Original subtitles

Shh...

- I can't read this damn map, where the hell are we, man?

Come on.

- First of all, you shouldn't be driving while reading.

And second of all, this is a map of Massachusetts,

we're in Maine.

- We drove through Massachusetts?

- Hey Monroe, you want some peanuts?

- Dude, dude, I told you I don't want any!

- Stare a little harder, asshole.

- Oh no, no, I wasn't staring.

- Ronnie, this is the fourth time you passed something

up to Monroe, just so you can look at Nicole's boobs.

- I'm driving and I can even see you staring at them.

- Hey, why don't you stare at the road there, Morpheus?

- Why doesn't anybody stare at my boobs?

- I would if you would let me.

- Hey!

- Way to win her back.

- She's in the car with me, that's a start.

- We're not really going on a boat, are we?

- I can't believe you came along just to see Stephen King.

- Why else would I come here?

To sing camp songs and eat shitty food off of a stick?

- You are such a freak.

- Hey, you okay?

- Hey, it's just music, right?

- Anybody hungry?

- Starving!

- I want to see Stephen King, we can eat anytime.

- Monroe, umm, I'm hungry, too.

- Hey guys, why don't we stop for a little bit.

Man, this diner's in the middle of nowhere.

Oh look, they named the place restaurant.

That's clever, what do they serve, food?

Shut up, Ronnie.

- Just sit wherever you like.

Today's special is sauteed chicken.

Just be sure you lift the legs.

So you don't scratch the floor.

- Okay, I'm going to need a chair.

Someone get me a chair.

Thank you, now leave.

- Interesting place.

- As long as they're not playing

your Guantanamo torture music, I'm pretty good.

I wonder if they have a vegeta--

- Dani!

What did I tell you?

- I didn't mean it, Mom.

- I'm so sorry, we'll pay for that.

- I think you all better just leave, Wendy.

- Is there a box that we can take our food home in?

- It's best if you just go.

- Come on, let's go.

- Hey, you okay?

- Sorry for the disturbance.

That's the trouble with kids.

They're such a problem.

- You know, you didn't have to kick them out.

- Sometimes the best way to deal with a problem

is to just get rid of it.

And what brings you to these parts?

- We're here to do some boating.

- We're here to see Stephen King.

Do you know where he lives?

- We get a lot of folks here looking for him,

and I'm sorry to disappoint you, but he doesn't live here.

Isn't that right, Dale?

- That's right, Dee Dee, hasn't been here in years.

- No no, I just read a blog that said he lives around here.

- Well, not anymore.

- Can you at least tell us where his old place is?

- No idea.

Now look, this is a boring little town.

If you all are looking for fun and excitement,

you need to go about 40 miles north, to Deer Lake.

There's more people there, more things to do.

- There's obviously got to be fun stuff to do around here.

- There ain't!

People stay home, watch the sunset.

Like I said, it's a quiet little town.

- That food was horrible!

- If everything's supposed to taste like chicken,

why didn't that chicken taste like chicken?

- I told you we should have gone looking for Steve.

- It's Steve now?

When did you guys become best buddies?

- Since I realized his books were far more interesting

than hanging out with you people.

- Help you?

- Uh, yeah, we'd like to rent a boat.

My grandparents, they left me a place here on the lake,

I thought I'd come up with some friends and...

- Drink us a few beers, have us a little fun.

Up top!

Still waiting.

Soul fist, we're alright, right on.

- I don't care what you do up at your grandmama's house,

but if you're here to run a speed boat, 40 miles down

there's another lake, Deer Lake.

I recommend you go there.

- No, I am not going anywhere

until I see Stephen King's house.

- Well Mr. King doesn't like visitors.

- So he does live here.

- The waitress at the diner said he doesn't

live here anymore.

- Well that's what I meant.

- So why would he care about visitors?

- I y'all are looking to rent a boat, we don't rent them.

- What's that mean?

- We don't rent fast boats.

The kind you folks are looking for.

- Hey, what about this one?

It looks fast enough.

- And cute!

- You don't want that one!

- No, yeah we do.

Monroe, get this one, it's totally eighties, but it'll do.

- That boat is perfect.

Can't we please rent it?

Just for the weekend?

- Well, alright, but it'll cost you.

- How much?

- 500.

- Dollars?

- Yep, in cash.

If all you got is plastic, Deer Lake is--

- Thanks.

Uh, come on guys, let's huddle up.

Let's see how much we got.

- I'm not paying for this, water bothers me.

- You will if you want to see Stephen King's house.

From what I hear, you can only see it from the lake.

- Did you really hear that or are you just

trying to get my money?

- Your call.

