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1
00:00:01,902 --> 00:00:03,169
Hello, all.
2
00:00:03,203 --> 00:00:05,506
Hi, Josh.
How was work today?
3
00:00:05,539 --> 00:00:11,678
Oh, I just love saying
"Josh" and "work"
in the same sentence.
4
00:00:11,712 --> 00:00:12,713
Well, today,
5
00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:15,682
I cashed my first paycheck
from the Video King.
6
00:00:15,716 --> 00:00:18,118
Oh, Joshie,
I am so proud of you.
7
00:00:18,151 --> 00:00:20,787
I mean, who would have
thought that quitting
medical school
8
00:00:20,821 --> 00:00:25,258
and working in
a video store
would, uh‐‐
9
00:00:25,291 --> 00:00:27,528
would, uh...
10
00:00:27,561 --> 00:00:30,363
Help me out here.
11
00:00:30,396 --> 00:00:31,765
Be so great.
12
00:00:31,798 --> 00:00:34,234
Congratulations,
Josh.
13
00:00:34,267 --> 00:00:36,202
Yeah.
14
00:00:37,170 --> 00:00:39,239
That was
from your mother.
15
00:00:39,272 --> 00:00:41,742
Let's never
speak of this again.
16
00:00:42,609 --> 00:00:45,646
Hey, what's this?
France: Bring It On.
17
00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:49,516
Going to a cheerleading
competition on the riviera?
18
00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:52,519
Mom wants to go
backpacking through Europe.
19
00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:54,287
She calls it
a family vacation.
20
00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:57,290
We call it the long
and whining road.
21
00:00:57,323 --> 00:01:01,127
You know, I have been
dreaming about this trip
since high school,
22
00:01:01,161 --> 00:01:03,664
so don't even bother
trying to talk me
out of it.
23
00:01:03,697 --> 00:01:04,698
Besides,
what's the matter?
24
00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:07,768
You don't think
that I'm capable
of roughing it?
25
00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:09,570
ALL: No.
26
00:01:10,336 --> 00:01:11,437
Well, I'll have you know
27
00:01:11,471 --> 00:01:14,174
that I have roughed it
plenty of times.
28
00:01:14,207 --> 00:01:17,310
One time,
me and my girlfriends
went camping.
29
00:01:17,343 --> 00:01:19,145
We were out
under the stars,
30
00:01:19,179 --> 00:01:22,516
singing songs, and
roasting marshmallows.
31
00:01:22,549 --> 00:01:24,818
Then it got too cold,
so we went back
in the house
32
00:01:24,851 --> 00:01:28,288
and practiced
French kissing
on our arms.
33
00:01:28,321 --> 00:01:29,590
(doorbell rings)
34
00:01:29,623 --> 00:01:31,758
Oh! Allison, the door.
35
00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:34,194
Why? Just because
I'm the youngest?
36
00:01:34,227 --> 00:01:36,129
Yeah.
37
00:01:39,165 --> 00:01:41,301
Surprise!
38
00:01:41,334 --> 00:01:42,569
Dad?!
39
00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:44,671
Ted?!
Dad?
Fran?
40
00:01:44,705 --> 00:01:47,674
No, I think you're
supposed to say, "Ted?"
41
00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:56,449
♪ And I ♪
42
00:01:56,482 --> 00:01:58,752
♪ Feel beautiful
right now ♪
43
00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:01,788
♪ For the first time
in a long time ♪
44
00:02:01,822 --> 00:02:04,658
♪ I'm letting my hair down ♪
45
00:02:04,691 --> 00:02:06,627
♪ And life ♪
46
00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:08,929
♪ Gets better every day ♪
47
00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:12,165
♪ Though it seems
so complicaTed ♪
48
00:02:12,198 --> 00:02:12,899
♪ We're gonna work it out ♪
49
00:02:12,933 --> 00:02:16,136
♪ Whatever comes our way ♪
50
00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:28,148
Funny. The doormat
said "Welcome."
51
00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:29,449
Hi, Daddy!
52
00:02:29,482 --> 00:02:32,352
Oh, there's
my beautiful girl.
53
00:02:32,385 --> 00:02:33,419
Sorry we're so shocked.
54
00:02:33,453 --> 00:02:35,689
We're just not used
to seeing you at the house.
55
00:02:35,722 --> 00:02:37,490
Well, the last time
I was here,
56
00:02:37,524 --> 00:02:39,626
I was picking my clothes
out of the bushes.
57
00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:42,663
Took that as a sign
I might not be wanted.
58
00:02:44,230 --> 00:02:45,031
Well...
