Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,104 --> 00:00:06,406
Oh, my God.
What are you doing?
2
00:00:06,439 --> 00:00:07,708
I'm cooking dinner.
3
00:00:07,741 --> 00:00:11,477
Really?
They make Pop Tarts
with beef now?
4
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:13,647
You know,
for your information,
5
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:17,250
I cooked plenty
when I was married
to your father.
6
00:00:17,283 --> 00:00:18,018
I was just so depressed,
7
00:00:18,051 --> 00:00:21,254
I ate it all
before you came home.
8
00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:22,556
Now listen to me,
9
00:00:22,589 --> 00:00:23,824
Riley parents
are in town
10
00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:25,491
and I invited them
for dinner.
11
00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,828
And his mom wants it
to be a big surprise,
12
00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:29,796
so don't say anything.
13
00:00:29,830 --> 00:00:32,332
Not to worry.
I won't even be here.
14
00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:33,499
I never wanted
to meet Riley.
15
00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:39,372
Why would I want
to meet the creatures
that spawned him?
16
00:00:39,405 --> 00:00:41,642
Oh, my God.
You're cooking.
17
00:00:41,675 --> 00:00:44,410
Did Szechwan palace
burn down?
18
00:00:44,444 --> 00:00:49,349
Yes, it did,
and your allowance
was in it.
19
00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:52,352
Now, listen, Riley's
parents are coming‐‐
20
00:00:52,385 --> 00:00:53,520
Oh, you have a cold?
21
00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:56,489
No. But do you remember
when you threatened
to disown me
22
00:00:56,523 --> 00:00:58,625
if I ever got
my tongue pierced?
23
00:00:58,659 --> 00:00:59,793
Yeah.
24
00:00:59,826 --> 00:01:03,830
Well, I'm still
in the will.
25
00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:07,333
Oh, my God!
26
00:01:07,367 --> 00:01:08,502
You got a nose ring?
27
00:01:08,535 --> 00:01:12,606
The first perfect nose
in four generations
of this family
28
00:01:12,639 --> 00:01:14,741
and you punch
a hole in it?
29
00:01:14,775 --> 00:01:17,210
I knew you
wouldn't understand.
30
00:01:17,243 --> 00:01:18,411
Allison!
31
00:01:18,444 --> 00:01:20,547
Mother, don't you
remember way back
when you were younger?
32
00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:24,718
Oh, that is so not
the way to start.
33
00:01:25,519 --> 00:01:29,590
Mmm!
Something smells great.
34
00:01:29,623 --> 00:01:30,456
And someone looks great.
35
00:01:30,490 --> 00:01:34,227
See? That's how you
come through a door.
36
00:01:34,260 --> 00:01:36,396
Whoa.
Cool nose ring‐‐
37
00:01:36,429 --> 00:01:37,463
Riley!
38
00:01:37,497 --> 00:01:40,601
Is what that isn't.
39
00:01:40,901 --> 00:01:42,669
Who did this
to you anyway?
40
00:01:42,703 --> 00:01:44,838
Well, Dee Dee got
this kit in the mail‐‐
41
00:01:44,871 --> 00:01:46,540
A kit in the mail?
42
00:01:46,573 --> 00:01:50,844
Why don't you just
shove a rusty nail
through your nose?
43
00:01:50,877 --> 00:01:53,714
Josh, you went
to medical school.
44
00:01:53,747 --> 00:01:54,615
Tell her.
45
00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:55,415
I agree with Mom.
46
00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:59,319
Shove a rusty nail
through your nose.
47
00:01:59,352 --> 00:02:00,554
Allison, come on.
48
00:02:00,587 --> 00:02:01,922
I want you
to go upstairs,
49
00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:04,224
take that thing
out of your nose,
50
00:02:04,257 --> 00:02:05,491
and put peroxide on it.
51
00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:06,392
But I like it.
52
00:02:06,426 --> 00:02:09,395
Well, I like brisket,
but you don't see me
53
00:02:09,429 --> 00:02:10,897
wearing it on my face.
54
00:02:10,931 --> 00:02:13,466
(doorbell rings)
55
00:02:13,499 --> 00:02:14,568
Oh, they're here!
56
00:02:14,601 --> 00:02:15,569
Who's here?
57
00:02:15,602 --> 00:02:17,437
Uh, I don't know.
58
00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:20,473
Why don't you
go see, honey?
59
00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:24,811
BOTH: Surprise!
60
00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:26,813
Mom? Dad?
61
00:02:26,847 --> 00:02:29,683
Oh!
