Original subtitles

♪

>> Announcer: START THE CLOCK.

♪

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Bill: THANK YOU, PEOPLE,

HOW ARE YOU?

ALL RIGHT THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR

COMING.

OH, LOOK AT THIS.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

APPRECIATE IT.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

I THINK I KNOW WHY YOU ARE HAPPY

TODAY.

I KNOW I ALWAYS SAY THAT.

BECAUSE YOU'RE GETTING MONEY.

IT'S THREE WEEKS UNTIL THE

MIDTERMS.

IT'S THAT TIME WHEN WE GIVE OUT

MONEY.

TRUMP IS HANDING OUT $90 CHECKS

TO PEOPLE ON MEDICARE OKAY.

AND PEOPLE ON OBAMACARE, THEY'RE

GETTING A $500 CHECK BECAUSE HE

SAID BIDEN OVERCHARGED YOU.

NEVER HEARD THAT.

AMAZING TIMING.

AND OF COURSE EVERY ADULT IS

ABOUT TO GET $5000.

I THINK THIS IS WHAT THE KIDS

CALL BEING THIRSTY.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

OH, YEAH, NO, THIS IS LOOKING

BAD FOR THE REPUBLICANS.

TRUMP IS CAMPAIGNING IN RED

STATES THAT NO REPUBLICAN

USUALLY HAS TO CAMPAIGN IN AND

IT'S GETTING NASTY.

OF SOUTH CAROLINA, HE'S BEEN

CALLING HER ANNIE.

SHE'S NOT TRANSGENDER.

BUT SHE'S A DEMOCRAT CLOSE

ENOUGH.

SO.

BUT YOU KNOW.

YOU KNOW, TRUMP, HE LOVES ANY

NICKNAME THAT RHYMES.

LUCKY WE ARE JUST LUCKY THAT HER

NAME WASN'T ANNIE MUNDT.

THAT WAS NOT EVEN THE MOST

CONTROVERSIAL THING THE

PRESIDENT SAID THIS WEEK.

WE KNOW IN LAST WEEK WHAT THAT

WAS.

LET'S BE FAIR, HE WASN'T TRYING

TO SAY, HE SAID LET THEM TAKE

OUT LOS ANGELES.

HE WAS SAYING GAS PRICES ARE TOO

HIGH, IT'S A SMALL PRICE.

HE WASN'T SAYING THAT.

ENCOURAGING IRAN BUT STILL YOU

DON'T WANT TO SAY THAT TO THE

PEOPLE IN THIS CITY.

KAREN BASS OUR MAYOR WAS VERY

UPSET.

SHE GOT ON THE PHONE WITH HER

TRAVEL AGENT.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

OH, I KID.

LOS ANGELES, NEW YORK ALSO HAVE

PROBLEMS YOU KNOW.

IT WAS THE THIRD ANNIVERSARY OF

THE HORRIBLE ATTACK IN ISRAEL ON

OCTOBER 7TH 4 YEARS AGO.

MAY YOUR MAMDANI, HE DID MAKE

SOME NICE REMARKS ABOUT IT.

ISRAEL MADE HIM DO IT.

YOU KNOW, HE USED TO BE A

RAPPER.

HIS NAME WAS TONE-DEAF.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

BUT YOU KNOW.

ALL OF THIS IS NOT WHAT'S BIG

GOING ON THIS WEEK.

THIS WEEK THAT'S GOING ON.

EXECUTIONS!

THAT'S WHAT EVERYONE IS TALKING

ABOUT.

LETHAL INJECTIONS, FIRING

SQUADS, LETHAL INJECTIONS.

THAT'S HOW WE MOSTLY DO IT IN

THIS COUNTRY.

IT NEVER WORKS.

BUT WE KEEP DOING IT AND IN

TENNESSEE LAST WEEK THEY TRIED

IT ON A LADY AND IT DIDN'T WORK.

SO THEY SAVED HER LIFE SO THAT

WE COULD HAVE ANOTHER SHOT AT

KILLING HER.

REALLY.

SO NOW SHE IS CONSCIOUS AND

TALKING-- OR WHAT

MITCH McCONNELL CALLS SHOWING

OFF.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

BUT I TELL YOU.

THIS IS ONE TOUGH LADY.

WHEN SHE WOKE UP SHE SAID WOW,

THAT IS SOME GOOD SHIT.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

MAN, TENNESSEE, THAT'S A HARD

ASS STATE.

THEY ARE COLD IN TENNESSEE.

AND NOW THEY ARE CHARGING HER

WITH RESISTING CARDIAC ARREST.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

ANYWAY.

IT DOESN'T MATTER, PEOPLE.

PROBLEM SOLVED BECAUSE WE ARE

NOT DOING THE INJECTIONS

ANYMORE.

WE ARE GOING TO THE FIRING

SQUAD.

BACK TO THE FIRING SQUAD.

IT WAS A HORRIBLE JIHADIST

TERRORISM ATTACK ABSOLUTELY IN

2009.

THE FORT HOOD SHOOTER.

HE'S BEEN IN BARS SINCE THEN.

NOW WE ARE GOING TO KILL HIM BY

FIRING SQUAD.

PETE HEGSETH WANTS TO DO THIS.

HE WANTS IT LIVE STREAMED SO

THAT PEOPLE ARE ABLE TO WATCH.

SO WE'LL BE ABLE TO SMASH THAT

LIKE AND SUBSCRIBE BUTTON.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

MAN, THIS ADMINISTRATION.

ESPECIALLY PETE.

THEY ALWAYS WANT YOU TO KNOW

WE'LL SHOW NO MERCY TO PEOPLE

LIKE THIS.

IN FACT BEFORE THEY SHOOT HIM

THEY ARE GOING TO HAVE

WILL SMITH COME OUT AND SLAP HI

HIM.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND I CAN TELL, I CAN TELL THIS

IS A TRUMP PRODUCTION BECAUSE

THEY TOLD THE SERGEANT IN CHARGE

OF THE FIRING SQUAD.

WHEN HE GIVES THE COMMAND TO,

READY, AIM, YOU'RE FIRED.

OKAY, WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW,

SENATOR THOM TILLIS AND

SARA EISEN ARE HERE, BUT FIRST

UP, MY FIRST GUEST.

HE'S AN AWARD-WINNING ACTOR AND

PRODUCER, AND HIS NEW MEMOIR OUT

THIS WEEK, IS CALLED

"ONE HELLUVA RIDE":

MAN, WAS IT.

MICHAEL DOUGLAS.

HOW ARE YOU?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

ALL RIGHT.

HOW ARE YOU?

WELL, YOU LOOK MORE AND MORE

LIKE YOUR FATHER.

DID YOU NOTICE THAT?

>> IT'S WEIRD.

>> Bill: IT REALLY WASN'T THE

CASE WHEN YOU WERE 35 SO MUCH.

>> MY FATHER, MY DAD ONE DAY WAS

SAYING, YOU KNOW, SON.

I WAS WATCHING ONE OF MY MOVIES

ON TELEVISION THE OTHER DAY.

AND I COULDN'T REMEMBER THE

MOVIE.

ALL OF A SUDDEN, YOU KNOW WHAT I

SAID?

I KEPT LOOKING AT IT AND THEN I

REALIZED THAT'S NOT ME.

THAT WAS YOU.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

>> Bill: WELL, I'VE GOT TO

SAY.

YOUR BOOK LITERALLY I PICKED IT

UP AND I COULDN'T PUT IT DOWN.

I WAS FIGHTING SLEEP TWO NIGHTS

IN A ROW.

I'D ONLY GOTTEN A COUPLE DAYS

AGO.

IT'S AMAZING.

IT'S ABSOLUTELY YOUR VOICE.

AND YOU KNOW THE WHOLE BOOK IS

GREAT BUT SOME BOOKS HAVE GREAT

FIRST LINES LIKE IT WAS THE BEST

OF TIMES, IT WAS THE WORST OF

TIMES.

THE FAMOUS FIRST LINES.

THE FIRST LINE OF YOUR BOOK.

WHEN I WAS A KID, I WATCHED MY

FATHER LEAD A SLAVE REVOLT

AGAINST THE ROMAN EMPIRE.

I GUESS EVERYONE ELSE IS GOING

TO--

I ONLY HAVE 12 MINUTES SO I

CAN'T GO INTO EVERY STORY.

THE PEOPLE COME AT THE DRUGS

COME AT THE WOMEN.

I JUST-- THE SMALL TIME I HAVE,

I WANT TO GO INTO THE BEGINNING.

THAT'S THE MOST INTERESTING PART

I KNOW LEAST ABOUT.

HOW A CHILD BECOMES A MAN.

MAYBE IT'S YOU BUT SOMEBODY

DESCRIBED YOUR FATHER AS BEING

NEAR A BEAUTIFUL GARDEN THAT

ALSO HAD A VOLCANO.

>> AND MY STEP MOTHER.

>> Bill: BECAUSE HE HAD A

TERRIBLE TEMPER.

AND IT'S SO MOVING THE WAY YOU

TALK ABOUT AS A KID YOU HAVE TO

BE ON EGGSHELLS AND I REMEMBER

AS A KID MY FATHER WASN'T THAT

GUY BUT I KNEW FATHERS WHO WERE

AND A UNCLE LIKE THAT.

