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1
00:00:02,603 --> 00:00:04,037
Allison.
2
00:00:04,070 --> 00:00:08,108
Wow, look at you.
3
00:00:08,141 --> 00:00:09,275
Now, what do you mean?
4
00:00:09,309 --> 00:00:10,376
Look at you great,
5
00:00:10,410 --> 00:00:14,548
or look at you,
is that a dress
or a sausage casing?
6
00:00:14,715 --> 00:00:16,149
I think
it looks great.
7
00:00:16,182 --> 00:00:17,718
Oh, thank you.
8
00:00:20,821 --> 00:00:22,088
So, where you going?
9
00:00:22,122 --> 00:00:26,159
Oh, it's Riley's
high school reunion.
10
00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:39,706
I'm so nervous.
11
00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:42,342
I'll just
lean a lot.
12
00:00:42,375 --> 00:00:45,546
You know,
I haven't boogied
in a high school gym
13
00:00:45,579 --> 00:00:47,681
since Reagan
was president.
14
00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:48,649
I think
you'll be fine
15
00:00:48,682 --> 00:00:51,417
as long as you
don't say "boogie"
or "Reagan."
16
00:00:51,451 --> 00:00:55,355
Oh, who am I kidding?
I'm never gonna fit in.
17
00:00:55,388 --> 00:00:57,791
These kids are gonna
think I'm a narc.
18
00:00:58,825 --> 00:00:59,793
Now, if you're
gonna drive my truck,
19
00:00:59,826 --> 00:01:02,328
that baby needs at least
85 inches of clearance.
20
00:01:02,362 --> 00:01:03,463
Got it.
85 inches.
21
00:01:03,496 --> 00:01:04,598
It's got
a 170‐inch wheelbase,
22
00:01:04,631 --> 00:01:07,400
so don't even
think about parking
in a compact space.
23
00:01:07,433 --> 00:01:10,236
Got it.
170‐inch wheelbase.
24
00:01:10,270 --> 00:01:11,437
Any questions?
Yeah.
25
00:01:11,471 --> 00:01:13,774
How do you turn on
the radio again?
26
00:01:13,807 --> 00:01:15,141
Sweetie,
it's getting late.
27
00:01:15,175 --> 00:01:16,577
Why don't you
start getting ready?
28
00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:17,878
Relax, babe,
we have plenty of time.
29
00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:20,814
Just had to give josh
a quick lesson
on the truck
30
00:01:20,847 --> 00:01:21,515
before his big date.
31
00:01:21,548 --> 00:01:23,483
Actually, it's
not just a date.
32
00:01:23,517 --> 00:01:26,119
It's a date
with destiny.
33
00:01:26,152 --> 00:01:27,187
I'm helping
Erika from work
34
00:01:27,220 --> 00:01:28,789
move out of her
parents' house...
35
00:01:28,822 --> 00:01:31,558
And into my heart.
36
00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:36,196
Thank you,
Henry Wadsworth Shortfellow.
37
00:01:36,897 --> 00:01:39,332
Oh, sweetie, maybe
you don't really need me
38
00:01:39,365 --> 00:01:40,466
going with you tonight.
39
00:01:40,501 --> 00:01:43,269
I mean, I feel like
I'm just gonna
get in the way
40
00:01:43,303 --> 00:01:46,172
between you and
all your...homies.
41
00:01:46,206 --> 00:01:49,876
Mom, or that.
Mm‐mmm.
42
00:01:51,578 --> 00:01:53,246
Fran, you won't
be in the way.
43
00:01:53,279 --> 00:01:55,849
I can't wait
for all my old buds
to meet you.
44
00:01:55,882 --> 00:01:56,783
What are they
gonna think
45
00:01:56,817 --> 00:01:58,685
when you come
walking in the door
with me?
46
00:01:58,719 --> 00:02:00,521
They're gonna think
that I lucked out.
47
00:02:00,554 --> 00:02:02,455
Besides, who cares
what they think?
48
00:02:02,488 --> 00:02:03,456
You look amazing.
49
00:02:03,489 --> 00:02:06,492
Really? You don't think
the dress is too tight?
50
00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:10,163
Not if you're
a superhero.
51
00:02:11,932 --> 00:02:13,433
Well, I gotta
go help Erika.
52
00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:16,637
Hey, has it occurred to you
she's just using you
53
00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:18,739
and that the closest
to her bed you're gonna get
54
00:02:18,772 --> 00:02:22,609
is schleppin' it up
three flights of stairs?
55
00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:23,810
If you knew
anything about Erika,
56
00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:26,279
you'd know
she wouldn't do that.
57
00:02:26,312 --> 00:02:27,347
Ooh, I'm late.
