All language subtitles for Debbie (1988)

Go on, Stjepan! Go on, my boy!

Watch your brother. The greatest
soccer hero in all of Yugoslavia.

You watch, you learn!
-I'm trying, Papa.

Goal! Goal! Goal!

Aah!

Aww.

Watch this, Gus.

Ohh! -Andy! Andy!

Andy! Andy!

Are you all right?

Give me your hand, son.

See, Mama? Now we
have two heroes.

One soccer hero and
one deep-sea diver. Bah!

Andy. Oh, be a good boy.

Stay with butterfly
collection, huh?

Ah, I give up.

I wish I never had to see a soccer
ball again as long as I live.

Gus? Could you do that again?

Ready, Gus. Oich!

My father gets the
paper from Yugoslavia.

I thought that
was pretty funny.

Yeah. Yeah. Thanks, Debbie,
but even if I was Yugoslavian,

I'd have trouble
laughing these days.

But a mule that
kicks 100-yard soccer

goals is kinda terrific,
don't you think?

Yeah. Especially
since we got nobody

that can kick any kind
of ball five yards.

This is Monaghan, Mr.
Cooper, against the Packers.

That one cost us a 15-yard
penalty, if I remember.

Yeah. That was the smallest
loss we had all day.

Uh, what do you want to do
about Monaghan, Mr. Cooper?

Trade him to the Packers.
They oughta love him.

He played a better game
for them than he did for us.

Yes, sir.

Oh, uh, this is Lindstrom,
against the Rams.

What was he doin'? Wavin' to
his girlfriend in the stands?

Well, I don't think so, Mr.
Cooper. Uh, Lindstrom's married.

Mm. -That's probably why
he's asking for more money.

What? He must be
out of his head.

And that was the
blow that did it.

Uh, this is
Zebrowski, Mr. Cooper.

What do we do about
Zebrowski, Mr. Cooper?

Try the Falcons. -Uh,
they don't want him.

Uh, I don't think we
got anybody they want.

Coach, we got nobody we want.

Uh, here's, uh,
Vanowen, Mr. Cooper.

He's the only bright spot
in our entire offense.

Well, I was thinking,
maybe if, uh,

the other players promise
not to congratulate so hard,

we could coax him
out of retirement?

Debbie? Would
you do me a favor?

I brought your aspirin,
Mr. Cooper. -Oh, good.

You've seen these film
clips, haven't you?

Mr. Cooper, I
saw all the games.

Mm-hmm.

All right, outside of Rob Cargil at
middle linebacker, what have we got?

Oh, we got a pretty
good defense, Mr. Cooper.

Our boys have learned
how to hit a few people.

If we can only teach
'em which team to hit...

Men, we're comin'
off a tough season,

but this year's gonna
be a whole new ball game.

Now, as we open training camp,

I'd like to introduce some of my
new coaches... some of my assistants.

Now, with the
help of these men,

I'm gonna turn the California
Atoms into a solid ball team.

I see ya got the same old
faces behind those batons.

Well, a lot of those
Atomettes have been

with the organization
a few years, Mr. Cooper.

It's pretty tough to
just, you know, let 'em go.

Especially when
they're gettin' so close

to their pensions.

But listen to this.

I've been giving
it a lot of thought,

and I have come up
with a clever new idea.

You're redecoratin'
their wheelchairs.

No. No, no, no, listen.

Starting this fall,
for all Atomettes,

if you're ten years married
or got three kids, you're out.

One thing, this band sounds
better than the one last year.

It certainly does.

One thing I thought I could count
on was a decent halftime show...

that would pull
in a few people.

When a man's relatives stop

asking for free
passes, he's in trouble.

But I got lots more talent for you to
see, Mr. Cooper. Wait'll you see this.

Uh, Elizabeth?
-One, two! One, two!

Elizabeth? -Yeah?

Do some of those wonderful
little flip-flops for Mr. Cooper.

Oh, sure, Mr. Barnsdale.

Very nice,
Elizabeth. Very nice.

That should bring in a few
people, especially doctors.

I got some other great
ideas, Mr. Cooper.

I saw this act on TV.

This elephant actually
twirls a baton with its trunk.

Now I figure we just
dress him up like...

Joe, if I wanted
an animal act,

I'd get that Yugoslavian mule
who kicks 100-yard soccer goals.

Oh, yeah. Debbie showed me that story.
Even I'd pay to see that, I think.

Might be worth a
look, if it's for real.

All it takes is a round-trip

ticket to Yugoslavia
for me to find out.

No, no. Takes more
than that. Takes someone

to loan me the money
to buy you the ticket.

Coach Loomis:
Lineman's calisthenics.

Coach Meadows:
Blackboard drill.

Coach Brody: Postgame films.

All right, I guess that about
covers it for the coaches.

Now, how many players
we got here? -None.

None? -They're not
due till tomorrow.

Oh, well, then
we'll just, uh...

All right, let's
go to work, men.

Unbelievable.
Un-be-liev-able!

That's right, Operator. To
Thousand Oaks, California.

The message reads, Mule for
real. Never misses at 100 yards.

Uh, Operator? "Sometimes
misses at 110."

Hoo-hoo-hoo! -Well, what
do you think, Mr. Cooper?

It might just be an expensive bomb.
I'm not sure I'm that desperate.

Mr. Cooper?

I think we've
got it. Aah! Aah!

WireJoe. Sign that mule.

Do you want that card, Rob?

Hello? Oh, hi, Mr. Cooper.

How would you like to baby-sit a
Yugoslavian mule and his trainer?

They signed! -Got his hoofprint
right on the dotted line.

They signed the mule
for the halftime show.

Oh, boy, the fans'll sure
get a kick out of that.

But I gotta ask
ya a favor, Debbie.

Since the trainer's Yugoslavian,
and you're Yugoslavian...

Well, my parents
are... -Close enough.

I'm puttin' you on
detached duty and assigning

you to this kid, Andy,
for a week or so...

to keep him from
gettin' homesick.

Well, I haven't done
any folk dancing, but

I'll do my best to make
him feel at home. Okay?

Bye. -Bye.

What are you promisin', anyway?
Are we goin' together or not?

Well, it's only for a week
or so. G. Cooper's orders.

All incoming passengers from
Trans World Airlines flight 702,

please claim your baggage
at the street entrance.

Andy? -Yes, Andy.

Debbie! -Uh, Gus.

Uh, well, I'll
see ya in a minute.

Come on. Let's go.
Tuck in that ball.

Follow through on
that ball. Way to go!

Introducing the greatest halftime
act in all of professional football,

direct from Yugoslavia.

Hey, Rob. Throw Andy a ball.

Yes, sir, Mr. Cooper.

Here you go, kid.

Welcome to the NFL.

You okay, kid?
-O-Oh, y-yes, sir.

M-My brother does
it a-all the time.

Okay. Now, I want you to
see that mule kick this ball.

Uh, Mr. Cooper? -Hmm?

Gus has never kicked a ball like this
before. -Can't you get him to try?

For the kind of money I laid out,
I'm at least entitled to see him miss.

Go ahead, Andy. Just try it.

Go on.

With your finger. Hold
it with your finger, kid.

There. Okay.

Now, how do you get him to kick?
-I usually just yell, "Oich."

Ah-ha-ha!

Right. If that's no fluke, you might
have come up with a winner, Hank.

Yeah. A halftime show that'll let
the Atoms fans forget about the team.

Well, so far, in their
opening exhibition game,

the Atoms haven't
disappointed us a bit, folks.

Twenty seconds to
go in the first half.

It's the Cleveland Browns
27, the California Atoms 0.

Manders in kick
formation for Cleveland.

He stands on his own 30.

There's the snap. It's...
Oh, it's over his head!

It's trickling back to
the 25, the 20, the 15!

A scramble for the ball... and
Rob Cargil has it for the Atoms!

That's the way you
do it! That's the way.

Field goal team, field goal
team. Everyone, out of the way!

Uh... Way to go, big
fella! Nice goin'!

Okay. Garcia, why
aren't you in uniform?

Oh, that's right. You're one of
the coaches. Okay, O'Brien! O'Brien!

Where's my placekicker? -He just
went out to kick a field goal, Coach.

Oh. Yeah. Good. Thanks. Okay.

This will be the Atoms'
first score of the ball game.

Let's see. It's, uh,
O'Brien. O'Brien lines

up for what should be
an easy three points.

Now, folks, the moment
you've all been waiting for.

You've read about them in the papers.
Now you're going to see them in person.

Here they are, direct
from Yugoslavia, Andy...

and his miracle mule, Gus!

