Original subtitles

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): I had a book report on "Madame Bovary"

coming up.

So being the serious student that I am,

I went out and rented the movie.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, move aside.

This is homework.

This is homework, too.

We're reading "Pride and Prejudice."

Shame on you.

Shame on both of you.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Raja had a reason to be bitter.

Even though his vocabulary was better

than anyone else in the school, they stuck him in English

as a second language.

Ball.

Ball.

Ball.

Ball.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Without my DVD player,

I was just gonna have to do my English assignment

the old fashioned way.

Look at you, working so hard.

[phone ringing]

Hello?

Franny Tolchuk.

Sandy Shermer.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Sandy Shermer

dedicated her life to maintaining the moral integrity

of our community.

She was also the scariest person I'd ever seen in capris.

Oh, hi, Sandy.

How's it going?

I know you're busy, and I'm busy, too.

So I'll get right to the point.

Have you seen the English assignment your son

came home with this afternoon?

Well, yeah, he's sitting right here working on it.

SANDY (ON PHONE): They're reading this "Madame Bovary."

I assume you haven't read it.

Uh, no.

I can't say that I have.

Smut!

Well, it can't be.

It's a Dover classic.

When Jimmy brought it home today,

I looked it up on a parent watch site.

It's practically a how to manual on fornication and adultery.

But it can't be.

It's a Dover classic.

I will teach those things just fine in my own home,

thank you very much.

I'm having an emergency parent meeting at my home tomorrow

night.

I want to put a group together to go in and talk to Matthews.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): This wasn't the first time

my mother had gotten an emergency call from Sandy.

The first time looked like this.

It's called Y2K, and it's gonna kill us all!

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Which is why she tended to take Sandy's

warnings with a grain of salt.

This is urgent, Franny.

If we don't stop them now, they're

going to have our kids writing book

reports on "Esquire" magazine.

You know what, Sand?

Gar just walked through the door,

and he's as hungry as a bear.

I'm gonna have to call you back, OK, hon?

Okey-doke.

Bye, bye.

What was that?

Oh, nothing.

Mrs. Shermer is just starting another comedy is all.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): I couldn't be sure exactly what brand

of craziness Sandy Shermer had spewed at my mother,

but I heard enough that the prospect

of actually reading the book became

interesting for the first time.

Sure enough, "Madame Bovary" was everything

Sandy Shermer had promised.

The Cliff notes left out practically all the good stuff.

Now, I can't explain this next part unless I

let you in on a little secret.

My whole life I've always loved to draw.

Look at what you did, mister man.

I know where this is going.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): I was known for my drawing.

People besides my mother actually

thought I didn't suck at it.

Until around age 14, when suddenly the pictures stopped.

But you used to love to draw.

How come you don't do it anymore?

I'm sorry, mom.

I'm just not inspired.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): But I was inspired.

It just wasn't the kind of inspiration

you could show your mom.

FRANNY: Justin, come down for breakfast!

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): In retrospect,

maybe the most amazing thing was that this

hadn't happened earlier.

[gasp]

THEME SONG: What's so funny about peace,

love, and understanding?

Hey, hon.

Let me tell you about this day of mine.

We've got trouble.

OK, let's do that.

Look at what Justin's been drawing.

Justin's drawing again.

That sounds like good news.

Oh, boy.

Sandy Shermer was right.

They give him that trash to read at school.

Of course this is where his mind goes.

Well, this Madame Bovary is a busy gal.

He used to draw ponies and rainbows,

and now that book has turned him into a pornographer.

Oh, now, hon.

When they have X's on their eyes,

does that mean they're dead?

Oh, god!

I can't even think about that!

Hey.

Well, I don't know what to say to him.

Well, I know it's disturbing, but it's

just a couple of pictures.

I'll go talk to him.

GARY: Hey, son.

JUSTIN: Hey.

You've, uh, drawn some pictures.

I don't know why I do it, dad.

It's like the only thing I want to draw anymore.

Uh, Justin, at a certain age, images become powerful.

It's like I can't stop it sometimes.

It's-- it's like it's all I want to do.

How long have you been doing it?

JUSTIN: Couple years.

Well, that would explain all the detail.

That's just what I did yesterday.

What?

Hold on.

Oh.

This-- this is a lot to process.

There's more in my locker at school.

Well, I'm glad we talked.

What?

Dad?

Dad?

I'll be damned if I know what to say to the boy.

But you're his father.

If he had stack of magazines, I

could tell him not to worry about it,

but all the boy does is draw.

Draws, and draws, and draws alone, secretly,

in his room three or four times a day.

His hands are probably too tired to do anything else.

We're not just gonna stand around and do nothing.

I can tell you that.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): So determined was

my mother to not do nothing she joined

the army of Sandy Shermer.

