Original subtitles

[music playing]

Ah.

Guy.

Watch what you're doing.

Oh, how could I get mad at someone so cute.

Now, be an angel and get the cake out of the car.

Hi, Guy.

Hi, Guy.

GEORGE: We've got a big show tonight.

Leathermen from all over the world

are coming to honor Danny Jack.

And I don't want either two of you

sneaking off into a dark corner until after the show.

BRIAN: We won't, George.

Yeah, you said that last night, and Miss Liberty Hills

ended up doing the finale all by herself.

But you did it so well.

Don't distract me with flattery.

I get it all the time, and frankly, it's a nuisance.

Ah.

Where's my wig?

Where's Miss Liberty Hills' wig?

I reworked the wiring.

It should work better now.

Oh.

You gave me such a start.

Sorry, George.

Did you bring in the cake?

Yeah.

It's behind the bar.

BRIAN: Guy.

Good.

Now go unstop the toilet.

Sorry, Guy.

If you laid off the party favors,

you wouldn't have this problem.

I could never lay off party favors.

GEORGE: What you need is a good leather master to collar you.

I haven't found anybody man enough to tie

me up for more than one night.

Well, looks like you did a pretty good job in the daytime.

Look at that sunburn.

Uh, hello?

Ah!

You should always knock before entering a dressing room.

We could've been naked.

Well, don't scare him.

GEORGE: Uh, roses for Sister Hosanna?

For me?

How sweet.

BRIAN: Where's the usual delivery guy?

DELIVERY MAN: He sold his house to a California cater

for like five times what he paid for it.

GEORGE: There goes my property taxes.

And then he moved to Canada.

"From your secret admirer."

You know, the man who sent me these must really love me.

SCOTTY: Have you ever been to The Golden Door before?

Well, it's the same show every week.

[music playing]

GEORGE: Guy.

Be an angel and take out the trash.

[music playing]

CROWD (CHANTING): Hosanna.

Hosanna.

Hosanna.

Hosanna.

Hosanna.

Hosanna.

Hosanna.

Hosanna.

They're calling for you.

CROWD (CHANTING): Hosanna.

Hosanna.

Hosanna.

Hosanna.

Hosanna.

GEORGE: Here is Sister Hosanna.

Oh my god.

I'm risen again.

Hallelujah, amen.

I feel just like Jesus.

I bet that used to make Mary all wet.

Isn't that right, Mary?

Now-- oh, I see we have the Log Cabin Republicans

in the house tonight.

I just love a man with money and no brains.

It's so sexy.

And that tie.

I won't tell your other cabin buddies it's polyester.

Log Cabin Republicans.

That's so quaint.

Well, it's like camping out in the woods

or living on the plantation behind the big house.

Well, quite frankly, Scarlett, I don't

think the other Republicans give a damn.

Now, I know we're all here to worship me.

But first I want to tell you how this whole church has been

possible these past 25 years.

Cheap beer.

One man has done it all.

MAN: You mean done them all.

GEORGE: We're here to honor the Leather Master who has raised

hundreds of thousands of dollars for AIDS

research, is seen everywhere--

MAN: Including the park bathroom.

Never stops going.

MAN: Or coming.

In the park bathroom.

GEORGE: Has trained dozens of boys in leather service.

Hundreds.

Over a million served.

Now boys, behave.

Daddy Jack signs my paycheck.

MAN: Were services rendered.

You whores.

Takes one to blow one.

Lighten up, Guy, before you have a heart attack.

I give you the man of the hour--

Does he last that long?

30 seconds, tops.

Daddy Jack.

[applause]

You perverts.

CROWD: Yeah.

All you ever think about is sex.

I ought to spank every one of you for being so naughty.

Ooh, ooh, me first.

DADDY JACK: I knew you would volunteer.

Well, thank you men, boys, others.

Good old Dad left me a bit of money 25 years ago,

and I started The Golden Door when I was four because leather

folk need a safe place to meet, to make friends,

so they didn't feel isolated or alone.

Not with you around.

We have The Golden Door.

But there are homeless people out on our streets

that need someplace safe, too.

So I want you all to dig deep into those leathers

and donate some dirty old cash to this month's charity, The

Liberty Hills homeless shelter.

We're in this world together to help each other.

So don't be cheap, just tacky.

Who would've thought The Golden Door would've made it out here,

but here we are.

[cheers]

GUY: Get back.

Get back.

Call 911.

Call 911.

[music playing]

SISTER SUSANNAH: Our father which art in heaven,

hallowed be thy shame.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done,

that homosexuals will never get into heaven.

Of course.

SISTER SUSANNAH: Give us this day--

She would show up.

SISTER SUSANNAH: --our daily bread

and forgive us our acts of sin as we forgive

those who sin against the Lord.

Leave us away from temptations of the flesh

and moral deprivation.

Just ignore her and she'll go away.

SISTER SUSANNAH: For thine is the kingdom

and the power and the glory forever, hallelujah, amen.

It doesn't matter.

CHURCH GOERS: Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

CHURCH GOERS (SINGING): Lead on, oh King eternal.

The day of march has come.

Henceforth in fields of conquest,

thy tents shall be our home.

Through days of reparation, thy grace has made us strong.

And now King eternal, we lift our battle song.

Walk me to my car.

Jack inherited a lot of money from his father.

