Original subtitles

We are now about to land in the world-famous city of Los Angeles.

Its name, translated from the ancient Spanish, means City of the Angels.

It is also the home of the American motion picture industry.

The city is of night, perchance of death.

20,000 people arrive here to settle every week. They leave all hope behind

to enter here.

One certitude while saying they cannot leave.

One anodyne for torture and despair.

The certitude of death.

There, there. I'll get it then.

Would you look after my little girl, please? Just for a moment.

Madam.

Mama, be right back.

Mama, be right back.

Kindly fasten your seatbelts and refrain from smoking, please.

Here, sit. Sit down.

Thank you.

Right through that door there. Thank you.

Your passport, please.

Dennis

Barlow.

Profession... A.R.D., huh? Yes, artificial insemination donor.

Just a job I had for a while.

Actually, I'm a poet.

Poet?

An English poet? Well, yes, I am English. One of them beatnik poets, huh?

A beatnik? No.

No, I'm not a beatnik.

You got one of them beetle haircuts, though, haven't you? A beetle haircut?

No, I don't see it. It's an ordinary English haircut.

Just what do you do for a living, Mr. Barton? A bar load.

I haven't decided on anything specifically.

Haven't decided?

Just how did you get to this country, then?

Well, that's a rather, uh, an amusing story.

You see what happened, I was, uh, I was seeing my girlfriend off at the, uh, at

the London airport, and they said that I was the, uh, I was the five millionth

person to see... No, wait, it was the ten millionth person to see someone off

on a plane, and they, uh, well, they gave me this ticket, so I thought I'd

come here.

I mean, it was either Los Angeles or Calcutta, and I thought, well...

What the hell?

Just how long do you plan to stay in our country, Mr. Burton?

A while. That depends.

Depends? Depends on what?

Oh, well, I'll be staying with Sir Francis Hinsley, the artist.

He's my uncle.

Megalopolitan Pictures.

That's where he works.

DJ Junior, we want to get a piece of this James Bond audience.

Right. And we're going to give him that package.

But with a brand new ribbon on it. We give him the one thing that Jim Bond

don't have.

Human warmth.

Are you still with me, D.J. Jr.? Now, he's still English.

He's still aristocratic.

But he's got human warmth.

He's a human James Bond.

Do you think you can handle that English accent, Dusty?

Oh, shucks.

I reckon I could if I just sort of smuck up on it. Well, I think Frank here could

straighten him out on the accent bit.

Is that right, Frank? You think you can?

Oh, yes, I dare say I could.

Yes, I think I can.

You're sure you think you sure you can, right?

Yes, I think I can.

What do you say, Dust?

You think you'll feel at home with this? You feel it's right for you? You just

turn him loose, DJ Junior, and I'll try to ride him.

Okay. Um, Harry, look, this is your baby. I'll tell you what I want you to

do. Here, hold the cars.

Who?

Oh, yeah, yeah, uh, just a minute.

Frank, it's for you.

Me?

Very embarrassing.

I can't imagine. Who?

Hello?

Yes, speaking.

Who?

Barlow? Who?

You mean you're Emily's boy?

Good heavens, what on earth are you doing out here?

Oh.

Oh, very well. I'll be down in a few moments. I suppose I can get away from

here. Yes. See you in a moment. Goodbye.

You'll excuse me, won't you, gentlemen? I seem to have inherited a nephew.

Go ahead, Frank. Go right ahead.

So long, Harry.

As I was saying, my dear Dennis, mine was only a gradual decline.

Most of my fellow relics had been discarded years ago.

i think i'll just have my usual deep dish lolita and iced tea with a sprig of

mint please i'll have rest of squab brigitte

and the gold water nut flip actually i never quite knew why they ever gave me a

knighthood i suppose it may have been because i always painted such important

people

But here there are only the drakes of the drake, so to speak.

Hello, Frank, baby. Oh, hello, Harry.

This is my nephew. Great to meet you.

Oh, you just take it easy, you hear?

That wasn't the Dusty Akers, was it? It was indeed.

About to undergo a major operation on his image.

So, to continue, the climate here suits me admirably.

And the people here are so kind and generous.

They talk entirely for their own pleasure.

And they never expect you to listen. Just remember that, dear boy. It's the

secret of social ease in this country.

By the way, where are you proposing to live while you're out here?

Well, I... I hadn't quite decided.

Why not come and stay with me, then?

Thank you, Uncle Francis. That's a...

Very kind of you. If you don't mind taking potluck, of course.

Well, that reminds me, there's a dinner tonight at the English Club.

Not grand, of course, but they might give us a fairly decent meal. Then it'd

be a good opportunity for you to meet some of the chaps.

Ah, there's Sir Ambrose Abercrombie, one of our most ardent thespians. You've

probably seen him, Dennis. He usually plays prime ministers or butlers.

Ambrose. My dear Francis, how good to see you. The trouble with this place is

one is so confoundedly busy, you know, one loses touch.

You'd better pick up my ladyship and come back for me at 11 sharp. Oh,

Ambrose, I'd like to introduce to you my nephew, Dennis Barlow, Sir Ambrose

Abercrombie, a stalwart young fellow, occasionally touched by the muse I'm

given to understand.

Gentlemen, the Queen.

The Queen! Queen! Queen!

Well,

here we are gathered together again, gentlemen.

I must say I look forward to these dinners.

Keeps us limeys together.

Yes, rather.

As I was just saying to our young friend here, We have to put up a good show.

Not many of us, but we're being watched.

That's why I've always made it a rule never to do anything in my own home that

I wouldn't do in front of the camera.

And never to do anything in front of the camera that I wouldn't do in my own

home.

Francis, I think your nephew is in need of air.

Oh, how very embarrassing.

Dennis, come along, Dennis.

Come along. Up's the daisy.

That's... I'm afraid it's the heat, you know, and there's a change of

temperature and climate and so on. Come along, Dennis.

Home to bed. Come along.

Ah, my dear Dennis, good morning. I do hope you slept well.

Good morning, Uncle Francis.

I'm sorry about last night.

Oh, don't give it another thought, dear boy.

I suspect you were a bit overtired.

These newfangled jets, abrupt transition.

I'm certain one loses all sense of time and proportion, not like the dear old

days on the Queen Mary.

What would you fancy for breakfast?

Eggs?

That'll be fine.

Dear me, there don't seem to be any eggs. How stupid of me. Perhaps we could

make do with these, uh,

grand shreddies.

Ah, that's a sketch I made for the orgy scene in The Sins of Solomon.

Thank you, Dennis.

The studio was simply scandalized by it, but the public lapped it up.

Those were the days, you know. I only had to ask for something and they went

straight out and bought it.

If I said real gold, real gold it had to be.

Such a lovely morning, Dennis.

I think we ought to have breakfast down by the pool, don't you?

Let me carry something for you.

I wish you could have seen this place in the old days, like a great aquarium

flashing with the limbs of beauties, all, alas, long since departed.

Golden lads and girls all must, as chimney-sweepers, come to dust.

Have you any definite plans for the future, dear boy?

I think you ought to get out a bit and see something of the country.

Well, first off, I...

Thought I might look around for a job of some sort. A job?

Oh, you're short of cash, then?

I am, rather. There is one thing that every Englishman who comes out here must

understand. Whether he likes it or not, he is an ambassador.

We are all of us judged by his performance.

