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(ominous music)

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- Slow down, asshole!

(thuds)

(screams)

Oh, shit.

(ominous music)

(whooshing)

(whooshing)

(whooshing)

(tense music)

- [Voiceover] Babe?

Baby!

Bobby! Stop ignoring me!

- I'm not ignoring you.

I'm chopping your stupid tomatoes and onions, all right?

- [Voiceover] Why are you chopping tomatoes and onions?

- 'Cause you told me to.

- [Voiceover] All right well when you're done

can you help me upstairs?

- Okay, hon.

(thud)

(upbeat rock music)

What's up, hon?

- What do you think?

- Well I'll tell you what I think.

I think you should wear the red one.

It's been a long time since you've worn that.

You know what happens.

- And I think I'm going with this one.

- No, all right?

I think you should wear the red one.

Or this one, at least. I mean --

- What?

You mean what?

- I mean you would look nice, if you wore the red dress.

- Oh and I wouldn't look nice otherwise?

- Did I say that? I don't think I said that.

- Baby...

- Yeah, hon?

- Why don't you go back downstairs

and finish chopping onions?

- Okay.

Ow, shit!

- What do you think?

Hello?

- Whoa. (chuckles)

You look like Martha Stewart.

(woman chuckles)

- No it's a good thing, babe.

I mean you look like her younger, hotter sister.

- Nice save.

Martha Stewart? Where do you even get that from?

Haven't you ever seen Clueless?

Why aren't you dressed up?

- What are you talking about? I'm dressed.

- This is a 90's themed party.

- Kim, I'm not dressing up

and nobody besides you and Nancy will be either.

- You know, a little enthusiasm and support would be nice.

I'm supportive. I'm here, right?

- (sighs) We need a new coffee table.

- Fine. Yeah, I'll just run out and grab you one real quick.

- You know what? Don't be sarcastic.

The leg on this one is all wobbly and I'm afraid

it's gonna break.

- Honey, we just bought this table six months ago.

- [Kim] And?

- Fuckin' IKEA.

I cut myself.

- What? You want me to kiss it?

- Yeah, that would have been nice.

- Gimme.

Better?

- Yeah. It was, thank you.

So, you said you were gonna have some family come over

but you never said who.

- Why are you so interested in my family all of a sudden?

- I'm not.

I just wanna know who's coming over.

- It's my cousin.

- Okay. That's fine.

That's all you had to say.

Which one?

- Um...

Felicia.

- Pet cemetery?

- Not funny.

- Yes, Kim. It is.

It's funny.

- I'm serious.

- Let me get this straight.

Your creepy-ass cousin is gonna come to our house,

eat our food and what?

Sacrifice us to the devil?

- Probably.

- Kim, you don't even like your cousin.

- She's family.

And ever since my aunt died, it was just --

- Hey, no. Don't even go there.

That's no excuse. Who cares if her mom died?

Your parents don't even like her.

Especially after last Thanksgiving. The whole turkey thing?

- Okay, so she said she was thankful for satan.

What's the big deal?

I would like to be nice to her for once.

She's gone through some stuff.

- Yeah, tell me about it.

But she dresses like Robert Smith, for Christ sakes.

- Yeah, and you used to dress like Trent Reznor.

- Babe. Don't.

Trent, awesome.

- Really.

- Man, it's just...

I don't know. Your cousin, she's --

- What? What?

My cousin's what?

I dare you.

Finish that sentence.

- Scary, Kim.

Scary.

Those cats of hers, they're evil.

I'm telling you, they're not even supposed to be alive.

(playful music)

- Thanks, baby.

So I'll see you in a couple hours.

Have a good time at the gig.

Hey, Fel! Hugsies!

(Felicia hisses)

(cat meowing)

(Bobby chuckles)

- This is too easy.

Fucker. Piece of shit fucking car.

(upbeat rock music)

(thud) (cat screeching)

Oo hoo hoo!

Pussies! (laughing)

Woo!

- That's ridiculous.

- I'm being serious.

- Enough!

- I killed the cats, all right? I killed them.

- Okay. Just stop playing with me.

- I ran 'em over!

I heard 'em pop! I felt it.

- I just saw the cats yesterday, they are fine.

- You're right.

I was pulling your chain, all right?

Of course the cats are fine. - [Kim] You're such a jerk!

- I really did kill the cats.

(ominous musical stinger)

Kimberly!

- What?

- You left the rat poison out on the counter top, again.

- I just had to put some in the corner.

Just put it away.

- I think I remember telling you to put it away.

- It's not like anyone is gonna pick it up and eat it

on purpose, or what?

Are you expecting some literate suicidal rats over later?

- Speaking of animals,

next time your mom barges in here unannounced, I'm not

responsible for anything she might accidentally ingest.

- My mother isn't coming.

She's not stupid.

- No, but she is blinder than shit.

All right? She's a god-damn mole for Christ sakes.

She could pick it up thinking it's laxatives

or gummy bears, or whatever it is old people eat!

Last time she was over here, I saw her poking through

the sink, hence the sign!

- I get it.

Do not, raise your voice at me.

- I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry.

I hate planning these things, it's just too much pressure.

- It doesn't have to be perfect.

You leave all the hard work up to me.

Finish setting up. Everybody's almost here.

Baby.

Do you think you could do something for me

and go upstairs and bring some stuff down?

- What stuff?

- I think I wanna bring down the box of CDs.

- CDs?

What are you trying to play out guests Kenny G or something?

His music sucks.

- Are you going to help or not?

- I just don't understand why you can't take a tiny iPod

and hook it up to some speakers or something.

- This is a 90's-themed event.

It has to be authentic.

- You're right. You're right, okay?

Why mess around with that tiny iPod and some speakers

when you can lug around a big-ass box of CDs!

Why would I ever question Kim's wisdom?

- [Kim] Robert.

- I'm going.

I'm going.

Watch me go.

- Come on, we don't have all day.

- You know, it's not my fault this closet is like

a labyrinth, all right?

I feel like David Bowie is gonna pop out of here

and take my baby brother away.

- I have no idea what you're talking about.

It's right there. It's not that difficult.

