Original subtitles

Y'all already know what the fuck time it is!

It's Grodius Maximus from GWAR!

We're here jacking off in my mom's room today.

Check her out.

'Cause I'd be liking to jack off doing some jackoff stuff

in here, if you know what I be sizzlin' and sayin'.

Ha ha ha! The craziest thing happened last week.

That's why I got all these cameras set up.

'Cause nobody's ever gonna believe me.

Also, I'm borrowing my mom's butt boy.

His name's Frugal Boots,

and he's gonna document the whole thing.

Fuck you, Frugal Boots!

Let's go over to this magical altar right here.

If I take any of these drawings

that I did when I was a little kid

and I ejaculate right onto the drawing,

the fucking thing comes to life!

I will jack these pictures off into fucking existence!

Oh, what about this hot dog? You guys want to see that?

Yeah!

Watch this. Mmm. Yeah. Let me get...

Ohh, mama's titties. And shalamazam!

Here we go!

Oh, my God! It's a fucking hot dog!

And it's covered in my cum.

That's kind of gross. I like that.

I'll tell you one thing I've always wanted to cum on.

That's my own beautiful, luscious face.

But I don't quite bend that way.

Why don't we go over to the altar?

We're gonna get a little drawing

of a miniature Goko...

Grodius boy.

Oh, there we go.

So get ready for action.

Well, I don't know. Usually something happens by now.

I don't know. Maybe I just lost my mojo, baby.

Huh? Oh! Oh, my God!

That is an evil Grodius!

Would you look at that?

Well, hot dog, Grodius! That's a nice pee-pee!

Wait. No! No, no! Don't cum on me!

Please! No!

Aaah!

Oh, yeah? Two can play at that game!

Are you boys jacking off in my room without me again?

Ooh...

Why, hello!

I am The Berserker Blothar!

And we are GWAR!

-Hey! That's us! -Yes.

So sit back, human filth,

and revel in the unholy horrors that we're about to show you.

Hello! Hemlock here!

And I'm Riptide!

Skeeto reporting for duty!

Hi! I'm Botulism. Hee-hee-hee!

Whoo! Hey, Riptide. What time is it?

Great question, Skeeto!

It's time to sing the song!

Yay!

Today's song is really special.

It's about something that happens

to everybody in the whole wide world.

Learning how to swim?

No.

Hmm. Body changes!

Well, sort of.

Oh, I know! Come here, come here, come here.

That's right, Botulism!

-Today's song is about... -Wait, wait, wait, wait!

But first we need to pick a friend from the audience

to help us sing the song!

Hmm!

Me, me, me, me!

You.

You. That's right. Come on up.

-Yeah! -Come on up here.

Aah!

Welcome to "The Curious Chorus."

Hey. What's your blood type?

-Do you like to sing? -Ooh.

-Yeah. -I bet you do!

Would you like to sing along with us?

-Please! -Yay!

Oh, he said yes!

♪ Flowers lose their petals ♪

♪ Waves go back to sea ♪

♪ Everything that lives and grows ♪

♪ Will one day cease to be ♪

♪ Yes, it might be painful ♪

♪ And, yes, it will be sad ♪

♪ So don't, don't you dare waste your last chance ♪

♪ Until we die, we're gonna ♪

♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance ♪

♪ Life is one big party

♪ Dance until your feet fall off ♪

♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance ♪

♪ Once we get it started, don't let the music stop ♪

♪ Stop, stop, stop... ♪

-Hi, I'm Daisy. -Good morning.

Hey. What up?

Oh, um, I didn't know you'd be filming.

Oh, yeah, just a little...

"How It's Made" for the marketing team.

Sam's idea.

Oh, Mom, stop.

It's like a promo doc. Do you know what that is, dear?

-Yeah, I... I do. -Is that okay?

Of course it's okay.

Um, actually, we're on a bit of a tight schedule,

so can we get this moving?

Oh. Of course. Yeah.

So, did you ever watch "The Curious Chorus"?

No, I'm not that old.

So that's the one you guys are rebooting?

Rebooting? No. We're not rebooting anything.

No one likes a reboot.

It's a re-imagining... for a new audience.

And the show was so popular back in the day,

it's poised to be a big hit.

We just need to get the designs right.

What do you mean?

Oh, we're gonna do a digital scan of the original puppets

and render that into 3-D images.

Oh, man. George isn't gonna like that.

The show was so popular. How come it only had one season?

It only needed one season.

No reason to bring it back,

especially not the way you're doing it.

Everyone, this is George. He's in charge of the puppets.

Hey, George. Whatcha working on?

If you... If you want to see how the scan process works,

I can show you.

Just need a place to set up.

Uh, there are some tables in the other room.

I'll show you.

Daisy, don't you have some work to be doing?

Yeah. Uh, sorry, guys.

Okay. We got this, guys.

Come on. Let's get to work.

