Original subtitles

Thank you.

Que loco.

Kill Lockjaw.

Kill

Lockjaw.

Now, Captain, about tonight's job.

It's a third-floor bedroom, isn't it?

Well, I've got all the gear here.

Telescopic ladder, camera with peeping Tom lens, eavesdropper radio set,

sneakers, and a brace and bit for the shutters, and that's the lot.

Just a minute.

What about my snack?

Oh, Captain, please.

Cheese and chutney sandwiches, hard-boiled eggs, mixed pickles, and

potato chips.

What's for after?

Cherry cake and apple pie.

Lovely. Oh, Fred.

Snip in a slab of fruit and nut, eh?

Oh, sir.

Sorry.

Hello?

Oh, just one moment, madam. I will inquire.

What is it?

Snaps or snoops?

Photography or investigation, madam?

Snoops.

Just one moment, madam. I'll have you put through.

Hello?

Captain Barker Ryan here. My name is Mrs. Margaret Clifford.

Now, listen carefully, my good man. I need someone to watch someone.

Someone close to me.

I quite understand.

Your advertisement in the telephone book suggested you're admirably suited to the

task.

Just a moment.

Roger?

Roger, is that you?

Go and see.

I'm sorry. I thought I heard my nephew.

Now, I want you to come down here tomorrow to Studholm, the Green Glades

Hotel. Don't be a guest, you understand?

Yes, madam.

Now, when you arrive, you must wait for me to contact you.

There will be a check for 75 guineas in the morning post.

That should meet your accommodation for the week.

Goodbye.

75 guineas for a week? Captain!

75? It's more than 75 quid.

Fred, you know what's happened? We've made it.

We're up amongst the knobs.

Not a society case. Yes, a society case.

Do you realize where this could lead?

The Sunday newspapers.

The memoirs of a private eye.

What I saw through drafty keyholes. The lot. Well, they pay you hundreds for

that. Hundreds?

Thousands.

Thousands?

Oh, I feel faint.

Come and sit down, Captain.

Let me pour you another pint. Ah yes.

Good morning, sir. Morning.

Welcome to Greenglades. Thank you.

Ah,

I'll take that one. Very well, sir. Thank you.

In here? Yes, sir.

Oh, good morning, sir.

Oh, morning.

Mr. J. Barker-Rind.

The caption.

Yes, sir.

With a Y.

Yes.

Ernie. Of course.

Very informal atmosphere you have here.

We don't stand on ceremony here, sir.

Oh, and this one.

I'll take that one.

My business papers.

Oh, yes.

Nice nip in the air down here, eh?

Gives you an appetite, sir? Yes, certainly does. Where is the dining

room, by the way? Later, if you don't mind, sir. One of the director's

assistants will want to see you first.

Well, I've been up here very long. I'm feeling pretty peckish. Yes, Miss

Reutemann. Can I have Mrs. Clifford's mail, please? Of course.

Here. Thank you. I'll be in the bar if anybody wants me.

Here, be with you. Very nice, very nice. Who is she?

She's secretary to one of our guests, as a matter of fact, sir. Mrs.

Clifford.

Very nice for Mr. Clifford, eh?

If anybody wants me, I'll be in the bar.

Morning.

Morning.

That looks interesting. I'll have one of those.

I'm not sure I can recommend it.

Potently. Oh, well.

Try anything once.

Thank you.

Cheers.

I did warn you.

What's that?

Carrot juice, mostly.

Carrot juice?

With a dash of apple vinegar, margarine bitters and aloes.

The concoctions, you ladies, pour down your ported insides.

One of the countries going to the dogs. Let me introduce you a real drink.

Welcome.

rhubarb pressy, stingo of nettle, iodine quaff, parsnip frappe, cabbage cup,

turnipade, or... skim goat's milk.

Skim goat's milk? You were expecting something a little more palatable?

Oh, yes, weren't I?

Awful, isn't it? I'm afraid this is one health clinic that doesn't pull its

punches.

Health clinic?

Well, at least at some of the others they allow you fruit juices.

Are you all right?

I'm as well as could be expected.

Mr. Ryan. Hmm?

I'm Mr. Rumbler. We'll see you now, sir, if you'll kindly follow me in.

Oh, Vinnie.

I don't think he quite knows what he's let himself in for.

They never do, miss.

Will you take a seat, sir? Our consultant will be with you in a moment.

Mr.

Ryan?

Rumbelow.

Did I crush it? No, you made it wet.

The morning dip.

Well, we'll just take a few particulars.

Don't you like dogs?

Some dogs.

Sit down, Mr. Reinder.

Mr. Jerry Barker Reinder, Captain. Your age?

My age?

Oh, come now. We're not going to be feminine about this, are we?

Oh, I'll bang down 32.

Well, that disposes of your age, or some of it.

Profession? Um, birdwatcher. Really?

Married? No.

Why not?

Are you married?

No. Why not?

Mr. Ryan, I'm asking the questions. Are you single from choice?