I WAS EGGSHELLS AROUND HIM AND

HE WASN'T EVEN MY FATHER.

AND IT WAS LIKE MAD ABOUT

NOTHING.

IT SEEMS LIKE THAT WAS SUCH AN

IMPORTANT PART OF YOUR CHILD

CHILDHOOD.

>> THE QUESTION AT THE START AND

ULTIMATELY I HAD THIS

COMBINATION OF A. RUSSIAN

IMMIGRANT.

MY GRANDFATHER I ALWAYS THOUGHT

CAME OVER FROM BELARUS IN 1914

THE TIME OF RUSSIAN REVOLUTION.

THE HOWARD GATES SHOW ON

TELEVISION.

AND I THOUGHT MY GRANDFATHER

CAME OVER FROM RUSSIA IN 2000 IN

1902.

HE CAME OVER BECAUSE HE HAD TWO

OTHER BROTHERS THAT WERE BANK

ROBBERS IN RUSSIA.

HE WAS PART OF IT AND HE GOT

OUT.

SO THE WHOLE STORY ABOUT THE

REVOLUTION.

HE CAME OVER HERE, HE CHANGED

HIS NAME AND EVERYTHING.

[APPLAUSE]

ILLITERATE, ILLITERATE.

MY FATHER WAS MORE THAN SIX.

HE WAS THE ONLY BOY.

HE HAD SIX GIRLS IN THE HOUSE, A

FATHER WHO DIDN'T GIVE A SHIT

ABOUT ANYTHING.

HE USED TO TELL ME.

MY STORY WAS FULL ARC.

OF COURSE YOURS IS A LITTLE

TOUGHER TO EXPLAIN.

HE HAD THIS RAGE.

THIS INCREDIBLE KIND OF RAGE AND

STAMINA AND ENDURANCE AND

PASSION AND THEN WHEN HE STARTED

GETTING WORK HIS CAREER TOOK

OVER A.

THOSE ARE THE DAYS WHEN WE WERE

MAKING FIVE, SIX MOVIES A YEAR,

TELEVISION WASN'T THERE.

AND THEN I WAS COMPLIMENTED.

HOW OPPOSITES ATTRACT.

IN ACTING SCHOOL HE FELL IN LOVE

WITH THIS LOVELY BRITISH LADY

DIANA.

WELL EDUCATED AND ALL THAT.

AND SHE WAS A DIPLOMAT.

THE TWO OF THEM KIND OF CAME

TOGETHER AND BROUGHT THOSE-- I

THINK IT BALANCED ME OUT.

AND THEN DIVORCED WHEN I WAS

ONLY FIVE.

THEY HAD HOLLYWOOD GROWING UP

AND ON THE OTHER SIDE I WAS

LIVING WITH MY MOTHER.

AND THEN MY STEP FATHER IN

MIDDLE CLASS LIFE IN

CONNECTICUT.

>> Bill: YEAH, IT SEEMS LIKE

THE BOOK IS LIBERATING.

WHY WRITE IT?

YOU LIVED IT.

BUT YOU KNOW WE ALL KEEP SECRETS

OUR WHOLE LIFE.

AND THEN I FEEL LIKE THIS IS A

GUY GOING WHY ANY MORE?

YEAH, I FUCKED KATHLEEN TURNER,

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT

IT?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

>> SO I STARTED OUT.

BEING A PRODUCER, THE BIGGEST

INFLUENCE IN TERMS OF LEARNING

ABOUT PRODUCING WAS A BOOK

CALLED MEMO BY DAVID OLSZYK.

A BOOK OF ALL HIS MEMOS AND

SHOWS WHAT A PRODUCER DOES.

HE SAID OKAY.

I'M GOING TO SAY TEN CHAPTERS

AND I'M GOING TO WRITE TEN IN MY

MOVIES AND TELL THE WHOLE

BACKGROUND AND EVERYTHING.

AND I SAID FUCK THAT, SEX,

DRUGS, AND ROCK AND ROLL.

OF COURSE YOU'VE GOT TO MIX IT

UP WITH A LITTLE OF YOUR EARLIER

LIFE.

>> Bill: I LOVE THE EARLY

PART.

>> YOU AND I SHARE SOMETHING IN

COMMON ABOUT GETTING THROUGH

COLLEGE TOGETHER.

>> Bill: YEAH, WHAT IT IS IS

WE DISCOVERED THAT IF YOU BUY

POT IN ONE PLACE AND SELL IT IN

A DIFFERENT PLACE, THE

DIFFERENCE IN THOSE TWO AMOUNTS

CAN BE VERY GOOD FOR LIVING YOUR

LIFE.

>> EAST COAST AND WEST COAST.

>> Bill: I HAD A GREAT POT

DEALER.

YOU BUY 2 POUNDS AND THEN YOU

DIVIDE IT INTO A POUND OF

16 OUNCES.

FAITHFULLY DIVIDED INTO

17 OUNCES.

THAT WAS CALLED THE HEAD TAX.

YOU TOOK ACTUAL SUITCASES,

ENTIRE SUITCASES ON A PLANE.

>> WHAT HAPPENED WHEN I TURNED

21, WHEN I TURNED 21.

DAD WROTE ME A CHECK.

HE SAID $10,000.

THIS IS GREAT, SON, YOU'RE ON

YOUR OWN.

I SAID DAD, THIS IS WONDERFUL

BUT I'VE GOT A COUPLE YEARS OF

TUITION LEFT AT SCHOOL.

AND THEN HE STARTS SAYING--

AGAIN I'M HAPPY ABOUT IT.

IT'S OKAY.

AND THEN FOR YEARS AFTERWARDS I

HAD THREE BROTHERS WHO HAD TO

LISTEN TO THE STORIES ABOUT YOUR

OLDER BROTHER, HE NEVER ASKED ME

FOR ANYTHING.

ANYTHING AT 31 YEARS OLD.

NOTHING.

AND THEN ONE TIME I SAID DAD, DO

YOU REMEMBER ONE CHRISTMAS YOU

BOUGHT ME TWO BEAUTIFUL ITALIAN

SOFT LEATHER SUITCASES.

AND HE SAYS YEAH.

WELL COME I FOUND OUT THAT EACH

ONE OF THOSE CASES COULD HOLD 22

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

SO.

I HAVE TO GO BACK.

USED TO SEE MY MOM WITH CLOTHES

ON MY BACK AND TWO SUITCASES.

THIS IS BEFORE DOGS.

>> Bill: THIS IS ALSO AT A

TIME WHEN NEPO BABIES, MAY BE

NEPO BUT NOT SPOILED.

$10,000.

THAT'S WHAT THEY GET A WEEK NOW

FROM MOM AND DAD.

ARE YOU KIDDING?

I WAS SURPRISED TO LEARN THAT

YOU WORKED AT THE MOBIL GAS

STATION.

>> MOBIL MAN OF THE MONTH.

I WON THE MOBIL MAN.

>> Bill: REALLY?

>> THE NEPO BABY THING.

THAT'S EVERY SINGLE BUSINESS

BECAUSE THE FATHER OR MOTHER

WANTS THEIR SON OR DAUGHTER TO

GO INTO THE BUSINESS.

IT'S SO-AND-SO SONS.

WHY PICK ON SHOW BUSINESS?

>> Bill: I'M NOT PICKING.

>> I KNOW YOU'RE NOT BUT THE

LOGO IS.

>> Bill: THE ONLY PLACE IT

DOESN'T EXIST IS IN SPORTS

EXCEPT FOR CURLING.

THAT'S WHY I THINK PEOPLE LOVE

SPORTS.

YOU DO NOT GET A JOB ON THE TEAM

NO MATTER WHO YOUR FATHER IS.

THERE ARE SONS OF PLAYERS, BUT

IT'S NOT BECAUSE THEY ARE THE

SON.

IT'S BECAUSE THEY CAN DO THE

JOB.

>> AND THERE'S NO REPLAYS.

>> Bill: YOUR PATH WAS NOT

EASY AT ALL.

YOU HAD TO AUDITION.

YOU GOT THAT WHOLE CHAPTER ABOUT

YOU LIVING WITH DANNY DeVITO

IN NEW YORK.

BASICALLY RIGHT AROUND WHERE I

LIVED IN HELL'S KITCHEN.

THESE WERE NOT EASY TIMES.

>> AT LEAST YOU HAD A CASTING

AGENTS.

BUT NOW, YOU'D GO TO A CASTING

AGENT OFFICER.

NOW THE CASTING OFFICES ARE

CLOSED AND YOU HAVE TO SEND YOUR

FILM--

>> Bill: ARE YOU STILL

AUDITIONING?

>> YEAH.

>> Bill: IT IS SO WRONG.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

>> SECOND TIME HERE.

>> Bill: IT'S RIDICULOUS BUT

IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE LIKE YOU

DIDN'T REALLY WANT TO GO INTO

IT.

YOU HAD TERRIBLE STAGE FRIGHT.

YOU DIDN'T THINK YOU WOULD

FOLLOW YOUR FATHER'S PASSED.

>> I HATED IT.

THE LAST THING IS I RESENTED IT

BECAUSE THE BUSINESS TOOK IN A

WAY SO MUCH OF THE LAST THING I

WANTED.