There's my little
Riley Coyote.
62
00:02:31,852 --> 00:02:35,689
Wow. You guys
stopped by
to surprise me.
63
00:02:35,722 --> 00:02:36,557
Super.
64
00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:38,692
How you
doing, son?
65
00:02:38,725 --> 00:02:41,728
(both grunt)
66
00:02:42,629 --> 00:02:45,766
So where's that
new girlfriend of yours?
67
00:02:45,799 --> 00:02:46,767
Hello.
68
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:51,605
Oh, you must
be Fran's mother.
69
00:02:53,774 --> 00:02:57,578
On second thought, maybe
I will stay for dinner.
70
00:03:01,381 --> 00:03:02,883
♪ And I ♪
71
00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:05,418
♪ Feel beautiful
right now ♪
72
00:03:05,451 --> 00:03:08,354
♪ For the first time
in a long time ♪
73
00:03:08,388 --> 00:03:11,224
♪ I'm letting my hair down ♪
74
00:03:11,257 --> 00:03:12,993
♪ And life ♪
75
00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:15,495
♪ Gets better every day ♪
76
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:18,498
♪ Though it seems
so complicated ♪
77
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:19,933
♪ We're gonna work it out ♪
78
00:03:19,966 --> 00:03:24,370
♪ Whatever comes our way ♪
79
00:03:28,775 --> 00:03:30,343
So, you're Fran?
80
00:03:30,376 --> 00:03:31,311
Uh‐huh.
81
00:03:31,344 --> 00:03:33,780
And you're
Riley's mom and dad.
82
00:03:33,814 --> 00:03:37,618
Wow. Riley's told me
so much about you.
83
00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:43,389
And apparently,
he's told you
nothing about me.
84
00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:47,027
I guess I'm‐‐
I'm a little surprised.
85
00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:47,994
I mean...
86
00:03:48,028 --> 00:03:53,934
It's just that you're...
More than we expected.
87
00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:56,269
I think what my lovely wife
meant to say was,
88
00:03:56,302 --> 00:04:01,575
hello and thank you very much
for inviting us to dinner.
89
00:04:01,608 --> 00:04:03,844
Well, you're
very welcome.
90
00:04:03,877 --> 00:04:06,279
Fran, you have to understand,
you're‐‐you're...
91
00:04:06,312 --> 00:04:10,784
Different than anybody else
Riley's ever dated.
92
00:04:11,685 --> 00:04:14,621
Twice as different.
93
00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:19,359
Who would like a drink?
Anyone want a drink?
94
00:04:19,392 --> 00:04:20,627
Good idea. Dad?
95
00:04:20,661 --> 00:04:22,462
Beer, please.
Mom?
96
00:04:22,495 --> 00:04:23,964
It's a little
early for me.
97
00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:27,568
Let's get that beer.
98
00:04:28,034 --> 00:04:29,636
Not good, Fran.
Not good at all.
99
00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:31,037
I can't believe
you invited my parents over
100
00:04:31,071 --> 00:04:32,138
without asking me.
101
00:04:32,172 --> 00:04:35,041
Well, your mother wanted it
to be a big surprise.
102
00:04:35,075 --> 00:04:37,544
I can't believe
that you didn't tell her
103
00:04:37,578 --> 00:04:41,615
how much more I was.
104
00:04:41,648 --> 00:04:43,650
I was waiting
for the right time.
105
00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:46,386
Did it ever occur to you
that the longer you wait,
106
00:04:46,419 --> 00:04:49,890
the more I was going to be?
107
00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:51,825
What's the deal, Riley?
I mean,
108
00:04:51,858 --> 00:04:54,728
are you embarrassed
that I'm older than you?
109
00:04:54,761 --> 00:04:56,597
Fran, I never even
think about that,
110
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:58,999
but my mom, she
finds a reason to hate
111
00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:00,233
every girl I date.
112
00:05:00,266 --> 00:05:02,468
So you're really saying
that it's all
your mother's problem
113
00:05:02,503 --> 00:05:03,504
and not yours?
114
00:05:03,537 --> 00:05:05,872
Absolutely.
Vanessa was too tall,
115
00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:08,542
Jenny was too smart,
Beth was too pretty,
116
00:05:08,575 --> 00:05:11,111
Rachel was too needy,
Sarah was too chatty,
117
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:12,779
Annie was too dumb.
118
00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:13,914
Are you done,
119
00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:17,417
or are you just
stopping to reload?
120
00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:20,053
So, uh‐‐
121
00:05:20,086 --> 00:05:21,555
so you were
in med school?
