Original subtitles

You've reached Salty Breeze...

Oh my God, this is ridiculous.

I have called the Salty Breeze three times

and nobody's picked up

and that sheriff person isn't picking up either.

How am I supposed to file a noise complaint

if nobody picks up their phones?

You know what, I'm going to have to do this myself.

Okay, let's go.

Where?

To the Salty Breeze.

This assault on my ears has gone on long enough.

Eden, the last thing we need to do

is for you to go over to the Salty Breeze

and shut down karaoke night.

Why is that the last thing we need?

Well, I just, I mean...

The last thing we need implies that

there's a problem I would exacerbate by going there.

That is grammatically correct, yes.

So what are you saying?

I'm saying, I just,

I don't think people have quite warmed up to you yet.

This is a town of Aerosmith-singing,

lobster-shucking busybodies.

Who cares if they've warmed up to me?

Still, I just think going over to the Salty Breeze and...

Ah!

I am trying to help you get over your hemophobia.

I really do appreciate that, but I, uh, oh, sorry,

I just need a second. Um. Oh, boy.

I tried exposure therapy already,

and even when I knew where the blood was,

it was challenging, so I think surprising me

may be a bit advanced, so I just need a little warning.

Well, no one's going to warn you

when they're about to start bleeding, okay, sweetheart?

- That's a good point. - Yeah.

Now, let's go shut this down

before they start singing "Free Bird."

They're not going to do that. Geneva's out of town.

♪ There is a house in New Orleans ♪

♪ They call the Rising Sun ♪

♪ And it's been the ruin of many a poor boy ♪

♪ God, I know, I'm the one ♪

You know, I still am not used to

having you as my waitress.

Oh, I kind of love it.

I get a great supplemental income,

and the lobster rolls,

I get to hang out with all my favorite people,

plus everyone overtips me,

which is kind of embarrassing, but also kind of great.

Let me know if you need anything.

Okay. Thank you.

Hal. You want to practice for the crate race with me tomorrow?

I actually think I'm just going to watch this year.

We've been doing this together since you were six.

- It's our thing. - You can still do it.

All right. Suit yourself.

Rude.

♪ And God, I know I'm the one

♪ And God, I know I'm the one ♪

♪ And God I know I'm ♪

Well, now we know why he wasn't answering the phone.

♪ The one ♪

Thank you. I think we all know who should sing next.

No, I am definitely shutting this party down.

- Louisa! Louisa! Louisa! - No, no, I'm working.

Louisa! Louisa!

Yeah, yeah, Louisa! Yeah!

♪ I don't know what it is that makes me love you so ♪

♪ I only know I never want to let you go ♪

♪ 'Cause you started something, oh, can't you see ♪

♪ That ever since we met, you've had a hold on me ♪

♪ And it happens to be true ♪

♪ I only want to be with you ♪

♪ It doesn't matter where you go or what you do ♪

Okay. Vodka. Whatever crap brand you have.

Neat. Make it a double.

Everybody!

♪ It doesn't matter what you do ♪

♪ I only want to be with you

♪ And you and you and you and you and you and you ♪

♪ and you and all of you

Oh, it gets me every time.

Who's next?

Me. Me. I am.

I am the next one on the docket.

I don't want you to worry. I am actually very good at karaoke.

I thought we came here to stop.

I changed my mind.

Eden! Yay!

Thank you so much. Thank you.

Ah.

All right, girl doc.

Okay. Yes, I am ready for whenever the music starts.

♪ Hello, railroad ♪

♪ Is this the railroad

♪ I want a one-way ticket down to Tennessee ♪

♪ I'm leaving immediately, Chattanooga, here we come ♪

♪ I can't afford to board the Chattanooga ♪

Everybody! Choo choo!

Choo choo!

Everyone choo choo.

Well, if anyone could kill someone

with their singing, it'd be that one.

What happened? Was it a seizure?