Oh, indubitably.

My profession has somewhat prejudiced me against wedding bells.

A misogynistic ornithologist.

What? Do you smoke? Thank you.

How many cigarettes a day do you smoke?

Oh, I suppose it depends on how many people I meet.

Have you any other personal habits?

Mr. Rumbelow is always absolutely necessary.

You don't have any that you'd hesitate to tell me about, surely?

Yes, lots.

I can understand your reticence, Mr. Ryan. The writing is rather on the wall,

isn't it?

Well, just look at you, dull-eyed, pallid, concave. You should be convex.

Put out your tongue. Huh?

Tongue.

Ooh.

Nasty.

Eyes.

Good heavens, I don't know how you can see out of them.

Ah!

Not so much stiffness as rigor mortis.

You've come to us just in time, Mr. Ryan.

We are the handmaidens of Mother Nature. We'll soon have you in working order.

I'll put you down for the lot, I think.

Right. Raw salt rubs, sits, baths, team and heat, maximum stretches and

manipulations and the usual cleansing sessions.

Diet? We'll take you through parsnip pulp and carrot juice and work you

gently up to grass salads.

Grass salads?

Oh, hunger will cease to gnaw in a few days, Mr. Ryan. Your stomach, you see,

will shrink.

Treat? Treatment sheet, diet sheet.

Richard, will you come in here a moment?

Don't look so alarmed, Mr. Ryan. We've had worse cases and pulled them through.

We are going to take your poor abused body, wring it out, and start all over

again.

You're not, you know. Mr. Ryan. Captain, and I like my body the way it is. Then,

apart from the absurdity of that remark, what are you doing here?

That's better.

A moment of panic on the brink, as it were. We get that.

Come in.

Ah, Richards.

Show our new guest to his quarters, will you?

Let me see. You are paying 75 guineas a week.

Hot 29.

Hot? Very bracing, you'll find.

I regard your case as a personal challenge. You will be getting my full

indem... How dare you?

I haven't eaten anything for nearly an hour.

Mr. Ryan, please understand I will not tolerate any form of cheating on the

diet.

Backsliding will be mercilessly suppressed.

Take him away.

All right, outside, everybody, please.

No cause for alarm.

What's going on? Just for Joe, sir. This way, sir.

May I have your attention, please?

I do apologize, ladies and gentlemen, for all this, but regulations, you know.

Now, if you'll kindly answer your names.

This way, sir.

Folds in. Ah!

Ah! Not until nightfall.

Regulations. What?

Now, sir. Bed.

Locker.

Water.

It'll thaw out.

You're beginning to look better already, sir.

Captain, Horatio will fetch you at night tonight.

Destroy this M. Clifford.

Destroy this.

Horatio? Oh,

pegapod!

Anyone at home?

Mrs. Clifford?

Captain Ryan.

You in?

Ah, there you are.

Mrs. Clifford?

Wakey, wakey there, lady.

What's going on here? We were talking. She collapsed. I'll have

to take her to the shower.

Morning, sir.

Oh, Burton.

Glad you're on the case, sir.

Oh, yeah, I'm not. I was due to start me holidays this morning.

Oh, bad luck, sir.

Dr Crossley's waiting, sir. Crossley? Who's he when he's at home? Oh, he's the

director here. He runs the place. Oh, is he?

Come on, then.

Oh, come on, then. Which way?

Here, sir.

Come in.

Doctor, this is Detective Inspector Hook.

How do you do?

Good morning, Inspector.

My wife. Madam.

Well, Inspector?

Murder, sir.

Are you sure?

According to our lab reports, it's some sort of poison called ricin in the

carrot juice.

Ricin? This is a terrible shock.

I can understand that. I mean, a thing like this can be bad for business, can't

it? That is hardly the point, Inspector.

We happen to be very fond of Mrs. Clifford.

Oh, yes, indeed, Inspector.

She was quite one of my husband's favourites.

Among the guests, that is.

Isn't that so, Julian, darling?

She'd been coming here for a number of years.

I like to think that our relationship was more that of friends rather than

doctor and patient.

I see.

I see.

Look, sir, I'd like to have a word with your guest. Do you mind?

I suppose not. When? Right now, sir. I want full particulars of anyone who

decides to check out from now on.

You'll find none of them are due to leave till next weekend at the earliest,

Inspector. Oh?

The murderer could suddenly change his mind, madam.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please?

Thank you.

Detective Inspector Hook would like a brief word.

Thank you.

I'm sorry to trouble you. I realize how upsetting all this is for everyone.

The situation is this. Last night, two guests were poisoned.

One of them, fortunately, is recovering.

The other one is dead.

I'm satisfied that this is a case of murder.

Now,

I understand from the director that no one is scheduled to leave here for at

least a week.

And I hope none of you will find it necessary to change your plans.

I have no powers to detain you here, of course.

But should any guest decide to curtail his stay, full particulars of name,

address and reasons will be required by the duty police officer.

You rang, sir?

