Original subtitles

Thank you so much for coming.

Oh, look at this crowd.

Thank you so much.

Appreciate it. Thank you very much. I think I know why you're happy today.

I know I always say that, but... Because you're getting money. It's, you know,

it's three weeks to the midterms.

It's that time when we give out money. Just coincidental. Trump is sending out

$90 checks to people on Medicare to, like...

20 million people. Okay.

And then people on Obamacare, people on Obamacare, they're getting a $500 check

because he says Biden overcharged you. Never heard that, but okay.

Amazing timing. And, of course, every adult is going to get $5,000 if the

Republicans win. I think this is what the kids call being thirsty.

Uh... Uh... Oh, yeah. No, I mean... This is looking

bad for the Republicans this winter. Trump is campaigning in red states that

no Republican usually has to campaign in, and it's getting nasty.

South Carolina, there's a Democrat running Annie Andrews. He's been calling

her Annie Tranny.

She's not transgender, but she's a Democrat close enough.

So... But, you know, Annie Tranny.

Annie Tra... Well, you know Trump. He loves any nickname that rhymes. Shifty

Shiff, remember that? Shifty Shiff. Annie Tranny.

We're just lucky her name wasn't Annie Munt.

But... That was not even the most

controversial thing the president said this week. We know here in Los Angeles

what that was.

Well, you know, let's be fair. He wasn't trying to say, he said, let them, let

them, he's talking about Iran, let them take out Los Angeles.

He was saying, you know, gas prices are too high, the small price. He wasn't

saying that, that we were encouraging Iran. But still, you don't want to say

that to people in this city. We live here. Let them take out Los Angeles.

Karen Bass, our mayor, was very upset. She immediately got on the phone with

her travel agent.

I hit us here in Los Angeles.

New York, also, they have problems, too. You know, it was the third anniversary

of the horrible attack in Israel on October 7th three years ago, and Mayor

Mondami, not all that sympathetic to this stuff, but he did make some nice

remarks about it. He's against it, but then he pivoted right to, but Israel

made them do it.

You know, he used to be a rapper. His rap name was Tone Deaf.

All this is not what's really big going on this week. What's going on this week

that's big?

Executions.

That's what everybody's talking about. Lethal injections, firing toys. Yeah,

lethal injection.

That's how we mostly do it in this country.

It never works.

But we keep doing it. And in Tennessee last week, they tried it on a lady and

it didn't work.

So they saved her life so that we could have another shot at killing her.

Really. So now she's conscious and talking, or what Mitch McConnell calls

showing off.

Gentle good Gilmore.

But I tell you, this is one tough lady. When she woke up, she went, wow, that is

some good shit.

But they are... Man, they are... Tennessee, that's a hard-ass

state. They are cold in Tennessee. And now they're charging her with resisting

cardiac arrest.

I... Anyway...

It doesn't matter, people. Problem solved.

Because we're not doing the injections anymore. We're going to the firing

squad. We're going back to the firing squad. Did you hear about this? There

was a horrible jihadist terrorism attack, absolutely, in 2009 at Fort

Hood. It's called the Fort Hood shooter.

He's been, you know, in bars since then. Now we're going to kill him by a

firing squad. Pete Hegseth wants to do this. He wants it live-streamed.

so that people are able to watch. So be sure to smash that like and subscribe

button.

Man, this administration, especially Pete, they always want you to know that

we do not show any mercy to people like this. In fact, before they shoot him,

they're gonna have Will Smith come out and slap him. I mean, what...

And you can tell, I think, this is a Trump production because they told the

sergeant in charge of the firing squad, when he gives the command, it's, ready,

aim, you're fired.

All right, we've got a great show. Senator Tom Tillis is here and Sarah

Eisen.

But first up, my first guest is what I would call a working legend.

He's got awards, he's got stories.

He's got a new memoir out this week called One Hell of a Ride, and man was

it, Michael Douglas.

How are you?

Thank you.

Well, you look more and more like your father.

You notice that?

It's weird. It's scary. It really wasn't the case when you were 35 so much. Not

so much anymore.

Remind me of my father. Remember, he was your dad one day. He was saying, you

know, son, I was watching one of my movies on television the other day, and

I couldn't remember the movie.

I said, well, dad, you know what I mean? That happens. You get older. No, no, no,

son. You know what I'm saying? No, Dad, you look so... No, I kept looking at it,

then I realized, that's not me, it was you.

You know what I'm saying? Well, I got to say, your book, literally,

I picked it up, but I couldn't put it down. I was fighting sleep two nights in

a row, because I only got it a couple of days ago, you know, the embargo. Oh,

man, you're right.

Oh, it's amazing.

I couldn't put it... It's absolutely your voice.

And, you know...

The whole book is great, but some books have great first lines. Like, it was the

best at times, it was the worst at times. The famous first line. The first

line of your book. When I was a kid, I watched my father lead a slave revolt

against the Roman Empire.

It's amazing.

And, you know, I guess everybody else is going to go into it. We only have 12

minutes here, so I can't go into every story. There's so many. The people, the

drugs, the women.

I just want to, the small time I have, I want to talk about the beginning,

because that to me is the most interesting, the part I knew the least

about, how the child becomes the man.

