Original subtitles

RUSSIA 1

Central Pertnership

FUND CINEMA

SBER General Partner

Production "START PRODUCTION"

Hey, let me go! let me go!

let me go! Get away from me!

Let me go! Let go!

Is there nobody here brave enough to rescue the fair maiden?

Mete, Mete, don't you want to save Asena?

Be brave and fight for her.

Won't you fight for your beloved?!

Mete, you can't let those barbarians take her from you.

He said he knew his son didn't have it in him.

Tell him to wait. We know what we're doing. Any moment now.

Are you sure he's on his way to save her? So slowly?

It's good enough. He probably can't go any faster on a horse.

Asena, you're the only woman I'll ever love.

I won't ever leave you.

- See, I told you! - Thank you.

My work is done. I'm off to Moscow, you can finish up without me.

SON OF A RICH 3

Kiss! Kiss! Kiss..!

I love you.

...Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

Divorce?

But... What about us?

What about you... You're going to live with me, of course.

Live with you? And your whores?

You don't want that, do you?

Sure, let them live with you and your fitness coach lover.

I don't have any lovers!

Are you sick in the head?

- Are you sick in the head? - Stay away from me.

- Or are you stupid? - I said stay away!

- She's crazy. Look at her! - Back off!

- Nutcase! Hey, put that back! - Another word and I'll smash it to hell!

- Put it back! - Or what?

- It's a family heirloom. - Really?

- Yes. - Well, this family is broken!

Don't worry Elisey,

everything will be okay.

Like Nietzsche said - what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

I know what to do.

Oh! Look who's back from his Turkish vacation! My dear fellow.

- Wow! We have an office now! - Nice, isn't it?

- Told you we were going to scale up! - Federal style!

I'll be off. Don't forget to have lunch or you'll get an ulcer. And no sweets!

- No need to micro-manage my diet. - Sure, sure. Did you buy tickets?

- What tickets? - Today is our anniversary.

- Of course I bought tickets. - Congratulations!

As if I'd forget...

This is our mission control room.

And here's our Editorial Board, all smart beautiful women.

But you'd better not go in there, they'll crush you with their intellect.

- Hi, Grigory! - Hi!

- Is the Turkish lead better than me? - That's impossible.

So we're a global brand now, huh! How was the Turkish "bad guy"?

- You're way better. - Honest?

Far better! Top level!

- Grigory, hello! - Hey! I got you something.

- Oh no, I'm on a diet. - I'll take that!

Don't be so hasty. One French girl put on twenty pounds to get a part.

Really? Okay then!

- Oh, look who the cat dragged in! - Hi!

So what did the latest spoiled brat do wrong?

- He stole a plane. - That's a first!

- Wait, did you get married? - Well spotted!

- Congrats! - Thank you!

- Are there any ginger Turks? - Not as ginger as you, no.

- Where to next? Mongolia? - China.

Can we come along?

I had a Chinese girlfriend, she taught me a few words. Ni hao ma?

Don't swear, there are ladies here.

Jesus, this office looks like an airport!

And we should've gone to the airport, what are we doing here?

We're on vacation.

I got enough rest on maternity leave. I want to see how they're doing without me.

- You need to think about the baby. - And so do you.

It's all I ever think about.

- Hey, you forgot your baby! - Oh, right! Sorry!

How are things here without me?

Nothing works and you're barely managing, right?

We're good. Nastya hired a guy to stand in for her. He's doing a great job.

What guy?

Here he comes.

Who's looking gorgeous today?

You too, buddy.

One, two, three!

And you must be Grigory.

I've heard so much about you, man. You're a legend.

Igor. At your service.

I suggested we hire a nanny. You didn't want to.

Because a baby should be with its mother, not some stranger.

I don't get it. Are you saying I'm a bad mother?

Are you a good mother?

Ha! If you're such a wonderful father, go on vacation alone with the baby.

And I'll get back to work!

Fine, I'll go then.

And I'm a good father!

- Hi, guys. Have you two already met? - Yes.

This is Igor, my right-hand man. We've done so much together!

The Olympics, the Krasnodar forum, the Moscow film festival, Intervision...

- Intervision? - Yes.

Doesn't it worry you that she has such a handsome assistant?

Nastya doesn't like handsome guys. Except for me.

I've never thought about you like that.

- Anyway, he'll help you with everything... - One moment.

- Hi there, young father! - Hi.

How are you? A-goo?

If you'd married Katya you'd be a young father too by now.

- I wasn't ready for marriage. - Then what are you ready for, kiddo?

I spent six months launching our franchise around the world.

Well done. Well done, Grigory.

But some things are more important than business. Believe me, son.

Lev, there are some children here to see you.

I never knew you had children.

Hello.

Look at this! Kids are coming to us for rehabilitation of their own accord!

We don't need rehabilitation. Our parents need it.

Did they take your PlayStation away or something?

How do you even know about us?

I don't get it. Are we no longer a secret organization?

It sure looks that way.

This whole thing was my idea, mind you! And I could get a Nobel prize for it.

I'm into psychology, and I've been following Lev's research for a long time.

See? They'll be teaching my work in schools soon!

Sure thing.

Wow, guys, there's even our office address in here.

Of course! How else will the Nobel prize committee find me?

Our mommy and daddy used to love each other...

But now they're getting divorced.

That's not really our line of business. We work on reforming spoiled rich kids.

Our dad's a spoiled rich kid.

Morning... Woah! Bam, bam, ka-pow...

I gathered you all here,

to announce some unfo... unfortu...

Basically, last night after much negotiation

I made a decision...

I decided, erm...

to sell the company to our Turkish investors. Shall we vote on that?

Who's for it? I'm for it! Are you for it?

It's unanimous. I declare this meeting of the board of directors closed. Ta-da.

If only his father could see this.

I need a massage. Maria, would you do it? I need to relax my neck muscles.

I'm not your masseuse, I'm on the board of directors.

And I won't let you make a lone decision about selling the company, is that clear?

I hear you. It's way too bright in here. Can we get some curtains?

- Are you out of your mind? - So... no massage then?

I see. Listen up, everybody!

