Original subtitles

Hey, guys.

Hey. It's freezing out there. Where's your coat? Ted, I'm Canadian.

I don't need a coat.

This kind of weather is nothing for me. Yeah, this is like a spring day back in

Minnesota if it weren't for all the taxis and skyscrapers and non-white

people. There aren't any black people in Minnesota?

Not if Prince is on tour.

Well, my sister's plane got in an hour ago, or as a meteorologist might say,

Hurricane Heather has just made landfall. Come on, she's not that bad.

Here's the back of Heather's baseball card. It took her six years to graduate

from three different colleges, during which time she wrecked two cars, got

married for five days, and lived in a tree for nine weeks, only to realize

that no one had any intention of cutting it down.

And now, Heather says she's moving to New York. Wow, that's big news.

She's never going to go through with it. Remember a few years back when she

talked about transferring to NYU?

And then, on the day of the admissions interview... Heather, where's my couch

and my TV?

I sold them for nine-inch nail tickets!

The TV alone is worth two grand.

Wow, the last-minute plane ticket is expensive!

Wait, where are you?

Sobers!

Oh, crap.

It's Barney. So, for all the years Heather's been visiting New York, Ted's

never let Barney meet her. And I never will. Every year when the Mosby family

Christmas card shows up.

Pulling down her pants, yanking off my own.

Underneath the mistletoe, I'll make your sister moan. Oh, Heather's hot,

Heather's hot, we'll go all the way.

i wish i could see her naked i wish i could see her naked i wish i could see

her naked and down on all fours ted has a little sister gets hotter every

day and if i ever meet her with her boobies i will play everybody's sister

sister sister what i can celebrate hanukkah too uh it's

him again i should probably get it hey barney hey what's on tap for tonight Oh,

we're heading over to Marshall and Lily's for a Kathy Bates movie marathon,

but not misery. You want to join us?

Oh, he hung up.

Hey! Hey, boy!

Hey.

Oh, great to see you.

Hey, kiddo, you look great. How are things back home? Well, I moved into

your old room.

Did you know that you can see straight into Mrs. Gottwald's bedroom across the

street? Oh, yes, I am aware of that.

How's she looking?

Ted, she's 62.

Answer the question.

Surprisingly perky.

Man, it is cold out there.

Why, hello.

I've been waiting for you.

Wait a second, that's not our chair.

Did you bring that chair yourself?

I needed one that swivels.

Heather Mosby.

Barney Stinson.

How did you even know Heather was coming into town?

Never tell me anything.

You know I can't keep secrets around Christmas.

Robin's giving you an iPod.

Ted, can I chat with you for a second in the kitchen?

No one touch the chair. It's a rental.

I can't believe you've been hiding your sister from me all these years.

Do you blame me?

You're like Weird Al Yankovic if he only wrote Christmas songs about banging my

sister.

Okay, first of all, I'm flattered.

Secondly, they're just jokes.

A broken joke about another bro's sister doesn't mean I'm ever gonna act on it.

Look, I love my sister, and as her older brother, it's my job to protect her from

guys like you.

You don't trust me, do you?

No, and I don't trust her either.

Fine. Great.

I guess I'll just take my chair and go.

Wait. Stop.

Come back.

Lily and I are taking Heather out for dinner on Sunday.

Do you want to come? I already called Hurley's and added a fourth.

You really can't tell Lily anything, can you? No, you can't tell her anything.

Jeez.

That year, the holidays were really making Aunt Robin miss Canada, so

Marshall brought her to the spot he went whenever he got homesick from Minnesota,

the Walleye Saloon.

Evening, everybody.

Marshall!

Meet Robin.

Robin! Go back to drinking.

Drinking!

What's up, Marshall?

Hey, what's up? Whoa, bud.

What's with the hitch in your giddy-up? I was playing some hockey today. Tore

off something on my knee.

Did you go to the hospital?

Just poured some beer on it. Can't miss the vice game.

Twin City!

Oh, yeah!

I love the guys here. They're real men. No hair products or manicures.

All New York guys are like 10% girl.

Well, come on. That seems a little unfair.

I'll have the Vichyssoise with just a sous-sant of creme fraiche. Too much

dairy and I tend to bloat.

So, I found an apartment today.

Really? Yeah, and I was hoping you'd have a little more wine in you before I

asked you this, but I need you to co-sign the lease.

Hmm.

Let me think about it.

That means he's not going to do it.

I could really use your help on this.

Let's talk about this later, okay?

Don't hold your breath.

What is it?

You don't trust me?

You're my sister.

Now he's just stating a fact.

Look, Ted, I am serious about a career in finance, but you just keep looking at

me like I'm a four-year-old who says she wants to be an astronaut. I just don't

think you have any idea how tough it is to make it in New York.

Exactly. You need connections.