No, if it were, he'd still be unconscious.

I think he fainted.

I might have had one too many pale ales.

That would explain the fainting.

Why don't you lay off the IPAs, hydrate,

and come see me in the morning?

Well, I think that wraps up karaoke night.

Until next week!

Okay, but no, we don't clap yet,

because I only got through one verse.

Yeah, but it's getting late.

And we're getting a lot of noise complaints.

That was you.

Are you sure it wasn't the singing?

Was it Eden's voice that magically made you faint?

Or this blood test that shows you're dehydrated?

I gotta go with Eden. I made it through every other song safely.

Oh, it might be this.

I've been training, so maybe I overdid it.

Training? Training for what?

For the crate race.

You gotta run across this train in lobster crates.

I'm familiar with the crate race. Do you normally exercise?

Well, I'm an accountant, and I work from home, so.

So walks to and from the fridge?

To be honest, my desk chair has wheels on it,

so sometimes I wheel myself to it.

And you decided it was a good idea to go from being as active

as an area rug to training all day several days in a row?

Can't rely on muscle memory.

What kind of memories could your muscles possibly have?

Who else is training for this race?

Larry Jackson, Burt Large, that red-headed guy Tim,

ooh, asthmatic Andrew.

There's an all-star lineup.

Anyone in decent health doing it?

Must be a few.

Half the town's practicing in the harbor right now.

Well, I can't believe I'm saying this to a man

who takes transportation to the refrigerator,

but you need to stop exerting yourself.

Rest. Drink a lot of water.

And then you need a regular exercise routine,

and by which, I mean daily, not annually.

- I meditate. - Doesn't count.

Way back in the 1970s,

a third-generation lobsterman invented the lobster crate race

and we do one here in Port Wenn every year

just to celebrate the industry that put us on the map.

And this bell back here gets rung for the winner.

How do you win?

Well, as you can see, these bozos who were trying

to demonstrate not very well.

The thing you want to do is the person who gets across

the most crates before falling into the water is the winner.

What's the most anyone's ever done?

Well, here in Port Wenn, the record is 31 crates.

And do you know who holds that record?

- My daddy? - A lobster?

Wild guess. Sarah Best.

Yes! I set that record when I was 15 years old.

And nobody has beat it since.

No one has gone past 30 crates.

Can anybody enter?

- Yeah, it's for everybody. - Maybe I'll try this year.

You should. That'd be hilarious.

Actually, Peter, I think you'd be really good at it.

You know, there's an advantage.

Because the lighter you are, the easier it is.

You just dance across those crates.

Oh! It's so cold! I think

I think I banged my knee.

Just stop it. All right? Stop the carnage.

Can't, Doc. The lobster crate race is next Saturday.

To win, you gotta be able to...

Yeah, I know about the crate race.

And I can't believe you're still doing it after all these years.

- So great, right? - No.

There's so many ways that you could get injured.

Splinters, tetanus, drowning. Not to mention twisted ankles.

Yeah, I know why Eeyore here wants to stop this race.

As a kid, he was so scared,

he never even made it to the second crate.

Glendon, why don't you shut it?

And before he fell in, he peed himself.

He was wet before he went in the water.

That's not what happened.

That's not... No one peed themselves.

Okay, I'm not trying to stop the race.

But I am mandating that everyone who participates

gets a physical first.

Okay. Marty One-Crate.

Well, Glendon, 16 crates,

you might have won a couple of these races,

but you never broke my record.

I look forward to seeing you all at my office soon.

Hey, hey!

Big day Saturday.

Crate race!

You from-aways have no idea what you're getting into.

You from-heres want to bet?

You've got no chance.

We've been doing this since we were kids.

Oh, really? I was on a Japanese game show.

If there's not a giant mallet trying to knock you off

like a croquet ball, I'm not worried.

Oh, I saw that video.

200 bucks says a Port Wenn local wins.

You're on.

