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1
00:00:06,039 --> 00:00:07,173
Donna, please.
2
00:00:07,173 --> 00:00:10,711
Don't worry
about your daughter
staying with us.
3
00:00:10,711 --> 00:00:13,079
Riley loves
his little sister,
4
00:00:13,079 --> 00:00:17,618
and you trust his
judgment to take
care of her, don't you?
5
00:00:17,618 --> 00:00:23,790
Well, you trusted
his judgment before
he met me, didn't you?
6
00:00:23,790 --> 00:00:28,094
OK, Donna. All right.
Bye. Bye.
7
00:00:28,094 --> 00:00:31,532
Oh! Can you believe
Riley's mother?
8
00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:32,699
That's her fifth call.
9
00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:36,603
Who cares that much
about their kids?
It's insane.
10
00:00:37,303 --> 00:00:41,675
And you wonder why
I cried when you picked me up
from day care.
11
00:00:41,675 --> 00:00:44,778
Listen, Riley says
we gotta be careful
around Jenny.
12
00:00:44,778 --> 00:00:45,812
She's very innocent.
13
00:00:45,812 --> 00:00:48,782
So no foul language
or sarcasm
14
00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:51,151
or suggestive
sexual remarks.
15
00:00:51,151 --> 00:00:56,122
So you're not gonna talk
for 5 days?
16
00:00:56,122 --> 00:00:59,292
You see, that's
the kind of crap
I'm talkin' about,
17
00:00:59,292 --> 00:01:01,562
smart ass.
18
00:01:02,262 --> 00:01:03,263
How innocent
can she be?
19
00:01:03,263 --> 00:01:05,766
She's about to be married
in a couple of months.
20
00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:09,235
Oh, a lot of girls say
no before marriage.
21
00:01:09,235 --> 00:01:11,838
That's why
I was so popular.
22
00:01:14,107 --> 00:01:15,842
Hey, hey! We're here!
23
00:01:15,842 --> 00:01:18,211
Oh, hi, honey.
24
00:01:18,211 --> 00:01:20,113
Hi, Jenny.
25
00:01:20,113 --> 00:01:21,381
Hi, Fran.
26
00:01:21,381 --> 00:01:25,151
Oh, my god!
You're so beautiful!
27
00:01:25,151 --> 00:01:26,753
Oh, thank you.
28
00:01:26,753 --> 00:01:30,156
You're nothing like
my mother described you.
29
00:01:30,156 --> 00:01:32,859
She said‐‐
Oh! You know what?
(chuckles)
30
00:01:32,859 --> 00:01:35,228
this is gonna be
a long visit
31
00:01:35,228 --> 00:01:37,798
if I let you finish
that sentence.
32
00:01:37,798 --> 00:01:40,601
And this is
Allison and Josh.
33
00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:41,568
Hi, Josh.
34
00:01:41,568 --> 00:01:42,268
Hi, Allison.
Hi.
35
00:01:42,268 --> 00:01:44,304
We both have
big brothers, huh?
36
00:01:44,304 --> 00:01:47,574
Well, I have
an older brother.
37
00:01:47,741 --> 00:01:50,276
Allison's just bitter
because‐‐well,
you're engaged,
38
00:01:50,276 --> 00:01:55,882
and the last person
to unbutton her blouse
was the dry cleaner.
39
00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:59,720
Josh, we're
in mixed company.
40
00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:00,987
Oh, cut it out, Riley.
41
00:02:00,987 --> 00:02:04,891
They sound just like us
when you were still
at home, remember?
42
00:02:04,891 --> 00:02:06,392
Yeah, we'd
get into it.
43
00:02:06,392 --> 00:02:09,262
(chuckles) Sometimes
you'd even cuss at me.
44
00:02:09,262 --> 00:02:11,932
Oh, stop it,
you big dope.
45
00:02:11,932 --> 00:02:15,569
See what I had
to put up with?
46
00:02:15,569 --> 00:02:17,303
(both laugh)
47
00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:22,843
OK, I'm gonna show her
to her room now.
48
00:02:24,611 --> 00:02:25,812
She's nice, Mom,
49
00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:29,182
but where are we gonna
put the Seven Dwarves?
50
00:02:29,382 --> 00:02:30,350
Oh, stop it.
51
00:02:30,350 --> 00:02:33,219
She's very sweet
and innocent and natural.
52
00:02:33,219 --> 00:02:35,789
I'm looking forward
to taking her shopping.
53
00:02:35,789 --> 00:02:38,424
It'll be like a real
girls' day out.
54
00:02:38,424 --> 00:02:40,260
She'll be like
the daughter
you never had.
55
00:02:40,260 --> 00:02:44,831
Oh, Josh, don't
underestimate yourself.
56
00:02:45,398 --> 00:02:46,900
Now, come on.
