Original subtitles

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): I call my style scholastic camouflage.

Nothing I wear sticks out in any way whatsoever.

I have busted this wide open.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): My mom had modest plans.

I found a "cool tracker" in Madison, who told me

that all the cool kids are wearing this right now

in Orange County.

N-- see, Mom, cool, hip kids can-- can wear that.

But if I wear a shirt that says "computers rock,"

people will just think that I think computers rock.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): I knew this could only end badly,

but Project Justin gave my mom such a sense of purpose.

Fine, I'll wear it.

Yes!

Oh.

They do rock.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): For some reason,

Raja's endorsement didn't boost my confidence.

And whether my mom actually knew a "cool tracker" or not,

Medora wasn't ready for my new look.

People are staring.

Of course they're starting.

You look like a bobsled racer.

Nice butt, Skinny Jeans.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Although Claire

was popular for a sophomore, she still

hadn't reached the status of Anita

Richardson and her friends.

They think they're so cool with their French manicures

and great tops.

I can't be seen with you two.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Anita and her friends

owned the very top of the stairs--

the A-Level.

And therefore, Claire hated them.

Well, I think you look terrific.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Again, not a confidence booster.

[THEME - PJ OLSSON AND SALMAN AHMAD,

"(WHAT'S SO FUNNY 'BOUT) PEACE, LOVE, AND UNDERSTANDING"]

THEME SONG: What's so funny 'bout

peace, love, and understanding?

Justin, why are we moving?

Can you not see this work station has no centrifuge?

Because I want to be as far away from Anita as possible.

Why?

Too much history.

[ding]

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Anita was my first girlfriend.

We used to play "Sleeping Beauty" together.

We were going to get married one day and have three children--

a boy, a girl, and a kitty.

But then, in first grade, we decided to break up.

It was mutual.

By high school, Anita and my romance was a distant memory.

But she did retain her joy of hurting me.

Hey, Justin.

What's up?

Hey, Anita.

What's up?

Nothing.

You know, this might sound crazy,

but do you want to get out of here?

Do-- do you mean, like, after math class?

Like now.

But I have math class.

Don't you like me, Justin?

I mean, like-me like me?

Anita, do you want to skip class with me?

Are you insane?

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Anita torture-flirted

with a lot of guys in school, but I was the only one

who kept falling for it.

Hey, guys.

So Roger, what's up?

Not much, really.

I'm having to work without a centrifuge today, so.

You know, I've had my eye on you

ever since you immigrated here.

Oh, that is, uh, nice of you to say.

Now, if you would please excuse me, class is about to begin.

Huh?

Well, it's just, I've never been with such an exotic guy.

Why are you behaving in such suggestive manner?

Are you honestly trying to create a romantic relationship

with a complete stranger?

What have you done?

This is the best thing ever.

Legends will be written about you,

Raja, passed down from generation to generation,

using the oral tradition of storytelling.

Anita smells exactly like manila envelopes.

I mean, who could resist that?

I guess I can, Dooley.

It's like you don't even have a penis.

Just because I do not want to rub my liver up

against every single female I see,

that does not mean I do not possess one.

How much would you love to rub your liver up against Anita?

Infinity.

FRANNY: This just in--

pink's not just for baby girls anymore.

Hey, did you know Kanye West is actually from the Midwest?

What ya doing?

Look, I don't want you to freak out,

but I'm going back to my old style, Mom.

Oh. OK.

No prob.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): She took that relatively well.

We used to be a team, Gar, like other mother-son teams.

Honey, I think you're overreacting.

You still cut his hair.

You still cut his meat.

Oh, no, no.

He put a stop to that years ago.

"I like huge bites, Mom.

I'm gonna choke."

You know, a little space might be good for Justin.

Try it for a couple of weeks.

See if you can stay out of the kids' lives.

Pfft.

Of course I could stay out of the kids' lives.

I'm very busy with my Daughters of the American Revolution--

Franny.

He looks like a UPS driver.