As of today, Maria is no longer working for us!

What?

You can't fire me. I spent 30 years working for your father, Boris.

And did you give him massages? Hm?

- You did. You did, you did. - Boris! Stop this immediately!

You can give me a massage.

Yep. He's a typical example of homo richus-kiddus.

They don't reproduce in the wild. That's a unique specimen.

Yeah... Your dad's a spoiled brat. What about your mom?

Our mom's a force majeure.

- You can't park here. - I'll be quick.

- Shouldn't have left it in my space. - I told you.

You're good.

I'm in a business meeting!

You can't sell the company without notifying me.

It's my company, I can do what I want.

Wrong! Your father didn't just leave it to you, he left it to the kids as well.

That means that until they're both adults,

you can't even hire a secretary without my approval.

- I think I better go. - Sweetie, come back in a few minutes.

- I don't need your damned approval! - It's our kids' future. I won't let you sell it!

- This is my inheritance! - Here we go again.

And that means you have absolutely nothing to do with it!

Nothing! Surprise, surprise!

Give me 50%, or the whole country will find out what a scumbag you are.

Surprise, surprise!

- Go ahead and try! - I'll do it.

And what will you do to me?

- Another repair job. - Yup.

Let go of me!

- Hands off! - Alright, alright! We're done!

Get back to work!

Her hit song stayed in the charts for 12 weeks.

She used to give three concerts daily! I even used her song as my ringtone.

Please welcome Elena Vyazemskaya!

Elena's husband wants to sell his 300-year-old family business

to a Turkish investment company for next to nothing.

That's right, Andrey. He wants to leave me with nothing.

- His wife and the mother of his kids! - Yes.

Boris Vyazemsky refused to take part in the show;

when we contacted him he said, "Kiss my..."

Please help us save our family!

Maybe we should try?

What are your names, rich kids' kids?

I'm Milana. This is Elisey.

We need time to think. They can't get divorced immediately anyway.

You can't get divorced immediately.

One month to reconsider and a 5,000 fee from each of you.

Here. Take 100,000. Just divorce us.

Here, take 300,000. Please.

My dears, money can't buy everything. Not even a divorce.

A whole month...

A lone ship floating through the endless expanse of the cosmos.

Only the two of them on board.

And the Earth is like a tiny marble in the distance,

a metaphor for everything they've lost.

Wow!

- Are we really going into space? - No, of course not.

- What do you mean, "Of course not"? - We can't afford space flight, Lev.

Our family have been ship builders since the 18th century.

Let's keep the idea with the ship, but have it on water?

Let's send them back in time

to Peter the Great, builder of the first Russian navy fleet!

- I can play Peter the Great. - I can play him too.

I went to theater club as a kid.

I had the lead role in a play in kindergarten.

I can fence, ride horses, and speak Old Slavonic.

I can also play Peter the Great.

I'm in charge here. I'm playing Peter. What do you say?

If you don't like my idea that's fine.

As for Peter, you'll have to consult the Editorial Board.

Margarita will help you organize and run everything.

She'll be with you round the clock.

I did my master's in the history of Peter's era.

- Or Vera. - Vera. Since she has a degree.

Be aware that it's a very expensive era.

We've got money.

If that's crypto currency, I don't trust anything I can't pronounce.

It's bitcoin. Ten of them.

- Is that a lot or not? - It should be enough for rehabilitation.

- What did you buy at? - Five thousand.

- Plus vibe. - What does that mean?

It's youth slang for "positive vibrations".

Have you ever done regression therapy before?

No. I've done tarot, numerology, astrology, palm reading,

I went to some Buryat shamans and attended a Dalai Lama seminar.

- Ooh... - Yeah, online.

So I know that my birthcard is the Empress, and I'm almost certain...

I can feel it... I was an empress in a past life.

We'll soon find out. Take a seat, Elena.

So now our task is to discover your previous incarnation,

find out who you were in your past life,

untie the karmic knots and release your emotional blockages.

Hey you, empress! You crashed our share prices!

Your shares crashed too, idiot!

If someone's a jerk, was he a jerk in a past life too?

Let's begin! I'll count to ten, and you imagine a bright rainbow.

One, two, three!

Where am I?

- Huh? - Are you awake, Your Excellency?

- What's wrong? - Who are you?

What excellency? Where am I?

Where, Your Excellency? In your palace.

And last night you summoned me to your bedchamber.

For, as you put it, "un petit adultere".

While your husband is away visiting Count Bobrinsky.

- If this is some kind of prank... - Where are they?

Mother of Jesus, it's your husband!

Seize him!

Your Excellency, have mercy!

Have mercy! It wasn't my idea, Your Excellency! Your wife made me do it!

- Scoundrel! Vile scum! - I...

Lascivious snake! Godless sinner! How dare you touch my wife?

Umm, excuse me, mister!

I don't know what's going on here, but he and I didn't do anything.

- We didn't. - And I've never seen either of you before.

Silence! I'll deal with you later. Take him away and flog him!

- Please, have mercy on me! - And make her watch!

I don't want to watch.

Boris!

Boris!

Boris! You drunken lout! Get up! Were you out womanizing all night again?

Where am I? Who are you?

Who am I? How much did you drink? I'm your wife!

- My wife? - No! Your neighbor's!

What's funny? Let me feel your head.

No, stop! Don't touch me! Don't touch me!

Get away from me! Get away from me!

You drank yourself into delirium!

- Get away. Get away! - Wait, are you playing pretend?

- Get away from me, I said! - Feeling frisky this fine morning?

- Hands off me! - We have 45 seconds, let's go!

Let go of me! What 45 seconds are you talking about?

You're insane!

- What insanity is this? - This insanity is your life, Boris!

- Get to work, peasant! - Peasant?!

- You tell him, he's lost his mind! - Stop, stop!

Don't anger him, Boris! He's in a foul mood today. Better keep out of his way.

And who are you?

Did you drink your mind away? It's me, Proshka.

Please, no!

What did they do that for?!

He refused to work. Get busy, or they'll cut yours off too.

Our laws are strict but fair. The Tsar doesn't punish people for no reason.