58
00:02:27,380 --> 00:02:30,717
Cable guy's
gonna be there
between 9:00 and 12:00.
59
00:02:31,618 --> 00:02:34,487
Hey, honey,
did you see the new
suit I bought you?
60
00:02:34,521 --> 00:02:36,857
Oh, man,
this is great.
61
00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:38,324
Ooh. Thanks, babe.
62
00:02:38,358 --> 00:02:39,860
You're welcome.
63
00:02:39,893 --> 00:02:41,261
Is that blue lipstick?
64
00:02:41,294 --> 00:02:42,929
No, I'm not
wearing blue lipstick.
65
00:02:42,963 --> 00:02:45,899
Oh, my God. The oxygen
is leaving my face.
66
00:02:45,932 --> 00:02:47,501
I gotta go change.
67
00:02:47,534 --> 00:02:49,636
Honey? Honey?
What?
68
00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:50,537
What're you
so nervous about?
69
00:02:50,571 --> 00:02:51,505
You're making
too big a deal out of this.
70
00:02:51,538 --> 00:02:54,941
Sweetie, everybody there
is gonna be your age.
71
00:02:54,975 --> 00:02:55,942
I wanna fit in.
72
00:02:55,976 --> 00:02:58,779
Oh, I gotta hope
I find something
in my closet.
73
00:02:58,812 --> 00:03:01,381
I need another dress,
another pair of shoes,
74
00:03:01,414 --> 00:03:04,317
and a freakin'
time machine!
75
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:11,925
♪ And I ♪
76
00:03:11,958 --> 00:03:14,460
♪ Feel beautiful
right now ♪
77
00:03:14,494 --> 00:03:17,397
♪ For the first time
in a long time ♪
78
00:03:17,430 --> 00:03:20,266
♪ I'm letting my hair down ♪
79
00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:22,002
♪ And life ♪
80
00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:24,505
♪ Gets better every day ♪
81
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:27,473
♪ Though it seems
so complicated ♪
82
00:03:27,508 --> 00:03:28,909
♪ We're gonna work it out ♪
83
00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:31,945
♪ Whatever comes our way ♪
84
00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:42,689
So we're really gonna
keep a low profile, right?
85
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:44,691
Absolutely, it'll
be totally casual.
86
00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:46,426
We'll just hang out
with a few of my buds.
87
00:03:46,459 --> 00:03:47,594
Oh, my God!
88
00:03:47,628 --> 00:03:50,263
Riley Martin?
Hi!
89
00:03:50,296 --> 00:03:55,401
Hi...Susan.
90
00:03:55,435 --> 00:03:56,670
Great to see you.
91
00:03:56,703 --> 00:03:59,873
You look great!
92
00:04:00,473 --> 00:04:02,709
I'll get your badge.
93
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:03,777
Do you know her?
94
00:04:03,810 --> 00:04:06,046
'Cause she sure
knows you.
95
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:08,515
Maybe it was homeroom or
something. I'm not sure.
96
00:04:08,549 --> 00:04:09,415
Homeroom? It sounds
97
00:04:09,449 --> 00:04:12,318
like you pulled her
out of a burning car.
98
00:04:12,352 --> 00:04:13,186
Maybe she knows me
99
00:04:13,219 --> 00:04:15,055
because I played
a little basketball.
100
00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,056
MAN: Hey, look!
There's Riley!
101
00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:18,491
(everyone shouting)
102
00:04:18,525 --> 00:04:21,427
Oh, and I was
captain of the team.
103
00:04:21,461 --> 00:04:22,462
We won state twice.
104
00:04:22,495 --> 00:04:25,065
They were thinking
about naming
the gym after me.
105
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:28,068
Hey, stretch!
106
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:29,402
The dan‐man!
107
00:04:29,435 --> 00:04:33,974
BOTH: Ooh! Aah!
Grr! Tigers!
108
00:04:34,007 --> 00:04:35,942
Hey, guy!
Hey, man!
109
00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:38,679
Dude!
I know!
110
00:04:38,712 --> 00:04:40,947
Well, now that
you're all caught up,
111
00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:42,883
let's check in.
112
00:04:42,916 --> 00:04:44,785
(gasps) Oh, my God.
113
00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:47,087
You look fantastic.
114
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,221
Oh, thank you.
115
00:04:48,254 --> 00:04:53,527
You were always
my favorite art teacher,
Mrs. Feinman.
116
00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:57,430
Oh, I'm not
Mrs. Feinman.
117
00:04:57,463 --> 00:04:59,332
I'm here with Riley
118
00:04:59,365 --> 00:05:00,934
of Nazareth.
