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1
00:00:01,802 --> 00:00:05,305
Yeah, like you're
not sexy enough
in your tight pants.
2
00:00:05,305 --> 00:00:07,273
You have to come
in all sweaty
3
00:00:07,273 --> 00:00:09,175
with your
jackhammer forearms
4
00:00:09,175 --> 00:00:10,276
and your tool belt.
5
00:00:10,276 --> 00:00:14,147
If you're doing this
to drive me crazy,
it's working.
6
00:00:14,715 --> 00:00:17,217
Josh,
Riley's taken.
7
00:00:18,484 --> 00:00:21,087
He's mad at me
because I returned
some DVDs
8
00:00:21,087 --> 00:00:22,623
during his shift
at the video store.
9
00:00:22,623 --> 00:00:25,125
I was this close
to getting a date,
10
00:00:25,125 --> 00:00:26,226
and then he walked in.
11
00:00:26,226 --> 00:00:27,561
And I might
as well have been
12
00:00:27,561 --> 00:00:30,631
a cardboard cut‐out
of an oompa loompa.
13
00:00:30,631 --> 00:00:31,765
Honey, you know,
14
00:00:31,765 --> 00:00:34,601
you are every bit
as good‐looking
15
00:00:34,601 --> 00:00:35,636
as Riley is,
16
00:00:35,636 --> 00:00:39,139
only in
a smaller package.
17
00:00:39,139 --> 00:00:40,206
When describing me,
18
00:00:40,206 --> 00:00:44,044
could you not use
the words "small"
and "package"?
19
00:00:44,444 --> 00:00:45,612
You know,
I can always get
20
00:00:45,612 --> 00:00:49,315
my Jujubes and
Jackie Chans elsewhere.
21
00:00:49,315 --> 00:00:50,483
Oh, Allison.
22
00:00:50,483 --> 00:00:53,754
There's a sale
at Bloomie's tomorrow.
23
00:00:53,754 --> 00:00:55,188
I thought
we could go shopping,
24
00:00:55,188 --> 00:00:58,158
pick out something cute
for your sweet 16 party.
25
00:00:58,158 --> 00:00:59,593
I don't want a party.
26
00:00:59,593 --> 00:01:01,862
Of course you do.
27
00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:04,330
A sweet 16 is
a defining moment
28
00:01:04,330 --> 00:01:05,799
in becoming a woman.
29
00:01:05,799 --> 00:01:07,834
So was getting
my period.
30
00:01:07,834 --> 00:01:12,072
Do you want to send out
another press release?
31
00:01:12,438 --> 00:01:16,176
That was
a holiday newsletter.
32
00:01:16,376 --> 00:01:17,644
And you should thank me.
33
00:01:17,644 --> 00:01:20,747
Aunt Riva sent you
a $10 savings bond.
34
00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:21,682
That's $5.00 more
35
00:01:21,682 --> 00:01:25,752
than she sent Josh when
he got his man hair.
36
00:01:25,752 --> 00:01:27,320
You have
to have a party.
37
00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:30,156
Mom, I hate being
the center of attention.
38
00:01:30,156 --> 00:01:31,091
If you throw me a party,
39
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:33,259
you'll just make
a big production
out of it
40
00:01:33,259 --> 00:01:35,461
and embarrass me
like you always do.
41
00:01:35,461 --> 00:01:36,496
Like when?
42
00:01:36,496 --> 00:01:38,264
Like my bat mitzvah.
43
00:01:38,264 --> 00:01:40,901
Every other kid gets
to be lifTed on a chair.
44
00:01:40,901 --> 00:01:43,236
I had to be lowered
down on a swing
45
00:01:43,236 --> 00:01:46,740
like Nicole Kidman
in Moulin Rouge.
46
00:01:47,340 --> 00:01:49,810
Well, I wouldn't do
that again.
47
00:01:49,810 --> 00:01:52,746
I don't like to repeat.
48
00:01:52,746 --> 00:01:53,880
Look...
49
00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:55,816
A sweet 16 is
a very special thing.
50
00:01:55,816 --> 00:01:58,719
It's something that
you're always going
to remember.
51
00:01:58,719 --> 00:01:59,886
Yeah, so is
a drunk clown
52
00:01:59,886 --> 00:02:04,424
that vomits
on your best friend
at your fifth birthday.
53
00:02:04,758 --> 00:02:06,426
He had references.
54
00:02:06,426 --> 00:02:08,895
Why can't
you just trust me
55
00:02:08,895 --> 00:02:09,863
and know I know best?
56
00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:12,933
Because I'm not like you.
So, please, ma,
57
00:02:12,933 --> 00:02:16,637
I don't want
to hear any more
about a sweet 16.
58
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:18,371
Fine, fine.
59
00:02:18,371 --> 00:02:21,341
Surprise party it is.
