Original subtitles

Please, you don't have to do this. I'm a huge fan of your work.

Also, I can't die, so--

Abaddon, don't compliment the monster trying to kill us.

But I want him to like me!

Esther, how's it going?

All good.

You see one puzzle cube that banishes a demon

back to the realm of anguish, you've seen 'em all.

But I do need more time.

Oh no.

Checking out, I take it? How was your stay?

Eh. I got through it.

We'll take it. High five, nephew!

Man, up top really connected. Should we go for down low?

One seems fine. Excuse me, sir, where are you going?

The library. I forgot my scarf.

What kind of hotel would we be if we made you go get your own scarf?

- Ben? - On it!

Gah!

- Ow. - Esther?

Almost got it...

Have you guys seen a scarf?

- Here. - Thank you!

Got it!

I really liked him.

We did it, y'all!

One hundred guests without an attack,

disappearance, or otherwise horrifying supernatural incident.

Yay!

Wow, who did the balloons?

Seriously, who did the balloons?

Forgot my phone charger. Oh, balloons!

- Oh God! - Nobody touch the balloons.

- They're following me! - Pop them before they escape!

- Agh! - I popped one!

Huge news.

Thanks to our run of actual guests, we are in the black.

Eternal darkness, finally!

I'm a demon.

I know.

I mean we finally made some money,

but we need to be smart with how we spend it.

Oh! I've got the perfect idea. I'll admit it's a little--

- No. - You didn't even hear the idea!

- Was it going to involve a ritual? - Everything's a ritual.

Brushing your teeth, changing clothes, sacrificing goats to a sea monster.

Oh, I love the sea.

We should do a team-building trip.

I know we're family, but it feels like we've never clicked as coworkers.

I've already decided.

We're going to use the money to hire a new employee.

New employee?

We're already a well-oiled machine.

We've got brains, brawn, ghost, mom, and bait.

I also know lots of dinosaur facts.

Oh, I've always dreamed of being a boss.

Having an employee is the next step in this hotel becoming a real business,

and not just a building where dead people terrorize living people.

Not just dead people.

We got a lot of ghost rats.

If we're hiring an employee, we'll need an HR department.

Oh, you know who might be good?

- Ben, you can be head of HR. - Yes!

Oh, just imagine it.

"Miss Katherine, hallways are clean, so I'm heading out."

"Sounds good, Craig."

Aw, Craig sounds nice.

That ghost just bumped the table.

Uh, no, I didn't.

Uh, yeah, you did. I saw you.

What's the problem, Esther?

The problem is, I don't think this chick is a ghost.

Are you sure?

'Cause I see her all the time. She calls me "Champ."

She's got a knife in her back.

Actually, does she? It looks like half a knife glued to her back.

You people are crazy. I am a ghost.

I was stabbed by my stepdad because I tried to borrow his--

Crap.

This is mine now.

She's been alive the whole time?

- We gotta start touching everyone. - I've been saying that for months.

I'll track her down, dead or alive.

Alive! Always alive.

I'll help. This might turn into an HR issue.

See if she wants to work here.

"Help wanted."

God, I feel better just writing that.

Speaking of help, I have some thoughts on this ad.

My ideal employee is immune to curses,

has a background in witchcraft,

has the strength to deal with werewolves, and the wisdom to know when not to.

A go-getter with hospitality experience,

five years or more, degree in hotel management,

two references...

No, you know what? Four references.

Oh, must be able to riff.

You know how much I love to riff.

You have plenty of people to riff with. Riff with Ben.

Ben? He never picks up what I'm putting down.

Oh, must be able to lift 50 pounds.

So what's the plan to find this woman? Room-by-room search?

I say we start with the rooms we know exist,

then the rooms that sometimes exist.

Ben, let a professional handle this.

Gross, but cute.

Follow it before it bleeds away!

I know you're in here, lady. Come on out.

Don't make me use bait.

She means me, "Champ."

You feel that?

Banshee talon, instant paralysis.