He's going to get eaten alive.

TEACHER: Your group assignment for this quarter

is to pick a genus from the insect world

and do a soup-to-nuts presentation

on why that insect is the best.

[bell ringing] - Come on.

I want to get out of here before Anita catches us.

Come on. Come on.

Come on.

Roger, what was that all about yesterday?

I don't get it. Are you gay?

He's-- he's not gay.

He's just from a different cultu--

- Is your name Roger? - Uh, no.

Nobody's is.

Anita, I am sorry if I offended you,

but your behavior made me uncomfortable.

You're doing it again.

What are you trying to pull?

Nothing.

Anita, it simply saddens me to see you behave in the manner

that you do.

What are you talking about?

It is as if the only value you have is your sexuality.

And I think you greatly underestimate

what else you have to offer.

Is everyone in your country as cruel as you?

An-- An--

No. Hey.

Don't fall for it.

She's reeling you in!

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Raja might have

been fooled by a few lame tears, but I knew better.

Anita Richardson wasn't a normal girl.

She was a robot.

A robot who ran on the fuel of broken nerd dreams.

I knew this was a trap.

Because I'm a girl with the hard body

and the sick cheekbones, everyone

thinks I don't have a brain.

It's like they're trying to pigeon-hold me.

But there are so many special things about you.

The other day, you made an impactful comment in biology.

You said, butterflies are hot.

And then you proceed to back that up with some pretty

convincing evidence.

You're right.

I did.

RAJA: In spite of your tears, [inaudible]

you've revealed yourself to be a person who is incredibly

articulate and intelligent.

And you know, Anita, you could be a very sharp student

if you simply focused on it.

Maybe.

I learned your name really quickly, didn't I, Rah-Ja?

Mm.

[honking]

Let's go, Anita.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): A-ha.

So this is where the road ends.

Enter friends, commence laughing.

I think I might take the bus with these guys today.

Wait, what?

What's happening?

Are you OK?

(WHISPERING) Use our safe word.

I'm fine.

I'm just having a conversation.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Anita's friend was right.

What was happening?

My mom had found a new outlet for her creative energy--

cleaning everything from the cabinets to the bars of soap.

- Hey, hon. - Hey, hon.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Now she was on to the inside

of the dishwasher.

You would not believe the day I had.

I'll get it.

A couple of college kids dressed like stockbrokers

came into the office today to lecture us on efficacy

and profitability in business.

I got this big meeting on Friday.

The head of marketing's coming up from Chicago,

and I feel like he's going to take one look at me

and say I don't fit in.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): And just like that, my mom had found

a new dishwasher to clean.

Well, how are you set for business attire?

Well, I've got my suit and my backup suit.

Well, maybe it's time you start dressing for success.

Sounds good.

[crashing]

I'll get that.

Justin, I've been thinking about the whole butterfly

thing, and I came up with an amazing idea.

Why don't you, me, and Raja form a group for the bio project?

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Boy, if Anita was playing us,

she was really good at it.

Yep.

Sounds great.

Awesome.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): She was so pretty,

even in her new boring clothes.

What was that?

I think we're doing the bio project with Anita.

Justin, that is great.

No-o-o.

No!

That's not great.

God, I cannot believe I fell for this again.

Trust me.

As soon as we get up to do the presentation, Anita--

What did your Mexican buddy do to my girlfriend, Tolchuck?

Uh, I don't know.

Why don't you ask him?

He doesn't speak English.

Duh.

- I am Pakistani, not Mexican. - See?

He totally wrecked Anita.

She doesn't want to show me any of the good stuff.

And all she wants to do is talk.

Now I need a new girlfriend!

Are you OK?

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): I was better than OK.

Buck was really angry, which meant Anita had really changed.

Maybe we'd have our three kids, after all.

I'm great.

RAJA: She is so beautiful.

More importantly, I bet she has a big heart.

Actually, it is the size of a caraway seed.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): As we started our project,

my sister started a project of her own.

Wow.