59
00:02:45,065 --> 00:02:48,201
You're looking
as Fran‐tastic as usual.
60
00:02:48,234 --> 00:02:49,536
Gee, Ted,
61
00:02:49,570 --> 00:02:52,806
how come you didn't
have this sense of humor
when we were married?
62
00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:56,176
Oh, yeah. You did!
63
00:02:57,744 --> 00:03:00,380
Why don't you say
hello to your dad?
64
00:03:00,947 --> 00:03:02,749
I don't see you in months,
65
00:03:02,783 --> 00:03:05,719
and that's all I get,
the chin?
66
00:03:05,752 --> 00:03:06,987
Gee, Dad,
what did you expect?
67
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:09,556
A hug and a thank you
for insisting that
I go to medical school
68
00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:12,325
and then cutting me off
when I got thrown out?
69
00:03:12,358 --> 00:03:13,393
Well, I guess when
he puts it that way,
70
00:03:13,426 --> 00:03:16,663
the chin is better
than what he could
be giving you.
71
00:03:16,897 --> 00:03:19,833
Uh, Ted, I'd like you
to meet Riley.
72
00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:22,268
Riley, this is my ex Ted.
73
00:03:22,302 --> 00:03:23,469
Nice to meet you, Ted.
74
00:03:23,504 --> 00:03:24,671
Hey, Riley.
75
00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:26,640
(chuckles)
Can't believe it, Fran.
76
00:03:26,673 --> 00:03:28,441
We split up, and you
go out and find yourself
77
00:03:28,474 --> 00:03:30,677
a guy that looks
just like me.
78
00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:35,481
(forced laugh) What are
you doing here, Ted?
79
00:03:35,516 --> 00:03:38,418
I'm broke. I need
a place to stay.
80
00:03:38,451 --> 00:03:41,387
Ran into a little
malpractice problem.
81
00:03:41,421 --> 00:03:42,322
You know, those kidneys
82
00:03:42,355 --> 00:03:47,427
really ought to come
labeled left and right.
83
00:03:48,394 --> 00:03:49,896
I'm gonna go
before he tells the one
84
00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:52,332
about
Urethra Franklin.
85
00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:54,968
Hey, Josh got a job.
86
00:03:55,001 --> 00:03:57,337
Is that right?
Well, good for you.
87
00:03:57,370 --> 00:03:58,872
Yeah. Good for me.
I did get a job.
88
00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:00,774
But, hey, don't change
your opinion about me.
89
00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:03,309
It's at a video store
working for minimum wage,
90
00:04:03,343 --> 00:04:04,477
and I'm still
a med school dropout
91
00:04:04,511 --> 00:04:05,612
living at home
with my mom.
92
00:04:05,646 --> 00:04:10,851
If you throw in "virgin,"
you have your e‐date profile.
93
00:04:12,052 --> 00:04:13,654
Can I get you
a drink, Ted?
94
00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:14,721
Uh, no, thank you.
95
00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:16,557
I dropped by
because I was hoping
96
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:19,693
Josh and I could maybe
slip out for a beer,
97
00:04:19,726 --> 00:04:21,662
maybe see
if there's any chance
98
00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:24,330
of some father/son
relationship.
99
00:04:24,364 --> 00:04:25,566
I don't know.
100
00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:28,034
Oh, come on, Josh.
I'll give you a ride
in the Porsche,
101
00:04:28,068 --> 00:04:28,969
buy you a steak.
102
00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:32,739
Careful. That's how
I got pregnant with you.
103
00:04:35,408 --> 00:04:38,044
Why don't you
just go, sweetie?
104
00:04:38,078 --> 00:04:41,582
OK. I'll go
get my coat.
105
00:04:42,382 --> 00:04:43,249
And, Allison,
106
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:46,019
why don't you and I
go out tomorrow, hmm?
107
00:04:46,052 --> 00:04:48,054
Catch up...
108
00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:49,823
At Macy's?
109
00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:53,927
Oh, I love my daddy!
110
00:04:55,095 --> 00:04:57,764
So, Ted,
are you here alone,
111
00:04:57,798 --> 00:05:01,635
or did you bring
Slutty McTartstein?
112
00:05:01,668 --> 00:05:04,871
(laughs)
113
00:05:04,905 --> 00:05:06,573
Sorry.
114
00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:07,941
Oh, that's
all right.
115
00:05:07,974 --> 00:05:09,710
No, Tiffany's
not with me.
116
00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:13,680
She's at a self‐actualization
retreat in Yosemite.
117
00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:15,381
Oh, so you're
paying 2,000 bucks
118
00:05:15,415 --> 00:05:18,585
to have her hug a tree
and poop in a hole.