Elaine, you should enter.

We should show these boys how it's done.

Yeah, I, uh,

actually, I don't... I don't know if I'm gonna go this year.

I have a thing I have to do.

What could be more important

- than the lobster crate race? - Nothing.

Plus, it's the last one before you and Al leave.

I can't believe you're leaving us.

I can't believe they both are.

What'll we do without you?

Maybe I'll actually see patients.

Elaine, we have back-to-back physicals.

I know. Also.

Renee, always such a nice surprise to see you.

It's gonna be a long and repetitive day,

so no need to stay for all of it.

Don't worry about me. I've got Candy Crush on my phone.

I have no idea what that is, but I hope it's not distracting.

- No, I can still monitor you. - To me.

I hope it's not distracting to me.

Elaine, you need to take blood and run urine tests.

Obviously, no pregnant women should take part, okay?

And where are those intake forms?

Come on, let's go. Get it together.

When your boss tells you to get it together,

use your Swingline classic stapler.

- I, uh... - I don't need to know.

Just send in a patient.

Yes. Patients. Yes.

Well, I guess I'm done here.

Run out of candy to crush?

They add new levels every week.

It gets more and more challenging,

- and there's really no end. - Much like your visits.

For your information, I'm giving you a ten out of ten today.

Another few months of days like this,

and you'll be free and clear.

Just don't mess up.

Doc? We have three positive pregnancy tests,

and they're all men.

Did you mix up the urine samples?

No, I'm not stupid.

I just saw you try to sell a stapler

to an imaginary audience.

I did everything you asked today.

For efficiency, I just tested everyone for everything.

Isn't the real question, why are three men pregnant?

A positive pregnancy test

for a man could mean testicular cancer.

Why is there so little in their files?

They're all from-aways.

They all work at the only processing plant.

So, this date tonight, anyone I know?

Definitely not.

I thought I'd cast a wider net. I'm going to Millbridge.

Thought it would be nice to maybe find somebody

who hasn't already met my ma.

I'm going to Millbridge tonight, too.

No way. What are you doing over there?

Just meeting a friend.

Oh.

Actually, I also have a date there.

- Well, why did you say so? - I just wasn't sure.

I'm happy for you.

- I'm happy for you. - I knew you would be.

Honestly, I might cancel.

Elaine convinced me to try online dating,

but I just, it's such a long drive.

Why not tell him to come here?

Because then he would have the long drive,

and I don't want to feel guilty ending the date early

if it's not going well.

Hey, maybe we should carpool.

Or would that be weird?

Yeah, that would be a lot weirder.

- Don't you think? - Totally.

It might be kind of weird.

For you, maybe. I don't think so.

I'd be fine with it.

We're buds now.

Are you for real?

You need another urine sample?

It's just a precaution.

There was an issue with some tests today.

Dude, I had an easier time

qualifying for the kamikaze challenge,

and people lost limbs on that show.

That one guy with the kneecap?

Listen, dudes, as delightful as it is

watching you remove these sea urchins gonads,

I'm only here because I'm concerned about your health,

so drop your new samples off at my office today.

Wait, these are their balls?

It's harder than it looks, right?

I couldn't even get past three crates.

Maybe you could coach me.

No, sorry, can't.

Can you just give me some pointers?

No, I can't.

Kids in my class already pick on me for everything.

If I win this, maybe they'll finally stop.

And if it goes horribly wrong,

I don't want to be responsible for that.

Maybe it's just not your thing.

It's the only thing left.

I won a spelling bee once, but the word was on "asinine,"

so I still got teased.

This has to be my thing. Yeah, come on.

Fine, okay.

Rule number one, the slower you go, the faster you fall.

- I'm sweating. - Louisa, is that him?

- What? - The gentleman right there

in the sweater vest?

Uh, he looked a lot younger

in his pictures and said he was 5 '11", so probably.

Oh. Oh, wait. I, um, I think I see him.