119
00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:03,570
Riley, this is Laurie,
my wife.
120
00:05:03,604 --> 00:05:06,773
At least,
she better be, huh?
121
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:08,809
And this is Fran,
my girlfriend.
122
00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:12,679
Well, more than that, actually.
We live together.
123
00:05:12,713 --> 00:05:13,680
Hi.
Hello.
124
00:05:15,081 --> 00:05:16,049
Hi.
125
00:05:16,082 --> 00:05:17,551
Fran, huh?
126
00:05:17,584 --> 00:05:19,520
Feels funny
calling you
127
00:05:19,553 --> 00:05:23,624
by your first name,
Mrs. Feinman.
128
00:05:24,625 --> 00:05:27,561
Alcohol. Now.
129
00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:32,633
Dan‐issimo!
130
00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:33,934
Air‐meister!
131
00:05:33,967 --> 00:05:37,604
BOTH: Ooh! Aah!
Grr! Tigers!
132
00:05:37,638 --> 00:05:41,407
Wow. If they
start sniffing
each other's butts,
133
00:05:41,441 --> 00:05:43,143
I am so out of here.
134
00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:44,545
I'm right behind you.
135
00:05:44,578 --> 00:05:46,647
Hey, look who
followed me home.
136
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:47,614
Stretch!
137
00:05:47,648 --> 00:05:50,684
Superfreak! Grr!
138
00:05:50,717 --> 00:05:52,152
This is
my wife Cynthia.
139
00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:53,019
Hey.
140
00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:54,154
Hi, how are you?
141
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:56,056
Hey, I think I see
a tray of shooters.
142
00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:57,390
Are you
ok here, Fran?
143
00:05:57,423 --> 00:05:58,324
Oh, I'll be fine, honey.
144
00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,927
I have
so much in common
with these girls.
145
00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:02,663
Cool.
146
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:06,499
So, how far
along are you?
147
00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:07,501
Almost eight months.
148
00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:09,970
You look great.
How do you feel?
149
00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:14,407
Oh, well,
it's just a magical,
wonderful time.
150
00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:16,677
Every morning I wake up
151
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:20,847
feeling this new life
growing inside me.
152
00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:22,916
That must
be incredible!
153
00:06:22,949 --> 00:06:24,951
Oh, puh‐lease.
154
00:06:24,985 --> 00:06:26,953
If you are
anything like me,
155
00:06:26,987 --> 00:06:29,122
you spend the first
three months nauseous,
156
00:06:29,155 --> 00:06:30,256
then after that,
gassy,
157
00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:33,660
then your husband
is telling you how
beautiful you are
158
00:06:33,694 --> 00:06:35,495
when really
he's looking at you
159
00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:37,130
like you're
a parade float
160
00:06:37,163 --> 00:06:40,501
that needs to pee
every 15 minutes.
161
00:06:40,534 --> 00:06:42,168
You've been there!
162
00:06:42,202 --> 00:06:44,571
Oh, twice.
163
00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:45,438
Now, listen to me,
164
00:06:45,471 --> 00:06:47,941
when you're about to
pop that puppy out,
165
00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:49,475
go for the drugs.
166
00:06:49,510 --> 00:06:50,443
Really?
167
00:06:50,476 --> 00:06:53,146
Because isn't natural
childbirth supposed to‐‐
168
00:06:53,179 --> 00:06:55,549
Drugs!
169
00:06:55,982 --> 00:06:59,152
Mrs. Feinman.
170
00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:02,022
Yes?
171
00:07:02,055 --> 00:07:03,156
I just wanted
you to know
172
00:07:03,189 --> 00:07:05,025
how much your class
meant to me.
173
00:07:05,058 --> 00:07:08,061
Ha ha ha!
Well, thank you.
174
00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:10,831
You were
my favorite student.
175
00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:12,533
Really?
176
00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:14,768
Hey, does anybody
have a yearbook?
177
00:07:14,801 --> 00:07:18,739
This Feinman broad's
gotta be hot.
178
00:07:24,711 --> 00:07:27,147
So, after
we got the divorce,
179
00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:28,882
I let him
have everything.
180
00:07:28,915 --> 00:07:32,953
Except the jewelry
and something
to keep it in.
181
00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:36,489
I call it the house.
182
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:40,493
So, what do
you do, Fran?
183
00:07:40,527 --> 00:07:42,763
I'm an interior
designer.
184
00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,731
Your house
must be gorgeous.
185
00:07:44,765 --> 00:07:47,000
Well, I wouldn't
say gorgeous,
186
00:07:47,033 --> 00:07:50,236
but you might
when you see it.
187
00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:54,675
Hey, why don't
you guys come over
tomorrow night?