I don't understand what the problem is.

Oh, shit.

I mean, you don't own these puppets.

-Drama. -Nobody "owns" them.

Oh, yes, they do!

The studio owns them! And I'm the studio!

And you, George, have two choices.

You can either give us the puppets,

we scan them, and we give them back to you...

or we take them up to our offices,

and you never see them again!

Okay. You sure?

Give me the puppets, George!

-Okay. -Shit.

Fucking guy. They're fucking puppets.

What the fuck is wrong with him?

Sam, you gotta cut this because... I'm sorry.

I just went off for a minute, so we can't use this.

Yeah. Cool. Thanks, man.

So come check it out.

Process is pretty cool, actually. Um...

Just scan the puppets here.

Yeah, that's a new machine we just picked up.

Works great.

Hey, um, George, could you step away, please,

so he can get the backside of the puppets?

Thank you.

Uh, and it should be popping up on my laptop over there.

Uh, you see it?

Um, yo, Chris, are they supposed to look like that?

What? What happened?

-You tell me. Fix it! -Uh, it's fine.

We can scan it again. We can scan it again.

You're just gonna get more of the same.

Why?

Well, clearly, they don't want to be scanned.

You're over there plotting their demise,

and they're not having it.

Who the fuck are you? Geppetto?

Yeah, I think I just went too fast.

It'll take like five minutes.

Okay. Yeah. Do it. So do it again.

Okay. Yeah. Sorry. Um...

It's probably just a little glitch anyway.

-Yeah, it's no big deal. -Alright.

-No. I trust you. You can do it. -I'm getting out of here.

Oh, man. It's still not looking right.

-Yeah. -And if you go

a little fast, it distorts the image a bit.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

The only thing is, I got to go fast out of here, so...

-I know. -I have other meetings.

Yeah, your assistant told me five minutes max.

-It's fine. -We'll get you out.

God. This is fucking boring.

Restricted? I wonder why.

Whoa!

Jesus Christ!

Huh? Alien!

Whoa.

Is that... That's...

I think that's George's workstation.

How do you do, fine sir? Tough crowd.

Okay. Whoa.

Huh. Skull collection.

Oh, hello, kitty! Hello!

Man, there's a lot of stuff in here.

Whoa. What's this?

This little guy.

"My name is George, and I like toys!"

I see you!

♪ Dance until your feet fall off ♪

What the fuck?

♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance ♪

♪ Once we get it started, don't let the music stop ♪

♪ Stop, stop, stop ♪

♪ Don't matter if you're poor or rich ♪

- ♪ Or green - ♪ Or black and blue ♪

♪ Like mold comes for a sandwich ♪

♪ The darkness comes for you

♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance ♪

♪ Life is one big party ♪

♪ Dance until your feet fall off ♪

♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance ♪

Is that... George?

Shit!

Ohh. You got to be kidding me.

What are you doing?

Jesus! What am Idoing?

What the fuck are you doing, man?

Scans are done. Time to go.

Oh. Thank God.

Oh, fuck.

Actually, don't you want to get a look at the set?

Where is this guy taking us?

Can't see shit in here.

I think we should get out of here.

Hey, can we get some lights on, please?

Did he move the puppets over here?

Wow. This has all just been sitting here?

Well, they've been using it for storage, mostly.

Storage? This is fantastic!

Great production value. I love it.

Uh, everybody, come on. Take a puppet.

Uh, I'm... I'm good.

Well, I wasn't asking.

You all wanted to bring back "The Curious Chorus."

That's what we're gonna do.

Yeah. It'll be good for the promo doc. Come on.

Ohh!

"Oh. Hello. How are you?

I'm fine. How are you?"

"Hey, lady. What's your name?"

Vanessa.

I mean, there's only three of us,

so I don't think we can do it.

Uh, right. Um...

Daisy?!

-Jesus Christ. -Daisy!

Hey. Do you remember the day you were adopted?

-I brought you to a puppet show. -Mom, shut the fuck up. Stop.

What do you mean, shut the fuck...

This is ridiculous. Why are we here?

This is not ridiculous. This is fun.

Daisy, put Skeeto on for me.

This is gonna work. I love it.

It's gonna be great. Come on.

What... What are you waiting for?

Put them on.

Put... them... on.

Jesus. Alright.

Now, if you want to do "The Curious Chorus,"

you got to know their best song.

Hang tight. I got it all cued up right here.

Did anybody else's puppet just move on its own?!

Yeah!

George! How do we stop it?!

- ♪ Will one day cease to be - George!

I don't want to do this anymore!

♪ And, yes, it will be sad ♪

♪ So don't you dare waste your last chance ♪

♪ Until we die, we're gonna

♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance ♪

-Get it off! Get it off! -♪ Life is one big party ♪

♪ Dance until your feet fall off ♪

Get it off!

♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance ♪

♪ Once we get it started ♪

♪ Don't make the music stop ♪

♪ Don't matter if you're poor or rich ♪

- ♪ Or green - ♪ Or black and blue ♪

♪ Like mold comes for a sandwich ♪

♪ The darkness comes for you ♪

♪ We can smoke and puff the day away ♪

♪ Go for early morning runs ♪

♪ But you will meet your maker ♪

♪ Each and every one ♪

♪ So... ♪

♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance ♪

♪ Life is one big party ♪

♪ Dance until your feet fall off ♪

♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance ♪

♪ Once we get it started ♪

♪ Don't let the music stop ♪

♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance ♪

Ooh, O positive!

♪ Life is one big party ♪

♪ Dance until your feet fall off ♪

♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance ♪

♪ Before tuberculosis ♪

♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance ♪

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my fucking God!

♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance ♪

What the fuck?! What the fuck?!

♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance ♪

♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance ♪

What about your little movie?

Wait till you see the next part.

♪ Don't let the music stop ♪

What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck?

Hi!

Bye-bye, die-die!

Hey, handsome! Give this possum a kiss!

You die tonight.

Tonight, you die. Tonight, you die.

Come here! I wanna have a bite!

♪ Dance, dance, dance... ♪

What the fuck? Holy shit!

We're having fun, everybody.

-Get the fuck away from me. -Hey, I'm working here!

You're next!

Exit. Exit. Exit. Exit. There's gotta be...

Okay. Okay.

Stop. Stop, stop, stop! Please, please, please!

I'll do whatever you want. Okay?

No, no, no, no!

Run!

Here I come!

Ha ha ha! Got him!

Oh, my God!

-Up! -You got a pretty smile!

-Holy shit! -We're just gonna

take a little off the top!

Here we go!

What the fuck?

-Mommy! -Hold him down!

Mommy! Mommy!

Face... off.

Hey, guys! Check this out!

"Dance, dance, dance."

♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance ♪

Oh, yeah! You're all gonna die!

♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance ♪

Let's get Salaminized.

Salum... mineh...

Minimized. Mini...

Slim. Slim. Slim?

-"Salaminizer"! -Cram it, Stubs!

Cat got your tongue?

Ahh!

No!

VHS Tape?

Don't look like tape. It doesn't stick to anything!

I don't understand how this is supposed to make a movie.

Show me the movie!

Uh, I don't know. I think maybe it goes in here?

Oh, it goes in... there?

Yeah! See? How do you push play?

It's a double feature.

Oh, no!

-Action. -Alright, squad, quick update.

We're now 30 minutes out from the spot.

-And trust me. This one's insane. -Three months ago,

one of our subscribers sent us a screenshot,

said he spotted something strange

in the woods near the Bulgarian border.

See that number right there?

That's a Soviet military code.

So we started digging. Old military maps.

Archived satellite images.

Forums nobody's visited since 2007.

No photos online. No roads leading to it. Nothing.

Which usually means we're about to get arrested.

If we're the first people inside... and we will be...

this video is gonna blow up like a fucking nuke, so...

Hit subscribe, smash that like button,

and come along with us!

Whee-hee!

Look at this ass.

Oh.

-Like it? -So hot.

Why are you filming me all the time?

I mean, I'm trying to do beautiful shots here.

-Because I love you. -Oh. That's beautiful.

I don't think we're walking towards the main entrance.

I think this could be, like, a secondary entrance.

Maybe an emergency exit.

Slow down. Slow the fuck down!

Come on!

-Yeah. Come on. -We're almost there.

Remind me why I'm dating a drill sergeant.

Because you love suffering.

What is that? Look at this.

Comrades!

I think we're close.

Idiot.

I'd have an Emmy by now.

Ahh.

Right. Am I right? Am I right?

Look at that.

Holy...

Okay, Maya, go down on your knees...

and make as if you were discovering it, right?

Alright. You ready? Discover it. Discover it.

Yes.

8-5-4, baby! Whoo!

-Ooh. -Oh, wow.

How do we get down there?

It'll be okay.

-Okay. -Yes!

Your turn.

Okay. Let's do the intro again.

This is way creepier.

Let's go.

Alrighty, beautiful night owls.

Welcome to another episode of

"Wes and Maya's Midnight Misadventure."

Tonight's special feature, we're taking you

inside a Cold War military installation

that hasn't been visited in at least 40 years.

Yeah, and, folks, let me tell you.

If this place doesn't have at least one

creepy government experiment left behind, I'm blaming you.

-Oh, wow. -I knew it.

Come on. Don't pretend to speak Russian.

Oh, yes, indeed I do. It's written...

"Wes, you better invite Maya to dinner tonight."

I'm gonna try to open it.

Fuck!

-Yes. -Yes.

-Good job. -Okay.

Alright. Getting in.

Oh, babe. Look at this.

I hate seeing things like this.

It's creepy.

Hi, baby.

