Original subtitles

Is that all you got?

That's all they had.

Herb, that's not enough.

What you nagging?

Done this a hundred times.

Not by ourselves.

We should have sold when they came out. We are not selling.

My family defended this property for generations. I'm not going to be the

first Gruber to leave.

Take the damn stake, Mabel.

Maybe we'll take the state. We don't know what's coming out of that thing,

remember? I called them back.

They're coming in the morning.

You did what now? We're old. I'm tired.

I want to enjoy my final years in peace.

I am not selling my property to no cookie-cutter suburban builders.

They offered us 1.8 million.

Over my cold dead.

Bitch. It's open.

We'll continue this conversation later.

Just gotta make it till morning.

Till morning.

Nothing's taking my land.

And on that side will be another row of houses.

And we'll alternate the style in every third one for a variety, you know? And,

yeah, we're gonna tear that crap down.

And the best part?

We'll build the clubhouse right here.

Now we just gotta convince that old geezer to sell.

I, uh, schmoozed the wife.

They won't be able to resist the new offer.

You are going to make one hell of an HOA president, you know that?

Thank you.

We'll sell.

You're gonna want to keep the trunk.

Does this look center?

Yeah, looks great.

I like it. It reminds me of the view from the apartment.

Now we just need to play a bunch of gunshot and siren sounds and it'll be

like we never left.

Hey, I found this awesome running route. This place is gonna be perfect for my

long runs.

What's the letter? Oh, this is from the HOA.

Actually, I think it's a welcome to the neighborhood letter.

Or a fine.

Oh, please don't start. I'm just saying we haven't even been here a few days and

we're already getting letters.

Come on, these people are super chill, all right? That HOA president, he was so

cool. Oh, you mean the president of the HOA, which you conveniently forgot to

tell me about?

Oh, so we're still mad about that, huh?

It's just that we love this house so much.

Yeah, not enough to put up with an HOA, Lucas.

I know, I know, I know, but I promise you that this HOA is not gonna be a big

deal. It's 500 bucks a month.

They're building a pool?

Mm, come on. Hey, I did this from a place of love, okay?

You wanted a house.

Ta-da! We have a house!

Look at these windows.

Those are our windows. We own those windows. And this ceiling?

We own this motherfucking ceiling.

We own that ceiling. We can fuck up that ceiling if we want to. And that tree out

front, that is our tree. And we can build a rad-ass tree house if we want.

If the HOA lets us.

Yes, just as soon as it gets approved.

Hey, come on.

This is amazing.

We're homeowners.

This is what we want.

Okay, yeah, that part is pretty amazing.

Oh, my God, you are incredibly sweaty.

You're welcome.

Well, let us see what is in here.

Probably a Home Depot gift card. Or a letter saying we have the wrong type of

grass. No, it's long fescue, just like everyone else. Oh, my God, you're one of

them. All right.

Dear Lucas and Jenny, welcome to the neighborhood.

They used our names. That's very exciting. On behalf of the Gruber Hills

community, we'd like to invite you to our annual Equinox party tonight. You

love parties.

Not with a bunch of stuck-up HOA members.

Try to stay positive.

Mm-hmm. Okay? I bet you our neighbors are... Are you expecting someone?

No.

Lucas! Jerry, hey!

It's good to see you again.

Settling in okay?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just about unpacked now.

Oh, hi there. I don't believe we've met. I'm Jerry Klein.

That's my bad, Jerry. This is my beautiful wife, Jenny. Jenny, this is

Jerry, the president of the HOA.

Oh, so you're the reason the fees are so high.

Well, it takes a lot to keep this place in tip-top shape. We know. She was just

joking.

I wasn't. Okay.

I was just stopping by to make sure you got our invitation for the party

tonight. Oh.

Uh, yeah. Actually, we just opened it.

Splendid. So we'll see you at the clubhouse at seven. Wouldn't miss it.

Lucas. You're being rude. We can't wait. Good.

It's a great party. You could say it's to die for.

Why the fuck would you say it like that? Okay, see you tonight.

There's no need to be mean. All right, what was I supposed to say? He was

standing right there. You should have said we were tired from the move.

Okay, yeah, that would have been better. But hey, on the plus side, we get to

meet our new neighbors.

