Original subtitles

[Typing]

[Mouse Clicks]

[Jingle]

[Mouse Clicks]

Hi. I'm Cassie.

Kevin's friend.

He said he couldn't make it, so he asked me to step in.

I hope that's okay?

Dean? Yeah?

Uhh...

Yes. Kevin said that this was important to you,

so I wanted to make sure that I got everything ready.

Yeah. He said that he couldn't come.

He didn't really say why...

But he said this was an important game for you.

Yes. Well, he didn't mention someone was taking his place.

It's... It's not quite as simple as someone just swap his place so easily.

He had tasks to do for tonight.

It's not the sort of thing you can just jump into.

Like things he had to set up, a list of tasks, if you will. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Kevin explained.

I have everything ready.

Wreath and all.

Yeah.

Kevin said that this was important to you, so I wanted to make sure

that everything was ready.

I mean, I noticed that some of the items

were a little offbeat?

But I managed to get everything relatively easily.

I'm a witch, so.

Yes, I can tell.

And, and Kevin was a wizard, so it would make sense.

Get the witch character to stand in.

I mean, again,

not ideal, but a good stand in, you'll have to do.

Wizards are more powerful by definition, but...

As long as you have your character sheet ready, we should be all set to go. Yes.

Yes.

But no. I mean, like I'm a witch-witch.

I'm a practicing witch.

I mean, my character is a witch too, but, you know,

there’s actually a lot of misunderstandings about witches.

That's why I love the necromancer role playing universe so much,

is that we can offer to bring a positive portrayal of witches.

And I mean, witches were.

Well, I mean, are...

is women with power.

And we all know how much the patriarchy loves demonizing

women in power. And-

Sorry, I've got this new camera setup.

It just keeps losing my face.

Just give me a minute.

Okay?

Back in the room.

Great.

Hey, I recognize that page.

Isn't that for like-

Sorry. [Typing]

Forgot screen share was still on.

Need it for later, but it's just research for the game.

I just, I need a bit of authenticity, as the campaign has a lot to do with...

Spell casting and witchcraft...

Just needed to make sure there's a level of authenticity to it.

Well, you've got to be really careful with witchcraft.

I mean, most of its, you know, Wiccan magic, you know,

good energy, clean vibes, but it can get dark pretty easily.

It's okay, it's okay. It's just a bit of hocus pocus, ha.

Um... Yeah... That, that terms actually considered...

Offensive nowadays.

[Call Disconnects]

[Jingle]

[Mouse Clicks] [Jingle]

Sorry.

Don't know what happened there.

Anyway, as I was saying, it's just not as simple as-

[Call Disconnects]

[Jingle]

[Mouse Clicks] [Jingle]

Sorry.

My link keeps on vanishing.

Is it all good on your end?

[Jingle] The party is about to get started.

Rawwwrrrr.

God.

[Marcus giggles]

Oh, I'm sorry, Dean, I just couldn't resist.

After all, the entrance is everything.

And who doesn't like a good scare to get the mind racing?

Get us into the spirit of adventure and danger.

Yeah, it wasn't that scary.

No? Oh.

Well, you have always been a staunch denier of- Oh.

It's Cassie, is it?

Oh, it was so good of you to join us.

But Kevin's told us so much about you.

Hey, Marcus.

Yes. It's so good to meet you in person.

As it was. Kevin's told me so much about you.

I mean, how's the new play going?

Good. Thank you. Yeah.

I mean, it's a simple piece about friendship and betrayal.

Classic. Really.

Almost Shakespearean. But with a more simplified, modern twist.

Boo!

Did I make anyone jump?

No, I already did that.

Dean was not amused.

I thought it was quite fun.

Oh, hey, Cassie! I've heard so much about you.

Yes. I was just asking Marcus about his new play.

Yeah, it's going well. Yeah.

Nearly finished with the first act... But, Marcus didn't get all dressed up

for me to come in with my muggle self and interrupt the games and basic chit-chat.

I just wanted to say hi. That was all.

Maybe jump scare you a little.

Even if it was a tad cheap.

Go on. Off you go.

[Kiss]

[Jingle] Ah, look who is joining the party.

[Mouse Clicks] [Jingle]

Hey, guys.

Oh. Hey, Cassie.

It's so nice of you to step in last minute.

Embarrassingly enough, I actually already have followed your account.

Your stories on the patriarchal control of the magical narrative, are just-

Dean.

– Hey. – Hi.

It's good to see you.

– You too. – Yeah, it has been far too long, my friend.

How are you feeling now?

I can't even remember the last time we had a game.

[Jingle]

Yo, bear with me.

I just need to post this pic, and then I'm with ya.

[Phone camera clicks]

Rob?

[Phone camera clicks]

Hey, Rob?

[Phone camera clicks] Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah.

Rob, I would like to introduce you to Cassie.

She will be filling in for Kevin tonight.

Hey, what's the crack?

Yeah, we actually spoke earlier.

You know, influencer circles an’ all.

Typical Rob, he’s always in the know.

Did you know her work on positive witch recognition or through Kevin?

Neither. Just keep me ear to the ground is all.

Well, it's nice to know that I'm popping up on people's radars.

– I think I remember you at one of the events act- – How’s the sobriety going, Rob?

Well... I was going to quit, but then I was invited to this event and I thought, well,

if I'm going to be an undead warrior, I may as well be inebriated too.

Well, I actually have quite a positive 12-step program if you're really serious

about straightening out.

I mean, you would never have guessed that I’d end up being the award winning-

Okay, great.

Right. Well... everyone seems to know each other.

So... Let's start.

Now, firstly, I...

I would like to apologize for my long absence from the game.

Oh, we're all friends here, dear boy.

– There's no need to apologize. – Yeah. I mean...

We all assumed you had your reasons.

We all go through a rocky time here and there.

I'll be honest, it hasn't been the same without you.

Yes, well, I suppose the campaigns

have appeared a little lackluster since you've been gone.

Why do you think I couldn't stop drinking?

Needed something to spice up the online gameplay.

But Marcus has been a wonderful games master.

And I thought you were drinking coffee during our last game.

Yeah. Irish coffee.

[Rob Chuckles]

Now I will admit that Marcus does have a flair for writing,

but I think we can all agree that you, mate,

always come up with something just the right kind of crazy.

Okay. Thank you. Thank you.

I really don't deserve the praise, but thank you guys. Really.

Why have you been away?

My dad died.

Oh my God.

You poor child.

Jesus, mate. [Phone pings]

That's... awful.

I, I didn't know. I'm so sorry.

Yeah. No one knew.

No one had any idea.

Neither did I.

It just came out of... it came out of nowhere.

Cancer just... just took over his body like a wave, and he...

He just wasted away, like...

One minute he was the strong personality we all loved.

And...

and next, the next thing he had withered into a shell of his former self.

As... as you can, as you can-

Mate, do you need a minute?

Get yourself a drink or something.

Like whenever I'm feeling down a good drink, just-

Jesus Christ, Rob.

Let him finish.

Sorry.

Please, Dean, just take your time.

This must be really difficult to say.

Ah, difficult, difficult doesn't even cut it.

I. I can't think of any way of describing it.

My world just...

Just crumbled. I...

You would think that escapism would be the best way through it, but...

I just couldn't summon up the courage to tell you all. So.

Anyway, so...

So I, I buried myself into a story.

I wanted to create something where I wasn't myself and hide away

from the world.

But, this is the campaign I've been writing.

In the end, this.

This is me coming out of the dark

and embracing my friends again.

I sent you all some ingredients for a very special drink.

Yeah.

Some of the ingredients.

I recognize them.

A classic cocktail, spices.

My dad's favorite way to...

to liven up his whiskey.

I just added some arbitrary, arbitrary ingredients to give it a medieval feel.

Well, I don't need much of an excuse, but I'll gladly raise one for your da’.

He was a great man.

To Michael.

So...

[Clears throat]

Sadness is over.

Let's get down to the game. Now.

Let me set the scene.

Our setting is the days of yore.