122
00:05:21,588 --> 00:05:22,889
Yeah, until
he got kicked out
123
00:05:22,923 --> 00:05:27,093
for attacking
a male nurse
with a bone saw.
124
00:05:27,460 --> 00:05:30,063
Allison never gets tired
of telling that story.
125
00:05:30,096 --> 00:05:31,064
You have got
to remember that
126
00:05:31,097 --> 00:05:34,801
at your pity party
on prom night.
127
00:05:35,101 --> 00:05:36,402
So what happened?
128
00:05:36,436 --> 00:05:38,138
I went 78 hours
without sleep,
129
00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:40,106
I had just had
my 46th cup of coffee,
130
00:05:40,140 --> 00:05:44,711
and I thought that
he was a giant lobster man.
131
00:05:44,745 --> 00:05:46,479
Besides, I was never cut out
for medical school.
132
00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:48,414
I only went because
my father forced me to.
133
00:05:48,448 --> 00:05:50,851
Getting thrown out
was probably
the best thing for you.
134
00:05:50,884 --> 00:05:54,821
That's why I never really
pressured Riley into doing...
135
00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:57,724
Much of anything, really.
136
00:05:58,124 --> 00:06:00,493
I just wanted him
to find himself.
137
00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:01,895
Really?
138
00:06:01,928 --> 00:06:03,429
Because my dad
never supported
139
00:06:03,463 --> 00:06:04,698
any of my dreams.
140
00:06:04,731 --> 00:06:05,632
I always wanted
to be a teacher,
141
00:06:05,666 --> 00:06:07,834
but he said
they didn't
make enough money.
142
00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,570
Teaching is
a noble profession.
143
00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:10,804
I also wanted
to be a fireman.
144
00:06:10,837 --> 00:06:12,739
Well, firemen are
the heroes of our nation.
145
00:06:12,773 --> 00:06:13,473
How about a cowboy?
146
00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:17,010
What about
Mayor of Munchkinland?
147
00:06:20,013 --> 00:06:22,448
I hope
you like rib roast.
148
00:06:22,482 --> 00:06:24,450
It was my mother's
specialty.
149
00:06:24,484 --> 00:06:29,523
Well, that and
destroying my self‐esteem.
150
00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:32,158
Honey, you want
to cut that roast?
151
00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:33,960
Yeah.
Sure thing, baby.
152
00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:35,796
He called her "baby."
153
00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:40,834
I guess that's
like when you call
a fat man "slim."
154
00:06:42,703 --> 00:06:43,804
So what do you do, Fran?
155
00:06:43,837 --> 00:06:46,940
She's an interior designer,
and she's amazing at it.
156
00:06:46,973 --> 00:06:49,175
Yeah, Riley has
a great eye, too.
157
00:06:49,209 --> 00:06:51,177
We go antiquing
a lot together.
158
00:06:51,211 --> 00:06:53,747
(chuckles)
Well, it's clear
he's developed
159
00:06:53,780 --> 00:06:56,950
a taste
for older things.
160
00:06:56,983 --> 00:07:01,788
Oh, no, she didn't.
161
00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:05,792
Your mother just
called me an antique.
162
00:07:05,826 --> 00:07:06,660
Well, if she
gets on your nerves,
163
00:07:06,693 --> 00:07:08,795
just give me a signal,
and I'll step in.
164
00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:11,798
Well, when you hear her scream
"Get this woman off me,"
165
00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:14,467
that'll be your cue.
166
00:07:14,735 --> 00:07:15,869
And then I wanted
to be an astronaut,
167
00:07:15,902 --> 00:07:21,007
but my dad said
there weren't any Jews
allowed in space.
168
00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:22,543
And I believed him.
169
00:07:22,576 --> 00:07:26,513
Well, you were young.
170
00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:29,482
Weren't you?
171
00:07:29,516 --> 00:07:32,052
So did you decorate
this place, Fran?
172
00:07:32,085 --> 00:07:35,488
Oh, yes, but there's
still a lot of things
I want to change.
173
00:07:35,522 --> 00:07:37,223
It's sort of
a work in progress.
174
00:07:37,257 --> 00:07:39,259
I think it's perfect
just the way it is.
175
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:42,629
Well, sometimes things seem
perfect the way they are,
176
00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:44,631
and then you look back
at them and say,
177
00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:49,570
"What was I thinking?"
178
00:07:49,603 --> 00:07:50,704
Mom, stop it.
179
00:07:50,737 --> 00:07:51,838
All right.
It's ok, Riley.