I'll say this, folks. If
Andy and his friend Gus...

are half as good as
their press notices,

the fans here will
get a lot more to cheer

about than they did
in that first half!

S-So many people. I don't think
I can go through with this.

What's he doin' to me? -It's the crowd,
Mr. Cooper. I think he's frightened.

When I get my hands on him, I'll give
him something to be frightened about.

Dah!

Can we help you, Mr. Cooper? -Yeah,
get out there and do something.

The pyramid? -Yeah, the leaning
tower, anything. Go on, go on!

All right, girls. Form it up.

And, uh, one and two
and one and two...

Mr. Cooper!
They're coming back!

Well, at least the crowd's
laughing, Mr. Cooper.

They're gonna laugh me
right into bankruptcy.

Now, remember, girls.
This one's for Mr. Cooper.

Yeah, for Mr. Cooper.

It's all right, Gus. I
feel better now. Thanks.

Ready, Gus?

Oich!

Ta-da!

Oh! Oh!

Great!

Well, there's a new wrinkle
in Atomland. Not the Atoms.

They have the same
old ones, and the old

wrinkles lost to the
Browns 41 to zip tonight.

But that halftime
show, with Andy and the

mule Gus, that was
something else again.

After a shaky start,
the four-legged Atom

put three 100-yard kicks...

straight through the uprights.

Hank Cooper may have found
himself a real drawing card.

Question is, will it be enough to pull
the ex-garbage king out of the dumps?

Financial, that is. This
sportscaster doesn't think so.

Cigar, Charlie? -Hank,
whenever you offer me a cigar,

old friends start to
become cunning enemies.

Charlie, Charlie, Charlie!

How long we been
playin' poker together?

Twenty years? Twenty-five? -Sure,
that's how I got talked into the note.

Well, what I'm gettin'
at, Charlie, is this.

You're a man who
likes to take a

chance, and I think
I got a deal for ya.

Like what? -Like,
say, we make a bet.

Like, say, if I
win, I keep the club.

If I lose, you buy
it... at your price.

Well, now, that sounds
interesting. What's your wager?

I say... the Atoms...

win... half their ball games.

Wha... Seven games?

Th-That's more than they won in
the last ten years put together.

Not a bad bet, huh? -Ye...
Well, now wait a minute.

Wait a minute.
What's the catch?

No catch. -What are
you, some sort of a nut?

Charlie, I'm up the creek.

Flat. Zippo.

How 'bout it? Is it a bet?

I'll tell you
what, Hank. -Huh?

I got a better bet for ya.

What's that? -Any team that can
go from zero to seven wins...

can go from zero
to the Super Bowl.

The Super Bowl? -The
bet was your idea, Hank.

If you wanna hang
on to your team...

The Super Bowl? -I'll
refinance you for one year.

You have to get to the Super Bowl
and win it or you lose the team.

Ch-Charlie, I wanna hang on to that
team, but you're diggin' my grave.

Hank. What are friends for?

Hi, Andy. How do you
like Lukom's ranch?

Very much. It
reminds me of home.

Well, a letter from
Yugoslavia came to the office.

My family! Maybe
Papa got the clipping.

Oh, boy, I bet
they're proud of you.

Oh, could I have
the stamp? -Sure.

Bad news? -Good news,
about my brother, Stjepan,

and Papa says that he played
brilliantly against Brazil.

Stjepan kicked four goals and
won the game single-handed.

That's great, but wh...
Where does it mention you?

In the P.S.

We received your newspaper
clipping but could not read it...

because of the caviar
that was spilled on it...

during Stjepan's
victory celebration.

Same old Papa.

Isn't there
something I could do?

How about writing
you a cheerful letter?

Or maybe going out to
dinner with me tonight?

Ohh. I made a date with Rob.

Oh. -You know, I haven't
seen him very much lately,

and I just don't know
how I could break it.

Yeah. I understand.
-Otherwise I'd love to.

Yeah.

Gus! What is it?

I'll call the vet and
cancel the date with Rob.

Oh, no, no. You go ahead.
I'll take care of it.

Don't be silly. If Gus is
sick, I want to be here.

It's okay. You'll be okay.

I'd like to say I cured him,

but this mule's
healthy as a horse.

I'll see you folks.

It was like a miracle
that he recovered.

Yes.

You know, in my country, when a
dinner date is canceled, it's canceled.

I think I like your customs.

And your miracles.

I don't believe it.
That Debbie stood me up

for two hours in front
of a Chinese restaurant.

And I don't even
like Chinese food!

Hey, she called and
asked me to give you a

message, but I didn't
know where you'd gone.

Said something about Gus the mule
being sick and her taking care of him.

Gus the mule? I got that
Yugoslav comin' outta my ears.

Hello. Is Debbie there?

No, she isn't. -Where is
she? Out back with the mule?

No, she's out with Andy. Left for
the drive-in movie about an hour ago.

Any message? -Yeah, but
I'll deliver it myself.

Debbie? Debbie, would
you mind steppin' out?

Debbie, I know
you're in there.

All right, if you won't come
out, then I'm comin' in. Aah.

I thought we had
a da... l... Sorry.

I am really sorry.

Oh, boy, am I sorry.

Oh, say, does that

Star-spangled banner

Yet wave

O'er the land of the free

And the home
of the brave

It's the home of the
brave, all right. Can't

be more than a handful
of people here tonight.

Well, we saw what the
fans thought of the mule.

Now I guess we're seeing
what they think of the team.

This is Johnny Unitas, and here's
my good friend and cohort...

Well, howdy there, football
fans. You, too, Mother.

Pepper Allen here. Just down on
the field collecting some stats.

And it's just
about kickoff time.

Time to welcome the old pepper
pot into your living rooms...

for another season of great, great
football on Football Night of the Week.

Week after week, I'll be with ya, step
by step, name by name, game by game,

and, of course, sittin'
right here beside me,

I'll have my old
buddy Johnny Unitas.

He'll be carryin' the ball right
along with me, right, John? Right.

But don't you worry,
fans. The old pepper

pot will be right here
to fall on any fumbles.

Yeah, we're gonna be watchin' a very
interesting team here tonight, folks,

'cause this Atom ball club
has nowhere to go but up!

I mean, it's a team
that, during the entire

exhibition season, they
didn't win a single game!

Strike that! They didn't
score a single touchdown.

Strike that! Couldn't
buy a single point.

And if you can't go
up from there, football

fans, I don't know
where you can go up from.

Right, Johnny? Right.

Hey, have we got some interesting
match-ups for you tonight.

Through the magic of Pepper's profiles,
I'm gonna give you an insight...

on some of the players
who'll be makin'

it happen right down
there on the field.

Would you roll that
film, please, back there?

Excuse me, Pepper.
They're about to kick off.

Who? Oh!

The Green Bay Packers,
folks. They're lining up.

And we're ready to go.

Roy really got his toe into that
one. Right in and out of the end zone.

Yeah! The Atoms get the
first break of the ball game.

They don't have
to run it back!

All right, offense! Offense!
Get in there and stick it to 'em!

Yeah, you don't have
to be a Johnny Unitas to

know that the only
chance those Atoms have...

is to pass that
ball, right, Johnny?

Right. Take it
from the old Pepper.

Now, if I were that quarterback,
l-I'd come right out throwin'!

Throw, throw, throw!

Four! 68! Hut!

They came out
throwing, all right.

They got thrown back for four
yards, making it second and 14.

Get set! 53! 41! Hut!

Ellis is dropping
back. Looks like they're

taking your advice,
Pepper. They're gonna pass.

Oh, no!

Well, it's fourth down and
18. I guess we better punt.

Hold it! -Uh, you don't
want to punt, Mr. Cooper?

We're going for the field goal,
Coach. -From our own 12 yard line?

If O'Brien turned
around and kicked the

other way, he couldn't
make a field goal.

It's a field goal, Coach.

Yeah, but wha...

Uh-oh. A little
confusion down there.

The mule has romped
onto the field.

You're gonna do what?

Mr. Cooper's orders. Someone
throws me the ball, and I hold it.

Then Gus kicks it, and
then we score a touchdown.

Not a touchdown, you Yugoslavian
midget. A field goal. Three points?

If they're crazy enough
to let us get away with it.

Now you're gonna have to get that
mule off the field, Mr. Cooper,

unless you wanna
forfeit the game.

Oh, no, we don't want to forfeit
the game, do we, Mr. Cooper?

We're not forfeiting anything.

The mule stays
in, and he kicks.

There's no way they're
gonna let that mule kick.

The referee is talking to someone
on the field phone, Pepper.