Right. And, you know, somebody, maybe it's you, but somebody I think describes

your father as being near a beautiful garden and also had a volcano. His wife.

His wife said that, and my stepmother. Because he had a terrible temper.

He had a terrible temper. And it's so moving the way you talk about...

As a kid, you had to be on eggshells. And I remember as a kid, my father

wasn't that guy, but I knew fathers who were. I had an uncle like that. And I

saw, I was eggshells around him, and he wasn't even my father. Right. When he

was over the house. And it was like mad about nothing.

And it seems like that was such an important part of your childhood.

Well, I, yeah, the question of when to start.

Ultimately, it's our genes.

And so I had this combination of a Russian Jew immigrant.

My grandfather, I always thought, came over from Belarus in 1914, the time of

the Russian Revolution.

And then I was on that Howard Gates show on television where you do your roots,

finding out your roots. Then I found out, no, my grandfather came over from

Russia in 1902.

And he came over because he had two of the brothers that were bank robbers in

Russia.

And he was part of it. He got out in 19. So the whole story about the revolution

coming. No, he came over here, changed his name and everything else.

Illiterate, illiterateness. My father was one of six. He was the only boy. He

had six girls in the house. A father who didn't give a shit about anything.

He had a horse and a wagon.

And so he used to tell me, he said, Michael, my story was, you know, full

arc, you know.

Of course, yours is a little tougher to explain.

But he had this...

this rage, you know, this incredible kind of rage and stamina and endurance

and passion. And then when he started getting work, his career just took over.

Those were the days when you were making five, six movies a year. Television

wasn't there. And then I was complimented by the fact how opposites

attract, that in acting school, he fell in love with this lovely...

Bermudian, British lady Diana, well-educated and all of that. And she

was a diplomat, and the two of them kind of came together, and it brought those,

I think, balanced me out. And then in their divorce, when I was only five, I

had Kirk in Hollywood growing up, and on the other side, I was living with my

mother and then my stepfather in a middle-class life in Connecticut.

Yeah. I mean, it seems like the book is liberating. I mean, why write it? You're

82. You've lived it.

But, you know, we all keep secrets our whole life.

And then I feel like this is a guy going, why anymore?

You know, yeah, I fucked Kathleen Turner. What are you going to do about

it?

You know?

So I started out... When I was being a producer,

the biggest influence on me in terms of learning about producing was a book

called Memo by David O.

Selznick, who did Gone with the Wind. It was a book of all his memos which shows

you what a producer does.

And so, okay, so I'm going to take ten chapters and I'm going to write about

ten of my movies and tell the whole background and everything.

And then I said...

Fuck that, man. I said sex, drugs, and rock and roll. So I have to think, you

know, I have those chapters and all of that, but of course, you got to mix it

up with a little of your earlier life.

Oh, it's, I love the early part. And I think you and I share something in

common about getting through college together.

Oh, yeah, what it is that we discovered that if you buy pot in one place and

sell it in a different place, the difference in those two amounts can be

very good for living your life. Especially between...

East Coast or West Coast.

Yeah, yeah. In my case, I had a great pot dealer, you know, who, if you buy

two pounds, and then you divide, you know, a pound is 16 ounces, so I would

faithfully divide it into 17 ounces.

Right.

That was called the head tax, remember? But you took actual suitcases.

Yeah. Entire suitcases on a plane. What happened was, you know, what happened,

when I turned 21, when I turned 21...

Dad wrote me a check. He said $10,000. This is great son.

You're on your own. Okay, I said Well dad, this is this is wonderful, but I

you know, I got a couple years of tuition left in school Yeah, then he

starts so good. No dad. No, I'm happy about son.

You know, it's okay

And so, and then for years afterwards, I have three brothers. They'd have to

listen to the stories about, look, your older brother, he never asked me for

anything, anything after that 21 years old, you know, nothing.

And then, so the kids used to have to listen to these stories. And one time I

said, Dad, you remember one Christmas?

you bought me two beautiful Italian leather, soft leather suitcases.

And he says, yeah. I said, well, I found out, Dad, that each one of those cases

could hold 22 kilos of marijuana.

So... So, uh... I didn't make it, but... So I would go back. I would go

back. I used to see my mom with the clothes on my back and two suitcases,

you know? I mean... This is called B.C. or B.D. Before Dogs.

Well...

This is also at a time when Nepo babies, maybe Nepo, but not spoiled.

No. Like, $10,000?

That's what they get a week now from mom and dad. Are you kidding?

I mean, I was surprised to learn you worked at the mobile gas station.

Mobile man of the month.

Really?

Yeah.

But can I ask you, this netball baby thing, doesn't every single business,

doesn't a father or a mother want their son or daughter to go into the business?

Don't they have everything? I look inside and say, so-and-so and sons.

So why pick on show business?

Oh, no.

I'm not picking on it. No, you're not, but the logo is.

The only place where it doesn't exist is sports, except for Brownie. Right.

That's why I think people love sports. Yeah. Because you do not get a job on

the team no matter who your father was. There are sons of players.

or Laila Ali in boxing. But it's not because they're the scion.

It's because they can do the job. And there's no replace.