57
00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:49,936
Did you see the way
a normal brother and sister
act towards each other?
58
00:02:49,936 --> 00:02:51,972
Why can't you
be more like them?
59
00:02:51,972 --> 00:02:54,975
Gee‐willikers,
Allison. I'm sorry.
60
00:02:54,975 --> 00:02:58,444
Oh, it's OK,
you big gooberhead.
Ohhh...
61
00:02:58,444 --> 00:02:59,946
(both fake laughing)
62
00:02:59,946 --> 00:03:04,284
OK, OK! Cut the crap!
63
00:03:04,785 --> 00:03:06,520
Smart asses.
64
00:03:10,724 --> 00:03:12,492
♪ And I ♪
65
00:03:12,492 --> 00:03:14,728
♪ Feel beautiful
right now ♪
66
00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:17,698
♪ For the first time
in a long time ♪
67
00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:20,534
♪ I'm letting my hair down ♪
68
00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:22,503
♪ And life ♪
69
00:03:22,503 --> 00:03:24,871
♪ Gets better every day ♪
70
00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:27,841
♪ Though it seems
so complicated ♪
71
00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:29,409
♪ We're gonna work it out ♪
72
00:03:29,409 --> 00:03:33,680
♪ Whatever comes our way ♪
73
00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:41,788
Hey! Anyone home?
74
00:03:41,788 --> 00:03:45,992
Sweetie, stay
right there. It's
fashion showtime.
75
00:03:45,992 --> 00:03:47,761
(chuckles)
76
00:03:50,697 --> 00:03:56,537
Wow! Is it hot in here,
or is it just you?
(chuckles)
77
00:03:56,537 --> 00:03:59,472
You ain't seen
nothin' yet.
78
00:03:59,472 --> 00:04:01,908
Oh, boy. (chuckles)
79
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:08,949
What the hell?
80
00:04:08,949 --> 00:04:10,483
Fran bought it
for me.
81
00:04:10,483 --> 00:04:14,287
I know it's
a little wild, but
don't you love it?
82
00:04:14,287 --> 00:04:15,989
'Scuse us.
83
00:04:16,456 --> 00:04:17,223
What?
84
00:04:17,223 --> 00:04:18,959
What are you doin',
buyin' a dress
85
00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:20,026
like that for her?
86
00:04:20,026 --> 00:04:23,797
It makes her look...
Anhh.
87
00:04:24,297 --> 00:04:27,400
Watch it. I'm wearin'
almost the same dress.
88
00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:28,769
Well, you're
not my sister.
89
00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:32,973
I mean, she's sweet
and innocent,
and you...
90
00:04:34,508 --> 00:04:36,743
You're the best
girlfriend ever.
91
00:04:36,743 --> 00:04:40,814
And you're looking
younger every day.
92
00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:42,048
And?
93
00:04:42,048 --> 00:04:45,986
And all my friends
are jealous.
94
00:04:45,986 --> 00:04:47,621
That's my favorite one.
95
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:51,825
Riley, wait till
you see the jeans
Fran bought me.
96
00:04:51,825 --> 00:04:54,360
They're a little tight,
but like Fran says,
97
00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:56,329
"what good's having
a nice backyard
98
00:04:56,329 --> 00:04:59,933
if your neighbors
can't see it?"
99
00:04:59,933 --> 00:05:05,972
Uh, you know,
he don't need to see
the jeans right now.
100
00:05:06,439 --> 00:05:07,407
You know what else?
101
00:05:07,407 --> 00:05:10,376
Maybe you two shouldn't
shop together anymore.
102
00:05:10,376 --> 00:05:14,014
Oh, loosen up,
you big doodyhead.
103
00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:15,849
Doodyhead?
104
00:05:15,849 --> 00:05:16,783
Tickle war!
105
00:05:16,783 --> 00:05:18,384
Aaah!
Aahhh!
106
00:05:18,384 --> 00:05:19,319
Oh, you give?
107
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:21,387
You give?
Yeah, yeah,
I give, I give.
108
00:05:21,387 --> 00:05:24,124
Yeah. That's what
you get, missy.
109
00:05:24,124 --> 00:05:26,092
(Riley
chuckles smugly)
110
00:05:26,092 --> 00:05:26,960
Oh, Fran,
111
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:28,529
you and Riley
are so lucky
112
00:05:28,529 --> 00:05:30,063
to have found
each other.
113
00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:30,897
Ohhh...
He seems so much
114
00:05:30,897 --> 00:05:33,433
happier
than the last time
I saw him.
115
00:05:33,433 --> 00:05:35,636
Ohhh...
And now I know why.
116
00:05:35,636 --> 00:05:37,070
(chuckles)
You're fun
117
00:05:37,070 --> 00:05:38,972
and beautiful
and...
118
00:05:38,972 --> 00:05:42,509
Oh! You want
to see some pictures
of my fiancé?