- [Bobby] I got it. I got it. - [Kim] Come on!

Will you...

Bobby!

Idiot!

- Yeah well, at least your CDs are okay, huh?

- How about you be careful next time?

- Excuse me?

All right? It's not like you were helping.

Fuckin' bitch.

(tense music)

- What?

What did you just say?

- I said it's not like you were helping, honey.

- Yeah, and then what did you say after that?

- I didn't say anything else. I...

- Stop being such a pussy and just say what you said.

- I said you're a fucking crazy bitch, Kim. All right?

How you like me now?

I'm sorry. - [Kim] Wow.

- [Bobby] I'm sorry. - [Kim] Wow.

Wow. (giggles)

- I used my big boy voice.

- No! It looks like you finally grew some fucking balls.

I'm thrilled. - [Bobby] Yeah?

Well, I'm tired of today's bullshit, okay?

It's always these meaningless fucking get-togethers,

all the time!

- [Kim] Well, Robert -- - [Bobby] You know what?

No. No, you're gonna listen to me.

Okay, woman? Yeah.

Okay, I'm tired of doing what you tell me to do.

I'm tired of always doing what you want me to.

- Well if you don't wanna do what I tell you then why

haven't you...

why haven't you left, if that's really how you feel?

- Well I'll tell you why.

'Cause this is my god-damn house.

Yeah. - [Kim] Okay.

Okay, big man.

If this is your house,

then why do you let me walk all over you?

- I'm sorry, what?

- Let me explain.

You see, somebody has to wear the pants in this family.

Somebody has to make the decisions that you

don't like making.

Somebody has to actually take the lead

and tell the other person what to do.

- [Bobby] Kim -- - [Kim] No, listen.

Sweety.

If you don't wanna do these things,

then why didn't you tell me?

Why didn't you make me listen to you?

- You know what? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to --

- No, see now you're gonna hear me out!

Hey!

Ever since I met you, you let people walk all over you.

I wanted you to change. I really did.

But no, you were always nice-guy Bobby.

And that's who I fell in love with.

But it's not what I needed. It's not even what I wanted.

- [Bobby] Don't push this.

- You were just the easy way out so we got married.

And I did love you.

But I wanted you to be the fucking man!

(chuckles) So, I started to walk all over you.

Thinking maybe you would actually take charge.

But no, you never did.

I thought sooner or later you would snap.

But all I ever got was your sarcasm.

You never protested, you just complained

and we've done that for years now.

The same thing, I scream at you and you don't scream back.

You just go numb.

(chuckles) Look at you.

And now, now I like treating you like my bitch.

It's empowering.

It makes me feel like the man I thought you would be.

And I've realized that our marriage is just this sick game.

(chuckles)

I beat you up, and you take it.

That's what our marriage has become. Fucking S&M.

I'm your master and you lick my boot.

You bend over backwards and let me fuck you with a strap-on.

- [Bobby] One time. - [Kim] It's true! Admit it.

Deep down inside, you fucking hate me.

- Kim that's, I love you.

- Oh, save it!

If you can just hold it together for one more party,

then you can do whatever it is you wanna do.

I don't care anymore!

(chuckles) No, you don't -- - [Bobby] Get off.

- (chuckles) Oh.

Oh so now you're gonna be the big tough man?

- Oh yeah.

- Okay I dare you. Just try.

Baby!

(thuds) (whelps)

(dramatic music)

(Bobby screams)

- Oh, shit.

(somber music)

Baby. (Kim choking)

Baby.

Say something!

(cracking)

Baby.

Just...

I'll call the cops, okay?

I'm so sorry, baby!

I can't call the cops.

They'll think that I murdered you!

Please, baby. Forgive me.

What is it?

What? Tell me.

- Pussy.

(groans)

(phone bleeping)

(tense music)

(phone bleeping)

(phone bleeping)

(phone bleeping)

(phone bleeping)

- Shit.

(door bell ringing)

- [Voiceover] Hello?

Are they in there? (doorbell ringing)

Come on you bitch! Come open the fucking door!

Hello?

(door bell ringing)

(muffled shouting)

(tense music)

- Hey!

- How are you?

- [Bobby] Really good, thanks.

- This is Mike, my husband.

Mike, Bobby. - [Mike] What up?

- All right!

How are you guys?

- Great!

Oh my god, where is Kim?

- Um you know, she had to step out for a little bit.

Uh, she had to go to the market.

- She was literally just texting me.

Wait, how did she get out here so fast?

- You know Kim, whenever she needs something

she just, has to go. (Mike chuckling)

- Oh, why didn't she text me?

We totally would have stopped to get whatever it is

she wanted.

- Tampons. Tampons, you guys.

Please don't tell her I told you, okay?

She'd be super embarrassed. You know how she gets.

- I thought she had the runs.

- No.

She has the vagina runs.

Case of the VRs, you know.

- That is whack.

- Oh, you know guys --

- Oh, shut the fuck up!

Come on, baby, let's go get funky fresh!

- So, you guys wanna go to the kitchen,

open up that bottle of wine?

- I thought we could wait. Let Kim come back.

Toast to things.

- Okay.

- Um...

why aren't you dressed up?

- I don't know.

- Oh, you're such a drag!

I swear he didn't always use to be like this.

- It's okay dude, I feel a little queer.

I get your reluctance.

- I need a piss. Where's your shitter?

- Upstairs, straight ahead.

- So Bobby, it's Bobby, right?

Do you watch sports?

- Can't say that I do.

- Nothing? Not one?

- No.

- [Mike] Football? - [Bobby] No.

- Racecar? Bowling?

- One time.

- One time. Okay.

So long have you and your wife known Nancy?

- Going on four years now, I think.

My wife knew her longer.

I mean, knows her longer. Knows.

(chuckles)

I'm sorry, it's all this commotion.

It's just got me a little...

(giggles)

(sighs) Enough about us though.

Why don't you tell me about you and Nance?

How long have you guys been together, huh?

- About a year almost.

- Okay, yeah. Well, you like her?

- Ah, mostly. She loves anal though.

Huh? Knuckles. That's the right stuff.

