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1
00:00:02,211 --> 00:00:03,878
That's right, the co‐creator
of Seinfeld
2
00:00:03,879 --> 00:00:05,880
has returned
to his contentious ways,
3
00:00:05,881 --> 00:00:07,965
this time in the retail arena.
4
00:00:07,966 --> 00:00:10,343
Here's NBC's Josh Mankiewicz
with more.
5
00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:12,970
Look, we've
all experienced
bad service before,
6
00:00:12,971 --> 00:00:15,306
but for most of us,
there's not much
you can do about it.
7
00:00:15,307 --> 00:00:17,099
Maybe write a negative
Yelp review,
8
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:19,227
or maybe you just don't
go back to the place.
9
00:00:19,228 --> 00:00:22,313
But Larry David has chosen
a different path.
10
00:00:22,314 --> 00:00:24,190
This is Mocha Joe's,
11
00:00:24,191 --> 00:00:27,568
a small coffee shop
serving the Westside
of Los Angeles,
12
00:00:27,569 --> 00:00:30,238
and this is Latte Larry's.
13
00:00:30,239 --> 00:00:32,865
Why two coffee shops
right next to each other?
14
00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:35,743
We went to the man himself
for answers.
15
00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:37,995
I was wronged.
I was mistreated.
16
00:00:37,996 --> 00:00:40,081
I ordered a cup
of coffee next door,
17
00:00:40,082 --> 00:00:43,084
at this Mocha Joe's, and, Josh,
18
00:00:43,085 --> 00:00:45,461
the coffee is cold.
19
00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:48,589
I politely asked for
another cup of coffee.
20
00:00:48,590 --> 00:00:51,175
He banned me from the store.
I couldn't live with it.
21
00:00:51,176 --> 00:00:54,053
So you're operating this place
just out of spite?
22
00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:56,430
Yeah.
It's a spite store.
23
00:00:56,431 --> 00:00:59,100
I called him an old, bald nut.
I mean, I cop to that.
24
00:00:59,101 --> 00:01:00,518
But the guy comes in here,
25
00:01:00,519 --> 00:01:02,186
complains about the tables,
complains about the coffee.
26
00:01:02,187 --> 00:01:03,771
Do you have wobbly tables?
27
00:01:03,772 --> 00:01:05,940
Eh, one or two.
But what's the big deal?
You put your foot on it.
28
00:01:05,941 --> 00:01:07,567
Nobody else is complaining.
29
00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:09,026
If he apologized,
30
00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:11,445
would you get out of
the coffee business?
31
00:01:11,446 --> 00:01:13,656
If it was a deep,
heartfelt apology,
32
00:01:13,657 --> 00:01:15,700
with maybe a little tear‐‐
33
00:01:15,701 --> 00:01:18,536
"Larry, my scones
are like muffins."
34
00:01:18,537 --> 00:01:20,162
That would have to be
included, of course.
35
00:01:20,163 --> 00:01:23,082
Okay, Larry says that
if you would just apologize...
36
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:25,209
- (laughs)
- he could get out
of business.
37
00:01:25,210 --> 00:01:28,004
Apologize? Me? Never.
A ban is a ban.
38
00:01:28,005 --> 00:01:30,423
You ever think that
maybe the problem is,
39
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:31,841
you were complaining too much?
40
00:01:31,842 --> 00:01:34,885
I don't like
to tear people down.
I want to help.
41
00:01:34,886 --> 00:01:36,804
Look, this pocket square
you got going, there,
42
00:01:36,805 --> 00:01:38,306
it looks out of place.
43
00:01:38,307 --> 00:01:40,224
That's for some English dandy.
44
00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:41,475
It's not for a journalist.
45
00:01:41,476 --> 00:01:42,977
You don't think
that's kind of insulting?
46
00:01:42,978 --> 00:01:44,604
No, not in the least.
47
00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:47,481
Hey, if you told me
you didn't like
my jacket or something,
48
00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:48,899
well, I, I wouldn't care.
49
00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:51,445
Actually, I, I really
don't like your jacket.
50
00:01:52,029 --> 00:01:53,613
Oh, is that so?
51
00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:57,366
And while Larry was
the first to open
a spite store,
52
00:01:57,367 --> 00:01:59,994
he's since started a trend
here in Hollywood,
53
00:01:59,995 --> 00:02:02,246
with other celebrities
following suit,
54
00:02:02,247 --> 00:02:03,664
like Jonah Hill,
55
00:02:03,665 --> 00:02:06,042
who's now operating
a spite deli.
56
00:02:06,043 --> 00:02:07,960
Hill: So, you know,
I used to go to Irv's Deli,
57
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:10,047
right next door,
two, three times a week.
58
00:02:10,672 --> 00:02:13,507
And I found a hair
in my sandwich.
59
00:02:13,508 --> 00:02:15,009
- Not your hair?
- No.
60
00:02:15,010 --> 00:02:17,261
This was a gray hair.
It wasn't my hair.
61
00:02:17,262 --> 00:02:19,513
And this guy Irv's going,
"Oh, it's yours."
62
00:02:19,514 --> 00:02:21,223
And I'm, like,
what can I do, you know?
63
00:02:21,224 --> 00:02:24,060
I, I can't sleep.
I'm taking four or five
Ambien to get to sleep,
64
00:02:24,061 --> 00:02:25,978
'cause all I see is
this guy Irv's face.
65
00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:30,066
- So what changed?
- What changed was
I had seen Latte Larry's.
66
00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:32,068
The idea of a spite store's
such a brilliant idea.
67
00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:33,444
I'm gonna open a spite deli.
68
00:02:33,445 --> 00:02:35,279
Mankiewicz:
What started off with spite
69
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:37,698
has now become
a passion project.
70
00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:39,409
Thanks for dining with us.
71
00:02:40,035 --> 00:02:41,660
Three dollars?
72
00:02:41,661 --> 00:02:45,122
And you're turning down
acting and directing gigs
for this?
73
00:02:45,123 --> 00:02:46,415
What's left for me in Hollywood?
74
00:02:46,416 --> 00:02:48,501
Win some award
or something, you know?
75
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:51,629
Any time I see a customer
walk in here that used to
go to Irv's,
76
00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:55,257
it's like my own tiny little
human Oscar walking in here.
77
00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:56,550
So this is your life now?
78
00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:57,718
I might actually open
79
00:02:57,719 --> 00:02:58,969
a spite deli out in New York.
80
00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:01,472
There was a spot on 42nd Street
81
00:03:01,473 --> 00:03:04,392
that was a bit disrespectful
that I'm looking at taking out.
82
00:03:04,393 --> 00:03:08,562
Jonah Hill is not
the only celebrity
with spite on his mind.
83
00:03:08,563 --> 00:03:10,856
This is Ray's Exotic Birds,
84
00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:12,900
and this is Sean's.
85
00:03:12,901 --> 00:03:14,527
It's become the place
86
00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:18,114
to get a macaw,
or a hummingbird nester.
87
00:03:18,115 --> 00:03:21,242
- (birds squawking)
- I had always wanted
a talking bird.
88
00:03:21,243 --> 00:03:22,910
So I go to Ray,
89
00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:24,912
just next door,
90
00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:26,914
and he sells me the bird.
91
00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:29,709
And the bird doesn't talk.
It just sort of grunts.
92
00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:32,545
So I go back to return it.
He says, "No returns."
93
00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:34,296
I said, "Bullshit."
94
00:03:34,297 --> 00:03:36,799
'Cause he knew,
he knew it was a mute bird.
95
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:39,593
And I'm on a kind of slow burn,
96
00:03:39,594 --> 00:03:41,387
not knowing quite what to do.
97
00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:43,848
Then Larry opens up
the coffee place,
98
00:03:43,849 --> 00:03:46,225
and it was like,
ding, ding, ding.
99
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:48,728
Sean's Exotic Birds.
100
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,771
It put Ray right
out of business.
101
00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:54,316
Here, this is
a hyacinth macaw,
from Brazil.
102
00:03:54,317 --> 00:03:55,735
Would you like to hold him?
103
00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:56,819
Sure.
104
00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:58,362
Does all the time
you're spending here
105
00:03:58,363 --> 00:04:00,281
take away from,
you know, acting?
106
00:04:00,282 --> 00:04:04,201
I was never a very,
Zen sort of personality,
107
00:04:04,202 --> 00:04:07,204
but I find myself very,
very calm now.
108
00:04:07,205 --> 00:04:09,165
I think, you know,
it's the birds.
109
00:04:09,166 --> 00:04:11,292
- (loud squawk)
- (screams): Shut up!
110
00:04:11,293 --> 00:04:12,418
(squawks)
111
00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:13,753
So the next time you see
112
00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:16,839
two similar stores
right next to each other,
113
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:21,135
there's a pretty good chance
one of 'em's doing it
out of spite.
114
00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:23,471
Savannah and Hoda, back to you.
115
00:04:23,472 --> 00:04:25,640
(theme music playing)
116
00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:36,942
- Larry: Aah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Seiderman:
It hurts right there?
117
00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:39,612
- Now we're gonna bend it.
- Anyway, the guy in
the motorized wheelchair,
118
00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:41,322
he's on line at my store‐‐
119
00:04:41,323 --> 00:04:42,990
- Aah, that's plenty. Yeah.
- Right there. Okay.
120
00:04:42,991 --> 00:04:45,659
And all of a sudden,
he gets beep panic,
121
00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:47,661
- and rolls right into me.
- Seiderman:
Unbelievable.
122
00:04:47,662 --> 00:04:50,206
Okay, so here's the bottom line
with your knee. Okay?
123
00:04:50,207 --> 00:04:52,416
- Larry: Yeah.
- You have a tear
in your meniscus.
124
00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:55,085
You know, if you want to fix
this thing once and for all,
you need surgery.
125
00:04:55,086 --> 00:04:56,629
- Uh‐huh.
- All right? I go in there,
126
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:59,006
I, uh, I repair the tear
in your meniscus,
127
00:04:59,007 --> 00:05:00,549
you're back home
the very same day.
128
00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:01,759
You'll be in bed
for about a week.
129
00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:03,677
Okay, then we'll get
you on crutches.
130
00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:05,888
Then after about two months
of intensive everyday rehab,
131
00:05:05,889 --> 00:05:08,015
you'll be back to normal,
good as new.
132
00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:10,100
- How does that sound?
- Not so great.
133
00:05:10,101 --> 00:05:11,644
You could do
other techniques,
but you're gonna be
134
00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:13,980
right back in this chair
in a few months, I guarantee it.
135
00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:18,234
What if I got a...
136
00:05:18,235 --> 00:05:20,195
second opinion?
137
00:05:20,862 --> 00:05:22,863
- Why?
- Just to see...
138
00:05:22,864 --> 00:05:25,157
what somebody else
might have to say about it.
139
00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:26,992
If you want to get
a second opinion,
by all means.