Wait, does he look like his picture?

Uh, no, he looks better, actually.

I'm gonna let him go in first so I can make an entrance.

- Yeah. Yeah. - Yeah. Good idea. Very smart.

- Louisa? - Oh, hello.

Yes, hi, it's me.

You must be Alec.

That or some random man who just guessed your name.

- Oh. - Stop, bro.

I just, um, you know, just caught a ride.

Bye, friend.

You're gonna rock this.

Thank you.

Elaine, have those men dropped off their urine samples?

- Nope. - How hard is it to pee in a cup?

You know, for the ladies, it's actually not that easy

- because you have to guess... - Nope.

- If it's gonna get... No? - Nope. Mm-mm.

Hi. What are you doing here?

I just need doc to sign off on these medical records

for Columbia, so can I just leave them with you?

Sure. It's pretty straightforward.

It shouldn't take very long if you want to stick around.

Post-its. Why not stick around?

Good, right?

That's so good.

I'm making a reel

so that I can get a commercial agent in New York.

- Fantastic. - Ooh, I heard you can make

a lot of money doing commercials.

I may not be a fancy actress like Jennifer Lawrence,

but I could be Flo from Progressive.

Flo from what?

You know what? Never mind.

Al, we have your vaccination records.

The only thing that's left

on this is your family history form.

Well, my mom isn't around.

My dad isn't my dad, so your guess is as good as mine.

Al, no offense, but this is getting kind of old.

Bert is your dad. Can you just make up with him already?

I'll sign it, okay?

And then Elaine can help you fill out the rest.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have to go find some men and get them to urinate.

They usually go to the Salty Breeze after work.

Elaine, I don't think you understand what it's like

to be lied to your whole life,

to find out that you don't have a real dad.

I don't understand?

No, I understand.

You're the one that doesn't understand.

- What don't I understand? - Anything.

Yeah.

I... I... I love that you wanted to share entrees.

It's so much better because then you don't have to decide.

- You don't have to decide. - Exactly.

So tell me, how is someone as beautiful,

fun and smart as you still single?

Have you ever been married?

Never been married. How about you?

- I'm divorced. - Okay.

Yeah. In fact, full disclosure, I've been married twice.

Yeah. I rarely admit it.

It's so embarrassing, just already...

No, no, no. I...

I actually love that you feel you can be honest with me.

I love that I want to be honest with you.

- And you can be honest with me. - I love that, too.

Okay. So, honestly, do you want kids?

I do.

Great. So do I.

Yay.

In fact, if I'm being honest,

I am currently trying to get pregnant.

- Wait, what? - Yeah.

I was told that my window was closing,

so I decided to do IVF on my own.

Now... now, while... while you're dating?

Uh-huh. I... I just did the procedure

where they harvest my eggs, but don't worry.

They haven't been fertilized yet.

If you want to get in on this...

You don't have to.

Yeah, that's really weird,

doing IVF while you're dating.

Yeah, when I, uh, heard it out loud,

I guess it did sound like not great.

- Yeah, yeah. No, it's weird. - Yeah.

Weirder than two failed marriages under the age of 40.

See? Now, you're making me mean.

This was a terrible idea.

Um, so, uh, I actually, um, can't leave yet

because I carpooled here with my ex-fiancé.

Yeah, of course you did.

Should we have dessert?

We gotta find another bar around here.

This place don't got the vibes I'm looking for.

Hi. I heard you might be here.

Do we need a physical to get a beer in this town?

No, you don't, but I did bring these.

Now, would you like directions to the men's room?

Sorry, I just peed fresh out, so...

Fresh out, so.

Plus, we want to get out of here before the karaoke starts.

There's no karaoke tonight.

Um...

Is there? Is there? Let me check it out. Just...

Look, I have been trying not to alarm you,

but if I could just talk to you individually.

Whatever you need to say, you can just say it

- in front of all of us. - We're family, bro.