Where goblins and orcs fought brave knights.

Witches roamed the earth.

Witches still roam the earth.

Let's start off with, Marcus.

Marcus's character is Vorthog: The Destroyer.

A mad orc, half-breed whose savagery is known throughout the lands,

and whose berserker rage strikes fear into even the bravest of knights.

Just like that.

Now...

Rob's character is Poxxus: The Vile.

An undead being whose, an undead being whose skills in magic

are the only thing holding the skin to his bones

and keeping his otherwise shambling form moving.

Though he is constantly seconds away

from disintegration, he is still a mighty warrior.

And last but not least is Laurie, whose character is Delores Ironjaw.

Adventurer,

skilled thief, and all around badass.

Well, we need somebody to hold the group together.

And I am Belualyth: The Conjurer.

– Bella... Bella... Toothy? – No, Belu- Belutatyh?

No, no, no.

Buh-lu-ah-lyth.

It's an ancient conjurer of the undead.

I just thought I'd bring some authenticity to my character.

I thought I sent over the character sheet.

Oh, yes, you did.

I just, I asked Kevin if I could bring my own take to it.

You see, I've been studying the old ways

of necromancy, and that's how I knew the page that you were on earlier.

Page? What page?

Nothing. Just, just doing some research for the game.

This one is.

This one is a bit darker than usual.

More horror inspired.

Look, I don't want to derail the proceedings,

but maybe we should just continue with one of our old campaigns.

I mean, dark subject matter.

Yeah. We all know you've been through a lot, mate.

But do you really think a necromancer compaign is the best way to go?

I'm inclined to agree.

We all have a lot of love for you, Dean, and no one knows what you're going through...

But, but we also have the grace of being on the outside.

You look exhausted.

You look fucked, mate.

– Oh, Rob. – What?

What about the one where we fought the werewolves?

Or the one with that troll party and the goblins as their leader.

Plus, you know, bringing real life magic into a game,

it's kind of like bringing a real gun to a game of paintball.

Okay, Cassie.

With all due respect, I think my carefully crafted

campaign of fun is slightly more important than the fears

of someone who thinks she's playing real life games. Of what?

Magical empowerment.

[Pen rattles]

So, what I think he means,

Cassie, is that he wouldn't go against any of the the guidelines of the game.

Okay. I'm sorry.

I apologize.

I just this game just means a lot to me.

Okay?

You've, you've got to understand that this, this was my- this is my lifeline.

Like this... this is what's, what's helped me, like...

Bring myself out of a dark and into the real world again.

I didn't mean to snap or lose my temper.

We get it.

Sorry, for not just going along with it.

We only want what’s best for you.

We only have your best interests at heart.

Okay, okay. So.

We are going to go on the search for Coranthian.

Coranthian?

Yes.

– That's a real deomon, you know, real bad magic. – Yep.

All creatures in the campaigns are based on mythical creatures.

It's what makes it the number one role playing game of the world.

Yeah. In all fairness, Cassie, of all the games that I've played, Necromancer is by far the best.

I mean, demons are just part of the gameplay.

No, not demons. Like, deomon like D-E-O-M-O-N.

Like, it's like an undead demon.

It's, um, it's really hard to explain.

I've never heard of these before.

Are they new?

Yes. New to the campaign.

No, they're not new.

They're like Cthulhu ancient.

Like, proper old gods.

It's like an undead demon.

Do you know how old you have to be to be an undead demon?

Now this sounds interesting, new creatures to fight?

No, they are not new.

And trust me, you do not want to be fighting them.

It's like really bad magic.

Real magic. Is it, aye?

That's just a bunch of hocus pocus, Cassie.

Okay, that's actually deemed an offensive term nowadays.

They’re new to us, and our campaign.

Okay. There was an expansion pack released on it a few months back.

Cassie, how long have you been playing this game?

Well, I only really created this profile

for this game, but I've known about it for years.

Okay, so that explains why you didn't know about it.

Oh, and Cassie.

Speculatritor.

Speculatritor?

[Mouse clicks]

So to start our campaign, we need to get our supplies together.

Now it's going to be kind of intensive, so anyone needs a break.

Now is the time to pee, because it's going to be pretty full on from now on.

Uh, yeah, that'll be me. One sec.

Hey. Guys, just a quick one.

Cassie.

Who is she?

Well, she's one of Kevin's friends.

She's a really nice girl.

Yeah, I follow her stuff online.

Yeah, but have any of you actually met her?

I briefly met her at an event, man.

She's grand, like.

I just don't trust her.

I'm just. I'm just getting a weird vibe from her.

You know, I'm just, like, all this real deomon stuff.

Like, pffft. Is she okay?

You've been through a lot.

And naturally, your on edge and trusting anyone new is always hard.

And having been through what you've been through.

I mean, I can only imagine how difficult it must be.

But I'm really the only one who seems to be disagreeing with her.

Okay, look. Right.

Next time youse two butt heads, one of us will step in if it makes you feel better.

Yes. Thank you, guys. Thank you. I just...

I just don't want to seem like I'm coming across as a bully.

Oh, no. We'll always have your back, dear boy.

So, what happened when I was away?

Well, we're about to start the campaign.

Now.

Let me set the scene.

You are a bunch of weary travelers.

You start off a’from... the tavern!

Ohh, I'm liking the sound of this already.

Is Rob, I mean, is Poxxus already drunk?

Or has he managed to keep his shit together?

Well, if his magic can keep him from rotting

well, I'm sure it can keep him sober.

It's all part of the spell.

It, um, says I'm pickling myself from the inside.

Maybe we can use you to smuggle pickled eggs.

Anyway.

Anyway. Now.

You all leave merry and ready for adventure.

You've planned the route well. But left it too long.

And yes, Rob, you were all drinking too much.

I wasn't going to say anything.

Will this affect our behaviour?

Uhh, no.

You are a bunch of... You're a hard bunch, and you can handle your liquor.

Well, tis is a fantasy after all.

[Laughing]

Unfortunately, though,

Ironjaw...

beat the local thugs in a game of cards

that did not go down well.

And as you take a shortcut down a darkened street, the group

you encountered are waiting for you with a variety of weapons.

I'll use a spell to vanquish the troop.

Your magic would be to explosive here and bring about too much unwanted attention.

Now, Vorthog and Poxxus.

You step up to defend Ironjaw’s honor and lunge toward the group.

– Ahh, kicking arse already I'm liking this. – Now, Poxxus.

Your rot- your rotting corpse

adds extra hits as it unsettles the attacker.

Roll.

[Dice rattles and rolls]

Ooh, 16.

With your extra points,

the group is knocked to the ground and Vorthog steps up to finish them off.

Roll!

[Dice rattles]

[Dice rolls]

18.

Ahh! With a blood curdling yell.

You finished off the attackers.

[Marcus roars] Bu-uh-uh-ut. But.

One gets away.

I'll chase the last one down.

The last assailant trips and falls.

Like any good slasher film victim.

And falls and begs for his life.

What will you do?

Well, if he's floored, it's not really a fair fight. So-

The assailant takes advantage of your weakness and throws a dagger at you.

Now it misses, but hits...

Ironjaw in the leg.

Oh, sorry.

Now, Poxxus is upon him, though, and gives him the death stare.

Now, though, he's not dead.

He will never know peace from the terror you have brought upon him.

What about my leg?

Can it be healed?

Oh, I'll have a healing spell.

It'll be on my character sheet somewhere.

No, no.

These appear to be standard thugs.

This one had an enchanted dagger that makes the wounds impervious to spells.

What, so, now I'm just going to be limping?

No, the wound, the wound is not that bad.

But you may need to find shelter for the night and continue tomorrow.

I'm sorry about that.

How were you meant to know he had an enchanted weapon.

Well this adventure is full of surprises already.

Now. Next.

You travel a long way through the darkened woods.

Until you find what seems to be an inn covered in overgrown plants.

– Is there Wi-Fi there? – Oh, Rob.

What? I may be an undead warrior tonight, but I've got fans to please.

