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1
00:00:06,773 --> 00:00:08,675
Good morning.
2
00:00:08,675 --> 00:00:12,478
Whoa, that was quite
a morning workout.
3
00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:16,717
Boy, you found
spots on me
4
00:00:16,717 --> 00:00:19,586
I didn't even
know I had.
5
00:00:19,586 --> 00:00:23,156
I think I set off
some car alarms.
6
00:00:23,156 --> 00:00:25,225
No, babe, that was you.
7
00:00:25,792 --> 00:00:28,128
How'd you get
so good at that?
8
00:00:28,128 --> 00:00:30,230
I love what I do.
9
00:00:30,230 --> 00:00:31,698
You know,
Denise's husband
10
00:00:31,698 --> 00:00:33,834
hasn't done it
since the Eighties.
11
00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:35,636
And Rachel's
husband Artie
12
00:00:35,636 --> 00:00:38,739
refuses to do it
unless he's drunk.
13
00:00:38,739 --> 00:00:39,840
That's too bad.
14
00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:43,076
Not really.
Artie's an alcoholic.
15
00:00:43,644 --> 00:00:47,080
Oh, and you know
Karen's husband Tom
16
00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:49,650
leans so far
to the right,
17
00:00:49,650 --> 00:00:53,353
you'd never know
he was a Democrat.
18
00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:57,724
What?
19
00:00:57,724 --> 00:00:59,626
Is this
the kind of stuff
20
00:00:59,626 --> 00:01:01,828
that you and your
girlfriends talk about?
21
00:01:01,828 --> 00:01:04,264
Oh, no.
We talk about
lots of things.
22
00:01:04,264 --> 00:01:06,767
We talk about, uh...
23
00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:11,171
Yeah, that's pretty much
all we talk about.
24
00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:14,374
You, uh, you talk
about us that way?
25
00:01:14,374 --> 00:01:16,577
Oh, I wouldn't
call it talking
26
00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:19,312
as much as bragging.
27
00:01:19,312 --> 00:01:21,715
Frannie, I'm not
real comfortable
28
00:01:21,715 --> 00:01:24,150
with you discussing us
with your girlfriends.
29
00:01:24,150 --> 00:01:25,085
Oh, come on!
30
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:27,788
Don't you brag
to your friends
about me?
31
00:01:27,788 --> 00:01:28,789
No.
32
00:01:28,789 --> 00:01:31,157
Well, why not?
33
00:01:31,558 --> 00:01:33,326
Because guys
don't do that
34
00:01:33,326 --> 00:01:34,861
once they get serious
with a woman.
35
00:01:34,861 --> 00:01:37,130
Now, the first
couple weeks,
I was getting high‐fives
36
00:01:37,130 --> 00:01:40,133
from strangers
in elevators.
37
00:01:40,133 --> 00:01:41,267
But now that
we live together,
38
00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:43,504
what happens in our bedroom
should stay in our bedroom.
39
00:01:43,504 --> 00:01:47,674
Please, don't talk
to your girlfriends
about our sex life.
40
00:01:47,674 --> 00:01:48,909
Ok.
41
00:01:48,909 --> 00:01:50,544
But you're not only
disappointing me,
42
00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:53,614
you're disappointing
Karen and Rachel
and Denise
43
00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:55,849
and my manicurist
and her interpreter.
44
00:01:55,849 --> 00:01:59,853
Oh, and Rabbi
Schwartzman's sister.
45
00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:05,659
She lives alone.
She's got nothing.
46
00:02:05,659 --> 00:02:07,260
♪ And I ♪
47
00:02:07,260 --> 00:02:09,663
♪ Feel beautiful
right now ♪
48
00:02:09,663 --> 00:02:12,666
♪ For the first time
in a long time ♪
49
00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:15,502
♪ I'm letting my hair down ♪
50
00:02:15,502 --> 00:02:17,470
♪ And life ♪
51
00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:19,840
♪ Gets better every day ♪
52
00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:22,843
♪ Though it seems
so complicated ♪
53
00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:24,377
♪ We're gonna work it out ♪
54
00:02:24,377 --> 00:02:28,615
♪ Whatever comes our way ♪
55
00:02:34,921 --> 00:02:36,823
So Riley told you
not to talk
56
00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:39,259
about you and him
with your friends?
57
00:02:39,259 --> 00:02:40,561
That's right.
58
00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:42,729
And I can't talk to you
about my sex life
59
00:02:42,729 --> 00:02:44,665
because, well,
you're my daughter.