Do you feel that? Knife made from a melted toothbrush.

You wouldn't stab a little kid.

That's what the last kid said.

Guys! I already saw one drop of blood today.

Why don't we talk this out over some warm, homemade scones?

Okay, who are you, and why are you here?

It's no big deal. I'm Shayna.

I've been living in the attic for a year. I took over from my grandpa.

Oh, hear that, everyone? She took over for her grandpa.

Well, I guess it's fine then.

What the hell are you talking about?!

Yeah, we need a little more than that, Shayna.

Cards on the table, I've never made scones before and the recipe is complicated.

Look, all my grandpa said is that someone from my family's bloodline

always has to be here to keep some "ancient evil" at bay.

Sounds dumb, I know.

But I lost my place when my boyfriend ruined my credit,

so I figured, why not?

Hold on, hold on. What ancient evil?

Uh, I don't remember. My grandpa told me at one point.

Some cosmic god?

Starts with a P. Pete?

Pete the cosmic god?

You've been here the whole time we've been running the hotel?

Unfortunately, yes.

Arise, Mortoth!

Master of the damned!

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!

Okay, bog boys.

Tell us where you took Abaddon, or else.

Ben, persuade them.

I'm sorry!

That's why we're always out of bananas.

Sorry, uh, what is a bog boy? I wasn't there for that. What did Ben do?

Yeah, I don't remember that either.

You're welcome.

Look, I'm not gonna press charges, but you can't stay here.

Whatever. I can't sleep with all the ghost candles up there.

Later, Champ.

We have a front door.

Doors are traps!

- Are we worried about that? - Probably just the house settling.

Speaking of settling, our possible new employees are here.

Ah, just think,

somewhere out here is the lucky person

who's gonna change the way you do chores forever.

I know, right?

Do a lot of these people look a little creepy to you?

It's a creepy hotel, Kathy.

It's gonna attract some creepy job hunters.

Now let's make you a boss.

Uh, one question for you.

How long until I'm left alone in the hotel?

Why?

Do I have full basement access?

Why?

Two-part question. One, do you operate on all holidays?

Great question. We--

And two, do I have full basement access?

Thank you. We'll be in touch with the gas station

you said knows how to find you.

You know what? Maybe my dream of making this place legit isn't possible.

We're never gonna find the employee we need.

Hello. I'm here for the job opening.

Sorry, lady. We just decided we're never gonna find an employee.

Nathan! He is kidding. And you are?

Catherine, with a "C."

Oh, I'm Katherine with a "K."

I'm Nathan with a skin condition that prevents me from shaking hands.

So, do you have any hotel experience, Catherine?

Three decades.

Most recently, I spent three years at Hotel Vitznau on the Swiss Alps.

Before that, six at the St. Regis in Cairo and...

Oh, hello.

Who dares to ruin my fort?

- Abaddon feel strange. - Abaddon, let go of her hand.

Huh?

No offense, but why do you even want this job?

It sounds like you could be working at any five-star hotel in the world.

I could, and I have.

But now I'm looking for a challenge, and I think this hotel has potential.

I think so too.

- Kathy, this place will eat her alive. - I won't let that happen.

You are hired. What's your last name, Catherine with a "C"?

Withakay.

Oh, I thought it was with a "C."

Yes, Catherine with a "C" Withakay.

- Wait. Which is it? - Which is what?

She's saying her name is Catherine Withakay.

She just said it's with a "C."

It is, but Withakay is with a "K."

- What's with a "K"? - Withakay.

- What is? - All right. We'll just write it down.

Abaddon, still wanna go throw eggs at the Mothman's cave?

I'm busy.

Okay. More eggs for me.

That's new.

- Eh. - Esther, is this your purple ooze?

It's in here too?

It's coming in through the vent.

- What if this is the ancient evil? - It's just ooze, Ben. I got this.

- Sorry, what's that? - Hellfire.

See? Problem solved.

Uh, my mattress is still on fire.