Yeah, I believe this gentleman requires attention.

Can I help you, sir?

Yes, I want to change my accommodation.

Oh, really, sir?

Yeah, yes, last night, people running around, shouting and bawling. It was

murder. Murder, sir?

Purely a figure of speech.

Oh, will you see that my quarters are changed immediately?

Very well, sir.

Let me see.

You're in hut 29.

I'm afraid the only other one available is hut 28.

Oh, that's marvelous, yes.

We'll have a go at that.

Fine, fine.

See that my bags are taken around immediately, will you? Of course, sir.

Excuse me, I mustn't miss my raw salt rub.

Quite an impression you made this morning. Quite an impression. Trying to

sneak off like you did. Men have been hanged for a good deal less.

And if I may say so, your actual appearance is rather against you. I

suppose you've noticed it yourself.

What? And this hook fella only rests rather than none, I should imagine.

And you could well be his number one suspect.

Me? Don't be ridiculous.

They'll find the husband, did it? Oh, no, they won't. Well, I happen to know.

Well, I've heard that the deceased suspected him of pitching the woo

elsewhere. Quite impossible. Oh, now, look, I tell you... He's been dead for

years. What?

Ten years at least. All right, Richards, the shower.

He sure is dead?

He was when they buried him.

As a matter of fact, he passed away on this very table.

Oh, that doesn't surprise me.

It did us.

Of course it's freezing. We use only the best here, ice water.

Turn it off!

All right, Richard. I think it's the first time. Switch it off.

Switch it off!

All right, Richard.

Get him ready for the massage table.

You know, I think there's something sneaky about poison. I prefer the blunt

instruments to myself.

Don't you?

Yes, I certainly do.

You know, I think there are few people in this country with a keener nose for

detection than myself.

Great unsolved crimes of the century.

Solved them all. In theory, of course.

Often think I've missed my vocation.

Money. They always do it for money.

Reduces some men to the level of animals.

Yes, the nephew might be on a bit of a sticky wicket here.

He gets the lot, you know.

Young Master Roger comes in for a cool quarter of a million pounds.

Roger? Why do you want to bump off the secretary as well?

That could have been a mistake, of course. It certainly was.

Oh, oh. Roll away, my dear fellow.

All the walls are soundproof.

Still, I shouldn't think that Roger's got the moral fiber for that sort of

thing. More likely to get someone to do his dirty work for him.

A hired assassin.

Could I have your attention, please?

This is the director speaking.

I have a very important announcement for both guests and staff.

The police have authorized me to...

The executors of the late Mrs. Clifford are offering a reward for any

information leading to the apprehension of the person responsible for her tragic

death. And a very substantial reward.

The sum of 2,000 pounds.

Heck.

2,000 pounds.

2,000 pounds.

Captain.

If he's a captain, I'm Fidel Castro.

Why, I knew it the second I set eyes on him. It's not just the face, it's the

pallor. I shouldn't be surprised if he's straight out of jail.

Excuse me.

I found this charming little trinket in the grounds yesterday. I was wondering

whether you'd put a notice on the board.

Yes, certainly, Captain.

You will let me know if it isn't claimed, won't you? Oh, indeed, sir.

I was wondering what, sir?

I was wondering whether you had a small bar of chocolate.

Chocolate, sir.

Quite finished.

Hello, Mr. Rambler.

I trust you aren't thinking of eating any of these berries?

Yes. No.

They're poisonous.

Poison?

Yes.

One second, sir. Now then.

This goes in here.

There you are.

One walkie-talkie dog.

Hello, Inspector. Come in. Good morning, sir.

Thank you.

Yeah, well, I was hoping to find you here, Mr Forrester. I've got one or two

further questions, if you don't mind, sir. I don't think there's anything else

I can tell you, Inspector.

Yeah, there is just one thing, sir.

What do you want?

Have you seen that before, sir?

No, I don't think so.

It's the carrot juice can, sir. We found it in the rubbish bin.

You see that little hole?

Oh, yes.

Yeah. Someone punched a hypo needle into there before it was open and syringed

ricin into the juice.

Do you find that interesting?

Hmm?

Nosy.

Did Mrs. Clifford normally drink carrot juice, sir? Yes, she did. And Miss

Royman? What auntie did, everyone did. But not you, sir? I drew the line at

carrot juice.

My poison, if I may use the word, was something stronger.

I see.

Do you?

Yes, you do, don't you? Well, you're quite wrong, you know.

Oh, really, sir?

I'm deeply grateful for what I'm about to receive. I didn't

kill her.

Oh? And I'm hardly likely to poison my own fiancée.

Your fiancée, sir?

Miss Reutemann and I are engaged.

Well, I didn't know that.

Well, all right, Inspector.

You can see her now.

Right, sir.

I'd say you'd been very lucky, Miss Royman. Don't you think so, Doctor?

Yes, remarkably so. Well, your luck's our luck, too.

Why do you say that?

Well, the murderer can't have counted on your being alive to tell us anything.

