Original subtitles

MOSFILM

- Golyabkin! - Here!

- Blokhin! - Here!

- Ivanov! - Here!

- Fomichyov! - Here!

- Goryshkin! - Here!

- Borovsky! - Here!

- Kukunin! - Here!

- Alimov! - Here!

- Ryabinin! - Here!

The roll call of Section 2 done. No one absent without leave.

The roll call of Section 3 done. No one absent without leave.

The roll call of Section 4 done. No one absent without leave.

- Take them to the barracks. - Yes, sir!

Section!

Left turn! Quick march!

Ryabinin, stay behind. Come here.

You're lucky, your wife's here.

- Why? - She wants a visit with you.

I didn't ask her to. I don't want this visit.

She took a train, then a plane, then a 24-hour bumpy truck ride.

I don't care, I'm not going.

You will go without convoy. I trust you.

Where to?

She's taken a room in the village. Here, the address.

You drop by Ivan Gerasimovich

and pick up the accordion he fixed.

You're a musician, this is your department. Check if he fixed it right.

- Yes, sir. - That's better.

You can't refuse to go to pick up the accordion.

But mind you, Ryabinin, at 8 sharp you are to stand in line.

Your leave is until the morning roll call. Tardiness will mean an escape.

How far is the village?

Not far, about nine or ten kilometers.

And don't think of bringing in booze, a knife or money. I'll find it anyway.

I know.

Your pass is good until 8 a.m. Be here on the dot.

If you're late, it'll mean an escape. You'll do an additional time. Go!

LUDMILA GURCHENKO

OLEG BASSILASHVILI

in an ELDAR RYAZANOQV film

A RAILWAY STATION FOR TWO

Written by Emil BRAGINSKY Eldar RYAZANOV

Director of Photography Vadim ALISSOV

Production Designer Alexander BORISOV

Music by Andrei PETROV

Song Lyrics by Eldar RYAZANOV

English Subtitles by T. Kameneva and K. Ryabko

Cast:

Andrei - Nikita MIKHALKOV

Uncle Misha - Nonna MORDYUKOVA

Nikolasha - Mikhail KONONOV

Yulia - Anastasia VOZNESENSKAYA Marina - Tatiana DOGILEVA

Violetta - Olga VOLKOVA Shurik - Alexander SHIRVINDT

Lyuda - Raissa ETUSH Melon vendor - Temur YUNGUSOV

Attention, passengers! Our train arrives in the city of Zastupinsk.

The stop duration is twenty minutes.

Yura, reserve a seat for me.

What will they give us to eat?

Pass me the salt, please.

Good afternoon, comrades! Bon appetite!

- Miss! - Just a minute.

Can you come to me?

- We have no mineral water. - What about green salad?

It's not included in the lunch of the day.

Please, bring me some diet food.

May I have a fork?

Please, some diet food.

Your train will leave before they prepare your diet food.

If you got an ulcer, you'd better eat at home, not at a restaurant.

Just the sight of this food may provoke ulcer.

Prepare 1 ruble 20 kopecks for the lunch. Exact change if possible.

- Can ll have a beer? - We don't have beer.

I can't eat this.

Miss, here's 1 ruble 20 kopecks.

Take the money, please.

What about the money?

For this lunch you should pay to us. The money's on the table.

Who took the money?

In your line of work you should first take the money.

All right. Who took the money? Comrades! Girls! Thanks.

One has already left. One left without paying, girls.

Please, pay for your lunch.

Just imagine, that jerk with a fat mug... Where're you going?

I didn't eat anything. My lunch is over there, I didn't touch it.

How can I know whether you ate it or not. One ruble 20 kopecks, please.

I never touched it. I wouldn't eat it! Someone already ate it.

Come on, stop your tricks. Pay me 1 ruble 20 kopecks.

I didn't eat and I'm not going to pay. I'll late for the train. Let me go.

We don't earn enough to pay for all of you!

Come on, you restaurant waitresses can pay for everybody.

I'm late for my train!

- Call the police! Jerk! - Fine, go call the police.

You may the whole police department. I didn't eat and I'm not going to pay!

- You will! - You'll see.

- Some dude! - Call the police!

City slicker!

Nikolasha! This one won't pay.

I'm not going to pay, I didn't eat. This is a matter of principle.

This man asked for diet food.

I said we don't have time. Then he ate the lunch of the day...

We'll investigate, comrades.

What do you mean, investigate? Are you going to examine my stomach?

- He ate it and won't pay! - I didn't eat. Aren't you ashamed?

We'll draw up a report of what you ate for 1 ruble 20 kopecks...

I didn't eat, and she says I did. It's a matter of principle, you know.