60
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:46,332
And I can't
talk to my mother
61
00:02:46,332 --> 00:02:48,835
about my sex life
because, well,
62
00:02:48,835 --> 00:02:52,873
she still refers to it
as her wifely duty.
63
00:02:53,206 --> 00:02:54,140
Do me a favor.
64
00:02:54,140 --> 00:02:55,642
Whenever you talk
about Grandma and
sex,
65
00:02:55,642 --> 00:02:56,510
give me
a small warning,
66
00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:59,713
like a tornado siren
or a giant flare.
67
00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:04,184
We were actually saving those
for when you hook up.
68
00:03:06,319 --> 00:03:07,888
Josh, don't forget,
tomorrow you have
69
00:03:07,888 --> 00:03:09,823
a dentist appointment
at 11:00.
70
00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:11,992
Ooh, right.
Think I might cancel.
71
00:03:11,992 --> 00:03:13,493
Josh, don't you realize
72
00:03:13,493 --> 00:03:17,197
that the teeth are
the windows to the soul?
73
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:18,331
That's eyes.
74
00:03:18,331 --> 00:03:19,966
Who's gonna be
looking at your eyes
75
00:03:19,966 --> 00:03:23,236
when you
got no teeth?
76
00:03:23,236 --> 00:03:25,872
It's just that
I haven't seen
Dr. Pressman in 5 years.
77
00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:27,440
He's gonna be so upset
when I tell him
78
00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:28,875
I got kicked out
of medical school.
79
00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:30,644
I'm your mother,
and I survived.
80
00:03:30,644 --> 00:03:34,380
I'm sure Mr. Spit and rinse
can deal with it.
81
00:03:34,380 --> 00:03:38,018
Yeah, but Pressman wrote me
a letter of recommendation,
82
00:03:38,018 --> 00:03:39,853
and now I've
left medical school,
83
00:03:39,853 --> 00:03:40,954
and I rarely floss.
84
00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:42,989
I've let him down
in so many ways.
85
00:03:42,989 --> 00:03:43,924
(doorbell rings)
86
00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:46,560
Oh, I'll get it.
87
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,428
Oh!
88
00:03:48,428 --> 00:03:49,429
Hi!
89
00:03:49,429 --> 00:03:51,497
Hey.
90
00:03:51,965 --> 00:03:53,667
Mwah! Mwah!
91
00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:56,402
I brought party pics
and plantains!
92
00:03:56,402 --> 00:03:57,638
Excellent. Come on in.
93
00:03:57,638 --> 00:03:58,972
Josh,
I'd like you to meet
94
00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:00,541
our new
neighbor Gregory.
95
00:04:00,541 --> 00:04:01,575
He bought
the Breslin house.
96
00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:04,277
Hi. So you're
Josh the doctor?
97
00:04:04,277 --> 00:04:06,613
I'm sorry.
I mean almost doctor.
98
00:04:06,613 --> 00:04:07,614
I was almost straight
99
00:04:07,614 --> 00:04:10,884
until I left the prom
with a guy named Ralph.
100
00:04:10,884 --> 00:04:11,952
Ok.
101
00:04:11,952 --> 00:04:14,955
Well, I need to go.
I gotta figure out
102
00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:17,390
a way to break
a dentist's heart.
103
00:04:17,390 --> 00:04:18,191
Ooh.
104
00:04:18,191 --> 00:04:19,826
I broke a podiatrist's
heart once.
105
00:04:19,826 --> 00:04:21,562
It's not easy.
106
00:04:21,562 --> 00:04:24,397
Hey, are those
the pictures
from your wedding?
107
00:04:24,397 --> 00:04:25,799
Yes. You mean
our "civil union"?
108
00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:29,035
Oh, yeah.
Our fearless leaders
are just so romantic.
109
00:04:29,035 --> 00:04:29,770
I know.
110
00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:31,337
I don't care
what you call it.
111
00:04:31,337 --> 00:04:34,407
All I know is
I had a honeymoon...
112
00:04:34,407 --> 00:04:35,275
In Havana.
113
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:38,879
Ooh! Was Fidel Castro
at your wedding?
114
00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:40,647
No. That's
David's mother.
115
00:04:40,647 --> 00:04:42,448
At least
you're gonna know
116
00:04:42,448 --> 00:04:43,717
what he looks like
in 20 years.
117
00:04:43,717 --> 00:04:45,852
Come on,
let's have some coffee.
118
00:04:45,852 --> 00:04:47,387
All right.
119
00:04:47,387 --> 00:04:48,989
Oh, Frannie, you know,
if you and Riley
120
00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:51,692
ever have any boredom
in the bedroom,
121
00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:53,827
may I suggest
a honeymoon in Cuba?