140
00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:29,286
It's your right.
I encourage it.
141
00:05:29,287 --> 00:05:31,581
Oh, okay.
So we're cool, then?
142
00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:33,916
Yeah, Larry.
I'm cool.
143
00:05:33,917 --> 00:05:36,043
Get your second opinion.
Let me know how it goes.
144
00:05:36,044 --> 00:05:37,795
You know, a lot of people
are gonna say to me,
145
00:05:37,796 --> 00:05:39,088
"You should get
a second opinion."
146
00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:41,382
So I can say, "Yeah.
I got a second opinion."
147
00:05:41,383 --> 00:05:43,425
So it's just so you can
tell your friends you did it.
148
00:05:43,426 --> 00:05:44,969
It's not even saying it
to my friends.
149
00:05:44,970 --> 00:05:46,554
It's saying it
to my late mother.
150
00:05:46,555 --> 00:05:48,764
Okay, while here in my head,
151
00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:50,015
"Larry, what are you doing?
152
00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:52,184
Get a second opinion.
Are you stupid?"
153
00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:54,186
- Why do I need to hear that?
- Yeah, you don't wanna
hear that.
154
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:57,565
- No. Even though she's dead,
I need to shut her up.
- Got it. All right.
155
00:05:57,566 --> 00:06:00,150
- Um, you can validate
your parking up front, there.
- (clattering)
156
00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:01,861
Careful. Uh...
157
00:06:04,573 --> 00:06:05,990
Hey!
158
00:06:05,991 --> 00:06:07,700
- Larry!
- Larry: Joey!
159
00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:09,618
- How's it going?
- Not terrible.
160
00:06:09,619 --> 00:06:11,245
How's your, uh,
coffee shop doing?
161
00:06:11,246 --> 00:06:12,997
- Doing quite well.
- Really?
162
00:06:12,998 --> 00:06:16,292
- Yeah.
- You lookin' for, uh,
you know, any people?
163
00:06:16,293 --> 00:06:19,336
‐You're looking for‐‐
‐I, I am. I've been really
unhappy where I am,
164
00:06:19,337 --> 00:06:21,755
- and I'm looking
for something new.
- Joey.
165
00:06:21,756 --> 00:06:24,300
- You think I'm gonna
turn down a Funkhouser?
- Larry!
166
00:06:24,301 --> 00:06:26,427
- Yeah, of course. Come on.
- Yeah, that'd be great.
167
00:06:26,428 --> 00:06:29,054
Thank you, really. Terrific.
I can't wait to start.
168
00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:32,433
- All right, well, maybe even,
uh, maybe even tomorrow.
- Perfect.
169
00:06:32,434 --> 00:06:33,892
- Joey?
- Mm?
170
00:06:33,893 --> 00:06:35,352
What's going on over here?
171
00:06:35,353 --> 00:06:38,022
Oh, I'm just waiting
for it to get hot.
172
00:06:38,023 --> 00:06:39,773
You're waiting
for it to get hot?
173
00:06:39,774 --> 00:06:42,443
- I don't think you
respect the drought.
- I do respect the drought.
174
00:06:42,444 --> 00:06:44,361
- Do you respect
the drought, Joey?
- I do. I really do.
175
00:06:44,362 --> 00:06:46,739
I do respect the drought. I‐‐
176
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:48,699
- Whoa.
- What?
177
00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:49,783
What?
178
00:06:49,784 --> 00:06:52,202
- Woo! Whoa!
- Okay.
179
00:06:52,203 --> 00:06:53,662
Joey!
180
00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:54,872
Larry.
181
00:06:54,873 --> 00:06:55,956
Yikes.
182
00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:57,625
I mean, I support
your transitioning,
183
00:06:57,626 --> 00:07:00,544
but you gave yourself
quite a large penis there.
184
00:07:00,545 --> 00:07:02,254
Yeah, I wanted to,
185
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:06,300
you know, follow in
the Funkhouser tradition
of penises.
186
00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:07,885
Can you handle, uh,
something like that?
187
00:07:07,886 --> 00:07:10,512
- That's, that's enormous.
- It is, yeah.
188
00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:13,140
But, I mean,
it seems like a lot
to, to lug around.
189
00:07:13,141 --> 00:07:15,476
- No, it isn't actually.
- But‐‐
190
00:07:15,477 --> 00:07:17,394
You've tried it out
on some dames?
191
00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:20,648
- I've had no complaints
about it. No complaints.
- No complaints.
192
00:07:20,649 --> 00:07:22,274
Okay. All right.
193
00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:24,652
- Enjoy your big penis.
- (laughs): I am.
194
00:07:24,653 --> 00:07:28,113
- And, uh, you know,
go to town with it.
- Thank you, Larry. That's‐‐
195
00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:29,740
- We'll be in touch
about the store.
- Yeah. I'll call‐‐
196
00:07:29,741 --> 00:07:31,575
I'll call you,
and you just let me know
197
00:07:31,576 --> 00:07:33,619
- when I can start.
I can't wait.
- Larry: Fantastic.
198
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:36,164
- All right.
Thank you, Larry. Okay.
- Excited to have you.
199
00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:41,377
- Larry: Hey! Whoa!
- Look who I brought.
200
00:07:41,378 --> 00:07:43,587
- Country club shit
right here.
- Yeah.
201
00:07:43,588 --> 00:07:45,506
How you, uh, doing?
What's going on?
202
00:07:45,507 --> 00:07:49,134
Uh, I just saw
Joey Funkhouser's
new penis.
203
00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:51,345
- Who?
- Jeff: Marty Funkhouser's
daughter
204
00:07:51,346 --> 00:07:53,347
has transitioned
into being a man.
205
00:07:53,348 --> 00:07:54,556
- Oh, wow.
- Yeah.
206
00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:58,060
Had the surgery,
and, uh, it's big.
207
00:07:58,061 --> 00:07:59,395
- Leon: Mm.
- How big?
208
00:07:59,396 --> 00:08:01,188
- Really big.
- Wow.
209
00:08:01,189 --> 00:08:03,691
Yeah. He gave himself
a giant penis.
210
00:08:03,692 --> 00:08:05,359
- Did you see
the balls?
- No.
211
00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:08,195
Completely taken with the penis
that I didn't get to, you know,
212
00:08:08,196 --> 00:08:09,905
look at the scrotum at all.
213
00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:12,533
So wait a minute.
This is what happens
at country clubs?
214
00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:14,702
White guys walking around
showing each other their
johnson?
215
00:08:14,703 --> 00:08:16,620
No, no, no.
I saw it in the bathroom.
216
00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:17,788
He was wearing
a terrycloth robe.
217
00:08:17,789 --> 00:08:19,206
He turned
and the robe opened up.
218
00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:20,874
People don't tie robes properly.
219
00:08:20,875 --> 00:08:24,044
- Jeff: They do not.
- They're very cavalier
about a robe, you know?
220
00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:26,171
You can't just fling
one side over the other.
221
00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:27,965
- Cinch your robe.
- Cinch your robe.
222
00:08:27,966 --> 00:08:29,800
- Leon: Right.
- I don't see how he can wear
underwear with that thing.
223
00:08:29,801 --> 00:08:31,885
It's so big there's no way
he can fit in underwear.
224
00:08:31,886 --> 00:08:33,387
- You can't.
- Right?
225
00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:35,639
Everybody in the big johnson
community knows that.
226
00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:37,933
You can't wear underwear.
I don't wear underwear.
227
00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:40,394
- Larry: There's
a big johnson community?
- Of course there is.
228
00:08:40,395 --> 00:08:44,064
We meet once a month.
We talk about the pitfalls
of having a big‐ass johnson.
229
00:08:44,065 --> 00:08:46,066
I've had several at the house.
230
00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:49,403
You... You've had
a big johnson meeting
at, at the house?
231
00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:52,031
When you're fuckin' out of town,
the whole community
shows the fuck up,
232
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:54,700
and we sit around the table,
and just talk.
233
00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:56,744
- Do you have officers?
- Fuck, yeah, we do.
234
00:08:56,745 --> 00:08:58,328
Who's the president?
235
00:08:58,329 --> 00:09:00,914
My man, Horse Cock Williams.
236
00:09:00,915 --> 00:09:03,250
Look, I don't have a big penis,
237
00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:06,545
but I'd like to see if I could
join the big johnson community.
238
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,797
How are you getting in
the big johnson community
239
00:09:08,798 --> 00:09:10,174
without a big johnson?
What‐‐
240
00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:12,301
I know somebody there
who could vouch for me.
241
00:09:12,302 --> 00:09:14,470
What do you mean,
vouch for you? They, they,
they gotta look at it!
242
00:09:14,471 --> 00:09:16,972
You can't just show up.
You gotta flash that
motherfucker at the door.
243
00:09:16,973 --> 00:09:19,975
- Yeah. See?
- Well, what happens
if I get caught?
244
00:09:19,976 --> 00:09:21,894
They'll throw you out of there
by your little‐ass johnson.
245
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:24,146
Larry:
But maybe this would be
a good thing for Joey,
246
00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:26,941
because it's way too big,
and he can't handle it.
247
00:09:27,442 --> 00:09:29,526
I foresee...
248
00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:32,821
big problems with that penis.
249
00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:34,281
Big.
250
00:09:34,282 --> 00:09:35,449
To be honest,
I always tell people
251
00:09:35,450 --> 00:09:36,784
they can fix up the house.
I don't‐‐
252
00:09:36,785 --> 00:09:39,119
Hey, Larry!
(chuckling): Hey!
253
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,622
Larry David. Hey.
254
00:09:41,623 --> 00:09:42,998
Great news.
255
00:09:42,999 --> 00:09:46,835
I am the listing agent
of the house next to yours.
256
00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:48,295
- Oh, really?
You're selling it?
- Yeah.
257
00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:51,090
Ka‐ching! Ka‐ching!
(chuckles)
258
00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:53,133
- Make some money
on that one, right?
- Yeah.
259
00:09:53,134 --> 00:09:55,135
Okay. You know,
I should buy it myself,
260
00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:56,804
so I can avoid
asshole neighbors.
261
00:09:56,805 --> 00:09:59,973
- (laughs) I like that.
- You, you would never
buy it, would you?
262
00:09:59,974 --> 00:10:02,684
It's a little bit out
of my, uh, prince range,
you know, right now.
263
00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:03,977
Oh. That's good.
264
00:10:03,978 --> 00:10:05,270
'Cause you're the
last person in the world
265
00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:06,897
I want living next door to me.
266
00:10:06,898 --> 00:10:08,816
Clients love me, Larry.
267
00:10:08,817 --> 00:10:11,443
(Larry whistling)
268
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:14,321
- (whistling continues)
- (siren blaring)
269
00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:17,158
(fire truck horn honks)
270
00:10:19,994 --> 00:10:23,372
(horn blaring)
271
00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:27,043
(siren continues)
272
00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:43,685
(chuckling)
273
00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:47,688
(indistinct chatter)
274
00:10:47,689 --> 00:10:49,481
- Mm‐hmm.