I didn't eat. While you make up your report, my train will leave.

Don't worry, I do it very quickly.

- Which train is yours? - To Dushanbe.

His train has already left. It serves him right for being miserly.

Wait!

He missed it!

His train went choo-choo!

Stop the train!

Now we got him! I'll have my ruble and twenty kopecks.

Nikolasha, follow me!

By how you sweep people judge about our city.

I'm a deputy stationmaster.

You see, she insists I pay for the lunch I didn't eat.

It's a matter of principle, you see? You can't eat at that restaurant.

I don't go to restaurants, my wife is a great cook.

Restaurants are not under my jurisdiction.

Because of her I missed my train. I need to go to Griboyedov.

My dear passenger, one should be more careful while traveling.

The railway means punctuality, comfort and cleanliness.

The next train that goes through Griboyedov is the Frunze one.

It will be here at 20:46.

But my ticket is in the train.

Will you pay 1 ruble 20 kopecks or shall we draw up a report?

He looks like a decent man, and won't pay for his lunch.

I see. Nikolasha, deal with it. Vera, how about "Borzhomi"?

Everything's all right, I got five bottles for you.

As for your ticket, come to me 15 minutes before the train's departure.

We'll think of something, we'll take care of you.

And if he doesn't pay, we're going to take care of him!

You'd better pay, filing a report will cost you much more.

Here's three rubles for what I haven't eaten. Keep the change.

- No, I don't need your change. - That'll be your tip.

What if I never take tips?

I didn't know that. Perhaps you never short-change either?

Perhaps.

Lieutenant, you'll be my witness that I gave him his lousy change.

There. We're quits.

Hi, Petya!

Bitch!

Will you be so kind to tell me, if it's not too much trouble to you,

which tables you're not serving, so that I know where to sit.

Thank you very much.

Lyuda, take care of that comrade.

But first make him pay.

Take care of the comrade herself, Shurik is here to see me.

Hi, Shurik! Shurik, will you sing for us tonight?

I've prepared a new song.

Terrific! I'll look forward to it.

Come to your senses!

- What? Why? - Doing it in broad daylight...

You're a shrew. I'll never in my life eat anything from your hands.

Shurik, did I do anything to him?

If I were you, I'd kill him with a tray.

Attention, students of Zastupinsk Pedagogical Institute,

you can get your food vouchers in Hall No.2.

Parents who lost their child in red socks, come to the officer on duty.

Those who lost a child in red socks,

come to the officer on duty now!

Give me the menu. Now!

Oh, where are your principles?

What about never eating from my hands?

The refreshment bar is closed.

And you're hungry, aren't you?

I'm starving.

I didn't eat your ghastly borsht. I hope you realize that now?

If you didn't eat it, how can you know that it's ghastly?

I got so tired of you. Bring me some diet food.

All right, since it's also my fault that you got stuck here,

I'll serve you as a dear guest of our city.

You know, we've been instructed

to take special care of new arrivals, unlike those just passing through,

because our restaurant is the calling card of our city.

From diet food we have only chicken.

Great. Please, let me pay in advance.

- By all means. - Because you can't trust me.

- And mineral water, please. - All right, mineral water.

I couldn't feel worse.

I doubt that our chicken will lift your spirits. Two rubles 78 kopecks.

Here.

Excuse me.

Passenger who lost his ticket from Zastupinsk to Lvov,

please come to the information office.

Sima, the cutlets are burning!

Shurik!

- Some music for our guest, Shurik. - Got it. Here it comes!

Bon appetite!

I'm stuck here thanks to you.

I wish your restaurant had burned, and your station and your chicken, too!

Damn it!

- Is it stringy? - Yes.

This chicken worked as a waitress in your restaurant when it was alive.

- I see. It is as ghastly. - You're absolutely right.

You have a band playing at night?

Sure. And it's very loud.

Did all your things go choo-choo to Griboyedov without you?

No, all my things are with me.

I planned to stay there only two days. Now I've lost one thanks to you.

You can't even imagine how important is that day to me.

What's your name, Miss?

Just Miss. Just Miss.

An inaccessible miss, especially for transit passengers.

I'm not going to storm that inaccessible fortress.

Don't try to kid me. You're all alike.

What we were like when we just started,

We're not the same, we've lost our drive...

Vera, I almost forgot. Run to the drugstore,

they got Yugoslavian shampoo.

The blue one. It makes hair grow like crazy.

I took ten bottles.

What a fool.

If the investigator calls, don't tell him where I am.

Invent something, but make him believe you.

I'll be back in Moscow Monday morning.

What do I care about when they deliver the fencing?

Stop eavesdropping.

I wasn't speaking to you. There's one here, so disgusting.

How do you feel?