- Tsar? You have a Tsar? - That's right.

Where am I?

Where? In the shipyard, building the Tsar's fleet.

What fleet?

We better get to work or they'll whip us again. This way.

What am I wearing? Aren't we in Moscow?

Voronezh. Get under that log, hurry up.

Alright, how do I get to Moscow?

That's about ten days on horseback, if they don't behead you for escaping.

What?!

How could you be so careless, Your Excellency?

The master's wrath will be terrible. I'll pray that they don't execute you.

This is the 18th century, after all. Not the Middle Ages.

- What century? - The 18th century. AD.

And you are?

I'm your maid. I've been your maid for 15 years, ever since you got married.

Is all of this mine?

The palace? Of course it is. At least it was, until you and the stable boy...

He's a stable boy? I don't even know how he got in my bed.

- And the other man... my husband... - Prince Gagarin?

- Yeah, why is he so old? - Old? He's 38.

What? I thought he was 70! You people age fast!

People don't live long.

Are they going to beat him to death?

Fifty strokes of the whip. Most people don't survive thirty.

Am I really in my past life?

- I'm an empress! - No, no - you're a princess!

- Princess? - Aha.

- Princess is pretty good too. - That's right.

Varya was right, regression therapy is amazing!

- Beg his forgiveness. - Don't worry, I'll talk my way out of it.

Listen, Prince... Husband... I never saw that man before in my life.

He must've snuck into my bedroom at night while I slept.

Look, nothing happened. Honest.

I forgive you.

Really? Well, everything's fine then.

Well... Thank you.

But God won't forgive you. For it is written in the Scripture

that if a man is found lying with another man's wife,

both the man and the woman must be put to death!

- But nothing even happened. - Take her away.

You're joking, right? Let go of me! Bastards! Let me go!

Are you sure this doesn't count as psychological torture?

Nah.

Faster, hurry up!

- It'll be faster if you help. - Here's some help!

Come on, come on.

Come on, is this a joke? It'll take five years to saw through this!

So it's not a joke... Alright. Alright.

You'll get seconds at home.

Want a laugh? That woman thinks she's my wife.

She is your wife.

Eat up. You'll need all your strength.

- Where are you going? - I'll be right back.

I needed to pee. But I can hold it in. I'll hold it in.

Why don't we just go to the nearest hardware store,

and buy ourselves proper tools? It'll be much faster!

Inciting unrest among the workers, peasant?

Well, Boris, "He who does not work, shall eat", am I right?

- What did you say? - "He who does not work, shall eat"

Yum-yum, porridge...

Who's behind this prank, huh?

Are you crazy? What prank?

Who's behind this? Is it Elena? Maria? Some jerk on the board of directors?

- I don't know what you're talking about. - Tell me or I'll slit your throat!

Help me!!!

Break them up! Now!

Stay back! I'll kill him! Keep away!

Who's behind this?!

He really could kill him.

Artyom is tough, he'll sooner die than give the game away.

- Alright, I'll tell you! - Okay, tranquilize him.

Tranquilize him. Over.

What kind of sniper is that?

He's a top biathlete. Get Boris out of there.

- It's a setup! He's faking it! - Throw him in jail!

What do we do with Artyom?

- Put him in a barrel of quicklime. - I need a barrel of quicklime.

- I'm joking. Call an ambulance. - And an ambulance.

Salut, when was St. Petersburg founded?

St. Petersburg was founded in 1703.

Here's some reading material to prepare for the role.

Do I have to read all that? I thought you'd be in my ear 24/7.

No. Margarita does 24/7, but I don't.

- Can't you summarize what's in there? - I'd love to, but I have to go home.

That's not a problem.

I'll give you a ride and we'll discuss everything on the way.

Do you really believe that these entitled jerks can be rehabilitated?

I was rehabilitated.

Right, and there's no trace of rich jerk left in you.

Well, there are some traces left. But maybe that's not such a bad thing.

Okay, Peter the Great was a daddy's boy. He inherited an entire country,

staged mock battles for fun, and studied abroad.

Isn't he the biggest spoiled rich brat of all time?

Interesting viewpoint. Have you thought of writing a dissertation?

And did you know that after his visit to Holland, Peter the Great

brought back coffee and established the tradition of inviting friends to drink it.

Where did you read about that?

It's a subtle hint for you to invite me in for... coffee.

Sorry, I don't have any coffee.

"If the heart is willing, it finds a thousand ways;

if it is unwilling, it finds a thousand excuses."

Is that by Peter the Great as well?

If you don't have coffee we can have tea instead.

Or we can eat potatoes. I think Peter brought those here too.

But in all seriousness, I have to play Peter the Great in two days.

I just want to get the background for the part.

In that case, alright.

Mommy! Mommy!

Hey there.

- Hello. - Hello.

This is my daughter, Olga.

This is my colleague, Peter the Great, who really wants a coffee.

Ah, no... I forgot that my doctor told me not to drink coffee.

Especially late in the day. And now it's... Oh, it's late. Blood pressure - whoosh!

And I have to read all those books you gave me. There isn't much time.

Goodbye! It was nice meeting you.

He changed his mind real quick.

Let's go.

Where are you taking me?! Let go!

Let go! Let me out! Hey!

Tell them they can't do this to me!

They can't do this to me, I'm a princess! You hear? Let me out!

Did you just say you're... a princess?

- Are you in on all of this? - Me? I'm not with them. I'm in the past!

But I don't understand what you're doing in my past life?

Darling, it's obvious.

I'm taking the best years of your past life. Are you kidding me?

My therapist told me I would go on a journey through time.

To a previous incarnation at the root of all my memories.

So what's obvious, honey, is that I'm in a past life where I was a princess!

What's obvious, Elena, is that you were an idiot in your past life too.

Igor, they're against beheading!

Because if you cut their heads off they'll be emotionally scarred for life.

They won't. I'm the psychologist here.

Lev, let's do a more "PG" execution. It can't be that hard.

- Where's Vera? - Took the day off, her daughter's sick.

What about drowning? Mom loves SPA treatments.

I see that my opinion means nothing here.