Burton.

Yes.

I've got one or two further questions, Miss Royman, if you don't mind.

How long have you been Mrs. Clifford's secretary?

Not long.

About six months.

I had to get a job after... After what?

Well, after my divorce.

I see.

Did Mrs.

Clifford take you into her confidence about her affairs?

Oh, yes, I think about everything.

We were quite close, Inspector. I was very close.

Can you think of any reason why anyone should want to do away with her?

No, I can't. Or yourself?

No, I don't know.

All right, all right, all right.

Now, about this card party last night, there was just you, Mr. Forrester, Mrs.

Clifford and Dr. Crossley.

Yes. What time did it start?

About seven.

We played three-handed for a while. Dr. Crossley was a little late.

What time did it finish?

Oh, about nine.

Mrs. Clifford said she felt tired.

Oh, was that usual? Did she normally go to bed that early?

No.

As a matter of fact, it wasn't usual.

She loved cards. She often played till midnight or even after.

When did you have the drinks?

Oh, just before we broke up, I think.

Did you get them?

No.

Well? Dr.

Crossley fetched them from the kitchen.

He was dummy.

Was he?

I thought I told you to get this flaming mongrel out of it.

Must be the mating season.

I'm sorry.

Yes. Oh, director.

So it was you I saw playing with my dog just now.

Yes, just a romp.

She does enjoy it. I wish you'd remember that I like exercising Junior myself.

She's just come back completely exhausted.

And Rumbelow, you're in charge of the library, aren't you?

Yes, that's correct.

Well, if your system is as meticulous as you claim, perhaps you can tell me why

there is a certain volume missing.

Missing? Impossible.

Well,

it's not out on loan, and it's not on the shelves.

What book is this, Director?

Rudenheimer.

Nature's Poisons.

Rudenheimer. A fascinating book.

The police think so.

The police?

Nature's poisons, Rumpelow.

Poisons. And it is missing.

Oh.

That book must be found.

Yes, director.

Immediately after lunch, I'll organize a search.

Now. Yes, director.

Good morning, sir. Your carrot juice.

The parsnip perhaps a little tastier today, sir.

Cook's laced it with caraway seeds.

She's still in danger, you know.

Who? That poor Miss Reutemann.

Yes, the poisoner will strike again, sir. Mark my words.

Good morning, sir.

Good morning, Lily. The parsnip perhaps a little tastier today, sir. Cook's

spiced it with caraway seeds. Oh, good.

She's still in danger, you know.

Pardon? That poor Miss Reutemann.

Yes.

The poisoner will strike again, sir, mark my words.

Thank you.

There's something going on, Burton.

I can feel it. There's something definitely going on.

The old head wound acting up, sir? Yeah, itching.

Itching.

Look, we've got to find a druggist with ricin on his poison book. There must be

one. Well, I've covered them all within a radius of 20 miles, sir. All right,

tomorrow make it 30. Good night, Burton.

Well, what about you, sir? I said good night.

Look, you could use some sleep yourself, sir. Not when I've got the itch. I've

got a man watching the chalet. You don't need to sit up all night. I'll see you

in the morning, Burton.

There's definitely something going on.

Now,

you just take off the safety catch, point, and pull.

Yes, well, I'm sure it must be as easy as you say it is, but all the same, I'd

rather not.

Fran, I wouldn't be able to sleep if I thought there was only this blockhead

hook between you and... Well, I don't want anything else to happen to you.

All right, Roger.

Do as you say. Thank you.

Now, you sleep well.

J. Parker Ryan, private detective.

I can't.

Divorce speciality?

Shh, shh, shh.

I've been watching a man I think is the murderer, but he's given me the slip.

Any minute now, he may turn up here.

When I take my hand away from your mouth, not a sound, eh?

Shh, shh. I'm your friend.

Have no fear.

Rind is here.

It's all right, Miss Reitman. It's me.

Miss Reitman, I've been watching a man I believe to be the murderer, but he's

given me the slip. Any moment now, he may be poised ready to strike.

But have no fear.

Rumbelow's here.

Let's lie in wait together.

You know what I mean.

Resistance is useless. Drop that club.

You drop yours.

I don't. You hear what I say. Drop that club. Drop it.

Drop it. I warn you. Drop that club.

Both of you drop them.

All you have to do is point and pull.

And I'm pointing.

Have a care here. Stay where you are.

This man. Don't move.

This man is a paid assassin.

What? Do you deny that that truncheon is for hire?

Oh, don't be so ridiculous.

I'm a fully paid up member of the Private Detectives Association.

I can prove it. Do you mind?

Well,

it seems all right.

It is all right.

And now, Mr. Rumbelow.

Do you deny that the late Mrs. Margaret Clifford was your patient and that in

your file is the significant entry AV2 in carrot juice twice daily, final

phase? No.

And AV2 is a deadly poison?

Oh, AV, apple vinegar.

Two? Two squirts.

Who's that?

Who's there?

Oh, it's you, sir.