- Yeah.

- I just texted Kim to let her know that we're here.

How are you boys doing, hm?

- Cool as ice. (Nancy chuckles)

Yeah I was like a predator.

(phone vibrating)

- That's Kim's phone.

- It is! Let me just...

- Why would she not have her phone?

- (chuckles) Yeah.

You're just gonna have to ask her when she gets here, right?

(giggles)

- Oh my god, I would go cray-cray if I didn't have my phone.

- She totes would.

I mean, like, what would her friends do?

Like if they weren't getting constant updates on

what she was eating or drinking or buying or thinking,

or Instagrams.

"Oh, green-beans and broccoli!"

Oh, that's interesting. - [Nancy] Hey, Mike.

Shut the fuck up.

- Hey, did you guys see Kim's new painting?

- Uh, oh my god, no!

Where is it?

- Right there.

- Wow!

That is amazing!

- Whoa. Awesome, brobie.

It's like a Tim Burton.

- Oh yeah, she just loves him!

- You know, this is gonna be worth a fortune when she dies.

- [Nancy] Mike!

- What? That's what happens with artists.

Like, they only get popular after they croak.

It's true.

- You are so stupid.

- So Nance, how was the drive over?

- Oh, the usual.

Boring.

Trees.

Squirrels and shit.

- Yeah it'd be interesting if I got road head.

Actually I thought it was quite nice. It was peaceful.

It was, I mean, it's not like the city.

It's not like people are getting killed out here, right?

Hey, did you hear about that dude who ate the other dude?

I guess he was high on bath salts?

- What?

- [Mike] Yeah! - [Nancy] You're lying.

- No! Like, that's some zombie shit.

- I need to Facebook that.

- Baby. You don't.

Hey, people coming back from the dead, man.

It's like zombie apocalypse.

It's only a matter of time. Right, B?

- Huh?

- Dead people.

- Dead people?

- Coming back! Like the Living Dead!

Like George Romero. Michael Jackson's Thriller.

Joan Rivers.

- You guys want something to drink?

- Um, I'm okay with water.

Need to hydrate until the bender gets here!

- [Mike] Woo! - [Nancy] Whoa whoa whoa!

- I'll take a beer.

- Titties and everything, right?

- Woo! Uh sure, guys.

- Uh, he's such a drag.

- I wanna fuck you in the ass.

- I'm horny.

- Shit! What am I gonna do?

Think, fuckin' Bobby, think!

Yeah! Yeah this'll...

no, what the fuck?

Don't be, what are you doing, Bobby?

Fuckin' just...

(door bell rings)

(tense music)

(heavenly music)

Felicia.

You look, great.

(eerie music)

- Thanks, Bobby.

So, who are your guests?

- Felicia, this is Nancy and Mike.

Nancy and Mike, this is Felicia. Kim's cousin.

- Hi.

- She ain't dressed either.

- [Nancy] Shut up! - [Bobby] Take a seat.

Yeah stay a while. I was just about to get them some drinks.

Can I get you something?

- Cranberry juice, thank you.

- Okay, yeah. Right on.

(ominous music)

No. No.

No. No.

- Anyways, so he was broke so I paid for dinner.

So Felicia, what do you do for a living?

- I'm a palm reader.

And I do some odd-jobs here and there.

- Odd-jobs?

- Here and there.

- Cool, what do you bench?

- [Nancy] Palm reader, huh?

My grandmother was a palm reader in the 30's.

- Your grandmother had the sense?

- The sense to never stick around in a town long enough.

(chuckles) - [Felicia] Oh.

- She was a con artist.

- Okay, I see.

You would have had the sense too and I would have felt it.

It's okay, I assure you I am no con artist.

And if you ever need the service or anything else,

we can discuss it elsewhere.

- Such a quick-witted woman.

Surely you have a man waiting for you at home.

- No.

- Really?

Oh, cray!

'Cause I would think with a sense of humor like yours,

you'd have men bangin' down your door.

- No. You know, men find it off-putting.

(giggles) I don't really care. Men are pigs.

- Oh, are you saying that out of bitterness?

- Of course not!

No you see, I've never cared for

socially-acceptable relationships.

I mean, why does one person need another?

Apart from the need to procreate.

- Because they love each other.

And they want to spend the rest of their lives together.

- Oh, no.

Because people think it's the correct thing to do.

They can't fathom living and dying alone so they find

somebody to take up the empty space.

I mean, why can't someone just love themselves

and be happy with that?

- So I take it you're happy with your life?

- Yeah. Quite.

I live peacefully without a man nagging me to cook for him

or pleasure him or take care of his children.

I have my cats, my profession and my home.

What else do I need?

- To get laid!

- Oh, you know, honey.

They sell things for that.

- Ew.

- Yeah, I'm not cheap (chuckles)

- Wow.

- Don't you want a big strong man to keep you safe?

- Yeah, I'm okay without the rest of them attached.

- Felicia!

- Bobby.

- How are your cats, huh?

- Beelzebub and Lucifer are great.

They're wonderful. But um...

- But, what?

- They did attack a dog two days ago.

- Wow.

- How did the dog come out?

- The dog died.

Yeah, those cats are something when they get angry.

- Jesus.

I've never heard of cats killing dogs.

That's like a lion or a tiger.

Like, that's weird.

- The dog provoked them.

I didn't like it much, always barking and scaring the kids

in the neighborhood.

- Well, now I know that I need to watch out

for the cats over at your place, huh?

(chuckles)

Right, guys? No?

- Hey, Bobby?

- Yeah.

- What market did Kim go to?

- Big'N Save, yeah.

It's about 35 minutes from here.

- Interesting.

You know there's an Eazy Pezy that's closer.

- [Nancy] Yeah.

- I guess they didn't have what she needed in stock, so...

- She has the crimson tide.

- Shut up, Mike!

- I'm just gonna ask her if she can get me something.

- Ah, you see...

that's gonna be a problem.

She left her phone. You know Kim!

- I see.

Well when she gets back, I have something to tell her.

- Yeah? Well, don't we all. Right, guys?

(chuckles)

- Bobby, can you bring a bottle?