122
00:04:53,827 --> 00:04:55,596
Good to know.
123
00:04:55,596 --> 00:04:56,997
But I guess
you guys are still
124
00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:58,865
in that first year
passion palooza.
125
00:04:58,865 --> 00:05:01,635
Am I right,
or am I right?
126
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:05,038
I can't really say.
127
00:05:05,038 --> 00:05:05,872
Oh, no.
128
00:05:05,872 --> 00:05:10,376
Is it an issue
of quality or quantity?
129
00:05:11,077 --> 00:05:11,945
Um...
130
00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:14,480
Oh, my god,
it's both.
131
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:17,117
Tell Gregory
everything.
132
00:05:17,117 --> 00:05:19,953
I can't! I can't!
133
00:05:19,953 --> 00:05:21,888
Oh, my god, sweetie.
Is it that bad?
134
00:05:21,888 --> 00:05:24,424
No, it's great!
135
00:05:24,424 --> 00:05:26,492
But I promised Riley
I wouldn't talk
136
00:05:26,492 --> 00:05:30,030
about my sex life
with my girlfriends.
137
00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:32,966
Well, technically,
I'm not a girlfriend,
138
00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:33,967
girlfriend.
139
00:05:33,967 --> 00:05:35,435
Oh, thank god,
140
00:05:35,435 --> 00:05:38,104
'cause I was
about to burst.
141
00:05:43,644 --> 00:05:45,512
Hey there.
142
00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:46,980
Hey there
yourself.
143
00:05:46,980 --> 00:05:49,850
I think I was
the one who set off
the car alarms
144
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:50,817
this morning.
145
00:05:50,817 --> 00:05:52,919
You sounded
like a foghorn.
146
00:05:52,919 --> 00:05:56,890
(imitates deep voice)
"Whoa, Fran!"
147
00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:59,059
It was incredible.
148
00:05:59,059 --> 00:06:02,829
And all you did
was add a couple
frozen grapes.
149
00:06:03,630 --> 00:06:08,735
Well, you can thank
good neighbor Gregory
for that one.
150
00:06:09,169 --> 00:06:14,374
Uh, I mean I read it
in Good Housekeeping.
151
00:06:14,741 --> 00:06:16,076
You were
talking about us
152
00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:17,243
even after
I asked you not to?
153
00:06:17,243 --> 00:06:21,147
Uh, actually,
Gregory was doing
most of the talking.
154
00:06:21,147 --> 00:06:22,148
He was, was he?
155
00:06:22,148 --> 00:06:23,016
Uh‐huh, and, you know,
156
00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:25,151
the whole thing
with the frozen grapes?
157
00:06:25,151 --> 00:06:26,953
He calls that
the Arctic Circle.
158
00:06:26,953 --> 00:06:30,090
He learned it
in the navy.
159
00:06:30,524 --> 00:06:32,125
Fran, I asked you
not to talk
160
00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:33,493
to your girlfriends
about us.
161
00:06:33,493 --> 00:06:35,461
Well, there's
a fine line
162
00:06:35,461 --> 00:06:39,465
between girlfriends
and gay friends.
163
00:06:39,465 --> 00:06:40,333
See?
164
00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:45,438
It's like stalactites
and stalagmites.
165
00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:48,509
So, technically,
I'm not wrong.
166
00:06:48,509 --> 00:06:49,976
I'm not wrong.
167
00:06:49,976 --> 00:06:53,113
So why do
I feel so wrong?
168
00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:54,214
How do my teeth look?
169
00:06:54,214 --> 00:06:57,551
I've been sucking
on a whitening strip
all morning.
170
00:06:57,551 --> 00:07:00,053
I decided I'm just
gonna talk to Pressman,
171
00:07:00,053 --> 00:07:02,689
and, hopefully, he'll
accept me for who I am‐‐
172
00:07:02,689 --> 00:07:06,693
chief of surgery
at Mount Sinai.
173
00:07:07,227 --> 00:07:08,128
Give me
a minute, Josh.
174
00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:10,463
I just gotta
find Riley
and apologize.
175
00:07:10,463 --> 00:07:14,467
I thought
I could get off
on a technicality.
176
00:07:14,467 --> 00:07:15,969
Oh, hey, Mrs. R.
177
00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:17,470
If I gave you
a check for rent,
178
00:07:17,470 --> 00:07:18,639
could you
hold on to it?
179
00:07:18,639 --> 00:07:19,372
Uh, till when?
180
00:07:19,372 --> 00:07:21,107
Until I get
a checking account.
181
00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:23,510
Whatever. Did you see
where Riley went?