188
00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:56,843
Perfect.
Great.
189
00:07:56,877 --> 00:07:57,811
I was wondering,
190
00:07:57,844 --> 00:08:01,715
I hear that giving birth
underwater is really‐‐
191
00:08:01,748 --> 00:08:05,018
Drugs!
192
00:08:06,887 --> 00:08:09,089
ALL: Tigers!
193
00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:13,059
So, Danny, you selling
a lot of light bulbs?
194
00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:14,928
No, not light bulbs.
195
00:08:14,961 --> 00:08:18,599
I'm in fixtures.
Lighting fixtures.
196
00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:19,966
Whatever.
197
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:23,236
No, man.
Not whatever.
198
00:08:23,804 --> 00:08:25,606
Fixtures.
199
00:08:25,639 --> 00:08:27,073
Ok.
200
00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:28,975
James,
how you doing?
201
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:30,544
I can't complain.
202
00:08:30,577 --> 00:08:32,913
But I'm not living
the life of Riley like you.
203
00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:34,648
What's that mean?
204
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:35,448
Oh, come on.
205
00:08:35,481 --> 00:08:38,619
You got it
pretty sweet,
my friend.
206
00:08:38,652 --> 00:08:39,986
Hats off.
I wish I had
your brains.
207
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:43,323
A sugar mama
is the way to go.
208
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:45,225
You mean Fran?
She's not a sugar mama.
209
00:08:45,258 --> 00:08:47,828
I work.
I have a business.
210
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,095
I thought you said
you lived in her house.
211
00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:50,263
I do.
212
00:08:50,296 --> 00:08:51,965
It's a sweet deal, man.
213
00:08:51,998 --> 00:08:53,567
All you gotta do
is keep the lady happy.
214
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:57,137
Guys, I know
what it must look like,
but believe me,
215
00:08:57,170 --> 00:08:58,605
I love Fran,
and she loves me.
216
00:08:58,639 --> 00:09:01,207
It's an equal
partnership.
217
00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:02,275
Whatever.
218
00:09:02,308 --> 00:09:05,345
No, man. Not whatever.
219
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:07,681
Equal.
220
00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:10,016
Hi!
221
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:10,851
Hi, you guys.
222
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:12,786
Hey, I was just
talking to your wives,
223
00:09:12,819 --> 00:09:15,188
and I decided
to invite you all
to our house
224
00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:16,823
for dinner
tomorrow night.
225
00:09:16,857 --> 00:09:18,692
Isn't that great, honey?
226
00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:20,326
Great.
227
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:22,195
What were you all
talking about?
228
00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:25,899
Um, uh, we were just
admiring Riley's suit.
229
00:09:25,932 --> 00:09:26,967
You like?
230
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,168
I just bought it
for him.
231
00:09:28,201 --> 00:09:32,639
Cost me a fortune,
but he's worth it.
232
00:09:42,883 --> 00:09:44,651
Oh, Allison,
go get changed.
233
00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:46,286
Riley's high school friends
are coming over.
234
00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:47,120
I want you
to look pretty.
235
00:09:47,153 --> 00:09:48,922
Oh, don't worry.
You won't even see me.
236
00:09:48,955 --> 00:09:52,125
Tonight I plan on
surfin' the chat rooms.
237
00:09:52,158 --> 00:09:53,994
Oh, no, no, no, no.
238
00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:56,329
The internet is dangerous.
I told you.
239
00:09:56,362 --> 00:09:58,198
Which is why
I never give out
my real name.
240
00:09:58,231 --> 00:10:02,803
Tonight I'll be Bob,
a 36‐year‐old man
from Northern Canada
241
00:10:02,836 --> 00:10:04,971
whose hobbies
include shivering
242
00:10:05,005 --> 00:10:07,641
and waiting
for summer.
243
00:10:07,674 --> 00:10:08,675
All right.
244
00:10:08,709 --> 00:10:12,178
Well, get upstairs and
put on a pretty dress, Bob.
245
00:10:12,212 --> 00:10:15,782
And tell Riley
to get ready.
246
00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:17,183
Hello, Mom.
247
00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:22,656
Ladies and gentlemen,
the first Jewish lumberjack.
248
00:10:23,156 --> 00:10:25,792
Saul Bunyan.
249
00:10:25,826 --> 00:10:27,027
Very funny.
250
00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:28,394
These are my
truck‐driving clothes.
251
00:10:28,428 --> 00:10:31,297
After moving
erika's stuff around
in Riley's rig today,
252
00:10:31,331 --> 00:10:32,899
I'm thinking about
getting one of my own.