Kim is taking forever.

- Okay, sure! Yeah.

Sounds like a good idea right now.

Be right back, guys.

- This is like snooze-fest.

(heartbeats) - Fuck! Motherfucker!

You really did it this time!

Just, just call the cops.

Better yet, just fuckin' leave.

What, and then get chased down O.J. Simpson style?

Fuck, that's fuckin' stupid.

It's, he did get away.

What are you gonna do, Bobby?

Mm-mm! Mm-Mm!

What are you gonna do, Bobby? Fuck!

(ominous musical stinger)

- What do you think of this wine, Bob-O?

- It's pretty good stuff, Mike.

I'm not usually a wine guy but, it's good.

- Pretty good? It's '95 Chateau.

It's fucking incredibly fresh.

- I'm not sure what that means.

- Fresh was like a slang term in the 90's.

Are we not in the same...

- It's French.

It's been fermenting in a barrel since 1995.

- Kinda like her father. (chuckles)

- Mike! No alcoholic jokes!

- Says the lush.

Right, B? Gotta put a woman in their place.

- Right!

Who bought that $100 bottle of wine?

- You did.

- Great.

- You know, I'm more of a beer guy.

How about you, Felicia?

- Scotch.

- Yeah well, I have a great bottle in the cabinet.

I'll go get that for you.

- No.

- No?

- This will do.

- Oh. Okay.

- [Felicia] This will do. - [Bobby] Yeah!

- I haven't had scotch in ages.

Probably since I met Bobby!

- Wow, that's impressive.

Since you're a raging alcoholic normally, huh?

(Nancy and Mike laughing)

- Shut up.

Did you ever hear the story about when

Kim and I met Bobby?

You do.

We were at this really shitty bar listening to

really shitty music, and the last band was playing

and there was this skinny kid playing a guitar,

just staring at me and Kim.

So we're listening to the music, we start clapping

and Kim says, "That guy's really cute.

"You should go talk to him or will." You know?

So, I go to the bar and this guy comes out of nowhere.

Sits down right next to me.

And he's trashed, and I'm talking trashed!

So he buys me a drink and he starts talking,

at least, I think he's talking because I can't understand

a word that's coming out of his mouth.

And then, he pukes on me.

- Bobby, no!

Aw!

- [Nancy] So I knock him the fuck out.

- [Mike] Yes! That's my girl!

- Yeah like, in yo' face!

(Nancy and Mike laugh)

Then I go to the restroom to clean myself off

and when I come out, Bobby and Kim are nowhere to be found.

30 minutes later I find them sucking each others' faces

with their tongues down their throats like --

- [Mike] Species! - [Nancy] Species!

Two months later, they're dating.

Three years later, they're married and living in the burbs!

- Wow, Bobby! My wife kicked your ass.

- It was a dirty move. All right?

I was drunk, I'm sorry.

I don't remember much of the night.

- Aw, it's okay, Bobby.

At least you met Kim and she turned you into a real man.

Punch in the face for a happy marriage.

- Sounds fair to me.

- You know, I'm getting pretty damn hungry.

I'm gonna get you some real food.

How about that, yeah?

- Yeah, something healthier. Some carrots.

- Can I have some more wine? Please.

- [Felicia] Here.

- Oh, thanks.

- A little healthier, maybe.

Gotta stay in shape.

- [Nancy] God, you have a small penis.

- [Mike] You like it. - [Nancy] I fake it.

(ominous music)

- Whoa whoa. What was that?

- Must have been a power surge.

- That was freaky.

- What are you reading?

- Uh, recipe book.

- Oh. What kind of recipes?

- Old recipes.

- [Nancy] Who wrote it?

- Aleister Crowley.

- I've never heard of him!

He sounds British.

Is he British?

- Yeah.

- Like Gordon Ramsey, the cheeky fellow!

- Who's Gordon Ramsey?

- [Nancy] Hell's Kitchen.

- Oh, he sounds interesting.

- I love to cook.

- Really?

- Yeah! I love to make Italian food.

- Nance, chicken parm sandwiches are not Italian.

- Whatever! You eat them.

- To keep you from eating them.

- Rude.

Anyway, Felicia I think we got started on the wrong foot.

I'm sorry. I didn't know you were a cook too.

- Oh, it's okay.

- So, how long have you known Bobby?

What do you think of him?

- Uh, I met him at their wedding.

I think I remember seeing you there too.

Yeah, he's perfectly normal, I guess.

Harmless.

I guess that's why I don't like him.

I mean, I don't hate him.

And I didn't know he was in a rock band though.

That's kinda cool.

- [Nancy] He's changed a lot.

I think for the best.

- I'm sorry, you guys.

I forgot the canned ham so it's gonna have to be

cheese and crackers, okay?

Variety.

(screams)

Shit!

Fuck!

- [Nancy] Way to go, Bobby!

- [Mike] Let me help.

- [Nancy] You spill the orderves, you break the table.

- [Bobby] I'm sorry.

- You sure know how to throw a great party, Bobby!

I swear, Kim is gone for like, 20 minutes

and everything goes to hell.

You couldn't live one second without her.

- Yeah, well...

take this shit in the kitchen, Mike.

Take this fucking table out front for me, please.

- [Mike] Out here? - [Bobby] Yeah!

- Cool.

(groans)

(Bobby crying) (squelching and farting)

(Nancy and Mike screaming)

(Bobby crying)

(muffled chatter) (thuds and scraping)

I got this. - [Nancy] Push it.

- Mike! What the fuck are you, Mike!

Get back. We can't use this. All right?

- Why not?

- 'Cause Kim would get pissed.

- Uh, come on!

We're not gonna hurt it!

- I'm too legit to quit.

- You guys, I just, I'd rather not okay!

I'd rather not, all right? Mike!

- What have you got in here, a dead body?

(door bell ringing)

- I didn't know we had more company.

- Yeah. Neither did I.

- Maybe they'll actually be worth talking to.

- What did you say?

- [Felicia] Nothing. I'm just talking to myself.

- [Nancy] This party blows.

- [Bobby] Hey! - [Woman] Hi, Bobby!