60
00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:25,512
♪ And I ♪
61
00:02:25,512 --> 00:02:27,781
♪ Feel beautiful
right now ♪
62
00:02:27,781 --> 00:02:30,684
♪ For the first time
in a long time ♪
63
00:02:30,684 --> 00:02:33,554
♪ I'm letting
my hair down ♪
64
00:02:33,554 --> 00:02:35,589
♪ And life ♪
65
00:02:35,589 --> 00:02:37,791
♪ Gets better every day ♪
66
00:02:37,791 --> 00:02:40,661
♪ Though it seems
so complicaTed ♪
67
00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:42,228
♪ We're gonna work it out ♪
68
00:02:42,228 --> 00:02:44,765
♪ Whatever comes our way ♪
69
00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:53,273
What are you doing, hon?
70
00:02:53,273 --> 00:02:54,908
I'm trying to
figure out what to do
71
00:02:54,908 --> 00:02:56,943
for Allison's
sweet 16 party.
72
00:02:56,943 --> 00:02:58,745
Oh, what does
she want to do?
73
00:02:58,745 --> 00:03:00,547
You ready for this?
74
00:03:00,547 --> 00:03:02,248
Nothing.
75
00:03:02,783 --> 00:03:04,985
She's not gonna get
her wish, is she?
76
00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:09,222
Not as long as
there's a breath
in my body.
77
00:03:09,422 --> 00:03:11,592
You know,
my parents took me
and my girlfriends,
78
00:03:11,592 --> 00:03:14,327
for my sweet 16,
to Beefsteak Charlie's
79
00:03:14,327 --> 00:03:16,930
'cause they had
a coupon.
80
00:03:19,232 --> 00:03:20,867
I always regreted
that I didn't have
81
00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:23,904
a great party
like Donna Lombardi.
82
00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:26,973
You know, dancing
to hustle music
83
00:03:26,973 --> 00:03:28,775
under a big mirror ball,
84
00:03:28,775 --> 00:03:32,513
her boyfriend dressed
like John Travolta.
85
00:03:32,513 --> 00:03:36,583
You know, from
Saturday Night Fever?
86
00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:39,986
Seventies party. Cool.
87
00:03:42,288 --> 00:03:43,223
Yeah, you know,
88
00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:46,292
we did a lot of those
back in the seventies.
89
00:03:46,292 --> 00:03:47,794
(doorbell rings)
90
00:03:47,794 --> 00:03:49,630
Oh, I'll get it.
91
00:03:49,630 --> 00:03:52,465
It's probably...Ted.
92
00:03:52,465 --> 00:03:54,701
Oh, yeah.
93
00:03:55,435 --> 00:03:57,003
Hi, Ted.
94
00:03:57,003 --> 00:04:00,974
Allison,
your father's here.
95
00:04:02,042 --> 00:04:03,977
(laughing)
96
00:04:03,977 --> 00:04:05,812
That's funny, Fran.
97
00:04:05,812 --> 00:04:09,382
If I had a dollar
for every time
you did that‐‐
98
00:04:09,382 --> 00:04:11,017
I'd get half.
99
00:04:11,017 --> 00:04:12,686
(both laugh)
100
00:04:12,686 --> 00:04:14,354
Hello, Riley.
101
00:04:14,354 --> 00:04:15,155
Hey.
102
00:04:15,155 --> 00:04:18,659
Finished
your paper route,
did you?
103
00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:20,460
Geez, Ted.
104
00:04:20,460 --> 00:04:21,762
I live in
your ex‐house,
105
00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:23,396
I sleep with
your ex‐wife,
106
00:04:23,396 --> 00:04:26,700
and this is how
you treat me?
107
00:04:27,333 --> 00:04:28,401
You know,
I think I'll start
108
00:04:28,401 --> 00:04:30,403
picking Allison up
at the curb.
109
00:04:30,403 --> 00:04:31,471
Allison!
110
00:04:31,471 --> 00:04:33,039
I'll go get her.
111
00:04:33,039 --> 00:04:35,041
Oh, wow!
Look at this!
112
00:04:35,041 --> 00:04:37,310
The lead singer
from Santana is
113
00:04:37,310 --> 00:04:39,379
gonna be playing
at the Club Reload.
114
00:04:39,379 --> 00:04:40,146
Who?
115
00:04:40,146 --> 00:04:42,583
Andy Vargas.
Would you get with it?
116
00:04:42,583 --> 00:04:45,686
I took Allison
to see them in concert
a few months ago,
117
00:04:45,686 --> 00:04:48,689
and she fell
in love with him.
118
00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:49,623
Oh, no.
119
00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:52,559
Shoot. It says that it's
a sold‐out concert.
120
00:04:52,559 --> 00:04:55,095
Ah. That would have been
the perfect thing
121
00:04:55,095 --> 00:04:57,030
for her surprise
sweet 16.
122
00:04:57,030 --> 00:04:57,931
16 already, huh?
123
00:04:57,931 --> 00:04:59,432
Yeah.
124
00:04:59,432 --> 00:05:02,603
I remember when
you were in labor
with her...