It's the worst part.

Maya. Come here.

Stop, stop, stop, stop.

Yeah.

That's not terrifying at all.

About 60 feet.

Piece of cake. Okay. Let's go.

Ouch.

That's cool.

I know. 1967?

I don't think we're looking at a bunker.

-I think it's more likely... -Infrastructures.

Yeah. Infrastructures.

Common center? Communication hub?

Oh, maybe a listening station.

That's right. It's a listening station!

"Ministry of Defense. Sector 3."

Alright. That's cool.

Thank you.

-Wow. -Oh.

Ay-ohh!

Whoo!

Alright. Next door.

Want me to open it?

I would like to. Let me check.

-No, no. -"Testing chamber."

I'm trusting you.

Ohh.

Okay. Next stop... generator.

-Okay. Are you ready? -I don't know.

Open sesame.

Action.

Aah!

I love you.

One, two, three.

-Oh, my God. -Oh.

Oh. What?

Holy moly.

Oh, my God. I knew it.

Gonna clap.

Hear that, Wes? No reverb. Perfect silence.

I've never heard my voice in a place like this!

It's amazing. Oh, my God. It's the best.

Eee! Okay. Let me just...

"Do not remain in this area for more than 15 minutes."

Okay. I guess we'd better hurry.

Oh, yeah.

Alright, folks, so we're inside an anechoic chamber,

and engineers use room like this

to test antennas throughout the system.

Anything that actually requires a total acoustic isolation.

And now, with those little microphones,

you'll be able to hear exactly what we hear.

Right on.

Right. Sound check.

Sound check. One. Two. One. Two. One. Two.

Alright. Alright, alright, alright.

Wes and Maya are in the house.

I think you can hear my heart.

Can you?

That's crazy.

Alright, guys. We're gonna try to switch it on.

It should be easy because we already opened the door.

Alright, alright.

Yellow and yellow should work.

-Shit! Oh, my God! -Wow. That's crazy.

Alright.

What is that?! Fuck, fuck, fuck!

Oh, fuck.

Did you touch anything?

No, I didn't. I didn't touch anything.

Come on. Wait, wait.

It can't be. It can't be. It's an old door.

It's an old... Wait, wait, wait. Wait.

Let's think. Let's think. Let's think.

Let's think.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I don't have any signal.

Okay...

How are we gonna get out of here?

Help me. Come on. Come on. Pull it.

Shit!

There must be some kind of way.

You opened this door with... with cables.

You must... You must be able to reverse it!

I don't know. Like, some kind of solution!

I don't know what the hell to do!

Shh, shh, shh, shh. Shh!

Okay.

Can you hear it?

Hear what?

I can hear everything.

Wes?

Let's get our location right.

Shh, shh!

Wes?

Shh! Please! Shh!

Wes...

Wes, please tell me...

It's noise.

Tell me you sent the coordinates...

No. No, no, no, no, no, no!

No! Stop it! Stop it!

Please stop! It has to stop!

What the hell?!

Stop!

Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck! Fuck!

Oh, fuck!

No!

No. Baby. I'm here. I'm here.

Oh, fuck! Fuck!

Oh, fuck!

Babe.

Leave me alone!

Hi, guys! How are you guys?

It's been, uh... Pbht!

I have no clue!

I think it can be, like, 16 or 17 or something like that.

The only thing that I know is that I'm stuck.

I am so fucking stuck!

There's noises everywhere.

I can hear my blood.

I can hear when I do like this with my eyes.

This... I can hear.

There's something else that I can hear.

Do you want to hear it?

Let me show you.

Okay. I just have to take this little microphone.

And then I put it on my belly.

Sick, right?

I don't have anything to give to my baby.

I don't have anything to eat.

How the fuck am I gonna do this?

How the fuck?

Wes. Wes!

Wes! Why don't you answer me, Wes?!

I love you.

I'm sorry.

I love you! I love you!

Alright! We need some fucking coke on the catering table!

And I'm not talking about cola!

Ah! Time to act.

I'm acting like I give a shit about this whole fucking thing.

I am the Berserk... Line.

I don't know. What's going on here?

My name is... Line! I don't know.

I can't remem... I don't remember anything.

I haven't seen a script. The... Line!

Oh, yeah! We're gonna get fucked up tonight!

Hey.

Smells like a glory hole in here!

Fucking ammonia everywhere.

It smells like Lysol,

and dicks keep popping through a hole in the wall.

What the fuck else do you call it

but a glory hole, Maury, huh?!

Hello, scum. It's me, Sawborg Destructo.

That's right. I know.

I'm the drop-dead sexiest scumdog there is out there.

But enough about me.

It's our guest here. What do I call you?

Do I call you the Elder Gods? The Old Ones?

What do I call you? How do I address you?

Well. That's dumb.

I mean, mysterious. Mysterious. Yeah.

Well, so, what's it like being an all-knowing entity?