Johnny, please,
stick with the money,

John. Was the old
pepper pot ever wrong?

Take it from me. If the Atoms think
they're going to let that mule kick,

it's pie in the
sky, and I never lie!

Heh-heh, there's just no way!

How 'bout this way...
-There's no way!

Ladies and gentlemen, may I
have your attention, please?

I have been asked
to read a bulletin.

According to the official rules
of the National Football League,

Rule 5, Section 1,

the game is to be played by
two teams of 11 players each.

The rule book does not
define the word "player. '"

Therefore, a player
could be a man, a woman...

or anyone a team chooses to
represent them on the field.

And so, ladies and gentlemen, the
mule "Gus' will be allowed to play.

And as you say, Pepper,
There's no way.

Oich!

Hank, that mule
was a cheap trick.

What trick? You shoved an
impossible bet up my armpit.

I stuck you with a mule. -Well,
you'll never get away with it, Hank.

You wouldn't like to make a little
bet on that, too, would you, Charlie?

Another beautiful evening here in Adams
Stadium and another capacity crowd.

The fans in these
parts have gone bananas.

Four weeks into the season,
and who is undefeated,

and who's in a tie for first
place in the Western Division?

Yes, sir, our own
astounding California Atoms.

Now let's go down to the
field for the introductions.

At 229, number 50,

Fred Stillwell.

At 235, number 61,

Marvin Schnall.

At 250, number 57,

Rob Cargil.

And weighing in
at 1,374 pounds,

number double
zero, Gus Petrovic.

All right, men, this
is another tough one.

I want you to get out there
and stick it right to 'em.

This is a 40-man team,
and I want a 40-man effort.

Are you with me? -Yeah!

Here comes the Atoms'
third-down play.

Ellis is back to pass. Receivers are
well-covered. He looks, he looks...

Oh, he's smothered.
It's another big loss,

and listen to those
Atoms fans cheer!

Never heard a team cheered
for losing ground before,

but you're going to be
hearing it all evening, folks,

'cause with fourth and 24 on their own
nine yard line, here comes the reason.

Go get 'em, Gus!

Ready, Gus?

Oich!

That's the way to go, Andy!

San Francisco's ball,
good field position.

Remember, Tucker likes
to throw the ball.

Yes, he's back to pass.
It looks like a screen.

And Cargil is
over fast to cover.

Kid. Kid! Say somethin'.

I did it all for you, Papa.

Here comes Gus trotting
out on the field once again.

The question now is, who
is going to hold for him?

I have seen everything.

I've seen many players carried
off the field on stretchers, folks,

but I've never seen
anything like this.

Oich.

Cargil! Cargil!

Cargil!

You... You're
trying to ruin me.

I saw what happened!
It was a deliberate hit.

Mr. Cooper, I'm tellin'
ya. It was an accident.

Then it's a $1,000 accident,
because that's what it's costin' ya.

One thousand dollars.

And a new suit!

And a box of cigars!

Don't worry. -Cal,
they've won four in a row.

They're tied for first
place! -Relax, will you?

What chance have they got to
get to the Super Bowl anyway?

What chance? With that four-legged
George Blanda kicking field goals,

it is a definite possibility!

All right. So what
we need is an edge.

You got somethin' in mind?

I'll work on it.

Spinner, Crankcase, I've spent ten
years of my life observing you two men.

I've seen you come in
together and go out together.

I've seen you come back in
together and go back out together,

and I've seen you
come back in...

Yeah, yeah, Warden. We know.

You seen us come in together, and
you seen us go back out together.

For the last time!
We're splittin' up.

Well, I'm delighted.

Then I wish you gentlemen both
a happier and healthier tomorrow.

Thank you,
Warden. -Good luck.

Slayko, Lester Slayko.
Sports columnist

for United Press
International, Mr. Lukom?

We though there'd be a nice,
warm human interest story...

about the ranch where
Gus the mule is staying.

And of course about
the man who boards him.

Oh, good, good.
Well, now, would you

mind if I asked you
a couple of questions?

Oh, good, good. Now, I gather
that Gus sleeps in a barn. Hmm?

His own stall? With
security, I assume?

No security as yet. Uh-huh.

Now, do you drive him to
the stadium before the game?

Gordon Horse Vans.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, now, th-that's,
uh, G-O-R-D-O-N?

Yeah. -Capital
G-O-R...

Wow. That's the
famous mule, huh?

Well, I heard a lot
about ya, Andy...

Oh, no, I'm Andy. This is Gus.

Oh. Ye... Yah, well... Oh, well, pardon
me. I'm not too good at names or faces.

Have you driven us before?

No, I just got out. I
mean, uh, to these parts.

Yeah. No.

Well, y-you do know the way to
the stadium. -Oh, sure, sure, sure.

I'll get you there in plenty of time
for the game. Yeah. I know a shortcut.

It's gonna be all right.
Uh, wanna load him up?

Can't figure it out.
That shortcut disappeared.

Perhaps if we took the longcut
it wouldn't use so much gasoline.

Oh, you're a worrier, kid.

By game time, you and I will be
there watchin' that mule in action.

Uh, Mr. Cooper? Mr. Lukom said
they left about three hours ago.

By dog sled? -Well, maybe they
got caught in a traffic jam.

Joe, they could have been here three
hours ago if Gus had ridden in on Andy.

Yeah, you were right about the
gas, but I was right about the mule.

It's game time, and we're
watchin' him in action.

Did ya hear about what happened
yesterday, Charlie? -Yeah, Hank.

It's a shame. Mule missed
the whole game, huh?

Yeah. Yeah! It was
the darndest thing!

Seems like somebody
slipped in a phony driver.

Oh, Hank, deliberately?

Now, aren't you exaggerating
just a little bit?

Maybe I am, Charlie,
but I tell you this:

If it happens again, whoever did it is
going to get his tail full of buckshot.

Men, this is a proud team.

This season, we've won
four times together.

Now, last week, we
went down together,

but the mark of a great team is
whether they can come back together!

Yeah! -All right!

Now, first place is
waitin' for us, men.

So this week, we're
gonna get off the ground,

and we're gonna go out there
and we're gonna win together!

Are you with me?

Oich!

Let's count our blessings.

In a world sagging under the
burden of war, energy crisis,

bigotry, overpopulation,
crime and inflation,

it's a comfort to
have Andy and Gus.

The mule is a winner!

He's something we
need in our daily life.

If he hadn't just happened, we
would have had to invent him.

For man needs hope...

and the assurance
that somehow, some way,

things are going to work
out for the better...

that we're all
going to be winners!

And it's taken a simple
mule from Yugoslavia...

to make this American dream come
true for the California Atoms,

who are now ten and one and tied for
first place in the Western Division.

And how would you like to meet
the young man who, with his mule,

has helped bring the peoples
of these two great countries,

America and
Yugoslavia, together?

Our candidates for goodwill
ambassadors of the year:

Gus and his co-hero,
Andy Petrovic.

Andy, you've captured the
heart and the imagination...

of all America.

I feel very proud.

I would like to thank Mr. Hank Cooper
and everyone else who has helped me,

and most of all, I
would like to thank Gus.

Andy, we have a
surprise for you.

Through the magic of Telstar,

we are going to take you back
to a small farm in Yugoslavia,

where a proud family is
waiting to be reunited with you.

Come in, Yugoslavia!

Andy! -Mama! Papa!

It must make you
very proud to have a

son who's a hero like
Andy, Mr. Petrovic.

I don't understand. What hero?

The mule kicks, and
Andy holds the ball.

A finger is a hero?

You want to see a hero?

I'll show you a hero. Hah!

My brother, Stjepan.

The greatest soccer
player in all of Europe.

Fine, but this is a salute
to Andy and... and Gus.

Good. While you're
saluting a finger,

maybe also you
should salute a hero!

Uh, well, thank you for the
visit, Mr. And Mrs. Petrovic.

What soccer is to the rest of
the world, football is to America.

And we can all pay
tribute to these newly

crowned American heroes
tomorrow... Sunday...

now officially
called Gus Day.

And as we cheer for Gus
tomorrow, we'll be cheering...

for the mule in all of us.

A privilege to meet
you, Inspector Henderson.

May I ask the
reason for the visit?

Just wanted to make sure your
boys are on their toes, that's all.

We Pembertons are
never off them, sir.

We have Gus secured
in his stable,

all ready for his
big night tonight.

Well, then, Captain, perhaps you
have an explanation for that, huh?

Huh? Huh?

Men!

Shh!

Drink up, Gus.
Today's your day.

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to
the biggest celebration of the year.

It looks like the whole city has turned
out to honor its favorite two citizens.