119
00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:43,510
Oh, well, I was...
120
00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:46,947
Kinda enjoyin'
this conversation, but...
121
00:05:46,947 --> 00:05:49,683
OK. If we're done, OK.
122
00:05:51,652 --> 00:05:54,755
This is just after
he asked me to marry him.
123
00:05:54,755 --> 00:06:00,794
Ohhh...You got engaged
on a hayride.
124
00:06:01,427 --> 00:06:02,529
Halloween.
125
00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:03,730
I think that
was fourth grade.
126
00:06:03,730 --> 00:06:07,734
So you've known this guy
since you were
in the fourth grade?
127
00:06:07,734 --> 00:06:09,169
I've known him
since kindergarten.
128
00:06:09,169 --> 00:06:12,773
But we didn't start
going together
until third grade.
129
00:06:12,773 --> 00:06:15,809
Oh. Yeah, I guess
it's best to experience
130
00:06:15,809 --> 00:06:20,647
at least one nap time
before you get serious.
131
00:06:21,815 --> 00:06:25,819
You know, I married
my first boyfriend, too.
132
00:06:25,819 --> 00:06:26,753
What happened?
133
00:06:26,753 --> 00:06:29,422
Mmm...It didn't
work out.
134
00:06:29,422 --> 00:06:31,024
I wasn't ready.
135
00:06:31,024 --> 00:06:33,860
And now I'm experiencing
all the things
136
00:06:33,860 --> 00:06:36,830
that I didn't experience
while I was married.
137
00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:39,132
Like last summer,
Riley and I went
138
00:06:39,132 --> 00:06:40,967
backpacking
through Europe.
139
00:06:40,967 --> 00:06:42,936
I've always wanted
to go to Europe.
140
00:06:42,936 --> 00:06:45,005
You've never been
outside of Illinois,
huh?
141
00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:48,775
Well, I'm here,
aren't I?
In the Big Apple.
142
00:06:48,775 --> 00:06:49,943
Yes, and you know,
143
00:06:49,943 --> 00:06:54,447
it is a very,
very exciting city.
144
00:06:54,447 --> 00:06:55,516
So maybe, you know,
145
00:06:55,516 --> 00:06:57,584
before you go
back to Jeremy
146
00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:59,520
and start
your life together,
147
00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:02,088
I don't know,
you may
just wanna...
148
00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:06,192
Enjoy yourself,
experience
the outside world...
149
00:07:06,192 --> 00:07:08,529
Have a little fun.
150
00:07:08,529 --> 00:07:10,631
Say, would you
like a drink?
151
00:07:10,631 --> 00:07:12,098
WelL...(chuckles)
152
00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:14,701
I don't usually, but...
153
00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:16,837
I'll have a pop.
154
00:07:16,837 --> 00:07:19,005
That's more like it.
155
00:07:19,005 --> 00:07:21,474
A pop of what,
vodka or scotch?
156
00:07:21,474 --> 00:07:24,044
A meant a soda pop.
157
00:07:24,044 --> 00:07:25,178
Oh.
158
00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:26,680
Sure.
159
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:29,449
Comin' right up.
160
00:07:30,917 --> 00:07:31,852
Oh. Hi, Josh.
161
00:07:31,852 --> 00:07:35,155
Listen, Riley and I
are working tomorrow, so
162
00:07:35,155 --> 00:07:38,224
could you take Jenny
into the city,
show her the sights?
163
00:07:38,224 --> 00:07:40,661
Can't. Workin'
at the video store.
164
00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:42,128
Well, call in sick.
165
00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:44,264
Mother, I am
the assistant manager
166
00:07:44,264 --> 00:07:46,633
of a major national
video franchise.
167
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:48,535
If I don't show up
to work...
168
00:07:48,535 --> 00:07:49,870
Oh, who am I kidding?
If they can teach a chimp
169
00:07:49,870 --> 00:07:52,573
to find Dude, Where's My Car?,
I'm out of a job.
170
00:07:52,573 --> 00:07:56,777
Good. I'll give you
my credit card.
Show her a good time.
171
00:07:56,777 --> 00:07:58,879
This girl's really
gotta live a little.
172
00:07:58,879 --> 00:08:00,547
She's so innocent.
173
00:08:00,547 --> 00:08:01,815
I swear
she spent her life
174
00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:04,284
running through meadows
and playing in fields.
175
00:08:04,284 --> 00:08:08,488
It's like a freakin'
allergy commercial.
176
00:08:13,727 --> 00:08:15,596
(Riley exhales forcibly)
177
00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:17,598
Hey, babe.
How was the run?
178
00:08:17,598 --> 00:08:18,431
Oh, great.
179
00:08:18,431 --> 00:08:20,634
Babe, you gotta
come with me sometime.