BUT I GREW UP ON THE EAST COAST.

I WAS SENT TO ALL BOYS PREP

SCHOOLS AND THIS AND THAT AND

THE BEST AND FIRST DECISION I

MADE IN MY LIFE WAS TO GO TO

COLLEGE IN CALIFORNIA IN 1963.

IT WAS AN EXCITING TIME.

I WENT FROM A PREPPY TO A

HIPPIE.

>> Bill: ONE YEAR.

OF.

>> AND THAT'S WHAT CHANGED

EVERYTHING.

>> Bill: IT'S SO FUNNY HOW

WHEN WE'RE YOUNG WE THINK WE

KNOW EVERYTHING AND WHEN YOU

LOOK BACK YOU REALIZE OH, MY

GOD.

IT WAS SO OBVIOUS WHAT MY

DESTINY WAS GOING TO BE.

YOUR FIRST JOB YOU SAID WAS

GOFER ON SPARTACUS, GETTING

COFFEE FOR THE MOVIE.

YOU WERE IN THE EDITING ROOM

DURING PSYCHO.

>> IT WAS JUST PSYCHO, IT WAS

THE OUTTAKES OF JANET LEIGH IN

THE SHOWER.

>> Bill: RIGHT.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

RIGHT.

YOU KNOW, IT JUST SHOWS YOU.

YOU WERE LEARNING IT, YOU WERE

OBSERVING IT.

IT WAS ALWAYS MEANT TO BE.

YOU WEREN'T ALWAYS GOING TO BE A

GREAT ACTOR AND A GREAT

MOVIE STAR, BUT ALSO A GREAT

PRODUCER.

THAT'S A TRIPLE FACTOR THAT

PEOPLE DON'T HIT.

>> IT'S HARDER TO KNOW NOW

BECAUSE OF STREAMING.

THE TRACK OF TELEVISION ACTING

VERSUS FILM ACTING WAS SO

SEPARATE.

IT'S SO INTERESTING THAT WHEN I

LEFT THE STREETS OF SAN

FRANCISCO, THEY HAD THE ROMANCE

SCENE.

I HAD THREE OR FOUR HITS BUT I

COULD NOT GET A JOB IN THE

MOVIES.

IT WAS REALLY HARD.

SO I PRODUCED WHAT YOU CALLED

STAR CHAMBER WITH JEFF BRIDGES.

I WANTED TO PLAY THE PART BUT I

WAS NOT APPROVED BY THE STUDIO.

IT WAS A TELEVISION ACT BURIED

AT.

>> Bill: WELL, YOU ARE A FILM

ACTOR NOW.

I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

MICHAEL DOUGLAS, THE BOOK IS

AMAZING.

THANK YOU, MICHAEL.

LET'S MEET OUR PANEL.

HELLO.

HEY, HOW ARE YOU DOING?

HE'S A REPUBLICAN SENATOR FROM

NORTH CAROLINA AND AUTHOR OF

"HOW TO LOSE FRIENDS AND

ANTAGONIZE PRESIDENTS: THE

TROUBLE WITH SYCOPHANTS, COURAGE

OUTSOURCING, AND PARTISAN

GROUPTHINK": SENATOR

THOM TILLIS.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WOW.

AND SHE'S CO-ANCHOR OF CNBC'S

"SQUAWK ON THE STREET":

SARA EISEN.

SARA, HOW ARE YOU DOING?

I MENTIONED YOU'RE A RETIRING

SENATOR.

>> 85.

>> Bill: NOT THAT YOU'RE

COUNTING.

I LOVE IT WHEN PEOPLE ARE

RETIRING POLITICIANS BECAUSE YOU

JUST GET A LOT MORE HONEST

ANSWERS.

YOU'VE BEEN QUITE A MAVERICK

LATELY.

CERTAINLY SINCE YOU KNEW YOU

WERE TIRED.

IT'S JUST THE BEST THING A

POLITICIAN CAN DO IS QUIT

BECAUSE THE HONESTY COMES OUT.

SO LET'S BE HONEST LET'S TALK

ABOUT THIS EXECUTION THAT

THEY'RE PLANNING BECAUSE I HEARD

YOU COMMENT ON IT TODAY.

I'M SURE YOU HAVE THOUGHTS.

IT'S DECEMBER 3RD AND THIS IS--

NO ONE WOULD EVER DEFEND

ANYTHING CLOSE TO WHAT HE DID.

IT'S ONE OF THE MOST EGREGIOUS

ATTACKS EVER.

HE DID YELL ALLAHU AKBAR.

OKAY.

PETE HEGSETH WANTS TO AND

THEY'RE GOING TO SHOOT HIM.

I GUESS I HAVE TO GET HULU

BECAUSE IT'S ON STREAMING.

IT'S ON DECEMBER 3RD RIGHT

BEFORE CHRISTMAS.

YOU CAN WATCH IT AND GO TO THE

MALL AND SEE SANTA.

YOU SAY YES FOR THE EXECUTION

ITSELF.

YOU JUST DON'T LIKE THAT IT'S

PUBLIC--

>> YEAH, NO, WE HAVE TO STOP

THAT.

THIS IS BULLSHIT.

THERE'S NO WAY WE SHOULD DO TH

THAT.

>> Bill: SHOOT HIM BUT IN

PRIVATE.

>> HE MURDERED A NUMBER OF

PEOPLE.

YOU CAN ARGUE BACK AND FORTH

ABOUT THE DEATH PENALTY BUT THIS

IS NOT WHO WE ARE.

PETE HEGSETH HAS TO BE ONE OF

THE PEOPLE WITH THE RIFLE.

THIS IS PERFORMATIVE AT THE

WORST LEVEL AND IT HAS TO BE

REVERSED.

[APPLAUSE]

NOT EVEN CLOSE.

>> IT'S ALSO WHAT OUR ENEMIES

DO.

WHEN I SAW A QUOTE FROM YOU,

SENATOR, TALKING ABOUT HOW YOU

SEE THIS IN IRAN OR YOU SEE THIS

IN AFGHANISTAN.

I WENT TO GRAD SCHOOL FOR

JOURNALISM SCHOOL FOR A MAN

NAMED JAMES FOLEY.

HE WAS A JOURNALIST WHO I DON'T

KNOW IF YOU REMEMBER THE STORY

COME A TERRIBLE STORY.

HE WAS TAKEN HOSTAGE BY ISIS IN

SYRIA.

THEY BEHEADED HIM.

AND THEY SENT THE VIDEO OUT TO

EVERYONE, A MESSAGE TO AMERICA.

AND I NEVER WANT TO WATCH

ANOTHER EXECUTION AGAIN.

IT WAS TRAUMATIZING.

OBVIOUSLY THIS IS COMPLETELY

DIFFERENT.

IT'S A TOTALLY DIFFERENT WORLD

THAN STORY AS YOU KNOW BUT THIS

IS SOMEONE THAT'S CONVICTED OF

KILLING U.S. TROOPS.

BUT I THINK NO ONE SHOULD HAVE

TO WATCH--

>> IT'S NOT EVEN CLOSE.

>> Bill: SO THEY'RE--

[APPLAUSE]

THEIR ARGUMENT WOULD BE IF I

COULD PLAY DEVIL'S ADVOCATE, IF

YOU WANT TO IMPRESS THESE KIND

OF PEOPLE YOU HAVE TO BE AS

BRUTAL AS THEY ARE.

YOU FOOL AROUND--

FUCK AROUND AND YOU'RE GOING TO

FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT?

I WISH PETE HEGSETH WOULD

REMEMBER BACK WHEN HE WAS

DEPLOYED, ONE OF THE FEW

MANAGEMENT POSITIONS HE HAD I

THINK.

THAT YOU ARE PUTTING OUR SPECIAL

OPERATORS AT RISK.

YOU'RE PUTTING AMERICANS AT RISK

AND YOU ARE BUILDING A

RECRUITING VIDEO FOR MORE PEOPLE

TO DO WHAT THEY DID AT

FORT HOOD.

IT'S STUPID ON STILTS AND HE'S

GOOD AT THAT.

[APPLAUSE]

IT REALLY MAKES ME ANGRY THAT

THIS IS NOT WHO WE ARE.

THIS IS NOT THE WARRIOR ETHOS

THE AMERICAN PEOPLE EXPECTED AND

CERTAINLY NOT WHAT A LOT OF

PEOPLE I TALKED TO WANT.

>> Bill: I COULD SEE IT LIKE

BURNING A KORAN LIKE IT COULD

INFLAME THE MUSLIM WORLD--

>> IT WILL.

>> OR MAKE HIM A MARTYR.

PROPAGANDA VIDEO.

>> WE HAVE TO WORK ON ENDING IT.

LOOK, IT'S A BAD DECISION AND IT

CANNOT HAPPEN.

THE EXECUTION--

>> EVEN VICE PRESIDENT VANCE WAS

ACTUALLY LIKE I DON'T KNOW IF

THIS IS GOING TO HAPPEN.

I'M NOT GOING TO WATCH IT.

>> Bill: A LOT OF THE WORLD IS

INFLAMED TO BEGIN WITH.

DID YOU SEE FRANCE THIS WEEK?

>> YEAH.