Space is too expensive. Beheading is too traumatic. Maybe I should quit?

Lev, we can't be solving relationship problems by traumatizing people.

Yet another psychologist? My friends, it seems you no longer need me.

One returns from Turkey all wise, another one is a genius manager,

so you can go on without me. Execute them however you like!

Here's the summary you wanted.

Can we talk?

- Do you take sugar in your tea? - No sugar, thanks.

Hi! How are you feeling?

- Mom has no luck with guys like you. - Like me?

If you hurt her, I'll mix bug poison into your tea. Is that clear?

- Having fun? - Just chatting.

Tea's ready.

What did you want to talk about?

Peter's foreign policy? Internal affairs? Manner of speech?

I wanted to ask a favor. I'm afraid I won't have time to read all this.

I wanted to ask you to be in my ear in case I need help.

I'll have a tiny hidden earpiece.

- Of course. - Thanks.

One other thing. Lev got angry because we didn't approve his execution method.

He wants to quit the project. I don't know what to do.

Maybe we should offer him a part? Who could he play?

There were probably no psychologists back then. Or were there?

No, psychology wasn't a thing.

But I know one part that would suit him perfectly.

Kill them!! Kill them! Kill them!

Go ahead, kill us! Just tell me which camera to face while I'm dying!

Who's that guy? Is he the executioner? He looks nothing like an executioner!

Boris, we're in the past. They're going to drown us!

What past? This is some kind of cult! Just look at them!

You two are sentenced to death and will now be executed!

But before you die an agonizing death, you can make one final wish.

I have a last wish! I wish you wouldn't execute us! Please!

- No! You can't wish for that! - Can I make a phone call?

We can take a message for your loved ones.

- Like what? - For whom?

No? In that case, drown them!

- No, no, no! Don't drown us! - Please, no! Boris, do something!

What can I do?! Hey you, mister!

Mister executioner! You're in charge here. Let's make a deal!

Please! Money is no problem. Anything you want!

This is beyond a joke now. It's really not funny at all.

- I don't take bribes! Right? - Right!

- It's true, he doesn't. I tried. - See!

They're ready!

- We're not ready! - We're not ready! Not ready!

Not ready!

This is a criminal offense!

My dear husband, no! Spare him and take my life instead!

Good idea! Execute her instead, then everyone will be happy.

No! Take my company, my stocks, everything!

He-e-e-e-elp!

It's the Tsar!

He-e-e-e-elp! Somebody help!

The Tsar himself...

What tsar are they talking about?

- Wow, that's Peter the Great. - For real?

- Excuse me... - Tsar... I'm terribly sorry...

Comrade Peter, won't you pardon us? Just this once?

Comrade Peter, please!

Just this once? Please.

Grigory, don't look at his teeth. You're not buying a horse.

Why execute a healthy worker? Do you know anything about shipbuilding?

- Answer, cur! - Not really, but if you...

- Drown them. - Do it!

What about human rights?! You've been to Europe!

He knows shipbuilding! So do I! Let us go, please!

- Please. Let us live. - Please.

Bring the man to my ship. He can be a deckhand on the mission to Turkey.

- And me? - The wench... can milk goats.

Get them out!

Don't yank like that! You'll pull them off!

You have to be gentle.

Is he really going to Turkey while I'm stuck here milking goats?

Of course, he has no choice!

I wouldn't go to that God-forsaken Turkey with its awful natives.

I've been there lots of times.

Nice weather, great food, and the natives are good-looking.

- Lev, you were brilliant. - Really?

I got goosebumps. You're a natural born executioner.

Oh, I don't know about that. Alright, you're all forgiven.

- What did our Turkish partners say? - They said everything's ready.

We're all set to go, then!

- I think it worked. - Barefaced flattery did the trick.

I can hear everything!

Oops.

Hey, what are you doing there?

Hurry up! The assembly is starting!

Oh wow.

When did we set sail?

- Give me your hand. - How did I get here?

- Don't you remember? - No.

You were sleeping when they brought you on board.

Wow.

How come you're alive? I thought I strangled you.

You did, you did. I spent three days on life support.

What "life support"?

Life support? Why not tell him you went by helicopter?

I mean they supported... life in me. Come on, the captain is calling!

Attention! All hands to the poop deck! Move it, laggards!

In the name of My Imperial Majesty,

we're setting out on a campaign to battle the Swedes!

What Swedes, Grigory? You're going to Turkey.

But we're not going to battle the Swedes this time.

Instead we're going to battle the Turks!

I'll now hand you over to the ship's captain.

Well, lubbers, are you ready to sacrifice your lives for His Majesty?

Ready! Ready!

Wait, do we actually have to die?

Dying for the Tsar is nothing to be afraid of.

I drowned fifteen times or so, died with sharks circling me.

And you know what?

I never even flinched, not once!

And remember to smile, sailors!

Remember that your smile is what keeps this ship afloat!

That's not what I wrote. He forgot his lines.

Attention, dimwit! Quit making up nonsense.

And now I wish you a good journey.

His Majesty will grant freedom to the best of you on our return.

Get to work!

Proshka, what's this about granting freedom? Will they really let us go free?

Sure. The Tsar is a man of his word. You'll be free to go wherever you want!

In that case, can you teach me what to do with all these ropes?

Proshka, please don't be upset with me for trying to kill you.

I just couldn't believe that this really is the 18th century,

that people get executed for real, and that Peter the First is in charge.

Back then nobody called him Peter the "first".

Why the "first"?

Because there'll be a second, a third, and a fourth.

And then there'll be a revolution, and no more tsars.

Don't worry, it doesn't happen for a long time.

- Just don't tell anyone else. - Why not tell anyone?

Because they'll fire you out of a cannon for that.

Sounds like a fun way to die.

Enough chatter! Get up here and scrub the deck!

Yes, yes. Right away.

Fyodor, he's new on the ship. Still learning the ropes.

- We'll teach you. Just don't slack off! - Yes, yes.

If you don't learn to subordinate, you won't learn to command.

Fyodor is a fount of wisdom.

He's not recognizing him.

Make a face like in his painting. Chin up.

Hold on, have we met before?