I won't be living in that dacha. Now I'll live behind another fence.

Call my father in Griboyedov, tell him I'll be there tomorrow morning.

Don't worry about me.

Sure, I'm great.

Kiss you.

What do you need so much shampoo for? For lacing your customers' soup?

Good heavens... real barbarians!

For you I'd do it with pleasure.

Attention, delegates who have come to the zoological conference.

The conference has been canceled.

You can get return tickets at Ticket Office Number 2.

Gentleman in a checkered jacket, remove your dog from track three!

I repeat, gentleman in a checkered jacket!

Remove your dog from track three!

- Did you see my tray? - It's in the kitchen, in the corner.

All right.

Put the knives on the table.

- Everything's cold again. - They'll eat it, they're in a hurry.

All right, we're coming!

Vera! My dear! Get ready!

I'm here!

Come on, move on!

Vera!

Vera, my dear!

Vera!

Andrei!

Climb over and come here!

- Why are you on the Tashkent train? - It's summer, we're short of hands.

- I missed you so much! - Me too!

- Shall we go? - Ican't, too many customers.

- Is Lyuda on duty today? - Yes.

Lyuda, my sweetie!

Bon appetite, comrades!

Hi! Lyuda, can you...

Got it. I'll collect from everyone. Thanks!

Vera, they may shorten our stop.

I just have to put it somewhere...

- What's that? - Melons.

Tchaidzhui melons.

They're too heavy to drag them along. We have to hide them here.

You know how much money they mean?

You know? You'll be amazed!

Buses are on the square in front of the main entrance.

Dear artistes of Yerevan Drama Theatre!

Welcome to our city!

The citizens of Zastupinsk look forward to your performances.

Buses are on the square in front of the main entrance.

Comrade.

- Hello. - Hello.

- Are you going to sit here long? - Till the evening.

Can you watch over my suitcases?

Why not?

You got a passport?

Yes.

- You have it with you? - Yes.

Can I see it please?

Sure.

Look, watch over the suitcases. There're Tchaidzhui melons in there.

You know how much they cost? You'll be amazed!

If you watch them well, I'll give you one.

Hey, what's your name... Give back my passport! You have no right!

Watch them, man. You'll get back your passport in ten minutes. You got it?

There's a pine tree on Shishkin's painting...

What's the matter? Nothing works.

Allrightie. Hush, hush... Let's black it out. Wait.

Those cars are so old. I'm going to write to the minister. Come on, Vera.

I missed you so much!

Come on, Vera, do it yourself. It's not a restaurant. Self-service here.

We had a horrible night. Genka took on two men without tickets in Penza.

He thought they were sober, but they made such a racket!

One lay across the car, and here comes an inspection. Genka got a toothache.

I say to him, ""Take a shot of vodka." And he says:

""A shot of vodka isn't a stop handle: once you take it, you never stop.

Why aren't you undressing?

I don't feel like it.

People don't do it like that, all in a hurry.

We can't help it, Vera. All our life is in a hurry. Come on.

What I'm dreaming of is for you to come for a whole week.

We two could go out, go to the movies, like normal people.

Is it really my fault, Vera? My whole life is on wheels.

I know, honey.

I'm on wheels, you're with a tray. What can we do? Take off your clothes.

I can't. I don't know what's the matter with me. I just can't.

Maybe you don't love me?

Do.

Vera, don't be a teaser.

Come on, take off your clothes, please, they'll shorten the stop.

I can't do it in a compartment! I don't feel like it.

Come on, stop it! I'm not a boy, am 17?

I'm not a young girl either.

Aren't you ashamed of yourself? Why are you being so cruel?

I've been suffering since Tashkent. Come on, Vera, stop it.

I can't and that's it!

I want it to be nice!

They did shorten it! We couldn't have done it anyway. Oh, shit...

Stops are shortened. No personal life for a man.

- Well, I must go. - Wait, wait.

Let me give you a kiss.

Good. See you the day after tomorrow?

All right.

I'm going to write to the minister!

I'll be here the day after tomorrow at 12:10, if the train is not late.

Get ready, Vera!

The Tchaidzhui melons are three rubles a kilo, don't forget!

What's the matter? We just sat down.

He put salt in his borsht and never touched it.

Your melons are safe and sound.

I took this one for guarding them, as we have agreed.

What are you going to do with such a horde of melons?

Convert them into money.

For three rubles?

A kilo.

Give me my passport, please.

Oh, your passport went choo-choo to Moscow.

It's not the time for joking.

It's not a joke. Why did you give it to him in the first place?

A man in a uniform demanded my passport. So I gave it to him.

You see, when we were in a compartment, we had an argument.

After that we had no time to think about your passport.