When he seroconverted back in the '80s,

we both thought he wasn't long for this world.

But he was convinced that his father's money would be used

to bolster the gay community.

He bought me The Golden Door.

About two weeks ago, the doctor told him

that his heart would kill him before AIDS

would ever do him in.

And I made him rewrite the will.

Well, I can't possibly know what's going

on backstage when I'm on stage.

He left The Golden Door to you.

Congratulations.

You're rich.

If you sold, of course.

Why me?

Because gay Leathermen are a tiny minority

within a tiny minority, and this is where we call home.

You understand that.

But I--

Besides, we know you won't sell because we're counting on you.

[car engines]

GEORGE: Love ya.

Mean it.

[train engine]

[rustling]

Hey, boy.

Let's go for a cruise.

SCOTTY: Guy.

These are for you.

What's this?

SCOTTY: I made those on the computer last night.

I'll put them in the door rack.

SCOTTY: George, you said Guy was going to leaflet

the train station tomorrow.

Guy, be an angel and distribute those fliers on the train

tomorrow.

You really want grandma and grandpa tourists

totter in the front door?

Well, they'd pay, wouldn't they?

I don't want my grandma watching this.

There'd be a heart attack every night.

That wasn't nice.

And you didn't mean it.

I'm sorry.

Well, Miss Liberty Hills gives you abolition

as long as you distribute those flyers tomorrow and help three

old ladies across the street.

George, I--

Look.

Gay men ride the train.

Use your gaydar.

Now come here, you wretched refuse,

and give Miss Liberty a kiss.

I'm just looking out for your investment

now that you own the place.

What?

You own the bar?

Yes, he does.

And he's not letting it go to his head.

George, we need to talk.

[knocking]

GEORGE: Come in.

Roses for Sister Hosanna.

Hey.

"From your secret admirer."

Isn't that thoughtful?

Guy, be an angel and take out the trash.

Boys, go help him.

Sure thing, Miss Thing.

What is that about?

What a drama queen.

[kitten meowing]

Kitty.

Come here.

Come on.

You can trust me.

Come on.

You aren't still trying to tame that cat, are you?

It's a stray.

She's real friendly.

Some creatures will always be strays.

Kitty, come on.

Come on, Pussums.

[piano music playing]

CHURCH GOERS (SINGING): Stand up, stand up for Jesus.

The trumpet call obey.

Forth to the mighty conflict in this, His glorious day.

Sing out, Margaret.

CHURCH GOERS (SINGING): Ye that our men now serve

Him against unnumbered foes.

Let courage rise with danger, and strength to strength

oppose.

Oh.

Amen, hallelujah, amen, sisters.

Very good.

Sit down now, sisters.

Sit down.

Oh God bless Liberty Hills.

Hallelujah, amen.

God bless each of you, too, who stood

witness with me at the funeral of the man

who sinned his life away.

Pray with me now, brothers and sisters.

Oh, Lord, Heavenly Father.

Oh.

I feel a chill coming over me.

Yes, I-- I feel the cold hands of Satan around me.

I feel his steely claws wrapped around the soul of that sinner.

Oh, Lord.

No.

No, no, Lord.

No, Lord.

We beseech you Lord, please.

Let us save the sinner.

Save them.

Save us.

Oh, no.

The Lord says it's too late.

It's too late, brothers and sisters.

He says no, that the devil clutches

have yes, taken that sinner, taken

him to the hell's damnation.

Yes.

To the gates of hell.

We've already lost him.

God, you gave your only begotten son.

Jesus.

To free us from the tyranny.

To free us from the terrorists that topple our city.

Terrorists.

SISTER SUSANNAH: To free us from the sexual deviance

down there at River Avenue.

Those predators who are after our poor, innocent children.

Oh, Lord, the children, please Lord.

Please keep our children safe.

So we're not going to sit idle, brothers and sisters.

We have work to do.

We have work to do to rid our great community

of the great Liberty Hills from those sexual deviants,

those sodomites down at River Avenue.

Hallelujah, amen.

Stand with me now, sisters.

Yes.

Let's stand together.

Let's get close to the Lord.

We want to walk close with the Lord, don't we, sisters?

The church is always here for you, is that right?

All right.

So the question is, brothers and sisters,

are you here for the church?

CHURCH GOERS: Always.

Of course we are.

Praise and hope inspires the future, is that right?

CHURCH GOERS: Yes.

It is our good deeds that erect houses of worship.

I think I see those check books and those wallets coming out

now.

Thank you, Sister Allen, for passing the basket for us

today.

Hallelujah, amen.

God bless Liberty Hills.

Have a wonderful week this week, brothers and sisters,

and we will see you on the path of the Lord.

CHURCH GOERS: Yes. Amen.

Thank you.

Thank you all.

Thank you, sister.

WOMAN: Oh, I can't get any sleep.

I've got this abandoned kitten under my porch.

I think she's doing her business on my cucumbers.

Do think it's safe if I enter them in a contest?

I wouldn't eat them.

Would you, Margaret?

But I came in third place last year.

And I know that I could win first place,

because these cukes are so big and firm.

You're going to risk the lives of innocent people

just to win a contest?

Better call animal control.

I guess you're right.

[train horn]

GUY: Come see Miss Liberty Hills and the Freedom Boys.

Golden Door, 10 o'clock.

Come see Miss Liberty Hills and the Freedom Boys.