Great top.

I know.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): There was an opening at the A-Level now

and Claire wanted to check out the view from the top.

FRANNY: [gasps]

Gar.

Good god.

Every once in a while, I remember why I do this work.

Do you, uh, have this in green?

Don't speak.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): I guess my bad was a lot like a butterfly,

too.

And he seemed to enjoy his metamorphosis,

even if it did cost $1,618.

OK, hon.

Choice A or B?

A, B? - Apples and oranges.

One makes my eyes pop.

The other matches my hair.

Speaking of which, what kind of product do you want to use?

You mean like cleaning product?

[scoffs]

You really are a blank canvas.

Hey, do you have anything for these dark circles

under my eyes? FRANNY: Yeah.

How about some tanning spray?

Honey, please.

That's not me.

I'll just use more of the placenta cream.

[doorbell]

Damn.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Buck found his new girlfriend.

I'll be back later.

FRANNY: I trust you!

You're doing a great job giving them their space, hon.

Claire's got that new boyfriend and Justin's in the other room

with that Amish girl.

When you think about it, our job parenting's almost done.

Should we have another baby?

Why don't we give that tanning spray a shot.

Should we say "in summation" or "in conclusion"?

How about, "as we bring this life cycle to a close"?

Amazing.

Is this from Mrs. Cobiello's kindergarten class?

I have one just like it.

I know, except yours is a fairy.

Or a dog.

I-- I'm guessing.

Wait.

Were we in kindergarten together?

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Now, this might

have been a world-wrecking comment if it weren't

for the next thing Anita did.

Oh, my god.

We totally were.

How funny is that?

So funny.

All right.

See you guys tomorrow.

Oh, god!

It is so on!

What is so on?

Me and Anita!

She likes me.

Of course she likes you, Justin.

You are a great person.

Smart--

No, no, no.

She likes-me likes me, OK?

Now the only thing I gotta do is figure out

how to get her alone.

I cannot believe you, Justin Tolchuck.

You are just like Buck and the other guys.

All you want to do is bang into her.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Funny thing is, up until a year ago, I

thought that was the expression.

What?

No, I'm nothing like those guys, OK?

I'm just not as Muslim as you are about dating.

Why can't you be happy for me and Anita?

The whole reason she likes us, Justin, is because we value

her mind, not her large chest.

She touched my arm.

If you ask her out, Justin, she will no longer trust us.

Without trust, there will be no friendship.

And without friendship, there will be no science project.

I can't believe it.

You're jealous. - That is crazy.

No, you're jealous.

You want Anita and you can't have her,

so you don't want anyone else to have her.

You are being ridiculous.

You have really gone mad with lust.

Said the jealous exchange student.

You are-- this--

[non-english speech]

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): I once heard him say that to a telemarketer,

so I knew it wasn't good.

After my fight with Raja, I turned to the two people

I knew I could count on.

She touched your arm.

It is so on. - See?

That's what I said.

Anita Richardson-- she's probably done everything, man.

Missionary, feeding the eagle, hangman's notch.

Maybe you'll give Anita a Roman helmet.

You're totally going to make love, Justin.

All hail mighty Caesar!

A Roman helmet?

I am so glad to see that you are respecting Anita, Justin.

It's not as bad as it sounds.

Oh, so draping your genitals across somebody's forehead

is not degrading?

Not when two people love each other.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): How Raja knew what a Roman helmet was,

I'll never know.

You're totally going to make love.

OK.

You've got to stop saying that.

It's creepy.

Our customers are regular people.

They're simple folk.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Meanwhile, my dad

was getting ready to dazzle the big-time Chicago brass.

We're going to return to those same down-home,

traditional values that this company was built on.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Despite the tension between me and Raja,

we managed to get through our presentation.

After class, Raja went off to pray or something,

leaving me alone with Anita.

I just wish the project didn't have to end.

It's been so fun being one of the smart kids for a change.

You know, if you want, there's a, uh,

butterfly exhibit at the Natural History Museum.