You have ruined my whole life! You, skinny alley cat!

Why are you insulting me?

And what if your snub-nosed bully will hand it over to the police?

You're snub-nosed yourself! Andrei is a good man.

He's a profiteer.

Profiteers can be good men, too. Petya, take it to the luggage locker.

What am I going to do without a passport?

- Calm down. - After all this...

Listen to me carefully. The day after tomorrow, at 12:10,

yes, exactly at 12:10, Andrei will deliver your passport.

And you'll leave by the train you have missed.

Once again, I'm sorry.

I have to see my father. Maybe it will be for the last time.

Passenger who lost his ticket, come to the information office.

Come on, don't panic. You can go there today,

and on your way back I'll bring your passport right to your car.

I'll have to go back by plane, otherwise I'll be late.

No one will fire you if you're one day late.

You've finished me off. What am I to do? I can't wait and I can't go.

What ever have you done?

Robbed the State Bank of the USSR!

Oh God, how clever!

Good afternoon.

If you could name a lucky station for me,

I think I would buy a ticket and go there for the rest of my life.

You drunkards give us no peace.

Do you want me to give you a glass too? I'm sick and tired of you!

Thanks for not hitting me.

Raya!

Masha, it's me. What's new?

Did he work, or was he retired?

Did they get the results of forensic examination?

I'm still having that nightmare before my eyes.

I'm even glad that it's only me. I don't want you to worry.

They delivered the fencing? Then everything is all right.

When are you on the air? Tomorrow? Did you call my father?

Call him and tell him I'll be there the day after tomorrow in the evening.

Why, why... It just so happened. It's a long story.

All right. That's my last coin.

Will you stop spying on me?

I'm not spying, just the other way round.

I let you down, and I must help you somehow, but I... got confused.

Have you done something awful?

A man died because of me.

It was an accident, but I'm to blame.

Tell me, how did it happen?

Will you please forgive me?

I don't even know why I was pestering you with that ruble.

You can go wild from this work. They yell at you, you yell back.

They underpay, you short-change.

Forget it, you didn't mean it, you did it in the heat of the moment.

I understand. I hold nothing against you.

You mean it?

Why should I lie to you? Goodbye.

Sorry again.

- The restaurant is full. - I want to see Vera, the waitress.

Vera? Our Vera? Come in.

We no longer live, just ramble

Monotonously, like in paradise.

Don't ever be afraid to gamble

And stake your whole life on dice.

How good we were when we just started!

We're not the same, we've lost our drive.

It's never late to go and chance it.

Don't be afraid, don't be afraid,

Don't be afraid to change your life!

What if your hair's touched with white,

It's never late to choose new roads.

To stake it all have no fright,

Cast off yourself your past life loads.

Going out in a rainy weather,

Stir up your spirits and your shoulders unbend.

Don't be afraid of a new endeavor,

And over life, and over life Just try to get an upper hand!

Believe in chimeras, mystification.

Of your belongings you'll need none.

Only death's your final destination.

Just try to have your life redone!

Don't ever hide, have no pity

If no trump card there's to throw in.

Your own guilt contribute in the kitty.

Who never loses, he will never win! Who never loses, he will never win!

Waiter! Bring more vodka!

I'm not a waiter, I'm a girl.

I'm telling you as a girl, I haven't had enough.

And I'm asking you nicely, pay up and go home.

I don't know anybody but you in this city. What am I to do?

I visited the monastery, I sat at the movies. It's raining outside.

They won't let me into the hotel without a passport.

I understand. I'll think later where I can put you up...

Let's wish the newlyweds a long and happy life. Kiss the bride!

Thank you.

I remember everything.

Please, I'm begging you, pay for your dinner and go home.

- Waiter... - Or I'm going to cry.

Don't cry, pal. How much do I owe you?

You dropped your pencil.

Twenty one.

Take whatever you need. I trust you.

I've served them the main dish. Shall I order coffee?

Hey, boy, not so loud!

- Shall I order coffee? - Six teas, fifteen coffees.

Stop singing, I said.

Hurry up.

How much did you take? Have an extra five.

It's too much. You got a family?

I got everything: a wife, two kids and a dog.

Then I'll take one ruble.

One ruble isn't enough. You've got an unhealthy job. Take three.

All right, I'll take two. Easy, easy. Thanks.

Here, hide it or you'll lose it.

Get up, your family must be worrying. You can finish your song at home.

Sure, like hell they worry!

Come on, boy. Will you find your way?

Don't insult me, waiter.

Go on, boy.

- Switching on cruise control. - Yes, switch it on.

No, no jellied meat. It will melt. ll won't get it home intact.

I will. Stop grumbling. Vera, ciao!