- Damn you for knowing me so well!

- Holy shit, where'd you get all that?

- I'm loaded with disposable income, baby.

- Ewww, I'd rather be fondled by the creepy boat guy.

- Look, we got 360, who didn't put in?

- Lamont's holding back.

- Hey, black people don't do the water man, you know that.

- So why'd you come with us?

- To see these girls in their bikinis.

- Come on Lamont, ante up.

- Ah man, I only have--

- Hey, Lamont, I totally saw you at the ATM

the last time we stopped.

- Yeah, and didn't we all give you money for gas earlier?

- Yeah, we didn't stop since then.

- No money, no girls in bikinis.

- Shit.

- Alright, so who's gonna drive the van back to the house?

- What, what are y'all doing?

- Thanks for volunteering, Lamont.

- What kind of crazy white people shit is this?

- The kind that results in you driving the van

back to the house.

- Come on.

- Hey sorry dude, those are the rules.

Address and directions are in the glove box and uh,

oh hey while you're at it, fill up the gas tank.

- Yezz, Miss Daisy.

- Thank you.

Thank you.- Hey, let's do it, hit the water!

- Bastard.

- Hey Lamont, hurry up, by the time you get gas,

we'll already be at the house.

- Half naked.

- Ooo, damn!

Hey, where's this gas station?

- Quarter mile north.

- Soul fist.

Thanks, old timer.

- Getting in?

Hello?

Hey, Monroe, check out the look on Ronnie's face.

- Yeah, he'll be fine.

- Uh-oh.

- Oh no.

- Oh no what?

- Oh my god he got my foot, I just got a pedicure!

Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ewwwww, oh my god. Blech!

- Hey dude, are you alright?

- Time of my life.

- Let's get you back to the house.

Hey Lori, can you grab the back?

- Yeah.

- Uh, that's the house right up there, Ronnie.

Walk up the path and uh, find a camp with down spouts.

- Very mature, guys.

Okay, seriously, you're gonna kill me.

- Not a bad idea.

- Wait.

- Don't forget this.

- Don't throw it, don't throw it!

Got it.

- Yeah baby, ooh rah!

- Let's go wakeboarding, woooooo, yeah, woooo!

Bye Ronnie!

- Alright, see you guys.

Hope you crash into an iceberg.

Assholes.

You're my best friend.

- Woooo!

- Alright Monroe!

Woo, that was awesome!

Nicole, you wanna try?

- You know I don't do anything sporty.

- Come on, it's easy, we'll show you how.

- Come on Nicole, I'll set you up.

- So, I hear your parents are dead.

Oh, if it's too personal, I'll promise not to tell anyone.

- Look, they died when Monroe and I were little kids.

No one really knows how.

I mean if they did, they never told us, so.

My grandparents never talked about it,

and my grandma just died, so, yeah I don't know.

- Wow.

That totally sucks.

- Yeah, it really, really sucks.

Once I find me a gas station,

I'ma find me some new friends.

And some new white bitches.

Quarter mile, my ass.

This is some bullshit!

I'm gonna take my black ass right back to New York.

I'm the only black dude in the state of Maine.

I don't even see any black bears.

The roads aren't even black up here!

Where the fuck is this gas station?!

Shit.

Whoa, was that a mother fucking zebra?

Uh-uh, they eat people!

I've seen enough horror movies.

I'm getting up outta here.

- Don't you think we should be getting back to the house

to pick up Lamont?

- He's got Ronnie to keep him company, he'll be fine.

- You just want to be alone with three hot girls.

- Okay, first of all, one of them is my sister.

And second of all, I only need one hot girl.

- Do you guys have a different color board,

because this one clashes with my bathing suit.

- And I"m gonna give you one guess who it's not.

- Oooh, a loon!

- Look, I know I've been off, and I know

with a little bit of time...

No, hey, not apart, together.

With a little bit of time together, I know

that I'm gonna get readjusted again and,

I really think that--

- She's ready.

- I don't know if I can do this.

Oh my god.

- She's up!

- Okay, okay--

- And she's down.

- She's not letting go...

- Let go of the rope!

- She's not gonna be happy.

- Come on baby, come on baby, come on, you can make it.

Just a little further.

Aw, shit, here we are.

My lucky day, we got it, we got it, we got it.

Hold on, hold on.

Gas.

A little gas in the ass.

Gas in the ass.

Yes sir.

Wicked good gas, reminds me of last night's Taco Bell, hoo!

- Hey, Monroe?

We got company.

- Hello, officer.

How you doing this glorious afternoon?

- I was doing fine until I saw you kids

driving recklessly around my lake.

- Kids?

- No, Hil.