119
00:05:20,587 --> 00:05:22,756
3,000.
120
00:05:22,789 --> 00:05:23,924
OK. Let's go.
121
00:05:23,957 --> 00:05:25,626
All right.
Well, see you later.
122
00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:27,628
Do you want to drive
the Porsche?
123
00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:28,729
Sure. This'll be fun.
124
00:05:28,762 --> 00:05:32,465
I've never driven
a stick before.
125
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,936
(door closes)
So that was Ted.
126
00:05:35,969 --> 00:05:36,837
After the way
you described him,
127
00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:39,139
I didn't expect him
to be so charming.
128
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:41,107
Well, what
were you expecting,
129
00:05:41,141 --> 00:05:44,978
a black cape
and his own theme music?
130
00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:47,080
Trust me,
the man is evil.
131
00:05:47,113 --> 00:05:48,549
You have no idea
the kind of hell
132
00:05:48,582 --> 00:05:50,383
he put me through
when we were married.
133
00:05:50,416 --> 00:05:51,885
Do you know that
he was my Lamaze coach
134
00:05:51,918 --> 00:05:54,454
and he was flirting
with the nurse
the whole time?
135
00:05:54,487 --> 00:05:58,124
(imitating Ted)
"Breathe. Breathe.
Do you like jazz?
136
00:05:58,158 --> 00:06:00,126
Breathe."
137
00:06:05,732 --> 00:06:07,734
Hello!
We're back!
138
00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:09,435
Oh! Hey, you guys.
139
00:06:09,469 --> 00:06:11,037
Whoo!
That was something.
140
00:06:11,071 --> 00:06:13,439
Josh, you must be
in some kinda shape.
141
00:06:13,473 --> 00:06:15,075
I was surprised at
how high your score was.
142
00:06:15,108 --> 00:06:17,811
Oh, don't worry.
You'll be up there
with me someday.
143
00:06:17,844 --> 00:06:19,012
What were
you guys doing?
144
00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:22,148
Blood pressure machine
at the mall.
145
00:06:22,816 --> 00:06:25,619
Which reminds me,
I better take my pill.
146
00:06:25,652 --> 00:06:27,821
I'm gonna grab
a glass of water.
147
00:06:27,854 --> 00:06:30,423
So, uh,
what's the story?
148
00:06:30,456 --> 00:06:31,457
You're
getting along, huh?
149
00:06:31,491 --> 00:06:32,793
Oh, mom, you
wouldn't believe it.
150
00:06:32,826 --> 00:06:35,596
I told him I didn't
see myself ever going
back to medical school,
151
00:06:35,629 --> 00:06:38,098
and he said, "Fine.
Whatever you want."
152
00:06:38,131 --> 00:06:41,635
He told me he would support
anything that I wanted to do.
153
00:06:41,668 --> 00:06:42,736
Oh, uh, watch this.
154
00:06:42,769 --> 00:06:43,704
Hey, uh, Dad,
155
00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:47,173
I was thinking of
becoming an aroma‐therapist.
156
00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:49,475
(glass breaks)
157
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:52,012
TED: Great!
158
00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:54,548
See?
159
00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:56,049
Sorry about
the glass.
160
00:06:56,082 --> 00:07:00,053
Oh, that's ok.
It was a wedding gift.
161
00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:01,922
Well, I better get going.
I don't want to be late.
162
00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:05,025
I'm on the inside track
for employee of the month.
163
00:07:05,058 --> 00:07:07,761
Akmed is going down.
164
00:07:07,794 --> 00:07:08,995
(door closes)
165
00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:10,564
So, Riley,
166
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:13,099
Allison tells me
you're a contractor.
167
00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:15,235
Oh, he's
a fantastic contractor.
168
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:19,205
He's the president of his own
contracting corporation.
169
00:07:19,239 --> 00:07:21,575
Not much of
a corporation.
170
00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:23,577
My vice president's
my truck.
171
00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:25,946
But I do all right.
172
00:07:25,979 --> 00:07:28,081
Well, you know,
I am knee‐deep
173
00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:30,483
in a new medical complex
we're building
174
00:07:30,517 --> 00:07:31,685
up in Ithaca
right now.
175
00:07:31,718 --> 00:07:33,654
I just had to fire
my contractor.
176
00:07:33,687 --> 00:07:37,090
I need someone
who can jump on and
stay with the project.
177
00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:39,259
So tell me about
your fee structure.
178
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:41,494
It's materials plus 15%.
179
00:07:41,528 --> 00:07:42,395
That sounds
fair enough.