Goodbye, Shurik. Thank you for the song, dear.

The song is as good as the cuisine.

That's it.

Let's go. I'll have you accommodated with all conveniences.

I feel so tired.

Excuse me, but why did you leave Moscow? Are you hiding?

My old father, I wanted to see him before the trial.

Oh, how I'm cursing myself!

I wanted to explain it to him. I had no right to leave Moscow.

What if the investigator calls me up?

- Just lie you've lost your passport. - I'm not accustomed to it.

I signed a recognizance not to leave Moscow and lost my passport here.

What kind of occupation you got that you can do without lying?

I'm a pianist. In an orchestra.

I'm always on the move. Tours, concerts, hotels.

I'll put you up first class and then I'll go home.

I'm afraid our ideas of first class accommodation are not the same.

I hope you won't object to the "Intourist'" VIP lounge?

I haven't seen you for ages.

My life is so hectic, I'm getting married. So, a lot of complications.

The wedding's on Thursday. Will you come?

If you're inviting me. You made up your mind about the bridegroom?

- Not yet. - How come?

Hi. As of today, I have two bridegrooms.

Yes, two bridegrooms.

Yeah. Petka and Mitka. Petka is such a... Well, you know.

He's a great guy.

He makes a lot of money, but he hits the bottle.

Mitka doesn't drink that much.

He's a good guy, too.

But he doesn't make that much money either.

They live in different districts, so I applied to different registries.

Can you imagine, Vera? Two weddings, and both on Thursday.

It can happen only in our country!

Couldn't you find a non-drinking man?

What are you talking about? Where can you find them in our days?

Marina, we need to put up this man for the night.

I did him a very bad service.

Please, do it for me.

I've never asked you for anything before.

Are you crazy? Only foreigners are allowed here.

But you got no one here right now.

And what if some Dutchman or Japanese suddenly arrive? No!

He's a pianist, a music competition prizewinner.

We get those prizewinners a dime a dozen in here.

But I'm an international prizewinner, almost like a Japanese.

Do you want me to be fired?

If they know I let in here one of ours, it'll be a scandal!

And what I did to get that job, I don't even want to remember it. No!

Well, there's nothing we can do. Goodbye.

I'll see you to your bus.

All right. And where will you go?

I'll stay here.

Actually, if we get to think of it, all our life is one big waiting-room.

Don't be so depressed, you're going to be acquitted.

Can't I go to your place? You could put me up in the hall.

Bringing home a man? Are you crazy?

Are you married?

No, I turned my husband out three years ago.

I have a son, we live with my ex's parents.

A fabulous carburetor for a Volga. Costs 70 at a store, you get it for 5.

- Lay off, boy. - Got it.

Sorry for you. Living with someone else's parents, especially you ex's.

Don't be, they're very close to me. They're exceptional people.

You know, they've taken my side. Can you imagine?

Wait!

Shit!

That's what you get when you're being kind to people. It was the last bus.

- Let me take you home in a taxi. - I can go in a taxi myself.

But they refuse to go to our place. We live on the very outskirts.

My father-in-law is a trackman.

Will they worry?

Of course they will.

Well, I'll have to spend the night at the station, it can't be helped.

Where are you going now?

First I'll get in touch with my folks on intercom, then I'll see.

Perhaps they'll let you in the restaurant?

No, they seal the restaurant up, there're provisions in there.

Oh, I forgot the most important thing. I forgot to pay you my debt.

What for?

For the lunch, one ruble 20 kopecks.

I think you really didn't eat that borsht.

- I really didn't eat it. - So I'm returning it. Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Dear passengers, an old woman with no documents has been found.

Relatives or whoever accompanies her, please come to the police office.

Dear passengers, an old woman with no documents has been found.

Relatives or whoever accompanies her, please come to the police office.

- Damn! - Sorry.

What?

You can sit here.

- There's enough room for both. - Thank you.

I think the owners won't mind.

There we go!

You can get bruised on this bench.

This way, just a little bit. I'm sorry. Just like this.

I'll move you a bit. Sorry. Fine. Thanks.

Just a little bit. Good. Thanks.

No, I can't do like this. I'll move you a bit... Sorry.

Just a little bit, or I'll fall down. Now it's good.

Oh, God!

As I think that tomorrow I'll have to deal with the melons, I wish to die.

- At last our wishes coincided. - It's no big deal for you.

Everything will be all right with you. You'll be playing your piano again.

- In a prison amateur contest? - Someone will help you out.

I'm not a soloist.

And not a prizewinner either. Just playing to someone's baton.

It's better than carrying trays.

When I was left alone, with no husband

and no profession, with a child on my hands...

But now it's all right. I work like God.