Golden Door, 10 o'clock.

What's this?

You wouldn't be interested.

Are you in the show?

No.

I house manage.

But you're going to be there, right?

Backstage.

Maybe I'll check it out.

Here, kitty, kitty.

Come on.

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.

Oh, hey.

Hey.

I called you five days ago.

ANIMAL CONTROL WORKER: We got here when we could.

One cat leads to 100.

ANIMAL CONTROL WORKER: Uh huh.

Here, kitty, kitty.

Come on.

Come here, kitty, kitty.

You do find a good home for them, don't you?

Yeah. When we can.

Here, kitty, kitty.

He just doesn't belong here, that's all.

This'll catch him.

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for.

Mary Divine.

[cheers]

GEORGE: Hello, hello.

Hello, hello.

I am so glad that Jesus was born in December, because that's

when we celebrate Christmas.

I love Christmas.

And that's why they call me Mary Divine.

The twinkling lights.

The eggnog.

Excuse me.

CROWD: Yeah.

Oh.

Go, girl.

Yeah.

[burp]

The mistletoe.

The mistletoe.

Makes you want to celebrate all year, doesn't it?

You know, Santa climbed up my chimney last night

and just look at the presents he brought me.

That's some box.

You know, I bet you wish Santa brought you presents like that.

Well, it's only because I was so naughty.

You know, after I fed him milk-- some milk, please, I heard him

exclaim as he drove out of si--

Wrong holiday.

Keep up with me.

I heard him exclaim as he drove out

of sight, Mary Divine, Mary Divine, Mary Divi-- you

were expecting something else?

(SINGING) The first noel, the angels did say,

was to certain poor shepherds in fields as they lay.

In fields as they lay keeping their sheep on a cold winter's

night that was so deep.

Noel, oh.

Noel.

Ow.

Noel, hey.

Noel.

And [inaudible].

(SINGING) Torn is the queen of Israel.

[cheers]

BRIAN: Hey. How are you doing?

MAN: Good.

BRIAN: I'm Brian.

Nice to meet you.

George.

George.

I want-- have you seen Brian?

No.

I don't know where he is.

We need to talk.

I think someone's unwrapping one of my presents.

What present?

Keep up with me, angel.

And by the way, who's that cutie pie down front, hm?

He came on the train.

Oh.

So the flyers did work?

Never underestimate Mother Liberty.

George, I don't want to run this bar.

I don't want spent my whole life mopping

up spilled beer off the floor.

I didn't go to college for that.

College?

Well, that changes everything.

Yeah.

Well, you should be wearing a suit and tie,

working in a high rise, tied to a telephone in a six foot

gray cubicle surrounded by dull people

leading dreary lives who've lost all hope of creativity years

ago, salivating at the ticking clock in anticipation

of your mind numbing commute to your suburban money pit where

you'll close the doors on the neighbors you've never met

and dull your senses watching insipid television until you

fall asleep only to repeat your college educated nightmare

the next day.

Oh.

You go, girl.

Tell me.

What's your degree?

Art history.

[laughter]

Oh, angel.

I love you.

MAN: And now, here's the--

Not yet.

I'm not dressed.

MAN: --green with envy, the original Birkenstock

broad from Berkeley, the toga party

diva herself, Miss Liberty.

[music playing]

GEORGE: Give me your tired, your poorly dressed.

[music playing]

[kitten meowing]

Hey, kitty.

What are you doing in there?

What are you doing in there?

You want to come out?

Yeah?

Oh.

Hey.

Hi.

Hello.

[kitten meowing]

Hi.

Hi.

[music playing]

[spray paint can rattling]

[crickets chirping]

[inaudible].

[kitten meowing]

[snoring]

LYNETTE: Well, it's patriotic if nothing else.

Who would have done this?

The DAR.

They're barely wearing any clothes.

WOMAN: Oh, my god.

Don't you think they should be wearing more clothes, Margaret?

Of course she does.

We all do.

But if the ladies of the DAR commissioned

this painting, then of course it must

be based on historical fact.

I don't remember them being so young.

What's all the commotion?

Oh my god.

SISTER SUSANNAH: Oh, Lord Heavenly Father.

Hear us, oh Lord, hear us.

We have been assaulted by the army of sodomites

that infest this country.

Our town has been vandalized.

The good name of Liberty Hills has been tarnished forever

by the sexual deviants that crawl out

of the sewers at night and creep into our homes

to corrupt our children.

LYNETTE: I knew right away it was terrorism.

The act of some sexual deviant trying to corrupt our children.

GLYNIS: But do we know who did it?

It's that bar on River Avenue.

GLYNIS: Are you sure?

It's obvious to me and everyone else.

Isn't that right, Margaret?

We ought to ram them up right now and see who acts guilty.

GLYNIS: That's a little extreme, Lynette.

Dangerous times call for extreme measures.

We are under siege.

Thank God Sister Susannah had the omniscience to see it.

Get out or go to jail, I say.

[sirens]

GUY: Hello.

Hey.

GUY: What are you doing here?

I needed to wash my clothes.

There's a laundromat six blocks over.

Think I can go there like this?

GUY: You cause trouble everywhere you go, don't you?

I'm having a hard time following this conversation.

GUY: The city is in an uproar over that mural you painted.

What?

You went to my apartment last night, stole my kitten,

and then you painted that sign.