253
00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:37,704
You know, mud flaps
are like catnip
to the ladies.
254
00:10:38,404 --> 00:10:39,906
Now, let me
get this straight.
255
00:10:39,940 --> 00:10:41,341
You're not just
doing errands for her?
256
00:10:41,374 --> 00:10:43,243
I mean, you are
getting a little
somethin'‐somethin'
257
00:10:43,276 --> 00:10:45,111
happenin' here,
aren't ya?
258
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:47,748
Not yet,
but you know
what they say.
259
00:10:47,781 --> 00:10:48,782
Before you
build a building,
260
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:49,482
you gotta lay down
the foundation,
261
00:10:49,516 --> 00:10:53,754
and I am pouring
the concrete.
262
00:10:53,954 --> 00:10:55,956
We are
talking about sex?
263
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:58,859
I mean, you're not
actually building her
a house now, are you?
264
00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:00,326
I'm just
helping her move.
265
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:02,228
And after
a long, rough day
266
00:11:02,262 --> 00:11:04,364
cruisin' around
in Riley's rig,
267
00:11:04,397 --> 00:11:06,867
I got me a
man‐sized appetite.
268
00:11:06,900 --> 00:11:09,435
Oh, is that brie?
269
00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:13,306
Sweetie,
this is exciting.
270
00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:15,341
Your high school friends
are coming over.
271
00:11:15,375 --> 00:11:17,744
Or maybe I should
call them our friends,
272
00:11:17,778 --> 00:11:21,414
now that I know
they like me so much.
273
00:11:22,148 --> 00:11:23,049
Oh, don't
wear that shirt.
274
00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:25,018
I got you
this beautiful
new shirt to wear.
275
00:11:25,051 --> 00:11:26,252
I didn't ask you
to buy me that.
276
00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:27,921
I'm gonna wear
what I picked out.
277
00:11:27,954 --> 00:11:28,955
Why?
278
00:11:28,989 --> 00:11:31,091
Because I don't want you
buying me clothes anymore.
279
00:11:31,124 --> 00:11:32,859
I can buy
my own clothes.
280
00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:35,028
Well, I know that,
sweetie.
281
00:11:35,061 --> 00:11:37,731
But I like
buying you clothes.
282
00:11:37,764 --> 00:11:41,768
You're like my
life‐sized Ken Doll.
283
00:11:42,769 --> 00:11:43,970
What's that
supposed to mean?
284
00:11:44,004 --> 00:11:46,339
Nothing. I just
like dressing you.
285
00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:47,641
I'm not your doll.
286
00:11:47,674 --> 00:11:53,379
And you realize
ken comes missing
a vital piece of his anatomy.
287
00:11:53,814 --> 00:11:54,715
What are you saying,
288
00:11:54,748 --> 00:11:58,451
that he lost it 'cause
barbie shops for him?
289
00:11:58,484 --> 00:12:02,756
We're not sure
how he lost it.
290
00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:05,358
Now, what's
going on here?
291
00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:06,492
Nothing.
292
00:12:06,527 --> 00:12:08,228
Well, you have been
in a bad mood all day.
293
00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:10,764
Now, if I did
something wrong,
just tell me.
294
00:12:10,797 --> 00:12:11,865
But don't
take it out
295
00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:14,167
on this beautiful
Donna Karan shirt
296
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:16,236
that's never
done you any harm.
297
00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:19,272
All I'm saying is
I can pick out
my own clothes.
298
00:12:19,305 --> 00:12:21,141
I don't need
another mother.
299
00:12:21,174 --> 00:12:22,175
(gasps)
300
00:12:22,208 --> 00:12:23,443
That is a terrible
thing to say
301
00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:26,880
Five minutes before
company is coming.
302
00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:29,983
I'm gonna wear
what I wanna wear.
303
00:12:30,016 --> 00:12:30,917
Well, fine!
304
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:33,787
Boy,
I stand in line at
the half‐price sale
305
00:12:33,820 --> 00:12:36,089
to buy you
beautiful things and
you don't want it.
306
00:12:36,122 --> 00:12:38,992
Well, fine!
I can take it.
307
00:12:39,025 --> 00:12:43,296
But it's
a slap in the face
to Donna Karan.
308
00:12:45,365 --> 00:12:46,833
Fran, you don't
have to put out
309
00:12:46,867 --> 00:12:48,468
the fancy cheese plate
for these guys.
310
00:12:48,502 --> 00:12:51,404
Just set out
a giant can of whiz.
311
00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:53,439
Their idea
of a good time
is a long hallway,
312
00:12:53,473 --> 00:12:55,509
a keg, and
a slip 'n' slide.