125
00:05:02,603 --> 00:05:04,671
Screaming that
you hated me
126
00:05:04,671 --> 00:05:07,107
and I'd ruined your life.
127
00:05:07,107 --> 00:05:09,710
Or was that
our anniversary?
128
00:05:10,677 --> 00:05:12,813
You know, Ted,
as I recall,
129
00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:14,380
that was our marriage.
130
00:05:14,380 --> 00:05:16,583
Hey, if I were you,
I'd be nicer to me.
131
00:05:16,583 --> 00:05:20,053
My girlfriend
Laurie Dean works
for a record company.
132
00:05:20,053 --> 00:05:23,123
She might be able
to score you those
Andy vargas tickets.
133
00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:26,359
Really? You think
she could get
the tickets?
134
00:05:26,359 --> 00:05:27,093
Absolutely.
135
00:05:27,093 --> 00:05:30,096
Well, who would
have thought?
136
00:05:30,096 --> 00:05:31,632
For the first time,
137
00:05:31,632 --> 00:05:36,336
your having sex is
giving me pleasure.
138
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:44,911
Oh, Gregory.
139
00:05:44,911 --> 00:05:47,614
I just love
shopping with you.
140
00:05:47,614 --> 00:05:48,715
You're such
a good friend.
141
00:05:48,715 --> 00:05:52,719
Ooh, wow,
would you look at this?
142
00:05:52,719 --> 00:05:53,620
Oh, my God.
143
00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:57,924
The last Donna Karan,
in my size, on sale.
144
00:05:57,924 --> 00:05:58,959
(sighs)
145
00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:00,527
if Cuba Gooding
was standing naked
146
00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:03,897
in front of me
right now,
I could die.
147
00:06:03,897 --> 00:06:07,634
Oh, look!
A Queer Eye for
the Straight Guy guy!
148
00:06:07,634 --> 00:06:08,702
That's Kyan!
149
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:11,938
Ooh. I have
to go ask him
if he does girls.
150
00:06:11,938 --> 00:06:13,473
Oh!
151
00:06:13,473 --> 00:06:14,675
No, you don't.
152
00:06:14,675 --> 00:06:15,742
But, I mean,
for Allison.
153
00:06:15,742 --> 00:06:18,612
Wouldn't it be great
if he gave them
all makeovers
154
00:06:18,612 --> 00:06:21,147
to look glamorous
for the concert?
155
00:06:21,147 --> 00:06:22,048
Hmm.
156
00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:23,584
Oh. Introduce me?
157
00:06:23,584 --> 00:06:25,185
Fran, contrary
to popular belief,
158
00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:28,989
not all gay men
know each other.
159
00:06:29,823 --> 00:06:32,125
Gregory?
160
00:06:32,759 --> 00:06:33,660
Hi, Kyan.
161
00:06:33,660 --> 00:06:34,795
It's been a while.
162
00:06:34,795 --> 00:06:36,496
Yes. Nice
to see you.
163
00:06:36,496 --> 00:06:37,497
Yeah.
164
00:06:37,497 --> 00:06:39,766
Oh, I'm sorry.
This is my neighbor
Fran Reeves.
165
00:06:39,766 --> 00:06:42,035
HI. Oh, it's so nice
to meet you.
166
00:06:42,035 --> 00:06:43,036
I love your show.
167
00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:46,039
Yours is
the best gay show
since Frasier.
168
00:06:46,039 --> 00:06:48,008
Thank you.
169
00:06:48,441 --> 00:06:50,711
You're still bitter.
170
00:06:50,711 --> 00:06:52,813
He thinks
I stole his job.
171
00:06:52,813 --> 00:06:54,214
Gregory,
they needed a stylist.
172
00:06:54,214 --> 00:06:56,683
Your area was
estate planning.
173
00:06:56,683 --> 00:06:58,484
What can I do
to make it up to you?
174
00:06:58,484 --> 00:07:00,621
Well, you know
what you can do?
175
00:07:00,621 --> 00:07:01,988
You could do
makeup makeovers
176
00:07:01,988 --> 00:07:04,791
for my daughter Allison
and all her friends
177
00:07:04,791 --> 00:07:06,860
for her sweet 16 party.
178
00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:08,161
How will that
make it up to me?
179
00:07:08,161 --> 00:07:11,565
Ask him,
or this sweater
gets it.
180
00:07:11,565 --> 00:07:12,766
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa.
181
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:14,134
Look, Gregory.
182
00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:17,771
I'll do it.
Just don't hurt
the innocent sweater.
183
00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:25,812
Kyan, I want you
to meet my son
and boyfriend.
184
00:07:25,812 --> 00:07:28,014
Aw, cute couple.
185
00:07:28,014 --> 00:07:30,551
How long
have you guys
been together?
186
00:07:30,551 --> 00:07:31,685
Oh, no, no, no.
187
00:07:31,685 --> 00:07:32,886
This is my son,
188
00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:35,188
and this is
my boyfriend.