I hope you're not going to be the one who lets the side down. I'll try not to,

sir. I'm sure you'll find the dentist is with us all along the line, Ambrose. I

hope so.

What is your field, exactly?

Well, actually, I haven't quite settled on anything as yet.

Really?

I thought I'd shop around a bit, see what's going.

There is one thing I would say to you, sir. There are certain jobs out here

which an Englishman simply does not take.

Hey, kid, over here. Bring it here.

That's right. Thank you.

Hey, get those towels up here.

Hurry up now.

Hey, pal, where's the switch to this thing?

Pal, get the towel, Jerry, you slowpoke.

Hey, get the towel.

Thank you.

Turn up the heat, old chap.

Where are the towels?

So I tell her, Majesty, I said, ma'am, I said, you've done us a very great honor.

Not at all, she said, not at all, Sir Ambrose. I enjoyed the picture.

Of course, Edinburgh was with her, you know.

She takes him along everywhere these days. I don't know why.

Well, he's her husband, you know. Yes, I suppose I would account for it. So I

said, ma'am, I... You know, I believe this damn thing's on fire.

Oh, and what did she say? No, no, you listen. Okay.

with english bed frank i think it's coming along don't you dusty well i sure

hope i am damn if i don't won't you take my seat

frank i've got an idea now you're an artist right right supposing we get

dusty here all dolled up english style then you paint his picture in it i see

the idea harry sort of character portrait of an english gentleman that

sort of thing

Look at this.

Though I say it myself, I'm delighted with it. I haven't been so excited about

anything for years.

I believe it's the beginning of a new period for me.

My best.

Do try and sit on that horse properly, Dusty.

Sorry, Frank.

Don't be ashamed of displaying certain arrogance.

It's perfectly hopeless, you know. He simply hasn't got it in his blood.

Wait till the studio sees this, Dennis.

Are you going off somewhere, my boy?

Oh, just for three or four days. That's what I came to tell you about. What kind

of holiday is it?

Oh, it's just another job.

Happy days are here again.

The skies above are clear again.

Let's sing a song of cheer again. Wait for me!

Come back!

I don't like the look of this. Yes, it may get a bit dicey. Dicey. Dicey.

If he decides to use the giant squid.

What do you think we ought to do?

Do you remember that gal?

You think she'll do it?

Maybe not.

But I've always said it's better to bag a bird than go for a bird.

Yeah.

I think we're on top of it now.

And you, Dutch, you are looking good in there.

Hello? It's your father.

Yes, DJ.

Oh, no, no, DJ. No sweat.

Yeah, that's right, DJ.

What's that, D.J.? Yeah,

well, what about... Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Oh, no, D.J., you see, I thought that... Yeah, D.J., I read you, D.J.

Well, yeah, D.J., um... I'll talk to you later, D.J.

Um, fellas, I hate to break this up, but I've got to make a meet in ten minutes.

See you later.

See you later.

Harry.

T.J. didn't buy it, huh?

Frank let you down, Harry.

He didn't bring him along fast enough.

Well, you've got to get something on the boards by Monday, right?

That's right, Harry.

Well, now, hold it, hold it.

I think I've got a live one here.

Doctors. Doctors are hot, right?

Okay. So, uh, how about a panel quiz show called What's My Disease?

The contestant is wheeled in the kind of shrouded cage.

And then, uh, there's, uh... Hold it, Harry.

Hold it.

You just don't get the message, baby. You just don't get the message.

I mean, it's cutback time, Harry. You know what I mean? What do you mean?

Let me talk to the Blessed Reverend. This is his brother.

What?

Yes, yes, I know that. But this is urgent.

Look, I don't care where he is. I've got to talk with him.

Will you please put him on?

Yes, I'll wait.

You'll just have to be patient.

Hello?

Yes?

It's your brother, sir.

I'm all washed up here at the studio.

Listen, you've got to help me.

Please. Please.

Just give me one more chance.

I won't let you down this time.

I promise you.

Perhaps there is something, after all, suitable to your particular talents.

One last chance, Harry.

Oh, that's great, Will. I'll take anything.

Anything you say.

Wait a minute, Will.

I couldn't do that.

Not that. Take it, Harry, or leave it.

I'll take it. I'll take it. And remember this, Harry.

One word about my connection with that place, and you'll wish you were dead.

Oh, I'm so sorry. I have stupid on me. Never done such a thing before.

Miss Benson.

Hi. Oh, DJ Junior.

Frank.

Well, how nice of you to stop by. You know, I appreciate that. I really do.

Come on, won't you come in?

DJ Junior, I want you to see this painting. I've just finished it. I'm

really rather pleased with it. I do want to see that sometime, Frank.

I want very much to see that. Go right ahead. I believe it may be the threshold

of a new period for me. Yeah, well, I'm very anxious to see that, Frank.

DJ Junior, there's something else I wanted to ask you.

It's a bit odd. I went into my office this morning and there was some chap

there and a piece of paper pinned on the door with a name something like Lorenzo

Medici.

Oh, yeah, Frank, yeah, that's right.

Only, look, Frank, maybe he says it Medici like that.

No, and how you say it kind of sounds like a wop.

And Mr. Medici is DJ's son-in-law and my brother-in-law, and he's a very, very

wonderful person with a very fine record. Oh, I've no doubt of that, DJ

Junior, but the point is, where do I work now?

Well, that's the thing I do want to talk to you about, Frank, only, as you can

see, I just don't have the time right now.

Yeah. Ciao, baby.

Mickey, take care of him, will you?

Am I to understand that I've been... that the studio no longer... You'll get

formal notification in a couple of days, I expect.

You know how these things get hung up.

However, I do have your final check for you right here.

Oh, it just needs one other signature.

Well, I'll get it out to you just as soon as possible.

Thank you.

One of the girls was telling me you've been here just ever so long.

Thirty-one years.

Thirty-one years.

You were here before I was born.

I hope I don't stay here that long.

Oh, I feel sure that you're destined for a far happier fate than that, my dear.

Goodbye and thank you.

Excuse me.

That isn't studio property, is it?

Uncle Frank!

Uncle Frank?

Bad form, gentlemen.

Bad form.

If only Sir Francis had chosen a less sordid... All those pictures in the

press. That dreadful pool with those cracks in it.

Well, let's get on with it.

I am afraid that Sir Francis' estate is practically null.

No, well, that's neither here nor there.

What is of paramount importance is that Sir Francis should be given a funeral

appropriate to his station, and one that will reflect credit on the British

community as a whole.

The sale of this cottage will be sufficient to defray the cost.

Well, now, Barlow, we've had this document drawn up. Your signature is

necessary. Just put your name at the bottom of the page.

That's right.

Well, now, I propose that young Barlow here shall initial that, will you? Shall

make the arrangements.

I think there's no doubt that the proper place for Sir Francis is Whispering

Glades.

we come to something really marvelous, a real high point of the tour, it seems to

me.

Every time I reach this point, I get, well, I don't know, I get all choked up.

Here it is, the great statue of the blessed Reverend Wilbur Glenworthy.

This world-famous statue was executed by the internationally known artist and

sculptorist, Tina Tube.

and is available in handsome reproductions at the gift shop near the

West Gate.

They're really quite marvelous, those little reproductions.

Now, look at the book containing the creed of the Blessed Reverend.

This book is carved of the finest Carrero marble.