>> Bill: I MEAN, THIS IS KIND

OF CRAZY TO ME AND I JUST WANTED

TO ASK.

THIS IDEA THAT EVERY GRIEVANCE

THAT EVERYBODY SEEMS TO HAVE

ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD JUST

ALWAYS PULLS IN THE PEOPLE WITH

THE PALESTINIAN FLAG.

I MEAN COME ON WHAT IS THAT ALL

ABOUT?

THIS STARTED ABOUT SCHOOLS.

APPARENTLY THE SCHOOLS IN FRANCE

ARE IN BAD SHAPE.

SAME THING COULD HAPPEN HERE.

OVERCROWDING, CLASSROOMS, THE

BUILDINGS ARE FALLING APART.

THE SAME STUFF WE HEAR ABOUT

SCHOOLS HERE.

TEACHERS NOT SHOWING UP.

WHAT'S WITH THE FLAGS.

WHAT'S WITH THE SUDDENLY IT IS

ALSO ABOUT THIS OTHER THING?

>> IT'S ANTI-WEST.

>> Bill: ANTI-WEST, EXACTLY.

>> I WOULD SAY FRANCE THOUGH

PARTICULARLY HAS A NUMBER OF

PROBLEMS RIGHT NOW.

I COVER THE MARKETS ON CNBC AND

THE MARKET IS TELLING THAT IF

THEY HAVE A MAJOR DEBT PROBLEM

AND IT'S GETTING WORSE.

WHAT HAPPENS IS THESE PEOPLE ARE

WHAT STARTED AS PROTESTING.

THEY WANT MORE PUBLIC SPENDING.

THE PROBLEM IS FRANCE IS BROKE.

THEY'VE DONE PUBLIC SPENDING FOR

DECADES ON A WELFARE STATE.

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS AND THEN

THEY BRING IN THE PRIME

MINISTERS WHO HAVE TO MAKE

BUDGET CUTS AND GUESS WHAT?

THEY GET RID OF THEM.

VERY SOON AFTER.

IT'S KIND OF A DEBT SPIRAL AND I

THINK THE LESSON FOR AMERICA OUT

OF THIS BECAUSE WE HAVE A DEBT

PROBLEM TOO IS YOU WANT TO

EMBRACE GROWTH.

FRANCE DOESN'T HAVE ECONOMIC

GROWTH.

THEY'RE HIGH UNEMPLOYMENT.

WE HAVE GROWTH IN THIS COUNTRY,

WE HAVE CAPITALISM IN THIS

COUNTRY.

THESE ARE THE THINGS GETTING

FRANCE IN PARTICULAR IN TROUBLE

RIGHT NOW AND SOMETHING THERE'S

A LESSON THERE.

>> Bill: THAT'S THE ECONOMIC

SIDE OF IT.

BUT WHAT ABOUT THIS OTHER SIDE

OF THIS WHAT THEY WOULD CALL THE

RED GREEN ALLIANCE?

>> I THINK PEOPLE ARE HIJACKING.

IT'S FUNDAMENTALLY PARENTS AND

PEOPLE UPSET WITH THEIR SCHOOL

AND THEY'RE TRYING TO HIJACK IT

FOR WHATEVER SORT OF AGENDA THEY

WANT.

I'VE EVEN HEARD THE

ADMINISTRATION SAY IT'S IN

REACTION TO MASS MIGRATION.

I DON'T BUY IT.

>> Bill: YOU DON'T BUY THAT?

WE ARE GETTING OUT OF THE PARTY

OF THE RIGHT TONIGHT.

[LAUGHTER]

>> NO, TO BE CLEAR.

>> Bill: BECAUSE THERE IS AN

ELEMENT OF THAT.

>> OVER THE COURSE OF HISTORY, I

HAVE ALWAYS BEEN UNTETHERED BUT

WHEN I RETIRED JUNE 29TH, I GOT

TO BE UNFILTERED I CAN TALK MORE

LIKE YOU.

BUT BEFORE THEN-- BEFORE THEN,

YOU KNOW, IF YOU'RE A

POLITICIAN.

[APPLAUSE]

NO, IF YOU'RE A POLITICIAN AND

YOU'RE RUNNING FOR REELECTION WE

WERE TALKING ABOUT THIS BEFORE

THE SHOW.

THE WAY YOU ARE PERCEIVED, IT

CAN COST YOU FIVE, TEN,

$15 MILLION IN A STATE LIKE

MINE.

>> Bill: BUT YOU THINK THERE

ISN'T AN ELEMENT GOING ON HERE.

EVERYWHERE AROUND THE WORLD OF

MISCASTING ISLAMISM AS SOMEHOW

NATURAL ALLIES OF LIBERALS?

>> OH, NO, I AGREE WITH THAT.

IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE TALKING--

>> Bill: THAT IS WHAT I'M

TALKING ABOUT.

>> YOU MENTIONED THE THIRD

ANNIVERSARY OF OCTOBER 7TH THIS

WEEK.

THAT WAS A BIG WAKE-UP CALL FOR

A LOT OF PEOPLE ABOUT THE WAR

THAT WE ARE IN FOR THE WEST.

>> Bill: AND THERE WERE SO

MANY CELEBRATIONS OF IT.

COULD YOU JUST LEAVE THAT ONE

DAY FOR THE VICTIMS?

NO.

THERE WERE CELEBRATIONS ALL OVER

THE WORLD AND THE WESTERN WORLD

IS NOT WORKING FOR A LOT OF

PEOPLE OR AT LEAST THEY PERCEIVE

IT'S NOT WORKING.

AND THEIR ANSWER SEEMS TO BE

SOCIALISM, COMMUNISM, AND

FETISHIZING ISLAM AS SOME SORT

-- I MEAN HAMAS IS A LIBERATION

MOVEMENT?

NOT IN MY WORLD.

>> I THINK UNIVERSITIES ARE TO

BLAME.

I THINK THAT ORGANIZATION IS TO

BLAME FOR THIS.

IT'S THE OCCUPATION SORT OF IDEA

OF THE WORLD, THE OCCUPIER.

AND LOOK, THEY'RE IN A FIGHT.

THIS IS WHAT'S BEEN SO

FRUSTRATING AND PUZZLING FOR

ISRAELIS IS THAT THEY FEEL LIKE

THEY'RE ON THE FOREFRONT OF THE

FIGHT FOR THE WEST.

>> Bill: THEY ARE.

>> AND THE U.S. AND THE

INCREASINGLY PUBLIC OPINION OF

THE WORLD IN THE WEST--

>> Bill: THE PEOPLE WHO SHOULD

BE MOST WITH THEM THE LIBERALS

WHO WOULD NOT REALLY BE

COMFORTABLE LIVING ANYWHERE ELSE

IN THE MIDDLE EAST EXCEPT

TEL AVIV.

>> RIGHT.

[APPLAUSE]

>> Bill: BUT LET ME GO BACK TO

YOUR ECONOMIC POINT BECAUSE

"THE NEW YORK TIMES" WROTE I

THOUGHT WELL, IT ALL GOES BACK

TO A VERY SIMPLE BUT DIFFICULT

REALITY FOR FRANCE WHICH IS THAT

THIS COUNTRY CAN NO LONGER

AFFORD ITS SOCIAL WELFARE STATE.

120% OF THE ECONOMY IS DEAD NOW.

WE ARE FACING THE SAME THING.

THE INTEREST PAYMENT ON THE DEBT

IS GOING TO BE VERY SOON.

ALREADY IN FRANCE.

THE LARGEST PART OF WHAT WE

SPEND MONEY ON AND YES, THEY DO

HAVE A VERY GENEROUS WELFARE

STATE.

I REMEMBER MICHAEL MOORE DOING

THE GREAT MOVIE ABOUT HOW GREAT

THINGS ARE IN SOCIALISM AND SOME

OF IT IS GREAT.

THE PUNCH LINE OF THE WHOLE

MOVIE WAS PEOPLE FROM FRANCE AND

THE GOVERNMENT DOING YOUR

LAUNDRY.

DO YOU REMEMBER THAT?

WELL MAYBE A LITTLE BIT TOO MUCH

DOING YOUR LAUNDRY AND THIS IS

WHAT HAPPENS.

>> AND THEN THEY PROTEST WHEN

THEY WANT MORE SPENDING.

>> Bill: NOW IT'S A VICIOUS

CYCLE BECAUSE PEOPLE DON'T WANT

TO GIVE UP THEIR PERKS.

NOW YOU HAVE TO BORROW MORE

MONEY.

>> YOU HAVE TO BORROW MONEY TO

SERVICE THE DEBT.

THAT'S WHAT THEY CALL A DEBT

SPIRAL AND THAT'S A PROBLEM.

LUCKILY IN THE U.S. WE STILL

HAVE THE DOLLAR THE WORLD'S

RESERVE CURRENCY SO PEOPLE WANT

TO BUY OUR DEBT BUT I THINK

THERE'S A LESSON HERE.

IF I COULD COME UP PART OF THE

SOLUTION AND I MENTIONED THIS IS

ECONOMIC GROWTH.

IN THIS COUNTRY AND WHAT EUROPE

DOESN'T HAVE IS WE HAVE AN AI

REVOLUTION.