Huh? Oh, come on. They named the clubhouse Fort Gruber. Yeah, isn't it

cool? I mean, every club needs a fort. An HOA is not a club.

I disagree.

And stop being such a negative Nancy.

They better have alcohol.

Yeah, I wouldn't count on it.

Is this a cult?

Come on. No, it's not a cult.

That is strange, though.

It's not strange?

You haven't begun to see strange.

Stop it, Ted.

He likes to mess with the new neighbors.

I'm Ted, and this is my lovely wife, Annette.

Guessing you guys just moved in. Yeah, yesterday, actually. Oh, fresh meat.

Welcome to the Equinox.

Yeah, uh, what is an equinox? Oh, I actually know this one. That is when the

sun crosses the celestial equator and day and night are the exact same length.

Aw, he's a bright one. Thank you. I am very good at Googling. And completely

wrong. I got this one, son.

The equinox is a legend.

Long ago, folks that lived around this area, well, they had a rather peculiar

problem. You see, once a year, this portal from hell would open up and

monsters of all sorts would come rushing out.

bloodthirsty and ready to kill.

So the community, they built a fort on this very grounds.

And within that fort, they fought off those monsters and saved this land.

Right.

Oh, and now we get drunk and celebrate.

Did you say get drunk? Yes.

You want to try some of my homemade moonshine? It's apple pie flavor.

Please.

Okay. Okay.

So, hey, what is this equinox, really?

You know how to shoot.

Excuse me?

You can always tell which neighbors are going to last.

Good luck, son.

Cool.

You okay, baby?

So strong.

It's okay.

It's so good.

Okay, baby, keep drinking.

Holy shit, that moonshine is so strong. My throat's on fire.

Good to see you, Marcus.

Leslie, thank you again for bringing the cheese sticks.

They're a hit.

There's muscle relaxers in them.

Leslie, you're hilarious.

Okay, thank you all for coming to this year's Equinox.

Before we get into the nitty-gritty, I just want to go over a little bit of

housecleaning. Marcus, you did not request a permit for your bird feeder.

It has to go. But I... This is your second HOA violation.

If you get to three, let's just try and not let that happen. Wow, they are

strict around here.

I think I'm shit-faced.

Next, I wanted to let you all know we're beginning construction on the pool next

month. Fuck yeah!

Language. Sorry. And finally, we have some new neighbors. Everyone, please

welcome Lucas and Jenny.

This is their first Equinox party, so let's hope they survive.

What? I'm sorry, what?

All right, everyone, let's get into it.

So based on last year, we know we can expect a few of the regulars. Oh, Lucas,

if you have any questions, feel free to just ask. Oh, actually, yeah, I've... As

I was saying, we can definitely expect a horde of witches.

You guys know the drill.

Magic can't stop bullets.

That's right. Magic can't stop bullets. So if you see witches, bang, bang.

All right, what do we have here?

Ah, yes, the werewolf.

The price of silver went up this year. Damn inflation.

So we only have a limited amount of bullets.

I made the executive decision to hand those to McScruffy. Who?

McScruffy. He's a legend around here. Super hairy.

Awesome as fuck.

Rah. As always, special items will be located in the trunk.

Who wants to be in charge this year?

Ooh, he does.

What? No. Lucas, way to step up to the challenge. I'll go over the logistics

with you later. Great.

Can't wait.

All right, back to the board.

And then there's this one.

Evil in its purest form.

The Stickman.

Oh, shit.

As far as we know, this is the leader of the Dark Army.

If you see him, run.

No one has ever survived an encounter with the Stickman.

And there's always some new weird monsters, so we never really know what

we're gonna get.

All right, who's ready for the raffle?

Okay, maybe we should go, huh? But the raffle!

Yeah, but did you see his drawings? This is fucking weird. Whatever.

Annette, shots?

Oh, everybody!

Jenny, Jenny, no, no, wait!

17! Who had 17?

Here.

Congratulations, you've won this rolling yard sprayer.

And that leaves the shotgun.

Who will the lucky winner be?

Number two!

Who's got number two?

Lucas, come on up here!

Woo! That's my baby!

Congratulations.

This might just save your life.

Um, thank you.

You can go back now. Great, thank you. Sorry.

Okay, everyone.

We have about 30 minutes till the portal opens.

Relax, go grab a snack, and be sure to use the restroom.

We don't want any accidents again this year, do we, Ted?

