Original subtitles

You have a violent history, don't you, Martin?

We know who you are.

Can he ever tell the truth?

All our deepest, darkest secrets.

Forget all the nonsense of the past for one night.

Say her name.

You were arrested at 5am on Saturday, 4th of October.

Can you tell us what you were doing at Denby Hall, Martin?

Party. CLEARS THROAT

It was a party.

Really? It's fine.

They're eating kebabs. We're getting kebabs.

We're not getting kebabs.

Don't you think it's strange they didn't offer to put us up?

I mean, it's not like they're short of rooms.

It's his birthday, you're the kids' godfather.

Makes no sense.

Do you think they're saving them for their more fancy friends?

I think this is the eighth time you've asked me this.

I think you should just let it go.

WOMAN MOANING, GRUNTING

What? Is...?

MOANING INTENSIFIES

Is that...? No.

It is. No, please, no.

Let's listen.

It's coming from here. Lucy.

MOANING CONTINUES

MARTIN LAUGHS

Come on.

Animals.

LUCY CHUCKLES

CARD BEEPS Give it to me.

BLEEP Ooh, clever you.

Mm.

I'll put the kettle on.

PHONE BUZZES

PHONE CHIMES AND BUZZES REPEATEDLY

Biscuits, milk...

TV ON

'Good afternoon.

'This morning, I let the chairman of the 1922 Committee

'know of my resignation as leader of the Conservative Party.

'We agreed that there will be a leadership election

'to be started in the next week...' Lucy, come and look.

'I will remain leader until a successor has been chosen.'

What the...? 'I stand by...'

Did you know about this? No.

'..that Britain is a blessed nation...'

What does it mean? I don't know. Shush.

Martin. I said I don't know.

'Thank you very much.' Great.

'That is breaking news...' Tonight's gonna be great.

'..of the Conservative Party Elinor Winner...'

Absolutely no problem whatsoever.

'So, who might we see standing for the leadership?'

'Well, I mean, certainly, Jarvis Conrad, MP for Surrey West

'and currently Shadow Minister for Work and Pensions...'

I think it's getting worse. Do you think it's getting worse?

'Yeah, well, he's got a strong track record...'

It's getting worse. '..on the right of the party, doesn't he?'

Can't you put some make-up on it?

No, it just sort of gets all clangy and then it spreads.

I mean, pregnancy doesn't suit everyone.

'..anyone as a successor, from what you can tell?'

'No, some interesting outsiders have come into the mix as well, though.

'I've heard some MPs discussing...' What?

'..Benjamin Fitzmaurice as a possible candidate.'

Was that the wrong thing to say? Course it's the wrong thing to say.

God's sake.

I meant it as a compliment.

I was just trying to be nice.

It was a compliment, FYI.

FYI, you're about as charming as a...

As a what?

Skid mark.

You're about as charming as a skid mark.

Cab's here.

How are you feeling? Awesome.

Take your wife to work day.

Oh, wow.

Not a single spare room.

Hello, you two. Hi.

Lucy, you remember Heidi and Dominic.

Hey, Luce. Congratulations. Wow!

Just great news, simple as.

Who doesn't love babies? We all love babies.

Oh, we're so happy for you both.

So, how are you feeling, Lucy? Yeah.

Yeah, well, I've got this pregnancy acne,

and I'm not really sleeping. So cool.

Oh, good. LS, I can't get Barnes out of the boiler room.

Him and Ben have been at each other again.

Be an absolute angel, would you, and retrieve him?

He'll stay down there all night, you know what he's like.

Hi, Lucy! Leave it with me.

Oh, are you gonna go right now?

Yeah. Gonna go and get Barnaby, catch up with Ben.

Dominic, look, that's Jarvis. Come on.

Be cool.

Jarvis. You look like bloody royalty.

Glad to have you back.

It's not overshadowing everything. Nice shoes. Are they bells?

Buckles. I need to speak to Ben. I need to speak with...

How long for the sausages?

'..the surprise resignation

'of Conservative Party leader Elinor Winner.' Couple of minutes.

Hello, mate.

All OK?

Can I clean your screen, please?

You always do this. What?

Pretend you're cleaning my screen when you just want to talk.

Hm.