Now you're washing away the evidence.

You followed me last night?

The afternoon newspaper has a picture of Sister Susannah

praying for God's mercy and blaming

us for vandalizing the city.

What?

GUY: Gay vigilantes congregating on River Avenue.

I'm surprised the cops haven't knocked in the door yet.

The cops aren't going to bother you.

[knocking]

Jesus Christ.

Sheriff's department.

We're investigating an act of vandalism on city property.

Do you have any information about an unknown suspect who

might have been in the vicinity of the city limit sign

last night?

No.

What?

The city limit sign?

Yeah.

At the south entrance of town?

No.

Why?

Just following up on a report.

There's probably nothing to it.

But if you do hear anything about any of your customers,

please just contact me at this number.

They're looking for you.

Shit.

Wait.

How do they know it's me?

They don't.

They think it's one of my customers.

ALEX: What's the big deal, anyway?

It's just a piece of art.

You turned an American icon into something gay.

It's not like they're kissing.

Maybe if we don't say anything, they'll forget about it.

They've got nothing to do but eat donuts

and write parking tickets.

They don't care about this or some strange mural outside.

Are these the costumes for the show?

Yeah.

George likes flashy outfits.

Yeah.

This city's looking a little faded, though.

It's nice, but the paint on it, it could use a little touch up.

GUY: Really?

I just did it a week ago.

Well, you did it poorly.

It's looking like it could use a little professional touch.

George does not like people touching his stuff.

He'll wig out, literally.

He'll never know.

Oh.

Oh Lord, Heavenly Father, hear our prayer, Lord.

Help us to bring this struggling nation back to you, Lord.

If I'm going to launch a television ministry,

I have to stand out so people can

see me on their tiny trailer park televisions.

Hallelujah, amen.

Hallelujah, amen.

Hallelujah, amen.

Oh.

Repent or else I will come on to thee quickly.

Those who commit adultery, I will kill.

Amateur.

[tires squealing]

CHURCH GOERS: Jesus.

The devil is among us.

CHURCH GOERS: Lord, save us, Lord.

SISTER SUSANNAH: The devil lives among us

and seeks to take us over to his fiery furnace.

Either you are a soldier and you declare your devotion

to God and freedom for America, or you risk eternal damnation.

Satan is among us, brothers and sisters,

and he lives on River Avenue.

Oh, River Avenue.

Search your hearts, brothers and sisters.

Search your neighbors' hearts, brothers and sisters.

Pray with me now.

Lord Heavenly Father, give us the strength to march

on Satan's door tonight.

[music playing]

10 o'clock tonight at The Golden Door.

[music playing]

(LIP SYNCING) 'Cause everyone knows wherever you go,

you and I, we can chill.

So let's take a look inside, now is the time for us to feel.

Come see Miss Liberty Hills, 10 o'clock tonight.

Come see Miss Liberty Hills, 10 o'clock tonight

here at The Golden Door.

Not interested.

What did he want?

It's some homo bar.

It's so gay.

It's great.

You're getting faggier every day.

[music playing]

(LIP SYNCING) Feel the love.

GEORGE: Ah.

Who still the Miss Liberty Hills wig?

It's not back here?

Do you have it?

No, uh--

GEORGE: I can't believe she would stoop this low.

Who?

GEORGE: Never mind.

Ancient history.

My wig.

You.

Who are you?

I saw your show last night.

Give me that.

You were-- you were great last night.

What are you doing back here?

ALEX: I-- I-- I just thought that-- that I-- I--

I painted your wig.

GEORGE: You painted my wig?

Uh, yeah.

It was looking a bit aged.

Well, who told you you could paint my wig?

Uh, nobody.

Listen to me, little man.

Don't you ever, ever touch a lady's [french].

ALEX: I'm sorry.

It was just-- a performer like you needs the best props.

Well, aren't you the little Boy Scout.

Give me a merit badge.

I'll pin it on him.

Go. Off.

Guy, take him with you.

I have to prepare.

What a temper.

The owner of the bar died last week.

We're all a little stressed out.

It looks good, though.

Better than before.

I got a two for one coupon at the Star Grill.

You want to go?

No.

I got work to do.

ALEX: Can I bring you a burger?

Where's your little friend?

He left.

Guess who painted the mural on the city limit sign?

Who?

Oh.

An artist.

And he's adorable.

He's a vandal.

The whole town's in an uproar.

Over a silly piece of art?

Typical.

Since when did we get to be so uptight?

Oh, that's right.

We always were.

I don't think I could date a criminal.

Oh, you're dating?

Hey, Guy's got a boyfriend.

Ooh.

Well, good for you.

We're not dating.

What's his name?

I don't know.

GEORGE: You don't know his name?

Well, I guess it doesn't matter if he's just a trick.

He's not a trick. He just follows me around.

Well, give him a chance to catch up.

Not my type.

GEORGE: Handsome.

Talented.

Intelligent.

I learned my lesson.

Just because Steve was a jerk--

Evil Steve.

Evil Steve.

It doesn't mean love is dead.

Yeah.

GEORGE: Oh, give it time.

I just don't want to be living alone when I'm old like you.

Listen, you little snot.

Love is something you share, not something you find.

And if I wasn't sharing every last bit of love I have for you

right now with every fiber in my gay being,

I would smack you upside the head for calling me old.

Now, in the long run, maybe cutie pie isn't right for you.