The letters on the pages, they're 18-carat gold, and they're worth at

least $30 apiece.

And now...

I want you to hear something.

I want you to hear the Blessed Reverend himself speak the words of the Creed.

This is the actual voice of the Blessed Reverend himself.

I did awake, and a dream came unto me.

And lo, I beheld a life of eternal happiness. Excuse me, sir.

A life where shadows...

Sir, where could I find information about the... Radiant beams of sunshine

and joy.

Burials! Prices on inquiry at the administration office.

Drive on up the road. The laughter of little children.

Where grief became gladness.

Where sorrow became the mewing of tiny kittens and

splash of... precious duck babies at play and

a voice came unto me and said go forth and

realize your dream and so did I obey and

build for all eternity this whispering glades

stranger

Enter these gates and be happy.

May I help you, sir?

Yes. I came to arrange about a funeral.

Is the funeral for yourself?

I beg your pardon?

No. I thought you might have come for pre-need counseling.

Many of our friends like to plan ahead.

Was your loved one a relative?

He was my uncle.

In that case, he must have been Caucasian. Certainly not, no.

He was English.

Oh, that's all right. English is Caucasian.

We prefer that word. At Whispering Glades, it's much less offensive than

white. Oh.

Well, uh, I can assure you that he was, uh... He was quite white. The Blessed

Reverend has to consider the feelings of the waiting ones.

In time of trial, they prefer to be with their own people.

May I ask, what was your loved one's name?

Sir Francis Hinsley.

Why, of course.

Sir Ambrose Abercrombie called this morning and said someone would be

coming. We all have the greatest respect for Sir Ambrose.

In fact, we hope that one day he may decide to join us.

Would you wait here a moment, please?

I'm afraid you don't quite understand.

What's all this about, anyway?

Is there something wrong with my money?

That's not the question, Mr. Bernstein.

Please, don't take this personally.

I'm sure there are many high-class establishments in this city which would

be delighted to help you.

Forrest Lawn, for example.

You can get their address at the information desk.

So sorry.

Come, Claude.

Mr. Barlow, this is our cosmetician from the Gothic slumber room.

She'll take good care of you.

Will you follow me, please?

What did you have in mind?

Inhuman, entombment, inurnment, immurement. Some people just lately have

preferred in sarcophagusment.

It's very individual.

Well, I think we'd better just have him buried.

This way, please.

Right this way.

Please be seated.

Very restful.

What did your loved one pass on from?

He hanged himself.

Was the face much disfigured?

Hideously. That's quite usual.

Now, was there anything especially characteristic of your loved one?

Let me think.

Did he smoke a pipe, perhaps?

Some people prefer that their loved ones have a pipe in their mouth.

I mean, of course, if they smoked one during life.

Well... Then there was a lady who made her leave taking holding a telephone.

He did carry an umbrella times, but I don't suppose... Well, if it were

closed.

Tell me, do you enjoy this kind of work?

I regard it as a very, very great privilege, Mr. Barlow.

Now I think we'd better go and look at the caskets.

Mr. Starker will counsel you as to your loved one's additional needs.

Counsel Starker?

This is Mr. Barlow.

Mr. Barlow, how do you do? Mr. Barlow's loved one is Sir Francis Hinsley.

Yes, of course.

I'm certain we can accommodate Sir Francis in an appropriate manner.

Had you any special requirements in mind, Mr. Barlow?

Well, I haven't thought much about it, actually, you see. Well, it all happened

quite suddenly, you see.

Yes, of course.

This way.

Now, these are lead-coated steels.

Medium price range.

The Silent Night special.

And very special it is, too, if I may say so.

Waterproof, of course.

A waterproof?

All our units are waterproof.

This offers maximum protection for a unit in the middle price range.

Now, here is your handsome rest king in seven-gauge steel.

With a choice of finish in eight color combinations.

This unit...

is guaranteed to give maximum protection.

It's moisture-proof, Mr. Barlow.

And here are your bronzes.

They are dampness-proof. Dampness-proof? Not merely waterproof, nor moisture

-proof, Mr. Barlow, but dampness-proof.

Now then, in addition, your emperor model features not a rayon or crepe

interior,

But an all-silk interior.

Tell me, Mr. Barlow, was your uncle a sensitive person?

Yes, I suppose he was. Rayon chafes, you know.

Personally, I find it really quite abrasive.

Well, then I think that I'll take the emperor model.

Wonderful, Mr. Barlow, wonderful.

Now then, Mr. Barlow, have you given any thought to exterior designations?

I can give you our eternal flame in either perpetual eternal or standard

eternal. What is the difference, actually?

Well, with standard eternal, your flame burns only during visiting hours. It is

shut down at night.

With your perpetual eternal, your flame is in service 24 hours a day.

Well, I think the perpetual eternal, wouldn't you?

Oh, yes.

Yes. Propane or butane, Mr. Barlow.

What? Propane burns blue air.

Oh, well, nicer, I think.

Don't you?

Definitely. Oh, marvelous.

Simply marvelous, Mr. Barlow.

Now we'll just go along into fittings.

This is the Prince Albert, one of our most popular slumber room ensembles.

Really quite lovely.

It's split at the seams, you see.

Avoids having to force the arms and legs.

Very clever, isn't it?

Oh, yes, it is. The idea originated in vaudeville with the quick change

artiste. Yes, I see. Well, as a matter of fact, I think he might be best in

something of his own. Of course, if you feel that would be appropriate.

Would you sit down, please?

Now then, Mr. Barlow, the shoes.

designed to fit the foot at rest.

The foot curls a bit, you know, and rigmo sets in.

I see. Very smart, aren't they?

Yes, quite smart.

Now then, a morning outfit for yourself.

Pardon? Rock cut, I believe.

Well, I think a plain dark suit.

That is, if you have one.

Naturally, Mr. Barlow. Without the open seams, I hope.

You'll be the death of me yet, Mr. Barlow.

And now we'll see some of our slumber rooms.

I know all about that. The car loadings on Freestone Fruit have fallen down

below any level that I will accept.

Well, I don't care if you have to put on more men.

Mr. Keeler's in peach preserves.

Of course, he's very upset about his wife, but his business is so heavy right

now that he just can't afford to neglect it for a moment.

I guess it's seasonal.

And now we have a nightshade room with our new solarium for sun worshippers.

Now, if you'll follow me, please, I'll show you around the grounds.

Let me explain the dream to you.

This entire place is a dream. If the Blessed Reverend had not dreamed it, it

would not exist.

This building, like all others in the Spring Glades, is built of cast iron and

reinforced concrete.

It is certified protection against fire, earthquake, and nuclear fission. The

Blessed Reverend always built for eternity.

The park is zoned. Each zone has its own name and its own work of art.

And here are the Cloisters of Harrow. The Cloisters of Harrow? Yes, for loved

ones of great learning.

Oh, I see. They were all great scholars.

Yes. This is the entire missionary staff of the St. Francis Theological Seminary

of Burbank. All massacred.

All of them? Yes, in different parts of the world over the years by the regional

savages there.

This is Barchester Terrace for loved ones of the financial professions.

Of the financial professions?

Yes, bankers, manufacturers and other loved ones with large backing.

We have double plots here in the Damon and Pythias section for loved ones who

were very close.

Then over here we have Lover's Nest, with Rodin's famous statue, The Kiss, 25

% larger than a life-size replica would be. Unrestrained passion. And here we

have the Falls of Xanadu.