Fine.

It's possible, based on your original urine tests,

you all have testicular cancer.

Now, I don't know how or why there are three cases happening

all at the same time yet,

but I don't think it's asking too much

for you to pee in a damn cup.

- Nah, I'm good. - Yeah.

Thanks for telling us now, though.

- Yeah. Later. - We appreciate it, buddy.

Later? I just told you, you might have cancer.

You know what? Fine.

If you're not gonna give me the urine samples,

then you know what I have to do?

I'm gonna have to examine your balls.

- Um. - No.

One at a time. Right now. In the bathroom.

This is a weird town and you're a weird dude.

Karaoke is Sunday nights only.

People were upset that we ended early

and they couldn't sing their song.

- It's only fair. - I was one of those people.

I did not get to finish my song, and that song always kills.

We know. Please don't sing.

I like to get home to watch my kids grow old.

Then you should watch your cholesterol.

All right? That steak will kill you before anything else does.

Let's just get dinner to go.

No. I would like a second chance.

And we'd like to give you one.

But it takes the ambulances a long time to get here.

Come on. Eden is making an effort.

I'm still recovering from the last time

she made an effort.

Oh, excuse me. Can you all just... Excuse me.

You know... Excuse me.

Eden's singing did not cause anyone to faint.

Ooh.

You know, for a town that prides itself

on kindness and acceptance,

you're not being very welcoming to my girlfriend.

I don't appreciate that.

You're absolutely right, Martin. Go ahead, Eden.

Sing your song.

- Eden. Eden. - Everyone. Eden.

- Eden. Eden. - Come on, everybody.

- Okay, okay, okay. - Come on, everyone.

- Eden, Eden, Eden. - Come on.

Eden, Eden.

♪ Hello, railroad ♪

♪ Is this the railroad ♪

♪ I want a one-way ticket down to Tennessee ♪

♪ I'm leaving immediately ♪

♪ Chattanooga, here I come ♪

♪ Pardon me, boy, hey, boy ♪

♪ The Chattanooga choo choo ♪

Choo choo!

♪ Track 29 ♪

♪ Boy, you can give me a shine. ♪

Oh. Oh, no.

Lorenzo, you consumed any alcohol tonight?

No. I only had water.

You resting?

Even a chair ride to the refrigerator?

I stayed in bed all day. I drank water. I stopped training.

I did everything you said, Doc.

It's not overexertion, alcohol or dehydration.

What could be causing it?

- Eden's singing. - Oh my God, it's not my singing.

It's not her singing!

Look, you have fainted twice in two days.

It could be a heart arrhythmia

or early warning signs of a heart attack.

I think you need to go to a hospital.

- I hate hospitals. - I know, I know.

All the curing and the life-saving,

they're horrible.

Look, I can't force you to do it,

but if you don't want to,

then you're gonna have to come see me

for an EKG as soon as possible.

Okay.

So, how was it?

Uh, it... Terrible.

- Hm. - How was yours?

Also terrible.

- Really? - What happened?

He seemed like such a good guy.

I think I underestimated

how weird it might be for someone

to hear on a first date

that I might be pregnant before the second.

It's certainly an icebreaker.

Why was yours so awful?

Um, like, you know, the uzh.

Are you just trying to make me feel better?

Yes.

Actually, it was okay.

I mean, we didn't have anything in common,

but the sex was awesome.

You already slept with her?

It was her idea.

She felt bad I had to drive so far.

I find it very strange

that three men may have testicular cancer

and they don't seem to care at all.

Well, you can lead a horse to a urinal.

I may be able to do more than that.

If the lab still has their blood samples,

serum hCG test could detect cancer.

All they have to do is test the samples they already have.

Uh, thank you for standing up for me tonight.

Oh, you're welcome.

I said I don't care if people warmed up to me,

- but, um... - It's not true.

No, it is not.