Well?

Not that I recall.

- In Moscow maybe? - Never been there. I'm from Vyazma.

He's our great-great-great-great- great-great-great grandfather!

- Very clever. - Thanks.

Fyodor from Vyazma? Are you Fyodor Vyazemsky?

- Are you weak in the head? Get to work! - Go, go! On a ship, you do as you're told!

"He who doesn't know his past cannot build a good future."

Plato?

"PLATO Best Works"

Are we nearly there yet?

Woman on the ship!

I was just hitching a ride! I'll get off in Turkey, I won't get in anyone's way.

Will any man here take charge of this woman?

- No! - Seriously?!

- What will they do to her? - They'll execute her.

Please, guys, somebody help!

Well, then. If nobody is willing to take charge of her...

What does that mean?

If someone takes charge of her, they won't execute her.

But a woman on a ship is bad luck.

I command you...

So if anything bad happens they'll execute him as well.

...to execute her immediately!

Execute me again? Are you kidding? Again?

Boris! Boris, where are you?

Boris! Where are you? Boris! Where are you, Boris?!

Boris! Boris! Don't be a bastard, Boris! I know you're here!

Move it! Move it!

Hey! Boris!

Are they really going to throw Mom into the sea?

Yes, they are! But then your father will realize how much he cares about her,

and leap into the abyss to save her, risking his own life!

And then her heart will be filled with gratitude and love for him!

Boris!

God, can I please have better luck in my next life?

Ah, damn it!

No way. A shark?

- Look, a shark! - Shark on the starboard side!

Shark!

Damnit! Why did you let the shark out early?!

You said, "the woman goes in the water, and a shark appears."

I said AFTER he jumps in to save her!

To hell with this.

- Take the shark away? - No! It makes no difference now.

Come in, Grigory! You'll have to jump in and save her.

No. It's his wife and his rehabilitation. Let him do it.

He chickened out. He won't go in.

Why is that my problem? Anton or Artyom can save her.

Because, as Peter the Great, you should set an example.

The water's too cold!

"If the heart is willing, it finds a thousand ways..."

Please! Otherwise my mom's going to drown for real!

Wait, does he even know how to swim?

I don't know. We've never been in water together.

Throw the Tsar a rope!

- Pull them in! - Put your backs into it!

Faster!

From now on you all leave her alone!

She can help out in the galley. Washing dishes.

That was impressive.

You mean my diving skills?

I guess it looked pretty silly, right?

It looked heroic. And very painful. Does your belly hurt? It's all red.

- Wait, can you see me? - Of course I can.

The camera's on the other side.

Can anyone else hear us?

Not any more.

- Do you watch me often? - I listen as well. Like you asked me to.

Listen, I did a bit of research, and I found something interesting.

Apparently Peter fell in love with Catherine at first sight.

How did you come to that conclusion?

When you read his letter to Catherine after their first meeting,

it's obvious that only someone who's in love would write like that.

Well, maybe Catherine felt the same way about him.

He was very gentlemanly toward her, polite, and persistent.

And aside from all that, he was a handsome man.

He frequently wrote to tell her how much he missed her.

I think she missed him too when he was traveling.

Sorry. If you want to talk one-on-one, you need to press this button.

If you press this button, everyone can hear you.

- Thanks. - You're welcome.

I made a draft for a speech. Have a look.

Sure. Please excuse me, Your Majesty, I have to go now.

It's brilliant. You're very talented. You do a great job.

Is there a beauty salon in the building?

- Yes, on Level -1. - Thank you.

What's wrong with her?

Looks like she's in love. I've never seen her like that.

And I've known her for six years.

- Can you cook? - I'm an amazing cook.

I'm good at microwaving stuff like popcorn. Or pizza, that's always a hit.

- I need a gallon of milk from you daily. - From me?!

Oh God.

Come on, come on.

Your personality reminds me of somebody.

- I wanted to jump. - But you didn't.

There was a shark. Was I supposed to jump right into its jaws?

Yes, Boris. I'm the mother of your children.

Elena, we have no children here. They're in the future.

When they asked if anybody knows me, you didn't say a word.

You pretended not to know me. And I don't want to know you.

Elena, come on...

Maybe it's a good thing we're in the past, because you and I have no future.

Everything that you do, you do only for yourself.

You're not capable of any kind of sacrifice.

And you're not capable of loving.

Gotta go now. I have work to do in the galley.

When will you bring them together? Right now they're getting further apart.

A generation of instant gratification!

They all want everything to happen within 15 seconds.

You need to be patient, Milana.

You're doing a good job, seaman.

Are we on duty together? I thought you...

- Don't work? - Well...

The man in charge should work not less, but more than his subordinates.

To lead by example and show them how the work is to be done.

What is our life?

Our life is a vast sea.

And we are but ships on its waves, sailing our own journeys.

The most important thing is to always hold your course

and ride out the storms.

Be more friendly, put your arm round his shoulders.

"Ride out the storms" - was that in the script?

Where did this ridiculous nonsense come from?

Ridiculous? You said my speech was brilliant.

- Me? I couldn't have said that. - But you did.

Remember: when you're climbing up,

your friends learn who you are.

But when you fall down, you learn who your friends are.

- True! - What nonsense is this?

Grigory, stop hugging him. It's unbefitting for a tsar.

Also, drop the script and make something up.

Peter was an intelligent man.

At least we stopped before the part about a "circus wolf".

We all do some things in life that we regret later.

For sure.

So you got scared and didn't jump.

Do you have to punish yourself for that?

No.

Nobody is born a hero.

You have to accept that and aim to become better.

- That's what they say at AA meetings. - Probably, yes.

Peter wouldn't know about Alcoholics Anonymous.

I don't know what you're talking about, but probably, yes.

- Ah, of course. How would you know... - Because I'm not perfect either.

- Really? - But I try to be better every day.

Anyway, if you have any questions, let me know.

Can I really ask you stuff? Nice. Have you already built St. Petersburg?

We've started.

Great! Look, it's a beautiful city, I'll give you that. But!

Maybe you should build it somewhere else? Not on a swamp?