The Falls of Xanadu?

Funny that Coleridge never mentioned them.

I beg your pardon?

Coleridge, the man who wrote the poem.

I never heard there was a poem.

All the names in Whispering Glades were created by the Blessed Reverend.

Uh, what are those things? The bottom of the lagoon is known as Neptune's Cradle.

Those loved ones were completely dedicated to the sea.

They're long-distance swimmers, 4th of July boating enthusiasts, admirals,

surfers, water skiers, all sorts.

Several plots are available here in the shadow of the prominent Greek poet

Homer. Yes, I think Uncle Francis would like that.

Homer used very visual imagery.

Oh, that's fine.

Shall we put him down for Port's Corner, Mr. Barlow?

Yes, let's.

When shall I see you again?

Oh, the day after tomorrow.

You'd better come a little earlier before the leave-taking to see that

everything is as you wish.

Whom shall I ask for?

Just for the cosmetician of the Gothic slumber room.

No name?

No name is necessary.

That hardly seems fair.

I mean, you have mine.

Mr. Barlow, the rules here were made by the blessed reverend, and we follow them

gladly.

You see, whispering glades...

is a way of life.

Good morning. Good morning, sir. Good morning. Good morning, sir.

Good morning,

sir.

Good morning. Good morning.

Good morning.

Good morning, Mr. Joy Boy.

Good morning. Good morning, Mr. Joy Boy. Good morning. Good morning, Mr. Joy Boy.

Good morning. Good morning.

Good morning, Miss

Thanatogenous.

Good morning, Mr. Joy Boy.

Here is the strangulated loved one for the Gothic slumber room.

Was he a difficult case, Mr. Joy Boy?

No, just a wee bit, but I think he came out just that.

Oh, he's beautiful.

Yes.

There.

He came up nicely.

So supple.

Well, I'd better begin.

I don't know what it is. I don't know how to explain it, you see, but it seems

when I know I'm working for you, then something in me says he's on his way to

Miss Thanatogenous, and then my fingers just take control.

Haven't you noticed that?

Well, I did say only last week that all the loved ones that come for Mr. Joy

Boy have the most beautiful smiles. It's all for you, Miss.

Mr. Joy Boy.

Mr. Joy Boy. Yes, what is it? Two more loved ones just came in. Who are they

for? Mr. Vogel's three.

One of them is an infant.

Is it a mother and child?

No, no relation.

Then Mr.

Vogel, take the adult and I'll do the baby.

You do love children, don't you, Mr. Joy Boy?

Well, off to baby.

Is it what you'd hoped, Mr. Barlow?

Oh, more.

Is it quite hard?

Fern.

May I touch your hand? Please do not.

It leaves a mark.

Come this way, gentlemen.

Excuse me.

Ah, Barlow.

Yes.

What was it?

My old friend, Sir James Barry, used to say, to die will be a very great

adventure.

Thank you.

Paolo, didn't old Frank say you did a bit of ballad mongering?

Well, why don't you write me something to recite at the funeral?

Keep it short and direct, will you?

Well, I'll certainly try, Sir Ambrose.

Then make it legible. I don't want to have to wear my goggles.

Yes.

Do you know, I don't think I've ever seen old Frank looking better.

Bury the great knight with the studio's valediction.

Let us bury the great knight.

Valediction.

Valediction, restriction, friction, constriction.

They told me, Francis Hensley.

They told me you were hung with red protruding eyeballs

and black protruding tongue.

I wept as I remembered how often you and I

had laughed.

About Los Angeles.

And now, tis here you'll lie.

Here, pickled in formaldehyde and painted like

a whore.

Shrimp pink.

Incorruptible.

Not lost.

Before.

Hello. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you.

I'm afraid my memory's very bad for live faces.

Tell me something.

Do you come here often? Yes, I do. I come here almost every day to have my

lunch.

Tell me, what do you think about when you're out here all by yourself?

Oh, just... death and dot.

Ah, half in love with easeful death.

What did you say?

It's a poem.

A poem?

Are you a poet?

For many a time I've been half in love with easeful death.

Called him soft names and many a mused rhyme.

To take into the air my quiet breath now more than ever.

Seems it rich to die.

To cease upon the midnight with no pain.

Did you write that?

Did you like it?

Oh, yes.

It's beautiful.

Did you write it since you came here to Whispering Glades?

No, no.

It was written a long time ago.

Well, it couldn't have been lovelier if you'd written it right here.

It must be a wonderful, inspiring thing to be a poet.

You have a rather poetic occupation yourself.

Yes.

Yes, I know I have.

Are some of the loved ones better to work on than others?

Oh, yes.

When a person has soul, it makes all the difference.

When there's soul, there's something to inspire you. Tell me something.

What would inspire you?

To work on a loved one who is like me.

You'd be difficult.

You're the wrong age for soul.

It comes more naturally in the very young or the very old.

But I'd certainly be inspired.

It would be marvelous to work on a poet.

Now more than ever, seems it rich to die.

I'd love to read your poem sometime.

I'll send it to you.

That is, if you'll tell me your name and address.

My name is Amy.

What a pretty name. Is it French?

Oh, no.

It's after Amy McPherson.

Well, I have to be going. Wait.

Where shall I send the poem? Oh, just send it here to Whispering Glades. This

is my true home.

We're running late, Joe. You better goose them up. Right.

Above the love of the flesh, dear brethren, there is a higher love, a

purer love, a fuller love, a love which can only be described as true

love.

Richard, wilt thou have this woman to thy wedded wife?

I will.

Patricia, wilt thou have this man to thy wedded husband?

I will.

Repeat after me, with this ring I thee wed.

Those whom God hath joined together, let no man put asunder. By the authority

vested in me by the state of California, I now pronounce you husband and wife.

All set?

Let us bury the great night with the studio's valediction, who has since

suffered a form of major constriction.

They told me, Francis Hinsley, they told me you were hung with red protruding

eyeballs.

I wept as I remembered how often you and I have laughed about...

taking him all in all.

This was a man.

Unto Almighty God, we commend the soul of our loved one departed.

Gibberish. Filthy gibberish.

Well, if you'd only taken the time to read it beforehand.

I have more important things to do than to read your doggerel. Amen.

I don't know what your game is, Father, but... We'll have you looking over here,

sir. Thank you, sir.

Thank you.

Right this way.

Thank you.

I'm sorry.

I sure did feel bad about your uncle. He's the one who learned me good

English.

The consul happens to be a personal friend of mine. He'll be told of your

scandalous conduct. If you take my advice, you'll get out of this country

before they throw you out. That may be a little bit uncomfortable.

The police here have developed new methods of dealing with hooligans like

you.

Dogs and cattle prods.

Hey, kid, what's with his lordship?

I think he didn't like my poem.

He's anti-art.

Well, what are your plans now?

Very flexible at the moment.

Well, I've just been thinking. You know, I've got a plan.

What? As a matter of fact, I've got a proposition for you. You just leave it

to old Harry.

You know something?

You look great in black.

I did not kill Arthur.

Come in. Yes, I... I know who you are, young man. Just come right over here and

just wait right here for a minute because my wife is a little upset.

Will you wait here, please?

Helen, that was a damn silly thing to say to me. Silly? Yes.

Yes, yes, of course.

You think everything's silly.

