind of sacrifice.

What kind?

You will see.

You can't do this.

- It's kidnapping. - No, no, no, no, no!

No hostility.

It produces harmful vibrations.

When the worshippers come into the temple,

you must respond to the waves of reverent love emanating from them.

Worshipers?

Only the priests of the sixth platform will be present.

The leading spiritual advisors from all the fifty states.

The most loving people in all the world.

To be sacrificed to Apu is the rarest privilege you will ever know.

The ceremony is certain to be the supreme moment of your life.

Only one other sacrifice in memory had half so good a forecast as yours.

She expressed just such doubts as you are expressing.

She is now the sacred vestal of the temple of Kansas City.

Oh, joy.

It is beginning.

It is beginning.

Oh, god Apu, make thy presence felt tonight.

Yunno,

we shoulda rigged it up some way, so it would've looked like

they were carrying candles.

Ah, you're a perfectionist.

I thought it was an inspiring ceremony.

So did I.

I'll only be a minute. I have to uh, grease my radiator.

- What... - Silence!

Remain silent until I tell you to speak.

What did you do with them?

What?

You know perfectly well what.

The secret plans for the liquidation of our organization.

I didn't have them.

We've been following you for some time now.

You had those plans in your portfolio

and you're going to tell me what you did with them.

- Well, you've made a mistake. - Mistake?!

Mistake?

Let me tell you that our leader himself is interested in your case

and he does not make mistakes.

You've got the wrong girl.

You think we don't know who you are?

We know who you are!

- Hi. - Hi!

You are Agent 69 of Counter Security.

Special courier for the forces assigned to Operation Deep Fry.

Argue with that!

Well?

You've got the wrong girl.

Jones, the truth serum.

Did you swallow it?

Open your mouth.

Raise your tongue.

Did you really swallow it?

Yes, I did.

Now we shall have the facts, Jones.

I don't know anything about it.

I don't know anything about Deep Fry or you or anything.

I'm just a model.

That's it, Jones.

They found an antidote.

Yeah, looks like it.

Antidote to the truth serum.

Give me Super S.

You'd better bring in the table.

She'd better take this one lying down.

Let's see you shake this one off.

Put her on the table.

No, no.

I'm afraid of needles. I won't do it.

I won't do it.

You won't do it?

Ah! I'll do it. I'll do it.

Oh?

Put her on the table.

It's working,

Got the wrong girl.

That's it, Jones.

We're behind in the antidote race.

What are we going to do, Over and under Leader?

No problem.

I'll get that information...

...and what she did with those plans at the same time.

The iron brassiere, Over and under Leader?

Too messy.

The tongue extractor?

Don't be a simpleton, Jones! She's got to be able to talk.

Give me the new one they rigged up.

Goes on the head, doesn't it?

I believe it goes on the foot, sir.

- You sure? - That's what they said, sir.

Yeah. Here.

Here. Put this on the instep.

On the heel.

There.

I believe this goes on the instep.

Ah.

Please don't hurt me, I keep telling you.

I know what you keep telling me!

You keep telling me we got the wrong girl,

and that's damn silly nonsense.

Screw that down!

Feel anything?

Damn it, Jones!

You dunno how to work it?

Look, I still say this part goes on the head.

You screw it down and it pulls all the teeth out.

They said feet, Over and under Leader.

Jones, give it to me!

One thing I hate is progress!

I'll have to drill for it.

I'll just have to drill down to the neural synapse,

which controls your power to resist.

You'll have to hold perfectly still for this one.

Quarter of an inch either way and I lose all this information.

Is this a one-eighth or a one-sixteenth-inch drill?

Oh, one-sixteenth, Over and under Leader.

Fine, fine, fine.

I don't mind telling you we've had some unexpected results with this one.

All right now, here we go.

Yeah. Yes, yes, yes.

Well, what is it?

We've got the wrong girl, sir.

Wha, what do we do now?

I guess we'll have to send her to the breeding farm on the mountains

to breed followers for the leader, sir.

Well, send someone in to breed her.

They're all in jeering and reviling class, sir.

Except for the ones posted for special duty.

What about Henderson?

I saw him sitting on his butt in the day room reading a comic book,

Tell him to get in here and get to work.

Has the clap.

What about you?

Oh, I'm posted for guard duty, Over and under Leader.

Looks like you'll have to breed her yourself, sir.

My God, do I have to do everything?!

Sorry, sir.

Get out!

To you, my leader, I dedicate this new follower

to the movement, who is about to be.

Hut, two, three, four.

That's military efficiency, my dear.

What will you do with me now?

Oh, now don't you worry.

You'll have a very nice life at the breeding farm.

I think it's best expressed in their motto.

Light duties, heavy labor.

And from time to time,

I'll come up to see how you're getting along,

Nice weekend all around.

One of the best.

This one's ready for the breeding farm.

All right, I'll take her down.

My dear,

you've given me a new lease on life.

I have so enjoyed our little adventure

that I have decided to have another

and another.

Since I am not going to die, I cannot let you go.

What are you going to do to me?

In my travels, I once met an Arab sheik.

He is always willing to purchase maidens for his harem.

You will be sent to our novitiate in Nashville.

What a happy life.

Very nice girls.

Very.

Say, I've got to hurry.

I'll meet you down there.

Nice adventure for them.

You know what I did?

I set an alarm clock to go off about halfway across.

I sure would like to be there when they start comparing notes.

Yeah, they'll have some real stories to tell.

Huh! Nobody would ever believe them.

Too bad.

What about next weekend?

Same scene?

No, I was thinking about something new.

Something about time travel.

Yeah, something about a time machine.

That'll take a lot of equipment.

Nah, just some knobs and switches and things,

yeah and a lotta flashing lights, and a big plastic tube.

Something with a time machine.

You put 'em in a time capsule, a big plastic one that lights up green.

Pipe in a little gas so when she wakes up,

she's in another century.

I like it.

Listen, we could advertise for girls interested in taking part

in advanced scientific experiments.

Yeah and tell 'em that we had to use women

because their metabolic tarsal metabolism

makes them able to withstand depression better than men.

Another century.

Out of this world.