You know, when I lie down at night, after a hard day's work,

everything starts to spin before my eyes: trays, trains,

customers, passengers.

It's so awful! But I survive.

I'm hungry. It smells so good from your bag.

You know, I haven't had a crumb for the whole day.

- You know what? Let's eat. - All right.

Well, let's see what I've got today. Give me a hand.

What do we waitresses usually get? Only garnish.

What the customers leave on their plates. But we give it to pigs.

The kitchen never shares with us. They work only for themselves.

And when do we have our lucky night?

When there's a big party like today's. I served a wedding today.

I know, I saw it.

- Be my guest. - Well, I feel...

It's the first time I have to eat leavings.

Don't say that.

It's not leavings, it's leftovers.

It's a big difference.

- You mean no one ate... - You're insulting me, client.

Well, in my position it's foolish to be too fastidious.

You're right. Help yourself.

Well?

- And you say, leavings, scraps... - A very tasty wedding.

Just a minute. Please.

Thank you. What a strange night.

It's funny. Who am I at that wedding? The bridegroom? A guest?

No. I think I'm just a sponger.

Why? You'll be the bride.

In that case you're the bridegroom.

The bridegroom?!

I'm the bridegroom!

Why is this unusual reaction? I didn't say anything funny.

My dear girl, what do you want me to put on your plate?

Give me, my dear boy, an olive and a piece of salami.

- There you go. - My darling...

Here, my baby, some olives, and butter, and fish...

ll want some fish.

- There you go, baby. - My silly darling.

Oh, what idiots we are!

Caviar!

It was near the bridegroom. He didn't eat anything, he just drank.

You took it right from the table?

My dear friends! To you!

Thank you for coming to this wonderful wedding!

Baby, I didn't know you're a drinking man! Get ready!

But there're no glasses.

Then we'll have to drink from the bottle.

You first.

My dear passengers! I wish to drink to you!

I hope you'll get your tickets and arrive in time at your destination.

Good!

- Leave something for me. - Sure.

I also want to propose a toast. I wish to drink to you!

Because you're not a bad person.

Well, you understand everything.

Your health!

- The champagne is sweet. - Freebies are always sweet.

How much money was there?

Damn your bandit's city! Why do I have only bad luck?

They've robbed me of 200 rubles, just a few kopecks left.

I'm in a really bad spot. Being under investigation, missing my train!

My passport is gone, my money stolen.

But I had a ball at the wedding.

Take it easy, pianist. You can call your wife in Moscow.

She'll send you money if she hasn't spent it all on fencing.

I need a passport to be paid on the money order.

You'll get your passport tomorrow at 12:10, didn't I tell you that?

If your conductor hasn't lost it.

He won't lose it, he's a businessman. He's got brains in his head.

Sure, businessmen, business contacts, business meetings.

I can imagine what kind of a business meeting you had in a compartment.

Yes, you're right, we had a business meeting in a compartment.

If you had a business meeting,

then we two are just frolicking in a bed here.

Don't even count on it.

You know, I don't squander myself on trifles.

Sure, melons for three rubles a kilo, it's not a trifle.

All right, let me explain it to you and make everything absolutely clear.

I'll get only 50 kopecks from every kilo.

Andrei gets a ruble and a half, and I think it's fair.

He buys them in Tashkent for 50 kopecks a kilo.

The remaining ruble goes to a second- hand dealer, because he's a farmer.

So you are a collective farmer then?

- Who else? Typical collective farmer. - Well..

The wealthiness of collective farmers is growing and growing.

Everything is growing. Vera, have you seen what I've acquired?

- A colour television? - No. A video player.

This is where its coming from. - How?

It's like that... It will stop now.

And if you want, hey, and it's going again.

Here is the tape. Can you see - an American film.

Two series, about a rhinoceros headbutting people. It's scary...

It's called either ""Horns"", either ""Teeth".

I'm watching the films at home now, you know, any films I want.

And do you know what that one is? It's romantic.

The things that they do!

If you ever fancy, come round - we will have a laugh.

You know here is the "Stop". Then "Eject"...

This is the tape where they do things.

Then it's in here again... - O-ooh. It's easy and simple..

Hey! It's getting going again...

- How much is the tape? - Three hundred.

Wow!

What did you think? It's already translated into Russian.

Uncle Misha! What are we going to do with the melons?

I've earned myself a radiculutis on the apples. I can't move.

Uncle Misha, my dear! These are Tchaidzhui melons.

In this hot weather they'll perish.

Why uncle? You're an aunt.

Uncle Misha was my late husband.

He was in this business, he helped people earn a kopeck or two.

He was a man of authority.

And I sort of taken a baton from him.