- Hey, how are you?

- Um, I bet you weren't expecting us.

- No. Kim did not tell me.

- Um well, I wasn't sure if we were gonna be able to make it

and I got a day off of work so I thought,

we'd surprise you guys! - [Bobby] Hey, how you doin'?

- Um, Bobby this is Paul.

Paul, Bobby.

- Hey Bobby, nice to meet you. I'm Holly's fiance.

- Wow, isn't that special.

(chuckles)

Another surprise!

- [Holly] Full of them today. - [Bobby] Yeah!

Woo! Where are my manners?

Why don't you guys come on in?

- So where's Kim?

- She had to run to the market, so me and the rest

of the guests have just been hanging out,

trying to get wasted!

Care to join? - [Holly] Of course.

- All right, come on in.

- [Holly] Uh, what's with the trunk?

- Table broke.

Hey guys, this is Holly and Paul.

Her fiance. Yeah, I know!

Fiance, right?

This is Kim's cousin Felicia and Nancy and Mike.

- Nancy and Mike!

You say that like we're one person.

- Yeah well, aren't you?

- Nice to meet you guys!

You're not dressed up either.

This is a 90's theme party.

- Oh I'm sorry, we didn't know.

- I totally would have dressed up too 'cause I have a

cool boy band outfit just like that.

(Paul and Holly laugh)

- It's Vanilla Ice!

I hate my life.

- Yeah! So guys, really sorry but we ran out of wine

so I'm gonna go take a peek, see if we have any

in the garage, maybe?

Gotta take a piss first, but I'll be back.

- I love Justin Timberlake.

- [Holly] Yeah, he's handsome.

- Yeah?

He could put his dick in my box.

Hey, girl!

(slapping) - [Holly] Yeah.

- Right! Aren't I right?

- [Mike] That's inappropriate.

All right, stop!

Just stop.

Just seriously, just stop.

(running water)

- Jesus fucking Christ, Bobby!

Fucking killed your wife?

And Holly's here.

And they're all gonna put their god-damn

drinks on top of her?

Shit. You're so fuckin' stupid, Bobby!

You're fuckin' stupid!

Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!

Just chill out, man. Just chill out.

Okay?

Fuckin' Holly's here.

Holly and her fuckin' fiance.

How the fuck did that happen? A fuckin' fiance?

Jesus!

(Holly sighs)

(romantic music)

Your fiance's downstairs.

- I know, I just haven't seen you in a while.

- I know. I know.

I know, I wanted to talk to you then

but then everything happened with Kim.

- It's okay, Bobby.

I know, Bobby. It's okay.

Just...

I knew I couldn't.

I knew I shouldn't. What we did, you and Kim.

- I know. I know.

I understand, but I missed you.

So much.

But, now you're here.

You know?

With the fiance.

But at least you're here, right?

You have no idea

how much I've missed your suction cup.

(both giggle)

For old time's sakes?

Still got your notes?

- (chuckles) Still got it.

(both giggle)

- You're bad.

What's your boy toy think about this?

- I told him it was my grandmother's.

- Really?

- Mm-hm.

- You are so freaking bad, worse than I thought.

(sighs)

I should get back downstairs.

Everybody's gonna start to freak out if I'm not there.

- [Mike] Between zombie and ghoul man,

ghoul is on the movies, zombies exist.

That is real.

- Yeah I don't know. I mean, I've seen The Walking Dead.

But that's as much as I go with zombies.

- This is The Walking Dead for real, man.

- Hold up, hold up.

What were you laughing about?

- Holly. Holly, she told a joke.

- About?

- Jews.

Yeah, Jews.

- Oh, I'm Jewish.

(Mike and Nancy laugh)

- No no, for real. I converted.

You can do that.

I didn't know you could but I did.

- Guess Holly's got some explaining to do then, huh?

(chuckles)

Yeah so, Paul. Right?

What do you do for a living? You never said.

And, are you comfortable? Can I get you something to drink?

- Uh, I'm good and to answer your first question,

I'm a doctor.

- Doctor. Nice.

Like a vet?

- No. No.

- What kind of doctor?

An OBG/YN I hope.

- Nancy!

- (giggling) What?

- I wish, I wish.

No no, I'm a pediatrician.

- Ew.

- Yeah, I wipe snot all day.

- Eugh.

- Look after kids, right?

- Oh, saving the kids, huh?

- What about you? What do you do?

- [Bobby] Me? - [Paul] Yeah.

- Oh! I...

work for a big insurance company, big firm.

Big bucks.

- Insurance? That's cool.

Insurance. That's really cool.

- So, how long have you and Holly been together?

- Um, about five, no six months actually, yeah.

- [Bobby] Months, wow! - [Paul] Yeah.

- And you're engaged?

- Well you know, it was love at first sight.

What can I say?

Oh, right hon?

- [Holly] What?

- Love at first sight, you and me.

- [Holly] Oh, yes!

- Well I guess it's mostly me 'cause look at her.

Come here. (Holly giggling)

- [Bobby] Look at that, you are Jewish.

(Paul laughs)

- So, why don't you guys tell us how you met?

Wouldn't you guys like to know that? Yeah.

- Oh, we don't wanna bore you with a long story.

- No, I'd be thrilled. Really.

- Do you wanna tell him?

- No, you do it.

- [Paul] Come on, I always tell it.

Every time! - [Holly] You do it the best.

- Oh man, your parents make me tell...

okay, I'll tell you.

So I was trying to adopt this puppy, right?

And I was online and she was right behind me,

and I saw that she wanted the same puppy

so I decided to give it to her

and I asked her out on a date.

♪ I seem to miss you more and more

♪ Each night I lay down to cry

♪ Oh baby, how you'll never hear

♪ My pining sigh

♪ I know it's my turn to turn

♪ And let you go

♪ The day fate betrayed me

♪ Oh, love

♪ I'll never know

♪ But it's so hard to let you go ♪

- And then, so, we were in Fiji

and I decided to pop the question.

And here we are.

- [Nancy] Oh! - [Mike] Great story.

- You guys wait here, I'm gonna go upstairs.