Why have you been rowing with Dad?

Cos I don't like parties, I don't like suits,

and I don't like shaking people's hands.

Oh, I hear you, mate.

It's fake. It's cringe.

There are some trapeze artists warming up on the lawn, FYI.

Have you stopped sulking yet? Hm? Come on, get up.

Come on, Barnes. You've got this, OK?

All you have to do is walk up to people, look them in the eye,

shake their hands and make conversation.

People have travelled a long way.

They've dry-cleaned their clothes.

BARNABY CHUCKLES

So just try. You might even enjoy it. OK?

'Is Martin losing his shit?'

Just a bit. Yeah, they all do that in the beginning.

And then they become obsessed. Why do you think we had four?

Er, no.

Oh, God, it's supposed to be Victorian freak show.

Is it clear? Oh, it's clear. Yeah.

Too much? No, not at all.

I mean, they are getting paid.

SERENA SIGHS

SHE INHALES

Have you tried tea tree?

Er, no. OK, you've got to try tea tree.

Yeah, just dab it. Dab, dab, and fingers clean.

It's great.

It's big news, eh? Changing of the guard.

You knew Elinor was resigning. You must have.

What makes you think I know anything, LS?

I'm not in the Shadow Cabinet. Still climbing the ladder.

But it's exciting, isn't it?

Crisis. It means "to separate" in Greek. Did you know that?

I didn't, no. Hm.

You love it, don't you?

HE CHUCKLES What?

Chaos.

Ah, thrives in chaos, wilts in calm. C'est moi.

Well, it will be chaos if Jarvis runs.

Just let things settle, that's all I'm saying. Mm.

Everyone's probably in a tizz.

Just don't walk yourself off any cliffs.

No. Wouldn't dream of it.

Ah! Ha-ha-ha!

Bastard! BEN LAUGHS

Come on. Come on! Come on, then.

BEN GRUNTS, LAUGHS

Come on!

GRUNTING AND LAUGHTER

Bastard! Argh!

STRAINING

BOTH GASP

GRUNTING AND LAUGHTER

BOTH PANTING

Put your hand in my pocket.

What?

Put your hand in my pocket.

What's this? It's a present.

It's your birthday. I'm a giver, mate. What can I say?

Whose is this?

It's not Phoebe's, is it? Yeah. It is, yeah.

It's from her christening.

Mummy gave it to me this morning.

CLASPS SHUT Oh, dear.

You don't like it.

Sorry. Oh, sorry. It was a really terrible idea.

I've thrown you. I've thrown you. It's not my intention.

Ignore it. Ignore it, I'm sorry.

Let's make this a night to remember. Huh?

Occupation, please, Martin. I'm a political journalist.

KEYBOARD CLACKS

Erm... And that's in London, is it? It is, yes.

OK, are you on any medication we should know about? No.

Oh, I take... I take pain medication.

OK, and what's that for?

It's for a shoulder injury. OK.

KEYBOARD CLACKS

Come on.

I'm sorry, my system is being very slow today.

Beth uffern sy'n bod 'da hwn?

DOOR OPENS

Mam, I'm home.

Martin.

HE CHUCKLES, GASPS

Oh!

I can't believe it, Mam. It'll change your life, Martin.

HE GIGGLES

Well, you must thank Mr Pierson

for all the help he's given you. Yeah.

A scholarship. I can't believe it.

Your dad would be so proud of you.

Gilmour! Up you come.

Decent journey?

Yes, it was fine. Just fine, thank you. Good.

Thank you ever so much, Mr Pierson.

It's a while since he had his breakfast, but...

He'll be fed, fear not.

Right. Er...

Why aren't you changed, boys? Games in ten, get to it!

To me!

OK, boys.

OK, come on, scrum practice, boys.

Come on, then. Move back.

William! Going, going.

To the line! Me!

Bibs on the left, stripes on the right.

Come on, form up.

Bring it in. What are you doing?

You're not scrum half, mate. Get on the wing.

Stop whining, put the ball in, Jarvis.

Engage!

GRUNTING

INDISTINCT SHOUTING

Gilmour! Let's smash him!

GRUNTING

Get off me! Get off him, Jarvis, come on.

Jarvis, get off him. All right, Ben. Bloody hell.