189
00:07:35,188 --> 00:07:37,691
Yes, Kyan is
my big surprise
190
00:07:37,691 --> 00:07:39,726
for Allison's
birthday.
191
00:07:39,726 --> 00:07:41,628
I'm gonna go
tell the girls.
192
00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:43,730
So, do you guys
wanna be part
of the makeover?
193
00:07:43,730 --> 00:07:47,167
I could
turn you into
a real chick magnet.
194
00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:48,869
Thanks, but...
195
00:07:48,869 --> 00:07:50,070
Okay.
196
00:07:50,070 --> 00:07:52,005
Okay, go upstairs.
197
00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:54,975
And you‐‐let's see.
198
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:55,976
You...
199
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:58,144
No, you're done.
200
00:07:58,512 --> 00:08:01,047
So, really,
there's nothing
you'd change about me?
201
00:08:01,047 --> 00:08:02,983
Ooh, maybe one thing,
but they say
202
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:06,486
you're just born
that way.
203
00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:10,924
You want a drink?
Yeah, how about a cosmo?
204
00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:12,092
Cosmo.
205
00:08:12,092 --> 00:08:14,561
Oh, my God.
Are you Kyan?
206
00:08:14,561 --> 00:08:15,228
Yeah.
207
00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:17,964
You are! We love
your show!
208
00:08:17,964 --> 00:08:18,965
Thank you.
209
00:08:18,965 --> 00:08:20,667
Surprise.
210
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:23,870
Happy birthday!
211
00:08:23,870 --> 00:08:25,038
Hey.
212
00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:25,906
Hi.
213
00:08:25,906 --> 00:08:27,774
Mother, I tell you not
to make a big deal
214
00:08:27,774 --> 00:08:29,242
out of my birthday,
and so, you decide
215
00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:32,112
to broadcast it on
national television?
216
00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:34,114
Oh, right.
Like I'm gonna let
217
00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:35,649
a camera crew
in here when
218
00:08:35,649 --> 00:08:38,184
I haven't gotten
a mani‐pedi
this week?
219
00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:40,020
But, you know,
220
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:41,622
I could send
Kyan home
221
00:08:41,622 --> 00:08:45,759
if you girls
don't want
private makeovers.
222
00:08:45,759 --> 00:08:49,329
Allison,
this is so cool.
223
00:08:49,329 --> 00:08:50,897
And then, of course,
224
00:08:50,897 --> 00:08:53,099
when you're
all dolled up,
225
00:08:53,099 --> 00:08:53,967
well...
226
00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:56,136
You need
to go somewhere,
227
00:08:56,136 --> 00:08:58,004
like the Andy vargas
concert.
228
00:08:58,004 --> 00:09:01,107
Oh, my‐‐
Oh, my god!
229
00:09:01,107 --> 00:09:02,342
So, you completely
ignored me
230
00:09:02,342 --> 00:09:05,011
and did exactly
what I asked you
not to do?
231
00:09:05,011 --> 00:09:07,113
Yeah.
Can you forgive me?
232
00:09:07,113 --> 00:09:09,650
Yes, I'll try.
233
00:09:14,788 --> 00:09:15,689
God,
234
00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:16,757
you girls look
so much older.
235
00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:21,194
I know.
I could totally get
into a bar right now.
236
00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:25,866
Oh, my god.
237
00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:28,134
Hottie at 12:00.
238
00:09:28,134 --> 00:09:31,337
Wow, josh.
You look amazing, man.
239
00:09:31,337 --> 00:09:32,338
Why aren't you smiling?
240
00:09:32,338 --> 00:09:37,077
I'm afraid
my bronzer will crack
like pavement.
241
00:09:38,612 --> 00:09:41,147
(saxophone playing)
242
00:09:46,052 --> 00:09:49,122
KYAN: Fan's getting
heavy, Fran.
243
00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:53,193
Oh, all right.
Put it down.
244
00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:57,163
I've got
a portable one
in my purse, anyway.
245
00:09:57,163 --> 00:09:58,799
Well, look
who got caught
246
00:09:58,799 --> 00:10:00,734
in the gorgeous
machine.
247
00:10:00,734 --> 00:10:02,235
Ah ah ah ah!
248
00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:04,170
Wet paint.
249
00:10:04,170 --> 00:10:05,171
Thanks, Kyan.
250
00:10:05,171 --> 00:10:07,173
Aw, you're welcome.
Air kiss.
251
00:10:07,173 --> 00:10:08,642
BOTH: Mwah! Mwah!
252
00:10:08,642 --> 00:10:10,276
Girls, have
a good night, ok?
253
00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:12,679
Good night.
Thank you so much.
254
00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:13,346
Bye!
255
00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:15,081
Bye! We love you!
Have fun.
256
00:10:15,081 --> 00:10:17,417
Hey, Kyan, this is
great, but how can
I do this every day?
257
00:10:17,417 --> 00:10:21,054
You can't.
