Original subtitles

Okay, turndowns are done,

the zombie duck in room 207 is dead and didn't turn into a ghost,

and I convinced Mr. Bloom he was already bald when he checked in.

You'd think it'd finish a barber ghost's business to shave so many heads.

The point is, it's finally Katherine time.

I'm sneaking out to a movie. Can you see I'm hiding hot dogs in my jacket?

All I see is a beautiful mother

balancing work and play, and somehow still finding time to--

-Movie starts soon. -You're good.

Nathan, what's going on? Why is there jazz?

You didn't hear? The ghost mayor of the hotel finished his business.

-There was a ghost mayor? -Was he from New Orleans?

Heck yes, and heck no.

This is just how ghosts honor the passing of important members of our community.

We have so much to learn about your culture.

Okay, let's learn it in a room where it won't scare guests.

Isn't it weird to have a funeral for someone who already died once?

Isn't it weird that you would question our traditions

when it takes less effort to respect them?

Time to listen and learn, Mom.

Is that a ribcage?

A ribcage and a pipe.

You know what? I don't even care. I'm getting out of…

…here.

Abaddon, where did you get that pipe?

Cabinet under the sink. Why?

I'll call the plumber who isn't scared to come here yet.

I'm just saying, if there was a voice in the pipes,

a true plumber would welcome the challenge.

The plumber quit.

I just want one day that doesn't go worse than expected.

Speaking of, Esther, are you sharpening a spear?

Ha! She thinks this is a spear.

It's a long stake.

Your attention, please.

I've got good news that will directly solve all our problems.

You found a magic button that makes this hotel normal?

Close, and also better. I'm running for ghost mayor.

-We're gonna be related to a mayor? -Why will that help me?

Kathy, the ghost mayor sets the tone for all the ghosts in the hotel.

If the ghost mayor says scare, the ghosts say…

-Boo? -How scary?

They say they'll do it.

I can clean up this hotel

and maybe deal with whatever Abaddon plans to fight.

Most importantly, the ghost mayor gets to wear a special ghost hat.

And?

I haven't been able to wear one since I died.

Esther painted a hat on a mirror, but it's not the same.

I have to win this election.

It can't be worse than things are now.

"That's the spirit," said the spirit. I'm off to the candidate meeting.

I'll come. I've been thinking about rigging a student council election.

This might give me ideas.

I'm gonna refill shampoos.

Ben, if the guy in 316 checks out, look in his bag.

There are towels missing from his room.

No way I'm confronting him. But thanks for believing in me.

Ooh, look at this turnout.

Billy the Urchin, Big Monster. The Mist!

Shy Katie? She doesn't leave the attic for anything.

Including the fire that killed her. Are all these ghosts running?

Don't worry about them.

They should be worried about you. The young, cool outsider with fresh ideas.

For example, what if ghosts said "Woo" instead of "Boo?"

Hear ye, hear ye.

The ghost mayor election is upon us.

If ye be a candidate, step forward and declare thyself.

It's the ghost hat.

Wow, a lot of ghosts here.

I'm kind of nervous.

Anyway, I'm Paul and…

Uh, thank you.

Ah, stage fright. It can scare the scariest ghost.

When you're in barney with a bottle and stopper,

you need a barmy cove with mince pies on the crust.

And this dosser is an earner.

If elected, I will unleash a terror that will rain blood for a thousand years.

I didn't prepare a speech like a lot of these fine ghosts.

But I think I've been preparing for this role ever since I died.

What makes a mayor? A lot of people think it's gumption.

But it's also a hat.

A hat?

Is that what this election has come to during my time in the woods? Accessories?

There's actually a line to speak.

Friends, my body died some 200 years ago.

But my spirit died today

when I re-entered the halls of our fair home.

I ask you, is this not a haunted hotel?

Does it not belong to the ghosts?

And yet, when I go to the kitchen, what do I find?

The living.

The lobby? The living.

The living room? The living.

This hotel belongs to the ghosts now and always.

We must drive out the living forever.

That is my platform and my promise.

And anyone who runs against me hates ghosts.

So as I was saying about gumption…

I love ghosts.

I'm dropping out to endorse the headless guy.

Thank you all. And please, call me Dr. Slashface.

Seriously? There wasn't even a guest in here.

Ah, this room always did love throwing a tantrum.

And a guest.

God, the lawsuits.

Wait, I know you. You're the woman from the portrait in the lobby.