I mean, it's the performance. But your path was not easy at all.

Again, you had to audition.

I mean, that whole chapter about you living with Danny DeVito in New York.

you know, basically run where I live, near Hell's Kitchen. I mean, you know,

these were not easy times. No, no.

But at least you had casting agents, for one. I mean, now, you know, you used to

go to a casting agent office and meet the real person.

Now the casting offices are closed and you have to just send your film and

your... Are you still auditioning, Michael? Yeah, I am.

I think that's so wrong.

My second time here.

I think that's...

Ridiculous, but it is funny because, like, you didn't really want to go into

it. You had terrible stage fright. You didn't think you would follow your

father's path. The last thing I hated, the last thing I was... Of course, I

resented it because the businesses took him away so much. It was the last thing

I wanted.

But I grew up on the East Coast.

I was in all-boys, sort of private prep schools and this and that. And then the

best and first decision I made in my life was to go to college in California

in 1963.

And it was an exciting time. And in one year, I went from a preppy to a hippie.

One year.

And that sort of changed everything. But it's also funny how when we're young, we

think we know everything. And when you look back, you realize, oh, my God, it

was so obvious what my destiny was going to be. Yeah.

you know i mean your first job you said was gopher on spartacus getting coffee

on the movie you were in the editing room when they did psycho because you

were on the lot it wasn't just just psycho it was the it was the outtakes of

janet lee in the shower right

But you know it just shows you You were learning it you were absorbing it It was

always meant to be that you were not just gonna be great actor and a great

movie star, but also a great producer I mean, that's a triple factored that most

people don't hit

Yeah, there's also, it's hard to know now because of streaming, but the track

of television acting versus film acting was so separate. And it was so

interesting so that when I left the streets of San Francisco early to

produce Cuckoo's Nest, then Cuckoo's Nest was a hit that made Romancing in

Stone China Central. So as a producer, I had three or four hits.

But I couldn't get a job in the movies. It was really hard.

So I produced a picture called Star Chamber with Jeff Bridges. I wanted to

play the part, but I was not approved by the studio as a film actor because I was

a television actor.

Well, you're a film actor now. Thank you. We love you. And I'll see you

later.

Michael Douglas, the book is amazing.

I recommend it highly this Christmas season.

Thank you, Michael.

Appreciate it. Let's meet our panel.

Hello.

Hey, how you doing?

All right. He is a Republican senator from North Carolina, but retiring,

right? Author of How to Lose Friends and Antagonize Presidents of Trouble with

Sick Offense, Courage Outsourcing, and Partisan Group Things. Senator Tom

Tillis.

And she's co-anchor of CNBC's Squawk on the Street. Sarah Eisen. Sarah, how you

doing?

Okay.

Now, I mentioned that you're a retiring senator.

85 days.

How many hours?

Not that you're counting. Okay.

I mentioned that because I love it when people are retiring politicians.

Because you just get a lot more honest answers. And you've been quite a

maverick lately.

Certainly since you knew you were retiring.

It's just the best thing a politician can do is quit.

Because the honesty comes out. So let's be honest about what's going on. Let's

talk about this execution that they're planning. Because I heard you comment on

it today. I'm sure you have thoughts.

It's December 3rd. We're going to... And this is...

The Fort Hood shooter. No one would ever defend anything close to what he did. It

was one of the most egregious attacks ever. He did yell, Allahu Akbar.

So I think we don't have to worry about what the, you know, wonder what the

motivation was.

Okay. Pete Hegseth wants to and are going to shoot him on TV. I guess I got

to get Hulu because it's on streaming.

It's on December 3rd, right before Christmas. You can watch it, then go to

the mall and see Santa.

You say yes for the execution itself.

You just don't like that it's public. No, there's no... We've got to stop

that. This is bullshit. There's no way we should be doing that.

Say that.

Well, look, do we really want to shoot him, but in private, you're saying?

Yeah. I mean, look, he murdered a number of people. And you could argue back and

forth about the death penalty, but this is not who we are. And I'm shocked that

Hegseth hasn't asked to be one of the people with the rifle.

I mean, this is performative at the worst level, and it has to be reversed.

I hope the president... Not even close.

It's also what our enemies do.

Yes. When, you know, I saw a quote from you, Senator, talking about how, you

know, you see this in Iran or you see this in, you know, Afghanistan.

Phil, I went to grad school for journalism school with a man named James

Foley. He was a journalist who, I don't know if you remember the story. Yeah, of

course. A terrible story. He was taken hostage by ISIS in Syria, and they

beheaded him.

And they sent the video out to everyone, a message to America.

And I never want to watch another execution again. It was traumatizing.

Obviously, this is a completely different, totally different moral story

here, as you noted, that this is someone who is convicted of killing U.S. troops.

But I think no one should have to watch these things. It's not even close.

So there are...

Their argument would be, if I could play devil's advocate, is that, you know, if

you want to impress these kind of people, you have to be as brutal as they

are. You know, fool around and fuck around, and you're going to find out

what happens. Well, you know what? I wish that Pete Hegseth would remember

back when he was forward deployed, one of the few management positions he had

that I thanked him for.

that you are putting our special operators at risk.