It was one time.

He shit himself two years ago.

Lucky son of a bitch.

I wanted that shotgun so bad.

It's Lucas, right? Yes, that is my name.

You want to trade? I got a big ass ranch.

Don't listen to him.

You keep your gun, honey.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let the man think for himself, Les. So call me Les.

Would you like it if I called you more?

Jenny.

Listen, this is your first Equinox, so I'm going to help you out.

I'm about to go into the bathroom.

And snort cocaine.

You want to come with? It'll help take the edge off.

No, I think I'm good.

Pussy. I'll snort coke with you later. Shut the fuck up, Marr. Are you sure?

Yeah, I'm not really a big cocaine guy.

Well, I got other shit.

Meth. You a meth guy?

No. Cat shrooms.

Acid. What's happening?

Crack. Weed. Even more cocaine.

Screen cleaner.

I actually smoked nutmeg with my cousin once.

You're not gonna live. So good luck tonight, virgin.

Oh. Actually, I'm not a virgin. You're a virgin.

God damn it.

You're a full-on suburban man now. Jesus Christ, Jerry, you scared the shit out

of me.

Language. Right. I am so sorry.

Abandoning the city, moving to the suburbs, settling down.

Big stuff. Yeah, just felt like time. The city was great for our 20s, but, you

know, it felt like I was ready for the next phase.

And, uh, Jenny, you think she's ready for that next phase?

Oh, yeah, definitely. I mean, she's a little standoffish today, but she'll

come around. She's got this crazy idea that HOAs are evil.

Evil?

We're not evil.

We fight evil.

Right about that.

Oh, yes, the trunk.

Depending on the monster, I'll tell you which weapon is most effective.

You get it from the trunk and get it to McScruffy.

Capisce?

Okay, so this is... Is this like a joke or something? Like a mess with the new

neighbors kind of thing?

What do you mean?

Jerry, you need to take a look at this.

There's something moving out there.

Nonsense. We should still have 15 minutes.

I'll be right back.

Try the cheese sticks.

They're killer.

You know, Annette, I gotta tell you, I wasn't looking forward to this party,

but... You have changed my mind. And I don't want to jinx it, but this HOA

might not be so bad.

I'm sorry. Did I hear that correctly?

Shh. Don't tell anyone.

God, I don't think tonight could get any weirder.

Shit!

Everyone at the positions!

It's early!

Positions! Hurry!

Fuck, fuck, fuck! This is the biggest one I've ever... Language.

Shut the fuck up, Ted!

Get the safety off that thing, you little shit! It's fucking go time!

Where the hell is McScruffy? He'll be here.

Come on, you two.

To the windows.

The windows?

Lucas?

Here they come.

Where the hell is McScruffy?

Shit.

Mcscruffy. There's no getting out of here now.

There's only one thing we can do.

We have...

Safety first

Welcome

to

the equinox, please don't die

Hey, Ginny, take this.

Ah, shit!

Sorry.

Come on, we have to help them. But you just said we should leave.

What are you doing?

Son of a bitch.

Son of a bitch.

Yeehaw, lad.

Did somebody order room service We

couldn't

have done it without you scruff what the actual fuck

You better toughen up sport that was just the beginning

the beginning

Who gave that kid a gun?

Um, he won it in the raffle.

The raffle?

Don't worry, I'm a nurse.

It's not that bad. It's just a graze.

I need something to wrap it with.

Just breathe.

This is gonna hurt.

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

What the hell, Lucas?

Yeah, what the hell, Lucas?

No, no, look, it was an accident, man. It just, it went off. Well, maybe if

you'd been over at the window helping us, this might not have happened. What

are you... No, no, no. I am sorry that I shot you, Mick Shatner. Someone needs to

tell me what the fuck is going on here.

Okay, because there are guts and shit all over my face. And we're those

fucking witches.

Those fucking witches.

I can't breathe. It's okay, Dad.

I can't breathe.

Calm down.

Just breathe.

You're okay.

It's fine.

See?

Everything is gravy.

Ew, you got a little bit of someone's brain in there.

Whoa, whoa, easy.

You're fine. Just breathe.

Now, what are we confused about?

Everything.

You've heard the legend of this place, right?

Yeah,

Ted mentioned some stuff.

Well, once a year that portal opens up and we've got to kill whatever comes out

of it or they'll destroy the neighborhood.