Just enjoy your night,
Cinderella.
258
00:10:21,822 --> 00:10:24,090
Okay, ladies.
Go upstairs,
get your purses.
259
00:10:24,090 --> 00:10:27,894
We don't wanna keep
Andy waiting.
260
00:10:27,894 --> 00:10:29,129
Oh, honey,
261
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:31,131
are you sure
you can't come tonight?
262
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:33,033
Babe, it's not
up to me.
263
00:10:33,033 --> 00:10:34,167
These inspectors are
so busy that
264
00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:35,936
you gotta go
when they're available.
265
00:10:35,936 --> 00:10:38,304
I know, but I never
had a sweet 16.
266
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:42,175
And I was hoping
that we could enjoy
Allison's together.
267
00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:45,846
Oh, believe me.
I'd rather be spending
the night with you
268
00:10:45,846 --> 00:10:47,147
than crawling
under my building
269
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:48,915
with a 300‐pound
rat inspector
270
00:10:48,915 --> 00:10:52,919
who keeps saying,
"Follow the poop."
271
00:10:54,420 --> 00:10:55,355
That's sweet.
272
00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:58,859
Make sure you bathe
before you come to bed.
273
00:10:58,859 --> 00:11:00,193
Mwah, mwah.
274
00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:01,394
See you.
275
00:11:01,394 --> 00:11:03,664
Love you.
276
00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:05,431
Joshie, what
are you doing?
277
00:11:05,431 --> 00:11:07,267
I'm taking my picture
and sending it
278
00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:11,171
to every woman who's
ever turned me down.
279
00:11:12,773 --> 00:11:14,240
You still have
their numbers?
280
00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:18,311
Oh, yeah. I knew
this day would come.
281
00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:21,882
Let me get
my car keys.
282
00:11:22,849 --> 00:11:24,751
(knocking)
Oh!
283
00:11:24,751 --> 00:11:26,319
Ted!
284
00:11:29,055 --> 00:11:30,390
What are you
doing here?
285
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:31,958
Where's Allison?
286
00:11:31,958 --> 00:11:34,160
She's upstairs.
We're getting ready
to leave.
287
00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:37,130
Uh, you might want
to rethink that.
288
00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:38,064
Uh‐oh.
289
00:11:38,064 --> 00:11:40,066
Turns out
Laurie couldn't
get the tickets.
290
00:11:40,066 --> 00:11:41,868
The tickets aren't
at the box office?
291
00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:45,171
You told me
that she worked for
Andy's record label.
292
00:11:45,171 --> 00:11:47,140
She dumped you,
didn't she?
293
00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:50,310
Yes and no.
294
00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:52,078
Mainly yes.
295
00:11:52,445 --> 00:11:53,413
Well, let me guess‐‐
296
00:11:53,413 --> 00:11:57,050
you hit on
her secretary,
and she caught you.
297
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:58,184
Wrong.
298
00:11:58,184 --> 00:11:59,219
Nowadays,
they call them
assistants.
299
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:02,288
Look, just give her
this card from me,
would you?
300
00:12:02,288 --> 00:12:05,491
Oh, Ted,
Allison is going
to be crushed.
301
00:12:05,491 --> 00:12:06,860
I know that,
302
00:12:06,860 --> 00:12:08,461
and I've figured out
what to do.
303
00:12:08,461 --> 00:12:10,296
What?
You tell her.
304
00:12:10,296 --> 00:12:11,765
Cheers.
305
00:12:11,765 --> 00:12:12,899
Ted!
306
00:12:12,899 --> 00:12:14,300
Ted!
307
00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:17,270
You know,
I never thought
I'd say this,
308
00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:19,372
but come back!
309
00:12:26,547 --> 00:12:30,984
I'm Fran
Cougar Mellencamp.
310
00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:33,554
Vice‐president of
311
00:12:33,554 --> 00:12:38,525
Artist International
Management Management
limited.
312
00:12:39,125 --> 00:12:40,493
You're not
on the list.
313
00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:42,162
Well, that's impossible.
314
00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:44,164
Do you know who this
young man is?
315
00:12:44,164 --> 00:12:50,170
This is up‐and‐coming
Latin star
Josh Inglesiendez.
316
00:12:51,071 --> 00:12:53,073
Hola.
317
00:12:53,073 --> 00:12:57,043
And he is
a personal guest
of Andy vargas.
318
00:12:57,043 --> 00:12:58,478
I don't see him
on the list, either.
319
00:12:58,478 --> 00:13:00,280
Hey, Mom,
what's going on?
320
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:03,416
Nothing, honey.
Everything's okay.
321
00:13:03,416 --> 00:13:06,119
Now, listen.
There's gotta be
a mistake here.
322
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:09,322
Perhaps Mr. Inglesiendez
is under an alias name.
323
00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:12,058
Let me just check
that list. Uh‐huh.
324
00:13:12,058 --> 00:13:14,427
Oh, yeah, there he is.
Stu Klebanov.