No, 7 is much too much. I'll take it for 6 rubles.

I've got company. Bring it later.

Then...he got under a freighty at night.

- Under what? - A freight train. He was drunk.

Now they call me Uncle Misha.

And I'm proud of it.

What shall we do with the melons, Uncle Misha?

Good for you, Vera! I solidarize with your concern.

We can't leave people without vitamins.

Now I understand your vocation. You take care of people's health.

Don't be so sarcastic.

We'll have to see yet who takes more care of the people, me or them.

Who "them'?

Have you ever seen the fruits they sell at stores?

Their fruits and vegetables are no good.

I feed the people with good produce, and what about those state shops?

Their watermelons are unripe, tomatoes stale, pears wooden.

And I nurse each berry like a small baby!

It's true.

Those warehouses don't know how to keep produce.

Neither fruits, nor vegetables, nor berries!

And that's so because it belongs to nobody!

- And who are you? - Nobody, I guess.

No documents and no money.

He's a passenger, left behind his train.

So let's put an Uzbek cap on him,

and he'll be selling the melons like a farmer from Central Asia.

- Selling? - Me?

What are you talking about? I never sold anything and am not going to!

It's easy. Just think of how they sell at stores and do the other way round.

They're rude there, and you smile.

They cheat with the weight, you give them extra.

What?

Give them 50 or 100 grams more, and the customer will be pleased.

- You know, they sell wet vegetables. - Why?

- Were you just born? - Well, he doesn't know life at all.

To make them heavier.

So that they weigh more, understand?

And your melon will be dry and nice.

I'll give a call to the manager, so that instead of giving you a thrashing

he'd give you a robe, a scale...

I'm not going to sell them. Let Vera do it.

I can't show myself at the market place, I work in the service sector.

And I'm a musician.

So you can trade with music.

Oh, I forgot, he's an international competition prizewinner.

I could become one if they had sent me there at least once.

You can be sure they'll send you somewhere at the market.

No, I'm not going to trade.

Why do you refuse to help me out?

I don't want to profiteer and I won't.

Oh, that's what you hold us for? I'm not a profiteer!

We're intermediaries between the earth and the people.

And you're being entrusted with an important, honorable mission.

Please spare me!

- He's ashamed. - Yes, I'm ashamed! And afraid!

Fourteen rubles, please. The melon's yours, the money's ours.

Come, folks! There's nothing phony! It's half sugar, half honey!

- This one, please. - You've chosen a fine melon!

Twelve rubles, please. Come, folks! There's nothing phony!

Buy a melon, please.

It melts in your mouth!

Please, comrade...

- He's got no shame. - The intelligentsia.

Those parasites give us no peace!

I wish you'd choke on your melon!

They know no limits!

Fifteen rubles for a melon! Because of you we can't buy anything.

Scavenger!

Profiteer!

Why it's 3 rubles here and 2.50 over there?

He doesn't want to work, parasite!

He's a sponger, just look at his hands.

He's never seen a melon plantation in his life.

It's outrageous!

Gorged himself a mug at the expense of our temporal difficulties.

Why are you attacking the man? You don't like it, don't buy it.

What's that smell?

- It's the Tchaidzui melon. - Great. Have one weighed for me.

As for the mug, I would advise you to look in the mirror more often.

What a bitch!

They insult us at the shops, you come here to get a break, it's the same.

That comrade has good melons too, only they're bitter.

Have you tasted them?

I don't need to taste them. I know that kind very well.

- Have you been inside it? - I know that variety.

I'll cut it for you to taste.

Don't bother. I know it all through.

I'll deal with them all.

Thanks for coming.

I know. She's his woman. Yes.

She works for him.

Come on. I've never seen him before.

They're second-hand dealers.

It's the first time I'm seeing him!

She's not my woman!

I've got a certificate!

She's not my woman.

A certificate from my own plot, that's why I sell cheaper.

You're a second-hand dealer yourself! You think your tomatoes grow on trees?

It's your melons that grow on trees!

Come on, what's so funny? The man's just kidding.

You'd better go, baldie, and watch your worm-eaten tomatoes.

What the hell is going on? You can't get away from those city swindlers!

- I bet he bought them from conductors. - That's why he overprices them!

Call the police!

I'll be a witness!

- No police, friends! - He's right.

The police are no chums to us. Let's just give him a couple of punches.

Good people! That's my debut at the market place!

Perhaps it's not quite a success. Please, help me.

Help me to get rid of those damned melons.

Help me, buy them by the barrel.

I mean, by the bulk, all together.

Hurry up, baldie, it's a bargain.

I pay a ruble a kilo for the lot.

No way. For a ruble a kilo, he'll eat them himself, right?