Pretty standard HOA stuff.

That's why the fees are so high. Gotta pay for bullets and shit.

Honestly, half the money goes into fixing this place up every year.

That clear things up?

No! Why would anyone want to live here?

We're getting a pool.

That dude exploded on me.

Okay, to be fair, people typically don't die. McScruffy was late, the portal

opened early. It's just one of those years.

You're crazy.

You're all fucking crazy, Jenny. Hey, Jenny, come on. Let's get out of here.

It's okay.

Jenny, come on.

Right now. We should stay. They need our help. Our help?

There's always one.

Some people just can't handle it.

Pussy.

Clearly, they don't want my help. Fuck off, city boy.

I need your help.

Besides, you're in charge of the trunk.

Actually, that reminds me, I need to run you through some of the logistics.

Hey, you okay, buddy? Yeah, I'm fine.

Oh,

my body feels so heavy, but kind of nice.

Are you sick? Have you had enough water?

Gallon a day, bitch. Don't call me that. Sorry.

Okay, so is it your blood sugar? Have you eaten?

I had like seven cheese sticks.

You did what?

I had seven cheese sticks. You ate seven of them? Maybe eight.

Oh, he's fucked. Why?

What's wrong with the cheese sticks?

Well, it's only supposed to be one per person.

Why is that?

I told you, there's muscle relaxers in them.

Why the fuck do the cheese sticks have muscle relaxers in them?

Well, helps take the algae off. Yeah, I don't think you know what that means. My

body feels like a cloud.

Shit, we have movement.

Oh, come on. Help me take him over to the window. Can I shoot anybody this

time, Lucas?

Come on. Come on.

Oh, boy.

Here we go. Come on.

Come on. Oh, shit.

No, it's fine. I can see this way.

Stay with me. Stay with me. Hey, he's losing too much blood.

What? What's happening?

You, keep an eye out the window.

Come on, Scruffy. Come on, buddy.

Don't pass out. Come on.

Is he still breathing? He's still breathing. He's just not responding

much. Oh, fuck.

You fucked us, kid.

And keep an eye on the portal.

Uh, something just rose out of the portal.

Describe it!

It's three floating silver orbs. Orbs?

Yeah, I don't know, man. It just looks like gray circles.

Kung fu spirits.

Everyone talk!

Shit. Come on.

Yo, Bert, you cool, man?

Everyone, I need you to listen to me very carefully.

Oh, God.

Listen, whatever you do, do not let them bite you. What?

Stay calm.

Lucas, I need you to go into the trunk and get the peach wood sword.

Fuck this shit, man.

Sorry, neighbors.

Light them up.

I thought magic couldn't stop bullets! Kung fu's not magic!

Son of a bitch!

Lucas! The trunk!

You've got to use a sword!

Run!

Lucas! Am I shouting to myself over here?

Annette, Jenny, grab Jerry and get to the closet.

You made it! You left me! No, I said run!

Oh shit! Teddy!

Can somebody sit me up, please?

Is he still breathing?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's slow, though. Ted, we need to hurry.

Yes, hi, hi, I'm at the Gruber Hills Clubhouse. There's been an attack and

we... Hello?

Hello? Fuck!

Hi, hello, yes, this is Gruber Hills Clubhouse.

It won't work.

Yeah, they keep hanging up on me.

What the fuck was that?

Give me that! It won't... Work.

The police don't come here. What do you mean the police don't come here?

Did you not read anything in your HOA contract?

What? The contract?

I skimmed it. Lord help me.

I'm about to fuck this boy up. Calm down, Teddy. Don't get too worked up.

Remember, you're IBS.

Son of a bitch. Baby, it's all his fault. No, my fault. Fuck you. This is

not my fault. Okay, you guys are the ones hiding this fucking monster mash.

To be fair, it was all... all in the HOA contract.

The HOA contract?

Shut your fucking mouth!

Those people are all dead because of you.

Okay,

that

was a little harsh.

It was an accident.

Everyone knows the risks of living here. Anyway, we don't have time to argue.

Okay. Why don't the cops come here? It's a long answer. And fully outlined in the

contract. Yes, thank you, Ted.

Super summarized version.

The government originally tried to get us to leave when they discovered the

portal. But then we worked out a deal with them to let us stay. So now we're

able to live here, but we're basically our own mini-county.