180
00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:23,804
Oh, no.
My people don't run.
181
00:08:24,605 --> 00:08:27,240
Why do you think
we were in the desert
for 40 years?
182
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:29,976
If we ran, we would've
been out in 3.
183
00:08:29,976 --> 00:08:31,512
(laughs)
184
00:08:32,713 --> 00:08:33,580
Jenny?
185
00:08:33,580 --> 00:08:35,749
I was hopin' to catch
breakfast with her
186
00:08:35,749 --> 00:08:37,083
before I went to work.
187
00:08:37,083 --> 00:08:38,251
Oh, that's nice.
188
00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:41,522
(crows like a rooster)
189
00:08:41,722 --> 00:08:44,090
Hey. If you're crowing
for your sister,
190
00:08:44,090 --> 00:08:46,827
she's not here.
Neither is Josh.
191
00:08:46,827 --> 00:08:47,594
What?
192
00:08:47,594 --> 00:08:49,563
Wait a minute.
What are you sayin'?
193
00:08:49,563 --> 00:08:51,297
They never came home
last night?
194
00:08:51,297 --> 00:08:53,667
That's what I'm sayin'.
195
00:08:54,601 --> 00:08:55,936
Oh, my god. What
do you think happened?
196
00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:56,770
I don't know!
197
00:08:56,770 --> 00:08:58,672
I think
those 2 big dopes
198
00:08:58,672 --> 00:09:04,310
must've had
the most gee‐willikers
sex‐tastic night ever!
199
00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:06,880
OK, let's not panic.
200
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,114
We've just gotta
figure this out
201
00:09:08,114 --> 00:09:11,351
before
your mother calls‐‐
(ring)
202
00:09:11,351 --> 00:09:14,621
how does she know?!
203
00:09:14,621 --> 00:09:16,056
(ring)
Don't answer.
204
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:17,691
Let the machine
pick it up.
205
00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:18,759
But it's my mother.
206
00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:19,593
Your mother
is the reason
207
00:09:19,593 --> 00:09:21,828
they invented
the answering
machine.
208
00:09:21,828 --> 00:09:22,863
(door closes)
209
00:09:22,863 --> 00:09:25,365
Oh. They're home.
210
00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:26,800
There you are!
211
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:30,937
"The Big Apples."
What the hell
is that?
212
00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:33,273
It's what they call
New York City.
213
00:09:33,273 --> 00:09:34,941
And there's
two of them because‐‐
214
00:09:34,941 --> 00:09:37,844
I know why
there's two of 'em!
215
00:09:37,844 --> 00:09:39,279
Riley, yelling
at your sister
216
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:42,215
is not going
to accomplish
anything.
217
00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:46,252
Josh, what the hell
is wrong with you?!!
218
00:09:46,620 --> 00:09:47,621
Could you...Please...
219
00:09:47,621 --> 00:09:51,057
Put your...
questions in writing?
220
00:09:51,057 --> 00:09:53,126
We had
a little
accident.
221
00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:55,295
Oh, my God!
Are you OK?!
222
00:09:55,295 --> 00:09:56,296
I am.
223
00:09:56,296 --> 00:09:59,265
I can't speak
for my wife.
224
00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:07,073
Henh?!
Henh?!
225
00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:10,243
Yea. That
was the accident.
226
00:10:10,243 --> 00:10:14,380
We...We accidentally
got married.
227
00:10:15,348 --> 00:10:19,886
This is even better
than sex‐tastic!
228
00:10:27,093 --> 00:10:29,830
Well, I can't believe
you got married.
229
00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:32,398
I told you
to show her
a good time.
230
00:10:32,398 --> 00:10:36,136
That has nothing
to do with marriage.
231
00:10:37,704 --> 00:10:39,773
Did you touch
my sister?
232
00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:42,676
Riley. We didn't
do anything.
233
00:10:42,676 --> 00:10:43,877
We think.
No.
234
00:10:43,877 --> 00:10:45,178
No, no, no,
no, no.
235
00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:46,880
More than think.
236
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:47,914
We're pretty sure.
237
00:10:47,914 --> 00:10:51,752
All right, well,
you better start
talkin', mister.
238
00:10:51,752 --> 00:10:54,054
Well, we went
to a bar.
239
00:10:54,054 --> 00:10:55,355
Jenny doesn't drink.
240
00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:57,423
You're jumping ahead.
241
00:10:57,423 --> 00:10:59,092
And, uh, we met
this nice couple,
242
00:10:59,092 --> 00:11:00,093
and they offered
to buy us drinks.
243
00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:03,029
And Jenny ordered
what they
were having.
244
00:11:03,029 --> 00:11:04,464
They called it
a lemon drop.
245
00:11:04,464 --> 00:11:07,433
Oh, that is
delicious.
246
00:11:08,735 --> 00:11:10,971
How is that helping?