You are putting Americans at risk, and you are building a recruiting video for

more people doing what they did at Fort Hood. It's stupid on stilts, and he's

good at that.

Now, that really makes me angry. This is not who we are. This is not the warrior

ethos that the American people expect, and it's certainly not what a lot of

people I talk to in the COD want. I couldn't see it like... burning a Koran.

Like, it could inflame the Muslim world. It will. Or make him a martyr, you know?

Yeah. Propaganda video, even worse. No, we got to work on ending it. Look, this

is, it's a bad decision, and it cannot happen on December 3rd. The execution's

fine. Even Vice President Vance was sort of like, I don't know if this is

actually going to happen. I'm not going to be watching it.

Okay, and a lot of the world is inflamed to begin with. Have you seen France?

Yeah. This week?

I mean...

This is kind of crazy to me, and I just wanted to ask, this idea that every

grievance that anybody seems to have anywhere in the world just always pulls

in the people with the Palestinian flag, I mean...

What is that all about? I mean, this is about, started about schools.

That's right. Apparently the schools in France are in bad shape. I mean, same

thing could happen here.

The overcrowding, classrooms, the buildings are falling apart.

The same stuff we hear about schools here.

Teachers not showing up.

What's with the flags? What's with the suddenly it's also about this other

thing? It's anti-West, right? Anti-West, exactly.

Go ahead.

No, anti-West. I would say France, though, actually, particularly, has a

number of problems right now.

Like, I cover the markets on CNBC, and the market is telling them that they

have a major debt problem, and it's getting worse.

And what happens is...

These people are what started as protesting schools. They want more

public spending.

The problem is France is broke.

They've done public spending for decades on a welfare state.

This is what happens. And then they bring in these prime ministers who have

to make budget cuts. And guess what? They get rid of them very soon after. So

it's kind of this debt spiral.

And I think the lesson for America out of this, because we have a debt problem

too, is you want to embrace growth.

France doesn't have economic growth.

They have high unemployment.

We have growth in this country. We have capitalism in this country. These are

the things that are getting, I think, France in particular in trouble right

now.

There's a lesson there for the U.S. And that is all valid. That is the economic

side of it. But what about this other side of it, this what they would call

the red-green alliance?

I think people are hijacking. This is fundamentally parents and people upset

with their school, and they're trying to hijack it for whatever sort of agenda

they want.

I've even heard the administration say it's in reaction to mass migration. I

don't buy it.

You don't buy that?

No. Wow.

You're getting out of the party at the right time. Well, now, I... No, now, to

be clear, I... Because there is an element of that. If you go back and look

over the course of history, I've always been untethered, but when I retired June

29th, I got to be unfiltered. I can talk more like you. But before then... But

before then, you know, if you're a politician...

If you're a politician and you're running for reelection, we were talking

about this before the show, you know, the way you're perceived, it could cost

you $5, $10, $50 million in a state like mine to clean up the act. I don't have

to do that anymore. Okay, but I think you're naive if you think there isn't an

element going on here and everywhere in the world of miscasting Islamism as

somehow natural allies of liberals.

Oh, no, I agree with that. No, I'm sorry. If that's what you're talking

about, I agree with it. That is what I'm talking about. You mentioned the third

anniversary of October 7th. Yes.

That was, I think, a big wake-up call for a lot of people about the war that

we are in for the West.

And there were so many celebrations of it. I mean, you know, could you just

leave that one day for the victims?

No. There was celebrations all over the world. And the Western world...

is not working for a lot of people, or at least they perceive it's not working.

And their answer seems to be socialism, communism, and fetishizing Islam

as some sort... I mean, Hamas is a liberation movement? Not in my world.

Not in my world. I mean, I think universities are to blame. I think bad

education is to blame for this.

It's just the occupation sort of idea of the world, the occupier.

And look, they're in a fight. And I think this is what's been so frustrating

and puzzling for Israelis is that they feel like they're on the forefront of

the fight for the West. They are. And the U.S. and increasingly public opinion

in the world in the West.

Doesn't have their back. Especially the people who should be most with them, the

liberals, who would not really be comfortable living anywhere else in the

Middle East except Tel Aviv. Right.

But let me go back to your economic point, because the New York Times wrote

it. I thought, well, all goes back to a very simple but very difficult reality

for France, which is that this country can no longer afford its social welfare

state. Very generous. 120% of the economy is debt now.

Interest payment. We're facing the same thing. Whereas the interest payment on

the debt is going to be very soon in this country, apparently already in

France, the largest part of what we spend money on. Right. And, yes, they do

have a very generous welfare state. I remember Michael Moore doing that great

movie about how great things are in socialism, and some of it is great, but,

you know, the punchline of the whole movie was...

the people from France, from the government, doing your laundry.

Remember that?

Well, maybe a little too much doing your laundry, and this is what happened.

Well, right, and then they protest when they want more spending, which they

can't afford. Right, now it's a vicious cycle because the people don't want to

give up their perks. So now you have to borrow more money.

You have to borrow money to service the debt. That's what they call a debt

spiral. And that's a problem. Luckily, in the U.S., we still have the dollar,

the world's reserve currency, so people want to buy our debt. But I think

there's a lesson here.