Miriam Baxtail.

Former owner. Current inhabitant of that woodshed with the deer skulls.

I ran this hotel for 45 glorious years.

Forty-five years. How did you manage? I am struggling after one.

-Discipline, dear. -Sure.

-Stick to a schedule. -I do.

-Tolerate no nonsense. -I don't.

Execute gremlins on sight.

Oh, okay.

And I had the concierge.

Wait, you had a concierge?

The concierge. You have them, too, of course.

The shelf by the front desk, dear.

Ding the bell, and all your problems will be answered.

Oh, it's something supernatural.

Well, what did you expect, darling?

Some mortal in white gloves to get all the ghosts in line?

Feed paper to the Scissor Man? Burn the gremlins' bodies?

No. But I'm… I'm really not comfortable with a supernatural solution.

Well, it's your life, dear. Perhaps you'll come to enjoy suffering.

Uh, I brought these from home.

Shelf by the front desk. Where is this thing?

Probably best not to find it.

You're always telling me not to listen to ghosts.

Like when Knifehands said I should bring a sword to school to get respect.

Coolest thing you've ever done.

This isn't some random ghost begging me to tie a lock of my hair

around a thorny briar branch.

-Coolest thing you could do. -It's a former owner.

If anyone can help me, it's her.

Aha!

The bellboy, the groundskeeper, the concierge.

Wait.

-What? -Damn it. We were about to get crazy.

See? That's my point.

If Abaddon is excited about something, isn't that a reason not to do it?

Also, since when do we use supernatural things for personal gain?

Since always. Nathan's a ghost.

Esther has her relics. You had all those fun clones.

They tried to kill me.

I remember them being fun.

Nothing happened.

Uh, Mom?

Aw, cute.

What are you… Oh God.

O… Okay, well, we tried the concierge. It wasn't for us.

So let's just board this baby back up.

-Mom? -I can always send them away.

So, how do you work? Like, if I wanna fix this broken lamp?

-Well, this is going in my worry journal. -Can I get a high five?

-We'll try again later. -What are you doing?

I thought Ghost Cat could be a ghost hat.

But I guess you can't teach a young dead cat new tricks.

You're giving up on getting the ghost mayor's hat already?

You heard Dr. Slashface.

Anyone who doesn't vote for him hates ghosts.

He only said that so no one will run against him.

You can't let him win.

Because he already has a hat?

Because he wants to kick us out. You have to beat him.

I don't know.

Maybe Dr. Slashface isn't as bad as he and his name sound.

Ha! Once I win, we'll drive out the guests

and turn the whole lobby into my private office.

And let's make a note to destroy that ugly mayor hat

that only a buffoon could love.

That's it. I find both those things equally offensive.

And?

Let's run for mayor!

Oh my God, this concierge is amazing, and so intuitive.

I just think about something I want, and it does it.

Ugh. Sure, it's efficient.

But can the concierge fold a towel to look sort of like a swan?

That's pretty neat.

I like the hands.

They added streamers to my tricycle to make it go faster. Watch.

Wait, did you grow more arms?

I thought about all the rooms I had to clean,

and the concierge grew more.

I've always said I do the job of five people,

and now I have the arms to prove it.

Oh, here comes coffee.

See. You don't need to worry. The concierge is part of me.

-It only does what I want it to do. So-- -Guest, guest, guest!

You have a great day.

Hey, how about a snack? I have time to make one now.

Yeah, I guess that could be…

Ugh.

I want ants on a log. Celery log. Real ants.

I remember this trip.

Funny story. That's not my fish. And the guy who caught it was mad.

The plan is to draw a line between you and Dr. Slashface.

He's old. You're young.

He's mean. You're nice. His head isn't attached to his body.

And my head usually is.

The point is, he's not a ghost you want to share a scare with.

You are. We need voters to know that.

Way ahead of you. I'm already working on a campaign song.

There's a guy in the hotel Who you need to know

He can do a cartwheel And has no pinky toe

He had an accident When he was just a teen

With a loose lawnmower On a putting green

Nine-toed Nathan, he's your man

You're doing a meet and greet.

Okay, people.

The candidate's gonna give a short speech and then have time for a few questions.

-Hey, everyone. I'm Nathan. -Folksier.

Hey, y'all. I reckon y'all know me. I'm y'all's partner, Nathan.

-You're saying "y'all" too much. -Why do I need to be folksy?