The hotel is full of mattresses, Ben. I can't solve all your problems.

Ugh. Seriously?

Yeah, I'm calling Shayna. I got her number in my HR exit interview.

Ben, does this look like a cosmic god named Pete to you?

Possibly?

No. No, no, no, no, no.

I put a new scented candle in the lobby.

Candles! Candle, candle, candle, candle...

No.

No snatching! Ugh, listen to me.

If anyone scares that woman even once, even for a second, even as an accident,

I'm throwing all the TVs off a cliff.

FYI, Jessica's waiting in the next hallway to pull Catherine into the vents.

Why is everything in this hotel so drawn to her?

She's just so normal.

It's like catnip for supernatural things. Even Abaddon can't resist her.

Catherine. Catherine. Catherine.

Look how high I can jump.

Sooner or later, she's toast and possibly ghost.

Not happening. As her boss, anything that comes for her has to go through me.

Then you might wanna stop her from cleaning that mirror

that shows you how you're gonna die and makes it happen faster.

Yeah, so we try not to look at mirrors too much. Vanity.

Shouldn't we try to get rid of the ooze instead of just hiding it?

What do you want me to do?

I used all my hellfire, and the ooze broke all our mops.

Ben?

What just happened? And why is my ankle burning?

Nothing! And acid.

You know, as head of HR, I feel like this is getting away from us.

And I feel like, if you're going to clean up supernatural waste,

you should wear long pants!

Yeah, we actually don't need this room.

Hallways are clean, dear. I'm going to weed the garden.

Thank you, Catherine.

Uh, not too close to the woods!

There are, uh, normal wolves out there.

I can howl like a wolf.

I'm sure you can.

Abaddon, are you crushing on the new employee?

The only thing I crush are skulls!

Then why the flower, bud?

This is for

uh, poison.

I'm gonna let you in on the secret of dating.

Shared interests.

Find something you both like.

It also helps to be close to the same age and same species,

but for now, shared interests.

Agh!

Esther, do you have mental space for a concerning update?

I tried gently poking him, but he's focused on digging.

Yeah, I'm calling Shayna.

No! I can do anything she can.

And if you love me like a big brother should, you won't call her.

Fine, but I feel like I'm being emotionally manipulated.

And when you say stuff like that, it makes me sad.

It's so... normal.

We're just getting started, boss.

Oh no.

What have we here?

Catherine! Let's stack the champagne flutes into a tower!

And who is this fine gentleman?

You think I'm a gentleman?

Your wardrobe could use refinement,

but you carry yourself like a theater performer.

I went to school for theater.

I was Laertes in a production of Hamlet.

- Huh? - Ah, Laertes.

"The chariest maid is prodigal enough..."

"...if she unmasks her beauty to the moon."

- Yeah. - Any performances coming up?

I mean, no, but there's no reason not to.

I'm starting a theater troupe!

- That was amazing. - To Catherines.

- I'd like to stay in a room tonight. - Wait, what? Really? Not really?

I think it's important that I understand the full guest experience.

Check-in to check-out.

Yeah, that makes sense. Okay. I guess take any empty room.

But not the east wing of the second floor. Or 410. Or 308, 305...

You know what? I'll help you find a safe room.

Uh, not "safe." Uh, normal. Empty.

Hey Catherine, are you interested in knives?

She's not.

Here we go, empty room.

The last three rooms were empty.

Well, you know me, I'm quirky.

- Good night, Catherine. - Good night, Miss Katherine.

Where is Catherine?

She's only been late once, and it was because she was washing my car.

Catherine?

If you have a champagne hangover, I have aspirin.

And more champagne.

Catherine?

Catherine?

Catherine, it's okay. Whatever this is, I can help... you...

Oh God, there's another one.

Ben!

Esther! What, why, how, and what?

Hey, Mom. Just a small supernatural issue. Nothing I can't handle.

Hey, uh, does anyone know why there's purple ooze coming out of the toaster?

- Hello? Toaster? - We have got bigger, weirder problems.