This house is silly. I'm silly.

The president's silly.

And Arthur was silly.

If you really loved Arthur as much as you say that you do... Where Arthur was

concerned, you never even gave love a break.

But you could have tried.

You mean... Yes.

Dr. Sallop could have helped you.

We've got to decide about the services for Arthur. We can't keep the Atwells

waiting. Must you make a farce out of everything?

Send him away.

Helen, we've got a set list once and for all for everybody's sake.

You filthy swine.

Why must you always hurt me?

Helen, please.

All right.

Have it your own way.

You always do.

I want to conclude this business as quickly as possible.

Come on, hurry.

Let's get to it.

All right. Come on, kid. Come on. Let's get to it. Yes, of course.

Which service have you decided on?

Well, I don't know. We can give you atonement, empowerment,

dissemination, or eternalization.

I don't know what the hell you're talking about.

Well, that would be embalmed, buried, scattered, or burned.

Burned. That's good. Burned.

Now then, let's see. Will you require a niche in our sanctum sanatorium, or

would you prefer to keep the ashes at home?

Not at home, pal. Not at home. No.

If you'll just sign the order form. Yeah.

Get this over with.

Where is the loved one?

oh you mean arthur he's in the kitchen i put him on the breakfast bar oh yes

every anniversary a card of remembrance is set without charge and it reads uh

your little arthur is thinking of you and wagging his tail in heaven tonight

that's beautiful very beautiful don't touch arthur helen we're five minutes

late now for dinner at the apples helen please stay where you are should i put

my hands up

No. Take Arthur and go.

Don't you dare.

Helen, this is ridiculous.

I'm getting hungry.

Stop.

All right, go ahead and shoot me. Shoot me.

Yes, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Always wanting the easy way out.

Well, this time you're not going to get it. Stop. Stop.

No.

Do me a favor, honey, will you?

Will you call the Ackwells and tell them we'll be late for dinner?

Yes, madam, yes, yes. You'll be in very good company.

Mm-hmm. Rin Tin Tin, Lassie, Trigger Silver, they're all here.

Little Sheba, Mr. Ed. Mm-hmm.

Fine. You bet.

Listen, why don't I drop by your place with one of our brochures, and I'll fill

you in on our services.

All right?

Fine. You bet. Right away.

Bye now.

How'd you make out, kid? Oh, quite well. Just, uh...

another well-adjusted american couple good well listen i've got to make a

little trip over to beverly hills see a man about a dog

Now, therefore, while the youthful hue sits on thy skin like morning dew,

now let us sport us while we may. Let us roll all our

strength and all our sweetness up into one ball and tear our

pleasures with rough strife, thorough the iron gates

of life.

The graves a fine and private place.

But none, I think, do there embrace

to his coy mistress from Andrew Marvel and

me.

I bought you the poem.

But you said you were going to send it. Well, I wanted to see you. I thought we

might go to the cinema or something.

Oh, well, Reverend Glenworthy considers it unethical for the girls to see the

waiting ones outside the establishment.

Yes, well, he needn't know about it, you know.

Oh, no, I couldn't deceive Reverend Glenworthy.

Oh, I see.

Well, anyway, I always stay home in the evenings.

Good night, Miss Thanatogenous.

Good night.

Ugh!

How disgusting!

What?

There, that awful truck.

Oh. The happier hunting grounds.

They try to be like us, and they just make a mockery of death.

Oh!

What's the matter? Are you sick?

No, no, no. It's not that. It's...

I can't explain. It's like some kind of a tiny brain hemorrhage. It comes over

me like this sometimes.

A poem.

Yes.

I must write it now.

Now, the thing is, this is not the place.

I know it's nearby.

If I could only think.

The Falls.

The Falls of Xanadu.

Here, right down here.

Come on.

This is a nice place.

Isn't this a likely spot?

Well, yes, it's lovely.

Amy?

I want you to help me. I want you to help me write the poem.

Help you? But how?

I want you to be... I want you to be a part of it.

Now, here, look.

Explain. Here, sit, sit.

Amy, a poet, an artist, he draws his inspiration from beauty in many forms.

Dennis, don't.

That's not an ethical thing to do.

Why? Don't Americans kiss?

Well, of course they kiss, but what has that got to do with us?

Everything.

You're an American girl.

And anyway, this certainly wouldn't be the time or place for... for that sort

of thing.

What better time and place could there be?

Here we are together.

Amy, shall I compare thee to a summer's day?

Did you just write that?

Thou art more lovely and more temperate.

Dennis, don't.

No, you must... Amy, you do want to help me write that...

I do... I do want to help you write the poem, but... In the name of art.

I think I chipped my cap on your tooth.

Behold the lovely foils of Xanadu.

An exact replica of those in the famous city of Kublai Khan.

They measure 427 feet in height. They produce 160

gallons of water per minute.

The falls were built in 1953 at a cost of more than one million dollars.

Regard these falls, stranger, and be happy.

Dear Guru Brahman, you may remember that I wrote to you about my feelings towards

the head of my department.

But now, I've met another man, and he's written a lot of poems to me.

When I'm with him, I feel more like the other girls say they feel when they're

with their boyfriends.

or at the movies.

However, he is not at all such an admirable character.

He's cynical about many things which are sacred.

Also, he's not American, but British.

And tonight, he tried to blank, blank with me.

First, he tried to rouse me in a physical manner.

I don't know whether I was roused or not.

I think so, but I did not let him do what he tried.

Should I see this man again?

Okay.

Dear Remy, the feeling you described for your first friend does not sound like

love, but still remember, love is a slow-growing seed which sometimes does

not flower until after marriage and commonly shared experiences.

Furthermore, you silly bitch, whichever one you get is much too good for you.

Strike out, the bitch.

And examine carefully the intentions of this glib foreign poet.

Good morning, Miss Anatogenes. Oh, I'm terribly sorry. I hope I didn't startle

you. No.

Miss Anatogenes, I cannot tell you how pleased I am.

Now, not only with your work, but with the high standards and the principles

that you bring to it.

Thank you. Yes, yes.

Yesterday I mentioned you to the blessed reverend.

The blessed reverend? Yes.

Which brings me to the reason for my intrusion here.

This way, Miss Thanatageness.

Tomorrow they shall be swimming on the new lake in Babyland.

The baby loved ones sometimes feel lost there at first, just after they've

passed over.

And I dreamed they needed playmates.

What do you think of my dream, Mr. Joy Boy?

It's a dream that only the blessed Reverend can dream, if I may say so.

And now I'd like to present Miss... Miss Thanatogenous.

Yes, Miss Thanatogenous, I've had my eye on you for some time now, as I have my

eyes on all the members of our fine family here.

Miss Thanatogenous, as there are many people of delicate sensibilities,

with the natural reluctance to expose their loved ones to anything savoring of

a modesty, I've been considering the advantages of training a female

embalmer.

Amy Thanatogenous, First Lady Embalmer of Whispering

Glades. Oh, thank you, Blessed Reverend.

Thank you.

Believe it? Oh, Mr. Joy Boy. Now, if I may intrude a personal note, this does

call for a little celebration, don't you think? I wonder if you would do me the

honor of having supper with me this evening.

Oh.

I don't know what to say.

Oh.

Well, I wish you to come to my home, Miss Anatogenes.

Yes, I claim the right and the very great privilege of introducing the First

Lady Embalmer of Whispering Glades to my mom.