313
00:12:55,542 --> 00:12:59,079
Well, thank god
I waxed the floors.
314
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:00,514
(doorbell rings)
315
00:13:00,547 --> 00:13:02,315
I don't understand
what's happening here.
316
00:13:02,348 --> 00:13:05,351
Are we arguing
about cheese
or your shirt or what?
317
00:13:05,385 --> 00:13:08,822
All I know is
all day, I prepared
for these people,
318
00:13:08,855 --> 00:13:10,256
and what thanks
do I get?
319
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:11,992
You call me your mother.
320
00:13:12,025 --> 00:13:13,560
Hi!
321
00:13:13,594 --> 00:13:17,230
Come on in.
Welcome to our house.
322
00:13:17,263 --> 00:13:19,566
What
a beautiful house!
323
00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:21,935
Oh, this old place?
324
00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:23,937
Well, I made
a few improvements.
325
00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:26,339
Got rid of the ex.
326
00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:30,143
They love
my ex‐husband jokes.
327
00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:31,978
And, you know,
I traded him in
328
00:13:32,012 --> 00:13:34,347
for a newer model
with lower mileage
329
00:13:34,380 --> 00:13:37,984
and all the extras.
330
00:13:38,519 --> 00:13:40,086
Fran, can I talk
to you for a minute?
331
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:41,121
Sure, honey.
332
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:44,825
Oh, help yourself
to some champagne and brie‐‐
333
00:13:45,291 --> 00:13:48,428
What? We're
having company.
334
00:13:48,461 --> 00:13:50,030
If you don't mind,
I don't like
335
00:13:50,063 --> 00:13:51,397
being referred to
as a trade‐in.
336
00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:52,533
It makes me look
like merchandise.
337
00:13:52,566 --> 00:13:57,137
No, it doesn't.
It makes me look
like a smart shopper.
338
00:13:57,971 --> 00:14:00,874
Look, these guys
already think
that I'm a kept man,
339
00:14:00,907 --> 00:14:02,242
living in
a big, fancy house
340
00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:05,011
owned by his hot
divorcee girlfriend.
341
00:14:05,045 --> 00:14:08,314
Oh, they think I'm hot?
342
00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:10,551
They think
I'm your boy toy.
343
00:14:10,584 --> 00:14:14,187
Oh, is that what
this is all about?
344
00:14:14,220 --> 00:14:17,290
Honey, we know
that's not true,
345
00:14:17,323 --> 00:14:18,525
so what do you care?
346
00:14:18,559 --> 00:14:19,626
They liked you,
347
00:14:19,660 --> 00:14:20,661
but they're
laughing at me.
348
00:14:20,694 --> 00:14:23,363
These guys used
to look up to me
in high school.
349
00:14:23,396 --> 00:14:25,065
Now they think
I'm a joke.
350
00:14:25,098 --> 00:14:26,266
Well, sweetie,
I don't think
351
00:14:26,299 --> 00:14:29,903
that we should try
and change who we are
or the way we live
352
00:14:29,936 --> 00:14:32,539
because you can't deal
with a couple of comments
353
00:14:32,573 --> 00:14:35,241
that your ex‐locker room
buddies said.
354
00:14:35,275 --> 00:14:36,376
You don't
see me complaining
355
00:14:36,409 --> 00:14:40,146
because
they think I'm hot.
356
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:45,619
Riley, that was
a hell of a dinner.
357
00:14:45,652 --> 00:14:47,353
We didn't know
you were such a good cook.
358
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:49,355
Neither did I,
but I kind of
yaught myself
359
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:50,390
when I started
living here.
360
00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:53,660
Why are all
the good ones taken?
361
00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:55,962
So, how much
you wanna buy in for?
362
00:14:55,996 --> 00:14:57,531
Well, I just
got paid today,
363
00:14:57,564 --> 00:15:01,267
so put me down
for 12 big ones.
364
00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:02,335
I'll take 40.
365
00:15:02,368 --> 00:15:04,004
Yeah, me, too.
366
00:15:04,037 --> 00:15:05,471
Oh, I didn't get
to the ATM today.
367
00:15:05,506 --> 00:15:08,174
Why don't you go see
your cash machine
in the next room?
368
00:15:08,208 --> 00:15:10,343
You know which
buttons to push.
369
00:15:10,376 --> 00:15:13,313
I told you guys,
it's not like that.
370
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:14,515
Hey, don't get
bent out of shape.
371
00:15:14,548 --> 00:15:17,651
We just wish
our ATMs were
as hot as yours.
372
00:15:17,684 --> 00:15:18,685
Ha ha ha!
373
00:15:18,719 --> 00:15:22,055
What're you guys
talkin' about?