- How's the coffee?
275
00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:51,024
- It's good.
- It's good.
276
00:10:51,025 --> 00:10:52,484
Yeah. Good. You know,
277
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,987
it's interesting, 'cause,
uh, I was in my car earlier,
278
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:57,281
and all of a sudden,
I hear a siren,
279
00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:59,199
and I look in
the rearview mirror
280
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:00,993
and there's a fire truck
behind me, and I...
281
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:03,704
Wow, a fire!
And I better get over
to the side of the road.
282
00:11:03,705 --> 00:11:05,497
Those guys are really
in a hurry.
283
00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:08,542
I pull over to the side
of the road, and it...
shwoo! goes past me.
284
00:11:08,543 --> 00:11:11,546
And then I pull in here,
and I see the fire truck.
285
00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:14,131
Where's the fire?
286
00:11:14,132 --> 00:11:16,216
- (fireman clears throat)
- Larry: Where...
287
00:11:16,217 --> 00:11:19,011
Where is the fire?
288
00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:20,888
- We needed coffee.
- Oh, oh.
289
00:11:20,889 --> 00:11:22,264
- We don't do it often.
- No.
290
00:11:22,265 --> 00:11:24,224
- Like, it's not
a frequent thing.
- Yeah, no.
291
00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:26,226
You abused your siren.
292
00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:28,896
- Abused our siren?
- You're siren abusers.
293
00:11:28,897 --> 00:11:32,191
I completely get it.
I had a handicapped
placard once.
294
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:34,443
And I could only imagine
what it's like to have a siren.
295
00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:36,528
'Cause that handicapped placard,
that was fantastic.
296
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:38,573
Enjoy the coffee.
297
00:11:39,324 --> 00:11:40,741
Hey!
298
00:11:40,742 --> 00:11:43,243
- Look at this.
Joey Funkhouser.
- Hey, Larry.
299
00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:44,578
- How you doing?
- Larry: Hey.
300
00:11:44,579 --> 00:11:46,038
- So have you
shown him the ropes?
- Joey: Yeah.
301
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:47,581
- We're gettin'
it down. Yeah.
- Fast learner.
302
00:11:47,582 --> 00:11:49,416
- Oh, yeah?
- The only question I have is,
303
00:11:49,417 --> 00:11:51,001
where's the, uh, the tip jar?
304
00:11:51,002 --> 00:11:52,586
Oh, no. No tip jar.
305
00:11:52,587 --> 00:11:54,504
- No tipping?
- No, that's,
that's demeaning.
306
00:11:54,505 --> 00:11:56,340
It turns us into...
beggars.
307
00:11:56,341 --> 00:11:58,926
- Yeah? You think?
- Yeah. We might as well be
outside with a, with a cup.
308
00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:01,094
- Uh‐oh. Know
what happens now?
- It's a‐‐ What?
309
00:12:01,095 --> 00:12:02,679
- No.
- (chuckles)
310
00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:04,389
- Ah. Look at that, see?
- Ah. (laughs)
311
00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:06,099
Oh, boy. This,
this is a big moment.
312
00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:07,643
‐Joey: That's it?
‐Leon: Oh, the big moment.
Yes, indeed.
313
00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:09,770
- Let's go to the back.
To the storeroom?
- Um‐hmm.
314
00:12:09,771 --> 00:12:11,188
- And get changed there.
- Okay. Great. Right.
315
00:12:11,189 --> 00:12:13,065
Hey, as long as you're going
to the storeroom,
316
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:16,109
- show him how to charge
the, uh, the self‐heating cups.
- Leon: Yes, indeed.
317
00:12:16,110 --> 00:12:19,154
I kind of talked
Larry into putting up
"no lamping" signs
318
00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:21,531
all over the fuckin' place.
People would stay
too fucking long.
319
00:12:21,532 --> 00:12:25,912
♪ ♪
320
00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:38,299
- Are you in line?
- What?
321
00:12:38,633 --> 00:12:41,510
- Are you in line for coffee?
- Oh. N‐No. No.
322
00:12:41,511 --> 00:12:43,679
Sorry, we haven't met, have we?
323
00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:46,848
- No. Uh‐uh. No.
- Okay.
324
00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:48,810
No, we haven't.
325
00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:55,108
♪ ♪
326
00:13:01,572 --> 00:13:03,490
Okay. I'm Alice.
327
00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:05,867
Um, I'm... Buck.
328
00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:08,161
- Nice to meet you, Buck.
- Nice to meet you.
329
00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:10,330
Leon:
Hey, Larry!
Where are the aprons?
330
00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:11,832
They're behind the Purell!
331
00:13:11,833 --> 00:13:14,334
Leon:
I can't find
the fuckin' aprons!
332
00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:16,545
Are you...
Latte Larry?
333
00:13:16,546 --> 00:13:17,838
- Yes!
- Oh.
334
00:13:17,839 --> 00:13:19,548
Buck's my nickname.
That's what my friends call me.
335
00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:21,842
How'd you get to Buck
from Larry?
336
00:13:21,843 --> 00:13:23,552
I like to watch
a lot of Westerns.
337
00:13:23,553 --> 00:13:26,430
What's your favorite?
338
00:13:26,431 --> 00:13:28,348
Blue Skies Over the Canyon.
339
00:13:28,349 --> 00:13:30,559
Well, I just moved
in the neighborhood, so...
340
00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:32,936
- I'll see you around.
- Oh, great.
341
00:13:32,937 --> 00:13:35,856
Um, hi. Can I get
a medium latte‐‐
342
00:13:35,857 --> 00:13:37,774
(continues indistinctly)
343
00:13:37,775 --> 00:13:39,735
Larry:
You know, it's so crazy.
344
00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:43,238
She's completely normal,
but she just doesn't seem
to remember... me,
345
00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:45,407
or ever working for me,
or anything to do with me.
346
00:13:45,408 --> 00:13:49,327
So she suffered memory loss
from the choking on the scone?
347
00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:51,204
And that got me
out of the lawsuit,
the whole thing.
348
00:13:51,205 --> 00:13:54,375
- (knocking on door)
- Oh, that's Tara and Will.
349
00:13:55,877 --> 00:13:57,878
All:
Hey!
350
00:13:57,879 --> 00:14:00,005
Oh, look, you're getting
bigger every minute!
351
00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:02,466
‐I know, I know.
‐Oh, my God.
I have to touch it.
352
00:14:02,467 --> 00:14:04,342
- (laughs) Please.
- Come on in.
353
00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:05,552
- Hello.
- Tara: Hello. Hi.
354
00:14:05,553 --> 00:14:07,262
I'm the Larry you've
heard so much about.
355
00:14:07,263 --> 00:14:08,889
- Tara: Oh. (laughs)
- Susie: Yes.
356
00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:10,474
- Tara: It's so nice
to finally meet you.
- Hi.
357
00:14:10,475 --> 00:14:12,517
- How you doin'? Hi.
- Will.
358
00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:13,769
Larry:
Will.
359
00:14:13,770 --> 00:14:15,812
- Any minute now,
I think, huh?
- Yeah.
360
00:14:15,813 --> 00:14:16,897
Yeah. Any minute.
361
00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:18,065
- Oh, boy.
- Susie: Jesus.
362
00:14:18,066 --> 00:14:19,733
You know, I impregnated
somebody once.
363
00:14:19,734 --> 00:14:21,068
- Will: Yeah?
- Yeah.
364
00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:23,403
We broke up
in the abortion clinic.
365
00:14:23,404 --> 00:14:25,405
- How about that?
- Jeff: You've never
told me that.
366
00:14:25,406 --> 00:14:27,199
- Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
- Jeff: Wow.
367
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:28,658
Just so you know,
while you're here,
368
00:14:28,659 --> 00:14:30,452
- I don't know how
to deliver a baby.
- Okay.
369
00:14:30,453 --> 00:14:31,828
How do you,
how do you induce labor?
370
00:14:31,829 --> 00:14:33,497
Can you scare someone
into labor?
371
00:14:33,498 --> 00:14:34,915
- I don't know.
- Larry: Is that possible?
372
00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:36,416
‐I‐‐ ‐Uh, maybe it's possible.
373
00:14:36,417 --> 00:14:37,876
I think it's something
we want to avoid.
374
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:39,002
Why would you wanna do that?
375
00:14:39,003 --> 00:14:40,128
A baby should come
376
00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:41,630
when it's naturally
supposed to come.
377
00:14:41,631 --> 00:14:43,131
Who needs Mr. Buttinski
over here?
378
00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:45,092
It's a hypothetical.
It's just a hypothetical.
379
00:14:45,093 --> 00:14:47,761
Let's say you had a bet
with a friend.
380
00:14:47,762 --> 00:14:49,262
You see a pregnant woman
who, uh‐‐
381
00:14:49,263 --> 00:14:50,680
big pregnant woman
walking down the street‐‐
382
00:14:50,681 --> 00:14:52,641
you make a $50 bet
with this friend,
383
00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:54,226
that you can induce labor
by scaring her.
384
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:56,103
You go into the bushes,
she's walking down the street,
385
00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:57,604
and all of a sudden
you jump out. Aah!
386
00:14:57,605 --> 00:14:59,815
- Uh, you in the bushes?
- Yeah.
387
00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:01,733
For 50 bucks
you're going
in the bushes?
388
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:03,860
Yeah, but it's hypothetical.
See if you can induce labor.
389
00:15:03,861 --> 00:15:05,487
Well, what happens if
she goes into labor?
390
00:15:05,488 --> 00:15:06,613
- Yeah, what happens if you win?
- Susie: Yeah.
391
00:15:06,614 --> 00:15:07,948
I, I'd drive her
to the hospital.
392
00:15:07,949 --> 00:15:10,659
Okay, let's say you're
driving her to the hospital,
393
00:15:10,660 --> 00:15:12,702
and along the way
to the hospital,
394
00:15:12,703 --> 00:15:14,329
she starts giving birth
395
00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:16,081
- in your car?
- Well, that's a problem.
396
00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:18,333
You gotta really think
these hypotheticals out.
397
00:15:18,334 --> 00:15:19,960
'Cause they always end poorly.
398
00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:21,294
Okay, I won't scare her.
399
00:15:21,295 --> 00:15:22,671
- Jeff: Okay.
- Susie: Yeah, thank you.
400
00:15:22,672 --> 00:15:24,881
So, I'm so glad you guys
finally came over.
401
00:15:24,882 --> 00:15:27,509
- Sorry we're late.
- Yeah, that's‐‐
that's on me.
402
00:15:27,510 --> 00:15:29,928
I, you know, I refuse
to look at the phone,
and like,
403
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:31,638
I try and go off the watch.
I forget,
404
00:15:31,639 --> 00:15:33,140
and it always, like,
runs a little late.