Libations, you say?

Oh, no, I don't go for that.

If there's one thing I hate, it's liars.

Liars. Ahhh! Blblblblblb!

So, this is the start of my student documentary project,

my life, day to day.

The assignment is to record my daily activities

and organize them into a story.

My tools will be my trusty dusty

Sony compact vlog camera, which is shooting me right now.

And here... drumroll, please...

is my new expensive secret weapon.

My new camera eyeglasses with a built-in 4K camera.

This is so folks won't know I'm shooting them.

So... let's get started.

This is my room.

The furniture is a bit... antiquated,

but, hey, it was included.

A room without a view.

But at least I have plenty of space.

And the bathroom's right there.

I don't want my picture took!

Ohh!

Okay. Let's give this a shot.

Sounds like somebody is practicing.

Oh. Hello.

I'm Philip.

Uh, I'm Philip.

I just moved into the corner room,

so I guess we're neighbors.

Who's that playing the violin?

Do you know?

There he is!

How's the new apartment, Mr. Howard?

So far, so good, Mrs. Blandi.

Oh, good! Oh! I didn't know you wore glasses.

Nice frames!

So you getting settled in okay?

Yes, I am. But can I ask you?

Who is that playing that crazy violin?

Oh, that's the gentleman named Mr. Sze.

He lives on the top floor.

Kind of strange, but you'll get used to it.

Why strange?

Well, he works most evenings

at some cheap club in the orchestra.

Then he comes home and plays that crazy music!

That's why he stays in that lone apartment,

so he can play during the night.

He doesn't play all night, though, does he?

Well, he comes and goes.

Ooh! There! He stopped. See? He's a strange old bird.

But you know what?

He stays to himself and doesn't bother nobody.

So there's only one room up there?

Yes. The attic. That's his.

He came with the building kind of.

Uh, thanks. Have a good night.

Night, dearie!

Good night.

Listen.

Hear that?

It's fucking 3:15 in the morning,

and he's up there playing his ass off.

This music is amazing.

Weird... fucking... incredible.

Oh, well. Show's over, I guess.

Hmm!

Oops. Shit!

Excuse me. Mr. Sze?

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to surprise you.

Uh, my name is Philip Howard, and I'm a big fan of your music!

Your violin work is truly amazing!

You... You heard my music?

Yes, sir.

I have heard it. And I think it's brilliant.

-Thank you. -Mr. Sze.

Would you play some of your music for me?

Are you a musician?

No, sir. I'm a student. A film student.

-A what? -A film student, sir.

And I would love to shoot you playing.

Shoot me?

Uh, yes, sir, but with a camera. A video camera.

But, Mr. Sze, this is a good way

to share your art with the world.

Your music will be recorded for posterity.

I'm making a documentary, and I would like to put you in it!

Okay. Guess... not.

Excuse me. Mister...

Uh, Howard.

Mr. Howard.

You say you can record my music

and save it for future generations?

Yes, sir.

Not only a musical record,

but also video footage of you playing.

Performing.

When can we do this?

Anytime you want, sir. You tell me.

Can we do this now?

Right now? Yes, we can.

Can you give me a few minutes to get my stuff, my equipment?

Yes.

Okay. Be right back.

Come, come. Come.

Move. Move.

Have to... Have to close...

Close the window.

Sit. Sit.

Bravo! Bravo, Mr. Sze! That was absolutely beautiful!

You know, what I'd really like to hear

is another song I heard you play.

It goes something like this.

♪ Da, da-da, da da... ♪

Stop! Stop that immediately!

Listen! Never repeat that music!

Do not play it! Do not imitate it!

Never listen to it!

Tell me. When did you hear it?

Last night. I heard you playing through my ceiling.

My apartment's right under yours.

You heard me?

Then you have to move immediately

to a different apartment on a lower floor!

What? Why?

I will arrange it with Mrs. Blandi.

And I will pay for it. Now leave!

Stop your camera and please leave!

What the fuck was that?!

You saw Mr. Sze's face. He was genuinely terrified.

Why? And his window.

Those steel shutters were shaking

like somebody was trying to break in.

But he's on the third floor, so that doesn't make any sense.

No. I'm telling you.

There is something weird going on up there.

Okay, here I am, moving down to my new apartment.

Stop it. I told you. I don't want my picture took!

Uh, don't worry. No pictures.

What's the matter? You moving out?

You don't like us no more?

Nah, I'm just moving down to the first floor.

But, uh, tell me something.

What do you know about the old guy up on the top floor?

Mr. Sze.

Nothing. I don't know nothing.

How about you?

Yeah. Okay.

Oh, there you are, dear!

We just got the place cleaned for you.

Josh just did your floor.

Thanks, Mrs. B. Thanks, Josh.

And as Mr. Sze stipulated, your rent's all taken care of...

as long as you stay here.

Ever heard of anybody doing anything like that before?