We're just having a little fun, that's all.

- Well what you consider fun, I consider dangerous.

We're 80 miles from the nearest hospital.

I advise you to slow down, and lower your voices.

- I'm sorry, I didn't know we shouldn't show excitement

by laughing so much.

- Are you looking for me to give you a ticket?

- No, no sir, absolutely not, we'll be more careful.

- That's a right smart idea.

You kids have a good day.

- But not too good, right?

- Country folk, way too trusting.

That's my joint!

- That's the house right up there.

- I don't see the minivan.

- Ah, Lamont probably got lost again.

Hush...

Hush...

- Shit!

Ah!

Gin.

- Did you even look for Lamont, or did you

just lie there reading your damn book?

- Nearest gas station's probably 200 miles away.

You know, in a town with indoor plumbing and cable TV.

- Or cell reception?

This place sucks.

- Are you kidding?

This place is awesome.

No, I mean look, there's so much stuff to do here,

hiking and swimming and fishing.

You guys all need to lighten up and go have some fun.

- So, what do we do now?

- I know, let's play Never Have I Ever.

- What are we, seven?

- Come on Ronnie, it'll be fun.

- Yeah, we can learn all about your amazing life exploits.

- Yeah, that you read about in books.

- At least I can read.

- Burn!

- I'm sorry, I didn't mean that.

You're hot.

- I know.

- Okay remember if you've done it, you have to drink.

Never have I ever made out with someone of the same sex.

Drink.

- Really?

- No, I don't need to know this stuff about my sister.

- That's what the parents get for sending me

to all-girl summer camp.

- You did this at Catholic camp?

Please don't tell me it was one of the nuns.

- Wait, am I the only one who hasn't kissed a girl?

Ow!

- Okay, my turn.

Never have I ever had more than

two sexual partners in my life.

- That's so stupid, now everybody's gonna drink.

- Cheers.

Dude, come on!

- No, I didn't even hear the question.

- Of course you didn't.

- You know what, this game's stupid okay,

I'm gonna take a leak.

- Come on, Ronnie.

- I bet he's gonna go whack off to the two of you kissing.

- Gross.- Eww.

- Alright, whatever it's my turn.

Never have I ever--

- Hey Lamont's been gone for three hours already.

- Maybe he's getting lucky.

- Yeah, for three hours?

- Just because you could never last that long

doesn't mean that someone else couldn't.

- Oh, ha ha.

- Monroe.

- Yeah, alright tell you what, why don't we

all go to the marina, we'll see

if Captain Friendly has seen him.

Is that cool?

- Okay.

- Alright, let's go.

- Fine, but nobody better puke on me again.

- Wait.

Did you hear that?

- What's wrong?

- I hear something.

- Gross!

- He is so disgusting!

- Hey Ronnie, we're gonna go to the marina

to check on Lamont, we'll be back in a few.

We'll leave you to do your business.

They're all gonna laugh at you.

Wait, wait.

Guys, it's not what you, think.

An autographed copy of King's first pop-up book.

I can't believe they just left you here.

Oh my...

I will show you the respect you deserve.

Who invited that weirdo?

I know he can be annoying,

but you get used to him.

We grew up next to one another and you know,

his parents looked after us.

Well if he tries to rub up against me

accidentally one more time, I'm going to

drown him in the lake.

Uhhhh, what's that?

Ha ha, now that's a loon.

Oh my god, creep guy is still there.

What a loser!

- Guess you girls all want me to go talk to him?

- I'm not doing it.

- I'll do it, I'm good at getting loser guys

to do anything I want.

- You done on the lake?

- No silly, we were looking for our friend?

He's about this tall, and he's wearing--

- Negro?

- Yeah, that's him, have you seen him?

- Saw him with you when you came in here.

- I mean since that time?

- Nope.

- He took the van with him.

Did you see which way he went?

- Went north, to the gas station.

That way, quarter mile.

- It's so dark out, any chance we could get a lift?

- Not much traffic around here, but someone like you?

You could get lucky.

- Forget it.

Thanks anyway.

- Well?

- I think he likes little boys.

- I meant Lamont.

- I don't know if Lamont likes little boys.

- Did he say where Lamont went?

- Oh, hasn't seen him and won't give us a ride

to go look for him.

So the gas station's a quarter mile north,

which means that way.

- I know, I know.

Let's go?

- What are we gonna do?

- Uh, walk?

- I don't feel like walking.

- You can stay here and wait with Lurch if you want,

but we're walking.

I could use the exercise.

Don't want to end up with a saggy ass.

No offense, sweetie.

Knowing Lamont, he's probably in Canada by now.

Why'd you even let him drive?