Come on, use the ball. Get it out left!

I was exactly the same, mate, on my first game.

Oh. I'll keep an eye on you, mate.

OK, thank you.

I am now going to search you.

If you could please stand up, put your arms out.

Yeah, straight out, that's it. That's it, thank you.

Er...

OK, could you open your legs slightly further apart, please?

I certainly can. CLEARS THROAT

Thank you.

Hello, Martin. I'm Rachel Samuels. I'll be representing you today.

INDISTINCT CHATTER, LAUGHTER

Hey, Ben.

Ben? Mate?

Oh, hello, boy. Hello, Mr Pierson.

Nice to have some company, I expect. Hm.

Only child, aren't you? I am, yes, Sir.

Well...

You know, your dear father helped to build the labs here.

Would have made him ever so proud to see you here amongst it all.

And so the seahorse has no stomach.

Food passes through them, the plankton, crustacean and so on.

Terrible swimmers. Slowest in the ocean.

Some barely move at all.

But... masters of camouflage,

changing colour to blend with their surroundings.

Perfect defence against predators...

Argh!

Ah! What is it, Gilmour?

I don't know, it just hurts.

You were perfectly fine a minute ago.

It really hurts, Sir.

Right.

Hm.

Well, you'd better go and see Matron, then.

HE GROANS

INAUDIBLE

INAUDIBLE

CORONATION STREET THEME SONG

Martin!

It's starting.

You know...

I think Deirdre's gonna find out that she's been conned all along.

Poor thing.

Do they let you watch telly there?

We can before lock-up. Lock-up?

What's that? Bedtime?

Just the time you have to be back in your house.

You can leave, but you have to sign out with Master.

Another world.

Besides, I...

I don't really like television programmes like this any more.

I see.

Come on, Martin. Let's pull your cracker.

One, two, three.

SHE CHUCKLES

Come on, read your joke. I'll do it later.

Oh.

Open your gift at least.

Is Ash the one you wanted?

Yes, Mam. It's exactly the one I wanted.

Hey. Thank you.

That's nice.

I wasn't expecting one of those.

♪ Do you remember the time I knew a girl from Mars?

♪ I don't know if you knew that

♪ Oh, we'd stay up late Playing cards

♪ Henri Winterman cigars

♪ And she never told me her name

♪ I still love you The girl from Mars

♪ Sitting in our dreamy days By the water's edge

♪ On a cool summer night

♪ Fireflies and stars in the sky

♪ Gentle glowing light From your cigarette

♪ The breeze blowing softly On my face

♪ Reminds me of something else

♪ Something that in my memory Has been misplaced

♪ Suddenly all comes back... ♪ KNOCK AT DOOR

I love this song.

♪ I remember the time I knew a girl from Mars

♪ I still love you Girl from Mars. ♪

OK, Martin, so, you were arrested at Ben Fitzmaurice's party last night.

Can you tell me about your relationship with him?

'How do you mean?' Well, I reckon it's for the best.

I just assumed you'd be coming home, that's all, but...

It's OK. Never mind.

You'll just be working, won't you? It's always busy at that time,

and they always ask you to do extra shifts.

'Yes. Yes, that's true.

'Erm, are you sure they don't mind having you?'

MOUTHS

No.

'You're not imposing?'

Well, they have guests all the time, I expect.

Some families actually enjoy having other people round.

'You know, Mam?' Well, as long as they are sure.

'Look, it is better this way.'

And I'll visit you over Easter,

and then we can go and look at the chandeliers in Debenhams.

You like that.

Lovely.

All right, Martin. Yeah.

You tell them that I said thank you very much indeed.

I will do.

Welcome to our Welsh home.

Greetings, Christian soldiers, girded for the fight.

The battle is before you, walk in truth and light.

Pheebs! Ah!

Ow!

This is he.

Martin, my sister Phoebe. Hello.

The honour is mine. Let's get inside.

Come on. I told the maids to lock their doors, Jarvis.

Very funny, Phoebe.

Boys.

Hello, Jarvis. Oh, Kitty-cat, how are you?

Martin. We've put you in the red room.

Just let the hot tap run a little, would you?

Yes, thanks. Nice to meet you. Pa wants to take you all shooting.