I've never seen anything like it.
This stadium is rocking with Gus fans!

And let me tell ya. The
spirit is catching, folks

And I do mean catching.

Well, there are dignitaries
from all over the state.

They've come here for
the pre-game ceremony.

Let's see. There's
the honorable mayor,

Tom Lansing, and his
lovely wife, Loretta,

and representatives of
Boy and Girl Scouts...

and our own
beauteous Atomettes.

Let's see. That roar from the crowd
can mean only one thing, folks.

Yes, here comes Andy and
Gus in their proudest moment.

Come on, Gus. Shape up.

Let's see. The mayor is now stepping
forward to make the presentation.

Whoa! Help! Someone, help!

Gus! -Wha... Help!
Get me up, somebody!

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Gus! -Stop! Stop!

Whoa!

Come back, Gus!

Aah!

Well, we're set to
go, folks. The Eagles

have won the toss, and
Gus will kick off...

and if Gus plays
with half the spirit

he's shown during the
pregame ceremonies,

watch out, Eagles!

Oich!

Tsk. Shame to see ya drop
to second place, Hank.

What happened to the
mule? Was he sick or what?

You know darn
well what happened.

We ran his oats through a lab
and made an interesting discovery.

How'd ya like to try a
few of those oats, Charlie?

Or don't ya drink
before breakfast?

Well, all I know is I've got
a friend who has problems,

so I came here with
an olive branch.

Whaddya got on it, arsenic?

Hank, I'm meeting the
other offers for the team...

if you sell right now.

Your offer couldn't have
been better timed, Charlie.

Now I know you're sweatin'. -Hank,
you're playing with a cold deck.

Come on. How about it?

Sorry, Charlie. There's an
old Yugoslavian expression.

Never switch mules in
the middle of a shave.

Well, the Atoms really showed 'em how
it's done here in Buffalo today, folks.

It was Gus 30, the Bills 27.

That moves the
California club into a

first-place tie with
the Rams, who lost today,

and it sets up the really
big one for next week,

when the Atoms play those same Los
Angeles Rams for the divisional title.

Incidentally, for wives and
sweethearts who want to meet the team,

the Atoms' plane will arrive
at 10:30 tonight in Los Angeles.

How are you?

Oich!

Two things happened to Rob Cargil,
the Atoms' star linebacker today:

He went to the hospital, and he
went to the Michigan Mammoths.

Too late to help 'em much this year,
even if they make it to the Super Bowl,

unless you make tackles
from a wheelchair.

The rumor is that Rob was the third
side of one of those eternal triangles,

and there's been bad blood between
him and Andy Petrovic all season.

As for Andy, he hasn't got a
problem in the world these days,

as he and Gus lead the Atoms into
the divisional title game this Sunday.

Yes, this is he speaking.

This is Memorial
Hospital, Mr. Petrovic.

Yes? -I've been instructed to
call you by a Miss Debbie Kovacs.

Debbie? Uh, what's
happened to Debbie?

Well, there's been an accident,
but she's in very good hands.

Uh, who is this? -I'm
Dr. Ernest Goldman.

See, it was a two-car
collision. What a mess!

But you're not to worry.
Those were her very words.

She knows you got a
crucial game to play

today, and she wants
you shouldn't miss it.

Uh, where is
Memorial Hospital?

Oh, you're not to come down here,
sir. -H-How do I find the hospital?

You take the Santa Ana freeway
to the Orange Grove off-ramp.

Turn left at Beach Boulevard about
four miles. Then take a right.

Dr. Wylie. Dr.
Wylie. Call Surgery.

Mr. Petrovic? -Dr. Goldman?

Right this way, please.
Dr. Danbry. Call X Ray.

Now if you'll notice
right here, the...

I couldn't expect a layman like
you to be able to read this,

but, uh, to the practiced
eye, it's quite obvious.

Now, you see the
pressure in the

ventricular globule
in the tertiary gland?

Well, that's causing an obstruction
in the, uh, lumbar columbado region.

Ohh.

Uh, ahem, room's ready,
Doctor. -Thank you, Doctor.

Dr. Deloo. Dr. Deloo.
Call Inhalation Therapy.

Oh, where's
Debbie? -She's fine.

Right now, she needs an
immediate blood transfusion.

What type blood you
got? -Uh, l-I'm not sure.

Perfect. Just the kind
she needs. Here you are.

Change into these. Wait
here. I'll be right back.

But, Dr. Goldman, l... -I
said I'll be right back.

What do you mean he isn't with
ya? -We just brought the mule.

We thought Andy was
with you. -You thought?

You thought? I hired
you guys for muscle.

If I wanted somebody to think,
I'd have hired the Supreme Court!

Oh, how's Debbie?

I've been waiting here for the
transfusion, but nobody's come in.

Patience, patience, my boy.
Everything's going along perfectly.

She sent you a message. She said,
Everything's going along perfectly.

Just knowing you're
here eases the pain.

Oh, if only I could see her!
-Will you relax, sonny boy?

You'll get your blood
all bubbly, and that

wouldn't do you any
good for the transfusion.

Where are you taking those? -Well, I'm
taking these to the transfusion room.

You see, the minute you're finished,
you just slide off the table,

slip into these and you're
on your way to the game.

You keep your eye on
'im while I dump these.

What if somebody
wants to come in?

Tell 'em ya got an
extreme case of dementia

praecox in there.
-What kind of peacock?

You know...

Oh, you mean the
peacock's cuckoo?

Dr. Gray. Dr. Gray...

Excuse me. Uh, Mr. Cooper?
I just heard from Andy.

Where is he? -Well, there's
been some kind of emergency.

He said he'd be here as soon as
he gives Debbie a transfusion.

Does that girl look like
she needs a transfusion?

Oh, uh, no. No,
no, not at all.

You... -Great shape!

Dr. Terussa. Call Radiology. -Uh,
excuse me. You can't go in there.

Pardon me. -Oh, no. You see, we
have a demented peacock in there.

A what? -Uh,
uh, a, uh... -

What about my transfusion?
I have to hurry.

I'm playing a very
important football game.

Football? Oh, sure,
yeah. I'll tell ya what.

Why don't we bring the
goalposts here, Gus?

Oh, no. No, l-I'm not Gus. I'm
Andy. You must believe me. -We do.

Yeah, we do. Yeah.
Sure, you can be anybody

you want here. Man
o' War, Rin Tin Tin.

How about Dumbo,
the flying elephant?

Hasn't got both
oars in the water.

Mm-hmm.

It's fourth down, Mr. Cooper. Guess
we oughta punt, huh? -Excuse me.

I've checked every hospital in
town, Mr. Cooper. No sign of Andy.

Well, we're goin' for
the field goal, anyway.

O'Brien? Get ready to go
in there and hold for Gus.

Stretcher bearers, get ready
to go in there for O'Brien.

Then there's no Debbie
Kovacs registered?

No, sir. I'm
sorry. There isn't.

Okay, get it!

I've heard of a one-man dog, but how
could I wind up with a one-man mule?

Well, there's still a chance, Mr.
Cooper. There's a whole quarter left.

Ah, Debbie, we could
have two weeks left,

but without Andy holding
for Gus, we're dead.

Dr. Carlisle. Dr.
Carlisle. Call 2411.

Shhh.

Oh, my. Well, folks, any dreams the
Atoms had of going to the Super Bowl...

have vanished along with their
little placekick holder, Andy.

Eighteen seconds to go.
Atoms' ball on their own 48.

Usually an automatic
field goal for Gus,

but he refuses to kick
for anybody but Andy.

Gus is out there, Mr. Cooper.

The question is, who are we
gonna send out there with him?

All right, block that kick!

Block that kick! Block
that kick! Block that kick!

Oich! Please, Gus, for Andy!

Andy!

My papa was right.

I'm some hero when... when
anybody can take my place.

Well, if this were
my old Aunt Hattie,

I'd call it the vapors.

I have a feeling if Andy walked through
that door, the vapors would disappear.

Gus is probably more
worried than any of us.

Not any more
worried than I am.

Where does a Yugoslavian
kid go to drown his sorrows?

I think I know.

TWA flight 615 now departing.

Hey, Andy! Congratulations. I was at
the game today. That was a great win.

Yeah, you're puttin'
us right on top, Andy.

All right, Andy.
Right up there, huh?

Andy, where's Gus?

Never mind. Can I have your
autograph? I mean, for my kid.

What kid? It's for you. And
get one for me, too, Harv.

Andy, are you going back to New
York? -No, b-back to Yugoslavia.

But what about the
play-offs and the Super Bowl?