I KNOW YOU'RE A LITTLE SCARED OF

IT, BILL.

>> Bill: NOT JUST ME.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THIS NERVOUS NELLIE OVER HERE.

YEAH.

>> I HAVE TO MAKE A POINT.

OKAY, IT IS LEGIT BUT IT'S ALSO

CREATING A LOT OF ECONOMIC

GROWTH AND WE HAVE ALL THESE

COMPANIES BUILDING ALL THIS

INFRASTRUCTURE.

OUR TICKET TO NOT BECOME EUROPE

BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE THAT AND

TOO MUCH REGULATION IS THAT AI

CREATES THIS MASSIVE

PRODUCTIVITY BOOM THAT HELPS OUR

ECONOMY GROW AND THAT WE CAN

GROW OUT OF IT.

THEY DON'T HAVE THAT.

>> Bill: MAYBE IT'S PETS.COM.

IT COULD BE A BUBBLE TOO.

WE'VE HAD TECH BUBBLES BEFORE.

WE DON'T KNOW THAT.

IT COULD END THE WORLD AND BE A

BUBBLE.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

>> YOU'RE TALKING AS SOMEONE WHO

HAS THREE ROBOTS AT MY HOUSE.

A VACUUM CLEANER, A VACUUM, AND

LORENZO MY BACKYARD LAWN MOWER.

HE'S WONDERFUL.

HE'S MY FRIEND.

>> Bill: I THINK THAT'S WRONG

BUT I'M NOT SURE IT DOESN'T

MATTER TO ME.

OKAY.

SO YOU MENTIONED PETE HEGSETH

BEFORE.

YOU VOTED FOR HIM.

IT'S INTERESTING BECAUSE I SAID

YOU'RE KIND OF A MAVERICK BUT I

DON'T KNOW.

MAVERICK AND RHETORIC BUT NOT

NECESSARILY I SEE IN SOME OF THE

BOATS.

YOU ALSO VOTED FOR TULSI, KRI

KRISTI, THEY DON'T SOUND LIKE

SERIOUS PEOPLE.

TULSI GABBARD, ROBERT KENNEDY,

AND KRISTI NOEM.

YOU HAD RESERVATIONS ABOUT ALL

OF THEM BUT YOU STILL VOTED FOR

THEM.

HOW DO YOU JUSTIFY THAT

DISCREPANCY BETWEEN THE RHETORIC

OF THE MAVERICK?

>> YOU TAKE A LOOK AT IT AND I

ALSO PUSH SOME PEOPLE OUT BEFORE

I VOTED ON THEM.

MATT GAETZ IS ONE THAT CAME TO

MIND AND I WORKED WITH HIM TO

MAKE HIM RECOGNIZE HE COULDN'T

DO IT.

THAT WAS ONE OF THE FIRST

NOMINEES SENT FORWARD.

AT THE END OF THE DAY I VOTED

FOR A LOT OF I GOT CRITICIZED BY

REPUBLICANS FOR VOTING FOR OBAMA

NOMINEES BACK IN THE LAST YEARS

I WAS WITH OBAMA.

I GOT CRITICIZED FOR VOTING FOR

BIDEN NOMINEES.

I WAS GOING WITH THE BENEFIT OF

THE DOUBT AND I WAS TALKING TO

SOMEBODY EARLIER THIS WEEK.

WELL, YOU VOTED TO CONFIRM THEM.

I VOTED WITH UNANIMOUS VOTE OUT

SITTING ON THE ARMED SERVICES

COMMITTEE AND NOW I'M TELLING

YOU I FUCKED UP AND HE NEEDS TO

GO.

WHAT ELSE ARE WE TALKING ABOUT?

>> Bill: OKAY.

I WILL TELL YOU WHAT ELSE MAY

BE.

ONE OTHER THING.

YOU VOTED TO IMPEACH TRUMP AFTER

JANUARY 6TH.

>> I WISH THE DEMOCRAT HAD TAKEN

THAT PROCESS SERIOUSLY.

IF THEY LAID OUT THE FACTS.

THEY DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A TRIAL.

IF YOU GO BACK AND TAKE A LOOK

AT IMPEACHMENT, YOU LET THE

DEFENSE--

>> Bill: VERY DETAILED TODAY.

>> I'M A PROCESS NERD.

I WILL ADMIT THAT.

BUT I ALSO THINK CHERISHING

THESE INSTITUTIONS AND

CHERISHING THE SENATE'S A PART

OF WHY THIS COUNTRY HAS LIVED

AND PROSPERED FOR 250 YEARS.

>> TO THE SENATOR'S CREDIT,

SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T GET

TALKED A LOT ABOUT A LOT YOU

MENTIONED HE VOTED FOR ALL THESE

PEOPLE.

HE STOOD UP FOR FED CHAIRMAN

JAY POWELL.

[APPLAUSE]

HE DID NOT PASS THE CURRENT FED

CHAIRMAN.

HE DID NOT GET HIM BEFORE THEY

DROPPED THE DOJ CRIMINAL

INVESTIGATION AND THAT WAS A

HUGE DEAL IN OUR WORLD.

>> AND TO BE HONEST WITH YOU THE

THINGS I AM MOST PROUD OF YOU

WOULD NEVER KNOW ABOUT.

IT'S USING WHATEVER IS QUIETLY

WITH REPUBLICANS DISAGREEING

WITH REPUBLICANS.

THAT'S HOW YOU GOT THINGS DONE.

THAT'S HOW Y THINGS WERE DONE IN

THE OLD DAYS.

IN THE NEW DAYS, YOU GET A TWEET

OR WHATEVER X CALLS IT FROM

PRESIDENT TRUMP.

>> Bill: SO ANYWAY.

[APPLAUSE]

WE HAVE A BIG ANNIVERSARY THIS

WEEK.

FOX NEWS TURNED 30 AND WE'VE

DONE A BIT ON THIS SHOW.

24 THINGS YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT

ME.

WE'VE NEVER DONE IT ABOUT AN

INSTITUTION BUT WE ARE GOING TO

DO IT TONIGHT.

24 THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT

ME: FOX NEWS.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR THEM?

FOR EXAMPLE.

OUR ORIGINAL BUSINESS PLAN WAS

SIMPLE: WHAT IF WE TOOK A.M.

RADIO AND ADDED TITS?

MOST OF OUR UNQUALIFIED

JOURNALISTS GO ON TO BECOME

UNQUALIFIED CABINET MEMBERS.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

OUR ORIGINAL SLOGAN WAS "FAIR

AND BALANCED."

THE RUNNER-UP WAS "WHITE AND

FRIGHTENED."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

MOST OF OUR PROGRAMMING

ORIGINATES FROM NEW YORK BUT

SEAN HANNITY OCCASIONALLY

BROADCASTS FROM TRUMP'S ASS.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

WE DON'T LIKE TO BRAG, BUT WE'VE

GONE 22 DAYS WITHOUT A SEXUAL

HARASSMENT LAWSUIT.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

10% OF OUR VIEWERSHIP IS YOUNG

PEOPLE TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OF

WHAT THEIR GRANDPARENTS SAID AT

THANKSGIVING.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

IN 2019, WE HAD TO EXPLAIN TO

TRUMP THAT WHILE WE TALK

DIRECTLY TO HIM THROUGH THE TV,

WE CAN'T HEAR HIM TALK BACK.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

IF THE CONNECTION BETWEEN US AND

THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION WAS ANY

MORE A DIRECT PIPELINE THE

HOUTHIS WOULD BOMB IT.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

OUR TYPICAL FOX NEWS VIEWER

WATCHES US SIX HOURS A DAY,

SEVEN IF HOLLYWOOD CASTS A

BLACK MERMAID.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

IT'S GOOD TO SEE THAT YOU CAN

LAUGH AT THAT.

I WANT TO TALK ABOUT SOMETHING

GOING ON IN YOUR STATE TO MAKE

IT A LITTLE LIGHTER WITH ALL THE

BAD NEWS GOING ON.

ALIENATION OF AFFECTION.

I'VE BEEN FOLLOWING THIS STORY.

I DON'T KNOW IF PEOPLE KNOW WHAT

THIS IS BUT IN YOUR STATE

NORTH CAROLINA AND FOUR OTHERS

HAVE THIS.

IT ALLOWS SOMEONE TO SUE IF YOUR

SPOUSE IS BANGING SOMEONE ELSE I

GUESS BETTER THAN YOU ARE.

KRYSTEN SINEMA IS THE PERSON WHO

BROUGHT THIS TO THE FOREFRONT.

YOU MUST HAVE SERVED WITH HER.

>> YEAH, I SER.

>> Bill: SHE'S A GOER.

WASN'T SHE BISEXUAL--

WELL, SHE WAS BANGING THE

SECURITY GUY.

THIS IS JUST A VERY COMMON THING

OUT THERE.

ANYWAY.

SOMEHOW I DON'T GET IT.

>> THIS IS INSANE.

>> Bill: BY THE WAY, THEY DID

NOT HAVE SEX IN NORTH CAROLINA

BUT BECAUSE THERE ARE TEXTS

WHILE HE WAS IN NORTH CAROLINA.

THIS CAN GO TO A COURT?

WHY IS THIS A THING TO BEGIN

WITH?