247
00:11:11,705 --> 00:11:12,606
Anyway, one thing
led to another,
248
00:11:12,606 --> 00:11:14,240
and Kiki and Greg
decided to get married,
249
00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:15,642
and they needed
a best man and
maid of honor,
250
00:11:15,642 --> 00:11:19,913
and...an hour later,
we were in a limo
on the way to connecticut.
251
00:11:19,913 --> 00:11:21,715
Did the limo
have a bar?
252
00:11:21,715 --> 00:11:24,017
Jumping ahead
again.
253
00:11:25,919 --> 00:11:26,887
Anyway, next thing
we knew,
254
00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:28,855
we were waking up
in the limo.
255
00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:31,858
Well, how do you know
you're even married?
256
00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:34,160
We had this.
257
00:11:34,828 --> 00:11:36,096
Oh! My god!
258
00:11:36,096 --> 00:11:40,934
You spent
$1,400 on a limo
on my credit card?!
259
00:11:40,934 --> 00:11:44,871
I had to!
I was the best man!
260
00:11:45,071 --> 00:11:45,739
But I was referring
261
00:11:45,739 --> 00:11:47,508
to the marriage
certificate.
262
00:11:47,508 --> 00:11:49,175
Let me see this.
263
00:11:49,175 --> 00:11:50,310
It looks authentic.
264
00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:55,315
OK. I am sleeping
with my son's
brother‐in‐law.
265
00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:56,282
Gee,
266
00:11:56,282 --> 00:11:57,984
if we get Allison
knocked up
267
00:11:57,984 --> 00:12:00,486
and chain a pit bull
in the backyard,
268
00:12:00,486 --> 00:12:03,924
we could be
on Cops!
269
00:12:09,530 --> 00:12:11,031
Jenny, how
could you do this?
270
00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:12,232
What happened
to you?
271
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:14,467
I'm still
the same person,
Riley.
272
00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:15,468
I'm just
273
00:12:15,468 --> 00:12:16,770
married
to Josh and
274
00:12:16,770 --> 00:12:19,506
engaged to marry
someone else.
275
00:12:20,774 --> 00:12:21,842
I need a drink.
276
00:12:21,842 --> 00:12:23,544
One lemon drop
coming up.
277
00:12:23,544 --> 00:12:25,078
She doesn't
need a drink!
278
00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:26,780
OK, I think
I know my wife
and what she wants
279
00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:29,082
a little bit
better than you.
280
00:12:30,817 --> 00:12:33,353
I don't know
what I'm saying.
281
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:34,354
Riley,
I think all this
282
00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:36,790
happened because
I've never really done
283
00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:38,058
anything with my life.
284
00:12:38,058 --> 00:12:42,428
And now I'm rushing off
to marry the only boy
I've ever dated.
285
00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:45,932
She's talkin'.
What are you
lookin' at me?
286
00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:47,834
And I just didn't
didn't want to wake up
287
00:12:47,834 --> 00:12:51,404
later in life
and realize that
I've never gone, like...
288
00:12:51,404 --> 00:12:53,339
Backpacking
through Europe.
289
00:12:53,339 --> 00:12:56,910
OK! Try and get
out of that one!
290
00:12:58,812 --> 00:13:00,180
OK. All right.
Um,
291
00:13:00,180 --> 00:13:02,082
kids, uh,
give us a minute.
292
00:13:02,082 --> 00:13:04,450
Your
brother/brother‐in‐law
293
00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:06,252
wants to talk.
294
00:13:06,252 --> 00:13:08,188
Well? What are you
gonna do about this?
295
00:13:08,188 --> 00:13:08,989
Me?!
296
00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:10,857
Yeah. You're the one
who changed her.
297
00:13:10,857 --> 00:13:14,360
What makes you think
it's my fault?
298
00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:15,061
Fran?
What?
299
00:13:15,061 --> 00:13:17,097
Do you have
any Alka‐Seltzer?
300
00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:19,365
I've got shpilkas.
301
00:13:19,365 --> 00:13:21,134
Oh, no.
302
00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:22,302
Um...Ahem.
303
00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:25,839
It's upstairs
in the medicine chest,
sweetie.
304
00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:28,575
Now, wait
a minute here.
305
00:13:28,575 --> 00:13:30,877
You are the brother
that she idolizes.
306
00:13:30,877 --> 00:13:33,914
You're the one
that moved
to New York City.
307
00:13:33,914 --> 00:13:36,016
You're the one
that chose to live
308
00:13:36,016 --> 00:13:41,354
with a glamorous,
exotic, beautiful
woman.
309
00:13:41,522 --> 00:13:44,958
Maybe it's your path
that she's following.
310
00:13:44,958 --> 00:13:47,528
Did you ever
think of that?
311
00:13:48,061 --> 00:13:48,929
You think?