For a ruble a kilo, I'll eat them myself.

All right, one ruble 20 kopecks.

No, it's robbery!

- One ruble 30 kopecks. - No!

One ruble 40 kopecks. That's my last word.

No, I can't, I must return to my boss one ruble 50 kopecks.

We gave you a good price.

You can't lose on it, it's a bargain! Don't be stingy, sellers!

Oh, what the heck! Who wants Tchaidzhui melons?

As sweet as honey! As smooth as maidens!

Come on, buy before they go!

Come, folks, there's nothing phony! They're half sugar, half honey!

One ruble fifty a kilo!

But when you said "Kind folk, this is my performance on the market'shl

I thought... - You are just as bad...

I thought I'd burst out laughing.

What about the rotten tomatoes?

These melons are as smooth as maidens, as sweet...

as honey..."

You have charmed me!

You have made an excellent impression as if you are

seeing me for the first time in you life.

I was really amased, honestly.

Oh yeah, really. I am capable of other things.

But we have not earnt anything today.

Yeah, forgive me, I am not a good businessman.

I forgive you.

Oh well... See you later. Thank you.

Where are you going?

Going to the waiting room, where else? See you later.

Hang on! Come here!

Very well.

Hold this.

You are going to the railway station anyway.

And say this, everything is from me..

Take the trolley away, give the suitcases to the storage area and say this, everything is from me..

And say this, everything is from me..

I will take it, give it and say ...

Good. Thank you.

Right then? I'm going home. See you later.

See you later.

Excuse me, but your bus is departing from the railway station.

I am going on the tram.

Why are you going to get pushed around in the public transport

and spend all that money?

Allow me to give you a lift, in my own car?

I never thought that I would be a rickshaw.

And how is it?

A very beautiful load.

Am I undertanding you right? Are you flirting with me?

I would, with pleasure, but I am not in the mood.

It's a shame.

Please forgive me, for me being rude to you this morning.

- I can do it too. - Yah-yeah...

Why have you stopped?

I'm being a public transport now.

Can you see, a red light. - O-0-oh... Yeah...

Why are standing when everyone has got going?

Well, yes!

Do you have children?

A student daughter: jeans, disksshl

Is your wife beautiful?

Beautiful.

What about her figure?

Will knock you of your feet.

This shed is very shakey.

You have a remarcable smile. Honestly.

Stop! I will get off.

I can't. Do you see the sign ""No stopping allowed"?

Forgive me... Forgive me my stupidity for gods sake.

Understand, that only an idiot like me,

could pay a compliment to a woman in the presence of another woman.

By the way, I couldn't care less about your wife.

I couldn't care less about your train steward.

I couln't care less about you.

I couldn't...

I think, I do really care about you.

Well then, straight ahead!

Please.

- Thank you. - You're welcome. Where to?

This way. It's not far.

It feels so good!

Right.

After all that smoke and racket at the restaurant,

I come here at night, get some fresh air, and all is gone without a trace.

Aren't you afraid to walk alone at night?

I'm used to it.

My friend, Violetta, often comes along to visit me.

We two walk, with heavy bags,

so tired that we can't even talk, just chap-chap-chap.

And, suddenly, we hear a man's cough behind us.

And my dear old maid, Violetta, immediately became a different person.

Now she was walking with no life left in her, with her whole body aching...

Imagine, she gave him her phone number, and waited, with no result.

Though it seemed that man was already in her pocket.

You needn't to go with me any farther. Thanks and goodbye.

How can you sleep with that thunder?

I got used to it. Now I can't sleep when it's quiet.

I need that thunder around me.

That territory by the tracks...

Our house is over there... we call it ""a strip of estrangement".

All right... I must go.

I haven't yet asked you that most original question men usually ask.

What are you doing tonight?

Are you inviting me to the station's waiting room?

Oh no, you have such a beautiful dress on!

I got even a better one!

Then it's only natural that I should invite you to a restaurant tonight.

Oh, please, invite me. I haven't been to a restaurant for ages!

I'm inviting you.

I'll be back in a jiffy!

Here ll am.

I gave them their supper, said I'd be back late, so we can go and party.

Please.

Wait...

You want to offer me money?

- The gentleman is supposed to pay. - What joint are we going to?

If you don't mind, invite me to our restaurant, please.

- You want to show off? - I want to see their long faces.

Keep your money.

You mean we're going to run away without paying?

I know that you think I'm a criminal, and perhaps you're right.

But this time we'll act honest.

How? I'm intrigued.

It's a secret. Actually, I'm a very mysterious man.

Oh, you're so funny!

Will you buy me a ticket, please? I haven't got a kopeck.

Of course I will. - I've got a season ticket.

End of Part One