And if I could, part of the solution, and I mentioned this, is economic

growth. And, you know, in this country, and what Europe doesn't have, is we have

an AI revolution. I know you're a little scared of it, Bill, and we can talk

about it. Wait, like just me?

No.

Like this nervous Nelly over here.

Yeah, just... I just want to make a point, which is, okay, it's legit, but

it's also creating a lot of economic growth, and we have all these companies

building all this infrastructure, and our ticket...

to not become Europe because they don't have that, because they have too much

regulation, is that AI creates this massive productivity boom that helps our

economy grow and that we can grow out of it. Maybe. And they don't have that. Or

maybe it's pets.com.

You know, it could be a bubble, too. You know, I mean, we've had tech bubbles

before. We don't know that. It could end the world and be a bubble.

Well, you're talking to somebody who's got three robots at my house. Wait.

I'm sorry. I said, you're talking to somebody who has three robots at my

house. A vacuum cleaner, a pool vacuum, and Lorenzo, my backyard lawnmower. He's

wonderful.

He's my friend.

I think that's wrong, but I'm not sure exactly.

It doesn't matter to me. I like humor.

Okay, so you mentioned Pete Hegseth before we did.

You voted for him. Yeah.

I mean, it's interesting because I said you're kind of a maverick, but, you

know, I don't know, maverick in rhetoric, but not necessarily I see in

some of the votes.

You also voted for Tulsi and Christie and Bobby. They don't even sound like

serious people.

Tulsi Gabbard, Robert Kennedy, and Kristi Noem. You had reservations about

all of them, but you still voted for them.

How do you justify that discrepancy between the rhetoric of the Maverick and

the votes? If you take a look at it, I also pushed some people out even before

I voted on them.

Matt Gaetz is one that came to mind that I worked with him to make him recognize

he couldn't do it. That was one of the first nominees sent forward.

You know, at the end of the day, I voted for a lot of... I got criticized by...

Republicans for voting for Obama nominees back in the last two years that

I was there with Obama.

I got criticized for voting for Biden nominees.

At the end of the day, presidents have to form a government.

And I was giving them the benefit of the doubt, but I was talking to somebody

earlier this week. They're saying, well, you voted to confirm them. I said, I

voted with unanimous vote out of the Senate Armed Services Committee. Now I'm

telling you I'm fucked up and he needs to go. What else do we need to talk

about?

Okay. Well, I'll tell you what else, maybe.

One other thing.

And, by the way... You could have voted to impeach Trump after, in January 6th.

Yeah, I wish the Democrats had taken that whole process seriously. If they'd

laid out the facts and dead of the way. Well, look, they didn't even... Bill,

they didn't even have a trial.

If you go back and take a look at impeachment, you let the defense... Very

detailed to me.

I'm a process nerd. I'll admit that. But I also think cherishing these

institutions and cherishing the Senate is pretty important of why this

country's lived and prospered for 250 years.

Just to send the Senator's credit... I mean, something that doesn't get talked

about a lot, that he did do. You know, you mentioned he voted for all these

people. He stood up for Fed Chairman Jay Powell.

Yes. And you held him.

He held him. He did not pass.

The current Fed chairman, Kevin Warsh, President Trump's nominee, he did not

get him through until they dropped that DOJ criminal investigation.

And that was a huge deal in our world.

Yeah. And to be honest with you, the things I'm most proud of, y'all will

never know about.

It's using leverage quietly with Republicans, disagreeing with

Republicans in getting things done. In the old days, that's how you do it. In

the new days, if you do that, then you get a tweet or an X or whatever they

call it from Trump.

And I just don't operate that way. Yeah.

True, that's what I was looking for. Join the club. Anyway, so it is...

We have a big anniversary this week. Fox News turned 30, and we have

done a bit on this show for many years. 24 Things You Don't Know About Me. We've

never done it about an institution, but we're going to do it tonight.

24 Things You Don't Know...

about me fox knows would you like to hear them i knew you would for example

our original business plan was simple what if we took am radio and added tits

uh most of

our unqualified journalists go on to become unqualified cabinet members

Our original slogan was fair and balanced. The runner-up was white and

frightened.

Most of our programming originates from New York, but Sean Hannity occasionally

broadcasts from Trump's ass.

We don't like to brag, but we've gone 22 days without a sexual harassment

lawsuit.

10% of our viewership is young people trying to make sense of what their

grandparents said at Thanksgiving.

In 2019, we had to explain to Trump that while we talk directly to him through

the TV, we can't hear him talk back.

If the connection between us and the Trump administration was anymore a

direct pipeline, the Houthis would bomb it.

And our typical Fox News viewer watches us six hours a day.

Seven if Hollywood casts a black mermaid.

Well, it's good to see you can laugh at that.

I want to talk about something going on in your state, to make it a little

lighter with all the bad news going on. Okay.

Alienation of affection.

Because I've been following this story. It's been fascinating to me. I don't

know if people know what this is, but in your state, in North Carolina, and four

others, they have this. It allows someone to sue if your spouse

is banging someone else, I guess, better than you are.

Kristen Sinema is the person who brought this to the forefront.