374
00:15:22,723 --> 00:15:23,624
Can we just play cards?
375
00:15:23,657 --> 00:15:25,959
So, Josh,
what's your story?
376
00:15:25,992 --> 00:15:27,528
Well, you've
heard it before.
377
00:15:27,561 --> 00:15:30,697
Boy meets medical school,
boy has nervous breakdown,
378
00:15:30,731 --> 00:15:33,099
boy moves
back home with his mom.
379
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:37,203
So you live here
with Riley
and your mom?
380
00:15:37,237 --> 00:15:38,204
Yeah. Yeah.
381
00:15:38,238 --> 00:15:40,607
♪ Awkward ♪
382
00:15:43,577 --> 00:15:46,980
And Riley completely
redid that bathroom.
383
00:15:47,013 --> 00:15:48,214
That was how we met.
384
00:15:48,248 --> 00:15:50,684
You know, I was thinking
of redoing our bathroom,
385
00:15:50,717 --> 00:15:52,085
but why bother?
386
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:56,389
Danny's on the road
selling lighting fixtures
four days a week.
387
00:15:56,422 --> 00:15:59,292
Oh, that's terrible.
388
00:15:59,325 --> 00:16:00,326
Oh, it is.
389
00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:03,597
You're talking about
the days he's home, right?
390
00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:06,533
You know.
Yes.
391
00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:09,035
I wish
I could get James
out on the road.
392
00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:10,537
I mean,
I'd dump him now,
393
00:16:10,571 --> 00:16:13,574
but half of nothing
is nothing.
394
00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:17,110
You know, it was
so nice meeting you guys.
395
00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:19,245
I think I'm gonna
head upstairs.
396
00:16:19,279 --> 00:16:22,448
If I ever get
like them, kill me!
397
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:24,450
I will, honey.
398
00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:27,153
Love you.
399
00:16:27,187 --> 00:16:29,022
You know, I gotta
tell you, Fran,
400
00:16:29,055 --> 00:16:31,457
if I ever get a divorce,
I hope I'm lucky enough
401
00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:34,360
to get a settlement
like you obviously got.
402
00:16:34,394 --> 00:16:37,030
Oh, well,
I got the house,
403
00:16:37,063 --> 00:16:39,232
but I work.
I have a business.
404
00:16:39,265 --> 00:16:40,333
Well, it must
be a good one,
405
00:16:40,366 --> 00:16:45,105
because you are
one world‐class cougar.
406
00:16:45,739 --> 00:16:47,307
Well, thank you.
407
00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:49,275
What the hell
is a cougar?
408
00:16:49,309 --> 00:16:52,045
A woman who lives
with a younger man
409
00:16:52,078 --> 00:16:54,214
and pays
for everything.
410
00:16:54,247 --> 00:16:59,620
Oh, you just described
me and my son.
411
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,823
Let's say
we do a road trip
to Atlantic City,
412
00:17:02,856 --> 00:17:03,857
gamble all weekend,
413
00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:05,726
then roll into work
on Monday drunk and broke
414
00:17:05,759 --> 00:17:08,729
with a suitcase
full of shrimp cocktail.
415
00:17:09,162 --> 00:17:09,796
That sounds great.
416
00:17:09,830 --> 00:17:11,297
Fran loves
Atlantic City.
417
00:17:11,331 --> 00:17:13,333
What are you,
high?
418
00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:16,302
The whole point of this
is to get away
from the wives.
419
00:17:16,336 --> 00:17:17,771
But I don't want to.
420
00:17:17,804 --> 00:17:21,307
Wuss!
Wuss!
421
00:17:21,341 --> 00:17:23,143
Real mature, guys,
422
00:17:23,176 --> 00:17:24,310
but you're not gonna
get me all worked up
423
00:17:24,344 --> 00:17:26,179
with the old wuss cough.
424
00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:28,348
Wuss. (coughs)
425
00:17:29,650 --> 00:17:31,484
Who else needs a beer?
426
00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:33,253
Yup.
Yo.
427
00:17:33,286 --> 00:17:35,556
Hey, uh, I just
wanna thank you
428
00:17:35,589 --> 00:17:38,559
for inviting your
friends over tonight.
429
00:17:38,592 --> 00:17:40,426
Why?
Well, after
meeting these guys,
430
00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:43,463
I'm realizing
there are worse cradles
my mom could've robbed.
431
00:17:44,598 --> 00:17:45,331
Thank you, Josh.
432
00:17:45,365 --> 00:17:47,267
And I can't think
of anyone's mom
433
00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:50,136
I'd rather have
as my lover.
434
00:17:50,170 --> 00:17:54,140
Ok, that would be creepy
even if it wasn't my mom.