Seriously, people will thank you later. It's a miserable place...

Wet, dark and gray. Maybe build it somewhere in the south?

Not a bad idea. I've had the same thought myself.

I'll think about it, seaman.

One more question, Your Majesty.

Will you set me free after this journey? Please? Sailing really isn't my thing...

Put him in his place.

Don't you dare ask such a favor of me, peasant! Freedom must be earned!

- I'll give it my best, Your Majesty! - You'll give your life!

Well, that could've gone much worse. How did you come up with such nonsense?

And how did you give it your approval?

- Maybe you should try GigaChat? - GigaChat?

It's an AI assistant, it can fix your script for you. Watch. "Improve my script..."

"...to give it more suspense and dynamism and plot depth."

And now you have a bunch of suggestions.

So you didn't get your freedom?

Shame. You'll be scrubbing decks and latrines for the rest of your life.

- And you'll be milking goats. - At least I'm not begging for favors.

"Please, Your Majesty, I'll do anything!"

If only our children could see you now. Ah, for you they don't exist in this time.

- Scumbag. - They're never going to make up.

But just look how passionately they hate each other!

So what? Is that good?

Indifference is the worst thing that can happen to a relationship.

But whenever there are such intense emotions, all is far from lost.

Am I right, colleague?

Absolutely. "Indifference is the paralysis of the soul."

My imperial regards, fair ladies.

- Are you done there already? - I'll go back for the finale.

Mom says I can only ride the banana over her dead body.

Everything is an illusion in this tumultuous world.

Live in the moment, hold on to it tight.

- Why did you stop? - I thought I was alone.

Why would such a beautiful woman with such a sweet voice be shy to sing?

- I haven't sung in a long time. - Why?

- Husband didn't like it. - Why didn't he like it?

I was popular. I had fans, performed at corporate events, concerts...

He was jealous.

So I quit singing.

What kind of a husband is that? Well, we're lucky he isn't here.

Enough with the sleazy flirting!

Right... I mean, did you really quit your career over your husband's jealousy?

I did it for love.

Sing for us!

Please, just one song. What do you say?

Come on.

Guys, gather round! Proshka, grab your balalaika! Come on.

Everything is an illusion in this tumultuous world.

Live in the moment, hold on to it tight.

There's only a moment between the past and the future.

It's what we call our life.

Eternal peace is not good for the heart.

Eternal peace is for ancient pyramids.

But for a star shooting across the sky

There's only one dazzling moment in time.

But for a star shooting across the sky

There's only one dazzling moment in time.

Let this old world of ours hurtle through centuries,

But I don't always feel like riding along

What I cherish the most, what's on the line for me

Is the moment, one moment in time.

Whether it's happiness or misfortune destiny holds for you,

Live in the moment, hold on to it tight.

There's only a moment between the past and the future.

It's what we call our life.

There's only a moment between the past and the future.

It's what we call our life.

Thank you.

Isn't she heavy?

Light as a feather.

This way?

Thanks for the lift.

You were awake? You could've walked!

I'll go hang out with Milana and leave you two alone.

Olga!

Sorry about that.

Can you turn on the camera outside room 708?

She is a bit heavy.

When you carry them from birth you don't notice it.

I guess kids take some... getting used to.

- I'll be off, then. - Thanks for walking us back.

I had the same situation in fifth grade. He liked me but he couldn't admit it.

Mr. Vyazemsky, the decks are scrubbed and the sails are hoisted.

Well done. Get some rest.

Thanks.

Tell me, do you have children?

I do.

Or rather I did, in a past life.

Or in a future life... Anyway...

Do you miss them?

Terribly.

- Do you miss yours? - I don't have any.

How come? What about me... I mean, what about your legacy?

It's too late now. I'm 40 years old, I'm an old man already.

40 years old is too late? No, no, no.

When you get home, get right on it and make some babies.

You have to keep the population going.

It's the Tsar's orders. Promise me you will.

- Turks! - Turkish ships!

That's if we get home.

- All hands on deck! - Battle stations! Man the cannons!

- Follow me, sailor! - To the powder magazine! Quickly!

Hurry up! Move it!

Load!

Fire!

- It's a good day to die! Load! - Come and get me, infidels!

They came and got me...

Proshka!

Soldiers! The time has come to decide the fate of our Fatherland!

Not for Tsar Peter, but for the lands entrusted to him!

For your kin and country! For our Orthodox Christianity!

- "Know that Peter cares not for his life." - Know that Peter cares not for his life!

- "Only that Russia should live in prosperity..." - Only that Russia should live in prosperity!

- "...for the good of you all." - For the good of you all!

- No, no, no... - Stay down, you'll get hit!

This is nothing, they're just probing our defenses.

There'll be an entire fleet here soon!

They'll kill us all!

- This is bad. We're all going to die. - Why all of us? I'm just a stowaway!

We have to escape! We can take the rowing boat.

We can row ashore and surrender. It's better than dying!

Are you with me? Let's go.

I'll go get some cannon balls.

Going somewhere?

Go on, then.

Don't hold this against me.

Load!

Wait for me!

Wait for me!

Wait for me!

Wait for me!

Wait for me!

Now that's a real Russian woman! She'll never abandon her man!

Even if she can't stand the sight of him.

My sweet little monkey!

- Are you insane?! - What's the matter?

- I saw what you just did! - What did I do?

Come here my little prince, come to Mommy. I've got you, don't worry.

Hi.

Grigory, hi there. We need to keep your dad occupied with something.

- What's wrong? - He's been out in the sun too long.

Hi everyone!

Do we have a part that my dad can play?

So what's our plan now?

In our time we're on good terms with Turkey. We have to push that line.

I have plenty of negotiating experience. Leave it to me.

So, you thought you could defeat me?

Came to attack the great Turkish navy, did you?

We didn't come to do anything. None of this was our idea. We're just...

- How does he know Russian? - Good question.

- Yeah. - Yeah?

One of his wives is Russian, that's why. He's... Bow down!

Every Turk must have a Russian wife. Right, Nastya?

- Yes, master. - Louder, so they can all hear.

- Yes, master! - Good girl.