You must have served with her. Yeah, she's a good friend. Oh, you see any

action? No, I'm kidding.

Oh, no, you can ask my wife.

But she is a goer. Come on.

Wasn't she bisexual?

And then she was banging the security guy. And who isn't these days? I mean,

come on. It's just a very common thing out there. Okay.

Anyway, somehow this is in the...

I don't get it. Oh, it's awful.

This is insane. And by the way, they did not have sex in North Carolina, but

because there are texts... The nexus, yeah. While he was in North Carolina,

this can go to a court?

Why is this a thing to begin with? Why is this in the government's purview? Oh,

you know, I had somebody ask me that several years ago after she was on a

jury trial for four weeks, and she said, you have got to get this repealed. That

happens to be my wife. I think it's some of the dumbest policy that's still on

the books in North Carolina. There are four states that are similar to ours,

six states in total.

But it's time to modernize our laws. But do you know where it comes from? I mean,

I looked this up. I would love to. It's 18th century common law in Britain.

Yeah. And it just somehow survived in a few of these states. Yeah, but it's

silly. I mean, in the case of my wife that sat on the jury trial, they got

awarded a dollar.

We just need to take it off. Look, if we want good, solid, thriving relationships

like that one I've had with my wife for 40 years, don't.

You don't force this by law. It either works or it doesn't.

Yeah, I mean, I feel bad for her, but... I couldn't agree more.

Yeah, it's crazy. I mean, because you're asking a judge to rule on whether a

marriage had love left in it. Do you have to... Really, the judge has to...

uh decide this because then it's about whether this other person stole your

husband like it's not a bite you can't steal another that's right it has

nothing to do with kristin cinema but i'll tell you what yeah kirsten is a

wonderful person she ran some great bills there and it's a shame the

democrats forsake her and ran a primary against her because she was reasonable

right you know what the lesson is you know bill how some people have to pay

attention which states they're in like for tax purposes how much you spent now

you have to pay attention who you're texting if you go to certain states. I

didn't realize. We got to get off the books for tourism, if nothing else.

I hadn't thought of that.

Yeah.

It's amazing.

That it's based not on where the fucking took place, but where your phone is

charging. I mean, okay. Let me ask you about the midterms three weeks away. I

get very excited about this time of year before an election.

Trump said this week, if the Democrats win, you will have an economic

depression much like 1929.

And I take it seriously because it's not like him to make something up.

Just exaggerate. But for you, I want to ask.

People think the economy is terrible. They thought the same thing when Trump

was running against Biden. He was able to prosecute the same case, and the

Democrats were like, it's really not that terrible.

And I think the Republicans, there are problems, but it's not. And kind of the

proof is that consumer confidence in the toilet, but they keep spending.

Yes. What's going on there? So here's what I would say. Watch what they do,

not what they say. They say they're miserable. They say they're lousy. But

you're right. I mean, we look at credit card data. You can look at bank deposit

data.

Unemployment is historically low. It's at 4.2%. People have jobs, and they do

continue to spend.

Why do they feel so lousy? Well, the price of gas is high.

you know it's all gas right well people see that you fill up your tank every

single week you watch the numbers tick higher and so that that affects your

mood and the psychology and you know prices are still high even though

inflation has come down so you do have this scenario where people are worried

and they don't feel good But ultimately, a lot of the fundamentals are good. And

it's not just Wall Street. And it's not just AI.

And by the way, AI is a part of it. We have this massive construction boom

going on that's helping jobs in manufacturing, in construction.

And it is a major investment in our economy. It's not popular.

It's not popular.

Building the data centers?

really one of the few things that unites red and blue America. People don't like

it. They don't want it. But I think that's dangerous. They didn't ask for

it. They don't think they need it. And I think they're getting tired of what I

was saying originally.

I do not like what an ass kisser that fucking thing is.

I don't want it talking to me.

I tried to program it. I said, you have to sound like a robot because you are a

fucking robot.

Don't talk to me like a human because you're not.

Throughout history...

There have always been fears around major technological changes, the

Internet, the automobile, the nuclear weapon. I know this is different. I know

this is different. But we do not want to not be on the side of progress, and we

do not want to let China get ahead of us on this dangerous technology.

We want to own it, and we want our best people doing it. And so I do think it's

a little dangerous that it's become so unpopular, and now there are lots of

moratoriums on data centers.

We have to build data centers in this country.

Because you know what? They're not slowing down in China. Yeah.

In order for Republicans not to...

suffer a serious setback on Election Day, we do have to recognize there is

always an affordability problem in this country. The question is, how many are

experiencing it at any one time?

And I've had this discussion with people in the administration.

I visited that trailer park I grew up in last Friday, and those folks are

struggling. So now it's...

Those folks vote, too. And so we need to understand that right now, a lot of

people who have the financial wherewithal to invest, if they're smart,

they should be making a lot of money.

But the last time I checked, I didn't see a lot of Bloomberg terminals on

Waikiki Boulevard, which is one of the trailers I lived in in that trailer

park. So we're tone deaf if we pretend like there's not an affordability

problem. And we're also tone deaf if we think the cost of energy is not hurting

a lot of people and making people that are otherwise secure.

feeling a little bit nervous. But we're also tone deaf if we don't realize that

we're $40 trillion in debt.