- Look out!

Asshole, you don't even have your sirens on?!

You okay?

- Thanks.

- You kids shouldn't be around here.

- Sir, I think that's our car.

- What's your name, son?

- Monroe Bachman.

- You staying at the old Bachman house?

- Yeah, it was our grandparents'.

- We're worried about our friend Lamont Jackson,

I mean is he alright?

- The negro fella?

- Yeah, if it was 1950.

- Well I'm afraid the news ain't good, miss.

- What do you mean?

- Does he have any family in the area?

- No, no what happened?

- Anyone that we can call?

No, please sir, can you just tell us what happened?

- Well it seems that he was attacked by an animal.

We need someone to identify the remains.

- He's dead?

I'll do it.

- I'll go with you.

- No.

You don't want to see that.

- Normally, we have you identify the face.

We haven't found it yet.

You okay?

- Can we just do this quick, please?

- Dodd, which one has the arm?

Damn it Dodd, those are the intestines!

- Sorry Sheriff, check the one to the right.

- I think that's him, that's his tattoo.

- Alright, then.

- What kind of animal attacks a man at a gas staion

in the middle of the day?

- Well we have wolves in this part of the state.

- A wolf attacked him?

- Yeah, something wolf-like.

- He see what did this?

- No.

- His office is right there, and he didn't see anything?

- Your friend went inside, paid for his gas,

and he came out and went back to the car.

- And between the building and the minivan,

my friend was torn apart by a wolf, and that guy

didn't hear or see anything?

- He was out back.

He didn't hear a thing.

- I thought you said Lamont paid inside.

- Wait, son.

Sheriff?

- Just let him ask his questions.

- You didn't hear anything?

- Nope.

- How is that possible?

If you're getting ripped apart by an animal

you'd be screaming pretty fucking loud, wouldn't you?

- Lower your voice, boy.

And watch your language.

- I was out back, couldn't hear anything

but that loud rap music.

Even if I was out front, I probably couldn't

have heard anything.

- Nice quiet little town you got here, sheriff.

- What are we gonna do?

- I don't know.

I don't know what the hell's going on.

- Hey, why'd you guys ditch me?

- Not now Ronnie.

- What happened?

Where's Lamont?

- Where's Lamont, Lamont's dead!

- Ha, must be my birthday.

- It's not a joke Ronnie, he's dead.

- Wait, you mean metaphorically?

You alright?

It's okay.

- I just can't believe he's dead.

What the fuck, get away from me you fucking sicko!

- What?

- This jerkoff tried to kiss me!

- What the fuck, Ronnie?

- Hey, we all grieve in different ways, right?

- And you grieve by making out?

- I thought there was a connection.

- The only connection is bringing my foot

to your balls, you creep!

I'm not staying in the same house as this asshole anymore!

- Way to go, asshole.

- Why am I the asshole, alright?

It's not like I'm the one who killed Lamont.

- Can you just, can you just go somewhere and chill, please?

- Where, into the forest with the man-eating wolf?

- Hey if it's a man-eating wolf, you should have

nothing to worry about.

- Fine, I'll just go sit and read.

- He's gonna read a Stephen King book to chill?

- I'm so sorry about that.

Ah man, I never thought that he'd try to

make a move on you now, Ronnie surprises even me

sometimes, I guess.

- Is this all supposed to be part of him growing on me?

- What?

What?

Fine.

I'll go apologize.

You know, it is possible for someone to love me.

- You know just, just seeing Lamont there,

like knowing I couldn't do anything...

- Monroe, I love you.

- What was that?

Oh great, a really good idea.

Ronnie, wait!

Ronnie!

Ronnie!

- You are a backstabbing hypocrite.

- No wait, wait.

- What happened now?

- What happened is I go back there to apologize,

and this guy--

- No, it's not what you think--

- This guy's making out with Nicole.

- Oh, I was not!

- What happened?

- What happened is your boyfriend was making out

with the girl that I was gonna marry.

- Oh gimme a break.

- You were making out with Nicole?

- He thought that she was gonna marry him?

- No, yes, not really.

Lori, Lori, Lori, you've gotta let me explain.

- Don't!

- Lori!

Lori, wait, hey!

- Get your hands off of me, you asshole.

At least I'm not the asshole anymore!

- Just stay out of this, Ronnie!

Come on, please just let me explain.

- You left me to go to Iraq for a year, and I wait.

Then you come back, you tell me you need some time alone.

And I wait.

Then, you tell me you wanna stay friends,

and I wait some more?

Finally, you invite me up here, and now this?

I was fucking waiting for this.

- Hey, hey.

She kissed me.

- So you did kiss her.