182
00:07:23,510 --> 00:07:25,145
Because we had a fight,
and I wanna
say I'm sorry.
183
00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:27,814
Maybe he went to cool off
at his apartment.
184
00:07:27,814 --> 00:07:30,216
What are you talking about?
Riley doesn't
have an apartment.
185
00:07:30,684 --> 00:07:32,519
Yeah, he does.
186
00:07:32,519 --> 00:07:34,855
Riley has
an apartment?
187
00:07:34,855 --> 00:07:37,891
Yeah, Riley
has an apartment.
188
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:39,259
Mom, you
ready to go
to the dentist?
189
00:07:39,259 --> 00:07:42,028
Did you know that
Riley has an apartment?
190
00:07:42,028 --> 00:07:43,530
Riley has
an apartment?
191
00:07:43,530 --> 00:07:47,534
Riley has
an apartment.
192
00:07:50,504 --> 00:07:51,237
So?
193
00:07:51,237 --> 00:07:52,105
So?
194
00:07:52,105 --> 00:07:53,073
Is there something
you wanna say to me?
195
00:07:53,073 --> 00:07:55,609
Is there something
that you wanna say to me?
196
00:07:55,609 --> 00:07:56,743
You can start
by apologizing
197
00:07:56,743 --> 00:07:58,645
for talking
about our sex life.
198
00:07:58,645 --> 00:07:59,680
Yeah, you can
start by explaining
199
00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:01,882
why you still
keep an apartment.
200
00:08:01,882 --> 00:08:03,216
What?
201
00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:05,151
I thought you were
gonna get rid of it.
202
00:08:05,151 --> 00:08:07,253
Yeah, I was gonna
get rid of it.
203
00:08:07,253 --> 00:08:08,321
Just never
got around to it.
204
00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:11,725
Well, how hard is it?
You're a responsible adult.
205
00:08:11,725 --> 00:08:12,659
You just stop
paying the rent
206
00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:14,194
and sneak out
in the middle of the night.
207
00:08:14,194 --> 00:08:17,764
Fran, it's not
a big deal.
208
00:08:17,764 --> 00:08:19,165
Well, do you
ever go there?
209
00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:20,300
Sometimes.
What times?
210
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:22,569
I don't know.
It's close to work.
211
00:08:22,569 --> 00:08:24,871
I go hang out,
eat lunch, whatever.
212
00:08:24,871 --> 00:08:26,072
Whatever?
213
00:08:26,072 --> 00:08:27,608
I don't like
the sound of that.
214
00:08:27,608 --> 00:08:29,676
Hey, you're the one
who's in trouble here.
215
00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:32,613
You know, you keeping
a secret apartment
216
00:08:32,613 --> 00:08:37,283
is way worse than me
talking to my G. M. B. F.
217
00:08:37,884 --> 00:08:41,555
Gay male black friend.
218
00:08:41,555 --> 00:08:42,989
It's not secret.
219
00:08:42,989 --> 00:08:45,926
It's the same
apartment I had
over on 65th
220
00:08:45,926 --> 00:08:47,160
from when
we were dating.
221
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:48,729
You never wanted
to go there.
222
00:08:48,729 --> 00:08:50,130
I never wanted
to go there
223
00:08:50,130 --> 00:08:51,865
because you said
it was a dump
224
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,166
and you were
getting rid of it.
225
00:08:53,166 --> 00:08:56,102
It's still a dump,
and I am gonna
get rid of it.
226
00:08:56,102 --> 00:08:58,705
When I'm ready, ok?
227
00:08:58,705 --> 00:08:59,840
Ok!
228
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:01,041
BOTH: Good! Fine!
229
00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:03,844
BOTH: Stop saying
what I'm saying.
230
00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:07,514
Why are you
and Riley fighting?
231
00:09:07,514 --> 00:09:12,085
Oh, because I think
that he keeps secrets
that he should tell,
232
00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:15,622
and he thinks
that I tell secrets
that I should keep.
233
00:09:15,622 --> 00:09:17,824
You're both wrong.
234
00:09:17,824 --> 00:09:21,094
No. He's wrong
'cause he's the man.
235
00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:23,329
Have I
taught you nothing?
236
00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:29,603
Ok, so he keeps
an apartment.
237
00:09:29,603 --> 00:09:32,372
What's
the big whoop?
238
00:09:32,372 --> 00:09:34,307
I love Riley.
239
00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:38,378
And I love
my new hot dentist
240
00:09:38,378 --> 00:09:40,180
Sarah Pressman.
241
00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:42,649
She took over when
her old man died.