I hope you're not a pacifist, Martin.

He's born to kill, Mummy. Aren't you?

Absolutely.

Essential to have the right shot size.

You need at least a six.

Shooting is instinct and intellect in equal measure.

Instinct to track, intellect to plan.

Man needs both to never miss an opportunity,

make sure he always remains dominant.

Safety always broken, boy. Always pointing to the ground.

Let's practise it.

Relax. Yes, OK.

Practise it with these. Just two empties.

There you go. Break it.

OK, and then just in there? Straight in.

OK. Beautiful.

Hurry up. We've got to get to the first drive.

Same again. Close it up. Give it some welly. Yeah.

Let's go. You want a lesson too, Jarvis?

INDISTINCT CHATTER, DOG BARKS

So... what's it like to be a shadow?

Excuse me? Well, you're like his little shadow, aren't you?

Following him around, his every move.

What are you two plotting?

Jarvis was just saying I'm like your brother's little shadow.

Ben's what? Little shadow.

I like it.

Yeah, I like it. Maybe LS for short.

Good.

Me too.

Well done, excellent!

Good shot, old boy.

Great shot. Great shot. Nicely done!

SQUEALING

HE GRUNTS REPEATEDLY

HE PANTS

CHUCKLES

They want us in the war room now. OK.

So, we thought a little word might be in order

now our glorious leader has resigned. Good.

Work chats on my birthday? Boo.

Well, we thought it was important,

since Jarvis Conrad is on the guest list.

You've seen him here?

How could we miss the jingle-jangle of his high street shoes?

Look, it's no secret that his team are gearing up for a leadership bid.

But his family have had a bit of a balls-up,

locking their tenants into private maintenance contracts.

Thousands of tenants are stuck.

They can't do any works because of the leasehold.

"Fleecehold." That's good. That's great.

Thank you.

Terrible for the party, though, if it got out.

Disaster.

So what's the ask? They want a take-down.

Do you?

Get Giles to do it. His wife is having a hysterectomy.

"Hysteroctomy."

Giles' wife is having a "hysteroctomy,"

so we need someone else to do it.

Look, we just need him to be aware that there's a story, that's all.

Press pause on the campaign, dent his confidence.

Why are you going so hard?

Is there anything else I should know?

No surprise announcements I should be aware of?

Do you mean her, or do you mean me? Yeah.

Oh, no, that's very kind of you, LS.

No, no, very kind. Maybe after the next election, but...

No, no, I'm definitely not.

That would send me into cardiac arrest!

No, no, no, this is about the party.

We have to scare Jarvis, threaten.

Heidi. OK, not threaten.

No, but threaten-y, guys. Yeah.

Guys, guys. Look, I've got the world and his wife here.

Pre-teen drama, my mother's in bits.

Phoebe's absence has hit her like a train,

so I'm gonna have to make a bit of a fuss of her.

You know how she gets.

I can't see how this is gonna get resolved tonight.

I'm sorry, I just... I just can't see it.

I guess... I could talk to him.

No. Mate, no, no. No, I'll talk to him.

Er... Well, I mean...

I mean, that would be such a help, wouldn't it?

Mm. Mm.

That would be such a help, LS. No problem.

Thank you. Thank you.

Right, party time. THEY CHUCKLE

Such a lovely house. Yeah.

The weather's clearing. Yes.

I can see a little cheeky rain cloud. Uh-oh.

Don't come for us! Leave us alone!

Let us be! AWKWARD CHUCKLE

No, apparently, most of the circus acts are inside, so we're safe.

You're Jarvis Conrad's wife, aren't you?

Yes, I am.

Mm.

Why? Well, I'm Amina Bates.

He was just very keen for me to come.

Lots of emails.

Jarvis? Clarissa? Are you decent?

Hmm, pre-party shag.

Well, she probably wants to get it over and done with.

BEN LAUGHS

Right.

Oh, diazepam. Hers. Definitely hers.

Yeah.

Hey, shall we crack one open and snort it?

THEY CHUCKLE

"The Normans". That's his. Definitely his.

Dear God.

He's highlighted sections.

Do you think he reads it to her as foreplay?

THEY LAUGH

Oh, fuck. What?

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

Journal.