180
00:07:51,872 --> 00:07:55,108
No. I'm sorry
I didn't tell you
everything about Fran.
181
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:56,943
I know she's not
what you were expecting,
182
00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:59,212
but that's your problem,
not ours.
183
00:07:59,245 --> 00:08:03,116
This woman here means
everything to me,
and I love her
184
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:05,619
in spite of her age.
185
00:08:07,788 --> 00:08:10,256
In spite of my age?
186
00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:12,092
What's that
supposed to mean?
187
00:08:12,125 --> 00:08:13,760
Nothing.
Just that I love you.
188
00:08:13,794 --> 00:08:15,829
Yeah,
in spite of my age.
189
00:08:15,862 --> 00:08:18,031
Fran, you're not hearing
what I'm saying.
190
00:08:18,064 --> 00:08:21,968
Oh, so now
I'm old and deaf?
191
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:23,970
You're not deaf.
192
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:25,906
Or old.
193
00:08:25,939 --> 00:08:27,007
You know, I knew it.
194
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:30,276
I knew that you had a problem
with our age difference.
195
00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:32,278
It's not your mother,
it's you!
196
00:08:32,312 --> 00:08:34,748
Fran, I am not
the enemy here.
197
00:08:34,781 --> 00:08:35,616
Uh‐oh.
198
00:08:35,649 --> 00:08:36,282
What happened?
199
00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:37,317
I cut my finger.
200
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:38,652
Oh, my God.
He's bleeding.
201
00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:39,953
No, it's more
like spurting.
202
00:08:39,986 --> 00:08:41,755
Oh, my God!
203
00:08:41,788 --> 00:08:43,557
Let me see it.
I went to med school.
204
00:08:43,590 --> 00:08:46,927
And this is
why I left.
205
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:48,929
That's bone.
206
00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:50,731
Somebody call
an ambulance
right away.
207
00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:52,599
No, no, no.
It'll be faster
if we drive.
208
00:08:52,633 --> 00:08:53,767
Josh, get the car.
209
00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:55,736
Allison, go get some ice
for Riley's finger.
210
00:08:55,769 --> 00:08:59,773
My baby's bleeding to death,
and it's all your fault!
211
00:08:59,806 --> 00:09:02,809
And the vodka for me.
212
00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:12,586
Oh, sweetie,
I'm so sorry about this.
213
00:09:12,619 --> 00:09:13,754
Are you OK?
214
00:09:13,787 --> 00:09:14,555
I'm fine.
215
00:09:14,588 --> 00:09:16,289
I'm sorry about
all the cheap shots
216
00:09:16,322 --> 00:09:17,791
my mom took at you.
217
00:09:17,824 --> 00:09:19,926
We're not having
her over again.
218
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:22,062
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm not gonna be the cause
219
00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:23,930
of a rift between you
and your mother.
220
00:09:23,964 --> 00:09:25,832
I mean, my mother
hated my mate, too,
221
00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:29,202
and she said
he was totally wrong,
I was making a big mistake,
222
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:32,272
and we were gonna
split up, and she
was absolutely right.
223
00:09:32,305 --> 00:09:36,176
And this story really
isn't going where I planned.
224
00:09:36,209 --> 00:09:39,780
I still don't understand
why you got so upset.
225
00:09:39,813 --> 00:09:40,814
I told you I love you.
226
00:09:40,847 --> 00:09:43,183
Yeah,
in spite of my age.
227
00:09:43,216 --> 00:09:47,821
I mean, that's like
if I didn't have a head
228
00:09:47,854 --> 00:09:48,755
and you said to me,
229
00:09:48,789 --> 00:09:53,760
"I love you in spite
of your lack of a head."
230
00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:59,332
That would mean
you really wish
I had a head.
231
00:10:01,702 --> 00:10:03,403
Either I didn't
hear that right,
232
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,772
or my sedatives
are kicking in.
233
00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:09,676
You obviously have a problem
with our age difference.
234
00:10:09,710 --> 00:10:13,179
It's not a problem.
It's just a thing.
235
00:10:13,213 --> 00:10:16,216
It wouldn't even matter
if I didn't have
to face my mom.
236
00:10:16,249 --> 00:10:18,384
Well, it was a thing
before your mother got here,
237
00:10:18,418 --> 00:10:21,788
and it's gonna be a thing
after she leaves,
238
00:10:21,822 --> 00:10:23,256
and I just feel‐‐
239
00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:26,126
Sweetie? Riley?
240
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:31,898
Ok, I guess we'll talk
about this later.