We've had it.

Ladies.

When we send our children into this school,

we expect them to be protected from the smut,

and the filth, and the slime.

You know, let me just say off the record all of you

ladies look terrific.

We're talking about this.

[murmurs of agreement]

"Madame Bovary."

That book has been found to be dangerous by four

different parents groups, Carl.

It promotes values we don't agree with,

and we want it taken out of the school.

Ladies, I can't tell the English department to ban

a book, especially a classic.

It goes against the fundamental principles of public education.

It's un-American.

Now you listen to me, Carl.

Principal Willard's gonna be retiring

at the end of this year.

This committee's gonna have a big problem

if the school board tries to replace

him with a smut peddler.

I'm sorry to interrupt, Mr. Papazian,

but I'm afraid "Madame Bovary" will no

longer be read in this school.

What?

The decision came down from above.

I am not allowed to give details, but believe me,

it is for the best.

Just make up a new reading list and send it down to my office.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): And so began the noble quest

of Sandy Shermer and my mom to banish the 19th century

literature that was destroying the morals

of 21st century children.

Oh, very objectionable.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): With my mom on board,

Sandy's book banning committee kicked into high gear.

Uh-oh.

Is this a casting session for "America's Next Top Model?"

We want these books gone, too.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Meanwhile, after my dad's

a little talk with me, I felt more confused than ever.

Hello.

I did not see you at lunch today.

Yeah, I, uh, been kind of laying low.

Is something wrong?

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): There wasn't anyone else to turn to,

and Raja had always been great to talk to about

any other subject, so--

I think I'm obsessed with sex.

OK.

I mean more than most people.

You know, sometimes I feel like it's all I can think about.

And I know you're religious, and I

know you probably don't want to be hearing about all of this.

I have these thoughts frequently myself.

Yeah?

I talked to an imam in Pakistan about this.

He taught me to pray to deal with such feelings.

Yeah, well I can't do that, so I--

I don't know.

I sit down with, you know, a pen and paper,

and these ideas come out.

And I look at these pictures--

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): I guess it didn't

occur to me what effect these pictures would have on Raja.

The fact is these were the first images of a naked woman

that Raja had ever seen.

I cannot look at these.

What?

I am very sorry.

I wish I could help.

I am sorry.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): And so the list

of people who thought I wasn't a freak

was growing smaller and smaller.

Meanwhile, Claire got a surprise in her own English class.

And so for your next assignment

I want to do something special.

We're all going to compare the book of "Pride and Prejudice"

to that movie.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Horrified by the prospect of actually having

to read a book, Claire decided to take advantage

of our mother's new project.

Hey, sweetie.

Hey.

Is something wrong?

It's just the reading for English.

I don't know this one.

A lot of the girls find it really

embarrassing to talk about this kind of stuff in school.

What do you mean?

It's just-- there's so much sex.

Don't you worry about it.

Hi, Sandy, got another one for the list.

"Pride and Prejudice" by Jane Austen.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Now Raja was feeling

terrible that he hadn't been able to give me any advice.

He started to wonder if he might be able to come up

with some guidance for me by studying my drawings very,

very closely.

At least, that's what he told himself.

Probably the scariest part of this whole development

was that Raja was learning about the female anatomy from me.

Not surprisingly, Raja's in-depth research

didn't yield much, except to fill Raja with guilt

and anxiety 24 hours a day.

Hey, man.

What?

What is it?

Nothing.

I-- I was just saying hey.

W-- well, hey, then.

Man.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Since my notebook hadn't given him

any insight into my problem, Raja decided to get rid of it

and figure out some other way to help me.

Justin.

JUSTIN: Hey.

I felt really terrible I was not able to advise you before.

Oh, no, it's OK.

Forget it.

So I went online to look for a place that could help you.

At first I googled teen sex, which was not a very good idea,

but then I found this place in Decatur.

Planned Teenhood.

Mm-hm.

You can go there anytime.

It is a health organization designed

to answer exactly the kinds of questions you are having.

Apparently you are not the only one wondering what normal is.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): You meet some interesting kids

in the waiting room of Planned Teenhood.

You like kids?

Uh, sure.

You want to go to my prom?

Justin Tolchuk.

Yup, that's me.

So why don't you tell me what's on your mind?

I-- I just wanted to know if it's OK to be thinking

about sex all the time.

I mean, I know everybody does to some extent,

but, like, how much is too much?

Because sometimes I feel like my ability to do other things

isn't the same as other people because my brain is-- ow!

What was that?

You're not thinking about sex now, are you?

Not as much.

Have you accepted Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior?

Wait, this isn't a health organization?

This as a religious place.

I guess the cat's out of the bag,

but now that our cards are on the table,

I want to tell you about a friend

of mine who can help you out with this very

serious problem of yours.

