Original subtitles

[♪ acoustic guitar playing]

[tab clicks]

[♪ "Yahoos and Triangles" by The Refreshments playing]

♪♪

[♪ theme song concludes]

[♪ gentle guitar music playing]

[golf ball thwacks]

Now Peggy, this par three isn't as easy as I made it seem.

You have to take into account different factors.

Hm, wind's blowin' about five miles an hour

-to the sou-- -[golf ball thwacks]

[♪ majestic music playing]

Hot dang! Peggy, that's a hole-in-one!

Ho-yeah! And to think I have not touched a club

in, what, six years, while you are here every weekend.

Well, a hole-in-one is great, but the worst thing you can do now

is chase that high and forget your form.

Interesting.

When was the last time you got a hole-in-one, Hank?

Real golfers only focus on their next shot.

So, never.

[Hank Hill] Now, this green has a severe slope.

Focus... Focus...

-[phone buzzing] -What the...?

"Hole-in-one, number sign PeggyHill,

number sign GolfPro, number sign BetterThanHank"?

Focus on this, Hank!

[kiss smacking] Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Couples' tournament is next weekend,

so maybe we should save the celebrating

until we actually win that loving cup?

-[thwack] -[Peggy exhales sharply]

-Shit on a shingle! -Peggy! Language.

[Peggy growling]

[♪ suspenseful music playing]

Elbows.

[groaning] I hate this game

and everyone who plays it!

-[Peggy yells] -[Hank shudders]

-Peggy, what are you doing?! -[Peggy panting]

It's against golf etiquette to put a divot in the green.

What does golf etiquette say about me

jamming this club

into your mouth?

It's frowned upon.

[Peggy sobbing] Hank, I am terrible.

I am a horrible partner! [continues sobbing]

Hank, if we weren't married, would you have picked me

for the husband-and-wife golf tournament?

Huh. Uh... that's a weird question.

No, I guess?

Why would you not marry me, Hank?

[sobbing]

Uh, you might wanna play through.

[♪ gentle guitar music plays]

Mr. Gribble told me you guys entered the husband-wife golf tournament.

How's practice comin' along?

Which one of you is Bagger Vance?

I still don't understand golf.

Uh, well, not as much luck today as I had yesterday,

but that is golf, right?

[Hank sighs]

Well, that's a good attitude, Peggy.

Bring some of that positivity to the tournament,

and we just might win this thing.

Number sign champions. [chuckles]

[Bobby slurping]

Which one of you idiots loaded the dishwasher like this?

-[softly] What did you do, Dad? -[softly] Literally nothing.

I will just reload it myself, like I do everything else around here!

[muttering] No, I don't have anything to do. I'll do everything.

-Okay-- -Hey, Mom, the food was great.

I could serve this at Robata Chane.

-Oh, do not be a kiss-ass, Bobby. -[dishwasher slamming]

[♪ tense music playing]

And I know when a couple needs some alone time,

so see you tomorrow, bye!

-Yup. -Yep.

-Yup. -Yeah, man.

[slurping]

So... fellas, anybody got anything new

they want to share with the group?

[Dale sighs]

Well, I guess I'll be the first to say it.

I heard Peggy got a hole-in-one on the golf course.

-[Bill sighs dejectedly] -She sure did.

But it's the worst thing that coulda happened.

Ever since then, she's been havin' some wild swings,

on and off the course.

Boy, Hank. [chuckles]

That sure does sound like a hairy situation.

Well, maybe I'm just bein' too hard on her.

I know golf's a frustrating game, but she can't sleep,

and she's sweating more than a you-know-what in church.

Dang ol' end of her time, man.

Talkin' 'bout them dang ol' ch-ch-ch-changes, man, you know?

Gotta turn and face some strange, man.

You really think it's menopause, Boomhauer?

Yeah, man, I had the same dang ol' thing with Luke Jr.'s mom, man.

Hot and cold, wound up stabbin' me with a dang ol' protractor, man.

Well, I guess that would explain all of Peggy's strange behavior

and emotional outbursts.