405
00:15:33,141 --> 00:15:34,891
- Tara: Yeah, hard to guess it.
- You can't get that fixed?
406
00:15:34,892 --> 00:15:36,935
I've tried, but, you know,
407
00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:39,479
- it always just, like,
goes back, you know?
- I know a guy who can fix that,
408
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,398
easily. He's, he's great.
409
00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:43,525
- You sure?
- K. L. Jeweler, yeah.
410
00:15:43,526 --> 00:15:44,943
- Oh, yeah?
- Oh, really?
411
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:46,695
I drive by there every day.
I can just bring it in.
412
00:15:46,696 --> 00:15:48,822
- Ah, all right. Yeah.
- That's so nice.
413
00:15:48,823 --> 00:15:50,031
I guarantee it.
414
00:15:50,032 --> 00:15:51,324
Yeah, it's my
grandfather's watch.
415
00:15:51,325 --> 00:15:52,492
Gave it to me, like,
right before he died.
416
00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:54,327
Oh, yeah?
You should get it fixed.
417
00:15:54,328 --> 00:15:55,912
And believe me,
if anybody can fix it,
418
00:15:55,913 --> 00:15:57,164
- it's this guy. He's great.
- Tara: Oh, good.
419
00:15:57,165 --> 00:15:58,373
- Will: I appreciate that.
- Susie: Aah!
420
00:15:58,374 --> 00:15:59,708
Where are my manners?
421
00:15:59,709 --> 00:16:00,959
You want something to drink?
422
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,419
That would be great.
I'm, I'm...
423
00:16:02,420 --> 00:16:03,879
really craving ginger ale.
424
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:05,505
- Oh, we have ginger ale.
Right, Jeff?
- Tara: Do you?
425
00:16:05,506 --> 00:16:08,425
I cannot stock up
enough ginger ale.
I love ginger ale.
426
00:16:08,426 --> 00:16:10,635
Hey, how 'bout‐‐
I'll get in on the ginger ale.
427
00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:13,346
- You sure you got enough?
- Oh, no, we have tons
of ginger ale.
428
00:16:13,347 --> 00:16:14,764
Susie:
Two ginger ales,
Jeffrey.
429
00:16:14,765 --> 00:16:16,308
- Thank you, Jeff.
Thank you.
- Thank you.
430
00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:18,810
So, um, do you know
the sex of the,
of the child?
431
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:20,604
We're gonna have
a little baby boy.
432
00:16:20,605 --> 00:16:22,689
- Larry: A little baby boy.
How about that?
- Susie: Oh, so cute! Yeah.
433
00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:25,859
Have you thought
about the, um,
the skin color at all?
434
00:16:25,860 --> 00:16:27,986
‐I'm sorry?
‐Larry: You know.
The tone?
435
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:30,530
Would you prefer it's,
it's a, it's a little darker?
436
00:16:30,531 --> 00:16:32,866
I would imagine you might
prefer it to be a little darker,
437
00:16:32,867 --> 00:16:34,326
as opposed to lighter, no?
438
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:36,077
Well, I mean,
I've never even
thought about it.
439
00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:38,872
- Larry: Huh.
- But, I guess like,
darker, I guess.
440
00:16:38,873 --> 00:16:40,707
- Larry: Yeah,
I would think. Right?
- What?
441
00:16:40,708 --> 00:16:41,917
Yeah, that makes sense.
442
00:16:41,918 --> 00:16:43,585
- (laughs) Uh, I...
- What?
443
00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:45,212
- You'd prefer him to be darker?
- Prefer it‐‐
444
00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:47,005
I mean, if someone's asking me,
like, if I had to choose,
445
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:48,465
- I'd say, like darker.
- Why are you choosing?
446
00:16:48,466 --> 00:16:50,425
You'd probably like it
a little lighter maybe, no?
447
00:16:50,426 --> 00:16:52,886
Tara:
No, I, I don't,
I don't think
448
00:16:52,887 --> 00:16:54,596
I want my baby to be lighter.
449
00:16:54,597 --> 00:16:56,348
I haven't thought
about that at all.
450
00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:58,058
- I'm surprised that
you've thought about it.
- Oh, yeah.
451
00:16:58,059 --> 00:17:00,352
I mean, well, I,
I hadn't thought about it,
452
00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:01,603
but asked the question, I mean‐‐
453
00:17:01,604 --> 00:17:03,396
I know, but what you
could have said,
454
00:17:03,397 --> 00:17:04,689
I don't have a preference,
455
00:17:04,690 --> 00:17:06,483
but you said you'd
prefer him to be darker.
456
00:17:06,484 --> 00:17:08,401
- You don't have
a preference at all?
- No, I don't have a preference.
457
00:17:08,402 --> 00:17:10,278
Say somebody put
a gun to your head.
458
00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:13,073
Said, "Do you want you baby
to be lighter or darker?"
459
00:17:13,074 --> 00:17:14,491
What would you choose?
460
00:17:14,492 --> 00:17:17,160
Why is someone holding
a gun to my head
and asking me
461
00:17:17,161 --> 00:17:20,413
- what shade I would prefer
my son to be?
- It's a hypothetical.
462
00:17:20,414 --> 00:17:22,582
‐Larry: I don't know, see‐‐
‐Why is somebody putting
a gun to her head?
463
00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:25,126
He wants to‐‐
He wants to find out
what your preference is.
464
00:17:25,127 --> 00:17:27,212
So you're walking
down the street with Will,
465
00:17:27,213 --> 00:17:29,172
and he snatches you into
the backseat of the car,
466
00:17:29,173 --> 00:17:30,423
and now he's got
a gun to your head.
467
00:17:30,424 --> 00:17:32,300
"Do you want a lighter
or a darker baby?
468
00:17:32,301 --> 00:17:34,427
- What shade? What shade?"
- Get away from me!
469
00:17:34,428 --> 00:17:35,845
What color is the guy
holding the gun?
470
00:17:35,846 --> 00:17:37,264
He's mocha.
Right down the middle.
471
00:17:37,265 --> 00:17:38,848
- Will: Right down the middle.
- Fifty‐fifty.
472
00:17:38,849 --> 00:17:41,101
- Do you want it
lighter or darker?
- (stammers): I...
473
00:17:41,102 --> 00:17:43,687
I would say on the lighter side.
474
00:17:43,688 --> 00:17:46,022
- Ah.
- Will: Mm‐hmm. See?
475
00:17:46,023 --> 00:17:49,067
- So you have a preference.
- But I had a gun to my head.
476
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:50,193
You didn't have
a gun to your head.
477
00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:51,486
We're sitting
in a nice living room.
478
00:17:51,487 --> 00:17:52,821
We're getting ginger ales.
479
00:17:52,822 --> 00:17:54,614
Will:
I'm proud to be black.
I think you'd be
480
00:17:54,615 --> 00:17:56,283
- proud to be black, too.
- Oh, of course‐‐
481
00:17:56,284 --> 00:17:57,576
Okay, I'm sorry.
482
00:17:57,577 --> 00:17:59,411
‐I don't feel‐‐ ‐I'm not wrong.
483
00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:01,288
- I don't feel good. Okay.
- Okay. I'm‐‐
484
00:18:01,289 --> 00:18:02,789
- I'm so sorry.
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
485
00:18:02,790 --> 00:18:04,916
- Thank you. Nice to meet you.
- Yeah. Thank you so much.
486
00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:07,294
- Okay, thanks for coming.
- Will: Thank you very much
for your hospitality.
487
00:18:07,295 --> 00:18:08,962
- Sorry about all this.
- Aw.
488
00:18:08,963 --> 00:18:12,258
- Thanks for having us.
- Larry: I'll get that
watch fixed.
489
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:15,885
What the fuck is
the matter with you?
490
00:18:15,886 --> 00:18:17,721
What?
491
00:18:17,722 --> 00:18:19,889
Larry:
Let me ask you something.
492
00:18:19,890 --> 00:18:23,310
What is so hard
about being a matador?
I don't get it.
493
00:18:23,311 --> 00:18:25,145
- They have the cape, right?
- Right.
494
00:18:25,146 --> 00:18:26,980
The bull seems to run
into the cape.
495
00:18:26,981 --> 00:18:28,481
They don't run into the guy.
496
00:18:28,482 --> 00:18:30,609
- How hard is it
to go like that?
- Right.
497
00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:31,985
- Ow. Aah.
- Oh.
498
00:18:31,986 --> 00:18:33,194
- It's right there.
- Yeah.
499
00:18:33,195 --> 00:18:34,279
Here's the deal.
500
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:36,823
You do have a tear
in the meniscus.
501
00:18:36,824 --> 00:18:38,533
But it's the outer edge
of the meniscus,
502
00:18:38,534 --> 00:18:40,869
and that area will heal itself.
503
00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:43,163
I think some rest, some ice,
504
00:18:43,164 --> 00:18:46,833
some ibuprofen. Uh,
I'd put you on a PT course.
505
00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:48,126
Physical therapy.
You can come here,
506
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:49,836
or you can, um, have 'em
come to your home.
507
00:18:49,837 --> 00:18:51,630
- Whatever
you'd like. Yeah.
- What?
508
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:54,841
What a relief. I just was
led to believe that I‐‐
509
00:18:54,842 --> 00:18:56,301
I was gonna need surgery.
510
00:18:56,302 --> 00:18:59,722
- Oh. Were we a
second opinion?
- Yeah.
511
00:19:00,222 --> 00:19:03,516
Do you mind me asking
who the, uh, other doctor is?
512
00:19:03,517 --> 00:19:05,310
It's Dr. Seiderman.
513
00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:06,686
Good doctor.
514
00:19:06,687 --> 00:19:07,896
Oh, you know him?
515
00:19:07,897 --> 00:19:10,106
We've crossed paths
a time or two.
516
00:19:10,107 --> 00:19:11,650
Yeah.
517
00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:15,028
You are gonna tell
the other doctor about me.
518
00:19:15,029 --> 00:19:16,363
Yeah. I already did.
519
00:19:16,364 --> 00:19:17,447
- Oh, you did?
- Yeah.
520
00:19:17,448 --> 00:19:19,866
Did you mention me by name?
521
00:19:19,867 --> 00:19:22,535
- No.
- Okay.
522
00:19:22,536 --> 00:19:24,622
(sighs)
I don't know how
I'm gonna tell him.
523
00:19:25,039 --> 00:19:27,624
(sighs)
It's gotta be done.
524
00:19:27,625 --> 00:19:30,544
(siren blaring)
525
00:19:36,342 --> 00:19:37,801
No patient in there?
526
00:19:37,802 --> 00:19:39,219
No. No patient.
527
00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:41,054
Just a lot of traffic.
528
00:19:41,055 --> 00:19:44,307
Really. So you just
put the siren on?
529
00:19:44,308 --> 00:19:45,725
- Yeah. Mm‐hmm.
- Really?