Maybe we could, like, check it out or something?

Maybe to get some extra credit or--

Sure.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh!

And tell Raja.

You bet.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): That wasn't going to happen.

And Kelly Grachaud-- she's ano, too.

All she had for lunch was a packet of sweetener.

I know!

She looks great.

So hot.

Camel clutch!

So when does the party start?

This is the party.

Seriously?

This is it?

Yeah, but don't worry.

When the guys are done wrestling,

they'll probably want to make out.

Do you want more?

More.

With us?

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Without Raja around

to push his friendship agenda, Anita and I

enjoyed our date together.

That was amazing.

There must've been a million butterflies in there.

Man, I don't know about a million.

I think I saw more like 750,000.

Oh, my god. Look.

Oh, look.

It's a little caterpillar.

I think it wants to come with us.

Well, we could raise it as our own.

Let's call him Justin, Jr, after his dad.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Seeing Anita there, looking so beautiful,

nurturing our baby caterpillar, I realized, without a doubt,

this was my moment.

Did you just kiss me?

Yes.

Why?

Uh.

Because we both like caterpillars?

Oh, my god!

No, look, I'm sorry.

I just-- I thought--

I thought p-- uh, with all the time we've spending together,

and-- and the arm--

You actually thought you had a shot with me?

Now I just feel like you're being a little mean.

Studying is one thing, but we just Frenched!

I'm sorry.

This all made sense 12 seconds ago!

Ew, a worm!

It's a larva.

You know that.

I gotta go.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Sleeping Beauty

had just woken up and took a royal dump on my heart.

RAJA: Well, did you tell them that this

is what people are wearing right now on Wall Street?

Wouldn't have mattered.

It was a total bust.

Mr. Graves called me a fruitcake.

But you're so dapper!

He said that, too.

Didn't sound as nice when he said it.

Thank god for the spray tan.

He think he can't fire me because I'm a Native American.

Oh, my god.

Everyone would just be so much better off without me.

Try to cry on the white part.

OK.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): But then came the sweetest sound

my mom had ever heard.

My life sucks.

Oh, honey.

Come here, baby.

Oh.

Make the pain go away, Mom.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): And with that, the sweet dance

of codependence was on again.

I will, sweetie.

Come on.

We're going to go in the kitchen and make you some brownies

and we'll cut them up in the shape of footballs.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): It was so on.

Nice moves.

Thanks.

I heard about you and--

Yeah.

You know, it was just--

Totally.

And you were right about the--

Uh-huh.

So are we--

Yes.

Two players?

You know it.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): No matter where

you come from, apologies between two guys worked the same way.

But I guess for Raja, there was a little more to say.

I was jealous, Justin.

You were right.

You know, I-- I pretend to be abo--

above certain feelings because they are outside my faith,

and, well, because sometimes they are easier to deny.

But in truth, they are there.

And Anita was lovely.

And she did listen to me.

And you know, she really did smell like manila envelopes.

And who--

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Raja went on talking,

despite the fact that I killed him five times in a row.

I think it felt good for him to admit some things.

I was glad to know the most honorable kid

in the world, and my best friend, was a sucker, too.

It's very difficult to ignore the wafting odor.

Watch it.

So it's over with you and Buck?

You know, I decided that status

and popularity shouldn't be the only driving force in my life.

Also, Buck may be retarded.

Oh.

God, it's Anita.

Dude, don't be embarrassed.

You're not the one who kissed you.

Do you think I meant anything to her at all?

Oh, yeah.

She'll never forget you.

Really?

You're the biggest mistake she ever made.

That lasts forever.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): The biggest mistake ever.

Yeah.

[THEME - PJ OLSSON AND SALMAN AHMAD,

"(WHAT'S SO FUNNY 'BOUT) PEACE, LOVE, AND UNDERSTANDING"]

THEME SONG: What's so funny 'bout

peace, love, and understanding?

Oh.

What's so funny 'bout peace, love, and understanding?

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0