I'll talk to her!

She's not the only one goin' through a big change.

Hey, Bill, did anyone mention

the beautiful new hairpiece we picked out for you?

Look at you. So dignified.

No, they did not, Kahn.

I guess a fella needs to get the menopause

to be noticed around here.

Shut up, Bill.

Peggy Hill has menopause?

Ha-ha, Hank Hill! Your life's about to get miserable now.

I went through that with Minh.

Thankfully, I got divorced, but not you.

You have requited love. Loser.

Good one, Kahn.

Anyway, I'm not worried about Peggy.

She'll handle it.

She probably just wants to be left alone and not talk about it.

[Peggy Hill] Hank! Can you come in?

-[♪ mellow guitar music plays] -[Hank slurping]

Hank, your house is the other way.

I know. Just takin' the scenic route.

♪♪

[TV audience laughing]

Hi, Peggy. I was talkin' to the guys in the alley

and it got me thinkin'.

Maybe this is a bad time for us to be in the golf tournament.

Why?

Well, it may be hard for you to play

if you're dealing with, oh, I don't know, uh,

mood swings, irritability, brain fog,

increased appetite, decreased bone density.

Uh, you know, golf stuff.

So, you and the guys in the alley

were talking about me going through menopause?

What? Uh... why?

Do you think you have menopause?

Oh, I have been going through it for a while,

and it has been a battle.

I dominated the first few rounds and dodged the worst symptoms.

Now, that's the Peggy I know.

And everybody loves that Peggy.

I really thought I had won.

But the last few months have been brutal, Hank.

Like Muhammad Ali whaling away on my uterus and my emotions.

Well, Ali would never hit below the belt,

but I'm very sorry about your...

Um, uh...

Do not worry, Hank.

-I know this is not your thing. -[TV stops playing]

Lord knows, my father was clueless.

My mother powered through it alone, and so will I.

We are staying in the tournament.

Peggy Hill is not a quitter. I will beat this.

-What happened there? -Oh, yeah.

Did not get today's Wordle.

♪♪

Oh, man, you talkin' 'bout that ol' Mister Rogers, man.

With ol' "choo-choo," yeah, man, it's--

PBS finally did somethin' right, man.

[Dale laughing] Boomhauer is right!

You look like an idiot in that sweater.

This was a gift from Kahn, so I feel like I should wear it.

Although it is pretty itchy.

You seem to be listening to Kahn an awful lot lately.

Maybe a little too much.

Can't a guy's male roommate suggest he wear a hair unit, dress differently,

and come up with a strict thousand-calorie-a-day meal plan

without you makin' it sound weird?

Bill, come on. It's time to go to the park.

I got a new Frisbee!

[Bill whimpers excitedly]

Nuh-uh. Not in the front.

Oh! Right. My sweater sheds on the seat.

It's hot back here.

-Hold on, pal. -[window whirring]

[Bill panting]

[Dale Gribble] It all makes sense now.

Post-divorce, Kahn has no control over his own life,

so he's controlling Bill, turning him into his pet.

Yeah, man, talkin' 'bout tell-- tell him like-- like a dang ol' dog, man.

-But-- but to what end, man? -Bingo!

To know what that deranged, egotistical,

depraved psychopath would be plotting,

we need to ask ourselves one question.

-[♪ dramatic music playing] -What would I do?

-[treadmill whirring] -[Peggy breathing heavily]

[panting] Can I help you, Hank?

No, Peggy, I'm here to help you.

You don't have to power through this alone like your mom.

So, here.

"How to Beat Menopause"?

Gettin' that off Amazon really did a number

on my "Recommended Books," I tell you what.

I had to buy a case of drill bits I already had

just to set the algorithm straight.

So, it was a win-win.

Hang on a second.

"Fluctuating estrogen can lead to weakened vision."

-[Peggy growling] -[treadmill beeps]

-[Peggy panting] -[treadmill whirring]

Okay, I went ahead and rerouted the air ducts

so that more cool air will pump towards your side of the bed.