241
00:10:36,169 --> 00:10:38,038
Oh, so, what
did you find out?
242
00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:40,073
He's going to be ok.
243
00:10:40,106 --> 00:10:42,108
And nobody told
the man in room 14
244
00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:45,646
that hospital gowns
tie in the back.
245
00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:50,884
Allison, are you sure
that your nose is
gonna be all right?
246
00:10:50,917 --> 00:10:52,819
I'm fine.
It's just a little sore.
247
00:10:52,853 --> 00:10:55,255
The soda's numbing it.
How does it look?
248
00:10:55,288 --> 00:11:00,360
Let's just say the reindeer
won't be calling Rudolph
names anymore.
249
00:11:01,094 --> 00:11:02,829
Care for a breath strip?
250
00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:05,832
Thanks.
251
00:11:06,767 --> 00:11:07,968
You know, Donna,
252
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,102
I understand where
you're coming from,
253
00:11:09,135 --> 00:11:12,472
but, honestly,
you can't help who
you fall in love with.
254
00:11:12,506 --> 00:11:15,175
Well, let me ask you
a question, Fran.
255
00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:18,411
What's gonna happen
in, say, 10, 15 years,
256
00:11:18,444 --> 00:11:21,181
when he goes through
his mid‐life crisis
257
00:11:21,214 --> 00:11:25,351
and you're...
10 or 15 years older?
258
00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:28,054
Yeah, what happens
then, huh?
259
00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:29,823
Did you ever think
about that?
260
00:11:29,856 --> 00:11:31,792
Nice.
261
00:11:32,425 --> 00:11:34,460
You know, I got you
at this hospital,
262
00:11:34,494 --> 00:11:37,931
and I kept the receipt.
263
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:43,203
Why don't you and I go
for a little walk, huh?
264
00:11:43,236 --> 00:11:44,037
Ok.
265
00:11:44,070 --> 00:11:45,906
Oh! Hey, let's go up
to the psych ward
266
00:11:45,939 --> 00:11:48,341
and follow
the paranoids around.
267
00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:50,911
Just be honest
with me, Fran.
268
00:11:50,944 --> 00:11:53,446
How would you feel
if I started dating Josh?
269
00:11:53,479 --> 00:11:55,982
I don't know.
At this point,
I'd be thrilled
270
00:11:56,016 --> 00:11:58,184
if he was
dating Tom.
271
00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:00,020
You're not answering
my question.
272
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:02,222
Donna, if you heard
how Riley and I met,
273
00:12:02,255 --> 00:12:05,358
you'd know I wasn't
looking for a younger man.
274
00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:06,192
A much younger man.
275
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:09,429
You want to hear
the story or not?
276
00:12:09,462 --> 00:12:12,132
Well, I was coming out
of a messy divorce,
277
00:12:12,165 --> 00:12:14,234
and I decided
to re‐do my life,
278
00:12:14,267 --> 00:12:15,802
starting
with the bathroom.
279
00:12:15,836 --> 00:12:17,538
Riley was my contractor.
280
00:12:17,571 --> 00:12:20,206
You think the basin
is gonna look nice?
281
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,374
Yeah, it'll look great.
282
00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:25,445
You still want
the potty over there?
283
00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:28,815
Hey, listen, Riley,
we've been working
together for two months.
284
00:12:28,849 --> 00:12:29,716
We're both adults.
285
00:12:29,750 --> 00:12:32,218
I think you can call it
the poopie chair.
286
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:33,620
Ha ha ha!
287
00:12:33,654 --> 00:12:37,991
You know, from here on in,
the tile guy will be
doing most of the work,
288
00:12:38,024 --> 00:12:40,493
so I won't see you
as much anymore.
289
00:12:40,527 --> 00:12:44,965
Oh, that's disappointing.
We work so well together.
290
00:12:44,998 --> 00:12:46,266
I just think
of something,
291
00:12:46,299 --> 00:12:48,301
and then you
make it happen.
292
00:12:48,334 --> 00:12:50,504
I'm gonna miss
having you around.
293
00:12:50,537 --> 00:12:53,173
I'm gonna miss
being around.
294
00:12:57,978 --> 00:13:01,381
So the tile will be here‐‐
So when's the tile gonna‐‐
295
00:13:01,414 --> 00:13:03,984
Friday.
296
00:13:04,384 --> 00:13:07,120
You know, remember,
297
00:13:07,153 --> 00:13:09,455
don't close this door
without the doorknob.
298
00:13:09,489 --> 00:13:10,591
No, I won't.
I won't.