Gus will do very
well without me.

No, he won't.

Nor will an awful
lot of other people.

Debbie, I'm sorry. I didn't
plan for it to happen this way.

It just happened.
I have to go.

Okay. You have to go, but
can't we just talk for a minute?

All right, for just a minute.

Andy... -Debbie, before you start,
I know now that my papa was right.

Your papa? Your papa? -My papa
was right all along, Debbie.

I was never really a player.
If it weren't for Gus, l...

Andy, listen to me.

It isn't your papa. It's you.

You've gotta be something
in your own eyes...

before you can be
anything to anybody else.

Sure. In the meantime, my
brother Stjepan's the hero.

Hero? Who cares if
you're a hero or not...

if you're not man enough
to stay here and fight...

for something or
somebody you care about?

Okay, go.

Go ahead. Run away.

You're just going
to prove to everybody

that that zero on
your uniform is right.

To Yugoslavia? You told him
off? Couldn't you just stop him?

She did, Mr.
Cooper. -Hi, kid.

That mule is nothin'
without him, Debbie. Nothin'!

Once he's on that plane...

Where you been,
huh? -Well, l...

Never mind where you been. I'll tell
you where you're gonna be from now on!

Anywhere you say, Mr.
Cooper. I just want

to say that I'm sorry
for all the trouble.

Uh-huh. -I want to apologize
to you and-and to Debbie...

Okay, okay, okay.

You just win the play-offs and the
Super Bowl, and all is forgiven.

Right now, you and Gus are going
into hidin'. It's all arranged.

Yes, sir. Whatever you say. But
right now, I've gotta see Debbie.

Naw, naw, naw, naw,
naw. Nothing doing.

Nobody's goin' near you
till after the Super Bowl.

N-Not even Debbie?

Not even nobody.

Yeah, well, Miami was
tough. It was real tough,

but I, I had a gut feeling
that we'd take 'em if we just,

you know, ran right into their strength
and, and passed right into that zone...

and swept right
around those ends.

Uh, how about the 14
field goals by Gus?

Oh, yeah, well,
they helped too.

Well, thank you, Coach Venner.

And good luck in the
Super Bowl, all you Atoms.

Good game. Way
to go. Nice game.

Really good. That's the
way to do it, isn't it? Huh?

Good game, fellas. -Keep
it up, guys. Keep it up.

Hey, Hank, you're lookin'
like a winner. -Gentlemen...

Congratulations.
Lookin' like a winner.

Well, we'll know in two weeks,
won't we, Charlie? -Oh, come on.

With Gus and Andy in there, heh,
the Mammoths don't stand a chance.

By the way, where is Andy? I'd
like to congratulate him too.

Oh, I'm sure you would,
but you'd need a fast car.

Car? -Or plane.

Maybe even a boat.

Hank, I just want
to congratulate him.

I'll tell you what. I'll arrange
a special interview with him...

right after we
win the Super Bowl.

Andy, are you all right?

No. It is my heart.

Your heart? -Yes.
It is very lonely.

Mine too. Andy...
I really miss you.

Me too. You would
love it here.

When you climb to the top of the
mountain, you can see the ocean.

Oh, it sounds beautiful.

Uh-huh.

Can see the ocean?
Can see the...

Wait a minute. Sure!

Hank Cooper's got a cabin in
the Malibu mountains in L.A.

Now, Cal, if I was
a betting man...

What's going on here?

Oh, I am just so sorry that
my boys aren't here to help me.

You see, I was trying to turn the
bus around, and look what happened.

Could you lend
me a hand, please?

Well, I don't know. I think...
-Gus can help. He's strong.

Not on your life. Anything
happens to him, it'll be my life.

Back on our farm when wagon
is stuck, we use a lever.

I'll show you.

Well, we might as well.
We can't get by you anyway.

Excuse me, Gus. We'll be
on our way in just a minute.

Okay.

No, you're not lookin'
at a mirror, Gus.

That's just the world's
greatest paint job.

Now, we're gonna play a little
musical mule, so come on, out you go.

It's just the two of us, and we'd
like twin double beds, please.

Yes, sir. Room 319.

Thank you. Oopsy-daisy!

Well, what's the matter?
-It's my contact lenses.

They're always dropping out, and
they bounce all over the place.

Well, let me help.
I've got 20/20 vision.

Very kind of you.

Now, you have to be careful.

Yeah. Try over there.

Found it. -Huh?

Where? I don't see it.

Oh, you oughta have your eyes checked.
You need these worse than I do.

You've been very helpful.

Press three.

You know, this
is crazy, Spinner.

We shouldn't have brought,
uh, you-know-who here.

We should have gone
right to Mexico.

With the most famous
mule in the country?

Now, suppose the cops
would've caught us?

Yeah, maybe you're right.

Hey, I wonder if that
Cooper and company

found out they got
the wrong mule yet.

Well, how would I know? The whole
thing went off without a hitch.

Now, will you get some sleep?

Tomorrow, right after the
game, we gotta get outta here.

Is that you, Spinner?

What?

Somebody just crawled
in bed with me.

Well, I guess he had to sleep
somewhere. -Yeah, but why with me?

Well, how should I know? Maybe
you remind him of his mother.

Now go to sleep.

Hmm.

Hey!

Night.

How'd he sleep last night?

Never better, Mr. Cooper.

But you know
something? He looks like

he's put on a few
pounds, almost overnight.

Well, as far as I'm concerned,
he can look like a whale...

as long as he doesn't go
out there and kick like one.

Wanna order of two
glasses of orange juice,

two orders of toast...
one whole wheat, one rye...

an order of scrambled
eggs and bacon,

an order of, uh, eggs
over with sausage.

Oh, uh, you got any oatmeal?

Well, send up a bucket.

Raw.

Same to you.

Yes, sir. Here we are,
folks. The old pepper pot,

Pepper Allan and his favorite
sidekick, Johnny Unitas.

We're here in the City of the
Angels on a rainy Super Bowl Sunday.

Game after game,
week after week,

the struggle, the anguish, the
heartbreak of the whole season...

has unfolded before your eyes.

And I've brought you some great
ones, haven't I? You bet I have.

I've given you the highlights, the
insights and even the hindsights,

but the story of
the year has got to

be this amazing
California Atoms team...

and their miracle mule, Gus.

They've gone from the bottom of
the pile to winners by a mile.

And now what are they gonna do to
those Michigan Mammoths, Johnny?

I'll tell you what
they're gonna do.

As sure as there's clouds in
the sky and rain in your eye,

it's money in the
bank for the Atoms.

They may be short-changed today,
Pepper. The sun's coming out.

Well, sun or no sun, folks, a
muddy field means turnover time,

and let me tell you what
turnover means to those Atoms.

They've lived by the
turnover all year long,

and the question is, will they
live or die by the turnover today?

While you're working
on the answer, Pepper,

we've got some guests
from overseas in the booth,

and we'd better introduce them
before their visas run out.

You bet we have, Johnny. Flown
in all the way from Yugoslavia...

at no small expense to our
network... Mama and Papa Petrovic.

It must be a thrill
for you to be here

this afternoon to see
your son Andy perform.

Andy good boy. Good farmer.

Goats and pigs not
the same since he left.

Mr. Petrovic, there may
be panic in the pig pen,

but we're talkin' about
a great American hero.

Oh, the finger, yeah.

Papa, maybe Andy is a hero.

A man who holds the ball for
a mule to kick? We'll see.

We'll all see. Yes, indeed,
folks, 'cause here they come.

Both teams out on the rain-soaked
field, and the dream game...

that 100 million fanatic fans have
been waiting for is about to happen...

and Old Pepper is gonna bring it
to ya right into your living room.

And here's a little scoop for
you right from the pepper pot.

Rob Cargil, the
ex-Atom meat grinder,

is suited up and sitting
on the Michigan bench,

splints and all,
ready if needed.

Let me tell ya, folks, right now he's
the meanest machine you've ever seen.

Well, here comes the kickoff.

Are you ready, Gus?

Oich!

What happened? Huh?

Gus, what's the matter?

Gus? Are you Gus?

You're not Gus!

Hey, that mule's gone ape.
What's the matter with him?

Whatever it is, stay
away from his hind legs...

unless you wanna wind up
lookin' like that TV set.

Hey!

What's goin' on out there?
Where'd that white spot come from?

Something must've
rubbed off, Mr. Cooper.

You know, I got a sister-in-law
who had a nose job.

Maybe we've got a...
a mule with a paint job.

No, just kidding.

That's not even
Gus, you nincompoop!

Hey!

It's a fraud! The
old shell game, folks.