- No, no, no, you're not even listening to me.

- Listen to you?

I don't ever want to see you again.

You know what?

No wonder they discharged you for being crazy.

Fucking asshole!

Asshole!

- Where's Lori?

- She ran off into the woods.

- Wait, you left her alone?

- She didn't want me to be near her.

If it hadn't been for Nicole kissing me I--

- If you hadn't invited that perverted friend of yours--

- Shut up, both of you.

Such an asshole, such an asshole!

I'm done, I'm not doing this shit anymore, I'm done.

Shhhh...

I can't believe this shit, four years.

Aarrgh, such an asshole!

Shhh...

- Monroe.

Is that you?

Monroe?

Monroe, this isn't funny.

Monroe?

Hush...

- Is someone there?

Who's there?!

- Hush...

Lori, where are you?!

- Lori!

Lori, where are you?

Lori!

Lori!

- Lori!

Lori!

- Oh no, oh no, oh no.

Oh no!

I'm so sorry Lori, I'm so sorry!

- No!

No!

No!

- What was it, was it another wolf?

- I don't know, we just need to get back to the house.

You two need to go back to the house, right now.

- What are you going to do?

- Get back to the house right now.

Hush...

- Why doesn't anybody stare at my boobs?

- I only need one hot girl.

- No wonder they discharged you for being crazy.

- You're not bringing her inside, are you?

I can't be inside with a dead body.

- I'm gonna bury her.

- Are you crazy?

- I'm not leaving her out here.

- I'll go to the barn and get a shovel.

- Do you want me to help you?

- No.

I'll get Ronnie.

- Ronnie.

Ronnie?

- Forget it, I'll just, I'll go to the barn

and get the shovel myself.

Just lock the doors?

- Jesus, what the hell?

- Oh god, I'm so sorry, I thought y--that somebody

was following me.

- Yeah, I was following you, didn't think

you'd try to kill me for it.

- Something happened to Lori.

- What happened?

- Her skull was crushed in.

- How bad of an argument did you guys have?

- It wasn't me, you idiot.

- Oh, an accident.

Don't worry, I'll corroborate the story,

but you let me keep Nicole.

- There's something so wrong with you, you know that?

- Yeah.

- Look, don't tell the girls this, but I don't think

it was an animal, I think she was murdered.

Something bashed her, her skull in.

- Fuck me.

- Look I need your help, come with me, I ...

I need you to help bury the body.

- Cool.

- Where the hell have you been?

- I was burying Lori, you know that.

- Not you, him.

- I was with Monroe.

- How did you know where Monroe was?

- I saw him leaving the barn?

- The girls didn't tell you where I was?

- So?

- When we came back from the woods after finding Lori,

where were you?

- I was here?

- I called for you, you didn't answer.

- I was out back.

- Ronnie, what were you doing out there?

- Clearing my head?

- Well you didn't hear Lori screaming?

- Of course I heard her scream, half of Maine

heard her scream, I just figured she was yelling at Monroe.

- What's out there?

Is it really a wolf?

- Monroe thinks it's a killer.

I mean a killer wolf, as we've clearly seen,

with the wolfy fangs.

- You think Lori was murdered?

- It just didn't look like an animal did that.

- So you think Lamont was murdered, too?

- I don't know I'm, I'm still trying

to put all the pieces together.

- We have to call the sheriff.

- With what phone?

What if we go to a neighbor's house?

- Good idea!

- Nicole, wait, wait!

- Can someone help us?!

Please!

- Shh, shh, have you seen the people in this town, Nicole?

- Can anyone help us?!

What's wrong with these people?

- I have no idea.

- Don't you think it's strange that of this

is happening where Stephen King lives?

- What was Lori wearing before she left?

- God, not now Ronnie.

- No no, when we buried her, she had on a sailor cap,

did she have that on before?

- What the fuck does that have to do

with anything, you pervert?

- If you would just listen to me, you would learn

that in the Stephen King short story

The Man Who Loved Flowers, a character wearing

a sailor top was killed with a hammer.

- Lori wasn't wearing a sailor top.

- How do you know she was killed with a hammer?

- Guys, this is my girlfriend you're talking about.

- Well technically, ex-girlfriend.

- Look stop, I didn't say Lori was killed with a hammer,

I just said that the character was,

and her head was crushed like it.

- Her head was crushed?

- Ronnie, you're not helping.

- Okay, well, what about Lamont?

- What about Lamont, what about Lamont,

did a character get killed by an animal in what,

Stephen King's 210th novel?

- Well, wolves do kill the kid in The Stand.

- Ronnie!

- You're right, he was under the control

of the Dark Man, Randall Flagg.