Who are at least Brain undead if they follow you

[They all laugh]

Anyway.

Anyway.

Now you find yourselves in front of an old boarded up mansion.

Sounds classically spooky.

Now.

The place is boarded shut,

but there's a strong storm brewing, so you need to get in.

Which one of you would like to try?

Well, as part of my thief persona, I am an amazing lock picker.

Ironjaw, you approach the door and wipe away some of the overgrowth

to find its heavily bolted shut.

Right, I have the strength to rip apart a door easily.

I'll have a go.

Roll.

[Marcus laughs] 20.

Okay. Vorthog.

With your half orc strength.

The boards easily come away in your hands and your party may enter.

You're welcome.

Now.

Once inside, you feel a little...

strange.

This place has some bad magic.

All magic users suddenly feel a little queasy.

Funny enough, I do as it goes.

Probably drunk too much.

Now. Ironjaw.

Ah, not Ironjaw.

Beh... Beh...

Belua...

Buh-lu-a-lyth.

Cassie the witch.

Now. You run to the door, but they slam shut.

Your magic is weak and ineffectual.

And so you're now all locked in the mansion.

A specter appears before you.

This specter refers to itself as Tezcatlipoca.

Oh, okay.

I wouldn't be throwing that name around if I were you.

Stunned by its presence, the witch of the group is struck silent,

in shock, and can only utter the word necronoominus.

Necronoominous.

[Mouse Clicks]

Now.

The specter states that you must perform a ritual

to break the cursed hold on this place and let yourselves be freed.

But first, you must find a list of objects.

You all split up. Now Poxxus.

You find a bottle of a strange liquid and some powder.

The first two items on your list and you mix them together.

[Drink swirling]

Are you sure this is going to taste nice?

Yeah.

It's just ye olde style drink mixer.

Like a medieval cocktail.

Rob, what's on your list?

Oh, Mandrake, Wormwood and something else.

You mix them together and down them.

I wouldn't do that if I were you.

Why?

Well do you know what they do?

In all fairness, Cassie, your character is still struck silent.

You're still new to this game.

There are often real world elements in the game.

It helps make it more immersive.

Now. I'm sensing that this will cure you of your tiredness.

You raise the bottle to your lips.

Mark (O.S): People are about roleplaying now.

Bottoms up.

Dan (O.S): Oh, Mark.

Dan (O.S): Shut up. Watch something. Tina (O.S): Both of you shut up.

Tina (O.S): And if you really must talk to it via the bloody text.

Tina (O.S): Not all over the stream.

[Static]

[Medieval tavern music]

Are you tired of dice knocking over your tabletop figures?

Are you sick of wrist strain from all the rolling?

Then you need.

[Triumphant medieval music] The new Necromancer Dice app.

Just press the screen and the app will roll for you.

Necromancer Dice App.

It’s a 12!

Available soon at NecromancerSaga.com

[Static]

Fucking hell.

That is vile.

It's not that bad.

[They laugh]

Did you have it?

No. We all have something different?

But anyway, the drink was actually poisoned

and you feel yourself getting weaker.

You must search for an antidote.

Aye, I do.

I'm going to need a timeout soon if we’re gonna go on like this.

Vorthog.

Sensing that your companion is unwell.

You run to their side.

You call Ironjaw and the witch.

Belualyth.

Who is still struck silent from witnessing the specter.

And they turn up to find Poxxus looking well.

But something is definitely wrong.

I use my skills to find a cure among the cabinets.

I locate the relevant ingredients and mix them together.

Fearing for your own safety as a fragile being,

you ask your strong companion to take and try the antidote out.

Marcus, please mix the powders together.

Oh yeah.

Right, right you are, my boy.

Now.

Vorthog knocks back the drink and feels...

Fine. Great. In fact.

Do you know I do as it goes.

What was in there?

Just a bit of this and that to help advance the game.

But anyway.

Alas, there was none left for your waning companion.

Now Ironjaw, you take the witch-

Belualyth.

Who is still struck silent,

and run to find some more antidote somewhere else in the house.

Vorthog, you walk with Poxxus to the library

to see if you can find something to help with your friends illness.

Aye, and hopefully some Wi-Fi on the way.

Oh, Rob.

Hey! If I'm going to die a dramatic death, at least it should be online.

Hey, think of the views.

Well, as soon as they magic up ‘wiffy’, I'll be sure to get you hooked up.

[They laugh]

My fans deserve to know.

Your fans deserve to be committed.

Anyway.

Ironjaw, your search has come up empty.

So you rejoin the rest of your friends in the library. Now, witch.

Belualyth.

Who has now recovered from her encounter with the specter.

Has- That’s not how this works.

The games master has control over the overall narrative and effects.

Sounds a bit unfair to me.

It is just the way we play the game.

But, we can suggest that things and the games master can acknowledge them.

Sure.

Of course, the witch-.

Belualyth

has fully recovered

from her ordeal with the specter and has regained the ability to talk.

The first name that spills out of her mouth

is Kramustile.

Cassie, darling.

You mean Krampustile?

[Mouse Clicks]

Now. Vorthog knows exactly what this means,

and runs to get the Book of Enchantment.

But it is blocked by another spirit ca- called...

Benghazi.

Oh really?

Isn't that a city in Africa?

Racist much?

Different, different spelling. Anyway.

Witch.

Belualyth.

You conjure a spell to vanquish the ghost.

Don't you mean spirit?

Yep. Same difference.

Actually, they're entirely different.

That banishes the spirit, but leaves you in a weakened state.

So you have to be carried by Vorthog back to the hallway

where you decide to gather to reassess the situation.

Rob, are you feeling okay?

Oh, yeah.

Just, um, just feeling tired.

You know, I'm, uh, had an event last night.

You know how it is.

Now.

You all gather around the book that you found and tried to open it.

It has a lock on it.

I use my lock picking skills to open it.

Much like the front door.

This clasp has no keyhole.

There is nothing for you to pick.

I'll use my strength to force it open.

Vorthog, ah, though your strength is mighty, the book will not open.

Witch.

Belualyth.

Wiping away some of the thick layer of encrusted dust.

You notice that what is written on the front is in an undead language,

and you utter the words: Coniuro mortuos.

Does this leave me dumbstruck?

Say the words and find out.

Coniuro mortuos.

[Mouse clicks]

[Typing] Now...

Isn't that a conjuring spell?

You know Latin.

A bit, you know, practicing witch and all.

Well, you are full of surprises, aren't you?

I studied it at college.

It means I conjure the dead. She's right.

Yes, yes.

The book is old and full of dark secrets.

Such books are often protected by dark magic.

That’s why we originally had a wizard in our group.

Witch here, still just as powerful.

The book flies open!

With a gust of spirits, not ghosts, knocking

you back and leaving you dumbfounded.

Now, the rest of you gather round

and notice that it is written all in an undead language.

Now Poxxus, though suffering from the poison,

you are the only one able to read it.

You must have the strength to go through the chapters and find what

you need to free you and your companions from this cursed place.

Is there something in there that's going to help

free me from this cursed hangover I'm feeling tomorrow?

You should have had what I had.

I feel fantastic, like...

like I could take down this haunted mansion brick by brick.

Don't we get anything to drink?

I mean, I'm feeling kind of left out here.

The witch recovers from the hit of spirits.

Again. Belualyth.

But, yeah.

I mean, why do all the men get to drink?

This is set in simpler times.

That's-

Yeah, some fucking bullshit.

It's just- it's just the way the campaign has worked out, okay?

The undead mythical creatures get potions.

And the witch doesn't?

The wizard role was for spell casting.

The adventurer has their role too.

Yeah, well, I’m not Really feeling much purpose at the moment.

Guys. Guys. You all have your roles to play.

Don't worry. Okay, I've been working with this for months.

Now, we have a time limit to this game, so let's crack on.

Can we please do something soon?

– Otherwise, I'm just gonna burst. – Yes.

[Dean clears throat]

So, Ironjaw.

You take the book and place it on a nearby table.

You grab an assortment of chairs and gather everyone around.