Don't. No?

Or maybe do? Maybe do.

Good God, she's dull.

"Thursday. Nine grams of protein, one kiwi, one Diet Coke.

"Must do better."

Yikes. What a sad little life.

MARTIN GASPS

Will you take a look at that?

Back-up plan, if the leasehold story doesn't spook him?

Well, that's a hefty order.

Jarvis never did like to share, did he?

Peru or Peckham?

I think we'd better check.

SNIFFS

Ah! Peckham.

BEN LAUGHS

Oh, dear.

Oh, God.

It's ever so reviving, Martin.

I'm good here, thank you.

Is that visitor code for

"please grab me by the ankles and hurl me in"?

Pheebs, stop. Stop! Why? Just stop, OK?

It's code for "I can't swim".

Gosh. Really?

Yeah.

LAUGHTER

Getting tired.

What are you doing?

Martin, it's more of a scooping action.

Scoop like a frog. Come on, move it, froggy!

Shut up.

OK, I'm gonna let you go. You ready?

Martin.

Have you gotten all excited?

Oh! Don't worry. I know it's not for me.

Urges are urges.

Nothing one can do.

KNOCK AT DOOR

DOOR OPENS

Not interrupting anything, am I? No.

Everyone's out for the count.

Are you any good at rolling spliffs? Mine are always too saggy.

Cheers.

It's, erm... It's just nice to see Ben so relaxed, you know?

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

He's the best of himself around you.

I didn't notice.

THEY LAUGH

No, it's like the... mask has dropped.

Do you know what I mean?

Er...

I'm not sure I do, sorry.

We all put on a bit of an act, us Fitzmaurices.

Do you? You all seem pretty chill to me.

I think we're sort of caricatures, let's be honest.

You know, Daddy's the hunting philanderer,

and Mummy's the secret drunk,

and big sister Fliss is the dropout traveller,

and I'm the dyslexic wayward sister.

HE LAUGHS

So...

...what's Ben, then?

You know what he is.

Do I? We both do.

Nothing wrong with it.

Tell me.

Christ, he's gonna make me spell it out.

Ben's the closet homosexual.

I hope he has the guts to be himself.

Denying who you are kills you in the end, don't you think?

CHEERING

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I swear this is true.

I was supposed to come out on a camel.

LAUGHTER

I'm literally not lying. Honestly, no, no, listen.

So, I actually booked a camel.

I chose from a series of headshots,

and I cast this charming Arabian two-hump called Diana...

LAUGHTER

...who already had an extensive CV,

having just starred in the latest Indiana Jones.

But I got a call this morning saying that Diana had to have root canal.

Yeah, I swear this is true.

And all the other camels were booked on engagements,

but I could have a fleet of reindeer.

Genuinely not lying. Ha-ha!

And I said, "God, I don't know.

"I mean, would reindeer go with this dress?"

CHEERING

Well, I don't know, I don't know. I declined. Sorry.

So, no camel.

But a fucking gorgeous husband. WOLF-WHISTLING

Sorry, how hot is my husband?

Oh, dear, he's glaring at me, we've got to watch our Ps and Qs,

even though he's every Tory's favourite bad boy.

Isn't that what they say?

Well, sorry, darling, but you are my favourite Tory bad boy.

Aww!

God, what a night, though, eh?

Our leader resigning.

Think we're all in shock.

You're drunk! Can you believe I'm actually ten years sober?

CHEERING

Anyway...

happy birthday to my darling Squirrel.

Thank you for being the best husband and the best daddy to our kids.

Aww!

So, dinner is served.

I'll be back. Oh, you're going off again?

I'll meet you at the dinner table, OK?

No, no, no, no. Stop this. Excuse me?

Turn it off. This is a birthday party, OK?

You're not my boss. I know. Jarvis Conrad is.

But I do have some bad news, I'm afraid.

There's a spanner in the works.

So before you go in there and swan around with your tripods

and your ring lights trying to capture some social media buzz

on Team Jarvis Conrad, you need to put that down,

don't make a scene, and follow me nicely into the library. OK?

Don't worry, I won't bite... too hard.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the show!

Sorry if you get harassed by a couple of interns tonight.

Oh? Well, your fault for having such an open house.