530
00:19:45,726 --> 00:19:47,227
Another siren abuser.
531
00:19:47,228 --> 00:19:48,728
It's not abuse. I‐‐
532
00:19:48,729 --> 00:19:50,480
It's more of, it's more use.
533
00:19:50,481 --> 00:19:51,773
If word gets out
534
00:19:51,774 --> 00:19:53,900
that all of you people
are just putting sirens on
535
00:19:53,901 --> 00:19:55,402
to get to places faster,
536
00:19:55,403 --> 00:19:57,862
nobody's gonna pull over
to the side of the road
anymore.
537
00:19:57,863 --> 00:19:59,656
And then you know
what's gonna happen?
538
00:19:59,657 --> 00:20:01,574
You're gonna have
some dead people.
539
00:20:01,575 --> 00:20:03,868
- Gotta get these inside, sir.
- Ugh. Of course!
540
00:20:03,869 --> 00:20:05,413
Enjoy your coffee.
541
00:20:07,248 --> 00:20:09,541
Uh... (clears throat)
542
00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:12,752
According to this doctor, uh...
543
00:20:12,753 --> 00:20:16,715
he said I didn't need
to get the... surgery.
544
00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:17,924
No surgery.
545
00:20:17,925 --> 00:20:19,759
He said I just needed
some physical therapy,
546
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:21,970
and some ibuprofen.
547
00:20:21,971 --> 00:20:25,014
And everything will
just magically return
to, uh, to health, huh?
548
00:20:25,015 --> 00:20:27,726
- Yeah.
- So, I think it's worth
giving a shot, no?
549
00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:29,018
- And, uh...
- Yeah?
550
00:20:29,019 --> 00:20:30,270
Who was the doctor?
551
00:20:30,271 --> 00:20:32,272
Uh, Dr. Fuller.
552
00:20:32,273 --> 00:20:33,690
- Mark Fuller.
- Yeah.
553
00:20:33,691 --> 00:20:36,067
Hmm. Nice doctor.
554
00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:37,402
Good energy.
555
00:20:37,403 --> 00:20:39,320
I know how it goes.
556
00:20:39,321 --> 00:20:41,239
- Well, good luck
with your, uh‐‐
- Aw, come on.
557
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,366
(stammers): Don't...
don't be mad. Come on.
558
00:20:43,367 --> 00:20:44,951
Mad? I'm not mad.
I'm just‐‐
559
00:20:44,952 --> 00:20:46,953
You're...
you're a little peeved.
560
00:20:46,954 --> 00:20:48,747
Well, good luck
in your journey, Larry.
561
00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:50,665
And, uh, I wish you
and your knee all the best.
562
00:20:50,666 --> 00:20:53,042
I have a few patients
I need to see, so...
563
00:20:53,043 --> 00:20:54,962
if you don't mind.
564
00:20:56,046 --> 00:20:58,339
Okay, let's do the surgery.
565
00:20:58,340 --> 00:21:00,884
No. I'm not, I'm not
doing the surgery, Larry.
566
00:21:00,885 --> 00:21:03,094
- What? Come on. Come on,
we'll do the surgery.
- I'm not doing‐‐
567
00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:04,637
You'll get no surgery from me.
568
00:21:04,638 --> 00:21:06,890
Nothing. Nada. Not a stitch.
Do you understand me?
569
00:21:06,891 --> 00:21:08,892
I don't want anything
to do with you or your knee.
570
00:21:08,893 --> 00:21:10,643
- Come on, I said
I'll get the surgery.
- No!
571
00:21:10,644 --> 00:21:12,145
- Let me just get the surgery.
- There's no surgery.
572
00:21:12,146 --> 00:21:13,897
- Don't be like that! I'm sorry!
- Like what, Larry? No.
573
00:21:13,898 --> 00:21:16,483
- Sorry's not good enough.
- Why are you acting like
such a baby?
574
00:21:16,484 --> 00:21:18,735
I'm the baby?
You're the one going around town
getting a bunch of opinions!
575
00:21:18,736 --> 00:21:20,779
Okay, you know what?
I don't need any more
opinions, okay?
576
00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:23,990
Just be on the record, though,
that I said I'd get the surgery.
577
00:21:23,991 --> 00:21:25,658
- It's on the record, Larry.
Thank you.
- You don't wanna give it to me.
578
00:21:25,659 --> 00:21:27,160
You blew it!
I don't know why I ever
579
00:21:27,161 --> 00:21:28,286
went with you
in the first place.
580
00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:30,497
You sicken me!
I'm leaving.
581
00:21:30,498 --> 00:21:32,165
Okay?
And you'll regret it!
582
00:21:32,166 --> 00:21:35,376
Dominic will validate
your parking at the front desk!
583
00:21:35,377 --> 00:21:40,299
♪ ♪
584
00:21:49,850 --> 00:21:52,644
Hi. Welcome to M. K.‐‐
585
00:21:52,645 --> 00:21:53,686
Hey.
586
00:21:53,687 --> 00:21:55,688
- Larry.
- Mila?
587
00:21:55,689 --> 00:21:56,981
- Yeah.
- What are you doing?
588
00:21:56,982 --> 00:21:58,399
- What is this?
- This is my store.
589
00:21:58,400 --> 00:21:59,734
What do you mean, your store?
590
00:21:59,735 --> 00:22:02,529
I opened up this store
because of you.
591
00:22:02,530 --> 00:22:03,655
Get this, Larry.
592
00:22:03,656 --> 00:22:06,574
K.L. Jewelers fucked me over.
593
00:22:06,575 --> 00:22:08,243
I went in, I bought a watch.
594
00:22:08,244 --> 00:22:10,453
I started wearing it,
I started noticing I was
late everywhere I went.
595
00:22:10,454 --> 00:22:12,539
I would go to like,
a meeting, and I was,
like, five minutes late.
596
00:22:12,540 --> 00:22:14,958
So I walked in,
I asked for a refund...
597
00:22:14,959 --> 00:22:16,501
They said no.
598
00:22:16,502 --> 00:22:17,836
Bastards.
599
00:22:17,837 --> 00:22:19,712
So I said,
"Fuck you, K. L. Jewelers,"
600
00:22:19,713 --> 00:22:22,216
and I opened up
M. K. Jewelers.
601
00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:24,217
Spite store, Larry.
602
00:22:24,218 --> 00:22:25,885
Because of you.
603
00:22:25,886 --> 00:22:27,220
I can't tell you how‐‐
604
00:22:27,221 --> 00:22:29,430
- how pleased I am to hear this.
- Well, thank you.
605
00:22:29,431 --> 00:22:30,890
- Anyways, Larry!
- Yeah.
606
00:22:30,891 --> 00:22:32,267
‐All right. Yeah.
‐You came in here.
What's up?
607
00:22:32,268 --> 00:22:34,310
‐Well, I got this watch‐‐ ‐Yeah.
608
00:22:34,311 --> 00:22:35,687
I was gonna bring it over there.
609
00:22:35,688 --> 00:22:37,272
- Gone now.
- Gone now, huh?
610
00:22:37,273 --> 00:22:39,525
- What are you gonna do?
- Here you go.
611
00:22:39,942 --> 00:22:41,442
Well, what do you want me to do?
612
00:22:41,443 --> 00:22:42,527
Fix it.
613
00:22:42,528 --> 00:22:44,195
Well, I don't‐‐
I don't do that, Larry.
614
00:22:44,196 --> 00:22:45,905
You can't fix the watch?
615
00:22:45,906 --> 00:22:48,449
No. Sorry.
I'm just here for spite.
616
00:22:48,450 --> 00:22:50,952
- Mm.
- Yeah.
617
00:22:50,953 --> 00:22:52,829
Jeff:
Will and Tara?
618
00:22:52,830 --> 00:22:55,248
Still not talking.
Still not talking.
619
00:22:55,249 --> 00:22:57,375
- All because of me?
- All because of you.
620
00:22:57,376 --> 00:22:59,085
- Who cares what shade?
- Yeah.
621
00:22:59,086 --> 00:23:01,504
What do you think, like,
ten years down the road
he's gonna go,
622
00:23:01,505 --> 00:23:03,590
"You know, he was never
as dark as I wanted."
623
00:23:03,591 --> 00:23:05,425
- (laughing)
- (chuckles)
624
00:23:05,426 --> 00:23:07,468
- You know that's
never happening.
- Yeah.
625
00:23:07,469 --> 00:23:09,512
Hey, you know what?
I still have his watch.
626
00:23:09,513 --> 00:23:11,264
- You're kidding me.
- No.
627
00:23:11,265 --> 00:23:13,182
I couldn't get it fixed. Look.
628
00:23:13,183 --> 00:23:15,351
So now you gotta carry
that thing with you
everywhere you go?
629
00:23:15,352 --> 00:23:17,437
- I gotta find a jeweler.
- Oh, jeez.
630
00:23:17,438 --> 00:23:19,105
Hey, hey, fellas.
631
00:23:19,106 --> 00:23:20,315
Oh, my God.
632
00:23:20,316 --> 00:23:22,358
Frank:
You watch, uh,
Channel 5 news?
633
00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:24,986
Well, there's a real smokeshow
who does the weather on there,
634
00:23:24,987 --> 00:23:26,571
and, uh,
we had a date last night.
635
00:23:26,572 --> 00:23:30,116
Mm. Where'd you go,
to the asylum where
she's staying?
636
00:23:30,117 --> 00:23:32,161
Go fuck yourself, Larry.
637
00:23:32,953 --> 00:23:36,247
I've never felt such antipathy
towards a bald man in my life.
638
00:23:36,248 --> 00:23:39,626
- He's a shanda for the bald.
- He's a shanda for the bald.
639
00:23:39,627 --> 00:23:42,587
(water running)
640
00:23:42,588 --> 00:23:44,672
I'll be right back.
641
00:23:44,673 --> 00:23:46,090
Larry:
Aha!
642
00:23:46,091 --> 00:23:47,967
(chuckles)
There's the water police.
643
00:23:47,968 --> 00:23:49,344
- Aha!
- Right on cue.
644
00:23:49,345 --> 00:23:51,930
Larry: Look at this.
Disrespecting
the drought again.
645
00:23:51,931 --> 00:23:53,306
I'm, I'm about to shave.
646
00:23:53,307 --> 00:23:55,808
- Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
- Like you, you...
647
00:23:55,809 --> 00:23:57,518
you'd need the hot water
with the shaving.
648
00:23:57,519 --> 00:23:59,646
All right. Here's how you
save water when you shave.
649
00:23:59,647 --> 00:24:01,648
- Yeah. Uh‐huh.
- You put the water on,
650
00:24:01,649 --> 00:24:03,858
you rinse the blade,
and then you turn
the water off.
651
00:24:03,859 --> 00:24:06,027
- Right.
- Then you, then you shave
a little bit.
652
00:24:06,028 --> 00:24:07,820
- Yeah.