And that's why there's no property tax.

Fuck yeah.

Is it worth it with the portal to hell and all? Well, after the first year, we

hired McScruffy. We've only had one death since.

Totally worth it for the cheap-ass mortgage.

But now we're all gonna die, so maybe it wasn't.

Well, with that attitude, we will.

Sorry, Jared.

Back to the issue at hand. As I was shouting at all of you earlier, the Kung

Fu spirits can only be killed by stabbing them in the heart with peach

wood. Lucky for us, we have a peach wood sword in the trunk.

What's peach wood? It's wood from a peach tree.

Oh, yeah, that makes sense.

But why not oak or pine?

It's old Taoism magic. Oh my god, we don't have time for this! We've got to

get to the trunk and get the sword!

Then we can kill those fuckers before the next monsters get here! Uh, better

idea. Why don't we stay in here where it's safe?

Out of the question.

The longer we wait, the more monsters will appear.

Eventually something will burst through that door and kill us all. Yeah, okay,

maybe we get the sword then.

Oh, yeah.

Great plan. Except you're forgetting one thing.

Who's gonna stab the spirits?

McScruffy's totally out of commission.

I will.

I'll get the sword.

I'll kill those spirits.

I got us into this mess.

It's the least I can do.

Fuck you, Will. No, I'm serious.

Can you believe this, kid? Hey, I'm serious.

You wouldn't last two seconds out there. We need a real plan.

Actually, Lucas is really fast.

He could probably get to the trunk.

Oh, bull.

He's not fast. What's your mile time?

447. Oh, yeah, that's pretty fast.

Then it's settled.

Lucas, we're counting on you.

I'm gonna go with you to provide some distractions.

Thanks, Ted.

I'm not doing it for you.

I'm doing it because I don't have faith you won't try to bail on us.

Teamwork! I like it. Jenny, you man the door.

Let's get moving!

Let's wait for good luck.

I love you, woman.

Listen, I thought you were right behind me, I swear.

Yeah, you know, it's fine. Just be careful.

Lightning McQueen, let's go.

Good job.

Where did they go?

Oh, good.

Yeah, that's not terrifying.

Jenny, grab one of McScruffy's guns and cover us.

Come on, city boy.

Let's go get that sword.

You know, now that we're here, I was thinking maybe we don't... Okay.

Can I have a gun?

Absolutely not.

Sorry, sorry, that's my bad. You almost made me shit my pants.

Sorry.

Oh my god.

Hey, what does it look like? It looks like a fucking wooden sword, you

dumbass. I didn't know if that was like a technical name or something.

A technical name?

There's fog what it's like fog creeping across the floor

He's here Jenny

Shit!

Hurry up and find that sword.

Uh, Ted?

Damn it, Lucas!

Get the sword!

Lucas? Yeah, I'm looking, okay?

Lucas? I'm looking!

Lucas, start stabbing these sons of bitches!

Fuck this! Jenny!

Let me in!

Jenny! Jenny, come on!

Jenny, let me in, let me in!

I'm trying, it's... Jenny, there's fucking cunt blue zombies out here! Let

me in!

Holy shit.

What was that?

You gotta use the sword. It's the only way to kill him. No, I did. And it

didn't work. You gotta stab him in the heart.

Yeah, okay. That makes sense.

I gotta catch my breath.

Fucking cornea.

Oh, shit.

When I catch my breath, we're gonna go back out there.

I'm gonna give you an opening, and all you gotta do is stab, okay? What if we

just stayed in here? No, we can't!

If another monster shows up, we are extra fucked!

And I'm not dying tonight.

God damn it, we need McScruffy!

Look, I'm... I'm really sorry. I, uh... I really messed up. If I was

just at the window, like you said, I wouldn't have shot McScruffy. You had a

red contract.

Yeah, that too.

Oh, fuck.

And now here we are in a bathroom, hiding.

We're about to go back out there and kill our neighbors with a wooden sword.

Life treats you kind of funny sometimes, doesn't it?

Let me give you some advice, kid.

Life is going to throw a bunch of shit at you.

You can plan and you can prepare, but eventually, something's going to

blindside you.

When it does, you're going to have a choice to make.

Do I roll over and let life fuck me?

Or do I fuck life right back?

That's a really weird analogy.