299
00:13:10,624 --> 00:13:14,861
And if you need anything,
or you have any problems,
300
00:13:14,895 --> 00:13:16,096
give me a call.
301
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:17,263
You know I will.
302
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:20,500
And maybe we can
go out sometime?
303
00:13:20,534 --> 00:13:22,869
Huh?
304
00:13:23,637 --> 00:13:25,906
You want to have
dinner with me?
305
00:13:25,939 --> 00:13:28,008
Dinner? Me? Why?
306
00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:29,175
We work
so well together.
307
00:13:29,209 --> 00:13:30,143
I was hoping
we can go out
308
00:13:30,176 --> 00:13:32,579
and see if there's
anything here.
309
00:13:32,613 --> 00:13:34,548
Well, I think
what's here
310
00:13:34,581 --> 00:13:38,451
is a little bit
of an age difference.
311
00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:41,454
It's kind of crazy,
isn't it?
312
00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:44,224
Yeah, but fun crazy.
313
00:13:44,257 --> 00:13:46,593
I'm sorry.
You're very sweet,
314
00:13:46,627 --> 00:13:50,363
and, believe me,
you have made my day,
315
00:13:50,396 --> 00:13:54,267
but, um, I can't.
316
00:13:54,300 --> 00:13:56,169
Ok.
317
00:13:56,202 --> 00:14:00,206
I told myself I'd ask,
so I asked.
318
00:14:01,908 --> 00:14:03,243
See you around.
319
00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:04,845
Ok.
320
00:14:06,947 --> 00:14:08,515
Bye.
321
00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:11,351
Man!
322
00:14:11,384 --> 00:14:16,222
That got me hot,
or I'm starting menopause.
323
00:14:17,691 --> 00:14:21,394
So, was it menopause?
324
00:14:22,162 --> 00:14:24,030
I'm just curious.
325
00:14:24,064 --> 00:14:26,066
No, I was just thrown.
326
00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:27,601
Mrs. Reeves?
Mrs. Martin?
327
00:14:27,634 --> 00:14:29,035
I'm afraid
we lost him.
328
00:14:29,069 --> 00:14:30,236
BOTH: What?!
329
00:14:30,270 --> 00:14:31,605
But then we found him...
330
00:14:31,638 --> 00:14:34,641
BOTH:
On the third floor!
331
00:14:35,609 --> 00:14:38,211
Thanks, Groucho
and Chico.
332
00:14:38,244 --> 00:14:40,981
(both grunt)
333
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:48,555
So anyway,
334
00:14:48,589 --> 00:14:51,925
he called me
the next day
and asked me out again,
335
00:14:51,958 --> 00:14:53,059
and I said no.
336
00:14:53,093 --> 00:14:57,964
And then
he sent me flowers,
and I still said no.
337
00:14:57,998 --> 00:14:58,865
And then I got sick,
338
00:14:58,899 --> 00:15:01,702
and he came over,
and he brought me soup.
339
00:15:01,735 --> 00:15:03,970
How do you say no
to soup?
340
00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:05,606
So I agreed
to have dinner with him.
341
00:15:05,639 --> 00:15:08,008
And of course,
you know, when
you're a single woman,
342
00:15:08,041 --> 00:15:09,209
you gotta buy a car.
343
00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:12,312
The only thing
that they'll show you
is the makeup mirror.
344
00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:14,515
Then when
the refrigerator
repairman comes,
345
00:15:14,548 --> 00:15:16,216
he'll charge you
an extra 150 bucks
346
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:20,286
for the privilege
of looking
at the crack in his ass.
347
00:15:20,554 --> 00:15:22,388
I mean, it's
like everyone assumes
348
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:23,690
just because
you don't have a man,
349
00:15:23,724 --> 00:15:25,659
you lose half your I. Q.
350
00:15:25,692 --> 00:15:27,694
How infuriating.
351
00:15:27,728 --> 00:15:30,697
Oh, that means
it made you angry.
352
00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:36,703
Oh, God, I've
been yakking away
for almost an hour.
353
00:15:36,737 --> 00:15:38,038
I'm sorry.
I just‐‐
354
00:15:38,071 --> 00:15:41,341
I get very talkative
when I'm nervous.
355
00:15:42,208 --> 00:15:43,376
Oh, thank you.
356
00:15:43,409 --> 00:15:46,279
So, um...
Tell me about you.
357
00:15:46,312 --> 00:15:50,250
Well, as you know,
I work, like, six days a week.
358
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:52,619
How old are you?
359
00:15:52,653 --> 00:15:53,286
32.