325
00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:16,029
ok, come on,
everybody. Come in.
326
00:13:16,029 --> 00:13:18,098
I'm sorry, ma'am.
You're going
to have to leave.
327
00:13:18,098 --> 00:13:21,334
Mom, why don't you just
give him the tickets?
You're making a scene.
328
00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:22,102
No, I'm not. Oh!
329
00:13:22,102 --> 00:13:24,304
Andy, Andy, I have
to talk to you.
330
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:26,540
Would you mind giving
a 16‐year‐old girl
331
00:13:26,540 --> 00:13:29,610
who loves you
a night to remember?
332
00:13:29,610 --> 00:13:32,178
Uh, lady, I think
you got the wrong guy.
333
00:13:32,178 --> 00:13:34,147
Oh, my god.
Kill me now.
334
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:35,148
Oh, no, no.
335
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:36,082
I'm sorry, ma'am.
336
00:13:36,082 --> 00:13:38,351
But we'll pray for you
in our prayer circle.
337
00:13:38,351 --> 00:13:39,986
No! Andy!
338
00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:43,023
She's got
2 girlfriends with her!
339
00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:44,124
Andy! Wait!
340
00:13:44,124 --> 00:13:45,191
That's it.
Let's go.
341
00:13:45,191 --> 00:13:47,027
Oh! Oh! Oh!
It's ok, Allison.
342
00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:48,595
I've got everything
under control.
343
00:13:48,595 --> 00:13:52,098
Oh! No! No!
Wait a minute!
344
00:13:52,098 --> 00:13:54,100
Laurie Dean is
a friend of mine.
345
00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:57,203
She works for
Andy's record label.
346
00:13:57,203 --> 00:13:58,839
Aah!
347
00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:01,141
You know Laurie?
Yeah, uh‐huh!
348
00:14:01,141 --> 00:14:02,008
What's she look like?
349
00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:05,546
Uh, ooh, blonde,
good boobs, tight butt.
350
00:14:05,546 --> 00:14:07,480
Lousy taste in men.
351
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:09,415
That's Laurie.
Let me get her.
352
00:14:09,415 --> 00:14:12,052
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
353
00:14:12,052 --> 00:14:13,153
How do you know
what Laurie look like?
354
00:14:13,153 --> 00:14:16,189
Oh, I don't.
I just described
every receptionist
355
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:19,425
your father ever...
Hired.
356
00:14:20,093 --> 00:14:22,095
What's going on?
Why aren't we inside?
357
00:14:22,095 --> 00:14:25,098
Nothing.
Everything's fine.
358
00:14:25,098 --> 00:14:26,332
Mom, this is
so embarrassing.
359
00:14:26,332 --> 00:14:27,601
Why can't
we go right now?
360
00:14:27,601 --> 00:14:28,635
No, sweetie, no.
361
00:14:28,635 --> 00:14:32,338
Mommy's in the middle of
a very complicated lie.
362
00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:35,008
HI. I'm Laurie.
363
00:14:35,008 --> 00:14:39,145
HI. Hi, Laurie.
Mwah! Oh!
364
00:14:39,913 --> 00:14:40,914
Do I know you?
365
00:14:40,914 --> 00:14:42,649
Do I know you!
366
00:14:42,649 --> 00:14:43,550
Actually, you don't.
367
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:48,254
But we share
a pain in the ass
in common.
368
00:14:48,254 --> 00:14:50,924
I'm Ted Reeves'
ex‐wife.
369
00:14:50,924 --> 00:14:52,458
Ohh.
370
00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:53,660
Listen, Laurie‐‐
371
00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:55,361
you know those tickets
that you promised Ted?
372
00:14:55,361 --> 00:14:58,532
They were really
for my 16‐year‐old
daughter's birthday.
373
00:14:58,532 --> 00:15:01,635
She's standing
right over there
with her friends.
374
00:15:01,635 --> 00:15:02,703
She's only 16?
375
00:15:02,703 --> 00:15:07,173
Uh‐huh.
I got a queer guy
to make her over.
376
00:15:07,941 --> 00:15:11,477
Hey, you did
a great job!
377
00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:14,948
She better
let us in now.
378
00:15:14,948 --> 00:15:16,950
Listen, Laurie‐‐
you know, me, you,
379
00:15:16,950 --> 00:15:20,020
and so many
other women have been
disappointed by Ted.
380
00:15:20,020 --> 00:15:24,490
Do we have to add
my daughter to the list?
381
00:15:24,658 --> 00:15:26,326
Okay, you're in.
382
00:15:26,326 --> 00:15:26,993
Oh, thank you!
383
00:15:26,993 --> 00:15:28,461
I'm forever
indebted to you.
384
00:15:28,461 --> 00:15:30,196
Oh, no,
it's all right.
I so understand.
385
00:15:30,196 --> 00:15:31,698
You know, I wanted
a sweet 16, too,
but my mother‐‐
386
00:15:31,698 --> 00:15:34,668
Yeah, yeah. You know,
I think I hear
the band playing.