- Ronnie.

- Look, how did Lamont die?

- You are being morbid.

- Just tell me how he died!

- Fuck you, Ronnie.

- You want to know how Lamont died?

He got torn limb from limb in the minivan,

and they found pieces of him in the front seat,

pieces of him in the back seat, and whoever

or whatever did this took his head along with him,

are you happy?

- Oh my god.

- Wait, if he was torn apart, how do you know it was him?

- I saw his arm, the one with the tattoo.

- Wait, his arm was severed?

- Yeah it was, at the shoulder, like a chicken wing.

- Jesus Christ, Monroe.

- No, he wants to know, so I'm telling him.

- I don't wanna know.

- I think it should have been ripped off.

- That's enough!

I'm not listening to any more of this!

- Was his arm cut apart, or torn off?

Was the flesh ripped or sliced?

Ooo, were there bite marks?

- I'm not having any more of this

conversation with you, okay?

- Then how do we know it was an animal?

If his arm was sliced, then somebody, not something

did this to him, and your suspicions might be right.

We could all be in serious danger.

- Don't you think two of our friends dying

qualifies us for serious danger?

- No, not just serious danger.

Stephen King danger.

I think Lamont was cut apart by a killer

with a very sharp knife, and his body parts

strewn about the car, just like in Strawberry Spring,

from the King collection Night Shift.

They couldn't find his head, either.

- For crying out loud Ronnie, why would anyone

try to kill us?

- Oh my god, that's it.

- What's it?

- Crying out loud

That's it, crying out loud.

Did you notice anything odd about this town?

- Well besides the fact that people keep getting killed?

- Yeah.

Like the fact that it's disturbingly quiet?

- This is ridiculous.

- Is it?

Think about it.

Everyone in this town is always whispering.

The warden telling us not to have fun?

The ambulance drove by with no sirens blaring.

- I bet you Lamont was playing his radio all loud

and he got capped 'cuz of it.

- And Lori was so mad at me.

- Mad?

She was yelling all over the place, calling you

an asshole, screaming at the top of her lungs.

Which I'm guessing didn't make the killer very happy.

- Why would anyone kill just to shut people up?

You need to stop hanging out with him.

Hey, Nicole?

Hey Hil, Hilary.

Just keep your voice down.

Just in case.

- Hilary, please tell me you know what's going on.

- I wish I did, but I don't.

- Do you think we're safe in here?

- I don't know if we're safe anywhere.

- But we're still safer inside than out, right?

- I think so.

Why don't you take a shower?

I'll watch the door.

Hush...

- Whoa, whoa, what happened, what's going on?

- Is everyone alright?

- I saw something outside.

I can't be here anymore, I'm not safe here anymore.

- It'll be okay.

Monroe will protect us.

He's a war veteran.

Shhh...

- Oh, Jesus, what the fuck?

- Ronnie?

It's okay.

Just Ronnie.

- What the hell are you doing out here?

- I was taking a leak.

- You were watching me shower, weren't you?

- No, I was taking a leak.

- You come near me again, and I'll

claw your fucking eyes out.

- You're disgusting.

- I was taking a leak.

- Well, it's better to have a pervert out there

instead of a killer, right?

- I still don't want to be trapped in this house.

I feel like we're sitting ducks.

I wonder if we can make it to the boat easily.

- Shh, shh, shh, what's the matter, why does

everyone keep screaming?

- Lamont's head is in a window sill.

- What?

- Where's Ronnie?

- What happened?

- You stay the fuck away from us.

- What is with your family and stabbing me?

- Where were you just now?

- In the bathroom, where I just came out of.

- I thought you took a leak in the woods.

- Okay.

You got me.

I was watching Nicole shower.

- I'm going to vomit.

- You don't leave our sight again, do you understand?

Stop doing that!

- Are we just gonna leave his head out there?

- We can bury it tomorrow.

- I'm sure as hell not gonna touch it.

- Just wait 'til tomorrow morning and we can

find the sheriff, okay?

- Hey Lover Boy, why don't you join us down here?

Everyone floats.

Down here, we all float.

Soul fist, redrum!

- What is it, what's wrong?

- Where's Nicole?

- God, you're kidding me.

- She's probably still asleep in her bed.

- What, with that head in the window?

Nicole!

Nicole!

- You don't think she went for the boat, do you?

- Why the boat?

- She thought it would be safer.

- Oh, god.

What?

Oh, fuck, the front door is open.

Come on Ronnie, let's go, it'll be safer

if we go together.

- It'll be safer if we stay in here.

- Ronnie.

- Or we could all go together.

- She started the boat.

- I don't see her.

- Me either.