Going back to the book, you carefully pick it up and place it in front of Poxxus.

Now-

Wait so, I'm just an adventurer slash housewife now?

Yeah. Do you want to put supper on too.

[Laurie chuckles]

Having opened the book you read that

you need some simple ingredients to create the correct spell.

Now, Ironjaw and witch.

– You run outside- – Belualyth.

to the gardens and gather the necessary in igredients while Poxxus

– and Vorthog- – I thought we couldn’t leave the mansion.

Yeah, we're stuck inside, no?

Outside the room!

Oh, Jesus.

Do I have to spell everything out for you?

Well, that kind of is your job as games master, mate.

He's got a point there.

Ironjaw and witch.

Belualyth.

You run around the mansion and find a garden.

There.

You find the dandelion, lemongrass and yarrow.

You each weave them together and make a crown

and place them on your heads before heading back.

It's part of the stuff I asked you to get together.

– Yeah, I've got it right here. – Yeah, I’m already wearing Mine.

I've just got to say some of the herbs.

It just sounds like a wreath-

A wreath of magic and summoning.

– Yeah. – Summoning?

Yes. Summoning

Summon what?

Yeah. Good question, Laurie.

What- whatever it is, I'm sure it'll be a fun battle.

It's all part of the game.

We haven't gotten to that part yet.

Okay?

Now making your way back to your pack.

Poxxus has deciphered the correct spell to get you out of this cursed place.

Um, Dean, I'm really feeling off here.

Can I please take a break?

Yeah. Sure thing, man.

Let me just get through this bit, and then I'll give your character a time out.

Okay?

I must say, dear boy, that's naturally aesthetically pleasing as you usually are,

you are looking a little worse for wear.

It's okay, it's okay.

I- it was supposed to have a time out already,

but the gameplay keeps getting interrupted.

I had one in place as I knew you’d be feeling crappy after last night’s event.

I thought you'd planned this out for ages.

[Chime]

Tina (O.S): See, even Laurie’s picked up on this dick.

A games master knows

[Chimes] how to adapt. So...

[Chime]

With all the necessary herbs in place, we can start our seance.

Seance.

[Chime]

Yes.

Okay, I'm new here.

First time, yes.

Don't you think this is a little bit odd?

I mean, we're supposed to be going on an adventure

– We are! – and battling trolls.

but all we've done is fannied about with spells that don't even work,

But they-

gathering herbs that we already have and drinking God knows what.

I mean, look at Rob.

He's a fucking mess.

No, no, no.

Borderline alcoholic is more accurate.

And on top of that, I mean, don't you think this is all a little bit

bloody misogynistic?

I mean, the women are out here

gathering herbs and setting tables whilst the men do all of the heavy lifting.

It's defiantly an odd one, Dean. For sure.

And some of the names that you were coming up with,

they're just a little bit dark magic for me.

And doing a seance is just asking for trouble.

Unless you know what you're doing.

It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.

It's okay.

I, I appreciate this hasn't been as balanced as my usual gameplay.

And...

and Cassie,

as a newcomer, I also appreciate that you have nothing else

to base my games on apart from this one.

Okay, as...

as it was composed as a strategy to, to help me cope

with the passing of my father, I do feel it may be coming across as a bit...

Male centric.

In all fairness, Cass, this isn't his usual style.

Look, I think we all just put it down to the terrible time

Dean’s been going through.

It's all just a role play game.

Okay. Nothing more.

I grabbed a few names of a site last minute to make it more authentic,

but it's all just a bit of hocus pocus.

Still an offensive term.

Right?

Well, I'm glad we've got that cleared up.

Now, can we please continue the game?

Yeah. The sooner I get this time out, the better.

Okay.

So.

Where were we.

The seance? Now.

Poxxus’s condition is worsening, but he manages to decipher the text.

Flipping through the pages of the old book, we can hear the house groan.

It knows what you are up to, and it does not like it.

That makes two of us.

Now.

Wind blows through the cracks as the mansion's anger increases.

You all feel uneasy, but Poxxus stands tall and casts

the first part of the spell.

Rob, I'll message you what to say.

Hang on.

[Typing]

Hold on, there.

He places his hand on the book and says...

Ego me gratis do.

Ei qui post umbras ambulat.

Mutare ad voluntatem.

Caro enim mea et anima sacrificumsunt.

Ironjaw.

You rush to the doors, but they do not open.

Could try... picking a lock again.

Your lockpick snaps in two.

Now Vorthog, you rush to the door too.

But this has nothing to do with strength.

The spell has yet to be broken.

Now, witch. You...

Fuck's sake! It's Belualyth.

Okay.

It's pronounced Belualyth.

Witch.

You pick up your wreath and cast the spell:

With this wreath, I do bind, and with it torn, I do set free.

That's a real spell.

A white witch spell.

Okay. We prefer the term benevolent witch.

You know, takes any connotations of racism out.

Does it?

Yeah.

Then say it. Fucking hell.

With this wreath.

I do bind, and with it torn, I do set free.

[Electrical hum] [Snap]

[Electrical hum continues] The spirits scream with anger

as their carefully placed trap has almost been evaded.

Poxxus is feeling weak with a strain.

Not wrong there.

But keeping up his resolve, he searches the book for a more powerful spell.

In the meantime, Vorthog decides, that if one person

casting the spell works well, maybe two will work better.

Marcus, I'll send you the spell too, hang on.

[Typing]

There.

Ohhhh.

Ego me gratis do.

Ei qui post umbras ambulat.

Mutare ad voluntatem.

Caro enim mea

et anima sacrificumsunt.

Your attempt to double the power of the spell

has only angered the spirits, and they shake the house to its foundations.

But you all think quickly as a group and decide there is only one way out of this.

Running back to the library, Ironjaw finds

the most dangerous book of all.

The Necronomicon.

Jesus. I really hope she didn't.

She brings it back to Poxxus,

who summons up the strength to drum up one last spell.

Oh, hang on.

[Typing]

Rob, I...

I just sent it over.

What?

One more spell.

You can do it. I just sent it over.

Come on.

In. His... Uhh...

Maceriis.

Maceriis capio animus pro quibus tibi

offe-

Offerendas.

Offerendas attuli.

De-uh...

Debilitare.

Debilitare statum eorum

cum oblan-

Oblationibus.

What?

O-blat-ee-ohn-ee-bus.

Oblationibus.

Potionis et coronae fractionis.

Pro... Pro te facere, ut lubet.

The sky's raw, the thunder claps and the house screams it's one last death cry.

Per potentiam Tezcatlipoca nunc capti hic!

[Ghostly echo]

[Cassie screams]

Jesus fucking Christ.

Oh, not this again.

What just happened?

Something just touched me.

Oh, come on.

Really?

Settle down, woman.

It's just a game.

Getting hysterical.

[Pen clicks]

I'm. I have been

I've been feeling off about this bullshit from the word go.

But, but for the sake of our mutual friend, I thought I would just play along,

but I, I have officially had enough, okay?

The spells that you are mentioning are not to be played with.

Okay?

The demons that you are tossing around.

Okay, are, are real.

And I have seriously no fucking clue what you have been making people drink.

And, and to someone who, who can't seem to form a basic witch name.

Okay, you you seem to be pretty astute when it comes to spewing Latin people.

I've been working on this for months.

Okay?

Yes, I’ve been trying to- You, you keep saying that

and, and, and, you know, you'd think that you'd have done enough

research to maybe not mention

– I have. – the names of entities...

– Not done research... – that, you know,

could harvest your soul quicker than... fuck!

A wood chipper goes through a tree. But...

What?

But I am, I am so done with this.

I am going to go find some more fucking sage,

a glass of bourbon and a fucking spliff and

Then go.

and cleanse me and this house of any juju that you're

that you're probably let in by your, quite frankly, offensive game.

[Call Disconnects]

Oh my God.

[Dean sighs]

Should we invite her back.

Apologize.

I mean, she's here as our guest, and she looked really upset.

She'll be back.

Well, I'm not so sure.