I, and I know this is hard to believe,

but I was a very different child.

I wasn't fun. Didn't have many friends.

And I pretend that I don't care what people think about me,

but, um, I... I do.

Hm.

First summer I was here, I tried the lobster crate race.

It's where you run onto the...

You know, it doesn't matter. I was petrified.

- Oh. - Afraid of

looking stupid or failing,

but I forced myself to do it and...

It was better than you thought?

No, it was one of the worst days of my life.

- Ah. - I was so scared, I wet myself.

All the kids were laughing at me

and I fell in the water immediately.

I swear I could still hear them

and I didn't want to swim to the surface.

You know, spontaneous micturition

is very normal in children.

Yeah.

On your mark, get set, go!

That's a good boy.

You're okay. Start again.

Stay in the middle, stay in the middle, stay in the middle.

Well, is it starting to feel good?

- Yeah! That's my boy! - Yes.

Ah, ah. Here you go! Come on!

Well, ouch.

You get a splinter?

Don't think about it.

Think that you're running like on the road.

- That's your road to success! - Yeah!

Five! He's at ten!

16, 20! There you go, my boy!

25!

28?

30.

I can't believe it!

I got to 30! I almost beat your record!

- I know. - I... I was almost the GOAT!

I've never felt that way before.

I think it's confidence?

But then I messed up at thirty.

Well, you know, you don't have to be the greatest of all time.

All you have to do is be the greatest this Saturday.

And you know, the lobster crate race is not just about winning.

What else is it about?

Well, you know what people say.

The effort. Knowing you did your best.

That's what people say when you're not good at something.

Believe me, I know.

There's nothing concerning for arrhythmia or heart attack.

There isn't?

An EKG is not bulletproof.

You need to see a specialist in Bar Harbor for a stress echo

and a CTPA as soon as possible.

Maybe I just need to avoid H-E-R.

Lorenzo, that's not funny.

Lorenzo.

I was hoping this would get cleared up with the EKG,

but you know, it really didn't.

So, I'd like to sing to him.

- What? No! - I don't think that's necessary.

You are in the presence of two world-class doctors, Lorenzo.

I was fine with just the one.

I'd like to get this settled before I head back to Boston.

I'm not gonna die

just so you can make your girlfriend feel better!

- I'm outta here! - Lorenzo! Lorenzo!

Would you just let me sing to you?

♪ Pardon me, boy

Ah, I'm dying!

You're literally killing people.

Oh, everyone's a comedian, okay.

Elaine, did we get the new lab results for those idiot men?

Pregnant men? Yes. They all have HCG levels of zero.

Which means they don't have cancer.

- That's good news, isn't it? - It is.

But why would three men in one town have blood results

that don't match their urine results?

So whose pee was it?

- My pee. - It was mine.

No, it was definitely mine. I peed a lot.

- All of us. - I had to pee.

My own pee.

I think your samples all came from one person.

And it's not any of you because I was able to determine

without your help that you are all cancer-free.

But you were never worried, were you?

Because it was never your urine.

Hey, we want to stay out of this, man.

I probably...

Just zip it.

Whose pee did you use for the urine test?

It was mine, okay?

I gave them my pee to use for their physicals. You caught me.

Are you happy?

Are you sure it was yours?

Yes. Why would I lie about that?

Well, why would you tell three employees to use your urine?

Because maybe they smoke more than cigarettes

on their smoke breaks, okay?

And if it ends up getting flagged in their files

that they tested positive for drugs,

they would lose their job.

And I would lose my workers.

They might shut my facility down.

So let it go. It's just a crate race.

The thing is, your urine tested positive in a pregnancy test.

You're hilarious.

- Goodbye. - No, no. Listen to me.

For reasons I will not get into,

all the urine yesterday was tested for pregnancy.

And a positive pregnancy test for a man

could indicate testicular cancer.

So I'd like you to go to Bar Harbor for more testing.