180
00:07:42,428 --> 00:07:43,997
So, uh, you think
you might be interested?
181
00:07:44,030 --> 00:07:46,700
Sure. I'll hop in
my vice president tomorrow
182
00:07:46,733 --> 00:07:48,234
and check out
the site.
183
00:07:48,268 --> 00:07:49,335
Wait a minute here.
184
00:07:49,369 --> 00:07:52,573
There's about a million
other things to consider,
185
00:07:52,606 --> 00:07:54,240
and they're all me.
186
00:07:54,274 --> 00:07:56,710
Of course I wouldn't
want you to do anything
187
00:07:56,743 --> 00:07:58,612
without thinking
about it first.
188
00:07:58,645 --> 00:07:59,813
FRAN: Thank you.
189
00:07:59,846 --> 00:08:01,682
And what better
place to do that
190
00:08:01,715 --> 00:08:04,585
than courtside at
tonight's Knicks game?
191
00:08:04,618 --> 00:08:05,586
What do you say?
192
00:08:05,619 --> 00:08:06,920
Courtside seats?
193
00:08:06,953 --> 00:08:08,021
Of course,
if you can't make it,
194
00:08:08,054 --> 00:08:10,591
I'll have
to donate these
to some needy kids,
195
00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:13,627
and I hate to do that.
196
00:08:14,260 --> 00:08:18,699
I'm there. Just give me
five minutes to change.
197
00:08:19,065 --> 00:08:21,968
Ok, Ted, now we're alone.
What are you up to?
198
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:22,869
What do you mean?
199
00:08:22,903 --> 00:08:25,639
Oh, come on. We were
married for 20 years.
200
00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:26,740
I smell something,
201
00:08:26,773 --> 00:08:30,744
and it ain't just the stench
of your dandruff shampoo.
202
00:08:30,777 --> 00:08:34,581
What's wrong
with offering Riley
3 or 4 months' work?
203
00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:35,616
3 or 4 months?
204
00:08:35,649 --> 00:08:37,751
We're supposed
to be going to Europe.
205
00:08:37,784 --> 00:08:38,919
Oh, that's right.
206
00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:41,254
Allison might have
mentioned something
about that.
207
00:08:41,287 --> 00:08:44,124
Oops. I'm afraid
I put my foot in it.
208
00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:47,928
Yeah, and I know just
where I want to put my foot.
209
00:08:52,933 --> 00:08:54,134
Riley?
210
00:08:54,167 --> 00:08:54,935
Hey.
211
00:08:54,968 --> 00:08:56,903
Have you seen my lucky
Knicks jersey?
212
00:08:56,937 --> 00:09:00,340
Uh, look under
your lucky cargo pants.
213
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:05,111
The ones you were wearing
the day you met me.
214
00:09:05,145 --> 00:09:09,550
Oh, you mean my super
lucky cargo pants.
215
00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:11,885
Sweetie, Ted said
that this job
216
00:09:11,918 --> 00:09:13,854
is gonna be like
a 3‐4 month job.
217
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:17,223
What is gonna happen
with our backpacking
through Europe?
218
00:09:17,257 --> 00:09:18,859
We'll go after that.
219
00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:21,728
I don't want
to go after that.
220
00:09:21,762 --> 00:09:25,165
I couldn't go 20 years ago
because Ted got me pregnant,
221
00:09:25,198 --> 00:09:29,736
and‐‐and now
he's screwing me again.
222
00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:31,204
It's just 4 months.
223
00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:33,874
I divorced him to get him
out of my life.
224
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:37,010
Now what, you're becoming,
like, good friends?
225
00:09:37,043 --> 00:09:38,712
Don't worry, Fran.
226
00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:41,882
I keep my personal
and my professional
relationships separate.
227
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:44,350
We met working!
228
00:09:44,384 --> 00:09:49,055
Yeah, well, I'm pretty
sure I'm not gonna fall
in love with Ted.
229
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:50,290
Well,
if you love me,
230
00:09:50,323 --> 00:09:52,125
then you'll
respect my feelings.
231
00:09:52,158 --> 00:09:58,264
And I'm asking you
not to take
this job, OK?
232
00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:02,368
Sweetie. Honey.
233
00:10:02,402 --> 00:10:04,137
Hello?
234
00:10:04,170 --> 00:10:05,939
It's a pretty
awesome gig, Fran.
235
00:10:05,972 --> 00:10:07,107
He could make
my business.
236
00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:08,942
And make me miserable,
237
00:10:08,975 --> 00:10:10,410
which is exactly
what he wants.
238
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:14,815
He is manipulating us.
He manipulates everyone.