I mean, she look really pissed off.

I mean, mortally, so.

[Jingle]

See?

[Mouse clicks]

Dean?

What?

Why can't I open my door?

I don't know, maybe you didn't try hard enough.

Didn't try... Didn’t, didn't try.

[Door thudding]

[Cassie clears throat]

[Dean stutters]

What, what does that...?

Was that hard enough for you?

I, maybe it's just stuck.

You could be turning the handle wrong. What?

What am I, what am I supposed to say?

In the ten years of me living here,

that door, that one, has never once been stuck.

Okay, so.

Oh, come on.

So why don't you just enlighten me?

– Games master? –What?

– Okay, what kind of... – Enlighten you?

bullshit you have let into my house?

That won't leave me... that won't let me leave my fucking room.

Guys... I really don't feel.

[Thud]

[Muzak]

Is he okay?

Rob?

Dear boy.

Are you okay?

Of course he's not fucking okay.

Look, he's just tired.

Come on.

Yeah, he was out last night and the night before.

Exactly.

That is not tiredness.

I’ll call his phone.

The buzz of a social media alert will probably wake him up.

Yeah.

Dean, what exactly did you give him?

I told you, I've been planning this whole thing for months.

I've been trying to craft something that would take my mind off of my tragedy.

Yes, but where?

I mean, what, what sources have you been using?

I told yo-

That there is seriously something wrong here.

And it has to do with the spells that we've been so carelessly spouting.

Yeah. I'm sure.

Why? Why just you two?

I mean, Rob and Cassie.

I mean, I've never felt better.

Thank you.

Laurie?

I mean.. Yeah, I'm not bursting with energy, but I feel fine.

Dean?

I'm fine.

Nothing to complain about here.

Are you sure your door is not just stuck?

Okay. Marcus. Laurie, are your doors okay?

God. You know I never thought to check.

Me neither.

Shocker.

[Faint continuous electrical hum]

[Footsteps]

Yeah.

It's all fine my end.

Yes. Nothing wrong here either.

There.

Are you sure it's not just stuck?

Yes. Dean.

In the entirety of me living here, that door has never once been stuck.

Okay. And what about Rob?

I mean, is he still too tired to continue

after drinking that concoction that you made him?

That's the reason, for sure.

Maybe he's allergic to one of the ingredients or something.

No, I made sure there was nothing harmful.

Anyway, the amount of crap he's

got stuck in his system, uranium couldn't put him down.

[Pen thuds]

He's not answering.

Okay, there is seriously something off here.

We all felt it.

I mean, I mean, if we've conjured up something, we need to know what it is.

And the longer we leave it, the harder it will be to get it back where it came from.

So we're now just accepting that malevolent spirits have entered our world

through a role playing game!

Have you got any other explanation?

Guys. It's just make believe.

It's all just a bit of hocus pocus. God.

Still an offensive term, Dean. Still an offensive term.

[Dean mimics Cassie]

So let's just say...

What the fuck was that?

What?

I didn't see anything.

There’s something In your room, Cassie.

[Cassie breathes heavily]

Yeah? Take a candle. Sure.

Okay, well, whatever it is, it's, it's not here anymore.

It's got to be a good sign, right?

Not necessarily.

It's a good sign that you've got shit internet getting cross images.

I've seen enough spooky shit to know that it's a bad sign when dementors

start turning up.

Dementors.

I have no idea what's going on here, but I'm starting to feel a little off

color myself. Dean, what sort of possible

awfulness could we have conjured up by playing a game?

– Nothing. – Okay.

Ever heard of an ouija board?

Kids game, notorious for bringing up all kinds of evil shit?

You don't know what you're doing.

And it's like a drunken one night stand without protection

and you don't know what you're coming away with.

And, I mean, oh my God. Shit!

If I knew what we would be doing,

I would have done my usual protection spell.

Like a mystical fucking condom.

Yeah, exactly.

Guys, look, I'm sorry if my, my storytelling skills

have got you all a bit shook up, but a jammed door and a passed out

alcoholic are by no means reasons to go buying into all of this hocus poc-

into all of this supposed magical...

nonsense.

If I if I had one definite piece of evidence other than dodgy

cross-wired internet and my good friend here overindulging,

I'd be more than happy to try out one of your little spells.

[Rob moans] Fuck!

[Rob moans]

My God,

guys.

He's waking up.

See! No more nonsense from the hysteric witch.

– Told you? – Rob, boy.

You gave us quite a scare there.

[Rob breathes heavily]

Okay.

Is he posting something?

[Marcus laughs unnervingly]

[Laughter distorts into guttural clicking]

That's our boy!

Okay.

[Eletrical hum builds] I mean, there's something on his face.

It's on his shoulder.

[Cassie gasps uneasily]

It's gross hangover sweat.

Oh, no, it's not that.

Okay, where were we?

[Rob chuckles dazedly]

[Electrical hum stops] [Soft, wet squelching]

Rob?

Are you feeling okay?

What's wrong with my face?

They’re asking about my face.

What's wrong with my face?

[Rob breathing heavily]

What's wrong my face?!

[Call Disconnects]

How's that for hocus-fucking-pocus?

[Marcus clicks gutturally]

There, there, there must be some form of explanation.

Yeah, there sure as fuck is.

I mean, fuck face over here got in way too deep over his own shit.

And now has let something loose that shouldn't even

be on this plane of reality.

But it’s just a game.

It’s words, it’s just words.

– Words have power. – How?

You're a cunt.

Offended.

See, words have power.

– Just different levels. – Just-

But, that simple? Words can't make something like, like-

Like, like someone's face melt off?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, that is some dark shit.

Like, that is some next level shit.

Do you know how deep you have to go with that sort of stuff?

Oh, well... Why on earth would anyone put that kind of shit in a role play game?

I mean, it just doesn't make sense.

Yeah, Dean. Why would someone put some of that shit into a role play game?

Where have you been getting your sources from?

I... I was, I was in a pretty dark place. Okay? My dad had just died,

– and I was trying to find something- – Okay, I’m sorry, but I don’t give

a fuck about your dead dad right now.

Someone's face has just melted off.

I am, I am locked in my room with some evil entity.

But the sooner we get this shit sorted out, before it takes its form.

Okay?

[Thud] Sooner rather than later if you don’t fucking mind!

I hate to derail

the current line of thinking, but shouldn’t someone phone the police.

I mean, our, our friend is dead.

And. Say what?

We accidentally created a spell that melted our friends face off?

It's not like we know where he lives.

I... I know that Laurie lives down the road from Marcus.

Marcus?

Marcus, you do know how to get to Laurie's house?

Yeah.

Yes. Well, it’s just down the road. Why?

I don't know, just thinking of emergency situations.

Fuck, fuck please, please don’t let my face melt off!

Laurie.

Okay, there was, there was obvious build up to Rob’s situation.

Do you feel fine?

[Laurie hyperventilating]

Yeah.

Yeah, okay.

Are you stuck in your room with an evil fucking entity?

No.

No. No.

Okay, so can we please revert your attention back to me?

Before whatever has locked me in my room, and is trying to get in, fucking manages it.

Okay? Dean, umm...

let's get back on track here.

Where were you getting your information from?

Was it that page that you were on when I first logged on?

Yes.

I mean, mainly anyway.

I didn’t want you seeing it in case you got wind of the campaign.

I've been working on this for months-

Yeah, for months.

You've said.

Can you please get it up

so I can read through it and see what we're working with?

Yeah. Okay, I got it.

Okay.

Can you screen share it so I can see it?

Yeah.

[Typing]

Okay, ye- I'm trying, I'm trying to,

but it doesn't seem to be working.

Okay, maybe whatever's locked you up in your room is,

I don't know, interfering with the computers or something.

If it knows you're a witch, it’s

probably going to try and block you from interfering with it.

Okay. Good point. Oh my God.

[Thud]

Oh my God. [Marcus whimpers]

Good point.

Can we please hurry up?

I'm getting a really weird feeling about all of this.

Me too.

Yeah, okay.