But what about tonight?

You deserve to be happy.

MAN: And now The Golden Door is proud to bring

you the mother of our nation.

[interposing voices]

MAN: The gal in green.

The one, the only, Lady Liberty herself, Miss Liberty Hills.

[cheers]

Give me your tired, your poorly dressed.

Your harnessed [inaudible] yearning to breathe.

Breathe.

The wretched refuse of your teeming shores.

Teeming with what, I'd like to know.

Send these, the homeless, helpless, tossed to thee,

I lift my lamp beside the golden whore.

Hit it.

(SINGING) Oh beautiful for luscious thighs,

for ample waves of pain.

For muscled mountains majesty above thy fruits and plains.

America, America, God save the blessed for me.

And drown thy goods with brotherhoods,

from he to shining he.

[applause]

Come on, you got to see this.

Pray for these poor sick men.

Hallelujah, amen, brothers and sisters.

[music playing]

(LIP SYNCING) I imagine a place.

Cause they need our prayers.

Sister Susannah, do you have a permit?

God doesn't need a permit to speak the truth.

I'm calling the cops to have you removed.

Jesus turned his fate over to the hands of the Romans,

and so do I.

She's got to be kidding.

Wait.

This'll get rid of her.

Long time no see, Mom.

(LIP SYNCING) --from despair.

You OK?

Jesus Christ.

(LIP SYNCING) --despair.

What happened to him?

Sister Susannah attacked him outside.

Sister Susannah's here?

Let me get this straight.

Not possible.

You came out to everybody, which is hands down the most

empowering rebellion, but now you're acting all scared

because some freaky lady with a cross

is parading around outside?

She's not some freaky lady.

She's a preacher.

She has a church.

So did Manson.

Marilyn has a church?

Charles Manson.

Before your time.

Before my time.

Forget it.

I mean we literally cleared out the bar.

GUY: Stop.

Stop.

Go home.

Everyone's gone.

Save it for another night.

Troy.

Come on.

We're done.

You want to hang out later?

I got to work on the books.

Maybe sometime else?

I don't even know your name.

Alex.

Well, Alex.

It's been a really, really hard couple weeks.

Not tonight.

[music playing]

SISTER SUSANNAH: Jesus turned his fate over to the Romans,

and so do I.

Long time no see, Mom.

Mom.

Mom.

[music playing]

[birds chirping]

[music playing]

Good morning.

-How are you today? -Oh, good.

You?

Have a good one.

Hey, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.

Ow.

[knocking]

Hey, Mom.

Mom.

[knocking]

Hey, Mom.

It's your son.

Open up.

[knocking]

ALEX: Mom.

GUY: Come see miss Mary Divine.

She's truly heaven sent.

SISTER SUSANNAH: Repent, sinners.

Repent, sinners, for the time--

Come see for its fifth year, George D.

GEORGE: Jack didn't leave it The Golden Door to close it.

A couple weeks of this, and we're finished.

Father should have given me that money.

But no, he had to give it all to my brother.

Well, we will get that money back, father.

We will turn The Golden Door into The Golden

Evangelical Broadcast Center.

GEBC.

No, that doesn't work.

GEBTV.

No.

It needs to be global something television.

Lord, help me.

I know you are punishing me for having

that child out of wedlock.

Why else would you have sent him back to me now?

But I have given over my life to be your disciple.

Given Over To Disciple Television.

GODTV.

That's it.

Oh, thank you, Lord.

Thank you.

Oh.

Oh, hey, Guy.

How's work?

Fine.

Good.

A little stressful.

I'm sorry.

Business is dropping off.

Oh.

Think I'm going to have to lay off a couple guys.

Are you sure this is the job for you?

Well, maybe you don't belong there.

What else am I supposed to do?

I have an art history degree.

GLYNIS: Well, I've heard about some people who are looking

to hire somebody like you.

Well, you know, somebody who does what you do.

Like what?

Well, I'm not saying this right.

Well, what's the job.

You'll really like it.

What is it?

I think they're hiring at the florist.

I am not a florist.

Beth needs somebody at the beauty parlor.

Glynis, I already have a job.

The girls would just love to have you around at the parlor.

It'd be so much fun.

I'm sure it would be, but no.

GLYNIS: Well, if you just stop acting like Mr. smarty Pants

and listen to me.

I'm trying to tell you, you got to quit that job.

Why do I have to quit my job?

GLYNIS: You don't belong there with those people.

Sister Susannah told us about the sin and corruption

that goes on there.

Sister Susannah.

Hey.

Oh.

Hey.

Who's your friend, Guy?

He's not my-- this is Alex.

Hi, Alex.

Hi.

Nice to meet you.

I brought up some soup.

Is there some place we can warm it up?

You boys just run on and play.

I'll finish sweeping.

ALEX: She seems nice.

She's like an adoptive mother since my family

won't talk to me anymore.

Thanks for the soup.

Actually, it's for both of us.

Where have you been?

Why?

Did we have a date?

No.

Just haven't seen you in a couple days.

I went to talk to Mom.

You didn't tell me she's your mother.

Well, we can't choose our parents.

Well, she's convinced my landlady that The Golden Door

is full of sin and corruption.

I just can't believe you went to go see her.

How did that go?

The bitch wouldn't even see me.

Besides, why would I want to leave now?

I bought a new cowboy hat.