So I will pardon you.

You will be my son's first Russian wife.

This isn't a good idea. I was married before and I didn't like it, and...

I'm not very good at being married. Maybe I can milk goats instead?

And here's our son.

Handsome, isn't he? Just like his dad.

Maybe it was a mistake to put such a good-looking actor in that role?

She might actually be attracted to him.

Good question. Why did we give the part to him?

She's married, I'll have you know! Sorry, sorry, no need for that.

The Great Sultan is insulted by your insolence.

But today the Great Sultan has found a new wife for his son.

So he has decided that tying you to two horses

and having them rip you apart... is not necessary today.

Thank you. I'm glad to hear that.

Instead, he condemns you to slavery!

You may approach him and kiss his feet in gratitude.

I'm not going to do that. No way.

(fake Turkish) ...chop his head off!

Alright, alright, I'll do it. No need for head chopping. I'll do it.

Fine. I agree. Slavery it is.

Sorry, I can't just do it here and now. I need some time.

How do I say it in Turkish?

Khakan, Khakan, my boy, no! Not until the wedding.

Go to your room. Go to your room!

- Well, how do you like him? - He's very... impatient.

That's because he's really keen to marry a seventh wife.

- A seventh wife? - Yes, he needs a wife for Sundays.

You mean he already has six wives?

Yes. But for the first month he will only sleep with you.

Until you get pregnant. Your first baby has to be a boy.

- What if it's a girl? - Oh no, make sure it's a boy.

The last time one of his wives had a girl... it didn't end well.

Hold on. What if I don't want to have his children?

That's not an option. You have no choice in the matter.

But as soon as you give birth he'll lose interest in you and take a new wife.

You'll continue living a life of luxury, but without any men, of course.

But you'll go for walks in the courtyard with peacocks and all the other wives.

These are your quarters. Get some rest before the wedding.

Oh my, you're so pale. You need to eat.

Sounds good to me.

- How's my little treasure? - He's in good hands.

I have an idea for another small psychological experiment.

She was feeling lonely after I brought her home from the shelter. And then...

- Good morning. - Hey.

Morning, bro. Sleep well? Peter the Great didn't get up so late.

I was just telling Vera how I once rescued a puppy.

Oh, really?

It was lying in the middle of the road, freezing.

I picked it up and held it to my chest, like this.

And kept it there until it warmed up.

- I'll go have breakfast. - Sure.

I took it home, and it looked at me with those big puppy eyes...

- I was told to bring you tea. - Put it down there.

Pour me a cup.

You can have some too.

Don't they feed you at all?

You sang beautifully on the ship. You were really great.

- Are you sucking up to me? - Yeah. I want another candy.

Go ahead.

No, I'm serious.

- I haven't heard you sing in ages. - You never ask me to.

There were always guys crowding around you...

You're such a dumbass.

I don't know how you got the idea, but I never cheated on you.

- Really? - Yes, really.

But the way you behaved often made me wish I had.

- I miss the kids. - So do I.

I want to go back to our real life,

if that's even possible.

I have to go.

Aren't you going to do something?

What can I do?

Your mom's clearly having a good time with Igor the puppy rescuer.

So you're just giving up?

- Not burned to a crisp yet? - Nah, we rubbed each other with lotion.

- You work out? - Yeah. I like to keep in shape.

I don't think that's so important. Education means more.

Yes, but, as the Roman saying goes, "Mens sana in corpore sano", right?

A healthy mind in a healthy body.

- Well, I guess I'll go for a swim. - Sounds like a good idea.

- So then what? - And then I trained for the Olympics.

- Red wine? - Thank you!

- Where are you from? - Congo.

Wow. Do you live in a separate tent here? Which one?

- Pavel, what the heck? - Just getting to know my wives.

- Hello. - Alright, alright.

Hey, you!

- Me? - Yes, you. Come here!

My son says that his bride doesn't know Turkish dances,

and that makes her sad.

He wants you to teach him Russian dances.

Me? How can I teach him?

Dance with her, he'll watch and learn.

I'm sorry, but I don't know how to dance to this music.

What music do you want? Go and tell the musicians.

Hello.

- Shall we try? - Do you want to?

- You still remember the moves? - Sure do. You drilled them into me.

And you loved it.

Dirty Dancing! I love that movie.

- Wow! - They did it!

- How did we lose all of this? - Forgive me. I'm an idiot.

Elena! Elena!

This might not be suitable for viewers under 18. Take the kids away!

Let's go play on the computer.

No, I don't want to! I'm all grown up, I've seen all this on the internet!

Good, very good!

Come over here...

You're so passionate...

Right. We won't be needing that.

Wait for me here, honey. Okay?

I'll be right back. I just need to use the fountain.

Phew, it's over. Bring the kids back.

Boris! Oops, sorry.

- Looking for someone? - My husband. Let's get out of here!

- You sure? - Yes.

Want some popcorn? This feels like a movie.

Out of the way!

Elena!

- Go on alone. - No.

Go, I said go! Now!

Whoa, whoa! No swords!

Get him, Dad, hit him!

Right hook!

- Are they going to kill him? - If they kill him I'll adopt you.

- And me? - He'll adopt you.

What a culmination! A fight to the death for his beloved!

What could be more symbolic?!

Now the female realizes that if two males are risking their lives for her,

the winner will be the better father!

Go, Dad!

Are you sure the gun isn't loaded?

- It's loaded. - Are you serious?

Take it easy, take it easy!

Might need this.

Run! Run, run, run!

Sorry, bro.

Loaded with a blank.

- You missed. - Useless piece of junk.

That way! Hurry!

Up the stairs!

Damn!

We're going to crash!

Wow! Just like in the movies!

Elena, run! Run!

Stop, stop, stop!

- They're trapped. What now? - They'll be captured and killed.

- Oh no! - Or not.

Wait here.

Be careful!

- Jump! - I can't, I'm scared.

- I'm holding it, jump! - I said I'm scared!

I said jump! Now! Trust me, I won't let you fall. Jump!

Over here, quick! Come on, come on, hurry up! Get in!

- What are you doing here? - I'm escaping too. Get in!