312
00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:51,031
No. It's probably me.
313
00:13:52,232 --> 00:13:54,267
But listen. We can
resolve all this.
314
00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:55,602
We'll go, we'll get
a quickie annulment.
315
00:13:55,602 --> 00:13:58,872
Your mother
and the fiancé
need never find out.
316
00:13:58,872 --> 00:14:02,876
And afterwards we'll
all have a big laugh
over it.
317
00:14:02,876 --> 00:14:03,977
Ha ha ha ha ha!
318
00:14:03,977 --> 00:14:05,646
Ha ha ha ha ha!
319
00:14:05,646 --> 00:14:06,947
Ha ha ha ha ha!
320
00:14:06,947 --> 00:14:08,515
Too soon?
321
00:14:16,623 --> 00:14:17,357
All rise!
322
00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:19,425
Remember, Herb,
we don't have to
323
00:14:19,425 --> 00:14:21,161
do that
in chambers.
Oh.
324
00:14:21,161 --> 00:14:23,897
OK. So this is
about an annulment.
325
00:14:23,897 --> 00:14:25,098
Transcribe, Herb.
Oh.
326
00:14:25,098 --> 00:14:28,334
And I'm going hot‐
air‐ballooning at 2:00.
All right.
327
00:14:28,334 --> 00:14:29,269
Somebody, speak.
328
00:14:29,269 --> 00:14:30,671
Your honor,
it's a little bit
329
00:14:30,671 --> 00:14:31,905
of a complicated
story.
330
00:14:31,905 --> 00:14:33,674
Too long.
Somebody else, talk.
331
00:14:33,674 --> 00:14:34,675
You're the groom?
332
00:14:34,675 --> 00:14:35,609
Uh, right
333
00:14:35,609 --> 00:14:37,611
here,
your excellency.
334
00:14:37,611 --> 00:14:39,980
I'm the groom,
and this is my wife.
335
00:14:39,980 --> 00:14:40,981
I'm his sister.
336
00:14:40,981 --> 00:14:43,950
I'm his mother.
And we're lovers.
337
00:14:44,918 --> 00:14:45,686
Get all that down?
338
00:14:45,686 --> 00:14:48,522
Yeah.
Hot‐air ballooning
at 2:00.
339
00:14:50,924 --> 00:14:51,958
Good work, Herb.
340
00:14:51,958 --> 00:14:54,260
OK, let's get
to the nut cutting.
341
00:14:54,260 --> 00:14:56,663
Was the marriage
physically consummated?
342
00:14:56,663 --> 00:14:58,665
No, your honor.
343
00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:02,536
All right.
344
00:15:02,536 --> 00:15:04,571
Husband is gay.
345
00:15:05,972 --> 00:15:07,407
Done?
No!
346
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:09,009
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
347
00:15:09,009 --> 00:15:11,545
The man said "dond."
348
00:15:11,545 --> 00:15:12,946
Your honor,
the truth is,
349
00:15:12,946 --> 00:15:14,080
alcohol
was involved.
350
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:16,683
I got drunk,
and everything seemed
so new and exciting.
351
00:15:16,683 --> 00:15:18,952
I guess I just
got carried away.
352
00:15:18,952 --> 00:15:19,786
And you know what?
I'm sorry.
353
00:15:19,786 --> 00:15:20,821
I should've taken
better care of you,
354
00:15:20,821 --> 00:15:24,024
but you were just having
so much fun cutting loose
355
00:15:24,024 --> 00:15:25,592
that it was
contagious.
356
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:28,595
So...we'll go
with impotent.
357
00:15:28,995 --> 00:15:29,830
No!
358
00:15:29,830 --> 00:15:35,235
The man is offering you
a road here!
359
00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:36,503
People, I have to
put down
360
00:15:36,503 --> 00:15:37,571
a legally valid reason.
361
00:15:37,571 --> 00:15:40,006
Well, do you have
anything else
besides, you know,
362
00:15:40,006 --> 00:15:42,408
gay or...limp?
363
00:15:42,709 --> 00:15:44,310
Are they...related?
364
00:15:44,310 --> 00:15:45,111
No. No.
365
00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:47,147
Married to other
people respectably?
366
00:15:47,147 --> 00:15:47,881
No.
367
00:15:47,881 --> 00:15:49,082
Would there be
a criminal record
368
00:15:49,082 --> 00:15:50,316
that she would
not know about?
369
00:15:50,316 --> 00:15:52,352
Oh, that sounds
good, Josh.
370
00:15:52,352 --> 00:15:53,486
No, that does
not sound good!
371
00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:54,721
I don't want
anybody writing down
372
00:15:54,721 --> 00:15:56,389
that I have
a criminal record.
373
00:15:56,389 --> 00:16:00,093
Josh has a criminal record.