The First Lady Embalmer of Whispering Glades? May I consider it definite,

then?

Well, seven then. Congratulations.

The first lady embalmer of Whispering Glades.

Lady embalmer of Whispering Glades.

The first lady embalmer of Whispering Glades.

Admin, if you will.

Blake, the report.

Gentlemen, these quarterly figures have distressed me greatly.

Glenworthy Enterprises is not a philanthropic organization.

And now let's go straight to the purpose of this meeting.

Namely, the status and future of our beloved Whispering Glades as a financial

proposition.

Haggerty, a projection.

According to our projection at the present rate of burial, the total

remaining acreage will be depleted in seven years' time.

Whispering Glades as an operational enterprise will then cease to exist.

The most feasible possibility, which has yet been suggested, is to convert this

acreage into a retirement city, a haven for our senior citizens.

Haggerty, the views.

Now, gentlemen.

These are the views, gentlemen, of some of our more successful retirement

communities. Here you see the Shangri-La Tropicana and our senior citizens at

play. The annual net has been placed at some 25,000 per acre, with the distinct

advantage of not depleting itself, since the turnover among retirement city

clientele is fairly brisk.

Suffice it to say that our overall projection figures indicate a 12,000%

gain. in the immediate conversion of this acreage into a retirement city, a

haven for our senior citizens.

Okay, kill it.

Gentlemen, any comment?

You're not thinking about disinterment.

Surely that is out of the question, Wilbur. After all, it's consecrated

ground.

There's got to be a way to get those stiffs off my property.

First lady embalmer of Whispering Glades.

That's splendid.

How much is that worth?

I don't know.

I never even considered that part of it. Well, it must be something. I mean, 200

a week.

Don't you... We could get married on that.

What did you say?

We could be married.

Don't you see?

Amy, wait. Now... My dear girl, don't you realize... It's only been money

that's been holding me back. An American would despise himself for living off his

wife. Yes, but you see, I'm English, and we have none of these prejudices in the

older, more developed civilizations.

I think you are being absolutely despicable. Oh, now, Amy, now, wait.

Listen, please.

Shh. Now, you want us to be together now, don't you?

Now to meet Mom.

This is Mom's room. It's sort of the center of things around here.

Yoo-hoo, Mom! Are you decent?

Well, here we come. Ready or not.

That's my boy!

I got you a big surprise.

Oh!

Hey. Hey.

This is Mom.

How do you do?

Hello, dear.

These are delicious.

This is our little Gandy bird. Come on, Gandy.

Come on. This is our little Gandy bird. Now, you just say hello to Amy, Gandy.

There is no death. There is no death. No death. Mom taught her to say that, you

see. Mom believes in positive thinking.

I call him Gandy because he's so skinny.

Give him a meaty. What do you like, darling?

That's a good bark.

Now that you've met us, what do you think of our little family?

Uh-oh. Well, it's time for king chicken.

Mom never misses her king chicken commercials.

And what's more, it's extra low in calories.

This must be king chicken. I don't even realize I'm watching my diet.

Serve it often, but make sure you serve the supreme quality king of chicken,

king chicken.

Where's Blath?

Blath? I always call him Blath, but not the ad.

7.38, time for big boy crabs.

It's a new one. It's a new one. Oh, they're using a giant one.

Oh, they're using a giant one now. Oh, God. It does look good, doesn't it?

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

God.

Mom's a heck of a lot of fun, isn't she?

Oh, she's...

Every inch a queen.

Oh.

Amy, I want to show you something.

This is my bedroom.

I wanted you to see it.

I don't know why.

Oh, that's the storage room over there. We're going to enlarge that a bit to put

in Mom's big tub, you see.

Big tub?

Yes, a big tub for Mom. I give her sponge baths, you see, but I'm going to

continue doing that. But I've saved my money and I've ordered a great big tub

for Mom.

Sometimes,

I know it sounds crazy, but...

Sometimes I have a dream. I dream that I'm in the food giant supermarket, the

one on La Brea Street, buying lobsters for Mom, the biggest, juiciest lobsters

you can imagine.

I buy them by the dozen, just the way people buy eggs.

And then they see me coming.

in the market and they say here comes the lobster man oh here he comes and

then i know it sounds crazy but then i kind of i do this little dance and i

sing mama little joy boy one lobster lobster mama's little joy boy one

lobster for mom and then the whole dream changes i

don't know it it becomes like a nightmare

I put that big darn platter of juicy lobsters down in front of Mom.

They're still alive.

As if I haven't cooked them at all.

And suddenly I start to cry because... I feel that I've let Mom down again.

That's all right, Laf. She says I'll take them the way they are.

By golly, she tears right into those live lobster's claws and all.

They just keep on clawing and biting.

And then finally... there's no more mom.

Lass, when is supper? I'm starving to death.

Mommy's little joy boy has piggy, piggy.

Mommy's little joy boy has piggy, piggy.

Help yourself, Amy. We don't stand on ceremony around here.

Thank you.

She says his mom's eating habits are un-aesthetic, and that he looks

undignified in an apron, and that she's not sure she really loves him. Tell her

to marry the other judge.

Till all the seas gang dry, my dear, and the rocks melt with the sun, I will love

thee still, my dear, while the sands of life shall run.

Now we're pledged to each other, aren't we, Dennis?

Yes.

Dennis, it says we shall have many a canty day.

What does that mean?

Canty day?

Something like Hogmanay, I expect.

Hogmanay? What's that?

People are throwing up in the streets of Glasgow.

Do you know the poem ends?

Now we man totter down, John, but hand in hand we'll go.

and sleep together at the foot.

John Anderson, my Joe.

Dennis, why are you so coarse?

Why don't I, uh, visit you tonight? At your home.

I mean, till you see a person's home.

You really don't know them.

Well, now that we are engaged, I suppose it's all right for you to come there.

Poor house.

I'm afraid there'll never be any more work on it.

You see, when they discovered it was a slide area, well, they abandoned it.

Well, just what exactly is a slide area?

Oh, it's a silly thing, really.

It's supposed to mean that the earth is gradually sliding down the side of the

mountain.

And they keep putting up these awful signs. Of course, I just snatch them

right down again.

and I'll show you the view.

Well, this is where I live.

You see, Dennis, I want to surround myself with beauty.

I don't care about what some people call comfort.

Isn't it rather dangerous?

Dangerous? I mean, isn't it liable to fall down?

Yes, I suppose it is.

Come on out.

Isn't it enchanting?

It's absolutely breathtaking.

It's like another world.

You know, some people think of death as a... a negative thing.

But you see how wrong they are, don't you?

What could be more... more beautiful and more thrilling than eternal rest?

Amy, look, why don't... why don't you show me some of the objet d'art in the

other room? You do love beauty, don't you?

What's that? Oh, that's just a slide.

Don't worry. Listen, I've got to push on now.

A raise?

Why would you need a raise?

Actually, Harry, I thought I'd buy a car. You can use the van.

Yes, Harry, I know I can use the van, and I do appreciate that, but, you see,

I'm going with this girl now, and, well, she has a thing about this place.

She thinks it's sacrilegious or something.

Sacrilegious, huh?

What does she know? She's some kind of kook?

Now, listen. I'll tell you, Dennis, how you can pick up a few extra bucks. You

can become a non-sectarian minister.