I see that.

[kitten meowing]

What's that?

[kitten meowing]

You want to get rid of Mom and her Bible thumping groupies?

You have to do something outrageous.

No.

You don't.

This isn't about you or The Golden Door.

This is about building membership to the church,

increasing donations.

I believe in God.

It's not about God.

It's about building churches.

We'll paint a mural outside The Golden Door.

No.

No, I don't think so.

We'll call it Fags with Flags.

It will be very patriotic.

GUY: That's not funny.

Oh.

You got to piss people off sometimes to get what you want.

GLYNIS: Nice morning.

LYNETTE: Ah. GLYNIS: Chocolate.

LYNETTE: Such a beautiful day.

Chocolate?

GLYNIS: Where's Margaret?

LYNETTE: I don't know.

Margaret.

Arms up, ladies.

GLYNIS: Oh, god.

LYNETTE: Chest out.

Walk for Jesus.

Look both ways before crossing the tracks.

Ah.

See how much better you feel, ladies?

Come on, Margaret.

You can do it.

GLYNIS: Can we stop yet?

LYNETTE: Just three more miles.

GLYNIS: Oh, god.

LYNETTE: Think positive thoughts, ladies.

No bad thoughts.

Good thoughts only.

Well, I'll be.

It's shocking.

This wasn't here yesterday.

Oh my god.

Terrorists.

I'm telling you, Sister Susannah was right again.

Terrorism in Liberty Hills.

Don't you think, Margaret?

GLYNIS: This isn't terrorism.

It's a painting.

LYNETTE: Of what, I'd like to know.

Iwo Jima.

No self-respecting solider ever looked like that.

My grandfather fought in the war.

And if he were here today, he'd tell you that is

not what he wore into battle.

I think I Kind.

Of like it.

Glynis Johns.

You did not just say that.

Did you hear that, Margaret?

I'm just flabbergasted.

I am completely beside myself.

I don't know what to say.

Well, we'll just see what Sister Susannah

has to say when she sees this.

Are you coming, Margaret?

Wash your windows for Jesus?

No.

I-- I don't want that windshield wa-- stop that.

No.

[tires squealing]

[music playing]

[tires squealing]

Sister?

Activate the prayer network.

Satan is advancing.

[music plying]

CROWD: Hosanna.

Hosanna.

Hosanna.

Hosanna.

Hosanna.

Hosanna.

Hosanna.

Hosanna.

Never hire an atheist.

Too uppity.

Scotty, do you believe in God?

Shit, no.

Show some respect.

My point exactly.

Well, if I was Jesus, I'd be pissed off God

hadn't brought me back already.

Can you imagine going 2,000 years without a blow job?

Jesus never got a blow job.

I didn't say he got one.

But that doesn't mean he didn't give one.

CROWD: Hosanna.

Hosanna.

Hosanna.

[cheers]

Sister Hosanna.

Oh my god, I've risen again.

Hallelujah, amen.

(SINGING) Onward, Christian soldiers.

Marching as to war.

With our cross of Jesus, going on before.

(SINGING) Onward, Christian soldier.

Marching as to war.

With the cross of Jesus going on before.

Christ the royal master, lead against the foe.

Hallelujah, amen.

Forward into battle, see his banner go.

Onward, Christian soldier.

Everybody.

Marching as to war.

With the cross of Jesus going on before.

[applause]

GEORGE: I knew I'd get the business back.

[interposing voices]

POLICE OFFICER: We got a complaint

about a public nuisance.

What's wrong with it?

It's not nudity.

Cover it up.

You can't make me cover it.

It's not against the law.

I can arrest you for indecency with a minor.

What?

You can see a child in this crowd, don't you?

Uh, yeah.

Yeah, I do.

Well, what about my First Amendment rights?

The preacher can come over here and threaten us,

and she can hit me over the head,

but you don't do anything to her.

What are you doing?

Do not ask me.

The fascists have already won.

You're under arrest for inciting a riot.

What?

What's this all about?

It's the male body.

It's art.

It's what I do.

Jay Steinhouse, Gallery Gallery, Manhattan.

I think I'd like to see your work.

GUY: Alex.

Alex.

[knocking]

SISTER SUSANNAH: Yes?

What are you doing here?

ALEX: That any way to talk to the fruit of your womb?

It was an accident.

That makes me feel great, Mom.

SISTER SUSANNAH: Stop calling me that.

You can't just walk back in here and destroy my life.

I've been forgiven for my sin.

I'll make you a deal.

Hey.

That was the worst nightmare ever in my life.

I can't believe I let you talk me into painting

the side of the building.

Jacob's going to fix it.

Who's Jacob?

Jacob Steinhouse.

The gallery owner from New York.

That's great.

They drop the charges against me?

Not yet.

I have a criminal record.

Hey, it's not that bad.

Look, I bailed you out.

You didn't spend the night in jail.

How'd you pay my bail, anyways?

You can't afford a second pair of pants,

but you can buy food and paints and you can post my bail?

Are you dealing?

No.

I had a talk with Mom.

What?

She promised to get you out of jail.

I promised not to tell the newspapers I was her son.

It's a win win situation.

Blackmail.

Accessory to an extortion.

I'm growing to grow old behind bars.

ALEX: Chill out.

It's not so bad.

The only reason I was in jail was

because of her, and because you convinced me to do

something to piss her off.