374
00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:02,963
Now you catch up.
375
00:16:06,266 --> 00:16:07,701
Might I interject?
376
00:16:07,701 --> 00:16:09,102
No!
No!
No!
377
00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:10,571
Belay yourselves.
378
00:16:10,571 --> 00:16:12,338
Let the young woman
speak.
379
00:16:12,338 --> 00:16:13,339
Step forward.
380
00:16:13,339 --> 00:16:14,274
But, uh,
quickly, please.
381
00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:16,442
My tether crew
is waiting.
Really. Really.
382
00:16:16,442 --> 00:16:18,278
Um, your honor,
I read about this
online,
383
00:16:18,278 --> 00:16:21,247
and it said that
one of the grounds
for voiding a marriage
384
00:16:21,247 --> 00:16:23,116
is mental
incapacity?
385
00:16:23,116 --> 00:16:25,351
Very good,
young lady.
386
00:16:25,351 --> 00:16:26,553
That is quite correct.
387
00:16:26,553 --> 00:16:29,455
Amended civil statute
7‐4‐7‐4‐B,
388
00:16:29,455 --> 00:16:31,257
Section 1‐27‐C,
389
00:16:31,257 --> 00:16:34,427
subparagraph
little iii.
390
00:16:34,728 --> 00:16:36,362
So...
391
00:16:36,362 --> 00:16:39,132
If my brother
were psycho,
would that do it?
392
00:16:39,132 --> 00:16:40,500
It surely would.
393
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:42,769
Then what
is the holdup?
394
00:16:43,303 --> 00:16:45,506
Being with
this young lady
395
00:16:45,506 --> 00:16:48,008
doesn't seem
insane to me.
396
00:16:48,208 --> 00:16:49,810
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
397
00:16:49,810 --> 00:16:51,444
When he was
in medical school,
398
00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:54,515
he went
after a male nurse
with a bone saw.
399
00:16:54,515 --> 00:16:57,150
They had to put him
in a mental hospital.
400
00:16:57,150 --> 00:17:00,086
Now, they don't do that
with normal people.
401
00:17:00,086 --> 00:17:04,157
All right, so we'll go
with the nutbag clause.
Are we rockin' here or what?
402
00:17:04,157 --> 00:17:05,559
Yeah.
No! No!
403
00:17:05,559 --> 00:17:07,193
I am getting
a bad rap
here!
404
00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:12,098
Hey, it's gay,
crazy, or boneless.
Your call.
405
00:17:14,801 --> 00:17:16,570
OK, crazy.
406
00:17:17,070 --> 00:17:19,573
So, congratulations.
You're free. So am I.
407
00:17:19,573 --> 00:17:21,642
Fill this out. Take it
to the county registrar.
Herb, we have
408
00:17:21,642 --> 00:17:24,344
just enough time
to change and get
the heck outta here.
409
00:17:24,344 --> 00:17:26,412
Call the field.
410
00:17:27,781 --> 00:17:29,315
FolkS...
411
00:17:29,516 --> 00:17:31,217
Unless...you want to see
412
00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:34,154
the old gavel
and scales of justice.
413
00:17:34,154 --> 00:17:35,188
FRAN: Oh. No.
414
00:17:35,188 --> 00:17:38,592
No, no. We don't
want to see that.
No. Thank you.
415
00:17:43,363 --> 00:17:45,498
Ohhh, you know, Josh,
I gotta say,
416
00:17:45,498 --> 00:17:46,499
I'm a little bit torn.
417
00:17:46,499 --> 00:17:49,469
I mean, I'm glad
you got the annulment
and all,
418
00:17:49,469 --> 00:17:50,804
but on
the other hand,
419
00:17:50,804 --> 00:17:53,540
I always wanted
to see you get married,
420
00:17:53,540 --> 00:17:56,710
move out,
get on with your life.
421
00:17:56,710 --> 00:17:58,512
Move out.
422
00:17:58,512 --> 00:18:00,113
Oh.
423
00:18:00,113 --> 00:18:00,914
Wait a minute,
honey.
424
00:18:00,914 --> 00:18:05,285
Now, listen, Josh.
Today, your sister
425
00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:07,153
convinced
a municipal judge
426
00:18:07,153 --> 00:18:09,155
that you are
totally psycho.
427
00:18:09,155 --> 00:18:13,393
Yet, I haven't heard
a "thank you."
428
00:18:13,794 --> 00:18:14,795
Thank yo...
429
00:18:14,795 --> 00:18:16,229
Allison.
Why, you know,
430
00:18:16,229 --> 00:18:17,397
this is
probably as closest
as you'll ever get
431
00:18:17,397 --> 00:18:21,568
to being the type
of woman who could
break up a marriage.