-Any questions for the candidate? -What's your favorite crop?

Oof. Starting with a tough one. I gotta go with wheat.

Oh, ho, boy, you said it, not me.

Follow up. I miss my crops.

When can I touch them again?

Oh, I gotta be honest with you--

The day my uncle becomes mayor because Nathan has a plan for that.

Who else has a problem?

My living children haven't visited in 150 years.

Nathan has a plan for that.

I forgot the sound of the ocean and the scent of salt air.

Nathan has a plan for that.

I haven't known love since the day I was born.

Buddy, you're gonna. And why?

Nathan has a plan for that!

-Do I have a plan for that? -We'll worry about it after you win.

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

Oh, you.

Too kind.

Thank you. Thank you.

When I'm elected mayor,

we'll have spooky music like this all over the hotel

because no humans will be around to say it's too loud or too scary.

Scary? It's carnival music.

Aha! You see?

Living proof that the living must go.

They hate our music and they hate us.

Well, I say boo to that and boo to you, ma'am.

-Boo! -Boo indeed!

Hello? Esther, you forgot to go to school again.

Mom?

Please, I'll put it all back! I'll put it all back!

That's not even a pocket!

Ben, you're home. I was just taking a little nap.

Oh, come see what the concierge did in here.

Pretty nice, right?

Super nice.

So probably getting time to ding that old bell, huh?

What?

I just… I mean…

The… The hotel is clean,

so we don't need the concierge anymore, right?

Ben, one day without the concierge is five days of work for me.

I am not going back to that.

But I am going to finally check out that cat café in town.

Abaddon, your timeout's over.

Just a heads-up. We can't ride muddy tricycles in the lobby.

Nathan, I've got great news.

Me too.

I know I got into this race for the wrong reason,

but I actually think I could help the ghosts.

-What's your good news? -I made an attack ad.

Heather helped with the editing.

I learned how last year so I can make reaction videos

to famous speeches in history.

We know, Heather. We watched all of them and can't wait for more.

Sorry, you made an attack ad?

Dr. Slashface says he wants the hotel to be just for ghosts,

but when the living move out, the bulldozers move in.

That's fine with Dr. Slashface.

He claims to be a hotel ghost,

but he actually died outside,

which makes him a weird lake ghost.

And what's Dr. Slashface a doctor of anyway?

I'm… a… doctor… of… kissing… butts… and my… lips… are… ready.

What is so hard about this?

Dr. Slashface, not a hotel ghost, not a hotel friend,

not a doctor.

-What would you say after a back rub? -I approve this massage?

That's why you asked me that? How did you get this on TV?

It's the hotel channel. This is running on every TV in the building.

And on my website. It's not popular.

I always thought I'd get on TV for something cool,

like witnessing a heist or making a really big pizza.

Not for lying.

Who's lying? If he wins, the hotel might get torn down.

He is a weird lake ghost.

And for all we know, he is a doctor of kissing butts.

-Remember the plan? -Ding the bell?

That's it.

You think I didn't remember we're dinging a bell?

I was just checking.

I can remember a one-part plan. I ran a bar in Hell.

I'm sorry. Wait, you ran a bar in Hell?

I worked at one, but I ran it sometimes when Jake was gone.

There's bars in Hell, and one is run by a demon named Jake?

And me sometimes.

Ben, what were you doing?

Nothing. We were just messing around. Roughhousing. Boy stuff.

And trying to ding the bell.

You were going to take the concierge away from me?

Mom, I think you're a little too close to the arms on your back

to see they've become a problem.

My problem is the hotel.

The concierge is the only one helping.

By taking you over.

It's the only thing that makes me feel in control.

That actually makes total sense. I guess for now, we can just…

You slapped me!

No, I didn't! I didn't. It was the concierge.

You said it only does what you want it to.

Which means you wanted to slap your son.

And your form was terrible.

You're right.

I need to take a break from the concierge.

Mom?

It's fine. Let go.

I'm not going back.

And I'm totally cool with that.

Has this place always been here?

Since ancient times,

this ring of eternal fire is where ghosts have met to select their leader.

And for a weekly open mic night. Mostly music. Uh, some comedy.

They're booing him. The ad worked?

Most of the hotel ghosts were born before TV,

so they believe everything they see on it.

Everyone, stop!

Hang back, guys. Nathan wants to boo this guy on his own.

No. I wanna boo myself.