Told you it would work.

Jacob wants to sponsor a show for me.

He's going to fly me to New York.

It's all working out great.

I can tell.

[music playing]

[vacuum]

[music playing]

[train horn]

[music playing]

You missed a spot.

Where?

Right there.

Hey.

Don't smear.

I'm out of paint.

[music playing]

Have you seen Alex?

No.

No, I was just wondering.

Hm mm, I haven't seen him in a while.

[music playing]

Hey.

Where you been?

I thought you bailed and went to New York.

ALEX: No.

I been hanging out with Jacob.

He knows all these people.

He's really connected in the art world.

I mean, we've been going over the show

he's going to do for me.

But I don't know if I should do it or not.

What do you think?

Yeah.

Yeah.

You should definitely go.

ALEX: Maybe you should come with us.

Really?

Yeah.

I'm sure Jacob would put us both up.

You're staying with him?

ALEX: He's got a loft in Manhattan.

He was really hot for you.

Whatever.

No, not whatever, Alex.

Did you sleep with him?

What?

I thought-- nothing.

ALEX: What is your issue?

Look, just go to New York.

Why did you come here in the first place?

I got kicked out of CalArts for painting murals on campus

buildings without permission.

Dad cut me off.

So I packed up my bags and hopped on a freight train.

Have you ever seen the desert at night?

It goes on forever.

Millions of stars out there.

It's beautiful.

Dad told me that Mom had a gay brother that lived out here.

Do you know Jack Jones?

He was your uncle?

Yeah, why?

Did something happen?

He had a heart attack.

He owned The Golden Door.

When-- when did he die?

I'm sorry I'm the one that has to tell you this.

He was an incredible guy.

We all loved him.

ALEX: I guess-- I guess I'm on my own now.

Me, too.

Kind of sucks.

Yep.

Sorry I didn't tell you where I was.

Don't worry about it.

SISTER SUSANNAH: "Dear Mr. Sims, as we're all children of God,

I invite you to correspond with my congregation

that we might better understand your culture--"

GUY: "--your culture.

In the spirit of the Lord, Sister Susannah."

Wow.

Don't trust her.

Oh, she wants to reconcile.

She's sneaky.

George, she posted my bail.

She wants to apologize.

I've known her my whole life.

And I've never hear her apologize.

GUY: Well, here it is.

And I'm going to write her back.

Be careful, angel.

SISTER SUSANNAH: I received this letter in the mail

yesterday from Guy Simms, the owner

of The Golden Door bar and sex club over on River Avenue.

"Dear Sister Susannah, I welcome an opportunity to meet

you and your congregation."

It suggests that Mr. Simms would like to bring

his pedophiles into our midst.

"The Golden Door is a family."

A cult. Children, innocent babies,

yeah, they want to kidnap and abduct our children

and turn them into homosexualities.

Your sons.

Should we allow these predators into our midst?

Stand up for justice.

Stand up for freedom.

Let's drive these sodomites out of our town.

All right.

[music playing]

[laughter]

[humming]

[music playing]

SISTER SUSANNAH: I'm going to make this right, Daddy.

[music playing]

[laughter]

[fire crackling]

[music playing]

SISTER SUSANNAH: Oh. Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

[shrieks]

[fire crackling]

[music playing]

[car horn]

Hey.

SISTER SUSANNAH: God will punish you, asshole.

[music playing]

[knocking]

Yes?

Hey, uh, Sister Susannah?

I'm so sorry to inform you that the church has burned down.

Oh.

Oh.

Wait.

Wait.

Look.

Look-- look what I got from Guy Simms.

I'm innocent.

[music playing]

Alex.

[sirens]

[music playing]

SISTER SUSANNAH: Jack told me he threw my wig away.

Oh.

POLICE OFFICER: Look, Guy did it.

He mailed this to Sister Susannah.

Guy wouldn't do this.

Suzie wrote him asking for reconciliation.

I told him not to trust her.

He knows how spiteful she is.

My wig.

My-- my Sister Hosanna wig, it's missing.

Did she-- no.

Listen.

I'm telling you, she took my wig.

I'll never get out of this.

Why did I let Steve convince me to move to Bumfuck, Texas?

How could I be so stupid?

LYNETTE: I am just aghast.

They should put him away for life.

I can't believe it.

Well, it's a good thing they caught him before he

burned down your house.

GLYNIS: You know, it's funny.

I saw Sister Susannah last night.

She was in a big hurry to get somewhere.

She almost ran me down when I was crossing the street.

Well, of course, she heard about the church fire.

I--

She was racing to get there.

No.

She was driving away from the church.

You have got it all confused, Glynis.

GLYNIS: No, Lynette.

I do not have it all confused.

I know what I saw.

And Sister Susannah was in a big hurry to get somewhere.

Furthermore, Guy was with his boyfriend.

I heard him through the bedroom window.

Why do you think I went for a walk?

Hey.

Hey.

George and I are trying to get you out.

I sold my plane ticket.

It wasn't enough.

I am such an idiot.

Hello, angel.

I've got your bail money.

I'm going to move so far from here, they'll never fine me.

GEORGE: Don't do that, Angel.

My house is collateral on the bail.

I won't jump bail.

But if I do get clear of this, you can have the bar.

I don't want it.

We fought back again Stonewall.

We acted up against the drug companies.

You have as much right to live here as anybody else.