You're a scaredy-cat doctor who's afraid of blood.

You don't know what you're talking about.

You'll just say anything to get to me, won't you,

Dr. Pees himself?

Hey. You want to go to the crate race with me on Saturday?

Or are we still fighting about

whatever it is we were fighting about?

I'm not going to the crate race.

Just tell me. Can you tell me what I did?

You can... you can give it to me.

Saturday is the seventh anniversary of my dad's death.

Oh.

And I was complaining about not having a dad when...

I kind of do.

No, not kind of, Al.

Bert's your dad!

He loves you. And he raised you.

And he's been begging you to forgive him for months.

He's your dad.

What are you going to do for his anniversary?

Normally, my mom and I mark the day

with root beer floats, which was his favorite.

And we look at pictures and we tell stories,

but she hasn't even called me about it this year.

She's probably going to be with Dum Dum at the crate race,

not even caring.

Well, you know who won't be with Dum Dum

at the crate race not caring?

Me.

And I would love to have root beer floats with you

and listen to you tell stories about your dad.

No, you should go to the crate race with your dad.

Ugh. All right.

Sarah Best! What the hell are you doing?

What the hell are you doing? Night fishing without a permit?

Oh, I got a permit.

Oh, well, then carry on.

What are you doing with that crate?

Nothing. Nothing at all, you crusty old windbag.

I think you are rigging the race to protect your precious record.

I'm not rigging it.

I'm un-rigging it.

- Come again? - Well, I may have made

the 30th crate slightly unstable in the past.

You mean for the past 50 years?

What's done is done. I'm making it right now.

Oh, my God. She's suddenly got a conscience.

No, I don't.

I liked having my record.

I plan to die with my record.

But there's this damn kid, Peter Cronk.

He deserves a fair shot.

Sarah, are you ready to go?

Aunt Sarah?

What?

You told me to be here at 12:30.

- Is it 12:30 now? - Mm-hmm.

- Do you want to wait in the car? - No.

I don't want to wait in the car. Do you have coffee?

Hey, Cuddle butt! I can't find my socks.

Oh, hiya, Doc.

I didn't know anyone was here.

Don't look so shocked. Have a life. I got needs.

I don't want to hear about your needs.

Or see your needs.

Do you want to wait in the car?

I told you to meet me at 12:30.

- Hey, I could just leave. - No, no, no, no, no.

I'm leaving, okay? I'm leaving.

I don't even want to go to this stupid crate race anyway.

- You can go alone. - No, no, no, no, no.

- Please. Martin, wait. - What?

I... I...

I want to apologize.

It's too late, okay? I can't unsee that.

No, not that. Come on, you're a doctor.

Get over it. But, Martin, I...

I know you didn't want to go to the crate races that summer,

after...

After Rosemary, and I just pushed.

Not only pushed to make you go, but compete

because I had been so fond of that in my own memories.

And I thought that Port Wenn and the community

would help to heal you.

But it was just the exact opposite.

You just completely withdrew.

And then you wouldn't do anything.

Just read your books, didn't want to be on the boat with me.

And I know that now.

It's probably why you just hate all these town festivities.

Jeez, it's not... I... I barely remember.

Do you want a ride to the crate race

or are you going to go with Eddie McChesthair?

I... That's... He's just a nooner.

Please never say that again.

I want to go with you. And I'm happy you're going.

Okay, I'm only going

in case someone gets hurt, which they will,

because this is a ridiculously stupid and dangerous idea.

Much like having sex over 70.

Please hurry.

They're both fun.

Thanks.

Can you make one more of those, Greg?

I love that one of you two.

It's a good one.

Aw.

Seven crates.

Easy, easy, easy.

This is gonna be good.

And nine crates. For Bert Large.

Good on you, Bert.

Nine crates. Not bad.

You made it.

Of course I made it, Dad. It's our thing.

And now, the baddie with the badge,

our very own, Sheriff Mark Mylow!