Well, quiet, Loft House.

There's the grave, sir.

All right. Well, you can stand down.

What, sir? I said you can stand down. I'll take the rest of this watch.

Well, if you say so, sir. I do say so.

Good night, sir. Good night.

Sorry about all this, Miss Reitman. Good night.

Miss Roitman, I hope you won't... Miss Roitman, I hope you won't mention this

little contretemps to anyone. You know, I'm in this for 2,000 quid. Don't worry.

I shan't tell anyone.

Thank you very much. I wouldn't like the police to hinder my investigations.

My investigations?

Your investigations? Yes, I've been investigating.

What investigation? Gentlemen, why don't you two get together?

Oh, I couldn't do that. I'm a professional. I can't work with non

-union labor.

As a member of the public, it is my duty to bring the murderer to book.

Ten percent.

I was thinking of offering you that.

I think ten percent is a very fair offer for any small contribution you're likely

to make. Don't you think so, Miss Whiteman? Any small contribution, as you

put it, will come from your end.

Shh!

There's somebody outside.

Go on, I'll be here.

There's a man in a raincoat going round the back.

I'm going to phone the police. Just a minute, just a minute. Have you

forgotten the 2,000 quid? I haven't forgotten, but there's a man outside.

There are two men inside.

Not for 10%. 25.

50-50.

50? 50.

Agreed.

I'm sure there is something.

I did it. I mean, you did it.

Just a minute. It's Hook.

You did it, all right. Yes, but you did it as well.

Amateur.

I know it's... Well, it's banned too, but I do assure you, Inspector, that

Hall's potent healing oil is most efficient. I don't know any remedy half

as good. Dressing, please.

Yeah, have you found that poison book yet?

No, have you?

No. Oh.

Did Miss Reitman see anything of the intruder? She says not. Didn't hear

anything either, but I did. Oh?

Yeah, there are two of them in it.

Indeed? Just as I was coming round, I heard someone say something to someone

else. Really?

What? Just one word.

Run. On the spot.

Run! One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. Hop, hop, hop, hop. Get

them up there.

One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. Hop, hop, hop, hop. Hop, hop, hop,

hop. Hop, hop, hop, hop. Get them up there.

Hop, hop, hop, hop. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. Rest.

Hand.

I said rest, Mr. Ryan, not disintegrate.

Now don't help him, ladies.

Let him find his own feet.

Now he's joined us again.

Right, before we take root, once again, on the spot.

Run! One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. Hop,

hop, hop, hop. One, two, three, four. Go along.

Hop, hop, hop, hop. Come along.

Got something in your eye, Mr. Rind?

Hop, hop, hop. Behind you, hook.

On? Hook, behind you.

Hop, hop, hop.

To the woods.

To the woods.

Hop, hop, hop, hop, hop.

Hop, hop, hop. To the woods.

Follow me.

Hop, hop, hop, hop, hop.

Do you know who actually found it, Johnson?

Yes, Captain Ryan, madam.

Oh, yes, he's the odd person who made such a fuss about the accommodation.

Yes, madam.

Do you happen to know where he is?

Out exercising, I believe, madam.

I must thank him.

No sign of him. You sure?

Yes.

You mean he's not waiting for us?

No.

As I thought.

What? You panicked.

I beg your pardon? You panicked.

How could the inspector possibly have known what hit him last night?

They were creeping up to windows.

You panicked again.

I can assure you, inspector, I can explain everything.

Down, Junior, down.

Mr. Ryan, may I have a word with you, please? With pleasure. Mr. Rumbelow,

will you be kind enough to take Junior for a little walk? Pardon?

Walkies?

Friend?

Friend.

Walkies!

Down, boy!

Down! The brooch is an heirloom.

I'm really most grateful to you, Mr. Ryan.

Well, that's all right, Mrs. Crosby.

You sit down, won't you?

Thank you. I like that.

Stones are genuine. It's very valuable.

My husband was careless enough to lose it when he was taking it for cleaning.

I'd quite given it up. It was six months ago.

Six months?

Tell me, where did you find it?

In the grounds.

You know, it's in remarkably good condition. It's been lying out there for

six months.

Yes, it is, isn't it? You know, I might have thought that it had been lost, you

know, only the other day.

Most odd.

Well, thank you very much, Mr. Rind.

Excuse me. Oh, yes, yes.

Yes, yes.

The old triangle.

I think a little night work is indicated.

Yes.

That dog knows I'm abroad tonight.

He knows.

He had a go at my arm this morning.

If I don't get some meat pretty soon, I'll have a go at it myself.

In any case, this is ridiculous.

Nurse Fallows? Why, she's... Yes, she is.

She's not.

She's John of Elysian now. I'm the director.

Just the age for it. I'm not going to stand here and have you... Cast

aspersions. Shut up and hold the ladder.

Little Rita?

I've watched her in the treatment room.

I bet you have.

Now hold the ladder and don't touch that.

Don't touch it.

What's the matter?