Hank Cooper and the missing mule
have made jackasses of all of you.

I tried to tell you. Didn't
I, Johnny? You bet I did.

The bubble had
to burst sometime,

and the bubble burst
right in the first half.

So far, this Super Bowl has
been a laugher for the Mammoths,

but I don't seem to hear
any laughin', do you, Johnny?

No, I don't either.
Especially from the Atoms.

'Cause take it from us,
folks, there's no more Gus.

Mr. Cooper, they've
spotted Gus. -Where is he?

Somewhere near Topanga Canyon,
but they lost him. -Let's go, kid.

But where? -How do I
know? We're gonna find him,

and if we don't, nobody
better find the two of us.

See anything, Mr. Cooper?

Same thing you
do, kid. Nothing.

That half-time
must be almost over.

Uh, excuse me.

Listen, no mule is
gonna outsmart us.

Yeah? Well, he's doing
a pretty good job so far.

This place is as
good as any corral.

Now, you round him up, and I'll lasso
him. You think you can handle that?

Oh, yeah, yeah. I used to
be a bus boy on a dude ranch.

I got him!

Spinner! I got him! I got him!

Hi.

Oh... oh.

Hello.

Am I in your way?

Whooaahh!

I got him. Oh. I got him.

Whoa. Whoa.

Whoa there. Whoa. Whoa.

Steady now, Gus.
Hold it. Whoa.

Let go of me!

Ohhh!

Who was that?

Oh, yes. We package
it all ourselves.

That's how we built our reputation
for having the freshest meat in town.

Hey! Hey!

Freshest meat!

All right, all
right, all right.

Look, Crankcase, you go
have a look over there, huh?

Yeah. -Hey.

Huh? -And try and be
a little more discreet.

Get him! Get him!

Ohhh.

Ohhh! Help! Aaah! Whoa!

Ohhh. -Hey, Mom,
look at that!

What are you doing
in there, huh?

Hey, don't... don't do that!

All right, quit
foolin' around. -Huh?

Stay close.

Which...

Which way did he go?

I don't know, but
I'll tell you one

thing. I'd settle for
goin' back to jail.

Not with 25 G's at stake.

Now, you go over there. I'm
goin' up here for a better look.

Oh, wait a minute. Here.

Get me a bottle of aspirin.
I got an awful headache.

Aaaaah! No!

Whoa.

Whoa, Gus. Whoa.
Whoa. Whoa. Wh...

Whoa. Whoa!

Oh.

Spinner, I got him!

Tsk. Really!

Oh, my goodness! I'm a mess!

Give him room!
Get out of the way!

Give him some room!
Somebody stop him! No!

Sorry, Mr. Cooper. There's
no sign of him at all.

And it's one hour
till doomsday.

Not yet! Look down
there! It's Gus!

Another of Pepper's predictions
was right again, folks.

Safe and sound,
Gus has been found!

And the mule-nappers are on
their way to the rock pile.

Ah, but before you start
cheerin' for the Atoms,

remember it's a long way from
Topanga Canyon to the Coliseum.

And there is no way... no way
they can get him here on time.

Uh, Pepper, there's one way.

Johnny, there is no way.

Unless... Unless they
bring him in by helicopter,<

and if they listen
to the old pepper pot,

that's exactly
what they'll do.

Oich!

Oich!

Unbelievable! Inconceivable!

What a comeback, folks!

Five consecutive field goals!

The Atoms have been stickin'
and the mule has been kickin'.

And with two minutes
to play, don't go away!

The old pepper pot...

wouldn't miss bringin'
this to you for a... for...

Well, at last, it's nice to come
into your livin' room, everybody.

If you think you've seen
a miracle on the field,

we've been treated to an even
bigger one here in the booth.

The old pepper head's
ground to a halt.

But I think I know
what he'd like to say.

Week after week,
game after game,

play after play, have
I ever been wrong?

And now, with all my insight, hindsight
and foresight, let me tell you, mother,

this is the greatest comeback in
the history of American sports.

Win or lose, the Atoms
have made it a game.

And I told you all along,
and I'm telling you again,

the mule is the team and
the team's on the beam.

Yes, sirree. And how have the
Atoms been doing it, folks?

No muss, no fuss, just Gus.

Right, Pepper? Right.

There! Five three!

One, twenty-nine, and... hut!

Well, it looks as if you've won
yourself a ball team, Charlie.

And the first thing
you're gonna do is to

get that mule's
hoofprint on a contract.

Better work on our goal
line defense. Prescott.

With ten seconds
left, what's the

difference if they win
by one or a hundred?

Well, losing by one
point isn't bad at all,

Mr. Cooper. It's
something to be proud of.

Don't you understand?
I've lost the team.

Well, it's something for the
next owner to be proud of.

Andy, you and Gus have come so
close, I'm sure your papa realizes.

He must be proud of you. -It
isn't Papa I'm worried about.

To him I'll always be a
half a hero. It's Mr. Cooper.

I'm sorry we couldn't
win it for him.

Well, here they
go, Mr. Cooper.

Oh, good idea. I
can't watch either.

I'm praying.

Oh. Well, if you're praying for rain,
we've had plenty of that already.

I'm praying for a...

Fumble!

It's a fumble! -Andy, you and Gus
get out there and do your stuff!

But we have to kick from
the end zone, Mr. Cooper,

and Gus isn't too accurate
over a hundred yards.

Kid, kid, just relax.

Be calm. Don't
think about a thing.

Forget that an old
man's life or death

depends upon this
kick, and get out there!

Go, Andy! Go, Gus!

Holy Toledo! Look
who's comin' in!

While you're down
there, say a little

prayer, runt, 'cause
when the ball's snapped,

I'm turning that spot into
a Yugoslavian burial ground.

We've gone this far, Gus.
Now we're going all the way.

Oich! Gus!

Go, Andy!

He fumbled. Oh, no!

Get it!

He's got it!

Go, Andy!

Yea!

This is my boy!
He's real hero, huh?

Well, Gus, your other
half stole the thunder,

but don't let it get you down.

Even the best of them
slip once in a while.

Slip, Gus? Come on.

...the end...

On the USS Elias J. Starbright!

I'll do what I can. I'll send
a full report of this meeting in...

...but I can't guarantee Pickle.

Stickle!

Good. I'll be at this same spot
three days from now.

Left full rudder,
all engines ahead full.

Wait till this hits the Navy department.

Harlock, you've either been drinking
or you've got combat fatigue!

Believe me, admiral, this voice
seemed to come right out of the water!

We haven't time for nonsense.
We've got a war here.

- That's just it, admiral.
- What is?

The voice... Whatever it is.
It seems to be most efficient.

It led us to a Nai sub
and directed our charges accurately.

All right, Harlock.

Let's say you heard this voice.
And it did what you say.

What's your explanation
for this phenomenon?

I don't know, sir. I only know
that it's friendly and cooperative.

It wants to work with us.

Blast it, Harlock!
We can't enlist a voice!

Why? It directed our depth charges
correctly.

I'm not going on record as the admiral
who was sent away...

...because he believed in voices
from the ocean.

Why not delegate the responsibility
to someone else?

There's nobody else cray enough
to take it. Except yourself.

Oh, not me, admiral, l...

Maybe Machinist Mate Second
Class Pickle... Stickle.

Who is he?

The voice asked us to bring Stickle
out to meet with him.

Or it.

I think we can arrange a leave for you
immediately. Take a good long rest.

Think what this means.
It could spot submarines all over.

Within a year we could break
the Nai U-boat threat.

All right, Harlock. We'll arrange
for Stickle to meet with this voice.

Until we learn the nature of this
device, it will remain top-secret.

- No discussion of it beyond this room.
- Certainly, admiral.

Except between Stickle and yourself.

You're to shoulder complete
responsibility for this secret weapon.

Commander, you've got to believe me!
I know nothing of this.

I'm just a machinist mate
second class...

I know all about you, Pickle.
Uh, Stickle.

I hunted through half the Navy
to find you.

- Yes, sir, but may I ask...?
- You may not! I'll ask.

You have been summoned here
by a voice from the sea.

- I have, sir?
- Yes.

It claims to be your friend. Who do
you know that might be down there?

I don't know anyone down there, sir.
Maybe a buddy on a submarine.

It did not come from a submarine.

So help me, sir,
I don't know anything about this!

When the voice hails us, you'll
talk to it until we get a fix on it.

And destroy it if necessary.
Do you understand?

Yes, sir. Yes.

Ahoy there!

Ahoy out there!

Did you hail us three days ago?

I did!

- Did you bring George Stickle?
- He's here.