No.

Frigging peculiar, if you ask me.

Enjoy your new place!

Uh, Mr. Sze.

Uh, Mr. Sze, wait, sir. I'm sorry about earlier.

I really didn't mean to upset you

with the documentary and all.

But you see, sir, I'm still making it.

And I'm almost finished.

I think maybe if we could do one more interview,

then, you know, we could talk more about your music.

And it doesn't have to be that other song.

I know the one that upset you so much.

Even though it's really great.

But I'm just a fan now, sir,

and I think maybe you could be an inspiration

to many other artists like you and... Sir, wait!

Fuck.

Jesus!

Yep. At it again.

Whoa.

Wha... Wha...

What is going on?

What the fuck?

Hi, Mr. Sze. I was just coming to see how you were doing.

-Oh, my God! Your hair! -Please excuse me!

Yeah, Mr. Sze. Of course. I'm sorry.

Oh, my God. His hair.

Whoa.

Interesting.

Hm. Whoa.

Whoa. What the hell?

What the fuck?

Get away from there! Get away from there!

No, no, no! No, no, no, no, no!

-W-What is that? -It sees you now!

It's coming! It knows you now!

What is that?!

What is that?

Mr. Sze? What the fuck is happening?!

Mr. Sze! Mr. Sze!

Mr. Sze, what's happening?

Mr. Sze!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! What the fuck?!

-What is going on?! -Run! Get out now!

I'm telling you! Something is coming!

No!

What the fuck are you?

Piece of shit!

What the fuck?!

No! No!

No!

Holy fuck.

Hit him in his eye!

No. No, no, no. Go back!

Josh! No!

Fuck.

-Oh, man! That was great! -That was sick!

-Yeah. -Yeah. You know, that was cool.

I like those... those found-footage movies.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah! I know about those.

Those are great. How do you find the found footage, though?

I don't know. We should find somebody to go find footage.

Wait a minute. Wait. Testiclees!

Hey, go find us that found footage that we need to find!

-Unh! -Aw, man!

-No! -No!

Ohh! The sounds of human suffering!

Is there a more beautiful music in all of existence?

The euphony of pain.

The melodious agony of the tormented soul.

Horror and sound...

inexorably married,

entangled like lovers...

feeding off each other's suffering...

filling our nightmares with the din of dread.

Sound. Simple vibrations.

But sound holds a power.

The power to bring grown men

to their knees

quaking in utter terror...

desperate to escape the torment,

attacking their aural canal.

Boring deeper and deeper

into their soul.

An unstoppable...

uncaring noise!

♪ Decrepit as you've fallen in deceased ♪

♪ Joints are withering as they freeze ♪

♪ Decomposition eating through your head ♪

♪ Mistakenly you're confirmed as dead ♪

♪ Opening the torso, remove the stinking crud ♪

♪ Tapping your veins of fluids and blood ♪

♪ Your yawning gap sewn shut in haste ♪

♪ An attractive corpse, dried-out human waste ♪

♪ Panicking yet you're paralyzed... ♪

♪ Screaming, silent and voiceless ♪

♪ As you are lowered into the grave ♪

♪ Premature burial ♪

♪ Trapped in a box six feet under ground ♪

♪ You slowly fall apart never to be found ♪

♪ Black putrefaction, odor is sumptuous ♪

♪ Smelling sweet and sour, stench of puss ♪

♪ Festering posture of malignant phlegm ♪

♪ Hungry maggots causing internal mayhem ♪

♪ Deafened by the silence, dark is all you see ♪

♪ Inside this rotting coffin you'll spend eternity ♪

♪ Panicking yet you're paralyzed ♪

♪ Your worst nightmare has come true ♪

♪ Screaming, silent, and voiceless ♪

♪ As you are united with the dew ♪

♪ Premature burial ♪

♪ As one with the cemetery ♪

♪ Frozen, decayed, rotten

♪ Soon you will be but a memory ♪

♪ Undead, buried ♪

♪ Panicking yet you're paralyzed ♪

♪ Claustrophobic wooden cell ♪

♪ Screaming, silent, and voiceless ♪

♪ If only you could burn in hell ♪

♪ Premature burial ♪

Wow! That last clip by...

was incredible!

So...

Hey. You're gonna love this next clip by...

When I was a kid, my dad was a legend.

He was the greatest producer I ever heard.

He cut hundreds of tracks.

Two months ago, when he died, everything changed.

I've been stuck in a rut trying to mix this beat in his honor.

So I went back to his old demo tapes for inspiration.

And then I found this.

Lydia, if you've found this recording,

my corporeal form is likely toast...

but the beat is eternal.

Lay down a track with these steps,

and I'll stay with you forever.

Take heed to document the process.

These are the five lessons.

Number one, start with the drum and bass.

The rhythm is the foundation.

The secret is finding sounds that are unique, original.

You know how many people use the same bland presets?