Well, I'm worried about that brooch. You promised you wouldn't wear it here.

I've said I'm sorry.

Yes, that night of all nights. Might have been found behind the chalet, for

all we know.

I only wanted to wish you luck. It was far too dangerous.

I like danger.

You don't have to live with my wife.

Neither do you for much longer.

I'll believe it when it happens.

Oh, look.

The old girl's dead.

You'll be getting the money. Now think about that.

You don't know Rachel.

She's made me dance to her tune for the last ten years.

She'll go on doing so.

You're not trying to get out of this, are you? Because if you are... No, of

course not.

That package I gave you, have you got it saved still?

Of course I have. Stop worrying!

I can wait.

What goes up must come down.

Rumbly, Owen.

Well, it's bound to.

Any idea who it was?

Whoever it was, he was at one of your nurses' windows.

Oh, a peeping Tom, eh? No, no, no. It was one of your guests.

How could you be sure?

He pinched my bar of chocolate.

Oh.

By the way, do you know anything about a new will the old lady was supposed to be

making? A new will? No, why?

The solicitor said she was going to make one.

Hasn't turned up yet, though.

What do you want?

The chief constable's just been on the phone, sir.

All right. What did he want?

Well, he says he hopes we'll be making progress very soon, sir.

What else?

Well, sir... Oh, come on. What else?

Well, sir, he asked me to say, sir, that... Come on, you fat... What else?

That you seem to be spending all your time unconscious, sir.

on this joker.

Oh! Oh!

Oh! There he's crumbled. Oh, he usually does. Is he hiding or something?

No, sir, he's busy.

Now, that should make you feel better.

Now for the circulator, sir.

Do I have to have that again?

Yes, sir, again.

Excuse me, sir.

Yes? Yes, he's here.

For you, sir.

For me?

Oh, rumble here.

Well?

I'm so sorry, my dear.

Do beg your pardon.

Captain Rind, I'm very worried.

I trust it's not about the little contretemps in your room the other

night? Oh, no, Captain, it isn't that.

I want your advice.

Oh, really?

Well, say on, dear lady, say on.

Indeed. Of course, all this may mean nothing at all, Captain.

But don't you think I ought to tell Inspector Hook?

Hook? No!

No, no.

You know, I don't think he's got the sort of head for this sort of thing. Bit

of a blunder.

Better leave it to me.

Hmm?

Don't worry, I'll be very discreet.

Goodbye.

Thank you.

Charming girl.

Always gives me my rank.

All right, Richard, I'll take over.

Traitor. Not at all. You skipped without saying a word.

I went, psst, psst. Well, what's that supposed to mean?

With 2,000 pounds at stake, I decided it was imperative that one of us should

remain at liberty. You, of course.

A painful decision, Ryan, but inescapable.

My conscience is clear.

Then why have you avoided coming face to face with me all day?

My duties kept me. I had reason to believe that a crate of stout had been

smuggled into the building, and I was right. Stout? Where is it? I poorly

found the sink. In the cold, bloody swine.

In any case, I'm only sorry I couldn't stay around long enough to see your

idiotic suspicions of the director confounded.

They were there, all right.

What? And neither of them was reading a good book.

I don't believe it.

Don't you? Well, let me tell you something else. Your doctor friend

persuaded Mrs. Clifford to invest some money in a new venture of his.

Well, that doesn't make him a murderer. Just a minute, just a minute. She

changed her mind. But before she could instruct her solicitor, she was dead.

Oh.

What now?

I'll tell you.

Little Rita's the answer to our problem. He said something about a package and

had she still got it safe.

A package?

Yeah, Rumbelow.

Tonight you're going to the lady's room and you're going to nick same.

Me? Yeah, you.

What about you? Me? I should be luring the said lady.

What do you know about luring the said lady? I've got you down on my form as a

misogynist. Misogynist? What is that? You hate women.

Well, I hate getting up in the morning when I'm not bedridden.

I don't like it.

I don't like it.

Are you sure you can keep the lady occupied long enough for me to search

her room?

Am I sure?

When I finish with her, my trouble will be getting rid of her.

Like Caesar, I came, I saw, I conquered.

All right, Caesar.

It's me, darling.

What's the matter?

You?

Me? What's the matter with me?

I sent you the note.

But it was signed J.

That's right. That's my name.

Jerry Boehm.

Jerry Boehm?

I was weaned on champagne.

J. Barkerine, Captain at your service.

Very much at your service.

Oh, I see. One of those.

Well, as you may have noticed, there are a number of things at this place that

are not on the menu, and I have... You happen to be one of them, Captain.

No, you don't understand.

I'm not one of those.

I should hope not.

What? Oh, no, I didn't mean one of those.

I say, do you believe in love at first sight?

Like instant coffee?

Yes. No.

Oh.

I'm a simple sort of a chap. Quite.

And I've worshipped from afar.

And the father the better.

I came. I saw you conquered.

Here, catch.

I say, you can't go yet.

Listen. You take one step nearer, and I'll do some gardening in that gap of

yours.