Say something, quick!

Talk, sailor!

Ahoy... Ahoy there!

This is George.

George Stickle.

Hi, George. This is Henry Limpet.

George! Did you hear me?
This is Henry!

How are you, George?

Come on, sailor! For heaven's sake, get
a grip on yourself! Keep him occupied.

Hello, Henry. It's good to hear you.

- It's impossible! Limpet is dead!
- Just keep him talking.

We've got four other ships
closing in on him.

This is a real surprise, Henry.
Real!

Everybody thinks you're dead.

I'm not, George. I'm just...
Well, a little different.

- Sure sounds like Henry's voice.
- Sir?

Radar can't detect anything.
There's no engine vibrations.

We do have a hydrophone
fix on the voice.

- Hit him with light.
- I've got to talk to you, George.

It's awful urgent!

George! George, why don't
you answer me?

Turn that light off or I'll go away
right now!

Secure that light!

That's better.
Now, listen to me, George.

Have them put you in a little boat all
alone, and come out here to meet me.

Break out a rubber life raft.

Rubber...?

Oh, no!

You can't make me...

You're the key to this mystery,
Stickle. You have to go.

Don't worry, we'll give you a strong
flashlight. Put him in the boat.

Henry, it's me. George Stickle.

I'm right here, George!

Where? Where, I don't see you.

- Don't turn that flashlight on.
- No, no, no, certainly not, Henry.

You don't know how glad
I am to see you, George.

Look, if you're really Henry, what are
you doing out here in the ocean?

Remember when you jumped in the
water after me at Coney Island?

I sure do.

Didn't you see a fish?
A rather strange fish?

Well, no. No, I don't think...

Hey, wait. I did!

And I thought it was wearing
glasses like yours...

...only I was so upset,
it was just my imagination.

No, George, that was me.

You?! You, a fish!

If you were a fish, you certainly would
need to wear your glasses, Henry.

If you'll pardon me now,
I gotta get going.

All right, I suppose
you have to see to believe.

You can turn the light on me.

Now do you believe me, George?

Excuse me a minute. Gotta go down
for air. You know, a fish out of water.

No!

Oh, it's impossible!

Remember how you'd
come over on Friday nights?

You and Bessie would play poker
while I read myself to sleep?

That's right. Regular as clockwork,
every Friday night.

How about the time the three of us
went to the oo?

I got separated from you two. I had
to walk home. Bessie had my cash.

Oh, yes, I'll never forget that.

Hey, wait a minute!

Only Henry Limpet would know all that!

- You are Henry!
- Yes, George.

Is there...? Is there anything
I can do for you, Henry?

Well, I wanted to talk to you about
my helping the Navy.

- You, in the Navy?!
- Yeah, I want to help.

I can help spot Nai subs
or guide destroyers to them.

Maybe scouting around as an underseas
patrol, or doens of things.

Sure, Henry. I see where
you'd be quite a help to the Navy.

Speak to the Navy right away.

Go right to the top. I don't want
to waste time on red tape.

Well, I want to know about Bessie.
Is she all right?

She's still in a state of shock
about your being drowned.

You can tell her now
I wasn't drowned.

Gosh, Henry, you certainly
do sound different.

- You really have changed!
- You don't know the half of it.

Nothing like realiing your value
to make a man out of you.

Even if that man is a fish. Tell me
when there's word from the Navy.

Yes, I'll certainly
do the best I can, Henry.

If we ever need you, we'll just
use the oscillator gear.

- You think you can hear it?
- I'll hear it.

I've stayed above too long.
Wonderful talking to you. See you!

Goodbye, Henry.

A fish!

Harlock, you're cracking up.

We have to admit
there's something out there.

Call it a fish, or a secret weapon,
or whatever you wish...

...but it's there!
Pickle, Stickle saw it.

Talked to it.
And it's offered to help.

All right, Harlock. We'll assign
this secret weapon to your ship.

- Let it help you if you think it can.
- Thank you.

But please stop bringing
these fantastic reports to me.

I'm gonna have a hard enough time
explaining this to the Pentagon.

- I understand.
- And this is still top-secret.

Your secret, Harlock!

Yes, admiral. I was at the point of
calling you about that secret weapon.

Oh, wonderful progress, sir,
wonderful.

Research phase accomplished,
operational testing underway.

Oh, one little thing, sir.

This mission merits our pushing through
a rating for Stickle...

...and a promotion for Harlock.
No, no, sir.

I wasn't expecting anything
for myself. No, just doing my duty.

Of course, if you insist.

Vice admiral.

Hello, George. I heard the oscillator
and got here as fast as I could.

- Good news?
- Very good news, Henry.

The Navy has agreed
to accept your services.

We've been assigned
to Commander Harlock's destroyer.

- That's wonderful.
- That's quite an honor, Henry.

- Very unusual for a civilian.
- Very unusual for a fish too.

Here's the hydrophone.

Oh, a water-talkie. Thanks.

Limpet to Stickle.

Okay.

Henry. Now, hear this.

They'd like you to give the Navy
a little assist.

Just hunt down Nai U-boats
and lead us to them.

You'll be under my direct command.

- I'm your liaison with the fleet.
- I like that, George.

It won't be necessary for you to
salute me or address me as "sir"...

...even though I've been promoted
to piscatorial specialist first class.

- Fine. Now, what's the first order?
- They go on the prowl at 1:00.

- How do we keep in contact?
- Signal me through the oscillator...

...and I'll signal you with my thrum.
- Your what?

It's a remarkable sound I make now.
Goes over big underwater. Like this:

Did you hear it?

Sure did. I'll pick that up, all right.

Good luck, Henry.
And full speed ahead.

Aye, aye, George.

Drop your charges! Hurry!

The answer to Das Limpet.

With the thrum sound-maker.

The f�hrer's super-secret weapon!

The perfect Nai counter-weapon to
blit the American underwater secret.

Our new beeper torpedoes will react
to the thrum, and boom!

You're doing a very nice job.
Captain Harlock is pleased.

I'm glad, George.

Isn't that a new rating
you're sporting?

Yeah, they gave me
this little promotion here.

Chief petty officer, you know.

Skipper too. He's a four-striper now.
And Admiral Spewter, our big boss...

...he's moving right up there.

Congratulations.
I suppose I'm in all the papers.

You? Well...

Well, no, you're not, Henry.

Why not?

You're top-secret.

- We can't let a thing like this out.
- Yeah, I suppose not.

There's a couple of things I must talk
to you about. Very important.

Gentlemen, this is the rendevous
point for the mammoth convoy.

Captain Harlock's destroyer will
assume a vanguard position there.

And the Limpet will be out
in front of Harlock.

This convoy must get through safely.
On its safe voyage depends...

...the Allies' greatest effort:

The invasion of Europe!

I'm Captain Harlock. I'm sorry
to interrupt, but it's rather urgent.

- It may change plans for the convoy.
- Yes.

May I speak with Admiral Spewter?
It concerns the liaison problem...

...with the secret weapon.
- Yes, certainly.

Excuse me, sir.

The cruiser Los Angeles
will be the guide.

Vice Admiral Jones will be the OTC
and will fly his flag...

All right, Harlock. What is it?
You interrupted an important briefing.

Stickle has relayed a request
from the secret weapon.

I told you that was
your responsibility.

I know, but I don't
have the authority...

...to act on this unusual request.

- Now what?
- He wants to be paid.

What?

Are you out of your mind, Harlock?
How can we pay a fish?

He wants the pay sent
to his wife in Brooklyn.

The fish has a wife in Brooklyn?

She's not a fish. She's a real woman.

I should've thrown you out
when you came to me with this story.

All right, I suppose
we can find some way...

...to push this through
the paymaster's office.

- British screening units will deploy
to their assigned ports...

There's more?

He also wants
a lieutenant's commission.

No. Absolutely, no!

It's impossible to hold two meetings
here at once. May I join yours?

I'm sorry. The news Harlock
brought is disturbing.

If it concerns the weapon,
I'd like to hear.

Our secret weapon wants to be paid.
He wants a lieutenant's commission.

Then Admiral Spewter, I suggest you
pay and commission him. Immediately!

Commission?
But, sir, you don't understand.

I understand the secret weapon is the
key to the safe conduct of our convoy.

I order you to commission
the secret weapon personally!

Henry's here now, sir.
You ready to begin the ceremonies?

Henry Limpet,
this is to inform you that...

Sir. No, sir.
He's over that way, sir.

I think you can see him out there.
Port beam. You can see him, can't you?

I might if I cared to look.

- Limpet, raise your right hand.
- Sir, sir...