Should help with your hot flashes.

This does feel better, Hank.

[♪ gentle music playing]

Mm. [kisses]

[groaning loudly]

I heard this is calming and will help with your muscle soreness.

[♪ gentle music continues]

[water sloshing]

Ah. This is so soothing, Hank.

"3% of women's feet get bigger during menopause"?!

-[screaming] No! -[wings fluttering]

[Peggy sobbing]

[♪ upbeat music playing]

Yeah! Come, come get it. Come get it.

[chomps]

[slurping]

[pennies rattling in can]

-[distant dog barking] -[birds chirping]

Mm-mm.

Just like a dang ol', like a prisoner of war, man.

But talkin' 'bout like a Zero Dark Thirty,

but a dang ol' opposite of that, man.

Exactly what I was thinking, Boomhauer.

I'll draw up plans for "Operation Retrieve Dauterive."

-[♪ suspenseful music playing] -[inhales and exhales deeply]

-[♪ mellow guitar music playing] -[people chattering]

Good news, Peggy. I talked to the tournament coordinator,

and they've agreed to make some accommodations.

Here's your cart, Mrs. Hill.

I've affixed a portable fan to the front,

and I loaded some Ensure in the back at your husband's request.

-Why does she get a cart? -Not sure why you need a cart

if you could get a hole-in-one.

[♪ gentle guitar music playing]

[golfers whispering]

-Ugh! -Not fair.

I can carry my own clubs and I can walk just fine.

[exhales sharply]

[♪ gentle, hopeful music playing]

-[back cracking] -[screaming] Ah!

Everyone, stand back!

What's wrong, Peggy?

Is it hot flashes? Is it brittle nails?

Is it... [whispering] bosom tenderness?

[groaning and sobbing]

My back feels like it is on fire, Hank!

We have to drop out.

It's still unfair she gets a cart.

Oh, sing a new song, asshole!

♪♪

-[♪ mellow guitar music playing] -[insects chirring]

Don't throw into coverage, Tony Romo!

[TV audience laughing]

[laughter on TV continues loudly]

After 80, every year without a headstone is a milestone.

[chuckles] Oh, yep.

You preach, my golden girlfriend. [slurping]

-Uh... Peggy? -Oh, it is okay, Hank.

Insomnia is yet another symptom of menopause.

So, my life is just getting worse and I get to be awake for more of it.

Ah, yes. [chuckles]

Well, uh, I noticed you're still in that Rascal scooter.

It's been a week, and the doctor said you'd only need it for a few days.

What is your point, Hank?

Well, I was thinkin' maybe in the morning we could go for a nice walk.

You know, get some steps in instead of RPMs.

I did not know I was married to a Fitbit.

[TV audience laughs]

Do you think maybe we could turn that down?

I'm havin' trouble hearing you over those bawdy one-liners.

Excuse me.

-[TV volume lowers] -It must be so nice to have ears

that are not affected by menopause.

I don't remember reading that as one of the symptoms.

Since you wanna help, why don't you put a dent in this?

"To-do list: install walk-in tub,

install Life Alert buttons, install stair-lift chair"?

We live in a one-story house.

Hank, I cannot do this with you right now.

Peggy, I just-- I've never seen you throw in the towel like this.

If I have to get old, I might as well be comfortable.

What happened to the Peggy who sent the AARP

a cease-and-desist letter?

Well, that was last year when I was young and dumb.

Oh, and one more thing for the list. Depends, size medium.

Bwah! Are you havin' trouble with, uh--

Leakage, Hank? No.

But there is a Golden Girls marathon tomorrow

of Blanche's best episodes, and I am not gonna wanna get up.

She is one funny tramp.

[♪ gentle music playing]

[Nancy Gribble] Mornin', Sug.

Uh... hi, ladies.

Is Peggy home? We came by for our morning walk.

She's missed the last few.

She's just, uh... recuperating from her, uh... golfing injury.

Oh, cut the crap, Hank.