I say, oh, no, just... Oh!

Niceness. Of course, on the premises.

Bye.

Who do I sell silly?

I thought she got you. No, thanks to you, she didn't.

Look.

And look.

Everyone, owing to several degrees of frost, the early morning plunge is

cancelled.

You won't find any grub in there, my fine-feathered friend.

Hey! Hey!

You're walking!

They must be mad.

What are you doing down there?

Dr. Crosley.

Good morning, sir.

And you say you saw nothing?

Only the good doctor.

Shut the salt over, will you?

So and you found nothing yeah, well stabbed in the back with something long

and thin you know We

get this sent up from the station, you know

you have to when you're in a place like this Mm-hmm.

Oh, that's your job.

Yeah

How come you were at the pool this morning?

Um, the early morning bath, you hear? No, no, no, no, no.

No, not this morning. It was cancelled.

Really? Come on, now. You were caught with a corpse.

And all you can say is you were dipping your drawers.

That's a bit thin, isn't it? Like the ice.

I don't think so. Oh, yes.

Give us the bread, will you?

Hmm? A bread.

Come on.

We always get this car to grab down the station, you know.

Prisoners do, don't they? Oh, yes. The prisoners get this car to go.

And the butter, will you?

No, the butter.

No, the butter.

Funny thing, isn't it?

There's a murder the day you arrive, you go for a swim in eight degrees of frost,

and then there's another.

That's funny, isn't it?

Here.

I bet you'll be glad to leave this place, won't you?

You get a bit peckish apart from anything else, I suppose, don't you?

There's plenty more wind this came from, you know.

I'm not hungry.

You don't go in for snooping around girls' bedrooms by any chance, do you?

No. Or outside nurses' windows?

No. Or murder twice? No.

No. All right.

All right. Get out.

Here. Remember this.

Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, from now on, I've got my eye on you.

Of course.

R. R for Roger.

If I'm going to escape the hangman's rope, you'll have to do better than

that. But it's obvious. Look, R stands for the deceased wife, Rachel. It also

stands for his little... for his girlfriend, Rita.

It also... Just a minute.

It might be... Hook.

Disguise your voice.

Hello, hello.

Hello, hello.

Hello? Captain Ryan.

Oh! Oh, it's you, Miss Francis.

Captain, I must see you.

Oh, I'm afraid it's going to be a bit dicey. You see, I'm being watched.

Captain, it's most important.

You know that old oak behind the chalet?

I'll meet you there.

All right, well, I suppose we can risk it.

Au revoir.

Come on.

Calling someone, darling? I was just checking the desk for mail.

Roger, I'd rather like to get some fresh air.

Would you take me out?

Are you sure you're up to it?

I feel I can't stay in any longer.

This place... I understand.

This will do fine.

Um, I think I'd like to be on my own for a little.

Do you mind, Roger?

Well, are you sure you're going to be all right?

Oh, yes, thank you.

Horatio will look after me. No, no, you mustn't overdo it.

Be back for you in ten minutes.

Are you there?

Yes, dear lady, we are here.

Hello, Miss Florence. Shut up.

What can I do for you, my dear?

I'm frightened.

I can't sleep, I'm so afraid.

I'm even afraid of Roger.

I'm sure that whoever it is is going to try again and kill me.

Over our dead bodies.

I'm sorry, but after what happened to Dr. Crossley, I really feel that I ought

to go to the inspector.

He thinks it's the murderer hitting him.

I... have to tell him it's you no no please please not that you see uh well

we're within an ace of solving it yes we're quite confident that by 10 o'clock

tonight we'll have the murderer under lock and key what do you want to go and

say that for why to say something i mean you know who it is well we

have a button

Horatio, Horatio, come out of there.

All right, miss, I'll get him for you.

No, Inspector, that's all right. You come out. No trouble at all.

Here, come here.

Come here.

Will you come here?

Come here, you little... Here's a little beauty, madam.

Thank you. There must be a cat in there.

Oh, Inspector.

Yes, miss.

I feel cold.

Would you be kind enough to wheel me back to the chalet?

Certainly, miss.

Used to call this the gallows oak, you know.

Used it for hangings.

No, I didn't, though. Yeah.

Good old days.

Bloodthirsty flatfoot.

He'd hang you for a parking offence.

Really? Oh, come on. Let's get out of this blasted oak.

Four more hours.

Where is she?

As soon as she gets over her bereavement, I'm going to have a word

with Mrs. Crosley about that dog. Well, never mind about that. You realize we

only got four more hours.

Ryan, I have a plan.

And it's brilliant. Sit down.

Now, the murderer would kill again to get that button, right?

Now, if he knows who's got it, don't you see, Ryan?

Bait.

Bait? You.

Me? Look, we let all the R's know, Roger, Rachel, Rita, that you have found

a blazer button, male or female, somewhere.

Now, only the murderer knows where or when. Therefore, only the murderer will

be attracted to kill you.

To kill me? Yes.