387
00:15:34,668 --> 00:15:36,737
Come on, girls.
388
00:15:36,737 --> 00:15:41,174
♪ Don't know what
it is about you girl ♪
389
00:15:41,174 --> 00:15:45,211
♪ I'm here, there
for you, girl ♪
390
00:15:46,179 --> 00:15:48,214
♪ When I think... ♪
391
00:15:48,214 --> 00:15:50,083
You look famous.
392
00:15:50,083 --> 00:15:53,419
Are you somebody
I should know?
393
00:15:53,419 --> 00:15:55,556
If there's a god, yes.
394
00:15:55,556 --> 00:15:58,324
No, seriously,
are you in
a boy band?
395
00:15:58,324 --> 00:16:01,194
(scoffs)
Well...
396
00:16:04,497 --> 00:16:06,232
Guess not.
397
00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:07,701
I hate boy bands,
anyway.
398
00:16:07,701 --> 00:16:11,137
Oh, yeah. Me too.
They are so over.
399
00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:12,706
I'm Josh.
I'm Tina.
400
00:16:12,706 --> 00:16:14,307
Who are
you here with?
401
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:15,709
My mom.
402
00:16:15,709 --> 00:16:18,311
(chuckles)
You're funny!
403
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,113
Okay.
404
00:16:20,714 --> 00:16:22,716
♪ I can't be noble now ♪
405
00:16:22,716 --> 00:16:27,721
♪ You got me fallin'
all over myself ♪
406
00:16:27,721 --> 00:16:31,091
♪ Just like tequila ♪
407
00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:32,292
This is so cool.
408
00:16:32,292 --> 00:16:33,760
We're practically
onstage!
409
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:37,297
Yeah! Sweat
from Andy's forehead
just hit me!
410
00:16:37,297 --> 00:16:38,532
I want some!
411
00:16:38,532 --> 00:16:41,702
Andy! Sweat on this!
412
00:16:41,702 --> 00:16:45,606
♪ 'Cause you're always good
for another round ♪
413
00:16:45,606 --> 00:16:49,710
♪ And it starts
all over again ♪
414
00:16:49,710 --> 00:16:53,113
♪ Just like tequila ♪
415
00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:54,214
♪ When I see ya ♪
416
00:16:54,214 --> 00:16:57,618
Look at her, dancing
up there in front
417
00:16:57,618 --> 00:16:59,520
of 800 strangers.
418
00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:01,454
But a bat mitzvah
swing in front
419
00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:04,558
of her grandparents
is too showy.
420
00:17:04,558 --> 00:17:06,660
♪ Just like, mmm, yeah ♪
421
00:17:06,660 --> 00:17:08,428
♪ Mm, with a little lime ♪
422
00:17:08,428 --> 00:17:11,397
♪ Just like tequila,
come on ♪
423
00:17:11,397 --> 00:17:12,833
♪ When I see ya ♪
424
00:17:12,833 --> 00:17:13,867
♪ Throw your hands up ♪
425
00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:17,571
♪ You make me crazy,messing with my mind ♪
426
00:17:17,571 --> 00:17:20,507
♪ Just like tequila ♪
427
00:17:20,507 --> 00:17:22,142
♪ When I see ya ♪
428
00:17:22,142 --> 00:17:24,778
♪ I just want a chaser... ♪
429
00:17:24,778 --> 00:17:25,779
♪ Tequila ♪
430
00:17:25,779 --> 00:17:27,748
♪ I'm gonna
feel her ♪
431
00:17:27,748 --> 00:17:29,315
Hi, Esther.
432
00:17:29,315 --> 00:17:31,484
Come to mama.
433
00:17:31,484 --> 00:17:33,720
Oh, Allison,
I am so glad
434
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:36,590
you and your girlfriends
had a good time.
435
00:17:36,590 --> 00:17:37,791
But, I gotta tell you,
436
00:17:37,791 --> 00:17:40,561
I think it was
a little tacky
of that Rachel
437
00:17:40,561 --> 00:17:44,297
to ask Andy
to sign her butt.
438
00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:48,368
I mean, after all,
you're the birthday girl.
439
00:17:49,302 --> 00:17:50,070
Hey, what is this?
440
00:17:50,070 --> 00:17:53,674
Oh, it's a card
from your father.
441
00:17:55,542 --> 00:17:57,343
"Sorry I couldn't
get the tickets.
442
00:17:57,343 --> 00:17:59,479
Happy sweet 16.
Love, Daddy."
443
00:17:59,479 --> 00:18:00,681
Why didn't you tell me
444
00:18:00,681 --> 00:18:02,816
it was Dad's fault
we couldn't get tickets?
445
00:18:02,816 --> 00:18:04,150
Oh, sweetie.
446
00:18:04,150 --> 00:18:06,452
I didn't want you
to spend your birthday
447
00:18:06,452 --> 00:18:08,522
being mad
at your father.