Making the music sound cookie-cutter?

I can't fucking find the sound I'm looking for.

But I'm not gonna give up for you, Dad.

You know, some of the greats...

Hendrix, the Peppers, Lil Wayne...

they used other things to reach higher levels.

I don't think my dad did.

But maybe...

My success came from me introducing new organic sounds

into my production,

sounds that were one of a kind,

fresh to the human ear.

I'm documenting everything like you said, Dad,

and the track is developing.

I just need more inspiration for the source material.

There she is!

Thanks for coming on such short notice.

I didn't think you'd actually show.

No, I think I needed this as much as you did.

I've been cooped up in the studio all day.

-What's with the camera? -Oh, it's for

a documentary project I'm working on.

Okay.

If I have a few more of these,

I'm sure I wouldn't mind anything.

So document away, beautiful.

Cheers. To your project.

And I'm working on a concept album.

Oh, shit. Really? Kind of music?

Black metal. Lots of organic percussion.

Captured live.

Don't laugh at me.

I'm not. It's just surprising.

I mean, you look too sweet to be making heavy beats.

A lot of people say that until they get to know me.

And then what?

And then it's just too late.

You can leave your shoes at the door.

Gold records? I didn't know you were that big.

No, they were just my dad's.

But I'm working on something right now

that I'm hoping can be that big.

Alright. Lovely place.

Thanks. This is my bedroom.

Shall we?

Yeah.

Oh. More cameras.

What is this? "Boogie Nights"?

What if it was?

I thought you said you were down for anything.

You are a serious freak, aren't you?

You have no idea.

I have something I really want to try with you.

You down?

Oh, wow. Legs, too?

I want you completely vulnerable.

I need total isolation of the source material.

-Ohh. Hey. -Let me help you with this.

Hey!

That's pulling me tight! Stop.

Sorry. I just need to establish a baseline frequency.

Hey. T-This isn't funny anymore.

Hey. No. No.

Sorry. I'll try to be more gentle.

Lesson two. Create the vocal layer.

Yo!

Hey. I happened to catch your set at the bar tonight.

That was really something special.

Thanks. Uh, you actually listened?

Well, no. It was all I could focus on.

You have a really incredible natural tone.

Have you ever looked into, like, recording a proper demo?

It's just all you?

Just me.

So you were saying this is, like, a recording studio?

Yeah, the booth is in the back, right over here.

Cool.

You can just head right on in there.

Oh.

And make yourself nice and cozy.

Sounds... good. Uh...

Alright. You ready? You feeling good?

As good as I can be. Yeah. Um...

Yeah, you can adjust that however you want.

Seems pretty good.

I'm just gonna get us set up here.

Alright. We are all set.

This is where the magic happens.

I see. Um...

Oh. Oh.

Uh...

What's this, uh, plastic on the ground?

It's all just set up for a very special sound.

Got it. That's cute.

Is it, like, what you normally wear for sessions?

Oh, you know, just to add to the feng shui of it all.

Definitely feng shui.

Uh, so, I still don't really know what we're doing.

What am I singing? What genre?

-Soul music. -Don't really do soul music.

I, uh... I'm more of a classical lyricist.

Yo, what are you...

Yo, look. I don't mind a little bit of drugs.

That looks crazy.

Um...

Okay.

What the fuck?

What the fuck are you doing? Fuck you.

Fuck!

Lesson three. Give the track breadth.

Create ghost notes in the key of the song

to give it an airy, dreamy feel.

Hey. Sorry to bother you!

Yeah. What do you want?

I'm moving some equipment

out of my studio down the street,

and my back is killing me.

I just need some help picking up, like, two crates.

It'll take 20 minutes, tops.

I'll give you 50 bucks cash and buy you dinner?

Here.

50 bucks cash?

And a pack of cigarettes.

Hop in. Let's get you out of this cold.

By the way, why are you filming all this?

So I can replay it when I'm sad.

Oh, my God.

Help!

Help me!

Someone, please!

Help!

Someone! Help me, please!

Hey, girl.

Ready?

-Miss Van Horn? -Shit! Shit.

Miss Van Horn? Detective Sharpe.

-Sorry to disturb you. -Oh. No. It's fine.

-Is everything okay? -What's with the camera?

Oh, I'm recording my creative process.

It's not exactly protocol to let you record

this conversation, ma'am.

-But you're recording me. -Touché.

We can exchange footage if you want.

Okay. Well, I won't hold you up.

Unfortunately, we've had a string

of missing-persons reports within the last two weeks

in about a ten-block radius.

-Oh, no, that's too bad. -So I guess I'm just here

to check if you seen or heard anything.

Pbht. Oh, gosh. I don't know.

You see all kinds of weird stuff in these parts, right?

-Yeah, well... -It is the big city, after all.

But, no, nothing stands out to me

as particularly... murderous lately.

-Murderous? -Yeah.