I beg your pardon? Yeah, like that guy Horowitz.

The guy that did the service on the Alsatian the other day.

He's non-sectarian.

Harry, would you say that a non-sectarian minister was the social

equal of an embalmer? You're damn right he is, kid.

Listen, there's a deep and abiding respect in the hearts of Mr. and Mrs.

USA for ministers of religion.

What the hell was that?

Don't touch it. Might be a live shell. Come on.

Hey,

kid, kid, don't go in there. There's a live bomb in there. It isn't a bomb.

It's a 70 centimeter projectile. I launched it at approximately 0500 hours.

Optical tracking confirmed.

Marginal error in trajectory calculation. All right, sonny.

Retardation chute must have failed.

Overheated.

Disintegration of thread fibers.

Flight stabilizers.

Hey, okay.

What time did it touch down?

What the hell do you mean, touch down? You call that a touch? It is very

important that I know the time of touch down. Listen, kid.

Somebody's gonna pay for this hole in the roof.

Don't you have insurance?

You're the one who's going to have to have insurance, Buster. What is that

thing anyway?

It's a modified C7 Wildcat single-stage 1H turbo with a 4G thrust.

It is, huh?

Where'd you get it? I built it.

For you, Miss Thanatogenous, from Mr. Joyboy.

This is how I feel since I heard of your betrothal.

Oh!

Amy, thy beauty is to me like those Nicene barks of yore that gently

on a perfumed sea the weary wayward wanderer bore to his own native shore.

On desperate seas long out to roam, thy hyacinth hair, thy classic face,

thy nighed hairs.

have brought me home to the glory that was Greece and the grandeur that was

Rome.

This little dog was embalmed in 1950.

Embalmed. Oh, yes, sir. May I help you? Yes, sir. I understand

that you interanimals. Yes.

Anything from a horse to a mouse. In the case of snakes, over six feet. We insist

that they be coiled.

I see. Well, I have a bird. It's a minor bird. It belongs to my mother. It's...

It's in here.

Well, uh, we better get him on ice right away.

Oh, uh, perhaps you'd like to, uh, look at our brochure on the desk there, then.

That'll give you an idea of our various, uh, services.

Would you excuse me?

Certainly.

Harry!

Harry! How much for a minor bird?

Miner bird? What the hell's a miner bird?

Something like a crow, I think. So the same price as crows, 30 bucks. Just a

minute, Barlow.

Harry, what's a CC displacement on a crow? Come again?

How big is it?

Now you're talking, Gunther. Come here, kid.

Now listen, as I always say it, if we could put this thing up here and put it

together...

beauty is to me like those nice cn box of yore the

rate is 30 for the uh for the standard service that'll be fine however

look we can offer you a special new service whereby the remains are placed

inside a rocket and fired into space fired into space yes fired into space

well that'll do just nicely

Bird born of egg, hath but a short time, and is full of lice,

and is cut down like a flower.

Let us say farewell to our Gandhi, thus departed.

You all set, kid? Right, Harry. Connect the umbilical.

All systems go.

Ready for countdown.

Earth to earth.

Ashes to ashes.

Dust to dust.

Air...

commit this bird to the air from whence it came.

Blast them.

Nice pattern. Almost hit a big black helicopter.

Where? Over there.

Oh, boy, wouldn't you know it, that's Will.

Amy!

Amy, please, you've got to let me explain.

Miss Thanatogenous doesn't want anything to do with you or your pilfered poetry.

Amy, please!

in God's name is happening here. Will, I know that must have looked kind of funny

to you, but... Funny? Now, wait a minute, Will. You see that kid back

there? That's Gunther. The kid's a genius. A space-age genius.

Well, what's he doing here?

Well, that's it, Will.

You see, the kid wanted his own lab.

Well, he started in taking stuff home from school.

Radar sets, jet engines, that kind of thing.

Then he went after their atomic reactor.

Ah, a raving lunatic.

I tell you, Will, he can put them in orbit.

He can what?

He can put them in orbit, Will.

He can put them into orbit.

He can put them into an orbit of eternal grace.

What?

Yes, Harry, I should like very much to meet this young Gunther.

Yes, among the hardware, which is now totally obsolete, a modified Atlas VIII

would be the vehicle of choice for the purpose you described.

Modification?

To what extent?

Hey, you better not smoke around here. Something might explode.

Of course, the real problem will be in obtaining the missile in the first

place.

Get me General Buck Brinkman in Air Force surplus.

Come over and meet the Reverend.

No, thank you, son.

Reverend Glenworthy, this is Colonel Bart.

He's one of our top fly boys in the know-how department.

Glad to meet you, Colonel.

Say, you have an empty glass there. We can't have that.

Waiter, some more champagne to the Colonel here.

I've told you to keep these glasses filled.

We're thirsty, right, boys?

Listen, Will.

Suppose you tell me what this is all about.

Right, Buck.

First, let's have a little look around the place. Let me show you how we do

things here at Whispering Glades. Huh?

Good.

Boys, follow me.

This is our selection room, gentlemen.

One of these models is sure to meet your requirements.

What's going on here? Is he trying to be funny?

Yes, I'm confident there's a unit here for every taste.

Consider these bronzes.

This is your deep rest special.

Colonel, I was wondering if I could ask you to test the weight of that unit.

Dr.

San Antonio!

What do you say, gang?

Last guy in the box is a bad boy.

That's not it.

I tell you, Harry, this first resurrection has got to be perfect.

How about a Nobel Prize winner? Herkowitz.

Nobel, Schmobel. It's got to be national appeal, Harry.

Yeah, sure.

Uh, well, wait a minute. What about a multimillionaire, Will? You're working

the wrong side of the street, Harry.

Well, now, wait a minute, Will. I think I've got it this time.

How about a baby?

A babe in arms?

From a babe in arms to a babe in orbit. How's that sound?

Hold it, Harry.

Hold it.

Condor, you shall fly again.

Well, the only thing that worries me, well, is that blodger thing. Will she

buy it?

Now, remember, you carry the ball, right? I mean, she's probably a pretty

classy broad, and she'll appreciate your style.

Don't be too pushy about it. She may still be in mourning.

Table down front, boys.

We're looking for Mrs.

Blodgett, Sadie Blodgett. Yes, the widow of the late astronaut, Captain Tom

Condor Blodgett. Okay, I'll get her. You can wait here, boys.

Up to the left.

Look, don't call him a hero to me.

I was there, right?

Well, he fell off a bar stool and broke his neck.

That's how it really happened.

Of course, they kind of hushed it up. And naturally, then, everybody said it

was my fault. But I don't see it that way.

I mean, I think it's the fault of the system.

Don't you?

Huh? Oh, yes, I do indeed. Yes.

What are you, English?

Yes,

I am.

I like Englishmen.

Have a drink?

Oh, thank you.

Mrs. Blodgett, I'm sure that you... You can call me Sadie.

Yes, well, I'd like to very much. Then why don't you... What I was going

to say, Sadie, is that I'm sure that you can appreciate how important your

attendance at the ceremony will be and that... Oh, I see.

A certain amount of decorum.

Will be expected. Oh, I know the drill.

I mean, I can make those scenes when I want to.

I tell you what, I've got to get on back to the office. Why don't you finish up

here with Mrs. Blodgett? Yes, Dennis, why don't you stay and help me pick out

something to wear?