239
00:10:14,848 --> 00:10:17,083
Aren't you being
a little paranoid, Fran?
240
00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:20,721
No. He is evil!
241
00:10:20,754 --> 00:10:22,422
Why can't anyone
see this but me?
242
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:25,325
You know, I feel like
the kid in the sixth sense,
243
00:10:25,358 --> 00:10:27,227
only instead
of seeing dead people,
244
00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:30,296
I see people
I wish were dead.
245
00:10:32,198 --> 00:10:34,868
That's it.
I am getting him
out of my house for good.
246
00:10:34,901 --> 00:10:35,969
He's here
to see his kids.
247
00:10:36,002 --> 00:10:38,672
I don't care.
It's my house,
and I make the rules...
248
00:10:38,705 --> 00:10:40,907
And he has
every legal right
to see his children.
249
00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:45,078
Damn! If only once
he'd miss the payment.
250
00:10:45,111 --> 00:10:48,448
I'm sorry you'll be unhappy,
but I can't pass this up.
251
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:52,686
How can you take
this job when you know
how I feel?
252
00:10:52,719 --> 00:10:56,056
How can you ask me not to
when you know how I feel?
253
00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:58,358
And how come
I can never find
254
00:10:58,391 --> 00:11:00,861
any of my stuff
in this damn closet?
255
00:11:00,894 --> 00:11:03,930
Are your clothes
eating my clothes?
256
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:07,033
Oh, honestly.
257
00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:08,001
Here!
258
00:11:08,034 --> 00:11:11,805
Here's your
lucky jersey!
259
00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:17,443
Ask your buddy Ted
what bush to find it in!
260
00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:24,751
Sweetie, I don't
understand what
the big deal is.
261
00:11:24,785 --> 00:11:26,920
It would be different
if it was my boyfriend
262
00:11:26,953 --> 00:11:27,854
going out
with another man,
263
00:11:27,888 --> 00:11:30,356
but this is just Riley
working with your ex.
264
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:31,992
Oh, it's just not natural,
I tell you.
265
00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:36,162
I mean, Ted and Riley
should be wrestling
on the floor,
266
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:38,264
fighting like gladiators.
267
00:11:38,298 --> 00:11:41,101
I'm listening.
268
00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:43,303
Riley doesn't know Ted
the way I know Ted.
269
00:11:43,336 --> 00:11:46,507
If he did, he would
never work with him, never.
270
00:11:46,540 --> 00:11:48,408
Well, maybe
Ted's changed.
271
00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:51,077
No! You cannot say that.
272
00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:54,414
I invited you here
because I wanna be
resentful and angry.
273
00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:57,984
Now, you have to jump
on the train with me.
274
00:11:58,284 --> 00:11:59,853
Honey,
I am the engineer.
275
00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:03,156
All aboard
for Bitchville.
Toot toot!
276
00:12:03,189 --> 00:12:05,358
You know,
he breezes into town,
277
00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:06,993
he makes up with Josh,
278
00:12:07,027 --> 00:12:09,095
he starts buying
Allison stuff,
279
00:12:09,129 --> 00:12:11,364
he offers Riley a job‐‐
280
00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:13,867
that bastard.
281
00:12:14,835 --> 00:12:16,803
Toot toot.
282
00:12:16,837 --> 00:12:18,972
Ted has ruined
our trip to Europe
283
00:12:19,005 --> 00:12:20,106
because he offered
Riley work.
284
00:12:20,140 --> 00:12:23,209
And Frankly,
I'm afraid that he's
gonna hurt Josh again.
285
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:25,311
Well, sweetie,
Josh is a big boy,
286
00:12:25,345 --> 00:12:27,413
and you can't control
what Riley does.
287
00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:29,783
You'll just wind up
fighting all the time.
288
00:12:29,816 --> 00:12:31,518
Which is exactly
what we're doing,
289
00:12:31,552 --> 00:12:33,319
and that's
what Ted wants.
290
00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:37,357
So don't let him
get what he wants.
291
00:12:37,390 --> 00:12:38,224
Now, Gregory,
292
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:42,362
let me just make sure
I understand you.
293
00:12:42,395 --> 00:12:45,532
You think
I should kill Ted?
294
00:12:47,300 --> 00:12:49,469
That's your call.
295
00:12:49,503 --> 00:12:51,572
But what I am
saying is...
296
00:12:51,605 --> 00:12:53,507
I think Ted is
still controlling you,
297
00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:57,477
but you can decide
to not be controlled.
298
00:12:57,511 --> 00:13:00,814
Mmm! Oh!
299
00:13:00,847 --> 00:13:03,850
You're good.