Everybody knows Peggy Hill has menopause.

I'll let you in on a little secret, Sug. We have it, too.

Well, it certainly hasn't changed you ladies much.

I discovered orgasms help me. As many as possible.

-Bwah! -Oh, leave Hank alone, Minh.

Sug, women adjust to menopause in different ways.

-They do? -Yeah.

Nancy dyes her hair!

Yes, and some women get hasty divorces

and start lying about their age on dating apps.

That's also why I get some herbal remedies

to help with the symptoms, if you know what I mean.

-[birds chirping] -[distant dog barking]

I do not.

She's talking about marijuana, Opie!

That's a federal offense! Last I checked,

the Constitution hadn't gone through a change.

It's only illegal depending on where you get it.

[softly] Orgasms.

[Bill gasps, sighs sadly]

-[tab clicks] -[Bill gulping]

[can clattering]

-[tab clicks] -[Bill gulping]

[can clattering]

♪♪

-[tab clicks] -[Bill gulping]

-[can clattering] -[light switch clicking]

Sit, Bill. But like a human,

not the obedient dog Kahn has turned you into.

I don't know what you're talking about, Dale.

-[Bill slurping] -Oh, Bill, you're too far gone to see.

You're being controlled and manipulated by Kahn,

and you need to stand up for yourself.

Stop, Dale. Kahn just cares about me

and he wants to help me realize my potential.

It's like livin' with a Laotian Tony Robbins.

-[♪ mysterious music playing] -At first, I suspected

he was trying to turn you into his personal pet,

which I understood, and was even impressed by.

But upon further investigation, I've learned Khan's plan

is even more diabolical.

-What is this? -Surveillance footage.

This happened when you were playing in the backyard.

I looked up who this suspicious man was

and found out he's a lawyer

who handles real estate transactions.

Mm. Kahn has been hinting

about getting us a summer cottage in Kirbyville.

You're delusional, Bill.

Kahn has been making you act like a dog

so he could prove you mentally incompetent,

and then take your house.

-[gasps] -[can clattering]

No, no. I don't wanna believe it.

Come on, Bill. You have to confront him.

-What's wrong? -Sorry.

I kinda got used to gettin' a treat before goin' on walks.

[♪ mellow guitar music playing]

[engine humming]

[Hank] I already feel dirty.

[Hank sighs]

-[♪ reggae music playing in dispensary] -Smells like... Austin.

Welcome to Crunky Town.

My-- my name's Frank! Frank... uh, Fill.

It's okay, Frank. Just tell me what you're looking for

and I'll help you find the right product.

Well, I have done some research--

in the library, not on my personal computer.

That would be nuts. And I understand

that some of your cannabis-related products

regulate the prefrontal cortex and also the hypothalamus,

which is called "the body's thermostat,"

safely helping them alleviate a variety of symptoms.

-[Hank sighs] -Deep breaths, friend.

A lot of our customers are on the spectrum like you, including me.

Do not get me started

talking about abandoned railway lines in North America.

What? No, I'm not here for me.

I'm here for my wife. I don't have to give you her name, do I?

No, sir, you do not. What is she dealing with?

Well, she's goin' through...

[sighs] "the change."

Menopause.

We have several different strains for that.

Are you looking for something for hot flashes,

night sweats, insomnia?

All of the above.

And below.

This strain right here, great for sleeping trouble.

Hm. You're the expert.

-Will that be cash or credit? -Cash!

-Kahn, we need to talk. -You're tracking mud in the house.

-Bad Bill! -Uh-uh! Not anymore.

Dale just showed me footage of you meetin' with a lawyer.

Is it true, Kahn? Are you trying to steal my house?

What? No!

That was a lawyer, but he wasn't meeting with me

to steal your house.

I'm finally signing my house over to Minh.

-Why? -I officially accepted the divorce.

It's time to move on.

Which is why I've been trying to change Bill.

Then you admit it!

I just wanted to prop you up a little,

give your ego a boost.

I appreciate you being there for me when I hit rock bottom,

and I wanted to make sure you will be okay on your own.