WHY IS THIS IN THE GOVERNMENT'S

PURVIEW?

>> I HAD SOMEBODY ASK ME THAT

SEVERAL YEARS AGO AFTER SHE WAS

ON A JURY TRIAL FOR FOUR WEEKS

AND SHE SAID YOU'VE GOT TO GET

THIS REPEALED.

IT HAPPENS TO BE MY WIFE.

I THINK IT'S SOME OF THE DUMBEST

POLICY THAT'S STILL ON THE BOOKS

IN NORTH CAROLINA.

THERE'S FOUR STATES SIMILAR TO

OURS, SIX STATES IN TOTAL, BUT

IT IS TIME TO MODERNIZE--

>> BUT DO YOU KNOW WHERE IT

COMES FROM?

18TH CENTURY COMMON LAW IN

BRITAIN.

AND IT JUST SOMEHOW SURVIVED IN

A FEW OF THE STATES.

>> IT'S SILLY.

IN THE CASE MY WIFE SAT ON THE

JURY TRIAL.

THEY GOT AWARDED A DOLLAR.

LISTEN, IF WE WANT GOOD SOLID

DRIVING RELATIONSHIPS LIKE THE

ONE I HAD WITH MY WIFE FOR 40

YEARS.

[APPLAUSE]

YOU DON'T FORCE THIS BY LAW.

IT EITHER WORKS OR IT DOESN'T.

>> Bill: I COULDN'T AGREE

MORE.

[LAUGHTER]

YEAH, IT'S CRAZY.

BECAUSE YOU'RE ASKING A JUDGE TO

RULE ON WHETHER A MARRIAGE HAD

LOVE LEFT IN IT.

REALLY THE JUDGE HAS TO DECIDE

THIS BECAUSE THEN IT'S ABOUT

WHETHER THIS OTHER PERSON STOLE

YOUR HUSBAND?

HE'S NOT A BICYCLE THAT YOU CAN

LOCK UP.

IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH

KRYSTEN SINEMA.

>> SHE'S A WONDERFUL PERSON.

GREAT BILLS THERE AND IT'S A

SHAME THE DEMOCRATS FORSAKED HER

AND RAN THE PRIMARY AGAINST HER

BECAUSE SHE WAS REASONABLE.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT THE LESSON IS.

HOW SOME PEOPLE HAVE TO PAY

ATTENTION TO WHICH STATES

THEY'RE IN FOR TAX PURPOSES.

NOW YOU HAVE TO PAY ATTENTION TO

WHO YOU'RE TEXTING IF YOU GO TO

CERTAIN STATES.

>> I HADN'T EVEN THOUGHT OF

THAT.

>> YEAH, IT IS AMAZING.

BASED ON NOT WHERE THE FUCKING

TOOK PLACE BUT WHERE YOUR PHONE

IS CHARGING?

OKAY.

LET ME ASK YOU ABOUT THE

MIDTERMS.

THREE WEEKS AWAY.

I GET VERY EXCITED ABOUT THIS

TIME OF YEAR BEFORE THE

ELECTION.

TRUMP SAID THIS WEEK IF THE

DEMOCRATS WIN YOU HAVE AN

ECONOMIC DEPRESSION MUCH LIKE

1929.

AND I TAKE IT SERIOUSLY BECAUSE

IT'S NOT LIKE HIM TO MAKE

SOMETHING UP.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

JUST EXAGGERATE.

BUT FOR YOU I WANT TO ASK.

PEOPLE THINK THE ECONOMY IS

TERRIBLE.

TRUMP WAS RUNNING AGAINST BIDEN

HE WAS ABLE TO PROSECUTE THE

SAME CASE AND DEMOCRATS ARE LIKE

IT'S REALLY NOT THAT TERRIBLE.

THERE ARE PROBLEMS AND KIND OF

THE PROOF IS THAT CONSUMER

CONFIDENCE IS IN THE TOILET BUT

THEY KEEP SPENDING.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

>> HERE'S WHAT I WOULD SAY.

WATCH WHAT THEY DO BUT NOT WHAT

THEY SAY.

THEY SAY THEY'RE MISERABLE AND

LOUSY BUT YOU'RE RIGHT.

WE LOOK AT CREDIT CARD DATA.

LOOK AT BANK DEPOSIT DATA.

UNEMPLOYMENT IS HISTORICALLY

LOW.

IT'S UP 4.2%.

PEOPLE HAVE JOBS AND THEY

CONTINUE TO SPEND.

WHY DO THEY FEEL SO LOUSY?

THE PRICE OF GAS IS HIGH.

PEOPLE SEE THAT.

YOU FILL UP YOUR TANK EVERY

SINGLE WEEK, YOU WATCH THE

NUMBERS TICK HIGHER SO THAT

AFFECTS YOUR MOOD AND THE

PSYCHOLOGY OF.

THE PRICES ARE STILL HIGH EVEN

THOUGH INFLATION HAS COME DOWN.

SO YOU DO HAVE THIS SCENARIO

WHERE PEOPLE ARE WORRIED AND

THEY DON'T FEEL GOOD BUT

ULTIMATELY A LOT OF THE

FUNDAMENTALS ARE GOOD.

IT'S NOT JUST WALL STREET AND

IT'S NOT JUST AI.

BY THE WAY AI WAS A PART OF IT.

WE HAVE A MASSIVE CONSTRUCTION

BOOM THAT'S GOING ON HELPING

JOBS IN MANUFACTURING,

INFRASTRUCTURE, AND IT'S A MAJOR

INVESTMENT IN OUR ECONOMY.

>> Bill: IT'S NOT POPULAR.

THE BUILDING THE DATA CENTERS IS

REALLY ONE OF THE FEW THINGS

THAT UNITES RED AND BLUE

AMERICA.

PEOPLE DON'T LIKE IT.

PEOPLE DON'T WANT IT.

THEY DON'T THINK THEY NEED IT

AND I THINK THEY'RE GETTING

TIRED.

WHAT I WAS THINKING ORIGINALLY I

DO NOT LIKE WHAT A ASS KISSER

THAT FUCKING THING IS.

I DON'T WANT IT TALKING TO ME.

I TRIED TO PROGRAM IT YOU HAVE

TO SOUND LIKE A ROBOT BECAUSE

YOU ARE A ROBOT.

DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE A HUMAN

BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT.

>> THROUGHOUT HISTORY, THERE

HAVE ALWAYS BEEN FEARS AROUND

MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL CHANGES.

THE INTERNET, THE AUTOMOBILE, I

KNOW THIS IS DIFFERENT.

I KNOW THIS IS DIFFERENT BUT WE

DO NOT WANT TO BE ON THE SIDE OF

PROGRESS AND WE DO NOT WANT TO

LET CHINA GET AHEAD OF US ON

THIS DANGEROUS TECHNOLOGY.

WE WANT TO OWN IT AND WANT THE

BEST PEOPLE DOING IT AND I THINK

IT'S A LITTLE DANGEROUS THAT IT

HAS BECOME SO UNPOPULAR AND NOW

THERE'S LOTS OF MORATORIUMS ON

DATA CENTERS.

WE HAVE TO BUILD DATA CENTERS IN

THIS COUNTRY BECAUSE YOU KNOW

WHAT?

THEY'RE NOT SLOWING DOWN IN

CHINA.

[APPLAUSE]

>> IN ORDER FOR REPUBLICANS NOT

TO SUFFER A SERIOUS SETBACK ON

ELECTION DAY, WE DO HAVE TO

RECOGNIZE THERE'S ALWAYS AN

AFFORDABILITY PROBLEM IN THIS

COUNTRY.

THE QUESTION IS HOW MANY

EXPERIENCE IT AT ANY ONE TIME

AND I'VE HAD THIS DISCUSSION

WITH PEOPLE IN THE

ADMINISTRATION.

I VISITED THE TRAILER PARK I

GREW UP IN LAST FRIDAY AND THOSE

FOLKS ARE STRUGGLING.

SO THOSE FOLKS VOTE TOO.

WE NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT RIGHT

NOW A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE THE

FINANCIAL WHEREWITHAL TO INVEST

IF THEY ARE SMART THEY SHOULD BE

MAKING A LOT OF MONEY.

THE LAST TIME I CHECKED I DIDN'T

SEE A WHOLE LOT OF BLUE BIRD

TERMINALS ON WAIKIKI BOULEVARD

WHICH IS ONE OF THE TRAILERS I

LIVED IN IN THE TRAILER PARK.

WE ARE TONE-DEAF IF WE PRETEND

THERE'S NOT A AFFORDABILITY

PROBLEM AND WE'RE ALSO TONE-DEAF

IF WE THINK THE COST OF ENERGY

IS NOT HURTING A LOT OF PEOPLE

AND MAKING PEOPLE THAT ARE

OTHERWISE SECURE OR FEELING A

LITTLE BIT NERVOUS.

BUT WE'RE ALSO TONE-DEAF IF WE

REALIZE WE ARE $40 TRILLION IN

DEBT AND SOONER OR LATER WE EVEN

HAVE TO PAY OUR BILLS AND WE

HAVE TO BE CONSCIOUS OF THAT,

GROW THE ECONOMY, REDUCE

REGULATIONS, TRY TO RETIRE A LOT

OF THAT BUT WE NEED TO BE

FISCALLY RESTRAINT OR WE ARE

GOING TO HASTEN A DEAD DRIVEN

FINANCIAL CRISIS OVER THE NEXT

SIX OR SEVEN YEARS.