300
00:13:03,884 --> 00:13:06,319
Ted wants me
to be miserable,
301
00:13:06,352 --> 00:13:09,155
but I don't have
to be miserable,
302
00:13:09,189 --> 00:13:10,423
and if I'm happy,
303
00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:12,593
then that will
make him miserable,
304
00:13:12,626 --> 00:13:14,360
which will make me
even happier,
305
00:13:14,394 --> 00:13:15,461
which would make him even‐‐
306
00:13:15,495 --> 00:13:17,531
I get it. I get it.
307
00:13:17,564 --> 00:13:18,899
Another drink, sir?
308
00:13:18,932 --> 00:13:20,934
I can't.
I'm driving a train.
309
00:13:26,172 --> 00:13:27,574
Allison.
310
00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:30,544
Allison.
311
00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:34,948
Allison.
Ah!
312
00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:35,849
What?
313
00:13:35,882 --> 00:13:37,083
You're supposed to be
doing your homework.
314
00:13:37,117 --> 00:13:39,385
I was listening
to a book on tape.
315
00:13:39,419 --> 00:13:42,523
Yeah? What book?
The, uh...
316
00:13:42,556 --> 00:13:45,025
You know, I don't know
what's worse.
317
00:13:45,058 --> 00:13:46,159
That you're
lying to me,
318
00:13:46,192 --> 00:13:49,563
or that you can't come up
with one stinking book title.
319
00:13:49,596 --> 00:13:50,564
Oh...
320
00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:52,398
I'll do homework when
I get back from Dee Dee's.
321
00:13:52,432 --> 00:13:55,468
I want to show her
my new MP3 player
and my jacket.
322
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:58,539
I told you not
to take advantage
of your father.
323
00:13:58,572 --> 00:13:59,940
I am going easy on him.
324
00:13:59,973 --> 00:14:01,407
If I were really
taking advantage,
325
00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:04,410
I would be driving
to Dee Dee's.
326
00:14:06,312 --> 00:14:08,048
Hello? Anybody home?
327
00:14:08,081 --> 00:14:10,216
Hey. Where
have you guys been?
328
00:14:10,250 --> 00:14:11,384
In the Hamptons.
329
00:14:11,417 --> 00:14:14,187
You remember
that summer we rented
a house on the beach?
330
00:14:14,220 --> 00:14:15,255
Oh, sure.
331
00:14:15,288 --> 00:14:17,558
That was the summer
that I got stung
by a jellyfish
332
00:14:17,591 --> 00:14:18,291
right on my cheek.
333
00:14:18,324 --> 00:14:20,594
My whole face
froze for a week.
334
00:14:20,627 --> 00:14:23,597
They're like
nature's botox.
335
00:14:23,630 --> 00:14:26,132
Well, dad is renting it
again this summer
336
00:14:26,166 --> 00:14:28,401
so he and I
can hang out there.
337
00:14:28,434 --> 00:14:30,170
Oh, really?
Yeah.
338
00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:31,905
Anyway, I gotta
get ready for work.
339
00:14:31,938 --> 00:14:33,006
I gotta look my best.
340
00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:34,074
It's "Chick Flick Night"
tonight‐‐
341
00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:35,441
half off anything
with hugh grant
342
00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:38,344
or girls singing
into hairbrushes.
343
00:14:39,079 --> 00:14:45,285
So, uh, Tiffany's not
gonna mind Josh hanging out
with you guys all summer?
344
00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:48,522
Tiffany and I are...
splitting.
345
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:53,293
I caught her
cheating on me.
346
00:14:53,326 --> 00:14:58,498
So the homewrecker finds
yet another home to wreck.
347
00:14:58,965 --> 00:15:00,400
Well, I think it's great.
348
00:15:00,433 --> 00:15:02,335
You know, some people
go their whole lives
349
00:15:02,368 --> 00:15:06,072
never finding what
they're really good at.
350
00:15:06,106 --> 00:15:08,308
Go ahead. I deserve it.
351
00:15:08,341 --> 00:15:09,943
I had my mid‐life
crisis,
352
00:15:09,976 --> 00:15:12,345
and now I'm reaping
what I sowed.
353
00:15:12,378 --> 00:15:15,048
I deserve
nothing but pain,
354
00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:17,551
and I'll die alone.
355
00:15:19,085 --> 00:15:24,991
You know, you're
really taking the fun
out of this for me.
356
00:15:25,325 --> 00:15:28,529
Anyway, you have to come
to the hamptons with us.
357
00:15:28,562 --> 00:15:31,598
Oh, no.
I'm going to Europe.
358
00:15:31,632 --> 00:15:33,534
You're still going?