360
00:15:53,319 --> 00:15:57,323
Oh, 32.
That's not too bad.
361
00:15:57,357 --> 00:16:00,126
26.
362
00:16:01,595 --> 00:16:03,296
Ouch.
363
00:16:03,329 --> 00:16:04,464
Problem?
364
00:16:04,497 --> 00:16:06,366
Well, Riley,
365
00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:09,069
every beautiful young girl
in this restaurant
366
00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:11,337
is checking you out,
and they're all wondering
367
00:16:11,371 --> 00:16:14,340
what are you doing
with that older woman?
368
00:16:14,374 --> 00:16:16,476
Who cares what they think?
369
00:16:16,510 --> 00:16:18,411
I'd kind of like
to know myself,
370
00:16:18,444 --> 00:16:20,013
to tell you the truth.
371
00:16:20,046 --> 00:16:21,715
We've known
each other two months?
372
00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:22,716
Mm‐hmm.
373
00:16:22,749 --> 00:16:23,750
We think alike.
374
00:16:23,784 --> 00:16:25,586
We finish
each other's sentences.
375
00:16:25,619 --> 00:16:28,454
You're amazing.
You're beautiful.
376
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:32,593
You're funny.
You know who you are.
377
00:16:32,626 --> 00:16:34,294
If you were as young
as those girls,
378
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:38,031
you probably wouldn't
be all those things.
379
00:16:39,633 --> 00:16:40,667
Wow.
380
00:16:40,701 --> 00:16:41,668
(cell phone rings)
381
00:16:41,702 --> 00:16:45,238
Oh, excuse me.
382
00:16:46,206 --> 00:16:47,407
It's my daughter.
383
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:50,476
Hi, Allison.
Oh, you smell gas?
384
00:16:50,511 --> 00:16:54,781
Honey, it's ok.
Just go to bed.
385
00:16:56,082 --> 00:16:58,318
You sure you don't
want to check on that?
386
00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:01,254
Oh, no, no, no.
That was my emergency call.
387
00:17:01,287 --> 00:17:04,525
You know, in case this date
turned out to be a disaster.
388
00:17:04,558 --> 00:17:08,361
Oh. So you're saying
you're not gonna ditch me?
389
00:17:08,394 --> 00:17:10,063
No.
390
00:17:10,096 --> 00:17:12,766
But, you know, I kind of
can't help but wish
391
00:17:12,799 --> 00:17:15,235
that we had met
20 years ago.
392
00:17:15,268 --> 00:17:16,169
Of course, if we had,
393
00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:20,040
I'd probably just be
getting out of jail now.
394
00:17:24,678 --> 00:17:27,514
And, you know, Riley,
I just want to explain
395
00:17:27,548 --> 00:17:30,083
that I met my husband
when I was very young,
396
00:17:30,116 --> 00:17:32,285
and I've really never
been with anybody else.
397
00:17:32,318 --> 00:17:33,754
And I mean that
in the Biblical sense.
398
00:17:33,787 --> 00:17:36,823
I don't even think
I've ever kissed
anybody‐‐
399
00:17:36,857 --> 00:17:38,792
Hey, let me fix that.
400
00:17:38,825 --> 00:17:42,162
(cell phone rings)
401
00:17:42,195 --> 00:17:44,297
What?!
402
00:17:44,330 --> 00:17:47,167
Oh, sweetie,
I know you smell gas.
403
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:49,235
I told you I was fine.
404
00:17:49,269 --> 00:17:51,538
Oh, really?
Oh, honey, honey,
405
00:17:51,572 --> 00:17:53,306
open a window and
get out of the house.
406
00:17:53,339 --> 00:17:54,541
I'll be right home.
407
00:17:54,575 --> 00:17:57,210
Gee, I didn't think
I would say this
on our first date,
408
00:17:57,243 --> 00:18:00,714
but you want to come
back to my place?
409
00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:04,284
Mom, I don't know
if you were listening
to your own story,
410
00:18:04,317 --> 00:18:05,519
but it sounded
like you're the one
411
00:18:05,552 --> 00:18:07,387
who's uncomfortable
with the age difference.
412
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:08,555
And by the way,
413
00:18:08,589 --> 00:18:10,356
you didn't tell me
about Riley's age.
414
00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:11,758
I had to find out
for myself.
415
00:18:11,792 --> 00:18:14,294
Well, I was afraid
how you'd react.
416
00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:17,397
Which is
exactly what
he was worried about
417
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:18,565
in telling you guys.
418
00:18:18,599 --> 00:18:20,433
Oh, I owe him
an apology.