435
00:17:55,141 --> 00:17:56,510
Now, wait
a minute here.
436
00:17:56,543 --> 00:17:57,778
Let me just
get this straight.
437
00:17:57,811 --> 00:18:00,480
Are you girls
calling me a jaguar?
438
00:18:00,514 --> 00:18:03,483
No, a cougar.
And it's a compliment.
439
00:18:03,517 --> 00:18:06,587
It's exciting
to know that
my second husband
440
00:18:06,620 --> 00:18:09,790
is in eighth grade
right now.
441
00:18:10,290 --> 00:18:13,293
Oh, no.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute here.
442
00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:14,394
You have
got this all wrong.
443
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:17,564
I did not pick Riley
out of boys 'R' us.
444
00:18:17,598 --> 00:18:18,665
(cell phone rings)
445
00:18:18,699 --> 00:18:21,301
Excuse me.
446
00:18:21,334 --> 00:18:24,337
Oh. Hello?
447
00:18:24,370 --> 00:18:29,142
Uh, yeah, I'll be there
in two minutes.
448
00:18:29,743 --> 00:18:32,513
Oh, I am so glad
that you called me.
449
00:18:32,546 --> 00:18:33,814
I just had
to get out of there.
450
00:18:33,847 --> 00:18:35,549
You know, I was
about to tell off
451
00:18:35,582 --> 00:18:38,752
your 2 friends'
future ex‐wives.
452
00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:41,187
And I am
so past those guys.
453
00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:42,455
The greatest time
of their life
454
00:18:42,488 --> 00:18:43,824
was when they were
pantsing each other
455
00:18:43,857 --> 00:18:46,459
after
a basketball game.
456
00:18:46,492 --> 00:18:48,228
The second greatest
time was when
457
00:18:48,261 --> 00:18:50,731
they were
pantsing each other
at the reunion.
458
00:18:50,764 --> 00:18:53,834
I mean, can you believe
that those two girls
459
00:18:53,867 --> 00:18:57,237
had the nerve
to call me a cougar?
460
00:18:57,270 --> 00:19:00,841
Well, a wise
and beautiful woman
once told me,
461
00:19:00,874 --> 00:19:02,576
"what do you care
what they think?"
462
00:19:02,609 --> 00:19:04,711
I should've
listened to me.
463
00:19:04,745 --> 00:19:08,181
When will I learn
that I'm always right?
464
00:19:08,214 --> 00:19:11,151
Don't be so hard
on yourself, Fran.
465
00:19:11,785 --> 00:19:12,853
I guess to the rest
of the world
466
00:19:12,886 --> 00:19:16,322
we're always
gonna look like
a cougar and a boy toy,
467
00:19:16,356 --> 00:19:19,192
but what really matters
is how we feel.
468
00:19:19,225 --> 00:19:20,894
And I think
we're happy.
469
00:19:20,927 --> 00:19:24,865
I'm not paying you
to think, boy toy.
470
00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:28,569
Hey, stretch.
471
00:19:28,602 --> 00:19:31,638
Is this where
you take all the girls?
472
00:19:31,672 --> 00:19:35,341
No. I've never
run out of gas
473
00:19:35,375 --> 00:19:37,644
in the middle
of nowhere before.
474
00:19:37,678 --> 00:19:39,212
I guess
I forgot to fill up
475
00:19:39,245 --> 00:19:42,716
because I'm nervous
about the big game
tomorrow.
476
00:19:42,749 --> 00:19:46,687
Maybe I could think
of something to relax you.
477
00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:49,990
You know, I am
the head cheerleader.
478
00:19:50,023 --> 00:19:54,294
You know, Fran,
you're a little
too good at this.
479
00:19:57,631 --> 00:19:58,999
What?
480
00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:01,868
What are these?
481
00:20:03,604 --> 00:20:06,807
Oh, my God. Josh!
482
00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:09,275
In the back
of my pickup?
483
00:20:09,309 --> 00:20:11,444
Way to go, josh.
484
00:20:11,477 --> 00:20:16,449
I gotta get
that boy a truck.
485
00:20:21,021 --> 00:20:24,490
OK, I just stepped out
of my mom's party.
486
00:20:24,525 --> 00:20:26,627
Oh, I got the truck.
487
00:20:26,660 --> 00:20:30,330
All right, I'll
see you in five...Erika.
488
00:20:32,799 --> 00:20:37,538
Captioned by The National
Captioning Institute
489
00:20:41,975 --> 00:20:43,744
Should we hop out?
490
00:20:43,777 --> 00:20:46,780
Are you kidding? I've been dying
to get a look at this girl.
34478
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