Without Riley?
359
00:15:33,567 --> 00:15:36,469
Riley's gonna be working
with you in Ithaca.
360
00:15:36,503 --> 00:15:38,404
But I'll be
in the Hamptons,
361
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:41,007
and I was really
hoping we could all
be there together,
362
00:15:41,041 --> 00:15:43,376
you know...
as a family.
363
00:15:43,409 --> 00:15:47,213
Ted, we are
not a family anymore.
364
00:15:47,247 --> 00:15:49,983
We went to a great deal
of trouble to get a divorce.
365
00:15:50,016 --> 00:15:54,020
That's not something
you just want to...Throw away.
366
00:15:54,054 --> 00:15:58,424
Fran‐‐Fran, you know
what I'm getting at.
367
00:15:58,725 --> 00:16:01,562
Ted, are you
coming on to me?
368
00:16:01,595 --> 00:16:06,166
Look, we've both
had our little flings.
369
00:16:06,199 --> 00:16:07,568
Riley is not a fling.
370
00:16:07,601 --> 00:16:11,037
You're wasting your life
with Riley.
371
00:16:11,071 --> 00:16:12,472
You deserve more.
372
00:16:12,506 --> 00:16:14,608
You're better than
you've ever been.
373
00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:17,644
If I am,
it's because of Riley.
374
00:16:17,678 --> 00:16:19,212
Fran...
375
00:16:19,245 --> 00:16:21,014
Oh, now I get it!
376
00:16:21,047 --> 00:16:23,483
How could I have not
thought of this before?
377
00:16:23,517 --> 00:16:24,384
Tiffany throws you out,
378
00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:27,087
and suddenly, you want
your old life back,
379
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:30,023
and there's nobody here
to prove it to.
380
00:16:30,056 --> 00:16:32,425
Oh, why didn't I
install that spy cam
381
00:16:32,458 --> 00:16:36,362
when I thought the maid
was wearing my shoes?
382
00:16:36,396 --> 00:16:39,399
Fran, you need me.
383
00:16:39,432 --> 00:16:40,300
I don't need you.
384
00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:43,604
I'm not the same woman
I was 20 years ago.
385
00:16:43,637 --> 00:16:45,572
Look at your life now.
386
00:16:45,606 --> 00:16:47,340
Riley is a dead end.
387
00:16:47,373 --> 00:16:50,376
And Josh, Josh is
turning into a loser
388
00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:52,513
working
in a video store.
389
00:16:52,546 --> 00:16:56,750
If I were here,
he'd be back in med school
where he belongs.
390
00:16:56,783 --> 00:16:57,784
Hey, guys.
391
00:16:57,818 --> 00:17:00,554
Oh, there you are.
392
00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:01,755
What's all this?
393
00:17:01,788 --> 00:17:03,389
They're for our trip.
394
00:17:03,423 --> 00:17:05,592
Sorry I can't take
that job, Ted.
395
00:17:05,626 --> 00:17:07,060
We're going to Europe.
396
00:17:07,093 --> 00:17:08,361
We are?!
397
00:17:08,394 --> 00:17:10,096
What changed
your mind?
398
00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:12,498
I know how important
this trip is,
399
00:17:12,533 --> 00:17:14,601
and I want to
share it with you.
400
00:17:14,635 --> 00:17:17,103
Oh, Riley.
401
00:17:23,744 --> 00:17:26,112
Are you still here?
402
00:17:26,279 --> 00:17:30,250
Well, as much as I like
to watch my ex‐wife
in my ex‐house
403
00:17:30,283 --> 00:17:33,186
about to get x‐rated
with her new boyfriend,
404
00:17:33,219 --> 00:17:35,556
I really must be going.
405
00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:37,490
Uh, Josh, look,
406
00:17:37,524 --> 00:17:39,125
I knew I said
we were gonna
hang out tomorrow‐‐
407
00:17:39,159 --> 00:17:41,695
You don't want to hang out
with a loser, I know.
408
00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:44,364
Josh‐‐
Save it, Dad.
409
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:46,332
And you can forget
about the beach house.
410
00:17:46,366 --> 00:17:47,300
Come to think of it,
411
00:17:47,333 --> 00:17:49,235
I never really liked it
the first time around.
412
00:17:49,269 --> 00:17:52,305
I don't know
what to say.
413
00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:55,208
How about good‐bye?
414
00:17:56,376 --> 00:17:57,878
Right.
415
00:17:57,911 --> 00:18:02,649
Well, we really must
do this again sometime.
416
00:18:03,650 --> 00:18:05,652
Not soon.