I'm still not locked in, so it, it's just Cassie.

No offense.

No. None taken.

Can we just please hurry this up?

Okay, okay! What am I looking for?

I, I... are you on the page that you were on before?

Yes.

Okay.

God, when I sort this mess out, I am having a serious chat with all of you.

About, about... internet safety.

That's your issue?

Oh, God. It'll be largely about the dark web...

But largely about people thinking that they're malevolent wi- wizards.

You know, think incel magic fantasy.

Just give me some keywords.

Expelliarmus!

For Christ’s sake, Marcus, please?!

Can you just be serious?

Yeah, to be fair, he's not far off.

Is there, is there a cleansing page?

Uh...

Umm...

[Mouse clicks]

Warding off.

What?

It's already fucking here.

We need to banish it.

Okay.

Something like Expilim, removet, misseonem, dimitte...

Just something like that. And hurry!

Uh...

How about... involucro?

Involucro? No!

Okay, okay. Okay,

okay. Don't worry. I've got something.

Right.

Okay, a basic setup.

Okay. Done.

Don’t you need, like, candles or something?

No. Uh, a computer should be fine.

It's just the light source.

God, it's probably how this thing got here in the first place.

It happens more often than you think actually.

I really love to hear more, but I’m not feeling so well right now.

I'm not too brave to admit the fear of losing my face is pretty high right now.

Okay, hurry!

Okay. Okay, I got it.

Okay, everyone, eyes closed and focus.

Okay. Umm... [Clears throat]

Nam qui meam celia biberunt.

Ego hanc formam, tuae formae verum adducereab.

Homine usque ad bestiam

et creaturam peperittolle formam veri terroris.

[Cassie screams]

[Cassie breathing heavily]

Dean. What the fuck was that?

It's from the campaign.

I thought you got it off the website.

The campaign had other spells.

One for when we had to, like,

banish another spell from a different part of the mansion.

You fucking what? [Thud]

Oh, okay.

I'm new to this actual spell casting crap.

All right?

I put together a campaign that was, that was, I thought would be a fun way

to get over my grief and bring my friends back together. Okay?

It was a meticulously planned out, immersive online

experience to, to entertain, bring us all joy.

How the fuck was I supposed to know that this hocus-fucking-pocus bullshit

would melt my fucking friends face off and trap some random fucking woman,

I've never met, in her room with an out of this realm Deomon thing?!

Huh?!

Well, if you had enough sense if I’m

– Sense? – even using that word correctly, which I am not.

I mean, to go even go

Guys.

on the dark web and get spells

you shouldn't even have had access to. [Marcus grunts and clicks inhumanly]

Okay? [Marcus grunts and clicks inhumanly]

And then blurting them out like someone who's just learned

– their first fucking first curse word. – Guys?

And now I've just seen someone’s face melt off. [Marcus grunts and clicks inhumanly]

I am stuck in my room with the [Marcus grunts]

– handiest poltergeist I’ve ever heard of. – I’m trying to help!

– I’m trying to- – Guys!

[Thud]

[Convulsing thudding]

What the fuck have you done now?!

Me? How is this my fault?

[Convulsing thudding]

I’ll go round there.

I live like a minute away.

Okay. Marcus. Laur- Laurie’s coming over.

Okay? Lau-rie, is coming-

[Convulsing thudding]

[Thudding and growling] Guys. What the hell is going on?

I heard the thud and he's just lying there convulsing, and looks...

[Convulsing thudding and growling] He looks fucking awful.

But, do you think he could be allergic to the mask that he's wearing.

Mask?

[Convulsing thudding]

Marcus, no!

[Growling] What are you doing?!

[Growling] [Phil screaming]

[Loud thud]

[Low growl]

[Laurie whimpers]

[Marcus roars]

[Laurie screams]

Laaaurie.

[Call Disconnects]

[Laurie and Cassie breathing shakily]

[Laurie whimpering]

You irresponsible fucking moron!

How the hell is this my fault?

Little prick! How is this- how isn't this your fault?!

I mean, God, I knew something was off ever since I saw that necromancer page,

I jus-

I just didn't think that you would be

stupid enough to use something that wasn't from an actual play book.

I was going for realism.

Is this real enough for you?

Hey guys?

[Laurie softly whimpers]

Did he just say Laurie?

[Door thudding] [Growling]

[Growling intensifies]

[Loud thud]

[Call disconnects]

Okay, where, where are they?

We need to go get her.

Oh, fuck. I'll deal with you later.

No idea. I dunno.

You said that she lived near Marcus.

Yes, because one night Marcus lost internet,

so he popped out to Laurie's to finish the game,

– when more tha- – This is absolute fucking bullshit, okay?

Oh my God.

I mean, I cannot believe that you have actually managed to, to use

two of the most nastiest spells that I have ever seen,

and over the fucking internet!

Look, this is all just a big mistake. Okay?

Okay. We have to call someone.

Yeah? And say what?

If they won't believe that our friends face melted off,

how are they gonna believe another ones turned into a monster?

Okay, how about our friends being attacked?

Okay, shit, I didn't think of that.

But, but how about you? You’re still stuck in your room?

Good point.

But, but I'm safe for now, though.

I don't know for how long.

Laurie is in immediate danger.

Okay? We need to know where she is.

[Jingle] Okay.

[Jingle continues]

What the fuck?

[Mouse clicks]

Well, answer it for fuck's sake.

I am.

[Laurie heavily breathing]

Laurie.

Thank goodness you're okay. Where are you?

And why are you holding your phone... Landscape.

I'm running for my fucking life.

And you're criticizing the way I'm holding my fucking phone.

Look, I'm sorry.

Just keep a fucking eye out and see if it's coming behind me.

Okay.

Where are you?

Uhh, I'm in Chiodo Park.

Uhh... Where is it near?

This late at night? Nothing relevant!

Uhh... Dean, we have to do something.

Yeah, like what?! I have no idea where that is.

The internet makes the world tiny.

You connect with somebody next door just as easily, like, as... the other side of the world.

[Laurie breathing heavily]

– Umm... east... – Dean!

East of the city, near the suburbs.

Near Chiodo station.

Google maps out right now. I'm coming for you, Laurie.

But how? You're still stuck in your room?! No!

Fuck.

Okay, umm...

Don’t worry.

Chiodo...

I was a champion runner in college.

Laurie, look out!

[Marcus loudly growls]

[Laurie screams] [Loud thud]

[Typing]

[Loud thud]

[Thudding intensifies] [Marcus growling]

[Cassie whimpering]

[Marcus roars]

[Cassie whimpers] Oh, fuck!

[Cassie continues whimpering] [Low continuous gradual electrical hum]

Oh my God.

[Cassie continues whimpering] Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

[Typing]

What the fuck have you done? [Dean continues typing]

Three people dead.

Your friends.

They were your fucking friends.

You were trying to get over one death

and now you have three on your hands- fuck. Four, including Marcus's partner.

They were hardly friends.

What?

They were hardly friends.

[Cassie stutters] Of course they were your friends.

They took part in this whole thing.

Just, just to make you feel better.

They dressed up as mythical creatures and, and downed God knows what.

Oh, shut up.

Just so you...

they could cheer you up.

I mean...

And they didn't even know about your dead dad

when they agreed to all those weird concoctions.

Do you know how hard it is to find some of that stuff?

I mean, I mean, I'm a witch, and I can't even find some of it sometimes.

I mean, that's friendship for you.

They loved make believe.

They all love to escape reality in their own ways.

They’re all just sick of their lives in one way or another.

I don't understand.

Marcus makes a living from pretending to be someone else, somewhere else.

Rob is a constant alcoholic.

And Laurie... did you even get what she does?

No, because she doesn't even want to admit the reality of her existence.

None of them want to be who they are.

Yeah, they, they love the escapism, and I give it to them.

They weren't my friends... I was their dealer.

They used me just like every junkie uses their peddler.

That's not true.

– Yes, it is. – They, they were good people.

And how well did you know them, huh?

Give me- give me one of their last names.