242
00:09:42,649 --> 00:09:45,385
Oh, he died.
243
00:09:45,385 --> 00:09:46,820
Heh heh heh!
244
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:48,354
Isn't that sad?
245
00:09:48,354 --> 00:09:50,657
What's sad
is one pain pill
246
00:09:50,657 --> 00:09:54,327
and you're
Robert Downey Jr.
247
00:09:54,327 --> 00:09:56,229
I'm just being silly.
248
00:09:56,229 --> 00:10:00,667
I don't even know
why I'm doing this
to myself.
249
00:10:00,667 --> 00:10:04,037
I know
that Riley loves me.
250
00:10:04,037 --> 00:10:06,640
And I know
my hot dentist
loves me
251
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:10,010
because she said
she wants to
see me again...
252
00:10:10,010 --> 00:10:11,878
In 6 months.
253
00:10:11,878 --> 00:10:13,980
I thought that
your father loved me,
254
00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:17,417
until I found out that
he kept a secret condo
255
00:10:17,417 --> 00:10:20,153
with silk sheets
and a matching bimbo!
256
00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:24,190
Bimbo. That's
a funny word.
257
00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:25,926
Bimbo.
258
00:10:25,926 --> 00:10:27,794
Mom, Riley's not Dad.
259
00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:28,695
He'd never cheat on you.
260
00:10:28,695 --> 00:10:32,432
I know that Riley
wouldn't cheat on me,
261
00:10:32,432 --> 00:10:33,534
but he did
seem weirded out
262
00:10:33,534 --> 00:10:36,903
when I told him
that I knew about
his apartment.
263
00:10:36,903 --> 00:10:40,006
Oh, look.
There's Riley's
old street.
264
00:10:40,006 --> 00:10:42,342
Hang on, kids!
265
00:10:42,342 --> 00:10:45,145
Mom, this is stupid
and it's illegal,
266
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:47,714
and it's never
gonna work.
267
00:10:48,782 --> 00:10:51,718
Well, it's still
stupid and illegal.
268
00:10:51,718 --> 00:10:55,421
Oh, boy.
This really is a dump.
269
00:10:55,421 --> 00:10:58,992
Ok, we've seen it.
Can we go now?
270
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:02,696
Ew! Look at this
gross rubber rug!
271
00:11:02,696 --> 00:11:04,364
Mom, that's the bed.
272
00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:08,301
Oh, boy.
Playboy Mansion it ain't.
273
00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:09,402
I think
it's pretty clear
274
00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:11,705
Riley's never
had a girl in here.
275
00:11:11,705 --> 00:11:13,740
Not without
a hazmat suit.
276
00:11:13,740 --> 00:11:14,741
(knock on door)
277
00:11:14,741 --> 00:11:16,743
Oh, no!
It's Riley!
278
00:11:16,743 --> 00:11:17,778
Why would
he knock?
279
00:11:17,778 --> 00:11:18,478
Good point.
280
00:11:18,478 --> 00:11:19,813
Maybe he forgot
his keys.
281
00:11:19,813 --> 00:11:20,847
Another good point.
282
00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:22,348
Why would he knock
if he thinks
no one's home?
283
00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:25,686
Yet another
good point.
284
00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:28,789
Who the hell are you?
285
00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:33,293
Well, who
the hell are you?!
286
00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:36,062
I'm the super.
287
00:11:36,496 --> 00:11:39,365
Then I'm screwed.
288
00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:44,104
All right, you have
till the count of 10
289
00:11:44,104 --> 00:11:45,906
to explain
what you're doing in here.
290
00:11:45,906 --> 00:11:48,341
Well, it is
my understanding
291
00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:49,910
of the law‐‐
292
00:11:49,910 --> 00:11:52,145
5, 4, 3‐‐
Ok. Ok. Ok.
293
00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:54,314
The reason why we're
here is because
294
00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:58,785
my boyfriend told me
that he gave up
this apartment.
295
00:11:58,785 --> 00:12:01,087
I know.
Secret sex pad.
296
00:12:01,087 --> 00:12:01,955
Yes!
297
00:12:01,955 --> 00:12:02,723
Yeah, you know,
298
00:12:02,723 --> 00:12:06,026
I could maybe
turn a blind eye.
299
00:12:06,026 --> 00:12:06,993
Oh, thank you.
300
00:12:06,993 --> 00:12:10,463
If I had something
to cover my eyes up with.
301
00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:11,532
Oh. Oh. Yes. Right.
302
00:12:11,532 --> 00:12:14,200
Right. Of course.
Of course. Yeah.
303
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:16,837
Ok. Here.
Here. Here.