>> Bill: ONE MORE QUESTION FOR

YOU.

SINCE YOU ARE RETIRING AND WE

ARE KEEPING IT SUPER REAL RIGHT?

OKAY.

I WANT TO ASK YOU ABOUT ALITO.

HE'S MAKING NOISES.

THIS IS RELEVANT BECAUSE WE HAVE

A LOT OF SUPREME COURT HISTORY.

SO INTERESTING THE HISTORY.

JUSTICE SCALIA, WHEN HE DIED

THERE WAS 400 TRILLION DAYS LEFT

IN THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION.

YOUR GREAT MENTOR

MITCH McCONNELL KEPT THAT

DOMINATION UNTIL THE NEXT

PRESIDENT WAS ELECTED.

THEN RUTH RUTH BADER GINSBURG D

IF JUSTICE ALITO QUIT TOMORROW,

YOU WOULD HAVE A JANUARY BEFORE

THE NEW SENATE TAKES PLACE.

YOU'D BE TEMPTED WOULDN'T YOU?

TO RUSH THAT THROUGH JUST IN

CASE THE DEMOCRATS WON THE

SENATE?

I'M JUST ASKING BEARD IT WAS

OKAY WHEN IT WAS BENEFITING YOUR

DAYS BUT THEN 46 DAYS?

THE OTHER SIDE NO GOOD?

YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYING?

>> IN FULL DISCLOSURE, YOU'RE

LOOKING AT THE PERSON SIGNING

JUDICIARY WE'RE KEEPING THE SEAT

OPEN.

I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THE

PRESIDENT'S CABINET POSITION AND

HOLDING SOMETHING OPEN BUT I'M

TALKING ABOUT THE THIRD BRANCH.

WE ADVISE THE PRESIDENT WE WERE

GOING TO CONSENT WITH HIS

NOMINEE.

I THINK IT'S DIFFERENT.

I THINK WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THE

COMPOSITION OF A COEQUAL BRANCH

AND IF THE CONGRESS THAT HAS THE

GAVELS NOW DECIDES THEY DON'T

WANT TO FILL IT AND THEY THINK

OBAMA'S BEST CANDIDATE WILL FIT

THE BILL I WOULDN'T BEGRUDGE THE

DEMOCRATS FOR DOING THE SAME

THING.

IF WE ARE TALKING ABOUT--

>> Bill: IS THAT HOW THE

SYSTEM IS SUPPOSED TO WORK?

>> WE CAN GO BACK.

>> Bill: IF YOU WERE PRESIDENT

AND THE GUY DIED YOU GOT THE

PICK.

>> I WILL TELL YOU IF YOU GO TO

THE BOOK AND WE ARE EXPERIENCING

POLITICAL PHYSICS I COULD BUILD

THE ARGUMENT SAYING I FEEL OKAY

DOING THAT BECAUSE HARRY REID

AFTER HE SWORE HE WOULD NEVER

MUTE THE EXECUTIVE FILIBUSTER.

MY OLD BOOK IS ABOUT THE

POLITICAL PHYSICS.

I WON'T BEGRUDGE THE DEMOCRATS

DOING THE SAME THING IF

SIMILARLY SITUATED.

BUT I BELIEVE IN THE 85 DAYS WE

HAVE LEFT WE SHOULD FILL THIS

SEAT.

>> BOTH PARTIES DO THIS.

THEY MAXIMIZE POWER.

>> Bill: I DON'T THINK THE

DEMOCRATS EVER DID THAT TO A

SUPREME COURT NOMINEE.

>> KAMALA HARRIS IS ALREADY

TALKING ABOUT HOW--

>> SHE WANTS TO FILIBUSTER.

>> 13 JUSTICES.

>> TALARICO WANTS IT.

>> Bill: THAT WOULD TAKE A

CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENT AND

NEVER HAPPEN.

>> IT DOESN'T.

THAT'S THE FREAKY THING ABOUT

IT.

YOU MUTE THE FILIBUSTER YOU CAN

ADMIT D.C. IS A STATE AND

PUERTO RICO IS A STATE.

IT'S NOT FOUNDED BY THE

CONSTITUTION.

WE JUST GOVERN OURSELVES WITH

THE CURRENT COMPOSITION.

WHY 400 SUPREME COURT JUSTICES

BEFORE WE'RE DONE IF WE DO THAT.

>> Bill: I STAND CORRECTED.

>> IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT--

>> Bill: THEY'RE SHOWING I'M

WEARING ORTHOPEDIC SHOES.

I'M SORRY.

>> I'M JUST SAYING THIS IS IN

THE REALM WITHIN THE SENATE CAN

DO AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT YOU

SHOULD VOTE.

>> Bill: ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU

PANEL.

TIME FOR "NEW RULES."

ALL RIGHT.

NEW RULE: TRUMP MUST ORDER THE

TSA TO OPEN A STORE JUST PAST

SECURITY WHERE THEY TAKE

EVERYTHING THEY'VE SEIZED-- THE

BOTTLED WATER, THE SHAMPOO, THE

SUNSCREEN, THE CORKSCREWS, THE

SNOW GLOBES, THE JARS OF PEANUT

BUTTER-- AND SELL IT BACK TO

US.

WE CAN CALL IT

"TRUMP SEIZE AND SAVE."

OH, LOOK, THERE'S MY FIJI WATER,

ON SALE NOW FOR $12.99.

DO I FEEL RIPPED OFF?

OF COURSE I DO.

BUT HEY, STILL CHEAPER THAN

HUDSON NEWS.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

NEW RULE: MEN MUST ADMIT THAT

WHEN WE'RE SO PROUD OF OURSELVES

FOR TAKING OFF OUR T-SHIRT AND

LANDING IT SUCCESSFULLY IN THE

HAMPER FROM ACROSS THE ROOM, IT

REALLY IS NOTHING COMPARED TO

WHEN WOMEN DO THAT THING WHERE

YOU TAKE YOUR BRA OFF AND

PULL IT OUT YOUR SLEEVE WITHOUT

REMOVING YOUR SHIRT.

HOW DO THEY PULL THAT OFF?

I STILL DON'T KNOW.

NEW RULE: NOW THAT EXECUTION BY

WAY OF LETHAL INJECTION HAS BEEN

BOTCHED 11 TIMES IN THE LAST

FIVE YEARS, WE REALLY DO NEED A

RULE THAT, IF YOU SURVIVE LETHAL

INJECTION, YOU GET TO GO FREE.

IT'S ONLY FAIR.

THE STATE HAD ITS SHOT--

LITERALLY-- AND THEY FUCKED IT

UP.

YOU DON'T GET TO KEEP TRYING

UNTIL YOU FINALLY GET IT.

IT'S NOT WORDLE.

NEW RULE: SOMEONE HAS TO BREAK

IT TO THE MOM IN PARENT DIARIES

WHO LAMENTS THAT BIRTHDAY

PARTIES ARE DISAPPEARING AND

KIDS JUST DON'T SEEM TO BE

HAVING THEM ANYMORE

OH, THEY'RE HAVING THEM.

YOUR KID'S JUST NOT INVITED.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

IT'S KIND OF LIKE HOW YOU ARE

ALSO NOT INVITED TO YOUR

HUSBAND'S "BOYS NIGHT OUT."

BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN NO WOMEN

ARE.

NEW RULE: THE MAN WHO WORKS AS

BRAZIL'S TESTICULAR CANCER

AWARENESS MASCOT,

SENHOR TESTICULO, AND THE GUY

WHO WORKS AS BRAZIL'S

COLOPROCTOLOGY MASCOT, ANUS,

THEY COULDN'T COME UP WITH A

BETTER MASCOT NAME THAN ANUS?

MUST MEET UP FOR DRINKS AFTER

WORK.

COME ON, YOU TWO ARE PRACTICALLY

NEIGHBORS.

YOU PROBABLY BUMPED INTO EACH

OTHER BEFORE AND DIDN'T EVEN

KNOW IT.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND, I KNOW A GREAT BAR THAT'S

CLOSE TO BOTH OF YOU.

IT'S CALLED "THE TAINT."

OKAY.

AND FINALLY, NEW RULE...

NOW THAT EVERYONE IS TALKING

ABOUT CORNELL, STOP ASKING ME

ABOUT IT JUST BECAUSE I WENT

THERE.

FIRST OF ALL, I GRADUATED ALMOST

10 YEARS AGO, HOW WOULD I KNOW?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

WHAT I DO KNOW IS THIS ALLEGED

GANG RAPE AT THE CORNELL CHI PHI

FRAT HOUSE IS DEEPLY DISTURBING

-- BUT SINCE IT'S MY ALMA MATER

WHERE I WALKED THOSE HALLOWED

HALLS FOR FOUR YEARS WITH SO

MANY MEMORIES, I DON'T WANT TO

LET MY PERSONAL FEELINGS GET IN

THE WAY.

BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL BAD: CORNELL

SUCKS AND I FUCKING HATED IT AND

I'M GLAD TO SEE THEM EATING A

SHIT SANDWICH.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

IT'S TRUE.