- Row! Row! - I'm rowing!

Row, row, row! Row! Row! Row, row!

Row faster!

Sweetie, you missed Mommy! Mommy missed you too!

And Daddy missed you...

Yeah right. Daddy was busy wooing his new young wives.

Nastya, I had to get in the character.

- You were very convincing. - Wrap it up, you two!

The ship, Turkey, the harem, my lovers... I mean, my wives...

Did they pay for all that with bitcoin? Maybe it's time I invested too?

You're about ten years too late. Oh my little sweetie...

- Can I have a minute? - Sure, dude.

In case you hadn't noticed, Vera's with me.

Really? I hadn't noticed.

Then I suggest we fight it out.

Huh? Me and you? You really want to fight me?

Dude! Over a chick with a kid? I can just give her back to you in a month.

Is this really worth a fight? Do you want to risk your life for her?

See you on the pier in an hour.

Let's have a fair fight, guys!

Grigory!

Oh no!

I'll sign you up for boxing in two years.

Are you stupid? What if he killed you?

- Did you give me mouth-to-mouth? - No. Should I?

Is that better?

Keep doing that and I'll be better in no time.

Be careful, don't sit up too quick.

Will you marry me?

- I guess you are concussed after all. - I'm serious.

Let's talk later? You have a head injury, and I have a mortgage and a kid.

Is that a yes or a no?

You'll come to your senses later and regret it.

I'll never regret it.

You got hit on the head real hard.

Sometimes it's a good thing.

Russian ship kaput!

- What did they say? - They're going to blow up the ship.

Do you speak Turkish?

Not much. I heard them say that our guys got away and the Tsar survived.

- What about Vyazemsky? - Didn't hear anything about him.

If they blow up the ship, everyone on board will die.

And then I won't exist in the future, and neither will our children.

- We have to stop them. - Yes! Way to go, Mom!

Faster! Row faster!

Your Majesty!

There's a bomb under your stern!

They must be below deck, they can't hear us.

- Damn, they're going to explode. - Try putting the fuse out?

It's still burning.

I'm trying, it's not working!

Damn!

- Why is the fuse still burning? - Why didn't it go out?

Technical difficulties.

Anton, get them out of there.

- Throw the kegs in the water! - Right.

- They're fixed in place. - We have to get away before they explode!

This boat is like a torpedo, it'll kill all of us and sink the ship.

You guys do as you please, but I don't want to die. Goodbye!

What, there won't be a breakthrough?

For your parents this is more than a breakthrough!

They came to the ship, tried to warn everyone, and tried to defuse the bomb!

If it wasn't for our little technical hiccup with the fuse,

the ending would have been far more epic. But I congratulate you!

Your parents are rehabilitated. They've found each other again!

They even tried to save the lives of your forefather and the Tsar himself!

Anton, get ready to knock them out.

They're still on board, Elena.

Peter and Vyazemsky.

There's only one way to save everybody.

- Thanks, everyone. Thank you. - Lev, always a pleasure working with you.

- Thank you. - And you, Milana.

In my experience, everything always happens for the best. Trust me.

It looks like Dad has a plan!

All hands on deck.

Your Majesty! Take care of my Elena!

You have my word!

Thanks!

You've earned your freedom!

Elena!

Promise that if you see our kids,

you'll tell them their dad isn't such a bad guy!

And another thing. I'm sorry!

I never loved any other woman like I love you, Elena!

I love you too! In all my lives...

Jump!

Jump!

Boris... Boris?

Boris?

Boris!

You're alive.

You're alive.

I just had the craziest dream.

So did I.

- Mom! - Kids! Elisey!

I missed you so much!

Yes.

Boris, what's going on?

The Turks are calling me non-stop about finalizing the purchase conditions.

They want to know when you'll be there.

Maria, hold on.

Hold on.

Maria, please tell the Turks that...

I'm not selling.

And there will be no further negotiations.

And I hope to see you at work tomorrow.

One other thing...

Forgive me, Maria...

Forgive me.

It's dark in the hold below decks.

So they have a porthole to let the light in...

Where will you celebrate the wedding?

Somewhere quiet. Just family members.

- Why's that? - No money.

Didn't you make anything on the latest rehabilitation?

I thought you learned to run a business.

Some things in life are more important than business.

I believe those were your words.

Well, it took three attempts but Grigory is now reformed.

I guess so.

I looked at the accounts.

The kids' bitcoin only covered expenses up to Turkey.

I don't understand, who paid the rest?

- He did. - Who?

Pavel...

Do you really still not get it?

Your son.

- This one? - The other one.

- Want to fly? - Yes!

One, two, up!

Look at that... I made a man out of him after all.

- I'll pay for the wedding. - Damn right.

It'll be a proper wedding.

- Yes? - Yes.

And may the ship of your love sail the waves of life,

bravely weathering the storms and tides of fate.

You may now exchange rings.

Grigory and Vera, I now pronounce you husband and wife!

Hurrah!

Permit me to congratulate Your Imperial Majesty on your wedding.

- Congratulations! - Congratulations!

- Congratulations! - Thank you. Thank you.

I have something to say. I thank you, Your Majesty, for my freedom.

It gave me inspiration to expand our company.

- Our company. - Ours.

And I need a partner.

Someone who can open a window to Europe, for example.

What do you say?

Why not?

I think it's time I stepped away from the rehabilitation business.

Especially since I have an excellent replacement.

Dude!

And I enjoyed sailing.

Well, then. Drop by after your honeymoon and we'll talk it over.

Agreed.

And I wanted to say... to all of you, a huge "thank you".

And to you two.

To you most of all.

Congratulations! Hurrah!

Thank you, thank you!

Beautiful! Congratulations!

It's just a shame that it's all over. I had a few more experiments to try out.

- Did you find a speech therapist? - Don't start! You're not my mother!

Sure, you're a big boy. It's time you started pronouncing your "r"s properly.

Are you sure they're rehabilitated

and didn't just fall in love with each other again?

Pain, suffering, and deprivation made them better people.

And without love... Without love, nothing means anything at all.

- What philosopher said that? - Me!

THANK YOU