304
00:12:16,837 --> 00:12:18,505
Ok, just don't
burn anything.
305
00:12:18,505 --> 00:12:21,341
No. No. No.
Thank you.
Thank you.
306
00:12:21,341 --> 00:12:24,310
Boy, you know,
if we weren't
breaking and entering,
307
00:12:24,310 --> 00:12:25,912
I would report that guy.
308
00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:28,515
Mom, we've
seen enough,
309
00:12:28,515 --> 00:12:30,517
and it's pretty
clear he's not
310
00:12:30,517 --> 00:12:32,519
hooking up with
anyone in here.
311
00:12:32,519 --> 00:12:33,920
Yeah, but if he's
not messing around,
312
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:37,323
then why is he keeping
this dumpy apartment?
313
00:12:37,323 --> 00:12:42,529
Meanwhile, this is
shockingly comfortable.
314
00:12:42,529 --> 00:12:43,496
You know,
sometimes a guy
315
00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:45,566
just needs a place
to be a guy.
316
00:12:45,566 --> 00:12:48,234
He probably
just needs a place
of his own.
317
00:12:48,234 --> 00:12:52,138
Oh, Joshie, I think
that you're right.
318
00:12:52,138 --> 00:12:56,242
He probably needs
just, like, a guy room,
319
00:12:56,242 --> 00:12:57,578
a man cave.
320
00:12:57,578 --> 00:13:01,948
A place where he can keep
his...Patrick Swayze DVDs?
321
00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:04,585
Who knew he was
crazy for Swayze?
322
00:13:04,585 --> 00:13:07,387
You know,
he's overrated
as an actor,
323
00:13:07,387 --> 00:13:10,824
but underrated
as a dancer.
324
00:13:11,457 --> 00:13:14,528
What?
The guy can move.
325
00:13:15,161 --> 00:13:18,565
Hey, I've got
a great idea!
326
00:13:18,565 --> 00:13:20,166
You don't
have great ideas.
327
00:13:20,166 --> 00:13:22,503
You have
crazy ideas.
328
00:13:22,503 --> 00:13:25,606
You know, you think
you know me, but you don't.
329
00:13:25,606 --> 00:13:28,041
Allison, go grab
that bed sheet.
330
00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:30,911
You, find
some duct tape.
331
00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:39,319
Oh, there you are.
332
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:41,121
Are you still mad?
333
00:13:41,121 --> 00:13:43,524
I was outside
with my miter saw.
334
00:13:43,524 --> 00:13:44,625
Oh, then
you are mad.
335
00:13:44,625 --> 00:13:47,928
You only miter
when you're mad.
336
00:13:48,595 --> 00:13:50,096
Last time we fought,
I wound up
337
00:13:50,096 --> 00:13:53,567
with a beautiful
redwood deck.
338
00:13:53,567 --> 00:13:55,335
Ok, so you're
still mad,
339
00:13:55,335 --> 00:14:00,340
but come on down
and see what I did
in the basement.
340
00:14:01,207 --> 00:14:03,143
So, what
do you think?
341
00:14:03,143 --> 00:14:04,410
What's all this?
342
00:14:04,410 --> 00:14:07,548
Well, this is
your new man cave.
343
00:14:07,548 --> 00:14:08,515
I Febrezed it a little,
344
00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:12,452
but it's still all‐guy,
and it's all yours.
345
00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:14,120
You did this for me?
346
00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:16,657
Oh, honey, I get it now.
347
00:14:16,657 --> 00:14:20,026
I know why you had to keep
your own apartment.
348
00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:22,629
I mean, you move
into a woman's house.
349
00:14:22,629 --> 00:14:25,431
You don't have
any place to call your own.
350
00:14:25,431 --> 00:14:27,601
You don't even
have your own closet.
351
00:14:27,601 --> 00:14:29,269
Honey,
we share a closet,
352
00:14:29,269 --> 00:14:30,470
and that's
fine with me.
353
00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:32,639
Yeah, but you only
have a shelf and a peg,
354
00:14:32,639 --> 00:14:35,341
and I use
that peg sometimes.
355
00:14:35,341 --> 00:14:37,177
I do.
356
00:14:37,578 --> 00:14:40,346
This is really nice.
357
00:14:40,346 --> 00:14:41,281
Thank you, Fran.
358
00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:44,317
Oh, sweetie,
I am so sorry.
I apologize.
359
00:14:44,317 --> 00:14:47,954
I will never talk
to my girlfriends
about us again,
360
00:14:47,954 --> 00:14:50,290
even the boy ones.
361
00:14:50,290 --> 00:14:52,092
You know,
I'm sorry, too.