When adults go missing and it's been over 48 hours,

I'm pretty sure the odds of it being a homicide

increase by 70%.

-Do you live alone? -Yes. Yep.

Just me and my recording rig.

Cool.

You know, you have a very airy voice.

Have you ever recorded a demo?

Funny. Very funny.

I dabbled. A little bit in high school.

But my calling wasn't making beats.

Walkingthe beat was.

Well, I'm working on a track right now.

I feel like your voice would be just the addition I need.

I'm flattered, but, no. I'm still on the job.

But, please, do let me know if you see or hear anything.

Of course.

Have a productive day, Miss Van Horn.

And good luck on that track.

Lesson number four.

Don't hide behind the machines.

Get in there and experiment.

Deconstruct. Reconstruct.

Build your melody.

Sweet fucking axe! Mind if I play it?

Sure. Go right ahead.

Just remember to protect your neck!

Some of the process is messy.

That's what creates an authentic, raw sound.

Remember. It's okay to blend genres.

Add that classical flair.

Okay, sweetie. I'm just gonna need a C-major.

Miss Van Horn!

Miss Van Horn, this is very serious.

We have security footage of you talking to a man

outside of a convenience store about a week ago.

A Mr. Mark Stephenson.

Who hasn't been seen or heard from since.

And you think he's in here?

Well, would you mind if I take a look around?

Actually, yes, I would.

I don't know what kind of girl you take me for,

but you are embarrassing me.

Miss Van Horn,

I'm afraid I'm gonna have to get real embarrassing

if I have to come back here with a search warrant.

I guess it will.

Lesson five. Put yourself into the work.

Miss Van Horn! I'm back with that warrant!

Things are not looking too good for you.

Miss Van Horn?

Shit.

Mother of God.

I don't know if I can do this one, Dad.

Don't move a muscle! You're under arrest!

It's okay.

The music makes it worth it.

We got multiple homicides. At least four.

I got to count all the pieces to be sure.

Hands. Feet.

Man, there's all kinds of fucked-up in here.

We did it, Dad.

It's perfect.

Death tone.

♪ To all the human creatures ♪

♪ My eyes with a razor ♪

♪ Motherfucking hell raiser ♪

♪ Motherfucking hell raiser ♪

♪ To all the human creatures ♪

♪ My eyes with a razor ♪

♪ Motherfucking hell raiser ♪

♪ To all the human creatures ♪

♪ My eyes with a razor ♪

♪ Motherfucking hell raiser ♪

♪ Hellraiser, hell raiser ♪

♪ Motherfucking hell raiser

♪ Hellraiser, hell raiser ♪

♪ Motherfucking hell raiser ♪

♪ To all the human creatures ♪

♪ My eyes with a razor ♪

♪ To all the human creatures ♪

♪ My eyes with a razor ♪

♪ Motherfucking hell raiser ♪

♪ Hellraiser, hell raiser ♪

♪ Motherfucking hell raiser

♪ Hellraiser, hell raiser ♪

♪ Motherfucking hell raiser ♪

♪ Flowers lose their petals

♪ Waves go back to sea ♪

♪ Everything that lives and grows ♪

♪ Will one day cease to be ♪

♪ Yes, it might be painful ♪

♪ And, yes, it will be sad ♪

♪ So don't you dare waste your last chance ♪

♪ Until we die, we're gonna ♪

♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance ♪

♪ Life is one big party ♪

♪ Dance until your feet fall off ♪

♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance ♪

♪ Once we get it started

♪ Don't let the music stop ♪

♪ Don't matter if you're poor or rich ♪

- ♪ Or green - ♪ Or black and blue ♪

♪ Like mold comes for a sandwich ♪

♪ The darkness comes for you ♪

♪ You can smoke and puff the day away ♪

♪ Go for early morning runs ♪

♪ But you will meet your maker ♪

♪ Each and every one ♪

♪ So ♪

♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance ♪

♪ Life is one big party ♪

♪ Dance until your feet fall off ♪

♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance ♪

♪ Before tuberculosis or a whooping cough ♪

♪ Stare into the expanse ♪

♪ Panse, panse panse, panse, panse ♪

♪ Of endless darkness ♪

♪ It's our last chance, chance, chance ♪

♪ So dance, dance, dance, dance, dance ♪

♪ Once we get it started ♪

♪ Don't let the music stop ♪

♪ Failed heart transplant, fire ants in your pants ♪

♪ Working in finance ♪

♪ Terrible circumstance

♪ Lung disease ♪ Stormy seas ♪

- ♪ Buried alive - ♪ Choked on a chive ♪

♪ Tuberculosis, broken promises ♪

♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance ♪

♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, you're all gonna die! ♪

♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance ♪

Dance!

♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance ♪

Alright.

You want to see my puppets? Come on.

♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance ♪

They look so peaceful.

I'm gonna have to hire a new intern.