If only Ted knew someone who worked at, say, Goliath National Bank.

Then, wait, what?

I work at Goliath National Bank. How about that?

All right.

We got two Bemidji pale ales and who ordered the mini burgers?

Oh, my God. Is that Fisherman's Quest?

I used to play FQ all the time back home. Oh, yeah? I kind of have high

score. Not to brag, but I caught a 35-inch northern pike.

Biggest video fish anyone's ever reeled in.

I mean, freshwater.

A tip of the angler's cap, my friend.

Thank you for bringing me here.

Those are mine.

This is not a good idea.

Heather and Barney alone in his office?

And I certainly don't want to be on the hook for her lease.

She is growing up. You just can't see it yet.

We're talking about a girl who was busted for shoplifting eight months ago.

Ted, a lot of women go through a shoplifting phase.

And sure, maybe to this day they swipe the occasional smaller item because it

turns them on in a weird way that they can't quite explain.

But if it'll make you feel better, I'll... tag along to gmb tomorrow i'll

say i'm having lunch with marshall but actually i'll be spying on her and

barney okay okay i'm good with that heather heather good

luck tomorrow at gnb i'm sure you'll knock him dead and i'll be spying on you

guys damn it i'm drinking till i forget the

1999 nfc championship that game

The Vikings were two minutes away from going to the Super Bowl when our kicker,

who hadn't missed all year, shanked a field goal and we lost in overtime.

Damn!

99 NFC Championship game? Yeah.

Damn!

My dad, who I'd never seen cry my whole life, wiped away a tear.

He said, a little part of me just died, son.

Wow.

I love how intense you guys are about your Vikings.

It's like when we watch Hockey Night in Canada.

What?

Don't let anyone in here know that you're not from Minnesota.

Why? What do they do if they find out I'm from... Is this something a Dallas

bar to you, pal?

That's weird, but there's something comforting about being carried like

this.

Man,

can you believe that guy?

So, Robin, where are you from?

Bemidji.

Bemidji, Minnesota.

Go bikes!

Kids,

for what happened next, I'm going to jump ahead a couple days.

Wow.

That is a pretty sweet briefcase.

That's a pretty sweet security camera, too.

Oh, and there's another one. And a guard. I'm planning on paying for it,

Ted. Yeah, well, you don't have the job yet.

That door's a push, not a pull.

There you go.

Hey, thanks again for keeping an eye on her yesterday.

Look, maybe I was wrong.

She sounds like she handled Barney just fine. Maybe she'll be able to handle New

York. No thanks necessary.

Why not?

I have a secret. No, I don't. Nothing happened. Something happened.

What happened?

Nothing. After Heather's interview, I went to say hi to Marshall for a few

minutes. And when I came back...

Lily, Lily, before you say or do anything, I beg you one favor.

What? Get off that. It's Prada.

I am so sorry.

I knew it. I knew it all along. She is still the same irresponsible train wreck

that she always was. And when I see Barney... You won't say a word.

Ted, Heather begged me not to tell you. She will hate my guts if she knows that

I blabbed.

Oh, I love that briefcase, but I can't afford it.

You were right, Ted.

i certainly was see she didn't get the briefcase that's responsible and there's

almost no way she had sex with anyone in there turning over a new leaf

evening everybody

so my dad and i are at the 99 nfc championship game i say evening

everybody and we missed that field goal and lost damn

My dad, who I had never seen cry in my entire life, wiped away a tear and said,

a little part of me just died, son.

Son?

Oh, I told him the way I'm going to tell my son, if I'm ever lucky enough to have

a son, and name him Rashad Tarkington.

Robin. Great story. Great story!

But it does sound a little bit familiar.

I know. They totally ate it up. I see what you're doing here.

What? I brought you here as a favor because... because I felt sorry for you,

okay? And now it's like you're trying to steal my bar.

You think I'm trying to steal your bar?

Ugh, get oot.

Get oot?

What, are you Canadian?

No, I just... If you want to impersonate a Canadian, just turn off the lights and

get all scared.

What was that?

Oh, well, with Canada right across the border, we Minnesotans sometimes like to

make jokes at your guys' expense, and they're all sort of along the same

theme. That we're afraid of the dark? Yeah.

For example, hey, everyone, how many Canadians does it take to change a light

bulb?

What? Oh, no. The light bulb's out. I'm scared.

That is insane. Why do you think the Canadians are afraid of the dark?

Well, where does any prejudice come from, Robin? A stereotype starts and all

of a sudden it spreads like wildfire. Like, Asians can't drive.

Scotsmen are cheap.

Brazilians always put on way too much postage.

I just don't think this is going to work out, Robin.

You can't be hanging out with people who belittle your beloved homeland, so I'll

walk you out.

No, wait.

I have something to say.

Hey, everybody.