Oh my god, I can't believe she left us.

- Oh god, no she didn't.

Nicole?

- Beach World.

The main character ends up going on a planet

filled with sand and ends up shoving piles of sand

down his throat.

- You did this to her.

- Hilary.

- You're never around when any of them die.

Or when Lamont's head showed up.

- Not around, I was in the cabin when Nicole died.

- Were you?

Because I'm pretty sure I fell asleep.

Were you awake the whole night, huh?

- I think I fell asleep for a little while.

- Long enough for you to kill Nicole.

- This--you gotta be kidding me.

Monroe.

- You come near me, I will stab you in the throat.

Is that in any of your fucking books?

- You believe me I mean, whoever killed Nicole

took the boat and drove off, you saw that.

- I told you not to leave our sight.

- Yeah, but it's not like--

- I told you not to leave our sight.

- You need help with that?

- No.

This doesn't look good for you, Ronnie.

- I can't believe you think I killed our friends.

- Friends?

You hated Lamont.

- Well not as much as I hate other people,

so that puts him in my friend category.

- She's right.

You're never around when they die.

- Neither are you guys.

- Yes, but we've always been together

whenever the killings occur.

- So maybe you're both the killers.

I mean, why would I kill Nicole, out of all people?

- To bring some sick fantasy to life.

- I was asleep next to you, you think your

Army Power Ranger senses would detect

someone moving around.

- Everything fits.

- Everything does not fit.

- You read all those Stephen King books.

- So what, I also watch a lot of porn,

you don't see me fucking Tori Black, do you?

- Get in my fucking pussy, yeah!

- Okay, not that I wouldn't if I could,

so probably not the best example.

- I think I believe him.

- Of course, who wouldn't fuck Tori Black?

- Oh my god Ronnie, I think I believe you're not the killer.

- Oh, thank you.

- Why would he kill them, what does he have to gain?

- Like I said, to bring some sick Stephen King fantasy

into his boring, pathetic life.

- Look, I know he's pathetic.

And disgusting, and perverted--

- Hey, sitting right here, okay?

By the way, it's that kind of mean-spirited talk

that turns people into serial killers.

- Yeah, and it's comments like that, that are not

helping your situation.

Alright, how are we gonna settle this?

- Club him over the head and wait for the sheriff to arrive.

- Well, we're not getting a unanimous vote on that one.

- All we need is a majority.

- Alright, enough.

We'll just watch each other until the sheriff arrives.

- What if the sheriff never comes?

- What if the sheriff's the killer?

- What if you're the killer?

- Then Lamont would have been the first to go.

- Look, assuming it's not Ronnie, which I might,

perhaps, maybe believe--

- Might perhaps maybe?

- Then who are the other options?

- I don't know, what about the creepy pedophile guy

at the marina, or the creepy waitress, or anyone

in this town prefaced with with the word creepy?

- I guess there's the game warden that we saw

on the lake yesterday.

- Yeah, the creepy game warden!

He probably took the boat.

I mean, anyone in this town could be the killer.

Anyone.

- Who knows?

Maybe just living in this queer little town

with nothing to do is enough to drive somebody crazy.

- All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

- Apparently someone really wants it quiet around here.

- If he's telling the truth, and I'm not saying he is,

but if he is, that means someone else is out there.

- Yeah that's true, we need to protect ourselves.

You know if there's anything that I learned

when I was in Iraq--

- Iraq?

I thought you were a line cook.

- Yes, so was Steven Segal in Under Siege,

do you doubt him?

I was a line cook in a Ranger regiment, okay?

- Great, we can kill him with your lasagna.

- Okay, regardless.

The best defense is a good offense.

- Monroe's right.

We have to catch him.

- We need to set a trap, we need to attract him in some way.

We need to come up with some plan that would appeal

to his sick and twisted imagination.

- I know.

Let's set something up out of a Stephen King story.

- Oh, why didn't I think of that?

- Because you have a tiny brain.

- Actually, if he's trying to kill us

using identical murders

from King novels...

- He'll love the simplicity of having it set up for him.

- I gotta admit, it's a pretty good idea.

Can you come up with anything better?

- We need to use your grandparents' Stephen King library.

- Why do our grandparents have a Stephen King library?

- How long is this gonna take, Ronnie?

- I think I got it.

You guys remember Last Rung on the Ladder

in King's Night Shift?

I feel sad for people like you.

It's a story about a brother and sister

who climb a ladder to go to a barn?

- Well that's a good start.

- The sister climbs up the ladder, she gets stuck,

dangling on the top rung.

- I'm not throwing myself off a ladder.

- No no no, the brother ends up saving her life

by putting hay at the bottom.