[Cassie stutters] I don't need to know their last names.

I'm a witch I have good sense of auras.

Yeah, I know you're a fucking witch.

A pretty fucking dumb one, too.

What?

You heard.

And if you were into this- if you listen to your so-called instincts,

you wouldn't be in the situation in the first place.

Uh-uh-uh-uh. Stuck.

Remember.

Idiot.

What the fuck have you done?

What... what have I... Exactly what I said I did?

I planned this whole thing for months.

What? So, so, so your dead dad

was just some sort of ploy to get everyone to play along?

Oh, no. My dad did die.

All that is true.

He is quite dead... For now.

What sort of insane bullshit are you up to?

Insan- insane?

Seriously? Insane?

Oh, Jesus Christ, woman!

You won't stop going on and on and on about being a goddamn witch.

It's all you ever talked about throughout the entire game!

Evil spells this, I know that.

Ahh! That's bad magic.

But we can't say bad magic anymore because it’s offensive!

[Dean sighs]

You claim to know all about bad magic. But...

But you couldn't, you couldn't see it being pulled off

right in front of your face.

God, it's unbelievable.

But no, no.

Yes, yes, yes.

All, all of this was for a very, very good reason.

No, but how could you?

How... How could?

Don’t you see?

Magic!

Magic, you dumb cunt!

Oh, all of these spells and ingredients.

They're real.

And you knew it too.

But you just sat there and did nothing.

Too busy, too busy just trying to ignore your lives.

Pretending to be someone else.

You pathetic arseholes.

All of you.

Well...

You know what?

That life energy is precious.

It deserved to go into someone else.

Someone...

– Someone who deserved life. Loved life. – No...

No. I mean, how could you pull off something so complicated?

I mean, when you're just a sad excuse for a human being

with a daddy complex that could make Shakespeare blush.

– I mean... – Daddy complex?

I mean, and all the intelligence of a self-righteous, white man!

Who waltz around believing that the world owes him something

just because he has a dick, and the audacity to wave it ‘round, like...

Like it makes it more important than everyone else.

You arrogant, second-class excuse for a gender!

You have no idea what I went through!

Oh, oh! Because....

Because waking up every morning, being on top of the food chain,

is such a fucking curse to you?

Okay, tell me, tell me, how did you, how did you really pull this off?

Because... Because there was just no way you could have done this alone.

There was no way that you could have just fumbled this together.

You're not even a real fucking wizard.

Kevin.

There! There is a friend!

God. Idiot.

You weren't his replacement.

You were his stooge. [Electrical hum gradually intensifies]

And once I complete this spell...

We're gonna have that whiskey I promised my dad before he got ill.

What... So he, so he was just digging up your dad while you pull off this, this masterplan?

[Dean continuously laughs] Well, I have news for you.

– Digging up my dad?! – Okay, now, now that I...

Now that I don't have to worry about anything else,

I can focus on getting myself out of here.

And, and when I do, I'm going to cast a fucking spell on you

so you never have to treat anyone like this again.

Digging up my- digging up my dad.

He's, he never left.

He's been downstairs this entire time waiting for me to complete the spell.

What?

And your mother was in on this, too?

She didn't understand.

Right? Fuck this.

I am breaking out of here.

And when I do, I am going to break every single digit that you have.

All 21 of them.

Ah, and how are you going to get out? Hm?

Witch remember?

Fucking witch! Okay?

I... I didn't know what kind of game

you were playing, but now I fucking know.

Mm-hmm.

But now I know you can't hurt anyone else...

Well, I have one word for you...

Nercotubilus.

[Cassie continuously laughs]

Nercotubilus?

God, that is the last word in a summoning spell.

Okay?

– God, you kind of need the rest of it... – I do know.

in order for it to work.

It's kind of like using a full stop without the word before it.

Give me just a sec...

I mean, I knew you were a dumb cunt.

Okay, but, but... but Kevin should have probably filled you in

on that little tidbit of information.

Now get ready, ‘cause I am about to fucking come for you.

He did.

Yeah.

Really.

Speculatritor.

Ecronoominus.

Karmpustile.

Involucro.

Coniuro mortuos.

Nercotubilus

[Cassie breathes heavily]

[Ghostly wind echoes]

[Candles extinguish with eerie snaps]

[Ghostly echoes intensify]

Oh, fuck.

[Echoes swell into a chorus of screams]

[Call Disconnects]

[Faint electrical hum gradually builds]

I... I did it.

You stupid, dumb, worthless fucks!

I did it!

[Dean triumphantly laughs]

I... I actually did it.

[Footsteps]

[Door creaks]

Dad? Dad?

I can't believe you are here. Oh, my God.

I missed you so much, I thought I'd never see you again.

Dad, I can't believe you’re actually here.

It's me.

I brought you back. I brought you back.

Da- Da- no wha- Dad. You’re hurt-

You hurting me? No. Stop!

[Electrical hum stops] [Bones crack]

[Thud]

[Faint electrical interference]

[Shuffling footsteps]

[Chair scrapes and rattles]

[Raspy breathing]

Nunc surgite...

[Raspy breathing continues]

de sepulcris vestris, de cavernis vestris.

Et de puteis... [raspy breathing]

[Electrical interference intensifies]

vestris; oriri et accipere...

carnem de vivis.

[Loud thud]

[Electrical interference stops]

[Ruffling and crunching noises]

Well, that was fucking intense.

Yeah, I saw it coming.

Bollocks, you did.

It was so obvious!

There was something very off about that.

Huh?

See? Ha!

– Even Tina thinks an obvious plot. – That’s not what she said!

No, it's not that.

It’s exactly that!

[Dan groans]

The characters sucked, such a false feminist narrative.

It was unreal, and all the guy did was want to bring back his dad.

He killed all his friends!

[Mark whines mockingly]

Like you saw that coming.

Like I saw an anything else coming.

Fuck off. Okay, Tina. What did you think? Really?

There was something very off about it. Okay?

I couldn't quite catch all the spells that they were spouting,

but it seemed a little close to real world stuff.

Do you know what I mean?

Ooh, you're witch too now are ya?

[Dan groans] [Mark giggles]

No, you moron. I studied Latin in school.

Ooh, fancy!

Fuck off, Mark!

Shut up. Okay?

I, I know enough to know that there are

– a lot of real words in there and something... – Okay?

Where did you say you got this, this film from again?

Well, I got it from Mark.

Where did you get it, Mark?

It's not a film.

– It's a stream. – Oh, okay.

[Cereal box rustles]

What do you mean, a stream?

Like a live streamers, stream.

Okay. What do you mean, a live streamers, stream?

Like a bunch of people get together, record their games live, post it up,

and then others get ideas for their games.

Yeah. That sort of thing.

– And where was this one posted? – Some online gaming site.

They, live stream stuff all the time.

Was a guy called...

Kevin... 72.

Posted it up, said it looked pretty amazing.

So I thought we'd give it a whirl.

– Kevin72? – Shit...

That’s the one.

Kevin72?! The fucking incel?!

For fuck's sake, Mark, what didn’t you tell us that?

I don’t know.

It’s just a popular site, popular video.

More than 10,000 views already, and it's only been posted up three hours

before we started watching it.

– I'm sorry, Tina. – Probably up to, like, millions or something by now.

Okay. I'm gonna go offline for a second.

I'll be right back.

Bye.

[Cereal box rustling] [Crunching]

Thanks for that, mate.

We’re never gonna hear the end of that now, are we?

It's just a stream, dude.

They went all out on this one is all.

Yeah. No, no.

You should know better than to take things off randoms off the internet.

Especially a cunt like that.

Why? What's wrong with him?

Just said he's a fucking incel, mate!

He’s a fucking incel, mate.

Yeah, yeah, he's probably put some shit on, on it.

He's put like a virus...

Our hard drives are getting pissed on there.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[Dan groans]

Guys, we are in some serious fucking trouble.

See, see. Thanks, Mark.

I went back to the notes that I took while we were watching that,

– and I translated some of the names. – ‘Course you did.