NOW, IN FAIRNESS CORNELL DID

GIVE ME A GOOD EDUCATION, THE

KIND THEY DON'T DO ANYMORE, AND

ALSO: THIS SHIT COULD HAVE

HAPPENED ANYWHERE THERE ARE

FRATERNITIES, BECAUSE IT HAPPENS

EVERYWHERE THERE ARE

FRATERNITIES.

ANY PLACE THAT'S ALL-MALE,

NO-GIRLS ALLOWED THEY JUST DON'T

FUNCTION WITHOUT DEPRAVITY.

ASK THE CATHOLIC CHURCH.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

ASK THE TALIBAN.

HUMAN NATURE IS BAD, AND THE

BEST WE CAN DO IS CREATE

INSTITUTIONS THAT DON'T MAKE IT

SO EASY TO BE WORSE, AND

A GREAT PLACE TO START WOULD BE

GETTING RID OF "GREEK LIFE."

WHICH, DESPITE THE

TOGAS, IS NOT A PRECIOUS LEGACY

HANDED DOWN FROM ANCIENT GREECE.

IT STARTED IN

1825, 3,000 YEARS AFTER THE

INVENTION OF PANTS.

IN THE CRADLE OF DEMOCRACY,

SCHENECTADY.

THERE'S NO LAW THAT SAYS WE HAVE

TO KEEP SOMETHING ALIVE JUST

BECAUSE IT'S 200 YEARS OLD-- I

MEAN BESIDES CHUCK GRASSLEY.

I KNOW HE IS.

EVERYTHING THAT'S INHERENTLY BAD

ABOUT MEN GETS WORSE IF YOU PUT

THEM IN A FRATERNITY.

THE DRINKING GETS WORSE.

THE CRUELTY.

THE TREATMENT OF WOMEN.

THE TRIBALISM, THE PEER

PRESSURE, ONE-UPMANSHIP,

CONFORMITY, SEGREGATION,

NEPOTISM, BULLYING, ELITISM, AND

JUST GENERAL ASSHOLERY.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

BOAT SHOES, FOR EXAMPLE.

AND, HYPOCRISY.

FRATERNITY MISSION STATEMENTS

LOVE TO USE THE WORD

"GENTLEMAN."

IN THIS CURRENT JANE DOE CASE A

YOUNG WOMAN MADE A BAD DECISION,

AS 20-YEAR-OLDS DO, WHEN SHE

WENT TO A FRAT HOUSE DRUNK AND

DID KETAMINE, AND FOR THAT SHE

CLAIMS TO HAVE PAID A PRICE NO

WOMAN SHOULD HAVE TO PAY.

NO ONE WHO WASN'T THERE KNOWS

WHAT HAPPENED, BUT I DO KNOW

WHAT A GENTLEMAN IS.

A GENTLEMAN, GENTLEMEN, IS

SOMEONE WHO IN THAT SITUATION

DOESN'T EXPLOIT THE WOMAN, HE

SAVES HER.

THAT'S A GENTLEMAN.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

CHI PHI SAYS "OUR MISSION IS TO

BUILD BETTER MEN."

AND YOU THINK WE DO THAT BY

HAZING?

WHY ARE WE STILL ALLOWING THAT

IN 2026?

IN THIS CENTURY SO FAR, THERE

HAVE BEEN 128 COLLEGE HAZING

DEATHS.

DEATHS!

KIDS HAVE DIED FROM BEING

REPEATEDLY PUNCHED IN THE CHEST.

FROM HYPOTHERMIA, ALCOHOL

POISONING, TRAUMATIC BRAIN

INJURY, DEHYDRATION, DROWNING,

INHALING NITROUS OXIDE, ASPHYXIA

CAN YOU IMAGINE IF A PLACE OF

EMPLOYMENT MADE THE CONDITION

FOR A NEW JOB THAT YOU HAD TO

FIRST, I DON'T KNOW, EAT

MAYONNAISE OUT OF A TOILET?

OR BE LOCKED IN A COFFIN?

BUT PUT A BUNCH OF GUYS TOGETHER

IN MATCHING SWEATSHIRTS AND

SUDDENLY IT'S, "RELAX, IT'S A

TRADITION, IT'S COOL BECAUSE THE

OLDER GUYS DID IT TO US!"

YOU KNOW WHAT AN ELEPHANT WALK

IS?

WELL, THERE'S NO HARD EVIDENCE

BUT LOTS OF RUMORS THAT THIS

GOES ON WHEN YOU'RE "RUSHING" A

FRAT-- IT'S WHERE ALL THE GUYS

WALK IN LINE NAKED WITH THEIR

THUMB UP THE ASS OF THE GUY IN

FRONT OF THEM.

YOU KNOW, FOR BONDING.

YOU KNOW HOW MY FRIENDS AND I

BONDED?

BY MAKING FUN OF FRAT GUYS.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

IT WAS A GREAT WAY TO MAKE

FRIENDS, THE TYPE YOU CAN LOOK

IN THE EYE LATER IN LIFE WITHOUT

THINKING ABOUT THE TIME THEY HAD

THEIR THUMB UP YOUR ASS.

[APPLAUSE]

FOR PLACES THAT ARE SO WOKE,

COLLEGES FOSTER A LOT OF SHITTY

BEHAVIOR.

SPEAKING OF WHICH, AS LONG AS

WE'RE GETTING RID OF

FRATERNITIES, LET'S THROW IN THE

SORORITIES TOO, THEY'RE JUST

BITCH FACTORIES PRODUCING THE

"KARENS" OF TOMORROW.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THEY ALSO TAKE THE BAD

INCLINATIONS OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR,

IN THIS CASE FEMALE BEHAVIOR,

AND MAKE IT WORSE: CLIQUES,

POPULARITY CONTESTS,

MEAN-GIRLISM, SOCIAL CLIMBING,

INSECURITY, BACKSTABBING, BODY

SHAMING.

"WE TOOK A VOTE AND DECIDED YOUR

THIGHS ARE JUST NOT KAPPA KAPPA

THETA MATERIAL, SORRY."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

HAVE YOU SEEN THOSE SORORITY

RECRUITMENT VIDEOS?

40 STRIPPERS-- I'M SORRY, I

MEAN CO-EDS-- DOING A

SYNCHRONIZED DANCE IN FRONT OF A

MANSION.

WHAT MAJOR IS THIS?

IF THIS WERE MY DAUGHTER, I'D

SAY "I'M GLAD YOU'VE FOUND

FRIENDS AT TIKTOK UNIVERSITY,

HONEY, BUT GIVE ME BACK MY 80

GRAND."

IT'S FUNNY, IN 2023 WHEN THE

SUPREME COURT RULED THAT

COLLEGES CAN'T USE RACE-BASED

ADMISSIONS ANYMORE, THE

COUNTER-ARGUMENT FROM

UNIVERSITIES WAS "HOW CAN YOU,

DIVERSITY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT

THING WE DO HERE!"

THEN WHY ALL THE SEGREGATED

HOUSING ON CAMPUSES?

CORNELL HAS "PROGRAM HOUSES" FOR

EVERY IDENTITY GROUP: BLACK,

HISPANIC, NATIVE AMERICAN,

GAY-- WHICH IS REALLY CRAZY

BECAUSE, AS WE'VE SEEN, YOU

DON'T NEED A GAY FRATERNITY,

FRATERNITIES ARE ALREADY

GAY.

HARVARD SAID "DIVERSITY AND

DIFFERENCE ARE ESSENTIAL TO

ACADEMIC EXCELLENCE."

RIGHT, DIVERSITY AND DIFFERENCE

ARE ESSENTIAL-- NOW, IF YOU'LL

EXCUSE ME, I'LL BE JOINING A

HOUSE WITH 40 PEOPLE WHO LOOK

EXACTLY LIKE ME.

NO, COLLEGE IS SUPPOSED TO BE

WHERE YOU GO TO EXPOSE YOUR MIND

TO NEW IDEAS, AND TO DRUGS THAT

GIVE YOU EVEN NEWER IDEAS.

DON'T CODDLE THE KIDS AND PUT

THEM WHERE THEY'RE MOST

COMFORTABLE, WITH THE SAME

PEOPLE THEY GREW UP WITH IN

THEIR HOME TOWNS.

YOUR ROOMMATE SHOULD BE SOMEONE

WHOSE FOOD SMELLS WEIRD TO YOU

FOR THE FIRST THREE WEEKS, AND

BY THANKSGIVING YOU'RE

AT HIS HOUSE EATING IT.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

MAKE THE ATHEIST HAVE A MORMON

ROOMMATE.

GIVE THE REPUBLICAN A LESBIAN.

AND GIVE THE RICH KID SOMEBODY

WHO HAS A JOB.

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S OUR SHOW.

WE'RE OFF NEXT WEEK AND BACK ON

THE 23RD.

I WANNA SARA EISEN, THOM TILLIS,

AND MICHAEL DOUGLAS.

CLUB RANDOM DROPS EVERY MONDAY

ON YOUTUBE, OR LISTEN WHEREVER

YOU GET YOUR PODCASTS.

NOW GO WATCH "OVERTIME" ON

THE VERY SAME YOUTUBE.