448
00:18:08,522 --> 00:18:12,392
But don't worry.
I was mad for us both.
449
00:18:12,859 --> 00:18:13,827
Mommy?
What?
450
00:18:13,827 --> 00:18:17,564
I gotta hand it to you.
Tonight did not suck.
451
00:18:18,198 --> 00:18:20,233
Now that we know
that mama knows best,
452
00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:24,437
I want you to keep
2 words in the back
of your head, okay?
453
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:27,541
Wedding safari.
454
00:18:28,308 --> 00:18:29,209
No. Not a chance.
455
00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:30,811
But you know what?
When I have a daughter,
456
00:18:30,811 --> 00:18:32,813
and she comes to me
and wants a sweet 16,
457
00:18:32,813 --> 00:18:35,849
I'm gonna say,
"let Grandma do it."
458
00:18:35,849 --> 00:18:37,918
I love you.
459
00:18:37,918 --> 00:18:39,620
I love you.
460
00:18:39,620 --> 00:18:42,155
No, she had to waste
a beautiful moment
461
00:18:42,155 --> 00:18:44,390
calling me "Grandma."
462
00:18:45,191 --> 00:18:47,661
(man screams)
463
00:18:47,661 --> 00:18:49,563
Just me, Gregory.
464
00:18:49,563 --> 00:18:53,567
(sighs) Well,
apparently I'm scaring
the neighbors now.
465
00:18:53,567 --> 00:18:55,836
Guess I'm not
pretty anymore.
466
00:18:55,836 --> 00:18:57,203
Oh, darling.
467
00:18:57,203 --> 00:18:59,573
You are beautiful
inside and out,
468
00:18:59,573 --> 00:19:01,341
with or without
a makeover.
469
00:19:01,341 --> 00:19:03,944
Yeah, yeah.
Beauty's only skin deep.
470
00:19:03,944 --> 00:19:06,913
And mine's melting.
471
00:19:06,913 --> 00:19:07,681
(telephone rings)
472
00:19:07,681 --> 00:19:10,651
Who the hell is that
at this hour?
473
00:19:10,651 --> 00:19:12,352
Hello?
474
00:19:12,352 --> 00:19:13,720
Hi, Tina.
475
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:14,955
She found
my cell phone.
476
00:19:14,955 --> 00:19:18,759
A drink? Yeah, sure.
I‐‐I'd love to.
477
00:19:18,759 --> 00:19:21,261
Okay, I'll be right there.
478
00:19:21,261 --> 00:19:22,829
I still got it.
479
00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:24,464
Yes, you do.
480
00:19:24,464 --> 00:19:26,700
GREGORY:
Oh, my god!
481
00:19:26,700 --> 00:19:29,936
Yeah, I'll take
a shower first.
482
00:19:29,936 --> 00:19:31,938
Okay.
483
00:19:31,938 --> 00:19:34,407
Oh.
484
00:19:34,875 --> 00:19:38,378
Okay. Good night,
little girl.
485
00:19:38,378 --> 00:19:39,913
(romantic music plays)
486
00:19:39,913 --> 00:19:42,315
♪ Last dance ♪
487
00:19:42,315 --> 00:19:45,519
♪ Last chance ♪
488
00:19:45,519 --> 00:19:48,889
♪ For love ♪
489
00:19:50,891 --> 00:19:51,625
Riley.
490
00:19:51,625 --> 00:19:56,997
♪ Yes, it's my last chance ♪
491
00:19:56,997 --> 00:19:59,800
♪ For romance ♪
492
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:01,367
♪ Tonight... ♪
493
00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:02,903
Oh, Riley.
494
00:20:02,903 --> 00:20:04,538
Happy sweet 16.
495
00:20:04,538 --> 00:20:06,006
Wanna dance?
496
00:20:06,006 --> 00:20:07,240
Oh,
497
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:11,011
I can't believe
you did all this.
498
00:20:11,011 --> 00:20:12,979
How did you get
everything?
499
00:20:12,979 --> 00:20:15,281
Well, Kyan leant me
the suit,
500
00:20:15,281 --> 00:20:17,984
Gregory gave me one
of his disco balls.
501
00:20:18,919 --> 00:20:21,588
Oh, this is
the sweet 16
502
00:20:21,588 --> 00:20:24,324
I've always wanted.
503
00:20:24,324 --> 00:20:25,992
Sexy music,
504
00:20:25,992 --> 00:20:28,929
dancing under
a mirror ball,
505
00:20:28,929 --> 00:20:30,931
my boyfriend dressed
506
00:20:30,931 --> 00:20:34,300
like John Travolta.
507
00:20:34,935 --> 00:20:38,271
It only took
another 16 years,
508
00:20:38,271 --> 00:20:41,775
but it was worth it.
509
00:20:41,775 --> 00:20:43,510
16?
510
00:20:43,510 --> 00:20:46,980
Shut up and kiss me.
511
00:20:52,052 --> 00:20:53,787
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