- Then you put
the water on again.
653
00:24:07,821 --> 00:24:09,822
You rinse it out,
you turn it off.
654
00:24:09,823 --> 00:24:11,407
I appreciate the shaving lesson.
655
00:24:11,408 --> 00:24:12,867
- Is that how you do it?
- That's how I do it, yeah.
656
00:24:12,868 --> 00:24:14,327
- All right,
that'll be $10.
- Yeah.
657
00:24:14,328 --> 00:24:15,828
You know, I think
there are probably
better ways
658
00:24:15,829 --> 00:24:17,580
to save water than
following me around
here.
659
00:24:17,581 --> 00:24:20,750
- You're right, Joey.
You're 100 percent right.
- Exactly. Okay.
660
00:24:20,751 --> 00:24:23,837
- (chuckles)
- (water running)
661
00:24:27,216 --> 00:24:29,677
(toilet flushes)
662
00:24:37,518 --> 00:24:41,771
♪ ♪
663
00:24:41,772 --> 00:24:43,565
(Larry groans)
664
00:24:50,322 --> 00:24:53,032
(indistinct chattering)
665
00:24:53,033 --> 00:24:54,827
Larry:
So, um...
666
00:24:55,869 --> 00:24:58,788
I found my watch...
(clicks tongue)
667
00:24:58,789 --> 00:25:00,623
on the ground.
It's broken.
668
00:25:00,624 --> 00:25:03,209
I see that. That's,
uh, that's too bad.
669
00:25:03,210 --> 00:25:05,878
Any idea what happened to it?
670
00:25:05,879 --> 00:25:08,340
- No. No idea.
- Ah, uh‐huh.
671
00:25:09,466 --> 00:25:11,759
- I'll tell you
what I think, Joey.
- Yeah?
672
00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:14,679
I think you turned abruptly,
your robe opened up,
673
00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:16,305
and you knocked it over
with your big penis.
674
00:25:16,306 --> 00:25:17,765
That's what I think happened.
675
00:25:17,766 --> 00:25:20,143
Okay, I'm sorry.
I knocked it over.
But it‐‐ I just,
676
00:25:20,144 --> 00:25:22,395
I just turned around,
and I, I hit it.
677
00:25:22,396 --> 00:25:24,397
- Okay. Okay. Okay.
- I'm sorry, okay?
678
00:25:24,398 --> 00:25:27,900
But I, you know, I told you
it's a tough thing to handle.
679
00:25:27,901 --> 00:25:29,402
Accidents happen, you know?
680
00:25:29,403 --> 00:25:30,945
- Accidents happen. Hey!
- Yeah.
681
00:25:30,946 --> 00:25:32,363
- No worries.
- Yeah.
682
00:25:32,364 --> 00:25:34,157
- No worries.
And listen, Joey...
- Yeah.
683
00:25:34,158 --> 00:25:37,118
- if you ever knock anything
over again with your penis...
- Yeah.
684
00:25:37,119 --> 00:25:38,828
You can always come to me.
685
00:25:38,829 --> 00:25:40,830
Thank you.
686
00:25:40,831 --> 00:25:42,249
Okay.
687
00:25:44,168 --> 00:25:47,212
- And cinch that robe, Joey.
- Okay, Larry.
688
00:25:48,547 --> 00:25:50,882
Uncle Freddy,
the Robust, uh, Select,
689
00:25:50,883 --> 00:25:52,550
just the way you like it‐‐
extra hot and sweet.
690
00:25:52,551 --> 00:25:54,135
You're tremendous.
This is maybe
691
00:25:54,136 --> 00:25:55,762
the best I've ever
had a coffee
brought to me.
692
00:25:55,763 --> 00:25:57,680
- No. Come on. Thank you.
- You're killing it, here.
693
00:25:57,681 --> 00:25:59,766
- Hey, Joey, do me
a favor, will ya?
- Yeah. Yeah.
694
00:25:59,767 --> 00:26:02,059
- I knocked over some
beans in the storeroom.
- Oh.
695
00:26:02,060 --> 00:26:04,061
- They're all over the floor.
- Of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
696
00:26:04,062 --> 00:26:05,521
- See you later. Okay.
- You're killing it here.
697
00:26:05,522 --> 00:26:06,939
- Hey.
- Hey.
698
00:26:06,940 --> 00:26:08,983
- He's doing a tremendous job.
- Yeah, he's doing great.
699
00:26:08,984 --> 00:26:10,693
- Speaking of Joey.
- Yeah.
700
00:26:10,694 --> 00:26:12,945
Knocked a watch
off the bathroom counter
701
00:26:12,946 --> 00:26:15,239
with his,
with his giant penis
at the club.
702
00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:18,075
Can't repair it.
I knew that penis was
gonna cause trouble.
703
00:26:18,076 --> 00:26:20,286
It was an accident, all right?
Did he feel bad about it?
704
00:26:20,287 --> 00:26:21,662
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- Well, that's all that matters.
705
00:26:21,663 --> 00:26:22,955
He's not used to
moving around with it.
706
00:26:22,956 --> 00:26:24,415
- Yeah. Yeah.
- I can only imagine.
707
00:26:24,416 --> 00:26:26,459
You gotta break some eggs
to make an omelet, right?
708
00:26:26,460 --> 00:26:27,960
Gotta break
a couple watches to...
709
00:26:27,961 --> 00:26:29,462
know how to handle a big cock.
710
00:26:29,463 --> 00:26:32,215
‐Sure.
‐Anyway, you're terrific.
Congratulations.
711
00:26:32,216 --> 00:26:34,092
See you, Freddy.
712
00:26:37,971 --> 00:26:39,680
- Hey!
- Hi, Buck!
713
00:26:39,681 --> 00:26:41,808
Hi. Alice, right?
714
00:26:41,809 --> 00:26:43,309
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah.
715
00:26:43,310 --> 00:26:44,602
What can I do for you?
716
00:26:44,603 --> 00:26:46,646
Oh, I will have
a cappuccino to go, please.
717
00:26:46,647 --> 00:26:48,815
All right. Joey will
take it from here.
718
00:26:48,816 --> 00:26:50,691
Thank you.
719
00:26:50,692 --> 00:26:54,320
‐Joey: Anything else?
‐Um, how are these?
I've never had one before.
720
00:26:54,321 --> 00:26:56,447
- Joey: Oh, the scones?
- Alice: The scone. Is it good?
721
00:26:56,448 --> 00:26:57,866
Joey: Oh, I think
they're great.
722
00:26:58,408 --> 00:26:59,827
- Joey: Mm.
- Mm.
723
00:27:07,459 --> 00:27:10,253
- (Larry groaning)
- (Alice choking)
724
00:27:10,254 --> 00:27:12,172
- Aah!
- (body thuds)
725
00:27:13,507 --> 00:27:15,174
You!
726
00:27:15,175 --> 00:27:18,553
- You!
- No! (stammering)
727
00:27:18,554 --> 00:27:21,181
Larry:
No! I didn't do anything!
728
00:27:22,349 --> 00:27:25,143
♪ ♪
729
00:27:28,188 --> 00:27:29,522
Oh, my God.
730
00:27:29,523 --> 00:27:33,026
- Are you okay?
- I think so.
731
00:27:34,403 --> 00:27:38,322
- I'm Mocha Joe.
- I'm Alice.
732
00:27:38,323 --> 00:27:41,003
Why don't you come inside
and sit down? I'll get you
a cup of coffee.
733
00:27:41,660 --> 00:27:43,245
Okay.
734
00:27:46,748 --> 00:27:49,041
♪ ♪
735
00:27:49,042 --> 00:27:51,919
- Larry: Did you guys make up?
- I mean, kind of.
736
00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:53,462
It's been rough.
737
00:27:53,463 --> 00:27:55,840
- Yeah, we've been fighting.
- Oh. So sorry.
738
00:27:55,841 --> 00:27:56,716
She's pissed at me.
739
00:27:56,717 --> 00:27:58,718
- Have a seat.
- Here?
740
00:27:58,719 --> 00:27:59,969
Yeah.
741
00:27:59,970 --> 00:28:01,554
Will:
You know, like,
things you've said,
742
00:28:01,555 --> 00:28:03,014
it's not like you
don't mean them,
743
00:28:03,015 --> 00:28:05,057
it's just the type of stuff
you don't say.
744
00:28:05,058 --> 00:28:07,101
You don't wanna make her cry,
745
00:28:07,102 --> 00:28:09,979
but at the same time,
you're also not wrong,
746
00:28:09,980 --> 00:28:11,355
you know?
747
00:28:11,356 --> 00:28:12,940
Eh‐‐ Are you okay?
748
00:28:12,941 --> 00:28:14,317
- Yeah.
- Okay.
749
00:28:14,318 --> 00:28:16,360
And like, like,
race is always
gonna be an issue.
750
00:28:16,361 --> 00:28:19,238
- Like, it's a part of being
in an interracial relationship.
- Yeah, yeah, of course.
751
00:28:19,239 --> 00:28:21,741
Like, and then,
having a baby
is another‐‐
752
00:28:21,742 --> 00:28:24,702
- You good?
- Yeah. What is
this thing? It's like‐‐
753
00:28:24,703 --> 00:28:27,955
half‐chair, half‐couch.
It's a like a furniture centaur.
754
00:28:27,956 --> 00:28:29,415
It's a daybed.
755
00:28:29,416 --> 00:28:31,500
I hope‐‐
(stammers): I... I never
want to blame hormones,
756
00:28:31,501 --> 00:28:34,462
'cause then that's
just like a typical
overly masculine thing.
757
00:28:34,463 --> 00:28:37,257
- Just sit down!
- Okay.
758
00:28:38,425 --> 00:28:40,134
(sighs)
759
00:28:40,135 --> 00:28:41,636
Oh, shoes okay over there?
760
00:28:41,637 --> 00:28:43,305
I'd rather you didn't.
761
00:28:43,931 --> 00:28:45,222
Thank you.
762
00:28:45,223 --> 00:28:46,641
Let me try that again.
763
00:28:46,642 --> 00:28:48,434
- (pillow thumps)
- Oh, fuck. Okay.
764
00:28:48,435 --> 00:28:51,145
So, Larry, do you have my watch?
765
00:28:51,146 --> 00:28:53,272
- I'm assuming that's
why you came over, yeah?
- Yeah.
766
00:28:53,273 --> 00:28:54,982
So I brought it
into K. L. Jeweler,
767
00:28:54,983 --> 00:28:56,859
like I told you I was going to,
768
00:28:56,860 --> 00:28:58,194
but it's closed up.
769
00:28:58,195 --> 00:29:00,029
A spite store took him
out of business.
770
00:29:00,030 --> 00:29:03,074
- Mila Kunis!
- These stupid spite stores.
771
00:29:03,075 --> 00:29:05,619
Do you at least have it, then,
if you didn't get it fixed?