Because the ad you all saw was a lie made by a disgruntled niece.

But I love you all too much to win by lying.

I want an honest election.

Wow.

-I vote for Dr. Slashface. -Sorry. What?

You just told us you lied, and then said you wanted an honest election.

Sure, but I'd like to be an option.

So you lied again?

Boo!

Please, friends.

You can't blame a weak man for being a coward

any more than you can blame the common passenger pigeon

for eating all our chestnuts.

But you can drive him out with the living.

Vote for me.

No. Vote for me.

Esther, what are you doing?

Saving this hotel for the living.

Preposterous.

A living girl can't be ghost mayor. It's against the rules.

It's not. There's no rule that says a living girl can't be ghost mayor.

This is a grocery list I was making when I fell off my horse.

Looks like we've got a race.

A three-way race. I'd still like to be considered.

First time trapped in a closet?

The next year will be hard.

I will help you, but you will call me sir.

I don't get it. Mom said the old owner used the concierge too.

Why didn't this happen to her?

Oh, but it did.

The concierge was a friend to me at first.

A proverbial light in the literal darkness.

But slowly, it took me.

So, why tell my mom to use it?

Because I couldn't take it anymore.

The incompetence. The buffoonery.

The way you disrespect my building.

The way you struggle to maintain order.

The way you organize keys.

The concierge will set things right.

And when your mother is gone, I'll rise to my place as--

Respectfully, no time.

I have an idea to help Mom, but we need to get out of here.

How do you feel about vents?

-Do you ever get lost in here? -Never for more than a week.

If we get split up, remember it's right, right, left, left, spikes, right.

Whoa!

Messiah, you have returned to us.

Not now, Gary.

She's on the roof.

Then that's where we're going.

I can't believe you're running against me.

When I win, I'll make you my deputy and then resign.

-I don't wanna win by losing. -It's better than losing by losing.

Which concludes the list of words it will be okay to say again

once I am mayor.

I'll make this really simple.

Do you want a mayor who can turn on all the TVs?

Then you want me.

Oh, there she goes again, folks. Flaunting her mortality.

I would like to remind people that I am also still running.

Flaunting? It's reality, doc.

And what reality would that be? I want to hear you say it.

That you're a headless hack that can't even flutter a curtain.

You all heard her. You heard what she said.

What just happened?

You crossed the one line ghosts don't cross.

You death-shamed him.

By saying he's not alive? He's not.

She said it again!

I don't know why you want a ghost mayor. Alive mayors don't even do anything.

She's right. Esther's right.

Why are we holding ourselves to traditions of the living?

We're not alive anymore, and we never will be.

We need to find our own way.

So you're saying no leader?

Oh, uh, I was actually thinking maybe some sort of council of elders,

where… where each elder--

Nathan's right. I vote for anarchy!

Okay, I detect a groundswell--

Cast off the shackles of mortal society!

Anarchy! Anarchy!

Anarchy!

Wait, no! The girl is tricking you!

I declare myself mayor!

Mayor Dr. Slashface! Mayor Dr. Slashface!

Come on! It… It's fun to chant!

Get your hands off me! Agh! No!

I can't help but think we made things worse.

On the plus side, the mayor's hat is up for grabs.

You're right!

Welcome to the greatest challenge of your time.

Eternity begins now.

I don't want it.

Ben! You can't stop me!

Maybe I can't. But I bet the groundskeeper can.

I finally have arm hair! Abaddon, you're up!

Prepare to face ultimate power!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

-Abaddon! -Be up in a minute.

Mom, stop!

I don't wanna hurt you!

And vice versa, obviously.

Just give up. She wants me.

No, she doesn't.

She just felt powerless and wanted help.

And I know what that's like.

I've never stood in a line without someone cutting in front of me.

Esther introduces me as her little brother,

and I don't correct her.

I know you need extra hands.

So use mine.

It won't be enough.

People will keep stealing towels.

So we'll buy cheaper towels.

Ben, I am so, so, so sorry.

Mom, you have nothing to apologize for.

Oh, the slap, yes. Apology accepted.

Oof!

You guys look dead tired. And I can say that. Everything okay?

Let's just say it was nothing we couldn't hand… le.

So, what? You got attacked by a bunch of hands?

Yeah. Hey, did you know Abaddon worked at a bar in Hell?

Yeah, he got to run it when Jake was gone.

-Hell has businesses? -Can humans go to the bar?

They wish.