I need you to be strong.

Jenny needs you to be strong.

The HOA needs you to be strong.

But... I'm scared.

Who says I'm not?

What does being scared have to do with anything?

I'm talking about strength.

This is your moment.

This is where you show your true colors.

Prove me wrong, Lucas.

Show me you're not a selfish asshole.

Okay. Don't just say okay.

I need you to mean it.

Yeah.

You're right.

I hear you.

This is it.

If you run again, I swear I'll kill you myself.

Okay.

Attaboy.

Now let's go kick some fucking kung fu spirit ass.

Wait. What are you talking about? Wait. That was a great pep talk.

Leslie's coke.

You thinking what I'm thinking?

Snort some coke, get fucking punked, and go kill some zombies. What? No, that,

what are you... It's a stimulant. I know, that's what I was... Oh.

You think?

Maybe.

Maybe.

We need to get to McScruffy. Now!

There. That'll help. A bit.

Any luck? It's still not moving.

Maybe if I add... What was that?

Jared, they're still not back yet. Don't panic. We'll be alright.

Jenny! I need you to reload McScruffy's Glocks!

Reload? Why would...

Oh, and Lucas, where are you?

How do you get the ammo holder thingy out?

The little button! The button on the side!

Oh, dear Lord.

I'll make the opening, and you stab, okay? Got it. Don't let me down, city

boy. All right, time to be strong.

Let's do this. Fake it till you make it, baby.

Back into it! I am!

Bitch!

Hold it there!

It's in my mouth!

Fuck yes!

Again!

Again! I can't fucking see!

Lucas!

Why does this keep happening?

Reset! I'm trying!

Now, Lucas!

Ha!

Classes, bitch.

Shit!

Sorry, Leslie. Looks like we got the final.

Hello

Holy

shit Way

to be strong city boy

Get this to McScruffy. Do it.

I'll take care of the pooch.

Come on, Clifford.

Let's tango.

Fine.

This fight it is.

Is that all you got?

Please work.

Please work. Please work. Please work.

Hands off my wife, you!

I

got

it!

Is he dead?

No, he's alive.

He's freaking out, I think.

Bang!

Oh, my God. I am so sorry. I am so sorry. I didn't mean to leave you.

No, no, no. It's okay. I'm just glad you're safe.

You're gonna be okay.

Guess I got blindsided, huh?

Hey, kid.

This isn't another one of those.

I love you, Ned.

Danny, you can't.

Danny, you can't.

Danny,

you can't.

Teddy? Shit!

Annette, get back!

Lucas,

do something!

Let her go!

Don't make me use this!

Lucas!

Don't let me down, city boy.

It's time to be strong.

I'm not crying. I'm just, uh, I'm allergic to the blood.

Yeah. Me too.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so, I'm so sorry.

I really fucked up. I think I really fucked up, Jenny.

We just, we should not be here.

We shouldn't have even moved here. You didn't, because you didn't even want an

HOA to begin with.

Yeah, but even you couldn't have predicted this.

I could have listened to you.

You know, I could have listened.

And we wouldn't even be here tonight.

True.

Hey, did you know that Annette's Moonshine just got picked up for

distribution? It's gonna be available across the country in just a few months.

Jerry knew some guys who pulled some strings.

What are you talking about?

And Marcus.

He gave out free oil changes to everyone in the neighborhood just because.

Oh, and Annette told me that Ted ran a neighborhood adult t-ball league.

Adult t-ball?

Yeah.

It was just an excuse to get day drunk.

Jenny, what are you doing?

I'm just saying that they had a real family vibe here.

And given other circumstances, I think we could have been really happy here.

Jenny, you don't have to try to make me feel better.

I'm not.

I just need you to know that I don't blame you for this.

Hey, Jenny.

Yeah?

I don't want us to die.

We're not gonna.

You just got to stop being a negative Nancy.

Annette, we need to get moving.

Another wave is coming.

What's the point?

I've got a plan.

It's crazy, but it's a plan.

I don't think Teddy would want us to give up without a fight.

What's the motto?

Welcome to the Equinox.

Please don't die.

Thanks. I'm finally starting to feel my fingers.

Check it.

Got you, bitch.

I'll punch you later.

Jenny, anything out the window? Nothing yet. It's still quiet.