772
00:29:07,788 --> 00:29:09,122
There you go.
773
00:29:10,499 --> 00:29:12,792
- Larry, what the hell?
- Larry: So sorry.
774
00:29:12,793 --> 00:29:14,543
What happened to this watch?
775
00:29:14,544 --> 00:29:19,340
The giant penis of a recent
sex‐change recipient
776
00:29:19,341 --> 00:29:21,926
- knocked it
off the counter.
- What?
777
00:29:21,927 --> 00:29:24,261
- I'm so sorry.
- I should've never
trusted you with this,
778
00:29:24,262 --> 00:29:26,472
but I did. You took it,
and you got it broke.
779
00:29:26,473 --> 00:29:28,683
- That's your fault.
- I'll take 50 percent
of the blame.
780
00:29:28,684 --> 00:29:30,267
Fifty percent goes
to that penis.
781
00:29:30,268 --> 00:29:32,645
Larry, this is an
irreplaceable watch.
782
00:29:32,646 --> 00:29:34,689
- Yeah.
- My grandfather gave‐‐
Stop squirming! Please!
783
00:29:34,690 --> 00:29:36,983
‐Sorry.
‐This is my grandfather's watch.
I can't replace this.
784
00:29:36,984 --> 00:29:38,693
I was gonna give it to my son.
785
00:29:38,694 --> 00:29:42,113
Just get a comfortable spot
and just stay there.
786
00:29:42,114 --> 00:29:43,489
- Okay.
- (phone chimes)
787
00:29:43,490 --> 00:29:44,907
- Oh!
- I'm so sorry.
788
00:29:44,908 --> 00:29:47,284
Oh, my God.
Tara's having the baby.
789
00:29:47,285 --> 00:29:48,786
- What?
- I, I gotta go.
790
00:29:48,787 --> 00:29:50,287
Oh, hey, I'll drive you.
791
00:29:50,288 --> 00:29:53,375
♪ ♪
792
00:29:57,462 --> 00:30:00,548
Uh, excuse me.
Hey, uh, pardon me.
793
00:30:00,549 --> 00:30:02,049
My, my wife is having a baby.
794
00:30:02,050 --> 00:30:04,176
- I'm Will Cooper.
- You're the husband. Come.
795
00:30:04,177 --> 00:30:06,554
She's been asking about you.
Everything's fine.
796
00:30:06,555 --> 00:30:08,639
- Okay.
- Larry: I'll be here.
797
00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:10,808
- I thought I recognized you.
- Hey, Dr. Fuller.
798
00:30:10,809 --> 00:30:14,353
‐How we doing, Larry?
‐Pretty good. Pretty good.
Oh, my God.
799
00:30:14,354 --> 00:30:15,646
- The knee.
- Yeah?
800
00:30:15,647 --> 00:30:17,148
It's, it's, it's like a miracle.
801
00:30:17,149 --> 00:30:18,357
So just the PT, yeah?
802
00:30:18,358 --> 00:30:20,192
PT. Some massage.
Yeah.
803
00:30:20,193 --> 00:30:22,529
- Do you mind if I,
I give it a squeeze?
- No, please.
804
00:30:24,031 --> 00:30:27,200
- Fuller: Yeah, it's just
there's no swelling left.
- Yeah. Amazing, right?
805
00:30:27,826 --> 00:30:29,994
Hi. How's it going?
806
00:30:29,995 --> 00:30:31,245
- Oh, boy.
- Larry: Oh.
807
00:30:31,246 --> 00:30:32,705
- Hey.
- Um...
808
00:30:32,706 --> 00:30:34,707
- Ben.
- Dr. Fuller.
809
00:30:34,708 --> 00:30:37,001
- Seiderman:
I know who it is. Yeah.
- Larry: Oh.
810
00:30:37,002 --> 00:30:39,879
- Just getting out of surgery?
- Consultation, actually.
811
00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:41,673
- Oh. Surprising.
- Mm.
812
00:30:42,132 --> 00:30:44,133
What are you doing here, Larry?
Gettin' a third opinion?
813
00:30:44,134 --> 00:30:46,177
‐Fuller (mutters): Okay.
‐Oh, come on.
Don't be like that.
814
00:30:46,178 --> 00:30:48,179
‐Don't be like what?
‐He's getting around great.
He's happy.
815
00:30:48,180 --> 00:30:49,972
- Oh, yeah?
You feelin' good, Larry?
- Yeah, I'm‐‐
816
00:30:49,973 --> 00:30:51,891
- Knees holding up?
- Yeah, look. You know,
817
00:30:51,892 --> 00:30:54,602
‐it's really good. Yeah.
‐Look at that. Yeah.
We'll see if that lasts.
818
00:30:54,603 --> 00:30:55,895
- Yeah.
- Um...
819
00:30:55,896 --> 00:30:57,646
- Hey. Uh, any of
you guys know...
- Yeah.
820
00:30:57,647 --> 00:31:00,232
Where I can get
a, uh, a watch fixed?
821
00:31:00,233 --> 00:31:02,026
Yeah, my brother‐in‐law
owns a place on Pico.
822
00:31:02,027 --> 00:31:04,487
‐Really?
‐He's the best in the business.
Thirty years' experience.
823
00:31:04,488 --> 00:31:05,821
What do you, what do you think?
824
00:31:05,822 --> 00:31:08,949
- I actually have a guy, too.
- What? What do‐‐
825
00:31:08,950 --> 00:31:11,035
You think this dipshit knows
a better watch repairman
826
00:31:11,036 --> 00:31:14,246
- It's always
so competitive with you.
- 30 years of experience on Pico!
827
00:31:14,247 --> 00:31:15,498
You know a better guy than that?
828
00:31:15,499 --> 00:31:17,083
I know three guys
better than Goldblatt!
829
00:31:17,084 --> 00:31:20,336
- Thirty years on Pico!
- The guy breaks watches
for a living!
830
00:31:20,337 --> 00:31:21,837
- What do you know?
- Unbelievable!
831
00:31:21,838 --> 00:31:23,506
He's the best in the business!
832
00:31:23,507 --> 00:31:25,926
Mocha Joe:
You worked for Larry David?
833
00:31:26,551 --> 00:31:28,552
Yeah. Um...
834
00:31:28,553 --> 00:31:30,137
Yeah, for a little bit, and...
835
00:31:30,138 --> 00:31:32,640
You know, he was just
so, like, weird and awful.
836
00:31:32,641 --> 00:31:35,309
He was pervy about‐‐
I have this tattoo here,
and...
837
00:31:35,310 --> 00:31:37,603
he would always grab my hand,
and ask me what it meant...
838
00:31:37,604 --> 00:31:40,941
Mocha Joe: It's just
the hand of Buddha,
with the Eye of Providence.
839
00:31:41,608 --> 00:31:43,692
Oh, my gosh.
Yeah, exactly.
840
00:31:43,693 --> 00:31:45,986
Yeah, well...
Sorry, I'm just like‐‐
841
00:31:45,987 --> 00:31:47,947
It's all kind of
coming back to me,
842
00:31:47,948 --> 00:31:51,117
'cause I had a bite of
his scone, it was like,
crumbly and dry,
843
00:31:51,118 --> 00:31:52,618
and it got caught in my throat.
844
00:31:52,619 --> 00:31:54,120
They're terrible.
That's a scone.
845
00:31:54,121 --> 00:31:56,161
- I can't wait
for you to try it.
- (laughing): Okay.
846
00:31:57,124 --> 00:31:59,208
Oh, my gosh.
That's so moist.
847
00:31:59,209 --> 00:32:00,793
- Right? It's supposed
to be moist.
- Yeah.
848
00:32:00,794 --> 00:32:02,461
This whole thing
with the dry scone,
it drives me crazy.
849
00:32:02,462 --> 00:32:04,380
- This is really good.
- (chuckles)
850
00:32:04,381 --> 00:32:07,466
You think Larry David
knows anything about
making a scone like that?
851
00:32:07,467 --> 00:32:09,802
I'm sorry.
Uh, did you say
Larry David?
852
00:32:09,803 --> 00:32:11,178
Yeah, why? You know him?
853
00:32:11,179 --> 00:32:13,639
- He's an asshole, right?
- One of the biggest.
854
00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:14,975
Pull up a chair.
855
00:32:15,976 --> 00:32:17,560
So. How do you know Larry?
856
00:32:17,561 --> 00:32:21,272
Uh, from the club.
But we do not
get along at all.
857
00:32:21,273 --> 00:32:22,773
Mocha Joe:
Welcome aboard.
858
00:32:22,774 --> 00:32:24,733
- Oh, my God.
- Mocha Joe: What's wrong?
859
00:32:24,734 --> 00:32:28,237
I just remembered I was gonna
sue him for sexual harassment.
860
00:32:28,238 --> 00:32:30,157
Mocha Joe:
What?
861
00:32:31,992 --> 00:32:34,243
- (baby coos)
- He's perfect.
862
00:32:34,244 --> 00:32:36,078
- He's absolutely...
- Tara: He's so‐‐
863
00:32:36,079 --> 00:32:37,830
Hey, hey, hey.
864
00:32:37,831 --> 00:32:39,665
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
- Hey.
865
00:32:39,666 --> 00:32:42,168
Look, aw, look at‐‐
This is so exciting!
866
00:32:42,169 --> 00:32:44,503
- Larry, uh, drove me.
- Oh.
867
00:32:44,504 --> 00:32:46,839
He was a complete mess.
He never would have made it.
868
00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:49,383
‐Thank you for driving me.
‐Thank you. We appreciate that.
Thank you.
869
00:32:49,384 --> 00:32:51,177
Larry:
Yeah. Very cute.
870
00:32:51,178 --> 00:32:52,636
- Tara: Oh, thank you.
- What's his name?
871
00:32:52,637 --> 00:32:54,346
- It's Kwame.
- It's Kwame.
872
00:32:54,347 --> 00:32:55,514
- Kwame.
- Both: Mm‐hmm.
873
00:32:55,515 --> 00:32:56,473
Nice name.
874
00:32:56,474 --> 00:32:57,850
- Oh, thank you.
- Thank you.
875
00:32:57,851 --> 00:32:59,143
- I think so, too.
- Yeah.
876
00:32:59,144 --> 00:33:01,896
A little‐‐
A little light
for a Kwame, no?
877
00:33:01,897 --> 00:33:04,231
- What?
- A lot of names
to pick, but‐‐
878
00:33:04,232 --> 00:33:05,733
If he was a little
darker, maybe.
879
00:33:05,734 --> 00:33:08,110
- Yeah, can you go, please?
- You need to get out.
880
00:33:08,111 --> 00:33:10,697
- Will: Thanks.
Thank you for‐‐ Shh, shh!
- (Kwame fussing)
881
00:33:11,448 --> 00:33:13,365
Hey, any of you guys
want ginger ale?
882
00:33:13,366 --> 00:33:15,246
- Larry, get the fuck out.