Christ, who've we let in? All my riff-raff, it seems.

Yeah, a couple of my guys might pop a camera in your face.

You'll be nice about me, won't you? Oh, what do you want me to say?

Give me a quote, Jarvis. Well, I'd like you to endorse me.

We're picking up momentum.

It might help you cover your tracks.

How so? Back me.

Mm. It'll be good for you.

Fortify your position in the ranks, and I'll make sure it pays off.

I could do that, couldn't I?

Think I'd make quite a good cheerleader.

Get the pom-poms out.

THEY CHUCKLE

But then again, I think the element of surprise

is worth more than a thousand troops.

At a party? In a war.

You're over there, aren't you?

Did you switch these?

Don't make me sit next to him. Oh, for God's sake.

I can't do four courses next to Jarvis Conrad, Martin.

Not ever, but especially not pregnant and sober.

You shouldn't have done that.

Don't make me sit next to... Hi, Clarissa.

Lucy! Oh, my God, how are you?

Oh, well, I've got pregnancy acne, and I can't really sleep.

Wonderful.

And I'm hoping the warts on my back sprout into wings.

What?

Oh, you're joking. Yeah. I am, yeah.

Ah, the nanny table.

Almost as if they want to shut us away from the real business.

Lucy. Hi.

Stroke of luck that we've been seated together, Martin.

You've been a busy boy. Have I?

You've only been here five minutes, you've already made a girl cry.

Then you did always have a way with women.

Not very comradely of you, LS -

sneaking around, blackmailing my team,

suggesting I should stand down.

Maybe I should put bells on my shoes like you,

then everyone will hear me coming.

STRAINED LAUGH

Do you want to talk about this in private, LS?

What, and let my chilled gazpacho get all lukewarm?

Don't think so.

All of a sudden, my family's private affairs

seem to have got everyone's knickers in a twist.

They're not private affairs, mate.

It's in the public interest. Oh, God.

I don't think there's anything more grating

than a hack bleating "public interest"

while sticking the knife in as deep as they can.

I'm not a hack.

No, you're a very important, very influential political journalist,

whose sole purpose is to mop up the Fitzmaurices' shit.

He does know the financial implications if I stand down?

Not just donors but contracts, here and abroad.

He does know that?

I think it would be very unwise

for there to be any kind of financial retaliation.

I think that would put you in a very difficult situation.

So it's cough up and shut up, or it's curtains?

And if I stand, then what?

There's a nasty piece lurking in your drafts?

There's a nasty piece about your family

lurking in every Fleet Street laptop, mate.

I'm just the one that lights the match.

You're treading on thin ice, Martin Gilmour.

Very thin, not very legal ice.

Don't run, mate.

Don't do it.

Amina Bates paid me a visit.

Last Thursday. Came to the office.

Ah! That's got you, hasn't it?

You are aware of Amina Bates' writing?

I know you two have had spats in the past.

She really does go where few journalists dare tread.

Fearless. Regretting not taking this outside?

Mmm, this fish, it's like butter.

What did you tell her?

It's not so much what I told her, rather what she asked me.

What did she ask you?

What did she ask you?

She wanted to know what happened at university...

between you and Ben.

What really went on.

HE SNICKERS

I just hope he has the guts to be himself.

Denying who you are...

...kills you in the end, don't you think?

OK, Martin, we're going to ask you a series of questions

about the incident at Denby Hall.

Do you understand? Yes.

You were attending the birthday of your friend Ben Fitzmaurice.

Is that right?

No comment.

You were quite close to him, weren't you?

No comment.

What was your relationship like with Ben's wife, Serena Fitzmaurice?

No comment.

Were things a bit... tense between you two?

No comment.

There was another person at the party, wasn't there?

Jarvis Conrad.

No comment.

You don't know if he was at the party?

No comment. You don't like Jarvis Conrad, do you?

You two have issues between you, don't you?

No comment.

You have a violent history, don't you, Martin?

No comment.

You've killed before, haven't you?

No comment. Yeah.

You get a bit of a thrill out of it, don't you?

No comment.

We know who you are, Martin.

We know that you killed someone in the past

and you tried to do it again, didn't you?

Might feel good to be honest, Martin, just let the truth out.

No comment.

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