I forgot something.

- Yeah and you know,

it's really, I'm the lucky one, you know?

Me.

I mean, look at her.

- Dreamy.

- Sad.

- Yeah that's awkward.

(melancholic piano music)

(police sirens) - [Voiceover] Guilty!

(dramatic music) (police radio chatter)

- [Bobby] Yeah. I'm not going back, Jack.

(chuckles)

Fuck!

- In Miami, you never heard about that guy

who ate the other dude's face?

- [Paul] No. - [Mike] He's a zombie.

That dude was dead, that's why he was...

(fire alarm beeping)

Are you okay, B?

- Yeah, we heard the alarm.

Were you burning something?

- I was, smoking!

- Smoking?

- Yeah. Marijuana.

(Paul and Nancy laughing)

- Bobby, Bobby, Bobby!

Holding on to your rockstar ways I see.

You are never gonna change.

- That doesn't smell like marijuana.

- It's that new stuff.

They call it "Butterbrains."

- Hm. You got any more?

- Sorry, that was the last of it.

(Mike groans)

- It's okay, we don't judge. Just handle your stuff, man.

(Paul and Nancy laughing)

- Wow.

- Amazing.

- [Mike] Who cares? You kill me, man. You kill me.

- What was all that?

- Marijuana.

Bobby was smoking in the bathroom.

- [Mike] Oh, don't be a narc.

- [Nancy] That's what set off the fire alarm.

- [Holly] Oh, wow!

- Bobby, I didn't know you were into that sort of thing.

- I'm not. I just take it for stress and anxiety and stuff.

- Really? Does Kim know?

- No!

She doesn't, all right?

And if we could keep it that way, that would be great.

- Scout's honor, B.

- I take it you don't like marijuana.

- Only when it needs to be taken.

- I'm sorry, I'm not understanding.

- I've only used it during ceremonies or rituals.

- Whoa!

- [Nancy] Ceremonies? - [Paul] What does that mean?

- Yeah, I dabble in the occult and have experience

with those things.

Marijuana, peyote, the like.

- Your job sounds a lot funner now.

- Sometimes these properties need to be consumed

in order to achieve the mental state required.

They're of this earth and are here for a reason.

- Felicia, do you think you could tell us a little bit more

about some of these rituals?

- Yeah I don't know if I should.

- Oh, come on! Come on, you guys.

- Yeah, yeah!

- I'm not gonna say anything.

Please.

Please.

- [Mike] Yeah, please.

- Well our rituals depend on what we need to do.

- Which include?

- Anything...

from good luck charms...

love bindings...

spells of protection.

- [Bobby] And the ones that you use all the weed for?

- For visions. To have visions.

Sometimes we need to know things that might happen

in the future.

- And, what do you look for?

- Anything.

We share the experience together and try to figure out

what it means.

- So you all see the same vision?

- Yeah. It's like watching TV.

- A what? Oh.

- Continue.

Felicia, continue.

- Depending on whether the vision is positive or not,

we decide to take action.

- How?

- Magic.

(Holly laughing) - [Paul] Oh my god. Why?

- Felicia, don't listen to them.

It's all right.

Please, go on.

- We exercise our powers.

The coven is no laughing matter.

(Holly laughing) - [Paul] Magic.

- The sisters have been practicing since the beginning

of the century, protecting us.

Keeping our world pure, keeping it safe.

- Yeah, I'm sorry.

- [Felicia] It's no laughing matter.

- [Nancy] Hell of a job you've done.

(Holly laughing) - [Paul] Oh.

- Oh, are you guys talking about all the tragedies

and the shootings and wars?

There are bigger things at stake than petty squabbles

and murders.

Those things are simple man's faults.

- Have you ever used them for anything bad?

- No. It's forbidden. What are you implying?

- I don't know.

Is it possible for you to bring back the dead?

I mean, is it possible that the power you possess

could bring back the dead?

- Yeah.

- It is.

- I told you that zombie shit is real!

- [Nancy] Shut up! - [Mike] I told you!

- [Nancy] She's fucking with us!

(dramatic music) - I am not.

But like I said, it's forbidden.

- Why?

- When a spirit leaves the mortal plane,

it's meant to be a one-way trip.

No returns.

No round flights.

There is a connection from our world to another place.

A connection that only goes one way.

If we alter this connection, it's unnatural.

The energy of the universe is not meant to be tampered with.

It exists as it should be.

And although magic is part of it...

it has its limits.

Bringing back the dead is a violent act.

It corrupts. It alters.

It transforms a spirit until it is anything

but what it used to be.

Anything that comes back is hollow.

Empty.

Like a sail with no wind.

No direction.

It exists with no purpose but to destroy.

- Okay!

Cool, right?

Pretty cool.

So you can...

you can bring back the dead, it works.

- Bobby, why are you so interested in black magic?

- Me?

I'm not.

I'm not!

- Really?

- Well, on that note I think Paul and I

are gonna go have a smoke.

Yeah, um, good talk guys.

Thanks for all the drinks.

- Total party buzzkill!

Do you have any Butterbrains?

I mean, Jesus.

- I'm gonna go join them.

- Okay, guys. Good talk.

I'm gonna go get us some snacks, right?

A little hungry?

Felicia, you hungry? (chuckles)

I hope so.

All right. Yeah.

That's pretty cool.

Magic!

That's an option, yeah!

- [Felicia] Bobby? (tense music)

Come here.

I don't think Kim is coming home.

- I'm sorry, Felicia.

(Felicia choking)

(snapping)

(dark ambient music)

- Oh my god, I am obsessed with Holly.

We all need to go on like, a triple date.

Nice!

Crazy bitch fell asleep?

- Yeah, went to the kitchen, when I came back

she was just, gone.

- She's a freak.

- [Bobby] Yeah.

- She was probably one of those girls in high school

that never went to prom.

Can I tell you something?

- [Bobby] Sure.

- I'm divorcing Mike.

- Wow.

That's a shocker.

- He doesn't know yet.

I have to tell Kim when she gets here.

I didn't finish my cig, if you want some

there's a bunch outside.

- No thanks.