- (whispers): Got it.
883
00:33:16,328 --> 00:33:18,704
You guys have a good night.
884
00:33:18,705 --> 00:33:21,624
You know,
if you wanna take off,
I can close up.
885
00:33:21,625 --> 00:33:22,917
- Really?
- Yeah.
886
00:33:22,918 --> 00:33:25,211
- You know how to do it?
- Yeah. Charge the cups,
887
00:33:25,212 --> 00:33:27,046
turn off the lights,
lock the doors.
888
00:33:27,047 --> 00:33:29,590
That's the one I always forget.
Lock the fuckin' door.
889
00:33:29,591 --> 00:33:31,759
- (keys jangling)
- Leon: Hey. We got that big
johnson meeting tomorrow.
890
00:33:31,760 --> 00:33:33,595
- Okay. Thanks.
- Leon: Don't forget.
891
00:33:37,557 --> 00:33:40,519
- Pfft.
- (Leon harrumphs)
892
00:33:48,193 --> 00:33:52,239
♪ ♪
893
00:33:55,700 --> 00:33:57,911
- (soft smack)
- (cup thuds)
894
00:34:01,373 --> 00:34:02,624
(door closes)
895
00:34:06,503 --> 00:34:08,755
(beeping)
896
00:34:09,089 --> 00:34:10,632
(flames whoosh)
897
00:34:16,263 --> 00:34:18,807
- (siren blaring)
- Larry: Oh.
898
00:34:19,599 --> 00:34:23,060
- (fire truck honks)
- Oh. Oh, really?
899
00:34:23,061 --> 00:34:26,481
I'm on to you.
It's not gonna happen.
900
00:34:27,774 --> 00:34:29,859
(horn blares)
901
00:34:30,443 --> 00:34:33,153
Abuse that siren all you want.
I'm not pulling over.
902
00:34:33,154 --> 00:34:35,448
(flames roaring)
903
00:34:36,783 --> 00:34:38,994
(siren wailing)
904
00:34:41,037 --> 00:34:43,080
- (horn blaring)
- (inaudible)
905
00:34:43,081 --> 00:34:45,332
You guys make me sick!
906
00:34:45,333 --> 00:34:48,460
(flames roaring)
907
00:34:48,461 --> 00:34:50,462
(clattering)
908
00:34:50,463 --> 00:34:52,632
(siren wailing)
909
00:34:55,468 --> 00:34:59,013
(flames whooshing)
910
00:34:59,014 --> 00:35:02,349
- (siren wailing, horn blares)
- Yeah, uh‐huh.
911
00:35:02,350 --> 00:35:05,853
(horn blaring)
912
00:35:05,854 --> 00:35:08,397
Good luck!
Enjoy the coffee!
913
00:35:08,398 --> 00:35:10,650
♪ ♪
914
00:35:15,030 --> 00:35:17,365
Fireman:
Get a line on that fire!
915
00:35:19,075 --> 00:35:21,660
Excuse me, sir.
You can't be this close.
It's not safe.
916
00:35:21,661 --> 00:35:23,329
No, no. It's my store!
917
00:35:23,330 --> 00:35:25,497
‐Oh, jeez, I'm sorry.
‐Larry: What the hell?
What, what happened?
918
00:35:25,498 --> 00:35:27,875
We won't know
until we've got it
under containment.
919
00:35:27,876 --> 00:35:30,085
I just wish we would have
gotten here sooner.
920
00:35:30,086 --> 00:35:32,838
Some asshole didn't
respect the siren.
921
00:35:32,839 --> 00:35:36,051
Hey! Let's get a ladder up
and ventilate the roof.
922
00:35:37,135 --> 00:35:40,179
Mocha Joe:
No! No! What happened?
923
00:35:40,180 --> 00:35:41,347
Mocha Joe's!
924
00:35:41,348 --> 00:35:42,890
- What did you do?
- I didn't do anything.
925
00:35:42,891 --> 00:35:44,850
- What did you do?
- Hey, look, my store's
burning, too!
926
00:35:44,851 --> 00:35:46,769
What do you think I did?
You think I burned
my store down?
927
00:35:46,770 --> 00:35:48,020
First you open up a spite store,
928
00:35:48,021 --> 00:35:50,189
and then you burn
my store down? Huh?
929
00:35:50,190 --> 00:35:51,565
I'm gonna sue you.
930
00:35:51,566 --> 00:35:53,859
I'm gonna sue you
for everything you got.
931
00:35:53,860 --> 00:35:55,611
When I get through with you,
you'll be broke!
932
00:35:55,612 --> 00:35:58,197
- But I didn't do it!
- Oh, I don't give a shit
if you did it or not!
933
00:35:58,198 --> 00:36:01,241
We'll let the judge decide!
You hear me?
934
00:36:01,242 --> 00:36:04,495
- (exploding)
- (glass shattering)
935
00:36:04,496 --> 00:36:07,374
♪ ♪
936
00:36:09,125 --> 00:36:11,710
(indistinct radio chattering)
937
00:36:11,711 --> 00:36:13,712
Sorry about your place.
938
00:36:13,713 --> 00:36:15,756
(scoffs)
Unbelievable, huh?
939
00:36:15,757 --> 00:36:17,257
We did the best we could.
940
00:36:17,258 --> 00:36:18,884
Tried to break
one of the windows out,
941
00:36:18,885 --> 00:36:20,344
get some more hoses
in there, but...
942
00:36:20,345 --> 00:36:21,970
all the tables were bolted
to the floor.
943
00:36:21,971 --> 00:36:24,390
Yeah, that's to prevent
the table from wobbling.
944
00:36:24,391 --> 00:36:26,016
Oh, you, you did that yourself?
945
00:36:26,017 --> 00:36:27,643
Yeah, I don't like
wobbly tables.
946
00:36:27,644 --> 00:36:29,353
And you had Purell
on every table,
947
00:36:29,354 --> 00:36:30,646
which is an accelerant.
948
00:36:30,647 --> 00:36:32,648
People love the Purell.
949
00:36:32,649 --> 00:36:34,441
And the tables that
didn't wobble.
950
00:36:34,442 --> 00:36:35,943
Normally in this situation,
951
00:36:35,944 --> 00:36:38,737
if we can't break the windows
to get more hoses in,
952
00:36:38,738 --> 00:36:40,447
we'd access the water
from the toilets,
953
00:36:40,448 --> 00:36:41,990
but we couldn't find them.
954
00:36:41,991 --> 00:36:44,326
- Yeah, there are no toilets.
- What?
955
00:36:44,327 --> 00:36:46,328
Coffee's a diuretic,
and you don't have toilets?
956
00:36:46,329 --> 00:36:48,664
Yeah, I didn't want any
defecating in the store.
957
00:36:48,665 --> 00:36:49,832
We had urinals.
958
00:36:49,833 --> 00:36:51,625
Where? I looked in there.
959
00:36:51,626 --> 00:36:54,253
Oh, no. You gotta press
the button. That opens up
a chute.
960
00:36:54,254 --> 00:36:56,797
- What, like a secret
compartment?
- Yeah, kinda.
961
00:36:56,798 --> 00:36:59,801
And, uh, the ladies,
they, they hang from a bar.
962
00:37:00,343 --> 00:37:02,970
- Yeah.
- I don't get it. I don't get
anything with this place.
963
00:37:02,971 --> 00:37:04,888
Any idea how this started?
964
00:37:04,889 --> 00:37:07,516
Yeah, it looks like it started
in the storeroom.
965
00:37:07,517 --> 00:37:11,186
Someone knocked one of these
self‐heating cups off a shelf,
966
00:37:11,187 --> 00:37:13,772
it hit some papers, turned on,
967
00:37:13,773 --> 00:37:16,109
heated up and
ignited the papers.
968
00:37:17,944 --> 00:37:19,154
Joey.
969
00:37:20,029 --> 00:37:23,115
I knew that big penis
was nothing but trouble.
970
00:37:23,116 --> 00:37:24,575
I'm sorry, what?
971
00:37:24,576 --> 00:37:27,244
I knew that big penis
was nothing but trouble.
972
00:37:27,245 --> 00:37:28,537
Okay, I guess I heard
what you said.
973
00:37:28,538 --> 00:37:30,205
I don't know what
you're talking about.
974
00:37:30,206 --> 00:37:32,458
Nah, it's a long story.
975
00:37:32,459 --> 00:37:36,420
Anyway, if I was trying
to tell someone how
to burn a place down,
976
00:37:36,421 --> 00:37:39,840
I would suggest every step
you took in your business.
977
00:37:39,841 --> 00:37:42,468
So they're probably
gonna investigate you.
978
00:37:42,469 --> 00:37:45,596
You did so many stupid things,
it looks like arson.
979
00:37:45,597 --> 00:37:47,140
Arson?
980
00:37:49,225 --> 00:37:52,854
♪ ♪
981
00:37:56,816 --> 00:37:59,486
(distant music playing)
982
00:38:07,660 --> 00:38:10,872
- (festive music playing)
- (lively chattering)
983
00:38:18,505 --> 00:38:21,340
Mocha Joe:
Hey, Larry! Look!
It's Larry David!
984
00:38:21,341 --> 00:38:22,716
Hi, Larry.
985
00:38:22,717 --> 00:38:23,759
Mocha Joe:
I'm glad you're here.
986
00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:24,968
You know, we never got a chance
987
00:38:24,969 --> 00:38:26,011
to thank you for the house.
988
00:38:26,012 --> 00:38:27,763
I mean, we love it.
We really do.
989
00:38:27,764 --> 00:38:29,848
I mean, if it wasn't
for the insurance money,
990
00:38:29,849 --> 00:38:32,392
‐and the lawsuit settlements‐‐
‐Larry: Hey, you know what?
991
00:38:32,393 --> 00:38:34,478
It's customary when
people have a party
992
00:38:34,479 --> 00:38:36,522
to inform your neighbors
as a courtesy.
993
00:38:36,523 --> 00:38:39,149
Right, right.
You're 100 percent right.
I'm sorry.
994
00:38:39,150 --> 00:38:41,693
Hey, Larry.
We're having a party.
995
00:38:41,694 --> 00:38:44,029
- Oh, we're having one
next week, too.
- That's right.
996
00:38:44,030 --> 00:38:46,532
- What are we having?
What are we having?
- We're having a luau.
997
00:38:46,533 --> 00:38:48,325
- Mocha Joe: A luau!
- Alice: Isn't that right, Bogie?
998
00:38:48,326 --> 00:38:52,163
You know why?
Because that's what
spite houses are for!
999
00:38:52,872 --> 00:38:55,666
(theme music playing)
1000
00:38:55,667 --> 00:38:58,419
♪ ♪
1001
00:39:00,713 --> 00:39:03,716
(lively chattering continuing)
1002
00:39:05,593 --> 00:39:08,555
(theme music continuing)
78269
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