Raise your right fin
and I will now swear you in...

...Lieutenant Limpet.

A check for me? From the Navy?

What does it mean, George?

It's made out to you,
but it's for Henry's services.

Henry? When was Henry
ever in the Navy?

You better get a grip
on yourself, Bessie.

He's in the Navy right now.

- Henry's alive?
- Yes, but you see that...

I'm going to him.
I'm going this minute.

- Now, Bessie.
- Take me to him.

- Now, Bessie.
- Why wasn't I told this before?

How long has he been alive?
I mean, when did he...?

- He didn't drown?
- No.

No, but brace yourself, Bessie.

He's changed.

You can't see him.
You wouldn't want to.

I do want to. How can you say a thing
like that? Why can't I see him?

It's impossible.
His work for the Navy is top-secret.

Just be happy with his paycheck.
Don't even mention his name to anyone.

- There's something fishy about this.
- You said it.

A Mrs. Fish? What about a Mrs. Fish?

No. Not a Mrs. Fish, sir.
Mrs. Limpet.

- The wife of the fish.
- Spewter...

She's a forceful woman,
headstrong and determined.

She demands that we change
her husband back into a man.

Sounds like a most humane
and reasonable request. Do it!

Do it.

I beg your pardon, sir.
How do we do it?

- You claim he turned into a fish.
- So I understand.

Then it's simple.
Just reverse the process.

Reverse?

- We'll try, sir.
- You'll do nothing of the sort.

We have a weapon of effectiveness.

Guard it with your life.
Don't even touch it, understand?

Now, never come to me again
with a request like that.

At a time like this.
When we have a convoy on our hands...

...ready for the biggest push
of the war.

If Bessie could see me now.
Not bad for a 4-F fish.

The spearhead of the spearhead.

Imagine! This might make me
a national hero.

My glasses. I must find my glasses.

The convoy. I'm losing the convoy.

Without my glasses, we're sunk.

Sunk? Just when the Navy
needs me most.

Himmel and Blitels!
It's that female Flatbush.

Ladyfish, got a message
for you from Limpet.

He said he loves you
and other such mush like that.

He loves me?

Oh, he loves me!

I don't love you, he does.
Silly female.

Oh, Crusty, do you think
he'll ever come back?

Don't get yourself into
a tiy now, Ladyfish.

If I know Flatbush, he'll be back.

Listen!

Listen! It's him.

It's Limpet!

Ladyfish.

Limpet, I've never heard anything more
beautiful than that noise you make.

Ladyfish, I'm in terrible trouble.
I can't see.

Come along.

Any sign of him yet?

Not yet, sir.

He better show up soon or the whole
operation will be snafued.

I'm not completely blind,
but things are awful fuy.

Flatbush, what in tarnation...?

I'm in an awful predicament.
I need some glasses, and...

I noticed you were missing
some eyes.

I've got to get back to my convoy!
But how will I find it?

I'll be your eyes. I'll climb
topside and serve as your navigator.

The sound of the convoy will guide
me, and with you navigating, why...

- I can't ask you to risk your life.
- Risk my life?

Hold everything.

Maybe I ought to put on something
more torpedo-proof.

- Ladyfish...
- Limpet.

- I've got to go now. I'm on duty.
- Does that mean you'll be leaving me?

Don't you care for me at all, Limpet?

But I have an important job to do
before we can talk about that anymore.

Let's shove off.

- Then I'm going with you too.
- You can't.

It's a very dangerous mission.
Wait for me here.

All right, cast off. Full speed ahead.

No, hard aport. Full reverse.

Come about full,
then steady as she goes.

I'll always wait for you, Limpet.

Slow down, gosh darn it. I ain't got
the hang of steering you yet.

Haul up your keel!

Darned near shivered your timbers
that time.

Dagnab it. Hey, Flatbush, wait!

Hold it! Wait!

He makes a...

A thrum.

Sorry, chief, no thrums.

Stickle!

Any contact with that
piscatorial lieutenant pal?

- We're nearing enemy water, Stickle.
- Sir, it's not my fault.

Maybe Henry has laryngitis.

Me and my secret weapon!

We've come quite a way. I still can't
pick up any sound of the convoy.

Do you see anything?

No. Say, why don't you make that
whale-busting noise of yours again?

- Let them know you're on your way.
- I should've thought of that.

Just hold up a minute
till I get inside.

I hear the convoy now. Dead ahead.

- Hooray, we finally made it!
- Stop. Hold it. Hold it.

Whole school of big ones,
coming dead at us.

Hard right rudder. Hard right.

They're attacking our convoy!

They're coming at us!

Stop making that whale-busting thrum
of yours. Those things go for it.

Yeah, how about that?
Then I'll just keep it up.

Follow me, you beeping devil.

We'll take it right back
where it came from.

- What's happening below?
- I don't know, sir. Might be Henry.

Something big is going on down there.

Them torpedoes pack
a walloping thrum too.

Great! They hit their own boats.

We've got the system now. We'll just
let them knock themselves out.

We gonna drop depth charges, skipper?

No, we don't dare.

Crash dive!

Help!

It's about time you showed up.

George.

I gotta talk to George Stickle.

George Stickle.

Henry!

Where have you been? You put me in
a terrible spot when we lost contact.

I'm sorry, George.
I had a little accident.

I lost my glasses.

Nice work anyhow, Henry.

I'll see Bessie when we get back
and have her get you a new pair.

We'll meet at Coney Island
when this is over.

Aye, aye, George. See you at Coney
when it's all over. Carry on.

Limpet, you did come back.

Yes, Ladyfish. And you did wait.

- You're coming with me now?
- No, but you're coming with me.

You see, I love you, but I don't know
if I have any right to.

I've got to talk to my wife first.

You and I have to make
a trip to Coney Island.

I can be your other eyes now.

Take over. I'm not going.
I'd probably drown in all the slush.

Thanks for all your
wonderful help, Crusty.

Forget it. I like the bachelor life.

So long, Flatbush.

Hate to admit it,
but I'm gonna miss him.

Had to lose my best buddy
to a frilly female.

Better get rid of this battle gear
and get back to my civvies.

What if I told you I was
once a human being?

I don't care how terrible
your past was, Limpet.

I'll help you forget.

I've forgotten an awful lot already.

So long, Flatbush.

I'll never leave you,
and I hope you'll never leave me.

It's always the males
who leave in our species.

That's why there's so few of us.

In that case, there might
be more before long.

You and I could be the beginning
of a whole new and better world.

I know where we are now. Follow me.

There, that's my wife.

Not much to look at, is she?

Actually, for a human,
she's quite lovely.

Let's get this over with, Limpet.
The water here is very cold.

Hello, Bessie.

Henry, is that you?

Don't you recognie me, Bessie?

Henry, you really are...

A fish? Yes, Bessie, you can say it.

To think you're actually still alive,
and I'm married to a...

A fish. Is that so terrible?

It doesn't happen every day.

Well, what's new? I mean,
how have you been, Bessie?

Well, I'm...

I'm bewildered, Henry.

Henry, am I the widow of a man...

...or the wife of a fish?

Let's be logical. You couldn't
keep me in a tub, could you?

I suppose not. No.

- I mean, what would the neighbors say?
- I shudder to think.

You know how that Miss Harris objects
every time I fry fish. Why...

Oh, good heavens.

Well, there you are.

Are you really happier
down there, Henry?

If you only knew, Bessie.

I guess this is goodbye, Henry.

If you'll come up to the steps,
I have something for you.

Take care of yourself, Henry.

Remember how you catch cold
when you get your feet wet.

Don't break up, Bessie. I'm just fine.

Maybe I was meant to be a fish.
Maybe nature just corrected her error.

Maybe.

Goodbye, Henry.

Goodbye, Bessie. And thanks for being
sensible about this. And understanding.

- Goodbye, Henry.
- So long, George.

Take good care of Bessie.

Tell them not to look for me.
They won't find me.

Goodbye, Henry, I said.
And I saluted.

I thought that was it.

Bessie and I have been happy.
Why stir this thing up again?

The chief of naval operations
ordered it.

Do they really think that Henry
is teaching porpoises?

That's what we've been assigned to find
out. You and I, Pickle. Stickle.

Where do we start to look?

Maybe that spot off the Florida coast
where Henry first contacted you.

It's worth a try. Get the old man.
He's going with us.

The secretary of defense ordered
him to take command of this mission.

On behalf of the secretary of defense,
and speaking for a grateful nation...

...I'm empowered to advance you
to the rank of commodore...

...United States Naval Reserve.

And now, commodore...

...regarding porpoise activities...