It's that guy who wanted basement access.

This is fine. Just your basic mind-controlling ooze

flowing up from underground. Standard stuff.

We think this is the evil that Shayna was talking about.

We think Shayna is a hack, and we've got this.

The ooze got Abaddon too?

- Shared interests. - I'm getting her out of there.

There's a lesson here.

Not sure what it is, but there definitely is one.

The lesson is this hotel destroys everything good or turns it to evil!

Yeah, that's a lesson.

Okay, that's not on me. She touched the ooze herself.

Uh, guys? Something new is happening.

- Join them. Release me. - "Join them. Release me."

Looks like I'm in charge now, so I'll handle this!

What does that mean?

Oh, come...

...on.

How'd I get out here?

Thank God. You were in a trance, so Nathan distracted the guests while I got you out,

but I didn't have any acid to burn the ooze off, so I called Shayna,

and when she got close to you, the ooze fell off.

She's like anti-ooze.

- You called her?! - We needed help!

You were pretty unconscious.

At least I'm not living in my car.

Excuse me, I'm living in a car.

Guys! Can we please focus on the ooze taking over the hotel?

Not just the hotel.

I saw something in my trance.

Something huge and evil.

It uses the ooze to control mortal minds,

forcing them to dig it free from the earth.

Yeah, that's Pete.

The ancient god's name isn't Pete!

Hey! Can you stop it?

I think so. I saw something else in my trance.

A symbol that bound the god. But I need to get close.

- That sounds like a job for Shayna. - I don't know.

I don't like to go back to places. That's how they get you.

What if we let you move back into the attic?

No. I want a room this time.

With a bathroom. With a toilet.

- Deal. - And as head of HR, I approve.

Let's fight a god!

Candle!

Where have you guys been?

The ooze is completely taking over.

And not to add new stakes, but the Callahan wedding is in four hours.

Waiting on you, Shayna.

- Cool. - Everyone grab onto the burnout.

Yeah, not big on physical contact.

Then it's a good thing that's not actually possible for me.

We need to get to the banquet hall.

Slow and steady, guys. It's not a race.

Run!

Guys, something you probably need to see.

You know, despite your differences, or maybe because of 'em,

you guys make a darned good--

Agh! Why?

Shayna, why is the ooze not stopping?

I don't know. I'm not a god expert.

Because we're too late.

Ew.

Eye. Big, big, big eye.

- What do we do? - I need a knife.

I want this back.

- Did we just kill a god? - He's asleep.

Rebury that eye, slap on new floorboards, and we're good for three years.

Well, the Callahan wedding went beautifully.

At a different hotel.

So, Miss Katherine, what's on the docket today?

Wait. You still want to work here?

Do you not remember what happened?

Of course I remember.

I spent a restful night in a wonderful hotel.

Catherine Withakay...

...you're fired.

Fired? I don't understand.

It's just... not a good fit.

But we'll always have the time we accidentally cleaned the same hallway

and met in the middle and laughed.

I don't remember that.

Okay.

Catherine! Don't leave.

We can build a life here.

We'll sleep on the roof and throw rocks at dogs.

We'll eat weird bugs, and I will always let you eat the weirdest bug.

You

intrigue me.

Goodbye, little boy.

Abaddon sad.

I know, bud.

But sometimes, getting your heart broken is the only way to know that it's still...

Oh, he saw a mouse.

I guess we don't deserve a qualified employee.

What about an unqualified one? Shayna's good at suppressing ooze.

Also, we promised her a room.

We don't know that she's unqualified. What's your work experience?

Mm. Nothing recently.

I was on the run for a while, then chasing someone for a while.

I worked at a gas station once until both owners attacked me.

- Had to pepper spray my way out. - So much concerning backstory.

There's only one question that matters.

How do you feel about ghosts, monsters, and various undefined evils

that we haven't even discovered yet?

If they're paying guests, no worries. If not...

- Oh God. - Cool.

- You'll show them a switchblade? - You're hired.