- So, no one dies?

- Well, when she grows up she ends up

throwing herself off a building.

- I'm not dangling from a ladder.

- Look, you don't have to.

We don't have to be completely accurate.

Just trust me, I'm not gonna let anything

happen to you, okay?

Alright, here's the plan.

We're gonna go in the barn, you're gonna

climb up the hayloft, start making lots of noise,

start pushing things around, pretend like

you're looking for something--

- Sing, scream, then he'll have to come get you.

- How do you know it's a he?

- Or a she.

- Ronnie, is there something you're not telling us?

- No!

90 percent of serial killers are Caucasian men

between 25 and 35 years of age.

- And don't you fall into that category?

- Don't you?

- Hil!

Guys.

I don't care if it's a he, or a she, or an It.

- Oh god, not the clown.

- We're gonna go into the barn.

We're going to hide, and when the killer comes out,

I'm going to stab him.

- What, no!

- No?

- I mean, if we kill him, we're no better than he is.

Look, maybe he needs help.

Maybe he was hit by a car and hasn't been the same since.

Look, whoever did this doesn't deserve to die.

Great!

Alright, let's go.

What now?

- It's not that we don't trust you, it's uh,

it's just that--

- We don't trust you.

You already told us how to catch the killer so,

if you're not him, you should have nothing to worry about.

- Yeah, except the maniacal maniac on the loose!

- I'm willing to bet that if you're tied to that chair,

the killer never shows up.

- Really.

Now you're willing to bet your life on it?

- Get the rope.

- Hey wait a second, it's not my fault

that Jean-Claude van Suck over here fucked up again.

- Sit in the chair, Ronnie.

- Okay, look, I didn't mean it, I didn't mean it.

I'm sure you didn't mean to get your platoon killed.

- Sit in the god damn chair, Ronnie.

- Okay, just not too tight, I don't want to

have any circula--

I want my apology steak medium well,

smothered in a grilled I'm sorry onion, ow!

- Shut, up, Ronnie.

- No wait.

I know who the killer is!

Ow!

It's Stephen King.

The killer is Stephen King.

No, I'm serious, it really is--

- You're an idiot.

- Mmmph, hmmph!

- What?

- Just climb the ladder and wait for my signal, okay?

- Are you okay?

- Yeah.

Don't worry, sis.

The old Monroe is back.

Go on.

Hush...

- Come on!

Come on, where are you?

I know you're here!

Quiet...

Where are you, come on already!

- Shit shit shit shit Hilary!

Hilary watch out!

Hilary, he's coming!

Hilary!

- Noooo!

I'm gonna fucking kill you!

I don't care who you are!

I'm gonna fucking kill you!

- I never read any of the books.

But I bet you never expected this ending.

- AHHHH!

- What the fuck, Ronnie?

- I'm sorry, Monroe.

I just can't let you kill Stephen King.

- He killed all of our friends, you asshole.

- Well then, we'll turn him in.

At least he can keep writing from jail.

Monroe, please, stay away, you're scaring me, okay?

- I'm not gonna hurt you.

- Please stay away.

- I'm gonna bash your brains right the fuck in.

A shovel?

Really?

You hit me with a fucking shovel, Ronnie?

- I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

- You are a disgrace!

You are a disgrace to your unit!

You are a disgrace to your Army!

You, Lieutenant, are a disgrace

to the United States of America!

Come here, Private.

Where are you, you little shitbag?!

You little maggot!

Where you hiding?

Hello?!

I'm gonna get you!

I'm gonna find you!

Where's Ronnie?

Fire in the hole!

- Incoming!

Broken arrow, broken arrow!

- We're taking fire, our new coordinates

are November, Delta, five six six niner!

- Get the medic!

Goose is down, goose is down!

- We're taking fire!

I know what you're trying to do, but it's not gonna work!

Hilary was right.

You are so pathetic.

- Shhhh....

- Enjoy, folks.

- Can you tell us where Stephen King lives?

- Sorry to disappoint you kids, but uh,

he doesn't live here.

Isn't that right, Dale?

- That's right, Dee Dee, hasn't been here in years.

媻 School kids, laughing away

♪ With not much to say

♪ No worries, no responsibilities

♪ And they were so young

♪ Two kids finding their way

♪ Through love and through pain

♪ Discovering what it is to breathe life

♪ And they were so young

♪ Those kids have ones of their own

♪ Look to build a home

♪ And everything that encompasses it ♪

- We have a nice quiet town around here.

Do I make myself clear?

Consider yourselves warned.

媻 Now I'm drifting away

♪ With no more to say

♪ Then suddenly now do I realize

♪ We are so young

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