Show us your stuff, Mark.

Go!

Ah!

Well, not his best effort,

but still at 15 crates,

that puts Mark in first place.

Not for long.

That's right, because I'm up next, baby. Let's go.

Come on, Kenji.

Show 'em what from-aways do.

Come on.

- Kenji, Kenji, Kenji, Kenji! - You got it, you got it.

- Woo! - That a boy!

All right.

That was Kenzie Wan with 21 crates,

which puts him ahead of Mark Mylow.

That'd be $200.

This race ain't over yet. We still got some powerhouses.

And now, first time challenger, Peter Cronk.

Is he one of them?

- All right, Peter, - where's his floaties?

Yeah.

I got this. Just dance across the crates.

And he's off like a rocket.

10.15. Oh.

22. He's. He's in the lead. 26. Oh, he's...

Oh. And he's in at 26,

But still, he's in the lead.

Peter Cronk in first place.

Yeah, Peter!

You go, buddy!

I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud of you, huh?

How about this boy?

Good job.

And last and least, because he was last year's winner

and my least favorite, Glendon Ross.

Put on a little weight this year, did you, Glendon?

Wuh-whoa. Glendon Ross has weaseled his way

into first position with 28 crates.

In second place is Peter Cronk. And in third place, Kenji Wan.

So sorry, Sheriff. So sorry.

And now, if there are no more entrants,

we're going to go to Lorenzo,

who couldn't participate this year,

who is going to ring the victory bell.

Excuse me.

He doesn't have a pulse.

His heart stopped. Mark called 9-1-1.

Hold on. He's breathing.

Still no pulse.

But he has a pulse on this side.

Why only on this side?

Wait. I know what's happening.

He has a totally occluded artery on one side,

which means he only has one working carotid

bringing blood to the brain.

And it must be getting kinked like a hose every time

he does the choo choo motion.

Which is the same motion required

to ring the victory bell.

Mark, we need to get him to Bar Harbor immediately

for a possible endarterectomy.

Paramedics are on their way.

Now, the most important thing...

It wasn't Eden singing.

I was gonna say is that we caught it in time

to save his life,

but that is also very important.

I know it's scary, but the longer you wait,

the worse it could be.

You don't have to see me, but you should see someone.

I just won the crate race.

Does that sound like someone who's sick?

You're the one who's sick.

You're afraid of everything, from crate races to blood.

I'll tell you what.

I beat you in the crate race right now,

you go to Bar Harbor for testing.

If you win, you can do what you want.

Like that would ever happen.

Yeah, sure. I'll take that bet.

And in a surprising turn of events,

we have one more crate racer.

My nephew, Martin Best.

Go, Martin. Show us how it's done.

Go, go fast!

The trick is to run so fast, you barely touch the crates.

He's off. Go, Martin, go!

Go, go, go, go, go!

Ten!

15!

20!

Go, go, go, Martin, go!

25, 28, woo!

32!

Oh! And he's in the water.

Woo!

But he's taken first place

and broken record at 32 crates.

Woo!

And the final results

of this year's Port Wenn lobster crate races:

hot shot rookie Peter Cronk in third place,

second place goes to Glendon Ross, whatever,

and first place goes to Martin Best!

Yay!

Woo!

Oh, my God.

You did it! Oh, my God.

- Dr. Best, you're a GOAT! - I'm a what?

Not a goat, the GOAT.

You beat your Aunt Sarah's record!

You bastard.

Sorry about that.

Okay. I'll see a doctor.

Give it up for Dr. B!

Good job, buddy.

21 crates?

Only guy to beat you was this guy right here.

Well, you were right.

I'm pregnant.

- What stage? - One.

He said it was good we caught it early.

Glendon...

if you need anything, let me know.

I need for you to know.

You got lucky Saturday.

Water was way calmer. Wind at your back.

It's a big difference.

I'm the GOAT.