Let me tell you something about people from Canada.

Hey, Robin, please don't make a scene.

Do you know why Canadians never get a birthday wish?

Because they're too afraid to blow out the candles.

Oh, God, I love it here.

I think your prospects at GNB are good.

You've certainly made it clear you're willing to take any position.

Are these new coasters?

Well, I hope you get the job.

Nothing gives me more pleasure than filling an opening.

I swear to God, these coasters are thicker.

Well, I am willing to bend over backwards. Okay, that's it. I cannot

believe you had sex with my sister.

You blabbed. You know what?

This is a new batch of the old coasters. I'm just going to confirm that with a

barge. And you, you're mature and responsible now? Is it mature and

responsible to go to your first big job interview in New York City and nail a

total stranger?

You've always been immature and irresponsible.

You will always be immature and irresponsible.

And I wouldn't co-sign a library card for you, let alone a lease.

Barney and I didn't have sex.

Save it. Lily saw you. Or did she?

You see, Ted, you had so little faith in Heather and me. We decided to give you

exactly what you expected of us. And I knew we could count on Lily to blab. Oh,

my God!

What? Why would you do that?

Because you deserved it. Ted, you know I'm no saint.

And yes, it's true, that time I drove your mother to the airport.

Well, let's just say there was a very confusing, sexually charged moment in

short-term parking.

But I said I would never go near your sister, and I meant it. You should have

trusted me. You're so convinced I'm still some out-of-control teenager, you

missed the fact I grew up.

I'm going to find a hotel.

I'll get my things later.

Merry Christmas.

Your mom and I kissed.

I gotta move on. I've got five seconds to catch two more sturgeon. Hey, we've

got a possible gill screen.

Forget it. You can't catch two fish with one hook.

No, but I can catch one fish and use that fish to catch the other one.

She's not from Bemidji, and she doesn't know a darn thing about the Vikings.

She's mad because she got high score.

Robin, in the 99 NFC Championship game, when the Vikings lost... Damn!

Oh, damn!

Who was the kicker who missed the field goal?

Uh... Uh... Rashad

Tarkington.

Gary Anderson.

He's now retired, owns a fly fishing business in Canada.

Goodbye, Robin.

No.

You know what?

I'm glad you found out.

Because I'm proud to be Canadian.

We may not have... a fancy NFL team or Prince.

But we invented trivial pursuit.

You're welcome, Earth.

Plus, in Canada, you can go to an all-new strip club and order alcohol.

That's right. From Moose Jaw to the Bay of Fundy, you can suck down a 20-ounce

pilsner while watching some coal miner's daughter strip down her pelt.

Jealous.

In Canada, people don't care where you're from.

and maybe loan them a smoke or hand over a donut.

I'm proud to be from the Great White North.

And I wish I was there right now.

And we're not afraid of the dark.

I mean, we don't love it, but who does?

Merry Christmas.

Ted... Look inside.

You just... If you push it towards... Not down, towards the middle. Don't need

your help. Got it.

You signed the lease.

Yeah. You know why?

Because you trust me and think it's a great idea?

Because I want to get to know you.

The new you.

Thanks.

By the way, in your new neighborhood, you really should get a good solid

deadbolt for the door.

If you want.

To live.

I'm so sorry for what happened back there. I act like a total jerk. I

shouldn't have said anything.

No, look, I'm sorry.

That was your place. I shouldn't have tried to make it mine.

It's just every year at the holidays I get homesick.

And so far every year I've had a reason to stay. A boyfriend, a job, or

something.

But this year for the first time I don't.

Yes, you do.

What?

We all love you, okay?

If you ever moved back to Canada, we would hop on a plane, we would track you

down, and after Barney dragged us to a few of those strip clubs you talked

about, we would bring you back right here where you're supposed to be. It's

not New York without Robin Scherbatsky.

Thanks. Yeah.

I just miss it there sometimes.

I wish I could blink my eyes and be back in Canada for an hour, you know?

I was hoping you would say that.

Once there was this girl who wouldn't go and change with the

girls in the church. How did you find this place?

Feels like home, right? There's one way to find out.

Oh, sorry there. Didn't see you. Are you okay? I'm fine.

Okay. Sorry about that.

Have a donut on the hose.

Thanks. Okay.

Okay, you bumped into him, and he apologized and gave you a donut on the

hose? Oh, it's just like home.

Sorry!

It's gonna be fine!

Sorry.

No one likes the dark.

Next up from Ontario, Marshall Erickson.

I didn't know you signed up. What are you going to sing?

Well, I think you'll recognize it.

But that's okay. I'm going to rock your body anyway.

I'm going to rock your body to Canada Day. Buddy, you can turn up the screen.

We know the lyrics.

Everybody come and play.

Throw every last care away.

Let's go to...