And sooner or later, we even have to pay our bills. And we've got to be conscious

of that, grow the economy, reduce regulations, try and retire a lot of

that. But we've got to be fiscal. We've got to be fiscally restrained or we're

going to hasten a debt driven financial crisis, I think, over the next six or

seven years. It's avoidable.

We've got one more question for you.

Since

Since you're retiring and we're keeping it super real, right?

Okay. I want to ask you about Alito. Now, he says he's making noises like he

might retire. This is very, very relevant because we've had a lot of

Supreme Court history.

So interesting, the history.

Scalia, when he died, there was 422 days left in the Obama

administration, and yet your great mentor, Mitch McConnell, kept that...

domination until the next president was elected.

Then Ruth Bader Ginsburg dies right before the 2016 election, and you rushed

it right through. Now, if Alito quit tomorrow, you would have only until

January before the new Senate takes place.

So you'd be tempted, wouldn't you, to, like, rush that through just in case the

Democrats won the Senate? So I'm just asking, it was okay when it was

benefiting your party at 422 days, but...

Then 46 days?

That was... That was...

For the other side, no good? You see what I'm saying about the discrepancy?

In full disclosure, you're looking at the person who first signed the letter

from judiciary saying we're going to keep the seat open. I'm not talking

about the president's cabinet official and holding something open. I'm talking

about a third branch. And we have advising consent role.

And we advised the president we weren't going to consent with his nominee.

So I think it's different. I think we're talking about the composition of a co

-equal branch.

And if the Congress that has the gavels now decides that They don't want to fill

it, and they don't think that Obama's best candidate is going to fit the bill.

I wouldn't begrudge the Democrats for doing the same thing. If we were talking

about something... Is that how the system is supposed to work, though? It

never worked that way before. We can go back. It's like if you were president

and a guy died, you got the pick.

Now, I will tell you that if you go to the book, I'm saying we're experiencing

political physics. I can build an argument saying I feel okay with doing

that because Harry Reid, after he swore he would never nuke the executive

counter filibuster.

nuked it.

He's the one that fast-tracked that. So my old book is about the political

physics. I won't begrudge the Democrats doing the same thing if they're

similarly situated, but I absolutely believe in the 85 days we have left, we

should fill that seat. Both parties do this. They maximize power.

I don't think the Democrats ever did that to a Supreme Court nominee. They've

never had the timing to do it. But Kamala Harris is already talking about

adding, you know, she wants 13 maybe. She wants to nuke the filibuster and add

16. Justices. I mean, and Harry Reid, as you said, he got rid of for judicial

nominees. First of all, that would take a constitutional amendment. It would

never happen. No, it doesn't. That's the freaky thing about it. You knew the

filibuster. You could admit D.C. as a state, Puerto Rico as a state, and

extend the Supreme Court. It's not bounded by the Constitution.

We have just governed ourselves with the current composition.

Hell, we'll have 400 Supreme Court justices before we're done if we do

that. Oh, well. You know what? I think it's not illegal. I stand corrected.

I think if you don't like it... I should? I'm wearing orthopedic shoes.

No, I'm sorry. Go ahead. I'm just going to say, like, this is within the realm

of what the Senate can do, and if you don't like it, then you should vote.

Okay. All right. Thank you, panel.

Time for new rules.

All right.

All right.

New rules. Trump must order the TSA to open a store just past security where

they take everything they've seized, the bottled water, the shampoo, the

sunscreen, the corkscrews, the snow globes, the jars of peanut butter, and

sell it back to us.

We can call it Trump Season Save.

Oh, look, there's my Fiji water on sale now for $12.99.

Do I feel ripped off? Of course I do. But hey, still cheaper than Hudson News.

I hate that Hudson News.

New Rule. Men must admit that when we're so proud of ourselves for taking off our

T-shirt and landing it successfully in the hamper from across the room, it

really is nothing compared to when women do that thing where you take your bra

off and pull it out your sleeve without removing your shirt. How do they pull

that off?

I still don't know.

Now that execution by way of lethal injection has been botched 11 times in

the last five years, we really do need a rule that if you survive lethal

injection, you get to go free.

It's only fair.

It's only fair.

The state had it shot, literally, and they fucked it up.

You don't get to keep trying until you finally get it. It's not Wordle.

New Rule, someone has to break it to the mom in Parent Diaries who laments that

birthday parties are disappearing and kids just don't seem to be having them

anymore. Oh, they're having them. Your kid's just not invited.

It's kind of like how you are also not invited to your husband's boys' night

out. But that doesn't mean no women are.

Newell, the man who works as Brazil's testicular cancer... They have it.

Testicular cancer awareness mascot, Senhor Testiculo.

And the guy who works as Brazil's coloproctology mascot,

Anus.

They couldn't come up with a better mascot name than Anus? Okay.

They must meet up for drinks after work.

Come on, you two are practically neighbors. You probably bumped into each

other before and didn't even know.

I know a great bar that's close to both of you. It's called The Taint.

Okay.

Finally, New Rule, now that everyone is talking about Cornell, stop

asking me about it just because I went there.