432
00:18:22,603 --> 00:18:24,470
Yeah? If it
weren't for me,
433
00:18:24,470 --> 00:18:26,372
you'd still have
"gay" or "impotent"
434
00:18:26,372 --> 00:18:27,574
written
on your permanent
record
435
00:18:27,574 --> 00:18:30,210
instead of just
under your yearbook
photo.
436
00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:31,612
Ha ha! Ohhh...
437
00:18:31,612 --> 00:18:33,313
"Gay."
438
00:18:34,548 --> 00:18:35,716
You see, Jenny,
439
00:18:35,716 --> 00:18:40,153
this is our idea
of a tickle war.
440
00:18:40,386 --> 00:18:41,154
WelL...
441
00:18:41,154 --> 00:18:44,558
All's well
that ends well.
Right?
442
00:18:44,558 --> 00:18:47,594
No reason
for anybody
to be mad at...
443
00:18:47,594 --> 00:18:49,730
Anybody else.
444
00:18:50,697 --> 00:18:51,632
Right?
445
00:18:51,632 --> 00:18:53,433
(chuckles)
446
00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:55,368
Josh...
447
00:18:55,368 --> 00:18:56,937
You did a good thing.
448
00:18:56,937 --> 00:18:58,672
Yeah, Josh. Thanks.
449
00:18:58,672 --> 00:18:59,740
Hey, no problem.
450
00:18:59,740 --> 00:19:01,742
Now you can, uh,
go back
451
00:19:01,742 --> 00:19:02,709
and marry Jeremy.
452
00:19:02,709 --> 00:19:05,646
And if he's as big
a man as you said
he is...
453
00:19:05,646 --> 00:19:08,882
He never needs
to know about me.
454
00:19:09,683 --> 00:19:11,618
Actually,
I've been thinking.
455
00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:15,656
And I'm breaking off
my engagement
to Jeremy.
456
00:19:15,656 --> 00:19:17,624
What? I didn't
say anything.
457
00:19:17,624 --> 00:19:20,627
You were with me
all day.
458
00:19:20,627 --> 00:19:22,863
You two were
in the bathroom
together
459
00:19:22,863 --> 00:19:23,730
for 15 minutes.
460
00:19:23,730 --> 00:19:25,666
You could've said
somethin' to her then.
461
00:19:25,666 --> 00:19:28,434
I did not!
And besides,
I don't think
462
00:19:28,434 --> 00:19:32,706
she heard me
over the noise
of the hand dryer.
463
00:19:32,873 --> 00:19:34,775
Riley, this
was my decision.
464
00:19:34,775 --> 00:19:38,278
Why am I
in such a hurry
to get married?
465
00:19:38,278 --> 00:19:40,280
I want
what you guys have.
466
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:41,582
And before
that can happen,
467
00:19:41,582 --> 00:19:44,785
I have to find out
who I am.
468
00:19:44,951 --> 00:19:47,821
All right,
so she heard me.
469
00:19:50,323 --> 00:19:52,759
OK. I need to go
upstairs and figure out
470
00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:55,629
how I'm gonna
break this to mom.
471
00:19:57,664 --> 00:20:00,801
WelL...There is
an upside to this.
472
00:20:00,801 --> 00:20:01,467
Really?
473
00:20:01,467 --> 00:20:02,803
It'll get my mom
off my back
474
00:20:02,803 --> 00:20:04,404
because she'll think
Jenny's makin'
475
00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:07,473
a bigger mistake
than I made with you.
476
00:20:09,543 --> 00:20:10,476
Well, I think
that it was good
477
00:20:10,476 --> 00:20:14,380
that she did it now
and didn't wait 19 years
478
00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:15,415
to break up with him.
479
00:20:15,415 --> 00:20:17,684
Although if she did have
a little bit of patience,
480
00:20:17,684 --> 00:20:20,754
she might've ended up
with a house.
481
00:20:20,754 --> 00:20:21,454
(chuckles)
482
00:20:21,454 --> 00:20:23,456
Babe, I'm sorry
I was worried
483
00:20:23,456 --> 00:20:25,358
about you being
a bad influence
on her.
484
00:20:25,358 --> 00:20:26,693
You've been
a bad influence
on me,
485
00:20:26,693 --> 00:20:28,662
and look how good
I turned out.
486
00:20:28,662 --> 00:20:32,533
And I'm not
even through with ya.
Yeah.
(chuckles)
487
00:20:32,533 --> 00:20:35,401
but don't tell
your mother.
488
00:20:35,702 --> 00:20:36,937
(telephone rings)
489
00:20:36,937 --> 00:20:39,439
Oh, come on!
490
00:20:39,439 --> 00:20:42,008
How does she know?!
491
00:20:42,576 --> 00:20:44,711
Let the machine
get this one.
492
00:20:44,711 --> 00:20:46,847
Heh heh heh heh heh!
493
00:20:49,816 --> 00:20:54,287
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