- I'm gonna give Spooky McSpookpants

a little of her own medicine.

- No Nancy, it's not a good idea.

(Nancy screams) Seriously, don't.

(Nancy giggles)

- She looks dead.

(giggling)

(tense music)

She is dead.

(gentle guitar music)

- [Mike] Don't be laughin' about the spirits, man.

- [Paul] It was crazy!

- [Mike] This woman knows what she's talking about.

You can sense it in her eyes.

You can see it that she's brought people back from the dead.

You always have these guy complexes.

I'm tellin' you, but she knows.

- Hey, what's up, dude?

- What's up man? Fag?

- I'm sorry what did you call me?

- Cigarette. It's French.

A fag, take one, brother.

- [Bobby] Sure, thanks.

- No problem.

Come on, speed it up.

Let's do this. Speed smoke, speed smoke.

Go go go.

Jesus, man. Who invited this fuckin' bitch over, man?

- That was awkward.

(Bobby coughing)

- Calm down, brother. This ain't weed.

Ain't no Butterbrains.

Calm down!

Good for you, man. Cough it out, cough it out.

Hey, is Nancy okay?

- Nancy? Yeah, she's fine.

She um, she wasn't feeling well so she's upstairs

using the restroom.

- Sick?

- [Bobby] Yeah, why?

- Nothin'.

Say guys, you can't get pregnant from anal sex can you?

- No. I don't think so.

Why don't you ask Paul, right?

You're a doctor, huh bud?

- You know anything about anal sex? Pregnancy?

- [Paul] Are you serious? - [Mike] Does it happen?

- Uh, I'm pretty sure you can't get pregnant from anal sex.

- Okay.

Phew, 'cause that's the only thing I'll do to her.

Yeah, I ain't trying to have kids with that woman.

- You know, you guys are meant for each other.

- Yeah, I know, I know. I just ain't ready for kids though.

That woman's fucking crazy!

(Paul laughing)

- [Paul] Yeah. - [Bobby] Yeah she is.

(Mike chuckles)

- Yeah, you know what? I like you Bobby.

You're a funny guy.

Why don't we hang out more often?

I don't know. I suppose we should go back inside.

- Yeah, sure. Why not?

Yeah, that's fine. Whatever.

- [Holly] We're gonna stay out here another second.

- [Bobby] Yeah, okay. - [Paul] We are?

- [Holly] Yeah. - [Bobby] Okay, yeah.

- [Paul] Okay?

- Aw, chips and dip. Nice!

- [Bobby] Mike, no no!

- What is that, corn?

Not bad.

- That's all you right there, bud.

- Is Nance still in the bathroom?

- Uh, I don't know.

- 'Cause I gotta take a huge shit.

I've been holding since before we got here.

- Yeah well you know,

you know women.

Always taking their sweet time, right?

- Oh my god, yeah.

Oh, all men know that pain.

Aw, what?

- What is it?

- Nancy's phone.

I better give it to her.

She gets mad as hell if she loses something.

- No, actually, just wait here.

She'll come down in a minute.

- You know what? You're right, B.

I've done enough for her today.

She can come get her own damn phone.

Oh but I gotta take this shit, I'm gonna die if I don't.

(groaning) (farting)

Nancy, are you in there?

Hello?

Nancy, I gotta take a huge shit.

Babe? Babe, I'm gonna open this door.

I don't care what you're doing inside.

Okay I'm gonna count to three.

One, three.

Oh, thank god.

(groaning) (squelching)

That's good.

(toilet flushing)

- Hey, Mike!

- Yo, B.O.B.

- Yeah.

I found your wife.

- She's gotta be drunk. Maybe I can get some action.

This is legitimate.

Look at her, like an angel.

B, I've gotta ask you something.

- [Bobby] Sure.

- Do you swing?

(tense music)

- You guys okay?

- Yeah, we're okay.

Where is everybody?

- Um...

upstairs.

They're watching YouTube videos right now.

(Paul laughing)

- Maybe we should put on some PJs and watch some

Justin Bieber videos too, what do you think about that?

- You're such an asshole.

- Fucking waste of my time.

- Why don't I get you some lemonade, guys?

Yeah, that sound good? I'll be right back.

- Bobby, wait.

We're gonna be leaving soon, okay?

But before we go, I have a gift.

For you and Kim.

- Oh!

- Paul.

Would you mind waiting here while I give Bobby his gift?

- Delighted.

- Paul and I got into a fight.

- Yeah.

I figured. You guys okay?

- No.

- [Bobby] Why?

- I told him.

- Told him what?

- About what happened between us.

- What?

- I didn't tell him you cheated on your wife --

- Holly, why the fuck would you do that?

- I don't know! I just...

You know what? Just let me give you your present.

Here.

Like it says.

So you'll never stop writing.

- Holly, I'm sorry.

- It's okay, you don't have to say anything.

- I love you, all right?

I love you.

Let's get in this car and let's just go.

Me and you.

- No, your wife is gonna be here any minute.

- No, she won't.

- What do you mean?

- My wife is not gonna be back any minute.

We have to go.

- No, I'm telling you we can't.

Paul is in there waiting for me and your wife is on her way.

That's why I got you this, because we can't be together!

- Please.

Let's just get in the car and go.

- Are you okay?

- No, I'm not okay.

I am not okay.

- Well what's wrong?

Talk to me, come on!

- Okay, there's some things that I've done in my life,

there's some things that shouldn't have happened, all right?

But they did.

I feel like I'm being punished for not doing

what I was supposed to do.

I'm a fucking loser.

Everybody's right.

I'm a fucking loser.

- Don't be like that.

- I was just afraid, okay?

I mean, that's all.

Please.

Holly I was gonna leave her for you.

But now it's too late.

- I'm pregnant.

- What?

- That's why we're getting married.

- [Bobby] It just keeps getting worse!

- I'm sorry!

- I can't believe this is fucking happening to me.

- Well Paul is a good guy, you know?

He'll take care of me and the kid.

We'll be safe, considering his whole family are cops.

- What?

- He's the only one who veered away from the

family business and to be a doctor, no less.

- Wow.