On my own? What are you saying, Kahn?

I'm moving out, Bill.

I found a nice studio apartment with on-site laundry.

Well, if that's true,

how do you explain all the things we've seen?

[sighs] The toupee and the sweater

were to help Bill have more confidence

and hopefully meet a lady after I leave.

Okay...

But what about the park?

That was me tricking him to go to the doctor

because he's put off a checkup for too long.

The doctor said Bill needed to cut back on beer,

hence the pennies in the can.

And fetching the newspaper?

Okay, that one was because I was too lazy to do it myself.

But the treat I gave him had cholesterol medicine in it

that he wouldn't take otherwise.

It's true. I do gag on pills.

I think you're finally ready, Bill.

[emotional] He wasn't treating you like a rescue,

because in reality, you rescued him.

[Bill sobbing]

I'm gonna miss you so much.

[Kahn sighs]

[♪ gentle music playing]

[insects chirring]

[Golden Girl] [on TV] Taking me on a real date tonight.

[♪ gentle music playing]

[Golden Girl] [on TV] What do you mean?

[TV continues indistinctly]

[TV audience laughing]

[Golden Girl] ...or a cardiologist.

Just say it, you're old.

-[TV stops playing] -I went to New Mexico

and I got you some things I think will help.

Hank, is that what I think?

Yes, it is.

Now, this one's called "Ganja Said Knock You Out,"

and it's good for insomnia.

And this one helps with hot flashes, it's called "Elmer Budd."

And these gummies are supposed to help with joint pain.

Oh, my goodness!

I know what you're thinkin'. How would Warner Brothers

let 'em use the name Elmer Budd?

Oh, sweetie.

I know I'm rambling, it's just,

[sighs] this is just so gosh-darn weird.

Hank Hill, you bought drugs for me?

And transported 'em across state lines. Like some kind of... mule.

All to help with my menopause?

-[♪ gentle music playing] -Yes. I didn't know what else to do.

[emotional] Doing this must have been very hard for you.

Harder than when I had to check Bobby for pinworms with the flashlight.

I guess if you can do something this hard for me,

then I can do this.

You are right. I had given up, Hank.

But maybe there is some fight left in this old girl.

-Oh, you look so, uh... -[neck fan whirring]

Wow, Peggy.

I was afraid I would never see that look in your eyes again.

I was afraid I'd never see you out of a muumuu again.

I do not need you to fix anything, Hank.

Just please be the one thing that does not change.

[♪ warm music playing]

[TV audience cheering]

-I thought I paused this. -[TV stops playing]

-[keys jingling] -[door creaking]

[♪ gentle guitar music playing]

So, Dale thought Khan was tryin' to turn you into a dog

using mind control?

-That sounds about right. -Yeah, except he wasn't!

It was all because he loved me.

I'm just glad you're not wearin' that toupee anymore.

You looked like a Chia Pet.

Aw, thanks, Hank.

[chuckles] But I don't need it anymore.

I got my own confidence now, so I threw it away.

-House is real lonely, though. -Gentlemen.

[vehicle approaching]

I'm back. Stupid apartment

had creaky floors and, uh...

a... a ghost.

Sounded just like Minh, but less shrill.

Anyway, I can't live there anymore.

-What time is dinner, Bill? -I'll have it ready in 20 minutes.

[♪ upbeat music playing]

[Dale exclaiming, grunting]

♪♪

[♪ warm guitar music playing]

[fan whirring]

[Minh exhales and sighs]

-Yep. -Yup.

Yep.

[all giggling]

[all laughing loudly]

[Minh Souphanousinphone] Hank Hill got some good shit!

[♪ bluegrass version of "Yahoos and Triangles" playing]

-♪ Yee-haw! ♪ -♪ Wa-hoo! ♪

[♪ song ends]

[birds chirping]

-[golf club thumps] -[crowd cheering]

♪♪

[Peggy Hill] Oh, sing a new song, asshole!

[♪ fanfare playing]