Yeah, well I'm not religious.

Jesus can't help me.

He's the only way.

He's not the only way.

I mean, my friend in the waiting room is-- is Muslim,

and he's fine.

We've got somebody working on him right now.

What we want to propose to you is a rigorous program of prayer

and self-punishment that will set your soul

on the path to righteousness.

Ow!

What is wrong with you?

You were thinking about sex, weren't you?

A little.

We lay it all out for you in these booklets,

and there is a ruler in there which

you can keep as a free gift.

Thank you.

I'll be sure to read all of this.

Thanks for coming in.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Safe from the smutty influence

of Jane Austen, my sister and her friends

had time to catch up on their TV.

[giggling]

WOMAN (ON TV): Oh, Chad.

What's that?

Well, all the members of the committee

are going through our houses to look

for books that are on the list.

And then bright and early tomorrow we're going

to dump them in a landfill.

Sandy wanted to do a bonfire, but some of the girls

thought it was too Nazi.

These were in the attic?

Yeah, I think they were from the school.

Story of-- oh, no sirree bob.

"Swiss Family Robinson," that's a good one.

"Treasure Island."

"Everybody Poops."

I suppose that's OK.

Hello, Mr. Tolchuck.

Mrs. Tolchuck.

Well, hello, Raja.

"Pride and Prejudice."

Uh-uh.

Paws of, Raja.

You do not need that smut messing with your mind.

But I know this book.

I read it two years ago before English

became my second language.

You read that.

Oh, yes.

Jane Austen is very popular in Pakistan.

I thought you had censorship in Pakistan.

That's one of the ways your country's backwards.

But this is an innocent story about love and social manners.

What?

Believe me, there is nothing to censor

in "Pride and Prejudice."

Morning.

Hm.

I suppose you think you're pretty clever, don't you?

OK.

There is absolutely nothing dirty in this book.

Oh.

It's boring.

It's long winded.

Sentences go on forever, but there is not one ounce of smut.

But mom.

Don't but mom me, missy.

You and I are going to have a talk when I get back.

Ugh.

Sandy, we need to talk.

Franny, I'm glad you're here.

Once we bury these, we're going through the dictionaries.

Ladies, I want all of you to submit

candidates for offensive words.

Tomorrow we'll go through A to G.

I think we're going much too fast with this.

What do you mean?

Well, I read these last night-- at least, most of them.

"Madame Bovary" has a few risque parts,

but it's really not that bad, and then "Pride and Prejudice"

has no sex at all.

You read these?

Yes, and I think we ought to look at all these other books

before we go throwing them into landfills.

So you shared our values, then you read these books,

and now you feel more permissive.

Oh, no. That's not what I'm saying.

Do we need any more evidence of how this kind of trash

affects people?

Sandy.

And this is a grown woman.

Imagine what it would do to the mind of a small child.

This is God's work girls.

[grunting]

Justin, what are you doing?

Uh, I was just measuring my wrist.

Son, uh, I think we ought to talk about what's gone

on here in the last few days.

No. No, no, no.

We don't have to.

I think we do.

You, uh, showed me your many, many, many drawings,

and I was understandably speechless,

but I think I may have in some way let you down.

Oh, no.

No, I wasn't disappointed.

I've lived here a long time.

I just want to let you know that what you're going through

is--

is not as unusual or as deeply twisted as you think.

Really?

The preoccupation with sex can come out in a lot of ways.

Here.

What is this?

That was mine in high school.

I used to do a little thing with the letter O.

Put dots in them?

Breasts.

I made them into breasts.

You did this to every O in the book?

Every single one.

Never missed a one.

But they don't even look like breasts.

Hey, we can't all be artists.

Well, double O's are a little more convincing.

Room.

Room. Look.

Yeah, I like those.

Voodoo was a real treat.

Wow.

This must have taken you hours.

Hours, and hours, and hours, but the point

is at your rage you're a little bit of the same,

and you're going through something

now that is perfectly normal.

Eventually you will grow out of it.

Eh.

Well, this does make me feel better.

Even though mom still thinks I'm a perv.

I'll talk to her.

Thank you.

Ah, it's the least I can do for you.

I'm gonna need that book back.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): The book banning

controversy continued to blaze at Medora

High for another several weeks.

In the meantime, mom decided to give Claire a reading

assignment to do at home.

Eventually, Sandy's crusade came to an end

when she finally went too far.

Read Genesis.

It's full of smut.

You want to ban the Bible?

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): I felt OK about myself

in a way that I hadn't for a long time.

And Dooley made it his business to make sure

that students at Medora High would always maintain

their love for literature.

THEME SONG: What's so funny about peace,

love, and understanding?

Oh, what's so funny about peace, love, and understanding?

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