I also translated that last spell too, and...

For someone who claims not to be a witch...

– Shut up, Mark. – You... are acting awfully witchy right now.

I'm not a fucking witch.

Okay?

I'm not a golfer either, but I know what a goddamn 9-iron is.

Okay?

My point is, is that something has felt off about this from the start.

Riiight.

The demons that they mentioned, they're real!

What?

And Cassie was on to this from the word go.

Okay.

They mentioned some real demons, but it's like Mark said, it's just a play, right?

No, that's what Kevin wanted you to think.

He's been playing Dean from the start.

Now he's, he's playing the entire world.

[Mark snickers]

Shut up, Mark.

Come on, come on, Tina.

Have you ever even been on Kevin72’s page?

No.

No... because you have, you have the luxury of being very unaware

of your surroundings.

Rude.

He's a fucking incel, okay?

He's, he's a burn the world type.

Okay, I'm sorry Tina. But carry on, okay?

What's going on with this?

The last thing that that creature spouted was:

Nunc surgite de sepulcris vestris.

– Right? – de cavernis vestris.

et de puteis vestris; oriri et accipere carnem de vivis.

Right, I did French at school. What does that mean?

It translates to: Now rise from your graves, your holes and your pits.

Rise and take the flesh from the living!

Yeah!

I don't get it.

Me neither.

– This wasn't a stream. Okay? – Okay?

This whole thing was set up to unleash hell on Earth.

It's not a prank.

It's a series of spells to unleash Armageddon.

It's just a recording.

Are you saying we just...

We did. Okay? Others too.

Wherever this thing was played, it's unleashed the spell in that area.

It's just a recording!

Have you ever seen Evil Dead?

It's the same thing.

They play the recording. The dead Rise.

Same thing here.

Oh, fuck.

Ah, Jesus. How many views does it have?

Millions.

Okay, somebody turn on the TV.

Yeah. Hang on.

Fuck!

[News broadcast in background]

Yeah, I'm not buying this for one second.

[Mark wheezes with laughter]

Okay?

We need to group up.

No-one I know has seen more horror films than we have.

Woah, woah.

– Chill out. Look. – No.

If anything was gonna kick off, right?

I live seconds away from a morgue.

I'd be split into more pieces than Captain America.

Okay, maybe it hasn't had time to kick on where you are.

Okay? The dead take time.

Maybe the dead have to be in earshot of the recording.

Tina, can the dead even hear when they're dead?

I don't know, I'm not a fucking witch!

Okay, fine. Okay, fine.

[Thuds]

What is it?

What is it, Mark?

Nothing...

it's probably just my drunk housemates being arseholes again.

I'm just going to go and tell them to shut it.

Right. You can't hear anything outside. I can’t hear anything outside...

We've probably got some clear run on it before it happens.

Okay? Yeah. For now.

For now.

Okay. Let's make a clear run to each other. Okay?

Yeah. Grab whatever your weapon you can. You meet me at Leyton Street.

Guys?! I don't know what the fuck is going on with this.

There's a bunch of fucked up people dressed up as zombies

Right.

attacking everyone.

Please come and get me!

Okay, okay. Just hold tight.

We're gonna be right there.

[People screaming on news broadcast]

[Call Disconnects]

(♪) Every single one of you, thinks you're the good guy

And every single one of you, thinks you’re immune.

Every single one of you, says you're an ally!

Every single one of you

Every single one of you

Good guy, good guy

Good guy, good guy, good guy

You're a good guy!

Good guy, good guy, Really good guy

Really, really, real good-good

Hey!

La, la, la-la-la-la-la

Hey, man, it's nice to be a nice young man

La, la, la-la-la-la-la

Hey, man, it's nice to be a nice young man

Good.

Every single one of us, has been harassed by

One of the good guys, one of the good-good guys

Every single one of us

Has been attacked by, Smacked by, scared in your flat by

One of the good guys, one of the good-good guys

Good guy, good guy, good guy

Good guy, good guy

Oh, you're a good guy (good guy, good guy)

Really good guy, really, really, real good-good

Hey!

La, la, la-la-la-la-la

Hey, man, it's nice to be a nice young man

La, la, la-la-la-la-la

Hey, man, it's nice to be a nice young man

INSTRUMENTAL

It's not a lone wolf, it's the whole damn pack

It's not a bad apple, it's the whole damn tree

It's not a lone wolf, it's the whole damn pack

It's not a bad apple, it's the whole damn tree

It's not a lone wolf, it's the whole damn pack

It's not a bad apple, it's the whole damn tree

It's not a lone wolf, it's the whole damn pack

It's not a bad apple, it's the whole damn tree

Ally or alibi?

Ally or alibi?

Ally or alibi?

Ally!

Really, really, real good-good

Hey!

La, la, la-la-la-la-la

Hey, man, it's nice to be a nice young man

La, la, la-la-la-la-la

Hey, man, it's nice to be a nice young man

Good. (♪) (♪)

If anybody is seeing this live stream...

I am at: 138 Rochon drive.

Okay?

I was watching this stream of this game with a friend of mine.

She came over and we were watching this.

And halfway through, she just fell to the floor.

She had a heart attack and she just fell dead.

Dropped dead. I called the paramedics. They came over.

[Door rattling] They were trying to revi- there were trying to.

[Door rattling]

They were trying to revive her.

And they pronounced her dead. Dead.

And then all of a sudden

there was like this jump scare on the, on the screen, on the stream.

And it was alleviated this thing,

[Door rattling] from an-

But then she’s jumped up off the floor, bit the fucking paramedic in the neck.

Took a fucking chunk out of him. She killed him!

[Scratching] She killed him! Okay?

So please, if you get this, please send the police.

I don't know.

But tell them to be careful, tell them to be very, very careful, okay?

Because I don't know what it is, what a heart attack or...

[Door thudding]

A near-death experience is gonna do.

But she already killed somebody, and now she's after me.

So please tell them to be careful, but tell them to come right away.

Right away!

I need help now!

Holy Shit.

That was insane.

So we were just at this funeral, right?

And this stupid little kid was streaming something at the funeral.

Fucking kids today.

But we only found out that later.

Are you seriously recording right now?

Yeah, yeah, but...

– We gotta go. – Yeah, yeah, but that kid.

What did you call that thing that the kid, saw that we saw?

Yeah, it's a jump scare.

It was a jump scare.

[Laughs]

Yeah, a jump scare.

Yeah. So anyway, this little shit.

It was screaming like a pig because the dead guy at the funeral...

Sat up in the freaking casket! He sat up!

Yeah, your 12 fans are probably already gone. Let's go.

Shut up. Brad.

Anyway, he sat up in the casket and the priest sort of

bashed him in the head with the cross and doused him with holy water.

But the guy just sat up.

He just sat right the fuck up and

ripped the priest's throat out!

He ripped his throat out!

– It was amazing. – We're going, we're going. I'm going.

He people were freaking out.

People were freaking the fuck out.

Everybody's going everywhere. And then Bobby, ha-ha.

Bobby.

Cousin Bobby, ha, pulls out a gun.

Who brings a gun to a funeral?

Starting the car.

Bobby- Brad, asshole! Shut up!

I'm almost done. Shot the guy in the head.

His head goes boom! Brains everywhere.

Then Bobby goes over to check the priest, see if he's okay, and the priest

is still alive.

He attacks and bites Bobby!

– I’m done, I’m done. – This is mad.

I’m going. I'm starting the car.

Yeah. Listen, we left the funeral.

We're getting out of here. I'm coming, I'm coming, Brad!

Listen. My guys, I love you guys.

Shit's going weird. We're heading to the hills.

Y'all be safe, okay? We're out. Bye.

Why’d I do it? Why?

Guys, don't trust Kevin.

Don't.

Don't watch Kevin's stream.

Don't trust Kevin.

Don’t...

Don't trust Kevin.

– Don't trust Kevin! – Don't trust Kevin.

Don't trust Kevin's stream.

[Screams] [Mouse clicks]

[Mouse clicks] [Disconnects]