362
00:14:52,092 --> 00:14:54,327
I guess I made
too big a deal out of this.
363
00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:56,663
If you really need
to talk about us,
364
00:14:56,663 --> 00:14:58,532
just don't
tell me about it.
365
00:14:58,532 --> 00:14:59,633
Ok.
366
00:14:59,633 --> 00:15:01,702
And if you really
need to go to
your apartment,
367
00:15:01,702 --> 00:15:05,706
now you won't have
to because most of
your stuff is here.
368
00:15:05,706 --> 00:15:07,173
Oh. Where?
Here.
369
00:15:07,173 --> 00:15:09,009
Where?
Here!
370
00:15:09,009 --> 00:15:11,277
I know
it looks a little
off balance
371
00:15:11,277 --> 00:15:15,381
because we lost one
of your end tables
on Queens Boulevard.
372
00:15:15,381 --> 00:15:17,651
Honey, I've never
seen this stuff before.
373
00:15:17,651 --> 00:15:20,186
What're you
talking about?
374
00:15:20,186 --> 00:15:22,022
This is not my stuff.
375
00:15:22,022 --> 00:15:23,089
But‐‐ but‐‐
376
00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:25,592
but we went
to your apartment
on 66th street.
377
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:29,095
Babe, my apartment's
on 65th.
378
00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:31,965
Where do you
want your Santa?
379
00:15:31,965 --> 00:15:36,637
Josh! Josh! We went
to the wrong apartment.
380
00:15:36,637 --> 00:15:37,704
We robbed someone!
381
00:15:37,704 --> 00:15:39,072
No.
382
00:15:39,072 --> 00:15:40,741
Yes! We're felons!
383
00:15:40,741 --> 00:15:42,676
I can't go to jail.
I won't last a week.
384
00:15:42,676 --> 00:15:45,546
I'll get traded for
a pack of smokes.
385
00:15:45,546 --> 00:15:48,214
Ok. Ok.
Let's not panic.
Let's not panic.
386
00:15:48,214 --> 00:15:51,618
I mean, nobody saw us
except that old lady
and the super
387
00:15:51,618 --> 00:15:53,086
and that short guy
in the hallway.
388
00:15:53,086 --> 00:15:54,621
Fran, you're panicking.
389
00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:56,757
Why don't we just
take this stuff back?
390
00:15:56,757 --> 00:15:59,593
Good. Good.
Then we won't
have to kill anyone.
391
00:15:59,593 --> 00:16:01,327
I'll go
get the car.
392
00:16:01,327 --> 00:16:02,729
I'll go get my hairpin.
393
00:16:02,729 --> 00:16:04,998
And I'll get...
394
00:16:04,998 --> 00:16:07,300
Everything else.
395
00:16:09,703 --> 00:16:12,539
You really thought
this was my place?
396
00:16:12,539 --> 00:16:14,007
That wall unit
is particle board.
397
00:16:14,007 --> 00:16:17,310
Hey, check it out.
He's got an accordion.
398
00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:19,212
You know, Riley,
I was thinking.
399
00:16:19,212 --> 00:16:23,784
If you wanna
keep your apartment,
you go right ahead.
400
00:16:23,784 --> 00:16:27,320
(playing
romantic music)
401
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,590
Thanks, babe.
Maybe I should.
402
00:16:29,590 --> 00:16:30,423
Why?!
403
00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:32,559
Because, maybe
I'll need it, you know?
404
00:16:32,559 --> 00:16:33,694
Just in case.
405
00:16:33,694 --> 00:16:34,628
In case what?
406
00:16:34,628 --> 00:16:37,263
Well, in case you
get tired of me someday.
407
00:16:37,263 --> 00:16:39,299
Then I'll need
a place to go.
408
00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:40,233
Is that the reason?
409
00:16:40,233 --> 00:16:44,705
I guess I kind of
kept it as a life raft.
410
00:16:44,705 --> 00:16:47,674
Oh, honey, you don't
need a life raft.
411
00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:51,477
I'm your loveboat
forever.
412
00:16:51,477 --> 00:16:54,681
(holds one chord)
413
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:57,383
Josh, cut it out!
414
00:16:57,383 --> 00:16:58,619
Sorry.
415
00:16:58,619 --> 00:16:59,686
Come on. Let's
get out of here.
416
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:01,555
I need to use
the rest room.
417
00:17:01,555 --> 00:17:05,458
I told you to go
before we broke in.
418
00:17:05,458 --> 00:17:06,727
So you're saying
you and me
419
00:17:06,727 --> 00:17:08,194
are the real
deal, babe?