417
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:09,856
Josh, do not listen to
a word your father said.
418
00:18:09,890 --> 00:18:10,924
You are not a loser.
419
00:18:10,957 --> 00:18:12,826
Mom, I'd love
to stand around
and talk about this,
420
00:18:12,859 --> 00:18:17,864
but I have to report
to my 17‐year‐old manager.
421
00:18:20,867 --> 00:18:23,570
Honey, I have to talk
to you right now.
422
00:18:23,604 --> 00:18:24,571
All right. Fine.
423
00:18:24,605 --> 00:18:27,874
Hey, can you cover
for me, Akmed?
424
00:18:27,908 --> 00:18:30,176
Excuse me.
Thank you.
425
00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:31,745
Excuse me.
426
00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,413
Josh, I am so sorry
that you were‐‐
427
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:37,350
come on.
Let's go somewhere
where we can be private.
428
00:18:37,383 --> 00:18:40,286
Mom...
429
00:18:43,757 --> 00:18:47,661
Josh, I am so sorry that
you overheard your father‐‐
430
00:18:47,694 --> 00:18:50,296
Oh! Missionary Impossible.
431
00:18:50,330 --> 00:18:51,598
Wow.
432
00:18:51,632 --> 00:18:52,498
Could we move this along?
433
00:18:52,533 --> 00:18:53,266
The isn't
exactly the place
434
00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:54,868
you want to be seen
with your mom.
435
00:18:54,901 --> 00:18:57,237
OK. I'll make it fast.
436
00:18:57,270 --> 00:18:58,171
Listen, honey,
437
00:18:58,204 --> 00:19:00,406
you have got to stop
letting your father
438
00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:01,374
get to you like this.
439
00:19:01,407 --> 00:19:02,408
How could it
not get to me?
440
00:19:02,442 --> 00:19:05,278
I mean, mom, he was right
about me being a loser.
441
00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:06,446
Look where we are.
442
00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:10,350
Where we are
is a job that you
got all by yourself.
443
00:19:10,383 --> 00:19:11,952
Oh! Star Whores,
444
00:19:11,985 --> 00:19:15,889
with Luke Streetwalker
and Jabba the Slut.
445
00:19:15,922 --> 00:19:17,691
Yeah. That's misfiled.
446
00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:20,694
That should be
in science friction.
447
00:19:23,564 --> 00:19:24,698
Josh, all your life
448
00:19:24,731 --> 00:19:26,700
your father has been
controlling you,
449
00:19:26,733 --> 00:19:29,603
and if you believe
that you're a loser,
450
00:19:29,636 --> 00:19:31,772
then he's still
controlling you.
451
00:19:31,805 --> 00:19:34,374
Trust m. I went through
the same thing with him
452
00:19:34,407 --> 00:19:39,445
until I realized
that I can't live
to please that man.
453
00:19:39,479 --> 00:19:41,748
I have to please myself,
454
00:19:41,782 --> 00:19:45,285
and you have to
please yourself.
455
00:19:45,652 --> 00:19:46,853
OK. I hear you,
456
00:19:46,887 --> 00:19:51,191
but can we not talk
about pleasing ourselves
in this section?
457
00:19:51,424 --> 00:19:53,359
Honey, you are
never gonna be happy
458
00:19:53,393 --> 00:19:55,762
unless you stand up
to your father.
459
00:19:55,796 --> 00:19:58,231
You mean tell him off?
I just did that.
460
00:19:58,264 --> 00:20:00,500
Well, that was fine,
but also,
461
00:20:00,534 --> 00:20:04,905
you have to start doing
exactly what you want to do.
462
00:20:04,938 --> 00:20:07,808
That'll really
piss him off.
463
00:20:07,841 --> 00:20:09,810
You're right, Mom.
464
00:20:10,544 --> 00:20:11,578
OK.
465
00:20:11,612 --> 00:20:14,247
Oh! Gregory!
466
00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:16,750
Oh. Hi, Reeves family.
Ha ha.
467
00:20:16,783 --> 00:20:19,620
This is
quite embarrassing.
468
00:20:20,286 --> 00:20:21,688
I must have
made a wrong turn.
469
00:20:21,722 --> 00:20:24,591
This is clearly
the straight porn.
470
00:20:32,065 --> 00:20:34,267
OK. That's everything.
471
00:20:34,300 --> 00:20:36,770
Feels pretty good.
I got it.
472
00:20:36,803 --> 00:20:39,239
You sure?
Yeah.
473
00:20:45,045 --> 00:20:48,248
FRAN: Maybe we should
just go to Bermuda.
474
00:20:52,553 --> 00:20:54,287
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