Okay, so what's this plan? All right, so you know how we're always on the

defensive, right? We're always protecting the clubhouse from the

monsters, yeah? Yeah. So we flip it. We go on the offensive.

Okay, okay, so we attack the monsters.

Not the monsters.

We attack the portal.

And how do we do that?

We get drunk.

That moonshine is... 190 proof.

A.K.A.

flammable as fuck.

Okay, so we light the portal on fire?

We fight fire with fire. That just makes more fire.

We're not gonna burn them.

We're gonna blow these motherfuckers to kingdom come.

I mean, is that gonna work?

Hard maybe.

70-30 chance.

70 it works, or...

We fill that sucker up, push it in, come motherfucking boom.

Okay, and to get it there, we, uh... We run it.

You mean I run it.

You good with that?

We've got movement.

Shit. What is it? What do you see? Uh, I don't know. A bird?

I've only heard about them in legends.

Kamikaze bats.

Time to put the plan into action!

Annette, start filling that thing up!

Jenny, find a gun and start shooting down as many of those little fuckers as

you can before they get here!

Lucas!

Limber up.

Wait!

McScruffy!

You're gonna need some extra cover.

I'm coming with you.

You good, Scruff?

Bang.

Good enough.

Lucas, you just focus on running.

Scruffy will be your cover.

Jenny, you sharpshoot from here.

And Jerry, you stay put.

No need to be a dick.

Gotcha, bitch.

Okay.

Let's do this.

Wait.

I just want to say... Jenny, we don't have time for this right now. I'm glad

we moved here.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Bang.

Don't you worry, Scruff.

We will.

Lucas, hurry!

Oh, shit. Right.

Let's do this.

to tape us together!

Roll!

To the left! Right! Zane!

Time to check your attitude.

Mixed scruffy! The moonshine!

This isn't working!

There's so many of them!

Kenny, we've got a problem.

Yeah, no shit, we have a problem.

No, I mean...

Left ankle Jesus Christ

We've

only got one option then You've had that on the whole time that's so

dangerous get me to the portal

Oh shit.

Oh shit.

Oh shit.

Oh shit.

There's something in here.

I don't like this.

I don't do scary shit

He's looking.

this thing off you. You don't. No, no, no, no. There's gotta be a seam or

something. There's no time.

No, no, no. I can cut it off. Listen!

This is your HOA now.

Mixed double.

Pick what?

I'll cover you, run! No, I can't just... I'm already dead!

Now go!

What are you doing? Go!

Make us proud, McStubble.

Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit!

Holy shit!

I guess you could say... I went out with

a... Miss Scruffy!

Oh my god.

That was so scary.

Jerry! You're alive!

Where am I?

Where was I? I was surrounded by flame!

You're okay. You're okay. Breathe.

Breathe. You're in.

The clubhouse. Oh, thank God. It smells horrible.

That man touched me with his stick.

Maybe just a smidge that way?

Yeah.

Greetings. Settling in okay?

Well,

I just wanted to invite you to a party at the clubhouse tonight.

It's a little annual thing we do here. Put on by the HOA.

Party?

Hell yeah.

Fantastic. I'll see you at seven.

Sharp.

Oh, McScrappy, you're drooling.

Shall we head to the fort? Let's do it. And hey, they're lucky it's actually

just a party this year. Otherwise, McStubble might have to make an

appearance. I still don't believe he actually called you that. No, he

definitely did. It just grows in blonde.

What do you think of this lawn? Should we send a letter? I was thinking the

same thing. They've been here, what, a week already?

The nerve.

Now, boys, be nice.

Oh, Derek the Dick's back from vacation.

He has not paid his dues yet.

What's Leslie doing drugs she's doing drugs

I

Still don't believe he actually All

right

everyone gather round

I was trying to hold my breath.

Let's call it a day.

I'm 65 miles away.

Go to bed and now it's to think of what I'm going to say.

Hello. So here I am.

I've been missing you the word I can't to forget you.

Didn't know how much I love.

is how much is much how sweet

is sweet always try to give you everything

You won't find me weeping on your floor All I want to know is the answer to my

question Hello It's been so long

I've been missing you Don't get me wrong But I can't go on Not a day

without you beside me So baby

is deep how much is much how sweet

is sweet always try to give you everything i had

everything i had running around in circles makes me say

how how how much is much how

deep is deep