Good night, Mrs. Blodgett. Good night.

Tell me, Buck, what about clearance from the space agency?

Think we'll have any trouble there?

Well, I'll tell you frankly, Will.

I don't trust those civilian eggheads.

Too much of the old pink, old pre-birding force to suit me.

Ah, I think I'll go straight to Mr. Big with this one.

Good idea, Buck.

Blessed Reverend, your brother's back.

Sadie swallowed it all.

Hook, line, and pull.

Right, Dennis?

Good work, Harry.

Good work.

Well, gentlemen, this is quite an historic moment.

We're about to step across the threshold of a new era.

Space burial and resurrection now.

What about space conservation, Will?

We're working on that, Buck. Gunther?

Orbital clusters.

With concentric elliptical patterns, it is possible that orbits transect an

almost infinite number of times, thus utilizing a relative small area of any

postulated space limit. What would happen if two of the loved ones

collided?

Gentlemen, I'm afraid some people just aren't ready for the space age.

I had a terrible awakening, and now I...

Sanitoginous. She's had a terrible awakening.

The man she thought she loved turned out to be a liar and a cheat and has lost

his job.

Okay, tell her to marry the other guy.

That seems to be about what she intends to do.

Or listen to your conscience for the rest of your life.

Now I'm talking about our oath, Amy.

The pledge of our troth, Amy, made on hallowed ground.

You're flooding the carburettor.

Leave it alone for a minute.

Just consider your flagrant disregard for the most sacred of all oaths. You

could release me from that pledge.

And you would if you were a gentleman.

I will never release you.

First Lady Embalmer of Whispering Glades.

And now I've disgraced it.

And the Blessed Reverend, too. Let me tell you something. Your so-called

Blessed Reverend is nothing but a common crook. I won't listen to you. And that

idiotic Whispering Glades is being sold out from under you.

Sold out, do you hear? Sold out, that Blessed Reverend. He's going into a

different racket.

Who is it?

The Blessed Reverend?

Yes, sir.

Yes.

Yes, sir.

I'll be right over. Yes, Blessed Reverend.

Yes.

I'm fine.

I'll be right there, sir.

Immediately, sir.

Joy boy.

Where is Lav?

I've got to talk to him.

Please, you don't understand. It's very important.

Amy! Amy!

Anyone in?

Excuse me. I was looking for Amy, Miss Thanatogenous.

Do you know where she went?

Are you all right?

No, no.

No.

This is a cranberry sauce.

Cranberry sauce.

Where

is he?

The Brahmin, the Guru Brahmin. Hump?

Hump. Yes, lady, that's his name.

You mean Hump? Yes. He's sitting at the corner of the bar.

Mr. Hump!

Mr. Hump! What's about Daly? Mr. Hump! What can I

do for you, baby?

Mr. Hump, may I speak to you?

Here's a couple of drinks shown.

What did you have, baby?

Nothing, thank you.

I... I don't drink.

Can we go somewhere else, please?

Let's have a couple of drinks first.

No, you don't understand.

I've got to have your advice.

I've always followed your advice.

I'm Amy. I'm Amy Thalatogenous.

Thalatogenous?

Fantastic. Look, please, you've got to help me.

She's a ghoul from the grave. Please, will you please tell me what to do?

Yes, I'll tell you what to do.

Go across the street to the press building.

Take the elevator to my floor.

It's the 14th. Go into my office, and then you jump

out of the window.

How's that for...

Miss Thanatogenous.

Oh, blessed Reverend, I must talk with you.

Of course.

Won't you please come up to my office?

Let me get you a drink. Some Benedictine, perhaps, from the

monasteries of the Trappist monks.

A truly spiritual potion.

No, no, thank you.

Please.

Yes, we are rather overdue for a little talk, aren't we, my child?

Reverend Glenworthy, I know this will sound very foolish to you,

but I was so shocked by what this person said to me that

I felt that I had to tell you about it.

Exactly what did he say, Miss Thanatogenous?

He said that... that you... you were...

were going to change whispering glades into something else.

You have an astonishing purity, Miss Thanatogenous.

It's a quality I've always found exceedingly attractive in the young.

It was just madness what he said, wasn't it?

Just madness and evil.

But let me assure you, Miss Thanatogenous, that there will most

definitely be a place for you, regardless of any change in operation,

beginning with a stiff boost in salary.

The Whispering Glades.

Yes, yes, that was all very well in the light of its time.

But now all things must change.

We're a nation on the move.

Death.

Death has become a middle-class business.

There's no future in it.

Soon there shall rise from these grounds a self-contained city of glass and alloy

for our senior citizens.

What about the loved ones?

To the stars, my dear, in a celestial service befitting this grand space age

of ours. The loved ones shall soar about the heavens in an orbit of eternal

grace.

Resurrection!

No! Xanadu Falls, Shadowland, Port's Corner, those are eternal.

No, no, nothing is eternal.

All must change, including a young woman's beauty.

No. Don't be afraid.

Beauty occurs in many forms.

Consider this statue.

Keep your eye on the statue.

And there!

Thank you.

just when everything was perfect how could she do this to me yes the condo

the condo a perfect restoration still supple beautiful tones just need a

little touch up here and there then she had to go and spoil everything the shame

the scandal no i can't hurt them like this

you've got to help me paul well just what do you have in mind

We could take her there. We could cremate her. No one would ever know.

You must do something. You must do something to help me.

You must.

How much money do you have in the bank?

I don't know.

Why? A change of air is what I need just now.

Back to sunny England for a bit.

Of course, that means that I shall require first-class air passage and an

additional sum.

Perhaps the very amount that you have in your bank account.

That's blackmail.

My dear sir, blackmail is not a word to be bandied about by gentlemen.

How?

Well, they take every cent we have in the world.

everything that we need for Mom's Big Tub and everything.

Mom's Big Tub?

Well, I mean, it's either Mom's Big Tub or me.

Now you just have to make up your mind, Popjoy.

What is that casket?

It's the condors. Now, please, Paolo, come on. We have to hurry.

That's what I thought it was.

We'll put Amy in here.

You must be mad.

They're gonna take that casket, put it in the rocket ship, and shoot an

ornament of eternal grace.

No! No!

Eternal grace is not for astronauts.

They're men of mundane manner.

But Amy was a heavenly...

It is she who belongs among the stars, not that flying robot of yours. We'll

burn him at the happier hunting ground.

I couldn't do that. I had to take a loyalty oath before I could work on the

condor. Joy Boy, go out and get that jack-in-the-box condor and take him down

to the ramp.

Now.

Detail.

Prepare a casket.

Raise.

Forward march.

Stand by for blast off. Ladies and gentlemen, stand by for blast off has

just been called. And in just a few seconds... we'll have this historic

countdown.

Now let me present to you the man of the hour, without whom none of this would

have been possible.

The blessed reverend, Dr.

Wilbur Glenworthy.

Too long in earthly bondage.

So it is written, and so it has come to pass.

Resurrection! 24, 23, 22.

To soar in celestial serenity throughout the farthest reaches of the universe. In

an orbit of eternal grace.

In large measure, and as always, this nation is beholden to the genius of

its children for this great moment.

Yes, China may brainwash.

10, 9. Russia may educate.

6. Five!

But America breeds its genius.

Blast off!

Resurrection! No!

Oh, first class passenger.

You're left, sir.

Hope you have a