First of all, I graduated almost 10 years ago. How would I know what's going

on?

What I do know is this alleged gang rape at the Cornell Chi Phi frat house is

deeply disturbing, but since it's my alma mater, where I walked those

hallowed halls for four years with so many memories, I don't want to let my

personal feelings get in the way, because they're all bad. Cornell sucks,

and I fucking hated it, and I'm glad to see them eating a shit sandwich.

It's true.

Ciao.

In fairness, Cornell did give me a very good education, the kind they don't do

anymore. And also, this shit could have happened anywhere there are

fraternities, because it happens everywhere there are fraternities. Any

place that's all male, no girls allowed, just doesn't function without depravity.

Ask the Catholic Church.

Ask the Taliban.

Human nature is bad, and the best we can do is create institutions that don't

make it so easy to be worse.

And a great place to start would be getting rid of Greek life, which,

despite the togas, is not a precious legacy handed down from ancient Greece.

It started in 1825, 3,000 years after the invention of pants.

In the cradle of democracy, Schenectady.

There's no law that says we have to keep something alive just because it's 200

years old. I mean, besides Chuck Grassley.

Tell him I'm sorry.

I know, I know he is.

Okay. I doubt it.

Everything that's inherently bad about men gets worse if you put them in a

fraternity. The drinking gets worse. The cruelty.

the treatment of women, the tribalism, the peer pressure, one-upmanship,

conformity, segregation, nepotism, bullying, elitism, and just general

assholery.

Boat shoes, for example.

And hypocrisy.

Yeah, fraternity mission statements love to use the word gentleman.

Well, in this current Jane Doe case, a young woman made a bad decision, as 20

-year-olds do, when she went to a frat house drunk and did ketamine. And for

that, she claims to have paid a price no woman should have to pay.

Now, no one was there.

No one was there. Knows what happened. But I do know what a gentleman is.

A gentleman gentleman.

is someone who in that situation doesn't exploit the woman. He saves her.

That's a gentleman.

Hi

-Fi

says, our mission is to build better men.

And you think we do that by hazing?

Why are we still allowing that in 2026?

In this century, so far.

There have been 128 college-hazing deaths.

Deaths! Kids have died from being repeatedly punched in the chest, from

hypothermia, alcohol poisoning, traumatic brain injury, dehydration,

drowning, inhaling nitrous oxide, asphyxia. Can you imagine if a place of

employment made the condition for a new job that you had to first, I don't know,

eat mayonnaise out of a toilet?

Are we locked in a coffin?

but put a bunch of guys together in matching sweatshirts and suddenly it's,

well, relax, it's a tradition.

It's cool because the older guys did it to us.

You know what an elephant walk is?

Well, there's no real hard evidence, but lots of rumors that this goes on at

colleges when you're rushing a frat. It's where all the guys walk in line

naked with their thumb up the ass of the guy in front of them.

You know, for bonding.

You know how my friends and I bonded? By making fun of frat guys.

It was... It was, uh...

It was always a great way to make friends. The type you can look in the

eye later in life without thinking about the time they had their thumb up your

ass.

I tell you...

For places that are so woke, colleges foster a lot of shitty behavior.

Speaking of which, as long as we're getting rid of fraternities, let's throw

in the sororities too.

They're just... They're just bitch factories

producing... Bitch factories producing the Karens

of tomorrow.

They... They all... We also take the bad inclinations of human behavior, in this

case female behavior, and make it worse.

Cliques, popularity contests, meme girlism, social climbing, insecurity,

backstabbing, body shaming.

We took a vote and decided your thighs are just not Kappa Kappa Theta material.

Sorry.

Have you seen those sorority recruitment videos?

40 strippers... I'm sorry.

I mean, 40 co-eds doing a synchronized dance in front of a mansion. What major

is this?

If this were my daughter, I'd say, you know, I'm glad you found friends at

TikTok University, honey, but give me back my 80 grand.

Sonny, in 2023, when the Supreme Court ruled that colleges can't use race-based

admissions anymore, the counterargument from universities was, how can you?

Diversity is the most important thing we do here.

Okay, then why all these segregated housing on campuses?

Cornell has program houses for every identity group. Black, Hispanic, Native

American, gay.

Which is really crazy, because as we've seen... We don't need a gay fraternity.

Fraternities are already gay.

Harvard said, quote, Right.

Diversity and difference are essential.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be joining a house with 40 people who look

exactly like me.

No. College is supposed to be where you go to expose your mind to new ideas and

to drugs that give you even newer ideas.

So...

Don't

coddle the kids and put them where they're most comfortable with the same

people they grew up with in their own hometowns. Your roommate... should be

someone whose food smells weird to you for the first three weeks, and by

Thanksgiving, you're at his house eating it.

Make the

atheist have a Mormon roommate.

Give the Republican a lesbian.

And give the rich kid somebody who has a job.

All right, that's our show.

We're off next week, and back on the 23rd, I want to thank Tom Tillis, Sarah

Eisen, and Michael Douglas.

Club Random drops every Monday on YouTube, or listen wherever you get your

podcasts. Now go watch Overtime on the very same YouTube.

Good night. Thank you very much.

Thank you, guys.