It's about time you stood up for what you believe in.

Well, Margaret, aren't you going to say something.

Yeah, Margaret.

How come you never say anything? -Yes.

Why don't you speak up?

Because the two of you never shut up.

And using the Bible to condemn homosexuals is a crock of shit,

and you know it.

Leviticus tells you not to eat shellfish.

But I saw you wolfing your way to eternal damnation

at the Clam Chowder Cafe last night.

Did it never occur to you that the apostle Paul wrote

that boys should not be working as prostitutes

in the bath house because he was there, too, to get some dick?

Margaret.

I can't believe you're saying these things.

Leave Guy alone.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, that's OK.

Come on over.

I've been coming here for years.

I'm just trying to figure things out.

Aren't we all?

Excuse me.

I need to talk to you, officer.

(SINGING) Spear and shield on battlefield--

How can you prove it's George's wig?

I rewired the wig after the last show.

Watch.

They may burn down our churches.

They may paint their vile pictures on our town.

But they cannot stop the power of the Lord.

Hallelujah, amen.

Hallelujah.

SISTER SUSANNAH: Oh, Lord.

What-- what's going on?

What is that?

What's going on with my head?

No, no. No, don't.

Don't.

Where are you going?

This isn't my wig.

The sodomites made me wear this wig.

You.

You did this to me.

You did this to me.

Confess.

Confess.

You sodomites, you made me wear this wig.

You're no Christian.

Maybe you should try reading the Bible instead of preaching it.

God will punish you for this.

Sodomite.

Sodomite.

Proud to be one.

Sodomite.

I won't forget this, sodomite.

[music playing]

So Daddy Jack and I wanted to go to the prom together,

but neither one of us could find a date with a girl.

So Jack borrowed Suzie's wig, and I went as his girlfriend.

That's incredible.

GUY: She was pissed.

Talk about holding a grudge.

Well, I hope you don't turn out like your mother.

Mother?

You didn't know she had a son?

You're little Alexander the Great?

Oh.

Daddy Jack and I used to change your diapers.

God, I feel old.

You don't look it.

Officer.

How can I help you?

POLICE OFFICER: I just stopped by

to let you know your neighbor corroborated your alibi

and the arson charges have been dropped.

The Lord works in mysterious ways.

Hallelujah amen.

I'm also going to see the DA and see

if they'll drop the public obscenity charge,

freedom of speech, and all.

Officer, how would you like one of these nice little T-shirts?

I'm sorry.

I can't accept gifts in the line of duty.

GEORGE: Hm.

I guess not.

But I could buy one.

How much are they?

GEORGE: A cup of coffee after the show?

You should come with me to New York.

You know, Alex, I have a home here.

But you belong in New York.

Or LA, or wherever your art takes you.

Go be famous.

Can I call you when I get to New York?

I don't know.

Might be busy with the cucumber festival.

I guess I'm not the right cuker bit for you.

More like a sweet and sour pickle.

Someday I'll find the right one.

Maybe a kosher dill?

Maybe a standard stacker.

You never know.

Thanks for making my life a living hell.

But it was fun.

[cheers]

Where's Guy?

Where's Guy?

Guy, get your narrow ass up here.

Come on.

[cheers]

Come on.

Speech.

Speech.

Speech.

MAN: But make it short.

It is great to have everybody home again.

Now, I know you all miss Daddy Jack, and especially

his constant badgering to raise money for worthwhile causes.

That's why I know you'll dig deep into your leathers

and pull out some cash to stuff into this original Sister

Susannah wig that I'm going to pass around.

Let's make some money for these cute little kitties

that need homes, OK?

[cheers]

[music playing]

(SINGING) Anything and everything

is what I'm looking for.

Anyone and everyone is dancing on the floor.

Anything and everything is what I'm looking for.

Anyone and everyone is dancing on the floor.

Anything and everything is what I'm looking for.

Anyone and everyone is dancing on the floor.

I don't want it to stop.

I don't want it to stop.

I don't want it to stop.

I don't want it to stop.

Try to understand that you don't exist.

Well, get much closer and I can't resist you.

Don't tell me your name if it's all the same for you now.

I don't even know, but you just have

to show that you can please me.

When the light on your face, it's all

I can do not to embrace you.

I don't want it to stop.

I don't want it to stop.

Don't want it to stop.

Don't want it to stop.

Don't want it to stop.

Don't want it to stop.

I want you high and I want you low.

I want you in and out of control.

I start at the bottom and I get to the top.

I finish last and I don't want it to stop.

I want you high and I want you low.

I want you in and out of control.

I start at the bottom and I get to the top.

I finish last and I don't want it to stop.

Don't want it to stop.

Don't want it to stop.

Oh yeah.

Whoa no.

Anything and everything is what I'm looking for.

Oh, [inaudible].

Oh.

Whoa.

Oh.

[inaudible]

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Dn't.

Dn't.

Don't.

Don't.

I don't want it to stop.

I don't want it to stop.

I don't want it to stop.

I don't want it to stop.

I want you high and I want you low.

I want you in and out of control.

I want you high and I want yo low.

I want you in and out of control.

I want you high and I want you low.

I want you in and out of control.

I want you high and I want you low.

I want you in and out of control.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

[music playing]

Hey, everybody.

Let's party.

We can spread the word to prisoners

through a series of television shows broadcast inside prison.