Where's your walkie-talkie?

In my bag.

Just a minute. Are you kidding? Now, then, I have this bit.

And you have the translator, right?

Now, when the murderer is poised to kill you, you call, hello, hello, and I come.

Are you off your nut?

My dear fellow, I've already dropped a note about this to Miss Francis.

Well, I'm dropping it. It's out of the question. I've already set the plan into

operation. I've told the others.

You've told them? Uh-huh.

Well, that means the murderer knows that I've got the button.

Exactly.

I'm a duck.

A sitting duck. I'm glad you're beginning to catch on.

Now then, I've arranged for you to go for treatment last, so you'll be at the

steam room in five minutes.

And Rind, act naturally.

It's diabolically clever, isn't it?

It's diabolical.

Johnson? Yes, madam. About that obituary notice for the newspaper.

Make sure it's for one insertion only, will you? Yes, madam. Oh, and Johnson,

add no flowers by request.

Oh, yeah.

And rest in peace.

You should make up your mind whether you're coming or going, dear boy.

Your steam works wonders.

Right, come along, sir. What are you doing?

This way, sir. All right,

sir? Yes, thank you, Richard.

Arthur Richard?

All right, your slab's ready. You go, sir.

Testing. One, two, buckle my shoe.

Three, four.

Rumbelow.

There's someone here.

He's coming towards me.

He's coming.

No, no, Rumbelow.

He's coming on. He's coming towards me.

Rumbelow.

Rumbelow.

Rumbelow. What?

You're back with us at last.

Really, Ryan, if you're going to pass out at the sight of me, what's going to

happen when you see the real thing?

Brandy. What you need is shock treatment.

Shock? Don't you think I'm going to have shocks already?

Hmm?

Yes?

My patient?

Donuts?

Sausage rolls?

Gin?

Where?

In the summer house. Thank you very much.

I shan't be long. Just a minute.

You can't leave me like this.

Look, if you need any help, shout.

Oi!

I can smell smoke.

Are you receiving me? Fire, Ruffalo.

Ruffalo, do you realize that call was a fake?

Donuts, sausage rolls, gin.

I'll give up gin.

Ruffalo, everybody will be leaving the building.

Everybody will be leaving the building.

I'm trapped.

Who's there?

Roger?

Rita?

Rachel?

Richards?

My dear.

I've never been so happy to see anyone.

It's mutual, Captain Ryan.

Now, these straps, if you'll just... Just a minute. The blazer button.

Where is it? The plate.

It's in my pocket over there. But if... Hey, what are you doing on your feet?

Captain.

Ah, for Reutemann.

Yours?

Mine.

I had to kill the doctor. He noticed some injection marks on my arm.

And then he found a poison book in my room, put two and two together and

decided to try blackmail.

Do you follow?

No.

You're a professional, too.

Well, he had to go because he found out how I managed to kill Mrs. Clifford.

You killed Mrs. Clifford, too?

Yes, of course. I poisoned both of us.

You couldn't have poisoned you.

Yes, I did.

After I'd built up an immunity against ricin, of course, I injected myself in

small doses so that eventually the stuff had no more effect than a hangover.

Pretty cute, wasn't it?

Well, what do you want to do a thing like that for?

Well, she'd already guessed that there'd be wedding bells for me and Roger. She

wanted someone to turn over my background, which I'm afraid won't stand

for that kind of treatment.

That's where you came in.

And this, unfortunately, is where you go out.

Hey, Disney, what are you doing?

I'm going to give you one last shot, Captain.

What? Oh, no!

Robino! Robino!

All we need is a little water to step up the boatage and poof, you're short

-circuited.

Me? Short-circuited? Yes.

When they find

you, I shall be back in my wheelchair.

Funny how one thing leads to another.

As one little murder neatly planned, now I'm on number three.

Oh, well, that's life, I suppose.

Exciting, isn't it?

Help!

Ruffalo, help!

Help! Ruffalo, help!

Goodbye, Captain.

Yes, sir.

Oh, yes, sir.

You picked her up at Inton, sir?

One of your village constables?

Oh.

Congratulations.

Me? Oh, I'm all right, sir. As well as can be expected.

Yeah.

Thank you. Goodbye.

Goodbye, sir.

Well, that seems to clear everything up, sir. I'm not quite so sure.

She's the killer.

What I want to know is, who's been assaulting and battering me?

Yes, most distressing, Inspector. Now, about the reward.

Yes, I'm glad you brought that up.

Well, you don't wish to appear to be grasping, but... Here.

I've got a little surprise for you.

Oh? We found that missing will.

Oh.

Guess who she left all her money to?

A hole.

Nice little dog. Would you like someone to look after you? Your own personal

diet sheet.

Porterhouse steaks. Parsnip puree.

Grilled salmon.

Grated carrots.

Oh, well, nice long rest now, sir.

Horatio! Stop!

Horatio!

Horatio! Come on! Come on, boy! Come on, yeah! Come back here!

Kill Lockyard.