- You'll always have a special place in my heart, okay?

Just please understand.

Okay, you know, I've always wanted security

and I know that this is the right choice for me.

And don't worry, Bobby, one day you'll figure out

how to live your life, you know,

one day maybe you'll end up just like Paul!

Oh, shit. I'm sorry.

I didn't mean it like that.

I'm sorry.

- Hey, I --

(ominous music)

- You know, I don't think Kim's gonna be coming back.

You guys can go ahead and leave if you need to.

(Paul laughing)

- No, no no no no.

I don't wanna disrespect you like that.

- No, it'd be just fine.

Seriously.

I'm sure you guys don't wanna hang around

my empty house, huh?

- Hey man, don't worry about it.

I've been to worse get-togethers than this.

Actually, you know what? I lied.

This is the worst.

- You know, I never asked you guys something.

When you getting married?

- Um...

August.

- Nice.

- Yeah, it's gonna be beautiful.

You know, Trent Reznor, he's uh,

you know Trent Reznor?

He's a family friend and he's gonna compose music

for the wedding and I...

- Trent?

Reznor?

- Yeah, the musician.

Uh, you know what, Holly?

Hey, thanks Bobby. I think it's time to go.

Thanks for having us.

- Ah, you know, please.

Please stay.

I think maybe you should hang around awhile.

Let's have some lemonade, to celebrate.

Of course.

Strictly non-alcoholic, of course.

- Thank you.

- You fucking told him?

(sighs)

(ominous music)

- The family are cops, Bobby?

The family are cops?

Are you fucking kidding me?

If you're gonna do this, you're gonna go all the way!

Trent Reznor?

Trent Reznor!

Are you fucking kidding me?

Trent is my friend!

Trent is my friend!

Fuck you, Holly!

Fuck you, Kim!

Yeah!

(giggles)

Got that lemonade!

Better late than never though, huh?

That's what I always say.

It's a little bitter though.

Put a little kombucha in there for ya.

Yeah!

You know Kim is such a health nut!

(chuckles)

Oh, that looks tasty.

Why don't you take that there, sweet cheeks?

This is for you, big guy. Little extra.

Why don't you guys wait here a minute?

I'm gonna go to the kitchen.

Forgot something.

- Uh...

we should drink this quick.

- Get out of here.

- Yeah.

(ominous music)

- I love you.

I can't live without you.

Wait, wait!

What have I done?

I'm so sorry.

I'm so, sorry.

(door bell ringing)

Fuck!

- Bobby, is that you?

Is that you, Bobby?

- Yeah, Martha. It's me.

- Somebody's been cryin'.

- No, just choppin' onions.

- Yeah you smell like onions. Where's Kim?

- [Bobby] Had to go to the market.

- I see. I can't find my frikkin' glasses.

You got friends over?

(Bobby chuckles)

- Yeah.

They're a little tired right now.

- You been drinkin'?

- No.

Me? No.

- Mm-hm, you better not 'cause I will tell Kimberly.

- Hey, you know what?

I think it would be best if you came back tomorrow, huh?

How about that? - [Martha] Why?

You don't want me here?

Is there something you don't want me to see?

- No.

- Could I have something to drink?

You're so frikkin' rude.

- Sure.

- Where are the rest of your friends?

- I don't know.

Upstairs, in the garage. Maybe dead.

- Yeah, that's nice.

I'm sure Kimberly could use a break from you!

Where are those darn, ah-ha!

That's better.

Maybe I shouldn't drive without these on.

(screams)

- I'm sorry, Martha!

All right? I'm sorry!

You shouldn't just barge in here like you own the place!

You crazy old bitch!

- No!

- You know what?

How about that drink?

- Bobby! No! No!

(dramatic music) (screaming)

(dramatic music) (Bobby giggling)

- [Bobby] Bitch.

(sobbing)

(playful music) Huh?

What the?

"When calling back things that have departed this world,

"it is is necessary to have more precaution than usual.

"The energies and magic in this ritual are dangerous

"and should not be attempted by inexperienced practitioners.

"For this ritual, you will need.

"A pound of salt and three cloves of garlic.

"Three red candles."

Three.

"Six dead flowers."

Ow.

"Scented oil.

"And an item related to that which has departed."

(dark atmospheric music) (chants in foreign language)

Wait. I think I'm saying that wrong.

(chants in foreign language)

"To finish this ritual, one must take their saliva

"and place it on their third eye."

My dick?

Oh.

(chuckles)

Really?

Trying to fix your fuck-ups with magic, Bobby?

Magic!

(chuckles)

And how does he know Trent Reznor?

(whines)

(dark atmospheric music)

Fuck this shit.

I'm hungry.

I wanna order two...

large pizzas.

Supreme.

Then I'm gonna kill myself.

(phone ringing)

- [Voiceover] Thank you for calling My Koc Pizza,

this is Jack speaking, can I help you?

- Hello. I need two large pizza supremes, please.

- [Voiceover] Two large pizza supreme, yes sir.

Would you like to try a --

- No! No!

- [Voiceover] Um, I'm sorry, you didn't let me finish.

Would you like to try --

- I just want my two large pizzas.

With everything on 'em.

- [Voiceover] Two large pizzas. Everything on it, got it.

But would you like yo try, My Kok cheese sticks? 99 Cents.

- I don't care!

- [Voiceover] Well, that's really nice, sir.

- You know I know!

- Well okay, it's only 99 --

(phone bleeping)

(sobbing) (farting)

- [Voiceover] Bobby!

(dramatic music) (Martha growling)

Shit!

(whimpering)

(zombies growling)

Shit.

What the fuck have I done?

(zombies growling)

Hello? - [Voiceover] 911 emergency.

(Bobby screams)

911 emergency.

Our operators are busy.

(squelching) (Bobby screaming)

911. What's your emergency?

Hello?

Hello?

(upbeat rock music)

(crickets)

(delivery man sighs)

Hey you motherfucker, I know you're in there!

You ordered pizza.

I know where you live, fuckers!

(door rattling)

Nigga, please!

I better get a good-ass tip, at least 20%.

(tense musical stinger)