420
00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:11,297
Honey, I burgled
an apartment for you.
421
00:17:11,297 --> 00:17:13,734
If that ain't love...
422
00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:14,668
(toilet flushes)
423
00:17:15,636 --> 00:17:17,504
Hurry up, Josh!
424
00:17:17,504 --> 00:17:22,843
Come on. Let's go.
425
00:17:22,843 --> 00:17:23,577
Oh, check it out.
426
00:17:23,577 --> 00:17:27,313
Roadhouse,
the director's cut.
427
00:17:27,313 --> 00:17:30,684
9 deleted scenes
of chairs breaking.
428
00:17:30,684 --> 00:17:34,087
Drop my Swayze,
little man.
429
00:17:38,825 --> 00:17:41,695
I can't believe you
got out of there alive.
430
00:17:41,695 --> 00:17:44,831
Well, once she released me
from the half nelson
431
00:17:44,831 --> 00:17:46,833
and I explained everything,
432
00:17:46,833 --> 00:17:49,369
she turned out to be
pretty understanding.
433
00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:51,638
Why is her place
so messy?
434
00:17:51,638 --> 00:17:53,707
Well, actually,
Terry's never there.
435
00:17:53,707 --> 00:17:57,110
She's a long‐distance trucker.
She owns her own rig.
436
00:17:57,110 --> 00:17:58,111
(knock on door)
437
00:17:58,111 --> 00:17:59,846
Oh. Come on in!
438
00:17:59,846 --> 00:18:01,848
Hidey‐ho, Reeves family.
439
00:18:01,848 --> 00:18:04,217
Did you guys know
that there's an 18‐wheeler
440
00:18:04,217 --> 00:18:05,285
parked in front
of your house?
441
00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:07,120
Oh, ha ha!
That's Terry.
442
00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:10,356
We're running
some frozen cod
up to the poconos.
443
00:18:10,356 --> 00:18:11,825
(truck horn honks)
444
00:18:11,825 --> 00:18:14,360
Highway's a‐callin'.
445
00:18:14,528 --> 00:18:17,564
You know, I dated
a trucker once.
446
00:18:17,564 --> 00:18:19,299
To this day,
the smell of diesel
447
00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:22,603
reminds me
of sweet, sweet Rick.
448
00:18:22,603 --> 00:18:26,406
So when did
your brother come out?
449
00:18:27,207 --> 00:18:30,443
This week,
in fact. Yeah.
450
00:18:32,212 --> 00:18:34,715
Hey, guys.
451
00:18:34,715 --> 00:18:35,682
Hey.
452
00:18:35,682 --> 00:18:37,784
Come down
to the basement
for a minute.
453
00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:40,754
Ok.
454
00:18:40,754 --> 00:18:42,856
Now, this
is my stuff.
455
00:18:42,856 --> 00:18:47,661
Oh, you do
have a beanbag chair!
456
00:18:47,661 --> 00:18:50,196
Oh, and a bar sign!
457
00:18:50,196 --> 00:18:53,834
Ooh, and
a fish on the wall.
458
00:18:53,834 --> 00:18:55,602
That sings.
459
00:18:55,602 --> 00:18:58,304
♪ Back on the river ♪
460
00:18:58,539 --> 00:19:00,907
That's fantastic.
461
00:19:01,775 --> 00:19:03,610
I gave up
my apartment, babe.
462
00:19:03,610 --> 00:19:05,512
Oh, you did?
463
00:19:05,512 --> 00:19:08,148
You ain't
gettin' rid of me.
464
00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:09,850
We're gonna go now.
465
00:19:09,850 --> 00:19:12,819
Yeah, I'll probably
hear about this later.
466
00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:15,188
No, you won't.
467
00:19:15,789 --> 00:19:16,823
(no audio)
468
00:19:25,899 --> 00:19:29,903
So, I think you should
really stretch out
first before,
469
00:19:29,903 --> 00:19:34,908
and then make sure that
you and your partner
have no sharp objects.
470
00:19:34,908 --> 00:19:40,313
I think you're
gonna find it
pretty amazing.
471
00:19:43,517 --> 00:19:45,552
Happy wedding!
472
00:19:45,552 --> 00:19:48,922
Oh, Frannie, this is
the best wedding gift ever.
473
00:19:48,922 --> 00:19:52,425
I wanted to register us
at Beanbag and Beyond,
474
00:19:52,425 --> 00:19:55,395
but David
wouldn't let us.
475
00:19:55,696 --> 00:19:58,665
I hear they're
shockingly comfortable.
476
00:19:59,332 --> 00:20:00,867
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