419
00:18:20,466 --> 00:18:21,167
JOSH: Great.
420
00:18:21,201 --> 00:18:23,136
I brought
you guys
even closer.
421
00:18:23,169 --> 00:18:25,772
Exactly my plan.
422
00:18:25,806 --> 00:18:28,575
I guess I owe Riley
an apology, too.
423
00:18:28,609 --> 00:18:30,711
I think you owe Fran
an apology.
424
00:18:30,744 --> 00:18:32,445
Oh, no, Donna.
425
00:18:32,478 --> 00:18:34,147
Really, it's ok.
I'm a mother, too.
426
00:18:34,180 --> 00:18:36,449
I know you were
just trying
to protect him.
427
00:18:36,482 --> 00:18:40,453
But you know what,
we really have
a lot in common.
428
00:18:40,486 --> 00:18:44,290
I mean, I think
we could be friends.
429
00:18:44,324 --> 00:18:46,860
We both love Riley.
430
00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:51,798
Um...We both love
a refreshing
breath strip.
431
00:18:51,832 --> 00:18:57,704
We both saw
the Moon Landing live.
432
00:18:58,539 --> 00:19:00,273
Ok, everything went fine.
433
00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:03,343
He's in recovery now,
but he's a little groggy,
434
00:19:03,376 --> 00:19:05,445
so just one visitor
at a time.
435
00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:08,682
OK.
Oh.
436
00:19:09,449 --> 00:19:10,416
You go.
437
00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:11,585
No, no, no.
You go, you go.
438
00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:13,186
This way, in case
he says "Mommy,"
439
00:19:13,219 --> 00:19:15,589
he'll be right.
440
00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:20,226
Nurse, would you
do me a favor
441
00:19:20,260 --> 00:19:22,563
and just take a look
at my daughter's nose?
442
00:19:22,596 --> 00:19:23,630
Yes!
443
00:19:23,664 --> 00:19:26,232
Oh, my God!
444
00:19:26,266 --> 00:19:27,668
It was a mail order
piercing.
445
00:19:27,701 --> 00:19:29,636
It's about to blow.
Come with me.
446
00:19:29,670 --> 00:19:30,904
Mom,
are you coming?
447
00:19:30,937 --> 00:19:33,406
I'm coming, baby.
Are you kidding?
448
00:19:33,439 --> 00:19:37,277
This is gonna
be the best "I
told you so" ever.
449
00:19:41,615 --> 00:19:42,415
On the upside,
450
00:19:42,448 --> 00:19:44,651
we got through
my mother's first visit
451
00:19:44,685 --> 00:19:46,386
with only
a minor injury.
452
00:19:46,419 --> 00:19:47,521
Yes.
453
00:19:47,554 --> 00:19:48,689
On the downside,
454
00:19:48,722 --> 00:19:50,624
she now knows
where we live.
455
00:19:50,657 --> 00:19:52,893
Well, you know,
there's always
gonna be people
456
00:19:52,926 --> 00:19:55,461
that disapprove
of our relationship.
457
00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:58,464
I gave birth
to one of them.
458
00:19:58,498 --> 00:20:01,735
But we love each other,
and we'll get through it.
459
00:20:01,768 --> 00:20:02,736
Ha ha ha!
I know.
460
00:20:02,769 --> 00:20:04,470
Hey, did you
get my e‐mail?
461
00:20:04,505 --> 00:20:05,939
Who are you
talking to?
462
00:20:05,972 --> 00:20:07,340
It's Tom.
463
00:20:07,373 --> 00:20:08,141
JOSH: Yeah.
464
00:20:08,174 --> 00:20:09,009
Who knew there
were so many ways
465
00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:11,912
that blondes were
dumber than brunettes?
466
00:20:11,945 --> 00:20:13,614
You know,
he is my dad.
467
00:20:13,647 --> 00:20:15,649
And she's my mom.
Deal.
468
00:20:22,022 --> 00:20:23,624
FRAN: I told you so.
469
00:20:23,657 --> 00:20:25,258
Ninety‐nine.
470
00:20:25,291 --> 00:20:27,594
Well, I told you so.
471
00:20:27,628 --> 00:20:28,562
OK.
472
00:20:28,595 --> 00:20:32,966
Even hundred, huh?
473
00:20:32,999 --> 00:20:34,701
Fine.
474
00:20:38,471 --> 00:20:41,374
FRAN: I told you so.
475
00:20:43,376 --> 00:20:45,378
Captioned by The National
Captioning Institute
33608
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof